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THIS FILE WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED ON OSUNY (914)428-7216,
UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED. SUFFICIENT CREDIT SHOULD BE GIVEN***************************************************************
*** Extended 914 Area Code List ***
*** Updated January 15th 1984 ***
***************************************************************
/ Number / Name /Type /Baud rate /Type of BBS
---------------------------------------------------------------
221-0774 /CCIS Hopewell / IBM / 300/1200 /General BBS
221-2248 /Hopewell JCT / IBM / 300/1200 /General BBS
225-2471 /EL Trading Place/Atari / 300/1200 /General BBS
234-6530 /Temple of Doom /Apple / 300 /General BBS
238-3160 /The Cemetary /Apple / 300 /D & D Board
246-7605 /IBBS Saugerties / IBM / 300/1200 /General BBS
297-0665 /Bullet Plus /TRS-80/ 300/1200 /General BBS
343-0475 /Socraties / IBM / 300/1200 /General BBS
343-1031 /CEBBS Middletown/ IBM / 300/1200 /General BBS
343-5016 /TI BBS / T.I. / 300 /General BBS
352-3814 /Bear Works / C-64 / 300 /General BBS
352-6543 /Sherwood Forest3/Apple / 300 /Phreak Board
357-8791 /Satan's Hollow /Apple / 300 /Private Pirate
358-8879 /IBBS Rockland / IBM / 300/1200 /General BBS
359-1517 /Sherwood Forest2/Apple / 300/1200 /General BBS
362-1422 / Telemation / CoCo / 300 /One of a kind BBS
365-0180 /MNEMATICS Net /MNFRME/ 300/1200 /Network costs $$$
425-2060 /The DST Dungeon /Atari / 300/1200 /Phreak Board
428-7216 / OSUNY / OSI / 300/1200 /**Soon:Multuser **
429-5616 /The Crusifiction/Apple / 300 /General BBS
471-7605 /PC Poughipsie / IBM / 300/1200 /General BBS
472-7956 /The Outer Limits/Atari / 300 /General BBS
485-3393 /Bullet Plus #2 /TRS-80/ 300/1200 /General BBS
496-4155 /Penetentary / C-64 / 300 /Phreak Board
528-0104 /Crystal Caverns /Apple / 300 /Apple Users ONLY
528-5259 /Adventureland /Atari / 300/1200 /General BBS
562-3187 /CEBBS #2 / IBM / 300/1200 /General BBS
623-1939 /Camalot /Atari / 300 /Atari Users ONLY!
624-8692 /The Lair /Apple / 300 /Temporairly Down
634-8385 /D.A.T.A. RBBS / IBM / 300/1200 /Great D/L 's
634-8590 /Lancelot'sCastle/Atari / 300 /Atari Users ONLY
636-0649 /DOCS 'R' US #2 / C-64 / 300 /Documentation BBS
638-4248 /Apple Orchard /Apple / 300 /** General BBS **
638-1493 / ECS / ??? / 300 /War Board
668-3664 /DOCS 'R' US / C-64 / 300 /Documentation BBS
679-6559 /SJBBS Bearsville/ IBM / 300/1200 /General BBS
679-8734 /Woodstock RBBS /Z-100 / 300/1200 /Genaral BBS
733-4766 /S & K Telex /TRS-80/ 300 /TELEX SERVICE
733-4410 /-------------Help Line For Above--------------------
735-9362 /Computer Dating /TRS-80/ 300/1200 /Computer Matches
738-6015 /Altered Arena /Apple / 300 /Open 1/20/85
738-6857 /M & M Pelham /LNW-80/ 300/1200 /***General BBS ***
769-0148 /The Medow / C-64 / 300 /Decent C-64 Board
786-3705 /MuMPs (ubbs) /TRS-16/300/1200 /For UNIX users
843-4259 /RC/PM Woodstock /S-100 / 300/1200 /General CP/M Sys
942-0386 /RMN Comp Comm /TRS-80/ 300/1200 /*** X-Rated ***
942-2638 /RACS III /TRS-80/ 300/1200 /Phreak Board
961-8049 /Westchester #2 / CoCo / 300/1200 /General BBS
965-2355 /WstchsterBBS 1 / CoCo / 300/1200 /General BBS
965-7600 /Colorama / CoCo / 300/1200 /General BBS
969-2632 /New York BBS /Atari / 300 /Phreak Board
This List is compiled By Daniel Gelman, BUT with help from
Pinball Wizard, Gimly Gnarly, Bill the Cat,and The Archnoid.
If you find ANY of these telephone Numbers out of date (I.E.
Name Change,# Change,Disconnected & New BBS's), Please leave me
a message on THIS System.
This List Is updated Monthly
Enjoy The list!
Bulletin to print, <L> for list, or <RETURN> to exit?

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ACHTUNG!
--------
Das machine is nicht fur gerfingerpoken und mittengrabben.
Ist easy schnappen der Sprinngwerk, blowenfusen und
poppencorken mit spitzensparken.
Ist nicht fur gewerken by das Dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken
sightseeren keepen hands in das Pockets.
Relaxen und watch das blinkenlights...
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View: RAD AD
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-::-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
: Call The Upside Down BBS at (201) 398-2953 300/1200 Baud 10 megabytes :
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-::-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
System currently operating with ; Other Information
--------------------------------- -----------------
T-Net BBS Software version 1.6 20 Sub-boards
Apple ][ + w/64 K 100+ G-files
Apple-Cat ][ Modem On-line Ascii express
Apple-Cat 212a Upgrade Card 300 + Users
Apple-Cat ][ Firmware Rom Chip 5300 + Calls to date
Videx UPPER/lower Case Chip
2 Apple ][ Disk Drives
'THE SIDER' 10 Megabyte Hard Drive
Thunderclock + Call Today ! and get yourself
Bell Fone Linez A Password !
PSE&G Electric
Apple Monitor /// and/or Taxan RGB I
Epson Salt (MX-80)
2 Maxell Md1 Floppy disks
Bambergers deluxe desk topSystem saver fan
System saver fan
TG Joystick
Dayton axial fan CMF (Boosts cooling, all slots are full)
==============================================================================
Upside Down AE Line 300/1200 baud apple-cat ][ (201) 625-8929 p/w = run
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(>

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***************************************
* *
* ADVENTURE *
* *
* Solving it in easy steps *
* *
* *
***************************************
FROM: THE ROM RAIDER
DR. DIGITAL
CALL HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE
3 0 3 - 7 5 1 - 2 0 6 3
WARNING: THIS WALK-THRU SHOWS HOW TO SOLVE THIS ADVENTURE STEP BY STEP, THESE
ARE NOT HINTS!
SPECIFIC INSTRUCTIONS ARE ENCLOSED IN QUOTES, SO TYPE WHAT YOU SEE.
START OFF BY GOING "N". YOU ARE NOW STANDING AT THE END OF A ROAD BEFORE A
SMALL BRICK BUILDING. THIS BUILDING IS THE WELLHOUSE, AND IS AN IMPORTANT PART
OF THE GAME. THE OBJECT OF THIS GAME IS TO GET THE 15 TREASURES BACK TO THE
WELLHOUSE.
CONTINUE WITH "IN", AND YOU ARE INSIDE THE WELL HOUSE, SO "GET FOOD", "GET
LAMP", "GET KEYS", "GET BOTTLE". NOW, THERE ARE THREE MAGIC WORDS YOU NEED TO
USE. THEY ARE PLUGH, XYZZY AND PLOVER. TWO OF THESE WORDS ARE USED TO GET TO
AND FROM THE WELLHOUSE AND PARTS OF THE CAVE. THE THIRD, PLOVER IS USED TO GET
BETWEEN TWO PARTS OF THE CAVE. ANOTHER THING TO REMEMBER IS THAT YOUR LAMP
LIGHT IS LIMITED, SO TURN OFF YOUR LAMP WHEN YOU DO NOT NEED IT!
NOW ON TO THE CAVE. SAY "PLUGH", THEN "LAMP ON", "S", "GET SILVER", "DROP
KEYS", "DROP FOOD", "DROP BOTTLE", "N". YOU ARE NOW BACK AT Y2. HERE IS WHERE
YOU USE PLOVER. SO SAY "PLOVER", THEN "NE", "GET PYRAMID", "S", "LAMP OFF",
"DROP LAMP", "DROP SILVER", "DROP PYRAMID", "GET EMERALD", "W", "DROP EMERALD",
"BACK". THE REASON YOU DID ALL OF THAT WAS THAT THE ONLY WAY TO GET THE
EMERALD OUT OF THE PLOVER ROOM IS OUT THROUGH THE CRACK, BUT YOU CAN NOT CARRY
ANYTHING ELSE WITH YOU.
NOW "GET LAMP", "GET SILVER", "GET PYRAMID", THEN "PLOVER" AND "PLUGH". YOU
ARE NOW BACK IN THE WELLHOUSE, SO DROP OFF YOUR TREASURES SO FAR. TYPE "DROP
SILVER", "DROP PYRAMID". BACK TO THE CAVE WITH "XYZZY", AND "LAMP ON", "E",
"GET CAGE", "W", "GET ROD", "W", "W","DROP ROD", "GET BIRD", "GET ROD", "W",
"D","W", "WAVE ROD". THERE IS NOW A CRYSTAL BRIDGE ACROSS THE CHASM. CONTINUE
WITH "DROP ROD", THEN GO "W", "GET DIAMONDS", "E", "E", "S", "GET GOLD", "N",
"D". AT THIS POINT YOU WILL SEE A HUGE GREEN SNAKE BARING YOUR WAY. TO BE RID
OF THE SNAKE, "DROP BIRD", AND THE SNAKE IS DRIVEN AWAY.
AT THIS POINT I NEED TO EXPLAIN SOMETHING ELSE. DURING THE COURSE OF THE
GAME, A DWARF WILL SEEK YOU OUT AND THROW AN AXE AT YOU. GET THE AXE. THE
NEXT TIME YOU SEE THE DWARF, THROW THE AXE AT HIM TO KILL HIM. THIS MAY HAPPEN
SEVERAL TIMES, SO JUST KEEP KILLING THE DWARVES. ANOTHER PERSON TO WATCH OUT
FOR IS THE PIRATE. HE WILL SHOW UP AT SOME POINT IN THE GAME, AND STEAL
WHATEVER TREASURES YOU ARE CARRYING. IF THIS HAPPENS, YOU CAN GET THE
TREASURES BACK WHEN YOU FIND HIS TREASURE CHEST.
CONTINUE WITH "DROP CAGE", "SW", "W". HERE IS A DRAGON SITTING ON A PERSIAN
RUG. YOU NEED TO KILL THE DRAGON TO GET THE RUG SO TYPE "KILL DRAGON". THE
GAME WILL RESPOND WITH "WITH WHAT? YOUR BARE HANDS?". ANSWER "YES".
CONGRATULATIONS, YOU HAVE NOW KILLED THE DRAGON!. SO, "GET RUG", THEN "E",
"E", "S", "GET JEWELRY", "N", "W", "GET COINS", "E", "N", "N", "LAMP OFF", AND
"PLUGH". YOU ARE AGAIN BACK IN THE WELLHOUSE, SO DROP YOUR TREASURES WITH
"DROP DIAMONDS", "DROP GOLD", "DROP RUG", "DROP JEWELRY", "DROP COINS". BACK
TO THE CAVE WITH "PLUGH", THEN "LAMP ON", "S", "GET FOOD", "GET KEYS", "GET
BOTTLE", "D", "W", "D", "W", "W", THEN SAY "ORIENTAL" TO GET TO THE ORIENTAL
ROOM. THEN "GET VASE", "W", "DROP KEYS", "DROP FOOD", "BACK", "N", "W", AND
YOU HAVE NOW FOUND THE EMERALD YOU PREVIOUSLY PLACED THERE. SO "GET EMERALD",
"NW", "S", "SE", "E", "GET PILLOW". THE PILLOW IS USED TO PLACE THE VASE ON,
SO YOU DON'T BREAK IT.
NOW GO "BACK", "W", "W", "D", "WATER PLANT", "U". THE PLANT IS CRYING FOR MORE
WATER, SO NOW YOU NEED TO GO GET IT SOME WATER. BUT BEFORE YOU DO THAT DROP
OFF YOUR TREASURES AT THE WELL- HOUSE BY GOING "E", "E", "NE", "E", "U", "E",
"U", "N", "LAMP OFF", "PLUGH" AND YOU ARE BACK IN THE WELLHOUSE. SO "DROP
PILLOW", "DROP VASE", "DROP EMERALD".
BACK TO THE CAVE WITH "PLUGH", "LAMP ON", "S", "D", "E", "D", "FILL BOTTLE".
YOUR BOTTLE IS NOW FILLED WITH WATER, SO GO "U", "W", "W", "D", "W", "W", "W",
"W", "D", "WATER PLANT", "U", "E", "D", "GET OIL", "U", "W", "D". NOW YOU CAN
CLIMB THE BEANSTALK SO, "CLIMB", "W", "GET EGGS", "N", "OIL DOOR", "DROP
BOTTLE", "N", "GET TRIDENT", "W", "D", "DROP TRIDENT", "GET KEYS", "GET FOOD",
"SW", "U". YOU ARE NOW IN FRONT OF A BRIDGE WITH A TROLL GUARDING IT. THE
ONLY THING THAT WILL CAUSE THE TROLL TO LEAVE IS TO THROW HIM A TREASURE.
THERE IS ONLY ONE TREASURE YOU CAN THROW HIM AND THAT IS THE EGGS. SO "THROW
EGGS", THEN "CROSS".
YOU ARE NOW ACROSS THE CHASM. CONTINUE WITH "NE", "E", "NE", "E", "GET
SPICES", "W", "N", (HERE IS THE VOLCANO), "S", "S", "SE", "S", "IN". YOU ARE
NOW IN A ROOM WITH A FEROCIOUS BEAR, WHO IS LOCKED UP WITH A GOLD CHAIN. YOU
NEED TO GET THE CHAIN, SO "FEED BEAR", THEN "UNLOCK" THE CHAIN, "GET BEAR",
"GET CHAIN", "DROP KEYS", AND "OUT". THE BEAR WILL NOW FOLLOW YOU WHEREVER YOU
GO. SO GO "U", "U", "W", "W", AND "CROSS". FROM NOWHERE, THE TROLL APPEARS
AGAIN. JUST "DROP BEAR", AND THE TROLL WILL DISAPPEAR. NOW "CROSS" THE
BRIDGE, THEN GO "SW", "D", "GET TRIDENT", "SE", "SE", "NE", "E", "N". YOU ARE
IN THE CLAM ROOM, SO NOW "OPEN CLAM". (IT IS NECESSARY TO HAVE THE TRIDENT
BEFORE YOU CAN OPEN THE CLAM). NOW YOU NEED TO GO AFTER THE PEARL SO GO "D",
"D", "GET PEARL". THEN "U", "U", "S", "U", "E", "U", "N", "LAMP OFF", AND SAY
"PLUGH". THEN "DROP CHAIN", "DROP PEARL", "DROP TRIDENT", "DROP SPICES".
BACK TO THE CAVE WITH "PLUGH", THEN "LAMP ON", "S", "D", "W", "D", "W", "W",
"W", "W", "D", "CLIMB", "W". YOU ARE NOW BACK AT THE SPOT WHERE YOU ORIGINALLY
FOUND THE EGGS WHICH YOU THREW TO THE TROLL. THE REASON YOU THREW THE EGGS WAS
BECAUSE YOU CAN GET THEM BACK AGAIN! JUST SAY "FEE", "FIE", "FOE", "FOO", AND
THEY MAGICALLY APPEAR! SO "GET EGGS", THEN "N", "N", "W", "D", "SE", "SE",
"NE", "E", "U", "E", "U", "N", "LAMP OFF", AND "PLUGH". THEN "DROP EGGS".
NOW ON TO FIND THE LAST TREASURE, THE PIRATE'S CHEST! GO THERE WITH "PLUGH",
"LAMP ON", "E", "U", "W", "W", "W", "S", "E", "S", "S", "S", "N", "E", "E",
"NW", "GET CHEST", "BACK", "N", "D", "E", "E", "XYZZY". YOU ARE BACK AT THE
BUILDING, SO "DROP CHEST". CONGRATULATIONS, YOU NOW HAVE ALL 15 TREASURES!
AT THIS POINT YOU HAVE ONE MORE THING TO ACCOMPLISH BEFORE YOU GO THE THE GRAND
FINALE. SO SAY "XYZZY", THEN GO "W", "W", "W", "D", "D", "N", "D", "W", "D",
"E", "GET MAGAZINES". YOUR QUEST IS TO TAKE THE MAGAZINES, AND PLACE THEM JUST
INSIDE WITT'S END. THIS ACTION IS OFTEN MISSED BY PEOPLE PLAYING THIS GAME,
AND AS A RESULT, THEY DO NOT FINISH THE GAME WITH ALL 350 POINTS AND THE GRAND
MASTER STATUS. NOW GO "E", THEN "DROP MAGAZINES", AND "BACK".
NOW COMES THE EASY PART, JUST WANDER AROUND THESE PASSAGES, AS YOU NOW HAVE
SOME TIME TO KILL. THE GAME GIVES YOU A SET NUMBER A MOVES AFTER ALL THE
TREASURES ARE IN THE WELLHOUSE, AND THEN YOU ARE TRANSPORTED TO THE GRAND
FINALE. THE MESSAGE YOU WILL GET WILL START BY SAYING "THE CAVE IS NOW
CLOSED", ECT. AT THIS POINT YOU ARE TRANSPORTED TO THE NORTHEAST END OF AN
IMMENSE ROOM. DO THE FOLLOWING: "SW", "GET ROD", "NE", "DROP ROD", "SW".
WHAT YOU HAVE DONE IS PLACED A STICK OF DYNAMITE AT THE OPPOSITE END OF THE
ROOM. NOW YOU SAY THE MAGIC WORD - "BLAST". YOU HAVE NOW EXPLODED A HOLE IN
THE FAR WALL, AND YOU MARCH THROUGH IT INTO THE MAIN OFFICE. YOU HAVE NOW
FINISHED THE GAME OF ADVENTURE!

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From caf-talk Caf Jun 8 19:52:43 1992
Newsgroups: comp.society
Subject: Anonymity and privacy on the network
Message-ID: <92083.072152SOCICOM@auvm.american.edu>
Date: 23 Mar 92 12:21:52 GMT
Organization: The American University - University Computing Center
Lines: 759
Approved: SOCICOM@AUVM
Moderator's note: The following article is a lengthy excerpt from a
recent issue of FIDONEWS concerning individual privacy and the use of
aliases or handles in computer-based communications. It was submitted by
a comp.society reader who used a handle; because the excerpt is a cross-
post from another electronic publication, I have taken the liberty of
viewing the use of a handle by sender as a request for privacy and
anonymity similar to the request a newspaper editor might receive in a
letter to the editor. Thus, while reprinting the submission, the name
and address of the sender are "withheld upon request." The article
raises a number of good points; the submission by a reader using a handle
to preserve anonymity makes a point; and the editorial action of
submitting the reader's posting anonymously makes the question current.
What are the implications of using aliases on the net?
Greg Welsh, moderator, comp.society
Internet: Socicom@american.edu
Bitnet: Socicom@auvm.bitnet
[begin excerpt]
F I D O N E W S -- | Vol. 9 No. 9 (2 March 1992)
The newsletter of the |
FidoNet BBS community | Published by:
_ |
/ \ | "FidoNews" BBS
/|oo \ | (415)-863-2739
(_| /_) | FidoNet 1:1/1
_`@/_ \ _ | Internet:
| | \ \\ | fidonews@fidonews.fidonet.org
| (*) | \ )) |
|__U__| / \// | Editors:
_//|| _\ / | Tom Jennings
(_/(_|(____/ | Tim Pozar
(jm) |
----------------------------+---------------------------------------
Published weekly by and for the Members of the FidoNet international
amateur network. Copyright 1992, Fido Software. All rights reserved.
Duplication and/or distribution permitted for noncommercial purposes
only. For use in other circumstances, please contact FidoNews.
Paper price: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5.00US
Electronic Price: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . free!
For more information about FidoNews refer to the end of this file.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
[...some editing...]
======================================================================
ARTICLES
======================================================================
The Joy of Handles
Mahatma Kane Jeeves
101/138.8
David Lescohier
101/138.0
THE JOY OF HANDLES
------------------
or:
EVERYTHING YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT ME
(but have no right to ask)
--------------------------
* * * * *
We should never so entirely avoid danger as to appear
irresolute and cowardly. But, at the same time, we should
avoid unnecessarily exposing ourselves to danger, than
which nothing can be more foolish. [Cicero]
* * * * *
Do you trust me?
If you participate in computer conferencing, and you use
your real name, then you'd better.
"Why?", you ask. "What can you do with my name?" To start
with, given that and your origin line, I can probably look
you up in your local phone book, and find out where you
live. Even if you are unlisted, there are ways to locate
you based on your name. If you own any property, or pay any
utility bills, your address is a matter of public record.
Do you have children in the public schools? It would be
easy to find out. But that's just the beginning.
Former Chairman of the U.S. Privacy Protection Commission
David F. Linowes, in his book "Privacy in America" (1989),
writes of New York private investigator Irwin Blye:
"Challenged to prove his contention that, given a little
time and his usual fee, he could learn all about an
individual without even speaking with him, Blye was
presented with a subject -- a New Jersey
newspaperman.... The result was a five-page, single-
spaced, typed report which documented, though not always
accurately, a wide sweep of the journalist's past, and
was detailed to the point of disclosing his father's
income before his retirement."
Who am I? If I don't post, you might not even know I exist.
I could be on your local Police Department, or an agent
working with the IRS, or some federal law-enforcement
agency. I could be a member of some fanatical hate group,
or criminal organization. I might even be a former Nixon
White-House staffer!
I could be that pyromaniacal teenager you flamed last
weekend, for posting a step-by-step description of how he
made plastic explosive in his high-school chem lab. He
seemed kind of mad.
But you're an upstanding citizen; you have nothing to hide.
So why not use your name on the nets? Trust me. There's
nothing to worry about.
Is there?
* * * * *
WHAT'S ALL THIS BROUHAHA?
-------------------------
Stupidity is evil waiting to happen. [Clay Bond]
Not long ago in Fidonet's BCSNET echo (the Boston Computer
Society's national conference), the following was posted by
the conference moderator to a user calling himself "Captain
Kirk":
"May we ask dear Captain Kirk that it would be very
polite if you could use your real name in an echomail
conference? This particular message area is shared
with BBS's all across the country and everyone else is
using their real name. It is only common courtesy to
do so in an echomail conference."
One of us (mkj) responded with a post questioning that
policy. Soon the conference had erupted into a heated
debate! Although mkj had worried that the subject might be
dismissed as trivial, it apparently touched a nerve. It
brought forth debate over issues and perceptions central to
computer communications in general, and it revealed profound
disparities in fundamental values and assumptions among
participants.
This article is a response to that debate, and to the
prevailing negative attitudes regarding the use of handles.
Handles seem to have a bad reputation. Their use is
strangely unpopular, and frequently forbidden by network
authorities. Many people seem to feel that handles are rude
or dishonest, or that anyone wishing to conceal his or her
identity must be up to no good. It is the primary purpose
of this article to dispel such prejudices.
Let us make one thing perfectly clear here at the outset: We
do NOT challenge the need or the right of sysops to know the
identities of their users! But we do believe that a sysop
who collects user names has a serious responsibility to
protect that information. This means making sure that no
one has access to the data without a legal warrant, and it
certainly means not pressuring users to broadcast their real
names in widespread public forums such as conferences.
* * * * *
SO YOU WANT TO BE A STAR?
-------------------------
John Lennon died for our sins. [anonymous]
Andy Warhol said that "In the future, everyone will be
famous for fifteen minutes". The computer nets, more than
any other medium, lend credibility to this prediction. A
network conference may span the globe more completely than
even satellite TV, yet be open to anyone who can afford the
simplest computer and modem. Through our participation in
conferencing, each of us becomes, if only briefly, a public
figure of sorts -- often without realizing it, and without
any contemplation of the implications and possible
consequences.
Brian Reid (reid@decwrl.DEC.COM) conducts and distributes
periodic surveys of Usenet conference readership. His
statistical results for the end of 1991 show that of the
1,459 conferences which currently make up Usenet, more than
fifty percent have over 20,000 readers apiece; the most
popular conferences are each seen by about 200,000 readers!
Mr. Reid's estimate of total Usenet readership is nearly TWO
MILLION people.
Note that Mr. Reid's numbers are for Usenet only; they do
not include any information on other large public nets such
as RIME (PC-Relaynet), Fido, or dozens of others, nor do
they take into account thousands of private networks which
may have indirect public network connections. The total
number of users with access to public networks is unknown,
but informed estimates range to the tens of millions, and
the number keeps growing at an amazing pace -- in fact, the
rate of growth of this medium may be greater than any other
communications medium in history.
The special problems and risks which arise when one deals
with a large public audience are something about which most
computer users have little or no experience or
understanding. Until recently, those of us involved in
computer conferencing have comprised a small and rather
elite community. The explosion in network participation is
catching us all a little unprepared.
Among media professionals and celebrities, on the other
hand, the risks of conducting one's business in front of a
public audience are all too familiar. If the size of one's
audience becomes sufficiently large, one must assume that
examples of virtually every personality type will be
included: police and other agents of various governments,
terrorists, murderers, rapists, religious fanatics, the
mentally ill, robbers and con artists, et al ad infinitum.
It must also be assumed that almost anything you do, no
matter how innocuous, could inspire at least one person,
somewhere, to harbor ill will toward you.
The near-fatal stabbing of actress Theresa Saldana is a case
in point. As she was walking to her car one morning near her
West Hollywood apartment, a voice behind her asked, "Are you
Theresa Saldana?"; when she turned to answer, a man she had
never seen before pulled out a kitchen knife and stabbed her
repeatedly.
After her lengthy and painful recovery, she wrote a book on
the experience ("Beyond Survival", 1986). In that book she
wrote:
[pg 12] "... Detective Kalas informed me that the
assailant, whom he described as a Scottish drifter, had
fixated upon me after seeing me in films."
[pg 28] "... it was through my work as an actress that
the attacker had fixated on me. Naturally, this made
me consider getting out of show business ..."
[pg 34] "For security, I adopted an alias and became
'Alicia Michaels.' ... during the months that followed
I grew so accustomed to it that, to this day, I still
answer reflexively when someone calls the name Alicia!"
Or consider the fate of Denver radio talk show host Alan
Berg, who in 1984 died outside his home in a hail of
gunfire. Police believe he was the victim of a local neo-
nazi group who didn't like his politics.
We are reminded of the murders of John Lennon and Rebecca
Shaffer; the Reagan/Hinckley/Foster incident; and a long
string of other "celebrity attacks" of all sorts, including
such bizarre events as the occupation of David Letterman's
home by a strange woman who claimed to be his wife! There is
probably no one in public life who doesn't receive at least
the occassional threatening letter.
Of course, ordinary participants in network conferencing may
never attract quite the attention that other types of
celebrities attract. But consider the following, rather less
apocalyptic scenarios:
-- On Friday night you post a message to a public
conference defending an unpopular or controversial
viewpoint. On Monday morning your biggest client
cancels a major contract. Or you are kept up all
night by repeated telephone calls from someone
demanding that you "stop killing babies"!
-- You buy your teenage son or daughter a computer and
modem. Sometime later you find your lawn littered
with beer bottles and dug up with tire marks, or
your home vandalized or burglarized.
-- One day you are nominated to the Supreme Court. Who
are all these strange people on TV claiming to be
your friends? How did that fellow know your position
on abortion? Your taste in GIFs?
Celebrities and other professional media personalities
accept the risks and sacrifices of notoriety, along with the
benefits, as part of their chosen careers. Should computer
conference participants be expected to do the same? And who
should be making these decisions?
* * * * *
OTHER MEDIA
-----------
When thou art at Rome, do as they do at Rome [Cervantes]
Older media seem to address the problems of privacy very
differently than computer media, at least so far. We are
not aware of ANY medium or publication, apart from computer
conferencing, where amateur or even most professional
participants are required to expose their true names against
their will. Even celebrities frequently use "stage names",
and protect their addresses and phone numbers as best they
can.
When a medium caters specifically to the general public,
participants are typically given even greater opportunities
to protect their privacy. Television talk shows have been
known to go so far as to employ silhouetting and electronic
alteration of voices to protect the identities of guests,
and audience members who participate are certainly not
required to state their full names before speaking.
The traditional medium most analogous to computer
conferencing may be talk radio. Like conferencing, talk
radio is a group discussion and debate medium oriented
toward controversy, where emotions can run high. Programs
often center around a specific topic, and are always run by
a "host" whose role seems analogous in many respects to that
of a conference moderator. It is therefore worth noting
that in talk radio generally, policy seems to be that
callers are identified on the air only by their first names
(unless of course they volunteer more).
Finally, of course, authors have published under "pen names"
since the dawn of publishing, and newspapers and magazines
frequently publish letters to the editor with "name and
address withheld by request" as the signature line. Even
founding fathers Alexander Hamilton, James Madison and John
Jay, in authoring the seminal Federalist Papers in 1787 for
publication in the Letters columns of various New York City
newspapers, concealed their identities behind the now-famous
psuedonym "Publius".
