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groups/9X/9x.info
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ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿
³ 9x ³
ÀÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ;
ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿
³ 9x is Substance, Schizo Man and Delinquent Dialer, Firebug ³
ÀÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ;
ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿
Þ³9x is a new group, devoted to exploiting Nynex and spreading HP in the 90's³Ý
Þ³We do not only release material on hacking the phone company but general HP³Ý
Þ³as well. We have no loader, just the old skewl tfile. Loaders just take up³Ý
Þ³space and take more time to xfer. To find out more about joining, you can ³Ý
Þ³email us or check out #9x on irc. Later. ³Ý
Þ³ - Substance - Schizo Man - Deliquent Dialer - Firebug ³Ý
ÀÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ;
þ Remeber: Real hackers dont rollerblader þ
Substance: jcattell@linux.cowland.com Schizo Man: schizo@infosoc.com
Delinquent Dialer: deldial@nosoc.mil Firebug: firebug@shell.globalone.net
VMB (8oo)365-4467
groups/9X/9x.nfo
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ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿
³ .úþÛ 9x Ûþú. ³
ÀÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ;
ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿
³ 9x is Substance, Disease, Schizo Man, Grampa Elite, Firebug and Dave_SOB ³
³ Juice, Lineman, Soren, Ren0, Ser, Leper Messiah, TMM, Flygu, fbphreak ³
ÀÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ;
ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿
Þ³9x is a new group, devoted to exploiting Nynex and spreading HP in the 90's³Ý
Þ³We do not only release material on hacking the phone company but general HP³Ý
Þ³as well. We have no loader, just the old skewl tfile. Loaders just take up³Ý
Þ³space and take more time to xfer. To find out more about joining, you can ³Ý
Þ³ þþþþþþþþþþþþþ email us or check out #9x on irc. Later. þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ ³Ý
ÀÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ;
[Substance: jcat@scooby.pubnix.org ] [Schizo Man: (jail)schizo@infosoc.com]
[Grampa Elite mdrom@mindvox.com ] [Firebug: firebug@shell.globalone.net]
[Soren: nitro@ici.net ] [Ren0: kawl P&H in Limbo ]
[Ser: unknown ] [Disease: email substance ]
[Dave_SOB: mp010328@interramp.com ] [LordofPain (flygu): no stable email ]
[Leper_m: rambozo@unix0.loclnet.com] [Pioneer: cellular@primenet.com ]
[Juice: juice@omega.net ] [TMM: an399010@anon.penet.fi ]
[Lineman: willh@vrlab.uccb.ns.ca ] [fbphreak: ? ]
Support boards:
The Mob: (888)992-5678
Linoleum: (8oo)86o-6394
P&H in Limbo: (416)748-1161
Web Page(s):
http://www.itribe.net/~nomad/9x (Nomads email: nomad@itribe.net)
http://www.ici.net/cust_pages/twiz
groups/9X/9x.tex
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groups/9X/9x_888.txt
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STATION ID - 7047/3.12
9x Datakit Network
FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY
This is a 9x system, restricted to authorized persons and for
official 9x business only. Anyone using this system, network or data
is subject to being monitored at any time for system administration and
for identifying unauthorized users or system misuse. Anyone using this
system expressly consents to such monitoring and is advised that any
evidence of criminal activity revealed through such monitoring may be
provided to law enforcement for prosecution.
ßÛ ßÛ ÜßßßÜ ßÜ ßÜ ÛßßÜßßÛ ÜßßßÜ ÜßßßÜ ÜßÛßßßß ÛßßÜßßÛ
Û Û Û Û Û Û Û Û Û Û Û Û
ßÛßßßÛ Û Û Û Û Û Û Û Û Û ÜÜß ÜÛÜÜ Û
Û Û Û Û Û Û Û Û Û Û Û Û ß Û ß Û Û
Üß Üß ßÜÜÜÜß ÜÛß Ûß ÜÛÜ ßÜÜÜÜß ßÜÜÜÜß ÜßÜÜÜÜ ÜÛÜ
ÜßßßÜ ÜßßßÜ ÜßßßÜ ÞÝ ÜßßßÜ
ÛÜ Û ÛÜ Û ÛÜ Û ß Û
ÜßßßÛÜ ÜßßßÛÜ ÜßßßÛÜ ßßÜÜ
ÛÜ Û ÛÜ Û ÛÜ Û Û
ßßßß ßßßß ßßßß ßÜÜÜÜß
For work, Home, or your favorite 911 backdoor
Written by Substance sometime in 96
Simple way to get an 888 (toll free) number setup to any valid number
Intro:
I know there was a file already written on getting 800's by Tesla. This
isnt a hell of a lot different, just somewhat easier.
888's are the new toll free numbers for 1996. And since it is a new
exchange, there is a HUGE number of 888 #'s available. If you would like
to get an 888 ringing on any number follow these few easy steps and if you
do it right, you'll either A) Get the new 888 # on the phone B) Have to wait
a few days (if the ladies a bitch).
Now I cant gaurante that these are going to be risk free. But from my
expierences with ATnT, they will never really investigate it. I had an 800
ringing in on my home voice line for over 4 months, and after it went down,
I never heard a thing from ATnT. Also, if you are setting a toll free
number up to a free internet provider, or a LD BBS, then no one is going to
know you did it anyway. Just dont tell the sysop unless you know he wont
bug out.
If you set your 888 up and sound believable to the op, chances are,
your new 888 number will last more then 2 months. If you give it to alot
of people, and the 888 is in use all the time, expect it to go down within
the week. A few times ive taken over a VMB system, setup tons of boxes (for
fellow hp ppl) then setup a 888 to the local VMB number. Then i give
every hp person im friends with a box. But they usually only last a week
or 2. Its not advisible. Also 888's to Defcon, Escape.com and 911
backdoors last a VERY short period of time. Dont even waste your time.
How to set them up:
------------------
To get the 888 number setup you'll need the following information 1st:
(hint: its a good idea to get a valid company name, address and zip
when you are setting them up. If the company is big enough
they might just pay the 888 bill and not notice :)
1) Valid Company Name
2) Your fake name
3) Valid Company Address (Street Address, City, ST, Zip)
4) The number you want the 888 to ring in on
5) (sometimes) a VMB to leave you a msg at
Call up (800)222-0400, wait to hear the "Welcome to ATnT msg"
Hit 1 then 3
It is a good idea to setup toll free #'s Monday morning, you will get
quickest setup time. When the op comes on (sometimes you'll have to wait a
few minz) Tell her you want a READYLINE 888. Say you know all about it, (to
avoid the prices bullshit). Say you need it expidieted. (Which means do
it on the double) Give her the company name, your fake name, address,
city/st/zip. She'll say hang on, ill try and get you a number. When she
returns, she will either say
1> "Here is your new 888 number Joe Blow"
2> "Our systems are down now, can i call you back with your # later?"
If she says 1 then your in luck, ask her when it will be up. Say thanx and
bye.
If she says 2 say 'Yes no problem, but i am out of town at the
moment" Give her your VMB # (and box #) tell her she can call you there.
(To leave a msg on your VMB you have to explain exactly how to leave a msg,
dont just say 516-334-3421 box 28, say 516-334-3421 hit # then 28 #.)
It is a good idea to ask what her name, # and extn is (for further abuse,
or incase the 888 doesnt go up for some reason).
its az ez az that
9x Production
groups/9X/9x_altel.txt
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STATION ID - 7091/6.411
9x Datakit Network
FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY
This is a 9x system, restricted to authorized persons and for
official 9x business only. Anyone using this system, network or data
is subject to being monitored at any time for system administration and
for identifying unauthorized users or system misuse. Anyone using this
system expressly consents to such monitoring and is advised that any
evidence of criminal activity revealed through such monitoring may be
provided to law enforcement for prosecution.
Ok. This is everything you need to know in hacking Alltel Mobile's
VoiceMail. The default password on all their boxes is 9999.
Here are the dox, word for word. Enjoy!
by Leper_m
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Features
-=Basic=-
Accessing your mailbox
Changing your security code
Recording your name
Recording a personal greeting
Playing a message
Recovering deleted messages
Playback mode options
-=Enhanced=-
All of the Basic Features plus...
Setting up your greeting schedule
Replying to a message
Redirecting a message
Recording and sending a message
Creating a broadcast list
Personal greeting schedule
At a glance
VOICEMAIL SET UP Press
To change your security code 8 2 3
To record your name response 2 3 3
To record your personal greeting 2 2 3
To edit a greeting in your schedule 2 2 7
To activate your greeting schedule 2 2 8
To change your playback mode 8 8 3
SENDING AND RECEIVING MESSAGES
To play a message 1
To save and play the next message 2
To reply to a message 3
To redirect a message 7
To create and send a message 3
Accessing your VoiceMail
1. Access your VoiceMail
From a cellular phone press
# 9 9 Send.
From a landline phone dial your
cellular phone number, which will
automatically transfer to your voice
mail and press # when greeting begins.
2. Enter your security code.
Creating/Changing your security code
1. Access your VoiceMail.
2. Press 8 for Personal Options.
3. Press 2 3 to change your security code.
* Note: Your security code can contain 1 to 7 digits.
Recording your name
1. Access your VoiceMail.
2. Press 2 for your Greeting Menu.
3. Press 3 3 to record your name.
4. Record your name, finish by pressing #.
Options
Press 3 1 to play your name.
Press 3 3 to erase and re-record your name.
Recording a personal greeting
1. Access your VoiceMail
2. Press 2 for Greeting Menu.
3. Press 2 1 to play your greeting.
4. Press 2 3 to record your greeting,
record your greeting, finish by pressing #.
Playing a message
1. Access your VoiceMail.
2. Press 1 to play your messages.
3. Message will play.
Options
Press 1 to keep this message
as new and play the next.
Press 2 to save and play the
next message.
Press 3 to reply to a message.
Press 4 4 to replay a message.
Press 5 to erase a message.
Press 7 to redirect the message.
Press 8 8 3 from the main
menu to choose a playback mode.*
Continue to press 8 3 until the
desired playback mode is selected.
* Note: The system has three playback modes:
normal, automatic, and simplified.
Recovering deleted messages
To recover a message that has been deleted: **
Press * 1 to go to the main menu,
Press * 4 to recover all deleted messages.
** Note: Deleted messages can only be recovered
before you exit the mailbox.
Replying to a message
From the Play Menu:
1. Press 3 during or after a message.
2. Record your reply finish by pressing #.
3. Press 3 to continue recording a voice message.
Press 5 to erase a message.
Press 7 to select a special delivery option.
4. Press 9 to address the message.
If sent from a subscriber's mailbox,
the reply with be automatic. If not, enter
the mailbox number.
Redirecting a message
From the Play Menu:
1. Press 7 during or after a message.
2. Press 3 to continue recording a
voice message.
Press 5 to erase a voice comment.
Press 7 to select a special delivery
option.
Press 8 to play the original message.
3. Press 9 to address the redirected message.
Enter:
a. mailbox number
b. broadcast list number.
Recording and sending a message
1. Access your VoiceMail.
2. Press 3 to record a message.
3. Record your message finish by
pressing #.
Press 3 to continue recording a
voice message.
Press 4 4 to review the
recorded message.
Press 5 to erase a message.
Press 7 to select a special
delivery option.
Press 1 to mark a message urgent.
Press 2 to mark a message confidential.
Press 3 to select notification of non-delivery.
Press 4 for future delivery.
Press 5 to delete special delivery tags.
4. Press 9 to address a message.
Enter:
mailbox number
broadcast list
0 + last name - 0 + first name
Creating or editing a broadcast list
1. Access your VoiceMail.
2. Press 6 to access your broadcast list.
3. Press 3 to create or edit a broadcast list.
4. Enter a one- or two-digit broadcast
list number. If new list, select any one-
or two- digit number. If editing, enter
the one- or two- digit number assigned.
5. Enter all of the destinations.
Press # after each destination entry.
(destinations can be mailbox
number or broadcast list numbers.)
6. Press 7 3 to record a name for
your broadcast list.
7. Press # when finished.
Setting up your greeting schedule.
1. Press 2 from main menu.
2. Press 2 6 to select your active greeting.
3. Enter the greeting number you want active.
4. Press 2 7 to edit a greeting.
5. Enter the greeting number to be edited.
Press 1 to play the current greeting.
Press 3 to record a greeting.
Press 5 to erase the greeting.
Press 7 to change the time
interval for this greeting.
Press 8 to review the time interval
for greeting.
6. Press 2 8 to activate/deactivate
your greeting schedule.
Message waiting notification
1. Press 8 for Personal Options menu.
2. Press 6 for Notification Options.
3. Press 1 to play notification telephone number.
Options
Press 6 to enable/disable
message notification.
AT ANY TIME DURING A MESSAGE PRESS
To rewind by 6 seconds 4
To rewind to the beginning of a message 4 4
To fast forward by 6 seconds 6
To fast forward to the end 6 6
of the message
To replay the date and time stamp 8 8
To stop and function #
To return to the main menu * 1
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Good luck hacking.
-- Leper Messiah
groups/9X/9x_bbox.txt
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STATION ID - 7047/3.12
9x Datakit Network
FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY
This is a 9x system, restricted to authorized persons and for
official 9x business only. Anyone using this system, network or data
is subject to being monitored at any time for system administration and
for identifying unauthorized users or system misuse. Anyone using this
system expressly consents to such monitoring and is advised that any
evidence of criminal activity revealed through such monitoring may be
provided to law enforcement for prosecution.
*[9x]*[9x]*[9x]*[9x]*[9x]*[9x]*[9x]*[9x]*[9x]*[9x]*[9x]*
[9x] [9x]
[9x] I N T R O D U C T I O N [9x]
[9x] T O [9x]
[9x] B L U E B O X I N G [9x]
[9x] B Y [9x]
[9x] L I N E M A N, 1 9 9 6 [9x]
[9x] [9x]
*[9x]*[9x]*[9x]*[9x]*[9x]*[9x]*[9x]*[9x]*[9x]*[9x]*[9x]*
Intro
-----------------
Y0, this is an intro to blue boxing in the 90's. I don't claim
to be an expert, or an authority on the topic of international or regional
signalling, just someone interested. The information provided in this
file is not illegal. Almost all of it is publicly available.
*** NOTICE ***
This is not meant to be a comprehensive guide to C5, R1 or any
other form of signalling. Treat it as an introduction. There is alot
of information I have not included, because a) It would confusing,
and b) It's not important. Id like to stress that alot of my examples
have been OVER SIMPLIFIED for convetion. I have included a list of refrences
that you should probably check-out if your interested. This info is/was
publicly available at most quality Librarys. Fr3e inph0 4 aLl.
As with all things of a suspicious nature, you will eventually get
caught. How long you go without getting caught depends on skill, precaution,
and luck.
Generally, Wut iZ Signalling
-----------------
Signalling is the term used to describe how telecommunication
networks communicate with each other. There are many types of signalling,
including DC Pulsing (like on a rotary-fone) and even DTMF. Dialing
a phone number is actually a form of signalling called subscriber line
signalling.
Telephone networks communicate via special "lines", connecting each other
up, called Trunks. Information about a call, and in some cases the
conversation, is passed through a trunk line to the called network. The
called end gathers the signalling information, manipulates some hardware,
and voila- a call is made. If the called line is busy etc.. then the
called end signals back to the called system, and the caller get a busy
signal.
Thats way over simplified, (and somewhat incorrect) but I'll explain more as
I go. Until then, here is an analogy. :)
Trunk lines are like Bridges (the kind you drive over). Instead of running
many small bridges to various locations, one large bridge is built in a
convienient spot. Even though there is only one bridge, it's big and handles
lots of traffic, effectivley connecting two sections of town. :)
The one signalling system I will discuss is: CCITT5. It is still possible
to use other systems (Like R1), but most people wont be able to find them.
CCITT5 (C5) is an international Signalling system. It was designed for
handeling international calls going over the trans-atlantic cables. Its
still widley used in many South American, Carribean, Asian and poorer
countrys. Slowly, it's dying out.
C5 is a standard protocal set by the ITU (International Telecommunications
Union), formerly known as the CCITT. (International Telegraph and Telephone
Consulative Committee). They set communication standards and publish lots of
documentation about the aforementioned as well as various other
communications related topics.
More about Signalling
-----------------
As is with most things, its kind of neccesary to understand a bit about
the system you will be (ab)using. In the following sections, I'll describe
Trunk Lines, terminal and transit networks, line signalling, and
interregister signalling.
Trunk Lines
-----------------
A trunk line is a circut that connects two (2) networks together. You
may already be familiar with the trunk lines running between CO's.
For C5, however, the trunk lines will be the ones that connect transit
(international) networks to terminal (national) networks in distant countrys.
For our C5 purposes, an International trunk will look like this:
__________ __________
| OUTGOING |=>====>====> FORWARD >====>====>==| INCOMING |
| EXCHANGE | | EXCHANGE |
|__________|==<====<=== BACKWARD =<====<====<=|__________|
(Caller) (Reciever)
Signals sent in the forward direction go from the callers
end to the recipiants end, and the opposite goes for the backward
direction.
For C5 this is not compleatly acurate. In reality it's not the outgoing
exchange the sends the C5 signalling info to the incoming exchange; its
really an international "gateway" at the transit (national) exchange that
sends the C5 info to the incoming transit exchange. Go see the refrences if
you really care.
Signals really just audio noises (like beeps) that represent certain
"commands" (line signalling) and "parameters" (interregister singalling)
to be issued to the routing/switching equipment. The signalling
hardware picks these signals up by looking for characteristic energy levels.
At the end of this file (amongst the other tables) you will find a list
of singals, and their frequencys.
The trunk lines not only transmit signalling information, they also
transmit your conversation. So, when you make a call over one of these
trunks you have access to more than a friendly voice. :) I once wondered
why in the hell anyone would ever do such a stupid thing, but the answer
is simple. With the volume of traffic going overseas, and the cost of
the cable, equipment, boats, crew and design, the profit for using a single
line to handle both signalling and voice eaisly outweighs the amount of
"potential" loss due to fraud or bad connections. No one really cares.
If your wondering how your going to find a C5 trunk and access it for
free, then stop. Its really simple. Home Country Directs take care of it
for you. You just dial an 800/888 that's connected to another country.
Ive included an older list of HCD's accessable from Canada at the end
of this file.
Some terms you should know:
Terminal -- National
Transit -- International
Line Signalling
-----------------
This really only applies to C5, because R1 uses 2600Hz to sequentially
determine the state of line conditions.
Line signalling issues commands/responses that mess with the actual
connection of the line. Answer, Busy-Flash, Clear Forward and Clear Back
are all Line Signals. Though you only need to know about Clear Forward
for now, I'll give you a brief definition of the above.
Answer: This is a signal sent in the backward direction to indicate
that a connection has been established to the called party
and appropriate action (like billing) should begin.
Busy: This a signal sent in the backward direction to indicate
that the called party's line is not available. This doesn't
always mean the line is busy, it just means you can't talk
to them right yet.
Clear Forward: This is a signal, sent in the forward direction to tell
the incoming exchange to kill the current interregister
connection. Its pretty much the same thing as hanging up.
Sort of. :) (See clear backward)
Clear Backward: This is a signal, sent in the backward direction, to tell
the outgoing exchange to clear the current interregister
connection (disconnect the call from the [inter]national
network). To you, its almost useless.
Proceed-to-send: A signal sent in response to a seize, by the incoming
exchange, indicating that it is ready to recieve
interregister (routing) information.
Release Guard: A signal sent in the backward direction indicating
that the circut is free at the incoming end.
Seize: A signal sent in the forward direction to prepare the
incoming exchange for a call.
There are alot of other line signalls, but you'll have to look at the
refrences for those. The big ones to pay attention to now are Seize,
Release Guard, Clear Forward and Proceed-to-send.
To best describe the operation of line signalling, I'll use an example
of a call from John Smith in Albany, NY to a Johan Smitelly in Greece.
> = forward direction
< = backward direction
J.Smith: Dials Greece --+ Call is routed from the US to Greece.
|
|
|
1. >US: SEIZE
2. <GR: PROCEED-TO-SEND
3. >US: KP1-XXXXXXX-ST (Interregister, more later)
4. <GR: "Ring-Ring"
5. <GR: ANSWER
|
|
|
"Worst pot i've ever smoked!, Damn yank!!"
(Greece Hangs Up)
|
6. <GR: CLEAR BACKWARD
7. >US: CLEAR FORWARD
1. US takes hold of a line
2. Greece says Okay, where to?
3. US says "Terminal call, XXXXXXXX, go"
4. Ring
5. Greece says - "Hey! America, start billing your subscriber."
6. Greece tells america to let go of their circut.
7. America says let go of yours.
The call is over.
And thats pretty much it. After the clear forward the whole process
starts over again.
As a blue boxer, you must: Terminate your current call (with a Clear Forward)
Take control of a circut (With a Siezure)
Send your NEW routing info (KPX-XXXXXXXX-ST)
The incoming exchange will respond with all of the appropriate tones, because
it thinks your signalling equipment.
And this brings me into interregister signalling.
Interregister Signalling
-----------------
You learned how to take control of a line (with Line Signalling), but
you still don't know how to do anything with that line. Thats where
Interregister signalling comes into play. Interregister signalling is the
process of actually routing your call (telling it where to go). The cool
thing is that you can make your call go ANYWHERE (theoretically),
give yourself a higher priority then a regular caller, and gain access to
numbers that you can't get to through the regular telephone network.
Here are a few terms you will need to know:
KP1: Indicates the beggining of a terminal (national) routing.
KP2: Indicates the beggining of a transit (international) routing.
ST: Indicates the end of a routing.
I'll start with terminal calls.
A terminal call is one that is inside of the national network that owns the
trunk line. It's kind of like a local call, but fuck the regional boundries.
The format for a typical terminal call is:
KP1 - XXXXXXX - ST
Pretty easy. Just like R1. :)
Transit calls are formated a little diffrent because they obviously need
more information. The format for a typical transit call is:
KP2 - Country Code - Discriminating Digit - XXXXXXX - ST
The Discriminating Digit specifies what kind of caller you are
(or in some cases your language).
There are other routing formats, depending on what you want to do. Here
are some examples, just so it'll all sink in.
* Note:
F> = Forward direction (You send it)
R< = Backward direction (You hear it)
All examples start after a call has been placed to a C5 Exchange
in whatever country.
. Type of Call: Terminal, Automatic
Number to call: 506-674-7575
R< "Hello?"
F> CLEAR FORWARD
R< RELEASAE GUARD
F> SEIZE
R< PROCEED-TO-SEND
F> KP1-506-674-7575-ST
. Type of Call: Transit, Automatic
Number to Call: 44-602-86125
R< "Ci?"
F> CLEAR FORWARD
R< RELEASE GUARD
F> SIEZE
R< PROCEED-TO-SEND
F> KP2-44-10-602-86125-ST
. Type of Call: Terminal, Semi-automatic
Number to Call: English Code11(Inward) Operator
R<"Snakes Crack House, Snake speaking."
F>CLEAR FORWARD
R<RELEASE GUARD
F>SIEZE
R<PROCEED-TO-SEND
F>KP1-2-Code11-ST
There's enough there for you to work with. Enj0y. Other than a few
technical details, you should now know enough to get started on your own.
If you want more information, check out the refrences. Check out the
next session if you want to avoid alot of hassle.
Q & A session
-----------------
It would be really nice if everything were as easy as sending a never-changing
series of tones down a line. In the real world things don't work quite as
easily. The line signalling codes a VERY picky and need to be sent at
exactly the right time, with the proper delays in between signals.
This section will just run through alot of common problems and their
solutions.
Q. Where can I get a blue box?
A. Go download Scavenger Dialer, By Scavenger
ftp: ftp.fc.net/phrack
or
Write your own
or
Build a hardware bluebox (The Jolly Box)
Q. How do I know if the number Im calling goes through a C5 trunk?
A. Usually if you listen, you will hear wierd beeps before the phone
rings, when the person answers the phone, or after the called party
hangs up. These noises are actually signals being sent in the
reverse direction.
Q. Why can't I just blast tones, and how do I find the freq's??
A. The breaking-freq's of Blue boxing are alot like k0d3z to wAReZ k1dz.
Trading is a good way to get them, but you can also scan them. Typically
the timings will be:
Clear Forward | Seize
Length: 150ms + 150ms
|
Delay: 10ms |
When scanning, just adjust your timings by about 10 ms. The lengths
of Clear Forward, Delay, and Seize are all variable.
Q. I'm positive I'm sending the right tones with the right freqs.
Why isn't anything working?
A. Sound quality is a big issue too. The tones are picked up by energy level,
which means that they are volume sensitive. To much volume, to much
energy. To little volume, not enough energy. It wouldn't be a problem
if you could send tones DIRECTLY to the incoming exchange, but the call
is really routed through 2 national networks (outgoing and incoming)
over a potentially crappy multiplexed wire, and through a middle
transit international exchange. Sometimes the connections are so poor
you just have to hang-up (this is rare). Remember that the countrys
you are calling are only setup this way because it's affordable.
For instance- Iceland has mechanical switching equipment handling a certain
Canada-Iceland trunk. If you send signals quick enough, you'll actually
knock their equipment out of whack, and shut down the trunk until someone
manually puts the thing back on track. :) Just an example of the kind of
conditions you can expect.
If your playing the tones into a phone, make sure your phone has excellent
recpetion (Nortern Telecoms Harmony's are perfect), and use a small,
high-quality earphone.
If you pump the tones into the wire, make sure you get rid of any noise.
Q. I hear the release guard, but I can't sieze. Whats wrong?
A. You probably got your volume screwed, the timings wrong, or your
tones arn't pure enough.
Q. I only use Cellular. Can I still box?
A. It IS possible to box over a cell phone. Ive never done it myself, but
I know someone who has gotten it to work (after considerable effort)
Q. Why can't I call my pals back in the US?
A. Routing is an interesting problem. Not every trunk is allowed to route
everywhere. Sometimes you can only call certain countrys, and sometimes
you can't call any (other than terminal). Some require a routing code,
some don't. If you can dial transit calls to a limited number of countrys,
start playing with mutliple siezures.
Q. What are multiple Seizures?
A. You call one country, box to another, sieze the new country, call
another, etc... It's like finding a path through various countrys
to make it to your destination.
Q. Damn AT&T. Filtering my line. I'm gonna sue, but until then, what?
A. If your tones are being filtered by your telco, then add some noise.
You'll need find that small window that makes your tones valid enough
to signal, yet bogus enough to pass the filters. There are many
methods to doing this.
. Add side tones
. Dont use
. Constantly adjust your volume (to generate a warbeling effect).
Q. I have a big hack comming up, and I really DON'T want to get caught.
How can I maximize my chances of success via the Blue box?
A. The answer to that is politics. :) Go through countrys that are
on not-so-friendly terms with eachother. If the "attacked" country
cant find out where the call came from because the country that handled
the call refuses to cooperate, what can they do?
Tables and Charts
-----------------
Here's all of the info you need.
CCITT system 5 Line Signals
Signal Frequency(Hz)
--------------+--------------
Seizure 2400 *
Clear Forward 2600 + 2400 *
Clear Backward 2600
Proceed-to-Send 2600
Release guard 2400 + 2600
* Signals relevant to this
file. There are more
signals, but you can look
them up yourself if your
really interested.
CCITT syste 5 Interregister MF Signals
Signal Frequency(Hz)
------------+--------------
KP1 (term) 1100 + 1700
KP2 (trans) 1300 + 1700
Digit 1 700 + 900
2 700 + 1100
3 900 + 1100
4 700 + 1300
5 900 + 1300
6 1100 + 1300
7 700 + 1500
8 900 + 1500
9 1100 + 1500
0 1300 + 1500
Code11 700 + 1700
Code12 900 + 1700
ST (end) 1500 + 1700
List of Home Country Directs
-------------------------------
Australia Direct 800-682-2878
Austria Direct 800-624-0043
Belgium Direct 800-472-0032
Belize Direct 800-235-1154
Bermuda Direct 800-232-2067
Brazil Direct 800-344-1055
British VI Direct 800-248-6585
Cayman Direct 800-852-3653
Chile Direct 800-552-0056
China Direct 800-532-4462
Costa Rica Direct 800-252-5114
Denmark Direct 800-762-0045
El Salvador Direct 800-422-2425
Finland Direct 800-232-0358
France Direct 800-537-2623
Germany Direct 800-292-0049
Greece Direct 800-443-5527
Guam Direct 800-367-4826
HK Direct 800-992-2323
Hungary Direct 800-352-9469
Indonesia Direct 800-242-4757
Ireland Direct 800-562-6262
Italy Direct 800-543-7662
Japan Direct 800-543-0051
Korea Direct 800-822-8256
Macau Direct 800-622-2821
Malasia Direct 800-772-7369
Netherlands Direct 800-432-0031
Norway Direct 800-292-0047
New Zealand Direct 800-248-0064
Portugal Direct 800-822-2776
Panama Direct 800-872-6106
Philippines Direct 800-336-7445
Singapore Direct 800-822-6588
Spain Direct 800-247-7246
Sweden Direct 800-345-0046
Taiwan Direct 800-626-0979
Thailand Direct 800-342-0066
Turkey Direct 800-828-2646
UK Direct 800-445-5667
Uruguay Direct 800-245-8411
Yugoslavia Direct 800-367-9841 / 9842
* Thanks to the Phone Company for bringing
us this file
Conclusion
------------
I hope I've answered some of the more common question relating to signalling.
My intent was to provide an introduction to signalling. If you found this
file useful, please pass it along. If you think it sucks, write a better
one.
-LineMan
Greets go out to:
All 9X members -- W3rD up!
Cartel Members -- R0q 0n, b-ware the Delta
Scavenger -- You have the best dialer in t0wn.
Substance -- Ewe n33d some hash.
SL -- Good luck...
Sl0ppy -- ph3aR the GPk ph0Rc3z
QwiK -- Yo. B??36, <letorp>
Virus -- I got a job :)
Bspline -- Hi
TelcoNigga -- Wassup
The Kansas Crew -- Y0, I will visit!@#
BlackHeart -- Get a k0mpUd3r.
WildMan -- Java!@
"He who claims to know everything, knows the least of
all; for he is not aware of that which he does not know."
groups/9X/9x_cell.txt
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STATION ID - 7091/6.411
9x Datakit Network
FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY
This is a 9x system, restricted to authorized persons and for
official 9x business only. Anyone using this system, network or data
is subject to being monitored at any time for system administration and
for identifying unauthorized users or system misuse. Anyone using this
system expressly consents to such monitoring and is advised that any
evidence of criminal activity revealed through such monitoring may be
provided to law enforcement for prosecution.
Flygu's (flygu=lordofpain) Cellular Phreaking Guide For 96'
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
about flygu: well flyGu, is just my IRC nick, i am Lord Of Pain from
San Diego <whatsup 619>..i wrote dis cause Substance wanted
me to write something cool about cellular for his group 9x.
dis file will be released as a 9x release. thank you very much.
disclaimer: read this for learning. knowledge is power over those whom
opress our mind and soul. however, do not get arrested for
doing this. if you are gonna go down, go down as a fighter for
free thinking and our pathetic species. they want us to go down
for shit like this, so watch yourself.
thankx to: most thanx to the old school 619 people. they were around
and ran boards and supported the scene. (cj, bones, kludge,
doctor disector, mrfab, ,dr.who, g, tck, tem, iron reeper).
special thanx to : Vigilante,digitalorgasm,coolddude,mrfab,
bobdobbs,satan,emp,diabolus,sliver,and everyone else in 619.
thanx guys
NOW FOR THE MANUAL. . Cellular Phreaking Manual By FlyGU (lordofpain)
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Cellular phones are great tools for any hacker/phreaker.
They can NOT be traced, they are mobile, and you can easily modify them.
Although CID for cellz is in the making (i am sure) al you have to do is
modify the cell over and over, and you wont get caught.
Before I teach you how to modify a cell phone. Let me teach you
the basics of how it works. Cellular companies have stations which
have honeycomb like structures called cells. Each cell is capable of
having certain number of calls and usually handles an area. The phone
sends its into to the tower, and it gets acess so it can place the call.
The phone actually sends and recieves at the same time. So there are 2
channels involved. If you know one, you know the other because they are
45 appart. (simple math, if you gonna be a phreaker/hacker you can atleast
figure this out. :} )...
ESN- electronic serial number
MIN- mobile identification number
NAM- numeric assignment module
FOVC- forward voice channel
FOCC- forward control channel
ROVC- reverse voice channel
RECC- reverse control channel
Your phone also has software in it. IT has a chip with actuall
sofware written to control its functions. Each make and brand name has a
different software. Software can be modified to your advantage. You will
learn more about this leater in this text.
Now that you know how it works you should know "how not to get
caught". Basically if you are doing a major hacking project, change
your physical location and the esn.min pair every 2 hours or so. If you
just call some LD boardz, then you can change it like ATLEAST once a day.
This is because of 3 simple things. The 1st is that the cellular company
has clonning detection. For example you are 20 miles away from the actuall
owner of a cellular phone. If he makes a call, then you make a call within
5 minutes a clonning flag goes off, because they know where you are located!
and since there is no way for him to get to where you are in 5 minutes a
security flag goes off on his account. Second reason is that they know
approximately what area you are in when you use the phone, so if they want
to catch you thell use directional antena and catch you. Thats
why if you move around alot and change pairs alot they cant catch you! and
third reason is the owner of the phone might get charged for your calls, so
switch pairs around so that you dont ruin someones life! (have morals in all
that you do, your morals dont have to be what society wants them to be, just
set them for yourself.)
The company that makes the cell puts a permanet ESN on your phone
which is not made to be changed. It is permanently burned into a chip. Your
phone also has software thats in it. Its kinda like a cellular operation
system. Each type and brand of phone has different software. All phones
allow you to change the NAM and other features. So here lets assume you
already got a pair you want to put into the phone (ill teach you how to
snag pairs later in this manual). There are several ways you can do that.
On some phones you can make a cable and use software on your computer to
change the esn.min pair. This software is readily available to you on
the internet. There is a second way which is 100% better then the first.
You can burn new software into your phone that will alow you to change the
ESN and store it at a different location. You can make this software if
get the original software (you gonna have to read the chip, then work
your way to the origian software) and add some minor adjustments to it.
If you do not have programming skills you can go to your web browser and
go to www.l0pht.com and go to drwho's radiophone (its in archives) and
you will find what you need there. So now you that you have that, can
now change the esn, and you can change the min. Thats it! you just now
clonned a cellular phone. But dont think that is it, hundreds of other
fun things you can do with your cellular phone.
Ok. You now have a phone that allows you to change the ESN and the
NAM. But what fucking good is that gonna do you if you cant get (snarf) the
ESN.MIN pair. There are alot of ways to get pairs i will present some
methods to you that already work and at the end of this manual i will
include some ideas you can try that no one else has tried before.
Method 1
_____________________________________________________________________________
the simplest way is this. tzanger wrote this little segment on irc the other
day so method one is his
three components make the hardware:
comparator, PLL and XOR gate. take the discriminator's output from the
scanner tuned on ROVC and feed it to the op amp, tune the PLL for 10khz and
run its output and the incoming datastream thrugh the xor. dats it, after
you do this you should have a bunch of ddi info. SIMPLE!
______________________________________________________________________________
Method 2
_____________________________________________________________________________
There is software available that you can use with your modified
scanner to recieve pairs using your computer. look for it on the net.
i suggest trying all the web search engines. i have seen that stuff on
alot of pages i visited...i used tzanger's text that he wrote it in a way
that you guys can easily understand.
____________________________________________________________________________
Thats it. Its that simple. This works very easily, your scanner picks up the
RECC (reverse channels where the pairs are transmitted) then you just convert
them to readable format. simple!
But clonning is not all you can do with your cellular phone.
You can monitor other calls with your cellular phone also. The only
problem is handoffs. They occur because a person moves out of range from
a cell, and a handoff occurs. He gets transported to another cell.
But this can also be easily conquered. If you have a Motorola all you have
to do is put it into test mode, and unmute the audio, and go to a channel
and listen! So your cellular phone can also be a tracking and spying device.
The posibilities are unlimmited. have lots of cellular phun!
---experimental ideaz for your hungry mind to munch on----------------
i have personally seen with my own eyes a cellular phone pick up the
channel where ESN.MIN's are transmited (yes i heard it, the transmition
of the pairs makes the most annoying noise i have ever heard. hehehe).
so now all you gotz to do is convert them and store them.. i believe
that someday someone will create a phone that can do that. you can also
convert somehow (think hard, i wont give you this one) and store in
your computer.......i even heard rumors that someone had a phone that
works like this: you put the number you want to call, push send, then
the phone snarfs a pair, and uses it just for that one call! i also
heard rumors of phones having 1000 esn.min's in them, and they use them
up slowly. I AM NOT SURE IF THESE RUMORS ARE TRUE, THEY CAN BE LIES..
but we can make them true. cause H/P is all about learning and trying.
__________________________________________________________________________
# end. i made this manual short and complete. i am lazy. if you want to learn
more i suggest asking someone who cares because i do not. i wrote this to
help those who are motivated enough to get off there ass and learn more.
_____________________________________________________________________________
_
|*|
Author: flygu (a.k.a Lord Of Pain) |*|
_______|*|
/*12345678#\ <---- :-)
|__________|
| |
FLYGU thinks that OKI | 1 2 3 |
is da SHITZ! | 4 5 6 |
| 7 8 9 | <--------- hail da oki!
| * 0 # |
|RclStoAlMe|
btw: did i forget to |Snd Cl End|
say that oki's rule! |-+oki900__|
|__________| <---oki900. da best phone!
find me on IRC as flygu, or on a BBS as Lord Of Pain..talk to me if you wish
______________________________________________________________________________
groups/9X/9x_hp3.txt
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STATION ID - 7047/3.12
9x Datakit Network
FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY
This is a 9x system, restricted to authorized persons and for
official 9x business only. Anyone using this system, network or data
is subject to being monitored at any time for system administration and
for identifying unauthorized users or system misuse. Anyone using this
system expressly consents to such monitoring and is advised that any
evidence of criminal activity revealed through such monitoring may be
provided to law enforcement for prosecution.
Author : OneThought
Subject: Hacking the HP3000/MPE Platform
There have been several write ups written in the past about the
MPE operating system and how to hack it. To me many of these are
out of date with the times or havent gone into certin aspects of
the MPE-iX OS. To start this off i am going to shatter the myth
right now that the MPE is a out of date operating system and is
"not worth hacking" a phrase i have heard more then once now a
days. The HP3000/MPE OS is still ideal for a small work place of
10-15 terminals, several of these servers networked together creates
a powerful accounting and work system , Infact the MPE OSes latest
version was released in 1995 (MPE-iX 5.0) and is already being picked
up by several companies. Right now you are asking yourself "Why should
i hack a HP3000?". Besides being a fun system to navigate around, in
many cases HP3000s have some very good information inside of them.
Credit Card #s, Employees personal information, Payroll files are
all kept on HP3000s.
#Finding a HP3000.#
When it comes down to finding a HP3000 your options are limited.
Your best luck will definetly be scanning business exchanges, However
you may also find a few inside the network information system of some
unix boxes on the net. You will know when you have found one by the
MPE XL: Prompt on older MPEs,MPE/iX, or MPE/V. If you are unsure of
one being a HP3000 simply type some random letters at the prompt and
press enter. If it is truely a HP3000 you will get the message
"EXPECTED HELLO COMMAND".
#Getting inside.#
If you are attempting to hack a unsecured HP3000 then factory
defauts will suffice most of the time. The following is a list
of default accounts and some password protected accounts.
ADVMAIL.HPOFFICE
MGR.HPDESK
MGR.ROBLLE
MGR.VESOFT
MGR.WORD
MGR.INTX3
MGR.CAROLIAN
MGR.XLSERVER
MGR.CONV
MGR.HPP187
MGR.HPP189
MGR.HPP189
MGR.HPP196
MGR.HPOFFICE
MGR.CCC
MGR.RJE
MGR.SYS Acct password: LOTUS
MGR.ITF3000
MGR.SECURITY
MGR.HPWORD
MGR.TELESUP Acct password: HPONLY User Password: MGR
MGR.COGNOS
MGR.HPONLY
MGR.NETBASE
MGR.CNAS
MGR.REGO
MAIL.NETBASE
MAIL.MAIL
MAIL.TELESUP
MAIL.HPOFFICE
MAILMAN.HPOFFICE
OPERATOR.SUPPORT
OPERATOR.SYS
OPERATOR.COGNOS
OPERATOR.SYSTEM
OPERATOR.DISC
FIELD.HP
FIELD.HPUNSUP
FIELD.HPWORD
FIELD.SERVICE Acct password: HPWORD
FIELD.SUPPORT,PUB
FIELD.HPP187
MANAGER.SYS
MANAGER.COGNOS
MANAGER.HPOFFICE
MANAGER.ITF3000
MANAGER.SECURITY
MANAGER.TCH
SYS.TELESP
WP.HPOFFICE
SPOOLMAN.HPOFFICE
RSBCMON.SYS
PCUSER.SYS
Use the following default accounts listed above to login as
souch.
:HELLO MGR.SYS,PUB
Login Command: HELLO
Username : MGR
Account name : SYS
Group Name : PUB
When trying account and user names sometimes you will get the
message "ACCOUNT EXISTS, USERNAME DOES NOT". This means that you
have enterd a valid account but not a valid user name. The same
goes for "ACCOUNT/USERNAME EXIST BUT NOT IN HOME GROUP". Here
you must include a valid group name with the login account name
and user name.
*Note The group name is not required to be typed at the login prompt
most of the time.
#Barriers that will stand in the way of gaining access to a HP3000.#
Terminal password. Sometimes you will log in on a default account
and then recieve the prompt
TERMINAL PASSWORD:
The terminal password is a eight bit alpha password that is not
a normal feature of HP3000s, But some system administrators request
it being on a new system. The only way to get by this is a brute
force attack, or going out and doing some field work i.e trashing
at the companys location,social engineering, etc etc.
Another problem you may run across is a terminal that will not
accept logins from certin accounts. When running into this you will
need to find another account that can login on that terminal.
Case in point:
CONNECT 9600/ARQ/V32/LAPM/V42BIS
MPE XL:HELLO OPERATOR.SYS
HP3000 RELEASE: B.40.00 USER VERSION: B.40.00
FRI, JUN 28, 1996, 6:11 PM
MPE/iX HP31900 B.30.45 Copyright Hewlett-Packard 1987.
All Rights Reserved.
YOU ARE AT A TERMINAL THAT
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO USE
SO NOW I LOG YOU OFF.
END OF PROGRAM
CPU=1. CONNECT=1. FRI, JUN 28, 1996, 6:11 PM.
NO CARRIER
Something else you may run into is closed sessions. This means that
at that time the system cannot create a new session for a number of
reasons, Maximum of users are already signed on or logins are not allowed
at that time. The best thing to do when running into that is to try again
every few hours till you are allowed to start a new session.
Case in point:
CONNECT 9600/ARQ/V32/LAPM/V42BIS
MPE XL: HELLO MGR.RJE
CAN'T START A NEW SESSION (CIERR 970)
NO CARRIER
The last thing i will cover when it comes to barriers on HP3000s
is the VESOFT add on. I will not go into this in depth but just give
you a rough over view. First off to identify a system running VESOFT
you will have MPE/V: as your prompt. There will be no default accounts
on this system, if you get in by other means it will be extremly
restrictive and secure. Your best hope here is to give up.
The first thing that you will want to do once inside is find out what
access (if any) that you have. This is done by doing a LISTACCT.
Case in point:
:LISTACCT
********************
ACCOUNT: <What ever acct you are>
DISC SPACE: 0(SECTORS) PASSWORD: **
CPU TIME : 2(SECONDS) LOC ATTR: $00000000
CONNECT TIME: 2(MINUTES) SECURITY--READ : ANY
DISC LIMIT: UNLIMITED WRITE : ANY
CPU LIMIT : UNLIMITED APPEND : ANY
CONNECT LIMIT: UNLIMITED LOCK : ANY
MAX PRI : 150 EXECUTE : ANY
GRP UFID : $055E0002 $0AC53AD3 $0055A7BE $2C052855 $04A775F1
USER UFID: $00000000 $00000000 $00000000 $00000000 $00000000
CAP: AM,ND,SF,BA,IA
Most of this is self explanitory. The imprtant part to look at
is the CAP: section. Here is the capeability list needed to understand
what access you have.
Abrev. Capeability.
SM System Manager
AM Account Manager
AL Account Librarian
GL Group Librarian
DI Diagnostician
OP System Supervisor
NA Network Administrator
NM Node Manager
SF Permanent Files
ND Access to nonsharable I/O devices
UV Use Volumes
CV Create Volumes
CS Use Communications Subsystem
PS Programmatic Sessions
LG User Logging
PH Process Handling
DS Extra Data Segments
MR Multiple RINs
PM Privilaged mode
IA Interactive Access
BA Local Batch Access
Now compare the chart i have just included with what ever
account you have. This will dictate what privilaged commands
you may be able to execute as i will describe later in this file.
#Making yourself an account#
Making yourself an account requires SM or AM access. On some ocasions
you will not be able to make an account with AM access if the System
Manager has modified your account. You will be able to give your new
account equal access as the one you are on when making it.
Case in point:
:NEWUSER <User id> <Group Id> <Password>
The same can also be said for the following commands..
:NEWGROUP <Group ID> *Creates a new group, very noticeable
:PURGEUSER <User ID> *Delites a user
:PURGEGROUP <Group ID> *Delites a group.
#Time to look around.#
You now have hopefully created a new account and know what access
you have. Now it is time to check the system out. First you will need
to know how to use the help file, as HPs may differ from version
to version. Type HELP <item you need help with> and it will bring
up other words to look at or a section of the help file. Do NOT type
HELP as the entire MPE manuel will be scrolled on the screen, Taking
aproximetly 18 minutes to be fully scrolled.
To find out how big this system is and what devices are available
type..
:SHOWDEV
LDEV AVAIL OWNERSHIP VOLID DEN ASSOCIATION
1 DISC N/A
2 DISC N/A
3 DISC N/A
4 DISC N/A
5 AVAIL
6 SPOOLED SPOOLER OUT
7 AVAIL
8 AVAIL
9 AVAIL
10 A AVAIL
11 AVAIL
12 AVAIL
13 AVAIL
14 AVAIL
15 AVAIL
16 AVAIL
17 AVAIL
18 AVAIL
19 AVAIL
20 A UNAVAIL #S8886: 8 FILES
21 A AVAIL
33 SPOOLED SPOOLER OUT
40 SPOOLED SPOOLER OUT
103 J AVAIL
104 J AVAIL
105 J AVAIL
106 J AVAIL
107 J AVAIL
108 J AVAIL
109 J AVAIL
110 J AVAIL
111 J AVAIL
112 J AVAIL
113 J AVAIL
114 J AVAIL
115 J AVAIL
116 J UNAVAIL #S10041: 8 FILES
117 J AVAIL
This will give you a reference for downloading which i will cover
later.
#Navigating commands around groups and files#
LISTF @ Lists every file in your current group
Case in point:
:LISTF @
FILENAME
ABORTEST ACCTJOBS AIFKUF ALOCATEJ ANSTART ANSTAT
ANSTOP ANUTIL ASOCTBL ATCUT000 ATCUTIL AUTOHIST
BACKUP BDLABEL BDLT BDMO BDREPORT BDXM
BRW BRWACCSD BRWAPPD BRWC000 BRWCOMP BRWCONV
BRWD3000 BRWDL000 BRWDLIST BRWDUSER BRWEMPTY BRWEXEC
BRWEXECO BRWF000 BRWGEND BRWJ000 BRWL000 BRWLIST
BRWM000 BRWSD BRWSDEXT BRWSETUP BRWSTART BRWSTOA
BRWSTRM BRWXL BUILDINT BULDACCT CATALOG CATTUTIL
CCMSGCAT CDCAT CDMGR CDMGRSKT CDSERVER CDSRVSKT
CDSTARTJ CDSTOPJ CEUDCS CHRDEF01 CHRDEF02 CHRDEF03
CHRDEF04 CHRDEF06 CHRDEF51 CHRDEF56 CHRDEF61 CHRDEF66
CI CICAT CICATERR CKINST CLS1 CMSTORE
COB74XL COB74XLG COB74XLK COB85XL COB85XLG COB85XLK
COBCAT COBCNTL COBEDIT COBMAC COBOL COBOL85
COBOLII COBUDC COMMA
LISTF @.@ Lists all the files in every group on your account.
LISTF @.@.@ Lists ALL files in every group on the system
*If you are in a rush for time dont use the above command.
LISTF @.<Group ID>.<Acct ID>, -1 Lists a specific users files.
LISTF @.@.@,2 Lists all files on system with group and account name.
DSCOPY <fname>.<group id>.<acct id> to <fname>.<group id>.<acct id>
^ Copies files from one account to another.
PURGE <fname>.<group id>.<acct id> Delites a file.
RENAME <old file>.<group>.<Acct>,<New file>.<Group>.<acct>
^ Renames a file.
RUN <File name>.<Group ID>.<Acct ID> Runs a file.
EDITOR <Filename>
Case in point:
:EDITOR <Whatever file here>
HP32201A.09.00 EDIT/3000 FRI, JUL 5, 1996, 5:01 AM
(C) HEWLETT-PACKARD CO. 1993
/
/END
:
Just type "END" to leave the editor.
To download use :DOWNLOAD <device>,<file>
*Refer back to SHOWDEV to figure out which device to use on the system.
#Other useful and not so useful commands#
SHOWCATALOG = This command will show commands unique to that system.
Case in point:
:SHOWCATALOG
SYSUDC5.UDC.SYS
SPENTRY SYSTEM
EDIT SYSTEM
COBOLII SYSTEM
ED SYSTEM
KSAM SYSTEM
COBEDIT SYSTEM
SJ SYSTEM
FORMSPEC SYSTEM
ENTRY SYSTEM
SO SYSTEM
SM SYSTEM
FREE5 SYSTEM
SH SYSTEM
L SYSTEM
QUAD SYSTEM
MPEX SYSTEM
MPEXLOGON SYSTEM
QEDITOR SYSTEM
GOD SYSTEM
JOBMASTER SYSTEM
SJ SYSTEM
SJJ SYSTEM
SJS SYSTEM
QUIZ SYSTEM
QUIZR SYSTEM
CONVRPO SYSTEM
QUICK SYSTEM
COGHELP SYSTEM
PHINIT12 SYSTEM
PHSRVN SYSTEM
PHSRVS12 SYSTEM
PHSRVS SYSTEM
CVRPO12E SYSTEM
SETPOWERHOUSE SYSTEM
RESETPOWERHOUSE SYSTEM
PHRUNPROG SYSTEM
PHRUNINTERBASE SYSTEM
GBAK SYSTEM
GCSU SYSTEM
GDEF SYSTEM
GDSCSERVER SYSTEM
GDSRSERVER SYSTEM
GDSLOCKPRINT SYSTEM
GDSRELAY SYSTEM
GFIX SYSTEM
GLTJ SYSTEM
GPRE SYSTEM
GRST SYSTEM
GSEC SYSTEM
GSTAT SYSTEM
ISCINSTALL SYSTEM
QLI SYSTEM
SETINTERBASE SYSTEM
RESETINTERBASE SYSTEM
PLISTF SYSTEM
FINDDIR SYSTEM
FINDFILE SYSTEM
LISTDIR SYSTEM
DISCUSE SYSTEM
SH SYSTEM
HPMPETOHFS SYSTEM
HPLISTFCLEANUP SYSTEM
HPPARSEFEQ SYSTEM
REPORT = Lists CPU allocation, disk allocation, disk volume, and
connect time for your group.
Case in point:
:REPORT
ACCOUNT FILESPACE-SECTORS CPU-SECONDS CONNECT-MINUTES
/GROUP COUNT LIMIT COUNT LIMIT COUNT LIMIT
RJE 0 ** 2 ** 2 **
/PUB 0 ** 2 ** 2 **
SHOWJOB = Lists all users and their group information along
with their session number and the availability to accept messages in
the form of QUIET for not being able to accept messages.
Case in point:
:SHOWJOB
JOBNUM STATE IPRI JIN JLIST INTRODUCED JOB NAME
#J11627 EXEC 10S LP FRI 1:11A GLPOSTJ,MGR.HPFAS
#J11625 EXEC 10S LP FRI 1:11A ARPOSTJ,MGR.HPFAS
#S9651 EXEC 302 302 FRI 1:19A LDEV220,PRINT.SPI
#S9650 EXEC 221 221 FRI 1:18A LDEV221,FORM1.SPI
#J11626 EXEC 10S LP FRI 1:11A APPOSTJ,MGR.HPFAS
#S9725 EXEC 116 16 FRI 9:30P MGR.RJE
#S8886 EXEC 20 20 FRI 10:20A CONSOLE,OPERATOR.SYS
#J11628 EXEC 10S LP FRI 1:11A MAXSTART,MGR.HPFAS
#S9652 EXEC 117 117 FRI 1:45A SPIM1.SPI
#S9656 EXEC 213 213 FRI 6:59A MIS,MGR.HPFAS
#S9701 EXEC 202 202 FRI 12:53P PRINT1.SPI
#S9721 EXEC 214 214 FRI 4:56P MSPENCE.SPI
#S923 EXEC 211 211 FRI 7:39P SUPV.SPI
13 JOBS:
0 INTRO
0 WAIT; INCL 0 DEFERRED
13 EXEC; INCL 9 SESSIONS
0 SUSP
JOBFENCE= 7; JLIMIT= 8; SLIMIT= 30
CURRENT: 6/28/96 21:44
JOBNUM STATE IPRI JIN JLIST SCHEDULED-INTRO JOB NAME
#J11607 SCHED 8 10S LP 6/28/96 22:15 FOBACKUP,MGR.SPI
#J11602 SCHED 8 10S LP 6/28/96 23:27 PSI0560J,MGR.SPI
#J11603 SCHED 8 10S LP 6/28/96 23:30 CPMNT2AJ,MGR.SPI
#J11605 SCHED 8 10S LP 6/28/96 23:35 PSI0560J,MGR.SPI
#J11608 SCHED 8 10S LP 6/29/96 0:30 SPIOFF,MGR.SPI
#J11639 SCHED 8 10S LP 6/29/96 5:00 PSI0890,MGR.SPI
#J11642 SCHED 8 10S LP 6/29/96 7:00 SLHCHCKJ,MGR.SPI
#J11866 SCHED 8 10S LP 6/29/96 16:00 UOMCHCKJ,MGR.SPI
#J10694 SCHED 8 10S LP 6/29/96 17:00 CAPCHCKJ,MGR.SPI
#J11885 SCHED 8 10S LP 6/29/96 18:00 NEWPRCEJ,MGR.SPI
#J11886 SCHED 8 10S LP 6/29/96 19:30 ORDERSJ,MGR.SPI
#J11636 SCHED 1 10S LP 6/30/96 4:00 VENDLIST,MGR.HPFAS
#J11892 SCHED 1 10S LP 6/30/96 4:00 VENDLIST,MGR.HPFAS
#J10720 SCHED 8 10S LP 7/ 1/96 0:00 WEEKINV,MGR.SPI
#J6568 SCHED 8 10S LP 7/ 1/96 6:30 DOWNTBJ,MGR.SPI
#J11884 SCHED 1 10S LP 7/ 1/96 17:15 BPOSTAR,MGR.HPFAS
#J11889 SCHED 1 10S LP 7/ 1/96 20:00 BPOSTAP,MGR.HPFAS
#J11890 SCHED 1 10S LP 7/ 1/96 20:10 BPOSTGL,MGR.HPFAS
#J11891 SCHED 1 10S LP 7/ 5/96 20:15 AUDITRPJ,MGR.HPFAS
19 SCHEDULED JOB(S)
Commands that you wont want to use..
SHOWTIME Shows the current time.
TELLOP <message> Messages Operator.
SETMSG ON/OFF Sets your availability to recieve messages.
TELL <Job>,<User>.<acct>; Message Sends a message to someone signed on.
#Logging off#
To log off just type BYE or EXIT at the prompt. You will then recieve
this logoff message..
:BYE
CPU=43. Connect=33. SAT, JUN 29, 1996, 1:03 AM.
NO CARRIER
#Conclusion#
I hope this file will spawn possible intrest once again in HP3000s
and the MPE Platform. HP will continue to support the MPE platform
for a very long time and with the extensive business software and
porting of unix to MPE systems you should expect to see these systems
for a few more decades. Greets to Black IC for his VESOFT write up
and to The Underground Consortium for their Hewlet Packard support.
groups/9X/9x_style.txt
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STATION ID - 7091/6.411
9x Datakit Network
FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY
This is a 9x system, restricted to authorized persons and for
official 9x business only. Anyone using this system, network or data
is subject to being monitored at any time for system administration and
for identifying unauthorized users or system misuse. Anyone using this
system expressly consents to such monitoring and is advised that any
evidence of criminal activity revealed through such monitoring may be
provided to law enforcement for prosecution.
9x is Substance, Schizo Man, Grampa Elite, and Firebug
The Distro Sites
Another Way of Life (518)
The Phantom Tollbooth (718)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
- Internet Hacking vs. Local Hacking -
- Writin in 1996 by Grampa Elite -
Here we go, i will try to as unbiased or whatever as possible because
I know some people prefer nethacking to localhacking or visa versa, so i'll
try to bring out the good and bad points of both areas of hacking. If you
think i missed something or forgot to add something important let me know.
3587198561297862709856787112157-LOCAL HACKING-7125612876512874512745217845149
Local hacking apposed to nethacking is considerably easier for
instance, local systems arent usually that secure and probobly have some
default accounts with the default passwords still running. I have gotten
into many a local system using default login/password's. Or you can use a
cn/a to find out there address and go trashing wherever the system is at to
possibly find some valid login's. Or you can find there voice line and do
some social engineering which you can also do with systems on the internet.
For instance do some homework on who works there and find out when he leaves
and comes to work at whatever place it is another plus is to find out what
his voice sounds like, i can do just about anybodys voice except women's.
Then you call when he's not there and give them some bullshit story, and
don't try that line that zero cool gave that one guy working at gibson or
whatever the hell that company was in the movie hackers, because it aint
gunna happen.
But before you start breaking into systems you have to find them.
You can accomplish this by either scanning your whole area code or by doing
more social engineering and getting the dialup that way. But before you
start scanning your whole ac you better find out if you have unlimited
calling or if it has a limit and after that you pay a certain ammount per
call. A way to defeat this is to either get a unlimited calling thing for
your line, or hack your local switch (which is also local usually)and change
your line using rc commands or what have you. Local hacking other than x.25
is what you want if you want to get into companys and shit instead of i-net
providers. You can also get to other systems by hacking locally, say you
hack into some sort of unix and you checkout there /etc/uucp/Systems file if
they have it and then you can CU to those systems or you can CU to some ld
bbs, its also good for a diverter which you will need when you hack locally
because it is alot more risky hacking locally if you dont have alot of
diverters or bounce it through some ld carriers or pbx's or whatever. It is
alot easier for people to trace you or fuck they could be running ani and you
could get busted or worse. In other words be carefull about what you are
doing, and who you are doing it to, this applies to all hacking, no matter
where or when there are some things you just don't do.
3587198561297862709856787112-INTERNET HACKING-7125612876512874512745217342845
Internet hacking is fun also because there are tons of systems out
there waiting to be broken into unlike local hacking where if you live in a
small city there aren't many systems. Although internet hacking isn't as
easy as local hacking because some systems have firewalls and have all there
bugs patched there are more ways to break into systems than local
hacking. Some people consider irc haxoring to be internet hacking, i don't.
Just because you have a script that you didnt even write that sends you
people's passwd files or adds your address to there .rhosts file doesnt mean
your a hacker (sorry had to get that out of my system, blah). Anyways, all
the exploits writin usually are for linux it seems so you are kind of
restricted to hacking linux unless you can find some way old version of SunOS
or if you find an Ultrix or sumthin stoopit. There is a program out there to
scan ip's but i havent used it yet so i don't know if its any good or what.
And of course there is the famous iP spoofing, whichis defeated if the system
you are attacking has a properly setup firewall or a secure router or what
have you. Some systems don't have there firewalls correctly installed so
they have some false sense of security until you break in. Although i-net
hacking isn't as risky as local hacking you can be traced no matter what you
think, you can be traced. And once they get your info your sunk because you
were probobly over state lines when they traced you and so they'll call in
the FBI which is not cool.
So make your own decision try both to see which one you like the best
or the one you think works the most with you, one has more systems and the
other is easier to hack, one has mostly small systems and the other has
mostly corporations and businesses.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
groups/9X/9x_swbtd.txt
+381
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STATION ID - 7091/6.411
9x Datakit Network
FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY
This is a 9x system, restricted to authorized persons and for
official 9x business only. Anyone using this system, network or data
is subject to being monitored at any time for system administration and
for identifying unauthorized users or system misuse. Anyone using this
system expressly consents to such monitoring and is advised that any
evidence of criminal activity revealed through such monitoring may be
provided to law enforcement for prosecution.
9x is Substance, Schizo Man, Grampa Elite, Firebug, and Dave
The Distro Sites
Another Way of Life (518)
The Phantom Tollbooth (718)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
- A listing of South Western Bell Lineman Work Codes -
- Written by: Dave S.O.B. -
I. Introduction
Have you ever wanted to bullshit a telco. employee but you either
don't have the proper acronym or code that would help convince them? Well
here is, practicly, complete listing of all of the Disposition Codes that I
found on a trash run. Hope they come in hand for ya.
II. Table of Contens
I. Introduction
II. Table of Contens
III. Disposition Codes
III. Dispostion Codes
[The following is an exact word for word type up]
Dispostion Code 01XX - Station Set, Buisness Services:
This code applies to all troules located in TELCO-provided station set
equipment, including the mounting cord and handset cord, when used for OCS
classes of service.
Disposition Code 02XX - Other Station Equipment, OSC Buisness Services
(or Public Services):
This code applies to all troubles in station equipment (other than station
sets) including switchboards, PBX systems, switching equipment on the
customer premises, etc. and to Public Services (COIN) station equipment.
Dispostion Code 03XX - Station Wiring
0310 Premise Termination: Coin/Coinless
0370 Network Termination: Other
0371 Protector: Applies when trouble is located in a protective interface
0373 Network Interface: Applies when trouble is located in network interface
0375 Network Terminating Wire: Applies when trouble is located in the wire
between the protector/cable termination and the network interface of
demarcation
0378 Side Wall - Jumper missing
0379 Side Wall - Jumper wrong
0380 Drop Other
0381 Aerial-Paired: Applies to trouble located in one-pair aerial drop
service wire
0382 Aerial-Multiple: Applies to trouble located in multiple-paired aerial
drop service wire
0383 Buried Drop - Repaired Initial Dispatch: Applies to trouble located in
buried drop and total repaired on first dispatch
0384 Buried Drop - Temporary Places, No Recon: Applies to trouble located in
buried drop and a subsequent visit is not needed for drop retermination
0385 Buried Drop - Temporary Placed, Recon Required: Applies to trouble
located in buried drop and a subsequent visit is needed for drop
placement and recon.
0386 Drop, Left In: Applies to trouble located in a drop terminated to the
cable pair at a location other than that of the subscriber's
0387 Drop Reversed
0388 Buried Drop - Drop Not Buried: Applies when temporary drop is removed
and newly placed buried drop is reconned
0389 Temporary Drop Not Buried - Repaired: Applies to trouble located in the
temporary drop and it is repaired
0390 Network Miscellaneous Apparatus
Disposition Code 04XX - Outside Plant
0401 Pair Transferred - Defective Pair Left: Applies when service is restored
by transferring the customer's service to a different cable pair and the
original defect is not corrected.
0402 Pair Cut Dead To The Field: Applies when service is restored by removing
faulted conductor bridge tap which has affected the custmoer's service
and the original defect is not corrected
0403 Pair Transposed: Applies when conductors are transposed between two or
more points to restore customer service and the original defect is not
corrected
0404 Defective Section/Temporary Drop Placed: Applies when trouble is located
and a drop is placed as a temporary cable between terminals.
0405 Defective Pair - Encapsulated Plant: Applies when trouble is
encapsulated plant and pair is not fixed
0407 Pair Transferred - No Defective Pair Left: Applies when service is
restored by transferring the customer's service to a different cable pair
(usually for record purposes) and no defective pair is involved (i.e.,
pair left off cable transfer, telephone numer assigned on wrong pair).
0410 Cable Other: Applies when the trouble is fixed in the cable facility not
listed elsewhere
0411 Sheath: Applies when damaged cable sheath or turnplate must be repaired
to clear a trouble report
0412 Cut Cable: Applies when a cable has been cut or damaged and must be
repaired to clear trouble reports
0413 Wet Cable: Applies when a cable has gotten wet and must be dried and/or
cutaround to clear trouble reports
0416 Conductor: Applies when trouble is located in cable conductors, such as
defective insulation, etc.
0420 Closure/Splice Case: Applies when trouble is located in cable closures
and splice cases
0421 Temporary Closure: Applies to trouble located in temporary type closures
0423 Encapsulated: Applies to a trouble located within an encapsulated splice
or closure. Includes troubles resulting from a defect in material,
workmanship during construction, or maintenance activites of an
encapsulated splice
0426 Ready Access Splice Case: Applies to trouble found in a ready access
type splice case
0430 Terminal - Other: Applies to trouble found in a terminal not otherwise
listed
0431 Ready Access Terminal, All: Applies to trouble found in ready access
type terminals in aerial or buried plant
0433 Fixed Count Terminal, All: Applies when trouble is located in fixed
count terminal in aerial or buried plant
0436 Cross Box, RAI/SAI: Applies when trouble is located in a serving area
interface or FX box
0440 Wire/Dual Plant - Other: Applies when trouble is located in wire or dual
wire plant not elsewhere listed
0442 Open/Rural Wire: Applies when trouble is located in wire for
distribution, i.e., open wire, c-rurual wire, and d-underground wire
0470 Pair Gain System: Applies when trouble is located in the Remote Terminal
of the pair gain system
0471 Repeater Failure: Applies when trouble is located in the repeater of a
Pair Gain System
0472 Battery Failure: Applies when trouble is located in the battery of a
Pair Gain System
0473 Common Circuit Pack: Applies when trouble is located in the common
circuit pack of a Pair Gain System
0474 Channel Unit Exchange: Applies when trouble is located in the channel
unit (exchange type)
0475 Channel Unit Special: Applies when trouble is located in the channel
unit (special type)
0476 Routing: Applies when trouble is with the routing
0477 Rectifier Failure: Applies when trouble is caused by rectifier failure
0478 Wiring: Applies when trouble is caused by the wiring
0470 Commercial Power Failure: Applies when trouble is caused because of
commercial power failure
0480 Cable Miscellaneous/Other
0481 Pole/Guy/Anchor/Trench: Applies when a trouble is the result of a pole,
guy, anchor, route signs, or trench associated with outside plant
0483 Fiber Optics - All: Applies when a trouble is the result of conditions
associated with fiber optics
Disposition Code 05XX - Central Office
0511 Common Equipment
0512 Linkage/Network/Grid
0513 Line Equipment
0514 Billing Equipment
0515 Trunk
0516 Public Service Trunk
0520 Translations - Other
0521 Generic Work Error
0522 Generic Program Error
0523 Parameter - Work Error
0524 Parameter - Document Error
0525 Line - Work Error
0526 Line - Document Error
0527 Network - Work Error
0528 Network - Document Error
0530 Intercept or Disconect Document Error
0531 MDF Cross-Connection Missing
0532 MDF Cross-Connection Broken
0533 MDF Cross-Connection Work Error
0534 MDF Cross-Connection Document Error
0535 Other Cross-Connection Work Error
0536 Other Cross-Connection Document Error
0537 Billing Cross-Connection Work Error
0538 Billing Cross-Connection Document Error
0539 Intercept or Disconnect Work Error
0540 Other Frame
0541 Defective or operated protector
0542 Missing Protection Device
0543 Reversing Device
0544 Terminal - Wire Clipping
0545 Terminal Connection
0546 Test Cord
0550 Other Power
0551 DC Power Equipment
0552 AC Power Equipment
0553 Ringer Plant
0554 Standy Emergency Power
0560 Miscellaneous Equipment - Other
0561 Radio System
0562 Line Testing Equipment
0563 Concentrator
0564 Range Extender - Applies when a report is the result of a defective
range extender
0565 Carrier System
0566 Automatic Message Acconting Recording Center
0580 Pair Gain System/RSS Other
0583 Common Circuit Pack
0584 Channel Unit Exchange
0585 Channel Unit Special
0586 Carrier Unit Replaced (AML/SLC-1)
0587 Power
0588 Wiring
Disposition 06XX - Costumer Action
0600 Customer Action: Applies when a trouble report results from customer
error or misuse of features in conection with custom calling service
Disposition 07XX - Test OK
0701 MC Retest Ok
0708 SCC Test Ok
0711 Test OK (Maintenance Center Use Only)
0715 Customer Cancel Original (CSB Use Only)
0717 Lead Test Ok
0720 Link Retest Ok
0730 Test OK TAN (Technician Use)
0747 Test OK (Front End Closeout)
0750 CSB Retest OK
Disposition Code 08XX - Found OK - In
0800 Found OK - In
Disposition Code 09XX - Found Ok - Out
0901 Found OK - Out, Non-Cable: Applies when trouble condition is determined
to be FOK between the serving terminal and the customer's side of the
protector/network interface
0910 Found Ok - Out, Cable: Applies when trouble condition is determined to
be FOK between the serving terminal and the field side of the central
office
Disposition Code 10XX - Referred Out
1001 Referred Out: Applies when trouble reports are referred to other
Maintenance Centers, agencies or departments not normally involved in
the trouble clearing effort
Disposition Code 12XX - Customer Provided Equipment
120X Voice Messaging Service
1201 Voice Messaging Service 0 All
121X Maintenance Contract (Inline/Inline Plus)
1210 Cord: Customer has maintance contract and a defective mouting cord was
replaced
1211 Loaner Set Provided: Applies to those customers with an inline+
agreement, in which a loaner set is provided, or when the customer
chooses to buy the replacement set
1212 Inline Only - Set Troble: Applies to customer with a maintenance
agreement for IW only and the trouble is located in the set/equipment.
This code includes, but is not limited to receiver off hook, unplugged
sets, defective sets
1213 Non-Standard IW (Customer Repair): Applies when the customer has an
agreemen for standard IW maintenance; however, the trouble is located
in non-standard IW and the customer will repair. NO CHARGE
1214 Inside Wire: Applies to customers with an IW maintenance agreement and
the technician repairs the IW. NO CHARGE
1215 Non-Standard IW (Telco Replaced): Applies when the customer has a
maintenace contract for standard IW maintance; however, the trouble is
located in non-standard IW and the technician will repair. PREMISES
WORK CHARGE IS APPLICABLE
1217 No Access - Field Use: Applies on second no acces, no trouble is found
at the customer premise
1218 Inline/Inline Plus - Telco Fix Exceptions: Wire repair due to acts of
God, such as floods, earthquake, riot, gross negligence, willfull
damage/vandalism. Also wire that does not meet SWBT installation practice
technical standards, or is not in satisfactory condition
1219 Inline/Inline Plus - Customer Fix - Exceptions (See 1218 for exceptions)
122X CPE - Other (No Maintenance Contract)
1220 Radio Suppressor (Inline Customer): Applies when a radio suppressor is
placed to resolve the trouble
1221 Calling Party Hold: Applies when the trouble condition is a result of
calling party hold. NO CHARGE
1222 Set/Equipment: Applies when then trouble condition is determined by the
technician to be caused by the customer telephone set/equipment. No
maintenance agreement. A MAINTENANCE OF SERVICE CHARGE WILL APPLY
1223 CPE (IW/CPE) No Dispatch: Applies when trouble is tested, but is
determined to be in CPE via conversation with the customer and/or related tests. No repair dispatch is made. NO CHARGE
1225 Receiver Off Hook: Applies when trouble is tested when canot be located
in Telco facilities and the trouble report or service condition can be
attributed to a receiver off hook. MSC WILL APPLT
1226 Set Unplugged: Applies when trouble is tested which canot be located in
Telco facilities and the trouble report or service difficulty can be
attributed to unplugged CPE. MSG WILL APPLY
1227 Public Extension (SEMI): Applies when trouble is tested which cannot be
located in TELCO facilities and the trouble report or service condition
can be attributed to semi-public extension. Semi-pulic extension is
defined as a CPE instrument used as an extension on Telco provided coin
service. MSC WILL APPLY
1228 Private Coin Service: Applies when trouble is tested which cannot be
located in Telco facilities and the trouble report or service condition
can be attributed to private coin service. Private coin service is
defined as a coin instrument and associated wire provided by a non-Telco
1229 Cable Facilities (Not Telco Maintained): Applies when trouble is tested
which cannot be located in Telco facilities and the trouble report or
service condition can be attributed to CPE cable facility. MSC WILL APPLY
123X Intexchange Carrier
1231 Intexchange Carrier: Applies when trouble is tested which cannot be
located in Telco facilities or equipment and the services are provided
by an IC
124X Unauthorized CPE/Usage/Tariff Violation
1241 Dispatched trouble reports involving CPE that were installed under
Contract I/M services, and are within the warranty time period, should
be closed to disposition code 12410 Contract I/M services, CPE. The
disposition code 122X should not be used under these circumstances. NO
REPAIR CHARGE (MSR or RSC) or TIME SENSITIVE CHARGES APPLY
1242 Dispatched trouble reports involving inside wire within the warranty time
period of the Contract I/M Services contract between SWT/SWBT should be
closed to the appropriate disposition code 121X. Inside wire troubles
reported by Non-Inline and Non-Contract I/M Services customers should
continue to be closed to the appropriate disposition code 126X and
normal charges should apply.
Disposition 12XX - Customer Provided Equipment
126X Time Senstive Work/Isolation/No Maintenance Contract
1261 Inside Wire - Telco Repair: Applies when trouble is tested which cannot
be located in Telco facilities and a trouble report or service condition
is attributed to the IW. The technician repairs the IW for an ADDITIONAL
CHARGE to the custoemer. (Time Sensitive - Repair Rates).
1262 Inside Wire - SNI Not Available Cust Fix (Non-Inline): Applies when
trouble is tested which cannot be located in Telco Facilities and the
trouble report is isolated to the customer's side of the protector. The
technician installs a Network Interface but does not repair the trouble
1263 Inside Wire - SNI Abailable - Cust Fix (Non-Inline): Applies when trouble
is tested which cannot be located in Telco facilities and a trouble
report or service condition is in attributed to the CPE. A Network
Interface is in place and the customer does the repair
1264 No Authorization/Customer Repair: Applies when trouble is tested which
cannot be located in Telco facilities and a trouble repor or serivce
condition can be attributed to CPIW. Premise access is obtained and
customer/customer's agent is unable to authorize repair charge.
1265 Military Facility: Apllies when trouble is isolated to I/W maintaned by
military maintenance personnel.
1266 NA for Non-Inline (Field Use)
1267 CPE - No Access Subscriber Follow-up (MC USE ONLY): Applies when trouble
cannot be located in Telco facilities and a trouble report or service
condition is attributed to the CPE. The technician does not have access
to the customer's premise, but a network interface is present.
1268 Warranty: Applies when trouble is tested which cannot be located in
Telco facilities but repair work is preformed by the technician within
30 days of previous IW repair preformed by Telco. (Proof of warranty is
the costumer's responsibility). A SERVICE CHARGE IS NOT APPLICABLE
127X Administrative Reports - Do Not Bill
1275 Predictor/Scan/CPR: Applies when a trouble condition is detected by SCAN/
PREDICTOR or Calling Party Report, a dispatch is made and no work is
preformed. The trouble condition is attributed to the CPE. (A SERVICE
CHARGE IS NOT APPLICABLE)
128X CSB Use Only
1281 Front End Close Out (Custoner Service Bureau Only): Apples when a
trouble report is determined to be caused by the CSB. The CSB will close
out this report with this disposition code.
Disposition Code 129X MOOSA (Maintance Center Use Only)
1291 MOOSA Error Corrections
Disposition Code 13XX
1301 Other Departments - Telco
1302 Non Telco
1303 Wrong Number Reported
1325 Service Order Worked - Link
1326 Service Order Cancel/Delay
1327 Service Order Changes
Disposition Code 20XX - Air Pressure
2010 Transducer
2011 Contactor
2012 Pressure Plug
2013 Air Flow Sensor
2014 Pipe
2015 Manifold or Tubing
2016 Dryers
2017 Air Bottles
2018 Fittings
Disposition Code 30XX - Cable Location
3010 Patrols and Inspections
3011 Facility Located
3012 No Facilities In Area
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
groups/9X/9x_tf223.txt
+120
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@@ -0,0 +1,120 @@
STATION ID - 7091/6.411
9x Datakit Network
FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY
This is a 9x system, restricted to authorized persons and for
official 9x business only. Anyone using this system, network or data
is subject to being monitored at any time for system administration and
for identifying unauthorized users or system misuse. Anyone using this
system expressly consents to such monitoring and is advised that any
evidence of criminal activity revealed through such monitoring may be
provided to law enforcement for prosecution.
Scanned by Substance
D = Different Terminal Emulation
NC = No connect
[100 Carriers out of 10,000 Numbers]
(800)-
o7-May-96 o1:o2:25 223-5151 C: 96oo
o7-May-96 21:44:23 223-6175 C: 144o JMHC Communications Novell (nopass!)
o8-May-96 23:26:14 223-6932 C: 144o WestVaco Computer system. USERID?
o9-May-96 o1:o3:48 223-7213 C: 144o No password but cant read it
o9-May-96 o1:1o:57 223-1864 C: 144o D
o9-May-96 o1:29:37 223-4951 C: 144o D
o9-May-96 o2:oo:42 223-9879 C: 96oo AIX unix (login: root, passwd: (none))
o9-May-96 o2:13:11 223-8844 C: 144o
o9-May-96 o4:o7:o4 223-8438 C: 144o
o9-May-96 o4:49:43 223-4735 C: 24oo
o9-May-96 o4:55:41 223-o894 C: 24oo
o9-May-96 o5:o1:o6 223-3646 C: 48oo D - Logon
o9-May-96 o5:4o:48 223-o5o2 C: 144o (e,7,1) Enter logical unit (lu 2) pw:
o9-May-96 o5:49:35 223-7515 C: -NC-
o9-May-96 o6:31:17 223-577o C: -NC-
o9-May-96 o6:34:16 223-4232 C: 96oo Shlumberger Industries Electrical BBS
o9-May-96 o6:5o:37 223-9918 C: 144o Enter Password: (3x)
o9-May-96 o7:o7:11 223-75o2 C: 24oo
o9-May-96 23:12:4o 223-3o47 C: 144o D
1o-May-96 oo:15:48 223-6393 C: 144o AIX unix (login: root, n/p) different
1o-May-96 oo:56:36 223-9o1o C: 144o DECServer (psupen) (DIALOUT w/pw :<)
1o-May-96 o1:22:17 223-1785 C: 96oo D
1o-May-96 o2:34:23 223-9976 C: 144o *** INTERLYNX 4ooR, Enter Device Type
1o-May-96 o3:o2:33 223-88o7 C: 144o D - Logon
1o-May-96 o3:o8:56 223-565o C: 144o
1o-May-96 o3:16:44 223-3656 C: 96oo Says 'Hello' echos *'s. then axs denied
1o-May-96 o4:19:44 223-2769 C: 144o D
1o-May-96 o5:32:44 223-2863 C: 24oo (e,7,1) (23) PLEASE SIGN-ON
1o-May-96 o5:42:34 223-464o C: 24oo
1o-May-96 22:53:46 223-5486 C: 144o Gives CCCC's
11-May-96 o1:39:36 223-51o5 C: 144o The College Board Connection
Please Enter User ID?
*** Invalid Logon, Retry
11-May-96 o3:27:o1 223-745o C: 144o
11-May-96 o3:58:1o 223-7585 C: 24oo Immediate Disconnect
11-May-96 o4:oo:2o 223-4871 C: 144o NetWare CONNECT - no Services available
11-May-96 o6:41:3o 223-5617 C: 24oo Immediate Disconnect
11-May-96 o7:14:24 223-8395 C: 96oo Enter login id: password:
... Attempting Login ...
Failed
12-May-96 o2:49:46 223-677o C: 144o (e,7,1) D
12-May-96 o3:o6:3o 223-9979 C: 144o Ricwel Medical Evaluating. (logon+pw)
12-May-96 o3:12:55 223-31oo C: 144o
13-May-96 o1:o8:48 223-9559 C: 24oo D - Says {oPTSMOM D}A224
13-May-96 o1:19:34 223-6522 C: 144o 3 #'s (with beep)
13-May-96 o1:39:21 223-7o44 C: 24oo
13-May-96 o4:o4:39 223-9o31 C: 24oo
13-May-96 o4:o5:o5 223-6738 C: 96oo D
13-May-96 o5:o6:53 223-2516 C: 96oo HP:UX unix
13-May-96 o6:26:42 223-3o69 C: 144o
13-May-96 o6:3o:26 223-6381 C: 96oo San Jose Netblazer
13-May-96 o6:38:42 223-3995 C: 144o
14-May-96 oo:27:36 223-2227 C: 144o VNU Info. Network (DECServer)
14-May-96 oo:48:43 223-5241 C: 144o unix
14-May-96 o1:52:oo 223-2251 C: 96oo Enter Password: [3x]
14-May-96 o2:35:41 223-24o6 C: 24oo (e,7,1) unix
14-May-96 o2:58:2o 223-1373 C: 144o Immediate Disconnect
14-May-96 o3:o4:45 223-5115 C: 144o Login > Enter Passcode
14-May-96 o4:o7:o6 223-5194 C: 144o User Name? Password Command? (admin/admin)
User Name: admin / Password: admin
says Command? 2 times, if you dont enter a valid command
on the second time, disconnect. dunno
14-May-96 o4:4o:39 223-9849 C: 144o D - Logon
14-May-96 o5:45:28 223-o336 C: 144o (e,7,1) D - lE4:liqzev
14-May-96 22:47:42 223-7477 C: 144o NC
14-May-96 23:1o:43 223-7981 C: 96oo
14-May-96 23:19:49 223-2683 C: 144o
14-May-96 23:23:o3 223-4191 C: 24oo
14-May-96 23:26:36 223-5163 C: 144o BBS - Enter submitter ID?
14-May-96 23:29:54 223-9168 C: 96oo ENTER CLASS/ENTER PASSWORD/UNASSIGNED
14-May-96 23:38:12 223-8315 C: 144o
14-May-96 23:44:o4 223-9881 C: 96oo NC
14-May-96 23:59:19 223-7891 C: 144o
15-May-96 o1:18:56 223-456o C: 96oo OLYMPIA AOS/VS
15-May-96 o1:3o:12 223-5441 C: 144o
15-May-96 o1:46:54 223-6276 C: 144o
15-May-96 o3:31:31 223-9671 C: 144o On <CR> disconnect
15-May-96 o4:58:o5 223-2188 C: 144o DECServer (some truck company/no modem)
15-May-96 o6:13:54 223-6459 C: 144o
15-May-96 o6:23:o5 223-4366 C: 96oo D
15-May-96 o6:45:57 223-o62o C: 144o ShivaLanRover (no defaults) UserId?
15-May-96 o7:16:o5 223-3312 C: 24oo OK + disconnect
15-May-96 o7:2o:46 223-4785 C: 24oo ENTER USERID >un< not in CP directory
15-May-96 23:13:o2 223-83o2 C: 96oo D - Logon
15-May-96 23:58:36 223-8894 C: 144o
16-May-96 oo:11:24 223-748o C: 24oo Immediate Disconnect
16-May-96 o1:3o:17 223-73o2 C: 96oo
16-May-96 o2:2o:o8 223-74o7 C: 144o NETWORK ACCESS PASSWORD: / HANGING UP
16-May-96 o3:48:17 223-1o78 C: 96oo Nonpassworded PCAnywhere
16-May-96 o3:59:36 223-6582 C: 144o D - Logon
16-May-96 o4:o4:14 223-3939 C: 96oo
16-May-96 o4:36:39 223-8279 C: 12oo (e,7,1) gives init strings
16-May-96 o4:52:o7 223-o795 C: 96oo USERID?
16-May-96 o5:21:o8 223-o9o4 C: 96oo D
16-May-96 o5:4o:o3 223-o43o C: 24oo
16-May-96 o6:o6:19 223-3141 C: 144o BBS
17-May-96 00:53:54 223-6752 C: 96oo (smjunix) unix
17-May-96 oo:56:52 223-5618 C: 144o D - Logon
17-May-96 oo:57:14 223-1151 C: 144o NetWare CONNECT - no services at this time
17-May-96 o1:45:o1 223-6656 C: 144o Immediate Disconnect
17-May-96 o3:18:43 223-3589 C: 96oo Bigtime D
groups/9X/9x_tf280.txt
+109
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@@ -0,0 +1,109 @@
STATION ID - 7047/3.12
9x Datakit Network
FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY
This is a 9x system, restricted to authorized persons and for
official 9x business only. Anyone using this system, network or data
is subject to being monitored at any time for system administration and
for identifying unauthorized users or system misuse. Anyone using this
system expressly consents to such monitoring and is advised that any
evidence of criminal activity revealed through such monitoring may be
provided to law enforcement for prosecution.
Scanned by TMM with ToneLoc
All systems Verified by Substance
27-Jun-96 02:26:14 1-800-280-8415 C: BUSY KF#d2|K
26-Jun-96 18:19:22 1-800-280-2150 C: NC
27-Jun-96 02:41:33 1-800-280-8075 C: NC
27-Jun-96 03:42:10 1-800-280-3004 C: NC Operator Code:
27-Jun-96 07:10:53 1-800-280-7241 C: NC
27-Jun-96 09:17:04 1-800-280-2338 C: NC
27-Jun-96 13:26:55 1-800-280-0307 C: NC Farm Fresh Store Systems Menu
28-Jun-96 10:44:56 1-800-280-1287 C: NC
28-Jun-96 11:55:34 1-800-280-8783 C: NC @ Userid:
29-Jun-96 03:32:56 1-800-280-4912 C: NC
29-Jun-96 08:06:03 1-800-280-7672 C: NC term tipe
29-Jun-96 10:22:16 1-800-280-3555 C: NC pcanywhere
27-Jun-96 04:31:17 1-800-280-4137 C: 12oo D
28-Jun-96 10:20:34 1-800-280-1392 C: 12oo (e,7,1) *retransmit* *bye*
29-Jun-96 06:53:15 1-800-280-9076 C: 12oo D
27-Jun-96 08:21:20 1-800-280-9552 C: 24oo unix (with Dialup pw)
28-Jun-96 03:52:14 1-800-280-2481 C: 24oo
28-Jun-96 05:39:04 1-800-280-4262 C: 24oo Store not authorized for Stor-Link
28-Jun-96 06:34:03 1-800-280-2087 C: 24oo
28-Jun-96 08:31:30 1-800-280-1614 C: 24oo QuickMail(tm)
29-Jun-96 13:38:00 1-800-280-3518 C: 24oo D
29-Jun-96 15:32:35 1-800-280-6226 C: 24oo (*) 3174 CONTROL UNIT EMULATOR - V7.05
28-Jun-96 16:49:32 1-800-280-2535 C: 24oo Immediate Disconnect
26-Jun-96 17:17:19 1-800-280-2865 C: 96oo D - Logon
26-Jun-96 19:14:59 1-800-280-4068 C: 96oo $7
26-Jun-96 19:45:12 1-800-280-5229 C: 96oo $7
27-Jun-96 00:56:03 1-800-280-4066 C: 96oo (e,7,1) (*) S.D.M.S. O/P Dealer Master
27-Jun-96 01:57:06 1-800-280-3286 C: 96oo Perle Model 3i - V 02.00G (passwd)
29-Jun-96 03:05:03 1-800-280-6790 C: 96oo
27-Jun-96 06:47:25 1-800-280-0520 C: 96oo (e,7,1) unix
27-Jun-96 16:23:47 1-800-280-5261 C: 96oo
28-Jun-96 05:09:02 1-800-280-6993 C: 96oo ! WERD ! look at this shit
28-Jun-96 08:26:52 1-800-280-4276 C: 96oo
28-Jun-96 16:14:38 1-800-280-4469 C: 96oo term tipe/ then VM/CMS os
28-Jun-96 17:42:57 1-800-280-1710 C: 96oo (unilink) SCO UNIX System V/386
29-Jun-96 05:35:56 1-800-280-5526 C: 96oo Gives Zmodem recieve string
29-Jun-96 06:14:09 1-800-280-2963 C: 96oo ZZLOGIN over and over
26-Jun-96 17:53:11 1-800-280-1491 C: 144o Pad ID: N4.1 - Port: 41 / user name:
26-Jun-96 18:40:02 1-800-280-4674 C: 144o Enter password: (PCanywhere)
26-Jun-96 19:59:50 1-800-280-7925 C: 144o
26-Jun-96 20:02:08 1-800-280-8148 C: 144o
26-Jun-96 20:17:32 1-800-280-5751 C: 144o PASSWORD / PASSWORD INCORRECT
27-Jun-96 00:31:45 1-800-280-4736 C: 144o Ascend2 Pipeline / System Password:
27-Jun-96 01:45:48 1-800-280-6317 C: 144o D (g's)
27-Jun-96 02:37:28 1-800-280-6220 C: 144o unix
27-Jun-96 02:57:29 1-800-280-4383 C: 144o Dial-IN-Access / milliblazer login:
27-Jun-96 04:27:37 1-800-280-1509 C: 144o USERID: Password:
27-Jun-96 04:45:26 1-800-280-0691 C: 144o PCAnywhere Landfill Dept.
27-Jun-96 04:56:13 1-800-280-1796 C: 144o What system do you wish to use?
27-Jun-96 05:21:43 1-800-280-2216 C: 144o 3 #'s
27-Jun-96 05:31:50 1-800-280-4780 C: 144o D - 
27-Jun-96 05:40:28 1-800-280-5169 C: 144o
27-Jun-96 09:44:29 1-800-280-1640 C: 144o Wildcat! v4 (no new users)
27-Jun-96 13:16:06 1-800-280-7773 C: 144o login:
27-Jun-96 15:10:32 1-800-280-9305 C: 144o
27-Jun-96 16:39:51 1-800-280-6843 C: 144o unix
27-Jun-96 18:10:17 1-800-280-6687 C: 144o
27-Jun-96 18:40:13 1-800-280-6098 C: 144o D
27-Jun-96 19:10:38 1-800-280-4172 C: 144o
27-Jun-96 20:14:58 1-800-280-5196 C: 144o
27-Jun-96 20:41:26 1-800-280-0569 C: 144o
27-Jun-96 21:36:15 1-800-280-1087 C: 144o
27-Jun-96 22:19:54 1-800-280-7028 C: 144o
27-Jun-96 23:31:53 1-800-280-2646 C: 144o (e,7,1) Clubhouse login:
28-Jun-96 02:23:42 1-800-280-4334 C: 144o Service Selector on port NY_PORT-01.
28-Jun-96 03:01:10 1-800-280-3367 C: 144o Renex Connect, Enter service code
28-Jun-96 03:12:33 1-800-280-2690 C: 144o
28-Jun-96 03:40:49 1-800-280-0928 C: 144o
28-Jun-96 05:48:42 1-800-280-0736 C: 144o @ Userid: (no defaults)
28-Jun-96 06:08:58 1-800-280-3419 C: 144o
28-Jun-96 06:55:21 1-800-280-7332 C: 144o connected to the pcANYWHERE computer.
28-Jun-96 08:57:54 1-800-280-8156 C: 144o ICA
28-Jun-96 15:54:26 1-800-280-7297 C: 144o
28-Jun-96 16:56:15 1-800-280-9214 C: 144o (stripe) SCO Open Server
28-Jun-96 18:13:05 1-800-280-1644 C: 144o Genlink BBS (running WildCat)
28-Jun-96 23:54:30 1-800-280-9370 C: 144o (e,7,1) ID= (type SYSTEM) PagerID
From what i can gather about the system above u can page ppl via modem
29-Jun-96 01:45:23 1-800-280-8654 C: 144o (fire.x10sion.com) unix
29-Jun-96 02:08:51 1-800-280-2039 C: 144o PLEASE ENTER YOUR PASSWORD =======>
29-Jun-96 05:21:29 1-800-280-7328 C: 144o
29-Jun-96 07:35:08 1-800-280-7294 C: 144o
29-Jun-96 07:41:02 1-800-280-6928 C: 144o
29-Jun-96 09:19:15 1-800-280-5092 C: 144o USLink Dial-Up Service Username:
29-Jun-96 09:55:50 1-800-280-2972 C: 144o OEI Milwaukee Div/Loc name
29-Jun-96 10:51:12 1-800-280-0811 C: 144o Enter password:
29-Jun-96 13:30:08 1-800-280-5363 C: 144o (e,7,1) dfmp1 login:
29-Jun-96 14:27:28 1-800-280-5014 C: 144o Starting SecurID Authentication...
29-Jun-96 15:30:26 1-800-280-8740 C: 144o
29-Jun-96 15:53:40 1-800-280-4426 C: 144o Dial-IN-Access / milliblazer login:
groups/9X/9x_tf465.txt
+119
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@@ -0,0 +1,119 @@
115 carriers
Scanned by Substance with THC 4.2o (beta)
Exchange 800 465
17-May-96 o4:22:36 456-o977 C: 24oo DSS::5B7 SELECT DESTINATION (no help)
17-May-96 o4:34:22 456-9179 C: 96oo (e,7,1) Type the key of your terminal
17-May-96 o4:49:o5 456-6449 C: 144o NC
17-May-96 o5:o5:38 456-o974 C: 24oo ENTER USER ID! -> INVALID ENTRY
17-May-96 o5:11:48 456-4o32 C: 3oo
17-May-96 o5:15:o6 456-5495 C: 96oo US Govt System (see below)
STATION ID - ca/57.9
Official US Government system for authorized use only. Do not discuss, enter,
transfer, process, or transmit classified/sensitive national security
information of greater sensitivity than that for which this system is
authorized. Use of this system constitutes consent to security testing and
monitoring. Unauthorized use could result in criminal prosecution.
USERID: ROOT
Password:
login incorrect
Conversation ended.
17-May-96 o5:22:51 456-2628 C: o3oo
17-May-96 o6:o6:32 456-5o73 C: 144o
17-May-96 o7:o2:1o 456-584o C: 144o Please press [Enter] Enter Password
24-May-96 oo:o9:41 456-8937 C: 144o nlogin: <?>
24-May-96 o2:o1:34 456-5o66 C: 24oo
24-May-96 o2:o8:59 456-9685 C: 144o LanRover (Root) <kinda lame>
24-May-96 o2:46:29 456-5734 C: 144o
24-May-96 o2:47:45 456-1826 C: 144o
24-May-96 o2:57:29 456-5593 C: 144o PCAnywhere (no password)
24-May-96 o3:53:5o 456-o3o7 C: 24oo Immediate Disconnect
24-May-96 o4:o3:55 456-3272 C: 144o Starts out in PPP mode
24-May-96 o4:58:o1 456-7o33 C: 144o D - LEEGin Leather Products
24-May-96 o5:1o:33 456-36o6 C: 96oo Enter PASSCODE:
24-May-96 o6:29:52 456-8415 C: 144o
26-May-96 23:51:58 456-4713 C: 144o r2host v3.0 User ID:
27-May-96 oo:o2:o4 456-9891 C: 144o NationsBank in Charlotte NC (BBS)
27-May-96 oo:14:38 456-485o C: 144o
27-May-96 oo:3o:o5 456-6315 C: 144o
27-May-96 o1:21:26 456-8483 C: 24oo
27-May-96 o1:35:55 456-3936 C: 96oo Puts ewe in some type of line editor
27-May-96 o2:26:26 456-6834 C: 144o
27-May-96 o2:43:28 456-7272 C: 144o Immediate Disconnect
27-May-96 o3:o7:o7 456-52o1 C: 144o (ebc) SCO OpenServer unix
27-May-96 o3:26:54 456-5482 C: 144o Authorized Users Only (VAX/VMS)
27-May-96 o3:28:57 456-9625 C: 24oo
27-May-96 o3:51:56 456-6912 C: 144o PLEASE ENTER YOUR PASSWORD>>
27-May-96 o3:58:oo 456-9824 C: 96oo Initial Login: Initial Password:
27-May-96 o4:53:34 456-3418 C: 12oo Immediate Disconnect
27-May-96 o6:52:14 456-o674 C: 96oo
27-May-96 o8:28:44 456-2676 C: 144o D
27-May-96 23:21:oo 456-2626 C: 144o says 'ATLAS PTL FE391 1 577' + waits
27-May-96 23:32:52 456-219o C: 24oo Immediate Disconnect
28-May-96 oo:13:19 456-7595 C: 24oo Initial Login: Initial Password:
28-May-96 oo:46:o4 456-o818 C: 3oo
28-May-96 o1:o5:14 456-5179 C: 144o (e,7,1) Authorized Users only (unix)
28-May-96 o1:42:19 456-4114 C: 3oo
28-May-96 o3:o7:5o 456-6872 C: 144o
28-May-96 22:29:35 456-1263 C: 3oo
28-May-96 22:31:35 456-94o8 C: 96oo New England Health Associates (no pw!)
28-May-96 23:o4:o9 456-817o C: 144o (e,7,1???) unknown
28-May-96 23:46:o7 456-9394 C: 144o unix? login/pw 3x
29-May-96 oo:o9:o4 456-o326 C: 24oo (e,7,1) ?
3o-May-96 o1:13:22 456-947o C: 144o unix (3 tries)
3o-May-96 o2:12:o7 456-3467 C: 144o (jetset) TeleBits Netblazer
3o-May-96 o3:26:48 456-8765 C: 144o Waits 3 seconds + Disconnect
3o-May-96 o4:36:o6 456-9167 C: 24oo Weird G's
3o-May-96 o5:22:o6 456-58o2 C: 24oo "<<<<< Connected to STNET"
3o-May-96 o5:42:57 456-8552 C: 144o D - just eyedles
3o-May-96 o6:o2:5o 456-5491 C: 144o D - lotsa }'s
o2-Jun-96 o1:13:25 456-7876 C: NC
o2-Jun-96 o1:19:4o 456-6171 C: 144o
o2-Jun-96 o1:41:58 456-8432 C: 96oo Crown BBS system (Retail F.A.C.T.S)
o2-Jun-96 o2:o9:o7 456-83o1 C: 24oo D - spades
o2-Jun-96 o2:28:28 456-6934 C: 144o DECServer with passwd (3 #'s)
o2-Jun-96 o2:42:42 456-9675 C: 12oo
o2-Jun-96 o2:46:24 456-521o C: 24oo Financial info systems (company id:)
o2-Jun-96 o3:24:1o 456-2177 C: 144o (e,7,1) unix
o2-Jun-96 o3:49:18 456-5517 C: 144o
o2-Jun-96 o3:5o:49 456-1853 C: 24oo (e,7,1) unix
o2-Jun-96 o4:o3:24 456-6192 C: 24oo (e,7,1) User ID: Password
o2-Jun-96 o4:51:39 456-4717 C: 144o Novell Network (drops u right to dos)
o2-Jun-96 o5:32:17 456-4818 C: NC
o2-Jun-96 o6:22:17 456-o882 C: 144o LanRover (Root no pw)
o2-Jun-96 o7:18:4o 456-o566 C: 24oo
o2-Jun-96 o7:19:57 456-6864 C: 144o
o2-Jun-96 o8:15:38 456-3o53 C: 24oo (e,7,1) IBM Global Network
o4-Jun-96 22:28:o6 456-4973 C: 24oo
o4-Jun-96 22:29:17 456-46o3 C: 144o Username: enter PASSCODE:
o4-Jun-96 22:56:53 456-o88o C: 144o MACNet Lanrover (root)
o4-Jun-96 23:o5:51 456-4257 C: 96oo
o4-Jun-96 23:22:16 456-9382 C: 144o unix
o5-Jun-96 oo:o4:15 456-oo54 C: 144o ENTER ID: (unauth. users will be shot)
o5-Jun-96 oo:12:53 456-4o59 C: 24oo (generic) unix
o5-Jun-96 o1:24:17 456-7259 C: 96oo D
o5-Jun-96 o1:37:o2 456-579o C: 96oo PGXPRES Logon: Password: (x25 in begin)
o5-Jun-96 o2:o8:28 456-6414 C: 24oo Pioneer Financial Services
o5-Jun-96 o2:21:53 456-7435 C: 24oo Immediate Disconnect
o5-Jun-96 o2:54:57 456-4389 C: 144o @ Userid: Password: (different)
o5-Jun-96 o3:21:3o 456-8484 C: 144o No password PCAnywhere
o5-Jun-96 o3:37:34 456-1136 C: 24oo D
o5-Jun-96 o4:27:17 456-2o46 C: 12oo
o5-Jun-96 o4:42:58 456-93o4 C: 144o
o5-Jun-96 o5:o1:49 456-6245 C: 144o Pad ID: username
o5-Jun-96 o5:17:26 456-3659 C: 144o D
o5-Jun-96 o5:2o:45 456-8661 C: 24oo
o5-Jun-96 o5:5o:38 456-9347 C: 96oo
o5-Jun-96 o7:o2:58 456-9825 C: 144o
o7-Jun-96 oo:3o:47 456-3664 C: 144o D - weird, exchanging PC parameters
o7-Jun-96 o1:23:56 456-1925 C: 144o
o7-Jun-96 o2:11:15 456-7748 C: 96oo Unpw'd Novell (PCanyware)
o7-Jun-96 o2:14:45 456-54o5 C: 144o Immediate Disconnect
o7-Jun-96 o2:15:o7 456-3842 C: 24oo Immediate Disconnect
o7-Jun-96 o2:44:29 456-3743 C: 144o
o7-Jun-96 o3:26:19 456-o789 C: 96oo (avfgate) unix
groups/9X/9x_tf546.txt
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STATION ID - 7047/3.12
9x Datakit Network
FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY
This is a 9x system, restricted to authorized persons and for
official 9x business only. Anyone using this system, network or data
is subject to being monitored at any time for system administration and
for identifying unauthorized users or system misuse. Anyone using this
system expressly consents to such monitoring and is advised that any
evidence of criminal activity revealed through such monitoring may be
provided to law enforcement for prosecution.
----------------------------------------------------
Scanned by TMM - an399o1o@anon.penet.fi
ALL systems verified by Substance - jcat@acmenet.net
----------------------------------------------------
Key -
NC - No Connection
BUSY - Duh
VO - Voice
OP - Operator
D - Different Terminal Emulation
Notes: [From what eye can see the US Sprint PAD is used specificly for
Sprint systems. It doesnt allow any connections to other systems.
If you try a nynex system (622 xxxx) it gives the usual Refused msg]
[When you see a TELENET (SprintNet x.25) system that says (WATS)
it means you cannot connect to any public nua. The ones that say
public allow you to connect to anything that isnt reverse charge
blocked]
[To access the PCAnywhere (n/p'ed systems) you need to have the
special software. without it, it is bullshit ]
* For a copy of the software email jcat@acmenet.net and ill send it *
15-Mar-96 14:oo:47 1-8oo-546-4471 C: NC
15-Mar-96 21:25:o9 1-8oo-546-1969 C: NC
15-Mar-96 22:o5:56 1-8oo-546-3319 C: NC
16-Mar-96 14:o6:12 1-8oo-546-5694 C: NC
21-Mar-96 o9:14:o2 1-8oo-546-6o45 C: NC
24-Mar-96 22:39:39 1-8oo-546-6111 C: NC
26-Mar-96 o7:57:39 1-8oo-546-8453 C: NC
26-Mar-96 14:5o:34 1-8oo-546-6212 C: NC
21-Mar-96 o9:o6:32 1-8oo-546-8478 C: BUSY
15-Mar-96 15:34:5o 1-8oo-546-3ooo C: o3oo
15-Mar-96 o9:o8:18 1-8oo-546-5395 C: 12oo Immediate Disconnect
15-Mar-96 1o:11:35 1-8oo-546-3946 C: 12oo (e,7,1) Enter Pager id + return
15-Mar-96 17:46:27 1-8oo-546-46o6 C: 12oo (e,7,1) ROLM CBX Model 40
26-Mar-96 13:15:55 1-8oo-546-3o25 C: 12oo
26-Mar-96 18:47:57 1-8oo-546-92o7 C: 12oo Immediate Disconnect
15-Mar-96 o7:43:37 1-8oo-546-oo46 C: 24oo (e,7,1) Public Access PAD (x.25)
15-Mar-96 13:o4:24 1-8oo-546-o859 C: 24oo (e,7,1) TELENET dialup (local conns)
16-Mar-96 13:36:35 1-8oo-546-6852 C: 24oo (e,7,1) TELENET (WATS not permitted)
21-Mar-96 12:12:45 1-8oo-546-o589 C: 24oo (e,7,1) TELENET (WATSnotpermitted)
21-Mar-96 14:51:5o 1-8oo-546-oo22 C: 24oo (e,7,1) TELENET 212 95oo1.11 (NO wats)
24-Mar-96 23:o8:29 1-8oo-546-1ooo C: 24oo (e,7,1) Telenet (AC+NUM req)
26-Mar-96 21:51:31 1-8oo-546-4856 C: 24oo (e,7,1) TELENET 212 950 (WATS)
15-Mar-96 19:26:21 1-8oo-546-8612 C: 24oo D - Seems to wait for special term
16-Mar-96 23:o6:26 1-8oo-546-9oo6 C: 24oo PR NEWSWIRE SUN UNIX login:
24-Mar-96 18:o2:o8 1-8oo-546-9oo7 C: 24oo PR NEWSWIRE SUN UNIX
24-Mar-96 19:48:47 1-8oo-546-1737 C: 24oo Almost immediate disconnect
26-Mar-96 11:19:57 1-8oo-546-4oo3 C: 24oo Immediate Disconnect
26-Mar-96 15:13:2o 1-8oo-546-5323 C: 24oo
26-Mar-96 21:17:47 1-8oo-546-o993 C: 24oo
15-Mar-96 16:4o:48 1-8oo-546-7469 C: 96oo
16-Mar-96 19:59:39 1-8oo-546-4991 C: 96oo (e,7,1) Enter Connect Password
16-Mar-96 2o:44:44 1-8oo-546-1o22 C: 96oo HP3000/HELLO FIELD.SUPPORT,PUB (no pw)
16-Mar-96 21:35:o2 1-8oo-546-9936 C: 96oo
21-Mar-96 1o:1o:55 1-8oo-546-5597 C: 96oo Term Type + SolutionLink
21-Mar-96 14:22:54 1-8oo-546-7o72 C: 96oo
21-Mar-96 19:38:58 1-8oo-546-5562 C: 96oo 3174 CONTROL UNIT EMULATOR
24-Mar-96 2o:35:4o 1-8oo-546-6o74 C: 96oo (lion) SCO System V/386 Main line
26-Mar-96 o9:34:12 1-8oo-546-55o3 C: 96oo D - Logon
26-Mar-96 19:47:21 1-8oo-546-o498 C: 96oo D - Logon
27-Mar-96 1o:59:55 1-8oo-546-7799 C: 96oo TACO BELL - VM/ESA
15-Mar-96 o7:46:29 1-8oo-546-6792 C: 144o
15-Mar-96 o7:55:31 1-8oo-546-9997 C: 144o Immediate Disconnect
15-Mar-96 o8:1o:41 1-8oo-546-264o C: 144o D 
15-Mar-96 o9:57:o8 1-8oo-546-5668 C: 144o D
15-Mar-96 1o:22:13 1-8oo-546-8371 C: 144o US Sprint 212 9oo91.2o
15-Mar-96 1o:43:22 1-8oo-546-4o2o C: 144o
15-Mar-96 1o:5o:13 1-8oo-546-o651 C: 144o Enter service code -
15-Mar-96 11:o6:24 1-8oo-546-4468 C: 144o D -    UPI1 
15-Mar-96 12:26:49 1-8oo-546-4489 C: 144o US Sprint 2o1 9ooo8.53
15-Mar-96 12:3o:42 1-8oo-546-7343 C: 144o (pagamb) unix U.S. Bankruptcy Court
15-Mar-96 13:o7:38 1-8oo-546-oo96 C: 144o TELENET 816 86o5.34 (noWATS)
15-Mar-96 14:27:52 1-8oo-546-5383 C: 144o
15-Mar-96 15:o4:14 1-8oo-546-5831 C: 144o US Sprint 215 9oo82.o6 (1 try)
15-Mar-96 15:12:22 1-8oo-546-8452 C: 144o (e,7,1) IBM AiX unix
15-Mar-96 17:11:42 1-8oo-546-8o2o C: 144o Defender 5ooo. Enter ID:
15-Mar-96 17:49:2o 1-8oo-546-4534 C: 144o D
15-Mar-96 18:31:2o 1-8oo-546-o64o C: 144o Enter service code -
15-Mar-96 19:15:43 1-8oo-546-5285 C: 144o D
15-Mar-96 19:44:o9 1-8oo-546-2355 C: 144o
15-Mar-96 19:5o:o8 1-8oo-546-5685 C: 144o D
15-Mar-96 2o:14:o1 1-8oo-546-5o48 C: 144o D - Logon
15-Mar-96 21:o1:59 1-8oo-546-8892 C: 144o D
15-Mar-96 21:44:24 1-8oo-546-42o9 C: 144o
16-Mar-96 12:o8:19 1-8oo-546-2163 C: 144o D - one spade
16-Mar-96 12:19:15 1-8oo-546-5472 C: 144o ShivaLanRover (login: root) (diff)
16-Mar-96 12:28:39 1-8oo-546-o617 C: 144o Enter service code -
16-Mar-96 12:39:53 1-8oo-546-5681 C: 144o
16-Mar-96 13:o7:59 1-8oo-546-2112 C: 144o
16-Mar-96 13:26:41 1-8oo-546-3445 C: 144o pppdev2 login:
16-Mar-96 13:51:16 1-8oo-546-459o C: 144o TeleChart 2ooo Database: + <click>
16-Mar-96 14:23:16 1-8oo-546-3664 C: 144o ShivaLanRover / @ Userid:
16-Mar-96 14:27:56 1-8oo-546-4543 C: 144o D
16-Mar-96 14:28:44 1-8oo-546-7864 C: 144o Sprint-ip username: / password:
16-Mar-96 14:32:56 1-8oo-546-9o91 C: 144o (e,7,1) HARBOR TOOL /Destination:
16-Mar-96 15:3o:58 1-8oo-546-489o C: 144o (e,7,1) TELENET 415 47oo4.2o(noWATS)
16-Mar-96 17:o5:57 1-8oo-546-1317 C: 144o (e,7,1) TELENET 2o1 6oo3.2o (public)
16-Mar-96 18:oo:55 1-8oo-546-3553 C: 144o ECOLAB BBS (#671o2913)
16-Mar-96 18:41:41 1-8oo-546-5121 C: 144o FirstClass System. Public BBS
16-Mar-96 2o:25:36 1-8oo-546-7243 C: 144o (e,7,1) D
16-Mar-96 21:o1:35 1-8oo-546-4859 C: 144o
16-Mar-96 22:1o:oo 1-8oo-546-6481 C: 144o D - Logon
16-Mar-96 22:4o:47 1-8oo-546-4318 C: 144o D
16-Mar-96 22:42:15 1-8oo-546-2571 C: 144o
16-Mar-96 22:54:47 1-8oo-546-242o C: 144o Enter PASSCODE:
16-Mar-96 23:24:4o 1-8oo-546-1276 C: 144o PCAnywhere (no pw)
16-Mar-96 23:37:24 1-8oo-546-8o33 C: 144o D - Logon
17-Mar-96 oo:21:19 1-8oo-546-6257 C: 144o (e,7,1) TELENET 2o2 44o4.16
19-Mar-96 16:53:29 1-8oo-546-6o19 C: 144o Hangs up after a minute or so
21-Mar-96 o7:48:53 1-8oo-546-o641 C: 144o Enter service code -
21-Mar-96 o8:o9:54 1-8oo-546-2331 C: 144o
21-Mar-96 o8:38:19 1-8oo-546-22o3 C: 144o ShivaLanRover (@ Userid:) (Lgn: ROOT)
21-Mar-96 o9:43:o3 1-8oo-546-7313 C: 144o Annex username:
21-Mar-96 11:25:17 1-8oo-546-365o C: 144o (e,7,1) TELENET 415 6ooo5.36(noWATS)
21-Mar-96 12:o4:57 1-8oo-546-6371 C: 144o 4 #'s
21-Mar-96 12:17:o9 1-8oo-546-5692 C: 144o D
21-Mar-96 12:46:47 1-8oo-546-oo14 C: 144o (e,7,1) TELENET 813 1401 *Public*
21-Mar-96 13:17:o1 1-8oo-546-o529 C: 144o (e,7,1) Enter service code -
21-Mar-96 14:2o:2o 1-8oo-546-7865 C: 144o Sprint-ip username: password:
21-Mar-96 15:o4:42 1-8oo-546-145o C: 144o
21-Mar-96 15:25:17 1-8oo-546-5288 C: 144o Annex username:
21-Mar-96 15:3o:o6 1-8oo-546-6318 C: 144o D - Logon
21-Mar-96 17:17:35 1-8oo-546-4573 C: 144o
21-Mar-96 2o:o2:54 1-8oo-546-oo86 C: 144o (e,7,1) TELENET 2o2 4oo5.72
24-Mar-96 17:33:28 1-8oo-546-9o46 C: 144o
24-Mar-96 17:58:o3 1-8oo-546-454o C: 144o D
24-Mar-96 18:2o:o4 1-8oo-546-1642 C: 144o Sprint-ip username: password:
24-Mar-96 19:o5:29 1-8oo-546-o612 C: 144o Enter service code -
24-Mar-96 19:36:41 1-8oo-546-3315 C: 144o Lanrover (login: root) -McLeod_8235-
24-Mar-96 2o:26:33 1-8oo-546-4497 C: 144o D (sucks)
24-Mar-96 21:39:12 1-8oo-546-665o C: 144o
24-Mar-96 22:52:43 1-8oo-546-4o59 C: 144o US Sprint 212 9ooo3.o4
26-Mar-96 o8:42:34 1-8oo-546-5915 C: 144o D same as 4350
26-Mar-96 o8:56:26 1-8oo-546-435o C: 144o D
26-Mar-96 1o:o6:29 1-8oo-546-5646 C: 144o says Enter password: but D
26-Mar-96 1o:55:4o 1-8oo-546-o637 C: 144o Enter service code -
26-Mar-96 12:1o:31 1-8oo-546-5767 C: 144o (e,7,1) TELENET 816 6ooo5.44
26-Mar-96 14:29:16 1-8oo-546-o79o C: 144o
26-Mar-96 14:45:o4 1-8oo-546-4293 C: 144o D
26-Mar-96 17:59:1o 1-8oo-546-42o3 C: 144o
26-Mar-96 18:22:17 1-8oo-546-994o C: 144o
26-Mar-96 18:27:31 1-8oo-546-8789 C: 144o D - Logon
26-Mar-96 18:29:38 1-8oo-546-5574 C: 144o ShivaLanRover (no defaults)
26-Mar-96 18:35:56 1-8oo-546-6o53 C: 144o
26-Mar-96 18:39:41 1-8oo-546-1313 C: 144o
26-Mar-96 19:24:12 1-8oo-546-5689 C: 144o D
26-Mar-96 19:33:37 1-8oo-546-5661 C: 144o D
26-Mar-96 2o:44:56 1-8oo-546-4897 C: 144o
26-Mar-96 21:o3:38 1-8oo-546-o639 C: 144o Enter service code -
26-Mar-96 21:4o:25 1-8oo-546-8328 C: 144o Spencer Fane Britt/ Workstation Name:
26-Mar-96 21:44:52 1-8oo-546-89o9 C: 144o
26-Mar-96 21:54:58 1-8oo-546-3414 C: 144o Enter password: (PCAnwhere)
The password to this system is 'PASSWORD' (whoa. hard one)
27-Mar-96 o8:o7:42 1-8oo-546-43o6 C: 144o Vanguard Industries / modem login96:
27-Mar-96 o9:o9:59 1-8oo-546-1735 C: 144o Enter service code -
27-Mar-96 o9:27:21 1-8oo-546-25oo C: 144o (e,7,1) TELENET 2o2 892o5.11 (WATS)
27-Mar-96 o9:34:24 1-8oo-546-7338 C: 144o
27-Mar-96 1o:o4:31 1-8oo-546-o16o C: 144o (www) Linux 1.1.85.
27-Mar-96 1o:13:17 1-8oo-546-7587 C: 144o HP3000 (mpe xl)
27-Mar-96 11:14:16 1-8oo-546-2723 C: 144o 3 #'s
16-Mar-96 19:12:29 1-8oo-546-7861 C: 288o Sprint-ip username:password:
------------------------------------[ EOPH ]--------------------------------
groups/9X/busted.9x
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PIRATE RADIO SURVIVAL GUIDE
Note: this chapter is from the book "Pirate Radio Survival Guide" written by; Nemesis of
Radio Doomsday, and Captain Eddy of The Radio Airplane. If you like this book and would
like to support their efforts, you may send a donation of your choice to either Nemesis or
Capt. Eddy at PO Box 452, Wellsville NY 14895.
Please note that some chapters refer to illistrations or drawings, these could not be included in
this BBS version of the book. If you would like the illistrations or have other questions you
may inquire at the above adddress.
WHAT IF I GET BUSTED??
What if that dreaded day comes when you are faced with owning up to your pirate activities?
Well this chapter was almost left out of this book for two reasons. First, this is a book telling
you how to become a pirate and not a book on legal defense. And second, there are so many
schools of thought relating to how you should act almost no one agrees on the best method.
However, we will take a short section of this book and at least discuss the different
perspectives as well as what you might expect in case of a bust. No matter what you decide to
do in this case, there are a few things that are universally true in any situation:
1. It is no fun being busted, but remember: it is not the end of the world and
you will live through it.
2. It is almost always a good idea to hire a lawyer, this will not guarantee you
will win. However if you try to defend yourself, it is likely that you will lose.
In this book we discuss how the FCC monitors pirates, and how a close in direction finding
vehicle works. After you have been the victim of this process, you are likely to be served with
something called a "NOTICE OF APPARENT LIABILITY". This is the way the FCC tells
you that they believe that you have violated the Commissions Rules, and they are holding you
responsible. This is usually accompanied by a forfieture which is set by the FCC. If you
ignore this notice, the FCC lawyers may take you to court. However, the FCC has never
taken anyone to court for this and it is rumored that the Dept. of Justice told the FCC that
they will not waste time and resources on such cases.
In the past, the FCC has sent pirate stations a letter through their mail drop. This letter
usually quotes the Commissions Rules, tells you that you are breaking the law and orders you
to immediately cease operation and respond to their letter in writing within a certain period of
time. Do not confuse this with a Notice of apparent liability; it is a scare tactic. It is sent
because they are not able, can't afford, or don't have time to find you. If you recieve one of
these letters you have not been busted. It may be wise to try to understand why you have
suddenly captured the attention of the FCC, are you causing someone interferance, has your
neighbor called them? Are you broadcasting in HAM bands? Are you on the air too often?
You may not find the answer and there may not even be one.
Let's explore what has been reported by pirates who have been busted. Most say that they
have been broadcasting, go off the air and suddenly men from the FCC show up and ask to
inspect the station. Those who cooperate say the FCC inspects the equipment and asks a few
questions about the pirate station. The story now begins to vary a little; some say the FCC
photographed the equipment, recorded serial numbers, and left without futher comment.
Others say the FCC immediately confiscated all equipment. Some say that they were ordered
to read a prepared statement on the air saying they have been shut down by the FCC. Some
were handed a Notice of Apparent Liability with a fine, others received them in the mail a few
days later.
And to complicate things even further, some pirates say the FCC didn't show up until at least
a week after their last broadcast, and some say the FCC never showed up at all they just
received a notice in the mail.
About the only thing that can be concluded from this information is that the FCC is
unpredictable and it seems that their behavior and actions may vary widely. These variatons
are likely linked to the year that the bust occured (the FCC seems less forgiving now than in
the past), the location of the pirate, and the personality of the field operator.We do know that
a Pirate may be fined $1,000 to $100,000 and receive up to one year in jail. I have found no
evidence that any one has gone to jail for operating a pirate station. We also know that the
FCC is notorious for violating a persons civil rights by announcing guilt of a pirate even
before a trial, and performing illegal search and seizures. This is when a good lawyer can be
very valuable.
Let's discuss how some pirates have responed to "the knock" and what their outcome has
been. Some pirates believe that if the FCC has no search warrant you should not let them onto
your property; simply say you dont know what they are talking about and invite them to leave.
This has usually resulted in the FCC immediately leaving. In some cases the pirate recieved a
"Notice" in the mail a few days later and ,in others, nothing further happened and the pirate
wisely stopped operating, at least for a while. According to the law enforcement authorities I
have interviewed, without a search warrant the FCC can only enter your property with your
permission. However I have also found evidence that the FCC is enpowered by the Federal
Government to search whenever and whatever they want, although past experiences have
shown that they have not forcably searched private property without a search warrant. The
law enforcement officers did say that if they do have a warrant, they will likely be
accompanied by police or federal marshals and you would be wise to allow them to perform
the search without resistance. This could avoid complicating your situation with an arrest
charge for obstructing justice and resisting arrest. They went on to advise that you have a
right to silence and you should use it; don't tell them anything, don't offer any information
and don't talk to anyone except your lawyer. Anything you say could be taken out of context
and used in court against you. A warrant only gives them the right to search your property; no
one can make you talk. They also advise to video tape the search or at least turn on a tape
recorder and record as much as you can. If your rights are violated or the search is performed
improperly, the tape could help to prove this in court. Any information and evidence that is
obtained in an illegal or unconstitutional search will not be accepted into court, this would
include your transmitter and anything else they find. No evidence, No case.
Other pirates believe that you should cooperate as much as possible and hope the FCC will
give you a break for being cooperative. So far all of the pirates I have talked to who have done
this have ended up paying a fine in the end. However, sometimes it may be best to handle
things peacefully and just pay your fine and get on with your life. Pirates have been sucessful
in the past at convincing the FCC to reduce their fines because they have proven that they are
not financially able to pay, some have arranged monthly payments, and some have gone to
court and had everything dropped. But we must remember, there have been others who were
not as lucky.
Many people will say that the FCC has no right to enforce their regulations. They say that the
whole idea of the FCC is unconstitutional and unfair. They argue that the FCC can't bust them
because they have no right to tell them they can't use the airwaves, after all they belong to the
people, and what about free speech!? Well, all of that may be true and it is nice for speeches,
but if you think the FCC cannot bust you and fine you for being a pirate, think again.
Although it may not be fair, the world is not a fair place and they WILL bust you and they
WILL fine you. It is not what we want to believe but it is fact, and we have to live with it (or
around it).
How you decide to deal with an FCC bust is totaly up to you, it seems that no one has come
up with the perfect solution. This chapter in no way should replace good legal advise, it is
only intended to provide you with information and different points of view. What you do with
it is up to you.
GOOD LUCK.
groups/9X/file_id.diz
+12
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.,,. ,
g$$"^"$$g$$, .,g&$
$$$'aj,$$$`$$$,.,$$$"
$$$ ,$$$' `$$$$$$"
"Qo,$$$' .,$$$" Nynex
$$$' .,$$$$$b
$$$'.,$$$" `$$$,
.,$$$',$$$" `$$$,
"$ """ """
[The Hackers Companion]
[DOS] -> v2.2 <- [224K]
ú PowerfulScriptHacker ú
groups/9X/fordcred.9x
+118
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STATION ID - 7047/3.12
9x Datakit Network
FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY
This is a 9x system, restricted to authorized persons and for
official 9x business only. Anyone using this system, network or data
is subject to being monitored at any time for system administration and
for identifying unauthorized users or system misuse. Anyone using this
system expressly consents to such monitoring and is advised that any
evidence of criminal activity revealed through such monitoring may be
provided to law enforcement for prosecution.
9x is Substance, Schizo Man, Delinquent Dialer, and Firebug
The official Distro Sites
Another Way of Life (518)
The Phantom Tollbooth (718)
A Brief Introduction To Ford Creditnet
By Schizo Man and Substance
A 9x Production
7/15/95
Ford Creditnet is fairly new and for the most part unknown to hackers.
Every dealership has a userid for Creditnet, which they use to store
information about their customers. The information in this file was found
100% from personal experience (not my personal experience, my friend Joe's.
I don't do anything illegal). I have left out many commands because they were
either useless to hackers or they had too much potential for abuse. Be aware
that each dealership changes their password at the beginning of every month.
Dozens of dealerships use each dialup, often they use dialups in a different
area code. Remember this file is for informational purposes only, and we are
not responsible if this information is applied to illegal ends. And we have
NEVER actually seen this system :) Please note, to get help on FCN on any
menu hit the ^ (carot) key, dont ask me why, but thats the way it is.
The login looks like this:
Enter Userid - XXXX
Password - XXXXXX (does not echo)
WELCOME TO ** C R E D I T N E T ** Date Time
You are DEALER NAME on Ford Credit Branch XX
For assistance please call 555-xxx-xxxx and ask for the REACT coordinator.
No communications have been received since your last logon.
System?
At this point you enter either PUR (Purchasing) ADM (Administration) or AIS
(Account Information System). END logs you off, RET goes back to the System?
prompt. There are some other commands you can enter at the System? prompt but
they are not of interest to you.
ADM (Administration)
This system is passworded. Occassionally the password will be the same as the
account password. Since this system can be used for things like changing
payment records, I will not list the commands. If you really want to know
you'll figure them out yourself.
AIS (Account Information System)
This is used for looking up information on customer accounts.
Enter LPO (open accounts) or NTC (closed accounts) and you will get a
Search Key? prompt. There are several ways to look up an account:
Name: Enter their last name, or their last name followed by their first, or
their last name followed by their first initial.
Vehicle Identification Number: Enter V,XXXXXX (x's are their VIN)
Social Security Number: Enter S,XXXXXX (x's are their SSN)
License Plate Number: Enter L,XXXXXX (x's is their license plate number) this
feature isn't available on most dialups.
If their is more than one match, you will get a list to choose from. Once
you've picked one you'll receive info on their account, including
payments, where they live, their name, Etc. The way it is displayed varies
on different dialups. Sometimes it just spits it out, sometimes it uses a
funky full-screen color display.
PUR (Purchasing)
This system is used to make customer applications and view results. APL
will let you enter a customer application. Their credit report is checked
and then they are approved or turned down. Hit RPT and you'll be asked for
a month and day (enter it in the form of 5,12 for May 12) and you will see
a list of who was approved or not approved that day, and why.
Conclusion: Remember, do not intentionally harm any system in any way. Don't
fuck things up for other people. You can contact the authors at:
Have phun, and don't get caught!
schizo@infosoc.com (Schizo Man)
jcattell@linux.cowland.com (Substance)
firebug@shell.globalone.net (Firebug)
deldialers email address is unavailable
The official 9x VMB (8oo)365-4467
9x Support Boards
Another Way of Life (3 node) 518-383-o268
The Phantom Tollbooth (1 node) 718-236-6784
(nup's needed on both)
groups/9X/index.gemini
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# 9X
9X
## FILES
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/9X/9x.info [ 1315] Introduction file for the 9x Group
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/9X/9x.nfo [ 2084] 9X: The Information File
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/9X/9x.tex [ 39559] 9X: Complete Documentation of ROLM Phonemail Systems, by Substance 1995
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/9X/9x_888.txt [ 4565] 9X: How to get 888's, by Substance, 1996
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/9X/9x_altel.txt [ 7475] 9X: How to Hack AllTel Mobile's Voicemail
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/9X/9x_bbox.txt [ 22718] 9X: Introduction to Blue Boxing, by Lineman, 1996
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/9X/9x_cell.txt [ 10127] 9X: Flygu's Cellular Phreaking Guide for 1996
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/9X/9x_hp3.txt [ 18064] 9X: Hacking the HP3000/MPE Platform, by OneThought
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/9X/9x_style.txt [ 5842] 9X: Internet Hacking Versus Local Hacking by Grampa Elite
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/9X/9x_swbtd.txt [ 18635] 9X: A Listing of Southwestern Bell Lineman Work Codes by Dave S.O.B. 1996
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/9X/9x_tf223.txt [ 5891] 9X: Scan of 1-800 Numbers, by Substance
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/9X/9x_tf280.txt [ 5732] 9X: Scan of 1-800-280 by Substance, 1996
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/9X/9x_tf465.txt [ 5822] 9X: Scan of 1-800-465 by Substance
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/9X/9x_tf546.txt [ 9880] 9X: Scan of 1-800-546 by Substance
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/9X/busted.9x [ 8876] 9X: What if I get Busted? (For Pirate Radio)
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/9X/file_id.diz [ 265] 9X: Info File
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/9X/fordcred.9x [ 4820] A Brief Introduction To Ford Creditnet by Schizo Man and Substance of 9x
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/9X/rolm_2.txt [ 14726] 9X: ROLM Phonemail Revisited, by Khelbin
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/9X/rolmpm.hlp [ 33540] Some information on ROLM Phonemail Systems, by Substance
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/9X/securid.9x [ 3602] SecurID Information by Schizo Man of 9x
groups/9X/rolm_2.txt
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STATION ID - 7047/3.12
9x Datakit Network
FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY
This is a 9x system, restricted to authorized persons and for
official 9x business only. Anyone using this system, network or data
is subject to being monitored at any time for system administration and
for identifying unauthorized users or system misuse. Anyone using this
system expressly consents to such monitoring and is advised that any
evidence of criminal activity revealed through such monitoring may be
provided to law enforcement for prosecution.
ROLM PhoneMail - Revisited
by: khelbin
email: khelbin@connix.com
This is a follow-up article in conjunction with Substance's article,
9X_RLMPM.ZIP on ROLM Phonemail systems (So please read 9X_RLMPM.ZIP first
or you'll jizz over outdial!). This will basically show you the easiest
way to set yourself up a VMB on these systems. I do claim to be a good
"doc" writer so if you can't follow this, you have an IQ of 80 or less.
To remind you, this is what a ROLM Phonemail system usually looks like:
CARRIER 1200
ROLM PhoneMail 9252 9254 Microcode Version 5.2
Copyright (C) ROLM Systems 1991
All Rights Reserved.
PM Login>
Older version of PhoneMail will drop you to a "Command %" prompt but for
the most part, use the previous description in identifying them.
Typing "?" at the PM Login prompt will show the valid login accounts.
PM Login> ?
Valid login modes are:
SYSADMIN,
TECH,
POLL.
Possible defaults for these account follow:
PM Login PM Password
-------- -----------
SYSADMIN SYSADMIN,FIELD,TECH,SYS,ADMIN,<ENTER>
TECH FIELD,TECH,SYS,ADMIN
POLL FIELD,POLL,TECH,SYS,ADMIN
PM Login>TECH
PM Password>
Invalid Password.
PM Password>
PM Action> (woo-hoo! ..you're in!)
Once logged in, you will most likely get a "PM Action>" prompt. Typing "?"
displays the following:
PM Action>?
The following commands are valid:
Activate <session #> - Activate the session
Broadcast - Broadcast a message to all terminals
Connect <subsystem> <node #> - Invoke the subsystem
Terminate <session #> - Terminate the session
List - List all open sessions
Logout - Terminate all sessions and log off.
Login <login mode> - Logout and login again.
Display - Display sessions status on a site.
TechView <on/off> - Enable/Disable TechView training.
We first must connect to the subsystem which is where all commands are
invoked to control/monitor the voice mail system. Type "connect":
PM Action>connect
ÿÿÿ
Screen 1 - SVI on Node 1 is now active.
You will now be brought to a "Node # - SVI>" prompt. Typing "?" displays
the following.
Node 1 - SVI>?
Sat Jul 6, 1996 6:39 PM
----- INLINE COMMANDS -----
? help exit
----- UTILITIES -----
AdjustLineLimits APDBUpgrade AssignClasses
Backupdatabase BackupFixup5051 BackupNames
CallProcessing ChannelTrace CheckLDNetConfig
CheckNetWork CleanUpLDN Clearcrashdump
ConfigPhoneMail ConfigSite ConfigTrunk
ConvertDB CopyDisk CopySoftWare
Cvt37To42 Cvt41To42 CvtFrom42
DB41Upgrade DBXF369To41 Dir
DisplayLineLimits DownPhoneMail EditPBXTrans
EnableTNAC ExpandDatabase FEDParameters
FFormat FixDB369To41 FixDB37To42
FixNames Fixupdatabase Fixvoicefiles
HardReset HDErrorList HdInfo
InbandLog InstallFile InstallOption
Listconfig ListError ListLDNetConfig
Listlog Listoptions ListPrompt
ListVersion LoadPrompts MessageTrackingLog
MonitorPBXLink MonitorTAPLink NetDetective
Newdisk OCConfigAndTest ReassignBlock
RemoveOption Reset Restoredatabase
RestoreFile RestoreNames Sa
ScanDisk SearchCentrexLog Settime
StartCentrexLog StartHostLink StopCentrexLog
StopHostLink SystemStatus TalkToLDNSite
TAlog TestDisk TestHostLink
TestPBXLink TestPhoneMail TestTrunk
TestVoice UpDateCBXMWI UpgradeDB
UpPhoneMail
"Sa" is the System Administration utility. This command can be passworded
(I've found two ROLM PhoneMail systems... one was passworded, one wasn't)
and accounts such as POLL may not have access to this option.
Node 1 - SVI>sa
Sat Jul 6, 1996 6:39 PM
PhoneMail is active with 12 Channels
Function:
Sat Jul 6, 1996 6:40 PM
Specify a function -
ActivatePM AssignClasses BackupDataBase
BackupNames CallProcessing ClassOfService
ConfigSite DeactivatePM DList
FFormat LDNSiteStat ListLDNMsgLog
LogOff MonitorLogon NodeParameters
OCConfigAndTest OCMessageLog Profile
Reports Status SysParameters
SysStatistics
At the "Function:" prompt, you can specify different system administration
functions. The one we will be working with in setting up a VMB is the
"profile" function.
Function: profile
Sat Jul 6, 1996 6:40 PM
Action: ?
Specify an action -
Add All Clear Delete Fix List Modify
Purge
The action "All" will display all user profiles.
Function: profile
Sat Jul 6, 1996 6:40 PM
Action: All
Subscriber Name Node Extensions Group Name
---------------------- ---- ---------- -----------------------
1: ALEMAN LUCRECIA 1 3508 BDM
2: ALGIERI ALDO 1 3711 PATENTS
3: ANZIANO RICHARD 1 3676 BDM
4: ARCHIBALD DON 1 3552 SIG91
5: BACIK JENNIFER 1 3650 BDM
6: BARNESCHI CHRISTY 1 3579 WALLINGFORD
7: BELTANGADY MOHAN 1 3649 SIG91
3880
8: BILDSTEIN BARB 1 3656 SIG91
9: BIRMINGHAM LINDA 1 3580 BDM
10: BODISCH ANNAMARIE 1 3712 PATENTS
11: BROCKLEY ANNE 1 3531
12: BROWN MIKE 1 3554 SIG91
13: BROWN PATRICIA 1 3514 BDM
14: BRUNELL ROBERT 1 3532 BDM
<profiles have been cut out for terseness>
This is usefull especially in this case because you want your mailbox to
blend in with the other. In this case, you would want to set up a mailbox
at box number 3[5678]XX instead of box 1111 or 9999.
The "list" action under system administator function profile, lists a users
profile in complete detail showing all settings with their specified mailbox.
Function: profile
Sat Jul 6, 1996 6:40 PM
Action: list
Subscriber Name or Extension: 3571
Name (last first) OBRIEN KATHLEEN
Class Number 10
Extension Number [ 1]: 3571
Home Site Number 0
PhoneMail Password ##########
Group Name SIG91
Referral Extension 3656
PhoneMail Capability
Accept Messages Answer Phone Do Message Alert
TRUE TRUE TRUE
Abbreviated Prompts? FALSE
Alt Greeting Active? FALSE
Software Mailbox FALSE
Failed Acc Attempt 0
Number of PDLs Used 0
Waiting PhoneMail 0
Waiting PhoneMail ML 0
Sent Phonemail 4
Sent PhoneMail ML 144
Recd PhoneMail 510
Recd PhoneMail ML 15413
Direct Calls 553
Forwarded Calls 0
Access Length 37933
Deletions 523
Retention Length 9449
Attempted Outcalls 0
Successful Outcalls 0
Outcall Access Len 0
Future Dlv Messages 0
LDN Exped Msgs Rcvd 11
LDN Exped ML Rcvd 633
LDN Normal Msgs Rcvd 0
LDN Normal ML Rcvd 0
LDN Exped Msgs Sent 0
LDN Exped ML Sent 0
LDN Normal Msgs Sent 0
LDN Normal ML Sent 0
Last Access Time Wed Jul 3, 1996 9:54 AM
Last Password Change Wed May 22, 1996 3:18 PM
This information can be used as a basis for your information if you're not
sure what to enter when adding your own profile.
Now, let's add our own profile (mailbox). For this, we use the action "add"
under system administration function profile.
Function: profile
Sat Jul 6, 1996 6:42 PM
Action: add
Name (last first) : ROLM
Class Number : 10
Extension Number [1] 3500
Extension Number [2]
PhoneMail Password : (Default = ##########):
Group Name : (Default = ):
Referral Extension : (Default = 0):
PhoneMail Capability: (Default =
Accept Messages Answer Phone Do Message Alert
TRUE TRUE TRUE
Enter T or F for each field):
Abbreviated Prompts?: (Default = FALSE):
Alt Greeting Active?: (Default = FALSE):
Software Mailbox : (Default = FALSE):
Failed Acc Attempt : (Default = 0):
If you wish to exit, type ";".
First Field of Form:
Name (last first) : (Previous = ROLM): ;
Done.
Name (last first) : ;
Now we have our own mailbox at box #3500. Let's take a closer look at the
steps involved.
Name (last first) : ROLM
Selecting a name. Here, i chose "ROLM" as i thought the System Admin to be
an idiot who would think it is a default box and not to mess with it. A
regular name will blend in well with the others though.
Class Number : 10
Selecting a class number designates what class your mailbox is under.
Certain classes have different options such as being able to have more
messages w/o being forced to delete them or having the dialout feature.
Check out the "ClassOfService" function.
Extension Number [1] 3500
Enter a mailbox number you wish to have which is empty.
Extension Number [2]
If you want to set up more than one mailbox with the same profile.
PhoneMail Password : (Default = ##########):
Enter the password you would like to have. It will not be echoed to
the screen.
Group Name : (Default = ):
Referral Extension : (Default = 0):
PhoneMail Capability: (Default =
Accept Messages Answer Phone Do Message Alert
TRUE TRUE TRUE
Enter T or F for each field):
Abbreviated Prompts?: (Default = FALSE):
Alt Greeting Active?: (Default = FALSE):
Software Mailbox : (Default = FALSE):
Failed Acc Attempt : (Default = 0):
Go with the defaults for a regular mailbox here. They should be set up
correctly.
If you wish to exit, type ";".
First Field of Form:
Name (last first) : (Previous = ROLM): ;
Done.
Name (last first) : ;
Keep smacking ";" to exit.
Now let's verify that the profile was added.
Function: profile
Sat Jul 6, 1996 6:45 PM
Action: list
Subscriber Name or Extension: 3500
Name (last first) ROLM
Class Number 10
Extension Number [ 1]: 3500
Home Site Number 0
PhoneMail Password ##########
Group Name
Referral Extension 0
PhoneMail Capability
Accept Messages Answer Phone Do Message Alert
TRUE TRUE TRUE
Abbreviated Prompts? FALSE
Alt Greeting Active? FALSE
Software Mailbox FALSE
Failed Acc Attempt 0
Number of PDLs Used 0
Waiting PhoneMail 0
Waiting PhoneMail ML 0
Sent Phonemail 0
Sent PhoneMail ML 0
Recd PhoneMail 0
Recd PhoneMail ML 0
Direct Calls 0
Forwarded Calls 0
Access Length 0
Deletions 0
Retention Length 0
Attempted Outcalls 0
Successful Outcalls 0
Outcall Access Len 0
Future Dlv Messages 0
LDN Exped Msgs Rcvd 0
LDN Exped ML Rcvd 0
LDN Normal Msgs Rcvd 0
LDN Normal ML Rcvd 0
LDN Exped Msgs Sent 0
LDN Exped ML Sent 0
LDN Normal Msgs Sent 0
LDN Normal ML Sent 0
Last Access Time Sat Jul 6, 1996 6:42 PM
Last Password Change Sat Jul 6, 1996 6:43 PM
Subscriber Name or Extension:
Good. You now have a VMB.
groups/9X/rolmpm.hlp
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STATION ID - 7047/3.12
9x Datakit Network
FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY
This is a 9x system, restricted to authorized persons and for
official 9x business only. Anyone using this system, network or data
is subject to being monitored at any time for system administration and
for identifying unauthorized users or system misuse. Anyone using this
system expressly consents to such monitoring and is advised that any
evidence of criminal activity revealed through such monitoring may be
provided to law enforcement for prosecution.
Some information on ROLM PhoneMail systems
Written in 1996 by Substance
This will try to explain to you how to use the PBX features, how to setup
and takeover your own boxes, and also give a basic overview of the system.
I included a log of a PM and a brief description of each command.
The main menu of a PM will have these options on it, i will attempt to give
a brief summary of what each command does. Some of the commands i left
blank either A) I dont know what it duz or B) You can figure it out
yourself.
Û ActivatePM Û Turns on PhoneMail, if it was Deactivated
Û AssignClasses Û
Û BackupNames Û
Û BackupSystem Û Backs up the PM system to floppy
Û CallProcessing Û
Û ClassOfService Û
Û DeactivatePM Û Turns off PhoneMail, after this, PM will be BUSY
Û DList Û
Û Export Û
Û FFormat Û Formats a floppy disk
Û LogOff Û Logoff the PM system
Û MonitorLogon Û Monitors Mailbox Login Attempts
Û NodeParameters Û Configure PM Node Parameters, find # of PM VMB
Û OCConfigAndTest Û
Û OCMessageLog Û
Û Profile Û
Û Reports Û Gives Daily reports on PM
Û RestrictionTbls Û Restrictions
Û Status Û Shows Status of PM, # of users, if active, general
Û SysParameters Û Shows System Parameters
Û SysStatistics Û Shows System Statistics
Loggin into the System:
CONNECT 1200 (not all PM's are 1200, but most)
(It should answer and say)
PM Login>
Illegal Input. (if you dont enter a valid usrname)
Default Accounts (known) (<cr> = enter)
-------------------------
LOGIN: PW:
SYS <CR>, SYS, TECH, POLL etc
TECH <CR>, SYS, TECH, POLL etc
POLL <same as above>
SYSADMIN <CR> or SYSADMIN
There may be more defaults, im not sure. Passwords are NOT case sensative.
(Once you enter the system you will know when you see this, it will vary
depending on what version of PhoneMail you are on.)
ROLM PhoneMail 9252 9254 Microcode Version 5.3
Copyright (C) ROLM Systems 1992
All Rights Reserved.
ÿÿÿ
PhoneMail is active with 4 Channels
[The basic main SA menu looks like this] (SA = System Administrative) ]
[It will vary depending on what accound you logged in as ]
Thu Jul 13, 1995 10:32 PM
Specify a function -
ActivatePM AssignClasses BackupNames
BackupSystem CallProcessing ClassOfService
DeactivatePM DList Export
FFormat LogOff MonitorLogon
NodeParameters OCConfigAndTest OCMessageLog
Profile Reports RestrictionTbls
Status SysParameters SysStatistics
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Function: SysStatistics (System Statistics)
Thu Jul 13, 1995 10:33 PM
Action: ?
Specify an action -
Clear List
(*I would not advise clearing the buffer it might notify the admin*)
Action: List (This list is alot longer then i printed, sometimes)
Disk Full Count 0
Disk Full Hours 0
Disk 90% Full Count 0
Disk 90% Full Hours 0
etc, etc, etc
Im not exactly positive what all of the System Statistics are, but you can
guess on some of them.
Function: SysParameters
Thu Jul 13, 1995 10:34 PM
Action: ?
Specify an action -
List Modify
Action: List
Passwords Required ? TRUE (Ask for passwords?)
Prompt Repetitions 2 (How many times should PM repeat prompt)
Max PhoneMail ML 300
StopPrompt TimeOut 3
Re-Prompt TimeOut 5
PhoneMail Rev Number 0
Conn Time Unit Price 1
Min Conn Time Bill 1
Outcall Unit Price 100
Min Outcall Bill 100
ANR Frequency 10
ANR Retries 2
Msg Sent Unit Price 1
Min Msg Sent Bill 1
Msg Len Unit Price 1
Min Msg Length Bill 1
Avg Retn Unit Price 1
Min Avg Retn Bill 1
Avg Len Unit Price 1
Min Avg Length Bill 1
SA Console Password ########## (System Admin's Console Password!)
1st Level Field PW ########## (unfortunatly they are shadowed)
2nd Level Field PW ##########
Xfer To Extension ? TRUE
Xfer To Extn Prefix
Return To Operator ? TRUE
Name Entry Allowed ? TRUE
Extn Entry Allowed ? TRUE
Enable Outcalling ? FALSE
Play Recorded Names? TRUE
System Wide Vol Ctrl FALSE
Min SA Password Len 8
Last SA Pswd Change Thu Dec 31, 1992 11:35 AM (hahah)
Extern Access Prefix 9
24Hour Clock Format? FALSE
Alt Date Format? FALSE
Area Code 518
Silence Tmout (secs) 10
Disk Full Thresh (%) 90
Return to home state TRUE
Check Sub Password TRUE
Transfer Restriction FALSE
Notice the System Administrators password is shadowed, unfortunatly.
To hack Admins box you must change his password, and hope he doesnt notice :)
Or you can just setup your own box on the system and give yourself admin
access. So it is just best to leave the admins box alone, it will lessen
your chances of being noticed and also make your boxes last *ALOT* longer.
Note on Outcalling (mentioned above)