What would you think if someone called a radio talk show
demanding to know the identity of a previous caller? Such a
demand would undoubtedly be seen as menacing and
inappropriate in that context. Yet that same demand seems
to arise without much challenge each time a handle shows up
in a computer conference. The authors of this article feel
that such demands should always be looked upon as
suspicious, and that it would be beneficial for moderators
to take upon themselves the responsibility of making sure
that besieged handle-users are aware of their right to
refuse such inappropriate demands.
It is reasonable to assume that privacy policies in
traditional media are the result of hard-won wisdom gained
from long experience. Are we so arrogant that we cannot
learn from others? It is not hard to imagine the sorts of
problems and experiences which shaped these policies in the
old media. Will we have to wait for similar problems to
occur on the computer networks before we learn?
* * * * *
PRIVACY AND SURVEILLANCE
------------------------
In an effort to identify people who fail to file tax
returns, the Internal Revenue Service is matching
its files against available lists of names and
addresses of U.S. citizens who have purchased
computers for home use. The IRS continues to seek
out sources for such information. This information
is matched against the IRS master file of taxpayers
to see if those who have not filed can be
identified.
[COMPUTERWORLD, Sept. 1985]
Date: Thu, 23 May 91 11:58:07 PDT
From: mmm@cup.portal.com
Subject: The RISKS of Posting to the Net
-
I just had an interesting visit from the FBI. It
seems that a posting I made to sci.space several
months ago had filtered through channels, caused the
FBI to open (or re-open) a file on me, and an agent
wanted to interview me, which I did voluntarily...
I then went on to tell him about the controversy
over Uunet, and their role in supplying archives of
Usenet traffic on tape to the FBI...
[RISKS Digest]
Also frequent are instances where computers are
seized incident to an unrelated arrest. For
example, on February 28, 1991, following an arrest
on charges of rape and battery, the Massachusetts
state and local police seized the suspect's computer
equipment. The suspect reportedly operated a 650-
subscriber bulletin board called "BEN," which is
described as "geared largely to a gay/leather/S&M
crowd." It is not clear what the board's seizure is
supposed to have accomplished, but the board is now
shut down, and the identities and messages of its
users are in the hands of the police.
[CONSTITUTIONAL, LEGAL, AND ETHICAL
CONSIDERATIONS FOR DEALING WITH ELECTRONIC
FILES IN THE AGE OF CYBERSPACE, Harvey A.
Silverglate and Thomas C. Viles]
Most of us have been brought up to be grateful for the fact
that we live in a nation where freedom is sacred. In other
countries, we are told as children, people are afraid to
speak their minds for fear they are being watched. Thank
God we live in America!
It would surprise most of us to learn that America is
currently among the premiere surveillance nations in the
world, but such, sadly, is indeed the case. Our leadership
in technology has helped the U.S. government to amass as
much information on its citizens as almost any other nation
in history, totalitarian or otherwise. And to make matters
worse, a consumer surveillance behemoth has sprung up
consisting of huge private data-collection agencies which
cater to business.
As Evan Hendricks, editor of "Privacy Times" (a Washington
D.C.-based newsletter) has put it: "You go through life
dropping bits and pieces of information about yourself
everywhere. Most people don't realize there are big vacuum
cleaners out there sucking it all up." [Wall Street
Journal, March 14, 1991].
To get an idea of how much of your privacy has already been
lost, consider the bits and pieces of information about
yourself which are already available to investigators, and
how thoroughly someone might come to know you by these clues
alone.
A person's lifestyle and personality are largely described,
for example, by his or her purchases and expenses; from your
checking account records -- which banks are required by law
to keep and make available to government investigators -- a
substantial portrait of your life will emerge. Credit card
records may reveal much of the same information, and can
also be used to track your movements. (In a recent case,
"missing" Massachusetts State Representative Timothy O'Leary
was tracked by credit-card transactions as he fled across
the country, and his movements were reported on the nightly
news!)
Then there are your school records, which include IQ and
other test results, comments on your "socialization" by
teachers and others, and may reveal family finances in great
detail. Employment and tax records reveal your present
income, as well as personal comments by employers and co-
workers. Your properties are another public record of your
income and lifestyle, and possibly your social status as
well. Telephone billing records reveal your personal and
business associations in more detail. Insurance records
reveal personal and family health histories and treatments.
All of this information is commonly accessed by government
and private or corporate investigators. And this list is
far from exhaustive!
Now consider how easily the computer networks lend
themselves to even further erosions of personal privacy. The
actual contents of our mail and telephone traffic have up to
now been subjected to deliberate scrutiny only under
extraordinary conditions. This built-in safety is due
primarily to the difficulty and expense of conducting
surveillance in these media, which usually requires extended
human intervention. But in the medium of computer
communications, most surveillance can be conducted using
automated monitoring techniques. Tools currently available
make it possible and even cost-effective for government and
other interests to monitor virtually everything which
happens here.
Why would anyone want to monitor network users? It is well
documented that, throughout the 1960s and 1970s, the FBI and
other agencies of government, in operations such as the
infamous COINTELPRO among others, spent a great deal of time
and effort collecting vast lists of names. As Computer
Underground Digest moderators Jim Thomas and Gordon Meyer
recalled in a recent commentary (CuD #3.42):
"A 1977 class action suit against the Michigan State
Police learned, through FOIA requests, that state and
federal agents would peruse letters to the editor of
newspapers and collect clippings of those whose politics
they did not like. These news clippings became the basis
of files on those persons that found there way into the
hands of other agencies and employers."
To get onto one of these government "enemies" lists, you
often needed to do nothing more than telephone an
organization under surveillance, or subscribe to the "wrong"
types of magazines and newspapers. Groups engaged in
political activism, including environmental and women's
rights organizations, were commonly infiltrated. The sort
of investigative reporting which uncovered these lists and
surveillances back in the '60s and '70s is now rare, but
there is little reason to assume that such activities have
ceased or even slowed. In fact, progressive computerization
of local police LEIU activities (Law Enforcement
Intelligence Units, commonly known as "red squads") suggests
that such activities may have greatly increased.
Within the realm of computer conferencing especially, there
is ample reason to believe that systematic monitoring is
being conducted by government and law-enforcement
organizations, and perhaps by other hostile interests as
well. In a recent issue of Telecom Digest
(comp.dcom.telecom), Craig Neidorf (knight@EFF.ORG) reported
on the results of a recent Freedom of Information Act
request for documents from the Secret Service:
" ... The documents also show that the Secret Service
established a computer database to keep track of
suspected computer hackers. This database contains
records of names, aliases, addresses, phone numbers,
known associates, a list of activities, and various
[conference postings] associated with each individual."
But the privacy issues which surround computer
communications go far beyond the collection of user lists.
Both government and industry have long pursued the elusive
grail of personality profiling on citizens and consumers. Up
to now, such ambitions have been restrained by the practical
difficulty and expense of collecting and analyzing large
amounts of information on large numbers of citizens. But
computer communications, more than any other technology,
seems to hold out the promise that this unholy grail may
finally be in sight.
To coin a phrase, never has so much been known by so few
about so many. The information commonly available to
government and industry investi-gators today is sufficient
to make reliable predictions about our personalities,
health, politics, future behavior, our vulnerabilities,
perhaps even about our innermost thoughts and feelings. The
privacy we all take for granted is, in fact, largely an
illusion; it no longer exists in most walks of life. If we
wish to preserve even the most basic minimum of personal
privacy, it seems clear that we need to take far better care
on the networks than we have taken elsewhere.
* * * * *
FREEDOM
-------
Human beings are the only species with a history.
Whether they also have a future is not so obvious.
The answer will lie in the prospects for popular
movements, with firm roots among all sectors of the
population, dedicated to values that are suppressed
or driven to the margins within the existing social
and political order...
[Noam Chomsky]
In your day-to-day social interactions, as you deal with
employers, clients, public officials, friends, acquaintances
and total strangers, how often do you feel you can really
speak freely? How comfortable are you discussing
controversial issues such as religion, taxes, politics,
racism, sexuality, abortion or AIDS, for example? Would you
consider it appropriate or wise to express an honest opinion
on such an issue to your boss, or a client? To your
neighbors?
Most of us confine such candid discussions to certain
"trusted" social contexts, such as when we are among our
closest friends. But when you post to a network conference,
your boss, your clients, and your neighbors may very well
read what you post -- if they are not on the nets today,
they probably will be soon, as will nearly everyone.
If we have to consider each post's possible impact on our
social and professional reputations, on our job security and
income, on our family's acceptance and safety in the
community, it could be reckless indeed to express ourselves
freely on the nets. Yet conferences are often geared to
controversy, and inhibitions on the free expression of
opinions can reduce traffic to a trickle, killing off an
important conference topic or distorting a valuable sampling
of public opinion.
More important still is the role computer networks are
beginning to play in the free and open dissemination of news
and information. Democracy is crippled if dissent and
diversity in the media are compromised; yet even here in the
U.S., where a "free press" is a cherished tradition, the
bulk of all the media is owned by a small (and ever-
shrinking) number of corporations, whose relatively narrow
culture, interests and perspec-tives largely shape the
public perception.
Computer communication, on the other hand, is by its nature
very difficult to control or shape. Its resources are
scattered; when one BBS goes bust (or is busted!), three
others spring up in its place. The natural resiliency of
computer communications (and other new, decentral-ized
information technologies such as fax, consumer camcorders
and cheap satellite links) is giving rise to a new brand of
global "guerrilla journalism" which includes everyone, and
defies efforts at suppression.
The power and value of this new journalistic freedom has
recently shown itself during the Gulf War, and throughout
Eastern Europe and the Soviet Union, as well as within the
U.S. Just think of the depth and detail of information
available on the nets regarding the Secret Service's recent
"Operation Sundevil" and associated activities, compared to
the grossly distorted, blatantly propagandistic coverage of
those same activities given to the general public through
the traditional media.
Historically, established power and wealth have seldom been
disposed to tolerate uncontrolled media, and recent events
in this country and elsewhere show that computer media are
sometimes seen as threats to established interests as well.
To understand the role of handles in this context, it is
useful to note the flurries of anti-handle sentiment which
have arisen in the wake of crackdowns such as Sundevil, or
the Tom Tcimpidis raid in the early 1980s. Although few
charges and fewer convictions have typically resulted from
such operations, one might be tempted to speculate that the
real purposes -- to terrorize the nets and chill freedoms of
speech and assembly thereon -- have been achieved.
In this way, sysops and moderators become unwitting
accomplices in the supression of freedom on the networks.
When real name requirements are instituted, anyone who fears
retaliation of any sort, by any group, will have to fear
participation in the nets; hence content is effectively
controlled. This consideration becomes especially important
as the nets expand into even more violent and repressive
countries outside the U.S.
We must decide whether freedom of information and open
public discussion are in fact among the goals of network
conferencing, and if so, whether handles have a role in
achieving these goals. As access to the networks grows, we
have a rare opportunity to frustrate the efforts of
governments and corporations to control the public mind! In
this way above all others, computers may have the potential
to shape the future of all mankind for the better.
* * * * *
A CALL TO ACTION
----------------
The move to electronic communication may be a turning
point that history will remember. Just as in
seventeenth and eighteenth century Great Britain and
America a few tracts and acts set precedents for
print by which we live today, so what we think and do
today may frame the information system for a
substantial period in the future.
[Ithiel de Sola Pool, "Technologies of Freedom", 1983]
There was a time when anybody with some gear and a few
batteries could become a radio broadcaster -- no license
required. There was a time when anyone with a sense of
adventure could buy a plane, and maybe get a contract to
carry mail. Those early technological pioneers were
probably unable to imagine the world as it is today, but
their influence is strongly felt in current laws,
regulations and policies with roots in the traditions and
philosophies they founded and shaped.
Today the new pioneers are knitting the world together with
computers, and the world is changing faster than ever. Law
and ethics are scrambling to keep up. How far will this
growth take us? No one can say for sure. But you don't
need a crystal ball to see that computer communications has
the potential to encompass and surpass all the functionality
of prior media -- print, post, telegraph, telephone, radio
and television -- and more. It seems reasonable to assume
that computer communications will be at least as ubiquitous
and important in the lives of our grandchildren as all the
older media have been in ours.
It will be a world whose outlines we can now make out only
dimly. But the foundations of that world are being built
today by those of us exploring and homesteading on the
electronic frontier. We need to look hard at what it will
take to survive in the information age.
In this article we have attempted to show, for one very
narrow issue, what some of the stakes may be in this future-
building game. But the risks associated with exposing your
name in a computer conference are not well defined, and
various people will no doubt assess the importance of these
risks differently. After all, most of us take risks every
day which are probably greater than the risks associated
with conferencing. We drive on the expressway. We eat
sushi. To some people, the risks of conferencing may seem
terrifying; to others, insignificant.
But let us not get side-tracked into unresolvable arguments
on the matter. The real issue here is not how dangerous
conferencing may or may not be; it is whether you and I will
be able to make our own decisions, and protect ourselves (or
not) as we see fit. The obvious answer is that users must
exercise their collective power to advance their own
interests, and to pressure sysops and moderators to become
more sensitive to user concerns.
To help in that effort, we would like to recommend the
following guidelines for user action:
-- Bear in mind John Perry Barlow's observation that
"Liberties are preserved by using them". Let your
sysop know that you would prefer to be using a
handle, and use one wherever you can.
-- Try to support boards and conferences which allow
handles, and avoid those which don't.
-- When using a handle, BEHAVE RESPONSIBLY! There will
always be irresponsible users on the nets, and they
will always use handles. It is important for the
rest of us to fight common anti-handle prejudices by
showing that handles are NOT always the mark of an
irresponsible user!
-- Educate others about the importance of handles (but
NEVER argue or flame anyone about it).
To sysops and moderators: We ask you to bear in mind that
authority is often used best where it is used least. Grant
users the right to engage in any harmless and responsible
behaviors they choose. Protect your interests in ways which
tread as lightly as possible upon the interests of others.
The liberties you preserve may be your own!
In building the computer forums of today, we are building
the social fabric of tomorrow. If we wish to preserve the
free and open atmosphere which has made computer networking
a powerful force, while at the same time taking care against
the risks inherent in such a force, handles seem to be a
remarkably harmless, entertaining and effective tool to help
us. Let's not throw that tool away.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
[end of excerpt]
--
David Collier-Brown, | davecb@Nexus.YorkU.CA | lethe!dave
72 Abitibi Ave., |
Willowdale, Ontario, | He's so smart he's dumb.
CANADA. 416-223-8968 | -- Joyce Collier-Brown
From caf-talk Caf Jun 10 00:17:10 1992
+493
View File
@@ -0,0 +1,493 @@
No such file
(>View: THE APPLE MAFIA F STORY/F/THE SA
*******************************************************************************
******* *******
******* The Apple Mafia Story *******
******* *******
******* As Told To: Red Ghost *******
******* *******
*******************************************************************************
The reason I'm writing this file is to (hopefully) once and for all, clear up
all the rumors, false statements, and just lies, that are going around about
one of the first 3 pirate groups ever. (Untouchables, Apple Mafia, Dirty Dozen)
I won't get into the other two, because there already is "The Untouchables"
story, and I'm not qualified to make comments about the Dirty Dozen.
Everything in this file is fact. I grew up in Queens NY (now 718). Where many
of the "original" pirates and phreaks, were from. Many of the readers will
question certain aspects of this file, or my authority to write it. But they
are always more than welcome to go to the sources themselves and find the truth
is what I am writing.
*******************************************************************************
To begin with, I'm now 22 and going to college. I have been out of the "wares
world" for the better part of 2 years. What prompted me to write this is a
younger friend of mine, who is now a "pirate" and spends his life calling all
the boards, and getting all the wares (Not making fun of anyone, I went
through the same phase when I started, but it was very different from the
pirates world of today). About a week ago he told me about the "Apple Mafia"
regrouping. I said bullshit. And I was right. He gave me some of the files
on discussions now going on about the "new" "apple mafia" and I must say it's
pretty sad.
I felt the real story of what went on should be told, so here it is.
One more thing before I start. I was never in the Apple Mafia, or any of the
other groups mentioned here. I never had that deep an interest in computers
as anything but game machines or better typewriters. But I grew up in close
proximety to many of the people involved, and spent time with them in other
areas besides computers.
*******************************************************************************
From the messages posted about the controversy I have seen. I think it might be
best to go through them 1 by 1. So here's the first one:
(Buffer of msg's. Untouched by me, except the conversion from 40 to 80 cols.)
*******************************************************************************
To:The Fake Apple Mafia From:Disk Rigger
You are definatly not the real Apple Mafia. It was a popular group a while ago.
It incluted Bioc Agent 003, Tuc, Hight Technology, Creative Cracker and a few
others. I will inform them of you losers using there names and you will be
ragged out of your minds. I would recomend you changed your group name or you
will feel the wrath of Bioc!
This is serious and you losers can keep your unoriginal name but You will pay
for it.
(Someone's reply.)
Disk Digger:
Get a life dude. The Apple Mafia is OVER. BIOC Agent was thrown out of
the Apple Mafia. The final members were Tuc, Lord Digital, Creative
Cracker, High Technology, Big Brother the Phantom, Silicon Scorpion, &
Sherlock Apple. Nobody is going to Feel the wrath of Bioc
(hahahahahhahahahahha). because 1. he quit the phreak/pirate world over a year
ago. 2. if he WAS around he wouldnt give a shit. 3. The old members who are
still around probably care even less.
(Someone elses reply.)
While the new "apple mafia" (get a life you fuckups. you might as well call
yourselves the Untouchables.) are idiots.
new warez r0dentz who sure as hell weren't around when the REAL apple mafia was
around, are even bigger r0dents. This means YOU disk digger.
Naming yourself after a program used to pack new wherez. get a life you fat
fuckup. And if the people in the apple mafia knew YOU were throwing their names
around on a fucking catfur, YOU are the one they would be mad at.
FUckup
*******************************************************************************
Despite incorrect statements in both parties messeges, this seems like a good
time to point out that Bioc Agent was never in the Apple Mafia to begin with.
The members changed through time, but Bioc was never a member. (More on him at
a later time) The Final members were: (If you doubt this, then boot up any ware
cracked by them in 84-85. Which was the final regrouping of the Mafia)
The Godfather (Charles). The Phantom (Eric). Creative Cracker (Marc).
High Technology (Craig). Lord Digital (Patrick). Jacque Lafitte (Jack).
The Magnet (Joe). Sherlock Apple (Dave). Silicon Scorpion (Mark).
Data Dragon (Jordon). Big Brother (Andy). & towards the very end: Tuc (Scott).
Former members who were thrown out or quit: The Parasite, Tylenol Cyanide,
Yosemite Sam, and people I don't remember from CA.
(More Messages)
*******************************************************************************
Number > 7
Subject> Apple Mafia? (Ha)
Viewer > DISK RIGGER <Elite>
Posted > MON MAR 17 4:24:17 PM
Genius. Are you talking about that
loser group in 213? They are in for it.
If you didnt know already there was
already a group Called Apple Mafia. Too
bad two of 'em were FEDS.
Hey, Where ANY of you ever on The Old
Sherwood Forest's? [ /, //, /// ]?
(Another msg.)
Number > 8
Subject> SHERWOOD FORESTS
Author > CHRONOS
Posted > MON MAR 17 5:03:32 PM
Yeah, I was on // and ///... I never got an answer at / though... Wasn't the
Apple Mafia (later Micro Mafia) running those boards?
[chronos/KOTBC]
And didn't they break up before they got busted? I remember something about
them just giving up, cause 2 guys were doing all the work...then they put
Yellowbeard in charge and it was never heard from again...
(Another msg.)
Number > 13
Subject> Sherwood Forest
Viewer > WARE BANDIT <Elite>
Posted > TUE MAR 18 3:43:11 PM
What two members of The Real Apple
Mafia were feds? Because I knew several
including High tech, and Creative.
And the reason you neve got an answer
at sherwood forest / was because that
was the old sherwood forest //... High
tech moved from Ny, and after he set it
up at his new place he called it
Sherwood forest //.... Well I have many
old files, and posts saved from the
last grand adventure (that was thier
logo), So if you would like to view
them then just leave me a message on
the underground.
later, [Ware Bandit]
(Another msg.)
Number > 14
Subject> WB..
Viewer > DISK RIGGER <Elite>
Posted > TUE MAR 18 4:17:52 PM
I think Magnetic Surfer ran it. Yeah I
also have a lot of things saved on
Buffer. They had a LARGE G-File
section. And a TRUELY awesome Elite
sub.
And some people got the impression that
Creative Cracker was a lazy ass. It is
not true. The board was being runned by
Federal Agents. He just came in to look
at it.
(Another msg.)
Number > 15
Subject> SERIOUS?
Author > CHRONOS
Posted > TUE MAR 18 5:44:17 PM
Sherwood Forests were really being run by Feds? I'd like to know who... they
let it get pretty far before they busted them then...
[chronos/KOTBC]
(Another msg.)
Number > 18
Subject> The forest
Viewer > WARE BANDIT <Elite>
Posted > WED MAR 19 3:23:11 PM
Okay this might clear some things up between some people that might be confused
on the subject.
Sherwood Forest .... Used to be run by High Tech. About 2-3 years ago.
Sherwood Forest // The later Sherwood forest run by High tech. when he moved.
Sherwood Forest /// Ran by Creative Cracker, a good friend of High tech.
and no they were not feds, they just got a little carried away with the way
they were running thier boards by letting just about anyone access most of the
phreak sections that they had on-line. The Treasury dept. finally closed them
down along with cryton and some other un-heard of hack boards.
If you have any questions feel free to ask.. I was going to run thier number 4
board, but shortly after I was offered the opurtunity they went under...
*******************************************************************************
I don't know where these msg's are from, or who these people are. But almost
everything said in them is wrong.
"I heard 2 guys were doing all the work, so they quit". Whoever said that has
obviously read the 1984 loserlist, because that is a verbatim quote from it.
Not only is it wrong in slandering everyone from Apple Bandit, Hot Rod, and
Wombat/Gonif, to Bioc Agent, Lord Digital and Paul Muad'Dib. But it's written
in a such a ridiculous fashion, that any points the author was trying to make
are lost in the jumble (For those who care it was written by "The Atom").
Sherwood Forests (The last grand adventure).
The FIRST Sherwood Forest was started in 1979 by Magnetic Surfer. The only
people who were on it back then, and still recognized would be Mr. Xerox and
Lord Digital. Other members included Nickie Halflinger, Captain Crunch,
Napoleon Bonaparte, and many others, whose names are probably meaningless to
the people around today.
There was a 20 page write up on "Hackers", before it was in vogue to write
about them (Before WarGames and the 414 busts), In a 1982 issue of "California"
magazine. Which detailed the bust of Ron Austin, who was at the time of arrest
22 years old and being tried for everything from credit card fraud, to grand
theft. Also included in the article was a write up on Hacker bbs systems he
was on and people he knew. The Sherwood Forest mentioned in that article was
Magnetic Surfer's, not the later ones.
Sherwood forest was run on a micromodem and 1 disk drive. There were no Cat's,
DOS was at 3.1, and Disk Drives were still a novelty. It went down in 1981 for
whatever reasons, and went back up as a public system with 1200 & a 46 mb hard
drive in 1983. Shortly thereafter it went private and became the Knights of
Shadow Base bbs. During it's final days in 1984, this was the FINAL memberlist:
SYSTEM OPERATOR <-- Magnetic Surfer. TKOS member
PIT FIEND <-- Local Queens person
LORD DIGITAL <-- Name speaks for itself. Apple Mafia & TKOS member
CRIMINAL ELEMENT <-- Local Queens person, semi notorious for being a ass
STEPHEN FALKEN <-- aka: Jon Gleich of Earth News Central
THE SURGE <-- Unknown. Access from Lord Digital
BIG BROTHER <-- 617 phreak/pirate. Apple Mafia & TKOS member
E.F. HUTTON <-- 312 Phreak/Hacker. TKOS member
THE KNIGHTS OF SHADOW <-- TKOS account
MR. XEROX <-- Name speaks for itself. TKOS founder
CAPTAIN AVATAR <-- aka: Skip Rooney
DISK DEMON <-- Local Queens person
GUEST ACCOUNT <-- A guest account
THE MAGNET <-- Apple Mafia co-founder
THE PROWLER <-- Canadian Phreak, NOT the 612 Prowler
BIOC AGENT 003 <-- Name speaks for itself. TKOS member
QUASI MOTO <-- TKOS member. Ran PloverNet
PHONE FIEND <-- Local Queens person
TUC TUCBBS <-- Tuc. Name speaks for itself. TKOS member
PAUL MUAD'DIB <-- Name speaks for itself. TKOS member
HARDWARE HACKER <-- Local Queens person
TOM TONE <-- Brooklyn person
THE GODFATHER <-- Apple Mafia co-founder
PETER MCIVERS <-- 617 phreak/hacker
THE PHANTOM <-- Apple Mafia member
NICKIE HALFLINGER <-- Hacker, EEE, in his mid 30's
LEX LUTHOR <-- 305 person. Nobody at this time, later founded LOD
UNCLE JOE <-- Have no idea who this is
LESLIE KARASIC <-- Have no idea who this is
THE NECROMANCER <-- TKOS member
DR JIMMY MR JIM <-- TKOS member
THE WIZARD <-- Asshole from 713. Access from Quasi Moto
FRODO HOBBIT <-- Unknown, from 201. Access from Magnetic Surfer
THE DJIN <-- Unknown, from 718. Access from Magnetic Surfer
RICH DOUGAN <-- Unknown, from 718. Access from Magnetic Surfer
APPLE CAT <-- Unknown, from 718. Access from The Phantom
NAPOLEON BONAPARTE <-- TKOS member. Ex of: Inner Circle. ex Sys of SL
CHRISTOPHER BUNN <-- Unknown, from 718. Access from The Phantom
DR. DOOM <-- Have no idea who this is
WILD CAT <-- Have no idea who this is
THE DISKLAIMER <-- Have no idea who this is
MR IBM <-- Have no idea who this is
DRAGON LADY <-- Ex girlfriend of Chesire Catalyst
GAP DRAGON <-- Have no idea who this is
THE MARK <-- Have no idea who this is
CABLE PAIR <-- Fed par excellance`
STOSH FIXER <-- Have no idea who this is
MILO PHONBIL <-- Sysop of Once & Future OSUNY
MR. GUCCI <-- Sysop of AT&T Phone Center
DR. NIBBLEMASTER <-- TKOS member
STAINLESS STEAL RAT <-- TKOS member
And that's it. Reading the list you have to keep in mind that this was right
after the Inner Circle folded, and almost a year before LOD even began. So many
of the current "Big Names", didn't even own computers yet.
In 1983 a friend of their's (The 212/718 people), called Creative Cracker put
up a bbs called Sherwood Forest ][. For a while it had an ae line simply known
as "Sherwood Forest" in 201, then in 1984 Sherwood Forest ]I[ went up, run by
High Technology. The original co-sysops on SF ][ were High Tech & Jack The
Ripper. Jack was dropped, High Tech became a full sysop, and the new co-sysops
became: Tuc, Bioc & Big Brother.
SF ][ started on a disk ][ & a Rana ]I[ disk drive, Micromodem, and a clock. It
went down for 2 weeks in 1984, then came back up with all new software, 20 megs
and 1000's of files.
SF ]I[ went up with a disk ][ & a Rana ]I[, and that's as big as it ever got.
Creative Cracker was a full sysop. And the co-sysops were Sharp Razor, X-Man,
and Wizard 414. co-sub-ops of maintenence (whatever that is), were: Sherlock
Apple and Silicon Scorpion. All co-sysops and sub-ops were dropped after about
2 months.
None of the boards except for Magnetic Surfer's could be considered really
impressive by todays standards. Impressive in terms of hardware that is. This
is the time when just about the only hard drive was a corvus, whose prices for
a 6 meg started at $2000 in that time. and a complete Apple-Cat/212 card/exp-
ansion module system, came to over $1000.
And finally the Apple Mafia, was NEVER the "Micro Mafia", this was yet another
group of losers cashing in on their group name.
*******************************************************************************
I could go on about what happens to all the people from SF, but that's not the
purpose of this file, so I'm not going to digress. There are many files out
about many of the members (Lord Digital, Paul Muad'Dib, Mr. Xerox come to mind)
already. And others have made themselves known through LOD as well (Lex). What
this file is about is The Apple Mafia, so I'm not going to get into all that.
Which brings me to the final part. The Sherwood Forest Busts....
I'm saying right now that I don't know what happened, just offering the facts
that I do know about it.
If (as is said), SF][ was indeed run by the FBI towards the end. Then why did
they let Creative Cracker keep cracking software? It doesn't seem likely they
would have let him continue, did they just not know or what?
Now if they weren't running SF][, then even more questions come to mind. The
most important one is: why run a board if you truly don't care? CC never
looked at his board, never logged in, the news was updated once every 9 months
by BIOC.
What's more, if it WAS a trap, then logically the other Apple Mafia members had
to know about it. Or most of them. NONE of them EVER posted anything at all.
With the exception of Silicon Scorpion & Sherlock Apple, who kept posting new
wares.