Outcalling is *NoT* what you think, it is not a way to make free calls, IF
outcalling is enabled (default is not enabled), it is simply a way to have
PM call YOU at a specific location at a specific time and give you your
messages.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Function: Status
Thu Jul 13, 1995 10:35 PM
Action: List
Percent of Disk Used 40
Number Busy Channels 0 (incoming) 0 (outcalling) 0 (network)
Number Down Channels 0
Number Disks Mounted 1
Number of Users 50
PhoneMail Active? TRUE
Prompt Language English
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Function: NodeParameters
Thu Jul 13, 1995 10:35 PM
Action: List
Forwarded Ext Num 6195 - Extension and last 4 digits of VMB
Direct Ext Num 6197
Guest Ext Num 6196
Guest Acc if Unknown FALSE
General Mailbox ? FALSE
General Mailbox Num
Sub Redirect Mode 0
Internode Xfer Num
Host Link Node UNASSIGNED
Host System ID
Host UserId
Host Link ID
Max Number Of DLists 3000
SA Access Extension
SA Access Password ########## (shadowed)
PDL Reserved Extn 1
Pager Display Number xxx6195
Outcall Max Channels 1
PhoneMail Operator 6000
Voice Msg Priority ? TRUE
Min Free Chan - Prty 0
CP Fixed Extn Length 4
CP Re-Prompt TimeOut 5
CP Prompt Repetition 2
CP PhoneMail Oper. 6000
ANI Enabled ? FALSE
DLCheck Time Begun Wed Jun 28, 1995 9:15 AM
DLCheck Finish Time Wed Jun 28, 1995 9:15 AM
DLCheck Throttle Val 1
Volume level of node 3
If you want the dialup for the PhoneMail system, look under this option, to
find the #, look at 'Direct Ext Num: 6197' Remember what you dialed for
this Rolm control computer? Well, take that prefix and add on the 4 digits
after the Direct Ext Num, so it could be 445-6197, etc. To be xfered to the
operator you can see it is extension 6000, i wouldnt advise taking over this
box, for obvious reasons. As you can see PM's have ANi, dont enable this
unless your a total lamer. (ANi = Automatic # identification, in other
words, a trace)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Function: RestrictionTbls
Thu Jul 13, 1995 10:38 PM
Dial Restriction Table Edit
1. Add Table
2. Modify Table
3. Delete Table
4. List Table
5. Test Table
9. Exit
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Function: AssignClasses
Thu Jul 13, 1995 10:39 PM
AssignClasses Version 1.0
<..>
<>
Total Users Total Users Total Users
This Site With New COS Without COS
48 0 0
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Returning to the main System Administration menu
(this could take up to 5 minutes) ...
(dont ask me why it says it says it takes 5 minutes, it takes about 5 seconds
on this particular system)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Function: DList
Thu Jul 13, 1995 10:40 PM
Action: List
DList Number:
Cannot find this form.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Function: OCConfigAndTest
Thu Jul 13, 1995 10:41 PM
Obtaining a channel...Channel 2
Fetching DTMF Prompts...OK
Closing channel...OK
Outcalling must be enabled from System Parameters before using this utility.
Returning to the main System Administration menu
(this could take up to 5 minutes) ...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Function: SysParameter
Thu Jul 13, 1995 10:42 PM
Specify an action -
List Modify
Action: Modify
Passwords Required ?: (Previous = TRUE): (Use passwords on boxes?)
Prompt Repetitions : (Previous = 2): 4 (# of X's to repeat prompts)
Max PhoneMail ML : (Previous = 300): 350
StopPrompt TimeOut : (Previous = 3): 10
Re-Prompt TimeOut : (Previous = 5): 7
Conn Time Unit Price: (Previous = 1): (credits charged)
Min Conn Time Bill : (Previous = 1):
Outcall Unit Price : (Previous = 100): 0 (credits for using outcall)
Min Outcall Bill : (Previous = 100): 0 (Automatic # Recall)
ANR Frequency : (Previous = 10):
ANR Retries : (Previous = 2):
Msg Sent Unit Price : (Previous = 1):
Min Msg Sent Bill : (Previous = 1):
Msg Len Unit Price : (Previous = 1):
Min Msg Length Bill : (Previous = 1):
Avg Retn Unit Price : (Previous = 1):
Min Avg Retn Bill : (Previous = 1):
Avg Len Unit Price : (Previous = 1):
Min Avg Length Bill : (Previous = 1):
SA Console Password : (Previous = #): (System Admin Console PW)
1st Level Field PW : (Previous = #):
2nd Level Field PW : (Previous = ##########):
Xfer To Extension ? : (Previous = TRUE):
Xfer To Extn Prefix : (Previous = 0000):
Return To Operator ?: (Previous = TRUE):
Name Entry Allowed ?: (Previous = TRUE):
Extn Entry Allowed ?: (Previous = TRUE):
Enable Outcalling ? : (Previous = FALSE):
Play Recorded Names?: (Previous = TRUE):
System Wide Vol Ctrl: (Previous = FALSE):
Min SA Password Len : (Previous = 8):
Extern Access Prefix: (Previous = 9):
24Hour Clock Format?: (Previous = FALSE):
Alt Date Format? : (Previous = FALSE):
Area Code : (Previous = 518): (Area code PM is located in)
Silence Tmout (secs): (Previous = 10):
Disk Full Thresh (%): (Previous = 90):
Return to home state: (Previous = TRUE):
Check Sub Password : (Previous = TRUE):
Transfer Restriction: (Previous = FALSE):
As you can see SysParameter is the main configuration of the Rolm Phonemail
system. With this cmd you can Chage SA passwords, and basically configure the
entire Voice mail box system to their prefrence. PM is a very configurable
VMB system. Not many VMB systems let you change the amount of times it should
repeat prompts?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Function: MonitorLogon
Thu Jul 13, 1995 11:34 PM
Start monitoring user access attempts
Press <ENTER> to exit monitor mode...
Exit monitor mode.
This option when it is waiting informs the administrator of all logins and
login attempts on the system. It does not display passwords or any other
important info.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Function: Export
Thu Jul 13, 1995 11:36 PM
Export Data Utility Version 1.0
Querying Nodes.
Node #1 has responded.
Destination ?
Response required
Options are:
Diskette FileTransfer
Destination ? ;
Export exiting...done.
Please enter valid password:
Invalid password.
Unknown... (too bad i dont have a manual :(). I think it could possibly
be where it writes the log file to disk.. not sure tho.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Function: Logout
Thu Jul 13, 1995 10:45 PM
Logs the user off the PM system
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Function: ClassOfService
Thu Jul 13, 1995 10:54 PM
Action: Add
Class Number : 1234
Invalid COS number
Class Number : 1
Class Name : (Default = ):
Max Number Msgs : (Default = 10):
Max Future Dlv Msgs : (Default = 5):
Max Msg Length : (Default = 200):
Max Number Greetings: (Default = 1):
Int/External Pair? : (Default = TRUE):
Max Greeting Length : (Default = 200):
Sub Recorded Names? : (Default = TRUE):
Min Sub Password Len: (Default = 0):
Max Access Attempts : (Default = 5):
Attempt Threshold : (Default = 0):
Send Broadcast? : (Default = FALSE):
Receive Broadcast? : (Default = TRUE):
Max Num PDLs Allowed: (Default = 5):
LDN Exped DL Enable : (Default = FALSE):
LDN Normal DL Enable: (Default = TRUE):
HostLink Subscriber?: (Default = FALSE):
Enable Outcalling? : (Default = FALSE): TRUE
Xfer from Outcall? : (Default = FALSE): TRUE
Restriction Table : (Default = 0):
Min Outcall Freq : (Default = 0):
RNA Retry Freq : (Default = 15):
Busy Retry Freq : (Default = 5):
Max Num RNA Retries : (Default = 3):
Max Num Busy Retries: (Default = 5):
Paging Lang String : (Default = 0):
Pager Terminal Num : (Default = ):
AMIS Intl Dlv Ena? : (Default = FALSE):
AMIS Delivery Ena? : (Default = TRUE):
If you wish to exit, type ";".
First Field of Form:
Class Name : (Previous = ): SMITH
Max Number Msgs : (Previous = 10): 25
Max Future Dlv Msgs : (Previous = 5):
Max Msg Length : (Previous = 200):
Max Number Greetings: (Previous = 1):
Int/External Pair? : (Previous = TRUE):
Max Greeting Length : (Previous = 200): ;
Done.
Class Number :
Unexpected value
Class Number :
Unexpected value
Class Number : 0
COS already exists
Please retry.
Class Number : 3
Class Name : (Previous = ): ;
Done.
Class Number :
Unexpected value
Class Name : (Previous = ):
Max Number Msgs : (Previous = 10):
Max Future Dlv Msgs : (Previous = 5):
Max Msg Length : (Previous = 200):
Max Number Greetings: (Previous = 1):
Int/External Pair? : (Previous = TRUE):
Max Greeting Length : (Previous = 200):
Sub Recorded Names? : (Previous = TRUE):
Min Sub Password Len: (Previous = 0):
Max Access Attempts : (Previous = 5):
Attempt Threshold : (Previous = 0):
Send Broadcast? : (Previous = FALSE):
Receive Broadcast? : (Previous = TRUE):
Max Num PDLs Allowed: (Previous = 5):
LDN Exped DL Enable : (Previous = FALSE):
LDN Normal DL Enable: (Previous = TRUE):
HostLink Subscriber?: (Previous = FALSE):
Enable Outcalling? : (Previous = FALSE):
Xfer from Outcall? : (Previous = FALSE):
Restriction Table : (Previous = 0):
Min Outcall Freq : (Previous = 0):
RNA Retry Freq : (Previous = 15):
Busy Retry Freq : (Previous = 5):
Max Num RNA Retries : (Previous = 3):
Max Num Busy Retries: (Previous = 5):
Paging Lang String : (Previous = 0):
Pager Terminal Num : (Previous = ):
AMIS Intl Dlv Ena? : (Previous = FALSE):
AMIS Delivery Ena? : (Previous = TRUE):
If you wish to exit, type ";".
First Field of Form:
Class Name : (Previous = ):
Max Number Msgs : (Previous = 10):
Max Future Dlv Msgs : (Previous = 5): ;
Done.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Function: BackupSystem
Thu Jul 13, 1995 11:00 PM
Beginning backup...
BackupSystem Version 1.4
Your current system configuration contains:
1 Node 1 Disk
The system files will be backed up to diskettes.
QUIT This backup process may take 1 minutes
and will require approximately 1 diskette.
The system administrator must be present to facilitate this process.
Begin backup to diskettes (y/n)? n
Backs up the system to disk, not recomended.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Function: CallProcessing
Thu Jul 13, 1995 11:04 PM
======== Call Processing Setup Menu ========
A - Add Call Processing Mailbox Profile
L - List Call Processing Mailbox Profile
M - Modify Call Processing Mailbox Profile
D - Delete Call Processing Mailbox Profile
S - Show Call Processing Mailbox Profiles
E - Expand Call Processing Paths
C - Check Call Processing Consistency
R - Reports for Call Processing
F - Finished (return to SA mode)
Action: S
Enter path to show, <CR> for all paths:
Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Greeting Messages
Path Name Name Type Extn Recorded Waiting
--------- ------- ------- ------- -------- --------
Collections Collections Menu Entry 7650 Yes ----
HOLIDAY HOLIDAY Listen Only Entry 5011 Yes ----
Action:
======== Call Processing Setup Menu ========
A - Add Call Processing Mailbox Profile
L - List Call Processing Mailbox Profile
M - Modify Call Processing Mailbox Profile
D - Delete Call Processing Mailbox Profile
S - Show Call Processing Mailbox Profiles
E - Expand Call Processing Paths
C - Check Call Processing Consistency
R - Reports for Call Processing
F - Finished (return to SA mode)
Action: M
Mailbox extn []: 7650
Mailbox extn [7650]: 7650
Path Name [Collections]: Collections
Mailbox Name [Collections]: Collections
Call processing mailbox type (? for help) [Menu]: ?
Please enter:
(LO) Listen Only
(LR) Lis/Resp
(M) Menu
Call processing mailbox type (? for help) [Menu]: Menu
Enable password [False]: False
Entry point [True]: True
Number of times to play greeting [1]: 2
Greeting replay time (secs) [5]: 5
Time out transfer type (? for help) [Phone Extn]: ?
Please enter:
(C) CallProcessing Extn
(P) Phone Extn
(S) Subscriber Profile
(NE) Name or Extn transfer
(NO) Name only transfer
(EO) Extn only transfer
(D) Direct Access
(G) Guest Access
(H) Hangup
Time out transfer type (? for help) [Phone Extn]: Phone Extn
Transfer extn [5135]: 5135
Min Sub Password Len [6]: 3
Max Access Attempts [3]: 3
Attempt Threshold [3]: 3
Direct access password (numeric) [######]: ######
Failed access attempt [1]: 1
Key 0 transfer type (? for help) [Unused]: ?
Please enter:
(C) CallProcessing Extn
(P) Phone Extn
(S) Subscriber Profile
(NE) Name or Extn transfer
(NO) Name only transfer
(EO) Extn only transfer
(D) Direct Access
(G) Guest Access
(U) Unused
Key 0 transfer type (? for help) [Unused]: Unused
Key 1 transfer type (? for help) [Extn only Transfer]: Extn only Transfer
Confirm transfer? [True]: True
Play Intro Prompt? [True]: True
Key 2 transfer type (? for help) [Unused]: Unused
Key 3 transfer type (? for help) [Unused]: Unused
Key 4 transfer type (? for help) [Unused]: Unused
Key 5 transfer type (? for help) [Unused]: Unused
Key 6 transfer type (? for help) [Unused]: Unused
Key 7 transfer type (? for help) [Unused]: Unused
Key 8 transfer type (? for help) [Unused]: Unused
Key 9 transfer type (? for help) [Unused]: Unused
Mailbox extn []:
Mailbox extn []: ?
**** Invalid Value - Value must be all numeric.
Mailbox extn []: 0
**** Invalid Value - Extension 0 is not allowed.
Mailbox extn []: 6000
**** Extension: 6000 is assigned to a Subscriber.
Mailbox extn []: 6001
**** Extension: 6000 is assigned to a Subscriber.
Mailbox extn []: 5999
**** Mailbox extn: 5999 does not exist.
Mailbox extn []: 5796
**** Mailbox extn: 5796 does not exist.
Mailbox extn []: ;
Action: ?
======== Call Processing Setup Menu ========
A - Add Call Processing Mailbox Profile
L - List Call Processing Mailbox Profile
M - Modify Call Processing Mailbox Profile
D - Delete Call Processing Mailbox Profile
S - Show Call Processing Mailbox Profiles
E - Expand Call Processing Paths
C - Check Call Processing Consistency
R - Reports for Call Processing
F - Finished (return to SA mode)
Action: A
Mailbox extn []: 1234
Path Name []: SYSTEM
Mailbox Name []: SYSTEM
Call processing mailbox type (? for help) [Listen Only]: ?
Please enter:
(LO) Listen Only
(LR) Lis/Resp
(M) Menu
Call processing mailbox type (? for help) [Listen Only]: M
Enable password [False]: False
Entry point [False]: False
Number of times to play greeting [2]: 1
Greeting replay time (secs) [5]: 5
Time out transfer type (? for help) [Hangup]: Hangup
Play hang up prompt [True]: True
Min Sub Password Len [0]: 3
Max Access Attempts [5]: 5
Attempt Threshold [0]: 0
Direct access password (numeric) [######]: #####
Key 0 transfer type (? for help) [Unused]: Unused
Key 1 transfer type (? for help) [Unused]: Unused
Key 2 transfer type (? for help) [Unused]: Unused
Key 3 transfer type (? for help) [Unused]: Unused
Key 4 transfer type (? for help) [Unused]: Unused
Key 5 transfer type (? for help) [Unused]: Unused
Key 6 transfer type (? for help) [Unused]: Unused
Key 7 transfer type (? for help) [Unused]: Unused
Key 8 transfer type (? for help) [Unused]: Unused
Key 9 transfer type (? for help) [Unused]: Unused
Mailbox extn []:
Report Action: P
Enter path to report, <CR> for all paths:
Call Processing Path Activity Report.
Mailbox Mailbox Num of User Default User
Path Name Name Type Extn Accesses Trans Trans HUps
--------- ------- ---- ------- -------- ----- ------- ----
Collections Collections Menu 7650 29477 16555 11274 1648
The preceding report spans the following time period:
From: Mon Aug 1 , 1994 8 :46 a.m.
To: Thu Jul 13 , 1995 11 :11 p.m.
*****************************************************************************
Call Processing Path Activity Report.
Mailbox Mailbox Num of User Default User
Path Name Name Type Extn Accesses Trans Trans HUps
--------- ------- ---- ------- -------- ----- ------- ----
HOLIDAY HOLIDAY Listen 5011 258 0 138 120
The preceding report spans the following time period:
From: Mon Aug 1 , 1994 8 :46 a.m.
To: Thu Jul 13 , 1995 11 :11 p.m.
*****************************************************************************
Call Processing Path Activity Report.
Mailbox Mailbox Num of User Default User
Path Name Name Type Extn Accesses Trans Trans HUps
--------- ------- ---- ------- -------- ----- ------- ----
SYSTEM SYSTEM Menu 1234 0 0 0 0
The preceding report spans the following time period:
From: **** Statistics not cleared.
To: Thu Jul 13 , 1995 11 :11 p.m.
*****************************************************************************
Report Action: ?
======== Call Processing Report Menu ========
P - Path Activity Report
R - Response Mailbox Activity Report
B - Billing Information Report
O - Outcalling Report
A - Access by Hour Summary Report
M - Clear Mailbox Statistics by Path
S - Clear Summary Statistics
F - Finished (return to main menu)
Report Action: R
Enter path to report, <CR> for all paths:
Call Processing Response Mailbox Report.
Mailbox Mailbox New Old Deleted
Path Name Name Extn Messages Messages Messages Total
--------- ------- ---- -------- -------- -------- -----
**** No such path.
Report Action: B
Enter path to report, <CR> for all paths:
Call Processing Billing Information Report.
Unit Type Price per Unit Billing Constant
--------- -------------- ----------------
Connect Time Into PM 1 1
Connect Time Out of PM 0 0
Messages Sent 1 1
Message Len (min) 1 1
Avg Retention (hrs) 1 1
Call Processing Billing Information Report.
Path Name Mailbox Name Extension/
Category Units Price Extended Price
------------------------------------ ----- ----- --------------
**** No such path.
Report Action: ?
======== Call Processing Report Menu ========
P - Path Activity Report
R - Response Mailbox Activity Report
B - Billing Information Report
O - Outcalling Report
A - Access by Hour Summary Report
M - Clear Mailbox Statistics by Path
S - Clear Summary Statistics
F - Finished (return to main menu)
Report Action: O
Enter path to report, <CR> for all paths:
Call Processing Outcalling Report.
Total Avg
Num Num Connect Connect
Mailbox Mailbox Succ UnSucc Time Time
Path Name Name Extension Node Calls Calls (Min's) (Min's)
--------- ------- --------- ---- ----- ----- ------- -------
**** No such path.
Report Action:
======== Call Processing Report Menu ========
P - Path Activity Report
R - Response Mailbox Activity Report
B - Billing Information Report
O - Outcalling Report
A - Access by Hour Summary Report
M - Clear Mailbox Statistics by Path
S - Clear Summary Statistics
F - Finished (return to main menu)
Report Action: A
Access by Hour Summary Report.
From: Mon Jan 3 , 1994 12 :00 a.m.
To: Thu Jul 13 , 1995 12 :00 a.m.
Time Number of CP Calls
---- ---------------
1:00 am 41
2:00 am 20
3:00 am 11
4:00 am 7
5:00 am 12
6:00 am 9
7:00 am 36
8:00 am 207
9:00 am 1327
10:00 am 2746
11:00 am 3334
12 noon 3546
1:00 pm 3544
2:00 pm 3746
3:00 pm 3914
4:00 pm 4075
5:00 pm 3957
6:00 pm 3081
7:00 pm 2099
8:00 pm 1379
9:00 pm 914
10:00 pm 520
11:00 pm 221
12 midnite 102
Peak Hour 4:00 pm
Peak Hour # of calls 4075
Total completed Call Processing calls 38848
Total completed Voice Messaging calls 190466
Total blocked Call Processing calls 0
Total blocked Voice Messaging calls 0
Report Action: ?
======== Call Processing Report Menu ========
P - Path Activity Report
R - Response Mailbox Activity Report
B - Billing Information Report
O - Outcalling Report
A - Access by Hour Summary Report
M - Clear Mailbox Statistics by Path
S - Clear Summary Statistics
F - Finished (return to main menu)
Report Action: F
As you can see Call Processing sets up boxes, removes boxes, and controls
boxes in general. Im not going to explain every single command, it is easy
enough to set up a box and learn this system, so figure it out yourself.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Exit Call Processing Menu (Y/N) ? Y
Well this concludes this info file on Rolm PhoneMail systems. Hopefully
the information herein will help you get setup making some boxes and save
you some time from exploring the commands that wont get you anywhere.
9x Þ 9x Voice Mail Box (direct) VMB - (8oo)572-54o8 Þ
Substance Þ jerome@escape.com (* i dunno how long this one will last *) Þ
Schizo Man Þ schizo@infosoc.com Þ
D.D. Þ ccomm@phantom.com Þ
firebug Þ firebug@shell.globalone.net Þ
groups/9X/securid.9x
+76
View File
@@ -0,0 +1,76 @@
STATION ID - 7047/3.12
9x Datakit Network
FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY
This is a 9x system, restricted to authorized persons and for
official 9x business only. Anyone using this system, network or data
is subject to being monitored at any time for system administration and
for identifying unauthorized users or system misuse. Anyone using this
system expressly consents to such monitoring and is advised that any
evidence of criminal activity revealed through such monitoring may be
provided to law enforcement for prosecution.
9x is Substance, Schizo Man, Delinquent Dialer, and Firebug
Distro Sites
Another Way of Life (518)
The Phantom Tollbooth (718)
SecurID Information
by Schizo Man
A 9x Production
I'm writing this file to clear up some of the rumors about SecurID. It is
correct to the best of my ability, and much of the information has been
verified by the makers of SecurID.
SecurID is made by Security Dynamics, Inc. in Cambridge, Massachusetts, who
have nine patents for it. I have seen it used on UNIX's, by banks, RBOC's and
many others. The system must have SecurID software (starting at $1950)
installed. Every user must have a SecurID card, which is a tiny credit card
sized computer ($34 each). The middle of the card has SecurID printed on it,
and in the top-right corner the users current 6-digit password is displayed.
Inside the card is a lithium battery and a clock chip which picks the new
password every minute from a time algorithm. The SecurID card must be
synchronized with the system using it. On some systems it must be
synchronized daily. When the user has entered the proper user-id on the
system, they will be prompted for their SecurID password. SecurID always
identifies itself. Security Dynamics claims there has never been a reported
incident of anyone cracking the SecurID algorithm, contrary to hacker
folklore. SecurID is becoming more and more popular, because it is extremely
secure, easier to use than challenge-response security systems, and cheaper
than other security systems such as key-modems and others. NYNEX has begun to
use SecurID to protect its Datakit PSN (and dialups), and I'm sure we'll see
more and more companies using SecurID in the future to protect their sensitive
data. What can we do about it? Not much. Even if you manage to steal a
SecurID card, it is replaced almost immediately. Just hope you can find
another way into the system, or be lucky enough to figure out the algorithm.
We are sorry we dont have alot more info on SecureID, but this was all
the information we could obtain from Security Dynamics, Inc.
You can reach the author of this file on the internet at:
schizo@infosoc.com
SecureID (9x) tfile introduced to the HP world on July 19th, 1995 Û 12:05p
schizo@infosoc.com (Schizo Man)
jcattell@linux.cowland.com (Substance)
firebug@shell.globalone.net (Firebug)
deldialers email address is unavailable
The official 9x VMB (8oo)365-4467
9x Support Boards
Another Way of Life (3 node) 518-383-o268
The Phantom Tollbooth (1 node) 718-236-6784
(nup's needed on both)
groups/ANARCHYINC/300murdr.hum
+568
View File
@@ -0,0 +1,568 @@
--------------
Anarchy inc. ...presents... (another creative dissertation)
--------------
Murder at 300 baud... A mystery?
The man walked up the marble steps, and stopped in front of the doorman. It
was raining, so the doorman was trying to keep out of it, as not to get his
uniform dirty. Adjusting his hat, the man handed forth a crumpled dollar bill.
The doorman took it, slowly, not knowing what to expect. He shivered, looking
at the dollar bill with an odd look on his face, as the man strode past him.
Somewhere, he could hear thunder. A security guard came up to him. "Was that
--" he began. The security stood up straight.
"Yes, it was." he answered. The security guard shook his head.
"We don't usually see him around, do we?" asked the guard. The doorman only
shook his head. The security guard walked on.
Alexander f Atlantis sat at Daredevil's desk. It wasn't a large desk, but it
was just the sort of desk Daredevil would happen to own. There were knife
carvings, and various other pieces of graffiti. Papers and small notes were
scattered all over the desk, as well as candy bar wrappers, and an empty
ashtray. Alex had just finished writing some new things, and was waiting around
the office for really no reason. Anarchy inc. was off, somewhere, gathering
material for some odd text-file. He hoped it wasn't for the Space Shuttle idea,
that Havoc the Chaos came up with so long ago, since national security didn't
like them much. The elevator door at the end of the hallway pinged. It slid
open to reveal Randall Flagg. Alex tilted his head to look at him. He looked
tired.
"Alex." he began. "Where is the rest of our crew?" he asked. Alex took his
feet down from the desk, and answered.
"I don't know, I really don't." There was no use trying to put up some sort of
charade on Randall, it was no use. It seemed like he could see right through
you. "They're off somewhere." Randall staggered forward.
"That's...That's..." began Randall. Alex noticed the absence of the eyes were
wide. He tried to say something, but instead of words flowing from his mouth, a
sickly red liquid took their place. Alex gasped. Randall fell. His back,
through his vest, was covered with various stab-marks. The blood was dark red,
black in places, already dry. Fresh blood purked from it, as he choked,
covering the carpeted floor. It would leave a stain for the longest time. Alex
almost fell out of the chair. Randall put a hand forth, jestering towards Alex.
"You..You are nex--"
With that, his eyes rolled back into his head, and he laid there on the ground
with this expression on his face, as if he was cheated.
Alex moved his hand towards the telephone. It was blinking, but he didn't
reach it in time. "No." said a voice. It was whispering, but the area was
quiet enough for the whispers to echo down the hallway. "No." it said again.
Alex felt his stomach tighten. Dealing with blood was not a pleasant
experience. He tried to talk, but fear did not give him that advantage.
Screaming was no better, all he let out was a squeak. "YOU!" screamed the
voice. The hand came from behind him. It lashed out
(Oh god Oh god No No NO)
and took hold of Alex's hair. Logic told him there was nothing but a open
window behind him, that only served to give a pleasant view of Central Park. It
was quick.
(Oh no please no I don't deserve it he wrote those files he did he did)
"Dem rich bastards." said the first bum. He sat there, looking at the birds.
It was raining. The second bum wasn't interested. "Anarchy inc." said the
first one. "Them's rich." he finished. He then belched, for effect. The
second bum looked over.
"I -- I--" he said. The first bum did not consider this to be normal speech
for a Central Park bum. The bum pointed northwards. The first bum was not
interested in the second bum's findings, and he began to ramble on about the
lack of good cardboard boxes.
"When I was a kid, they had strong cardboard boxes..." he began. Then, he saw
the body falling.
When somebody falls from a height, it's somewhat interesting. You realise,
that in about twelve seconds, you can fall about 285 meters? In twelve seconds,
you can also travel, straight down, at the speed of about 50 miles per hour. If
you continue to fall, in about 500 seconds, you can reach up to 2160 miles per
hour. It's interesting to figure these things out, if you have the time, and
the knowledge. More importantly, the stomach for this sort of thing. Too bad
there's no place on earth where one can fall for 500 seconds. That's about 8
minutes of falling. People tend to have heart attacks before they hit the
ground. Nice of them to spare us too much pain.
"Early this morning, about seven or eight am, a member of a secretive group
known as Anarchy inc. threw himself from the window of the 43rd story." said
the reporter. The Daredevil, dressed in red tights, jumped in front of the
camera.
"NO! It's a lie! Alex wouldn't do that! Can you explain why Randall was
found dea-- ouch!" yelled Daredevil. A large man, who looked like Conan the
Barbarian that probably had the brains of the same, picked up Daredevil and
threw him off camera. The reported managed a smile, and continued. "Where's
Moon Roach when you need 'im." muttered Daredevil, picking himself up.
Policemen swarmed around him.
"Stay off camera." said one.
"Yeah." said another.
"C'mon, buddy, give 'er a break." said the third.
"...why. This is Jude Merdith for the KLEZ. Back to you, Walter." She paused
for but a moment, smiling, then any aura of innocence that might have existed
around her was shattered by the words:"That's a wrap, bub. Cut the part with
the guy in the red suit out. Sheesh.." she said, as she lit a cigarette.
The Paladin, Senator Bunker, A Modem User, and Lord Omega stood there,
as KLEZ packed up, and drove off. Policemen still were everywhere, and from
a helicopter above, the area might have looked like little blue ants running
around. Lord Omega sighed. The Paladin growled.
"Damn reporters." said Daredevil, as he dusted himself off. He had gone
through the questions, the reporters, the policework, the statements, the
rubberneckers, the idiots, the fools, the people with ideas, the witnesses, and
all the bullshit. It's the usual, said one officer, when somebody kills another
person, and then kills themself. Of course, nobody in Anarchy inc. would
believe this. There's a lot of paperwork, said the other cop, to fill out for a
murder/suicide.
It was 7:00 pm. The next day. It had just begun to rain, and threatening
grey clouds sat overhead. They moved, thunder could be heard, but that was
about it. Then, about 6:45, it began to rain. First, in small drops that leave
little marks on the window, then heavily. The sort of day that you wouldn't
send a dog out on.
Princess Leia sat happily in the sanitarium. Belleview was a nice place, with
all the happy people, and the happy walls, and the happy
"As you can see," began the doctor, "vee have a very very interesting case
vith this...Leia girl. She insists upon being dot character from dot movie,
Star Warps, or votever you people coll it." The doctor's speaking habits were
horrible, thought The Watcher. "It's a vunny thin, ya'know. She been muttering
deeze things about murders, but, you know, nobody would listen to the poor kid.
So, I listened. She said they'd die. Da poor kid was right, eh?" He paused for
dramatic effect. The Watcher was interested.
"Could I talk to her?" asked Watcher. The doctor thought, then let the
watcher enter. Leia looked up.
"Hello." she said.
"Hello." he said.
Daredevil sat in the over-sized station wagon with Lord Omega. Some odd group
was playing on some odd radio station, and it was a happy song, not something
either of them wanted to hear. "I don't know about her being psychic." Lord
Omega said. Daredevil appeared not to listen. Lord Omega continued. "It's bad
enough we have to pay for her...uhm...extended stay here. But...How could she
see this coming?"
Daredevil twitched his lip. "I don't know." he said. "The Watcher will take
care of this one." He looked at the building. It was large, but surrounded by
those huge gates. Steel spikes? thought Daredevil. Isn't
(So sharp.)
that a bit...much...he heard the whisper. Lord Omega switched the radio off.
"My engine is making odd noises." he said. Daredevil pointed out that
(Oh so sharp.)
the engine was off. Lord Omega gave him a sheepish look. "Uhm..."
(Yesssssss...)
"Sorry about that...I...then what's that sound? My tires?"
"I don't--"
(Boom!)
"-- know. I heard it that time. It said Boog."
"No, it said Boom. I heard it."
"I could have sworn it said Boog."
(Boom. Heh. Boom.)
"I don't like this."
With that, Belleview Mental Asylum exploded in flames. It rocked the wagon.
It cracked the windshield. It scared both occupants in the car out of their
wits. Daredevil struggled with the door, to help stop the--
(You can't stop it.)
fire. "They can-can-can't be..."
(They are.)
"Stop it." said Daredevil. He felt his sanity going down the drain. Lord
Omega stared straight ahead, wishing for a peaceful scene.
(Nothing you can do.)
"Who are you?" demanded Daredevil. His voice sounded weak, old, and had a
tinge of being dememted in it. This had not been good. Nothing.
"Who are you?" he said again. He said "you" under his breath. Lord Omega
again said nothing. Fire engines, shouts, and screams could be heard in the
background. But all that did not matter. Only the voice did.
"Who?" he said. Quickly, this time.
Nothing.
Daredevil breathed quickly now. Panic set in. "WHO!!?" he yelled. Lord
Omega jumped.
"I am. You are. We. Us." said the voice. It was whispering, surrounding
him like Dolby stereo does, with a good selection meant for stereo. The radio
went dead, and Tom Petty's voice died off the air. "We. You. Pain. Blood.
You caused." continued the whisper. It picked up, and spit out each word, care-
fully. "I am he who you have hurt." it finally said.
"Why?" demanded Daredevil.
"It is." said the voice. The coldness that existed in the car was gone, and
so was the voice. The whisper. It is gone. They knew it was gone, and that
short conversation would haunt them for the rest of their lives.
=============================
Murder at 300 Baud... part 2?
=============================
It soared high above the sky. It went out of the atmosphere, and beyond the
stars, overlooking the Earth. The Earth turned, and went on it's way through
the cosmos, with this being watching. It laughed. "I. He. Next. We.
Together." It bellowed laughter, laughing at this small green mudball. The
being soared, if it was truly doing just that, and became one with Earth again.
The Daredevil was dead. He died late that night, in his home. Like the
others, it was quick. The police were very interested in this, being that
Anarchy inc. members were beginning to become rare, and people were very
interested in this sort of thing. The Star newspaper said that Anarchy inc.
was a cow-worshipping cult. National Enquirer made them out to be an odd,
third-world commune. Of course, none of this was true, but the general public
was inclined to believe this sort of thing. But, the facts were straight,
Daredevil was very dead.
"What?" said Dark Shadow. "What?" He stood there, in the offices located down
in Southern Brazil. "What?" he repeated again. "gaaaa." he said. A Modem User
took note of this "gaaaa.", because Dark Shadow was not the type of person to
say "gaaa.". This "gaaa." must have some sort of signifigance.
"Hey, Shadow..." he said, while shooting a rubber band across the room in an
act of laziness, "...what's going down?" Dark Shadow repeated the words:
"gaaa.", then turned to look at User. User became slightly nervous. This week
had not been a good one.
"Friend User," began Dark Shadow, "Another one has met his fate." User looked
pale. "Daredevil is gone. He passed away late at night, with no real reason.
He...didn't...look...dead." User looked even more pale. (But who's going to
make sure Eric doesn't steal my popsicles?)
"Anarchy inc. is a very odd group." said Jude. "I've been doing a series of
reports on the whole thing, and they're very...well...odd." she finished,
turning to the camera, and giving a smile. Ted Kopple looked out, gave a weak
smile, and raised one eyebrow.
"What exactly is the purpose of this group, Jude?" he asked. Jude shifted her
weight.
"They...write." she said.
"Write?"
"Yes..Electronic media. Mostly fictional work, but nothing more. They have
this nasty habit of going out and causing distruction while getting research.
Why, once in K-Mart, a member did horrible things to a cashier, the poor girl is
still suffering from third degree --"
"Thank you, Jude." said Ted Kopple. "Now, for a commerical pause."
-fizz-click. The television set turned off. "If there's one thing I can't
stand, it's that stupid commericial with those talking cockroaches.." said Moon
Roach. He belched, and took hold of another bottle of some odd liquid. At that
moment, a small character ran into the room...Bill the Cat. Moon Roach grunted,
noting his presence.
"i've been sitting by the television set for HOURS," began Bill. "i FINALLY
got that neat commericial about talking cockroaches on video tape!" he said
proudly. "WANNA WATCH it?" he asked. Moon Roach dismissed him with a wave of
his hand.
"Go eat some poison ivy." he said. Bill ran into the other room, in
fear that Moon Roach would try to carve his initials into his forehead again.
As he stood up, a telegram slipped from the chair, and gently floated to the
floor. Odd. He picked it up and read it.
MOON ROACH. STOP. FLAGG'S/ALEX/WATCHER IS DEAD. STOP. COME HELP US IN NEW
YORK AND GIVE US SOME HELP. STOP. THIS IS TOO WEIRD. STOP. THANKS. STOP.
The note was signed, "-S. Bunker". Moon Roach stood up atop his chair, and
dashed out the front door to somehow get to upstate New York. Now, where was
his bus pass?
Bill the Cat wandered into the room. He was about to say something else about
talking toilets on television, but he noticed that Moon Roach was not present.
The telegram lay at his feet. He read it. "DEAD?" he thought. (Did you not
what this?)
Bill gasped. The coldness, the darkness, the utter blackness reached out to
him. Goose bumps ran all over his body, and he felt the hairs on the back of
his neck stand up. He could not run. He could not hide. This was fear. His
pulse quickened, and all thoughts about talking cockroaches were dismissed from
his mind. "Ahhh --" he began.
(So cold.)
(So cold.)
(I. You.)
(We. Us. Together.) Dark laughter could be heard. Bill tried to run, but
his body had other plans for him. Instead, he fainted dead away.
(Who. Is. Master. Who. Is. Servant. Here.) The shadows faded back, to where-
ever they originated from.
"It's not Chaotic Computing." said User. "It's not ***0LYMPIA*** either."
"Get real, dude." said The Paladin. "0LYMPIA doesn't have the brains for this
sort of thing..Really." he replied with mock disgust. He wished jokes could be
funny again.
"I just...don't know." said User, finally. He threw a dart, and hit the
window pane, making a good-sized crack in it. He muttered something under his
breath. Lord Omega entered.
"Brazil ain't bad..." began Omega. "...no Ice Cream trucks to drive me
bonkers." The phone rank, and Omega hit the end of it, causing the phone to spin
up in the air. User reached out, and caught it before it hit the floor.
"Hello." said an operator. "Will you accept a collect call from BtC?" she
asked, with complete perfection. User smiled. It was the first time he had
smiled the whole day.
"Yes." said User. He hated when BtC had to collect call him.
"U...User...I..Dark.." mumbled the voice on the other line. User quickly
became discusted, and hung up.
(Click.)
"THAT'S THE VOICE!" yelled Omega. Paladin cocked his head.
"What
(Ha-Ha.)
voice?" replied Paladin. Was Lord Omega going mad?
"That damn voice!" said Omega.
(You're next. You're next.)
"Who is fucking next!?" yelled Omega. User jumped behind a desk. Neither
Paladin or User knew what was going on. Omega stumbled forward, and fell
quickly forward. A bruise formed on his face. User noticed this.
(Smack you down.)
A welt appeared on Omega's side. He tried a kick into the air, but only
succeeded knocking the pencil sharpener off the wall. Blood exploded from his
nose. The phone rang.
"Fucking phone." said User. Paladin jumped forward, to try and stop Omega's
unseen attacker.
"Will you accept a col--" began a voice. User shouted every imaginable curse
into the phone, and the operator, being the sort of person to be offended by
profanity for no reason, hung up. There was a crash, and Lord Omega quickly
fell from the second story window. The Paladin could not stop the blow that
landed, knocking Omega into the window, shattering it into millions of pieces.
All that accompanied Omega's fall was a loud SNAP, then a dull thud. The
coldness that was in the room was gone.
"WHAT'S GOING ON!?" yelled User.
"WHAT'S going on!!!" yelled Bill the Cat. "Why?" he asked, to nobody in
particular.
(I. We. Us. Together. Blood.)
Bill the Cat finally screamed.
**BAMPH** The dark figure appeared in front of the cave. He pulled a soiled
map from his cape, and went over it carefully. "Let's see...North to South
Africa...Teleport...Then to that funny little town...No, that's a blot of
mustard. Ah...Here we are. India." He crumpled the map up, and tossed it
aside, entering the cave. It was dark. "Grues." he said. A small aura of
light formed around him, as he walked past the entrance to the cave, and into
the swelling darkness. The cave continued down, into the earth, and it became
muggy, and cold. Water dripped from the ceiling, and the floor was stone cold.
After turning a few corners, he reached his destination.
"YAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Bill the Cat. He fell backwards, head-over a
chair, and hit the floor. "OOff." He looked slowly up, but nothing was to be
seen. The coldness in the room was gone. "Tele...teleph...phone...where.."
Bill the Cat scrambled over to the other end of the room, and picked the phone
up. "Collect call...yes...Brazil...Bill the Cat...Hurry...Please..." In Brazil,
the phone rang.
"Who..." began A Modem User.
"Will you accept a collect call from --" began the operator.
User put the phone down, slowly. He seemed to be in shock.
"...I just don't understand why he hung up..." began the operator. Bill the
Cat hung up. "Rude." snarled the operator, and she went on to help another
person making a call. Bill the Cat fainted.
The cave was cold, and it was dark. The Dark Shadow feared no evil. Why
should he? He approached the smaller chamber, and walked in. A score of bats
flew overhead, fluttering here and there. Dark Shadow walked on, and around a
corner. A little, hair-less man with a towel around his head, sat cross-legged
at the end of the hallway. He looked up.
"Shadow." he croaked. "Good to see you."
Dark Shadow nodded. "Good day, sir. I have travelled far to see and ask
advice of you." The little man looked up at him. "Advice, I do need." Dark
Shadow left a somber tone in his voice for good effect.
"Ah...Advice. I understand your problem. You face evil, do you not?"
"We, my comrads face evil." replied Dark Shadow.
"Ah...Evil. Great evil?"
"Killing evil." he said quietly.
"Ah..." the little man's face lit up. "...Many forms of killing evil.
Many, yes, many. Unspeakable deaths, horrors faced by others, I see it all."
"Who is causing this?" asked Dark Shadow.
"Not who..." said the man. His brow knotted. "...what. It...was...
summoned, from the netherworld. Not here, nor there. Wait...This one is very
powerful...I...know." He began to breath deep.
"...sir?"
"Dark Shadow, beware. This one acts on revenge, the oldest emotion in the
world. The cruelest, at best."
"What was done to anger this...beast?"
"Injustice."
"Injustice?"
"Yes." said the little man.
Senator Bunker turned on the light. The small, blinking alarm clock showed
the time to be 3:04 am. It's little LEDs were hard at work, blinking the time
away, for no reason other than that they were programmed to do so. Senator
Bunker mused this thought for a moment, then walked on into the other room. The
Anarchy inc. offices were growing smaller, and...colder...he noticed. The back
room, that he slept in, was off to the side. Someone Else was sleeping around
here somewhere, but he had no idea who else was here. He yawned, and slowly
made his way to the phone. After one button was pressed, he connected with A
Modem User in Brazil.
"hello?" User said in a low tone.
"User, this is Senator Bunker..." he began.
"Omega's dead." said User. He said it in a flat sort of way.
"WHAT!?" exclaimed Senator Bunker. Then, the line went dead. "Goddamn
telephone." muttered the good Senator, as he pressed REDIAL. The phone was
dead. "What the--" he began. He never finished his sentence. "You." he said
coldly.
The darkness moved at him. Quickly, like ink moves about in a fish tank. He
was in control now, and he quickly threw the answering machine into the dark
that began to form around him. He never heard it hit the floor. All at once,
he was surrounded. He lashed out, but striking nothing. It was like a sea of
darkness, a world of darkness, a -- "I'm babbling. I'm in control."
(So you are.)
"Yes, I am." he said calmly. "You, on the other hand, are nothing."
(Nothing.)
"Yes, nothing. Explain to me, why?"
(Why.)
"Hmmmpth." retorted the Senator. "Tell me. Tell us."
(Us. No. Him and I are us. Not you and I. You are you.)
"I am he as you are he as you are we and we are all together." said Bunker.
(You are dead.)
...and with that, he was.
The Paladin drew his sword. "Come on, you BASTARD! COME ON NOW!" he
screamed, as loud as his lungs would permit. User finally brought himself to
scramble over the table, and try to stop Paladin's outbursts. "NOW!!"
"C'mon, Pal..." began User.
"I..." stuttered The Paladin. He dropped his sword, and went to the window.
"Damn." he said.
"What sort of injustice?"
The little man looked at him. "I cannot...see...that."
"What are we facing?" pressed Dark Shadow.
The old man looked purplexed and very old at that question. He rose from a
sitting position, and looked heavenward. "Come. To. Me." said the man.
Coldness, that even touched Dark Shadow filled the cave. The little man
shivered. Winds rose, even deep in this underground fortress, blowing every-
thing from small twigs to rocks helter-skelter. "To. Me. I. Summon. Thee.
Oh. Thy. Is. Dark. And. Cruel." the little man bellowed. He tilted to his
side, and fell. The winds increased to a very violent blow. The walls rumbled.
Teleporting in enclosed spaces...Not a good idea. Thought Dark Shadow, as he
began to run. The old man was older than he was, and he could take quite good
care of himself. Bats flew everywhere, with the rumbling and the heavy winds
upsetting their sonar. He ran through the smaller caves, as he realised with
mixed horror and interest, that the coldness was even getting to him. The winds
increased, almost sending Dark Shadow off his feet. He saw the entrance.
Running quickly up to it, he prepared to teleport. But, his mind went blank
when he got outside. "Frotz!" he yelled, as his monumentum brought him nearly
head-over-heels down the hillside. It was very steep. He came to stop on a
ledge, and looked at the countryside.
The trees were all dead. All of them. That is what first came to his mind.
What looked like a mountain was now in the center of this valley. Lava came
bubbling up slowly through the plates that it cracked, and the sun was no where
to be seen. All that hung in the sky was the moon. The clouds, were dark,
hanging over the whole valley. The mountains were no longer mountains, but it
seemed to him that they were...gates.
(WELCOME.)
"I need no welcome from you. I go where I please." snarled Dark Shadow. He
looked upward, at the mesa/mountain, and saw the creature, in all it's glory.
(WELCOME.) Dark Shadow stood back, waiting...watching...waiting...