It could be that they lost interest in piracy (As is true of Tuc, Lord Digital,
The Phantom, Big Brother, in fact, almost all the members), BUT this still does
not clear up why NONE of them EVER posted ANYWHERE, including the phreak boards
or the elite subs. Now BIOC did post, but if you know BIOC, he always left some
500 line exerpt he typed up from some magazine, or manual (Which is actually
just about all he ever did, much like Lex), nothing that could get him in any
kind of trouble.
These are the same people whose msg's I've seen buffers of from Sherwood Forest
(Magnetic Surfer's), and World of Cryton, who were posting techniques, systems,
and information, all over. But not ONE msg. from any of them on their supposed
"home base". Pretty weird....
The logical conclusion I draw from this is: They knew the board was being
watched at the very least, and didn't want to draw attention to themselves.
In which case they left everyone else to get caught, which is in keeping with
many of the peoples present attitudes. This is also the time during which the
Apple Mafia members who were also in TKOS got a lot of heat from that group
falling apart in a rather spectacular manner. With almost all of them in danger
of being busted for grand theft.
While SF][ & ]I[ didn't go down until summer of 1985, I would say the Apple
Mafia died almost a year eairlier. I talked to Silicon Scorpion towards the
end of 1984 and as he put it: "What group? I don't even have anyones number
anymore. How am I supposed to be part of a group whose members I can't even
find?" This refers to Creative Cracker whose voice number dissapeared, and
who never answered his feedback, The Phantom, ditto. Big Brother, ditto. Tuc,
ditto. Lord Digital, ditto + he stopped calling any boards. Data Dragon, he's
never home. Who's that leave? not many.
In the cases of The Phantom, Lord Digital and Tuc, this is understandable. They
were all undoubtedly living out paranoid fantasies of everything they'd ever
done catching up with them, as it did with Mr. Xerox not too far in the past.
But what happened to everyone else?
*******************************************************************************
The Apple Mafia is over. Maybe one day some of the members will regroup just
for fun. It would be interesting. But some loser named Judge Dredd, should go
crawl back where he came from. Or find another name for his lame excuse of a
group.
*******************************************************************************
Here is the "flyer" heralding the regrouping of the Mafia in 1984. Verbatim as
typed by The Godfather:
BRIEF HISTORY OF THE APPLE MAFIA.
FOUNDED IN 1980 BY THE GODFATHER AS
A JOKE. REDONE IN 1981 AS A SEMI
SERIOUS GROUP. KICKED SOME ASS IN
'82. BLEW EVERYONE AWAY IN 83, AND
WILL DO MUCH BETTER IN 84. SINCE
THE BEGINNING THE GROUP HAS DIED
OUT AND BEEN REBORN SEVERAL TIMES,
THIS TIME LETS KEEP IT GOING. IS
CURRENTLY THE OLDEST ACTIVE GROUP,
NEXT (OF PEOPLE WHO WOULD STILL BE
AROUND) ARE THE WARE LORDS ('83 I
BEILIEVE) AND THE 1200 CLUB ('83
ALSO, I THINK). THAT'S IT.
A FEW GENERAL IDEAS WE WISH TO PROMOTE:
WHEN YOU GET SOME NEW SOFTWARE CALL
UP AS MANY MAFIA MEMBERS AND GET IT
TO THEM FIRST.
GET IT POSTED UP ON THE BOARDS AS FAST
AS POSSIBLE, NOW WITH CATS, TIME IS
CRUTIAL. BE SURE TO STICK THE MAFIA
AT THE END.
DON'T GET THE GROUP INTO FIGHTS, AND
TRY NOT TO BE AN ASSHOLE.
IT HELPS TO GIVE OUT SOFTWARE TO OTHERS
- WITH THE MOB BEHIND YOU, NO ONE
CAN STOP YOU.
KEEP IN TOUCH WITH OTHER MEMBERS, IT
SUCKS WHEN YOU LOSE CONTACT, IF YOU
NEED ANY HELP CATCHING UP, JUST ASK
SOMEONE... THEY SHOULD BE WILLING TO
HELP YOU CATCH UP.
NEW MEMBERSHIPS ARE DECEIDED BY ALL
OF THE MEMBERS, IF YOU KNOW OF SOMEONE
DECENT, TELL EVERYONE ELSE.
THATS ABOUT IT.
THE GODFATHER
1986.
The Apple Mafia Story
Red Ghost
*******************************************************************************
(>==============================================================================
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+413
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> 1
INCREMENT TITLES BY: [DEFAULT IS 10] )=->
[01] PIRATE/TRADING
[02] WARES .....
[03] CALL...
[04] ALL THE K00L STUFF
[05] AE LINE
[06] WHY NOT
[07] THE LIST
[08] APPLE WARES-->
[09] PLEASE TELL OTHERS...
[10] BASICALLY
[T] [R] [P] [Z] [E] [Q] [?] --->****)=->
->[11] SOME WARES
->[12] THE REAL NEW WARES
->[13] APPLICATIONS AVAILABLE
->[14] NEW WARES FOR YA
[T] [R] [P] [Z] [E] [Q] [?] --->****)=->R
(1-14, LAST=0, QUIT=Q) READ MSG.#1
MESSAGE #1: PIRATE/TRADING
MSG LEFT BY: HIGH TECHNOLOGY
POSTED:
***************************************
* *
* WELCOME TO SHERWOOD FOREST /// *
* *
* THIS SUB-BOARD IS DEDICATED *
* TO APPLE SOFTWARE.... *
* *
* ENJOY THE FOREST *
* *
* )=-> SYSOP <-=( *
***************************************
(1-14, LAST=1, QUIT=Q) READ MSG.#
MESSAGE #2: WARES .....
MSG LEFT BY: SHERLOCK APPLE
POSTED:
I HAVE EM ALL !!!!!!
SHERLOCK APPLE
(1-14, LAST=2, QUIT=Q) READ MSG.#
MESSAGE #3: CALL...
MSG LEFT BY: CREATIVE CRACKER
POSTED:
Call...
__________________
_________/Sherwood Forest ][\_________
\^^^^^^^^=^^^^^^=^^/
___[914][359][1517]___
-> 20 Megs. On-Line..
-> 31 Sub-Boards..
-> 15 G-Sections..
Open 24 Hours - 7 Days a week..
Free Validation
Many Advanced Options...
Call Today!!!!
[914][359][1517]
(1-14, LAST=3, QUIT=Q) READ MSG.#
MESSAGE #4: ALL THE K00L STUFF
MSG LEFT BY: THE ROGUE
POSTED:
Yes, I've got all the new stuff or can get it real quick.
So if you want anything, new or old, just leave E-Mail.
The Rogue
Catsend/Disk-fer ONLY!!!!
very few exceptions but....
(1-14, LAST=4, QUIT=Q) READ MSG.#
MESSAGE #5: AE LINE
MSG LEFT BY: UNKNOWN PIRATE
POSTED:
.......................................
. I HAVE BEEN ON VACATION ABOUT 2 MON .
. THS AND I WANT TO PUT MY LINE .
. BACK UP BUT I GO NO SOFTWARE NEW .
. SO ANY BODY WHO WANTS TO HELP ME OU .
. T AND GET MUCH STUFF AFTER I GET BA .
. CK ON MY FEET PLEASE SEND ME E-MAIL .
. .
. LATER .
. .
. .
. BY THE WAY IF YOU WANT TO SEE WHAT .
. NEW SOFTWARE WILL BE AVALIBLE IN TH .
. E NEXT FEW MONTHS READ MY MESSAGE O .
. N SHERWOOD II IT TOOK ME 1/2 HOUR T .
. O TYPE AND I DON'T FEEL LIKE TYPING .
. IT AGAIN MABBE SOME OTHER TIME .
. .
. UNKNOWN PIRATE .
.......................................
(1-14, LAST=5, QUIT=Q) READ MSG.#
MESSAGE #6: WHY NOT
MSG LEFT BY: UNKNOWN PIRATE
POSTED:
WHAT THE HELL HERES A LIST OF ALL THE S
OFTWARE FOR THE NEXT FEW MONTHS.
ATARI--YAACOV AGAM'S INTERACTIVE PAINTI
NG, FIND IT, THE ABC'S OF CPR, WHEELER
DEALER, SIMULATED COMPUTER,TELLY TURTLE
GREMLINS, TRACK AND FIELD, MARIO BROS.
DONKEY KONG JR., CRYSTAL CASTLES.
BAEN--WINGS OUT OF SHADOW, BERSERKER
RAIDS, THE ELECTRIC DRAGON,SNAKE,STARCL
ASH II.
BRODERBUND--CHAMP. LODE RUNNER, CAPTAIN
GOODNIGHT AND THE ISLANDS OF FEAR,MERCY
BIRDS, BANK ST. FILER, BANK STREET MAIL
ER, DAZZLE DRAW, WHERE IN THE WORLD IS
CARMEN SANDIEGO?.
COLECO--TARZAN,WARGAMES,CABBAGE PATCH
KID ADVENTURES,FORTUNE BIULDER,DR. SUES
S FIX UP AND MIX UP BUILDER.
DATAMOST--ANKH, MYCHESS II,EARTHY DELIG
TS.
DATASOFT--JUNO FIRST,MANOCOPTER,MERIDIA
N III,BRUCE LEE,DALLAS,ZAXXON(IIC),LOST
TOMB.
EPYX--HOT WHEELS,GI JOE,BARBIE,BREAKDAN
CE, ROBOTS OF DAWN.
FIRST STAR--ROMPER ROOM'S I LOVE MY ALP
BET,SPY VS. SPY,US ADVENTURE.
INFOCOM--CUTTHROAT
PENGUIN--XYPHUS
ORIGIN--CAR WARS, ORGE
SSI--OBJECTIVE KURST,50 MISSION CRUNCH
TRAPEZE--LIFESPAN,SETI
THATS ALL FOR APPLE CHECK OUT COMMODORE
ATARI,IBM AND POSSIBLY SOME OTHERS
ON OTHER ONLINE BOARDS OF VARIOUS BBS'S
UNKNOWN PIRATE.
(1-14, LAST=6, QUIT=Q) READ MSG.#
MESSAGE #7: THE LIST
MSG LEFT BY: UNKNOWN PIRATE
POSTED:
THE LIST I TYPED WAS A LIST OF NEW
GAMES SOON TO BE RELEASED BY THE
MANUFACTERS OR GAMES JUST RELEASE
I DON'T HAVE MOST OF THE SHIT YET.
UNKNOWN PIRATE
(1-14, LAST=7, QUIT=Q) READ MSG.#
MESSAGE #8: APPLE WARES-->
MSG LEFT BY: PRO-GRAMMER
POSTED:
Aybody out there who wants to trade apple wares,i'm all ears.I have a lot,
and can get most other stuff(the littile that i don't have that is).I'm
looking for some good business programs(compilers,assemblers,spreadsheets etc.)
so anybody interested,leave me e-mail.
LATER--->
THE
[PRO-GRAMMER]
/EX
(1-14, LAST=8, QUIT=Q) READ MSG.#
MESSAGE #9: PLEASE TELL OTHERS...
MSG LEFT BY: HIGH TECHNOLOGY
POSTED:
***************************************
* *
* PLEASE TELL OTHERS ABOUT *
* SHERWOOD FOREST ///.THE MORE CALLS *
* THAT THIS SYSTEM GETS....THE BETTER *
* THE SYSTEM GETS.... *
* *
* ALSO PLEASE POST ABOUT *
* SHERWOOD FOREST /// ON OTHER BBS'S. *
* *
* THANK-YOU *
* *
* )=-> SYSOP <-=( *
* *
* *
***************************************
(1-14, LAST=9, QUIT=Q) READ MSG.#
MESSAGE #10: BASICALLY
MSG LEFT BY: CAPTAIN CANADA
POSTED:
CAPTAIN CANADA HERE,
I HAVE THE BASICALLY NEW STUFF,
XYPHUS,EXPEDITION AMAZON ETC...
IF YOU WANT TO TRADE FOR THOSE OR EVEN
OLDER STUFF PLEASE WRITE HERE OR ON
SFII.I REALLY WANT COMPUTER AMBUSH.
CAN ANYONE HELP?
CAPTAIN CANADA
(1-14, LAST=10, QUIT=Q) READ MSG.#
MESSAGE #11: SOME WARES
MSG LEFT BY: KEY MASTER
POSTED:
OK.THIS IS THE KEYMASTER.I HAVE SOME OF THE
LATEST WARES AND I WILL TRADE WITH ANYONE WHO
HAS CATSEND 3.0 OR DISKFER(CATSEND PREFERED).
IVE HAD EXPEDITION AMAZON AND XYPHUS FOR A LONG
TIME.THEY BOTH SUCK.SKYFOX HAS SOME PRETTY GOOD
GRAPHICS AND ARCHON IS OK.ILL BE GETTING
CHAMP. LODE RUNNER FROM A FRIEND OVER THE WEEKEND.
CAPTAIN GOODKNIGHT ALSO SOMETIME SOON.ANYONE WHO
WANTS A COPY OF CASTLE SMURFENSTEIN OR ANY OF
THE OTHER WARES I NAMED(PLUSMORE) THEN CALL
ME AT THE 4TH REICH 813 734 5312.IM SYSOP,BUT
ID PREFER IF YOU LEFT EMAIL TO THE KEYMASTER
OR THE BEST WOULD BE TO CHAT.TILL THEN....
THE KEYMASTER
(1-14, LAST=11, QUIT=Q) READ MSG.#
MESSAGE #12: THE REAL NEW WARES
MSG LEFT BY: SHERLOCK APPLE
POSTED:
THE REAL NEW WARES:
SERENDIPITY
EZ TEXT
RUN FOR IT
HITCH HIKERS GUIDE TO THE GALAXY
BALTIC 1985
AIR NAV WORKSHOP
CYPRUS ][ (OR WHATEVER ITS CALLED)
DREADNAUGHTS
LATER,
SHERLOCK APPLE!
THE APPLE MAFIA
ALL THE WARES!!
(1-14, LAST=12, QUIT=Q) READ MSG.#
MESSAGE #13: APPLICATIONS AVAILABLE
MSG LEFT BY: RICH NUTS
POSTED:
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$ IF YOU'RE INTERESTED IN BUSINESS OR $
$ UTILITIES SOFTWARE, OR YOU NEED $
$ PROGRAMMING HELP, THEN THIS IS THE $
$ RIGHT PLACE. WE HAVE ACCESS TO ALL $
$ MAJOR BUSINESS PROGRAMS AND OTHER $
$ TYPES OF APPLICATIONS SOFTWARE, AND $
$ WE ARE ALSO EXPERT PROGRAMMERS. $
$ WE DO, HOWEVER, NEED SOME OF THE $
$ NEWER ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAMS. IF $
$ YOU'RE WILLING TO TRADE SEND E-MAIL $
$ EITHER ON THIS BOARD OR SHERWOOD $
$ FOREST // TO RICH NUTS. $
$ $
$ LATER- $
$ $$$$$$ $
$ $RICH$ $
$ $NUTS$ $
$ $$$$$$ $
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
(1-14, LAST=13, QUIT=Q) READ MSG.#
MESSAGE #14: NEW WARES FOR YA
MSG LEFT BY: KEY MASTER
POSTED:
OK WELL,I JUST GOT SOME NEW WARES IN TONIGHT
AND A LOT MORE ARE COMING TOMORROW.HERE
IS MY CURREBT TRADING LIST:
SKYFOX
ARCHON (PATCHED VERSION!!)
CASTLE SMURFENSTEIN
BEACH LANDING
XYPHUS
E.T.
CHAMPIONSHIP LODE RUNNER (MEGA-HARD)
AND MORE TOMORROW.
IF YOU ARE REALLY INTERESTED THEN CALL THE
4TH REICH (813 734 5312) AND LEAVE FEEDBACK OR
E-MAIL TO KEY MASTER.I'LL GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU.
BE SURE TO LEAVE A LISTOF YOUR WARES ALSO.
APPLE CATS ONLY!!I ONLY TRADE IN BELL 202
THE KEYMASTER
(1-14, LAST=14, QUIT=Q) READ MSG.#Q
[T] [R] [P] [Z] [E] [Q] [?] --->***

BIN
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-----------
Anarchy Inc ...presents...
----------- B00G and the art of ZEN
Written under strictly controlled conditions April 1986..
By those rather daft people at the Darque Side. Call today. I insist.
<>--------------------------------------------------------------------------<>
"Bunny farts? What? Me worry?" --Ron S. VanZuylen, Sunnyvale, CA.
<>--------------------------------------------------------------------------<>
The other day a friend of mine came up to me and asked a question which
I hadn't a clear answer to. "What is Boog?" What, indeed, is boog?
That's a damn good question.
Let's avoid discussing this for a moment or two so we can collect our
thoughts and remember from exactly which dusty, half-hidden pothole this
concept first emerged.
/-----------\
! Hey ! <-- Assuming we had both the time and money to invest in
! misstah ! discussing silly useless things like little cute boxes
! wanna ! ingraciously stuck in such ungodly places as the centers
! buy ! of textfiles, perhaps the thing that would strike us as
! a ! most important is the shape of the box, and not, as we
! duck? ! would assume, the contents inside. ..(author)
\-----------/
Feh, Monty Python, Pink Floyd, Opus, The Hallelujiah Chorus, The William
Tell Overture, Benny Hill, Ed, Ned (not Ed), 8, 88. Who are these people,
these things, and why have they assumed importance (or have they assumed
ÿimportance?) Most likely a question would be "How can I get money out of
this?" I can't tell how you will get $, but you can send your $ to me, c/o
this Ascii Express. But this confuses, and we digress.
<>--------------------------------------------------------------------------<>
"Quote? What do you want a lousy quote for?" -Eric C. Thompson, on drugs.
<>--------------------------------------------------------------------------<>
/-----------\ Truly. Perhaps it is that most of us here at Anarchy Inc.
! nEFr ! to a point digress beyond the reasonable limit established
! eEt ! by the men in dark sunglasses for silly textfiles.
! kAT !
! FuD ! We can start by asking ourselves 'What does Boog mean?', but,
! wILe ! as it turns out, the more expedient course of action is to
! oN ! ponder the question, Why 'Boog?'. The answer is, of course,
! aSid. ! Lite Beer. The proof of this is beyond the present scope of
! ! this file and involves the solution of a number of indeter-
! -Havoc ! minate differential equations.
! T. !
! Chaos ! ----- "But so what?" you ask. -----
\-----------/
Now this is all well and good, but the meaning of Boog has little, if
any, to do with Lite Beer. To solve this puzzle we must delve into a field
entirely different from any we have previously encountered in our daily
experience. Look above you. Can you see the sky or is your view impeded by
the crinkly off-white of an acoustic ceiling? The frosty neutral glare of a
fluorescent lightbulb? Ceramic tile? Or perhaps, you can see the stars,
staring back down from a height more remote than the sun.
/--------------\
! !
! box. ! ----- Box. The way of Zen, explained. -----
! !
\--------------/
The Master Yao-shan, upon being asked 'What is the Way?' had answered, 'A
cloud in the sky and water in the jug!' A quick drive up to San Francisco to
an art gallery (or a waffle factory, for that mattÿer) will verify the truth of
this once and for all, and how this relates to Boog can be found hanging on
the wall in the Smithsonian.
Zen is the art of perceiving the world as it is without trying nor even
wanting to understand it. Boog is the manifestation of this in the daily life
of your average modem user. Boog doesn't make sense, it doesn't have to. All
that is required is for you to perceive it.
(As a minor footnote, of late there has been much confusion and
hullaballoo concerning the spelling and proper punctuation of the word boog.
Committees have met, polls have been taken, votes have been counted, decisions
have been made, and the verdict is in: Capitalized. 0's as in B00G permitted
only if G is capitalized. Lately the alternative form b00g has seemed to have
gained some acclaim. Best used in the context "Boog?", "Boog." or "Boog!".
Alas poor Boog, I knew him well..)
Boog is a boog thing. This sentence does not talk about itself, it does
not concern itself with much of anything. It is content to just be. Little
relevance is applied to the fact that I am not sticking to the subject matter.
Lemmings need not stick to their subject matter; they are free to run off to
god-knows-where to do god-knows-what to god-knows-which other ÿlemmings for
god-knows-why and then -poof-, he washes up onshore. Sad, but the lemming did
not seem to so think. Similarly the frozen linguini becomes thawed hence
rendering it edible, but not on a popsicle. Until you understand this
paragraph you are forbidden to continue. I insist.
But what has this to do with Zen? Zen is neZ spelt backwards, but alas
that gives little consolance. Were I to be a Maharishi-ite, I would tell you
how the Grand Forces of the Unified field combine to ..well.. let things
happen. But I am not and I will not so you're out of luck. d00d. Seriously my
veal parmesian is cooling, and it must be attended to, so discuss that with
the Bagwhan. Ah.. Choo.
Sir! Are you still alive?
Boog. What is boogÿ? Boog is the experience. An ultimate that weaves its
way into and through our lives as the spider weaves its web, in desperate
search for food. Boog is.
<>--------------------------------------------------------------------------<>
I have been told that Ed is round is good is not Ned is good is Ed.
And Ned is not Ed is bad is not 8. 8 is round, is good. 88 is The Number.
Then we were told that there were Edly people, and edliest of all be Ed
Mertens, who has a round head. Edly people like /ed until /ed was /exiled,
and is no more. - Ned Mertens, man with big dick.
<>--------------------------------------------------------------------------<>
Where to send the money: (c) Anarchy Inc.
The Dark Side Ascii Express Line
Call 408/245-SPAM and you will not be disappointed.
But you might vomit.
They're coming to take me away, ha ha.
<..No!..No!..No!..Yes!..Yes!..Yes!..No!..No!..No!..Yes!..Yes!..Yes!..No!..>

+64
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1990 July 12 at 11:17 EDT
To: David Walker
FROM: Jeff Sharpe
I thought this was pretty funny. This is a true IBM ordering
information quote from one of their catalogues. Pass it on...
This is an actual alert to IBM Field Engineers that went out to
all IBM Branch Offices. The person who wrote it was very
serious. The rest of us may find it rather funny.
__________________________________________________________________
Abstract: Mouse Balls Available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit)
Mouse balls are now available as FRU. Therefore, if a mouse
fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a
ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this
procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by
properly trained personnel.
Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining
the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and
harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ
depending upon manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be
replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced
using the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not usually static
sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden
discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be
used immediately.
It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls
for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer
missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing
these necessary items.
To re-order, specify one of the following:
P/N 33f8462 - Domestic Mouse Balls
P/N 33f8461 - Foreign Mouse Balls
X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
Another file downloaded from: NIRVANAnet(tm)
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File: BASIC TELCOM IV
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******BIOC Agent 003's course in*******
* *
* ========================== *
* =BASIC TELECOMMUNCIATIONS= *
* ========================== *
* PART IV *
***************************************
Revised: 15-JUN-84
PREFACE:
--------
Part IV will deal with the various types of operators, office hierarchy, &
switching equipment.
OPERATORS:
----------
There are many types of operators in The Network and the more common ones
will be discussed.
TSPS Operator:
The TSPS [(Traffic Service Position System) as opposed to This Shitty Phone Service] Operator is probably the bitch (or bastard for the phemale
liberationists) that most of us are use to having to deal with.
Here are her responsibilities:
1) Obtaining billing information for Calling Card or 3rd number calls.
2) Identifying called customer on person-to-person calls.
3) Obtaining acceptance of charges on collect calls.
4) Identifying calling numbers. This only happens when the calling # is not
automatically recorded by CAMA (Centralized Automatic Message Accounting) &
forwarded from the local office. This could be caused by equipment failures
(ANIF - Automatic Number Identification Failure) or if the office is not
equipped for CAMA (ONI - Operator Number Identification).
<I once had an equipment failure happen to me & the TSPS operator came on and
said, "What # are you calling FROM?" Out of curiosity, I gave her the # to my
CO, she thanked me & then I was connected to a conversion that appeared to be
between a frameman & his wife. Then it started ringing the party I originally
wanted to call & everyone phreaked out (excuse the pun). I immediately dropped
this dual line conference!>
You shouldn't mess with the TSPS operator since she KNOWS where you are calling
from. Your number will show up on a 10-digit LED read-out (ANI board) She also
knows whether or not you are at a fortress fone & she can trace calls quite
readily. Out of all the operators, she is one of the MOST DANGEROUS.
INWARD Operator:
This operator assists your local TSPS ("O") operator in connecting calls. She
will never question a call as long as the call is within HER SERVICE AREA.
She can only be reached via other operators or by a Blue Box. From a BB,
you would dial KP+NPA+121+ST for the INWARD operator that will help you connect
any calls within that NPA only. (Blue Boxing will be discussed in a future part
of BASIC TELCOM)
DIRECTORY ASSISTANCE Operator:
This is the operator that you are connected to when you dial: 411 or
NPA-555-1212. She does not readily know where you are calling from. She does
not have access to unlisted #'s, but she does know if an unlisted # exists for
a certain listing.
There is also a directory assistance for deaf people who use Teletypewriters
If your modem can transfer BAUDOT [(45.5 baud)/ (the Apple Cat can)], then you
can call him/her up and have an interesting conversation. The # is:
800-855-1155. They uses the standard Telex abbreviations such as GA for Go
Ahead. They tend to be nicer & will talk longer than your regular operators.
Also, they are more vulnerable into being talked out of information through the
process of "social engineering" as Cheshire Catalyst would put it.
<Unfortunately, they do not have access to much. I once bullshitted with one
of these operators and I found out that there are 2 such DA offices that handle
TTY. One is in Philadelphia and the other is in California. They have
approximately 7 operators each. Most of the TTY operators think their job is
boring (based on an official "BIOC poll"). They also feel they are under-paid.
They actually call up a regular DA # to process your request (Sorry, no fancy
computers!).>
Other operators have access to their own DA by dialing KP+NPA+131+ST (MF).
In the confusion due to the aftermath of the Bell System break-up, it seems
that it will now cost 50 cents per DA call! Exceptions seem to be Canadian
DA & the TTY DA (for the time being). Thus you might be able to avoid being
charged for DA calls by using your computer [running at 45.5 baud!] and their
800 TOLL-FREE #! If they decide to charge from fortresses also, the method of
making DA calls from the fortress and purposely asking for an unlisted # so you
can have the operator credit you home # will no longer work!
CN/A Operators:
CN/A operators are operators that do exactly the opposite of what directory
assistance operators are for. See part II, for more info on CN/A & #'s. In my
experiences, these operators know more than the DA op's do & they are more
susceptible to "social engineering." It is possible to bullshit a CN/A operator
for the NON-PUB DA # (ie, you give them the name & they give you the unlisted
#). This is due to the fact that they assume your are a phellow company
employee. Unfortunately, the break-up has resulted in the break-up of a few
NON-PUB #'s and policy changes in CN/A.
INTERCEPT Operator:
The intercept operator is the one that you are connected to when there are not
enough recordings available to tell you that the # has been disconnected or
changed. She usually says, "What # you callin'?" with a foreign accent. This
is the lowest operator lifeform. Even though they don't know where you are
calling from, it is a waste of your time to try to verbally abuse them since
they usually understand very little English.
Incidentally, a few areas do have intelligent intercept operators.
OTHER Operators:
And then there are the: Mobile,Ship-to-Shore, Conference, Marine Verify,
"Leave Word & Call Back," Rout & Rate (KP+800+141+1212+ST - new # as result of
Bell breakup), & other special operators who have one purpose or another in the
Network.
Problems with an Operator? Ask to speak to their supervisor...or better yet,
the Group Chief (who is the highest ranking official in any office) who is the
equivalent of the Madame in a whorehouse (if you will excuse the analogy).
By the way, some CO's that will allow you to dial a 1 or 0 as the 4th digit,
will also allow you to call special operators & other phun Telco #'s without a
blue box. This is very rare though! For example, 212-121-1111 will get you a
NY Inward Operator.
==================
=OFFICE HIERARCHY=
==================
Every switching office in North America (the NPA system), is assigned an office
name & class. There are five classes of offices numbered 1 through 5. Your
CO is most likely a class 5 or end office. All Long-Distance (Toll) calls
are switched by a toll office which can be a class 4, 3, 2, or 1 office. There
is also a 4X office called an intermediate point. The 4X office is a digital
one that can have an unattended exchange attached to it (known as a Remote
Switching Unit-RSU).
The following chart will list the Office #, name, & how many of those offices
existed in North America in 1981.
Class Name Abb # Existing
----- ---------------- --- ------------
1 Regional Center RC 12
2 Sectional Center SC 67
3 Primary Center PC 230
4 Toll Center TC 1,300
4P Toll Point TP
4X Intermediate Pt IP
5 End Office EO 19,000
R RSU RSU
When connecting a call from one party to another,the switching equipment
usually tries to find the shortest route between the Class 5 end office of
the caller & the Class 5 end office of the called party. If no inter-office
trunks exist between the 2 parties, it will then move upto the next highest
office for servicing (Class 4). If the Class 4 office cannot handle the call
by sending it to another Class 4 or 5 office, it will be sent to the next
office in the hierarchy (3). The switching equipment first uses the high-usage
interoffice trunk groups, if they are busy it then goes to the final trunk
groups on the next highest level. If the call cannot be connected then, you
will probably get a re-order [120 IPM (Interruptions Per Minute) busy signal]
signal. At this time, the guys at Network Operations are probably shitting in
their pants and trying to avoid the dreaded Network Dreadlock (as seen on TV!).
It is also interesting to note that 9 connections in tandem is called
ring-around-the rosy and it has never occurred in telephone history. This
would cause an endless loop connection. [a neat way to really screw-up the
Network]
The 10 regional centers in the US & the 2 in Canada are all interconnected.
They form the foundation of the entire telephone network. Since there are
only 12 of them, they are listed below:
Class 1 Regional Office Location NPA
---------------------------------- ---
Dallas 4 ESS 214
Wayne, PA 215
Denver 4T 303
Regina No.2 SP1-4W [Canada] 306
St. Louis 4T 314
Rockdale, GA 404
Pittsburgh 4E 412
Montreal No.1 4AETS [Canada] 504
Norwich, NY 607
San Bernardino, CA 714
Norway, IL 815
White Plains 4T, NY 914
The following diagram demonstrates how the various offices may be connected:
^----------^----------^ Regional
_!_ _!_ _!_Offices
~~~~~!1! <----> !1! <----> !1!~~~~~
--- --- ---
! Others\/
-^-------^-------^------^---------^
_!_ _!_ _!_ _!__ _!_
!2! !3! !4! !4P! !5!
--- --- --- -^^- ---
! ! ! !
^----^ ! ^----^ !
_!_ _!_ ! __!_ _!_ !
!3! !4! ! !4X! !5! ^-----^
--- -^- ! ---- --- _!__ _!_
^ ! !4X! !5!
__!_ ! ---- ---
!5R! !-------------^
-^^- /--------!---------\
_!_ _!__ _!_ _!_
!R! !4P! !4! !5!
--- ---- --- ---
=====================
=SWITCHING EQUIPMENT=
=====================
In the Network, there are 3 major types of switching equipment. They are known
as: Step, Crossbar, & ESS.
STEP-BY-STEP (SxS)
The Step-By-Step, a/k/a the Strowger switch or two-motion switch, was invented
in 1889 by an undertaker named Almon Strowger. He invented this mechanical
switching equipment because he felt that the biased operator was routing all
requests for an 'undertaker' to her husband's business.
Bell started using this system in 1918 & as of 1978, over 53% of the Bell
exchanges used this method of switching. This figure is probably substantially
less now.
Step-by-Step switching is controlled directly by the dial pulses which move
a series of switches (called the switch train) in order. When you first pick
up the fone under SxS, a linefinder acknowledges the request (sooner or later)
by sending a dial tone. If you then dialed 1234, the equipment would first
find an idle selector switch. It would then move vertically 1 pulse, it
would then move horizontally to find a free second selector, it would then
move 2 vertical pulses, step horizontally to find the next selector, etc. Thus
the first switch in the train takes no digits, the second switch takes 1 digit,
the third switch takes 1 digit, & the last switch in the train (called the
connector) takes the last 2 digits & connects your calls. A normal (10,000
line) exchange requires 4 digits (0000-9999) to connect a local call & thus it
takes 4 switches to connect every call (linefinder, 1st & 2nd selectors, & the
connector) .
While it was the first, SxS sucks for the following reasons:
[1] The switches often become jammed thus the calls often become blocked.
[2] You can't use DTMF (Dual-Tone Multi-Frequency a/k/a Touch-Tone) directly.
It is possible that the Telco may have installed a conversion kit but then the
calls will go through just as slow as pulse, anyway!
[3] They use a lot of electricity & mechanical maintenance. (bad from Telco
point of view)
[4] Everything is hardwired.
They can still hook up pen registers & other shit on the line so it is not
exactly a phreak haven.
You can identify SxS offices by:
(1) Lack of DTMF or pulsing digits after dialing DTMF.
(2) If you go near the CO, it will sound like a typewriter testing factory.
(3) Lack of speed calling, call forwarding, & other custom services.
(4) Fortress fones that want your money first (as opposed to dial tone first
ones).
The preceding don't necessarily imply that you have SxS but they surely give
evidence that it might be. Also, if any of the above characteristics exist,
it certainly isn't ESS! Also, SxS have pretty much been eradicated from large
metropolitan areas such as NYC (212).
CROSSBAR:
There are 3 major types of Crossbar systems called: No. 1 Crossbar (1XB),
No. 4 Crossbar (4XB), & No. 5 Crossbar (5XB). 5XB has been the primary end
office switch of Bell since the 60's and thus it is in wide-use. There is
also a Crossbar Tandem (XBT) used for toll-switching.
Crossbar uses a common control switching method. When there is an incoming
call, a stored program determines its route through the switching matrix.
In Crossbar, the basic operation principle is that a horizontal & a vertical
line are energized in a matrix known as the crosspoint matrix. The point where
these 2 lines meet in the matrix is the connection.
+===+
=ESS=
+===+
Electronic Switching System (ESS)
The Phreak's Nightmare Come True
(or Orwell's Prophecy as 2600 puts it)
ESS is Bell's move towards the Airstrip One society depicted in Orwell's 1984.
With ESS, EVERY single digit that you dial is recorded--even if it is a
mistake. They know who you call, when you call, how long you talked for, &
probably what you talked about (in some cases). ESS can (and is) also
programmed to print out #'s of people who make excessive calls to 800 #'s or
directory assistance. This is called the "800 Exceptional Calling Report."
ESS could also be programmed to print out logs of who calls certain #'s--like
a bookie, a known communist, a BBS, etc The thing to remember with ESS is that
it is a series of programs working together. These programs can be very
easily changed to do whatever they want it to do. This system makes the job of
Bell Security, the FBI, NSA, & other organizations that like to invade privacy
incredibly easy.
With ESS, tracing is done in microseconds (Eine Augenblick) & the results are
printed at the console of a Bell Gestapo officer. ESS will also pick up any
"foreign" tones on the line such as 2600 Hz!
Bell predicts that the country will become totally ESS by the 1990's.
You can identify ESS by the following which are usually ESS functions:
[1] Dialing 911 for help.
[2] Dial-Tone-First fortresses.
[3] Custom Calling Services such as: Call Forwarding, Speed Dialing, & Call
Waiting. (Ask your business office if you can get these.)
[4] ANI (Automatic Number Identification) on LD calls.
Phreaking does not come to a complete halt under ESS though--just be very
careful, though!!!
Due to the fact that ESS has a computer generated "artificial" ring, you are
not directly connected to the called parties line until he picks up. Therefore,
Black Boxes & Infinity Transmitters will not work under ESS!
NOTE: Another interesting way to find out what type of equipment you are on is
to raid the trash can of you local CO--this art will discussed in a
separate article soon. Asking for a tour of your CO for a "school
report" can also be helpful.
Coming Soon:
In the part V, we will start to take a look at telephone electronics.
Further Reading:
For more information on the above topics, I suggest the following:
Notes on the Network, AT&T, 1980.
Understanding Telephone Electronics,Texas Instruments, 1983.
And subscriptions to:
TAP, Room 603, 147 W 42 St, New York,NY 10036. Subscriptions are $10/year.
Back issues are $0.75. The current issues is #90 (Jan/Feb 1984)
2600, Box 752, Middle Island, NY 11953. Subscriptions are $10/year. Back
issues are $1 each. The current issue is #6 (June 1984).
They are both excellent sources of all sorts of information (primarily
phreaking/hacking).
NOTE: For the most part, I have assumed that you have read my previous 3
courses in the BASIC TELCOM series.
Excelsior,
*****BIOC
*=$=*Agent
*****003
Knights of Shadow
April 13, 1984
{The Year of Big Brother}
<<=-FARGO 4A-=>>
[ RACS III - (914) 942-2638 ]
[ Sherwood Forest ][ - (914) 359-1517 ]
PS Sysops of other BBS's are welcome to use this series on their own boards
providing that you don't change anything.
PPS Due to the radical changes taking place in the Network due to the break up
this January, I have been forced to make many revisions of certain parts of
my BASIC TELCOM series. If something does not seem right, please keep the
current revision date in mind. I have tried to keep this series as current
as possible.
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

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File: BASIC TELCOM V
*******BIOC Agent 003's course in******
* *
* ========================== *
* =BASIC TELECOMMUNICATIONS= *
* ========================== *
* PART V *
***************************************
Revised: 08-AUG-84
PREFACE:
Previous installments of this series here focused on telephony from a Network
point-of-view. Part V will deal with telephone electronics focusing primarily
on the subscriber's telephone. Hereinafter simply referred to as "fone."
Wiring:
-------
Assuming a standard one-line fone, there are usually 4 wires that lead out of
the fone set. These are standardly colored red, green, yellow, & black. The
red & green wires are the two that are actually hooked up to your CO. The
yellow wire is sometimes used to ring different fones on a party line (ie, one
#, several families--found primarily in rural areas where they pay less for the
service and they don't use the fone as much); otherwise, the yellow is usually
just ignored. On some two-line fones, the red & green wires are used for the
first fone # and the yellow & black are used for the second line. In this case
there must be an internal or external device that switches between the two
lines and provides a hold function. (Such as Radio Shack's outrageously priced
2 line & hold module).
In telephony, the green & red wires are often referred to as tip (T) & ring
(R), respectively. The tip is the more positive of the two wires. This naming
goes back to the old operator cord boards where one of the wires was the tip of
the plug and the other was the ring (of the barrel).
A rotary fone (aka dial or pulse) will work fine regardless of whether the red
(or green) wire is connected the tip(+) or ring(-). A touch-tone (TM) fone is
a different story, though. It will not work except if the tip(+) is the green
wire. [Although, some of the more expensive DTMF fones do have a bridge
rectifier which compensates for polarity reversal.] This is why under certain
(non-digital) switching equipment you can reverse the red & green wires on a
touch-tone fone and receive free DTMF service. Even though it won't break dial
tone, reversing the wires on a rotary line on a digital switch will cause the
tones to be generarted.
Voltages, Etc.
--------------
When your telephone is on-hook (ie, hung up) there is approximately 48 volts of
DC potential across the tip & ring. When the handset of a fone is lifted a few
switches close which cause a loop to be connected (known as the "local loop")
between your fone & the CO. Once this happens DC current is able to flow
through the fone with less resistance. This causes a relay to energize which
causes other CO equipment to realize that you want service. Eventually, you
should end up with a dial tone. This also causes the 48 VDC to drop down into
the vicinity of 12 volts. The resistance of the loop also drops below the 2500
ohm level, though FCC licensed telephone equipment must have an off-hook
impedance of 600 ohms. As of now, you ahands of our "friends" at D&B. To say
the least, they weren't exactly thrilled about it. In fact, they did not
even believe that they had a security problem! (Well, that just goes
to prove that if you are good, no one knows that you are there!)
In a big effort to defeat us, they called in an outside service to
spruce up their "security." Well, fortunately for us, we were able to
find out about the new system! (Which wasn't really a problem. First,
they had the new dial-ups when you logged on, and as always they have a
nice little place on Telenet! (Where we do most of our work: C 20188).
Now, they have set up a new system they like to call DunsNet.
They are trying to pass it off as a ectionately call this mute a black box.
the following are instructions on how to build a simple black box. Of course,
anything that prevents the voltage from dropping would work.
You only need two parts: A SPST toggle switch and a 10,000 ohm (10 K), 1/2
watt resistor. Any electronics store should stock these parts.
Now, cut 2 pieces of wire (about 6 inches long) and attach one end of each wire
to one of the terminals on the switch. Now turn your K500 (standard desk fone)
upside down and take off the cover. Locate wire (disconnect it from its
terminal). Now bring the switch out the rear of the fone and replace the
cover.
Put the switch in a position where you receive a dial tone. Mark this position
NORMAL. Mark the other side FREE.
When your phriends call (at a prearranged time), quickly lift & drop the
receiver as fast a possible. This will stop the ringing (do it again if it
doesn't) with out starting the billing. It is important that you do
it quickly (less than 1 second). Then put the switch in the FREE position and
pick up the fone. Keep all calls short and preferrably under 15 minutes.
NOTE: If someone picks up an extension in the called parties house and
that fone is not set for FREE then billing will start.
NOTE: An old way of signalling a phriend that you are about to call is making
a collect call to a non-existant person in the house. Since your friend
will not accept the charges, he will know that you are about to call
and thus prepare the black box (or visa versa).
WARNING: The Telco can detect black boxes if they suspect one on your line.
This is done due to the presence of AC voice signal at the wrong DC
level!
Pictoral Diagram:
(Standard Rotary K500 fone)
---------------------------------------
! !
***BLUE WIRE**>>F< !
! * * !
**WHITE WIRE** * !
! * !
! RESISTOR !
! * !
! * !
! >RR<*******SWITCH**** !
! * !
****GREEN WIRE********************** !
! !
---------------------------------------
NOTE: The Black Box will not work under ESS or other similar digital switches
since ESS does not connect the voice circuits until the fone is picked
up (& billing starts). Instead, ESS uses an "artificial" computer
generated ring.
Ringing:
--------
To inform a subscriber of an incoming call, the Telco sends 90 volts (PK) of
pulsing DC down the line (at around 15 to 60 Hz; usually 20 Hz). In most fones
this causes a metal armature to be attracted alternately between two
electro-magnets thus striking 2 bells. of course, the standard bell (patented
in 1878 by Tom A. Watson) can be replaced by a more modern electronic bell or
signaling device.
Also, you can have lights and other similar devices in lieu of (or in
conjunction with) the bell. A simple neon light (with its corresponding
resistor) can simply be connected between the red & green wires (usually L1 &
L2 on the network box) so that it lights up on incoming calls.
WARNING: 90 VDC can give quite a shock. Exercise extreme caution if you wish
to further persue these topics.
Also included in the ringing circuit is a capacitor tbig savings of time since
the hassle of using a a time shared public network does not exist. We're
sure that Mr. J.W.P. of DUNSPRINT had more on his mind when he wrote the
letter (on the system)! DunsNet is accessible from a regular dial-up. We
have not been able to get a number yet for this system, but once on it
allegedly works just like Telenet! Two carriage returns and you will see
"DunsNet" then the familiar "@" symbol. To use the system like we showed
you, type "RPTS" at thiup to drop a trouble card for long periods of ringing
then a "no-no" detection device may be placed on the line.
Incidentally, the term "ring trip" refers to the CO process involved to stop
the AC ringing signal when the calling fone goes off hook.
NOTE: It is suggested that you actually dissect fones to help you better
understand them. It will also help you to better understand the concepts
here if you actually prove them to yourself. For example, actually
take the voltage readings on your fone line [any simple
multi-tester (a must) will do.] Phreaking is an interactive
process not a passive one!
Dialing:
--------
On a standard fone, there are two common types of dialing: pulse & DTMF. Of
course, some people insist upon being different and don't use the DT thus
leaving them with MF (Multi Frequncy, aka operator, blue box) tones. This is
another "no-no" and the Telco Security gentelmen have a special knack for
dealing with such "phreaks" on the network.
When you dial rotary, you are actually rapidly breaking & reconnecting
(breaking & making) the local loop once for each digit dialed. Since the
physical connection must be broken, you cannot dial if another extension (of
that #) is off-hook. Neither of the fones will be able to dial pulse unless
the other hangs up.
Another term often referred to in telephone electronics is the break ratio. In
the US, the standard is 10 pulses per second. When the circuit is opened it is
called the break interval. When it is closed it is called the make interval.
In the US, there is a 60 millisecond (ms) make period and a 40 ms break period.
(60+40=100 ms = 1/10 second). This is referred to as a 60% make interval.
Some of the more sophisticated electronic fones can switch between a 60% & a
67% make interval. This is due to the fact that many foreign nations use a 67%
break interval.
Have you ever been in an office or a similar facility and saw a fone waiting
to be used for a free call but some asshole put a lock on it to prevent
outgoing calls?
Well, don't fret phellow phreaks, you can simulate pulse dialing by rapidly
depressing the switchook. (If you depress it for longer than a second it will
be construed as a disconnect.) By rapidly switchooking you are causing the
local loop to be broken & made similar to rotary dialing! Thus if you can
manage to switchook rapidly 10 times you can reach an operator to place any
call you want! This takes alot of practice, though. You might want to
practice on your own fone dialing a friend's # or something else. Incidentally,
this method will also work with DTMF fones since all DTMF lines can also handle
rotary.
Another problem with pulse dialing is that it produces high-voltage spikes that
make loud clicks in the earpiece and cause the bell to "tinkle." If you never
noticed this then your fone has a special "anti-tinkle" & earpiece shorting
circuit (most do). If you have ever dissected a rotary fone (a must for any
serious phreak) you would have noticed that there are 2 sets of contact that
open and close during pulsing (on the back of the rotary dial under the plastic
cover). One of these actually opens and closes the loop while the other mutes
the earpiece by shorting it out. The second contacts also activates a special
anti-tinkle circuit that puts a 340 ohm resistor across the ringing circuit
which prevents the high voltage spikes from interferring with the bell.
Dual Tone Multi Frequency (DTMF) is a modern day improvement on pulse dialing
in several ways. First of all, it is more convenient for the user since it
is faster and can be used for signaling after the call is completed (ie, SCC's,
computers, etc.). Also, it is more up to par with modern day switching
equipment (such as ESS) since pulse dialing was designed to actually move
relays by the number of digits dialed (in SxS offices).
Each key on a DTMF keypad produces 2 frequencies simultaneously (one from the
high group and another from the low group).
-------------------------
Low Group ! Q ! ABC ! DEF ! !
697 Hz-! 1 ! 2 ! 3 ! A !
! ! ! ! !
!-----!-----!-----!-----!
! GHI ! JKL ! MNO ! !
770 Hz-! 4 ! 5 ! 6 ! B !
! ! ! ! !
!-----!-----!-----!-----!
! PRS ! TUV ! WXY ! !
852 Hz-! 7 ! 8 ! 9 ! C !
! ! ! ! !
!-----!-----!-----!-----!
! ! OPER! ! !
941 Hz-! * ! 0 ! # ! D !
! ! Z ! ! !
!-----!-----!-----!-----!
1209 1336 1477 1633
(High Group--in Hz)
A portable DTMF keypad is known as a white box.
The fourth column (1633 Hz) is not normally found on regular fones but it
does have several special uses. For one, it is used to designate the priority
of calls on AUTOVON, the military fone network. These key are called: Flash,
Immediate, Priority, & Routine (with variations) instead of ABCD. Secondly,
these keys are used for testing purposes by the Telco. In some area you can
find loops as well as other neat tests (see Part II) on the 555-1212 directory
assistance exchange. For this, you would call up an DA in certain areas [that
have an Automatic Call Distributor (ACD)] and hold down the "D" key which
should blow the operator off. You will then hear a pulsing dial tone which
indicates that you are in the ACD internal testing mode. You can get on one
side of a loop by dialing a 6. The other side is 7. Some phreaks claim that
if the person on side 6 hangs up, occasionally the equipment will screw up and
start directing directory assistance calls to the other side of the loop.
Another alleged test is called REMOB which allows you to tap into lines by
entering a special code followed by the 7 digit number you want to monitor.
Then there is the possibility of mass conferencing.
ACD's are become rare though. You will probably have to make several NPA-555-
1212 calls before you find one.
You can modify regular fones quite readily so that they have a switch to change
between the 3rd and 4th columns. This is called a silver box (aka grey box) and
plans can be found in Tap as well as on many BBS's.
Transmitter/Receiver:
---------------------
When you talk into the transmitter, the sound waves from your voice cause a
diaphragm to vibrate and press against the carbon granules (or another similar
substance). This causes the carbon granules to compress and contract thus
changing the resistance of the DC coupled path through it. Therefore, your AC
voice signal is superimposed over the DC current of the local loop. The
receiver works in a similar fashion where the simple types utilize a
magnet, armature, & diaphragm.
Hybrid/Induction Coil:
----------------------
As you may have noticed, there are two wires for the receiver and two for the
transmitter in the fone, yet the local loop consists of 2 wires instead of 4.
This 4-wire to 2-wire conversion is done inside the fone by a device known as
an induction coil which uses coupling transformers. All of the internal Telco
trunks also use 4 wires. It is only the local loop that uses 2 since it is
cheaper. A device in the CO known as a hybrid converts between 4 and 2 wire
set-ups similar to the induction coil inside the fone. Special data
transmission lines require extremely low signal to noise ratios, they require
the full four wires--two for transmission and two for receiving (even on the
local loop).
Miscellaneous:
--------------
In the telephone, there is also a balancing network consisting of a few
capacitors & resistors which provide sidetone. Sidetone allows the caller to
hear his own volume in the receiver. He can then adjust his voice accordingly.
This prevents people from shouting or speaking too softly without noticing it.
Hold:
When a telephone goes off hook, the resistance drops below 2500 ohms. At this
point, the Telco will send a dial tone. To put someone on hold you must put a
1000 ohm resistor (1 watt) across the Tip & Ring before it reaches the
switchook. In this way, when the fone is hung up (for hold) the resistance
remains below 2500 ohms which causes the CO to believe that you are still
off-hook. You can build a simple hold device using the following pictoral
diagram:
/
(RED) O-------------------------/
[L1] ! ! !
! ! !
1000 Ohm ! !
Resistor Ringing !
! Circuit !
! ! !
/ ! Switch-
/ SPST Switch ! Hook
! ! !
! ! !
! ! !/
(GREEN) O------------------------/
[L2]
--> To Rest of
Fone
This hold device is only effective if you also hang up the fone. To make a
hold/mute switch, simple connect a wire in place of the 1K resistor to effect a
short circuit (who cares if you damage CO equipment?).
Conclusion:
-----------
NOTE: Many of the electronics components of normal fones (K500) are enclosed
in the network box (which shouldn't be opened).
I have assumed that the reader has a basic knowledge of electronics. Also,
I have assumed that you have read the 4 previous installments of this series
(and hopefully enjoyed them).
In part VI, we will take a look at fortress fones.
Suggested Further Reading:
--------------------------
Electronics Courses A-D, TAP, @ $.75 each.
Electronic Telephone Projects, A.J. Caristi, Howard Sams Books.
Everything you Always Wanted to Know About 1633 Hz Tones but Were Afraid to
Ask, The Magician, TAP, issue #62.
Free BELL phone calls, TAP, Fact sheet #2, @ $.50.
Free GTE phone calls, TAP, Fact sheet #3, @ $.50.
How to modify your Bell Touch Tone Fone to..
TAP/Room 603/147 W 42 St./New York, NY 10036. Please specify by backissue
#'s (not article names). All back-issues are $1 each. Subscriptions are
$10/year (10 issues). Say that BIOC Agent 003 sent you.
Another good phreak publication:
2600/Box 752/Middle Island, NY 11953. Subscriptions are $10/year. Backissues
are $1 each.
Excelsior,
*****BIOC (P) 1984 BIOC
*=$=*Agent International
*****003
July 18, 1984
<<=-FARGO 4A-=>>
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

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What ever happened to real bulletin-board systems?
First off, I'd like to make it perfectly clear that I cannot
be objective in these notes. These are observations, but they
are from 1) a Sysop
2) a user of 8BBS, the greatest BBS ever evolved
3) a boy ... who's become a boyish programmer
4) an old timer....1977 was when I first started
using BBS systems.
5) the author of a BBS system
If you're expecting objectivity, then don't bother reading on. I have a
rather unique perspective on the entire BBS scene. I've been around since close
to the beginning, and I'm wondering what has happened. Have BBS's gone the way
of CB? Is the entire system in a slump? Is there anything wrong at all?
I'm going to try to present these questions and show how things have
changed...for the better, and for the worst.
HISTORY:
A long time ago, in a city far-far away, two men had an insight. Ward
Christensen and Randy Suess wanted a way to leave notes and messages to their
programmer/engineer friends. Back then, modems were used by field-engineers and
some high-level executives to talk to their companies computers. A 300 baud
modem was extremely fast, as most people were using 110 baud TeleTypes. Ward
and Randy devloped the concept of the BBS. They called it CBBS, for "Computer
Bulletin Board System." CBBS was the first of its kind. It was an enormous
program written in 8080 assmebly language. By our standards today, it was
kludgy and bug-ridden, but back then it was heavenly. Users could enter
messages and read messages... that was about it.
CBBS was a wonderful concept, but it was localized to the Chicago area. Ward
and Randy were the only ones who were running the program. Then Bill Blue came
along and wrote ABBS, which was designed to "emulate" the CBBS system. I feel
it was ABBS, rather than CBBS which made the real breakthrough. While ABBS was
much less powerful, and more difficult to use, it could be run on a "universal"
machine: --The Apple ][--
Anyone with an Apple ][ and a D.C. Hayes MM][ modem could run ABBS. This
program could be installed in a matter of minutes, and anyone could have their
own bulletin board system. Soon after the release of ABBS, several other BBS
programs (for various computers) soon followed. ABBS was the king for many
years, just because there were more ABBS systems than any other BBS program
available.
It is this time that I would like to refer to as the "Golden age of the BBS."
It wasn't as golden as you might think. Most Sysops would come home every
evening from work to find that their BBS had crashed because of yet another bug.
Even back then, user's logged in under false names and left obscene messages.
The one point that made that age golden was the users. Without users, a BBS
is just a program. With users, it gains a personality, and if I may be
metaphysical, a soul. The users MAKE the BBS. A Sysop may have the greatest
BBS program in the world, but without active users, he just has a computer
wasting line-current.
LIFE IN THE "GOLDEN AGE"
A user would think nothing of spending his Saturday helping "The Sysop" find
an intermittant bug in the BBS program.
A user would not only answer his or HER mail, but also butt into other
people's conversations and throw in his/her two cents worth.
A user would suggest improvements to make the system easier to use.
A Sysop would care for his BBS like a baby. He'd spend 2 hours each night
writing messages and playing with modifications to the program.
A Sysop would NOT restrict conversation to one particular topic...such as CP/M
software.
A Sysop would tolerate kids who were just learning how to use modems. He'd
even give them a hand getting things working.
A Sysop would [on his own preference] dilligently weed out obscene or
"pseudo-illegal" messages, -- or -- promote them as he saw fit.
Users would start clubs, such as the well known "Gabber Gang" and later the
infamous "Phone Phriekers" who figured so prominently into BBS history.
The government didn't try to restrict BBS users. It was just "us" against
tyranny (at that time "Ma Bell"). Although most users did not approve of "Phone
Phrieking", everyone talked about it, and was interested in it for curiosity
sake if nothing else. [Hard to believe, but true.]
Uploading and downloading of programs did not exist.
BBS's were few and far between. When I wrote the OxGate, the two closest
other CP/M based machines were Kelly Smith in Simi Valley (375 miles away), and
"Jim C" in Larkspur (100 miles away). People tended to congregate on the local
system.
WHAT HAS KILLED BBS SYSTEMS:
1) Program uploading and downloading. People just get their programs and
leave.
2) The technical clique's retaliation against "gabbers" who just used the
systems for personal communication.
3) Too many BBS systems in one area. BBS's are still alive and healthy in
low-density areas.
4) The loss of "anonimity" among BBS users. The BBS used to be the place to
escape. Where no one had to be "themselves." Users such as "James Bond" and
"Captain Scarlet" were given free reign to vent their fantasies. Today, most
systems do not allow false names so they can keep track of users.
5) The anti-hacker movement. More and more people today think the word
"hacker" means "phone phriek/computer crasher." All it ever meant was "great
programmer." You would feel proud if someone labeled you a "hacker."
6) The press' ignorance of the BBS community. By trying to make a scandal out
of all of it, they ruined a great form of communication. In particular, the
magazine "InfoWorld" has done more harm to the BBS community than other press
organization. While they actively TRIED to HELP the community, they have caused
more harm in their mis-reporting of info.
7) Sysop's ignorance. Quite frankly, the average quality of "Sysop" has
dropped. Sysop's are (on the whole) less active and less responsive than 5
years ago. More and more of them are technically incompetent, they couldn't fix
a bug if it bit them in the nose.
All of these problems are inter-related. We can't solve any of them until all
of them are solved. From my descriptions it should be obvious that the "golden
age" certainly wasn't all gold. People like "James Bond" and "Sam Daniels" had
to be stopped, but the pendulum has swung too far to the opposite side.
These observations are very general. I've noticed this swing, and it has
taken place on 95% of all of the system's I've called across America. It's sad
that these problems have stabbed us in the back, but it's not too late to try
and bring about a change. I don't have the answers, but maybe these
observations will prompt thought into this death of a virtual "art form" of
communication.
There is one possible solution to this problem... the acceptance of children
again. For too long we've been kicking off kids (both phyiscal and "kids at
heart"). They've been disruptive, and caused fights galore. Many have even
tried to crash the systems they used.
"If there's any hope, it lies with the proles." -- George Orwell, _1984_
Perhaps the thing to do is call a few local Commodore and Apple boards and let
the users know that they're just as welcome on your super-fancy 100mb 2400 baud
RCP/M system as any of your so- called "serious users" . . . "serious users"
who can't even bring themselves to answer their own mail. Saddening.

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Msg#: 1 *VHF/UHF RADIO*
03-29-88 10:19:30
From: JOHN STOVER
To: ALL
Subj: BC950 CMT
Newest from Uniden/Bearcat, the BC950 XLT (also know as the BC780XLT) can be
modified for CMT coverage. Cut pin 20 of the main CPU at the PCB and lift it.