groups/ANARCHYINC/advefutr.hum
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------------ /-------------------------\
Anarchy inc. ..and.. ! Another Fine Product of !
------------ ! Shadow Stories !
\-------------------------/
...presents...
ADVENTURE IN THE FUTURE
by: Dark Shadow
The members of Anarchy, Inc., were all sitting peaceably around a journalist
who had happened by to do an interview. "We don't know why you came here",
said Daredevil, "but we'd be happy to tell you about our group. Just tell us
when to stop." The journalist attempted to say something, but the gag stopped
his words quite effectively. He squirmed a little bit, but the ropes bound him
to the chair securely.
Let's start with the various philosophical view points that we do or do not
hold, suggested Senator Bunker.
Good idea, continued Daredevil. In the first place --
The journalist somehow managed to spit out his gag. His face took on a
malevolent expression as he yelled, Barbarian!
No, an anarchist, countered Surf Rat.
Same thing, said the journalist. He squirmed a bit, but he could see that he
was in for an extended visit. If you're going to force the history of your
group on me, at least tell me about the kidnapping of Modem User and Ruby
Tuesday.
We all looked at each other. We didn't like to recall that particular event;
it held too many strong memories. The journalist smiled; he knew that he had us
in a tight spot.
It has to be told, said Misfit.
We agreed, and proceeded to reveal the fantastic story...
Well, said Ruby, I was sitting in this very room, feeling particularly bored,
when Modem User came in through the door. He gave me a black box about the size
of a large printer, and said 'Look what I found!'
Modem User interjected, I had found it in a cereal box. He thought for a
second, and then added, Economy size, of course.
Anyway, said Ruby Tuesday, with nothing else to do, I tried to figure out what
it was. It had an LED counter on it, a few dials, and a few buttons. I started
twisting dials and pushing buttons.
I didn't stop her, mentioned Modem User. The cereal box said that it was
supposed to be a 'genuine replica of the space shuttle.' It didn't occur to me
that the box was more aerodynamic than the space shuttle.
So I pressed the button, continued Ruby, and we -clicked-.
Anyway, said Daredevil, I came into the room to wait for the pizza we had
ordered, and I saw a strange blue glow around Ruby and Modem User. Suddenly,
they vanished... which frightened me, I can tell you. Modem User owed me
money.
At this time, Dark Shadow, Moon Roach, and Alex came in, followed by Senator
Bunker, who was carrying the pizza.
When we came in, Alex clarified, there was a shocked look on Daredevil's
face... the look was so strong, so compelling, that I wrote a small text file
about it. Let me see, here... Alex rummaged through some papers on the desk,
and triumphantly came up with some sheets of paper, which Chaos held up to the
journalist. The journalist read :
It was the eye of the storm, the day before night, when we entered the room,
bearing Domino's pizza (which represents, by the way, watercolors on cardboard).
We saw Daredevil, and we realized at once that no common event had just
transpired. His composure was that of a shocked and startled person, one who
has just logged onto the Zone on the first try, one who has just seen his
transmission doing a running hop onto the freeway, one who has just seen his TV
simulate an atomic explosion.
What's wrong? Moon Roach had asked, his antennae bobbing.
Ruby Tuesday and... User just vanished, said Daredevil.
Vanished!?
Yes! said Daredevil, apparently recovering quickly. They just vanished...
and they were last playing with this box. So what do we do?
Eat the pizza? suggested Moon Roach.
No! What's our motto?
There was silence for a few seconds, while we wondered who would take the
bait. I bravely took the first step, and said, This week? Err... 'the check
is in the mail.'
No! Our general motto.
Oh, I said, breathing a sigh of relief. 'We take care of our own.'
Got it. So we need to recover Ruby Tuesday and Modem User. Some minor damage
to government wouldn't hurt, either. Hmmm... we need to figure out what this
box does.
Our group, representing a massive conglomeration of technical know-how and
experience, proceeded to study the box intensively.
The journalist had finished reading the paper.
That's all I wrote, said Alex. I had to do the 'Mission' series afterwards.
For reasons that will become apparent later.
Producing a rather large number of pages from his cloak, Dark Shadow said, But
I wrote up the rest of the adventure. Turning the pages for the journalist, the
journalist continued to read about Anarchy's adventures...
The box turned out to be something quite strange. Comprised of alien
materials, having circuits almost as contorted as Alex's code, it was an
intellectual puzzle beyond compare. Lord Omega, Surf Rat, Misfit, and Havoc
Chaos showed up, and added their not inconsiderable talents to the foray.
Finally, slowly, painfully, we began to understand the box... we still
haven't had success with Alex's code. Our group came to the realization that it
was a time machine... and it was set for 2050 A.D.
Damn, we collectively sweared.
'We take care of our own.' Daredevil reminded us, and he pressed the button.
We -clicked-.
The journalist interrupted our perusal of Dark Shadow's text, and asked for a
drink of water. He said, But what happened while you were figuring out the box?
Ruby narrated, Well, we -clicked-, and when we appeared, we didn't know where
we were. Looking around, I could see that the buildings were domes, and they
appeared to be like something out of 'Buck Rogers.' What even impressed me more
was the fact that there was no graffiti on the walls.
We started to walk down the street, and we saw a policeman on the corner. He
dressed rather strangely - not what you'd think as futuristic garments - but
that didn't stop us. We walked up to the policeman, and asked where we were.
He looked at us for a second, and said, 'You are under arrest, by the holy
grace of God.'
'Why?' I cried. 'I have done nothing.'
The policeman held out a weapon, and turned it on. A strange field enveloped
us, and we could not move. 'You are charged with indecent exposure - your skirt
is disgraceful - immorality, failure to wear a veil, not going to church at the
requisite hours, and speaking to a male without his approval.'
A police van pulled up, and we were taken to a jail.
After Ruby's amazing accounting of the events, the journalist returned to Dark
Shadow's text.
We -clicked- in a strange world. The buildings appeared to be of advanced
manufacture... the roads were clean, and there was no graffiti on the walls.
Clearly a strange culture.
Moon Roach, said Daredevil.
Moon Roach nodded, and his antennae began to rotate in a circle as a look of
concentration appeared on his face. Suddenly, he started walking down the
street, still in his trance.
We followed him, wondering where the people were, when Moon Roach suddenly
stopped, and pointed at a certain building. We looked at each other, and went
inside.
The journalist's attention was distracted by Ruby, who continued with her end
of the story.
Anyway, at that time, we were taken to a strange room. Crosses were on all of
the rooms... we were kept in the field, and we could only move our mouths and
eyes.
It was darned annoying, mentioned User.
So this person comes in, and he's dressed like than the pope, except more
extravagantly. He raised a hand, covered with diamonds, fixed his toupee, and
pointed at us. 'Are ye the sinners?' he asked.
'We didn't do anything wrong,' I tried to explain, 'but --'
'Stop!' he cried. 'Though you are guilty - after all, you were arrested by a
righteous one - you will be given a fair inquisition.' He called in a
transcriber and two more inquisitors.
'User,' I said out of the side of my mouth, 'we need to delay this, so Anarchy
can rescue us.'
User nodded slightly.
'Now,' continued one of the other inquisitors, 'why are you here?'
The Chief Inquisitor frowned, and fixed his toupee. 'How dare you,' he said
to the others, 'interrupt and profane my holy status? I am conducting this
conviction, and you should not speak. Three thousand Hail Mary's.'
The chastened inquisitor mumbled something, and fell silent.
I saw, in a flash, that they were at each other's throats, so I waited for my
opportunity to wreak discord. It came soon after.
The Chief Inquisitor shook his head, nearly dislodging his hair piece, and
appeared to think. 'Read me back her last line,' he said to the transcriber.
'Read me back her last line,' I said.
'Read me back her last line,' the transcriber said.
'Not my last line, you Mormon reject, half-brained idiot! Her last line!'
'But, holy one --' the transcriber tried to interrupt.
'The inquisitor beside you put you up to this, did he? It's the deep dungeon
for you, heathen. Read me back his last line.'
'Read me back his last line,' said User, picking up on the tactic.
'Read me back his last line,' said the transcriber.
The resultant argument and feud satisfied User and I quite well, thank you...
Ruby smiled. With that, the journalist continued with Dark Shadow's
narrative...
Once inside the building, I was able to feel the presence of Ruby and User. I
mentioned this to Daredevil.
He nodded, and said, Okay, here's the plan. We storm in, grab Ruby and User,
wreak havoc (no offense, Chaos), and Dark Shadow will teleport us out.
We agreed, and gathered outside the door. Smashing it down easily, we charged
in, gathered in a circle around Ruby and User. Daredevil yelled, Now, Dark
Shadow! I nodded, and we *BAMPHed*.
The smoke cleared, and Anarchy collectively saw that we had collectively moved
to the left about a collective foot. Not again! I cried, as the guards
recovered and threw tangler fields onto us. I resolved to practice teleporting
under pressure when they carted us off to the jail.
We were in jail not thiry minutes when we were visited by the Chief
Inquisitor, who motioned to the guard. The tangler fields were taken off of our
heads, so we could speak.
What is this place? Senator Bunker asked the Inquisitor.
The Inquisitor smiled, and looked upwards briefly. This, my misguided son, is
the land of America, guided by the hand of the Moral Majority.
None of us spoke.
I see that you come from the past, one in which the Moral Majority was not as
strong as it is now. You see, our righteous forces gradually guided the
government, censored - er, re-educated the media, placed woman in their properly
subservient role, and enforced the edicts of the Church across the nation.
Guided by the hand of God, enforcing our whims - er, divine regulations by
force of religion, and our extensive control of the media ensures our eventual
triumph across the world. We are secure.
Argh! cried Senator Bunker. How dare you control the government!
It is our fate, said the Inquisitor, slowly, smiling. We are a merciful
people, however. I see that you did not mean to break thirty-eight different
laws. Thus, we will not kill you, but instead make you slaves. He smiled
again. The formal inquisition is tomorrow.
We sat in the jail, despondent. Surf Rat decided to cheer us up with an
appraisal of the situation. Well, he said, we are trapped in tangler fields,
and can't move a muscle. On the plus side, we can talk. On the minus side,
America has been taken over by the Moral Majority, they have control of all the
communications, and even if we could escape, we don't know how to get back, and
they would catch us anyway. And my nose itches.
We need to disable the entire country, said Daredevil.
No problem, said Moon Roach. EMP.
EMP? Lord Omega queried.
Ya, said Moon . Electromagnetic pulse. Produced by nuclear weapons, among
other things. One good blast of EMP would short out every electronic device
around... and a country the size of America cannot be run without the
computers.
I knew that I should have brought my atomic bomb along! cried Misfit. You
never know when you'll need it.
Wait, said Daredevil. We need to deal with --
I stared at Daredevil. I knew what he was going to say, and I didn't like it.
One did not deal with such power lightly.
-- the modem entity.
I nodded. It was the only thing to do. Guiding Anarchy in a chant, I invoked
the entity to our aid, with rituals long since forgotten by humanity...
*Bytes and bits, modems and thunder,*
*Shall our enemies be torn asunder?*
*The carrier tone whines, it will not fail*
*Oh, for more E-mail, for more E-mail*
There was a large, dark cloud of smoke. The Entity appeared, wearing a top
hat and evening clothes. He tipped his hat to Ruby, and said, Dark Shadow.
Once again you invoke me.
Oh, mighty Entity, I said, I fear that I do not have the sacrifice of a text
file ready. However, hear my plea - we need divine intervention.
He raised an eyebrow. He smiled, and I could see that he had fangs. And what
do you require?
Cripple the country, said Daredevil, short out communications, and disable
these fields...
The Entity laughed evilly. Easily done. So, am I to do this for no fee?
We scowled. We're a bit tied up right now, mentioned Surf Rat.
I would enjoy doing the task. However, hear my price. Anarchy, Inc., must
sacrifice to me no less than ten text files.
We sighed. Text files could be too much work. Okay, I said, realizing we had
no other choice, and that sacrifices had to be made. We find the terms
acceptable. Alex will write them. Alex didn't appear to be happy with that
facet of the bargain.
The Entity nodded. He knew we had no choice. He said, It is done.
The fields disengaged, the lights dimmed, and we were free. I said, This
time, I'll do it right! We *BAMPHed*.
We appeared outside the building. Waving away the smoke, we started to run to
the north.
Wait a minute! cried User. He stopped, and picked up a large cereal box.
Looking inside, he brought out a black box, similar to the one that had sent us
here. Inscribed on the side was Deus ex machina.
User pressed the button.
Anarchy sat reminiscing, recalling the events. Suddenly, the journalist cast
free his bonds, yelled I'm free! I'm free!, and jumped out the window. We
watched as he hit the ground and took off at a run.
Dark Shadow said, Darn. I wanted to ask him how to end the story.
Turning away from the window, Anarchy, Inc., turned to Alex. How many more
files? we asked politely. He just snarled...
And now...
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

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-------------- Jul 25, 1987
Anarchy Inc. ..presents..
--------------
"Adventures in Reality: Don't Cruise Alone"
fiction of Alexander of Atlantis
=============================================================================
Joe looked at me.
"Is your mother home," he asked.
"Believe it or not," I told him, "she is."
We looked at each other.
=============================================================================
VRRRROOOOMMM. Picture scretching tires as we burn out of the garage in
my mother's 280-ZX. Joe and I don't fool around. We're outa there in seconds.
We drive around a while, I'm enjoying the views of night and the lights as
we cruise up and down El Camino. All in all it is a pretty uneventful, though
fun evening.
=============================================================================
The next evening Joe drives his grandparent's Targa. Its a family-type
car, but its quite stylish. Before we go out he tells he has to stop at the
bank. Leaving the keys in the car and the motor/radio running, me groovin
in the shotgun seat, I see a man, looking just a little suspicious, walk up
on the driver side of the car, toward Joe's open window. Joe is still in the
bank. I reach over and place my left hand above the horn on the steering
wheel, and my right hand right over the keys and ignition. As I expected,
for some odd reason, the man walks right up to Joes window, and sticks a gun
through the window with his left hand, while reaching for the door handle with
his right. The doors, I have conveniently locked when Joe walked away, just
out of habit, and because I like playing with the auto-buttons on the passenger
door.
The guy sticks his head in the window.
"Don't move," he whispers, trying the door, and realizing its locked.
"Lets play a little game," I tell him, actually startling him that I would
talk back. "One of my hands is resting on the horn, and the other is resting
on the keys in the ignition. How much you want to bet that even if you shoot
me, I can hold my hand on this horn long enough to get attention, while my
other one pulls the keys out, making the car a little harder to drive away
with?" I pause. He hasn't moved yet.
"Oh? A little worried now, eh? Common, let's PLAY." I tell him. He
stops, looks in the area of the bank, where I assume someone is coming out,
and then slowly puts his gun back, backing away. When he got into the shadows,
he ran off. Just then, Joe came out.
"What the hell is going on? Who was that," asks Joe, coming over to the
car.
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," I tell him, slowly easing back
into my seat, sweating. "I think you just saved my life."
"Right," he says. "Sure I did." He tries the door. "Will you open up
this damn door.." He asks, already reaching over and unlocking the door from
the outside.
All of a sudden I reach up and take the keys out of the ignition, accident-
ally.
"What the hell did you do that for?" he whines, grabbing the keys from me,
and starting up the car again.
"Sorry," I tell him, "I guess reality just spooks me now and again."
==============================================================================
"Adventures in Reality: Don't Cruise Alone" by Alexander of Atlantis
--------------
Anarchy Inc. "Is it done yet, maw?"
--------------

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-------------- Jul 25, 1987
Anarchy Inc. ..presents..
--------------
"Adventures in Reality: Vampires on my Street"
fiction by Alexander of Atlantis
=============================================================================
I sat on the sidewalk, talking to Kathy. She's a nice gal, very well
built, but I really hang out with her because we talk a lot. I suppose
that sounds rather bland, considering all the guys that would die to be with
her, but I really don't have a need to ruin a perfectly good friendship so
as I can try and get some skin. What a pathetic pig I am.
Kathy and I sat talking, and from the left side, where our street curves
around, came a large van. From it strode my best friends, Dennis, Meegan, and
some other people behind him. I stood up to say hi, and Dennis was the first
to greet me. I looked into his eyes, and the pupils were extremely small.
"Hi Alex," he said, smiling. Two things struck me then. First was that
his voice sort of echoed omenously, and the second was the two big fangs
growing on his front incisors. Obviously, he had become a vampire, and all
the other vampires behind him were walking around, biting other people,
instantly turning them into vampires and making them part of their hoarde.
This was the funny part. This is what made me realize this was reality.
First off, Meegan was talking to Kathy about how they were going to have a
sacrifice tonight, and they came by to get my Rapier. See, I have this
Rapier hanging on the wall of my room, which has some weird inscriptions on
it. I was told by my great uncle who gave it to me, that it was a very
special rapier. Thats it, believe it or not. Thats all I remember him
telling me.
The other funny thing was Dennis came up to me and asked if I wanted to
join them, and I said "No thanks." I mean, from what I heard, the Vampire
effect only lasted till the sacrifice, which was tonight. This all struck
me as weird, because the vampires were all very polite and sensible about the
whole matter.
I walked up to Meegan, who was sitting at the corner of the street, for
some (obvious) reason, I kept looking over my shoulder, just in case. Her
eyes were also small, her voice funny. I sighed, and sat down next to Kathy
on the street.
A board with small black and white squares and beans on it sat next to
Kathy. I got nervous, and asked her "Are you one, too??" and she said no,
but, looking into her eyes, I could have sworn she was. I said "Yes you are,
don't lie to me!"--I was feeling bad because somewhere in the back of my
mind, I knew Dennis and the others had invaded my home and taken my Rapier.
I felt a pinge of loss, but knew if I went after them into the maze they
were going to hold the sacrafice in, I never would have gotten out alive. I
was, even though they were polite, scared beyond believe of the potential
they had for hurting me. I did not want to be a vampire.
I took a look at Kathy again. She wasn't effected. I told her so, and
that I was sorry that I doubted her. We played with the beans, on the ground
of the street, and waited for them to leave. I saw Dennis hop into the
van with my rapier, and Meegan waved to us as the van pulled away, victims and
all.
Kathy gave me a look like "We have to do something about this," --I mean,
how could we let them sacrafice someone? And with MY rapier? I did manage
to make Dennis PROMISE he would bring my Rapier back after the sacrafice, but
I realized now I could never have it in my home again with someones blood
on it that was taken as a sacrafice. Then it all hit me. This was reality,
there was no way in hell I was going to go brave the depths of their
demensnes...I mean, me against them? I'd be slaughtered.
Kathy looked at me. This was amazing, even for reality. I looked at
her, and shrugged. I was a coward...and that's reality.
=============================================================================
"Adventures in Reality: Vampires on my Street" by Alexander of Atlantis
--------------
Anarchy Inc. "We take care of our own."
--------------

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------------
...stneserp... .cni yhcranA
------------
The Anarchist's Guide to Existance
livederaD ehT :yb nettirW
Chapter one: Life, and how to live it.
-----------
This textfile is for people who don't know exactly what to
do with their lives, and would like some sort of stability. So, I have the
following things to recommend to you...
The first, is to go out, and purchase all of Douglas Adams's novels,
The Hitchhiker Saga. These will serve fine as your set of bibles. An
expensive set, granted, but only if they're bought in hardbound. Don't be
cheap. The next thing you'll most likely want to do is to go over the
hill to the nearest record store, and buy all the Jethro Tull albums in
sight. After you have spend at least $150 on this, question why you did
this. Don't you feel foolish, considering you're doing something a textfile
on an ae line told you to do? Did you learn anything? (besides the fact
that you'll have to become a Jethro Tull fan...)
Ron S. VanZuylen is a figure that is beginning to come once again
into the eye of the public. He has many things to say on existance. One
is, that if life isn't treating you right, nuke the nearest foreign
continent. He also went on to say that anybody who sits up late at night
writing textfiles about him is out of their gourd. I'm inclined to agree.
He is pretty boring.
The Moon Roach is known through the world of modems for writing the
most confusing text-files. Ever read "Nothing.", by The Moon Roach?
He explains his views on existance very clearly. However, I can't seem to
understand much of the file. Oh well, I suppose that's the way life's supposed
to be. But, I really do doubt it. The thing about me is, if some useless
pointless little idea comes into my brain, I make a textfile about it.
Damn useful. (Oooo...heavy on the sarcasium.)
To end this chapter of "The Anarchist Guide to Existance", I'd like
to point out several things to you. One, is that this file had really no
useful purpose. Not to say that it is boring, but that it really had no
useful purpose. Two, that the word "Anarchy" stands for the lack of
laws, rules, and order. In other words, that's us. Anarchy inc.
I need a drink.
Chapter two of "The Anarchist Guide to Existance" might be coming
out in the near future, but I doubt it. I really don't think I'm ever going
to be this bored again. Ah well, you're enjoying this textfile, so I don't
care.
..The Daredevil -= Anarchy inc. Hotline: (408) 732-1079 =-
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
_ ___ _ the _ _ __ P>rogressive U>nderground
And as this textfile | ||__ \ | | | | | ||_ \ D>issidents
rolls off the screen, | | __) )| | | | | | \ \ 3 1 3 - 4 3 3 - 3 1 6 4
you realize instantly | ||___/ | | | | | | ) ) 300/1200 Baud
the place to get more | | | |___| | | | _/ / 20 Megs of TextFiles
like it.. |_| \_____/ |_||__/ SysOp: Mr. Pez

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Anarchy Inc ... Illustriously presents ...
--------------
"Anarchy Incorporated takes Fort Point" (Another Fictional Presentation...)
-Part One of Two.- (ooh!)
"Shit! Not another Anarchy File... I'd be leaving... G'ba."
"Shut up, Ron."
The dark figure walked up the marble steps towards the towering building. The
doorman looked at him, for just a second, as he slinked on by. Beads of sweat
poured from his forehead, as he was handed a tip from this person. The security
guard, a rent-a-cop said nothing, as the figure stalked over to the elevator,
and pressed a red button on the wall. The buttons read from 1 to 42, but the
top-most one had an "A" on it. He pressed it in, and the elevator shook, and
rose. The doorman, who did not enjoy his job all that much, came inside and
approached the security guard. "Should we have let him in?" he began. "That
was an awfully big knife he had on his side." The security guard sighed.
"Would we have had a choice? 'sides, his credit's good 'ere." The guard took
another puff of his menthol cigarette, and put it out. The ashtray was already
too full. "They may be a bit weird, but if'in they can afford a place like
'his, well, let's just not think about it." He leaned back in his chair. The
doorman liked that idea, and went back to standing by the door, like a good
doorman. Outside, it began to rain.
The elevator was slow. The figure adjusted his hat, and kicked the side of
the elevator. It lurched to a stop, and a electronic female voice thanked him
for making a simple machine happy. Couldn't the group stop stealing lines from
Douglas Adams? He pondered over this thought for a bit, then stepped out of the
elevator. His boots made a resounding thud on the floor in the dark hall, and
he began walking. The elevator slid down back to the 31st floor, where a
aspiring lawyer was waiting for a ride down to the first floor.
He knew where he was going. He went in a small set of doors, to a room that
was covered from wall to wall with lush carpeting. There was supposed to be a
receptionist around, but things had been slow lately. A scratching came from
under the desk. Looking over the desk, Eric C. Thompson was under there,
struggling to get a large ball and chain off his leg. He had given up trying up
to get it off of his leg, and was now trying to break the table instead. He
looked up, in surprise, and stuttered a series of words. "Uhm-- I, you see, Mr.
Flagg, I was only...I mean..." The figure laughed, and walked on., Eric sighed.
He strode into a smaller room, off to the side, where the words "MEN" had been
crossed out, and "OFFICE" had been neatly penciled in over it. Kicking the door
open, he stepped inside. An odd person wearing red tights was surprised by this
action, and he dropped his copy of "National Enquirer", and sat up in his chair.
Randall Flagg stood before him.
"Dare..." Randall grunted. "I want ACTION!" To make his point clear, he
revealed a large knife, and stabbed it into the table, through a 1984 calender.
"I.." began Daredevil. He smiled weakly. "You.." he continued. He did not
like knives, except when he had one. "You want...action?" he finally said.
Randall sighed and held up his arms.
"Those Dungeonwriters have been doing most of the writing lately!" He yelled.
"We haven't done anything!" He held his hands higher. "NOTHING HAD BEEN DONE!"
He yelled. He quickly sat down in a smaller chair next to the desk, and smiled.
Daredevil rolled his eyes heavenward.
"Okay, so we have been a bit lazy." he admitted. He struggled with getting
the knife out of his year-old calender. "Grunt...but, we do have things lined
up in the -ummph- future." The knife wouldn't budge. Randall hit his fist
against the over-stuffed chair, and dust flew. He sneezed.
"What do we have lined up?" he said with mock eagerness. Randall sneezed, and
the knife fell out of the calender. "Fuck! volume 17? How to Rule the World?
Or maybe something about hijacking the space shuttle? Huh?"
Daredevil sighed. "Well, I was thinking about..."
"No." said Randall.
"...actually..." continued Daredevil.
"No."
"Going out and getting research?" finished Daredevil. Randall knotted his
brow. This was an interesting concept. "Now, I know what you're thinking..."
he said. "When we went out to get research on the ancient K-Mart series? Well
that was an accident. We paid them for the damages."
"Do we still pay for the cashier that the Moon Roach --"
"Yes, we do." interrupted Daredevil. "Moon Roach didn't mean to do that...
Well, maybe he did. But, still...At least no charges were pressed."
"True." said Randall. "What would you like to do?" he asked.
"I don't know yet...I really don't know..." Daredevil muttered.
From the other room, Eric had finally gotten the ball and chain from the
table. But, freeing it from his leg was another story. "Maybe if I could carry
the ball for the rest of life, I could...No." thought Eric. He picked the ball
up with some effort, and walked over to the telephone. Before he could pick it
up, it rang. This was a very uncommon occurance these days, and it was not
something Eric expected. He jumped back, and the office answering machine took
the call for him.
buzz...click...--- "Hello, you've reached the offices of Anarchy incorporated
located in beautiful New York City. However, nobody is around at the moment.
If you would like to leave a message, please do at the sound of the tone. Thank
you, and Mow loves you." The machine beeped, and a voice began to talk quickly
in worried tones.
"uhm...hey, Dare...I know you're there...You busy?" said the voice. Eric
recognized it as Alexander of Atlantis. It sounded long-distance.
"Ohhhh no..." thought Eric. Daredevil came walking through his doors, and
didn't seem to notice the fact that Eric had freed himself. He picked up the
phone and began to speak. "Yeah, Alex...Whadda you want?" he said. Randall
poked his head from the office, and laughed at Eric. He went back to making
designs on the wall with his knife. Daredevil nodded his head several times,
and sighed again. He was one to sigh a lot.
"Yes...no...Well, I -- No. Yes. No. You serious? Why? Really? Oh gwad."
he finished. He hung the phone up, and went to search for his jacket. Eric
struggled over to Randall.
"What is going on?" asked Eric rather innocently.
"You got me." said Randall. He didn't seem to care, as much.
Daredevil walked into the office. "We're going to San Francisco."
[] Part two coming soon.
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

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formatted for 80 columns.
------------
Anarchy Inc. diffidently presents you with...
------------
Spinning Wheels
a story written by Someone Else
CHAPTER 1. Spinning Wheels
Myriads of different times, places, people, things, flowing past on the
way from nowhere to nowhen... moving in all directions, All.
Welcome to Hilbert space, my friends... this is my domain; I live here.
"C.C. to RPG... clearance to H+, please notify?"
The lone starship hung in an eternal void.
"RPG. leaving in 5 secs. confirm."
It wavered, vanished. The stars hung, bright points of light, uncaring.
Nospace... it does not exist. Yet it is the key to God. Literally
speaking, the starship was there for a period of time that did not exist. Yet
it was there, and as such, it was everywhere. A duration of time later, a
duration that cannot be measured because it does not exist, the starship
floated in orbit over a planet that hadn't been there before.
"RPG. C.C., can we have clearance to land?"
A voice answered, "C.C. Zone 4. Come on down."
A tall man in his mid thirties, Dave Grahan attracted little attention
walking down the left side of a crowded street. These people didn't care. A
heavy mist floated near the ground, giving an ominous appearance to the
scenery. Presently he found what he was looking for. A finger tapped his belt
and barely discernable haze surrounded him. Not looking like much, he was
proof against most hand held weaponry. He opened a door and shivered under the
raw coldness surrounding. The thing sitting at the far wall did nothing to
improve his mood. Thotek micropaths never were noted for their friendliness.
"I believe I have found the right place. If you aren't TCS392A, illegally
cloned from Orginization genecodes, tell me why I shouldn't kill you."
"You are Dave Grahan, Ax65232a, engaged in law enforcement activities,
near sector VvL Transcon Federal Outzone?" The thing did not speak, the voice
whispered to him in the middle of his mind.
"I am," he replied in the same manner.
The admittance did nothing to lessen the cold detatchment with which it
regarded him.
"You are currently searching for the one known as 'Chak,' am I not
correct? And you desire information as to his whereabouts?"
Grahan nodded, "Your sources are thorough. Can you help me?"
For a moment it almost seemed as if a twinkle of amusement passed through
its eyes. "It is possible. I would, however, exact something in return."
"What, if I may ask?"
"Nothing much. I just desire a stake in the outcome. Chak is a
dangerous creature. I want is his soul."
He laughed.
Places, people, times... which one? Ahh, there. He made a decision, and
moved. He picked a time, a space, and moved in. Leaving Hilbert space behind.
"We've got a fix on him, he's in H+, Outzone 2a67b, owned by IBM, software
division. Do you suppose he's after that?"
"Grahan, he could be after anything. Keep your eyes open."
Oh well, damn them anyway. They couldn't help him.
This IBM Outzone was a particularly spectacular place, populated more than
a thousand years ago by emigrants from the final Exodus, the one that left
Earth a ruin. The only difference here is that these people retained their
technology. From its central position, the system Corinth was in the logical
position to be the crossroads for that technology. And it was to there that
Grahan chose to begin his search.
Timeflow undulating around him, Chak writhed in discomfort as H+ shifted
slightly. The realization filtered through that someone was after him. Who?
Someone with power, to make an H+ shift...
Ahh. A game.
He mentally shrugged and continued on with what he was doing. He was not
worried; it's been a long time since they've tried, and never have they
succeeded. But soon it would be time to make his move.
The Corinth Hilton, noted as the most expensive hotel on the planet, was
no pushover as far as luxury was concerned. In addition to the necessary
opulence, a full function terminal even sat on the east wall in the study.
Grahan flipped it on and dialed the News.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
C O R I N T H S Y S T E M N E W S
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
for Tuesday, December 14, 2877
BULLETINS:
SAVE 1. As for the assassination of Prime Minister Harold Leever yesterday,
there is some speculation that it might coincide with the arrival of
the Hilbert space religious cult. From them we have no official
comment.
2. 4000 citizens having signed a petition on the water treatment plans
for the Raighin Valley area, construction will begin in two months.
The venture is estimated to cost $780,000. Critics say it will be
at least twice that much.
3. Sensie porn star Luisa Holden has vanished; according to authorities,
this is just another publicity stunt. They're looking into it,
however...
4. The Corinth government geology department has officially apologized
for the 11.2 magnitude earthquake you may have felt at 11:05 two
days ago, one member being quoted as saying, "it was a mistake
anyone could have made..."
5. A six hour documentary on the life of the late Prime Minister
Harold Leever will be presented tomorrow night at 9:00pm.
----------------------------------------------------------
CLASSIFIED
INTERESTED IN BEING A MEDICAL OFFICER ON ONE OF
THE MAJOR STARSHIP LINES? YES, YOU TOO CAN FLY THE
STARWAYS, CURING THE SICK. WRITE TURING, 4938Z FOR
YOUR FREE PAMPHLET. WRITE TODAY! AND FLY TOMORROW!
----------
INVEST!! INSTEL WANTS YOUR MONEY! SEND NOW!!!
----------
ARE YOU FROM EARTH? LET'S CORRESPOND! GIVE ME
A CALL AT P37-7236TZK.. FRIENDSHIP IS JUST A CALL
AWAY!! PHOTO REQUIRED.
----------
ATTENTION ALL! HILBERT SPACE RELIGIOUS MEMBERS
ARE OPEN FOR RECRUITMENT. IF YOU ARE FASCINATED BY
THE WONDER OF INFINITY AND WEIRD SEX, CONTACT US,
WE'RE WAITING FOR YOU.
----------
P.K. WATCH OUT, YOU HAVE 10 DAYS TO LIVE.
T.L.
----------
ATTENTION K-MART SHOPPERS! THERE IS A BLUE-
LIGHT SPECIAL TODAY ON USED BOWLING BALLS, ANYONE
INTERESTED, PLEASE GO TO K-MART AND TAKE ADVANTAGE
OF THIS SPECIAL OFFER!!
---------------------------------------------------
TODAY IN SPORTS:
1. Northern Klandou plays Dix in international rugby...
Grahan shut it off and from his opened briefcase, he removed a small black
object the size of a marble. This marble fit nicely into a little indentation
in the base of his neck, hidden by a small amount of hair. He laid himself
down on the bed, relaxed, and thought of nothing. Presently images intruded
themselves upon his mind.
The room he was in, as well as the entire physical universe we all occupy,
slowly melted away, to be replaced by the flowing everythingness of H+. He
thought, and in thinking, he moved. Planets and stars flowed past, equal in
rank to electrons and nucleotides. The space here that was not space did not
care, energy that was music floated soundlessly across the plane of more than
two dimensions. This had to be the place, he thought, somewhere here must be
the answer. Mentally, he sat down to wait for that which he knew must soon
come. A while later, yet a while that lasted no time at all, in the distance,
the mental latticework belonging to a powerful mind came into being. It moved
towards him. Before he had time to react, a strand brushed him. He lost
consciousness.
Black slowly turned gray, gray became white. A room materialized. There
were no doors, no windows, no outside. A man dressed in a white lab coat said
hello.
"Good morning?"
"I see you are confused. My name is Chak. What you did was foolish, you
know."
"How is that?" he asked, looking around him. The room could have been
anywhere.
"You have no idea of what I am, and without knowing, have no defense."
He let a mild expression of fear cloud his face and mind while his eyes
wandered about the room. They were nowhere, nowhere but in some hidden corner
of Chak's mind. And Chak knew he knew this.
"Won't you have a cup of tea?" Grahan gazed evenly at the preoffered tray.
For a moment, an expression of self-doubt entered Chak's face and without
warning, a small vortex erupted around Grahan, carrying him away from the room.
His surprise masked only by mild indignation, Chak realized to himself that he
had let this happen. He thought once more to himself, and he and the room
dissolved back into the primal energy from which it came.
Grahan found himself in a familiar room on a nameless planet. Facing him
from the far wall sat the very same Thotek micropath he had made a deal with
earlier. From within his mind he heard a silent laughter.
"David Grahan, you have won my help in this matter, but you have yet to
win my respect. You are getting careless." The laughter continued.
Coming soon, chapter two.
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

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-----------
Anarchy Inc ...presents...
----------- B00G and the art of ZEN
Written under strictly controlled conditions April 1986..
By those rather daft people at the Darque Side. Call today. I insist.
<>--------------------------------------------------------------------------<>
"Bunny farts? What? Me worry?" --Ron S. VanZuylen, Sunnyvale, CA.
<>--------------------------------------------------------------------------<>
The other day a friend of mine came up to me and asked a question which
I hadn't a clear answer to. "What is Boog?" What, indeed, is boog?
That's a damn good question.
Let's avoid discussing this for a moment or two so we can collect our
thoughts and remember from exactly which dusty, half-hidden pothole this
concept first emerged.
/-----------\
! Hey ! <-- Assuming we had both the time and money to invest in
! misstah ! discussing silly useless things like little cute boxes
! wanna ! ingraciously stuck in such ungodly places as the centers
! buy ! of textfiles, perhaps the thing that would strike us as
! a ! most important is the shape of the box, and not, as we
! duck? ! would assume, the contents inside. ..(author)
\-----------/
Feh, Monty Python, Pink Floyd, Opus, The Hallelujiah Chorus, The William
Tell Overture, Benny Hill, Ed, Ned (not Ed), 8, 88. Who are these people,
these things, and why have they assumed importance (or have they assumed
ÿimportance?) Most likely a question would be "How can I get money out of
this?" I can't tell how you will get $, but you can send your $ to me, c/o
this Ascii Express. But this confuses, and we digress.
<>--------------------------------------------------------------------------<>
"Quote? What do you want a lousy quote for?" -Eric C. Thompson, on drugs.
<>--------------------------------------------------------------------------<>
/-----------\ Truly. Perhaps it is that most of us here at Anarchy Inc.
! nEFr ! to a point digress beyond the reasonable limit established
! eEt ! by the men in dark sunglasses for silly textfiles.
! kAT !
! FuD ! We can start by asking ourselves 'What does Boog mean?', but,
! wILe ! as it turns out, the more expedient course of action is to
! oN ! ponder the question, Why 'Boog?'. The answer is, of course,
! aSid. ! Lite Beer. The proof of this is beyond the present scope of
! ! this file and involves the solution of a number of indeter-
! -Havoc ! minate differential equations.
! T. !
! Chaos ! ----- "But so what?" you ask. -----
\-----------/
Now this is all well and good, but the meaning of Boog has little, if
any, to do with Lite Beer. To solve this puzzle we must delve into a field
entirely different from any we have previously encountered in our daily
experience. Look above you. Can you see the sky or is your view impeded by
the crinkly off-white of an acoustic ceiling? The frosty neutral glare of a
fluorescent lightbulb? Ceramic tile? Or perhaps, you can see the stars,
staring back down from a height more remote than the sun.
/--------------\
! !
! box. ! ----- Box. The way of Zen, explained. -----
! !
\--------------/
The Master Yao-shan, upon being asked 'What is the Way?' had answered, 'A
cloud in the sky and water in the jug!' A quick drive up to San Francisco to
an art gallery (or a waffle factory, for that mattÿer) will verify the truth of
this once and for all, and how this relates to Boog can be found hanging on
the wall in the Smithsonian.
Zen is the art of perceiving the world as it is without trying nor even
wanting to understand it. Boog is the manifestation of this in the daily life
of your average modem user. Boog doesn't make sense, it doesn't have to. All
that is required is for you to perceive it.
(As a minor footnote, of late there has been much confusion and
hullaballoo concerning the spelling and proper punctuation of the word boog.
Committees have met, polls have been taken, votes have been counted, decisions
have been made, and the verdict is in: Capitalized. 0's as in B00G permitted
only if G is capitalized. Lately the alternative form b00g has seemed to have
gained some acclaim. Best used in the context "Boog?", "Boog." or "Boog!".
Alas poor Boog, I knew him well..)
Boog is a boog thing. This sentence does not talk about itself, it does
not concern itself with much of anything. It is content to just be. Little
relevance is applied to the fact that I am not sticking to the subject matter.
Lemmings need not stick to their subject matter; they are free to run off to
god-knows-where to do god-knows-what to god-knows-which other ÿlemmings for
god-knows-why and then -poof-, he washes up onshore. Sad, but the lemming did
not seem to so think. Similarly the frozen linguini becomes thawed hence
rendering it edible, but not on a popsicle. Until you understand this
paragraph you are forbidden to continue. I insist.
But what has this to do with Zen? Zen is neZ spelt backwards, but alas
that gives little consolance. Were I to be a Maharishi-ite, I would tell you
how the Grand Forces of the Unified field combine to ..well.. let things
happen. But I am not and I will not so you're out of luck. d00d. Seriously my
veal parmesian is cooling, and it must be attended to, so discuss that with
the Bagwhan. Ah.. Choo.
Sir! Are you still alive?
Boog. What is boogÿ? Boog is the experience. An ultimate that weaves its
way into and through our lives as the spider weaves its web, in desperate
search for food. Boog is.
<>--------------------------------------------------------------------------<>
I have been told that Ed is round is good is not Ned is good is Ed.
And Ned is not Ed is bad is not 8. 8 is round, is good. 88 is The Number.
Then we were told that there were Edly people, and edliest of all be Ed
Mertens, who has a round head. Edly people like /ed until /ed was /exiled,
and is no more. - Ned Mertens, man with big dick.
<>--------------------------------------------------------------------------<>
Where to send the money: (c) Anarchy Inc.
The Dark Side Ascii Express Line
Call 408/245-SPAM and you will not be disappointed.
But you might vomit.
They're coming to take me away, ha ha.
<..No!..No!..No!..Yes!..Yes!..Yes!..No!..No!..No!..Yes!..Yes!..Yes!..No!..>