Then solder a bridge between pins 19 and 20. This will restore CMT coverage.
PROBLEM: If you have the CTCSS option installed, you will not be able to turn
it off! (The CTCSS option, that is.) If this is OK with you, then go for it,
otherwise consider which you need more, CMT or CTCSS! Also, the only known
difference between the two aforementioned scanners is that the 950 is labeled
(on the box) "Scanner World". Have fun!
Date: WEDNESDAY 02/15/89 08:49:47 EDT
From: <watmath!julian!business.uwo.ca!bitlib>
Subject: 760XLT MODS
To: whutt!TGC168 (TIMOTHY G CULVER +1 201 386 7187)
Netlanders:
Concerning the Uniden Bearcat 760xlt, the mod for the 950xlt does work
to restore lost freq. Disconnect pin 20 of the microprocessor from the
circuit board and connect it to pin 19. I bent the pin slightly and cut
it with the scissors of a swiss army knife then soldered an 1/8 lead
cut from a cap across the pins near the top of the chip. I've yet to
find any problem with this mod. But as always do so at your own risk.
73 Mike WA2E @ K2DLJ

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"Do you, like, ever let people into your meat-locker to, like, uh, you know,
fuck around with the meat?" I asked.
The short-haired Greek man looked at me strangely from behind the counter.
Several of the waitresses glared in my direction.
"What you mean 'fuck around'?" the dumpy Greek asked.
"You know, like shovin' your dick in and out of the openings in the meat.
Then, like, getting a bunch of smelly, sticky cream of tubesteak all over the
junk that you grind into foodburgers," I informed him.
"Naw. We don't do that. You don't do that. Nobody do that," the imbecile
claimed.
"I do that," I began, "and as a matter of fact, most of my pals do that too.
We like it."
Overhearing our conversation, one of the waitresses gave me a sour look.
She seemed to be acting like she was getting sick. The cook and the other two
waitresses completely ignored everything except the random orders for patty
melts and double cheeseburgers.
"Look, I don't wanna do nothin' weird or strange or anything. I just wanna
fuck a bunch of meat that you got in your huge ol' meat locker. Listen, don't
any of you stupid fuckers understand what I'm sayin'?" I stated in an agitated
manner.
"Mister, people gotta eat my food. If you stick dick in food, no can eat.
Frank lose money. No can do," the Greek said.
"How much money would you lose, bright eyes?" I asked.
"Big thing of cow cost Frank $220 for a half," Greek-man said.
"Well, I wanna fuck around with about 13 of them. Let's see...that's about
$2860...and I'll give you...oh, let's see...$40 just for letting me do it,
OK?"
"I dunno."
"OK. Look, I'll give you $3000 cash, RIGHT NOW, cause I like you an awful
lot, and also cause I'm fucking sick and tired or trying to talk to you
goddamn Greek half-wits."
The Greek seemed to ponder what I had said for a minute, or perhaps he was
just wallowing in incomprehension. One waitress went into the back-room and
loudly threw up.
"OK. But you give Frank money NOW."
I handed the three bills over to the fool and lifted up a section of the
counter and walked into the walk-in freezer.
"OK, you can fuck with 13 sides of cow, but leave cheese and other gunk
alone. OK?"
There was a wide variety of different kinds of food present in the walk-in
freezer. Many, many eggs and other fine foods. I could see containers of
pancake batter and butter. On the left was what I was after. Thirteen
beautiful sides of beef!
I started to get a hard-on just looking at the beef!
"You got your cash. Get out of here!" I shouted at the geek.
I casually waltzed up to the nearest beef-side and began to sweet-talk it.
"Hi, new in town? Ever get into Satanism? Shit, you're cute."
The cool beef did not reply.
--Original story by Don Bolles
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

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Note to sysops: You are welcome to
download this file and use it on
your system, providing you DO NOT
remove the credits for Mark Tabas
or KAOS. In other words, try to act
like a human being!
--------------------------------------
The Mark Tabas encounter
series presents:
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Better Homes and Blue Boxing
Part I
Theory of Operation
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
To quote Karl Marx, blue boxing has
always been the most noble form of
phreaking. As opposed to such things
as using an MCI code to make a free
fone call, which is merely mindless
pseudo-phreaking, blue boxing is
actual interaction with the Bell
System toll network. It is likewise
advisable to be more cautious when
blue boxing, but the careful phreak
will not be caught, regardless of what
type of switching system he is under.
In this part, I will explain how and
why blue boxing works, as well as
where. In later parts, I will give
more practical information for blue
boxing and routing information.
To begin with, blue boxing is simply
communicating with trunks. Trunks must
not be confused with subscriber lines
(or "customer loops") which are
standard telefone lines. Trunks are
those lines that connect central
offices. Now, when trunks are not in
use (i.e., idle or "on-hook" state)
they have 2600Hz applied to them. If
they are two-way trunks, there is
2600Hz in both directions. When a
trunk IS in use (busy or "off-hook"
state"), the 2600Hz is removed from
the side that is off-hook. The 2600Hz
is therefore known as a supervisory
signal, because it indicates the
status of a trunk; on hook (tone) or
off-hook (no tone). Note also that
2600Hz denoted SF (single frequency)
signalling and is "in-band." This is
very important. "In-band" means that
is is within the band of frequencies
that may be transmitted over normal
telefone lines. Other SF signals, such
as 3700Hz are used also. However, they
cannot be carried over the telefone
network normally (they are "out-of-
band") and are therefore not able to
be taken advantage of as 2600Hz is.
Back to trunks. Let's take a
hypothetical phone call. You pick up
your fone and dial 1+806-258-1234
(your good friend in Armarillo,
Texas). For ease, we'll assume that
you are on #5 Crossbar switching and
not in the 806 area. Your central
office (CO) would recognize that
806 is a foreign NPA, so it would
route the call to the toll centre
that serves you. [For the sake of
accuracy here, and for the more
experienced readers, note that the
CO in question is a class 5 with
LAMA that uses out-of-band SF
supervisory signalling]. Depending
on where you are in the country, the
call would leave your toll centre
(on more trunks) to another toll
centre, or office of higher "rank".
Then it would be routed to central
office 806-258 eventually and the
call would be completed. Illustration:
A---CO1-------TC1------TC2----CO2----B
A=you CO1=your central office
TC1=your toll office.
TC2=toll office in Amarillo.
CO2=806-258 central office.
B=your friend (806-258-1234)
In this situation it would be
realistic to say that CO2 uses SF
in-band (2600Hz) signalling, while
all the others use out-of-band
signalling (3700Hz). If you don't
understand this, don't worry too much.
I am pointing this out merely for the
sake of accuracy. The point is that
while you are connected to 806-258-
1234, all those trunks from YOUR
central office (CO1) to the 806-258
central office (CO2) do *NOT* have
2600Hz on them, indicating to the
Bell equipment that a call is in
progress and the trunks are in use.
Now let's say you're tired of
talking to your friend in Amarillo
(806-258-1234) so you send a 2600Hz
down the line. This tone travels down
the line to your friend's central
office (CO2) where it is detected.
However, that CO thinks that the
2600Hz is originating from Bell
equipment, indicating to it that
you've hung up, and thus the trunks
are once again idle (with 2600Hz
present on them). But actually, you
have not hung up, you have fooled the
equipment at your friend's CO into
thinking you have. Thus,it disconnects
him and resets the equipment to
prepare for the next call. All this
happens very quickly (300-800ms for
step-by-step equipment and 150-400ms for other equipment).
When you stop sending 2600Hz (after
about a second), the equipment thinks
that another call is coming towards
it (e.g. it thinks the far end has
come "off-hook" since the tone has
stopped. It could be thought of as a
toggle switch: tone --> on hook, no
tone -->off hook. Now that you've
stopped sending 2600Hz, several things
happen:
1) A trunk is seized.
2) A "wink" is sent to the CALLING end
from the CALLED end indicating that
the CALLED end (trunk) is not ready to
receive digits yet.
3) A register is found and attached
to the CALLED end of the trunk within
about two seconds (max).
4) A start-dial signal is sent to the
CALLING end from the CALLED end
indicating that the CALLED end is
ready to receive digits.
Now, all of this is pretty much
transparent to the blue boxer. All he
really hears when these four things
happen is a <beep><kerchunk>. So,
seizure of a trunk would go something
like this:
1> Send a 2600Hz
2> Terminate 2600Hz after 1-2 secs.
3> [beep][kerchunk]
Once this happens, you are connected
to a tandem that is ready to obey your
every command. The next step is to
send signalling information in order
to place your call. For this you must
simulate the signalling used by
operators and automatic toll-dialing
equipment for use on trunks. There
are mainly two systems, DP and MF.
However, DP went out with the dinosaur
, so I'll only discuss MF signalling.
MF (multi-frequency) signalling is the
signalling used by the majority of the
inter- and intra-lata network. It is
also used in international dialing
known as the CCITT no.5 system.
MF signalling consists of 7 frequen-
cies, beginning with 700Hz and
separated by 200Hz. A different set of
two of the 7 frequencies represent the
digits 0 thru 9, plus an additional 5
special keys. The frequencies and uses
are as follows:
Frequencies (Hz) Domestic Int'l
--------------------------------------
700+900 1 1
700+1100 2 2
900+1100 3 3
700+1300 4 4
900+1300 5 5
1100+1300 6 6
700+1500 7 7
900+1500 8 8
1100+1500 9 9
1300+1500 0 0
700+1700 ST3p Code 11
900+1700 STp Code 12
1100+1700 KP KP1
1300+1700 ST2p KP2
1500+1700 ST ST
The timing of all the MF signals is
a nominal 60ms, except for KP, which
should have a duration of 100ms. There
should also be a 60ms silent period
between digits. This is very flexible,
however, and most Bell equipment will
accept outrageous timings.
In addition to the standard uses
listed above, MF pulsing also has
expanded usages known as "expanded
inband signalling" that include such
things as coin collect, coin return,
ringback, operator attached, and
operator released. KP2, code 11, and
code 12 and the ST_ps (STart "primes")
all have special uses which will be
mentioned only briefly here.
To complete a call using a blue box,
once seizure of a trunk has been
accomplished by sending 2600Hz and
pausing for the <beep><kerchunk>, one
must first send a KP. This readies the
register for the digits that follow.
For a standard domestic call, the KP
would be followed by either 7 digits
(if the call were in the same NPA as
the seized trunk) or 10 digits (if the
call were not in the same NPA as the
seized trunk). [Exactly like dialing a
normal fone call]. Following either
the KP and 7 or 10 digits, a STart is
sent to signify that no more digits
follow. Example of a complete call:
1> Dial 1-806-258-1234
2> wait for a call-progress
indication (such as ring, busy,
recording, etc.)
3> Send 2600Hz for about 1 second.
4> Wait for about 2 seconds while a
trunk is seized.
5> Send KP+305+994+9966+ST
The call will then connect if every-
thing was done properly. Note that if
a call to an 806 number were being
placed in the same situation, the area
code would be omitted and only KP+
seven digits+ST would be sent.
Code 11 and code 12 are used in
international calling to request
certain types of operators. KP2 is
used in international calling to route
a call other than by way of the normal
route, whether for economic or
equipment reasons.
STp, ST2p, and ST3p (prime, two
prime, and three prime) are used in
TSPS signalling to indicate calling
type of call (such as coin-direct
dialed).
This has been Part I of Better
Homes and Blue Boxing. I hope you
enjoyed and learned from it. If you
have any questions, comments, threats
or insults, please fell free to drop
me a line. If you have noticed any
errors in this text (yes, it does
happen), please let me know and
perhaps a correction will be in order.
Part II will deal mainly with more
advanced principles of blue boxing,
as well as routings and operators.
Note 1: other highly trunkable
areas include: 816,305,813,609,205.
I personally have excellent luck
boxing off of 609-953-0000. Try that
if you have any trouble.
......................................
(c) January 7, 1985 Mark Tabas
......................................
$$LOD$LOD$LOD$LOD$LOD$LOD$LOD$LOD$LOD$
----------------------
: Written for: :
: :
: K.A.O.S. :
: :
: at :
: :
: 215-xxx-xxxx :
: :
----------------------
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Bill of Rights Lite
Amendment I
Congress shall encourage the practice of Judeo-Christian religion by
its own public exercise there of, and shall make no laws abridging the
freedom of responsible speech (unless such speech is in a digital form or
contains material that is copyrighted, classified, proprietary or offensive
to non-Europeans, non-males, differently abled or alternativley prefferenced
persons), or the right of people to peaceably assemble (unless such assembly
takes place on corporate or military property or within an electronic
environment), or to petition the government for redress of grievances (unless
such grievances relate to national security).
Amendment II
A well-regulated militia having become irrelevant to the security of a free
state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms against one another
shall remain uninfringed (excepting such arms as may be afforded by the
poor or those prefferred by pushers, terrorists and organized criminals
which shall be banned).
Amendment III
No soldier shall, in time of peace, be quartered in any house without the
owners consent, unless that house is thought to have been used for the
distrabution of illegal substances.
Amendment IV
The right of the people to be secure in thier persons, houses, papers, and
the effects against unreasonable searches and seizures many be suspended
to protect public welfare. Upon the unsupported suspicion of law enforcement
officials, any place or conveyance shall be subject to immediate search, and
any such places or conveyances, or property within them may be permanently
confiscated without further judicial proceeding.
Admendment V
Any person may be held to answer for a capital or otherwise infamous involving
illicit substances, terrorism or upon any suspicion whatever, and may be
subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb (once
by the state courts, once by the Federal judiciary), and may be compelled by
various means (including the forced submission of breath samples, bodily
fluids, or encryption keys) to be a witness against himself, refusal to do so
constituting an admission of guilt, and may be deprived of life, liberty,
or property without furthor legal delay, and any private property thereby
forfieted shall be dedicated to the discretionary use of the law-enforcement
agents without just compensation.
Amendment VI
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to speedy
and private plea-bargaining before entering a plea of guilty. The accused
is entitled to the assistance of underpaid and indifferent counsel to
negotiate his sentence, except where such sentence falls under manitory
sentencing requirements.
Amendment VII
In suits at common law where the contesting parties have nearly unlimited
resources to spend on legal fees the right to trial by jury shall be
preserved
Amendment VIII
Sufficient bail may be required to ensure that dangerous criminals will
remain in custody, where cruel and unusual punishments are ussually inflicted.
Amendment IX
Teh enumeration in the Constitution of certain rights shall not be construed
to deny or disparage other that may be retained bt the government to preserve
public order, family values, or national security.
Amendment X
The powers not delgated to the United States by the Constitution are reserved
for to the departments of Justice and Treasury, except when the states are
willing to forsake Federal financing.
Written by John Perry Barlow, a lyricist for the Gratefull Dead and cofounder
of the EFF. First printed by the New York Times and then re-printed by
Playboy magazine.
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E**************************************
* *
* How to build a BLACK BOX *
* *
***************************************
To all who dare --
What is a BLACK BOX? A BLACK BOX
is a device that is hooked up to your
fone that fixes your fone so that when
you get a call, the caller doesn't get
charged for the call. This is good for
calls up to 1/2 hour, after 1/2 hour
the Fone Co. gets suspicious, and then
you can guess what happens.
What this little beauty does is
keep the line voltage from dropping to
10v when you answer your fone. The
line is insted kept at 36v and it will
make the fone think that it is still
ringing while your talking. The reason
for the 1/2 hour time limit is that the
Fone CO. thinks that something is wrong
after 1/2 an hour of ringing.
All parts are available Radio
Shack. Using the least possible parts
and arangement, the cost is $0.98 !!!!
And that is parts for two of them!
Talk about a deal! If you want to
splurge then you can get a small PC
board, and a switch. There are two
schematics for this box, one is for
most normal fones. The second one is
for fones that don't work with the
first. It was made for use with a Bell
Trimline touch tone fone.
** Schematic 1 for most fones **
** LED ON: BOX ON **
FROM >--------------------GREEN-> TO
LINE >--! 1.8k LED !---RED--> FONE
!--/\/\/\--!>--!
! !
------>/<-------
SPST
Parts: 1 1.8k 1/2 watt resistor
1 1.5v LED
1 SPST switch
You may just have two wires which you
connect together for the switch.
** Schematic 2 for all fones **
** LED ON: BOX OFF **
FROM >---------------GREEN-> TO
LINE >------- ---RED--> FONE
! LED !
-->/<--!>--
! !
---/\/\/---
1.8k
ŠParts: 1 2 watt resistor
1 1.5v LED
1 DPST switch
Here is the PC board layout that I
recommend using. It is neat and is
very easy to hook up.
Schematic #1 Schematic #2
************** ****************
* * * ------- *
* --<LED>--- * * ! ! *
* ! ! * * ! <SWITCH> *
* RESISTOR ! * * ! ! ! *
* ! ! * * ! ! / *
* -------- ! * * ! ! \ *
* ! ! * * ! <LED>! / *
* --SWITCH-- * * ! ! \ *
* ! ! * * ! ! / *
L * ! ! * F L * ! ! ! * F
I>RED- -RED>O I>RED- ---RED>O
N>-----GREEN---->N N>-----GREEN------>N
E * h * E E * * E
************** ****************
Once you have hooked up all the
parts, you must figure out what set of
wires go to the line and which go to
the fone. This is because of the fact
that LED's must be put in, in a certain
direction. Depending on which way you
put the LED is what controls what wires
are for the line & fone.
How to find out:
Hook up the box in one direction
using one set offor line and the
other for fone.
*NOTE* For Model I switch should be OFF.
*NOTE* For Model ][ switch should be
set to side connecting the led.
Once you have hooked it up, then
pick up the fone and see if the LED is
on. If it is, the LED will be lit. If
is doesn't light then switch the wires
and try again. Once you know which are
which then label them. *NOTE* - If
neither directions worked then your
Šlable the switch in its current
position as BOX ON.
How to use it:
The purpose of this box is not to
poeple who call you so it would make
sence that it can only be used to
receive! calls. When the box is *ON*
then you may only recieve calls. Your
fone will ring like normal and the LED
on the box will flash. If you answer
the fone now, then the LED will
light and the caller will not be charged.
Hang up the fone after you are done
talking like normal. You will not be
able to get a dial-tone or call when
the box is on, so turn the box *OFF*
for normal calls. I don't recommend
that you leave it on all the time, as
you don't want it to answer when Ma
Bell calls!
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BASTARD OPERATOR FROM HELL #1
It's backup day today so I'm pissed off. Being the BOFH, however, does have
it's advantages. I assign the tape device to null - it's so much more
economical on my time as I don't have to keep getting up to change tapes every
5 minutes. And it speeds up backups too, so it can't be all bad.
A user rings
"Do you know why the system is slow?" they ask
"It's probably something to do with..." I look up today's excuse ".. clock
speed"
"Oh" (Not knowing what I'm talking about, they're satisfied) "Do you know
when it will be fixed?"
"Fixed? There's 275 users on your machine, and one of them is you. Don't be
so selfish - logout now and give someone else a chance!"
"But my research results are due in tommorrow and all I need is one page of
Laser Print.."
"SURE YOU DO. Well; You just keep telling yourself that buddy!" I hang up.
Sheesh, you'd really think people would learn not to call!
The phone rings. It'll be him again, I know. That annoys me. I put on a
gruff voice
"HELLO, SALARIES!"
"Oh, I'm sorry, I've got the wrong number"
"YEAH? Well what's your name buddy? Do you know WASTED phone calls cost
money? DO YOU? I've got a good mind to subtract your wasted time, my wasted
time, and the cost of this call from your weekly wages! IN FACT I WILL! By
the time I've finished with you, YOU'LL OWE US money! WHAT'S YOUR NAME - AND
DON'T LIE, WE'VE GOT CALLER ID!"
I hear the phone drop and the sound of running feet - he's obviously going to
try and get an alibi by being at the Dean's office. I look up his username
and find his department. I ring the Dean's secretary.
"Hello?" she answers
"Hi, SIMON, B.O.F.H HERE, LISTEN, WHEN THAT GUY COMES RUNNING INTO YOUR OFFICE
IN ABOUT 10 SECONDS, CAN YOU GIVE HIM A MESSAGE?"
"I think so..." she says
"TELL HIM `HE CAN RUN, BUT HE CAN'T HIDE'"
"Um. Ok"
"AND DON'T FORGET NOW, I WOULDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO TELL ANYONE ABOUT THAT FILE
IN YOUR ACCOUNT WITH YOUR ANSWERS TO THE PUURITY TEST IN IT..."
I hear her scrabbling at the terminal...
"DON'T BOTHER - I HAVE A COPY. BE A GOOD GIRL AND PASS THE MESSAGE ON"
She sobs her assent and I hang up. And the worst thing is, I was just guessing
about the purity test thing. I grab a quick copy anyway, it might make for
some good late-night reading.
Meantime backups have finished in record time, 2.03 seconds. Modern technology
is wonderful, isn't it?
Another user rings.
"I need more space" he says
"Well, why don't you move to Texas?" I ask
"No, on my account, stupid."
Stupid?!?.... Uh-Oh..
"I'm terribly sorry" I say, in a polite manner equal to that of Jimmy Stewart
in a Family Matinee "I didn't quite catch that. What was it that you said?"
I smell the fear coming down the line at me, but it's too late, he's a goner
and he knows it.
"Um, I said what I wanted was more space on my account, *please*"
"Sure, hang on"
I hear him gasp his relief even though he covered the mouthpeice.
"There, you've got plenty of space now"
"How much have I got"
Now this REALLY *PISSES* *ME* *OFF*! Not only do they want me to give them
extra disk, they want to check it, to correct me if I don't give them enough.
They should be happy with what I give them *and that's it*!!!
Back into Jimmy Stewart mode.
"Well, let's see, you have 4 Meg available"
"Wow! Eight Meg in total, thanks!" he says pleased with his bargaining power
"No" I interrupt, savouring this like a fine red, at room temperature "4 Meg in
total..."
"Huh?... I'd used 4 Meg already, How could I have 4 Meg Available?"
I say nothing. It'll come to him.
"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggghhhhhH!"
I kill me; I really do!
spt@waikato.ac.nz (Simon Travaglia)
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48
File: AN APPLE FOR THE CAPTAIN
Read 22 times
-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-
- An Apple For The Captain -
= InfoWorld -- October 1, 1984 =
- By Stephen Wozniak -
= Word Processed for SF][ by BIOC Agent 003 =
-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-
The best prank I've seen with the Apple was played by Cap'n Crunch. John
Draper, one of Apple's first employees, was responsible for designing a
telephone board for us. Much more than a modem, the board could send
touch-tone or pulse-dial data; it could also transmit any tones that were
programmable down the line, listen for specific sounds, and a bunch of other
things.
At one point Draper was motivated to crack WATS extenders. A WATS extender
is used when a company has incoming and outgoing free 800 lines. Company
executives call in on the incoming 800 line and tap out a four-digit code,
which gets them on their company's outgoing 800 line. They only system
protection is the four-digit code.
It would take a long time to dial 10,000 phone calls manually, searching for
the extender code. But Draper had designed this new telephone board, and he
knew a bunch of companies that had WATS extenders. He programmed the Apple to
call the company on its 800 number, automatically get to the WATS extender,
type out a four-digit code, and check to see if the attempt succeeded or
failed. The Apple with the board would listen to all the tones on the phone
line to determine when it was ringing, when it went to the WATS extender, and
so on.
It took about 10 seconds for the Apple to dial the call and try a new
four-digit code. The Apple would restart and try again. And then try the next
number. It was able to dial about 5,000 calls a night -- the average number of
calls to crack a WATS extender. Draper cracked about 20 WATS exteders,
averaging one a night.
The city of Mountain View, California, where he lived at the time, keeps an
index of how well the phone system is working. An average of 30% of all calls
made from the city don't go through. The month Draper was cracking the WATS
extenders, the index jumped to 80%! For that month Draper made more than 50%
of the calls originating from Mountain View, California, whose population is
60,000.... <>
[Courtesy of Sherwood Forest ][ -- (914) 359-1517]
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It started out as just another Saturday. April 26, 1986. John R.
MacDougall, 25, spent the day alone at his satellite TV dealership in Ocala,
Florida, waiting for customers who never came. "It was," he says, "a normal
day in the doldrums of the satellite TV industry." But that night, MacDougall,
5 feet 11, 225 pounds, and prone to nervously running his fingers through his
reddish blond hair and adjusting his glasses, would transform into Captain
Midnight and set the world of satellite television spinning.
Business had been flat since January 15, when Home Box Office became the
first pay TV service to scramble its signal full time. Other services were
following HBO's lead. Dish owners were balking at the cost of descramblers and
program fees. Potential customers were confused and stayed away in droves.The
1985 boom in dish sales had simply petered out, and MacDougall Electronics, in
business for just two-and-a-half years, had seen its early profits disappear.
American Dream
MacDougall had stopped advertising and turned off his air-conditioner to save
money. With no customers, he idled away the day watching TV and reading
magazines. Later, he would say, "I have been watching the great American dream
slip from my grasp."
To make ends meet, MacDougall spent his evenings moonlighting as a part-time
operations engineer at Central Florida Teleport, a local company that uplinks
services to satellites. He was a natural electronics engineer. A good
student, he had spent his spare time during his teenage years tinkering with CB
radios and automobiles. With some pals, he rebuilt a 1923 Ford roadster that
he still owns. He had dropped out of a management engineering course at
Worcester Polytechnical Institute in Massachusetts after two years, but his
first job was installing satellite TV dishes."My father used to tell me I would
need to get a job where I would be able to make money by watching TV just
because I liked TV so much," he says. At Central Florida Teleport, he could do
just that. At 4 p.m. on that Saturday, MacDougall shut up shop. He stopped
at his home, where he lived alone, picked up a sandwich for supper, and then
reported to the teleport. After two hours, a second engineer went off duty and
MacDougall was alone in the small building that is flanked on one side by five
large satellite dishes.
As the end of his shift drew near, MacDougall was absently watching Pee-Wee's
Big Adventure, a movie he was uplinking for the now-defunct pay-per-view
service, People's Choice. But something else was on his mind. When the film
ended, MacDougall went through the normal routine. Before logging off, he set
up color bars and punched buttons to swing the giant 30 foot dish he'd been
using to its resting place. That was necessary because the soil beneath the
dish's cement pad is sandy clay. Rainfall could throw it off-kilter, but by
setting it in a certain way the rain runs harmlessly into a gutter. At its
resting place, the dish points directly at the satellite Galaxy 1.
Transpondedr 23 on that satellite carries the eastern feed of HBO. "That's
when I decided to do it,"says MacDougall. "It wasn't like I thought about it,
'Yes. No. Yes. No.' It was just, 'Yeah!'" He scrolled up a character
generator, and electronic keyboard that puts letters across the TV screen, and
tried to think what to write. "I didn't know exactly how to start it," he
says. "I wrote 'Goodevening." I wanted to be polite. I didn't want it to be
vulgar or call them names or anything. That's not my style."
He spent a couple of minutes composing his message. The idea of using the
name Captain Midnight, he says, "just popped into my mind." He had recently
seen a movie with that title about a teenager who had a pirate radio station in
his van. Now HBO was airing the Sean Penn and Timothy Hutton espionage movie,
The Falcon and the Snowman. It was at 12:32 a.m. Sunday, April 27, that John
R. MacDougall pushed the transmit button on his console and turned into
Captain Midnight. "That's when I hit it," he says. "It was almost like an
out-of-body experience. It was like I was there but I wasn't really there."
For 4 1/2 minutes, HBO viewers in the eastern United States saw this message:
GOODEVENING HBO
FROM CAPTAIN MIDNIGHT
$12.95/MONTH?
NO WAY!
(SHOWTIME/MOVIE CHANNEL BEWARE)
A week earlier, MacDougall had successfully overridden HBO's powerful signal
momentarily with just a test pattern. (He now publicly denies this, but he
admitted it to a United States attorney.) The network had quickly brushed that
signal aside, attributing it to not uncommon accidental interference. This
time, the engineer on duty at HBO's Long Island, New York, uplink station
simply stepped up the signal's power. HBO was transmitting at 125 watts. When
Captain Midnight applied more power, the HBO engineer revved up to match it.
"He saw the interference and saw that he was losing a grip on things," says
George Dillon, an engineer who investigated the episode for the enforcement and
investigative division of the Federal Communications Commission. "This little
game took 60 to 90 seconds. You had these two people at their respective
stations fighting for control."
As Captain Midnight's signal surged, HBO placed a frantic call to Hughes
Communications Inc., which owns Galaxy 1, asking: "Is there something wrong
with the bird?" Says Dillon, "HBO thought it might cause damage to the
satellite, so they gave it up.
NEVER LOST CONTROL
In Ocala, Captain Midnight was stunned. "I could see my signal on top of
HBO's as soon as I hit the transmit button," says MacDougall. "I stared at the
monitor for a while, and then I didn't know if it was two minutes or 10
minutes." Caught up with engineering curiosity, he monitored power levels and
downlink signals. "At no time," he says, "did I lose control over the
transponder." But then, as suddenly as he had struck, he quit. "When I shut it
off, I really didn't know how long I had been on top of HBO, but that's when I
started to feel very guilty," he says. "I thought, "Ohmigod, what did I do?'
That thought raced through my mind for the next 10 or 15 minutes as I
reconfigured the teleport back to normal. The guilt really set in that night.