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View: /
This file from ---]] THE HAUNTED HOUSE [[--- 408/773-1202 300/1200b
------------
Anarchy Inc. ...presents...
------------ B00G ][: The Final Chapter
Written without consent on a rather dreary day in May, 1987.
Forgive me.
:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:
[The secret, of course, to a successful text file, is a good border. -Auth.]
B00G has aged, and come into it's own. No longer is it a word for the
elite, the 'initiated' among us. It is a word for the layperson. Or the
person doing the laying, for that matter. B00G, of course is now established
as being spelled, ergo, written the way it is in this text file. With its'
new found maturation, the word B00G...excuse me..
:+:-----------------------------------------------------------------------:+:
"...And through the window and the wall coming streaming in on sunlight
wings, a million bright amdassadors of morning. And no one sings me
lullabies, and no one makes me close my eyes. So I throw the windows
wide, and call to you across the sky..."
[Pink Floyd]
:+:-----------------------------------------------------------------------:+:
Ahem...anyway...as I was saying...With the maturation of the word B00G,
it has taken on various and sundried meanings. Just like the word fuck (see
"About Fuck" file). It can be used in almost every position in a sentence.
Here are a few measely examples:
B00G is a word.
You B00Ged him.
That is a B00G deal.
B00G is a B00G thing.
B00G B00G B00G B00G.
Of course, there are many more possibilities, but it would take too
long, and as most of you barely know the English language, I would rather not
go into the intricacies. Suffice it to say that B00G is a versatile word.
With the virtual explosion of the word B00G brought on by the file "B00G
and the art of ZEN" (which has had a happy resurgence), there have been many
why's, what's, how come's, and even how oftens about it's use. B00G should
not be overused. Anything becomes mundane through excess. If there is ONE
word that is not mundane, it is the word B00G.
Not many people know it, but there IS a license for the word B00G. Upon
hearing the word B00G being used by a suspicious individual, one should
always ask for either "B00G identification" or the person's name and B00G
number. This method of controlling the utterance of this omni-important word
will ensure against extinction through misuse. Applications for a B00G card
can be obtained from the address at the end of this file.
Training in the use of B00G is essential. Without training, the meaning
of B00G becomes muddled, and will soon fall into obscurity. Training is a by
mail process, and culminates in an official B00G Diploma (suitable for
framing).
:---------------:
! In the spirit ! :-:>B00G: The Metaphysical Aspect<:-:
! of "B00G and !
! the art of ! The original file on B00G brought up many metaphysical
! ZEN", this is ! aspects of the word, but it did not answer all questions.
! a box. ! This portion of the file will deal with the Aura and/or/if
:---------------: /which/how/SPAM/he/she/Mr.T/goto10 Karma of the word.
Of course, trying to spend time explaining the Karma of a word of such
importance, would take a volume the size of a bread box.
...........................quotation inserted here...........................
"How big IS a breadbox. I mean, is there a certain regulation size for a
breadbox?" tW:The Watcher:tW, after a Corona and SPAM(tm)
sandwich
.............................................................................
So, in the interest of time and space, and virtually the entirety of
human existance, a complete volume WAS written, and then a team of special
Reader's Digest Condensors were called in to shrink this explanation down to
the size you see here.
B00G is. If B00G wasn't, it wouldn't be. If B00G was, it would not be
now. If B00G will be, it would be in the same state as if it was. If B00G did
not exist, I would have nothing to do on this boring Friday afternoon. If
B00G was a different word, the meaning would be different, and thus, we would
have spent all this time, space and energy writing about B00G, saying B00G,
and generally creating an aire of importance to the word B00G, for not, or
gnot, depending on whom you ask.
B00G is compatible with all Karmas. I asked the Oracle (who, by the way
is disguised in the form of an Evil Bunny PEZ dispenser in your local
Safeway) and he said that is was ok with him, as long as it was ok with my
mother. So, instead of asking her, I killed her. This is B00G.
B00G is the 7th dimension. This is the main reason no one fully
understands it. As soon as the 5th and 6th dimensions are actually found, we
will be well on our way to B00G. B00G is the ultimate existance. Remember the
first time you experienced the culmination of sinful lust? Remember how good
it felt? Well, this is a step under B00G. I think.
And as we were falling down the cliff, surrounded by tons of snow, I
prayed. I remembered my two small children and my beautiful wife, and I said
"Please God, don't let me die. Don't let me leave my two small children and
my beautiful wife all alone." We had just bought a new house, and a station
wagon. I wasn't ready to die.
Little did the person in the above Publication_To_Remain_Nameless not
realize that his wife was having an affair with his best friend, and his kids
were on large quantities of drugs approximately 72.3% of the time. His life
was not as B00G as he thought. Pity. He lived, too.
$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$
Notice how any two characters on the keyboard make a eyecatching border. This
is B00G.
$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$
Well, after this short dissertation on B00G, I hope you all are as
confused as Hell. Of course there are those who would parry; "But how do you
know Hell is confused at all". To them I say; "Eat Litter Green". To the rest
of you, I hope you find the way to B00G.
"Do you know the way to B00G?
Do you know the way to B000000G?"
"I left my B00000G in San Francisco"
"I can't wait to feel your B00G tonight"
Etc.
Good riddance to you. B00G is finished. Regulations permit us to wear out
usable subjects on only two text files, so this will be the last all but
remotely involved with the word B00G. It was a good subject and I wasted just
under an hour and a half doing a seemingly important job.
Of course someone could write a file dealing with a different word.
Just to be funny, and then secretly tell everyone that it was REALLY about
our friend, the word B00G. This of course would get around any regulations
necessarily imposed by the Text File Police. Also, we would have the full
enjoyment of knowing more about B00G, and expanding our minds. This is
some kind of fun! I tell you. B00G decoder card necessary to read hidden msg.
<:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:>
"You guys are all meen stonerz. Professional meen be'erz, that's what!"
- The Unknown Author
<:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:>
Where to send the money: (c) 1987 Anarchy Inc.
The Dark Side Ascii Express Line
Call 408/245-SPAM and you will not be disappointed.
But you might vomit.
GJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJ
[Ok...So not EVERY two keys. -Auth.]
GJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJGJ
-EOL-

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DEDICATED TO THE JACKAL...
And, so, yes, Anarchy Inc & VOID have another text phile for all of you...
VOID and the Connection
Present......
"Phun things to do to YOUR favourite teacher..." written by Princess Leia...
So, you say school is getting you down? Your teacher is being a real
bitch? Well, here are just a few phun things I have observed, most of which
I have done...
1. You can start as soon as you walk into class. late. When the teacher asks
for an excuse, you tell her, "I was late because I wanted to miss the first
half of class." Then sit down. This will drive your teacher more crazy than
some wonderful lie...
2. You say your teacher actually assigned you sentences? Do you think you are
too old for them? Well, then, ask "May I use some of your scratch paper for
them?" Most teachers will say, "Well, I guess so..." But, just in case, do
not wait for a reply. Just walk over there and take the whole stack. Do
your sentences say something like "I will behave in class"? Well, then, write
"I" on the first page. Set it aside. Write "will" on the second page. And
so on, until you finish all of your sentences and/or run out of paper and/or
your hand starts to fall off. Then turn in the whole stack and walk away.
3. So, now that you've been yelled at, the teacher tells you "Go sit down".
Well, this is the absolute best opportunity to bug the teacher. Calmly walk to
the teacher's chair, sit down, put your feet up on the desk, and lean back.
The teacher will most likely glare at you and say "get back to your seat!", at
which point, calmly reply, "You just told me to sit down, so I did." Then,
start taking the rubber bands that are on the desk and flick one at the
aforementioned teacher. Preferably hide the referral slips before doing this.
4. Another real fun trick, which works best with a whole bunch of people, is
to have a party, without getting the teacher's ok first. Some teachers are so
dense that you can actually plan this party IN CLASS. Anyway, delegate
people to bring items in, including party horns and the whole bit. Then, on
the day of the party, everyone just kicks back and, well, parties...The
poor teacher is usually so shocked that he/she will not know what to do, and
yet another period of class time is wasted.
5. Then. of course, for those of us unlucky enough to have a "Closed Campus",
there is the traditional "Cutting of Lunch". A Closed Campus is a dumb idea
anyway. What on Earth are you going to learn by being at school for lunch?
Anyway, a group of people (One of them MUST have a car!) simply waits until
the Teacher standing guard is not looking. Everyone then dashes to the
parking lot, and hops in the car. Then, slowly and quietly start the car &
then take off! The poor teacher will be left there screaming "hey! Get
back here!!"
6. Does your teacher make consistent bad jokes? Well, then rate them!
Give everyone in the class 10 signs reading from 1-10 and every time the
teacher cracks a joke, simply hold up the card, rating the teacher. The
only thing that should get a rating above 3 is if the teacher drops some-
thing, staples himself, or does some other unintentional funny act. (This
was told to me by The Gemini Daredevil) A variation of this is to bring in
a gong, and gong every bad joke the teacher makes. I have a science teacher
who is very fond of joking. And that usually silences him. But only for
a moment.
7. When you are forced to read out loud in English, are you told to "speak
up"?? Well, when told that, simply *YELL* out the words as loud as humanly
possible...
8. Yet another phun thing to do is, on cue, everyone drops their books at
the same time. This really drives the teacher insane. Before entering
class, just say "OK, at 10:00 exactly, everyone drop their books". And then
go for it.
9. Is your teacher a bit on the old side? Well, this trick takes planning,
timing, and a good straight face. The plan is to make the teacher think he/
she is going deaf. First of all, a student comes up and screams in this
teacher's ear. Then, the room goes silent. Someone raises their hand. The
teacher will probably call on them. This student then starts to ask a
question, not making a sound, but simply moving his mouth. Meanwhile, some
of the other students begin to hqve silent conversations, again lip-synching
them. If there is a TV in the room, turn the volume all the way down & then
turn it on. Continue to ask lip-synched questions of the teacher. Pretend
to yell. By now the teacher will be going absolutely mad! Then, at a signal,
suddenly everyone shouts as *LOUD* as they can. This will so shock the
teacher he will be out of it for the next week.
10. Ah, yes, but now we come to my final and most phun trick to play! You
say your teacher has left the room? And left the keys in the room? Well,
everyone picks up their stuff and leaves. The lights are turned off and
the door is *LOCKED*. The students then vanish, go visit friends, cut
class completely, or hang around to watch. You will watch the poor helpless
teacher come striding up, turn the knob and...stop. He will look a bit
sheepish as he turns the knob harder. Then he will quietly knock on the
door. Then he will knock louder. After this being to no avail, he will
seek out yet another teacher who has the key to the room. Watch his look
of surprise when he opens the door jubilantly and finds..............nothing!
...Well, there you have it, 10 ways to drive teachers insane. Thanks to
some creative Piedmont Hills High and Fremont High students.
...This has been a Connection Presentation (Subdivision:VOID department) in
cooperation with Rebel Alliance Industries...
...Presented in full by Princess Leia Organa...C)1984 No rights reserved!
<*> Call the Death Star! New Modz! <*>
408-268-4630
<*> ...The Twilight Zone...<*>
408-253-2140
...fare thee well...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
_ ___ _ the _ _ __ P>rogressive U>nderground
And as this textfile | ||__ \ | | | | | ||_ \ D>issidents
rolls off the screen, | | __) )| | | | | | \ \ 3 1 3 - 4 3 3 - 3 1 6 4
you realize instantly | ||___/ | | | | | | ) ) 300/1200 Baud
the place to get more | | | |___| | | | _/ / 20 Megs of TextFiles
like it.. |_| \_____/ |_||__/ SysOp: Mr. Pez

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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - -
- - - - - - -
Anarchy, inc. ..Presents you with......
- - - - - - -
- - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A rather unusual monograph...
C H A K : T H E U N S P E A K A B L E
by Someone Else
Frothing at the armpit in extreme discomfort, Chak the Unspeakable
noisily farted, filling the already unbreathable air with a foul smelling
ammonia compound. Its body slowly metamorphosing into a dull yellow with
embarassment, a pseudopod equipped with bulging eyeballs extended itself to
check the reaction of its subservients. Good; not a one outwardly seemed to
notice, other than an occasional expulsion of half-digested foodstuffs from
the stomach on to the floor, which promptly absorbed it. As if with a mind of
its own, a bluish-purple mass connected to the body by a thin white tube,
dripping lightish-green mucous (which of course, the floor promptly absorbed),
unconcernedly continued to busy itself, slurping away on a grayish half-liquid
soup of human brain tissue and bone marrow squirted up from a nearby feeding
node; completely oblivious to the occurrence.
Goo, foul-smelling and purplish, dribbled down from an open panel in the
ceiling and collected into a reeking puddle of jello, which promptly congealed
into a massive purple brainlike structure. Optic nerves were constructed,
olfactory apparatus made, vocal cords built; it could now see, smell, and
talk, even though it still exuded yellow cranial fluid all over the hungry
floor and generally looked and smelled like digested lunch left in the large
intestine.
"Gods, the smell! Who farted?" The menials, detaching eyeballs from
their various tasks, looked at one another in a combination of fear and secret
humor. Chak turned the color of stale urine in embarassment once again. The
latest arrival in the room lost its control and melted down into a puddle of
glop, this time brown. Moving fast to keep from getting sucked under by the
floor, it took almost thirty seconds to reconstruct the vocal apparatus again,
and when it did, its voice bristled with rage.
"You! You'll be demoted for that, I promise! Now where are the lab
results you promised me four hours ago?"
Chak sputtered, spraying the room with sticky salivary fluid. "I...I
don't know, sir, they're still in the lab. I'll have them hurry up if you
wish, sir."
A tentacle burst out of the purple brain-like thing on the floor, grabbed
a nearby cutting tool, and severed Chak's feeding tube with an audible tearing
sound. Gray muck sprayed the floor. The mass of flesh, once the part of Chak
feeding on the human brain tissue, piteously whined for a few seconds, then
flopped over, turning black and splitting open, digestive ichor and intestine
spilling out over the control panel and floor. Chak threw up.
Alarm bells rang, the bridge of the starship hummed into activity.
"What is it?" the brain cried out.
One of the menials, arms and tentacles extended to operate the scanning
controls, answered the question.
"We're tracking an intruding spacecraft, human design. They
are...unaware of us, sir."
"Good. Our antidetection setup is working, then. Follow them, see what
they're up to. They may be a private craft, but we don't know that."
Chak managed to heal himself by now, sealing off the offending feeding
tube leaking a mixture of bone marrow, brain tissue, and excrement. Another
node soon began growing.
"You, Chak, call engineering and get a crew ready. We're going to dock
in a couple of days."
Toxic green smoke and the smell of rotting garbage filled the air as
several large sacks of rotten ground beef searched the darkened corridors for
the remaining two human crew members, untouched in the initial invasion. As
this was to have been their sleep period, they had been cut off and left in
ignorance when the ship was boarded and taken captive. They were, however,
not sleeping. They had felt the jarring collision and knew they were being
boarded, so they holed up in the armory, preparing for a fight.
The first two had been captured quite easily, as they were in the control
room, and wore only their sidearms. A short gunbattle and they now stood
immobile, encased in stasis fields.
Chak flopped in, fouling the air to smog alert status, burbling to
himself in a businesslike manner and actually doing his equivalent of laughing
when he saw the two humans in stasis. A feeding head started dripping
digestive enzymes on the floor (eating through it) until one of his tentacles
bashed it in the mouth. It retracted itself and Chak was then able to give
orders. One of his subservients was stupid enough, however, to speak first.
"We got 'em all, master. What shall we do now?"
The luckless wight exploded, coating the walls and ceiling with barbecued
shit. Chak holstered his blaster.
"Why is everyone so stupid around here? Vessels like these carry crews
of four." He pointed to two others. "You and you go find them. Check the
armory first, that is, if you can find it."
The two in the armory were duly found and reinforcements called up, as
the humans were ready for them. In the furious gunbattle that followed, Chak
executed another of his officers for accidentally killing one of the enemy.
"Idiot! I want them ALIVE!"
The other one was encased in a stasis field and Chak, hungry after an
exciting battle, made his way over to the fallen human and extended a small
tentacle, equipped on the tip with a small octopus-like sucker. Attaching
itself firmly to the eyeball, Chak unconsciously applied a small amout of
pressure to his appendage. With a faint pop the whitish globe emerged,
trailing an inch or two of optic nerve. A stronger yank seperated this from
the brain. His officers watched in rapt fascination and ill-concealed en
vy as
he placed it near his feeding mouth, which snapped at it with a surprising
ferocity. In silence, he finished off the eyes, drilled through the skull,
and started scooping out the brain. The rest of it, including the testicles
(in spite of everything, he was in a good mood), he left for the others.
(c) 1986 Anarchy, Inc.
"The Textfile People..."

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Anarchy inc. .. presents ..
------------
[A CLOCKWORK ORANGE] Glossary of NADSAT Language
Compiled and typed in by: The Stranger (...Harrison)
Reprinted without permission from the novel "A Clockwork Orange", by Anthony
Burgess (c) 1962 - All rights reserved.
Perhaps the most fascinating thing about the book (A CLOCKWORK ORANGE) is it's
language. Alex thinks and talks in the "nadsat" (teenage) vocabulary of the
future. A doctor in the book explains it. "Odd bits of old rhyming sland,"
he says. "A bit of gypsy talk, too. But most of the roots are Slav.
Propaganda. Subliminal penetration." Nadsat is not quite so hard to
decipher as Cretan Linear B, and Alex translates it. I found that I could not
read the book without compiling a glossary; I reprint it here, although it
is entirely unauthorized, and some of it is guesswork.
At first the vocabulary seems incomprehensible: "you could peet it with
vellocet or synthemesc or drencrom or one or two other veshches." Then the
reader, even if he knows no Russian, discovers that some of the meaning is
clear from context: "to tolchock some old veck in an alley and viddy him
swim in his blood." Other words are intelligible after a second context:
when Alex kicks a fallen enemy on the "gulliver" it might be any part of the
body, but when a glass of beer is served with a gulliver, "gulliver" is head.
(Life is easier, of course, for those who know the Russian word golova.)
Anthony Burgess has not used Russian words mechanically, but with great
ingenuity, as the transformation into "gulliver," with its Swiftian associates,
suggests. Others are brilliantly anglicized: khorosho (good or well) as
"horrowshow"; iudi (people) as "lewdies"; militsia (militia or police) as
millicents. Burgess has not used Russian words in an American slang extension,
such as nadsat itself, in the termination of the Russian numbers eleven to
nineteen, which he breaks off independently on the analogy of our "teen". Thus
kopat (to dig with a shovel) is used as "dig" in the sense of enjoy or under-
stand; koshka (cat) and ptitsa (bird) become the hip "cat" and "chick";
neezhny (lower) turns into "neezhnies" (underpants); pooshka (cannon) becomes
the term for a pistol; rozha (grimace) turns into "rozz", one of the words
for policeman; samyi (the most) becomes "sammy" (generous); soomka (bag) is the
slang "ugly woman"; vareet (to cook up) is also used in the slang sense, for
something preparing or transpiring.
The "gypsy talk", I would guess, includes Alex's phrase "O my brothers", and
"crark" (to yowl?), "cutter" (money), "filly" (to fool with), and such.
The rhyming slang includes "luscious glory" or "hair" (rhyming with "upper
story"?) and "pretty polly" for "money" (rhyming with "lolly" or current slang)
Others are inevitable associations, such as "cancer" for "cigarette" and
"charlie" for "chaplain". Others are produced simply by schoolboy transforma-
tions: "appy polly loggy" (apology), "baddiwad" (bad), "eggiweg" (egg),
"skolliwoll" (school), and so forth. Others are amputations: "guff" (guffaw),
"pee and em" (pop and mom), "sarky" (sarcastic), "sinny" (cinema). Some
appear to be portmanteau words: "chumble" (chatter-mumble), "mounch" (mouth-
munch), "shive" (shiv-shave), "skirking" (striking-scratching).
There are slight inconsistencies in the story when Alex forgets his word and
invents another or uses our word, but on the whole he handles his Russianate
vocabulary in a masterly fashion. It has a wonderful sound, particularly in
abuse, when "grahzny bratchny" sounds infinitely better than "dirty bastard".
[The above material was re-printed without permission from the AFTERWORD from
A CLOCKWORK ORANGE. It is condensed as to save wear-and-tear on my fingers.]
Stanley Edgar Hyman
July, 1963
GLOSSARY OF NADSAT LANGUAGE
Words that don't seem to be of Russian origin are distinguished by asterisks.
* appy polly loggy - apology
baboochka - old woman
baddiwad - bad
banda - band
bezoomny - mad
biblio - library
bitva - battle
Bog - God
bolnoy - sick
bolshy - big, great
brat, bratty - brother
bratchny - bastard
britva - razor
brooko - belly
brosay - to throw
bugatty - rich
cal - feces
* cancer - cigarette
cantora - office
carman - pocket
chai - tea
* charles, charlie - chaplain
chasha - cup
chasso - guard
cheena - woman
cheest - to wash
chelloveck - person, man, follow
chepooka - nonsense
choodessny - wonderful
* chumble - to mumble
clop - beak
collocoll - bell
* crack - to break up or "bust"
* crark - to yowl?
crast - to rob or steal; robbery
creech - to shout or scream
* cutter - money
dama - lady
ded - old man
deng - money
devotchka - girl
dobby - good
* dook - trace, ghost
domy - house
dorogoy - dear, valuable
dratsing - fighting
* drencrom - drug
droog - friend (ie: my droogies)
* dung - to defecate
dva - two
eegra - game
eemya - name
* eggiweg - egg
* filly - to play or fool with
* firegold - drink
* fist - to punch
* flip - wild?
forella - "trout"
gazetta - newspaper
glazz - eye
gloopy - stupid
* golly - unit of money
goloss - voice
goober - lip
gooly - to walk
gorlo - throat
govorett - to speak or talk
grahzny - dirty
grazzy - soiled
gromky - loud
groody - breast
gruppa - group
* guff - guffaw
gulliver - head
* gulliwuts - guts
* hen-korm - chickenfeed
* horn - to cry out
horrorshow - good, well
* in-out in-out - copulation
interessovat - to interest
itty - to go
* jammiwam - jam
jeezny - life
kartoffel - potato
keeshkas - guts
kleb - bread
kootch - key
knopka - button
kopat - to "dig"
koshka - cat
kot - tomcat
krovvy - blood
kupet - to buy
lapa - paw
lewdies - people
* lighter - crone?
litso - face
tomtick - piece, bit
loveted - caught
lubbilubbing - making love
* luscious glory - hair
malchick - boy
malenky - little, tiny
malso - butter
merzky - filthy
messel - thought, fancy
mesto - place
millicent - policeman
minoota - minute
molodoy - young
moloko - milk
moodge - man
morder - snout
* mounch - snack
mozg - brain
nachinat - to begin
nadmenny - arrogant
nadsat - teenage
nagoy - naked
* nazz - fool
neezhnies - underpants
nochy - night
noga - foot, leg
nozh - knife
nuking - smelling
oddy knocky - lonesome
odin - one
okno - window
oobivat - to kill
ookadeet - to leave
ooko - ear
oomny - brainy
oozhassny - terrible
oozy - chain
osoosh - to wipe
otchkies - eyeglasses
* pan-handle - erection
* pee and em - parents
peet - to drink
pischcha - food
platch - to cry
platties - clothes
pletcho - shoulder
plenny - prisoner
plesk - splash
* plosh - to splash
plott - body
podooshka - pillow
pol - sex
polezny - useful
* polyclef - skeleton key
pony - to understand
poogly - frightened
pooshka - "cannon"
prestoopnik - criminal
privodeet - to lead somewhere
* pretty polly - money
prod - to produce
ptitsa - "chick"
pyahnitsa - drunk
rabbit - work, job
radosty - joy
raskazz - story
rassoodock - mind
raz - time
razdraz - upset
razrez - to rip, ripping
rock, rooker - hand, arm
rot - mouth
rozz - policeman
sabog - shoe
sakar - sugar
sammy - generous
* sarky - sarcastic
scotenna - "cow"
shaika - gang
* sharp - female
sharries - buttocks
shest - barrier
* shilarny - concern
* shive - slice
shiyah - neck
shlem - helmet
* shlaga - club
shlapa - hat
shoom - noise
shoot - fool
* sinny - cinema
shazat - to say
* skolliwoll - school
skorry - quick, quickly
* shriking - scratching
shvat - to grab
sladky - sweet
sloochat - to happen
sloosh, slosshy - to hear, to listen
slovo - word
smech - laugh
smot - to look
sneety - dream
* snoutie - tobacco?
* snuff it - to die
sobirat - to pick up
* sod - to fornicate, fornicator
soomaka - "bag"
soviet - advice, order
spat - to sleep
spatchka - sleep
* splodge, splosh - splash
* spoogy - terrified
* Staja - State Jail
starry - ancient
strack - horror
* synthemesc - drug
tally - waist
* tashtook - handkerchief
* tass - cup
tolchock - to hit or push;blow, beating
toofles - slippers
tree - three
vareet - to "cook up"
* vaysay - washroom
veck - (see chelloveck)
* vellocet - drug
veshch - thing
viddy - to see or look
voloss - hair
von - smell
vred - to harm or damage
yahma - hole
* yahoodies - Jews
yabzick - tongue
* yarbles - testicles
yeckate - to drive
* warble - song
zammechat - remarkable
zasnoot - sleep
zhenna - wife
zoobies - teeth
zvonock - bellpull
zvook - sound
Editor's note: The idea of this text-file is so people can print this
------------- glossary out, without having to tear apart the book. Some
of us live by this movie..
4/1/86 - Anarchy inc.(tm) All Rights Reserved.
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

groups/ANARCHYINC/clockorg.txt
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------------
Anarchy inc. .. presents ..
------------
[A CLOCKWORK ORANGE] Glossary of NADSAT Language
Compiled and typed in by: The Stranger (...Harrison)
Reprinted without permission from the novel "A Clockwork Orange", by Anthony
Burgess (c) 1962 - All rights reserved.
Perhaps the most fascinating thing about the book (A CLOCKWORK ORANGE) is it's
language. Alex thinks and talks in the "nadsat" (teenage) vocabulary of the
future. A doctor in the book explains it. "Odd bits of old rhyming sland,"
he says. "A bit of gypsy talk, too. But most of the roots are Slav.
Propaganda. Subliminal penetration." Nadsat is not quite so hard to
decipher as Cretan Linear B, and Alex translates it. I found that I could not
read the book without compiling a glossary; I reprint it here, although it
is entirely unauthorized, and some of it is guesswork.
At first the vocabulary seems incomprehensible: "you could peet it with
vellocet or synthemesc or drencrom or one or two other veshches." Then the
reader, even if he knows no Russian, discovers that some of the meaning is
clear from context: "to tolchock some old veck in an alley and viddy him
swim in his blood." Other words are intelligible after a second context:
when Alex kicks a fallen enemy on the "gulliver" it might be any part of the
body, but when a glass of beer is served with a gulliver, "gulliver" is head.
(Life is easier, of course, for those who know the Russian word golova.)
Anthony Burgess has not used Russian words mechanically, but with great
ingenuity, as the transformation into "gulliver," with its Swiftian associates,
suggests. Others are brilliantly anglicized: khorosho (good or well) as
"horrowshow"; iudi (people) as "lewdies"; militsia (militia or police) as
millicents. Burgess has not used Russian words in an American slang extension,
such as nadsat itself, in the termination of the Russian numbers eleven to
nineteen, which he breaks off independently on the analogy of our "teen". Thus
kopat (to dig with a shovel) is used as "dig" in the sense of enjoy or under-
stand; koshka (cat) and ptitsa (bird) become the hip "cat" and "chick";
neezhny (lower) turns into "neezhnies" (underpants); pooshka (cannon) becomes
the term for a pistol; rozha (grimace) turns into "rozz", one of the words
for policeman; samyi (the most) becomes "sammy" (generous); soomka (bag) is the
slang "ugly woman"; vareet (to cook up) is also used in the slang sense, for
something preparing or transpiring.
The "gypsy talk", I would guess, includes Alex's phrase "O my brothers", and
"crark" (to yowl?), "cutter" (money), "filly" (to fool with), and such.
The rhyming slang includes "luscious glory" or "hair" (rhyming with "upper
story"?) and "pretty polly" for "money" (rhyming with "lolly" or current slang)
Others are inevitable associations, such as "cancer" for "cigarette" and
"charlie" for "chaplain". Others are produced simply by schoolboy transforma-
tions: "appy polly loggy" (apology), "baddiwad" (bad), "eggiweg" (egg),
"skolliwoll" (school), and so forth. Others are amputations: "guff" (guffaw),
"pee and em" (pop and mom), "sarky" (sarcastic), "sinny" (cinema). Some
appear to be portmanteau words: "chumble" (chatter-mumble), "mounch" (mouth-
munch), "shive" (shiv-shave), "skirking" (striking-scratching).
There are slight inconsistencies in the story when Alex forgets his word and
invents another or uses our word, but on the whole he handles his Russianate
vocabulary in a masterly fashion. It has a wonderful sound, particularly in
abuse, when "grahzny bratchny" sounds infinitely better than "dirty bastard".
[The above material was re-printed without permission from the AFTERWORD from
A CLOCKWORK ORANGE. It is condensed as to save wear-and-tear on my fingers.]
Stanley Edgar Hyman
July, 1963
GLOSSARY OF NADSAT LANGUAGE
Words that don't seem to be of Russian origin are distinguished by asterisks.
* appy polly loggy - apology
baboochka - old woman
baddiwad - bad
banda - band
bezoomny - mad
biblio - library
bitva - battle
Bog - God
bolnoy - sick
bolshy - big, great
brat, bratty - brother
bratchny - bastard
britva - razor
brooko - belly
brosay - to throw
bugatty - rich
cal - feces
* cancer - cigarette
cantora - office
carman - pocket
chai - tea
* charles, charlie - chaplain
chasha - cup
chasso - guard
cheena - woman
cheest - to wash
chelloveck - person, man, follow
chepooka - nonsense
choodessny - wonderful
* chumble - to mumble
clop - beak
collocoll - bell
* crack - to break up or "bust"
* crark - to yowl?
crast - to rob or steal; robbery
creech - to shout or scream
* cutter - money
dama - lady
ded - old man
deng - money
devotchka - girl
dobby - good
* dook - trace, ghost
domy - house
dorogoy - dear, valuable
dratsing - fighting
* drencrom - drug
droog - friend (ie: my droogies)
* dung - to defecate
dva - two
eegra - game
eemya - name
* eggiweg - egg
* filly - to play or fool with
* firegold - drink
* fist - to punch
* flip - wild?
forella - "trout"
gazetta - newspaper
glazz - eye
gloopy - stupid
* golly - unit of money
goloss - voice
goober - lip
gooly - to walk
gorlo - throat
govorett - to speak or talk
grahzny - dirty
grazzy - soiled
gromky - loud
groody - breast
gruppa - group
* guff - guffaw
gulliver - head
* gulliwuts - guts
* hen-korm - chickenfeed
* horn - to cry out
horrorshow - good, well
* in-out in-out - copulation
interessovat - to interest
itty - to go
* jammiwam - jam
jeezny - life
kartoffel - potato
keeshkas - guts
kleb - bread
kootch - key
knopka - button
kopat - to "dig"
koshka - cat
kot - tomcat
krovvy - blood
kupet - to buy
lapa - paw
lewdies - people
* lighter - crone?
litso - face
tomtick - piece, bit
loveted - caught
lubbilubbing - making love
* luscious glory - hair
malchick - boy
malenky - little, tiny
malso - butter
merzky - filthy
messel - thought, fancy
mesto - place
millicent - policeman
minoota - minute
molodoy - young
moloko - milk
moodge - man
morder - snout
* mounch - snack
mozg - brain
nachinat - to begin
nadmenny - arrogant
nadsat - teenage
nagoy - naked
* nazz - fool
neezhnies - underpants
nochy - night
noga - foot, leg
nozh - knife
nuking - smelling
oddy knocky - lonesome
odin - one
okno - window
oobivat - to kill
ookadeet - to leave
ooko - ear
oomny - brainy
oozhassny - terrible
oozy - chain
osoosh - to wipe
otchkies - eyeglasses
* pan-handle - erection
* pee and em - parents
peet - to drink
pischcha - food
platch - to cry
platties - clothes
pletcho - shoulder
plenny - prisoner
plesk - splash
* plosh - to splash
plott - body
podooshka - pillow
pol - sex
polezny - useful
* polyclef - skeleton key
pony - to understand
poogly - frightened
pooshka - "cannon"
prestoopnik - criminal
privodeet - to lead somewhere
* pretty polly - money
prod - to produce
ptitsa - "chick"
pyahnitsa - drunk
rabbit - work, job
radosty - joy
raskazz - story
rassoodock - mind
raz - time
razdraz - upset
razrez - to rip, ripping
rock, rooker - hand, arm
rot - mouth
rozz - policeman
sabog - shoe
sakar - sugar
sammy - generous
* sarky - sarcastic
scotenna - "cow"
shaika - gang
* sharp - female
sharries - buttocks
shest - barrier
* shilarny - concern
* shive - slice
shiyah - neck
shlem - helmet
* shlaga - club
shlapa - hat
shoom - noise
shoot - fool
* sinny - cinema
shazat - to say
* skolliwoll - school
skorry - quick, quickly
* shriking - scratching
shvat - to grab
sladky - sweet
sloochat - to happen
sloosh, slosshy - to hear, to listen
slovo - word
smech - laugh
smot - to look
sneety - dream
* snoutie - tobacco?
* snuff it - to die
sobirat - to pick up
* sod - to fornicate, fornicator
soomaka - "bag"
soviet - advice, order
spat - to sleep
spatchka - sleep
* splodge, splosh - splash
* spoogy - terrified
* Staja - State Jail
starry - ancient
strack - horror
* synthemesc - drug
tally - waist
* tashtook - handkerchief
* tass - cup
tolchock - to hit or push;blow, beating
toofles - slippers
tree - three
vareet - to "cook up"
* vaysay - washroom
veck - (see chelloveck)
* vellocet - drug
veshch - thing
viddy - to see or look
voloss - hair
von - smell
vred - to harm or damage
yahma - hole
* yahoodies - Jews
yabzick - tongue
* yarbles - testicles
yeckate - to drive
* warble - song
zammechat - remarkable
zasnoot - sleep
zhenna - wife
zoobies - teeth
zvonock - bellpull
zvook - sound
Editor's note: The idea of this text-file is so people can print this
------------- glossary out, without having to tear apart the book. Some
of us live by this movie..
Further Notes: Bit of the 'ol Ultraviolence, fellow droogies?
Muahaha{tan them eyeballs}ahahahaha{tan them eyeballs}ahaha!
- Dr. Murdock
4/1/86 - Anarchy inc.(tm) All Rights Reserved.
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
.
ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ
Ý° THE HOLLOW'S ALLIANCE °Þ
Ý°  Tfile Distribution Center / MASS Megs  °Þ
Ý° 415/236/2371 RoR - Alucard 415/236/2371 °Þ
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Ý°Shawn-Da-Lay Boy Production Inc. The Electric Pub : 415/236/4380°Þ
Ý°°°°° The Gates of Hell are open Night and Day; °°°°°Þ
ݱ±± Ø Smooth is the Descent and Easy is the Way Ø ±±±Þ
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groups/ANARCHYINC/clutter.hum
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------------
Anarchy inc. ...presents...
------------ ->) The Art of ClUtTer (<-
An advertisement for Anarchy inc. by The Daredevil
Ever wanted to have -YOUR- ae line cluttered? Ever wanted to add a
touch of class to your ae line? Well, then you're reading the right (write)
text-file! Yes, we here at Anarchy inc. are more than happy to help you with
your need for clutter. We have to offer you:
Anarchy inc. text-files!
Wow! Excitement! Yes, you will have such illustrious text-files
to choose from, such as:
"How to Have Fun In K-Mart"
"Are YOU a Modem Geek?"
"The Life and Times of Matt Ackeret"
"101 things to do with a Dead Ackeret"
"How to Forge At&t Cards"
"The Lord Omega School of Terrorism"
"Sexual Preferences of Users We All Know Well..."
"Nothing."
...and much, much more...
So, if you EVER feel the need for clutter, amusement, or kinky sex,
Anarchy inc. is here. So you can serve us.
[This advertisement was paid for by The VanCo Associates, but they don't know
that...So don't tell them...]
Anarchy inc. "We take care of our own." founded in 1984
The Daredevil, The Moon Roach, Havoc The Chaos, Ruby Tuesday, The Sheik,
Lord Omega, Dark Shadow, Surf Rat, Teeny Bopper, A Modem User, D.B. Cooper,
Pleasure Victim, Alexander of Atlantis, The Anarchist, Ron S. VanZuylen
Torqa Dun, Someone Else...
..dD
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
_ ___ _ the _ _ __ P>rogressive U>nderground
And as this textfile | ||__ \ | | | | | ||_ \ D>issidents
rolls off the screen, | | __) )| | | | | | \ \ 3 1 3 - 4 3 3 - 3 1 6 4
you realize instantly | ||___/ | | | | | | ) ) 300/1200 Baud
the place to get more | | | |___| | | | _/ / 20 Megs of TextFiles
like it.. |_| \_____/ |_||__/ SysOp: Mr. Pez

groups/ANARCHYINC/comeonma.hum
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------------
Anarchy inc.
------------
.. presents ..
He stepped out of the shower, and onto the cold floor, silently cursing
himself for not bringing a towel in to act as a bathmat. The bathroom was
tiled, and cold, a shiver ran over him. He toweled off quickly, and looked into
the mirror. His hair stuck off into many different directions. After combing
it straight, and blow-drying it, he looked a little more normal. George still
had some acne left on his cheek, and a small (ugly) scar on his chin. A moan
came from behind the door.
He opened it, and Mallorie was just waking up. "She's a bitch to live with,
I'll tell ya" was a common phrase from George. He walked out, and climbed into
a pair of sweatpants. Mallorie spoke. "Goddamnit, you with your hair-dryer
woke me up. Today was my day to sleep in, fer christ sake." George shook his
head, and said nothing. "Have some respect for the dead." she flopped back into
the over-sized bed, pulling the sheets over her head. George grabbed his helmet
and walked out.
The refrigerator was one of those small-bar types, but they couldn't afford
anything else. He drank what was left of a carton of orange juice ("Tastes like
shit in the morning, everything does") and slammed the door behind him when he
left. "You were a lousy fuck!", Mallorie shouted, somewhat in jest.
"Bitch." he said under his breath.
George lost his lincense when he was 24, and hadn't been behind the wheel of a
car since. He had a ten-speed, that was good enough. "I paid $240 for the
thing, it better be good enough." he would say. "Insurance rates are too high,
anyway." Sure, George.
He climbed onto the bike, and sailed down the driveway slowly, past the other
apartments. He looked down at his digital watch, which had beeped, telling him
it was 7:00 am. He rode on, down the street, past the 7-11 on the corner, and
the gas station, and began the big climb over the overpass. It was steep,
because highway 35 wasn't all that inset into the ground. George rode on.
He made it to the top. He let the bike glide, and pedaled backwards, feeling
the chain threat through it's course. Together, they picked up speed, and began
the quick, short ride down the overpass. That's when he first saw the Ford
Pinto.
Jean Imahara was not a happy lady. With three kids, a demanding husband, and
an infant that had spilled chocolate milk all over the backseat of the car, this
added up to putting the lady in a bad mood. She drove quickly, and forced the
car to speed up the overpass. The child in the backseat gurgled. "Shut up."
she said. The baby gurgled again, not understanding. That's when she saw the
bicyclist.
------
George looked up, slowly. A numbness was creeping up his back, laying into
his face. Everything was one-dimensional, he noticed. What a pain to only have
one eye, he though. One eye? No, the blood just hardened, I have two. I hope.
Funny, I can't move my arms. That's a nice tree, a ginko tree, if I remember
correctly. How do you spell 'remember'? R-E-M-E-M-E-M Hahahaha.
------
George had been riding too far out in the road, or the Pinto had been too
close to the bike lane. She struck the side of George's bike, sending George to
tumble over the hood. He didn't say much, but she was certain she had hurt him.
Another car, travelling the same way, tried to brake, but ended up running over
George's hand. George didn't protest, he was dead to the world. Jean screeched
the car to a halt, and cried.
George looked around, slowly. He couldn't hear the sirens, or the screaming.
He didn't know his leg was broken in two places. He only saw the lady. She was
standing out of the chaos, off to the side, wearing only a cloak. A scynthe was
by her side. She walked, slowly, to George, and kneeled next to him.
------
"Pretty bad, George, looking pretty bad." she said. She was beautiful. Blond
hair spilled from under the dark hood. Her skin was clear, and smooth. He
wanted to kiss her, nothing more. He didn't feel the pain. "Want to come with
me? Fuck all this noise?"
George just kept staring.
"Kiss me." she said. George moved forward, and she moved down.
They kissed, pressing their lips together. He could do nothing. George
closed his eyes and enjoyed it, taking it all in. After a half-minute had gone
by, he slowly opened one eye.
Her face was melting. The skin slid off like scrambled eggs onto a breakfast
plate. It bubbled and oozed, revealing her true self. A white skull was there,
grinning at George.
George laughed. Then he felt the pain. He felt the fractured skull, the
compound fracture in his left arm, the bones in his legs crushed, the hand and
the scar on his forehead, the bruises and hairline cracks all over. George
screamed.
He laughed, as Death took him.
------
"And they started to fly ...
She had taken his hand ...
Come on, Mary,
Don't fear the reaper..."
- Blue Oyster Cult
Written by The Stranger (...Harrison) on 4/4/86.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
the Progressive Underground
Although I haven't ||||||\\ ||| ||| |||||\\ Dissidents
heard from him, ||| )))||| ||| ||| \\\ 3 1 3 - 4 3 3 - 3 1 6 4
maybe this file's ||||||// ||| ||| ||| ))) Running: Citadel v2.17
author would =WANT= you ||| ||| ||| ||| /// About 20 Megs of TextFiles
to call... ||| \\|||// ||||||/ and the SysOp is Mr. Pez.

groups/ANARCHYINC/confusio.hum
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Religion a view by The Daredevil of Anarchy inc.
--------
Religion is a funny thing. People worship God (Budda/Mow/whatever) in their
own way. But, you can get in a lot of "trouble" if you don't worship God in
somebody else's way. Such is the case with the persecution of Jews, Moonies,
Hari Krishnas, etc. The Bible, is put down by a lot of people as being "...just
another novel full of stories..." Well, true. It is full of stories. But,
these stories give people a base to live life upon. Some people accept that God
exists as a "truth". Imagine trying to convince a Jew that God doesn't exist.
It's the same thing as trying to convince a machine language programmer that
PILOT is better. Bother the programmer and the Jew will pass you off as crazy.
See? So, people, don't bother trying to convince somebody that one religion is
better than the other. Mind you, you can prove that one thing is better than
the other (ie, Macintoshes and Timex Sinclair). But religion is not one of
those things. Trust me. (...said the spider to the fly...)
Now, I've found that some people cannot sleep without knowing that there is
somebody watching over you. Imagine, if you will, a world without God. Now,
first, we suffer from lack of love and compassion. How!? Well, look at it this
way. Now, if you have no God, then people have no sense of security. (...think
of Linus's blanket, from Peanuts...) They know that the Universe is a massivly
huge place. [I don't want to go into how big it really is. Douglas Adams
already outlined it in "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy". Just trust me, it's
big.] They know that after they die, there is no place for them to go. They
know that it doesn't matter what kind of person they are on this world.
Everybody goes to the same place when they die. Where? To an eternal sleep.
So, people are generally bad, cruel, uncaring, numb human beings. Human.
Underline that word. Why do I say that they are bad? Because good people don't
get very far in life. "NO! They go to heav-" No. There is no heaven. So,
therefore, people see no reason for love, and as generations go on, they become
even more filled with hate and disregard for laws, life, love, and anything else
that should come along their path in life. Good guys finish last, right? "NO!
They get to go to heav-" Nope. There is no heaven. So, therefore, nobody
cares.
WRONG!!! -------- --------
The Bible gives these people comfort, and lets them feel that there is
somebody that loves them. That there is somebody to take care of them when they
are in need. That there is somebody out there, watching them. That doesn't
mean that The Bible is for everybody. It isn't. Call these people weak, if you
must, but at least they're assured. What do I mean by that? Well, who's to say
that God doesn't exist. Can you prove it? Who's to say that God does exist?
Can they prove it? Yes, each side can prove it! Huh? Therefore, this cancels
both these theories out. See? There is no God, yet there is. It can be
proved. Now, here's another intresting point. "...faith denies proof, and
without faith I am nothing..." THAT'S TRUE. But, this doesn't even have to
interact with God. It can work with anything, that has been proved, and then
not proved (and proved again...and not again...and again...programmers call this
an endless loop. Congress calls this a working system. Bad joke.) This quote
(i guess it's a quote...from who? From God. But I thought you said he doesn't
exist! No, I said that it's been proved that God doesn't exist. But it has
been proved that he DOES exist. That's correct also. HUH!?) can work with
anything from UFO's, Aliens, the Supernatural, and Ron VanZuylen. See my
confusing point? But, if it's been proved that he does exist, then proof denies
faith, and without faith, he is nothing. So, therefore, he is nothing. But,
what about all these people with Bibles, and all the churches? They must have
put/wrote them for a reason? The reason? Comfort. Oh, I thought I'd mention.
How does one prove that God exists? Why would all these massive amounts of
people worship him if he didn't? If God causes miracles to happen, then these
miracles are proof! Then again, what is proof? It's evidence. It's the facts,
bud! But how can you have facts? Can you prove that Ron VanZuylen exists? [I
realise that this a crude example. Let's use some- thing like Japan.] Can you
prove that Japan exists? Ever been there? You haven't? Maybe Japan is an
elaborate joke from the US Goverment, and accually you're going Toledo. All
japanese are chinese? Or maybe all these Japanese are from Toldeo! Riiiiiight.
Nobody in their right mind would believe that. Prove I'm wrong. Heh. Oh, you
have a picture of Japan. Ever hear of Universal Studios? OH! I forgot to
mention. Can you prove that I'm right? Therefore, nothing can be proved. See?
Thank you. Thank you Mr. Moon Roach. Now, if nothing can be proved, then
there is no religion. But, I'm not here to disprove Japan, Ron VanZuylen,
Religion and God, VanVision CBBS, or anything else. Perhaps I've gone off on
too many different tangents. ("Sex?" "Shut up Ron.") Have I confused you yet?
Drat. You're following all of this.
Now, what I've been attempting to grasp in this whole semblence of a
statement, is that nothing can be proved, so knock off trying to disprove
things, or even prove them. In this case, we're talking about Religion here.
So, let's, for the sake of arguement, say that every religion is real.
Everybody is correct. I can't end this file saying that everybody is incorrect.
That would bother some people. But, let me end it on this note:
Everything is correct, and real. Everything is also incorrect, and unreal.
Both these statements can be proved. Nothing can be proved. Nothing can't even
be proved. Therefore, everything cancles itself out, and we're all nice and
confused once again. Now, perhaps you can understand why some people take
drugs, right? They're victims of reality. What a wasteful pity of a human
mind. Exposed to reality at a young age. Don't blame them.
[Authors Note]
At the rate I'm going, this textfile could go on forever. Or at least until I
run out of buffer space. I started out on religion, and ended it on the note
that people who take drugs aren't ready for raw reality. Strange. That's what
I get when I don't write anything in a long time, and all these weird odd ideas
form in my overtaxed mind. I can't call this file RELIGION. That would confuse
too many people. I can't call it "FUCK!! volume two". This file shall be
known herein as "MASS CONFUSION VOLUME ONE". Fair enough? Oh yes, I had a
disclaimer to print also...
[Disclaimer]
I referred to God as God, as most people call him. However, God in this
textfile shall be symbolized as anything that is worshiped by one or more
people(s). So, don't get angry if I didn't mention your God.
I also referred to God as being a "He". You'll have to excuse me for that.
We cannot prove that God is male, or female, or either, or both. Now, I don't
want to start disproving proof again, because I'm getting confused by my own
writing now!
[Last Notes]
Drugs. Alcohol. Sex. Insanity. Violence. Lobotomies. Fantasies. These
are a few of the things used to escape from the grim, bare, naked, nitty-gritty,
down-to-the-earth reality. Reality is horrible, and it shows us running around
this misrable little planet off in the corner of the Universe, creating things
to tear them down, living only about forty years out of the BILLIONS AND
BILLIONS AND BILLIONS (etc.) of years that the Earth has existed. Am I scaring
you? That's life. Is it? No. Prove it. Shut up, Daredevil.
[Credits]
Ideas for this file were derived from: The Moon Roach
Ron S. VanZuylen
Ruby Tuesday
The Princess (Leia)
Eric C. Thompson
and some funny lady on a bus that tried to give me
a pamplet on Christianity.
Created by The Daredevil (Harrison) of Anarchy inc. (4/28/85 - Sunday morning)
Anarchy inc. "We take care of our own."
The Daredevil, Alexander of Atlantis, Senator Bunker, Dark Shadow, Surf Rat,
Havoc The Chaos, A Modem User, The Moon Roach, Eric C. Thompson, Ruby Tuesday,
Lord Omega, Ron S. VanZuylen
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

groups/ANARCHYINC/crankcal.fun
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------------
Anarchy inc. -----------------
------------ Proudly Presents:
-----------------
.:How to Properly Crank Call some poor fool:.
Written by: ((.)) The Bullseye!
Well, you will probally say, upon reading the title, that you already know
how to crank call somebody. Not really...There are many different ways to
crank call a person, mentioned below in several catagories.
Why crank call a person, you might ask? Well, some people flat out deserve
it. Like the tough kid in your class, or the kid with the parents who don't
give a hang what the kid does...It's these kind of people that deserve what
they get. I don't like crank calling people just because "They're
ugly","They're a dork.", etc. Only crank call people if they deserve it, and
if you want to have some serious fun.
.:Silly stuff
I don't like making silly crank calls. These are the childish ones like
giggling into the fone, leaving harsh messages on people's answering machines,
screaming and hanging up, or something else dumb. I don't waste my time with
these, as you can get pinned for these most often.
.:Scared?
Well, I have several ideas on this subject. One of the most cruel, is "Check
on the Baby!" or "Don't come out of the house!" or something nasty to that
effect. My favorite conversion goes like this:
Them: "Hello?"
You: "Hello. My name is (Whatever) from 'S' & 'M' Industries, and we'd
like to confirm your order of (whatever, usually sexual stuff.)
that you phoned in last weekend."
Them: "I did not!"
You: (State their address, fone #, etc.) and say that the order has already
gone through, and will arrive shortly, anytime from now, to six
weeks.
Them: "Gag."
Use a calm speaking tone when doing this, and insist that they ordered it.
It's such fun.
For parents with kids who are real hell-raisers, call up and say that you are
Officer (Whatever, use a real cop-name) and that their son has been picked up
on charges of (Tresspassing, Indecent Exposure, Prostitution, or whatever) and
they you'd like for the adult to come get the child. Really disrupts a
household.
.:Other things to do...
Well, if you REALLY dislike somebody, call one of those 800(toll free)
numbers, and order them something, C.O.D., of course...Something useless, like
kitchen knives, 3-D Graphic Plotters, and other things.) This pisses people
off, especially when you do it three times in a week.
When you crank call, have guts. Don't just call up, scream "FUCK YOU!" and
hang up. What you SHOULD do is call up, scream "FUCK YOU!" and wait for an
answer...They usually hang up, which is a real pity. When they threaten to
call the police, remember that this takes time. In this time, have fun!
That's about it, or that's all that comes to mind at this point. Remember,
you don't know where you got this information from, once again.
((.)) The Bullseye [[.]]

groups/ANARCHYINC/dancestr.hum
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A:\TEXT\STREETS.TXT (11-Feb-86) 70 lines/80 columns/7-bit ASCII
edited at VANC0 by R.VAN for public distribution -- not for resale
"WHY DON'T PEOPLE DANCE IN THE STREETS?"
----------------------------------------
There are appealing aspects of other cultures we Americans haven't yet
stolen, bought, allowed to immigrate, or copied.
For four centuries, even before America became the U.S., this land was
the great melting pot. It absorbed pieces of nearly every other culture in
the world. Often those pieces were the wrong ones. We allowed in the Mafia
long before we heartily embraced pizza, for instance.
On the other hand, we have been remarkably slow in adopting some comely
features of other civilizations. Why haven't we integrated the siesta into
our work day? Why don't we all celebrate, as they do in Rio de Janeiro,
Carnival? (Ok, so they do in New Orleans, but where else?) Why do we drive
on the right instead of the left? There are too many tasty customs from other
countries we don't give a single thought.
Can you imagine what life in America might be like if we had ancestors
with the foresight to apply even a few of them long ago enough for you and I
to enjoy them? But no. We are, and always have been, too self-involved.
Narcissistic, even. While others in the world played, we worked. Backed by
the Puritan habit, we became giants of commerce, militarily powerful,
scientifically advanced. But we forgot to smell the freesia, and today
America is a nation without a cultural identity (except for music videos).
What does a young United Statesperson have to look forward to? We have
turned our lives around-- leisure time occurs in the early years, until school
is out; then, we work ourselves right to death. Retirement? Sure, when we're
old and frail. It doesn't make sense. Most of us live vicariously, surrounded
by images visual and auditory which draw the sap in our veins leaving our
bodies prone in front of the VCR, or whatever.
We are guided through our years by a rigorous calendar that allows us to
give flowers on Valentine's day, to honor our mothers one day a year, to escape
for the weekend only four or five times. The rest of the year is to work and
to work out.
We're in a pityful mess. Look... I think it ought to be this way:
"PEOPLE ARE DANCING IN THE STREET!"
-----------------------------------
Parents should be allowed to raise their young children until about age
eight without having to work overlong. When the kids hit eight, they should
be funneled into the school system all year long from nine-to-five until they
escape at about age twenty-one.
That way, parents could, you know, work part time and socialize their kids
with other families doing family stuff. Social security could provide funding
for these years. When the kids (say, a maximum of four) are in school for
those 13 to 18 years, the parents could work as much as needed to repay Social
Security and get ahead in the world.
When the last kid is out of school, every family should be allowed one
last, year long, vacation together. Then the kids could go about their own
business and the parents could go their own way, too.
So. Let's say between the ages of 21 and 27, everyone could do whatever
they want without undue pressure. You could be an artist for six years and,
if it shouldn't work out, well, no harm done. Get it?
After the final family vacation is over, the parents would be, let's see,
say about 55 or so. That would be a good time for four or five years of
community, or civil, service. After that, a few years of federal service.
When the aging parents hit 65 or so, they would go into educational service,
staffing schools and research installations and the like.
Why, it would be nirvana!
During all of this nirvana, it would be important not to work too hard.
There goes the idea of siesta. And regular parties would be important, too.
Parties for everyone, not just politicians.
There's a lot to be said for how things should be. And we do really have a
lot of our values turned upside down. Perhaps we could persuade president
Reagan to seek cultural aid from countries the cultures of which we admire.
If we get enough cultural aid, he might not have to raise taxes.
*** The following comment has nothing to do with the previous text: ***
"A San Francisco lady left her $175,000 house to her dog? I bet he
sells it and buys 50 tons of Alpo dog food."-- Ron S. van Zuylen
rancisco lady left her $175,000 house to her dog? I bet he
sells it and buys 50 tons of Alpo dog food."-- Ron S.
groups/ANARCHYINC/daveconc.hum
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-------------
The Anarchy, Inc. People present..
-------------
Dave's Concept Workshop #1
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
D is for Dumptruck. I knew that, you know that, and those uh, people
over in England certainly know it. You see, they're a band, and they've
managed to put together two albums. It's enough to make you ill.
In my relentless quest for some good modern music to listen to, I have
long since given up such things as KITS (Hot Hits!), T0P 40, and MTV; leaving
me to portend with the underground movement: the Quake (defunct), NightMusic
(also defunct), and college radio (as good as defunct).
Now wait a second. I'm beginning to hear a lot about the college radio,
but 1) my antenna is so bad i can't recieve any of them very well, and 2) what
I do get sounds like screaming lunatics spewing sultry dance rhythms softly on
magnetic tape without any regard to whether or not their music is danceable.
My situation has gotten so desperate recently that, yes, I have even been
willing to Spend Money just to listen to something pretty decent. And since
Spending Money means record stores, I've chosen the two best: Tower with the
selection, the Record Factory with the return policy. Well, I walked into
Tower Records this past weekend and was quite astonished at what I saw.
It seems the "Techno-synth-dirge-pop" of the early '80s has been replaced
by "Mello-sillypop" and "Death-cult-blood-and-guts-pop" and "This-is-getting-
ridiculous-pop".. Just look the titles in the import section and that'll give
you the whole story.
Yes, there is a "D is for Dumptruck". There are also "Prefab Sprout" and
"The Plutonium Babies" (you thought the Butthole Surfers were bad enough..
(they are)). If you look harder you can find such groups as "Postwar" and
"Dirty Donkey Dung". If you look for the Rhino label, you'll find such
classics as "the Royal Ketzenbarger Orchestra performs some of the old Kinks
tunes". Or something like that. I'm not kidding.
If you want to pay $6.99 to hear Lint Brush Residue sing the 12" (remix)
of "Back in the Cellar Again", you just go ahead.
I spent hours wading through the mess looking for some pretty good music,
and here's some of what I found..
Ultravox: "Lament" (12"), "Dancing With Tears in my Eyes" (12"),
"Systems of Romance" (LP)
New Order: "Sub-Culture", "Blue Monday/The Beach",
"Shellshock" (all 12")
Animotion: "Obsession/I Engineer" (12")
Marillion: "Brief Encounter" (mini LP)
Jean Michel Jarre: "Zoolook" (LP)
Dead or Alive: "My Heart Goes Bang", "Lover Come Back to Me"
(both 12")
Bauhaus: "She's in Parties" (12")
Joy Division: "Still" (LP)
Grace Jones: "Slave to the Rhythm" (12")
Sly Fox: "Let's Go All the Way" (12")
Harold Faltermeyer: "Axel F" (12")
Nina Hagen: "Universal Radio" (12")
a-ha!: "The Sun Always Shines on TV" (12")
Midge Ure: "The Gift" (LP)
I don't know... maybe I just don't want to spend $6.99 on a Husker Du LP
without having the foggiest idea what's on it. But that's no excuse to give
up our relentless quest for some pretty decent Modern Music. It's either that
or t0p 40, folks, it's all we got.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
brought to you by those really mellow folks at
the Darque Side, 408/245-SPAM
call today, and vomit.
apr1986, anarchy, inc.
(>
groups/ANARCHYINC/deffools.hum
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------------
Anarchy inc. ...presents...
------------ Definitions for the Uninformed! 2/85
Written by: Eric C. Thompson of Anarchy inc.
Introduction
------------
I realise that this text-file will be, at the most, useless to the computer
and modem users that consider themselves well-informed about the latest teenage
slang words. However, I realized that some users, like Matt Ackeret, Mr. Wang
Bang, and Commander Video are young, and sheltered, and might not be able to
keep up with the endless listings of teenage slang. In the chapters to come,
I'd like to help users like the ones listed, and countless others to the world
of slang and such.
Chapter I: General definitions
----------
[Disclamer: I hope that younger computer users, like Gandalf the Grey and
WoLvErInE LoGaN, aren't offended by the use of supposed malicious words and
such. We here at Anarchy inc. aren't responsible for angered parents who take
things like this the wrong way, and take it out on their children.]
FUCK: This means that the person who said this wishes to have sex. If
he/she says:"FUCK YOU!" then they wish to have sex with you. One
should stay away from these perverts, and ignore them. They only
want to use you.
SHIT: This is the excretion of human waste, and if somebody happens to
type:"SHIT!" that means that you should get out of the area, as not
to embarrass them, and remind them to clean up the mess when they are
done.
GODDAMNIT: The person who says this is highly religious, and wishes the lord
above to damn a certain person, object, etc. They usually refer
to their modem, when it overheats or a busy signal from the local
popular Bulletin Board System.
DICK: This is a negative statement, and one usually refers to another like:
"OH, YOU'RE SUCH A DICK." A dick is a plainclothes cop, as said in
the 1930's(i.e. Dick Tracy, etc.). You should explain to them, in
plain terms, that you are not a police officer of any kind, and you
aren't going to arrest or shoot them.
PUSSY: In case you don't know, this is a cat. When somebody says something
along the lines of "EAT PUSSY", then this means that they are into
animal lust, and they should be avoided at all costs. Whoever would
want to eat a cat is beyond me. Chicken, when cooked, tastes better.
SNATCH: To snatch, is to steal or take an object that doesn't belong to you.
If somebody should remark:"GRAB SNATCH", then they are a kleptomaniac
and should not be allowed to come along on trips to the local
shopping mall. It should also be noted that they have poor english.
COCK: Again, the use of animal's names is quite popular among those who
use slang. If you hear the sentence:"BIG LONG HARD STIFF COCK", then
they are referring to a tall, rigid male chicken. To:"SUCK COCK" is
kinky, and again, stay away from those who use animals during sexual
intercourse.
COCKSUCKER: One who uses animals during sex(see above.).
BLOWJOB: This is like a "lubejob", and it involves automobiles. Mechanics
seem to know what they're doing, as I'm not taking any autoshop
classes. If a male asks a female:"GIVE ME A BLOWJOB." then he
wants his car oiled.
BITCH: A female dog. People who refer to others as "BITCHES" aren't too
smart, and should realise that dogs don't have a thumb, and therefore
can't type. They also aren't smart enough to press CTRL-Q,D. Even
when taught.
HORNY: Covered with spikes. Very few people have horns, and they are usually
referring to lizards and other such reptiles. I don't think that
reptiles are used during sexual intercourse, but knowing people today,
I wouldn't be in the least shocked.
BEAT OFF: I believe that this is the title of Michael Jackson's song, from
his Thriller album. But, being that I don't listen to music played
on the radio, I'll have to check up on this fact. If you see the
sentence, "MATT ACKERET BEATS OFF!", then this probally means that
he is a good breakdancer, and is black, only wealthy enough to wear
on glove, and talk in a high voice.
CUM: This is a radio station, and I believe that it is 94.5 on your FM
dial. They play loud rock music, and I think they forgot the 'K' on
the start of the word. When girls say that:"CUM TASTES GOOD.", this
means that they probally had sex with the dj, or something.
Chapter II:How to use these words in sentence form.
-----------
Well, first I will list several sample sentences, and define their meaning.
"FUCK YOU MAN, GODDAMN COCKSUCKER."
This means that the one who addresses you wants to have sex with you,
then damn you, because you have sexual relations with chickens. You might
want to stay away from him, as he might rape you, and then damn you.
"EAT PUSSY, MOTHERFUCKER!"
This person wants you to eat a cat, and make love to your mother. I'd
suggest you warn your parents, and out kitty out for the night.
"SUCK MY DICK, FUCKHEAD!"
I believe this person has problems with the useage of English language,
as he suggests you "suck" on a 1930's policeman, and he/she wishes to do
nasty things to the upper region of your body. Avoid this person.
"GODDAMNIT."
The person's views are not clear, as you don't know what they wish to have
damned, unless you can see them pointing at something, like a cat or a
1930's cop. Ask them to clarify their intent.
Conclusion
----------
Well, I hope you now understand what most slang words mean. I will attempt to
write another volume of this file, if I can find out some more words to define.
Note that I figured out the meanings of all these words by myself, and personal
experiences. However, note that I do not make love to cats.
-Sincerely,
Eric C. Thompson
of Anarchy inc.
//.....................................\\
|| Anarchy inc. ||
|| "We take care of our own." || :.Coming Soon.:
|| The Daredevil, Havoc The Chaos, || "The Anarchist Manifisto"
|| The Moon Roach, Ruby Tuesday, || by the Moon Roach
|| Surf Rat, The Sheik, Dark Shadow, || "The life and times of
|| Ron S. VanZuylen, Eric C. Thompson, || Eric C. Thompson."
|| A Modem User, The Anarchist, || "Roofing! A complete guide!"
|| Someone Else, Alexander of Atlantis,|| by Havoc The Chaos
|| Teeny Bopper, DB Cooper, || ...and much more...
|| Pleasure Victim, & Torqa Dun. || Call the VanCo Chat line at:
\\.....................................// (408) 732-107
Anarchy inc. "We take care of our own. Don't make us take care of you."

groups/ANARCHYINC/favsexpo.hum
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++* Sexual Preferences *++
Of Users That
We All Know Well
-----
Written By: Teeny Bopper
&
Surf Rat
...An Anarchy Inc. File...
The American: Communist Women
The Jackyl: Anything that Moves
Champion Eternal: 70 year old women and up.
The Sabre: Young Little Girls
The Daredevil: Small Barnyard Animals
Surf Rat: Blonde 14 year old cheerleaders
Teeny Bopper: Young British Pop stars and mods.
Havoc T. Chaos: Rutebegas
Matt Ackeret: Fire Hydrants
The Quazar: Large Stiff Snails
Dragon Lord: Turtles
Rod Serling: Mental Patients
Princess Leia: Barbie Dolls
Enchantress: Anything in the back-seat of a mustang.
Modem Uzer: N/A
The Sheik: Motor Queens
Kid Vicious: Anything in Leather
The Anarchist: Aligator Clips
Alexander of Atlantis: Breakers
Piranna Fish: Anything that kicks
Olympic Goddess: Ken Dolls
The fissure: Star Wars Figures
Lambda Boy: Little Boys
Lord Omega: Stoners
Inver Brass: Female Pheds
The Oracle: Godesses
Eric C. Thomspon: Zucchini
Darc Deathe: Northern Women
Ruby Tuesday: Bearded Men
Blue Adept: Blonde Detectives
The Aussie: Sea Lions
The Saracen: Fast Women
King Arthur: Ladies of The evening
The Unbuckler: Zippers and Buckles
WolVerInE LogAN: Shift Keys
Terri Pryde(?): Bikers
The Moon Roach: Tripple Breasted Whores from Eroticon six.
Well..Give more suggestions! Coming soon! Favorite Sexual Positions of Users
by Teeny and Surf.
Anarchy Inc:
=-----------------=
Anarchy Inc.
"...We take cares of our own..."

groups/ANARCHYINC/fccooman.hum
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+-------------------------------------+
! !
! Nowonkanu FCC Too Many: !
! Journey into the Unwanted Zone !
! !
! Written by Fritz Mertens !
! 5/8/85 !
! !
! Realm of the Rogues:415-941-1990 !
! The Haunted House :415-941-7256 !
! Greater Los Angeles:415-854-0684 !
! South Side of the Sky: 408/738-1685 !
! !
+-------------------------------------+
------------
Anarchy inc.
------------
Due to the recent influx of billions and billions of Nwonknu BBSs, there was
ample room, and sufficient need for a parody. Remember to take this in the
light-hearted humorous manner in which it is presented. Thanks to Ken, cause if
it weren't for him, this T-file just wouldn't exist! So, without further ado,
on with the great adventure into the Unwanted Zone!
=======================================
AE: Term-->
You have made it to:
The one...
The only...
The truly incomperable...
The Nowonkanu FCC Too Many
Sysop:Ken Homrich (Nowonkanu)
-=-=-
Co-sysops:The Unbuckled
-=-=-=-=- Kristy
The Outlawed
Mr. Mischevious
The Biter
Black Panther
Angry Hacker
The Snake
Lady Azure
The Thai-Pan
A Stool
and a cast of thousands!
Enter Password (or 'NONE') :~~~~
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Please use this menu to configure
THE NOWONKANU FCC TOO MANY
to your terminal --
L - Linefeeds............ON
D - Printer Delay........0
C - Case Toggle..........LOWER
W - Screen Width.........40
T - Twirling Cursor......OFF
K - Keyboard.............QUERTY
S - Kitchen Sink.........OUT
Q - Quit This Section
Enter (L,D,C,W,T,K,S,Q,?) :Q
Welcome to my (and only mine, never forget that, it's all mine, and what's
mine is mine!) system. Make sure you use the "I" command once on, or the Great
God Nowonkanu will smite you down. If you have any comments/
donations/complaints/donations/ suggestions/donations/questions/
answers/DONATIONS or just want to write me, please feel free to leave
"F"eedback. Also, I will be calling you (voice), so leave me a message leting
(sic) me know when to call. All this information will be recorded and sent to
the F.B.I, so leave correct information. Thanks!
Please give alias below...
Please answer the following questions-
What do you wish to be called?
>JHONNY THE AVENGER
Format: [XXX-XXX-XXXX]
Enter your 'voice' phone# :415-326-4930
You are JHONNY THE AVENGER
Phone: 415-326-4930
Is this correct? Y
Checking user file...OK
Answer these questions for our records:
Real Name (full):MAXWELL SMART
Birthdate (Format:MM/DD/YY):02/29/72
Social Security #:865-56-9845
Mother's Maiden Name:SWENSON
Visa/Mastercard #:4128 426 238 925
Expiration date:05/86
Credit limit (in $):2000
Home address:
#/Street:321 RIDGEWAY DRIVE
City:REDWOOD CITY
State:CALIFORNIA
Country:UNITED STATES
Continent:NORTH AMERICA
House color:GREEN
How much will you donate to this
system (in $10 increments):0
** INSUFFICIENT RESPONSE **
How much will you donate to this
system (in $10 increments):10
Are you sure? Y
Do you want a [P]assword, or to just
look around as a [G]uest? :P
Please enter a four letter combination
to be used as part of your password.
Password letters:FBI1
Your Password is --> 69FBI1
Please make a note of your new password
and be very careful not to lose it,
else the wrath of Nowonkanu be upon
you! You will need it each and every
time you log into
THE NOWONKANU FCC TOO MANY...
Press any key to enter system:
On-Line: JHONNY THE AVENGER
Good Lunchtime! It's 12:12:12 PM.
Last Caller was: CRACKERJACK KID
(Sorry, no mail waiting for you.)
-=-=- A N N O U N C I N G . . . -=-=-
[CTRL-S 2 PAUSE/SPACE 2 QUIT]
7th of May:
Wow! We just got a K-K-K00l new user,
and I think we should all bow and
scrape to him, he's so K-RAD! His
name is Mr. Magneto, and he comes to
us from the superior BBS of The Lost
Land. He's way up in the levels
there, but is only level 3 here! He
decided to bless our BBS, and start
calling here, wow, isn't that neat?
Well, he might run a game, if we ask
him pretty-please, and give him hard,
cold cash. So get your wallets out,
and salute our new user, Mr. Magneto!
I'm just tickled pink to welcome Mr.
Magneto to our BBS...Wow!
Ken
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
The Nowonkanu FCC Too Many Main Menu
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[A] Announcing... =-= [*] Boreds List
[B] K-K-K00l BBSs -=- [$] Upset Change
[C] Chat with Ken =-= [&] New Boarder
[D] Delete Drivel -=- [%] All Boarders
[E] Electric Mail =-= SysOp:
[F] Feed the Sysop-=- Ken Homrich
[G] General Sex =-=
[I] Info/T-shirts -=- Co-SysOps:
[L] Last 10 Losers=-= too many to list
[M] List of Losers-=-
[N] Peek NewMsgs=#= Call Nowonkanu's
[O] Get Off Now. -1- (415) 555-4194
[P] Post Drivel =2= (415) 555-3831
[S] Scan Drivel -3- (415) 555-9865
[T] Time to go =4= (415) 555-3705
[V] Vote 4 Nothin -5- (415) 555-5179
[Y] Yer Status =6= (415) 555-2306
[!] Get Off Quick -=- More on [B] list
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[GOD I'M GOOD....]
[1]: THE MAIN BOARD
[?=MENU] COMMAND:I
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
-=- System Info/Rules/T-Shirt Info -=-
[CTRL-S 2 PAUSE/SPACE 2 QUIT]
This System is run on:
Apple Hard Drive
Clock Modem
Screen Printer
Rules for Users:
No Swearing No Phreaking
No Hacking No Pirating
No Alcohol No Sex
No Drugs No Rock & Roll
No Nothing! Be Mature
Be Polite Be Prepared
** D O N A T E **
System Location:
The Nowonkanu FCC Too Many
C/O Ken Homrich
123 Main Street
Your Town, USA
T-Shirt Info:
The Nowonkanu FCC's are offering to
create iron-ons for t-shirts for
outrageous prices; only $10 each,
$50 for 4. These are guaranteed to
fade within a month, or you can buy
another at full price! Just give us
a pic (in apple readeble (sic) form
unless it is a text picture). If you
don't have AE to upload it, tuff
beans, that'll cost you xtra $$$!
Send the bucks and pic to the above
address, and we'll make sure to get
to your order in the next 3 months.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[LADY AZURE IS A LAZY BUM!!]
[1]: THE MAIN BOARD
[?=MENU] COMMAND :B
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
-=- K-K-K00L Bulletin Board Systems -=-
[CTRL-S 2 PAUSE/SPACE 2 QUIT]
The Nowonkanu FCC 1........415-555-4194
The Nowonkanu FCC 2........415-555-3831
The Nowonkanu FCC 3........415-555-9865
The Nowonkanu FCC 4........415-555-3705
The Nowonkanu FCC 5........415-555-5179
The Nowonkanu FCC 6........415-555-2306
The Nowonkanu FCC 7........415-555-8528
The Nowonkanu FCC 8........415-555-3756
The Nowonkanu FCC 9........415-555-4576
The Nowonkan
List by The NOWONKANU FCC TOO MANY
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[CALL THIS LAME BBS: 415-555-4194]
[1]: THE MAIN BOARD
[?=MENU] COMMAND :L
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
-=- Last 10 Losers -=-
- Ago - Name of Loser - Lvl -
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
- 1 - CRACKERJACK KID - 2 -
- 2 - THE UNBUCKLED - 8 -
- 3 - KEN HOMRICH - 9 -
- 4 - LADY AZURE - 8 -
- 5 - KEN HOMRICH - 9 -
- 6 - KEN HOMRICH - 9 -
- 7 - KEN HOMRICH - 9 -
- 8 - THE UNBUCKLED - 8 -
- 9 - KEN HOMRICH - 9 -
- 10 - KEN HOMRICH - 9 -
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[FREE SEX...WITH A DOG: CALL 555-3831]
[1]: THE MAIN BOARD
[?=MENU] COMMAND :F
Sorry, that section is only available
to users of level 2 access.
After your information is verified by
the SysOp, and you leave [F]eedback,
you may receive access.
[YOUR MOTHER WAS A HAMSTER...]
[1]: THE MAIN BOARD
[?=MENU] COMMAND :*
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
: Bulletin Boards - Menu :
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
[1]...The Main Board
[2]...The Gaming Board
[3]...The Music & Movies Board
[4]...The Jokes Board
[5]...The For Sale/Wanted Board
[6]...The Bored Board
[7]...How Have You Helped Nowonkanu
[8]...What Should be in a BBS?
[9]...Certainly Not This!
[10]..Why Not?
[11]..Because it Looks Dumb!
[12]..Ok, I'll Stop it Then.
[13]..Good For You!
[14]..The Starry-Eyed League (Club)
[15]..The FCC (Air-Wave Regulators)
[16]..IBM Board
[17]..Apple Board
[18]..Timex-Sinclair Board
[19]..Free For All Sex Board
[20]..Advice&Consent Board/Lady Azure
Now Active: The Main Board
Select (1-20, Q=Quit) Board #Q
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[KEN'S HOUSE OF PANCAKES-NO RELATION!]
[1]: THE MAIN BOARD
[?=MENU] COMMAND :M
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
-=- Master List of Losers -=-
[L]ist, [S]earch, [H]elp, [Q]uit :L
THE NOWONKANU FCC TOO MANY Losers List:
[CTRL-S 2 PAUSE/SPACE 2 QUIT]
1. ALEXANDER O'ATLANTIS
2. ANGRY HACKER
3. BEOWULF
4. BILL THE CAT
5. BITBRAIN
6. BLACK PANTHER
7. BOUNTY BOB
8. CAP'N HACK
9. CAPTAIN HACKER
10. COMPUTER MAN
11. DEAR ABBY
12. DILVISH
13. DISC DECODER
14. DONALD DUCK
15. DROOPY EYES
16. E-MAIL MAN
17. HEIDI
18. JIMMY THE PHREAK
19. KEN HOMRICH
20. KID SAFARI
21. KRISTY
22. LADY AZURE
23. MR. MANIAC
24. MR. MISCHEVIOUS
25. PLEASURE VICTIM
26. PRINCE OF DARKNESS
27. RAP-MASTER
28. SKATE 'N DESTROY
29. SOMEONE ELSE
30. THE BITER
31. THE CRACKERJACK KID
32. THE DESTROYER
33. THE LAST STARFIGHTER
34. THE MODEM HACKER
35. THE OUTLAWED
36. THE SCUZZ
37. THE SNAKE
38. THE THAI-PAN
39. THE THRASHER
40. THE UNBUCKLED
41. THE WABIT
42. TITAN PROMETHEUS
43. YE OLDE TAVERN
-- End of List --
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[NOWONKANU WEARS WOMAN'S CLOTHES]
[1]: THE MAIN BOARD
[?=MENU] COMMAND :S
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
-=- Scan/Read Drivel -=-
There are 8 messages posted
Accessing the Main Board...
Scan from [1-8/N=New] :1
*1. %THIS BOARD
*2. Now, what do we do?
*3. I dunno, any suggesions?
*4. NUKE THIS BOARD!!!
*5. ^^^Bad Idea.
*6 %COME ON GUYS, VOTE!
*7. About Mr. Magneto...
*8. %PLEASE, I'M BEGGING YOU!
[S]can/[Q]uit/[1-8, Last=0] :1
Numb: 1
Subj: %THIS BOARD
From: KEN HOMRICH
Date: Sun Mar 3 8:39:36 PM
POST ABOUT ANYTHING THAT WON'T FIT ON
ANOTHER BOARD...DO IT HERE!
WE ARE 1200 BAUD NOW...
WE HAVE A K-K-K-K00L SYSOP...
AND MANI INTERESTING FURRY ANIMALS...
INCLUDING THE MAJESTIC M00SE!
KEN
[S]can/[Q]uit/[1-8, Last=1] :Q
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[ONE DAY, POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!]
[1]: THE MAIN BOARD
[?=MENU] COMMAND :O
Ready to Log-Off [Y/N]? Y
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Sign-off Loser #4117 at 12:35:56 PM
Please call THE NOWONKANU FCC TOO MANY
again!
Good-Bye, JHONNY THE AVENGER...
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
AE: Connection Terminated
=======================================
Well, there you have it, your first (and only) excursion into the Unwanted
Zone of THE NOWONKANU FCC TOO MANY. We hope you enjoyed it, or at least got a
good laugh...till next time, Edios!
This has been an Ed-Co production...
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