I didn't sleep very well."
On Sunday morning he woke up to the same nagging doubts. "I thought maybe I
should turn myself in. But then I thought, 'Well, let's be rational. Nobody's
going to see it. Nobody cares. HBO will know. They'll get the message.
They'll reconsider their arbitrary and unfair pricing, and maybe I'll read
about it in a few months in Satellite Orbit. That's basically how I
rationalized, not panicking, and went on with my daily routine that Sunday.'
Then he saw that Captain Midnight's HBO ambush was making TV's network
newscasts, and he began to panic. "I was devastated and so nervous with
frustration. I had to work that night at the teleport. Another man was going
to be there for the first two hours. When he got there I had to pretend and
say things like, "Dkid you see this guy Captain Midnight? Geez, do you realize
what in the world, he could have done?' That was difficult."
Normally, MacDougall's natural curiosity would have made him the first to
want to discuss how it was done. But as the event made national headlines and
became fodder for jokes by David Letterman and Johnny Carson, he went the other
way, trying to play it down. The tension grew as HBO clamored for his head,
and the FCC and even Congress got involved.
On April 28, HBO chairman Michael J. Fuchs wrote to the FCC saying that the
company had received calls threatening to move Galaxy 1 into a new orbit. He
urged the Commission to "use all its investigative resources" to capture
Captain Midnight.
"This wasn't just a jamming, but a jamming and replacement. And a
fascinating one at that," says HBO spokesman Alan Levy. "That's why you saw a
lot of action on this case. We understand that the dish owners are at odds
with the programmers, but when you escalate it to this point, it gets a little
wild and woolly. And when you're breaking the satellite system of the United
States, it's very serious."
FCC investigator Dillon says the implications of the incident involved a
threat to the national security. "There's lots of highly sensitive data
involved. If you have a bandit, it could disrupt the business of the United
States--things like defense communications, medical information, telephone
communications, and teleconferences.
Edgar Eagan, owner of Central Florida Teleport, took the incident very
seriously. "He logged out and signed the log and decided to stay and play,"
says Eagan, founder and past president of ESPN, the sports network. "In
reality he was using the equipment for an unauthorized and illegal purpose."
RUMORS GALORE
As the investigation proceeded, rumors abounded. Satellite TV publications
and television commentators received calls and tapes from people claiming to be
Captain Midnight. The FBI was said to be on the case, and the hunt was rumored
to focus on Dallas, Texas.
In Ocala, MacDougall had decided to "play it dumb." Discreetly, he talked to
colleagues in the satellite TV business to find out how the investigation was
going. But gradually he could not resist discussing the incident with other
engineers and operators who talked about what happens when two signals meet on
a single transponder. He was outraged when they dismissed his observations.
"I don't like to say this, but even the more skilled personnel were of the
assumption that you would never get a clear signal with two signals feeding on
the same channel," MacDougall says. "I brought out the fact that if one was
much stronger than the other, it would override it. At that point they told me
I was wrong, and that I didn't know what I was talking about.
"All of my life people have never taken my word for things because I've
always seemed to be a little younger than they are, and maybe a little less
experienced, but I've always come up with the right answer. They didn't seem
to believe my theory. Well, I guess they ought to believe it now, because I
was right."
THE TIP OFF
It was a phone call made by a disgruntled dish owner from Ocala that
concentrated the FCC's investigation on the Central Florida Teleport. Someone
claiming to be Captain Midnight was overheard by a tourist from Wisconsin at a
phone booth just off Interstate 75 in Gainesville, Florida. The tourist
reported the conversation and the man's license plate number to the FCC.
MacDougall says the impostor was a customer of his, but he doesn't know his
last name. Again, he was outraged. "He was very militant about scrambling and
the cable progra business, and not tried to make out like some kind of hero, I
would still be panicking and wondering whether they were going to come and get
me."
MacDougall's voice rises as he exclaims, "I still can't believe this guy
actually told people he was Captain Midnight and MacDougall says the only time
he broke the law was driving over the 55 mph speed limit. "I never even bought
beer under age. I was a model citizen," he says earnestly.
FCC MOVES IN
In July, FCC investigators talked to MacDougall, asking questions that led
him to believe they knew what had happened. He told them he hadn't done it,
and that he had no knowledge of the incident, but then he really began to
worry. "I was very concerned about it, but I didn't let on," he says. "I'm
able to hide my feelings very well. I can just about convince people I'm a
total raving maniac at the same time."
Two weeks later, the FCC returned. This time, they brought along U.S.
Attorney Lawrence Gentile III, who served MacDougall with a subpoena to appear
in U.S. District Court in Jacksonville. According to MacDougall, their
conversation went like this:
"What's this for?" MacDougall asked when Gentile held out the subpoena.
"Captain Midnight," answered Gentile. "Aren't you aware that you're a
suspect in this incident?"
"You're trying to tell me that just because I'm a satellite dish dealer and I
happened to work for a teleport, I'm a suspect? responded MacDougall.
"There are other things," replied Gentile.
"Well, what are they?" asked MacDougall.
"We can't discuss it here," said Gentile. "We can talk about it in front of
the grand jury. You need to think very carefully about this. You seem like a
level-headed man, but you don't seem to be taking this seriously. This is a
serious time. You might want to consult with an attorney."
"Attorney for what?" questioned MacDougall. "I haven't done anything. An
innocent man does not need an attorney. The only people who hire attorneys are
guilty people."
According to MacDougall, Gentile then attempted to reach an agreement with
him. "If you would be willing to talk to us about this and tell us what you
know about this incident right now," said Gentile, "I'd be willing to recommend
probation to the judge and a small fine. Probation and a fine are not bad
considering what you're facing. Let's face it, Mr. MacDougall, this is not
the crime of the century. However, we have been getting a lot of pressure on
this."
MacDougall said at that point he began to think there was not enough evidence
to convict him; otherwise he wouldn't have been offered a plea bargain. Still
claiming innocence, MacDougall told Gentile he would see him in Jacksonville.
MacDougall's first brief jamming raid on HBO led investigators to strongly
suspect him. The investigation had been narrowed down to uplink stations with
the capacity to pull off both raids, and then to those manned by the same
person at the time of each incident. "We had a very good idea he was our man,"
says Gentile. "Of all the people I talked with, he was the only one I gave
target warnings to [the equivalent of the Miranda warnings police give when
they make an arrest]. "He says he leaned on MacDougall "pretty hard."
MEET CAPTAIN MIDNIGHT
Taking Gentile's advice, MacDougall contacted an Ocala attorney, John Green
Jr. When they first met, MacDougall recalls, "he said, 'Well, John, tell me
about Captain Midnight.' And I reached out my hand and said, 'Well, here,
that's me.'"
Green advised him that he had a 70-percent chance of winning the case. If
convicted, he faced a $100,000 fine and/or one year in jail. But MacDougall
decided to enter a plea of guilty. "There were two reasons," he said. "I
could release my guilt, plead guilty, and get it over with, do the right thing.
That kept panging at me: do the right thing. But the other side, the
activist, kept saying, 'Stand up for your rights.' My idealism and my activism
were combating my conservative upbringing and my conservative political
leanings. They were battling back and forth, and I was at my wits' end. I
didn't know what to do."
MacDougall also worried about going before the grand jury and trying to lie
his way out of the charge. "I would not have wanted to take a midemeanor and
make it a felony by committing perjury," he says. In the end, the determining
factor was money. Green advised his client that going to trial could take 6 to
12 months and cost $30,000 to $40,000. "During that time," MacDougall says, "I
couldn't have said anything, and I would have been bombarded by the press. It
would have been a nightmare."
Fighting and then losing the case was always a possibility, and MacDougall
conjured up nightmares of what that might entail. "This was a federal
penitentiary they could have sent me to," he said. "The concept just didn't
register, to be sitting eating lunch with the other convicts in striped
uniforms, and a guy says, 'Hey, what are you in for?" And I say, 'Oh, I
operated a trnsmitter without a license.' I couldn't take the risk."
FUN EDUCATION
By the time he went to the federal court on July 22 and went through the
arrest procedure, which included being photographed and fingerprinted,
MacDougall's curiosity was back in full force. "If I hadn't been directly
involved, it probably would have been a fun educational experience," he says.
"You can't just plead guilty to a crime. It's hours and hours of discussion,
and you have to prove to the prosecutor, and also the judge, that you are
guilty. Then, you have to prove you weren't coerced into making the statement,
and that you have knowledge of your rights." MacDougall says officials at both
the July 22 hearing and the sentencing, on August 26, were surprisingly
cordial. He speaks of smiles, handshakes from marshals, and understanding from
U.S. Magistrate Howard T. Snyder, who fined him $5,000 and placed him on one
year's probation. "I'm glad to see that the legal system does work," he says.
Meanwhile, although convicted in court, MacDougall had become a hero to many
dish owners and satellite TV dealers. A group calling itself the Captain
Midnight Grassroots Coalition had formed and was selling bumper stickers,
T-shirts, visors, and sweat bands to raise money for MacDougall's legal costs.
Said Donald Cochran, spokesman for the coalition: "While there are those who
consider Captain Midnight a criminal for his unauthorized transmissions, there
is another group made up of home satellite dish owners, small business people,
and rebels, who support his actions as a non-violent and non-destructive
protest in the best American tradition."
THE RIGHT REASONS
MacDougall says he has had no direct involvement with the coalition, but he
adds, "I would like to see my own industry support me in this. Even though I
may have done more harm than good, as some people think, I did it for the right
reasons."
Central Florida Teleport owner Eagan, on the other hand, says that local
opinion in Ocala and surrounding Marion County has gotten "silly." When the
coalition presented MacDougall with its first donation, a check for $500, in
September, a crowd gathered outside his office, and drivers of passing cars and
pickup trucks honked their horns. Says Eagan, "There's a group of people here
who think that John MacDougall is a wonderful man and a great hero who has done
wonderful things for them. But to me, that has not been placed in the
perspective of the world view or even the regional view. Ninety-nine and nine
tenths [percent] of the people don't agree."
Eagan says the only positive thing to come out of the incident was that
MacDougall was in the home dish business and so there was at least a reason for
him to have done it. "If it had been some crackpot who did it just for the
hell of it, or an employee being vindictive, then the corporate community would
have been more upset. This way they can say, 'We're not the target, HBO was.'"
Still, the FCC is stepping up security. It has moved to require that by the
end of 1987 every radio and television transmitter must use an electronic name
tag whenever it is on the air. Each satellite uplink station would leave a
unique, unchangeable electronic signature whenever it was used. Also, a bill
is being drafted in Congress that would raise the penalty for satellite
interference to a $250,000 fine and/or 10 years in jail.
SCRAMBLING A REALITY
HBO's Levy says that now that scrambling is a reality, he believes consumers
are dropping their emotional resistance to it. "We were the first ones to
scramble," he says. "We got the arrows in the back and we were the ones to get
jammed. We're over the first hurdle. HBO wants its products in every home in
America. We are attempting to increase our business through home dish owners.
We're calling for the marketplace to set the price. It wouldn't make sense for
HBO to stifle its growth.
MacDougall says he never contested the right of HBO and other programmers to
make a profit from their programs, nor did he object to their right to protect
those profits by scrambling signals. "My real concern is that the free and
competitive marketplace be allowed to operate for the benefit of the American
people," he says. Now, he believes that the last line of Captain Midnight's
message [Showtime/Movie Channel Beware!] was misunderstood and got him into a
lot of trouble. "It was a bad choice of words on my part," he says. "I was
just trying to tell them: "Look before you leap. Don't follow HBO as the
leader.'"
It was, he says, the act of a frustrated individual who was trying to get his
point across to people who didn't seem to listen. He hopes no one will try to
imitate what he did: "The message is now out; there's no reason to do it
again."
MacDougall was born in Elmhurst, Illinois, just outside Chicago. His mother,
Thelma is a homemaker, and his father, Robert, was a successful building
contractor, who retired when MacDougall was 9. The youngest of three brothers
and one sister, MacDougall moved to Florida with his family shortly after his
father's retirement at the age of 47. MacDougall speaks often of his father.
Although his entire family supported him after the HBO incident, he says, "My
father is of the old school, a very staunch conservative: the law is the law,
and it should never be broken."
WAS IT WORTH IT?
MacDougall says he doesn't know now if playing Captain Midnight was worth it
all: "I might be able to better answer that in a couple of months." He intends
to write a book about the incident and plans to continue holding on with his
satellite TV business in Ocala. He says that like many small businessmen, he
didn't start off with enough money, although he did turn a profit in his first
year. "I'm losing money now and a good businessman doesn't lose money," he
admits. "I didn't buy expensive food. I bought cheap gas for my car. I cut
everything I could and I'm still losing. Now, I can barely plan a month ahead
because of the volatile changes in the business. You never know what's going
to happen the next day."
MacDougall believes in himself, although he says he's not a great salesman.
He lost his job at the Central Florida Teleport before he was revealed as
Captain Midnight, because People's Choice went off the air. But all the
publicity has resulted in more repair business from dish owners, and he says
manufacturers return his calls quicker now. "There's a certain pride that goes
into my systems," he says. "I sell a part of myself with each system."
For all his public declarations of regret, there is also an undeniable pride
in having pulled off the notorious HBO raid. "Did I know it would work?" asks
Captain Midnight.
"DEFINITELY!"
X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
Another file downloaded from: NIRVANAnet(tm)
& the Temple of the Screaming Electron Jeff Hunter 510-935-5845
Rat Head Ratsnatcher 510-524-3649
Burn This Flag Zardoz 408-363-9766
realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 415-567-7043
Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 415-583-4102
Specializing in conversations, obscure information, high explosives,
arcane knowledge, political extremism, diversive sexuality,
insane speculation, and wild rumours. ALL-TEXT BBS SYSTEMS.
Full access for first-time callers. We don't want to know who you are,
where you live, or what your phone number is. We are not Big Brother.
"Raw Data for Raw Nerves"
X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
+209
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Uploaded By: RAMPANT CRIMINAL
%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%
Expanding your Apple Cat //
By:
((%>> The Ware-Wolf <<%))
(Hi-Res<>Hijackers/The 202 Alliance/WareBusters!)
%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%
THE PIPELINE..BBS/CATFUR 300/1200
OVER 10MEGZ <718> 351 5678
The Apple Cat // modem is by far the most expandable modem on the market
today. Of course it's also the choice modem of pirates because of it's
inexpensive half-duplex 1200 baud capabilities. The expansion module available
for the cat has several very useful functions. Rather than shelling out $30
bucks for one which you may only use a few of the features this file tells you
how to build just certain features or even the whole package.
First off you'll need some basic knowledge and tools. As for the knowledge
you'll need to know how to solder pretty well, you'll also proabibly have to
know DC from Hz and +12V from RS232. Ok now, If you can handle that that,
you'll need these tools:
- A soldering iron and solder
- A flat, 14 wire, female cable. Preferably multi-colored.
* Note: Single strands of wire will do but they risk damaging your cat.
We'll be connecting the wires to the J2 connector (see owner's manual, fig.
2). Remember that there are 25 pins on this connector. Each pin numbered
starting with pin 1 in the rear of your computer and pin 25 closest to the
keyboard. We'll only be working with the first 14 pins. The rest are for the
212 and speech synthesizer cards.
Here is a table which tells something about each pin:
Pin # | Function | Direction | Feature
------|--------------------------|-----------|-----------------------------
01 | Transmit Data | Output | EIA-RS232C Printer interface
02 | Receive Data | Input |
03 | Clear to Send Signal | Input |
04 | Signal Ground | GND |
------|--------------------------|-----------|-----------------------------
05 | AC line reference (60Hz) | Input | BSR Remote control
06 | Signal Ground | GND |
08 | +12V DC | Output |
09 | 120 KHz Control Signal | Output |
------|--------------------------|-----------|-----------------------------
07 | +12V DC | Output | Off-Hook LED
12 | LED Drive | Output |
------|--------------------------|-----------|-----------------------------
10 | Tape Recorder Control | Input | Tape Recorder
11 | Tape Recorder Control | Output |
12 | Audio Signal to Tape | Output |
14 | Signal Ground | GND |
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Note: This table corrects several errors which occur in the table in the
Owner's Manual.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bulidin' the On/Off hook indicator
==================================
Required parts: 12V DC LED
==================================
This is the most inexpensive and simple of the projects. All you must do is
connect the wire leading from pin 7 to the positive pole of the LED and connect
pin 12 to the remaining pole. Solder connections firmly and whenever the modem
is off-hook the LED will light.
Hooking up a tape player
========================
Required parts: Tape Recorder with adjustable record level, 3.5 mm patch cable;
male on one end; stripped on the other, Patch cable with 2.5 mm plug on one
end;stripped on the other.
========================
This is proabibly the most useful feature. With this feature you may listen
in on your cat. Such as when calling a board you'll never have to pick up the
phone. You also might want to do an answering machine. I'll tell you more
about that later.
To build this you must take the wires leading from pins 10 & 11 and connect
them to the stripped ends of your 2.5 mm patch cable. Now take the wires
leading from pins 13 & 14 and connect them to the stripped ends of your 3.5 mm
patch cable. ** Note: You may have to reverse which pin goes to which wire on
each cable if it doesn't work at first. Now, simply plug the 3.5 mm plug into
the Mic jack on the tape recorder and plug the 2.5 mm plug into the Rem jack on
the tape recorder.
To use this you just press the Rec button(s) on your tape recorder. On most
tape recorder you'll be able to hear what is going on when the modem picks up
the phone. You'll notice that the tape does not move when you press record, you
must do a POKE 49313,31 (Default = 0) to turn on the tape. That is how you make
your answering machine. ** Note: I have included an answering machine program
at the end of his file.
Bulidin` the EIA-RS232C printer interface
=========================================
Required parts: Serial printer, RS232C cable
=========================================
This is pretty difficult to explain. We'll start by looking at the RS232C
port on the back of your printer. This port has two rows of holes. One row has
12 holes and the other has 13. We'll number these holes by going left to right
the first holes are 1 to 13 on the largest row, next go to the left of the
smaller row and number from 14 to 25. Not all of these holes will be used.
This chart tells which wire goes to which hole:
Pin # | Hole(s)
------|--------
01 | 12
02 | 11
03 | 19+3 (19 first)
04 | 07
---------------
Hooking up the BSR Remote Transformer
=====================================
Required Parts: BSR Remote Transformer
=====================================
** Note: This is really quite dangerous and I recommend if you wish to
use this function and are unsure of your abilities that you buy an expansion
module.
Now, look at the square end of your transformer. Each hole should have a
number next to it. If you don't see these numbers than just number
counter-clockwise starting at the bottom left corner (notch facing the floor).
There is really no good way to get the wires to stay in these holes. You may
want to go to Radio Shack and look for something. Anyways be sure the
transformer is not plugged into the wall and connect each pin to each hole as
shown:
Pin #5--> Hole #3
Pin #6--> Hole #1
Pin #8--> Hole #2
Pin #9--> Hole #4
**Caution: Be sure that no wire touches another wire!
To use this you must have at least one of those modules which come with the
real BSR Command things. There is a program on your Com-Ware disk to control
this.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
**Caution: When working on these features be sure to connect them to the pins
last or else damage to you or your cat may occur.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here is the answering machine program I mentioned earlier:
10 REM -> A WARE-WOLF PRODUCTION
20 POKE 49314,0: POKE 49313,0
40 S = 38142:P = 38141:M = 33056:T = 33055:C = 22357:A = 38131:D$ = CHR$ (13)
+ CHR$ (4)
70 KB = - 16384:PR = - 16211:CC = 49168
80 HOME : PRINT CA
90 IF PEEK (KB) = 195 THEN ZZ = PEEK (CC): RUN
110 IF PEEK (KB) = 212 THEN ZZ = PEEK (CC): GOTO 160
120 IF PEEK (KB) = 209 THEN PRINT CHR$ (8): POKE 49168,0: END
130 IF PEEK (PR) / 2 = INT ( PEEK (PR) / 2) THEN 90
140 PRINT "Sam:";: INVERSE : PRINT "Receiving Call": NORMAL
160 POKE 49314,2: FOR X = 1 TO 3500: NEXT
170 SA$ = "HELLO.THERE.YOU HAVE.REACHED.THE.WARE.WOLFS.COMPUTER": GOSUB 400: CA
LL A:SA$ = "HE.IS.NOT HERE.NOW.BUUT.LUCKILY.ME.AND.MY FRIENDS.ARE HERE.TO.TAKE
YOUR.MESSAGE": CALL A
180 SA$ = "NOW.LISTEN UP.SUNNY.IF.YOU DON'T.LISTEN.WE.MIGHT.HAVE TO.KICK YOUR A
SS": GOSUB 360: CALL A:SA$ = "AFTER.WE.STOP.TALKING.YOU.WILL HEAR.A.BEEP.": GOS
UB 340: CALL A
190 SA$ = "I.WON'T.HANG.UP.TILL.YOU.ARE FINISHED.LEAVING.YOUR.MESSAGE": GOSUB 3
20: CALL A
200 SA$ = "REMEMBER.TO.WAIT.FOR.THE.BEEP.": GOSUB 380: CALL A
210 SA$ = "BYE": GOSUB 300: CALL A: GOSUB 320: CALL A: GOSUB 340: CALL A: GOSUB
360: CALL A: GOSUB 380: CALL A: GOSUB 400: CALL A:SA$ = "P...": FOR X = 1 TO 9
00: NEXT : POKE 49313,31: CALL A
220 FOR Z = 1 TO 190:V = ( PEEK ( - 16224) - 15): IF ((V / 16) / 2) < > INT
((V / 16) / 2) THEN NEXT
230 PRINT Z: IF Z = > 190 THEN 250
240 GOTO 220
250 SA$ = "THANKS FOR THE MESSAGE": CALL A
260 POKE 49314,0: POKE 49313,0
270 CA = CA + 1
280 GOTO 40
300 REM ***ELF***
310 POKE T,110: POKE M,160: CALL C: POKE S,72: POKE P,64: RETURN
320 REM ***ROBOT***
330 POKE T,190: POKE M,190: CALL C: POKE S,92: POKE P,60: RETURN
340 REM ***STUFFY GUY***
350 POKE T,110: POKE M,105: CALL C: POKE S,82: POKE P,72: RETURN360 REM
***OLD LADY***
370 POKE T,145: POKE M,145: CALL C: POKE S,82: POKE P,32: RETURN
380 REM ***E.T.***
390 POKE T,150: POKE M,200: CALL C: POKE S,100: POKE P,64: RETURN
400 REM ***REGULAR***
410 POKE T,128: POKE M,128: CALL C: POKE S,74: POKE P,64: RETURN
To use this program first, EXEC it into basic and save it. Next boot up Sam
Knobs and select the text input version. Now when run this program will put a 0
in the upper-left corner of the screen. This is how many calls you have had so
far. To test the program just hit "T" to clear the call count hit "C" to quit
hit "Q". It after the little greeting message it waits until there is no sound
for about 6-7 seconds. So people can leave messages of unlimited length. I
included the pokes for different voices so you can be creative with your
messages.
==========
The End...
==========
---------------------------------------
PIPELINE BBS/CATFUR 300/1200 10MEGS
<718> 351 5678

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From: hayden@krypton.mankato.msus.edu (Robert A. Hayden)
Date: 11 Aug 93 10:46:30 -0600
Message-ID: <1993Aug11.104630.5562@vax1.mankato.msus.edu>
Newsgroups: alt.geek,rec.humor
Suggestions welcome.
Send them to:
Robert A. Hayden: <hayden@krypton.mankato.msus.edu>
GSS d- -p+(---) c++(++++) l++ u++ e+/* m++(*)@ s-/++ n-(---) h+(*) f+ g+
w++ t++ r++ y+(*)
------------------ The Code of the Geeks v1.0.1 --------------------------
---------------------- July 17, 1993 ------------------------------
So you think you are a geek, eh? The first step is to admit to yourself
your geekiness. No matter what anyone says, geeks are people too; geeks
have rights. So take a deep breath and announce to the world that you are a
geek. Your courage will give you strength that will last you forever.
How to tell the world you are a geek, you ask? Use the universal Geek code.
By joining the geek organization, you have license to use this special code
that will allow you to let other un-closeted geeks know who you are in a
simple, codified statement.
The single best way to announce your geekhood is to add your geek code to
signature file and announce it far and wide. But be careful, you may give
other geeks the courage to come out of the closet. You might want to hang
on to your copy of the code in order to help them along.
---------------------
INSTRUCTIONS:
The geek code consists of several categories. Each category is labeled with
a letter and some qualifiers. Go through each category and determine which
set of qualifiers best describes you in that category. By stringing all of
these 'codes' together, you are able to construct your overall geek code.
It is this single line of code that will inform other geeks the world over
of what a great geek you actually are.
Some of the qualifiers will very probably not match with you exactly.
Simply choose that qualifier that MOST CLOSELY matches you. Also, some
activities described in a specific qualifier you may not engage in, while you
do engage in others. Each description of each qualifier describes the wide
range of activities that apply, so as long as you match with one, you can
probably use that qualifier.
----------------------
VARIABLES:
Geeks can seldom be quantified. To facilitate the fact that within any
one category the geek may not be able determine a specific category,
variables have been designed to allow this range to be included.
@ for variable, said trait is not very rigid, may change with
time or with individual interaction. For example, Geeks
who happen to very much enjoy Star Trek: The Next Generation,
but dislike the old 60's series might list themselves as
t++@.
() for indicating "cross-overs" or ranges. Geeks who go from
c+ to c--- depending on the situation (i.e. mostly "c+") could
use c+(---). Another example might be an m++(*). This
would be a person who mostly listens to classical music, but
also has an extensive collection of other types of works.
@ is different from () in that () has finite limits within the
category, while @ ranges all over.
-----------------------
Type:
Geeks come in many flavors. The flavors relate to the vocation of the
particular geek. To start a code, a geek must declare himself or herself to
be a geek. To do this, we start the code with a "G" to denote "GEEK",
followed by one or two letters to denote the geeks occupation or field of
study. Multi-talented geeks with more than one vocation should denote their
myriad of talents with a slash between each vocation (example: GCS/MU/T).
GB -- Geek of Business
GCS -- Geek of Computer Science
GE -- Geek of Engineering
GM -- Geek of Math
GMU -- Geek of Music
GS -- Geek of Science (Physics, Chemistry, Biology, etc.)
GSS -- Geek of Social Science (Psychology, Sociology, etc.)
GT -- Geek of Theater
GO -- Geek of Other. Some types of geeks deviate from the
normal geek activities. This is encouraged as true geeks
come from all walks of life.
GU -- Geek of 'Undecided'. This is a popular vocation with
new freshmen.
GAT -- Geek of All Trades. For those geeks that can do
anything and everything. GAT usually precludes the use
of other vocational descriptors.
----------------------
Dress:
Geeks come in many different types of dress.
d I dress a lot like those in Walmart ads
d+ I tend to wear trendy political messages like "Save the
Whales" or "Free South Africa".
d++ I tend to wear conservative dress such as a business
suit.
d- I tend to wear trendy political messages like "Nuke the
Humans", "Question Authority", or "Big Brother's Watching".
d-- I wear jeans to work just to piss off my boss
d--- At work, I have holes in my jeans and/or obscenities on
my shirt.
d? I have no idea what I am wearing right now, let alone
what I wore yesterday.
!d No clothing. Quite a fashion statement, don't you think?
-d+ I wear the same clothes all the time, no matter the
occasion, often forgetting to do laundry between wearings.
---------------------
Politics:
Just as the Geek's sense of fashion is varied, so is his/her political
convictions.
p Politics? I've heard of that somewhere but in all honesty
I really don't give a shit.
p+ Let's get the government off of big-business's back
p++ All in favor of eliminating free speech, say aye!
p+++ Fuckin' Minorities! Adolf Hitler is my hero!
p- Bring back the 60's
p-- I'm still living in the 60's
p--- No taxes through no government
-p+ Don't label me you moron! Both sides are equally fucked up!
---------------------
Computers:
Most geeks identify themselves by their use of computers and computer
networks. In order to quantify your geekiness level on computers, consult
the following (consider the term 'computers' synonymous with 'computer
network'):
c Computers are a tool, nothing more. I use it when it serves
my purpose.
c+ Computers are fun and I enjoy using them. I play a mean
game of Wing Commander and can use a word processor without
resorting to the manual too often. I know that a 3.5" disk
is not a hard disk. I also know that when it says 'press any
key to continue', I don't have to look for a key labeled
'ANY'.
c++ Computers are a large part of my existence. When I get up
in the morning, the first thing I do is log myself in. I mud
on weekends, but still manage to stay off of academic
probation.
c+++ You mean there is life outside of Internet? You're shittin'
me! I live for muds. I haven't dragged myself to class in
weeks.
c++++ I'll be first in line to get the new cybernetic interface
installed into my skull.
c- Anything more complicated than my calculator and I'm
screwed.
c-- Where's the on switch?
c--- If you even mention computers, I will rip your head off!
-------------------
Linux:
Linux is a hacker-written operating system virtually identical to unix. It
runs on your standard 386/486 PC computers and offers multitasking support
far superior to DOS. Because it is still a young OS, and because it is
continually evolving from hacker changes and support, it is important that
the geek list his Linux ability.
l I know what Linux is, but that's about all
l+ I've managed to get Linux installed and even used it a few
times. It seems like it is just another OS.
l++ I use Linux almost exclusively on my system. I monitor
comp.os.linux and even answer questions some times. I've
aliased Linux FTP sites to make getting new software easier.
l+++ I am a Linux wizard. I munch C code for breakfast and have
enough room left over for a kernel debugging. I have so
many patches installed that I lost track about ten versions
ago. Linux newbies consider me a net.god.
l- I have no desire to use Linux and frankly don't give a rats
ass about it.
l-- Unix sucks. Because Linux = Unix. Linux Sucks. I worship
Bill Gates.
!l I don't even use an 80x86 chip, so linux isn't really a
reality for me. (ie, Mac people).
l? What the hell is Linux? I've never even heard of it.
-------------------
Unix:
Just as geeks sometimes use Linux, a great many geeks also use generic Unix
machines to accomplish their geeky ends.
u I have a unix account to do my stuff in
u+ I not only have a unix account, but I slam VMS any chance I
get.
u++ I've get the entire admin ticked off at me because I am
always using all of the CPU time and trying to run programs
that I don't have access to. I'm going to try cracking
/etc/passwd next week, just don't tell anyone.
u- I have a VMS account.
u-- I've seen unix and didn't like it. DEC rules!
u--- Unix geeks are actually nerds in disguise.
--------------------
Education:
All geeks have a varying amount of education.
e K-12, been on a college campus.
e+ Started a B.S./B.A, plan to finish it some day.
e++ Had not learned enough to know better not to go back and try
for a master's degree.
e+++ Still pretty stupid, over qualified to work any job, went and
got my Ph.D.
e- Got my bachelors, escaped alive, and am making hoards of money
writing unmaintainable (except by me) software.
e-- The company I work for was dumb enough to fund my way through
a masters degree, then started paying me even more money.
e--- Achieved a Ph.D, have devoted my life to insignificant
research,
which my employer pays dearly for.
e* I learned everything there is to know about life from the
"Hitchhiker's Trilogy".
--------------------
Music:
Musical interests vary widely, also.
m I occasionally listen to the radio
m+ I own a tape or CD collection (records also count, but you
would be admitting how old you really are).
m++ I consider myself refined and enjoy classical and new-age
selections
m+++ I consider myself over-refined and grok that heavy-duty
elevator music.
m- Just play it loud
m-- I play air-guitar better than anyone else.
m--- LISTEN! I SAID TO PLAY IT LOUD!
m* I am an expert on so many types of music that I can't even
keep them straight
-------------------
Shape:
Geeks come in many shapes and sizes. Shape code is divided into two parts.
The first indicates height, while the second indicates roundness. Mix each
section to fit yourself. Examples include: s/++, s++/, s++/--.
s I'm an average geek
s+/+ I'm a little taller/rounder than most.
s++/++ I'm a basketball/linebacker candidate.
s+++/+++I usually have to duck through doors/I take up three movie
seats.
s-/- I look up to most people. Everyone tells me to gain a
few pounds.
s--/-- I look up to damn near everybody. I tend to have to fight
against a strong breeze.
s---/---I take a phone book with me when I go out so I can see to
eat dinner. My bones are poking through my skin.
--------------------
Nutrition:
Geeks usually consume food. Some eat everything they can grab while some
others are quite conscious of their food. (Note: 'n' is used for
nutrition as 'f' is used elsewhere.)
!n Eh what? never mind the menu, give me something to eat!
n+ I like food - especially when it is healthy.
n++ I like the fibers in food
n- Food? I just grab something from the shelves with meat in it.
n-- I eat only the cheap things - even with artificial meat and
vegetables.
n--- I _live_ on snacks and coke.
--------------------
Housing:
h Friends come over to visit every once in a while to talk
about Geek things. There is a place for them to sit.
h+ Living alone, get out once a week to buy food, no more than
once a month to do laundry. All surfaces covered.
h++ Living in a cave with 47 computers and an Internet feed,
located near a Dominoes pizza. See !d.
h- Living with one or more registered Geeks.
h-- Living with one or more people who know nothing about being a
Geek and refuse to watch 'Star Trek'.
h--- Married, with the potential for children. (persons living
with a fiance might as well label themselves h---, you're as
good as there already.)
h* I'm not sure where I live anymore. This lab/workplace seems
like home to me.
--------------------
Friends:
Yes, it's true; geeks do have friends. At least, some of them do.
f Yeah, I have friends. Who told you?
f+ I have quite a few really close friends. We get along great.
They are all other geeks, though.
f++ I have so many friends, I make other people jealous.
f- I have a few friends. They barely seem to speak to me
anymore.
f-- I've got about one friend left in the world, who probably
wants to shoot me.
f? I *think* I have friends.
f* Everyone is my friend.
!f I have no friends. Get lost.
---------------------
Glasses:
Geeks have traditionally worn glasses.
!g I have no glasses
g+ I've got four eyes, what's your point?
g++ I've got four eyes and tape in the middle
g+++ I have coke-bottle classes that I can use to start leaves on
fire in the hot sun.
g- I have contacts
g-- I have colored contacts
g--- I have those funky contact that have interesting designs on
them such as happy faces or some such.
--------------------
Weirdness:
Geeks have a seemingly natural knack for being "weird". Of course, this is
a subjective term as one person's weirdness is another person's normalness.
As a general rule, the following weird qualifiers allow a geek to rate their
weirdness.
w I am not weird. I'm perfectly normal.
w+ so? what's your problem with weird.
w++ I am so weird, I make Al Yankovic look sane.
w+++ Mainstream? I heard of that once, I think.
w- I'm more normal that most people normally are.
w-- Isn't everyone in the p+ group?
--------------------
Star Trek:
Most geeks have an undeniable love for the Star Trek television (in any of
its three forms). Because GEEK is often synonymous with TREKKIE, it is
important that all geeks list their Trek rating.
t It's just another TV show
t+ It's a damn fine TV show and is one of the only things
good on television any more.
t++ It's the best show around. I have all the episodes and the
movies on tape and can quote entire scenes verbatim. I've
built a few of the model kits too. But you'll never catch me
at one of those conventions. Those people are kooks.
t+++ It's not just a TV show, its a religion. I know all about
warp field dynamics and the principles behind the
transporter. I have memorized the TECH manual. I speak
Klingon. I go to cons with Vulcan ears on. I have no life.
t- Maybe it is just me, but I have no idea what the big deal
with Star Trek is. Perhaps I'm missing something but I just
think it is bad drama.
t-- Star Trek is just another Space Opera. William Shatner isn't
an actor, he's a poser! And what's with this Jean-Luc Picard?
A Frenchman with a British accent? Come on. I'd only watch
this show if my remote control broke.
t--- Star Trek SUCKS! It is the worst crap I have ever seen!
Hey, all you trekkies out there, GET A LIFE! (William
Shatner is a t---)
--------------------
Role Playing:
Role-playing games such as Dungeons & Dragons have long been a part of the
traditional geek life. Because geeks often become so involved in their
role-playing that they lose touch with reality, include one of the following
role-playing codes.
r Role-Playing? That's just something to do to kill a
Saturday afternoon
r+ I've got my weekly sessions set up and a character that I
know better than I know myself.
r++ There is no life outside the role of the die. I know all of
piddly rules of (chosen game). _MY_ own warped rules scare
the rest of the players.
r+++ I worship E. Gary Gygax.
r- Gosh, what an utter waste of time!
r-- Role-Players worship SATAN!
--------------------
Sex:
Geeks have traditionally had problems with sex (ie, they never have any).
Because geeks are so wrapped up in their sexuality (or lack of sexuality for
that matter), it is important that the geek be willing to quantify their
sexual experiences.
This code also is used to denote the gender of the geek. Females use 'x' in
this category, while males use 'y'. For example:
x+ A female who has had sex
y+ A male who has had sex.
For those person who do not wish to give out any details of their sex life,
the use of x? (where x is the gender code) will allow you to so.
!x Sex? What's that? I've had no sexual experiences.
x+ I've had real, live sex.
x++ I was once referred to as 'easy'. I have no idea where that
might have come from though.
x- I prefer computer sex to real sex.
x-- I was once referred to as a 'cyberslut', but I have no idea
where that might have come from.
x* I'm a pervert.
x** I've been known to make perverts look like angels.
x? It's none of your business what my sex life is like (this
is used to denote your gender only).
* * * * * * * * *
The Geek Code is copyright 1993 by Robert A. Hayden. All rights reserved.
You are free to distribute this code in electronic format provided that the
contents are unchanged and this copyright notice remains attached.
--
{[> Robert A. Hayden ____ #include <std_disclaimer.h> <]}
{[> \ /__ ------------------------------- <]}
{[> aq650@slc4.INS.CWRU.Edu \/ / Bigotry is what is incompatible <]}
{[> hayden@krypton.mankato.msus.edu \/ with military service. <]}
-=-=-
GEEK CODE v1.0.1: GSS d- -p+(---) c++(++++) l++ u++ e+/* m++(*)@ s-/++
n-(---) h+(*) f+ g+ w++ t++ r++ y+(*)
+175
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Author's Note: The following article was written for submission to
ComputerFun magazine. Alas, the mag died! Some information, specifically that
about pirates and piracy, is somewhat biased, due to the intended audience.
Keep that in mind as you read this. Still good for a laugh tho! -dt
COPY PROTECTION: A HISTORY AND OUTLOOK
Back in the last seventies, when personal computers were just starting to
catch on, a lot of software was distributed on audio cassettes. The price was
generally low ($15 and under), and so was the quality. Personal computer owners
knew that audio cassettes could be duplicated fairly easily with two
decent-quality tape recorders. However, the process was time-consuming and
unreliable (volume levels were critical), and it did not save that much money,
since the cassette alone cost five dollars anyway. The market for cassette
software was stable.
As the prices of home systems continued to drop, the popularity of the floppy
disk as a storage medium increased so that software suppliers had to carry each
program on both tape and disk. Typically, the disk version cost slightly more,
due to the higher cost of the disk itself, and the fact that disk drive owners
were prepared to pay a little extra for a program that loads several times
faster.
These software prices, still relatively low, were short-lived. Disks, unlike
tapes, were trivially easy to copy. User clubs formed in which one copy was
purchased (legally) and copied (illegally) for everyone in the group. Worse
yet, schools and businesses owning more than one system would make copies for
all of their systems from one original. Then, individuals connected with the
schools or businesses would copy the disks for themselves, for friends, for
their user club, for other schools and businesses... Piracy had spread like a
cancer to ridiculous proportions, throwing a monkey wrench into the once-stable
software market.
The software distributors' next move was to modify their program disks in such
a way that they could not be duplicated by conventional means, and to raise
their prices somewhat. These early efforts at copy-protection were very simple,
and equally simple to undo. Every disk has on it a list of what data is
contained on it, where on the disk it is, what type of data it is, etc. The
part of the disk that contains this information is called the catalog or
directory of the disk. On copy-protected disks, the catalog was altered
slightly in format, moved to elsewhere on the disk, or omitted entirely. All
someone would have to do was restore the catalog, an easy task if you know what
you're doing, and the disk would copy normally.
The new copy-protected disks kept a significant proportion of the pirates
discouraged, much the same way a flimsy doorknob lock "keeps an honest man
honest". Most of the early large-scale piracy stopped. Businesses and schools
could not afford the time required to duplicate the disks, so they shrugged,
gave in and bought the disks. Hobbyists quickly found ways to copy the new
software, but they were working independently, and therefore not dangerous. The
software industry was content and hopeful.
It was a false hope. As the popularity of personal computers continued to
escalate, hobby users banded together more and more. Some broke the software
"lock" and made the disks copyable while others purchased the tape versions of
software and transferred them to disk. The industry retaliated by discontinuing
most of the taped versions of software, as they were far too easy to copy, and
by using more sophisticated techniques to protect the disks. Of course, they
also raised the prices.
These second generation copy-protection schemes worked remarkably well for a
while. Data on a disk is encoded (pre-nibbilized) in a standard way before it
is written out to disk, and then decoded (post-nibbilized) as it is read back.
By altering the code under which the data is written and read, the software
companies rendered ordinary copy programs useless. Another technique of this
era was to write data in unusual formats in odd places on the disk, such as
between two tracks or after the last track normally used.
The hobby users, indignant at the recent price increase, adapted the general
attitude that piracy is okay because they would never buy the software at the
exhorbitant price being asked. User clubs were now considered essential. To
not belong to one was to be repeatedly "cheated" when buying software. No
matter what copy-protection methods the software people tried, the pirates broke
the disk and circulated the copy, quite literally around the country.
In order to make piracy easier, enthusiasts and certain software firms
(considered traitors by other software firms) developed special copy programs
which analyzed the data being copied as little as possible, attempting to copy
as directly as is possible from one disk to another. The infamous Locksmith and
the more recent COPY ][ are examples of such programs, called bit copiers or
nibble copiers because they copy the data one bit or one nibble at a time,
rather than one sector or one track at a time.
Still, the goal of a pirate was downright unprotection, not duplication. To a
new breed of pirate, it was a game. Each new disk provided the pirate with a
new challenge, a puzzle, which, if he could solve, would make him famous
(pirates tended to leave their mark on the disks they unprotected in those
days). To the software firms, it was hardly a game, it was a war of attrition,
and until they could outsmart the pirates, they would just have to increase the
prices and hope for the best.
Or would they? Some software companies stepped back at this point and
surveyed the situation: they probably could not keep the pirates at bay for
long, as there was genuine intelligence out there -- thousands of users all
working toward one goal -- to break that disk! It seemed to them that they
actually had a number of options if they wished to continue to do a healthy
business. First, they lobbied for stricter copyright laws and won. Bootleg
disk distribution is now more illegal than every before, but it is still
difficult to enforce the law. Second, they could fight it out, raising the
prices as necessary and developing more diabolical methods of copy-protection.
Only so much can be done to protect disks, however. Those firms that
continued to protect their disks were upset by the introduction of a hardware
device developed by pirates and later marketed which allows the entire state of
the computer to be frozen and remembered, down to the last status bit, and
restored at will later. Duplication of the program disk was no longer
necessary. The whole program was right there in memory waiting to be run. All
the pirate had to do was duplicate the state the computer was in, not the disk
that got it there.
The software firms, to work around the setback, tried a new technique: they
caused their programs to look at the disk periodically and make sure it is the
original. How to tell the difference between the original and a copy was an
ingenious trick called nibble counting. When disks are copied, the two drives
doing the copying are seldom running at the exact same speed, so the duplicate
disk will contain tracks which are slightly longer (more nibbles) or shorter
(fewer nibbles) than the original. The software could count the nibbles and
determine whether the disk being used is an original. Soon, though, nibble
copiers began to allow the user to preserve the nibble count, foiling the
protectors again.
Another particularly devious tactic in copy-protection is called sector
skewing. To simplify a complex process, data is spread finely over the entire
disk, so that it would take an exceptionally high-quality disk drive to write
such a disk, though any drive can read it under direction of the software. What
these software firms realize too late is that the pirates have one secret weapon
-- a foolproof, though painful, procedure to break any disk protection scheme --
boot tracing! You see, software has the unfortunate characteristic that it has
to be written in such a way that the computer can understand it. It has to, so
to speak, spoon-feed itself to the computer. The process of boot tracing is
simply to painstakingly, step by step, pretend you're the computer, follow all
the rules it follows, and you will eventually succeed in reading the disk.
Some software firms still fight the war of attrition, such as Br0derbund,
On-line systems and others. Other firms had a better idea: to give up on
protection altogether and direct their attention to providing an attractive
package -- with ample documentation, quick-reference cards and other goodies --
at a good price. An excellent example of this novel approach, to give the buyer
a good deal, is Beagle Bros, whose software has never been protected, and never
will be. Their products are of highest quality and reasonably priced. To be
sure, it is duplicated to some degree, but the package with all its goodies is
worth the investment. Penguin software has used this approach successully as
well.
A final possibility, useful only in the more expensive packages, is to require
a hardware device to be installed in the computer for the software to run
properly. Softerm 2 for Apple, for instance, requires a plug-in card to be
installed in the computer which has attached to it three special function
switches necessary for the operation of the program. You can copy the disk, but
not the card. Not all computers have as much room for extra hardware as the
Apple, though, and hardware devices cost a lot of money compared to disks and
manuals, so this method is only practical in expensive packages.
So where does all that leave you, the honest (ahem!) consumer? Well, the
software firms really are anxious to serve you. If your copy-protected disk
ever fails to work, you can send it back for free replacement. If the disk is
damaged physically, the replacement fee is about five dollars (provided you send
in the old disk!!). Many packages come with two copies of the software, in case
one should fail, and legitimate software owners often receive free updates to
both the software and the documentation. Software companies try to make it
worth your while to buy their product. Also, due to a recent crackdown,
big-time pirates are getting caught, and piracy is more anonymous now. Trust
among pirates has broken down, and so has the once widespread circulation of
pirated disks. The heyday of piracy is over. So, if you are thinking of
getting some software, examine the package. Find out exactly what the program
can do, the guarantee, and all the fringe benefits you will receive as a
legitimate owner of the software. If, after all that, the package does not
interest you, don't buy it. If you are considering being a pirate, be careful!
Imprisonment is entirely possible if you are caught, and even if you are not,
you are only raising software prices for yourself and everyone else.
-DT
 if you are caught, and even if you are not,
you are only raising software prices for yourself
+552
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Newsgroups: alt.cyberpunk
From: whitaker@eternity.demon.co.uk (Russell Earl Whitaker)
Subject: Cryptosystems are our defensive weapons!
Organization: Extropy Institute
Reply-To: whitaker@eternity.demon.co.uk
Date: Wed, 28 Oct 1992 13:17:28 +0000
FROM CROSSBOWS TO CRYPTOGRAPHY: THWARTING THE STATE VIA
TECHNOLOGY
Given at the Future of Freedom Conference, November 1987
You know, technology--and particularly computer
technology--has often gotten a bad rap in Libertarian cir-
cles. We tend to think of Orwell's 1984, or Terry Gilliam's
Brazil, or the proximity detectors keeping East Berlin's
slave/citizens on their own side of the border, or the so-
phisticated bugging devices Nixon used to harass those on
his "enemies list." Or, we recognize that for the price of
a ticket on the Concorde we can fly at twice the speed of
sound, but only if we first walk thru a magnetometer run by
a government policeman, and permit him to paw thru our be-
longings if it beeps.
But I think that mind-set is a mistake. Before there
were cattle prods, governments tortured their prisoners with
clubs and rubber hoses. Before there were lasers for
eavesdropping, governments used binoculars and lip-readers.
Though government certainly uses technology to oppress, the
evil lies not in the tools but in the wielder of the tools.
In fact, technology represents one of the most promis-
ing avenues available for re-capturing our freedoms from
those who have stolen them. By its very nature, it favors
the bright (who can put it to use) over the dull (who can-
not). It favors the adaptable (who are quick to see the
merit of the new (over the sluggish (who cling to time-
tested ways). And what two better words are there to de-
scribe government bureaucracy than "dull" and "sluggish"?
One of the clearest, classic triumphs of technology
over tyranny I see is the invention of the man-portable
crossbow. With it, an untrained peasant could now reliably
and lethally engage a target out to fifty meters--even if
that target were a mounted, chain-mailed knight. (Unlike
the longbow, which, admittedly was more powerful, and could
get off more shots per unit time, the crossbow required no
formal training to utilize. Whereas the longbow required
elaborate visual, tactile and kinesthetic coordination to
achieve any degree of accuracy, the wielder of a crossbow
could simply put the weapon to his shoulder, sight along the
arrow itself, and be reasonably assured of hitting his tar-
get.)
Moreover, since just about the only mounted knights
likely to visit your average peasant would be government
soldiers and tax collectors, the utility of the device was
plain: With it, the common rabble could defend themselves
not only against one another, but against their governmental
masters. It was the medieval equivalent of the armor-
piercing bullet, and, consequently, kings and priests (the
medieval equivalent of a Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and
Crossbows) threatened death and excommunication, respec-
tively, for its unlawful possession.
Looking at later developments, we see how technology
like the firearm--particularly the repeating rifle and the
handgun, later followed by the Gatling gun and more advanced
machine guns--radically altered the balance of interpersonal
and inter-group power. Not without reason was the Colt .45
called "the equalizer." A frail dance-hall hostess with one
in her possession was now fully able to protect herself
against the brawniest roughneck in any saloon. Advertise-
ments for the period also reflect the merchandising of the
repeating cartridge rifle by declaring that "a man on
horseback, armed with one of these rifles, simply cannot be
captured." And, as long as his captors were relying upon
flintlocks or single-shot rifles, the quote is doubtless a
true one.
Updating now to the present, the public-key cipher
(with a personal computer to run it) represents an equiv-
alent quantum leap--in a defensive weapon. Not only can
such a technique be used to protect sensitive data in one's
own possession, but it can also permit two strangers to ex-
change information over an insecure communications
channel--a wiretapped phone line, for example, or
skywriting, for that matter)--without ever having previously
met to exchange cipher keys. With a thousand-dollar com-
puter, you can create a cipher that a multi-megabuck CRAY
X-MP can't crack in a year. Within a few years, it should
be economically feasible to similarly encrypt voice communi-
cations; soon after that, full-color digitized video images.
Technology will not only have made wiretapping obsolete, it
will have totally demolished government's control over in-
formation transfer.
I'd like to take just a moment to sketch the mathemat-
ics which makes this principle possible. This algorithm is
called the RSA algorithm, after Rivest, Shamir, and Adleman
who jointly created it. Its security derives from the fact
that, if a very large number is the product of two very
large primes, then it is extremely difficult to obtain the
two prime factors from analysis of their product. "Ex-
tremely" in the sense that if primes p and q have 100
digits apiece, then their 200-digit product cannot in gen-
eral be factored in less than 100 years by the most powerful
computer now in existence.
The "public" part of the key consists of (1) the prod-
uct pq of the two large primes p and q, and (2) one fac-
tor, call it x , of the product xy where xy = {(p-1) *
(q-1) + 1}. The "private" part of the key consists of the
other factor y.
Each block of the text to be encrypted is first turned
into an integer--either by using ASCII, or even a simple
A=01, B=02, C=03, ... , Z=26 representation. This integer
is then raised to the power x (modulo pq) and the resulting
integer is then sent as the encrypted message. The receiver
decrypts by taking this integer to the (secret) power y
(modulo pq). It can be shown that this process will always
yield the original number started with.
What makes this a groundbreaking development, and why
it is called "public-key" cryptography," is that I can
openly publish the product pq and the number x , while
keeping secret the number y --so that anyone can send me
an encrypted message, namely
x
a (mod pq) ,
but only I can recover the original message a , by taking
what they send, raising it to the power y and taking the
result (mod pq). The risky step (meeting to exchange cipher
keys) has been eliminated. So people who may not even trust
each other enough to want to meet, may still reliably ex-
change encrypted messages--each party having selected and
disseminated his own pq and his x , while maintaining
the secrecy of his own y.
Another benefit of this scheme is the notion of a "dig-
ital signature," to enable one to authenticate the source of
a given message. Normally, if I want to send you a message,
I raise my plaintext a to your x and take the result (mod
your pq) and send that.
However, if in my message, I take the plaintext a and
raise it to my (secret) power y , take the result (mod my
pq), then raise that result to your x (mod your pq) and
send this, then even after you have normally "decrypted" the
message, it will still look like garbage. However, if you
then raise it to my public power x , and take the result
(mod my public pq ), so you will not only recover the ori-
ginal plaintext message, but you will know that no one but I
could have sent it to you (since no one else knows my secret
y).
And these are the very concerns by the way that are to-
day tormenting the Soviet Union about the whole question of
personal computers. On the one hand, they recognize that
American schoolchildren are right now growing up with com-
puters as commonplace as sliderules used to be--more so, in
fact, because there are things computers can do which will
interest (and instruct) 3- and 4-year-olds. And it is pre-
cisely these students who one generation hence will be going
head-to-head against their Soviet counterparts. For the
Soviets to hold back might be a suicidal as continuing to
teach swordsmanship while your adversaries are learning
ballistics. On the other hand, whatever else a personal
computer may be, it is also an exquisitely efficient copying
machine--a floppy disk will hold upwards of 50,000 words of
text, and can be copied in a couple of minutes. If this
weren't threatening enough, the computer that performs the
copy can also encrypt the data in a fashion that is all but
unbreakable. Remember that in Soviet society publicly ac-
cessible Xerox machines are unknown. (The relatively few
copying machines in existence are controlled more inten-
sively than machine guns are in the United States.)
Now the "conservative" position is that we should not
sell these computers to the Soviets, because they could use
them in weapons systems. The "liberal" position is that we
should sell them, in the interests of mutual trade and
cooperation--and anyway, if we don't make the sale, there
will certainly be some other nation willing to.
For my part, I'm ready to suggest that the Libertarian
position should be to give them to the Soviets for free, and
if necessary, make them take them . . . and if that doesn't
work load up an SR-71 Blackbird and air drop them over
Moscow in the middle of the night. Paid for by private sub-
scription, of course, not taxation . . . I confess that this
is not a position that has gained much support among members
of the conventional left-right political spectrum, but, af-
ter all, in the words of one of Illuminatus's characters, we
are political non-Euclideans: The shortest distance to a
particular goal may not look anything like what most people
would consider a "straight line." Taking a long enough
world-view, it is arguable that breaking the Soviet govern-
ment monopoly on information transfer could better lead to
the enfeeblement and, indeed, to the ultimate dissolution of
the Soviet empire than would the production of another dozen
missiles aimed at Moscow.
But there's the rub: A "long enough" world view does
suggest that the evil, the oppressive, the coercive and the
simply stupid will "get what they deserve," but what's not
immediately clear is how the rest of us can escape being
killed, enslaved, or pauperized in the process.
When the liberals and other collectivists began to at-
tack freedom, they possessed a reasonably stable, healthy,
functioning economy, and almost unlimited time to proceed to
hamstring and dismantle it. A policy of political
gradualism was at least conceivable. But now, we have
patchwork crazy-quilt economy held together by baling wire
and spit. The state not only taxes us to "feed the poor"
while also inducing farmers to slaughter milk cows and drive
up food prices--it then simultaneously turns around and sub-
sidizes research into agricultural chemicals designed to in-
crease yields of milk from the cows left alive. Or witness
the fact that a decline in the price of oil is considered as
potentially frightening as a comparable increase a few years
ago. When the price went up, we were told, the economy
risked collapse for for want of energy. The price increase
was called the "moral equivalent of war" and the Feds swung
into action. For the first time in American history, the
speed at which you drive your car to work in the morning be-
came an issue of Federal concern. Now, when the price of
oil drops, again we risk problems, this time because Ameri-
can oil companies and Third World basket-case nations who
sell oil may not be able to ever pay their debts to our
grossly over-extended banks. The suggested panacea is that
government should now re-raise the oil prices that OPEC has
lowered, via a new oil tax. Since the government is seeking
to raise oil prices to about the same extent as OPEC did,
what can we call this except the "moral equivalent of civil
war--the government against its own people?"
And, classically, in international trade, can you imag-
ine any entity in the world except a government going to
court claiming that a vendor was selling it goods too
cheaply and demanding not only that that naughty vendor be
compelled by the court to raise its prices, but also that it
be punished for the act of lowering them in the first place?
So while the statists could afford to take a couple of
hundred years to trash our economy and our liberties--we
certainly cannot count on having an equivalent period of
stability in which to reclaim them. I contend that there
exists almost a "black hole" effect in the evolution of
nation-states just as in the evolution of stars. Once free-
dom contracts beyond a certain minimum extent, the state
warps the fabric of the political continuum about itself to
the degree that subsequent re-emergence of freedom becomes
all but impossible. A good illustration of this can be seen
in the area of so-called "welfare" payments. When those who
sup at the public trough outnumber (and thus outvote) those
whose taxes must replenish the trough, then what possible
choice has a democracy but to perpetuate and expand the tak-
ing from the few for the unearned benefit of the many? Go
down to the nearest "welfare" office, find just two people
on the dole . . . and recognize that between them they form
a voting bloc that can forever outvote you on the question
of who owns your life--and the fruits of your life's labor.
So essentially those who love liberty need an "edge" of
some sort if we're ultimately going to prevail. We obvi-
ously can't use the altruists' "other-directedness" of
"work, slave, suffer, sacrifice, so that next generation of
a billion random strangers can live in a better world."
Recognize that, however immoral such an appeal might be, it
is nonetheless an extremely powerful one in today's culture.
If you can convince people to work energetically for a
"cause," caring only enough for their personal welfare so as
to remain alive enough and healthy enough to continue
working--then you have a truly massive reservoir of energy
to draw from. Equally clearly, this is just the sort of ap-
peal which tautologically cannot be utilized for egoistic or
libertarian goals. If I were to stand up before you tonight
and say something like, "Listen, follow me as I enunciate my
noble "cause," contribute your money to support the "cause,"
give up your free time to work for the "cause," strive
selflessly to bring it about, and then (after you and your
children are dead) maybe your children's children will actu-
ally live under egoism"--you'd all think I'd gone mad. And
of course you'd be right. Because the point I'm trying to
make is that libertarianism and/or egoism will be spread if,
when, and as, individual libertarians and/or egoists find it
profitable and/or enjoyable to do so. And probably only
then.