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------------
Anarchy inc. ...proudly presents...
------------
FUCK!! volume 1;revision 2.24
with specially selected quotes from The VanMaster(an over-the-hill dude!)
Written on December 27th, 1984 A.D. -=- Sponsered by:The VanCo Associates
||---------------------------------------|| "We haven't done much in the
|| Anarchy inc. The Daredevil, || past year, but we're still
|| Havoc The Chaos, The Moon Roach || going strong!"
|| D.B. Cooper, Ruby Tuesday, DreadStar|| -Ron VanZuylen
|| The $heik, Eric C. Thompson, || VanVision CBBS 300/1200 baud
|| Space Ace, Grim Jack, Princess Leia|| (408) 732-1079
|| The Bullseye, Surf Rat, A Modem User || "if you connect, you're lucky."
||-------------------------------------|| -The VanMaster
.::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..
Chapter one : Life "Take two of anything, call anybody you want."
-The VanMaster
To some people, life is wonderful. These people usually have 2.3
girlfriends, a porsche coming at graduation, they are the captain of the
football team, totally buffed, and have blond hair, blue eyes with no ache.
This soft of person exists only on the Brady Bunch however, which is a terrible
pity. You aren't wonderful, and you're probally looked down at by these people
anyway. If you are wonderful, good-looking, etc. then why are you using a
modem in the first place? Isn't most of the stuff you do in your life useless?
You take time to earn money, spend it, and earn it again. Useless. In one
million years, on this pitiful little planet, nobody will remember you. All
efforts that you put in to making yourself useful are completely shot to hell.
Maybe not, after all, does hell even exist? (This will be discussed in later
chapters...) You spend time building up your life, only to have it torn apart
by forces beyond your control. Why live? You live in a world where there are
27 different brands of peanut butter, where man destroys nature for the
building of a shopping mall, and people still think digital watches are neat.
Everything around you is useless, futile, and disgustingly pathetic. While you
worry if your hair is "tweaked" or not, people are starving to death in Africa.
Yet, in another opinion, who gives a flying huck if they die? Perhaps it is
for the better, or perhaps one of these people will grow up and find a cure for
cancer. But it dosen't matter if they do or not, because we're all going to be
dead in 10,000 years anyway.
Chapter two : Religion "Why use a modem...I have a pinata!"
-The VanMaster
Perhaps, there is no god. Perhaps there is a god. Perhaps it is the
VanMaster, but this is very unlikely. Maybe Eric C. Thompson is god. Or
maybe one of those African children are... but I doubt that too. Now, people
say that evolution cannot work, because something cannot come out of nothing.
The same can apply to where god came from. Now, let's take another piece of
evidence. The human body is so perfectly mapped out and planned that somebody
must have put it together; pieced it together. But who? God couldn't have,
because nobody knows where he/she/it came from! Religious fanatics say that
people will know when they are dead. O-Boy, I just can't wait. This is
probably just a cop-out, but who am I to question them? Who am I to say that
they are wrong? Yet, who are they to say that my ideals and wrong, and I am
living in sin? All these people come to my door, and tell me that I am living
wrong, while they ask for donations and hand me pamplets? I say, that as long
as they don't bother me, I won't bother them, and we can both live in
happiness. Why can't we? To end it on an intresting note, "lord knows."
Chapter three : Sex "The reason that there's no law against
masturbation is because people would probally
take the law into their own hands."
-The VanMaster
Sex. Nice word, isn't it? You can use it to get people's attention.
Imagine, walk into a church and yell "SEX!" and, by golly, look at all the
attention you'll get. The word causes mormons to cringe upon sight. This is
why you don't see the word "SEX" hanging over your mantleplace. You can have
sex on your mantleplace, if it's big enough, or if you are the data general.,
The word can also get you a slap in the face, or a very (ahem!) intresting
evening. According to the VanMaster sex is highly overrated. It is a very
powerful thing. Most people have it in their power. Most don't, like Matt
Ackeret, and the Champion Eternal, but I wouldn't know. (Check NewsWeek, Mar
14, '62 p.104-05 cover contains Jennifer Kirby for more information...) If you
are incapable of having sex, then life is hard, especially if you're into
masturbation and movies. Sex also brings children, which is a bad side-effect.
It is a common rumor that Sex has a direct link to reproducton, but that is not
true. (Again, check that issue of Newsweek, the one with Jennifer Kirby on the
cover..) Sex is a new thing to most modern-day teenagers, which is why there is
no such thing as a "sweet sixteen" anymore. In fact, there dosen't seem to be
a "sweet thirteen"...(Once again check that issue of newsweek with the article
on Kirby...) Kinky sex is not advised, as it leaves scars and other noticable
marks on unique parts of the body. We won't go into such things as whips,
chains, vibrators with kickstarters, or canalope. Personally, I don't like
canalope. I like grapefruit. (Again, check that damn articial.) Telephone
sex. What a concept. I, for one, am against telephone sex, because it
destroys the mind, your fantasies, and it's tiring too! Homosexuality makes me
sick, especially in males. Females don't bother me, as I like them anyway. If
god had wanted homosexuality, there would have Adam, Bob, and Eve. Eve,
however, would have got the short end of the stick. Think about it, or better
not, don't think about it, because maybe god dosen't exist, or maybe there WAS
Adam and Bob. And Bob just didn't get full credit, besides he wasn't into the
visibility kick. Maybe he got a sex change back in Eden, but Adam must have
done it. Maybe Adam is alive today, living in the body of The Quazar, but this
isn't too possible, since Bob is living in the body of The Champion Eternal.
Perhaps this is all garbage, and should be printed out on tractor feed paper,
and wadded up and thrown into the garbage disposal. Then again, print this on
the back on your hand, and wad it up and it in the garbage disposal and see the
expression your face, as well as the expression on your mother's.
Chapter four : Love "Not only do blondes have more fun,
they have more V.D..."
-The VanMaster
Love is a feeling. Can love really last, or are we all just fooling
ourselves? Isn't is funny how people go through their life loving so many
people. Is there a real love? Or is all just a lie, an illusion of the mind?
Is love an emotion, like happiness, joy, sadness? It seems to be a combination
of all of these. Is love eternal? How many boy/girlfriends have you had? Did
you love them? Ask youself, what is love? Does anybody really love anybody?
Is it a strong word, or is it just a word, like any other? What makes love any
different than happiness? or sadness? It is directly related to one person,
or many people. Do you love the world? Would you die for it? I think not.
Yet would you die for your boy/girl friend? I would...On the other hard, if I
did die for them, I wouldn't have them. Intresting. But it is a nice thing to
say to somebody, isn't it? Love, perhaps is a bond, holding two people
together. Bonds can break, tragically, utterly, and perhaps quickly. (For
example, ask people around you.) How fast does it take to fall out of love?
Two, three days perhaps? Six weeks? Six years? Maybe. It all depends on
what kind of personallity you have. Think about this one, let it sit.
Chapter five : Personallity "The day after tomorrow is the third
day of the rest of your life."
-The VanMaster
I am a mixture of personallities. I am part of the VanMaster, Havoc The
Chaos, The $heik, and other friends of mine. Does this mean that I have no
personallity, but instead, am a mixture of other people? No, it is that I am
my own person that ticks up people's quirks and mannerisms.
This text-file is over. I'm tired, and look for later editions.
Last comments:
The VanMaster:"Kevin Q. Clover, aka THE QUAZAR, does not like being called
Uncle Quazar, due to the grounds that his associates might find
out that he is a COMPUTER GEEK, and he needs his modem for a
semblence of a social life. That's sad, isn't it?"
The Daredevil:"Hey, I just work here..."
Bob:"Fuck."
Ron S. VanZuylen:"Hmmmm...I think I'll sink Austraila."
This text-file is owned in part by The VanCo Associates, with concepts stolen
with permission from Ron S. VanZuylen. Anarchy inc. would like to have
nothing to do with this file, but we're stuck with it.
(c) 1984 All Tables Reserved. MCMLXXXIV
with many thanks to Jennifer "Trillia" Kirby, for without her, this text-file
would have gone as planned. Now nobody's going to read it! For a good time,
call Jennifer Kirby at (408) 245-,mnW]@\a(8 or at (415) 976-6060 or at
800-DUM-PRON!! All these calls are toll-free.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
(Kinda scary, eh?)
Oh, your mother sins so bad.
Oh, the dog ate your bible.
Life is getting better.
Warning: Exploding bibles can be hazardous to your health.
(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)
-----------
Anarchy inc. ...somewhat proudly presents...
------------
-= FUCK!! volume two =-
"Ooooo. Break out those write protect tabs!"
This text-file, being a group effort, was written and typed in by:
...The Daredevil .&. Ruby Tuesday... with help from the VanMaster...
//-------------------------------------------\\
|| Anarchy inc. "We take care of our own." ||
|| The Daredevil, Ruby Tuesday, Havoc Chaos||
|| The Moon Roach, Surf Rat, the $heik, ||
|| GrimJack, The Bullseye, D.B. Cooper, ||
|| The Anarchist, Teeny Bopper, DreadStar, ||
|| Space Ace, Ron S. VanZuylen, A Modem User||
|| Pleasure Victim, Dark Shadow, Torqa Dun ||
|| Alexander of Atlantis, Someone Else... ||
|| (Getting rather large, arn't we... || (Oh, gwad.)
\\-------------------------------------------//
Introduction (By Eric C. Thompson) "Did you know a cat will blink
------------- when struck with a hammer?"
-The VanMaster
Chapter one: Mow. The Coming. "If you can't beat them,
------------ have them killed."
-The VanMaster
Hello, this is the Daredevil. I'm going to prove how stupid people are, or
can be. For instance, most of you might have heard of, or be lucky to know Ron
S. VanZuylen. Ron and I happen to go to the same high school(name withheld.)
Now, in our freshman year, so long ago, we had heisted an iron bar from our
electronics lab. This bar was promptly carried around by Ron, and he would
usually attack people with it. We named this piece of pipe:"MOW". That's not
mow, as in mow the lawn, it's Moow. Mow. Get that right. We then started
somewhat of a cult. We told people that MOW was our savior, and we even had
somewhat of a following. The daily bulletin accually once read that there was
a 'MOW DAY'. Our cult chant was: "Mow is now...Or you go 'ow!'." Ron thought
that one up, I didn't. This proves that if you're loud enough about something,
people just might listen. Ron is pretty loud. Not only in his clothing style,
but in his mannerisms as well. He's kinda hard to miss. Maybe this doesn't
prove a darn thing, be we say it does. Now, do you want to argue with somebody
with an iron pipe, who calls it by name? Note that to this day, Ron has the
same pipe in his closet at home. If he ever hears about this file, I'll
probally end up with a slightly larger phone bill, but I felt that this story
needed to be told. Sigh.
Chapter two: Bob the Homosexual in Eden. "I never bite my
------------ nails. I pull them out with
pliers." -The VanMaster
Now, most of you probally have heard Ron S. VanZuylen mention this person
named "Bob" once in a short while. If you haven't, consider yourself a virgin.
On second thought, take care of that little fact, and go out and get laid.
(Smack! Ruby just hit me.) You see, she's still not sure about devoting a
entire chapter of this wonderful little text-file to a homosexual from the
Garden of Eden. Now, how the heck did a homosexual get into the Garden.
Sources around that time say that he climbed the fence. Please note that there
were very few new users in this garden. Bob was supposed to have seduced Adam,
and Eve got the short end of the stick. Ruby ponders the fact that Eve must
have been rather jealous, and probally force fed this certain apple to Bob.
That was when Adam decided to have sexual relations with this apple. However,
the apple was plugged in, and the 64k ram card gave him a rather nasty shock in
a unique area of his body. Eve, again, wasn't too happy about this. So, God
decided that they were all crazy, and had them evicted from the garden. And
the poor new users were weeded out, and forced to leave. Now, where, you might
ask, is this garden? Well, go over to the home of Eric C. Thompson and look
in his backyard. Now, granted, it's not there, but it's one heck of a start.
Chapter three: Belgian Waffles "The world is oyster. The
oyster is my pac-men."
-The VanMaster
We here, at Anarchy inc. have a guru. He has recently arrived from Belgium,
and he is a waffle. He speaks no English, has sexual fantasies with syrup, and
weird tattoos on his face. His name, as named by the holy waffle people in the
high mountains of Belgium, is translated loosely(hmmm...) as Yo-Gert of
VanZuylen. He has come to the offices of Anarchy inc. for political asylum.
However, the judge almost threw us in the asylum, for trying to get United
States Citizenship for a waffle. The best we could do was get him his own
password on the Twilight Zone. We have come to know this guru very well, and
even though Eric C. Thompson has attempted many times to preform cannabalism
on him, we have vented Eric off, resulting in a very happy, and moldy, waffle.
It is said that Gandahi, when he died, his spirit lifted into the body of this
waffle. However, he would be an illegal alien, being in America, so our
beloved waffle is being deported tomorrow.
Coming soon...From Anarchy inc.
"The Quest for a Waffle"
"Uhhh, right."
I looked up at the Moon Roach, who stood towering over me. He didn't look
very happy. His antennias bobbed up and down in unhappy discontent. "Look,
Daredevil, we can't write a file on waffles."
I twitched my lip, and gave him a somewhat worried look. "Well, you see,
Roachie, we need more text-files. We're behind schedule. And-"
The Moon Roach cut me off there, stating that Anarchy inc. would have
nothing to do with waffles. Perhaps, I would not upload this one. But maybe,
when he's not in the offices of Anarchy inc., I'm going to sneak over to the
apple, boot my copy of ae, and upload this text-file. Just don't tell him,
okay? Ruby and I would appriciate it. The VanMaster probally doesn't care
either way, as long as he gets paid.
..A group effort text file...
Written in full by: Ruby Tuesday, The Daredevil, and the VanMaster.
(Ah, the wonders of three way calling.)
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

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------------
Anarchy inc. ...proudly presents...
------------
FUCK!! volume 1;revision 2.24
with specially selected quotes from The VanMaster(an over-the-hill dude!)
Written on December 27th, 1984 A.D. -=- Sponsered by:The VanCo Associates
||---------------------------------------|| "We haven't done much in the
|| Anarchy inc. The Daredevil, || past year, but we're still
|| Havoc The Chaos, The Moon Roach || going strong!"
|| D.B. Cooper, Ruby Tuesday, DreadStar|| -Ron VanZuylen
|| The $heik, Eric C. Thompson, || VanVision CBBS 300/1200 baud
|| Space Ace, Grim Jack, Princess Leia|| (408) 732-1079
|| The Bullseye, Surf Rat, A Modem User || "if you connect, you're lucky."
||-------------------------------------|| -The VanMaster
.::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..
Chapter one : Life "Take two of anything, call anybody you want."
-The VanMaster
To some people, life is wonderful. These people usually have
2.3 girlfriends, a porsche coming at graduation, they are the captain
of the football team, totally buffed, and have blond hair, blue eyes with
no ache. This soft of person exists only on the Brady Bunch however,
which is a terrible pity. You aren't wonderful, and you're probally looked
down at by these people anyways. If you are wonderful, good-looking, etc.
then why are you using a modem in the first place? Isn't most of the stuff
you do in your life useless? You take time to earn money, spend it, and
earn it again. Useless. In one million years, nobody will remember
you, on this pitiful little planet. All efforts that you put in to making
yourself useful are completely shot to hell. Maybe not, after all,
does hell even exist? (This will be discussed in later chapters...)
You spend time building up your life, only to have it torn apart by
forces beyond your control. Why live? You live in a world where there
are 27 different brands of peanut butter, where man distroys nature for
the building of a shopping mall, and people still think digital watches
are neat. Everything around you is useless, futile, and discustingly
pathetic. While you worry if your hair is "tweaked" or not, people are
starving to death in Africa. Yet, in another opinion, who gives a
flying huck if they die? Perhaps it is for the better, or perhaps one
of these people will grow up and find a cure for cancer. But if dosen't
matter if they do or not, because we're all going to be dead in 10,000
years anyway.
Chapter two : Religion "Why use a modem...I have a pinata!"
-The VanMaster
Perhaps, there is no god. Perhaps there is a god. Perhaps it
is the VanMaster, but this is very unlikely. Maybe Eric C. Thompson
is god. Or maybe one of those african children are...But I doubt that
too. Now, people say that evolution cannot work, because something cannot
come out of nothing. The same can apply to where god came from. Now,
let's take another piece of evidence. The human body is so perfectly
mapped out, and planned, that somebody must have put it together, pieced
it together. But who? God couldn't have, because nobody knows where
he/she/it came from! Religious fanatics say that people will know when
they are dead. O-Boy, I just can't wait. This is probally just a cop-out,
but who am I to question them? Who am I to say that they are wrong?
Yet, who are they to say that my ideals and wrong, and I am living in sin?
All these people come to my door, and tell me that I am living wrong, while
they ask for donations and hand me pamplets? I say, that as long as they
don't bother me, I won't bother them, and we can both live in happiness.
Why can't we? To end it on an intresting note, "lord knows."
Chapter three : Sex "The reason that there's no law against
masturbation is because people would probally
take the law into their own hands."
-The VanMaster
Sex. Nice word, isn't it? You can use it to get people's attention.
Imagine, walk into a church and yell "SEX!" and, by golly, look at all the
attention you'll get. The word causes mormons to cringe upon sight.
This is why you don't see the word "SEX" hanging over your mantleplace.
You can have sex on your mantleplace, if it's big enough, or if you
are the data general., The word can also get you a slap in the face, or a
very (ahem!) intresting evening. According to the VanMaster sex is
highly overrated. (not in the case of Madonna), breath, and sometimes
respect. It is avery powerful thing. Most people have it in their
power. Most don't,like Matt Ackeret, and the Champion Eternal, but I
wouldn't know. (Check NewsWeek, Mar 14, '62 p.104-05 cover contains
Jennifer Kirby for more information...) If you are incapable of having
sex, then life is hard, especially if you're into masturbation and movies.
Sex also brings children, which is a bad side-effect. It is a common
rumor that Sex has a direct link to reproducton, but that is not true.
(Again, check that issue of Newsweek, the one with Jennifer Kirby on the
cover..) Sex is a new thing to most modern-day teenagers, which is why
there is no such thing as a "sweet sixteen" anymore. In fact, there
dosen't seem to be a "sweet thirteen"...(Once again check that issue of
newsweek with the article on Kirby...) Kinky sex is not advised, as it
leaves scars and other noticable marks on unique parts of the body. We
won't go into such things as whips, chains, vibrators with kickstarters,
or canalope. Personally, I don't like canalope. I like grapefruit. (Again,
check that damn articial.) Telephone sex. What a concept. I, for
one, am against telephone sex, because it distroys the mind, your fantasies,
and it's tiring too! Homosexuality makes me sick, especually in males.
Females don't bother me, as I like them anyway. If god had wanted
homosexuality, there would have Adam, Bob, and Eve. Eve, however, would
have got the short end of the stick. Think about it, or better not,
don't think about it, because maybe god dosen't exist, or maybe there WAS
Adam and Bob. And Bob just didn't get full credit, besides he wasn't
into the visibility kick. Maybe he got a sex change back in Eden, but
Adam must have done it. Maybe Adam is alive today, living in the body
of The Quazar, but this isn't too possible, since Bob is living in the
body of The Champion Eternal. Perhaps this is all garbage, and should
be printed out on tractor feed paper, and wadded up and thrown into the
garbage disposal. Then again, print this on the back on your hand, and
wad it up and it in the garbage disposal and see the expression your
face, as well as the expression on your mothers.
Chapter four : Love "Not only do blondes have more fun,
they have more V.D..."
-The VanMaster
Love is a feeling. Can love really last, or are we all
just fooling ourselves? Isn't is funny how people go through their
life loving so many people. Is there a real love? Or is all just
a lie, an illusion of the mind? Is love an emotion, like happiness,
joy, sadness? It seems to be a combination of all of these. Is love
eternal? How many boy/girlfriends have you had? Did you love them?
Ask youself, what is love? Does anybody really love anybody? Is
it a strong word, or is it just a word, like any other? What makes
love any different than happiness? or sadness? It is directly
related to one person, or many people. Do you love the world? Would
you die for it? I think not. Yet would you die for your boy/girl
friend? I would...On the other hard, if I did die for them, I wouldn't
have them. Intresting. But it is a nice thing to say to somebody, isn't
it? Love, perhaps is a bond, holding two people together. Bonds
can break, tragically, utterly, and perhaps quickly. (For example,
ask people around you.) How fast does it take to fall out of love?
Two, three days perhaps? Six weeks? Six years? Maybe. It all
depends on what kind of personallity you have. Think about this
one, let it sit.
Chapter five : Personallity "The day after tomorrow is the third
day of the rest of your life."
-The VanMaster
I am a mixture of personallities. I am part of the VanMaster,
Havoc The Chaos, The $heik, and other friends of mine. Does this mean
that I have no personallity, but instead, am a mixture of other people?
No, it is that I am my own person that ticks up people's quirks and
mannerisms.
This text-file is over. I'm tired, and look for later editions.
Last comments:
The VanMaster:"Kevin Q. Clover, aka THE QUAZAR, does not like being called
Uncle Quazar, due to the grounds that his associates might find
out that he is a COMPUTER GEEK, and he needs his modem for a
semblence of a social life. That's sad, isn't it?"
The Daredevil:"Hey, I just work here..."
Bob:"Fuck."
Ron S. VanZuylen:"Hmmmm...I think I'll sink Austraila."
This text-file is owned in part by The VanCo Associates, with concepts
stolen with permission from Ron S. VanZuylen. Anarchy inc. would like to
have nothing to do with this file, but we're stuck with it.
(c) 1984 All Tables Reserved. MCMLXXXIV
with many thanks to Jennifer "Trillia" Kirby, for without her, this text-file
would have gone as planned. No nobody's going to read it!
For a good time, call Jennifer Kirby at (408) 245-,mnW]@\a(8 or at
(415) 976-6060 or at 800-DUM-PRON!! All these calls are toll-free.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
(Kinda scary, eh?)
Oh, your mother sins so bad.
Oh, the dog ate your bible.
Life is getting better.
Warning: Exploding bibles can be hazardous to your health.
X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
Another file downloaded from: NIRVANAnet(tm)
& the Temple of the Screaming Electron Jeff Hunter 510-935-5845
Rat Head Ratsnatcher 510-524-3649
Burn This Flag Zardoz 408-363-9766
realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 415-567-7043
Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 415-583-4102
Specializing in conversations, obscure information, high explosives,
arcane knowledge, political extremism, diversive sexuality,
insane speculation, and wild rumours. ALL-TEXT BBS SYSTEMS.
Full access for first-time callers. We don't want to know who you are,
where you live, or what your phone number is. We are not Big Brother.
"Raw Data for Raw Nerves"
X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
groups/ANARCHYINC/funonjob.txt
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--------------
Anarchy Inc. ...presents...
--------------
<[+=------------------------------=+]>
! -=] Crime on the Job [=- !
! Written by: The Ascii Assassin !
<[+=------------------------------=+]>
[Or: How to Live off of $3.00 an Hour]
______________________________________________________________________________
-=]> Foreword/Disclaimer: <[=-
This file is intended to teach you how to commit illegalities on the
job with a minimal risk of getting caught. Please note that I cannot take
responsibility for anybody's actions. If you are too inmature to allow this
to sink into your head, than don't bother.
-=]> Introduction: <[=-
First off, you need a job. Probably the best job for the beginner is
janitorial-type activities. It's best if you're not the only one. Especially
when you work in a big office building (which is, coincidentally, where most
of the goodies can be found). By stealing, filching, or otherwise seperating
goods from their previous owners, you can use the money you save by not having
to by them for other things. Like the phone bill you must be running up while
reading this file.
-=]> Getting to it: <[=-
First, you have to find a place that's offering janitorial jobs. Look
in the want ads or something (if you can't read..you've got a problem already)
You should be able to get the job on your own. Okay. So you've got the job.
And what do they want you to do? Take out the trash? It may be a thankless
job around the house, but there are rewards for doing this job. When you
empty trash cans from offices, you can, if you wish, look inside them. But
usually you'll find only scrap paper, diet cola bottles, and other such
mundane items a secretary can't do without. If you're looking for extra office
supplies, from diskette labels to postage stamps, they can usually be had.
Just look around. Be sure that you wear a big jacket or clothing with a lot
of pockets f you like petty thievery. If you want to steal things that are
of unusual shapes, like diskettes, get a newspaper and fold it up. The disk-
ette(s) inside. the perfect way to smuggle out flat goods that you can't fold
or fit in your pocket/jacket. So you see a jar of jelly beans or candy on the
desk? Help yourself. After all, it's not pleasant to work on an empty stomach.
When you take the trash out to the dumpster(s) outside, the REAL fun
begins. There are goodies to be found. If you look carefully. If you drive,
you should park your car near the dumpster. So every time you take trash out
to the dumpster. Relieve them of some of the more valuable stuff and stuff it
in your car. If you don't drive, bring a duffel bag or something like that,
if your job is after-school, bring some books to disguise things a bit.
Sometimes, you may have to vacuum offices. Make sure you start with an
empty bag. While you go through the rooms, and you spot something you like,
that can take a little dirt, grab it and wrap it up in some newspaper or what-
ever, and stuff it in the vacuum cleaner bag. When you're finished, pretend
you're taking it back to the dumpster (again?). Take your prizes out and dump
the bag, why would you keep it anyway?
Major theft, stealing large items, is in a whole different league.
But, if you think you've got what it takes..go ahead. The best think you can
do on the job is to make it easy for you to get in and out. Before you leave,
turn off the alarm, leave a window unlocked, whatever..and come back later at
night. There are other text-files that go into more detail about break-in's.
They are definitely on the suggested reading list.
-=]> Conclusion: <[=-
Janitorial crime may not be very "glorious", but you can acquire
many neat and/or useful things at a minimal risk, while getting payed about
three dollars an hour at the same time. Just don't take any unneccesary risks.
If you take a big gamble and win, good for you. If you don't..well you DID
work in a big office bilding, saw some good-looking secretaries, etc..
This file was created to give you a few ideas just to get started. The best
criminals are creative. Have fun.
______________________________________________________________________________
groups/ANARCHYINC/geekpers.hum
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------------
Anarchy inc. ...presents...
------------
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
:: Modem Geeks .&. ::
:: Modem Personallities ::
:: ::
:: Written by: The Daredevil ::
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Hello, Daredevil here...
The purpose of this file is to explain, in humorous terms, the difference
between "modem geeks" and "modem personallities". I give great credit to the
authors of 'The Real Pirates Guide', whose excellent and unique writing style
gave birth to this file.
Modem Geeks have memorized every peek, poke, and call in the applesoft
manual. Their manuals are clean, and shiny, from the first day that they were
bought.
Modem Personallities have their manuals, but they can't seem to find them
amist all the confusion in their rooms. They don't need to memorize memory
locations. They just ask a Modem Geek.
Modem Geeks use their father's Pet computer, or their own Atari that they
bought at the flea market for $20. They also can use a vic-20 that was on sale
at K-Mart.
Modem Personallities own their own Apple computer, usually a ][, ][+, or a
//e. Rarely do they log onto boards with a //c, or anything other than an
Apple.
Modem Geeks ask (beg) for E-Mail.
Modem Personallities get E-Mail without asking for it, and consider it a bit
of a nuisance. They like to talk voice and meet people, without hiding behind
a keyboard and a carrier tone.
Modem Geeks wish and dream about having their own bbs up. They only use a
terminal, and have been asking how to put a bbs up on a terminal for six months
now.
Modem personallities either have their own bbs up, are the co-sysop of a bbs,
or are good friends with the sysop.
Modem Geeks send in large donations to systems, so they can be socially
accepted by the masses.
Modem Personallities have had level nine since the system went up, and groan
at the idea of a Modem Geek accessing the Elite Section.
Modem Geeks transfer things from one ae line to another...in the same area
code.
Modem Personallities either don't waste time with ae lines, or they call out
of state anyway. There's too many Modem Geeks in the local area.
Modem Geeks try to crash bulletin boards with the 99E99 attempt.
Modem Personallities ponder over why someone would want to crash a bulletin
board. It only hurts everybody else, in their oponion.
Modem Geeks own a zoom modem, or use a terminal, and wonder why they can't
download 'Spy Hunter' to their terminal, or use CatSend with their NetWorker.
Modem Personallities own an AppleCat, a Hayes, or another brand of modem that
didn't cost under $150. They're not cheap.
Modem Geeks frown upon organizations over the modem, saying that they're just
there to pick on people, and do distructive things. The truth is, that they
would jump at the chance to be in one, if only somebody would invite them in!
Modem Personallities didn't join V.O.I.D., The Revolutionaries, or Olympia.
They didn't ask to be in E.M.P.I.R.E. either.
Modem Geeks spend four to eight hours a day on local bbs's.
Modem Personallities can get on a bbs anytime they choose, with the help of
an auto-dialer, so they call about every two to three days.
Modem Geeks log onto The Wang Bang BBS, Appler ][+][, The Death Star, and the
Tavern.
Modem Personallities access The Twilight Zone, The Haunted House, and various
out-of-state lines.
Modem Geeks post on the Joke Board, the Art Board, and write about their last
wet dream on the X-Rated board.
Modem Personallities stay away from the above, but when they write on the
X-Rate d board, they write from experience.
Modem Geeks listen to Prince, Culture Club, Michael Jackson, Wham!, and
various computer tones, including ctrl-g.
Modem Personallities listen to Pink Floyd, Genesis, The Beatles, Dire
Straights, The Cars, U2, Iron Maiden, and The Police. (Pardon if this list was
a bit personal.)
Modem Geeks tried to breakdance, be a stoner, and open a bridginghead with a
wire stripper.
Modem Personallities spit upon break-dancing, and know how to open a
bridginghead, if the need ever arises.
Modem Geeks collect text-files on explosives, to show to their friends how
cool they are to have them.
Modem Personallities only collect explosive text-files if they're going to
use them.
Modem Geeks download.
Modem Personallities upload.
Modem Geeks were offended by The Sheik's file:"Are you a Modem Geek?"
Modem Personallities watched the Modem Geeks get offended.
Modem Geeks let their little brothers call bulletin boards.
Modem Personallities let their girlfriends call bulletin boards, and flirt.
Modem Geeks can't call out of the local area code, for fear that their
parents won't like the high phone bill.
Modem Personallities pay their own phone bill, and besides, they usually
phreak as well.
Modem Geeks think a 'blue box' is a mailbox.
Modem Personallities know that Brian Decker is full of shit about the grey
box.
Modem Geeks collect stamps, are in the chess club at school, and are never
caught without six or more ballpoint pens in their pocket, with a TRS-80 pocket
computer as well.
Modem Personallities (usually) collect comic books, records, and girls.
Modem Geeks think that The Bullseye existed, and Ron VanZuylen doesn't.
Modem Personallities know Ron, and think he's weird.
Modem Geeks call 'Dial-Your-Match' and the Lamda Switchboard.
Modem Personallities try to find ways to crash these systems, for the good of
the telecommunications society.
Modem Geeks rely on the modem for a social life, or a semblence of one.
Modem Personallities's lives would go on if their modem blew a chip.
Modem Geeks would cry.
This is only...volume one.
This is only...the beginning.
------------
Anarchy inc. Founded in 1984
------------ Sunnyvale, Ca.
"We take care of our own."
The Daredevil, Havoc The Chaos, The Moon Roach, Ruby Tuesday, Surf Rat, Torqa
Dun, Dark Shadow, Lord Omega, Teeny Bopper, The Sheik, Alexander of Atlantis,
The VanMaster, Eric C. Thompson, Someone Else, D.B. Cooper, The Anarchist,
Pleasure Victim
Subdivision:
[/\] The Lynch Mob [\/]
Doom Mastor, The Hangman, Diehard the Hunter, The Vigilante
Anarchy inc. Hotline: (408) 732-1079...
------------
Anarchy inc. The textfile people.
------------
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

groups/ANARCHYINC/getsick.ana
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Preface
-------
There really is no excuse for this file; it's just that... well, figure it
out for yourself; I'm tired, and don't feel like it. No, this little piece of
nonsense has no meaning whatsoever, to the extent that such a thing is possible.
Alas, forgive me, I ramble. Let us get on with it.
I didn't think at first it was such a good idea after all. I mean, we all eat
scrambled eggs, but I don't like peanuts, let alone in my eggs. Huh? Well, it
seemed like a good idea at the time, sort of. I'm not so sure now.
A New Way to Make Yourself Sick
-------------------------------
Before you continue, make sure you have the following materials on hand:
1. One (1) large bag of unshelled peanuts
2. Two or three medium sized dove eggs
3. Sugar (1/2 lb.)
4. Lime jello (one box, preprepared)
5. A blender
6. One (1) cup Garbanzo beans
Yes, the jello has to be lime (for the flavor). Pour it into the blender, but
don't turn it on yet. Crack the eggs (if you want the shell, I don't care) and
drop them in. Cook the beans and place in the blender. Do same with the sugar.
Without removing the shells, add as many peanuts as you feel like, and flip on
the blender until the mess has the consistency of mush. Pour it out and pop it
in the microwave. After a couple of minutes it's fit to eat. Enjoy!
Afterword
---------
Hey people, if this whole thing sounds stupid to you as it does to me, it's
all your fault! I need ideas...
Someone Else,
yes, I am of Anarchy, Inc.
(and I'm damn proud of it)
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

groups/ANARCHYINC/grommet.txt
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[ This contains both VanC0 Grommet files. It is rumoured that Ron S
VanZuylen has the largest collection of grommets outside the
Soviet Union. The second file was written by DBCooper, whose main
claim to fame is some silly hijacking or other. HBB ]
A:\TEXT\GROMMET.TXT (54 lines) edited by R.VAN with ST MicroEMACS
"HELP! THE GROMMET(*)'S MISSING!" from a book which does not exist because it
is a figment of my imagination. I think this text is considered public domain,
so you can distribute it at your own discretion (if it hasn't been altered in
any horrible/frightening way).
(*)GROMMET (grom'it), n. a metal eyelet, as in leather.
My father was sipping a tasty Rheinhessen on the back porch when a
clattering disturbed his oenophilic reveries. He looked up and, eyes agog,
stared blankly as the rest of the family lugged a huge box marked 'Gas Grill'
into view and dumped it huffing at his feet.
(They were huffing, not the gas grill; the gas grill huffed later on.)
"Happy Father's Day!" we (the family) crowed.
His ministrations of pleasure and affection amid the hubub of familial
excitement soon turned into thoughts of defenestration as he set about
assembling his newest toy.
Why? Here is a quote from the assembly manual and you'll see why:
"Affix hoop (18) to side standards (33) with provided long bolts after
first securing hub (4) through axle carrier (12) and side ribs (7). Repeat
procedure other side. View illustration."
Dad thought about throwing the instructions away right then and should
have, but my mother (referred to in the instruction manual as 'helper') was
the logical sort who believes her husband ought to 'do it right this time.'
So, he resigned himself to assistance from both manual and spouse and
sturdily continued assembling my his wonderful Father's Day gift.
He was distracted in this effort by the cat and the two-year-old who both
came curiously close to being killed when they reached the climactic chapter in
the instructions--you know, the one that tells how to 'insert Venturi tube
into line assembly (25), adjusting inlet valves to 1/8-inch windows while
drawing spark line (41) through eyelet.'
Dad was also distracted by the not-so-fond recollection of countless witty
Sunday magazine insert articles about self-assembly of Christmas bikes, gas
grills and household widgets. You know the kind: some depraved writer who had
to send the bike back to the manufacturer for repairs due to his botching the
job writes a funny piece in order to recoup his freight expenses.
This, by the way, isn't one of those articles. The gas grill works fine.
But my father's episode does bring to mind a couple of my pet theories about
kit-making.
The first is about the so-called 'ease of assembly'. What American
manufacturers do, I think, is have a group of employees write the instruction
manual. The product of their effort is then translated into Japanese or
Spanish (depending on where the kit is packed). Then, either a Japanese or
Mexican re-translates the manual into English again, prints it and stuffs it
in with all of the parts. That's my only explanation for the ponderous and,
yes, tortuous nature of instruction manuals.
My second theory is this: You can't fault the quality of workmanship if
you're the one who did it. So, if the drive chain on your kit-assembled ten
speed bike falls off, or if your gas grill blows up in your face, or if your
made-at-night-at-home color TV set only works on Channel 1, you only have
yourself to blame.
For sure you can't blame the family. Even if they never let you forget
about the ten speed color gas grill sitting useless on the back porch.
E.O.F. (End.Of.File)
* The Grommet Repair Manual: written 28-dec-85
edited 04-jan-86
Dedicated to Brendon: We Think You're SWELL!
==============================================================================
PATH:tutorial/repair/grommet/tgrm ==============================================================================
A VanCo TEXT-CO PRODUCTION
Welcome to the Grommet Repair Manual. This is the unofficial sequel to the
largely ignored "I had fun with a grommet" file written by R.Van some schmuck. This
file is meant to fill in some of the gaps that were left in the story line of
the previous story.
-----------------------------
PREFACE: Why Should I Care?
-----------------------------
The Grommet. The Grommet. Why do we care about a small, round peice of
metal? The grommet is actually considered by some historians to be much more
important in altering the course of history than television, the wheel,
deodorant, the printing press, and possibly even granola. The reality of
grommets is only beginning to surface as the following people stated in their
articles:
-------
Wade B. Hoyt: Grommets in a Historical Perspective
-------
...The Grommet is an amazing device that has been used during wartime and
peacetime, work and leisure, and to provide enjoyment and satisfaction to
millions...
-------
Abraham Johnson: Machines at War
-------
...The social and political unrest due to the invention of the grommet are
incredible, paralleled only by the atomic bomb, Jane Fonda, and the Muppets...
While many have rallied to control the dangers of nuclear weapons, few if any
have realized the dangers of the grommet. If society as we know it today is
to survive, we need to act quickly and efficiently to neutralize the dangers
of the lowly grommet.
-------
Anne DeKruyfer: Fashion Magazine
-------
...In this upcoming year, the hottest new item is the Grommet. Fashionable
items will definitely be belts, jackets and shoes with grommets for both men
and women; grommeted socks and briefs for the men; and leather lingerie with
grommets and steel buckles for the ladies... The grommet will definitely be a
hot item this year...
-------
John Harrison: Leather and Lace magazine
-------
...The Grommet is the hottest item to hit the Sado-Masochistic fashion scene
since chains, leather, or even tabasco sauce... Imagine you and your lover
bound together by grommeted leather straps ($13), unable to avoid her lashings
by a grommeted leather lash ($22). As you slowly caress her leather teddy
($37) you tighten the grommeted straps on her teddy to an almost unbearable
tension and slip the strap into the silver plated buckle as she screams in
ecstasy....
-------
Aaron W. Yellowitz: How To Make a Fortune with Tunafish
-------
...You must be careful when loading up your backpack with tunafish to sell
door to door. If you load up your backpack too heavily, you may hurt yourself
lifting it, or possibly pull out a grommet on the bag itself. I usually
suggest that you only carry seven 8-ounce cans of tuna at a time...
--------------------------
ONE: uses of the grommet
--------------------------
The grommet is one of the most overused pieces of hardware in existence.
The grommet is used in thousands of everyday items, many of which are so
commonplace that we seldom recognize them as one. some examples follow:
outdoor equipment: backpacks, tarpulins, clothing, tents
sporting goods: sails, climbing harnesses, trampolines, pool covers
computers: cable harnesses, diskette reinforcement, straightjackets
household items: window shades, nail clippers, nuclear warheads
There are hundreds more uses, and you can probably spot more in seconds by
searching through your own house.
Grommets have also influenced many other things. Some say that Madonna's
belly-button has the appearance of a grommet, although some say what really
looks like a grommet is about six inches lower. Grommet-like items have been
found in many styles of ancient architecture. As Don James once said "If I
was a piece of simple hardware, I'd most definitely be a grommet"
---------------------------
TWO: installing a grommet
---------------------------
The first, and most essential piece of equipment for grommet installation is
the grommet tool. The easiest way to purchase one is usually in a kit, with
an assortment of grommets included. The tool consists of three parts; the
setting tap, the anvil, and the punch. The punch is used with the anvil to
create the proper sized hole for the grommet. The material is placed on the
anvil, and the punch is placed over the hole in the anvil. A sharp blow to
the punch with the hammer will drive a hole into the material that should be
the proper size. The setting tap is used to force the grommet through the
hole and into it's proper shape.
The grommet is a specially shaped piece of metal that when shaped properly
can reinforce a hole so a rope, cable, or buckle can pass through without
ripping the surrounding material. Grommets come in five basic sizes, ranging
from 0 to 4 (4 being the largest). These may be purchased in hardware stores
without any licenses or restrictions.
Once the hole for the grommet has been cut, many grommet installation
experts recommend that the hole be heat-sealed to prevent fraying. This can
be done with a match, but it is preferable to use a soldering iron or a
woodburning tool. Remember, this is not necessary, but it is recommended for
a lasting, professional grommet installation.
The Grommet should now be installed using the setting tap. The author
recommends that you consult the instructions for your particular model, as
there are always some minor differences in operating procedure. The first
step is to find the proper size grommet, and then remove the male portion.
This portion is bigger, and somewhat longer than the female portion. The male
half should be slipped through the hole, and then should be laid face down on
the anvil. The grommet should be seated properly on the small ridges of the
anvil in order to insure a proper bind. Next, slip the female half over the
male portion. Note that the halves should face together tightly. Finally,
the setting tap should be placed on the grommet and struck with a hammer.
This will force the grommet halves together and bind them permanently.
--------------------------------------
CONCLUSION: what does all this mean?
--------------------------------------
I hope this article has alerted you to the hopes, struggles, despair, and
lives of people who deal with grommets on a daily basis. I also hope that you
have used this file to your advantage, as there are many grommet oriented
career options available today.
-------
Written by D.B. Cooper and the VanCo staff on 28-dec-85
Edited by R.Van and D.B. Cooper 09-jan-86
-- H a v e a N ic e D a y ...
(> Copy: "T e l l A F r i e n d ! "
! R e a d t h e o th e r g r e a t f i l es i n t h e V a n C o L i b r a r y !
Successful Write.
[ End ... ]
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# ANARCHYINC
Anarchy Incorporated
## FILES
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/300murdr.hum [ 25307] Murder at 300 Baud, by Various Members
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/advefutr.hum [ 15386] Adventure in the Future by Dark Shadow
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/advrecru.hum [ 3616] Adventures in Reality: Don't Cruise Alone
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/advrevam.hum [ 4351] Adventures in Reality: Vampires on my Street
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/anaexist.ana [ 3399] The Anarchist's Guide to Existence
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/anarchfp.ana [ 6824] Anarchy Incorporated Takes Fort Point
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/anarstor.hum [ 9566] Anarchy Incorporated presents Spinning Wheels by Someone Else
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/b00g!.hum [ 6623] B00G and the Art of Zen
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/boog2.hum [ 7908] B00G II: The Final Chapter
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/bugteach.hum [ 6662] Teaching Bugs to Breakdance
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/chak.txt [ 6489] Anarchy Inc. Presents: CHAK: The Unspeakable, by Someone Else
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/clockorg.hum [ 9316] A Clockwork Orange: Dictionary of NADSAT
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/clockorg.txt [ 10202] A Clockwork Orange Glossary of NADSAT Language by The Stranger of Anarchy Inc.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/clutter.hum [ 2257] The Art of CLutter, by The Daredevil
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/comeonma.hum [ 5720] Come On, Mallorie. By The Stranger (...Harrison)
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/confusio.hum [ 8598] Religion, a View by The Daredevil
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/crankcal.fun [ 3028] How to Properly Crank Call Some Fool, by The Bullseye
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/dancestr.hum [ 4736] "WHY DON'T PEOPLE DANCE IN THE STREETS?"
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/daveconc.hum [ 3693] Dave's Concept Workshop #1
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/deffools.hum [ 6851] Definitions for the Uninformed! by Eric C. Thompson
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/favsexpo.hum [ 1576] Sexual Preferences of the Members of Anarchy Inc.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/fccooman.hum [ 11569] Nowankanu FCC Too Many: Journey Into the Unwanted Zone by Fitz Mertins of Anarchy Inc.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/fuck!!.hum [ 16069] FUCK!! Volume One, by a Lot of Members
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/fuckvol1.txt [ 11587] Anarchy Inc. Presents: FUCK! Volume 1
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/funonjob.txt [ 4413] Crime on the Job by ASCII Assassin of Anarchy Inc.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/geekpers.hum [ 6676] Modem Geeks and Modem Personalities, by The Daredevil
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/getsick.ana [ 1690] An Easy Way to Get Sick, by Someone Else
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/grommet.txt [ 11504] A:TEXTGROMMET.TXT (54 lines) edited by R.VAN with ST MicroEMACS
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/inspace.hum [ 6044] The Concept of Space Travel by Lord Omega of Anarchy Inc.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/k-mart.ana [ 5399] How To Have Fun In K-Mart!!, by The Daredevil of Anarchy, Inc.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/lub-dubs.hum [ 8056] LUB-DUBBS -- The Magic of Molesting, Infesting, and Making a Mess
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/matt&eri.hum [ 15246] Matt Ackeret and Eric Thomson, Trashing. By The Daredevil
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/mattcamp.hum [ 9212] Matt's Day at Camp, by Matt
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/mattfun.hum [ 4255] Matt writes about how to have a fun day at Great America
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/mattlife.hum [ 5083] The Life and Times of Matt Ackeret
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/mattsday.hum [ 8058] A Day in the Life of Matt Ackeret, by Surf Rat and Someone Else
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/mcdonald.hum [ 7660] How to Terorize McDonalds, by Modem Uzer
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/mercenar.ana [ 7700] Anarchy Inc. Presents The Story of a Mercenary
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/mi_1-4.hum [ 66435] The Entire Mission Impossible File, by all the members of Anarchy, Inc.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/mission.fun [ 12681] Mission Impossible Revisited, from Someone Else of Anarchy Inc.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/modgeeka.hum [ 3129] How to tell if YOU are a Modem Geek, by the $heik
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/mypalbtc.hum [ 3021] The Motorhead Presents Bill the Cat is MY Friend!
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/newuser.hum [ 4041] The Life of a New User, by Surf Rat
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/noname!.hum [ 5622] The File With No Name
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/nothing.hum [ 1934] Nothing, by The Moon Roach
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/osbert.hum [ 5581] Osbert and the Plight of Memoiries
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/osbertec.hum [ 3182] Eric C. Thompson in the World of Osbert
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/oscrmear.hum [ 7883] The Oscar Mears Saga, Volume II
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/overthro.ana [ 12540] How to Overthrow a Country, by Senator Bunker
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/pacbellf.hum [ 4968] How to Forge Pac Bell Cards, by Havoc the Chaos
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/petrock.ana [ 6343] Anarchy Inc. Presents The Pet Rock Files!
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/prowling.hum [ 6417] Miscellaneous Nasties by Havoc of Chaos
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/reality!.hum [ 7118] Why Reality Isn't
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/religiou.fun [ 4256] Religion! Is it worth it?
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/revenge.hum [ 6537] Revenge for the sadistic pleasure of getting even
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/robbank.ana [ 5195] How to Rob a Bank by The Daredevil of Anarchy Inc.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/robbanks.txt [ 6074] How to Rob a Bank, by The Daredevil of Anarchy Inc. (1984)
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/robinson.hum [ 9413] The Robinsons, by The Dark Shadow
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/roofing.hum [ 4896] Roofing, a Beginning Guide. By the Daredevil
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/sesame.hum [ 3033] Shattered Myths on Sesame Street, by The Daredevil
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/sicklyri.fun [ 8342] Suicide Lyrics, typed in by Anarchy, Inc.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/spacesto.fun [ 10351] Anarchy, Inc. Present Deep Space: Story One
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/spinning [ 10070] Spinning Wheels, a Story by Someone Else of Anarchy Inc.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/stealjob.ana [ 4662] Crime on the Job by the Ascii Assassin
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/synchron.mus [ 12199] The Gemini Daredevil and Anarchy Inc. Presents Police, Synchronicity
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/theatre.hum [ 4766] Phun in Movie Theatres, by Princess Leia
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/uppave.hum [ 7752] Up Your Pavement by The Motorhead
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/vanzuyti.hum [ 5270] Ron S. VanZuylen Lets Loose
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/ANARCHYINC/xanth.fun [ 16683] Anarchy, Inc. take a shot at the next Xanth novel
groups/ANARCHYINC/inspace.hum
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Anarchy Inc. Proudly Presents...
------------
The Concept of Space Travel.
by: Lord Omega
Space, the final frontier. But how do we get to it? We've got the shuttle,
we've got satelites orbiting the earth, but we don't have any way to really get
out into space. This is a problem. There is no way that earth can remain the
only home of man with a population growing as fast as ours. We must find other
planets to live on.
But how?
Chapter 1: Getting off the ground.
Ok, now we're going to build a interstellar cruiser. It's gotta be built in
orbit, because once we get this thing as massive as we'll need it, it will be
too big to launch. Also if we build it in orbit, we don't have to worry about
aerodynamics, because it will never go through atmosphere. The parts will be
shipped up there by shuttle trips, and be assembled by people with practice in
zero gravity. That is the hard part. We don't have many real experts on zero
gravity, and it will probably take quite a bit to train them correctly. But
suppose we do, and the cruiser gets built. How much did that just cost?
Arrgh.. quite alot if you include fuel for the shuttle trips carrying all that
damn metal and such up to the ship. We better hope for a different way.
How bout the asteroids? The're mostly metals, and they should be able to do
the job fine. Main problem here is that they're the best way to build the
cruiser, but you need the cruiser to get to the asteroids. The asteroids would
make a good base for starship construction if we could just get an experienced
construction team up there. Time to re-design shuttles to go there and back.
Maybe after all this time, we finally get a construction base set up on Ceres.
(Ceres is one of the largest asteroids. It would be one of the best choices for
the base.) Ceres has been hollowed out, and enlarged somewhat like a balloon by
heating it, spinning it fast, and setting off explosions inside of it. This
will give us a base large enough for anything we might want to do. We've got
the asteroid spinning in order to create one gravity of centrifugal force, and
life inside would be great. Imagine, no bugs, snakes, or anything that you
might hate. Other shuttles now use Ceres for a base, and go back and forth in
the asteroids looking for particularly rich rocks. On Ceres we'll need a
complete system to smelt the ore, turn it into the parts we'll need for the
ship, and put it all together. Undoubtedly we'd need more than just metals.
Plastics, electronics, and other things we couldn't get up there, would be
imported from earth.
Chapter 2: Food and stuff.
Bit of a problem here. We're quite a way away from earth, and what's there to
eat? What's there to drink? What's there to breathe? These can easily be
solved. I'm sure that it won't be long before our great gene splicing labs
create a form of algae that people can eat, and will multiply very quickly.
Algae already multiplies fast, and it would be an ideal food source. It's also
an ideal air source. The used air, now mostly CO2, Can be run through the food
rooms, and the algae will thrive on this, giving us oxygen at the same time.
For storage, i'm sure that we can cut down the amount of nitrogen that the
Cerians will breathe. Nitrogen isn't really breathed anyway, and there could be
enough nitrogen for the plants in their hydroponic garden.
Water is a little more difficult tho. Water can't be dehydrated, or breeded
or anything like that. It has to be shipped up there in bulk. Renewal systems
inside the Cerian complex could keep the water going for quite a while if you
aren't squeamish about drinking repurified water. Also, there may be ice in the
asteroids, and there certainly is orbiting Saturn in the form of rings. That
could be shipped in to Ceres also.
Medicines would be a bit difficult. The good side of that is that a hell of
alot less people would be ill. Most of the harmful germs might be kept out of
the system, and there would be low gravity for anyone with heart problems.
Those are just two examples, but there will be alot more methods of dealing with
illness in Ceres.
Chapter 3: Power
This is an easy chapter. At Ceres, it would be very easy to use solar power
or put a nuclear generator on a nearby asteroid and beam the power to Ceres via
microwave. The starships would have to be very big to use nuclear power, but it
would work. Actually, the greatest thing that could possibly happen would be
the invention of a total conversion device. Something that could completely
convert matter to energy. That way, we could dump in any old garbage, and not
much would be needed to power the station for a long long time. But, nobody has
discovered a way to do it yet...
Chapter 4: Who's going?
This is somewhat important. Who would be picked as someone to work on Ceres?
More than likely it would be someone who not only is the best at his skill, but
is also athletic. It's going to be a bit of trouble for most people to get used
to zero gravity, and someone who has taken alot of gynmastics might do better
while learning. Also needed would be people in perfect health. We wouldn't
want anyone to have any serious problems that far away from their family
doctor...
Chapter 5: Conclusion.
I hope this has been an informative as well as enjoyable little text for you.
Space travel and exploration is something that I believe is very necessary. As
Larry Niven once wrote, "We need to explore and colonize other planets. Earth
is too small a basket for man to keep all it's eggs in."
Sources of good reading material:
Tales of Known Space, by Larry Niven
All the Myriad Ways, by Larry Niven
The Martian Way, by Isaac Asimov
2001, A Space Oddessy, by Arthur C. Clarke
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

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Anarchy inc. ...proudly presents...
------------
How To Have Fun In K-Mart!!
A combination of volumes 1 & 2
Written By: The Daredevil, of Anarchy inc.
Well, first off, one must realise the importance of K-Marts in society today.
First off, K-Marts provide things cheaper to those who can't afford to shop at
higher quality stores. Although, all I ever see in there is minorities and
Senior Citizens, and the poor people in our city. Personally, I wouldn't be
caught dead in there. But, once, I did.
You see, once, after The Moon Roach and Havoc Chaos(Dear friends of mine) and
I were exploring such fun things as rooftops, we came along a K-Mart. Amused,
and cold for that matter, we wandered in. The Tension mounts.
As we walked up to the entrance, we were nearly attacked by Youth Groups
selling cheap cookies, and wheelchair sticken people selling American Flags.
After laughing at these people, we entered.
This is where the real fun begins...
First off, we wandered around the store, and turned on all the blue lights we
could find. That really distracts and confuses the attendents...Fun to do...
The first neat thing, is to go to the section of the store where they sell
computers. Darkness engulf the earth the day they find Apple Computers being
sold there. Instead, lesser computers like the laughable Vic-20 can be found
there...Turn it on, and make sure nobody's looking...Then, once in Basic,
type...
]10 PRINT "Fuck the world! Anarchy Rules!"
(or something to that effect.)
]20 GOTO 10
and walk away.
Also, set the sample radios in the store to a santanic rock station, and turn
the radio off. Then, set the alarm for two minutes ahead of the time displayed
there. Turn the volume up all the way, and walk away. After about two
minutes, you will see the clerk feebly attempt to turn the radio down or off.
It's really neat to set ten or more radios to different stations, and walk
away.
One of my favorite things to do, is to get onto the intercom system of the
store. Easier typed then done. First, check out the garden department. You
say there's no attendent there? Good. Sneak carefully over to the phone
behind the cheap counter there, and pick it up. Dial the number corrisponding
to the item that says 'PAGE'... And talk. You will note that your voice will
echo all over the bowels of K-Mart.
I would suggest announcing something on the lines of:"Captain Stubeing to the
Bridge, Captain Stubeing." or "Attention K-Mart Shoppers: Eat Shit and Die" or
any other cute phrase that your taxed mind can come up with.
Ah, but what if there is an attendant in the garden section...Probally an
illegal alien. Try sneaking into the back room. There's bound to be a phone
back there somewhere.
The thing is, try not to get kicked out of K-Mart, as the Moon Roach has had
happen to him before. I won't EVEN mention which famous BBS personallity was
nailed for shop- lifting from K-Mart. He/She'll kill me.
One other fun thing to do in K-Mart is to find the dressing room,
small and insufficient for normal means(about one cubic foot wide...), and
enter with as many people as you can find. Begin making several obscene
noises and grunts at quite a loud level. This should attract the attention
of several employees, and after a short period of time, will usually send
an unwitting attendant to see what the source of the problem is.
These attendants were not hired for their intellectual capacity, and at least
in my experiece, they have this habit of opening the wrong door. This
usually shocks the customers and embarrasses the employees.
After this exciting little jaunt, try re-arranging the coats and the hats on
the racks. See how long it takes for the low-bred customers to notice the
change. The average time is usually four to six weeks.
Another exciting activity is to find the back room and remove all the tags
and the recipts from the boxes therein. The seedy and yet obscene messages are
optional. This not only confuses the managers, but will usually leave the
people in charge in the store wondering if certain items such as a chair, are
not accually 'Mr. T Watersprinklers' as the label on the box implies.
Now, I would like to thank Teeny Bopper and Havoc The Chaos for bringing to
me a genuine "K-Mart Luncheon Menu"! Oh yea. My god, even their paper cups
have 'K-MART' on them. I'm supprised they don't say 'MC DONALDS' or something.
I've never seen recycled food before.
Well, I'm going to get back to the garden center and type about it for a
minute. The garden center can be great fun(see K-Mart:Part I in last month's
collumn) whether you're slashing the bags of fertizilier, graffiti-ing on the
potted plants, or stealing those plastic flamingos by handing them out to
friends through the gates, it's all the same now. Fun!
Getting on the roof of K-Mart is quite a hard task. I've yet to try it
myself though. I'd like E-Mail from the first 100 people who successfully get
on the roof of K-Mart, please?
Ah well, The Moon Roach & I are without ideas, so, without further adieu, we
will end this highly entertaining text-file...
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

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Anarchy inc. ...(P)resents...
------------
-^/\^^---^/\^^---^/\^^---^/\^^---^/\^^---^/\^^---^/\^^---^/\^^---^/\^^---^/\^^-
LUB-DUBBS -- The Magic of Molesting, Infesting, and Making a Mess
-^/\^^---^/\^^---^/\^^---^/\^^---^/\^^---^/\^^---^/\^^---^/\^^---^/\^^---^/\^^-
bY a mOdEM UseR Of aNaRChy iNc.
CHAPTER I: Life in Genital
----------
"Excuse me, but I'm feeling a little behind today... Who's little behind, I
still can't tell." -God Only Knows
What do YOU think about Communism? It is closely related to the Smurfs, Baby
Fae, or grapefruit? Of course not. Yet we in America treat it that way. It's
bad, it doesn't affect us, and that it's Pinko yet Red. Isn't that our skin
color? (Well, maybe not YOUR skin color, but nevertheless..) We must face the
music, my friends. We must realize that this text-file is not about Communism.
CHAPTER II: The Truth About Jell-O
-----------
"I'm not schitzophrenic, and neither am I." -Ourself
Jell-O is the food of Satan! This "dessert," as they call it, is probably the
most obvious form of Satan's kinky mind-bending tricks. See how it jiggles?
And they actually serve that stuff at CHURCH PICNICS! With this in mind, will
it be easy to see Rev. Jerry Falwell as a "religious fanatic" or one of Satan's
personal minions? Whichever side he may be on, he sure isn't up to any good,
and I say we give him a barber-shop pole enema. Anybody that fat, that jolly,
and that much of a hero to President Reagan should be mooned by half of America
within the next century, and worshipped by the Other Half. (The Screwed-Up
Half. The Half that consists of everybody over 52 years of age.) And his hair
is fake, yet he Poo-poohs all ideas of "non-genuineness" and such. Now, what
was this about Jell-O? That's just plain silly.
CHAPTER III: The Swelling of Stomachs
------------
"My Goldfish Beats Ron" -An Angry Voter
Whether of not it hurts our stomachs, people choose to eat at McDonalds with
their friends than eat at a fancy French restaurant alone. Why is this? Is all
that "Dude! You're my Buddy!" nonsense for real, or just something to say when
one doesn't have anything else to say? Well...Well... I think it means...
Uh... Dude! You're my Buddy! (Get the point?)
Now the world is faced with the threat of Portable Pepto, so that everybody,
no matter where they are, can feel better by chewing on a petit pink peppermint
pill. And the ones that were feeling fine in the first place get nauseated to a
point of vomiting when smelling this "Pain-reliever". It makes no difference
how many pizzas they ate, or how many times they rode on the roller-coaster with
a full stomach. Stomach pangs (Pang! Pang! Poof!) hurt and are aggravating ,
and the smell of Pepto combined with hunger pangs can drive an ordinary man to
the point of genocide.
CHAPTER IV: Just Plain Nuts
-----------
"I ain't 'fraid of no Prohibitionists." -Ray Parker SR.
In the sixties, everybody under the age of 30 was considered to be a freak,
because they wore weird clothes, had long hair, and smoked things in skinny
cigarettes. Nowadays, you are considered a freak if you do these things, but
you're also thought of as abnormal if you don't wear shoes to dinner, if you
don't think Pee-Wee Herman is funny, and if you honestly believe that Mtv is
just Top 40 radio that annoys your eyes as well as your ears. Conservatism is
coming back, as is Conformity, and it's a bit scary. Wait -- My friend says
that Conformity isn't scary, so I guess he's right. I'll go along with him.
CHAPTER V: Superficial Stuff
----------
"Uhhh.....Well, I..... That is....." -George Bush
Is clothing superficial? Are faces superficial? Is this file superficial? I
can't tell, because this was just a superficial chapter so I could have a
chapter V. Go superficialize yourself.
CHAPTER VI: I Love the World and I Love Fish
-----------
"Ducky D, I am going to kill you." -Mother D
Whether or not Nostradamus (The dead French guy who smoked weird things and
thought he could tell the future from it) is right about Halley's comet drying
up all the world's oceans, killing all the fish, and forcing man to consume
other men, is not important. How can fish be called brain food, when fish have
no brains? Still, fishies are fun to watch. So go buy a fish, watch it, and
eat it right away. Then you will be smart and write your own file. Then =I=
can complain about =YOUR= text-files. Then you will tell me to eat fish.
Then... (This is getting so confusing that I'm not sure whether or not I'm
actually writing this. Call Mrs. Paul and get me some fish sticks, and HURRY!)
CHAPTER VII: Feh and All of that Yiddish Stuff
------------
"Ven I vash a boy, my great great grandfadder told me 'Irving' he shez,
'Shut Up.'" -Kosher Irving
Are the Jews the chosen race? I don't know, because I'm not Jewish. Yet I
still wonder just why they don't eat pork! I mean, it's not that bad.. Sure,
the pigs wallow around in the mud all day, but they're cleaned! That's just
silly. Any Yiddish person out there that disagrees with me -- Go suck a hot
dog. And the Star of David -- That's just funny looking! I mean, it's like two
locked triangles and.. This chapter isn't worth anything. (No offense to
Judaism as it is, just that I never took "Jewish 101" or Bar Mitzvah courses or
anything. My, this file is offensive.)
CHAPTER VIII: Ed and Eight and All That Is Round
-------------
"Help me! I'm melllltinnnnnggg......" -The Wicked Witch of the West
Just as some people in Islam curse some and bless others, there is "Ed" in the
North, and "Ned" in the anal stretch. "Ned" is a conjunction for "Not Ed" and
is used to describe anybody that faintly resembles jock-itch fungus. Ed is
round is eight is round is buff is round is Not Not Ed is round. And for a
personal note: I LUST FOR ED MERTENS.
But seriously, certain things resemble 8. A figure 8, for example? You know,
remember Dorothy Hamill with the weird hair? China had 8 Immortals, and so did
a Chinese restaurant. 8 * 11 is 88, but that doesn't make a whole lot of
sense.. But of course it does! (Unless you're in Calculus where nothing is
supposed to make sense, even if it does) And the most important thing: 8 is
roundness. Think about it next time people say you've been "8-balled".. They
are just saying that you are rotund, and are humbly suggesting that you lose
weight.
CHAPTER IX: Prose
-----------
"There once was a man from Nantucket..." -Unfinished Folk Tale
For you poetry buffs who find this file a bit crude, here is some arty stuff
for you to live off of:
Molest a little kitten
Molest a little hen
Molest "em till they're black and blue
Then molest 'em all over again.
Dead Ethiopians
Not an ounce of meat
Truck had engine failure
So they couldn't get their wheat.
And those were just a few fine examples of tasteful American literature.
CHAPTER X: With a Quack Quack Here..
----------
"Hey! What happened to my fan club?" -Fabian
Well, all good things must come to an end. Unfortunately, some purile things
must also come to an end. So ends this masterpiece. I can only hope that I have
enlightened not less than all of you, and have opened your minds... (I'll wager
I opened them at least 5-6 inches. That explains the smell) So, goodbye.
-^/\^^---^/\^^---^/\^^---^/\^^---^/\^^---^/\^^---^/\^^---^/\^^---^/\^^---^/\^^-
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

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------------
Anarchy inc. .. presents ..
------------
[%:. Matt's Day at CAMP! .:*] Written by ... Matt!
03-11-1986 9:57 am Distributed by ... The Ware Brigade!!!1
<<--------------------------------------------------------------------------->>
MOM'S LIST OF THINGS TO DO WHEN MATTHEW GETS BACK FROM CAMP:
. Clear out Matt's sleeping bag of all comic books, bubble gum,
pine needles, cow-pies (put there by those mean bullies), and
"accidents"
. Make 100% sure that everything Matt brought with him is here at
home. ("Awww...Mom, somebody stole my Rubix Cube...")
. Make 100% sure that none of those mean boys put anything in his
knapsack. ("Hey guys, who put this in my bag? Gosh, this is a funny
looking cigarette.") ("Hey! Who put these bricks in here!")
. Have Dad give Matt a sponge bath to get rid of the poison oak he
slept in on Thursday
. Call the Camp Supervisor and complain about all those other mean
kids that made fun of Matt when his mattress squeaked every night.
("Doesn't anybody ever knock anymore? Goddamn perverts.")
<<--------------------------------------------------------------------------->>
Dialogue between Matt and his Mother on August 1st, Friday, 1986, 3:17 pm.
The scene is somewhere in Sunnyvale, California, a thriving town in Silicon
Valley. Looking further, we can see into our hero's living room. There he
is, sitting behind his terminal, happily downloading the newest in pirated
software from a local ae line. Munch happily on your potato chips, and guzzle
your Pepsi, and occasionally masturbate between transfer blocks, Matt, because
your day is about to be ruined..
"Matthew! I'm home, and I have good news for you!"
Looking up from the green screen, quickly and sheepishly zipping his fly up,
Matt stares at his mother, as only Matt knows how.
"Yeah?"
"Matt, your father and I have decided to let you go to camp this year!" The
look on his mother's face is the same as a thirteen year-old boy having his
first orgasm. Matt's odd little smile fades quickly.
"Mom! I don't want to go there!" The squeal in his voice, mixed with what
seems a very bad case of a sore throat, is annoying, to say the very least.
"But you had such fun last time!" A sweeping motion is made with her arms,
and she gives that CREST-type of smile that only Matt's mother could give.
"No I didn't!" The quality of Matt's voice turns adamant, and it might as well
have been a three year-old child exclaiming how she did not want to go to bed.
"Oh, but Matt--" His mother looks hurt, crushed by the idea that her son would
not want to go have some "fun in the sun" for a week.
"No! They're mean to me, and last year I had this really gross bunk partner
who did gross things with the sheep and one time he got down from the top
bunk and started to--" Matt begins to ramble on, as he tends to do from time
to time.
"Don't start that again with me, young man! You're going!" So then, Mom
puts the groceries away, ignoring the pleas from her son. What a firm parent
she is, and a good one at that.
Too bad Matt. We leave Matt's home, leaving Matt upstairs in his room,
disgusted with life, and even more mad that the sysop of the local transfer
line waited until he was on the second-to-last block before disconnecting
Matt. "Now I'll never get a copy of Dung Beetles II." Good luck at camp,
Matt, you're going to need it.
<<--------------------------------------------------------------------------->>
MATT'S LETTER TO HOME, August 4th, Monday, 1986, 2:32 pm.
Dear Mom,
I don't like camp very much this year, I got the same bunk partner that
I got last year. He's really mean to me, and he takes drugs. They should shoot
him for being so mean to me. I haven't been here very long, but it is nice to
know that they remember me from last year. I even have the same nickname as
last year. What does 'prostrate' mean? I didn't bring my 'Hello Kitty'
dictionary with me. Oh, I said a mean word, it begins with 'c' {sorry mom},
and now I have to clean the toilets for the rest of the week. They listen to
strange, satan music, it sounds like torture to me! It sounds like that movie
you wouldn't take me to once {I didn't want to see it anyway, even if it only
was 25 cents!}. Please send me some 'Screaming Yellow Zonkers' and 'Watermelon
Bonkers', because they confiscated every bit of food I had on me, all my
G.I. Joe comix, too! {I don't really read those!} Next time I come up here,
don't put my name on my underpants! They all stare at my fanny, and put itching
powder on me {in my special place, remember that?}. Well, I hope you don't
forget how to use my macros because I don't want to miss any new messages.
Don't read my mail, it's mean.
- Love and kisses,
Your son Matt.
ps. The nice guy that's always smiling at me says that he's going to ream me
at the end of the week and I asked him what that was and he says it's good.
Well, bye.
pps. Be sure to record the cartoons on channel 44, 3:30 pm, Monday through
Friday. Scooby-Doo and Transformers, and cut out "U.S. Acres" every day for
me!!
pps. I love you, I want to come home, and save some 'Snickers' for me!
<<--------------------------------------------------------------------------->>
HIGHLIGHTS IN MATT'S WEEK AT CAMP ..
[Monday/March 4th]: Matt recieves a large box filled with 'goodies from Mom',
and returns to his bunk, finding the box full of wet moss instead of his
treasures. Everybody else keeps thanking him.
[Monday night/March 4th]: Tonight was the 'Counselor Hunt Night'. He snuck into
the computer room and played MINER 2049'er. Upon being called a computer geek,
Matt sticks his tongue out, and is threatened to have his tongue and other
less important organs drawn and quartered. He doesn't argue, much. He walks
funny now.
[Tuesday night/August 5th]: His bunkmates hide Matt's asthma inhaler
somewhere, and decide not to return it until he turns blue. Matt turns
blue, and is forced to suck the contents out instead.
[Wednesday afternoon/August 6th]: Matt cannot call his favorite bulletin
board systems, and he is deleted, according to a letter from his mother.
Matt cries, and is offered warmth from his bunkmates, in the form of
illegal substances. Matt promptly decides to sleep in the bushes, and
his 'friends' snort his allergy pills in the meantime.
[Thursday late afternoon/August 7th]: While swimming, one of the meaner
kids attempts to drown Matt. Matt ends up floating downstream, and is
attacked by rabid beavers. When protesting hours later, he gets the
camp leader's bunk all wet. He cleans the toilets again.
[Thursday night/August 7th]: During archery practice, Matt is shot in the
rump with an arrow. It seems that he was on the range examining a pound
of feces closer, and was attacked. The arrow is removed, Matt does not sleep
well that night. The camp doctor laughs at his 'Wonder Woman' Underoos.
[Friday morning/August 8th]: Matt wakes up to a bright new morning! The
sun is shining, the birds are mating {yuck!}, and it seems a female moose
has taken up residence in Matt's tent. Matt walks funny for the rest of
the day. Again.
[Friday afternoon/August 8th]: Matt meets a girl at camp. Cindy is on
quaaludes, and lowers herself to talk to him. Matt tells her about the
secrets of VT-52 emulation and his 1200 baud modem. After accepting an
'asprin' from her, he wakes up Saturday morning with a headache.
[Saturday morning/August 9th]: Matt discovers to his horror that he is
pregnant. His mother, furious with him, decides to send him to a Wayward
Home for Girls. Matt agrees to go if there are modems there.
[Saturday night/August 9th]: Matt is home, snug in his bed, surrounded by
dirty magazines, a copy of Dr. Spock's latest book, and "G.I. Joe" comic
books. (That would explain his twisted fantasies..)
<<--------------------------------------------------------------------------->>
Dear Matthew,
Hello from your Mommie! We didn't record those nasty
cartoons for you, but we filled the tapes with 'Mr. Rogers' instead.
Your father and I have a surprise for you! We're going to spend the
rest of the summer in Hawaii! Isn't that wonderful? Oh, as for you,
you get to stay at camp! Keep in touch, pookums.
-Sincerely,
Mom.
ps. Are you still having those..."problems"?
<<--------------------------------------------------------------------------->>
.... and so ends our hero's week at camp. Tune in next time, and we'll
talk some more, about MATT. A legend in his own backyard.
(Ai) Anarchy inc.(tm) All Tables Reserved. Matt(tm) is a fictional
character (c) 1983-86 Anarchy inc. Any similarities between any of the
names or characters in this story is a living shame.
------------
ANARCHY INC. Dedicated to Alex, who said we couldn't do it.
------------ "Shut up and keep sucking, bitch.."
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

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This file from ---]] THE HAUNTED HOUSE [[--- 408/773-1202 300/1200b
NOTE: This is one of the most useless and childish files that one could
imagine. Just thought it should be shared as to annoy the masses..
+----------------------------------+
| How to Have Fun at Great America |
| by |
| Bill The Cat |
| |
| With Help From: |
| |
| Tristan Farnon |
| & |
| The Daredevil |
+----------------------------------+
+----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Disclaimer |
| If you get kicked out of Great America by playing any of these tricks, do |
| not blame me. These following pranks are used at the prankster's own |
| risk. I haven't even done 2/3 of them... |
+----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
Great America is a popular local amusement park. In fact, it is the
only local amusement park unless you count The Boardwalk an amusement
park. There are many little tricks you can play on people to liven
things up which do not cause any permanent damage...Some of them will
be listed here...
Part One: The Main Gate.
If there is a differential between pricing for kids and adults, and you
are OFFICIALLY in the adult range, but want to get in for the kid's
price, and look like you can almost pass for that age range, just
crouch over a little, without being too conspicuous, and act a
little immature, so you can get in for the lower price. If the employee
thinks that you are too old to get in for the kid's price, make a
fuss, and he/she will probably agree and let you get in for the lower
price.
Part Two: On The Delta Flyer.
The Delta Flyer is the tram that travels across the wire to take you
across the park.
The first thing you can do is throw things out of the cabin. Do not
follow the rule that says that throwing things out is a violation of a
Penal Code. Good things to throw are Fun Snaps (things that explode
when they hit the ground), or Nerds (little candy things), or any other
small thing. Do not try tohit anyone, because at that height, it could
hurt someone. Just throw things on top of roofs, in ponds, and near
people.
The second thing that can be done is talking to people coming the other
direction. One thing you can do is play 'Mr. Curious', and ask people
'What do you have in the bag?' and similar questions. Also insult
their FINE choices in clothing! Just be crazy.
Part Three: The Phones
There is a very simple way to play a pretty mean trick at the phones.
{This one was told to me by The Daredevil}. Just walk to the phones
nonchalantlyand inconspicuously, acting like you have to use the phone.
To make it seem evenmore realistic, pretend to call home or something.
But before you leave the phone, dial 740-xxxx, where "xxxx" are the
last four digits of the phone number you are at. Then it will give a
dial tone. Push the receiver once, and it will give a low-pitched
humm. Hang up the phone, and it will be in ringback mode. It will start
ringing, and will not stop until someone answers it {I think}.
I hope that this file has shown you a few ways to have extra fun at
Great America...
Now comes that obnoxious list of bulletin board systems that comes at
the end of almost every text file...
The Haunted House (415) 941-7256
The Realm of the Rogues (415) 941 7256
The Caverns of Atlantis {300/1200} (408) 257-6115
Affordable Harbor (408) 249-7599
-Bill The Cat
=====================================================\\
____ SysOp: 20 Megs ____ Number: || Official PUD Index Card
|| \ Mr. Pez || || 1200 Baud || \\ 313-433-3164 ||
||__/ || || || >> || Call today!
|| ROgrESsiVe \|__|/nDerGrOUnD ||_//ISsIdenTS ||
=====================================================//

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------------
Anarchy inc. ...somewhat proudly presents...
------------ /) The Life and Times (\
\) of Matt Ackeret (/
as told by: Eric C. Thompson
rewritten on February 19th, 1985 -=- All Rights Shot to Hell
Introduction: by The Daredevil
-------------
Hello, Daredevil here...Well, considering Matt is getting back into the
"wonderful" world of Bulletin Board Systems, I figured that a friend of mine
should re-write his life story, to tell all of you what Matt is really like.
Eric C. Thompson is new to the world of modems, but he's adapted quite well.
So, may I present, The Life and Times of Matt Ackeret.
[Disclaimer: Matt Ackeret is a completely fictional character, belonging to
Anarchy inc. If your name is Matt Ackeret, then any simularities are completely
nontopical. We take no responsibility whatsoever if anyone is offended, mainly
because we don't give a damn. -author.]
Chapter one: His Childhood
---------------------------
Matt Ackeret was born in the small town of Arco, Ohio. His parents were
unhappy with Matt's birth, because he was supposed to have been an abortion.
His obnoxiousness was noticed at an early age, when he called the doctor a
"professional mean-be'r". Matt was known in his kindergarten class for making
the other kids run away from him, and getting kitchen appliances sticky. His
parents weren't happy with him in the least, being that he molested fireplugs at
an alarming rate, and bought him a vic-20 computer, with a modem. Matt would
sit for hours in front of this "oversized calculator", as he put it, and
program. It was months later, when he found the power switch.
I believe it was in April, when his parents sent him to the store, for a can
of spam, for lunch. During the time he was at the store, they moved away to
Darkest Africa. Matt came home to find only the Vic-20 sitting on the floor.
It took him two years to notice anything else, except for the fact that "those
two other people" had left, without paying rent.
Chapter two: Bulletin Boards and Matt
-------------------------------------
Matt came to find a modem at the bottom of his closet. So, he plugged it in,
and found that he could call other computers! Such joy. For a year, he was an
avid user of the infamous "Transvestite BBS", but it seemed that they didn't
support Fire Hydrant Molesting. There was a BBS for Fire Hydrant Molesters in
Darkest Africa, but he found phone phreaking to be illegal and immoral. He even
met me, Eric C. Thompson, over the modem. However, I wasn't impressed with
him, or his methods of trashing. (This, is a personal oponion, and should be
disregarded.) Matt wrote some text-files, like "How to Molest Fire Hydrants",
but they weren't too popular with the local users. On such illustrious Bulletin
Boards like The Twilight Zone, and The Haunted House, he tried to fit in. But,
his ill-mannered tones got in the way, and soon everybody began to dislike him.
Matt grew to such heights as being the "System Joke", and "Asshole of the
Month", but that's beside the point. His artistic ability was duplicated on
BBS's, but nobody cares for it anyway.
Chapter three: The Sin!
--------------
I am not sure when it happened, but sometime during his jaunt on the BBS's, a
tragic thing happened to Matt Ackeret. I have the facts somewhat straight, and
believe most of it to be true. Matt Ackeret was raped by a cow. Some people
say that he was warped by it, and decided to be mean and nasty to all around
him. Others insist that he was a willing participant, and enjoyed it. The cow
was put to sleep, being that it was tramatized by this whole event.
Chapter four: An Interview!
-------------
I was lucky enough to get a short interview with Mr. Ackeret, when I went
trashing with him. (See: Ackeret & Thompson; Trashing textfile -author) He
didn't have too much to say:
Eric: Matt, I'd like to interview you for Anarchy inc.
Matt: NO! THEY'RE MEAN TO ME.
Eric: What did they do?
Matt: They said I got raped by a cow.
Eric: No, they stated that you weren't raped.
Matt: Oh, good.
Eric: They said you were willing.
with that, Matt left the room and became very annoyed. He and I went out
trashing that evening, and I haven't heard from him since.
Conclusion
----------
I hope people enjoyed this file, and I plan to get Matt to do some other
activities, like trashing. Perhaps we'll go out to a bridging head soon. Matt
Ackeret isn't that bad. Yet, he isn't that good either!
(c) 1985 Anarchy inc. The original "Life and Times of Matt Ackeret" was
written by The Bullseye, who got bored, and left Anarchy inc. If you are
wishing to be a member of the Matt Ackeret Fan Club, then call: (408) 732-1079,
and ask about the Matt Ackeret Fan Club. Tell 'em Eric C. Thompson sent you,
and you'll get full service. Thank you, and have a nice day.
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

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-------------
Anarchy, Inc. ...kind of, I guess, presents...
-------------
A Day in the Life of Matt Ackeret
by Surf Rat & Someone Else
(formatted for 80 columns)
with intro by Someone Else...
Introduction
------------
There are a few things I would like to say about this file before you have a
chance to read it, among them the fact that it was written quite some time ago.
Due to the recent lack of Anti-Matt hype I have refrained from uploading this
little gem until now. Hopefully I have made a wise decision.
One thing you may not understand is, because I have had the misfortune to know
Matt personally, I have tried in every way possible to conform to the actual
image Matt himself presents us with in daily life. Quite frankly, I believe
Surf and I have done a fairly accurate job. Unfortunately, the file is not
finished, and further volumes eventually will be forthcoming.
Matt Ackeret is a wholly fictional character, and is a trademark of Anarchy,
Inc. All rights reserved.
A Day in the Life of Matt Ackeret
---------------------------------
"..rringg!!!" the alarm went off. "Time to get up!" his mommy yelled from
somewhere off in the depths of the dingy hovel. "But I don't wanna get up!
Please, mommy, do I hafta go to school today?" Again, that same voice from
somewhere else, "Yes, Mattey, you do. And do try to get along with the kids in
school for once!" A grimace of fear crossed his face, "But mommmm," he
whimpered, "They all hate me! Yesterday they tried to throw me in a garbage
can!" His mom, undaunted, took control of the situation, now intolerable for
poor Matt. "Now keep quiet dear, and eat your oatmeal." "But it's disgusting!"
"Shut up and drink your milk!"
Half an hour later, our hero leaves for school. He is late.
Lonely and depressed, standing isolated at the forlorn bus stop, Matt looks at
his watch. 8:05. A tear dribbles down his face and into his mouth. He
swallows it and looks at his watch again.
At first a slight haze on the horizon, the bus slowly grows into a huge
monster, eager to swollow little Matt. He is ready. The kids, who are some 3
feet taller than him on the average, laugh at him, as he runs onto the bus,
orange backpack bouncing in the wind. with a huff and a puff, he flopps in the
front seat. "Phew, that was close." "Hey kid!" grumbled one of the bigger,
younger freshmen sitting behind him, "Get that backpack down so I can see!" "No!
your dumb! You little Freshman!" squeaked Matt in triumph, finally able to be
better that someone in something. "Listen runt," the now standing freshman
growles, a look that spelled impending doom spread across his face, "I'm
gunna--" the bus lurches. Matt is thrown out of his seat and smashes his face
against the plexiglass window. A scream of agony pierces the air. "Mommy!
Help me!" his nose starts bleeding, and soon a small puddle surrounds him.
"I'm bleeding! Someone help me!!" "Well, guys, should we help him?" someone
yells, "Naaa! let the zit bleed!" and with a chorus of agreement and applause,
all subside, to hear Matt whimpering in agony. Finally, after an eternally long
ride, they arrive. It is Homestead High School; for Matt, it is hell. He
tripped off the bus, and upon getting up, stared in disbelief, as everyone
seemed to be getting still taller than before. "Darn! Why can't they make a
growth hormone that works?" he says to himself as he gets up, viewing everyone
on an eye-to-crotch basis. From his unique position, he was able to look at
guys' crotches, and wish that he could have such a muscle. Oh well.. someday..
he says to himself as he thinks of how puny and thin his own dick is.
It is now 8:15... Matt is late for first period. As he rushes to his locker,
waves of fat undulating across his body throw him off balance and force him to
stop and wait for a moment before continuing. In time with his short steps, his
backpack kicks him a few good ones in the rear. As he reaches his locker, he
sees that someone has played a nasty trick upon him, dripping out of his locker
is a purplish goo. Undismayed, as this is quite normal, he reaches for the
little black knob. Oh no! He forgot his combination!! No matter! The lock
was krazy-glued (TM) shut that morning anyway. With a grimace of sheer
determination, Matt hits his locker with the full force of his 80 pound body.
It smacks open, hitting him in the face, which on anyone else would have been
their hip: his nose starts to bleed yet once again.
The tardy bell rings as he runs helter skelter into his sewing class, tripping
over the cords and landing face first in a Senior girl's lap. Recieving a slap
for that, he sits down. "You're late," the teacher glares at him. "It's
Saturday school for you." "Oh no! please! Not another semester of that!"
whimpers Matt, as all the girls, relieved that he will be out of their class,
breathe a sigh of relief. One girl, the one with the glasses, no tits, ugly as
hell, and a real bitch, gives him a quick smile. She had always liked his
style, that way he has of tripping over things, and getting stepped on.
Besides, she knew that he was the only one that she could ever get anywhere
with. After class, she sidles up to him with the look of pure love firmly
etched in her face. "Oh Matt, you're wonderful!" Matt, thoroughly disgusted by
the mere notion of having a <gasp> girl look at him, quickly turns away blushing
a deep crimson. The girl sees, and walks away, smiling to herself. "At last!"
she said to herself as she walked down the hall, trying to push out her chest to
make her look like she had tits. Two guys talking nearby began to look a little
nauseated.
Matt, all this time panting, and wondering how he would ever explain this to
his (ha!) friends on the modem, cumms in his pants. People begin to turn and
watch when he shivers and moans in the sheer glory of it. "Hahah! Matt finally
did it!" the whole school chanted, as he gives them a full view of his now moist
and sticky crotch. As Matt walked out of school, blushing a dark, deep, if not
florescent shade. A girl, the same butt-ugly one he had talked to after Sewing
3, runs up to him and squeezes his prick. "You macho man, you!" "Uh, golly, uh,
um," Matt says confidently, "you want to come over and uh, um, see the family
album?" The girl giggles and thrusts out her tits... "Go on, suck these" she
pants. Matt runs away, embarrassed, into a closet and hides till the end of
recess. After the bell rang, and his pants had dried, he emerged, now only
glowing faintly.
What an experience! Somone actually offered her tits to me! Even though they
weren't big yet, it could have been a worthwhile experience, Matt thinks. He
waddles into the counselor's office to ask advice on the big 'K'..kissing, which
up until recently, had only been a mere dream to Matt, a wet dream. Mrs
Kreitemer, the counselor, smirks at him from behind her pointed nose. "Matt,
Matt, what will I ever do with you..."
//.....................................\\
|| Anarchy inc. ||
|| "We take care of our own." || :.Coming Soon.:
|| The Daredevil, Havoc The Chaos, || "The Anarchist Manifisto"
|| The Moon Roach, Ruby Tuesday, || by the Moon Roach
|| Surf Rat, The Sheik, Dark Shadow, || "The life and times of
|| Ron S. VanZuylen, Eric C. Thompson, || Eric C. Thompson."
|| A Modem User, The Anarchist, || "Roofing! A complete guide!"
|| Someone Else, Alexander of Atlantis,|| by Havoc The Chaos
|| Teeny Bopper, DB Cooper, || ...and much more...
|| Pleasure Victim, & Torqa Dun. ||
\\.....................................//
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groups/ANARCHYINC/mcdonald.hum
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-=*=-HOW TO TERRORIZE MCDONALDS-=*=-
- Written By: - (converted to lowercase by the one,
- MODEM UZER - the bored, Mr. Pez.)
-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=----=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-
Now, altho McDonalds is famous for it's advertising and making the whole world
think that the Big Mac is the greatest thing to come along since sliced bread
(buns?), each little restaurant is as amateur and simple as a new-found
buziness. Not only are all the employees rather inexperienced at what they're
=supposed= to do, but they will just looze all control when an emergency
occurs....here we go!!!
First, get a few friends (4 is good...i'll get to this later) and enter the
McDonalds restaurant, talking loudly and reeking of some strange essense that
automatically makes teh old couple sitting by the door leave. If one of those
pimply-faced goons is wiping the floor, then track some crap all over it (you
could pretend to slip and break yer head, but you mite actually do so).
Next, before you get the food, find a table. Start yelling and releasing some
strage body odor and =anybody= would leave their table and walk out the door.
Sit 2 friends there, and go up to the counter with another.
Find a place where the line is short, or if the line is long say "I only wanna
buy a Coke" and you get moved up. Now, you get to do the =ordering=...Heh heh
heh.
Somebody =alwaze= must want a plain hamburger with absolutely nothing on it
(this takes extra time to make, and drives the little hamburger-makers
insane)..Order a 9-pack of chicken mcnuggets...no, a 20 pack...no, three 6
packs...wait...go back to the table and ask who wants what. Your other friend
waits by the counter and makes a pass at the female clerk. Get back to the
thing and order three 6-packs of chicken etc....now she says "What kind of
sauce would you like?"..of course, say that you all want barbecue sauce (one of
yer friends wants 2) only if there are only 2 containers of barbecue sauce
left. Then they hafta go into the storeroom and open up anudder box. Finally,
the drinks...somebody wants Coke, comebody root beer, and somebody diet Coke.
After these are delivered, bring them back and say "I didn't order a diet Coke!
I ordered a Sprite!" This gets them mad...better yet, turn down something
terrible that nobody wants to drink, so they hafta throw the drink away; they
can't sell it. After all the food(?) is handed to you, you must =neffer= have
enuff money to pay. The clerk will be so angry and confoosed that she'll let ya
get away with it (anudder influence on her is your friend asking her "If you
let us go I'll go out with you" and giving her a fake fone number).
Now, back to your table. But first, somebody likes ketchup. And mustard. And
plenty (too much) of napkins. Oh, and somebody likes forks and knifes, so
alwaze end up breaking the ones you pick outta the box. Have your friends yell
out "Yay!!!!! We have munchies!!" as loud as they can. That'll worry the entire
restaurant. Proceed to sit down.
So, you are sitting in the smoking section (by accident) eh? Well, while one of
the tobacco-breathers isn't looking, put a sign from the udder side of the room
saying "do not smoke here" and he'll hafta move...then he goez into the real
non-smoking section, and gets yelled at. He then thinks that no smoking is
allowed in the restaurant, so he eats outside (in the pouring rain)
After your meal is finished (and quite a few splattered-opened ketchup packets
are all over yer table), try to leave. But oops! Somebody has to do his duty in
the men's room. As he goez there, he sticks an uneated hamburger (would you
dare to eat one of their hamburgers?) inside the toilet, flushes it a while,
until it runs all over the bathroom. Oops! Send a pimply-faced teenager to
clean it up. (He won't know that brown thing is a hamburger, and he'll get
sick. Wheee!)
As you leave the restaurant, looking back at your uncleaned table, somebody
must remember that they left their chocolate shake there! The one that's almost
full!!!! He takes it then says "This tastes like crap!", then he takes of the
lid and throws it into the garbage can...Oops! He missed, and now the same poor
soul who's cleaning up the bathroom now hasta clean up chocolate shake. Then
leave the joint, reversing the "yes, we're open" sign (as a reminder of yer
visit)
There you have it! You have just put all of McDonalds into complete mayhem. And
since there is no penalty for littering in a restaurant, bugging peeple in a
public eatery (or throw-upery, in this case) you get off scot-free. Wuzn't that
fun? Well, my fingers are tired so I big you all a doo and see ya at Dune!
-UZER
The Following was made by The
Daredevil sometime after Uzer's
File...
I'd like to amend Modem Uzer's "Phun in McDonalds" a bit. He mentioned quite a
few fun things, but left out a few. I spent 8 months of my life there, and
learned alot of tricks from the inside. The overflowing toilet gag is always a
good one, but the hamburger, when stuffed in the sink with the water on,
produces a much more gratifying result. One greatly fun thing that I personaly
was sucker to, was the ol' Upside-Down Drink gag. You get a milkshake, take off
the lid, and quickly flip it upside down. Clean up any mess arounf the edge,
and there you have it. I mess waiting to be born. When the poor McPeon comes
over to clean the table, he lifts the cup and get and instant Choco-mess! Even
if he is aware of this gag, there isn't a whole lot he can do.
Also, if you come in before 11am, you can cliam your complimentary salt and
pepper shakers. These are beautifully hand-crafted designer shakers made from
high quilty plastics, and they're yours, FREE! Take as many as you want. On a
good day, you can usualy claim as many as 20-30. These are great for picnics
and family outings.
And finally, a MUST for all McTerrorists, throw away the plastic trays. As
you leave, be clean. Dump the food, tray and all, in the trash can.
I almost forgot! You Rootbeer Float lovers might like to know that McDonalds
now serves them. Order a medium rootbeeR, an empty LARGE cup, and an ice cream
cone. Ask for a spoon. Mix it together, and you have one pretty good root beer
float.
This textfile was composed on the spur of the moment by: Michael DeCaye
(C) 1984 ANARCHY INC. NO RIGHTS RESERVED
(--------------)
(Anarchy Inc. )
(>--------------<)
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(Ruby Tuesday )
(The $hiek )
(The Moon Roach)
(Havoc Chaos )
(Teeny Bopper )
(D.B Cooper )
(Dread Star )
(The Bullseye )
(Space Ace )
(Grim Jack )
(Modem User )
(--------------)
Surf Rat's AE
415/949-1049 pw/fondle
The Realm Of the Rogues 20 Megs
415/941-1990
By the way, Matt Ackeret is the
biggest sub-humanoid Life Form this
side of Russia! (Next to the Itch
-The Juggler, and Surf Rat)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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And as this textfile | ||__ \ | | | | | ||_ \ D>issidents
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groups/ANARCHYINC/mercenar.ana
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------------
Anarchy Inc. Presents....
------------
The Story Of a Mercenary
by: Lord Omega
I am a mercenary.
That's really all i've ever done for a living. At age 16 I left home to join
the space navy, and went off to fight in the revolution. Jaglan Beta had tried
to escape the influence of Earth, but we were too good for them. I've been in
all the major space battles during that 9 year period and got myself promoted up
to Captain, and my ship, the Vengeful, was one of the ones that was there when
we finally sterilized the entire planet of Jaglor. I remember the feeling of
power, the mastery as I fired weapons that killed millions of people with every
shot. There is nothing else that I ever wanted to be but a warrior, and this is
the ultimate high, to know that nobody can stop you.
But, I was stopped. After the war ended, there was a time of peace. Oh,
it wasn't total peace, there were little fights here and there, nothing much.
Nobody was even using nukes anymore. I felt unwanted. The service did not
intervene in these little brush fires as they called them, and that meant that I
was left with my ass glued to a chair in headquarters. PUSHING PAPERS! Me, a
warrior, the greatest fighter, and nobody to fight. I had to find a way out.
There was one way...
The navy wanted to cut the size of it's forces. Many of them were not needed
much anymore, so if I asked, I would be discharged from the navy. It worked.
The promoted me to admiral at 31, and gave me an honorable discharge.
The first thing I did when I left was to buy a ship. All those years i've
worked with the navy i've saved quite alot of money. I never had a wife, and
the navy paid my meals and such, so it was all saved in an account, and by the
time I was discharged, it amounted to quite alot. So I bought a ship. Not one
of those fancy models that the rich ride. Bah. Those couldn't survive a stray
beam of light much less photon blasts. I found a used XDS-33 battle cruser.
The same type as my beloved ship Vengeful. The ship was immediately re-painted,
christened Vengeful II, and launched off to the Etchelon Delta system.
If you had enough money, you could buy anything at Etchelon port. Some of the
worst scum of the galaxy make that a home. I bought a 50meg deflector shield,
and enough weapons to make a full scale Earth Superdestroyer cringe. All i had
to do was wait...
One day it happened. Three men came to Etchelon Port looking for good
mercenaries. There was hundreds to choose from, but the business men only
wanted eight. Well, I had no fear about that. I'm the best there is, and
anyone will know my reputation. Sure enough, i'm the second one called. Others
called were officers that i'd known in the navy, some people who i'd fought
against in the revolution, and others were known for being just ruthless
mercenaries. No matter who they were, they were now my allies.
The incident was a small war of succession in some rat-hole world called
Tremble. Rumor has it that the name came from the early colonists who left from
earth at a space port in what was then Califorinia. They barely escaped the
earthquake that dumped that state into the ocean. It may be true. As a child I
once went diving in Old San Francisco, and saw what the city was like the day it
died. It was facinating.
I remember the first day we landed on Tremble. I was told that full planet
saturation bombing would not be permitted because they wanted to have something
to rule after we were done. No matter. I enjoy other combat also. The enemy
was a group of politicans (how i hate politicans. Give the work to someone
else, take the credit, and leave the blame. Bah.) who wanted to control the
planet. They ran the planet for 40 years, and never allowed a fair election.
It's not that I care about fairness... Hell. One way is as good as another of
taking a government... But the politicans were a bunch of wimpy peacemongers.
This must not be allowed! If peace became a way of life, there would be no
excitement. No real reason to stay alive.
There was also the matter of money. I spent almost every cent i had on the
Vengeful II, and I was in desperate need of some more money. The businessmen
would pay us seven million galactic credits each if we succeeded. That's fine
with me. I don't need money if I fail. Mainly because i'd die first. The
businessmen told us that they wanted to control government so that the people
would be better represented. He didn't like it much when i stopped his 'Do what
the people want' speech by telling him that I honestly didn't care what the
public wanted.
Well, I guess you can consider Day One of the combat to be one of the best.
After all the planning, and organizing forces, to be able to actually enter the
field with a photon rifle at your sholder and atomic grenades on your belt...
Well, it's a feeling that few can understand. It's estascy. I believe that I
killed over 112 people myself. With each death, I gained a little bit more of
myself. This is where I belonged.
That first day caused a major retreat by the politician's army. We were good.
Our men were organized. Like a perfect killing machine, we went on. Nothing
could stop us.
After 24 days of intense battle, I lost 423 soldiers. By our count, we killed
at least 23,000 of their men. I didn't even use nukes or planet bombs. I was
quite proud of myself when my sergant brought a man in my tent in the uniform of
the other side. A prisoner? No, I told my men never to take prisoners. What
could he be for?
It was horror. He was a Captain of the other side wishing to discuss a
surrender. Twenty-four days of fighting to be ended by a surrender? Never. I
drew my hand blaster. The sergant had left the tent earlier, and this was my
chance. I shot the man so that nobody else would know about the surrender. I
told the sergant that he tried to attack me, but I was quick with my gun. I
told him that we must double our attacks. Kill the enemy. Kill every last one
of them!
Dawn, day 38. We increased our attacks. Nobody was left to live. Anything
that got in our path, be it man, animal or insect, died. I could feel the power
again. Those cowardly bastards. They shall pay for their cowardace! No true
soldier should surrender. I'd personally kill the lot of them even if all my
soldiers were taken away from me. I'd fight them with nothing but my hands!
I'd show them.
Day 42. Another soldier tried to come over under a white flag to propose a
surrender. I shot this man again, and carefully hid a grenade on him before I
told the guard. The reports stated that this man was a saboteur, and I had
killed him. The battle has been great.
I don't know what happened after that. Two M.P.'s came to me the morning of
the 49th day, and told me that I was under arrest. The businessmen had found
out about the surrender that I turned down, and they accepted it. Now they were
arresting me because they thought I prolonged the battle excessively. Is
everyone a coward?
I'm currently writing this in jail on the planet of Syran. They wish to have
me hung in the morning for war crimes. I'm writing this story of myself so that
maybe someone will understand why I had to do what I did. Nobody likes me
anymore. I used to be great. I used to be the greatest captain the fleet ever
knew. Why???
They're coming for me. Good bye.
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

groups/ANARCHYINC/mi_1-4.hum
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groups/ANARCHYINC/mission.fun
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-------------
Anarchy, Inc. ...belatedly presents you with...
-------------
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: REVISITED
a file by Someone Else.
Reuben Flagg looked up, horror etched into his face.
"Who are you and how did you get in here?" Trying to mask his surprise by
sounding authoritative, horror changed to being just plain scared. A sweep of
his arm swept the papers on his desk into the drawer, then closed and locked.
Who am I, he asks. Hmph. Who indeed!
"Get out of here!" he slipped his .44 Magnum slowly above the level of the
desk, straight at me. I didn't give him time to scream.
I reached over and opened the drawer, papers spilling over the floor. One of
them caught my eye. A typeset contract signed by Flagg and Chaotic Computing,
confirming in my mind what I had so long expected. Flagg and OLYMPIA were
nothing; C/C was the real danger. Hmm, the plot thickens yet further. I left
the same way I got in, leaving a twitching Reuben Flagg slowly drooling into the
stormdrain. I had another task to perform.
Ok now, concentrate. Where was it? Ahh, there. Concentrate further.
The fluorescent haze of the office building faded into a bland gray;
characteristic of the limbo inhabiting that which is between frames of
realspace. Grayness faded to the daylight of the ordinary world. Anarchy HQ
constructed itself around me, according to my will. The place was missing most
of its chatter, as everyone but Daredevil was out on a Mission. Daredevil sat
mumbling to himself, a man's paperwork is never done.
"Hello Daredevil. Do you remember who I am?"
He looked at me, but my face held no expression. He mumbled something about
the Purge and his eyes opened wide in fear. He remembered.
"Well, well.. " he spoke, cheerily enough, "Other than that, what brings you
out here to our little place?"
"Oh, not much. I've just acquired information indicating C/C has been
involved in machinations beyond the ken of the average human. Their farce has
reached the point where it is positively a hazard to the future of mankind."
"Errr..rr..."
"No, more serious than that. What I intend to do is penetrate their REAL
headquarters, the one we've never seen, and probably never will."
"Shit." Harrison, watch your mouth.
"Where's Dark?"
"Men's room. Down the hall, stairs, and in the basement. Make a right past
the aresenal, you can't miss the smell. Why?"
"He can teleport. You can't. If I'm guessing at C/C's power as it stands
now, expect a nuke within ten minutes -- they probably recorded this
conversation."
"Shit."
Damn. The grayness took longer to fade this time; I wasn't exactly sure
of my destination. Wait a second.. there. Glasses clinked and the sound of
happy drunken conversation surrounded me at once. What the fuck?
Two short men next to me in standard FBI 3-piece suits stood interrogating a
weird old-time Scottish warrior type wearing a plaid kilt and bagpipe. A
Scottish tavern? With the FBI? Anachronism, will we never escape you? The men
suddenly began getting insistent with the old fogey, who stepped two paces back.
One of the men drew a small handgun and pointed, but the elderly warlord, eyes
blazing, blew a note on the bagpipe, too quickly for them to react, and too high
for me to hear.
Reaction followed swiftly. The taller of the two (no handgun) ducked into a
fetal position on the floor, screaming intensly, while the other just stood
there, pink foam oozing out of his mouth and nose. He collapsed silently,
sounds of the tavern still going on, the outburst having no effect on the cheery
Scottish place. The old bagpipe wielder relaxed and looked over my way. Seeing
me, he nodded.
"Ahh there you are, I've been expecting you."
And it all faded away.
At last it became clear; I set myself to do what must be done. This little
diversion, the little Scottish tavern, had been a crucial step in the course of
events. The skirmish between the two men and the bagpipe wielder and his
subsequent greeting had provided me with a vital key, without which Chaotic
Computing would be forever beyond my grasp. I set myself to do what must be
done.
The room constructed itself around me. Luxuriant but not ostentatious, a
faint erotic suggestion entwined itself in and around the officelike decorum. I
sat down in a reclining couch and waited patiently, noting with some
consternation the room had only one door. Before long, the voice of a woman,
elegant and mature, intruded itself upon the quiet of the place, seeming to have
no source, seeming almost a part of the room itself.
"Welcome to the reception room. Can I help you in any way?" A hint of
suggestion in that, did I hear?
"I believe you can. There is information regarding the OLYMPIA/Chaotic merger
which merits further study."
"Come this way please." The voice became blatantly sexual.
I could not see her, nor could I know from where she was talking, so I wasn't
surprised when directions appeared in my mind, almost seeming to compel me to
follow. To the room there was only one door. This I opened.
"Zone 4.01 Register reading negative value, recommend tapping Floor."
"Photoplaning Floortap Registering positive. Continue."
The voices pulsed in nanoseconds, yet strangely I could hear them. It is
true, however, that I couldn't understand their meaning. Shimmering
transparencies shielded me from the spectacle of my own mind as we traveled
swiftly from one section to another. I did not know what the voices meant, nor
would I ask: it wouldn't make sense to ask myself what I did not know anyway.
How is it that it becomes possible to teleport into one's own mind? That
question I leave to others; I am content with the knowledge it could be done.
The corridor narrowed, a conduit of impulse flashed by, information relayed
from here to there in meaningful continuity, spearing me, impaling me,
dissolving my mind in the presence of myself. I took another step; becoming one
for a moment with matrices of data, electronic pattern taking to life.
Somewhere in the background I heard a voice.
"Floortap. Floortap. Floor. Tap.. Floor. ...Tap." An electron sped toward
me. I screamed and found myself engripped in the talons of a gigantic bird,
flying swiftly over the walls of a city. I looked up at the face of a girl, the
collar circling her neck. "Oh but Master, you ARE free." Her face was pleading.
"How else would you die honorably?" She laughed, her face changing horribly,
taking on the image of a jackal, fangs growing from her mouth. With a screech
of rage the bird opened his talons, dropping me to the earth, a thousand feet
below.
The electron sped on past, safe in its orbit about the nucleus, which I could
now see somewhere in the distance. The phone rang; I awoke with a start, dreams
of flight fading in my head. It was Brian. "Hi John, hee hee." I slammed it
down again. It rang. Nothing. It rang again. It was the BBC, who wanted a
copy of the lyrics for the new Frankie release. The phone melted in my hand, a
passing particle of information heating it past the critical point. My hand
screamed, liquid plastic eating through the skin.
The nucleus floated above me, closer now. I opened the door and stepped into
the room. The skull sat on a column in the center of the floor, staring at me,
smiling. I stared back, noting the Burger King crown atop it and the earring in
the nose. It looked at me. "You have lost," it said. I knew that voice. The
column sank into the floor, taking the skull with it. I sank into the ceiling,
myself melting into it, dissolving. The room was empty. Soon there was no more
room. You'll have to sit somewhere else.
I heard another voice, speaking softly in a soundless medium.
"R27 keep reading. I detect an abort in progress. Increase FloorTap.
That is my recommendation." And another. "247 and holding. ...and holding...
hold-"
The nucleus approached swiftly, enveloping me in its soft odor. Infor- mation
streaked past me, journeying to far off destinations close by. Pain, so long
below the threshold of conciousness, magnified its presence to a dull roar as a
particle moulded itself into the shape of a bagpipe. I blew into the
mouthpiece.
The room swirled, out of focus. "Oh shit," I mumbled, nearly vomiting on the
floor; the image of Dorian Hawkmoon impressed itself in my mind. This was no
illusion -- this was real. The mouth softly drooled onto his purple shirt.
"How did you get here?" he spoke, hampered by drool, "You couldn't have just
come from nowhere."
A slightly amused Lord Arrakis chuckled, replying in the obvious. "Come,
come, dear Dorian. You know better; of course he appeared out of nowhere. This
room has no door." I looked at him, smug little runt, slouching in his pathetic
subcompact throne. It was true: the room lacked a means of entrance. In
passing, I saw the three others watching patiently off to the side. One I
immediately recognized. As for Dorian, a puzzled expression of blatant
stupidity crossed his features, the humorous effect thus produced was not much
unlike a puzzled oaf being put upon by his master. Lord Arrakis chuckled for a
moment before bringing his eyes to rest upon me.
"All right, you are here. Now who are you?"
"He is the one who came after me in the office," the one whom I recognized
interjected.
"Ahh. But who is he?"
At that moment, Sitting Pretty, almost living up to her name (after all, she
was sitting down), revealed to us all her true intelligence.
"We have ways of making you talk," she stated. But then she did something
curious.
Her skin, a sickly pale, took on the glossy characteristic of a well developed
Fotomat picture. Then she had no skin. Her muscles, bones, eyes, brain -- all
changed, dissolved into a pinkish foam; a living foam, moving, swirling,
bubbling. Moving towards me.
I couldn't move, as if some force took control of me, held me still. And the
foam came towards me, touched me, engripped me, penetrated me (am I being too
poetic?). It truly is an unclean feeling, a gooey blob of jello traveling up
the leg inside several of the larger veins, making its way from the foot on
through the intestine, into the stomach, up the spinal cord, and into the
medulla. My perception of reality shimmered as the thing began to take control
of my brain. It began to scan me.
Havoc T. Chaos, Senator Bunker, Dark Shadow, Alexander, Daredevil... who?
what? when? where? how? why? I had to think! Sweat broke out on my face.
Think! Who are these people? Anarchy Incorporated, Chaotic Computing,
OLYMPIA... organizations.. what do they mean, what do they stand for? What do
you know about them? Pain redoubled, I began to lose ground. I began think-
ing of Anarchy and my own place in their scheme; of Chaotic, a mysterious
organization of text-file plagiarizers; of OLYMPIA, a meaningless group of
people who don't do much of anything. These are not my thoughts, I thought to
myself. I am Someone Else, not a blob of jello. I thought of bagpipes. STOP
THINKING AT ME!!! I screamed in my head. It stopped. Everything stopped.
For no reason that I could think of, I started drooling. Captain Cockroach
and the rest of OLYMPIA watched in fascination as what was once Sitting Pretty
dribbled out of my nose, and out of my brain.
I looked at them. Pathetic, for the most part, seeming that that special
power of hers kept the group together. I thought of bagpipes. Nahh... I'd
better let Harrison know what happened. On teleporting back, I couldn't help
but have the feeling that somewhere a plastic skull with a Burger King crown and
a purple earring was laughing at me. Laughing its head off.
I walked in through the door this time, surprising them all while they were
refurbishing the place with radiation-proof office furniture. "Carry on," I
said to them, walking past towards Daredevil's office. He glared at me as I
knocked twice and walked in.
"God damn it! How dare you?" his face contorted in lividness.
"Should I have rung the doorbell?"
He let out a sigh of exasperation, "That's not what I meant. You settled our
entire problem, and you're not even an Anarchy member!"
"Well, what do you want me to do about it?"
"Fuck off."
(Ron S. VanZuylen, eat your heart out.)

groups/ANARCHYINC/modgeeka.hum
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------------
Anarchy inc. ...proudly presents... 1/27/85
------------ How to Tell if YOU are a Modem Geek!
Written by: The $heik
Let's face it. It's not one of life's greatest mysteries, such as if the
light really turns off when you close the refrigerator door? And what the hell
that little dog's name on Pettycoat Junction is? But have you ever wondered if
you were a modem geek? Well, it's time for a SHEIK EXCLUSIVE. So, why not
take the test, and find out...
1. Is calling a Bulletin Board System the highlight of your day?
2. If it weren't for modems, would your social life be nothing?
3. Do you set your alarm in the middle of the night, just so you can get on
the popular BBS of your town?
4. Do you hang around the computer room at your school...on ALL your breaks?
5. Is Steve Wozniak the man you would pick for the "Time Magazine Man of
the Year" award?
6. Do you sleep with your modem?
7. Do you eat dinner in front of your modem...Every night?
8. Do you find modems more intresting than that cute little blond in
Biology?
9. Would you turn down tickets to the Super Bowl, just so you can log-on to
a system while everyone else if watching the game?
10. Were you under ten when you got your modem?
11. Do you like it when a system plans something for all the members (such
as, to see a movie) so you can stay home, and log onto the system, while
everyone else is meeting each other?
12. Are you stereotyped as the "Computer Geek" at school?
13. Is it impossible for somebody to talk to you on your voice line, without
using a 2600 kz tone?
14. Do you save up all your money, just so you can buy the newest modem each
year, that rated a '10' with "Better Computing"?
15. Do you think this year's superbowl champions were the New York Islanders?
16. Do you auto-dial AE lines?
17. Do you call your modem by name?
18. Does the modem stimulate you in more ways than one?
19. Do you have more than eight ball point pens in your pocket? Not to
mention write-protect tabs, head cleaners, etc...
20. Are you the VanMaster, the Champion Eternal, Matt Ackeret, Princess Leia,
Inver Brass, The Jackal, or Mr. Maverick? (This last line was added by
the Bullseye...)
SCORING:
if you answered 'YES' to none, then you're cool. No problem.
1-2 You need to get your priorities straight.
3-7 Well, it's not too late yet...Maybe, just maybe...
8-12 Have your parents beat it out of you.
13-16 Let's put it this way..."Revenge of the Nerds" was your movie.
17-20 You're a modem geek. In other words, blow up your apple, and start
your life over.
And if you scored more than twenty, not only are you a modem geek, but you
can't count! There were only twenty possible, bub.
DISCLAIMER: Well, I hope we here at Anarchy inc. didn't offend anybody,
but...hey...somebody had to do it.
Have a nice day.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$The Sheik$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
------------
Anarchy inc. MCMLXXXV All tables reserved.
------------

groups/ANARCHYINC/mypalbtc.hum
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The Motorhead presents....
Bill the Cat is MY Friend!
---- --- --- -- -- ------
None of you are going to believe this, but I have something to admit: Bill
the Cat is my friend! Yes! I actually like the guy. I have decided to set the
record straight on a few things which have been said about BtC in the past, as
well as many recent remarks.
First off, it was rumored that Bill the Cat (then going under his real name
instead of his present monicker) molests fire hydrants. I have been talking to
Bill quite a lot recently, and he has been confiding in me about various aspects
of his life. I have it on good authority that he does NOT molest fire hydrants;
he actually likes to do it with street light fixtures as well as various small
furry creatures. I bet the fire hydrant lie was made up by that mean and nasty
person, A Modem User. God, is he really mean!
Next, recently A certain Modem User alleged that Bill was caught shoplifting
at a porno accessory place. I must say that, after talking to Bill and with the
police forces of the area, that this is totally untrue. The charges were
dropped after it was discovered that his parents ran the store and that he was
just bringing a few things home from the store for him and his parents to use
for an evening of fun and relaxation.
I'm sure that Bill will truly appreciate the fact that I have set the facts
straight on these two matters, and now I will tell you the truth about something
else before those mean people in Anarchy Inc. get ahold of it and twist the
facts to make BtC sound less than normal. It appears that Bill has a great lust
for two people in the MODEM {which, by the way, stands for MOdulator
DEModulator} world; these two people are Commander Video and A MODEM User {You
really should say MODEM in all capital letters since it is an acronym}.
Aparently Commander Video is a buddy of his from that great BBS Affordable
Harbor {which, sadly, I have never been able to check out for myself; I just
believe Bill when he says how good it is}, and A MODEM User is, well, Uzer.
Everyone knows him by now. I guess it is a kind of love/hate relationship there
{at least on Bill's part; I doubt Uzer reciprocates}.
Well, there you have it. I hope you take appropriate action as a result of
the facts I have set straight here.
The {friend of BtC} Motorhead
(C) 1985 by Nobody in particular.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
_ ___ _ the _ _ __ P>rogressive U>nderground
And as this textfile | ||__ \ | | | | | ||_ \ D>issidents
rolls off the screen, | | __) )| | | | | | \ \ 3 1 3 - 4 3 3 - 3 1 6 4
you realize instantly | ||___/ | | | | | | ) ) 300/1200 Baud
the place to get more | | | |___| | | | _/ / 20 Megs of TextFiles
like it.. |_| \_____/ |_||__/ SysOp: Mr. Pez

groups/ANARCHYINC/newuser.hum
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(-- The life of --)
a
new user
----
(- Written By: -)
Surf Rat
...An Anarchy Inc. File...
(C)opy freely
This file is being written to give a humorous description of the common new
user, that we all know and hate so much. Hopefully it will be accurate enough,
but hey, what do I care if a bunch of new users get mad at me? Onward..
Soon after the New User gets his new shiny generic modem, and learns how to
dial it, after thoroughly memorizing the entire booklet, it will attempt to call
the local 'Homosexual BBS'...something he/she/it can relate to easily. After
enjoying making many new friends, who keep trying to coerce the new user to
'Come over to see something', the new user might attempt to call an exciting
Commodore or Atari board..gee, what fun. As IT logs on, and is discovered to be
using an Apple, the sysop quickly realizes that he is very lucky to be so
honored by an Apple user, despite the New User's lameness, he will give him
levels..ooh! Our New User is now a macho-stud, because he has a 'Super-wizzy
level 8 access'..watch out world, for here he comes..
One unfortunate day, our new user discovers an Apple board, with decent users,
and a cool sysop. As soon as our macho-stud New User logs on, he sends the
sysop a threatening letter:
HEY! I HAVE LEVEL 8 ACCESS ON THE
COMMODORE CAVERNS! AND YOU HAD
BETTER GIVE ME A LEVEL 8 ACCESS
HERE, BECAUSE I AM C0000L!
The poor sysop, upon reading this, quickly dismisses the matter and deletes
the fool.
The next day, right after the New User gets home, he calls up to find that he
doesn't have a password at the system he called the night before! Shocked and
outraged, he logs on again and sends the sysop a 'Really nasty and mean letter'
(A quote taken from a notorious New User around here..)
HEY! YOU DELETED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DONT EVER DO THAT AGAIN!!!!11!!1!
(~~ SORRY ~~
I DIDNT MEAN
TO PUT IN
THOSE 1'S!!1!)
YOU HAD BETTER VALIDATE ME AND
APOLOGIZE BEFORE I GET MAD! I'M
WARNING YOU!
The sysop, annoyed by this nuiscanace sends him back an appropriate letter,
and validates him for the hell of it. Now the New User has gained access to a
board. Little do the users know that this fag has access..
The New User makes his grand entrance by telling everyone what a neato-swell
guy he is, and asking everyone if they know how to put up a board with a
Neo-Nothing Generic 13409AB generic modem with 110 and 300 baud! (Isn't he
special?) Most of the users respond by either telling him/her/it to fuck off, or
just plainly asking the sysop to delete the scum. Somehow the New User finds
out that poeple don't like him, and he has a fit..He posts on all boards..:
YOU ARE ALL DUMB! I HATE YOU ALL!
I AM GOING TO GET YOU!!!!11!!!1!!
I AM NEVER GOING TO CALL BACK
AGAIN..!
Everyone breathes a sigh of relief. But, very cleverly the New User sneaks
back on under a different name! Probably something like:
Little Al
Bill The Cat
Gandalf The Grey <<--Very original!
He then sends all of his new 'enemies' 'nasty hate mail'..'I hate you! Why
don't you just go and die please?' (oh god..) Soon everyone knows he is back,
but he still thinks that no one knows who he is.. Eventually, after being
ragged on for months, he retires, defeated, and slinks back to his beloved
Commodore boards, where even the geeks call him a 'l000ser'..
If you know of anyone that I have just described..Show this file to him so he
can have 1 more enemy.
"Like wow..I didn't know I was ever that lame"-Matt Ackeret; alias Gandalf the
Grey and Bill The Cat.. the person that I modeled this file after..(Trivia-
Matt Ackeret is 4'7 inches tall, 16 years of age, and still sings in Alto key..)
Call The Twilight Zone:
408-253-2140
-Have you kicked your new user today?-
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

groups/ANARCHYINC/noname!.hum
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Ahem. Time for another -------------- textfile.
Anarchy Inc.
--------------
(.... Daredevil, Ruby Tuesday, Modem User, Surf Rat, Dark Shadow ....)
(.... Senator Bunker, Havoc T. Chaos, Moon Roach, Lord Omega ....)
(.... The Misfit, Eric C. Thompson, and Alexander of Atlantis ....)
Now that my compooter is no longer in a state of disrepair, we may proceed on
one of our lilliputian excursions into that vast, untapped visceral body of
ethereal knowledge, that antithesis of antimony (what?), namely, this file...
Note that it is not done in cooperation with Radamanthine Dungeonwriters, Shadow
Stories Inc., BfB, or any other such organization- just Anarchy, Inc.
You must be here for one of two reasons-
(1) You are bored, and when in such a state are apt to read anarchistic
literature. Seek counseling.
(2) Your English teacher has noted the literary quality omnipresent in
files of said group, and now you are doing your homework. Have your
English teacher seek counseling immediately.
(............................................................................)
/---------------------\ A D V E R T I S I N G
| this is... | My friends, what is advertising? Chopped ham? No,
| a cute box | it's chopped liver, chopped to a smooth texture...
\---------------------/ Seriously, the only reason you read this file is
because of it's name. THIS FILE HAS NO NAME. But I lied, it has a name. You
can lie in advertising, it's considered standard practice to do so, even.
YOU HAVE SUCCUMBED TO THE PRESSURE OF THE MASS MEDIA, and shame on you! Why,
suppose there were a product on the shelf, called "This product has no name
(TM)". You'd probably buy it. You bought this file, after all.
Enough of that. Let's get down to proper things now. The mass media is
out to get us. You don't think they do all the nice things that they do just
for a service. Of course not. They want to sell you things. They want you to
buy things. They want you to make them happy, monetarily that is.
All advertising is not bad. Those public service announcements, (even
though they are there to keep the government happy to keep the station on
the air to keep advertisements on the air as well) are not bad, but they are
rather boring. But since you're not buying these services, they don't care.
/---------------------\ Since nobody but a splinter interest group ever
| buy anarchy | expresses any remote interest in the mass media's
\---------------------/ attack on our sanity, I think it about time some-
thing's done about this. Why, it's a travesty, a travesty of sanity, if you
will, and I'll not stand for it. So I write this text file. There, by the
grace of god, be I, me, sitting front of me apple ][ (+plus+, not //c).
Good grief, look at that commercial. Whatever happened to good adver-
tising, like Ed Barbara Furniture USA hi kids! Not that that's a soothing
voice, nor a good commercial; in fact if I had my chance I would probably do
something on the level of garroting that man.
Good grief, he[the Author]'s rambling again! We've got to put a stop to
it! But first these messages... [note: there are no messages; there was but
I had to save space- so I deleted 20k of ads. Sorry-/ed] [note: some people
have been complaining about there being too many notes./ed].
/---------------------\ [I'm getting sick of this! /ed] [Gag!.../ed?]
| reading boxes | Ever notice that a large percentage of commercials
| causes cancer | are just for shows that you could watch just to see
\---------------------/ other commercials? Wow! This stuff feeds on itself!
Now you can see why this has to be stopped. Well, at least the cable companies
almost don't have commercials, except between shows there exist commercials of
other shows, but those other shows don't have commercials, so it does not feed
on itself in that case. Still,...
So, you're going to watch television anyway... Ahem. That's Ok, as long
as you realize that the mass media advertising blitz really is nothing you can
do about, except ignore. Or use the device known as a remote channel selector
to quickly zap your television into obedience. Seems that those networks are
going to have to learn that our viewing time is sacred to them, and they shalt
not tamper with thus. Soon they will realize that 7 commercials in rapid fire
succession will not keep us glued to that TV channel.
On another note, you could do what I've done: Give up network TV series
altogether. The only network prime time show that I watch is Mike Hammer (my
hero?). That is, as soon as he's out of the clink.
/---------------------\ Now there comes a time in any text-file writer's
| 12:59:59 | to conclude his file. Now appears to be that time.
| Time to wake up... | So, with a flash, I will vanish namelessly into that
| (conclusion) | Big AE in the sky...
\---------------------/ -poof!-
"That's funny. I was reading this file, you see, and all of a sudden the
author vanished."
"Nothing funny about that at all. Haven't you noticed how that happens
every time you read a text file?"
"Oh yeah."
(............................................................................)
My sincere apologies for the unfortunate few who had not the courage to press
the ESC key and sat through the entire reading of that FOMA. Ahem.
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

groups/ANARCHYINC/nothing.hum
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--------------
Anarchy inc.
-------------- ...Proudly Presents...
Nothing.
Written by; The Moon Roach of Anarchy inc.
(c) 1984 All Rights Shot to Hell...
A complete guide to existence and the fact that it isn't there.
You may be wondering one morning, after you wake up,
am I here? Is anything here? Is this all just a wet dream?
Well now here's your answer ...... yes it is.
And I will prove it thus:
Existence today (for most, not for me) is based on proof.
Well, can anybody prove anything? Can you actually prove
that you are alive today? Once you think about it,
nothing can be proven. Now stop arguing..it's true and you
know it.
Therefore, since nothing can be proven, nothing exists,
And people usually just generally accept that there is something
around them so they can continue to live normal lives.
So.. nothing exists really...right?
Wrong.
Nothing does't exist either, and in fact cancels out itself.
Thus: Anything(or something) is any idea or concept.
therefore, since nothing is a concept, it is something,
and cancels itself out.
Also is the fact that nothing has never been found,
Cannot be proven and bam, dosen't exist.
Well dosen't that just make your day?
I have just disproven all existence.
now,
for the rest of your empty life you can contemplate this
just like the Gurus do, and slowly turn into something
resembling a large rasin.
Have a nice day.
The Moon Roach
Anarchy inc.
The Gemini Daredevil, The Moon Roach, Teeny Bopper, Havoc The Chaos,
Surf Rat, Dreadstar, A Modem User, Ruby Tuesday, Princess Leia, D.B. Cooper,
The Sheik, and The Bullseye. Coming Soon: ..How to Hijack the Space Shuttle
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

groups/ANARCHYINC/osbert.hum
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(>Plight of Memories..
o They had threatened him with physical abuse, throwing him in jail,
taking away his credit.
o They would have played tricks with his mind, had he not be so blatantly
ignorant.
o They pumped drugs into his body, and when he tried to cry "MORE MORE
MORE!" and what came out was "MRHGAHJ HAJDW EHWMA??" they gave him more
anyway.
o Yet, when they told him they would never let him free to destroy
society, he answered very calmly "I'm afraid that precaution comes to late,"
and he was right.
o Because as long as one person was aware of this being's plight, the rest
of society would, if not now, sooner or later, follow him on to another world.
...Perhaps not a better one for some, but not a worse one for many. That
thing that came to lead us onward
...was Osbert.
------------ Oct 12, 1987
Anarchy Inc. ...presents...
------------ Osbert and the Plight of Memoiries
another fictional tale by Alex of Atlantis
Osbert walked down the street. People cowered, almost scowling away at a
scurrying pace, pitilike. Osbert just smiled. On his world, that was a sign
of a king, a ruler, someone to be reckoned with. Here, he spat, it was just
a sign of meak submissiveness.
Many people thought him cruel. He looked out from Eric's body. "Many
people," he told the begger on the street, "think me insensitive and insane.
What do you think?" he asked.
The begger looked up, and sputtered "I think I need a dime," he said shyly,
with a curt grimy grin.
Osbert's eyes flared through Eric's and he kicked the begger in the side
with the force of disgust, and walked on as the begger moaned and groaned.
"Ahh that's better," Osbert thought to Eric.
<Why the hell did you do that?> Eric asked back.
"Shut up, fool, this is my body now." Told Osbert. A person on the alley-
way looked toward him, but Osbert just scowled back as best he could from
Eric's putridly innocent face.
"I'm getting really sick of you," Osbert told Eric. "I think its time the
world got to know me as I am. An advanced being, which they will not have the
sense to comprehend till it is too late."
Eric could only wimper. There was nothing he could do. He was happy to
have his body back, and yet..
<Thank you,> he thought.
A rush came over the body, and Eric hit the ground hard, as a face does
when planting itself upon concrete. Eric looked up at the begger, who had
gotten up and rounded up his friends around Eric. "I'm free!" He yelled.
The first begger kicked him in the side. Then the next. Then the next.
What a welcome back into reality.
Osbert looked around from inside the oval office. The president was no
where to be found. It was interesting how few little people could realize
the significance of one alien. Osbert had come for them. Their time was
soon to be where he would lead them onward to a new world. Where only the
high and mighty survived, but with a cruel twist: The high and mighty were
to be slaves, while the lonely peons were to be lonely peons. But on
Osbert's world, lonely peons live lives of normal folk. So for many it would
be a deserved hell, and for others it would be life anew. What was so
terrible about that?
}%{
President Sandra M. K. Lemmings walked into the room. "The 21st century
has no room for women presidents," Osbert scowled under what resembled a
tongue.
"Oh, it's you," she responded, turning and closing the door. "What can I
do for you?"
"I have come to take over the world," Osbert said simply. "I will fill
your body and become one with you, so that we can lead your people onward into
space and time to our world. I come to help you, you pathetic foolish humans,
although I have no idea why."
"Maybe it's just impulse," she responded. Osbert was surprised at how well
she seemed to be handling this rather unbelievable situation. It wasn't
everyday you find an alien sitting at your desk.
"Lets get on with it," he muttered, and jumped inside her body.
"You never were one for small talk, Osbert." She said, just as he jumped
toward her.
Bash. Someone's here!
"Of course there is stupid. You just think you can waltz
in here and take over her body? It takes time!"
<Please! The world needs me!>
"Shut up, girl."
What are you talking about? I just wanna jump right in and
get this over with. Who the hell are--
"Listen you slimeball, I took my time and did her by the
book, and I'm not letting any hot-shot idiot like you
ruin this."
<Stop! Please!>
Shut up! "Shut up!"
Oh no! You're not...Sa...Oh my god...
"Yes, Osbert honey, it's me. Sabrina! Now get the hell
OUT!"
Bash. You bitch!
We haven't seen much of Osbert here on earth since that day, but he
promises, someday, he'll come back and lead us onward. As soon as his ex-
girlfriend
..."Croaks over and dies. That damned bitch." Writes Osbert from home.
-- Osbert and the Plight of Memories -- 5462 Chars -- (c)opyOK? -- Fin. --
------------
Anarchy Inc. ^MIXRIIV to ^QMMXXIII
------------ and still up to no good.

groups/ANARCHYINC/osbertec.hum
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------------ Jun 25, 1987
Anarchy Inc. ...presents...
------------ Eric C. Thompson in the World of Osbert
a short, rather fictional tale by Alex of Atlantis
"Eric's my name," Eric starts telling you. "I've been here before." He
shakily brings the cigarette up to his mouth and takes a drawl. After
spurting forth coughs of the smoke he wipes his brow and continues.
"It's not like I don't know what's going on. You all may have been there,
may have not. I just know what's happened to me." He looks around the group
uneasily; all of you sitting quietly on your folding chairs in the circle. He
leans back and stretches, obviously pushing onward in his commentary with
exaggerated frustration..
"It all happened one day when I was sitting home alone. A day, quite
like this one," he tells, staring out the window to the side, where the last
beam of sunlight can be seen thrusting inward toward the curtains, pushing
the curtains aside after standing and facing the window, he turns, his face
sweating. He takes a puff on the cigarette, and comes back to the chair.
"I was sitting, reading an Apple manual on Pascal 1.2. UCSD. I always
hated it, but it was the only Pascal I had," he tells, lowering his voice so
that you have to lean in to hear him.
"Then a cold rush covered me.."
For some reason, you feel cold.
"I started to get a little nervous, I went over and checked my thermo-
stat."
Your hands feel itchey. You can't sit quite still. You look around, but
no one else seems to be uncomfortable.
"It was fine. I went and sat down. It felt like the whole room was
caving in on me, surrounding me."
You feel almost a paranoia. You look around, but all the people in your
circle are just gazing into Eric C. Thompson's eyes, almost transfixed. You
lift your gaze to look at him, and he is staring right at you.
"It felt as if a knife had been plunged through my heart."
Pain. Pain in your chest. He looks at you. His eyes so cold, his gaze
so calculating--as if--as if--pain..
"I couldn't breathe..I couldn't remember..It was as if people I knew had
just disappeared from existance and I would never know who they were or why
I would have known them."
You feel yourself slipping away. You scream, but no one can hear you.
You look into his eyes. He smiles slightly. Darkness. You are gone.
"But then the feeling goes away." Osbert looked out from Eric's eyes
for a moment, and saw the students awaiting the next tale. They all smiled
at each other. He smiled at himself.
"Who's next?" he asked, letting Eric take a needed puff on his cigarette.
<Please> asked Eric inside his mind, <Let me go.>
Osbert just smiled and looked out the window.
"And then there was this other time," he told, orienting on the next
group.
..Anarchy Inc.; June 25, 1987; by Alexander of Atlantis; EOF; (c)opy, right?..
------------
Anarchy inc. "The text-file people."
------------ MCMLXXXIV to MCMLXXXV: Still going strong.

groups/ANARCHYINC/oscrmear.hum
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"The Text-file people" at
------------
Anarchy Inc.
------------
bring you:
The Oscar Mears Saga Vol. II
by
The Motorhead!
Where we left off last time, our hero, Oscar Mears, had just cut a whole day
of school after the little incident with the water in his locker.
Oscar managed to forge a note from his mom saying that he was sick the
previous day, so he got away with his little escapade scot-free. That next day
they just happened to have an HCC meeting at lunchtime, so Oscar showed up to
get the map for their next Friday night meeting. This time there wasn't any
mention of him in the HCC News, instead Evil Man was shown taking a sledge
hammer to an Atari 800, and then beating Tom Shou (an infamous Atari-lover in
the club) over the head with a Soviet rocket launcher. Oscar managed to laugh
at this one.
During that week, Oscar managed to get his drivers license (after only four
tries at the test), so he was able to drive himself to the meeting. On the way,
he was pulled over by a cop, not for speeding, but for driving too slow. It
seems he was only driving 20 mph in a 25 zone, and was getting quite a few other
drivers quite mad at him. After getting a lecture from the cop about traffic
safety, Oscar went on his way, and finally found the street that had the house
where the meeting was being held. He drove right past the house the first time,
but when he was coming back the other way he spotted the house by the sign that
said "Copyright Violation Meeting is Here".
Oscar parked the car, and proceeded down the long driveway to the house, and
when he reached the door he was greeted by a particularly loud stereo blasting
"the Mob Rules" by Black Sabbath. Blade Master answered the door, and said in a
rather slurred voice "Who the fuck are you? Oh, it's just you. Come on in,
dude." Oscar gave him a funny look and then went into the house. Inside he
could see why the Blade Master had such slurred speech. There was a large
Indian water tower with a long bit of surgical tubing connected to it sitting
out on the back patio, and there were several people gathered around it, waiting
their turn to take a massive hit of THC.
When Blade noticed Oscar eyeing the water tower, he said "Wanna get stoned?
Go on out." At this invitation, Oscar walked out onto the patio and stood behind
everybody else, waiting for a turn at the tower. As he stood there, everybody
turned around and started staring at him. Then the Burnout said "Hey, Oscar's
never been stoned! You go next!" and pushed Oscar right up in front of the
tower, which now seemed to stretch up to infinity now that he was close to it.
Burnout handed him the end of the surgical tubing and said "Put this in your
mouth and suck in as hard as you can." Oscar complied, and when he sucked in, a
lot of strange-tasting smoke filled his lungs. When he had inhaled about as
much as his lungs could handle, Oscar let go of the tubing, and was about to
exhale, when someone else said "Hey, don't do that! Hold it in as long as
possible!" Oscar suddenly held up and held his breath for quite a while, until
he could no longer stand it and had to exhale.
It didn't take long for the marijuana to take effect. Within thirty seconds,
Oscar started swaying back and forth on his feet, and then groped for a bench to
sit on. After he had managed regain control over his legs, Oscar stood back up
and walked back into the house. He headed straight back to the living room,
where the rest of the people were watching some X-rated movie called "Femmes" or
some such thing. Oscar found everything about the movie immensely funny, and
started to laugh uncontrollably, and wouldn't stop even at the insistence of
everybody else in the room. It took quite some time for him to calm down, all
the while laughing on and off at the slightest provocation whatsoever.
Everybody knew that he had never been stoned before in his life. It showed so
much.
After regaining his composure somewhat, Oscar went back out onto the patio,
and demanded another go at the tower. Several people (the Motorhead, the
Burnout, the Unseen Terror to be exact) tried to get him not to, but he
insisted. "I can handle this shit! Why, I've taken tons of shit like this!
LSD! You name it!" was his reply. The obvious signs of someone raving. Well,
the others finally let him take another crack at the tower, and this time he
took such a great lungfull that it put him out totally. He was out cold for a
good two hours, and he had to be shaken to be woken up when it was time for him
to go home.
The next weekend there was no HCC meeting, so Oscar reverted to his nerdy self
for a few days, but the following weekend there was another one, one to which he
later regretted going. It was like this. First they met at somebody's house,
screwed around there, drank some beers, watched a stupid movie on HBO (aren't
they all?), then piled into cars to head over to the (now gone) Moffett Drive-in
to catch a flick there. When they turned off Bayshore Freeway onto Steirlin
Rd., they made another turn down a side street across from the theatre entrance.
When Oscar enquired why they were going down there, he learned that most of them
were going to sneak in through the exit, and a few people would go in the
entrance with the cars. Oscar chose to go in through the entrance.
Well, after getting into the movie, the Burnout produced an ice chest full of
beers, and everybody drank quite a lot. After having more than his share of the
alcohol, Oscar started to rummage around in the Blade Master's car, and managed
to find two machettes (now you will see why the Blade Master got his name).
Oscar took these, went over to Blade and, showing him the two knives, said
"What're these for, Baron?" Blade took one of the knives and said "Watch this"
as he cut the cord to a drive-in speaker and threw the speaker off into the
bushes. Oscar watched in amazement and, after Blade was done, he ran off
gleefully to hack off his own share of speakers.
Oscar ran around the parking lot, hacking off speakers until while he was in
the process of hacking one particularly obnoxious speaker off, he was tapped on
the back. When he turned around, he was greeted by a police officer with Blade
Master in tow. Oscar was shocked, and dropped the blade to the ground. The cop
said "Now just what the HELL do you think you're doing?" Oscar could only manage
to mumble a few unintelligible words as the cop dragged him off.
When everybody else saw what happened to Blade Master and Oscar, you can
imagine what they did. They rushed to pack everybody and everything else into
the cars, and they rushed out through the exit, managing to get away without
being associated with the two now-arrested persons with deadly weapons. Now
Oscar was really stuck. He couldn't get out of this one by simply forging a
note from his parents.
When the Mears house received a phone call from the Mt. View police
department concerning their son, there was an instant uproar. Oscar's parents
immediately climbed into the car and drove straight down to the station house to
retrieve their "ignorant little bastard" (to quote Mr. Mears while in the car)
of a son. For some strange reason, Oscar didn't mention the HCC or anybody else
associated with it, so he got all the blame leveled at himself, and he was very
sorry for what he did (for two whole months to be exact).
Here ends volume two of the Oscar Mears saga. Preview of coming attractions
in the amazing saga of Oscar Mears: The Beach, Oscar's conversation with
"Fifi", Oscar's first Rock Concert.
(C) 1985 by Nobody in particular.
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

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v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v
v^v^ ^v^v
v^v^ How to Overthrow a country ^v^v
v^v^ An objective essay written by Senator Bunker ^v^v
v^v^ ^v^v
v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^^
Introduction by Someone Else
----------------------------
I've been meaning to write this file for months, but it looks like the good
Senator from California has put forth that extra effort I was too lazy to make
in putting this together. This is not a humorous article, to bluntly say; it is
designed to inform you of proper execution of coup d'etat, that 'stroke of
state' that topples governments so often these days. Enjoy.
I. Before you begin
-------------------
Subjugation of a nation is a tremendous undertaking requiring foresight,
ingenuity, and careful thought. The first task of many is to decide whether the
country is a suitable candidate for a drastic and sudden change in government.
The degree of difficulty varies with size, population, political awareness, and
literacy.
The large state, tending to contain a greater number of persons, differs
substantially from the small state in that the body politic is much more complex
and hence more difficult to seize control of. It is generally advisable to
tackle a smaller, unimportant regime rather than a country that, if seized,
might draw a foreign power into the coup hence rendering it a failure.
One thing to do before attempting anything of this kind is to make sure who
your friends and allies are. With a little effort, it is possible to gain a
mass of supporters such that it is quite difficult to quell your actions. A way
to do this is to select (if possible) a nation whose government does not have
support of all of its classes (poor, rich, middle). Or, if neccesary, lure to
your cause a religious minority, or ethnic minority, that already has grievances
against the current regime. Perhaps you might form a coalition. Summarizing,
it is a requisite to get at least some support besides from soldiers of fortune,
who are generally "gung-ho" incompetents anyway.
Ideally, you should be part of some branch of the armed forces, police,
national guard, or some government agency equipped with personnel trained in the
use of weoponry. In the public's eye, you already have some sort of authority,
so a little more authority couldn't hurt, could it?
So, now what kind of government should we tackle? A democratic? Maybe. They
are usually fragile, anyway. But much of the international community will frown
on your taking a small, helpless, struggling democracy, and perhaps take actions
that are unfavorable. How about a Marxist dictatorship? Now, that's a good
idea. Most of the time these are anti-communist, even though they receive aid
from the U.S.S.R., so it is a very good probability that Russia will not jump to
help them. The Soviet Union waits to see if the new government will be
pro-Soviet, not pro-Marxist, so you will be safe for the first few days. Also,
not much of the world likes Marxist dictatorships.
If you have a choice of which nation to put down (you usually don't), do not
select a NATO country, or some other nation that receives $4 billion annually,
because superpowers do not like to see their money to go down the drain so
suddenly. Pick Martinique, Gabon, Equatorial Guinea, or Surinam. If you're
white, don't go in an African dump unless you have a deathwish. Plus, if the
country has low literacy levels, good, for the people there won't know what is
happening.
Things to avoid:
- High literacy rate
- Large per capita income
- Voter participation
- An "established" nation
- Countries with allies
Things to look for:
- Civilian unrest
- Minority in control
- Centralized government
- Political apathy
Note: An OK from Washington or Moscow couldn't hurt.
II. The Mechanism of the Coup d'Etat
-------------------------------------
The first thing that should be done is the neutralization of all relevent
political forces, including the general infrastructure of the state. This
includes, among other things, highways, telecommunications facilities (including
radio, TV, etc.), airports, and so on. The reason these are political forces is
that they are controlled by nonmilitary portions of the state (in the event you
were wondering). Unfortunately, these are a large and spread apart group of
targets, so if you have no tactical or popular support your attemps will be
fruitless.
Undoubtedly the absolute first thing you should do is to cut all forms of
communcations with the outside world off at once. Be sure to include:
Telephone, Telex, Wireless, Radio, etc. THIS IS MOST IMPORTANT. It will
prevent the present government from mobilizing its forces, deploying their
forces in strategic locations that are not normally guarded, etc. It will also
prevent them from calling outside for emergency help, jeopardizing your hard
work, not to mention your life. Soon the rest of the world will know something
has happened, but they will not know who has taken the government, how the coup
is progressing, and so forth. Make sure all forms of communications are
completely cut.
One other important thing to do is remove air facilities from the use of the
loyalist forces. It is not necessary to seize control of the airports; all that
is needed to be done is to close the airports. A bomb or two in the middle of
the runways will do nicely, or perhaps a couple of cars parked there, with
snipers preventing their removal. You should not rely on airfields for your
coup; if you rely on them and they are shut down, you will encounter problems.
The old government will probably rely on them, and you will easily be able to
prevent their usage of them.
At an early time during the coup it should be evident as to its success.
Government officials and employees of higher rank have a choice to make--
whether to remain loyal to the old government, or to join the new attempt at
government. If they stay loyal, they may be richly rewarded; if they defect,
and the coup fails, they will be out of a job mighty quick. The success of your
coup depends much on whether many of these officials decide to join the coup.
In addition to those people who remain loyal and those who join your cause,
there is a "wait and see" element involved. Often this is the majority of the
population, especially if the present regime is somewhat repressive. They don't
want to show too much enthusiasm for either side, until it is more or less
decided who will gain control. It's best to plan a sudden, abrupt seizure of
all facilities to make the coup seem a smashing success; if this is done, the
undecided will know to whom to turn.
When you take power from the original government, it is best to know who
actually runs it. In most of the world (but not in the U.S.) there are two
governments: 1- a largely ceremonial government, the part that people see on
television and at most public events. They are, for the most part, what is
known as a "figurehead", set off to the side to keep the government's "alter-
ego" working on policy. 2- the "real" government, the government that
formulates domestic and foreign policy, makes all executive decisions, and
basically controls the infrastructure of the nation. The part of the government
you will need to take is (obviously) the latter. It is composed of the
executive head (called by whatever title he may hold- Prime Minister, President,
General Secretary, etc.), ministers, and various deputy and second ministers who
make small yet influential decisions.
The people you are most interested in detaining (or bumping off) are the
Minister of the Interior (he normally supervises the police forces), the party
leaders (of the ruling party, or of the only party, if a one-party state), the
Minister of Defense, and the central figure of the "real" government. Once
these people are neutralized, in one way or another, the basic functions of the
state will be under your command, at least temporarily.
What is often done is to detain (under house arrest, of course) the
aforementioned officials, and leave the ceremonial portion of the government
alone. This is done to give an aire of legitimacy and continuity after such an
abrupt turn of events. Later, these may be kept or allowed/forced to leave, as
need arises.
You will not stay in power for long if you do not exert some sort of influence
over the armed forces. The military has the ability to remove virtually any
threat if perceives from within the boundaries of the nation-- especially YOU.
If you are a foreigner, and do not have (or used to have but have now lost)
support of the militia, prepare to die. You as a person will cease to exist,
unless you leave the country. And, always have several prepared escape routes
planned out in advance-- even the perfect coup d'etat will have its
complicatons, and there will be things that you have overlooked. That is why it
is best to have thoroughly studied the past and recent history of that state.
Do your homework! If you do you will be richly rewarded.
III. After the Coup
--------------------
Once you have removed the major functions of the government and bureaucracy
from the Loyalist government, you will not yet be in solid control of them
yourself. You will want to retain your control, and thus prevent a counter-coup
from ensuing. Your new regime will be weakest at this time, and many times some
other group seizes the reins of government hours after a coup d'etat-- and this
group is not necessarily the old loyalists. The military, political forces
within the nation, and the public must all be satisfied to some extent in order
for you to continue your rule. This can be attained either by a show of force,
or by concessions made to any of these groups, such as a democratically elected
government in the near future, or granting the military more influence over
political decisions, and perhaps quickly promoting a number of young officers
that proved faithful during the crisis. "Promote" those officers who have clout
but you suspect might try to take more power for themselves to desk jobs, or
remote outposts. And give them all pay raises, if at all possible.
The goal of the new regime is to "shear" off the top layer of government, and
more or less retain the old bureaucracy. Lower officials should be made to feel
as if little or no change has taken place, and whatever change that has occurred
is for the better. After a short while these people will realize that the new
government is fully in control, and all will be calm and orderly.
Mass media will act as a vehicle to assert your control. Write the first
communique as a positive, necessary step for a long-needed change. Reassure the
people that the coup is a revolt for the masses-- not inspired by communists, or
an extremist group, but by the public in general. Display the national symbols,
and inspire the feeling of patriotism and unity. These techniques were used
quite successfully so recently in the 1985 coup d'etat in the Sudan. People
poured into the streets, waving the old flag of the country, and having an
all-around good time. A popular general was instated as the new chief of state,
and a democratic government was promised.
Lastly, your new regime has to be made to look legitimate in the eyes of the
international community. Show evidence of atrocities made by the former
government, witnesses, etc. Take positive steps in the direction of popular
democracy, promise elections, and invite the foreign (especially American) press
into the country to see these steps. Soon the world will forget about your
coup, but whenever your country is in the news, they will remember this.
IV. A Final Word
----------------
You will probably realize now that the fast, simple coup was actually the
result of much swift planning and hard work. The coup is not an easy thing to
accomplish-- should you be planning one of your own, know what you are doing and
be sure to succeed. Hopefully I have been of some help.
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

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Anarchy inc. ...proudly presents...
------------
-HOW TO FORGE PAC*BELL CARDS-
These come in handy if you are playing around in a bridging head, also known
as AT&T cans, when some duty-minded jerk says "Hey, you kid! What the hell do
you think you are doing in there!?!" You flip out your card and say, "I'm cg an
investigation on a if you would move on, so as not to draw any unnecesary
attention to me, thank you." If the jerk says, "Yeah, well you don't look like
a telephone worker to me, where's your hat, van, and funny little blue and
yellow jacket?" you tell him that if you had those, the person suspected of
comitting toll fraud might see, and thus lay off for a while.
These are easy to make...
What you need:
poster board
a school picture
an old picture printed on kodak paper
a credit-card (or something shaped like one)
the yellow pages
lamination labels
glue
scissors or exacto knife
a piece of paper
a badge holder (optional)
Anyway... you take your credit card (or something shaped like one) and trace
its shape onto the poster board and old picture printed on kodak paper. Cut
these out. Now print the following (with a printer or typewriter) onto a piece
of paper.
Pacific*Bell
Special Investigations
Division (a few letters and numbers, like "FP2600")
Your Name
Agent #(a few more letters and numbers, like "10H22C69")
Valid until (a date, like "6-19-86")
X_____________________
It is perfectly fine to put a fake name on it, just as long as you remember to
sign the same name in the blank marked "X". It would look pretty stupid to havea card with printed name "
"Matt Ackeret"
signed :
Eric C. Thompson
now, wouldn't it?
you trace your credit-card shape onto this so the bottom right hand corner of
the informatin is near the bottom right hand corner of the card and cut it out.
Glue this onto your poster board card. Take your yellow pages, see how on the
front cover there is a grey strip at the top with "Pacific*Bell" written on it
in white? If you have white pages and yellow pages crammed in the same book
because you live in a small area, the strip will be red. Anyway, cut the words
"Pacific*Bell" out with about an inch and a half of grey left on each side.
Take this and put it on the front of your credit-card shape so the words are
centered, the top edge of the piece is aligned with the top edge of your
credit-card shape, and the words are right-side up. Turn this carefully over
and tracethe little bits of credit-card shape onto the back of your grey piece
with wordslike this:
_____________________________________________________
! // \\ !
! !! !! !
!_______!! !!_____________!
/! ! ^
pencil line/ ! credit-card shape ! !
! ! grey piece
\___________________________/ with words
Now trim your grey piece on the pencil lines. Now take your school
pictureand trim it so it is the same height as the information on the
cardboard. Trim the width so it looks good and will fit just so if placed on
the left edge of the card, there will be about 1/4 inch between the right edge
of your picture and the information. position your grey piece at the top of
the poster board card and your picture right under it, left edge aligned with
left edge of card, like this:
_______________
/ \
! Pacific*Bell !
!___________________________!
! ! Pacific*Bell !
! . . ! Special Investigat!
! \___/ ! Division FP2600 !
! ! Me Happy !
! ! Agent #10H22C69 !
! ! Valid until 6-19-8!
!_______! X_________________!
\___________________________/
Now trace along the edges of your picture and grey piece and cut that part
off. Now take your old picture printed on kodak paper which is now cut into a
credit-card shape and spread glue all over the color side. Fit your picture,
grey piece, and information on (just like doing a jigsaw!) and wait for the
glue to dry. When it does, take your laminating stickers (which are clear
things you sandwich other flat things between and they laminate it, you can get
these at most stationary stores.) and sandwich your card in between two. Trim
this so it looks like a card and put it in your wallet, or you can buy a badge
holder from an office supply store and pin it to your chest or inside your coat
or wherever. Happy phreaking!
Origianal idea and instructions by The Anarchist
Instructions modified by Havoc the Chaos
Typed by Havoc the Chaos
Havoc the Chaos and this text file are properties of Anarchy, Inc.
All rights on death row.
(C)opyfreely, I don't care....
________________________________________________________________________________COMING SOON!!!! - How to Hijack the Space Ace, er, Shuttle.... watch for it!

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Anarchy Inc. ...Presents...
------------
The Pet Rock Files!
From The Prophet's Forum <17>
of The Haunted House (415) 941-7256
* Msg by: A Modem User (#014)
* Posted: Mon Oct 14 3:40 PM
"MY PET ROCK"
A thesis by: A Modem User
My pet rock's name is George. He is very neat. He is a lovely shade of gray.
He listens to my every command, especially "Stay". He does not eat or make
messies around the house. When I get mad I throw him at people. He is my
buddy.
* Msg by: Raat Tank (#306)
* Posted: Mon Oct 14 5:10 PM
"THEY DO"
a BS report by Raat
The Reproduction of Pet rocks is difficult, and nearly impossable. It involves
two rocks gettin' together and doing 'something naughty'.
The first rock (for scientific purposes we call the rocks A and B), rock A, must
somehow get on top of rock B. This is usualy accomplished by:-
1.) Your mother cleans up your room and puts the rocks on top of each other, 'so
she can dust'.
2.) You are feeling 'excited' and decide to put one rock on top of the other for
kicks no I don't think so either
3.) The third and most uncommon is that the rocks roll off the table and land on
each other.
Then rock A (who is on top) tries and tries to chip himself ( This is done by by
rock A moving back and forth on top of B really vigorously ) Once he has chipped
himself he will fall off rock B and lie panting on the floor.
Rock B, now somehow absorbs the chip of rock A (The scientists of the National
Enquirer are still researching how) and then begins 'breakdown'
Breakdown: this is what happens after the rock absorbs the chip of the other
rock....If ya didn't guess already.
after the chip is absorbed it is broken dow into smaller chips by rock B's
'grinder'. The small chips then preceed through rock B's internal pu...cat,
(throat clearing sound) and into the rockerus, here the chips begin to struggle
up the Rockiducts to reach the Rockary. When and if, the chips get to the
Rockary, they then try and break through the Rockcell and if they do (very
unlikely 'cause the Rockcell is made of granite) the Rockcell rolls down the
Rockiducts and comes to rest in the Rockerus, where it grows and expands. After
2 months the baby rock is shaped and after about 950 grueling months, the baby
rock is conceived. This usually causes Rock B to break (or in human terms
..die) If the momma rock dies then baby rock goes to an orphanage and waits to
be picked up and carried home. These orphanages are called 'beaches' and
'quarries' in human terms. Baby Rocks reach adulthood in approxiamtely 200
years.
>>==-->RT<--==<<
* Msg by: The Saracen (#294)
* Posted: Mon Oct 14 9:14 PM
What is the most interesting, or innovative trick you have pet you're
Pet Rock?
I taught mine to ATTACK. So far, I haven't used it much, and unfortunately, he
still needs a little help in this field. Also, making a Pet Rock ATTACK too
much will cause it to chip and maybe get pregnant (as stated in above
msgs)...Please use this command with care! there are already enough abandoned
Pet Rocks out there! Did you know that many people actually take their Pet
Rock, once it is past the 'cute' pebble stage, and set it free in fields or
mountanous areas. Some people just leave them on the road. Not only is this
dangerous to the poor defenseless rock, but passing cars may suffer, depending
on the size of the pet. In closing, let me state...NEVER let a young child go
unsupervised around a Pet Rock trained to ATTACK, most children are prone to
making the pet rock attack such fragile items as windows, and their best
friends...So, remember, a Pet Rock is only as harmful as the one who trains
him...Thank You...K-bye
Saracen...
-BfB-
* Msg by: Sir Hydra (#198)
* Posted: Mon Oct 14 9:27 PM
Sorry, whoever posted that theory on rock reproduction. A more correct and
accurate theory:
Rocks slowly accumulate dust, from moving air currents. When they get big
enough, and are told to "Attack", eventually, they chip (fission).
If you leave an abandoned pet rock long enough, it will grow into a mountain,
then into a tectonic plate, and eventually, will reproduct massively through
lava pressure from the core. Thus, it is not recommended that you leave your
pet rock unattended for periods longer then 1 geological era.
I hope that's settled the issue. One other thing- yes, you can tell rocks
to "attack", but it requires assistance in the form of YOU. Now, should we
instigate rock control? Remember: a rock is as dangerous as its owner.
On the other hands, if rocks are outlawed, only outlaws will have rocks.
Sir Hydra
* Msg by: Iz Ugily (#303)
* Posted: Mon Oct 14 11:59 PM
Don't seem to like me very much, they always try and run away. I guess that
they just can't relate to me, I just don't get stoned often enough anymore..
learned all sorts of useful 'tricks'. Not only did I teach him to 'ATTACK' but
I taught him to come back by yelling the command 'DICK- HEAD!' It always seemed
to work, but he couldn't control his affection. By the way, he and Sandy just
had a baby, Pebbles...
Iz
* Msg by: The Watcher (#313)
* Posted: Tue Oct 15 2:38 PM
Train your pet rock to Smash, Guard and Dent.
Smash: Rocks can do this quite well. I trained my rock (may God rest his soul)
to Smash. Whenever I gave the command, he would fall off the shelf or table he
was sitting on and smash whatever was underneath. One day, I mistakenly told h
him to smash, forgetting that he was on the ledge of a 20-story window.
Guard: Another pet rock that I had could do this very well. I kept him around
t my desk, and he would guard all those loose papers that were lying around.
Un- fortunately, my parental unit decided to clean my desk once when I was on va
vacation.
Dent: I have trained my current pet rock to dent things. He can put a fairly
good-sized dent in an an enemy's car or front door, like he did to the vice-
principal's car once. I hear that it cost around $500 to fix that...
*={ tW }=*
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

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-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Anarchy inc. Proudly Presents:
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
MISCELLANEOUS STUFF
by:
----- --
!!--! avoc
----- -------
!! haos
------
PROWLING:
Prowling. I like the sound of that. Reminds me of a cat,, slinking through
the night. Isn't that the idea of it? Basically, all you need to do is wear
dark clothing, sneakers, know how to keep quiet, and remember the 2 basic rules
of all sneaks: 1) Don't be dumb, 2) Don't get caught. Prowling is the basic
skill for things as ghetting, trashing, and roofing.
ROOFING:
Roofing isn't particularly useful, just fun. There's nothing to it, really,
just climbing and observation skills are needed. Remember to keep quiet if you
do it in the daytime, The Moon Roach and I got caught 'cause we were jumping
on skylights, bouncing tennis balls, and mooning the parking lot - dumb.
You usually get onto a roof from the outside, but if you're lucky, you can
get up from a trapdoor or something from inside. Moon Roach, The Daredevil,
and I were hanging around the Cow Palace after a Yes concert, and we went back
in about an hour after the show was over, right past security guards and
janitors. We went -everywhere- in there, including the roof.
Other roofs attained by Anarchy inc. members: Vallco Mall, Sunnyvale Town
Center, several various houses, Monta Vista High, Payless, a few minor
shopping centers, and Jollyman School (big deal).
TUNNELING:
This is just going through the tunnels where a waterway (one of those
ditches you see from time to time) goes under a road or plot of land where
a 6-foot wide ditch would be unappropriate decor, like a school. This, again,
serves no useful purpose other than fun, but they also make good testing
grounds for any explosives you may have made (naughty you! heh, heh...*BOOM*).
Bring a flashlight and 2 plastic garbage bags with matching rubber bands for
each person against a puddle of epic proportions. Spray paint is optional.
AVOIDING SECURITY:
This is useful for things like concerts if you want to meet the band or
something. Make your way sneakily to somewhere close to the guard and have
a friend be somewhere in the sight of the guard, but sort of far away.
He should do something distracting now, like doing a rain dance in the nude,
or sitting down with a bag of ants and a hammer and smashing them one at a
time. When the guard goes over to inspect your friend more closely, slip by.
GHETTING:
This is your basic breaking and entering and burglary. I call it "to ghet"
(pronounced 'get') because I don't like the soundn of "breaking & entering
and burglary". The eaisiest way to get (not ghet, not yet) into a house is
through one of those "burglar-proof" windows. Stick a key or small piece of
metal in between the bottom of the screen and the window pane and pry it out.
Now put the both of your hands on the window and press hard while sliding the
window open. Gloves should be worn unless you don't care if they have an
excellent set of all your fingerprints.
The second way to get in is through a door which doesn't have a deadbolt.
Just take a coat hanger and bend it into this shape: ========
Slip it behind the little metal block which sticks !
into the doorjam and pull towards you, but not too far \=======
or the thing will just snap back and you'll have to try again.
If the people were stupid and put a door on with hinges on the outside,
just remove the hinges. This can be done either by unscrewing them or by
pulling the pins out with the pair of pliers.
Of course, there's always lockpicking, but this is hard if you're not good
at it, or don't have the right tools. Practice at home until you get really
good at it before you try it out somewhere. Some locksmiths sell lockpick
sets.
If you're ghetting something from a school (e.g. computers, chemicals) or
someplace with an alarm, look for the place to turn it off. Sonitrol, which
most schools use, is turned off by a vending-machine type key, so jam some
air-hardening clay into there, let it dry, and use it as a key. Now you can
get in normally.
PHINDING:
This is when you phind something and keep it, you're just helping whoever
lost it, lose it. It's also called shoplifting, but I don't like the sound
of that either, so it's called "phinding" from now on.
When you go phinding, remember not to phind more than one (or two, if
they're small) thing at a time for several reasons. One is that the more
things you slip into your coat or backpact, the more chances are that some
prude will see you. Another reason is that it may get to me too much for you
to handle normally, and things may drop out as you're leaving - not good.
A third reason is that >IF< you do manage to get caught, well...if you were
a store owner, how much more pissed would you be at someone who had his
jacket and backpack full of stuff than a person with a book?
Also, don't be a kleptomaniac, phind only things you need. A member
of Anarchy inc., who wishes to remain anonymous was recently caught steal-
ing fish eggs...one of each color. Fish eggs!? Remember, the more things
you phind, the more the odds are bumped up against you.
Oh, remember, when you are phinding things, don't act abnormal, like
they always do in those after-school specials. You know what I mean,
standing in front of the item you're planning to phind for 5 minutes looking
around in every direction possible and then not noticing the clerk walking
up behind you.
The first in a series of "MISCELLANEOUS NASTIES" files.
Anarchy inc. "We take care of our own."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
_ ___ _ the _ _ __ P>rogressive U>nderground
And as this textfile | ||__ \ | | | | | ||_ \ D>issidents
rolls off the screen, | | __) )| | | | | | \ \ 3 1 3 - 4 3 3 - 3 1 6 4
you realize instantly | ||___/ | | | | | | ) ) 300/1200 Baud
the place to get more | | | |___| | | | _/ / 20 Megs of TextFiles
like it.. |_| \_____/ |_||__/ SysOp: Mr. Pez

groups/ANARCHYINC/reality!.hum
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----------------
Anarchy Inc. ... somewhat proudly presents ...
----------------
(.... Daredevil, Ruby Tuesday, Modem User, Surf Rat, Dark Shadow ....)
(.... Senator Bunker, Havoc T. Chaos, Moon Roach, Lord Omega ....)
(.... The Misfit, Eric C. Thompson, and Alexander of Atlantis ....)
One of our somewhat more lugubrious and effervescent philosophical ideologues
concerning one of the superior levels of the metaphysic...
W H Y R E A L I T Y I S N ' T
An exploration, an explanation, and an exultation into one of the fascinating
fields of one of the most important topics in our merely mortal selves...
Written by, and carefully thought out for at least 2 1/2 minutes by this
Senator Bunker, a distinguished Congressman from the State of California, The
United States of America, Western Hemisphere, The Planet Earth.
.. Now that all that crap is done with (and done with quite well, I might
add) it is time to get down to business ...
Reality. A figment of your and my imagination. True? Maybe. If you have
ever just sat back, and watched all those people go all different directions all
in a hurry to do something that needn't really be done, good for you! Under-
standing of that vital concept, the concept of unmattering oprendidities, of
chickens with their heads cut off, doing their own thing, and none of it
mattering, is a first step in discovering why reality really is not, and you are
part of your own id [a little Freud, pardon the interruption.]. If you have not
done this, do it now. Proceed to the most local of the many intersections of
superhighways in this area, and observe the lemmings. See them scurry about?
That is exactly what you want to avoid. Lemmingism. It is something this world
can do without.
But we digress. We were discussing reality. Now all those people, all doing
different things in the pursuit of nothing is very real for each one of them.
It is not, however, real for us. They all have jobs, and we are unemployed.
That's why you're reading this right now. Get a job! No, no! What am I
saying? If you've got a job, and have to leave your home sometimes to get
there, quit! Dispose of your job along with that tomato pizza (huh?) you ate
last night. Sent it right to that porcelain worship vessle (a toilet, or more
politely, a loo, or latrine, what-not). You are free! No job! Whoopeeee!
It's OK to have a job, if you don't have to leave your home. Why bother to
abandon your abode? Of course, It's all right to leave to party, but that's a
different kettle of fish. Lord Omega is sure to have one soon enough, perhaps a
four- of five- kegger. Go there, have a good time, but don't get a job. You
will just be another of those lemmings, and that's no good, right?
Back to reality. Or lack thereof. That's what this piece of mellow mush is,
isn't it? Yes. Now I remember. Each person lives in his own little reality,
and sometimes (even most often) he is totally unaware of those realities all
about him. People claim their own piece of land, in their car, and if anyone
tries to butt in, or get in the way, Oh boy, they go boom! That's -my- car, and
you're not welcome. This is -my- reality, so stay out. That's it. [Pardon the
interruption, I've just experienced an epiphone, the light bulb reflex, so much
popularized by cartoons of our day. A light bulb, in a puff, suddenly appears
over the head of the individual, and the studio audience is made aware through
visual, rather than mental means. Quite unfortunate, really. Pity].
What's real for you is -=-not-=- real for another person. For instance, most
people don't have modems. Perhaps since you have a modem telecommunications has
become a large portion of your life. This is bad. Real bad. A little tele-
com is good, but only so much. Too much and you turn into a gumby. You know
them. They're all around you. Maybe I should write "Life of a Modem Gumby".
No, I'll let Harrision do that. He's good at that sort of thing. Better yet,
just forget the whole thing.
Well now, am I boring you? Good. Y'all need some sense driven into you.
Some of you, anyway. What's real for you is -=-not-=- real for another person.
Hmm. Pretty strong words. Indeed. In fact, the converse as true as well. It
works both ways. What's real for another person is not real for you. And I can
prove it. Almost. A large portion of the world populus lives in a dream world.
You know some of these people. So do I. Maybe you're one of them. If you are,
you don't know it yet. Those people live their lives as if they were a dream,
and everything they dream is real to them. And they will never know that it
isn't. Reality isn't. Theirs isn't, at least.
And neither is yours. How do you know for a fact that you are not dreaming
you are reading this T-file? You don't. Nobody does. Nobody ever will.
Nobody ever can know. Because reality isn't. There are just too many realities
for them all to be true, and if you think one is, how will you know you've chose
the correct one?
You think I just went off the deep end. That's a natural response, after just
having all you fundamental beliefs and ideals questioned. If you don't think I
just went off the deep end, good for you! You're real! At least to some small
extent. For the rest of you, I suggest you seek counseling. If there are no
counselors in your specific reality, sit crosslegged on a large mountain top and
repeat the words "Maharishi est spiritum" a few times, and meditate to yourself
for an extended temporal period. When you feel you have accomplished your
self-inspired nirvana of the sages, hip-hoppity down the mountain to the candy
store and buy yourself a lollipop. Seriously. Do it now.
Reality. It ain't. 'Twill never be. Can never be. 'Cause if it is, I'm in
a lot of trouble. Especially if there's a diety. Not a modem deity, mind you,
but a real, honest-to-god god. You see, gods don't like this sort of talk. No.
I take that back. They love it. Besides, if you were a god, would you want all
these people to worship you? No, of course not! You would walk amongst your
own people (property of God, Inc.) and associate, socialize, whatever. That
would be fun. Nobody could harm you, emotionally or physically, and if someone
is annoying, >poof!<, he vanishes in a puff of illogic. You would have to be
all-forgiving, but that's not hard, being a god. Being a god is fun. Try it
sometime. But don't make too many people go >poof!<-- the real god might, just
might, become a tad upset with your actions. But there is no god, so you've
nothing to worry about. Happy.
Now that's enough for today. This is the first in a series of files on topics
to be further expounded upon by yours truly and others of the Anarchy people.
Organized Anarchy. Now that's something. Gee Golly Geez Gumby Goo. -- end of
the file --
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

groups/ANARCHYINC/religiou.fun
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-------------- /+==============================+\
Anarchy Inc. and || Rhadamanthine Dungeonwriters ||
:--------------: \+==============================+/
: Daredevil, :--:
: Ruby Tuesday, :-----: Present.......
: Modem User, Surf Rat, :------------------:
: Dark Shadow, Senator Bunker, Havoc Chaos :--: Something to say about...
: Moon Roach, Lord Omega, The Misfit, Eric C. :
: Thompson, and Alexander of Atlantis (enuff!): [Religious Experiences]
:---------------------------------------------:
Now, before we begin, realize that this is in no way supposed to sponsor a
feeling of biast or hatred against any one party or religion--this is just an
absolute scientific and physical look at what we use to lead our lives.
[Religion: Is it worth the Effort? /Asked by Dr. Judrea Frinx,
Psychologist/] Is it? Let's take what the more popular religions do. Most
people go to this big house, sit down, read this book, and stand up sometimes.
How could that possibly be a religious experience? They might as well be
reading "Gumby goees to college" to all these little kids at the public library.
But wait--There is a reason. A concept. We believe that there is something
greater then ourselves that is responcible for ALLL this. That means we can
have someone to look up to, and have someone to blame things on. No problem.
But thats emotional. What about physical?? We read out of this book, I believe
called a bible, and it tells us to behave, essentially. But who wrote the
bible? (For you Jews: Who wrote the Torah?) They say Mozes or some prophet
played secretary to god and got the 10 commandments, but men who were speaking
to god Via an astral phone or something wrote down the bible. Who's to say that
they didn't just get drunk one night, just ordinary men, and say "Hey! What a
blast! Let's sit down and write something and really screw people up!" For all
we know, Christianity and Judaism as we know it today, started as a group of
MOONIEs.
["Actions are just actions--it's the feeling that counts." Ted Undre, Doctor]
Interesting point. Guru's have gone up to mountaintops to really think about
how to make their mind whole with the universe. That could be bullshit. May be
they got popular, wanted to make some do, so they had a revelation, and decided
to go sit on a mountaintop and decide what shit they're going to say next to get
some more dough. Just a thought. Coming back to the Drunk men part, of course
any religious person is going to say we're off our rocker, because it tells us
how god recited to the men what to put in there. But notice the bible is what
tells us that god did that. How do we know the men just didn't put that in to
get us less suspicious? If some other book talked about the making of the
bible, we'd be convinced. But none other does! Another thing: About moonies.
Don't get caught. The moonies are NAZI'ism at its worst. They play to your
emotions when you are in a rough period, and over 83% of college students get
approched by someone from the occult. It's a horrifying lie. Think about it.
The moonies, all they do, is use Hitler's famous propaganda law: "If they hear
it enough, they'll believe it." And what's worst, is the millionaire behind it
starts believing it, too! It's a sad case of bitch in the basket. People fall
for this guy as if he were Jesus. What about Jesus? Did he -really- exist?
Maybe there was a story of a doctor, who was sent to die, and it was furiously
modified?!! What about the Messiah? Orthodox jews failed to believe in the new
state of Israel because the Messiah had not brought it about. If there really
was a messiah, which was supposed to be some supernatural force, who's to say it
hasn't come and gone many times...Jesus has returned to earth to save us...Many
many times.. But he has returned thru MAN. And man has his only faults but
living. Who can tell one man from another? Just cuz one has Jesus living in
his brain with him doesn't mean he has to go and lead everyone to estasy.
With those things in mind, go out and prove living wrong. Someones already
don e that? Really? Darn. Prove your flesh invalid, then.

groups/ANARCHYINC/revenge.hum
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- - - - - - - - - - - -
A n Arc hy inc. ...presents...
- - - - - - - - - - - -
"Revenge for the sadistic pleasure of getting even."
As written by The Daredevil.
Chapter one: Revenge itself...
-----------
Well, as soon as a friend of mine sees this file, he's going
to think:"Oh no! He ripped off my idea!" Well, not really. You see, I just
wanted to say a couple of methods of getting even with some idiot who believes
that the world is there to push him around. I've always liked revenge.
However, it has come to be that revenge is associated with evil. Westerns
usually deal with the subject of revenge, and buddism says that the antagonist
will get what is coming to them, tenfold. It is said that you'd be no better
than them. But, what happened to sayings like "Turnabout is fair play",
and "An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth"? Well, the debate on revenge
could go on and on. I think an associate and good friend of mine, The Sheik,
put it best:
"Sure, revenge is immature. But..it's SO much fun."
Chapter two: various methods.
-----------
Well, what I'm mainly going to deal with is getting revenge
on people (your own age), who have wronged you. If they've stolen from you,
threatened you, or just insulted you, and you feel that they deserve to get
it back, then go for it. One thing, is that most teenagers don't realise
that they usually have the authorities on their side. Example:
The local school moose pulls up in his truck, with two girls, and
to impress them, starts rattling off every swear word in the book at you,
and accelerates in your presence. I can think of three things to do.
One, is to get his lincense plate number, and call 911. Report a drunk
driver, selling cocaine, without any clothes on, holding a shotgun.
Of course, don't go overboard. But, 911 usually sends somebody out to check
this sort of thing out. If you're lucky, they'll be caught for speeding at
least. Another thing, is to give their parents a call.
"Hello, this is a person at school, who wants to tell you about your son."
"What about my darling son?"
Go on to tell about his experiences with drugs, threatening teachers,
carrying weapons, and bad-mouthing his parents. Tell about him being
arrested twice, but released. Tell them about the girl he got pregnant.
Of course, this all is obviously going to be fictional. But, don't
tell the parents that. Believe me, I've done it before. The parents will
believe the son's word over the anonymous phone caller's, but they will
keep a pretty close eye on him. Don't expect him to act up in the
near future.
Heck, you could go as far as posting their home phone number all
over bulletin boards in the country. Remember, you have the power of a
modem at your fingertips. Don't misuse it, but remember, if there's somebody
that you REALLY hate, their number just might "accidentally" go up as a
`Hot Sex Line` or `new 10 meg AE/BBS/Catsend` or whatever you'd like.
Chapter two: Getting phone #'s as a teenager...
-----------
Well, teenagers have a lot of access to phone numbers,
moreso than some adults. One, is the fact that your local paperboy has the
phone numbers to -everybody- on his/her route. If you're a paperboy, you've
got it made. Parents usually have (hidden away) old class lists, with the
names of parents on the PTA, including phone numbers, addresses, etc.
A well-timed pipe bomb on their front step never hurt you. It sure have
hurt other things, but not you. (Just kidding about the pipe bomb.)
Ever wander into the office of your local high school?
There's usually a large black binder sitting out in the office. It contains
all the grades of the students of the year. As well as their phone numbers,
addresses, parent's names, etc. Ask to "look up your grades" sometime,
if they're not sitting out there. Teachers have the phone numbers of all
their students in their grading binders. It's usually below the name. Damn
useful. Telephones aren't the only way to get them, though. One -really-
nasty thing to do is explained in chapter three.
Chapter three: Oh-so-nasty things to do...
-------------
One is to send your victim a letter (perhaps printed with
Print Shop) that they have won a free Macintosh computer!! Wow! With all
the trimmings! Now, procede to credit card fraud a Macintosh to their house.
They will take it in, set it up, and have a merry ol' time. Until the
Police of PI's come to the front door to have a chat with them. -THEY-
might even be suspected of credit card fraud. Or, if the contest idea is
out, mention to them that it's a gift, or just send it. They might take it
in, if they're stupid enough. You can do this once a month, if you choose.
(For more information on Credit Card Fraud, read the file by the same name
written by The Griffin.)
I believe that another really nasty thing to do, is to
approach their house (unseen) with a pair of wire-cutters, and cut -all-
the wires leading from their house. Some of the popular wires include tele-
phone wires, and maybe even clothlines...(Just kidding. But do cut the
telephone wires.)
Well, a lot of people will find me a bit weird, a bit cruel,
and a bit unstable. Or a combination of all three. But
you know, they may be right...heheh...
Ask yourself two questions, before you begin...
1. "Is it really worth it?"
2. "What will happen if I get caught?"
Think about the two of those, before you try
some of the things in this file. Have at it
and have a nice day, making the day of the
same name miserable for the other fool.
..The Daredevil, of Anarchy inc.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
_ ___ _ the _ _ __ P>rogressive U>nderground
And as this textfile | ||__ \ | | | | | ||_ \ D>issidents
rolls off the screen, | | __) )| | | | | | \ \ 3 1 3 - 4 3 3 - 3 1 6 4
you realize instantly | ||___/ | | | | | | ) ) 300/1200 Baud
the place to get more | | | |___| | | | _/ / 20 Megs of TextFiles
like it.. |_| \_____/ |_||__/ SysOp: Mr. Pez

groups/ANARCHYINC/robbank.ana
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and now...The Daredevil Anarchy Inc. proudly presents:
of somewhat
HOW TO ROB A BANK -=- A How-To TextFile (c) 1984 Anarchy Inc.
--- -- --- - ----
Well, now. You say that you want to go and rob a bank, eh? You say that you
need easy money, eh? This entertaining little text file will give you
information and tips about how to easily rob a bank, and get away with it.
First off, you'll need a bank(obviously). Well, I would suggest something
famous, like Wells Fargo, or Bank of the West. At least you're certain you'll
get in the newspaper. For about four weeks, stake out the place, without
attracting attention to yourself. In other words, don't open an account there.
Next, you'll need a gun. I would hardly recommend a small pistol, or a
shotgun. Machine guns and armed missiles are not recommended, as they usually
end up making up quite a mess. (Remember, if you ARE caught, you don't want a
vandlism count, do you?)
Finally, before you begin, you'll need a partner. Choose somebody you know
well, but not too well. If worst comes to worst, you might have to shoot him,
take him for hostage, or turn him in. Pick somebody dull-witted, like Little
Al, or Matt Ackeret.
(In other words, somebody you won't miss too much.)
Now, you're ready to get started. But you'll need a "get-away" car...I
recommend a Buick, or a van. VW's and Mack Trucks just won't do. Get something
with a lot of pickup, like BSBAL the Wise's station "the boat" wagon. You might
want to remove the lincense plate numbers, so the police won't have any
information about you and your party.
What? Did I say the word "police"? Well, I'm not talking about Sting and
friends. I'm talking "The Blue Knight"/"Dirty Harry" type buggers. They can
get nasty, with those little guns, and nightsticks. They can be rude too.
Inside the bank, you'll have to rob it quick, as people tend to scream when
others with Ski Masks enter...I would also recommend dressing all in black.
There will be security cameras there...Nasty things. Get rid of them. Also,
there might be a security guard or two in there. I would suggest shooting them,
as they make lousy hostages, and make sure you kill them. Remember, if you
can't stand the sight of blood all over the neat little carpets they keep, don't
bother robbing banks. Stick to something like Credit Card fraud, or fone
phreaking.
Now, when you first enter the bank, there will be some fool shouting "Oh my
God! Oh my God!" all over the place. Reply with some snappy phrase like:"He
can't help you now..." and then shoot him/her. They were giving you a headache,
wern't they?
While standing there with gun in hand, make it very clear to people that you
will shoot them. You WILL, won't you? Demonstrate this fact by shooting
several innocent by-standers, and potted plants. You might even take out a desk
while you're at it. Don't you love this feeling of power?
Money. That's what you're here for, right? Well, if you arn't, you've just
blown away several people and a plant for nothing. You might as well just leave
the place.
Money is obviously kept in drawers, where tellers can make change and such.
That's what you're after. Go to the farthest teller from the door. That's
where they place all "Tellers in training"...They're usually pushovers...
Another problem comes to mind. Bait money. What the f--- is bait money, you
might ask? Well, when the stupid teller hands you all the money from the
drawers, one of the little slots that the money is in, trips a silent alarm.
Not fun. Well, the only thing it I would suggest is to pick and choose. Good
luck, as you really can't tell when a silent alarm goes off.
Next problem. Let's get the hell out of this place, shall we? Okay, let's
go! I would suggest running like hell to the outside, and once in the car,
finding the car's speed limit in the parking lot. Look out for speed bumps...
You're off! You've made it! Now, you are onto the road of becoming a
hardened criminal! Congratulations...Wait...What's that? You're reading this
in prison? Gosh, I forgot to tell you about those cruel policemen, and the
OTHER security guards. Oops. Oh well, enjoy the prison life...
...This text file was not written from personal experience ...The Daredevil,
Anarchy Inc., and all members within, are not in any way responsible for actions
that people might take against banks and such. We do not supply lawyers, or
post bail. If you were jailed because of this text file, well, that's your
problem, not ours.
...Friendly tip of the day: Try practicing on 7-11's and Burger King before
moving up to banks. It gets you psyched up for your job. We do not recommend
taking hostages, because I might be at a bank someday, when some idiot runs in
with a shotgun and...
(c) 1984 Anarchy Inc. All rights reserved. Have a nice day!
(I hear the food's pretty good in prison...Good luck keeping an even number of
fingers...)
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

groups/ANARCHYINC/robbanks.txt
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ROBBING BANKS
and now...The Daredevil of Anarchy Inc. somewhat proudly presents:
HOW TO ROB A BANK -=- A How-To TextFile (c) 1984 Anarchy Inc.
--- -- --- - ---- Uploaded by: The Yakuza
Nabbed by: The Mayor
Well, now. You say that you want to go and rob a bank, eh? You say that
you need easy money, eh? This entertaining little text file will give you
information and tips about how to easily rob a bank, and get away with it.
First off, you'll need a bank(obviously). Well, I would suggest something
famous, like Wells Fargo, or Bank of the West. At least you're certain
you'll get in the newspaper. For about four weeks, stake out the place,
without attracting attention to yourself. In other words, don't open an
account there.
Next, you'll need a gun. I would hardly recommend a small pistol, or a
shotgun. Machine guns and armed missiles are not recommended, as they
usually end up making up quite a mess. (Remember, if you ARE caught, you
don't want a vandlism count, do you?)
Finally, before you begin, you'll need a partner. Choose somebody you
know well, but not too well. If worst comes to worst, you might have to
shoot him, take him for hostage, or turn him in. Pick somebody dull-
witted, like Little Al, or Matt Ackeret.
(In other words, somebody you
won't miss too much.)
Now, you're ready to get started. But you'll need a "get-away" car...I
recommend a Buick, or a van. VW's and Mack Trucks just won't do. Get
something with a lot of pickup, like BSBAL the Wise's station "the boat"
wagon. You might want to remove the lincense plate numbers, so the police
won't have any information about you and your party.
What? Did I say the word "police"? Well, I'm not talking about Sting and
friends. I'm talking "The Blue Knight"/"Dirty Harry" type buggers. They
can get nasty, with those little guns, and nightsticks. They can be rude
too.
Inside the bank, you'll have to rob it quick, as people tend to scream
when others with Ski Masks enter...I would also recommend dressing all in
black. There will be security cameras there...Nasty things. Get rid of
them. Also, there might be a security guard or two in there. I would
suggest shooting them, as they make lousy hostages, and make sure you kill
them. Remember, if you can't stand the sight of blood all over the neat
little carpets they keep, don't bother robbing banks. Stick to something
like Credit Card fraud, or fone phreaking.
Now, when you first enter the bank, there will be some fool shouting "Oh
my God! Oh my God!" all over the place. Reply with some snappy phrase
like:"He can't help you now..." and then shoot him/her. They were giving
you a headache, wern't they?
While standing there with gun in hand, make it very clear to people that
you will shoot them. You WILL, won't you? Demonstrate this fact by
shooting several innocent by-standers, and potted plants. You might even
take out a desk while you're at it. Don't you love this feeling of power?
Money. That's what you're here for, right? Well, if you arn't, you've
just blown away several people and a plant for nothing. You might as well
just leave the place. Money is obviously kept in drawers, where tellers
can make change and such. That's what you're after. Go to the farthest
teller from the door. That's where they place all "Tellers in
training"...They're usually pushovers...
Another problem comes to mind. Bait money. What the f--- is bait money,
you might ask? Well, when the stupid teller hands you all the money from
the drawers, one of the little slots that the money is in, trips a silent
alarm. Not fun. Well, the only thing it I would suggest is to pick and
choose. Good luck, as you really can't tell when a silent alarm goes off.
Next problem. Let's get the hell out of this place, shall we? Okay, let's
go! I would suggest running like hell to the outside, and once in the
car, finding the car's speed limit in the parking lot. Look out for speed
bumps...
You're off! You've made it! Now, you are onto the road of becoming a
hardened criminal! Congratulations...Wait...What's that? You're reading
this in prison? Gosh, I forgot to tell you about those cruel policemen,
and the OTHER security guards. Oops. Oh well, enjoy the prison life...
...This text file was not written from personal experience
...The Daredevil, Anarchy Inc., and all members within, are not in any way
responsible for actions that people might take against banks and such. We
do not supply lawyers, or post bail. If you were jailed because of this
text file, well, that's your problem, not ours.
...Friendly tip of the day: Try practicing on 7-11's and Burger King
before moving up to banks. It gets you psyched up for your job. We do
not recommend taking hostages, because I might be at a bank someday, when
some idiot runs in with a shotgun and...
(c) 1984 Anarchy Inc. All rights reserved. Have a nice day!
(I hear the food's pretty good in prison...Good luck keeping an even number
of fingers...)8/353-1553
X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
Another file downloaded from: The NIRVANAnet(tm) Seven
& the Temple of the Screaming Electron Taipan Enigma 510/935-5845
Burn This Flag Zardoz 408/363-9766
realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 510/527-1662
Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 801/278-2699
The New Dork Sublime Biffnix 415/864-DORK
The Shrine Rif Raf 206/794-6674
Planet Mirth Simon Jester 510/786-6560
"Raw Data for Raw Nerves"
X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
groups/ANARCHYINC/robinson.hum
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/----------------------\
| Shadow Stories, Inc. |
| is proud to present |
| |
| "The Robinsons" |
\----------------------/
[Voice over: Rod Serling.]
We offer for your perusal the home life of one typical suburban family.
The Robinsons, like many other families, have settled down to watch television
after a leisurely dinner. However, this particular family is about to embark
on an adventure for which it is totally unprepared...
[Scene: a typical American family. Not your average American family, because
0.6 children and 0.8 dogs is rather hard on the rugs, but a typical American
family. After a large dinner, they have sat down to watch TV after a tiring
day. The members of the family:
"Dad" -- about 40.
"Mom" -- about 40.
"Betty" -- 12 year old precocious female runt. Note: must have freckles.
"Sam" -- 8 year old precocious male runt. Note: must have freckles. Named
after uncle on the mother's side.
"Sam" -- 3 year old precocious neutered (previously male) dog. Note: must
not have freckles, and must be housebroken. Named after the uncle on the
father's side.
Everybody except Sam is sitting down in the TV room, eating a large bowl
of popcorn. Or rather, eating the popcorn inside the large bowl. Sam comes on,
flicks on the TV as he goes by, and licks Betty on the face as he curls up.]
TV (young female voice): "Steel, it wasn't my fault! After I was kidnapped
by those Moonies, you weren't around for me anymore. Burt was there, and
caring, and warm. He didn't have your hangups about crumbs in bed, either."
TV (young male voice): "Marsha, you slut! The Carvingtons are going to buy
out mother's grave for a 7-11 franchise, and all you can dwell on is your
kidnapping! Why, that was two weeks ago!"
TV (explosions): "BOOM! BOOM!"
TV (young male voice): "Get down, Marsha. I'll show those Moonies!"
TV (explosions): "BOOM! BOOM! BANG! CRASH!"
TV (screams): "Eeeeek! Auuuugh!"
[Fadeout sound of TV. Increase volume of father's voice.]
Dad: "What the hell is this?"
Mom: (checking TV guide) "It's one of those silly 'Dynasty' shows. Ah,
here it is. 'Empire,' on ABC. Experience the thrills as the Carvingtons,
richest family in Washington, use money and sex to..."
Dad: "Okay, dear, we get the idea. Normal Americans would watch this
trash, but we aren't just an *ordinary* family! We're the Robinsons, and damn
proud of it! Right, kids?"
Betty: "Right!"
Sam: "Right!"
Sam: "Ruff!"
Dad: "Thanks, kids. Sam, get your finger out of your nose. What else is
on, dear?"
Mom: "Oooh, this sounds good. 'Dreyfuss,' on NBC. Experience the thrills
as Ace Spade, the richest and sexiest private detective in Washington,
investigates the Mob... will he bring down the Mob leader, or be brought down
himself?"
Dad: "Wow! Sounds good! Sounds like something we haven't seen before."
Betty: "Ace Spade is so cute!"
Sam: "I'm going to barf."
Sam: "Ruff!"
Dad: "Okay, the majority have it. We'll watch 'Dreyfuss.' Sam, get your
fingers out of your mouth. Where's the controller?"
Mom: "Oh, I just saw it around here..."
Dad and Mom look casually around for the controller, moving aside old TV
guides and paper plates as they search.]
TV: (young female voice) "Oh, Burt, why won't you divorce Phyllis? We could
be so happy together, you and I."
TV: (young male voice) "I thought I explained this to you, Darleen.
Phyllis' brother, Burt, is blackmailing me for my participation in a Communist
rally while I was doing undercover work at Berkeley..."
Dad: "Damn, where is that thing?"
Mom: "Let's check under the cushions."
Sam: "'Tis but a flesh wound!"
[Dad and Mom start disassembling the couch, finding thirteen matchbooks, forty
feet of dental floss, about 48 cents in pocket change, and a number of
unidentifiable objects, only a few of which are actively mobile. However, they
do not find the controller.]
Dad: "Sam, go check over on the table."
Dad: "Not you, Sam! You, Sam! And get your finger out of your nose."
[Sam checks the table, finding three comic books that he had forgotten to read
under the day's newspapers, but not finding the controller.]
TV: (older female voice) "So, you see, Harold, I'm going to destroy your
petty little empire and bring it down around your ears while you watch.
Nothing can stop me!"
TV: (older male voice) "Gwen, I love you! Why are you doing this to me?
Those three teenagers meant nothing to me!"
[Betty moves Sam, but doesn't find the controller. Dad looks under the couch,
while Mom checks among the plants.]
Dad: "Have you seen the controller around here, Betty?"
Betty: "Nope."
[Betty's subconscious, wringing in Freudian agony, attempts to do an end run
around the conscious mind so it can take control of Betty's tongue and say,
"Well, actually, Frieda and I took it apart to see if there were Japanese
chips in it, because, well, um, you see, we had seen this program, right
before 'A-team,' that said the Japanese were taking over the electronics
industry with their, um, fifth regeneration program, and we said *we* didn't
want the Japanese to take over our controller! Geez! So we took it apart by
cracking it with Sam's water bowl, but Frieda had to go to the bathroom, and
when she stood up, she crunched the chips with her foot, so, of course, well,
um, we had to bury it in the backyard. Well, golly. I didn't know Frieda would
smash it with her foot! It isn't my fault!" Alas, to no avail, for Betty's
conscious, having repressed the entire incident, doesn't remember anything of
the sort, and it blockades Betty's subconscious. This horrendous and intense
internal war is signaled on Betty's face by a slight crinkling of her nose,
and massive marital problems when she's about 30.]
Mom: "Maybe it's under Betty. Betty, move, would you?"
[Betty moves, but the controller is not to be found. Sam licks her on the
face.]
Dad: "Sam, get your tongue off Betty. I've told you before, it's not
sanitary. I thought you had it last, dear."
Mom: "Well, I used it to watch that program just three hours ago..."
Sam: (humming the theme to the "Spuds McKenzie" commercials) "Spuds
McKenzie! He's just one happening dude!"
TV: "So, Alex Carvington, it's you who has been going around, slandering
me, ensuring that I couldn't do another corporate raid scheme as long as I
live! Say your prayers, Alex! I'm having you committed to a Muldavian insane
asylum for the rest of your life. Or until the series is cancelled. Whatever."
Dad: "Sam, why don't you turn it to channel 4?"
Sam: "Ruff!"
Dad: "Not you, Sam. You, Sam!"
Sam: (whining) "Oh, dad! Betty never has to do anything! I have to do
everything!"
[Scene notes: At this point, Sam should look like his subconscious mind,
unbeknownst to anyone, is whipping into action, and starting to investigate
possible statements to best get Sam out of actually getting up and changing
the TV. Sam's expression should appear as if his subconscious has looked at
the possibilities, and decided that it would be best to distract his father. A
crinkled nose is suggested for the perfect effect.]
Sam: "Where is the controller?"
Dad: (pause) "Well, um, I don't know. Mom's looking for it."
Mom: "Well, I don't know where it is. Look behind you, dear."
Sam: "Gee whiz! Where is the controller?"
Betty: "Come here, Sam! Come here, boy!"
[Dad turns around, and starts searching a large pile of newspapers for the
controller. Sam's subconscious snickers, and this positive reinforcement of
Sam's id cause Sam to undergo a large number of paternity suits in later
life.]
Dad: "SAM! I told you never to do that in front of other people! Now, go
wash your finger!"
Dad: "Where is that darn thing? Where did you see it last?"
[Closing: dampen the sound of the television set. Voice over: Rod Serling's
voice...]
The Robinsons. Your typical American family, unexpectedly finding
themselves in a situation that they had never anticipated. Some say that the
Robinsons are still searching for the controller, still listening to the same
program, doomed to watch the exploits of the Carvingtons for the rest of
eternity. They are unwilling visitors into that gray area of the imagination,
the Twilight Zone.
[Fade out. Credits.]
Copyright (C) 1986 by Shadow Stories, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
the Progressive Underground
Although I haven't ||||||\\ ||| ||| |||||\\ Dissidents
heard from him, ||| )))||| ||| ||| \\\ 3 1 3 - 4 3 3 - 3 1 6 4
maybe this file's ||||||// ||| ||| ||| ))) Running: Citadel v2.17
author would =WANT= you ||| ||| ||| ||| /// About 20 Megs of TextFiles
to call... ||| \\|||// ||||||/ and the SysOp is Mr. Pez.

groups/ANARCHYINC/roofing.hum
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------------
Anarchy inc. ...presents...
------------
-- Roofiing: A Beginning Guide --
Written by: The Daredevil
Roofs? Why?
------------
The law calls it Tresspassing. We, in our circle of friends, call it roofing.
It is the art of exploring Roof-tops, and generally creating havoc, while up
there. Havoc the Chaos (rip), was the one who enjoyed roofing most, but he is
not here to present this file. I felt that roofing was a sport, and the high-
light was not to get caught. We have been "caught" by the police, and other
various peoples while exploring, but it's really been no big deal. On with some
ideas...
Creative!
---------
The first thing you have to do, although it is rather obvious, is get on top
of the roof. Usually, one can climb the pipes on the side/back of the building.
Some of them can be quite hot, so be careful. We have figured many creative
ways to get on top of roofs, including climbing a nearby roof-top and jumping to
the other roof. (This can get sometimes- dangerous.) It depends what type of
roof you want to get on. We began inhabiting roofs of small department stores,
causing some vandalism up there, like shorting the signs, breaking the
skylights, and turning the air conditioners on and off. One thing that Havoc
the Chaos and the Moon Roach overlooked (sad) was the fact that there were
people inside the store while they had fun. The local police department had
quite a short talk with them. We went on to bigger and better things...
K-Mart was a roof that we visited quite often, and we had a very sadistic
approach towards this store. Taking long, floresicent lighting tubes from the
nearby dumpster, they would toss them down into the garden center. This was
humorous, to a point. "Payless" was also interesting.
Insanity?
---------
We actually did get on the roof of a local shopping mall. You see, this
particular mall (known in Sunnyvale, as "Vallco", by the way) had a japanese
restraunt near the upper level, which you could enter through the outside of the
mall. It had a nice grid-type pattern, which we climbed up (at 4 o'clock in the
morning) and accessed the roof. The view was nice, although it was dark and
quite foggy. Sonitrol (tm), which was discussed in eariler text-files, is a
sound-detecting device, that was present on top of this mall. When roofing,
beware of these little buggers. They resemble long, metal sprinkers, and in the
dead of night, it's quite easy to trip over them. We ended up distroying an
antennia, nothing else. Remember this, when roofing in the early morning, !get
off! the roof before the sun rises. We had quite a scramble getting down.
Abandoned Buildings?
--------------------
Abandoned buildings, despite what your fourth grade teacher told you, can
prove to be interesting. We've found many useful things, such as spray paint,
nails, and even small pieces of machinery. Spray Paint is fun, but you must
remember not to go overboard. (I think that Havoc was crazy spray-painting
"Anarchy!" in the bathrooms of the local fast-food joint...) The most
interesting abandoned buildings are un-used canneries, warehouses, and storage
buildings. These don't !usually! have security guards, but we have stumbled
upon many of these people.
Guards, Cops, and others!
-------------------------
You've been caught. Big deal, all they generally do is ask for your name. Of
course, my name was different every time I was caught. Just play it really
cool, and if your wallet is not in plain sight, then say you don't have id.
Security guards won't detain you, unless you've done some obvious vandalism.
They want your name and phone number, according to another guard, to call your
parents !if! any vandalism has been done. You must be good in impromtu and be
quick about it. (The Moon Roach and I lived on "Penny Lane" and "Abbey Road".
That's irony, mind you...Hahaha...)
Why, though, why?
-----------------
I really don't know. Roofing, like exploring, is adventurous, and fun...to an
extent. If you are the type to be scared of heights, and not into senseless
violence, then don't bother with a sport such as this. Enjoy.
..The Daredevil...
[South Side of the Sky] 408/738-1685 300/1200 24 hours/7 days
[] Dark Side of the Moon: 408/245-SPAM 300/1200 4 drives sysop: Senator Bunker
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
the Progressive Underground
Although I haven't ||||||\\ ||| ||| |||||\\ Dissidents
heard from him, ||| )))||| ||| ||| \\\ 3 1 3 - 4 3 3 - 3 1 6 4
maybe this file's ||||||// ||| ||| ||| ))) Running: Citadel v2.17
author would =WANT= you ||| ||| ||| ||| /// About 20 Megs of TextFiles
to call... ||| \\|||// ||||||/ and the SysOp is Mr. Pez.

groups/ANARCHYINC/sesame.hum
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------------
Anarchy inc. ...proudly presents...
------------ Shatted Myths on Seasame Street
Written by: ...dD of Anarchy inc.
Well, I would like to type for a moment or two, and tell you about a
communist plot, right here in our own lives. Yes, this plot touches our very
homes. It is called: "Seasame Street"...Most of you, by now, knew what I was
going to say, and are probally thinking of hitting the ESCape key... Well,
Russia dosen't have too much to do with Seasame Street, but it was a nice
introduction, you'll have to admit.
Ernie and Bert are two main characters in this show. Now, I have something
to say. Get ahold of yourself, and breathe deep. Ernie and Bert are
homosexuals. (-Gasp!-) Now, look at them. Two males, living alone with each
other. They never go out and look for a good time. All they do is take baths
and have fantasies with "Rubber Duckies"...Granted, they do sleep in seperate
beds...But all they ever talk about is the alphabet! Now I ask you, what adult
males live together, and want to teach little kids how to count to ten!? When
you look at the whole picture, it gets pretty scary.
If you look around Seasame Street, you will find that it does not contain the
same things that a real big-city street would have on it! You will note, that,
you never see a wino in the gutter, although Oscar does remind me of some that
I have seen. (More on him later...) There are no prostitutes, pimps, drug
dealers, or gang fights. This bothers me, because small children will be going
out into the world, thinking that all city blocks are like that! I mean
rilly...
Big Bird, suffers from delusions. First off, he believes himself to be a
large, flightless canary. Then, he has this "imaginary friend", which
resembles a large elephant. (I could never spell his name...) And all "Big
Bird" ever does is sing about something...I do believe he's been on drugs.
Seriously, now, think about it. I don't see large brown elephants, or think
I'm a canary. No doubt about it, Big Bird is a junkie.
Oscar the Grouch should have been arrested a long time ago, on several
counts. Verbal harrassment, for one. I wouldn't take very much from a green
puppet with a loud mouth. Second, DOES he own that garbage can? I doubt it,
and he could most likely be evicted, on the point that the place is an awful
mess. (It is rumored that he has a head shop below, along with live cows, and
he smuggles illegal aliens into the country, through the help of this trash
can.)
Well, I've had my say...Any other comments on Seasame Street?
//---------------------------------------\\
|| Anarchy inc. consists of: ||
|| The Daredevil, Havoc The Chaos, ||
|| The Moon Roach, Ruby Tuesday, ||
|| The $heik, The Anarchist, DreadStar ||
|| D.B. Cooper, Surf Rat, A Modem User ||
|| The Bullseye, Princess Leia, ||
|| Torqa Dun, Space Ace, & Teeny Bopper ||
\\---------------------------------------//

groups/ANARCHYINC/sicklyri.fun
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Prologue:
Science fiction is one of the best forms of writing ever. It takes more than
just writing ability to write true sci-fi. Many of the greats like Isaac
Asimov, Larry Niven, and others have their degrees in physics and such, not as
much in writing. Writers like L. Ron Hubbard have written what they call
science fiction, but it's not really the pure form. Pure science fiction is
filled with theories. Theories that aren't necessarally proven, but the story
uses these theories to make assumptions, and many stories make theories of their
own. I'm going to attempt to write a series of science fiction short stories.
It's about an adventurous space pilot that always ends up in situations because
of his poor luck. I hope the readers like the stories, and any ideas for future
ones should be sent to me or The Daredevil (who will relay them to me) on any
major bbs. Thanks...
------------
Anarchy Inc. Presents...
------------
Deep Space: Story one
by: Lord Omega
"If we aren't able to mine thurlite, the companies that build space ship hulls
will probably crash." said Ivan. "Without thurlite, no hull can be built tough
enough to survive for decades, while being light enough to leave a planet
without using tons of fuel. And that means that Stimm Shipping will probably go
out of business."
"And what do you suggest?" asked Paul.
"Well, first of all we gotta find out why those damn farmers won't let us dig
up the thurlite on their planet. They've got enough to last hundreds of years,
and the mining won't upset their precious crops. I'm going to send a pilot of
ours to investigate this. There's gotta be something behind this whole
goddamned mess."
"But who's going to volunteer to go to Jaglan? That's one hell of a backwards
planet."
"Uh, I wasn't thinking of volunteers. I was planning on sending you."
"Me? No way. You can't make me do that."
"You're pretty low on funds lately... I wouldn't want you to lose your job."
"Fuck you boss."
Three days later Paul Sherman was en route to Jaglan. He was the number one
pilot that Ivan Simms had, and he didn't deserve to be sent off like this. Some
day...
The trip out of the Sol system, and into hyperspace were normal, he'd done it
all hundreds of times before. Hyperspace was a way of going faster than the
speed of light, simply because it wasn't completely in normal space. The
inventor of it was given more prizes, awards, and such than any other inventor
in history. It was truly one of the most important. To be able to do a light
year in only a day dropped travel time incredibly. Interstellar travel was
possible, and interstellar colonies were soon formed. Jaglan was founded not
more than ten years before Paul was born, and it's always been a farming planet.
Two years ago a mining ship found that Jaglan had the greatest supply of
thurlite than any other planet ever discovered. The only problem was in the
Charter of Independence for Jaglan gave the planet full rights to all minerals
on it. The government seemed cooperative enough to sell mining rights, but
anytime miners landed on the planet, they were killed. Very odd...
"Interstellar ship C6D983732A, permission granted to land on pad number 27."
the voice said over the comunicator. The ship's real name was Silver Hornet,
and if you ever saw it, you would understand why. It was streamlined in order
to enter atmosphere, with the hyperdrive down the middle of the ship and the
standard thrusters circling the the center of it. it was the prize cruiser of
Simms Shipping, and it was usually flown by Paul.
After landing, the ship was given a hanger, and Paul departed to the
government offices. This would be the most logical place to start. The
government on this planet didn't control much, they gave most the rights to land
owners.
"I don't know." puzzled the Mayor. "I've given good offers to Earth for
mining rights, but i've never seen any miners show up."
"We've sent miners. I was of the opinion that they were killed in order to
keep us away. But if someone kept us away, it would destroy interstellar trade,
which would cause your government to collapse. I don't see any reason that you
would kill anyone."
"I thank you for your trust." the Mayor said dryly. "But I don't have much
power on this planet. There may be special interests that want the government
to collapse. Nearly every major land owner has a private security force, and
these guys aren't second rate cops. They're trained soldiers. This planet is
actually quite lawless."
"Well, I see that you haven't done much to establish any laws. I'll talk to
you later."
He left the office of the mayor in a storm. A large man in a marine uniform
brushed by him, grunting an apology. Paul entered the street to hail a taxi.
He pushed the button attached to the call pole, and not more than 30 seconds
later a bright red skycar dropped down. "Where to sir?" said the driver as Paul
stepped in.
"Uh, take me to the nearest city market place."
"Ok. That'll be Central. Hold on." The taxi went up, and forward with a
jerk. It took just under a minute and a half to travel the 12 kilometers across
town to Central Market.
"That'l be 15 sir."
Paul handed the driver a twenty credit bill, and entered the market. There
were people milling everywhere, selling this for that, making trades, the
typical things you'd expect in a backwater planet, Paul thought. He could tell
the main land holders by the number of guards walking near them. Not as many as
he expected from the mayor's comments, but the man was probably just raving
because of his impotence to control this planet. Paul put his hands in his
jacket pockets, and found a note that he didn't put there. He looked around to
see anyone who might have put it there, but couldn't see anyone suspicious. He
opened the note.
"Meet me at the Grand Hotel. Room 211. Urgent. "
He pondered over the note. Well, it might be important. You can't find
anything out in this place by not trusting people. Even if there were damn few
people to trust. He walked up to one of the land holders, and stopped in front
of him.
"I need to talk. Can you stop a minute?"
"Who the hell are you?" the landowner yelled. Two of his security men walked
to either side of Paul, hands on their blasters.
"Survey. I want to know what you think about the idea of mining this planet
for thurlite."
"This planet has no real mine2R rX The last government report said so.
There's nothng here but good cropland. Now get lost."
Paul turned away puzzled. He'd seen some of the shipments of thurlite that
were brought from here before the miners were killed. What could... Then he
stopped. It all clicked into place. One last thing to check on... He went off
to check some land regrestration, and when he found out what he already believed
true, he called a taxi, and went to the Grand Hotel.
Room 211. He knocked on the door and waited. Heavy footsteps were heard
inside, and the door opened. The face was a familiar one.
"Hello. I need to talk to you about the miners." the man stated. "I know
what happened to them."
"So do I." And Paul told his story.
"Very good. I've been trying to get someone important enough to listen to me,
but i've never seen much. You are from earth, and proabaly can carry lots of
influence. I think you'll do fine. Get to earth and report your findings."
"Ok. It's late now. I'm going to my ship to rest for the night. Then i'll
be off."
"Good luck."
Paul left the hotel. Another taxi was called, and he took it to his ship.
Upon entering his ship, he was suprised by another man inside with a gun.
"Well, I can't let you just go and tell your findings can I?" And he fired.
Paul woke up hours later. He was tied to a chair, and the mayor was watching
him.
"Ahh, you've woken up. I suppose that you've found out about the miners by
now. I can't let you live." the mayor said.
"Oh, it was a good scheme of yours. Everyone took pity on the mayor of this
little mudball planet because he had no power in government. But there was one
way that he could have power. I figured out that more than likely the mayor was
one of the major landholders. I checked it out, and it was true. Also, who
else would be able to doctor the mineral reports of this planet as easily as
you? You've done all this in hopes of isolating this planet and taking over
full power, haven't you?"
"Bravo... I didn't expect that you'd figure out that much. But there's quite
a bit more. If i'm in full control of this planet, then I can control it's
industry. I'll have that thurlite mined, build a spaceship fleet, and nothing
will be able to stop us. It may take thirty years before the galaxy ships start
decaying, and no more will be built except for here. Then I can crush any
opposion, and establish the Imperial dynasty that is my right."
"But you first have to remove me, eh?"
"Quite true. I hope you understand." The mayor smirked. "Major Williams!" he
then yelled.
The burly marine walked in the room. "Give me your blaster!" the mayor said.
With one shot, it was all over. The marine was holding his blaster, the mayor
was on the ground with nothing where his head used to be, and Paul was busy
untying himself.
"Damn, i'm glad that you were here." Paul said to Williams. "I'm also glad
that the mayor didn't find out about our chat at the Grand hotel."
"Well, the man was a bit disturbed. He had no real powers here, and he always
felt that it was his right to. I didn't want to be in his regime, and now it's
all over. The new mayor should allow the miners to come, and the galaxy will
have all the thurlite it needs. One little problem, It seems that I'm out of a
job."
"Well, if you like adventure, you could always join me." Paul said as he stood
up.
"I thought you'd never ask."
They left to board the Silver Hornet, knowing that there was more, much more
in store for them in the future.
The End (for now)

groups/ANARCHYINC/spinning
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------------
Anarchy Inc. diffidently presents you with...
------------
Spinning Wheels
a story written by Someone Else
CHAPTER 1. Spinning Wheels
Myriads of different times, places, people, things, flowing past on the
way from nowhere to nowhen... moving in all directions, All.
Welcome to Hilbert space, my friends... this is my domain; I live here.
"C.C. to RPG... clearance to H+, please notify?"
The lone starship hung in an eternal void.
"RPG. leaving in 5 secs. confirm."
It wavered, vanished. The stars hung, bright points of light, uncaring.
Nospace... it does not exist. Yet it is the key to God. Literally
speaking, the starship was there for a period of time that did not exist. Yet
it was there, and as such, it was everywhere. A duration of time later, a
duration that cannot be measured because it does not exist, the starship
floated in orbit over a planet that hadn't been there before.
"RPG. C.C., can we have clearance to land?"
A voice answered, "C.C. Zone 4. Come on down."
A tall man in his mid thirties, Dave Grahan attracted little attention
walking down the left side of a crowded street. These people didn't care. A
heavy mist floated near the ground, giving an ominous appearance to the
scenery. Presently he found what he was looking for. A finger tapped his belt
and barely discernable haze surrounded him. Not looking like much, he was
proof against most hand held weaponry. He opened a door and shivered under the
raw coldness surrounding. The thing sitting at the far wall did nothing to
improve his mood. Thotek micropaths never were noted for their friendliness.
"I believe I have found the right place. If you aren't TCS392A, illegally
cloned from Orginization genecodes, tell me why I shouldn't kill you."
"You are Dave Grahan, Ax65232a, engaged in law enforcement activities,
near sector VvL Transcon Federal Outzone?" The thing did not speak, the voice
whispered to him in the middle of his mind.
"I am," he replied in the same manner.
The admittance did nothing to lessen the cold detatchment with which it
regarded him.
"You are currently searching for the one known as 'Chak,' am I not
correct? And you desire information as to his whereabouts?"
Grahan nodded, "Your sources are thorough. Can you help me?"
For a moment it almost seemed as if a twinkle of amusement passed through
its eyes. "It is possible. I would, however, exact something in return."
"What, if I may ask?"
"Nothing much. I just desire a stake in the outcome. Chak is a
dangerous creature. I want is his soul."
He laughed.
Places, people, times... which one? Ahh, there. He made a decision, and
moved. He picked a time, a space, and moved in. Leaving Hilbert space behind.
"We've got a fix on him, he's in H+, Outzone 2a67b, owned by IBM, software
division. Do you suppose he's after that?"
"Grahan, he could be after anything. Keep your eyes open."
Oh well, damn them anyway. They couldn't help him.
This IBM Outzone was a particularly spectacular place, populated more than
a thousand years ago by emigrants from the final Exodus, the one that left
Earth a ruin. The only difference here is that these people retained their
technology. From its central position, the system Corinth was in the logical
position to be the crossroads for that technology. And it was to there that
Grahan chose to begin his search.
Timeflow undulating around him, Chak writhed in discomfort as H+ shifted
slightly. The realization filtered through that someone was after him. Who?
Someone with power, to make an H+ shift...
Ahh. A game.
He mentally shrugged and continued on with what he was doing. He was not
worried; it's been a long time since they've tried, and never have they
succeeded. But soon it would be time to make his move.
The Corinth Hilton, noted as the most expensive hotel on the planet, was
no pushover as far as luxury was concerned. In addition to the necessary
opulence, a full function terminal even sat on the east wall in the study.
Grahan flipped it on and dialed the News.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
C O R I N T H S Y S T E M N E W S
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
for Tuesday, December 14, 2877
BULLETINS:
SAVE 1. As for the assassination of Prime Minister Harold Leever yesterday,
there is some speculation that it might coincide with the arrival of
the Hilbert space religious cult. From them we have no official
comment.
2. 4000 citizens having signed a petition on the water treatment plans
for the Raighin Valley area, construction will begin in two months.
The venture is estimated to cost $780,000. Critics say it will be
at least twice that much.
3. Sensie porn star Luisa Holden has vanished; according to authorities,
this is just another publicity stunt. They're looking into it,
however...
4. The Corinth government geology department has officially apologized
for the 11.2 magnitude earthquake you may have felt at 11:05 two
days ago, one member being quoted as saying, "it was a mistake
anyone could have made..."
5. A six hour documentary on the life of the late Prime Minister
Harold Leever will be presented tomorrow night at 9:00pm.
----------------------------------------------------------
CLASSIFIED
INTERESTED IN BEING A MEDICAL OFFICER ON ONE OF
THE MAJOR STARSHIP LINES? YES, YOU TOO CAN FLY THE
STARWAYS, CURING THE SICK. WRITE TURING, 4938Z FOR
YOUR FREE PAMPHLET. WRITE TODAY! AND FLY TOMORROW!
----------
INVEST!! INSTEL WANTS YOUR MONEY! SEND NOW!!!
----------
ARE YOU FROM EARTH? LET'S CORRESPOND! GIVE ME
A CALL AT P37-7236TZK.. FRIENDSHIP IS JUST A CALL
AWAY!! PHOTO REQUIRED.
----------
ATTENTION ALL! HILBERT SPACE RELIGIOUS MEMBERS
ARE OPEN FOR RECRUITMENT. IF YOU ARE FASCINATED BY
THE WONDER OF INFINITY AND WEIRD SEX, CONTACT US,
WE'RE WAITING FOR YOU.
----------
P.K. WATCH OUT, YOU HAVE 10 DAYS TO LIVE.
T.L.
----------
ATTENTION K-MART SHOPPERS! THERE IS A BLUE-
LIGHT SPECIAL TODAY ON USED BOWLING BALLS, ANYONE
INTERESTED, PLEASE GO TO K-MART AND TAKE ADVANTAGE
OF THIS SPECIAL OFFER!!
---------------------------------------------------
TODAY IN SPORTS:
1. Northern Klandou plays Dix in international rugby...
Grahan shut it off and from his opened briefcase, he removed a small black
object the size of a marble. This marble fit nicely into a little indentation
in the base of his neck, hidden by a small amount of hair. He laid himself
down on the bed, relaxed, and thought of nothing. Presently images intruded
themselves upon his mind.
The room he was in, as well as the entire physical universe we all occupy,
slowly melted away, to be replaced by the flowing everythingness of H+. He
thought, and in thinking, he moved. Planets and stars flowed past, equal in
rank to electrons and nucleotides. The space here that was not space did not
care, energy that was music floated soundlessly across the plane of more than
two dimensions. This had to be the place, he thought, somewhere here must be
the answer. Mentally, he sat down to wait for that which he knew must soon
come. A while later, yet a while that lasted no time at all, in the distance,
the mental latticework belonging to a powerful mind came into being. It moved
towards him. Before he had time to react, a strand brushed him. He lost
consciousness.
Black slowly turned gray, gray became white. A room materialized. There
were no doors, no windows, no outside. A man dressed in a white lab coat said
hello.
"Good morning?"
"I see you are confused. My name is Chak. What you did was foolish, you
know."
"How is that?" he asked, looking around him. The room could have been
anywhere.
"You have no idea of what I am, and without knowing, have no defense."
He let a mild expression of fear cloud his face and mind while his eyes
wandered about the room. They were nowhere, nowhere but in some hidden corner
of Chak's mind. And Chak knew he knew this.
"Won't you have a cup of tea?" Grahan gazed evenly at the preoffered tray.
For a moment, an expression of self-doubt entered Chak's face and without
warning, a small vortex erupted around Grahan, carrying him away from the room.
His surprise masked only by mild indignation, Chak realized to himself that he
had let this happen. He thought once more to himself, and he and the room
dissolved back into the primal energy from which it came.
Grahan found himself in a familiar room on a nameless planet. Facing him
from the far wall sat the very same Thotek micropath he had made a deal with
earlier. From within his mind he heard a silent laughter.
"David Grahan, you have won my help in this matter, but you have yet to
win my respect. You are getting careless." The laughter continued.
Coming soon, chapter two.
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
groups/ANARCHYINC/stealjob.ana
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--------------
Anarchy Inc. ...presents...
--------------
<[+=------------------------------=+]>
! -=] Crime on the Job [=- !
! Written by: The Ascii Assassin !
<[+=------------------------------=+]>
[Or: How to Live off of $3.00 an Hour]
______________________________________________________________________________
-=]> Foreword/Disclaimer: <[=-
This file is intended to teach you how to commit illegalities on the job with
a minimal risk of getting caught. Please note that I cannot take responsibility
for anybody's actions. If you are too inmature to allow this to sink into your
head, than don't bother.
-=]> Introduction: <[=-
First off, you need a job. Probably the best job for the beginner is
janitorial-type activities. It's best if you're not the only one. Especially
when you work in a big office building (which is, coincidentally, where most of
the goodies can be found). By stealing, filching, or otherwise seperating goods
from their previous owners, you can use the money you save by not having to by
them for other things. Like the phone bill you must be running up while reading
this file.
-=]> Getting to it: <[=-
First, you have to find a place that's offering janitorial jobs. Look in the
want ads or something (if you can't read..you've got a problem already) You
should be able to get the job on your own. Okay. So you've got the job. And
what do they want you to do? Take out the trash? It may be a thankless job
around the house, but there are rewards for doing this job. When you empty
trash cans from offices, you can, if you wish, look inside them. But usually
you'll find only scrap paper, diet cola bottles, and other such mundane items a
secretary can't do without. If you're looking for extra office supplies, from
diskette labels to postage stamps, they can usually be had. Just look around.
Be sure that you wear a big jacket or clothing with a lot of pockets if you like
petty thievery. If you want to steal things that are of unusual shapes, like
diskettes, get a newspaper and fold it up. The disk- ette(s) inside. the
perfect way to smuggle out flat goods that you can't fold or fit in your
pocket/jacket. So you see a jar of jelly beans or candy on the desk? Help
yourself. After all, it's not pleasant to work on an empty stomach.
When you take the trash out to the dumpster(s) outside, the REAL fun begins.
There are goodies to be found. If you look carefully. If you drive, you should
park your car near the dumpster. So every time you take trash out to the
dumpster. Relieve them of some of the more valuable stuff and stuff it in your
car. If you don't drive, bring a duffel bag or something like that, if your job
is after-school, bring some books to disguise things a bit.
Sometimes, you may have to vacuum offices. Make sure you start with an empty
bag. While you go through the rooms, and you spot something you like, that can
take a little dirt, grab it and wrap it up in some newspaper or what- ever, and
stuff it in the vacuum cleaner bag. When you're finished, pretend you're tikhng
it back to the dumpster (again?). Take your prizes out and dump the bag, why
would you keep it anyway?
Major theft, stealing large items, is in a whole different league. But, if
you think you've got what it takes..go ahead. The best think you can do on the
job is to make it easy for you to get in and out. Before you leave, turn off
the alarm, leave a window unlocked, whatever..and come back later at night.
There are other text-files that go into more detail about break-in's. They are
definitely on the suggested reading list.
-=]> Conclusion: <[=-
Janitorial crime may not be very "glorious", but you can acquire many neat
and/or useful things at a minimal risk, while getting payed about three dollars
an hour at the same time. Just don't take any unneccesary risks. If you take a
big gamble and win, good for you. If you don't..well you DID work in a big
office building, saw some good-looking secretaries, etc.. This file was created
to give you a few ideas just to get started. The best criminals are creative.
Have fun.
______________________________________________________________________________
Call these --------------
Anarchy Inc.
-------------- boards:
The Assassin's Guild AE...415-592-9753 - pw=RUSH - 300 Baud.
Ghost in the Machine AE...408-738-1685 - no pass - 300/1200 Baud *
Dark Side of the Moon.....408-245-SPAM - no pass - 300/1200 Baud *
* = Hit a few CR's upon connect, to determine baud rate.

groups/ANARCHYINC/synchron.mus
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The Gemini Daredevil and Anarchy Inc. Presents:
--- ------ --------- --- ------- ---- ---------
THE POLICE
SYCHRONICITY
SYNCHRONICITY I
(Words & Music by Sting)
With one breath, with one flow
You will know
Synchronicity
A sleep trance, a dream dance,
A shared romance,
Synchronicity
A connecting principle,
Linked to the invisible
Almost imperceptible
Something insusceptible
Logic so inflexible
Causally connectible
Yet nothing is invisible
If we share this nightmare
Then we can dream
Spiritus mundi
If you act, as you think,
The missing link
Sychronicity
We know you, they know me
Extrasensory
Synchronicity
A star fall, a phone call,
It joins all
Synchronicity
It's so deep, it's so wide
Your inside
Synchronicity
Effect without a cause
sub-atomic laws, scientific pause
Synchronicity........
WALKING IN YOUR FOOTSTEPS
(Words & Music by Sting)
Fifty million years ago
You walked across the planet so,
Lord of all that you could see
Just a little bit like me,
Walking in your footsteps.
Hey Mr. Dinosaur
you really couldn't ask for more
You were God's favourite creature
but you didn't have a future,
Walking in your footsteps.
Hey might brontosaurus
don't you have a lesson for us
You thought your rule would always last
There were no lessons in your past
You were built three stories high
They say you would not hurt a fly
If we explode the atom bomb
would they say that we were dumb.
Walking in your footsteps.
Fifty million years ago
They walked upon the planet so
They live in a museum
It's the only place you'll see um.
Walking in your footsteps...........
They say the meek shall inherit the earth..
Walking in your footsteps...........
O MY GOD
(Words & Music by Sting)
Everyone I know is lonely
and God's so far away,
And my heart belongs to no one
So now sometimes I pray
Please take the space between us
And fill it up some way
O my God you take the biscuit
Treating me this way
Expecting me to treat you well
No matter what you say
How can I turn the other cheek
It's black and bruised and torn
I've been waiting
since the day that I was born
Take the space between us
and fill it up some way
Take the space between us
and fill it up some way
The fat man in his garden
The thin man at his gate
My god you must be sleeping
Wake up it's much too late
Take the space between us
and fill it up some way
Take the space between us
and fill it up some way
Do I have to tell the story
of a thousand rainy days
Since we first met,
It's a big enough umbrella
But it's always me who ends up getting wet.
MOTHER
(Words & Music by Andy Summers)
Well, the telephone is ringing
Is that my mother on the phone?
Telephone is ringing
Is that my mother on the phone?
The telephone is screaming
Won't she leave me alone
The telephone is ringing
Is that my mother on the phone?
Well every girl I go out with
Becomes my mother in the end
Every girl I go out with
Becomes my mother in the end
Well, I hear my mother calling
But I don't need her as a friend
Oh Oh mother
Oh mother dear please listen
And don't devour me
Oh mother dear please listen
And don't devour me
Oh women please have mercy
Let this poor boy be
Oh mother dear please listen
And don't devour me
MISS GRADENKO
(Words & Music by Stewart Copeland)
Don't tell the director I said so
But are you safe Miss Gradenko?
We were at a policy meeting
They were planning new ways of cheating
I didn't want to rock your boat
But you sent this dangerous note
You've been letting your feelings show
Are you safe Miss Gradenko?
Miss Gradenko are you safe?
Are you safe Miss Gradenko?
Miss Gradenko are you safe?
Is anybody alive in here?
Is anybody alive in here?
Is anybody alive in here?
Nobody but us
Nobody but us
Is anybody alive in here?
Nobody but us
Your uniform don't seem to fit
You're much too alive in it
You've been letting your feelings show
Are you safe Miss Gradenko?
Miss Gradenko are you safe?
Is anybody alive in here?
Is anybody alive in here?
Is anybody alive in here?
Nobody but us in here
Nobody but us
Nobody but us in here
Nobody but us
SYNCHRONICITY II
(Words & Music by Sting)
Another suburban morning
Grandmother screaming at the wall
We have to shout above the din of our rice crispies
We can't hear anything at all
Mother chants her litany of boredom and frustration
But we know all her suicides are fake,
Daddy only stares into the distance
There's only so much more that he can take
Many miles away something crawls from the slime at the
Bottom of a dark Scottish lake
Another industrial ugly morning
The factory belches filth into the sky
He walks unhindered through the picket lines today,
He dosen't think to wonder why
The secretaries pout and preen like cheap tarts on a red light street,
But all he ever thinks to do is watch
And every single meeting with his so called superior
Is a humiliating kick in the crotch
Many miles away something crawls to the surface
of a dark Scottish lake
Another working day has ended
Only the rush hour hell to face
Packed like lemmings into shiny metal boxes
Contestants in a suicidal race
Daddy grips the wheel and stares alone into the distance
He knows that something somewhere has to break
He sees the family home now looming in the headlights
The pain upstairs that makes his eyeballs ache
Many miles away there's a shadow on the door of a cottage on the
Shore of a dark Scottish lake
EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE
(Words & Music by Sting)
Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I'll be watching you
Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay
I'll be watching you
O can't you see
You belong to me
Now my poor heart aches with every step you take
Every move you make
Every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake
I'll be watching you
Since you've gone I been lost without a trace
I dream at night I can only see your face
I look around but it's you I can't replace
I keep crying baby please
Every move you make
Every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake
I'll be watching you.
KING OF PAIN
(Words & Music by Sting)
There's a little black spot on the sun today
That's my soul up there
It's the same old thing as yesterday
That's my soul up there
There's a black hat caught in a high tree top
That's my soul up there
There's a flag pole rag and the wind won't stop
That's my soul up there
I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
I guess I always thought that you could end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain
There's a fossil that's trapped in a high cliff wall
There's a dead salmon frozen in a waterfall
There's a blue whale beached by a springtide's ebb
There's a butterfly trapped in a spider's web
There's a king on a throne with his eyes torn out
There's a blind man looking for a shadow of doubt
There's a rich man sleeping on a golden bed
There's a skeleton choking on a crust of bread
King of Pain
There's a red fox torn by a huntsman's pack
There's a black winged gull with a broken back
There's a little black spot on the sun today
It's the same old thing as yesterday
That's my soul up there..........
I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
I guess I always thought that you could end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain
I'll always be the king of pain.........
WRAPPED AROUND YOUR FINGER
(Words & Music by Sting)
You consider me the young apprentice
Caught between the Scylla and Charibdes,
Hypnotized by you if I should linger
Staring at the ring around your finger
I have only come here seeking knowledge
Things they wouldn't teach me of in college
I can see the destiny you sold
Turning into a shining band of gold
I'll be wrapped around your finger
Mephistopheles is not your name
But I know what you're up to just the same
I will listen hard to your tuition
And you will see it come to its fruition
I'll be wrapped around your finger
Devil and the deep blue see behind me
Vanish in the air you'll never find me
I will turn your face to alabaster
Then you will find your servant is your master,
And you'll be wrapped around my finger............
TEA IN THE SAHARA
(Words & Music by Sting)
My sisters and I
Have this wish before we die
And it may sound strange
As if our minds are deranged
Please don't ask us why,
Beneath the sheltering sky
We have this strange obsession
You have the means in your possession
We want our tea in the Sahara with you
We want our tea in the Sahara with you
The young man agreed
He would satify their need
So they danced for his pleasure
With a joy you could not measure
They would wait for him here
The same place every year
Beneath the sheltering sky
Across the desert he would fly
Tea in the Sahara with you
Tea in the Sahara with you
The sky turned to black
Would he ever come back
They would climb a high dune
They would pray to the moon
But he'd never return
So the sisters would burn
As their eyes searched the land
With their cups still full of sand
Tea in the Sahara with you..........
MURDER BY NUMBERS
(Words & Music by Sting)
Once that you've decided on a killing
First you make a stone of your heart
And if you find that your hands are still willing
Then you can turn a murder into art
There really isn't any need for bloodshed
You just do it with a little more finesse
If you can slip a tablet into someone's coffee
Then it avoids an awful lot of mess
It's murder by numbers, one two three
It's as easy to learn as your ABC
Now if you have a taste for this experience
And you're flushed with your very first success
Then you must try a twosome or a threesome
And you'll find your conscience bothers you much less
Because murder is like anything you take to
It's a habit-forming need for more and more
You can bump off every member of your family
And anybody else you find a bore
Because it's murder by numbers, one two three
It's as easy to learn as your ABC
Now you can join the ranks of the illustrious
In history's great dark hall of fame
All our greatest killers were industrious
At least the ones that we all know by name
But you can reach the top of your profession
If you become the leader of the land
For murder is the sport of the elected
And you don't need to lift a finger of your hand
ONCE UPON A DAYDREAM
(Words & Music by Sting)
Once upon a daydream
I fell in love with you
Once upon a moonbeam
I gave that love to you
Once upon a lifetime
I know it must be true
When the months had told us
I'd have to marry you.
Once upon a daydream
Dosen't happen any more
Once upon a moonbeam
This is no place for tenderness
Once her daddy found out
He threw her to the floor
He killed her unborn baby
He kicked me from the door
Once upon a nightmare
I brought myself a gun
I blew her daddy's brains out
Now hell has just begun
Once upon a daydream
Dosen't happen anymore
Once upon a moonbeam
This is no place for sentiment
Once upon a lifetime
A lifetime filled with tears
The boy will pay for his crimes
With all his natural years
Once upon a daydream
Will make you his someday
Once upon a moonbeam
He dreamed his life away
Once upon a daydream
Dosen't happen anymore
Once upon a moonbeam
This is no place for miracles
Once upon a daydream.
All songs (c) 1983 Magnetic Publishing Ltd.
The Police Synchronicity
Synchronicity I Every Breath You Take
Walking in your Footsteps King of Pain
O My God Wrapped Around Your Finger
Mother Tea in the Sahara
Miss Gradenko Murder By Numbers
Synchronicity II Once Upon A Daydream
Brought to you by: The Gemini Daredevil of Anarchy Inc.

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The Motorhead presents...
Up Your Pavement
-- ---- --------
A random collection of various bits and pieces that wouldn't have made
practical text files on their own. All complaints should go to Bill the Cat, or
to my alter-ego Al K. Traz, or his girlfriend, Penny Tentiary.
This text file is dedicated to Tom Lehrer, who has inspired many people to be
incredibly obonoxious over the years.
"All the White folks hate the black folks;
All the Black folks hate the White folks;
All the Protestants hate the Catholics;
All the Catholics hate the Protestants;
and Everybody hates the Jews"
- 'National Brotherhood Week'
Brotherhood. What a concept. Love your neighbor. Wow. It's all fine and
dandy to talk about everybody loving everybody else, but there are some inherent
problems; people like a certain B.t.C. exist to foul things up. There are some
people who don't love their fellow man. I HATE people like that! (ha ha..more
Lehrer for you there). Don't you see the problem? I bet you don't, since I
didn't really address it in this paragraph.
Freedom Fighters. Another interesting concept. People supposedly fighting to
overthrow a government that is supposedly oppressive. Something interesting to
note about this is this: How many groups of Freedom Fighters are there that
aren't ultra-right wing? People doing effectively the same thing who just
happen to be a little bit to the left are branded as Commies, and they should be
mashed out of existence, no matter what kind of sadistic murderer is in power at
the time; just as long as he claims to be anti-commie.
Modem geeks. Yet another interesting concept. What IS a modem geek? The
problem is, there's no definition of a Modem Geek. The only way to say what a
modem geek is is to use an example. The ones used most in this area seem to be
people like Bill the Cat or someone who calls the infamous Nwonknu chain of
BBS's. What constitutes a Modem Geek is basically what the majority perceives
one to be. I tend to go along with the notion that Bill the Cat is such a
person. I would say that because his general character on the BBS's consists
mainly of whining about how people have been saying nasty things about him,
preaching about how wrong phreaking is, and advertising his favorite board, the
AFFORDABLE HARBOR. Oh yes, two other things. He likes going on about Doctor
Who and David Letterman a lot as well. The problem is, people get tired of
reading such messages very rapidly. This tends to make some of the less patient
BBS callers quite mad, and they start to post nasty messages about him, which
just escalates the whole thing. The average "modem geek" would probably
disappear under the heavy fire that BtC takes. A prime example of someone who
disappeared is WoLVErInE LoGAn. He never even had a chance. Well, enough
bullshit about that subject; I'm sure everybody has heard too much about it
already.
Anarchy. What is it? Is it being a punk? Is it joining Anarchy, inc.? Who
knows? I doubt anyone could really envision what real anarchy would look like.
I mean, going around with things stuck through your nose, wearing dorky looking
clothes, doing strange things to your hair, and listening to the Dead Kennedys
is not my idea of Anarchy. In my opinion, the majority of people who do that
are total dorks. They're very immature and don't really know what they're
doing.
Ed. Ned. 8. 88. /ed. The Panther. Controversy. Stupid arguments being
shot down by Cionex di Norina. People acting obnoxious just for the sake of
being obnoxious (hey, that's what this is all about! Erase that). Ed is Ned is
8 is round head is... Ed is all-encompassing. Planet Ed is(was) holy ground.
Ho Hum.
Transcendental Meditation. TM. Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. India. Hindus.
Weird. What is it really? A cult? An alternative to mind-altering drugs? A
way to get yourself to stop eating Captain Crunch cereal? Do you care? I
thought not.
The Moonies. Now there's a strange group of people. In fact, I would say
that they're totally bonkers. I mean, the Reverend Moon the second coming of
Jesus! Come on! It really is a laugh to see them in the airports trying to
solicit donations, new captives (oops I mean converts), etc. Some day, wouldn't
you like to just slug one of them right smack in the face?
The Nightstalker. AC/DC. Satanism. Censorship in music. Stupid? Yes! Can
you imagine someone so stupid as to take a song by a group with a member as
screwy as Angus Young literally like that? Har Har! "You shook me all night
long..." -- "I'm on the Highway to Hell..."
Slayer. Loud. Fast. Deranged. Obnoxious. "Relentless lust of rotting
flesh; to thrash the tomb she lies; heathen whore of Satan's wrath; I spit at
your demise." Or... "I feel the urge the growing speed; to fuck this sinful
corpse; My task's complete the bitches soul; lies raped in demonic lust"
Charming, aren't they?
Jailbait. Fun. Nubile young bodies. Pre-marital sex. Small, firm breasts
hidden behind "Wham!" t-shirts. Firm buttocks under "Duran Duran" all-in-one
underwear/jogging shorts. Ahem. Bill, reaching for your zipper? Naughty boy!
"Hey baby, you're a sweet young thing; Still tied to mamma's apron strings; I
don't even want to know your age; I'm just happy you're here backstage; You're
jailbait, and I just can't wait; Jailbait, baby, come on."
Bill the Cat. Oops, I've already discussed him.
Kinky sex. Bondage. Fire Hydrants (darn it, I keep going back to our great
friend, BtC!). Dogs (now I'm talking about Otto Maddox! Shit!). Rear Entry.
Uh, yeah. We certainly are rapidly heading for the gutter once more here..
Time for a quick change of subject until your mother leaves the room, you dirty
little bastards!
Rabbits. Rabbits are nice, soft, cuddly creatures, aren't they? Long, floppy
ears, with fuzzy fur, and nice long back legs to hop around with. Even they're
so cuddly, couldn't you sometimes just take a hatchet and cut one of their heads
off? I mean, chop its head off and then turn it upside down so you can watch
all of the blood rush out to the ground. Then you can dislodge the brain and
give it to some slightly off person named _____________ (you can add the name
yourself) to use as a replacement for theirs, which obviously doesn't work very
well. The rabbit would at least be somewhat of an improvement over the present
model (what is it? an Iguana?)
Macintosh owners. There seem to be a lot of these people lately. They always
think that their computer is the solution to all the world's problems. They
think that Steven Jobs is some sort of deity, and that any product that he had
anything to do with at Apple Computer is sacred (except, of course, the Apple
//e, which is inferior technology, along with anything that rolls out of that
great monolith, IBM). I wonder what Wozniak thinks of the Macintosh. He never
seemed to say anything about it. "You'd better not talk to an IBMer, because
they are evil incarnate, and will not praise the Lord, Steve Jobs."
Since for the time being I can't think of anything else to put into a text
file, I will end this one here. Stay tuned for Part II, which will be called
"Sex and the un-married Modem user: What kind of a joke is this?".
Call these:
The Haunted House (415)941-7256
The Realm of the Rogues (415)941-1990
The Rogues' Gallery (415)961-9337 300/1200 no password!
The Dark Side of the Moon (408)245-7725 300/1200 no password!
South Side of the Sky (408)738-1685 300/1200 no password!
(C) 1985 by Nobody in particular.

groups/ANARCHYINC/vanzuyti.hum
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Message #001 : TIME CAPSULE entry
Current Date : Sunday 05-May-1985 AD
Identification : Ron S. van Zuylen!
CompuServe ID : 72655,510
Ethnic Group : Official Bozo
Social Status : Jennifer Kirby
Dedicated to Jennifer Kirsten Kirby and the planet Earth.
You're viewing 24 hour recorded modem entertainment.
The following document is being written by the famous Ron S. van Zuylen,
elite audio engineer and professional programmer. He does not find calling
local computerized bulletin board systems intellectually stimulating, so he is
not up to date with all the pseudo named social outcasts in the modem world.
This document is not covered by any United States copyright laws and may be
distributed at your discretion.
Hello, I'm Ron S. van Zuylen, of the infamous VanCo Audio Engineers and VanCo
Software Development Group.
So this is a "TIME CAPSULE" eh? Will people read this in a million years and
enjoy my material? Just thinking about it frightens me.
I'm just Ron S. van Zuylen, a poor audio engineer and professional programmer
living in beautiful Sunnyvale, California in the year of our lord one-thousand
nine-hundred eighty-five (1985). If I'm not alive when you are reading this,
I'm probably dead, so please do not try to contact me in any way.
Now I would like to take some time to talk about all these useless groups of
under aged modem enthusiasts such as Bfb, Olympia, and Anarchy (Sorry Daredevil)
that are around toady. People in the modem world just love belonging to some
sort of group. I assume they enjoy boasting, "I'm in [Group Here] and you're
not!" I just hope by the time you are reading this that people will have stopped
creating useless groups, but I doubt it.
The age of modem users has dropped drastically in the past few years. About
three years ago, almost everyone using modems were over seventeen years old.
Today, almost all modem users are under eighteen. One thing that bothers me is
that kids seem to use the modem as a substitution for extracurricular
activities. They use their free time using modems to call systems and/or trade
(steal) the latest copyrighted software. I really feel sorry for these people.
There is so many things these people can do with their lives and they waste it
using a modem. They should discover the outside world, and the opposite sex.
If you were a "hacker" a few years ago, you were an experienced computer
programmer or technician. Now if a person is a "hacker", he/she destroys or
alters data in other computers. I do not know how this stereotype was started.
The software industry has been slowly going down the drain. Many software
designers have already left the industry due to software piracy. You probably
think that the software developer is rich and won't miss the sales from the
program you just stole. Are you naive enough to believe that you are the only
person in the whole world who thinks the way you do? If the designer makes
$5.00 from the sale of a single program, and a thousand people think the way you
do, the designer just lost $5000. Why do you think the price of software is
what it is today? I wish people would show some intelligence.
Don't you just love how everything is in 1985 AD? Great isn't it?
Ok, so you want to know how life is in 1985 AD huh? Well, basically it is.
I'm just running around in limbo missing Jennifer Kirby. She just happens to be
in Austrailia and probably doesn't give a [censored] about me anymore. Well, I
won't babble on about her right now...
Dum dee dum dum...
Well, I'll just say a few things about myself right now. I'm a hetrosexual
male human. I'm 6'2" (wide). I have infared Hair and ultraviolet Eyes. I'm
not attached to one person at the moment (at the wrists and ankles that is). My
favorite type of music comes from Ice Cream Trucks. I yell "Ey, yuk!" at the
precise moment of orgasm. I only smoke when I'm burning. My favorite formula
is "X=X". My favorite time of the day is miller time. My favorite abbreviation
is "PS". My favorite sport is Underwater Basket-Weaving. I run at up to 9600
baud. And I love Jennifer.
I believe that life is life a vacuum cleaner... sometimes it sucks!
Well, I think that is all I have to say. So have a wonderful life in whatever
century you are living in now. I wonder if Atari is accepted now?
Thank you for viewing this low quality text-file. You schmuck!
Also, I would like to clear up who I work with. The VanCo Associates consists
of Ron S. van Zuylen, Jennifer K. Kirby, Eric Ly, Karen Abrahms, Gavin
Haubelt, and Paul Mac. We are not a group of modem enthusiasts as most
misinformed people think. If you have not already noticed, you probably have
never seen most of these people on computerized bulletin board systems. The
VanCo Associates is a valid business and we do make money on our various audio
and software projects.
>Ron S. van Zuylen >VanCo Entertainment/Software >Time Capsule Text Revision
1.20
"Why should I have Sex? I have a fireplace!"
Thank You-Bye!
End.Of.File (EOF)
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

groups/ANARCHYINC/xanth.fun
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-------------- /+==============================+\
Anarchy Inc. and || Rhadamanthine Dungeonwriters ||
-------------- \+==============================+/
present a classic retelling of the mindless wandering's by a not-so-distant
storyteller....
[R/Dw: Before we begin, this story was going to appear as the next Xanth
novel. Because of a twist of fate in the interlocking of the last story,
Crewel Lye, Tye as the dimensioner gave way to Dolph as the changer. There was
no way to get away from this, but we will try to present (if it goes over well)
for your enjoyment, volumnes containing two chapters of the supposed book about
once a month. If the turnout is not so great, we will try somewhere else. Oh:
Don't try to pronounce our name, you'll probably get it wrong. We now commense
with the retelling, with no offense to Piers Anthony in mind. If you don't
understand it--read some great fiction/fantasy books by Piers Anthony and get
with it!]
Indirect Lightning
------------------
The supposedly next Xanth Novel!
[Chapter One]
Tye pushed his dark hair away from his eyes with a sigh and adjusted himself
in his seat. Somehow, this was not what he wanted to be doing. Mundane was so
much like it's name it wasn't even funny. He longed to be home--Xanth was a
beautiful place. Why his father had sent him here was understood, but, Tye
still didn't really like it. Well, that was alright, soon he would be going
home for pretty well much the rest of his life. This long stay in Mundania did
help him understand it, but some things were still too confusing for a sixteen
year old to understand.
He thought of the lakes and the rivers and the blue sky and some of the
friends he had left at home. His parents, his sister, they all seemed so much
better from a distance then when he's been with them for a while. "I guess the
saying about 'being away from things makes you want them more' is true," Tye
told himself. Oh well. He thought of all the different details of Xanth he
remembered, but something wasn't right. Something disturbed him in his
thought. What could it be? The land is different? No. It's something else.
"Hmmm."
"Tye? Tye? Helloooo?" At this time the teacher was standing in front of
Tye, with his hands on his hips. "Tye? Are you with us this morning?"
"Huh? Wha-" Tye caught himself almost too late. His muscles tightened, h is
throat became desert sand, and his heart skipped a beat.
"We were wondering what your answer to the question might be?" With a sly
look the teacher stepped back into the front of the room. The teacher had
time, and by the look of unreal innocence the teacher had, he seemed ready to
give Tye a year to get his answer out.
Tye knew better. Teacher's purposely do not re-state the question originally
intended so they can put the student in a very bad and awkward position.
Fortunately, there were ways to avoid the question without giving in answer
such as "I wasn't paying attention," and Tye quickly picked one.
"I am confused, too," he finally stuttered out. Since Tye seemed to of lost
about five minutes of his life in Mundania to his images of home, he had no
idea what the current conversation was. So his answer carried some risk. If
the teacher had asked him a new question, that nobody had answered, Tye would
be at foolish fault. That seemed unlikely because if it was a new question,
the teacher would of stated the question so everyone knew it. The other thing
is that the teacher is just picking Tye because he wasn't paying attention.
There was a risk, but Tye believed the answer he Tye gave should even out the
chances of an incorrect response.
"Well," the teacher started, with a small frowning look, "try to pay more
attention next time."
One point for Tye. One small conflict ridden out. With a fleeting smile,
Tye decided to pay attention for the rest of the lecture.
Outside Tye walked over to his box, which had a little "dial" on it that one
has to twist and turn in such a way as to get the box door to open. By this
time, Tye had mastered the art of the dial, and he expertly opened the door.
Inside were more books, to go along with the ones he was carrying at the time.
It seems this place liked to give their listeners reading material in the form
of many hard-bound books. "Too many," Tye concluded.
Out of the corner of his eye Tye caught a figure approaching. From the wa lk
and his looks, Tye knew it was his Mundane friend Dean.
A red-haired, pudgy, small kid walked up. His shirt tucked half way in and
half out, his pants scrubbing the ground, Dean was a sorry sight, but a good
person. "Hi Tye! How is everything? Oops, can't talk now! I'll catch ya
later!" And with that the figure disappeared down the hallway. One nice thing
about Dean, you never need to say much, he'll just hold a conversation to
himself for you, if need be. Lately, Dean seemed to have been in that sort of
one-to-oneself mood. Tye didn't mind.
Fastly approaching was a dirty-blond, tightly dressed girl, about Tye's
height. This was Urica, the person who used the box above him. In the
configuration the boxes were in, two people could not get in to their own boxes
at the same time if the boxes were in the same column. Tye, backing away after
closing his box door, gave her room to get in. He knew her alright, but he
never did have any "special" feelings for people of the opposite sex, at least
not like people like father had. "Just a fact of life, son, you'll soon get to
love them." His father would tell him thus, but only when his mother was
present did his father tell of the optimistic sides of the situation. Old
guard Crombie would say, "They're all no good. You can't live without them,
but you can't live with them. Of course, my wife isn't so bad." Maybe he was
mellowing out, but Crombie just seemed to be contradicting himself a little
more and more when the subject of life with the opposite sex arose. Tye
guessed it was hard to get rid of old thoughts when one really believes, or use
d to believe them.
Urica showed Tye a fleeting smile as he moved away, then turned to her box.
During this time, several friends of her's had moved in and were now blocking
and talking at each side of her. Tye smiled a little, and casually waved and
said a "hello".
Urica turned and greeted him with a warm smile that was strangely unfamiliar
to Tye. After already turning to leave, Tye did a double take and re-turned to
face Urica when he caught the glipse of her turning so he could so ak in every
word that she might direct to him.
"Hello! You know you really--" she said, pausing, "Oh, forget it."
Oh no! There is nothing more worse in the world then the trajedy of the
unfinished sentence. With his resolution to never cause anyone so much
frustration because of it, Tye turned to leave, pondering what she might of
wanted to say. Tye wasn't interested in her as anything more then a good
friend, and maybe that was impossible, too. Urica turned to her flocking
admirers, and Tye directed himself toward the next room in which he would
probably drift off to the thoughts of Xanth again, but, if the people can't
keep his attention, should he have to give it? Oh well.
With a sigh, he entered the room. The lecturer turned, and with a muffled
glee gave Tye what he felt was a look that said "Oh, hurray! Another victim!"
Such morbid thoughts usually don't enter Tye's carefully sifted imagination
process, but maybe they were well founded, for as Tye turned to sit down, he
saw the other people his age who were with this lecturer before, and on every
pale face there was a look of dead boredom.
"Oh no," he morbidly muttered.
/\________________________________________________________________________/\
\/ \/
-------------- /+==============================+\
Anarchy Inc. and || Rhadamanthine Dungeonwriters ||
-------------- \+==============================+/
present a classic retelling of the mindless wandering's by a not-so-distant
storyteller....
Indirect Lightning
--------------------
The supposedly next Xanth novel!
[Chapter Two]
Queen Irene almost jumped down the stairs, her green hair flowing underneath
her small, clear-crystaled crown. With her light green, elegant gown, she
seemed to be like grass on the wind. She hurried down the stairs, not giving
her feet a chance to pace a steady beat to her thoughts. Castle Roogna was
hectic, making ready for the weary adventurer who was to return home, and the
Queen was right in the middle of it in every way, form, and shape possible.
"You Zombies there, please don't drop anything in the food! Thank you!" The
main floor was filled with tables and plants that outlined every wall. Thus
was the Queen's specialty: plants from seeds in mere seconds. As her age
pushed her into maturity, her power increased and the time in which she needed
to do her talent was shortened. She was in her (later) prime.
The Zombies, on the other hand, here via the Zombie Master, were probably
shot past their prime by several centuries. Not one of which could be said
they complained during that time. Not only would complaining do no good, but
it seemed whenever they tried to talk they would disgust the person they were
talking to, as they tried to catch the pieces of molded skin and tongue that
would usually come off from the vibrations. Nevertheless, when they had a job
they stuck to it. Today their job was to the foods. A poor decision by
whoever made it. As the Zombies hazzardly collected foods and breads from the
plants and placed them on the trays marked "food", there seemed to be more than
the ordinary amount of flesh and ligaments being lost to the ground or the
food, making the latter obviously too harsh for mortal tongues. More Zombies s
weeped up the messes made by the food Zombies, but the sweeping Zombies left
trails, too, so, essentially, they were making more work for themselves. It wa
s not a sight to remember for posterity.
Meanwhile the Queen had rushed around and was picking up this and that and
doing the best she can to get things straight. She didn't care if she wasn't
supposed to get actively physical when doing something, she just wanted to do
things her way. She tried to be the best Queen she could be, and if getting
down to pick things up seemed right to her, thus would she do.
"Could two ghosts please go check on the Princess and get her down here to
help me straighten my thoughts?! Oh," she paused for a quick, late, thought,
"Then, please, attend the King! I must make sure they are not in need of
anything, and I just don't seem to have the time to...." She trailed off as she
spotted four ghosts orienting from either the hallway upstairs or the main
floor, flying towards the rooms specified.
"Thank you!" She called. Even if she was Queen, she believed being polit e
was the best way to handle things.
In the middle room on the top floor the qhosts fluttered in to attend to
Princess Ivy. Her hair tinted only a little green, she was dressed in a formal
gown, and she figured she didn't look to bad. In the past years she had really
grown, in every direction, but her waist stayed tight and she had hundereds of
suiters waiting just to see her.
One ghost fluttered to her side, avoided her swinging arm, which was engaged
with fixing up her hair, and whispered something to her. She jumped up, "Oh
my! I will do so at once!" And headed out the door towards the main f loor.
In the corner room, upstairs, King Dor wasn't having such a terrific time.
His talent, speaking with the inanimate, now seemed only a burden, and not much
as any help. The chairs and tables and rugs were at it at full force.
"I don't care what you say, King Dodo, my plaster is coming loose and if I
lose too much more, that's going to mean rubble for you!" No inanimate object
ever has a good sense of humor, not excluding walls. No matter how hard they
try, jokes don't work for something that doesn't even have a mouth.
"Well," this was the floor, "at least you don't have ol' bluegoo here
covering you up! What a pain in my boards!"
The finely woven blue-outlined rug on the floor would not let the remark go
unchallenged, "Consider me doing you a favor! I'm covering you up so you don't
have to be ashamed of your dusty, muggy, wood." Oh boy.
The floor gave a loud creak and almost sounded like it would cave in. King
Dor got fed up, and decided to 'lay down the law' right after his pants, which
he was having trouble getting into, started saying something about "Nobody
knows the troubles I've seen".
Of course, he couldn't get the chairs quiet before they put in some remarks
about "Overburdening".
Dor was quite upset with his pants and the situation in the room in general,
and he, being King, was not going to fight it. In a calm, easy voice, he spoke
slowly and pronouncing every word, "If anything says anything more they will be
burnt, dismantled, or torn down." It may of been noisy when he stated his
decree, but as "the walls have ears", so seemed everything else, because a
beautiful silence was covering the room, except for from the door, which was
being pounded down by the very shouts and complaints and reports going on all
over the Castle.
"Much better. I thank you all." King Dor got back to the business at hand,
and just as he was halfway in the slightly small pants, the two ghosts drifted
into his room. A little red in the cheeks, the King started, "Heh. Well. You
see--these pants must of shrunk since last I've worn them. Could you get me a
little size larger?"
With that, one ghost grabbed the pants, and disappeared down the hallway
toward the room the clothes were in. King Dor hadn't changed much. He was a
little bigger since his marriage, and his power was about at its peak, maybe
slightly on a downfall, but his hair and face still revealed the boyish look he
was ever so destined with. He was not fat, but maybe "the pants were older
then he thought," at least, that's what he told himself. Ghosts usually don't
speak, and when they do, they aren't usually heard, but in the semi-quiet of
the room, the second ghost seemed to be nervous, and after the King asked how
things were going downstairs, the ghost seemed pressed into revealing its
source of nervousness.
"Sire," he began, in a soft, lightly shrill voice, "I have noticed that the
Zombies seem not to be holding together as good as usual. I feel that the
Castle is in the same condition. And, as you know, if the Castle goes, we will
be gone. Sire, we do not know what to do, is there anyway we can get stop
this?"
"Ghosts usually were not bold enough to talk, so this one ghost must be
really worried," King Dor thought to himself. If Castle Roogna crumbled, King
Dor would have a problem, but the ghosts wouldn't be so bad off. After
floating around for an eternity in a halflife state, death or life could give
great relief.
Of course, the reason they entered halflife would not be solved, so it is
uncertain whether the ghosts would fall into the non-element life or stay the
way they are. In either case, it is a good enough reason to check it out and
figure out what's happening. "Alright. Thank you very much. I'll look into
it personally." King Dor now was a little worried.
At this time the ghost with the pants came flying in with some new, larger
sized bottoms. The second ghost, still surprised that the King would even take
time out to handle the problem, started saying "Oh, sire, that's not--" and was
cut off with a hand and a nod. With that the ghost left, not quite so shaky.
Putting on the pants King Dor found them a good fit. "Thank you. Now go
down and tell the Queen I'll be there in a minute. She is so fussy sometimes."
A little laugh. And with that the ghost was off. Why would the Castle
crumble? Especially since it is supposedly the strongest one built in Xanth?
"I wonder how the Good Magician's Castle and the Zombie Master's Castle is
holding up," Dor said to himself. How come Dor hadn't noticed the Castle's bad
condition himself? So the wall wasn't kidding when it jested about turning to
rubble! Why didn't Dor take suspicion then? But, really, who listens to walls
anymore?

groups/BANANAREPUBLIC/abe-anan.txt
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File : ABE-ANAN.TXT
Author : Wolfman
BBS : The Banana Republic BBS
------------------------
1863 a Gettysburg Banana
------------------------
Fourscore and seven afternoon snacks ago our foreBananas brought forth on this
BBS a new Republic, conceived in Bananahood, and dedicated to the proposition
that all Bananas are created equal (under Barri).
Now we are engaged in a great war against Banana eaters and the Black
Tarantulas testing whether that the Republic, or any lunch so conceived and so
well ripened, can long endure. We are met on a great battlefield of that war.
We have come to dedicate a portion of this BBS as a final resting-place for
those Bananas who here gave their skins so that others may live and do normal
Banana things. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. But,
in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate - we cannot consecrate - we cannot hallow
this BBS. The brave Bananas, living and eaten, who laid down their skins here
have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will
little note, nor long remember, what we say here, but it can never forget what
they did here. It is for us the uneaten rather, to be dedicated here to the
unfinished work which those Bananas who surrended the white mushy bits in the
centre here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here
dedicated to the great task remaining before us - that from these honoured
eaten we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave their last
full measure of fruitfulness - that we here highly resolve that these eaten
shall not have been eaten because there was nothing else in the friut basket -
that this Republic, under Barri, shall have a new birth of divine dictatorship
of the Bananas, by the Bananas, for the Bananas, shall not overripen and so
perish from the earth.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AUTHOR : Wolfman
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brought to the WORLD by The Banana Republic BBS
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿ
groups/BANANAREPUBLIC/aptel89.txt
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File : APTEL89.TXT
Author : Iceman(NZ)
BBS : The Banana Republic BBS
Applied Telecommunications goes to Computing '89
================================================
This document describes Applied Telecommunications trip to Computing '89
and the various events that occurred there. As such it is mainly of interest
to those who took part, but also goes to show what you can do with a few names
and crossed fingers.
The Crew:
=========
Name: Position: A.k.a.
Charles Babbage Analytical Engineer The Yuppie, <Censored>
I.O.Buffer Interrupt Handler <Censored>
P.H.Reak Black Box Concepts The Iceman
Ron Mcdonald Memory Manager Red One
V.M.Driver Virtual Memory Manager
J.Lucasiewicz-Janczewski Disk Drive Controller <See note>
<Censored> Video Controller The Master of the Arcane
<Censored> Resource Manager Cousin It
- Plus various other people who for one reason or another used their real
names.
Preamble:
=========
At 10:30 almost 50% of the staff of Applied Telecommunications climbed into
the Master of the Arcane's car to head off to Computing '89, clutching business
passes acquired by various means, blank disks, copying programs, and lists of
funny names to use on the registration form. After the Master of the Arcane
had carefully reversed up the driveway (to allow the puddle under his feet to
drain throught the rust-hole beneath the seat), and after a brief stop for
petrol and to have his windows washed for the first time ever, we screamed off
to the Epsom Showgrounds, at times hitting speeds of nearly 40 kph and putting
the doors in serious danger of falling off. At 11:25 we were at the main
entrance, ready to rendezvous with various other people prior to going in.
Amble:
======
While filling out bogus names and positions in the registration form, we
were met by the sad news that Ron Mcdonald couldn't get the day off work (which
instantly dashed all hopes of going to the Apple stand and asking for "A Mac.
A big Mac. Also some fries and a large coke, to go"). Various other people
(including our beloved Presidente) had transport trouble and couldn't turn up,
and one Mack the Knife actually chickened out and went under his REAL NAME!!
(shame, shame!). Another sad casualty was the well-known computer pioneer
Perestroika Glasnost - the people at reception were stupid, but not *that*
stupid. After some slight indecision over whose phone-number to give, Charles
Babbage managed to find a copy of the Yellow Pages, and we all dutifully
recorded the Portaloo number as our business line.
And so, at slightly reduced battalion strength, we entered the hall, and
immediately began the annual "see-who-can-collect-the-most-business-cards"
competition, coupled with a souvenir-gathering blitz that would have put a
major crimewave to shame. Vast hordes of people would descend on a stand,
remove everything not nailed down, and depart a few minutes later leaving only
a few shattered displays, picked-clean bones, some dust and cobwebs, and the
occasional dried-up bush bowling along in the wind that howled through the
nooks and crannies of the long-abandoned ghost-town where Billy the Goat would
soon meet his death at the hands of.....oh, sorry, where was I...oh yes,
souvenir raids.
Quite early on in the piece the various collections of business cards had
become decidedly unwieldy, so after grabbing a couple of bags off some poor
harassed salesman we proceeded to set about filling them with all sorts
of...um...trade "gifts". Mack the Knife quickly located an unguarded IBM pen,
and liberated it from the desk while everyone else was busy stabbing the person
next to him with those "dinky" (to use Cousin It's favourite word) flags that
doubled as amazingly lethal weapons. Soon thereafter he located a stand where
they served cheese and crackers, and all we heard for the next few minutes were
happy munching sounds as he sampled the stock. In the meantime, the Iceman was
busy viewing the password file on the XENIX system at the Phoenix stand, until
he was suddenly and unexpectedly booted off by the only other salesman at the
entire show who knew anything about computers. Upon being reunited with Mack
the Knife ("Have you been eating crackers, Mack?" - "No, of course not" - "OK
then, whistle" - "SPLUURRGGHH!!"), we tried to enter the Brimaur stand. I say
"tried" because for some unknown reason there seemed to be some unknown force
that stopped us from getting in (perhaps it was the large "No Pirates" sign
next to the door, I don't know), but anyway it didn't take Mack the Knife long
to discover, hidden by a stack of monitors, a folder containing free demo
software for the salesmen to hand out to prospective clients. Who knows what
they contained, they were 1.2MB Maxell disks! Several vanished within seconds.
After removing some SCO UNIX badges from the Phoenix stand (serves then
right for kicking the Iceman off) and removing Mack the Knife from the
cheese-and-crackers stand, we moved to the IPC stand, whose salesmen knew next
to nothing about computers, and who watched calmly as the Iceman installed a
trapdoor onto their XENIX system, and then again as Charles Babbage examined
the password file. Shortly beforehand, someone had questioned him about his
name: "Hey that name looks familiar. Yeah, Charles Babbage, he's a plumber,
used to live across the road from us". Thus is the level of technical
expertise of the average salesman.
After tearing Mack the Knife away from his cheese and crackers, we were
rudely informed by the Master of the Arcane that it was time to depart. And so
as we bid a sad farewell to the exhibitors, with heavy hearts and pockets
bulging with small articles to remember them by, we left the hall. On the way
back, we stopped briefly to wash the Master of the Arcane's car windows for the
second time ever, and then gradually dropped various staff members off at their
respective dwellings, happily waving business cards, pens, pencils, disks,
badges, booklets, and various other computing paraphernalia, as we rode off
into the sunset.
--- Watch out for Applied Telecommunications at Computing '90 ---
The Iceman.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AUTHOR : Iceman(NZ)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brought to the WORLD by The Banana Republic BBS
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File : APTEL90.TXT
Author : Iceman(NZ)
BBS : The Banana Republic BBS
Applied Telecommunications goes to Computing '90
================================================
This document describes Applied Telecommunications' trip to Computing '90
and the various events that occurred there. After the success of our trip last
year (see the file APTEL89.TXT) it was decided to mount an even larger
expedition this year.....and now read on....
The Crew:
=========
Name: Position / Company A.k.a.
Eddie Van Halen SNJ QZM
<Censored> SNJ Hexen Hammer
The Cookie Monster - / Nibbles and Bytes Hexen Hammer
Dr.Dobbs SNJ Turbo Scuzzy
Hugh Lette-Packard Disk Drive Controller / E.M.Pty The Iceman
The Iceman Consultant to the BR The Iceman
E.N.Iac SNJ Cuzzin It/Rastaman Ja
El Prez Sysop of the BR El Prez
Bat Bastard Consultant to the BR Bat bastard
<Censored> <Censored> Mack the Knife
Note that those people listed twice later re-registered under another name.
Also, various other people for one reason or another used their real names.
Preamble:
=========
At 9:30 almost 90% of the staff of Applied Telecommunications appeared as
if by magic in the Computer Lab at Auckland University, ostensibly to attend a
business meeting for a company somehow related to Applied Telecommunications in
an undefinable manner. Many of them had dressed especially for the occasion:
QZM wore a long coat with seemingly bottomless pockets, ideal for storing free
samples of products; the Rastaman wore a stylish black jacket over which he
draped his slightly less stylish "Cuzzin It" hair; and the Iceman (for the
first time in living history) actually wore shoes (however he offset this
slightly by wearing a "Kentucky Fried Chicken" shirt and faded jeans). After a
relatively brief meeting consisting mainly of rude comments about a certain
brand of computer, we distributed ourselves into various cars, and sped off in
the direction of the Epsom Showgrounds, clutching business passes acquired by
various means, blank disks, copying programs, and lists of funny names to use
on the registration form.
Amble:
======
Upon arriving at the venue and stowing vast quantities of materiel into the
enormous pockets of QZM's coat, we approached the foyer of the Michael Fowler
centre, only to discover with horror that our business passes were worthless -
there were stacks of them lying around for anyone to use. Even more mysterious
was the presence of a number of unattended terminals, apparently for
"do-it-yourself" registration. Presumably this was done as a cost-cutting
measure and to speed up what has previously been something of a bottleneck;
however this may not be done again next year due to its abuse by a number of
irresponsible hoons who entered all sorts of ridiculous names and companies
into the system.
After typing in our names, addresses, phone numbers, computer systems, date
of birth, and mother's maiden name, we proceeded into the hall, immediately
launching into the annual "see-who-can-collect-the-most-business-cards"
competition, coupled with a souvenir-gathering blitz that would have put a
major crimewave to shame. The main competition was between the Iceman and
Rastaman Ja, who were determined to outdo each other in the volume of their
"acquisitions". At around the same time, Eddie van Halen, wearing a Roland
synthesizer shirt and standing in front of a keyboard trying to play it, was
asked by a salesman if he was sure he knew what he was doing. Shortly
afterwards, he was seen engaged in conversation with an ernest-looking
gentleman of Dutch descent wanting to know which part of Holland he came from.
At around 2:30, the contingent from the esteemed Banana Republic BBS
arrived, and El Presidente, the sysop, immediately handed out BR stickers to
all present. At this point also several people underwent name changes as they
assumed their BR identities (it is also rumoured that some people underwent sex
changes as well, however Mack the Knife has vigorously denied these
allegations). Now it was time to witness, once again, that most amazing of
things, the Presidential Souvenir-Gathering Manoeuver. This involved wandering
up to a booth, engaging the salespeople there in conversation for a few
minutes, then calmly opening a large bag and, in one grand motion, sweeping the
entire contents of the table in front of the booth into it. This technique
really had to be seen to be believed.
Shortly thereafter the Iceman located an unattended Exhibitors Pass lying
next to a Wang system, but despite all attempts to acquite it he was repeatedly
foiled by the eagle-eyed salesman hovering around the stand. However, he later
relieved the Number One Software stand of one of these prizes while the staff
were busy discussing the merits of the Jaffas they were supposed to be
distributing in a quiet corner. Rumour has it that Mack the Knife also
acquired one of these treasured items at the close of the exhibition, along
with an enamelled chart of the show LAN, and miscellaneous other paraphernalia.
A place of interest at the show was the NZ Micro stand, where at some time
during the event nearly every sysop in Auckland turned up, both those of the
more legitimate BBS's, and those of "other" BBS's (most of them members of the
Applied Telecommunications group). In fact, there was such a strong Aptel
showing this year that salesmen at various stands recognised the company as
soon as they read out nametags.
However, all good times must come to an end, and so we bid farewell to the
hackers social event of the year (excluding the world-famous Banana Republic
party), and with hearts heavy and pockets bulging with small mementos of the
show, we quietly set out homewards once again ("Do you think we could blow
their tires if we turn the volume up far enough?").
--- Watch out for Applied Telecommunications at Computing '91 ---
(And lock up your valuables)
The Iceman.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AUTHOR : Iceman(NZ)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brought to the WORLD by The Banana Republic BBS
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File : BAN_RELG.TXT
Author : El Presidente & Bat Bastard
BBS : The Banana Republic BBS
AS REVEALED BY DIVINE INSPIRATION
THE WORD OF THE GREAT BANANA
---------------------------------
Hear Ye, Hear Ye...
Let it be known amongst the populace the our Divine Lord the
Great Banana has spoken to us.
"And ye, verily, thou shalt makeith a church of mine upon the
earth, and it shall be called The First Church of the Born
Again Banana. My corporeal representative in all matters
shall be El Presidente, and he shall be hence forth called
Pope Inclement Drinking Weather the First."
In direct accordance with our Lord the Great Banana's wishes
I have hereby founded The First Church of the Born Again
Banana, and declared myself Pope. The Great Banana, acting
through his earthly representative (me) has demanded that a
priesthood be formed, headed by a Cardinal, and this Cardinal
shall be named Cardinal Nana. Bat Bastard has been chosen
for this ministry and shall henceforth be known as Cardinal
Nana.
Hear Ye, Hear Ye...
All ye worshipers of Bananas let us come together, to worship
the Great Banana in accordance with his divine wishes.
All ye followers of the Great Banana who wish to participate
in the worship of our Lord, should make yourselves known to
us, and we will enlighten you in the ways of the Great
Banana.
Signed and Dated
El Presidente.
Pope Inclement Drinking Weather the First.
The Year of our Lord the Great Banana 19524.
A Call to the BananaHood !
--------------------------
Fellow citizens! Bretheren! Brothers!(and sisters)
Have you felt a weakening of the moral fibre, the very
essence of the society in which we live? Skate muties on
every street corner! Deviants baying at every door!
Pacifists, peace activists and poofters clawing at the
constitution! Fear not,,oh woeful ones, for verily and yeah,
thine salvation is near, for The great Banana himself has
revealed his plan for the salvation of us all. For verily the
Great Banana has quoth "You are the Banana , ans on this
Banan I will build this church, for the foolish man builds
his house on a rock, the very cymbal of imperminance, but the
wise man. he buildith his on a Great Banan (preferably 9" or
more)" A Church has been founded, with Pope Inclement
Drinking Weather the 1st as the force made fruitful, and
myself, Cardinal Nana as his appoinyed and annointed right
hand banana . But forceful though we are , we need YOU, oh my
brothers and sisters, to combat the evil of the Lord Of the
Fruitflies, to tell it on grove,yea, even unto the ends of
the earth(even Otara), from the banana bar of the Globe,, to
shout to anyone who will listen (and anyone who willnot).
This is our mission, to be the Daleks of god, to Join, my
kindred, unite in the Priest hood of Nananess.
Are YOU worthy? Do you posess of these noble qualities:
Non-celiate
A nine inch Nana
A LOUD voice
A fervent passion to preach the way of the Great Banana
Good running shoes
A kevlar flack jacket
Lots of money (for donations).
If you Fell worhty to this , the greatest of calliings,
contact I, Cardinal Nana, (or, under my secular title, Bat
Bastard), as soon as possible.
May your Banana never wilt, may the fruit of your loins be
naught but Bananas, and may you walk in the everlasting light
of the Great bananas Radiance.
P.s do not hide your banana under a bushel.
Signed and dated
Bat bastad
Cardinal Nana
Yera of our Lord, the Great Banana 19524
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AUTHOR : El Presidente & Bat Bastard
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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From the creators of Star Trek, the Next Regurgitation... From the mind
that spawned an argument simulator... There comes...
S I X M E N A N D A B A N A N A
---------------------------------------
-----------------------
-------
A NEW THUMPING GOOD TRANSDIMENSIONAL, TIME TRAVELLING, PASTIE EATING,
LEMMING FLATTENING, NETWORK CRASHING, CRAMP INDUCING TEXTFILE BASED ON A
FEW KEYBOARD FREEKED LUNATICS AND... A BANANA
It`s one- thirty- PM, which is quite a coincidence because the story
starts in room D-130 at the Henley College. D-130, by the by, is the
computer room, as borne out by the sign on the wall, which reads:
HACKERS HAVE DENS
GRAPHIC ARTISTS HAVE LAIRS
SYSOPS HAVE DOMAINS!!
---------------------
In the Room, Steve "The Mad Hippo And Part- Time Local Gravitational
Anomaly" Lake is working on a Silly C Program. Bog "Conifer Tree"
Hennessy-Barrett is working on a silly picture involving lemmings, vaseline
and Yaks. There are assorted nonentities doing relatively unimportant
things with the various Psuedocomputers scattered around.
Steve is having a problem with his current proglet...
STEVE: BUGGER!
Steve is a fun, fun fellow. Almost totally silly, with an eternally happy
outlook on life, until he gets angry, he is most renouned for being able to
catch buses. Literally. This phenomenon is due, in most part, to his
ability to generate an instant 6000 metres per second squared acceleration
in any direction. Given enough Coke and sugar, that is. His other talents
include squashing things, and making totally logical constructs do totally
illogical things. He is, in short, the ultimate Amiga owner that Evolution
could possibly have produced.
BOG: Problem?
Bog is... Bog. Too tall for most shoes, too longhaired for most glasses,
too violent for most vending machines, Bog`s primary method for expressing
himself is to strafe the object in question, and bayonetting people with
Hypothetical Bayonets. Bog`s most spectacular ability is the capacity for
taking a mundane, menial task, and turning it into an excuse for not doing
anything more like work. This minor failing is made up by the fact that
when it comes to boring tasks (EG, maths or boring parts of Physics
(Equations, but not detonations), he has a head like a sponge. As a
further peep into his Psych Profile, he is lemming- obsessed and F-16
posessed. Another Amiga Phreeeek, his pet love is insulting PC owners.
STEVE: MY BLOODY PROGRAM ISN`T WORKING!
Now, Steve makes a critical error. He stamps his foot in frustration. The
building quakes, and windows shatter. A mousepointer is jolted clear off
one screen and lands on the desk with a sound like a winded lemming. On
the other side of the globe, six million chinese people are bounced into
orbit.
Just at that moment, in should walk Nick Hatton. Most people call him
Nick, but his freinds call him Nik. Y`see, he doesn`t like the "S" sound
in the middle, to rhyme with Disk. That`s the sort of person Nik knows.
The really odd thing about him is the flight path ladder and gunsight
etched on his specs. And the fact that he gets contrails off his knuckles.
The current totally, utterly, unutterably odd thing about him is the fact
that he`s covered with fine white plaster dust.
NIK: Steve, is there a problem?
STEVE: How did you know?
NIK: Well, Bob (The lekkytronical teach) just got brained by a lump of
combo readybrek/ plaster, and everything`s covered in fine white dust
downstairs, plus the fact that six million chinese people are now orbital
sushi.
STEVE: Ah. So that`s how you could tell. I`m having trouble with my C.
BOG: What, does it keep stock still, and the beach washes up and down?
Everybody throws large, hefty objects at Bog, who ducks, allowing it all to
hit The Kevin which just at that Most Opportune moment entered.
THE KEVIN: Aaaaaaooooowwww. Ha ha ha. Good joke everybody!
Sadly, Kevin U. Palmer (The "U" standing for "Uuuuhhh....") is under the
delusion that everyone likes him, and just pretends to want to kill him.
However, if you swapped the operative words in the above sentence, (Like
and Kill), you would arrive at the truth. Another home truth is that if
you know The Kevin, you will already mentally have done this, and also
substitude the word "Sadly" for the word "Hilariously".
Nik examines Steve`s sourcecode.
NIK: Oh, no wonder!!!!
STEVE: What is it?
NIK: You`ve written this like we were taught to! That`s why it`s not
working! If you just do the reverse of what Graham said, you`ll be
allright!
STEVE: Okie dokie, matey.
BOG: (Aside to Camera): Now the real reason that Steve`s program doesn`t
work, is because it was written on an IBM clone. If it had been written on
an Amiga... YOW!!!
Nik wipes the blood off of a suddenly- dented keyboard and carries on
talking to Steve.
NIK: Dead simple. Just pretend that you know precicely nothing about C
programming.
STEVE: Uhhhhhhh.... OK.
Steve whips out his Big Silver Roar Gun and riddles the monitor and CPU
box with hypothetical bullets/ rockets/ Lemmings squeaking "Fire" and
napalm.
NIK: Perfect! It`ll work now!
Lo and behold, the screen goes blank, and a banana drawn in ANSI graphics
appears.
BOG: Now, if you`d handdrawn that in DPaint 4 on an
Amigaaaaaaghghghghghhh!
Nik pulls a PosiDrive out from underneath Bog`s shoulderblade, wipes it on
the carpet and reinserts it in his pocket. After some gasping, Bog manages
to get himself upright in his seat.
BOG: You`re just jealous.
WHUMP! (Squidge)
BOG: Whhaaaaaaaargggghh! Ye BASTARD!!!!!!!!
Leaping from the chair, he takes Nik down in a tangle of mice, headphone
cords, glasses, tape streamers and PCs. A cloud of dust obscures the
proceedings until finally there is only one person left standing. And
that`s Steve, who has been brassbanding "In The Mood" during the fight.
NIK: Goaaar, that was fun.
BOG: Can`t thank you enough, old man. Been moons since I`ve had a decent
scrummage. Fookin` great.
Three minutes of sorting out glasses, headphones, cables, body parts and
assorted fractures later, the twain retire for a relaxing fag and another
enlivening round of personal insults. The sound of grunts, clangs and
thudding body blows reaches us from outside.
Steve shakes his head sadly, and continues with his Banana Simulator
program. All in all, a totally gnormal day at Henlej College. Must
remember to change back from the Swedish kejmap. But, as our heros are
soon to discover, even the ones I haven`t written in yet, today is not just
your common- or- garden Collij day.
STEVE: (Pushing buttons) Oh, my god!
NIK & BOG (In Dolby B): What?
STEVE: We`ve got a new server, and nothing`s wrong with the Net.
Just as he speaks, The Kevin utters that Dread Phrase:
THE KEVIN: Hey everybody, I`ve just done something really interesting!
NETWORK: Dwwwwwweeeeeaaaarrrrooooooouuuuuughhhhhhh, kerthunk.
All the monitors darken. The lighting gets dimmer, and the temperature
drops five kelvin, but then if you had an armload of kelvins and that
happened, you`d probably drop some of them as well.
ALL EXCEPT THE KEVIN: !>ohshit<! (Hushed)
THE KEVIN: Hey, wow, I didn`t expect THAT to happen!
ALL: (Still hushed) ?>what<?
THE KEVIN: (EXTREMELY loudly) THE NETWORK`S CRASHED!!!!!!!!!!
ALL: (Relaxing), Oh is that all? (Etc) No quantum- level disturbances?
No wars starting? Nobody faffing around with transmission (wince) lines?
THE KEVOID: Naaahhhh don`t be silly. Nothing like that ever happens in
real life!
Everyone suddenly goes silent, and looks toward the camera ominously,
then to a big lighted panel on the computer room wall.
(---------------------)
| |
| D A F T C O N 5 |
| |
(---------------------)
All wipe sweat off foreheads, and breath sighs of relief.
PATINGGGG! The sign changs to:
(---------------------)
| |
| D A F T C O N 4 |
| |
(---------------------)
And everybody starts acting nervously, looking over their shoulders, and
under desks and thing looking for anything Out Of The Ordinary.
STEVE: Maybe the sign`s broken?
NIK: If the sign`s reading wrong, how do you explain it`s presence here
any way? Did we always have a Sillyness State Indicator on the wall?
STEVE: Uh, I can`t explain it. I just hope it`s wrong!
BOG: Twiddle dee dee.
A ByStander looks worried.
Nik notices this.
NIK: (Reassuringly) Don`t worry: He`s always like this.
BYSTANDER: You mean that`s supposed to reassure me?
NIK: Good point.
BYSTANDER: OK. (Bystander points).
BOG: Caution, all personnel: Daftcon State Four has just been justified.
Daftcon State Four has just been justified. You can stop taking life too
seriously, `cos you can bet your arse it`s stopped taking you that way.
STEVE: It generally takes me with a grain of salt.
NIK: Jammy sod, all I get is a glass of water!
ALL: G R O A N N N N N N!
KNIGHT WHO SAYS NI: Ni!!!
Nick Clayton enters, and everyone swings through 180 degrees and sticks
their fingers down their throats. Disk crawl out of diskboxes and hide
under keyboards, and a muffled gunshot from the SysOp`s office marks the
fact that Alastair just can`t take any more. Ser Clayton is everybody`s
favorite: The guy who can make anybody`s program his own baby, and always
does. The progenator of the phrase "Vorsprung Durch ASCIIEditor, as we say
in D132". He`s also known as The Great One, on account of being,
essentially, a fat bast.
BOG: Serves Alastair right for taking me off the CP directory. I`ve
wanted to do that for ages.
NICK: Awight? (Inner tube jowls slapping the sides of his head with the
sound of two six- hundres- foot radius waterbombs willed with orange jelly
impacting once every point- eight seconds)
NIK: We were.
STEVE: Sort of.
BOG: Oh fuck.
THE KEV: Now I am.
N/S/B: You fucking joking?
THE KEV: Ah, well, you see, Nick here is the only one here who knows all
the keyboard shortcuts to every windows application ever written.
STEVE: Yeah, `cos he wrote `em all!
NIK: Last weekend.
BOG: At four PM.
S/N/B: I N G E R M A N ! ! ! !
NICK: Dutch, actually.
Nik, Steve and Bog collapse with laughter.
ADVERT TIME!
A man and a woman are cudled up on a soft sofa in front of a lovely warm
fire. Their lips draw near. Suddenly, the bloke burps, then pukes all
down the gel`s cleavage. The legend
TREVOR`S BLADDER SALTS: FOR THOSE... DELICATE MOMENTS
appears.
Fade.
There`s a youngish looking bloke sat in total darkness except for a
glowing screenful of assembly language instructions. His eyes are
strained, haggard and monitor- irradiated.
VOICEOVER: Sometimes, you just feel as if you`re at the end of your
tether. The deadline for the next scrap of code is ten hours away, failure
means the end of your career, and you`re stuck. Total brain- lock. You
don`t have a chance in hell of getting that substructure right. There`s
only one solution.
The progger pulls a gun from his pocket, puts it to his temple, and blows
the contents of his head all over the monitor.
VOICOVER: Remington: When you just can`t take any more from life, our
.22, .38 Special and .44 Magnum calibre cartridges won`t let you down.
Fade back to the SIX MEN AND A BANANA logo.
Craig is walking down the corridor leading from Norcot Centre to Lekky
labs, and he has a syringe stuck behind his left ear. In one hand he holds
six mars bars, and in the other a can of Coke and a pair of skis.
Freind Craig Bapty is an oddbod. This is the person who has become so
attatched to the character he plays with during roleplaying games, that he
has come to beleive that he DOES in fact have meshed skin and bone,
cybernetic eyes, and a sodding great titanium alloy arm, with hidden rocket
launchers. This makes taking the piss out of him great fun, `cos he whips
his right arm up at you, chenches his fist, then yells "BUGGER!" then rams
a screwdriver into it to find out what`s wrong. Sad....
As Craig approaches the doors at the end of the corridor, there is a
muffled BLAM from behind him, somewhat reminiscent of an Iain- sized object
suddenly displacing it`s volume in air. Craig turns.
IAIN: Bugger. Missed the lab again.
As with most of the Henley College Crew so far, Iain is gnot gnormal.
Iain is always... lurking. Lurking and plotting. Plotting and Scheming.
Plus, that odd faculty of self- displacement through The Cirucits of Time,
which he`s been doing much, much more of recently. (Ed: Check out
Bill&Ted`s Henley College Adventure [C] 1992 Hippo Enterprises)
Craig simply looks baffled and continues down the corridor to the computer
room. As he climbs the stairs, he hears another BLAM from above him. On
entering the computer room, Iain is up to his knees in floor. Or the
carpet is up to it`s eyeballs in Iain, depending on your point of view.
Nobody has noticed this apart from Craig yet.
CRAIG: Iain, what the fuck are you doing?
IAIN: Missing the bloody electronics lab again! I bet you anythign that
any minute now, Bob`ll turn up with the carpet I displaced downstairs.
BOB: Does anybody know how this bit of carpet appeared inside my Thermos?
IAIN: Told you so!
Craig holds his head in his hands, (Clatter, clatter, splooosh, and sound
effects for six marsbars impacting on the floor which I haven`t cooked up
yet.) and gibbers.
BOG: Steve, d`you reckon it`s worth walking up that bloody hill just to
sit in tutor for five minutes and then spend forty minutes waiting for
maths to start?
STEVE: Uh, no.
BOG: Me either.
Both Bog and Steve turn back to their respective computers for exactly four
point seven zero three nine six seconds, then turn with pricise
simultaniousness to look at Iain drumming his fingers on the floor whilst
standing vertically.
Nik turns to ask Steve something, and notices that Steve isn`t interested
in being asked anything at the moment, and sees what`s got his attention.
NIK: Oh, SHIT!
Even Nick Clayton is speechless.
IAIN: What?
BOG: Iain, Iain, Iain, you`re, like, part of the floor, dude!
IAIN: So I`m a lousy shot. So what? It`s perfectly normal to commune
with carpets nowadays, you know!
STEVE: Wooooahhhhh.....
NIK: How the HELL did you get there?
IAIN: I got distracted.
CRAIG: Whine.
STEVE: If this is DAFTCON 4, I`d love to see DAFTCON 0.
BOG: Believe you me, you really, REALLY don`t want to.
IAIN: Whyever not?
BOG: It`s disturbingly like being on TV.
CRAIG: Do I want to know why that`s so terrible?
BOG: Ever seen the Twilight Zone?
NIK: Oh, SHIIIIIIT!!!
Even Iain is looking worried by now.
BOG: But don`t worry. We`ve only got, what, two hours `till the buses
come.
Gareth sticks his head around the corner, and Iain`s natural SEP field
successfully deflects his attention.
GARETH: Yeah, but then we have to wipe it off!
ALL: Baaa! Baaa! Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
GARETH: Allright, allright, no need to get rude.
ALL: BULLSHIT!
GARETH: Smartarses.
*****BLAMMO!***** Iain dematerializes for exactly a small fraction of a
something before reappearing two feet off the deck.
IAIN: Wah!
(Thud)
BOG: One hour fifty seven minutes. Oh God, which sadistic bast made these
units so big? Even a second`s a long time. Wankers. I know! There`s a
cure for this one!
STEVE: Oh, yeah!
NIK/ CRAIG/ IAIN: Oh, NO WAY!!
BOG: Yes, way...
STEVE&BOG: Some thing in life are bad. They can really make you
mad...
PTINNNNGGG!!!
(---------------------)
| |
| D A F T C O N 3 |
| |
(---------------------)
ALL: Oh, bugger.
Suddenly, Graham`s voice comes from the Office of the Tenders of The Lan.
GRAHAM: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!
NIK: <ouch>
BOG: <Gnnn>
STEVE: <Oooo>
IAIN: <Yahh>
CRAIG: <Mmph>
GARETH: Can I have a go?
N/B/S/I/C: Fu... uh... no. You can`t.
BOG: Only one thing for it, dudes. It`s starting to get silly. You know
what that means.
STEVE: Yeah. Nothing does what we expect it to do.
NIK: Right! So if we`re playing it at it`s own game...
BOG: Then this computer (If I can bring myself to call it that (sneer))
expects me to use the mouse, then by simply doing something else...
IAIN: You outwierd it!
Craig pulls the syringe from behind his ear, and shoves it into his arm
CRAIG: God, I wish I had something stronger than Insulin on me...(Squirt)
BOG: Reet.
He grabs the mouse, which starts squeaking, and attempting to drive his
hand crackingly into the CPU box. Sussing it`s game, he grips it, hoys it
three feet it the air, and, an expert eater, catches it in his gob.
Krrrunch.
BOG: Guuuuumph.... bruuuuuuuup. Hmmm. Needs oregano.
Steve, Iain, Craig and Nik start chewing simultaneously and agree all at
the same time. They look at one another.
NICK: Oh my God, they`ve gone mad.
As The Claytoid passes by a diskbox, it`s contents start rippling out of it
and onto the floor in a pretty fanspread relational to tidal gravity from
his paunch.
STEVE: Bloody hell. Not satisfied with taking other people`s code, he`s
ripped off my bloody gravity flux as well!
BOG: Well, at least now it doesn`t seem like we`re looking at you through
fisheye lenses anymore.
IAIN: How`s that?
BOG: Well, now photons should warp around him any longer.
STEVE: Bugg... uh.. no, I mean...
The ICL that Stevey Babes is sat at suddenly... phases. The banana
disappears to be replaced with a cabbage flashing red and purple.
STEVE: Aaawwwww, SHIT!
At this point, Dan "Pastie" Powell walks in, and seeing as I can't think
of anything for him to do right now, he just leans against a wall for a
bit. While he's doing that, I'll tell you about him.
Dan is marked by the fact that he's the only person in creation to have an
alien lifeform living in perfect simbiosys with him. The creature's real
name is totally unpronouncable, so everybody just calls it by it's function
in life :- "Hair". The other remarkable thing is, he's the only person in
the Team who's room is always tidy: The reason for this phenomenon is
simple: Dan uses pasties for energy. Hair uses the rubbish on Dan's floor
for energy by grazing whilst he sleeps.
Craig has finished logging in, but is confused by the Henley Kollidge login
screen`s replacement by a glowing red orb. He hits the break key.
HAL: I`m sorry, Craig, but I can`t allow you to do that.
Craig looks overhis shoulder at everyone else.
CRAIG: Can somebody tell me what the HELL is going on here?
STEVE: I`m afraid IT`s happening again, Craig.
CRAIG: No, not... THAT.
NIK: Yes. We`re re- entering...
ALL: THE A LITTLE AFTER LUNCHTIME ZONE!
Soundtrack: nee nee nee nee, nee nee nee nee, nee nee nee nee, nee nee nee
nee!
HAL: Craig, why don`t you take an anti- stress pill and we`ll discuss
this. After all, I have the utmost enthusiasm for the mission.
STEVE: Hmm. We appear to have had a fragment of 2001, a Spaced Odyssey,
penetrate our personal reality- space.
NIK: Can you justify calling THIS reality?
IAIN: Ever seen inside an Amiga?
NIK: Oh, yeah.
BOG: Shurrup. (Sulk).
STEVE: Actually, guys, this is a bit of a change! We`re staying where we
were this time, and everythings coming to us!
Cue backdrop fade out to inky black space, pierced at intervals by stars
scattered like diamond dust on jet- black velvet, then to a clinically
white room: the monitor with the glowing red orb has been
transdimensionally replaced with a dull red scanner eye and a seventies-
like Bolton- ferbruary- day- grey console with the nameplate "H.A.L.
9000". We just have enough time to hear our heros` jaws hit the ground
before it`s time for the credits.
IN NEXT WEEK`S SIX MEN AND A BANANA...
-----
STEVE: OK. It seems that Iain here has turned reality into swiss cheese.
We just happened to randomly pop up on the Discovery, just before Frank
Poole gets killed by Hal...
DAVE: Whaaaat?
HAL: Oh, bugger. Er, it was just going to be a joke, Dave...
-----
DAN: Need a hand?
BOG: Thanks.
(POP) Bog pockets Dan`s left hand.
DAN: Oi! Give that back!
BOG: Soz. (Skwudge)
-----
HAL: I`ve got some people trying to take control of the Discovery. They
want to destroy my mind.
KILLEMALL: Will three Mark IIX assault droids and a disruptor unit do?
HEL: That should be perfectly adequate.
KILLEMALL: I`m despatching them now. They should arrive in a couple of...
-----
That last part has been removed on the grounds of maintaining suspense.
Fade.

groups/BANANAREPUBLIC/barri.txt
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File : BARRI.TXT
Author : Unknown
BBS : The Banana Republic BBS
30/07/89
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is the story of Barri, an unusual Banana, a bouncer,
a boozer, and a quadraplegic boxer and, his altogether
different friend
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I first saw Barri at the pub (he is to be found there most nights of the week,
as he is unable to resist a beer, being a bit of a boozer). Barri,
although being a quite retiring sort, is occassionally to be found in the midst
of trouble at his favourite spot by the bar, this may seem strange as it is not
in his nature to be a trouble maker, but rather it is his unfortunate
condition, which seems to incite a certain breed of person. People who know,
no better, and those who are want to cause trouble (as people the whole world
over sometimes do) approach Barri, and mistakenly assuming that this
apparently shy Banana, will provide a bit of sport, begin to tease him saying
"Hey you, we don't like Bananas sitting near us, that's my air you're
breathing!" Barri usually ignores them, but sometimes when pushed beyond his
limits, or when forced to by the circumstances beyond his control, he
reveals, that he is a bouncer at a local Rhythm and Blues Bar, and having had
to learn a craft of self-defence (forced to, somewhat by the very nature of his
profession) that he is a boxer.
It was, under these circumstances that I met Barri, the boozing (some would
even say alcoholic), boxing, bouncer Banana and his altogether different
friend. Barri was sitting at his favourite spot near the bar, when I, having
spotted him from across the room, came over and introduced myself. Barri was
polite, and indicated that I should sit with him, being the very well mannered
genial type that he is. He mentioned briefly, as I sat feeling rather awkward,
that he was expecting an aqaintance, but that I was more than welcome to join
them. Very soon after, we were indeed joined, just as Barri had previously
mentioned, by his altogether different friend, a somewhat seedy fellow (which
supprised me, for Barri had seemed to me to be a Banana of principles) a
dictator of ill-repute.
As I sat talking with Barri, and his altogether different friend, I gradually
began to piece together bits of his character, and some of the circumstances
surrounding his relationship with his altogether different friend, the
dictator. Barri had met the dictator, it seems, answering a situations vacant
ad in a Soldier of Fortune magazine (although why Barri, this seemingly
harmless Banana (quite apart from the fact that he is a boxer) would be reading
Soldier of Fortune magazine is beyond me). It seems that the dictator required
someone to train a para-military force for a Banana Republic somewhere in the
South Pacific, and although Barri mentioned nothing to me, I could tell by a
strange gleam in his eye, that there was some part of him that yearned, once
again, for the excitement and danger of a combat situation. (It is at this
point that I must reveal that Barri, the dictator, and I were actually sitting
in an establishment, frequented by the Hells Angels, so perhaps it is this way,
that he expressed his desire for danger.) It soon became clear to me that the
dictator, was more than just Barri's employer, and I could see as I sat there,
in the midst of 250 inebriated gang members, that there was a real bond between
these two friends.
Barri, began to tell me about his life, and it is indeed a strange tale of
excitement, adventure and, at times sorrow (for who amongst us can say that we
have truely lived, if our experiences do not contain some sorrow along the way)
and I feel that Barri, has in no way finished with his life, it seems as
though this point in time is but a small pause in his hectic lifestyle. For
reasons of safety, security and, just because of the fact that Barri may be
injuried if I repeat some of the comments he made to me, I will have to refrain
from speaking of all he told me, however, I can reveal that Barri, has during
his life been: a South Seas Pirate; involved in the Arms for Contras deal of
the Regan Administration (I believe he actually financed purchases from
Mainland China); involved in smuggling refuge Bananas from the Fiji Islands, to
Southern Australia, during the recent coup there and, although I only heard a
mumbled, broken, whisper I believe he may in fact know something about the
strange, even horrific tales, involving that vigilante, the Masked Banana.
The time was getting on, the lights around the bar seemed to be dimmer than
before, and most of the gang members had departed, but Barri was to reveal to
me, in this ever encroaching darkness, perhaps the strangest of his tales thus
far. It was during a training jump over the wilds of Papua New Guinnea,
apparently, that this strongest of friendships, between the ever likeable
Banana, Barri, and his altogether different (even seedy) friend, the dictator
(and stranger still was the fact that the dictator seemed even more at
home in the increasing darkness, as though his persona was solidifying and
becoming more real) was truely forged, in the fires of a common suffering. It
seems that, Barri, and the dictator were involved in a training parachute and
survival jump over the interior of Papua New Guinnea (one of the only truely
untamed jungles, although the Amazon Basin may also lay claim to this title, on
the face of the earth) when, their plane was damamged in a tropical cyclone,
(trpical cyclones being somewhat more common over Papua New Guinnea (and more
violent), than the rest of the Pacific). This cyclone forced them to crash
land their plane in the very heart of the wilds of the tiny island. It is here
that the proceedings, become slightly confused (whether this is to be
atrributed to the late nature of the hour, the amount of alcohol consumed, or
the very nature of their experiences, I cannot tell) but it appears that Barri,
a Banana of courage, and his altogether different friend, stumbled onto a
strange hidden civilization, a remanant of a Japanese infantry division, that
was hiding in this remote region, refusing to acknowledge the end of the war,
but rather waiting quietly, building up their numbers and their weaponry in
preparation for an all out assult on Singapore. I cannot tell what horrors
Barri, and the dictator (a rather seedy charcter) endured, all I can say is
that when they emerged from the tropical jungle over 5 months later, carrying
over a 300 Japanese made cameras, watches, and hi-fi units (and some say that
there is even now, a division of the Mitsubishi Coporation of Japan, operating
from the wilds of central Papua New Guinnea) that there was now friendship of
truely epic proportions, bonding Barri, a boozer (he is first to admit to this
very fact), a bouncer, a quadraplegic boxer, a REAL Banana and his altogether
different friend, a rather seedy character, the dictator.
It was by now, well after 4am (and yet the bar was still open, almost as if it
refused to close whilst Barri remained there) and I rose to take my leave.
Barri shook my hand warmly, and mentioned that if I should ever pass by the
Rhythm and Blues Bar where he bounces, or even the Banana Republic (at which
point the dictator smiled and nodded) where he spends much of his time, that I
should drop in and say hello.
As I walked out the door of the bar, into the cold, dark night I couldn't help
feeling that, this night, I had indeed met a unique Banana, that now remains a
part of me forever.
Oh, and Barri says Hi.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AUTHOR: Unknown (well I'll give you a guess, sometimes called LP)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brought to the WORLD by The Banana Republic BBS
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
groups/BANANAREPUBLIC/beau.txt
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File : BEAU.TXT
Author : Trillion
BBS : The Banana Republic BBS
Baron Beauregard of the Baskervilles "The Bastard"
--------------------------------------------------
A Gothic saga, the story of Beau Banana, recently encountered in Australia
and, at present staying in my courtesy cell, introduced and commended to my
care by El Presidente (all hail our glorious leader!)
Beauregard's story begins in Barcelona where he read in an English
newspaper one day of the search for the lost heir of the Baskervilles.
Some few weeks later headlines in London read "Baron Beauregard Banana
of the Baskervilles reveals brown birthmark-claims inheritance."
At Baskerville Hall, Beauregard also known as "The Bastard" formerly
believed to be born on the wrong side of the baronial blanket is now proved
to be the true son begotten by bawdy Baron Brian Banana, whose demise during
a baronial banquet had brought much relief to the burghers of his benighted
barony.
Beau (The Bastard), settled right in to the life of an aristocratic
banana - breakfasts brought to the bedside by Bracegirdle the Butler banana
and bountiful banquets every evening in the baronial banquet hall. He
disported himself around the village of Baskerville, sinking many a barrel of
beer at the Baskerville Bull and Bush Beef and Burgundy Bar, and bonking
Beryl Banana the Barmaid between exercising his rights of droit de seigneur
much to the fury and bafflement of the bucolic bachelor bananas about to be
wed.
BUT!!!!!
One morning he woke up and discovered he was BROKE, basically bankrupt!
No further supplies could be bought from the Butcher, the Baker or the
Brewery banana without BIG BUCKS!
After consulting with the British Old Boys Banana vine (like a grapevine
but more yellow than blue-blooded), he heard of the beautiful blonde Lady
Barbara Banana, sole beneficiary of the Bumper Biscuit Business, because
her only brother Barri was missing, believed battered during a spell as a
mercenary in some Bahamanian Beaurocracy.
Beau (The Bastard) cunningly contrived to have this beauteous blossom of
British bananahood invited to what was a seemingly above board Banana Ball,
but was in fact a bizarre bacchanalia attended only by the basest of bananas,
whereupon her honour being compromised, she was forced to agree to become
betrothed to Beau and call the banns.
So, the blushing bride Barbara became bound to Beauregard the Bastard, the
Blackguard!
Betrayed and bewildered, once Beau got his hands on her business and
cleaned out the balance of her bucks, broken-hearted Barbara was unable to
bear Beau's brutal behaviour, SO...one breakfast-time she balanced on the
balcony, before biffing herself off the building, breathing her last as she
bashed into the blackberry bushes beneath.
Beau was briefly belligerent at having to bear the brunt of a burial, but
banked on being able to bowl ahead with his natural pursuits unencumbered
thereafter by his bewailing bride.
BUT
Bastions of British Blue Bloods were not about to let Baron Beauregard
remain blameless over his behaviour.
Extreme pressure was brought to bear, not the least of which were loud
broadcasts of "The Ballad of Lady Barbara" by the Bard, until Beau the
Bastard just couldn't be bothered battling it anymore.
Bundling up his ill-begotten bounty he bought a berth on a Brazilian
bound brigantine, boarded, but disembarked while the boat was berthed in
Brisbane.
How he encountered El Presidente is quite another story.....
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AUTHOR: Trillion
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brought to the WORLD by The Banana Republic BBS
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
groups/BANANAREPUBLIC/br_ode.txt
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AN ODE TO THE BR
BY THE GREAT RABBI BAJZHEET
Shall I compare thee to raw porridge?
Hey, ther's an idea: Ode to BR
Shall I compare thee to Infoboard?
Thou art more kinky and less temperate.
Rough winds do shake the coconuts of May
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too loud the line of telecom growls
And seldom is his foul complexion dimm'd
And every fair from fair sometime declines
By chance, or hacker's course untrimm'd
But thy eternal users shall not fade
Nor lost possesion of the files thou ow'st
Nor shall Fidonet bragst thou wanderst in its nodes
When in eternal lines to time thou growst.
For as long as fingers can type, or eyes can see
So long lives this, and this is a prety bad ending.
Worthy yeoman, canst thou dig it!
groups/BANANAREPUBLIC/brparty.txt
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File : BRPARTY.TXT
Author : Iceman(NZ)
BBS : The Banana Republic BBS
27/11/89 The BR Party - Official Report
==============================
Note that this report mainly mentions modem-users, since I don't know most
of the others, and since they have no modem they can't read this anyway.
At 5:30 we headed off in the general direction of Outer Siberia, the secret
residence of Mack the Knife. After admiring his amazingly realistic digitized
flushing toilet, we made our way in the direction of the Presidential Palace,
with Kamakoza demonstrating his hair-raising "comb-your-hair-with-both-hands-
while-driving-at-120kph" technique to a terrified Mack. Unfortunately we were
unable to figure out a flight plan that tied in Glenfield, Chez Knife, Ponsonby,
and the Presidential Palace, so Black Adder was left to find his own means of
transport (he finally turned up at 9:45 wearing a "Hacker" T-shirt).
After some skilful navigation, helped by the ominous thunderhead parked
smack over the top of the Palace (no doubt set up by LP as an aid to
navigation), we entered the sumptuous residence from whence our beloved
Presidente conducts all his operations. Gradually more people began to arrive,
and after being introduced to most of the people present and engaging in
various polite introductory pleasantries such as Mack's enquiring of Trillian
whether she "preferred ribbed or raspberry-flavoured ones", the Iceman paying
back a $20 debt to LP in 2, 5, and 10 cent pieces, and worried noises about the
lack of beer, the drinking started to get under way at around 7pm.
In the meantime a group of us were carrying out a detailed recon of the
palace. After discovering that even the phone was yellow, we were shocked to
find, upon removing the cover under which LP had furtively tried to conceal his
computer, that it bore the dreaded IMAGINEERING logo! Even worse was the
subsequent discovery of a C64 on the premises! This lead to a round of nasty
comments about C64's, Spectrums, and ZX81's best left forgotten in an alcoholic
haze.
Then followed sundry incidents such as Bat Bastard offering star mention in
the next episode of Spheroids if only someone, *anyone*, would accept an
autographed copy, Paul offering a $200 bribe to anybody who would throw up over
Jane, and Sheila offering her all down the back of the house (You mean she never
made you that offer? Oh well, she must recognize quality hardware when she sees
it).
As the evening progressed, talking donwstairs was occasionally interrupted
by loud drunken cries as various people were duped into drinking in a game with
complex rules, rules so complex in fact that that nobody could quite remember
them, an obscure drinking game whose basic tenets were transmitted to us via
ancient tablets with unsteady inscriptions. And in the meantime, where was our
beloved Presidente?? Rumour had it that he had just about "got his girlfriend
there" on the phone, an act he had secretly confided to the Iceman that he had
never quite managed before.
The Iceman was at this point showing his amazingly tactful nature by
introducing himself to he personage whom he thought was Jane with the words
"No, you're not wearing any vomit, you can't be Jane". Trillian, in the
meantime, was busy getting "Not drunk, just relaxed", and Mack was engaged in
developing his lethal 25d6 breath weapon, something that has been known to drop
cows at 50 paces. In fact the death of several acres of natural bush around
Varsity can be singularly attributed to Mack's having BREATHED on them.
LP was at this point still enganged in a long session of psycho-acoustic
dildonics with is girlfriend (sex via telephone for the non-technical types),
the Iceman was busy spiking his own 7-up with 7-up, and Trillian had just
discovered that the leg she was stroking was not her own but, in fact, belonged
to Mack the Knife. In the meantime, LP had reappeared and was busy mixing a
fairly lethal molotov cocktail for Black Adder out of a hidden cache of Secret
Ingredients that Marlon Shakespeare had been guarding all evening. Black Adder
then unsuccessfully tried to burn down the Presidential Palace by lighting this
mixture (unfortunately without much success).
A few notable abscences were noticed by those present: Pharlap Johnson,
who had been forced at gunpoint to attend someone's 21st; Hacman Jr (who was
later locked out of the BR by a small but vociferous group of drunks); Cuzzin
It (he who is most famous for turning up at a lecture for a course he doesn't
take, talking loudly at the back, and dismantling the fittings and passing
pieces of them around the class); and "a short guy with an Adolf Hitler
haircut" whom everyone else knew as the infamous Mike. This was made up by the
fact that George arrived at 9:00 with two dozen cans of a certain amber liquid,
and immediately joining the ongoing game of Mexi, which a very "relaxed"
Trillian was being taught how to play, but being too "relaxed" to grasp the
rules she merely rolled the dice and drank some obscure mouthwash she had
brought with her when told by anybody, and in fact on random occasions when
prompted by voices inside her head, probably the nanomachines.
But Trillian was not the only "relaxed" person around by this time.
Kamakoza, after mumbling something cryptic about "Sorry, the sysop of A.C.E.S.
is unavailable for [C]hatting due to the fact that he is violently drunk", had
collapsed and gone to sleep under a table; a person who bore a striking
resemblance to LP was seen crawling around under the Mexi table after quaffing
large quantities of a sinister high-octane mixture best left undescribed; and
in fact about half the BBS's in Auckland were potentially out of action due to
inebriated sysops.
However it was not only the sysops who had reached this state. Mack, after
long debate and holding an "S"-shaped piece of metal up to the wall, finally
decided: "It's an 'S'!", to which Paul commented: "You've been watching Sesame
Street again haven't you Mack?".
Shortly thereafter rumours of food upstairs began to be perpetrated by
strange people with bulging eyeballs and an unsteady gait. After LP had
succeeded in completely convincing his parents that he had not been drinking
("I's a natural high; it's euphoria. I *haven't* been drinking"), we all
proceeded to stuff our faces with pizza, sandwiches, pizza, chicken, funny
pastry thingies filled with pet food, and more pizza, followed by the kind of
sponge cake with cream that has been designed by a team of experts to be un-
eatable without getting most of it all over your fingers. Some of us were
experienceing difficulties eating however: Mack was unable to decide whether
to eat his pizza or his plate; unable in fact to tell what was his pizza and
what was his pate, and in the end deciding the stale one must be the plate.
After the feed, Bat Bastard noticed a ready supply of banana's lurking on a
side table, and, after cruelly breaking one in two, offered it to LP as the sad
remnants of Barri. Unfortunately LP had trouble believeing this due to a fake
Barri double being planted in his pocket by a group of Communist agitators.
There follwed a mad search for the REAL Barri, which eventually culminated in
his mysterious reappearance a short while later. Those responsible have since
been shot.
Jane was at this point still "unadorned", but there were bets being laid in
certain quarters as to how long this would last. In the meantime LP had
retired to the garden for some fresh air, and after some concern about his
turning into a banana at midnight it was decided to kick Kamakoza "Sleeping
Beauty" off his mattress and slide it under LP. Shortly thereafter Herr Flick
arrived, and it immedately became obvious why he was graced with this nickname
(maybe it was the glasses, I dunno).
At about 1am the doormat became Kamakoza by stages, and after rounding up
Mack the Knife from where he was busy molesting an old tire, we headed off home.
"Where do you live Mack?? Do you remember your name Mack??". Rumour has it
that he found his way home OK. A phone-call by an anonymous person with and
unidentifiable accent later confirmed that most people had survived the party,
and that the Presidential Palace, if not the Presidential Reputation, was still
more-or-less intact.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Happy 20th Birtday LP and thanks to his parents for putting on a great
feed, putting up with loud music, a drunken Presidente, and most of the
BR users and LP's friends (both of them).
Prepared by The Iceman
Chronicler to Royalty and also the BR.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AUTHOR: Iceman(NZ)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brought to the WORLD by The Banana Republic BBS, Auckland, New Zealand.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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