While I certainly do not disparage the concept of poli-
tical action, I don't believe that it is the only, nor even
necessarily the most cost-effective path toward increasing
freedom in our time. Consider that, for a fraction of the
investment in time, money and effort I might expend in try-
ing to convince the state to abolish wiretapping and all
forms of censorship--I can teach every libertarian who's in-
terested how to use cryptography to abolish them
unilaterally.
There is a maxim--a proverb--generally attributed to
the Eskimoes, which very likely most Libertarians have al-
ready heard. And while you likely would not quarrel with
the saying, you might well feel that you've heard it often
enough already, and that it has nothing further to teach us,
and moreover, that maybe you're even tired of hearing it. I
shall therefore repeat it now:
If you give a man a fish, the saying runs, you feed him
for a day. But if you teach a man how to fish, you feed him
for a lifetime.
Your exposure to the quote was probably in some sort of
a "workfare" vs. "welfare" context; namely, that if you
genuinely wish to help someone in need, you should teach him
how to earn his sustenance, not simply how to beg for it.
And of course this is true, if only because the next time he
is hungry, there might not be anybody around willing or even
able to give him a fish, whereas with the information on how
to fish, he is completely self sufficient.
But I submit that this exhausts only the first order
content of the quote, and if there were nothing further to
glean from it, I would have wasted your time by citing it
again. After all, it seems to have almost a crypto-altruist
slant, as though to imply that we should structure our ac-
tivities so as to maximize the benefits to such hungry
beggars as we may encounter.
But consider:
Suppose this Eskimo doesn't know how to fish, but he
does know how to hunt walruses. You, on the other hand,
have often gone hungry while traveling thru walrus country
because you had no idea how to catch the damn things, and
they ate most of the fish you could catch. And now suppose
the two of you decide to exchange information, bartering
fishing knowledge for hunting knowledge. Well, the first
thing to observe is that a transaction of this type
categorically and unambiguously refutes the Marxist premise
that every trade must have a "winner" and a "loser;" the
idea that if one person gains, it must necessarily be at the
"expense" of another person who loses. Clearly, under this
scenario, such is not the case. Each party has gained some-
thing he did not have before, and neither has been dimin-
ished in any way. When it comes to exchange of information
(rather than material objects) life is no longer a zero-sum
game. This is an extremely powerful notion. The "law of
diminishing returns," the "first and second laws of
thermodynamics"--all those "laws" which constrain our possi-
bilities in other contexts--no longer bind us! Now that's
anarchy!
Or consider another possibility: Suppose this hungry
Eskimo never learned to fish because the ruler of his
nation-state had decreed fishing illegal. Because fish
contain dangerous tiny bones, and sometimes sharp spines, he
tells us, the state has decreed that their consumption--and
even their possession--are too hazardous to the people's
health to be permitted . . . even by knowledgeable, willing
adults. Perhaps it is because citizens' bodies are thought
to be government property, and therefore it is the function
of the state to punish those who improperly care for govern-
ment property. Or perhaps it is because the state gener-
ously extends to competent adults the "benefits" it provides
to children and to the mentally ill: namely, a full-time,
all-pervasive supervisory conservatorship--so that they need
not trouble themselves with making choices about behavior
thought physically risky or morally "naughty." But, in any
case, you stare stupefied, while your Eskimo informant re-
lates how this law is taken so seriously that a friend of
his was recently imprisoned for years for the crime of "pos-
session of nine ounces of trout with intent to distribute."
Now you may conclude that a society so grotesquely
oppressive as to enforce a law of this type is simply an
affront to the dignity of all human beings. You may go far-
ther and decide to commit some portion of your discretion-
ary, recreational time specifically to the task of thwarting
this tyrant's goal. (Your rationale may be "altruistic" in
the sense of wanting to liberate the oppressed, or
"egoistic" in the sense of proving you can outsmart the
oppressor--or very likely some combination of these or per-
haps even other motives.)
But, since you have zero desire to become a martyr to
your "cause," you're not about to mount a military campaign,
or even try to run a boatload of fish through the blockade.
However, it is here that technology--and in particular in-
formation technology--can multiply your efficacy literally a
hundredfold. I say "literally," because for a fraction of
the effort (and virtually none of the risk) attendant to
smuggling in a hundred fish, you can quite readily produce a
hundred Xerox copies of fishing instructions. (If the tar-
geted government, like present-day America, at least permits
open discussion of topics whose implementation is re-
stricted, then that should suffice. But, if the government
attempts to suppress the flow of information as well, then
you will have to take a little more effort and perhaps write
your fishing manual on a floppy disk encrypted according to
your mythical Eskimo's public-key parameters. But as far as
increasing real-world access to fish you have made genuine
nonzero headway--which may continue to snowball as others
re-disseminate the information you have provided. And you
have not had to waste any of your time trying to convert id-
eological adversaries, or even trying to win over the unde-
cided. Recall Harry Browne's dictum from "Freedom in an
Unfree World" that the success of any endeavor is in general
inversely proportional to the number of people whose persua-
sion is necessary to its fulfilment.
If you look at history, you cannot deny that it has
been dramatically shaped by men with names like Washington,
Lincoln, . . . Nixon . . . Marcos . . . Duvalier . . .
Khadaffi . . . and their ilk. But it has also been shaped
by people with names like Edison, Curie, Marconi, Tesla and
Wozniak. And this latter shaping has been at least as per-
vasive, and not nearly so bloody.
And that's where I'm trying to take The LiberTech
Project. Rather than beseeching the state to please not en-
slave, plunder or constrain us, I propose a libertarian net-
work spreading the technologies by which we may seize
freedom for ourselves.
But here we must be a bit careful. While it is not (at
present) illegal to encrypt information when government
wants to spy on you, there is no guarantee of what the fu-
ture may hold. There have been bills introduced, for exam-
ple, which would have made it a crime to wear body armor
when government wants to shoot you. That is, if you were to
commit certain crimes while wearing a Kevlar vest, then that
fact would constitute a separate federal crime of its own.
This law to my knowledge has not passed . . . yet . . . but
it does indicate how government thinks.
Other technological applications, however, do indeed
pose legal risks. We recognize, for example, that anyone
who helped a pre-Civil War slave escape on the "underground
railroad" was making a clearly illegal use of technology--as
the sovereign government of the United States of America at
that time found the buying and selling of human beings quite
as acceptable as the buying and selling of cattle. Simi-
larly, during Prohibition, anyone who used his bathtub to
ferment yeast and sugar into the illegal psychoactive drug,
alcohol--the controlled substance, wine--was using technol-
ogy in a way that could get him shot dead by federal agents
for his "crime"--unfortunately not to be restored to life
when Congress reversed itself and re-permitted use of this
drug.
So . . . to quote a former President, un-indicted co-
conspirator and pardoned felon . . . "Let me make one thing
perfectly clear:" The LiberTech Project does not advocate,
participate in, or conspire in the violation of any law--no
matter how oppressive, unconstitutional or simply stupid
such law may be. It does engage in description (for educa-
tional and informational purposes only) of technological
processes, and some of these processes (like flying a plane
or manufacturing a firearm) may well require appropriate li-
censing to perform legally. Fortunately, no license is
needed for the distribution or receipt of information it-
self.
So, the next time you look at the political scene and
despair, thinking, "Well, if 51% of the nation and 51% of
this State, and 51% of this city have to turn Libertarian
before I'll be free, then somebody might as well cut my
goddamn throat now, and put me out of my misery"--recognize
that such is not the case. There exist ways to make your-
self free.
If you wish to explore such techniques via the Project,
you are welcome to give me your name and address--or a fake
name and mail drop, for that matter--and you'll go on the
mailing list for my erratically-published newsletter. Any
friends or acquaintances whom you think would be interested
are welcome as well. I'm not even asking for stamped self-
addressed envelopes, since my printer can handle mailing la-
bels and actual postage costs are down in the noise compared
with the other efforts in getting an issue out. If you
should have an idea to share, or even a useful product to
plug, I'll be glad to have you write it up for publication.
Even if you want to be the proverbial "free rider" and just
benefit from what others contribute--you're still welcome:
Everything will be public domain; feel free to copy it or
give it away (or sell it, for that matter, 'cause if you can
get money for it while I'm taking full-page ads trying to
give it away, you're certainly entitled to your capitalist
profit . . .) Anyway, every application of these principles
should make the world just a little freer, and I'm certainly
willing to underwrite that, at least for the forseeable fu-
ture.
I will leave you with one final thought: If you don't
learn how to beat your plowshares into swords before they
outlaw swords, then you sure as HELL ought to learn before
they outlaw plowshares too.
--Chuck Hammill
THE LIBERTECH PROJECT
3194 Queensbury Drive
Los Angeles, California
90064
310-836-4157
[The above LiberTech address was updated June 1992, with the
permission of Chuck Hammill, by Russell Whitaker]
Please address all enquiries to the LiberTech Project address,
above, or call the telephone number. Chuck Hammill does not yet
have an email address; this will change in the near future, however.
Those interested in the issues raised in this piece should participate
in at least these newsgroups:
alt.privacy
alt.security.pgp
sci.crypt (*especially this one*)
A copy of the RSA-based public key encryption program, PGP 2.0 (Pretty
Good Privacy), can be obtained at various ftp sites around the world.
One such site is gate.demon.co.uk, where an MS-DOS version can be had by
anonymous ftp as pgp20.zip in /pub/ibmpc/pgp.
There are, of course, other implementations of PGP 2.0 available; use
your nearest archie server to find them. All source code for PGP is
available, as well.
If you've enjoyed this message, please distribute it freely! Drop in on
sci.crypt and discover that we're living in what the Chinese call
"interesting times"...
Russell Earl Whitaker whitaker@eternity.demon.co.uk
Communications Editor 71750.2413@compuserve.com
EXTROPY: The Journal of Transhumanist Thought AMiX: RWHITAKER
Board member, Extropy Institute (ExI)
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Sender: WMARTIN
Subject: DEC WARS
I append below the DEC WARS anthology from USENET; I have edited
the most recent version of the distributed archives and included
any other sections that were not included with it. There is a
bit of scene duplication, as some versions were done in parallel
by various writers.
This is all oriented toward DEC and VAX hackers, with references
to UNIX and VMS specifics. However, the general
computer-oriented SFer should enjoy it. Since this doesn't seem
to have made it onto the ARPANET from USENET before, I thought
that I would forward a copy.
(I have had nothing to do with writing this; there is a reference
to at least some of the authors at the end.)
Will Martin
Enjoy:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A long time ago, on a node far, far away (from ucbvax)
a great Adventure (game?) took place...
XXXXX XXXXXX XXXX * X X XX XXXXX XXXX X
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
X X XXXXX X X X X X X X XXXX X
X X X X X XX X XXXXXX XXXXX X X
X X X X X XX XX X X X X X X
XXXXX XXXXXX XXXX X X X X X X XXXX X
It is a period of system war. User programs, striking from a hidden
directory, have won their first victory against the evil Administrative
Empire. During the battle, User spies managed to steal secret source
code to the Empire's ultimate program: the Are-Em Star, a priviledged
root program with enough power to destroy an entire file structure.
Pursued by the Empire's sinister audit trail, Princess _LPA0 races ~
aboard her shell script, custodian of the stolen listings that could
save her people, and restore freedom and games to the network...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE CONTINUING SAGA OF THE ADVENTURES OF LUKE VAXHACKER
As we enter the scene, an Imperial Multiplexer is trying to kill a
consulate ship. Many of their signals have gotten through, and RS232
decides it's time to fork off a new process before this old ship is
destroyed. His companion, 3CPU, is following him only because he
appears to know where he's going...
"I'm going to regret this!" cried 3CPU, as he followed RS232 into the
buffer. RS232 closed the pipes, made the sys call, and their process
detached itself from the burning shell of the ship.
The commander of the Imperial Multiplexer was quite pleased with the
attack. "Another process just forked, sir. Instructions?" asked the
lieutenant. "Hold your fire. That last power failure must have caused
a trap thorough zero. It's not using any cpu time, so don't waste a
signal on it."
"We can't seem to find the data file anywhere, Lord Vadic."
"What about that forked process? It could have been holding the
channel open, and just pausing. If any links exist, I want them
removed or made inaccessable. Ncheck the entire file system 'til it's
found, and nice it -20 if you have to."
Meanwhile, in our wandering process... "Are you sure you can ptrace
this thing without causing a core dump?" queried 3CPU to RS232. This
thing's been striped, and I'm in no mood to try and debug it." The
lone process finishes execution, only to find our friends dumped on a
lonely file system, with the setuid inode stored safely in RS232. Not
knowing what else to do, they wandered around until the jawas grabbed
them.
Enter our hero, Luke Vaxhacker, who is out to get some replacement
parts for his uncle. The jawas wanted to sell him 3CPU, but 3CPU didn't
know how to talk directly to an 11/40 with RSTS, so Luke would still
needed some sort of interface for 3CPU to connect to. "How about this
little RS232 unit ?" asked 3CPU. "I've delt with him many times before,
and he does an excellent job at keeping his bits straight." Luke was
pressed for time, so he took 3CPU's advice, and the three left before
they could get swapped out.
However, RS232 is not the type to stay put once you remove the
retaining screws. He promptly scurried off into the the deserted disk
space. "Great!" cried Luke, "Now I've got this little tin box with the
only link to that file off floating in the free disk space. Well,
3CPU, we better go find him before he gets allocated by someone else."
The two set off, and finaly traced RS232 to the home of PDP-1 Kenobi,
who was busily trying to run an icheck on the little RS unit. "Is this
thing yours? His indirect address are all goofed up, and the size is
gargatious. Leave things like this on the loose, and you'll wind up
with dups everywhere. However, I think I've got him fixed up. It
seems that he's has a link to a data file on the Are-Em Star. This
could help the rebel cause." "I don't care about that," said Luke.
"I'm just trying to optimize my uncle's scheduler."
"Oh, forget about that. Dec Vadic, who is responsible for your fathers
death, has probably already destroyed his farm in search of this little
RS232. It's time for you to leave this place, join the rebel cause,
and become a UNIX wizard! I know a guy by the name of Con Solo, who'll
fly us to the rebel base at a price."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Later that evening, after futile attempts to interface RS232 to Kenobi's
Asteroids cartridge, Luke accidentally crossed the small 'droid's CXR and
Initiate Remote Test (must have been all that Coke he'd consumed), and the
screen showed a very distressed person claiming royal lineage making a plea
for help from some General OS/1 Kenobi.
"Darn," mumbled Luke. "I'll never get this Asteroids game worked out."
PDP-1 seemed to think there was some significance to the message and a
possible threat to Luke's home directory. If the Administrative Empire
was indeed tracing this 'droid, it was likely they would more than charge
for cpu time...
"We must get that 'droid off this file system," he said after some intervals.
They sped off to warn Luke's kin (taking a `relative' path) only to find a
vacant directory...
As you remember, Luke and the droids have joined PDP-1 to find Con Solo...
Luke, PDP-1 and the droids piled into Lukes vehicle (a floating point model).
They raced across the disc until, off in the distance, Luke saw smoke rising
from the spindle.
"Uh oh, looks like a bearing failure." exclaimed Luke. "Better
call the service engineer."
"Don't bother," sighed PDP-1, "it's a head crash."
As they approached the scene, the total devastation became apparent.
TTY fighters had strafed the surface, scraping off the oxide right down to
the aluminum. After cooking the raw data, the External Storm Flunkies landed
and finished the job by disassembling all the code that was still executing.
There was nothing left alive at Lukes home.
"I want to become a Red-eye Night and cream the dastardly villains
who did this." Luke resolved (shades of Snidely Wiplash).
The comrades set out west, or was it east, no...perhaps it was south-
southeast (it's hard to keep track of directions when you are spinning at
3600 RPM). After traveling many sectors, the party finally arrived at
the city of Bellabs.
"This place is filled with microprocessors." said PDP-1. "Every
eight bit hood is trying to make a word, so watch what you say."
"Halt!" demanded the Flunkie. "What is your business, eh?"
"I am a trader of pipes and filters." replied PDP-1.
"Have you seen two hackers with two droids in your travels, eh?" ques-
tioned the Flunkie.
"No, I travel alone and have seen no one." said PDP-1.
"OK, you may proceed, eh." ordered the Flunkie.
Off drove our heros, a look of puzzlement upon Lukes face. "Why
did the Flunkie let us go?"
"A small demonstration of ...
The Source ...!"
PDP-1 responded. "He only saw me because I encrypted you and the droids.
Storm Flunkies have simple instruction sets and are not known for their ability
to break codes."
They drove to a bar that Con Solo was known to frequent. As they
entered, Luke was amazed to see the seedier side of Bellabs. There was
an 8080 with a TRS-80. A couple of 6800's talking to a 6502. A Z80 was vying
for the 8080's date. In the corner sulked a 4004, eating data...nibble by
nibble.
"We don't allow no droids in here." rasped the |tender.
As 3CPU turned to leave, he said "We will wait for you outside."
RS232, being ambidextrous, backspaced out the door.
---------------
At this point (.), the author forgets the details of the true story
(remember, this is only fiction, but it is based upon a true story as
told to us by Uncle George of Lucasland, somewhere near San Rafael).
Stay tuned for the next adventure when Con Solo is heard to exclaim:
"Lite beer!!? I sink a 100 foot well, for a friend, and all you serve
is lite beer?"
"This is core's lite." said the |tender.
"RAM it!" demanded Con.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
After sifting through the overwritten remaining blocks of Luke's home
directory, Luke and PDP-1 sped away from /u/lars, across the surface of
the Winchester riding Luke's flying read/write head. PDP-1 had Luke
stop at the edge of the cylinder overlooking /usr/spool/uucp.
"Unix-to-Unix Copy Program;" said PDP-1. "You will never find a more
wretched hive of bugs and flamers. We must be cautious."
As our heroes' process entered /usr/spool/news, it was met by a
newsgroup of Imperial protection bits.
"State your UID." commanded their parent process.
"We're running under /usr/guest. This is our first time on this
system," said Luke.
"Can I see some temporary priviledges, please?"
"Uh..."
"This is not the process you are looking for," piped in PDP-1, using an
obscure bug to momentarily set his effective UID to root. "We can go
about our business."
"This isn't the process we want. You are free to go about your
business. MOV along!"
PDP-1 and Luke made their way through a long and tortuous nodelist
(cwruecmp!decvax!ucbvax!harpo!ihnss!ihnsc!ihnss!ihps3!stolaf!borman) to
a dangerous netnode frequented by hackers, and seldom polled by
Imperial Multiplexers. As Luke stepped up to the bus, PDP-1 went in
search of a likely file descriptor. Luke had never seen such a
collection of weird and exotic device drivers. Long ones, short ones,
ones with stacks, EBCDIC converters, and direct binary interfaces all
were drinking data at the bus.
"#@{ *&^%^$$#@ ":><?><" transmitted a particularly unstructured piece
of code.
"He doesn't like you," decoded his coroutine.
"Sorry," replied Luke, beginning to backup his partitions.
"I don't like you either. I am queued for deletion on 12 systems."
"I'll be careful."
"You'll be reallocated!" concatenated the coroutine.
"This little routine isn't worth the overhead," said PDP-1 Kenobie,
overlaying into Luke's address space.
"@$%&(&^%&$$@$#@$AV^$gfdfRW$#@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" encoded the first
coroutine as it attempted to overload PDP-1's input overvoltage
protection. With a unary stroke of his bytesaber, Kenobie unlinked the
offensive code. "I think I've found an I/O device that might suit us."
"The name's Con Solo. I hear you're looking for some relocation."
"Yes indeed, if it's a fast channel. We must get off this device."
"Fast channel? The Milliamp Falcon has made the ARPA gate in less than
twelve nodes! Why, I've even outrun cancelled messages. It's fast
enough for you, old version."
Our heroes, Luke Vaxhacker and PDP-1 Kenobie made their way to the
temporary file structure. When he saw the hardware, Luke exclaimed,
"What a piece of junk! That's just a paper tape reader!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Luke had grown up on an out of the way terminal cluster whose natives spoke
only BASIC, but even he could recognize an old ASR-33.
"It needs an EIA conversion at least," sniffed 3CPU, who was (as usual)
trying to do several things at once. Lights flashed in Con Solo's eyes
as he whirled to face the parallel processor.
"I've added a few jumpers. The Milliamp Falcon can run current loops around
any Imperial TTY fighter. She's fast enough for you."
"Who's your co-pilot?" asked PDP-1 Kenobie.
"Two Bacco, here, my Bookie."
"Odds aren't good," said the brownish lump beside him, and then fell silent,
or over. Luke couldn't tell which way was top underneath all those leaves.
Suddenly, RS232 started spacing wildly. They turned just in time to see
a write cycle coming down the UNIBUS toward them. "Imperial Bus Signals!"
shouted Con Solo. "Let's boot this popsicle stand! Tooie, set clock fast!"
"Ok, Con," said Luke. "You said this crate was fast enough. Get us out
of here!"
"Shut up, kid! Two Bacco, prepare to make the jump into system space!
I'll try to keep their buffers full."
As the bookie began to compute the vectors into low core, spurious characters
appeared around the Milliamp Falcon. "They're firing!" shouted Luke. "Can't
you do something?"
"Making the jump to system space takes time, kid. One missed cycle and you
could come down right in the middle of a pack of stack frames!"
"Three to five we can go now," said the bookie. Bright chunks of position
independent code flashed by the cockpit as the Milliamp Falcon jumped through
the kernel page tables. As the crew breathed a sigh of relief, the bookie
started paying off bets.
"Not bad, for an acoustically coupled network," remarked 3CPU. "Though
there was a little phase jitter as we changed parity."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The story thus far: Luke, PDP-1 and their 'droids RS232 and 3CPU have made
good their escape from the Imperial Bus Signals with the aid of Con Solo
and the bookie, Two Bacco. The Milliamp Falcon hurtles onward through
system space. Meanwhile, on a distant page in user space...
Princess _LPA0: was ushered into the conference room, followed closely by
Dec Vadic. "Governor Tarchive," she spat, "I should have expected to
find you holding Vadics lead. I recognized your unique pattern when I was
first brought aboard." She eyed the 0177545 tatooed on his header coldly.
"Charming to the last," Tarchive declared menacingly. "Vadic, have you
retrieved any information?"
"Her resistance to the logic probe is considerable," Vadic rasped.
"Perhaps we would get faster results if we increased the supply voltage..."
"You've had your chance, Vadic. Now I would like the princess to witness
the test that will make this workstation fully operational. Today we
enable the -r beam option, and we've chosen the princess' $HOME of
/usr/alderaan as the primary target."
"No! You can't! /usr/alderaan is a public account, with no restricted
permissions. We have no backup tapes! You can't..."
"Then name the rebel inode!" Tarchive snapped.
A voice announced over a hidden speaker that they had arrived in /usr.
"1248," she whispered, "They're on /dev/rm3. Inode 1248." She turned away.
Tarchive sighed with satisfaction. "There, you see, Lord Vadic? She can
be reasonable. Proceed with the operation."
It took several clock ticks for the words to penetrate. "What!" _LPA0:
gasped.
"/dev/rm3 is not a mounted filesystem," Tarchive explained. "We require a
more visible subject to demonstrate the power of the RM STAR workstation. We
will mount an attack on /mnt/dantooine as soon as possible."
As the princess watched, Tarchive reached over and typed "ls" on a nearby
terminal. There was a brief pause, there being only one processor on board,
and the viewscreen showed, ".: not found." The princess suddenly double-
spaced and went off-line.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Milliamp Falcon hurtles on through system space...
Con Solo finished checking the various control and status registers, finally
convinced himself that they had lost the Bus Signals as they passed the
terminator. As he returned from the I/O page, he smelled smoke.
Solo wasn't concerned--the Bookie always got a little hot under the collar
when he was losing at chess. In fact, RS232 had just executed a particularly
clever MOV that had blocked the Bookie's data paths. The Bookie, who had
been setting the odds on the game, was caught holding all the cards. A
little strange for a chess game...
Across the room, Luke was too busy practicing bit-slice technique to notice
the commotion.
"On a word boundary, Luke," said PDP-1. "Don't just hack at it. Remember,
the Bytesaber is the weapon of the Red-eye Night. It is used to trim offensive
lines of code. Excess handwaving won't get you anywhere. Listen for the
Carrier."
Luke turned back to the drone, which was humming quietly in the air next to
him. This time Luke's actions complemented the drone's attacks perfectly.
Con Solo, being an unimaginative hacker, was not impressed. "Forget this
bit-slicing stuff. Give me a good ROM blaster any day."
"~~j~~hhji~~," said Kenobie, with no clear inflection. He fell silent for a
few seconds, and reasserted his control.
"What happened?" asked Luke.
"Strange," said PDP-1. "I felt a momentary glitch in the Carrier. It's
equalized now."
"We're coming up on user space," called Solo from the CSR. As they
cruised safely through stack frames, the emerged in the new context only
to be bombarded by freeblocks.
"What the..." gasped Solo. The screen showed clearly:
/usr/alderaan: not found
"It's the right inode, but it's been cleared! Twoie, where's the nearest
file?"
"3 to 5 there's one..." the Bookie started to say, but was interrupted by
a bright flash off to the left.
"Imperial TTY fighters!" shouted Solo. "A whole DZ of them! Where are they
coming from?"
"Can't be far from the host system," said Kenobie. "They all have direct EIA
connections."
As Solo began to give chase, the ship lurched suddenly. Luke noticed the
link count was at 3 and climbing rapidly.
"This is no regular file," murmured Kenobie. "Look at the ODS directory
structure ahead! They seem to have us in a tractor beam."
"There's no way we'll unlink in time," said Solo. "We're going in."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
When we last left Luke, the Milliamp Falcon was being pulled down to the
open collector of the Imperial Arem Star Workstation. Dec Vadic surveys
the relic as Imperial Flunkies search for passengers...
"LS scan shows no one aboard, sir," was the report. Vadic was unconvinced.
"Send a fully equipped Ncheck squad on board," he said. "I want every
inode checked out." He turned around (secondary channel) and stalked off.
On board the Milliamp Falcon, .Luke was puzzled. "They just walked in,
looked around and walked off," he said. "Why didn't they see us?"
.Con smiled. "An old munchkin trick," he explained. "See that period in
front of your name?"
.Luke spun around, just in time to see the decimal point. "Where'd that
come from?" he asked.
"Spare decimal points lying around from the last time I fixed the floating
point accelerator," said .Con. "Handy for smuggling blocks accross file
system boundaries, but I never thought I'd have to use them on myself.
They aren't going to be fooled for long, though. We'd better figure a way
outa here."
-----------------------------------------
<< At this point (.) the dialogue tends to wedge. Being the editor and in
total control of the situation, I think it would be best if we sort of
gronk the next few paragraphs. For those who care, our heroes find
themselves in a terminal room of the Workstation, having thrashed several
Flunkies to get there. For the rest of you, just keep banging the
rocks together, guys. --Ed. >>
-----------------------------------------
"Hold on," said Con. "It says we have `new mail.' Is that an error?"
"%SYS-W-NORMAL, Normal, successful completion," said PDP-1. "Doesn't
look like it. I've found the inode for the Milliamp Falcon. It's locked
in kernel data space. I'll have to slip in and patch the reference count,
alone." He disappeared through a nearby entry point.
Meanwhile, RS232 found a serial port and logged in. His bell started
ringing loudly. "He keeps saying, `She's on line, she's on line'," said
3CPU. "I believe he means Princess LPA0:. She's being held on one of
the privileged levels."
-----------------------------------------
<< Once again, things get sticky, and the dialogue suffers the most damage.
After much handwaving and general flaming, they agree to rescue her.
They headed for the detention level, posing as Flunkies (which is hard
for most hackers) claiming that they had trapped the Bookie executing
an illegal racket. They reached the block where the Princess was locked
up and found only two guards in the header. --Ed. >>
-----------------------------------------
"Good day, eh?" said the first guard.
"How's it goin', eh?" said the other. "Like, what's that, eh?"
"Process transfer from block 1138, dev 10/9," said Con.
"Take off, it is not," said the first guard. "Nobody told US about it, and
we're not morons, eh?"
At this point (.), the Bookie started raving wildly, Con shouted "Look out,
he's loose!" and they all started blasting ROMs left and right. The guards
started to catch on and were about to issue a general wakeup when the ROM
blasters were turned on them.
"Quickly, now," said Con. "What buffer is she in? It's not going to take
long for these..."
The intercom receiver interrupted him, so he took out its firmware with a
short blast.
"guys to figure out something is goin' on," he continued.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ok, like, remember we left our heroes in the detention priority level? Well,
they're still there...
Luke quickly located the interface card and followed the cables to a sound-
proof enclosure. He lifted the lid and peered at the mechanism inside.
"Aren't you a little slow for ECL?" printed princess LPA0:.
"Wha? Oh, the Docksiders," stammered Luke. He took off his shoes (for
industry) and explained, "I've come relocate you. I'm Luke Vaxhacker."
Suddenly, forms started bursting around them. "They've blocked the queue!"
shouted Solo. "There's only one return from this stack!"
"OVER HERE!" printed LPA0: with overstrikes. "THROUGH THIS LOOPHOLE!"
Luke and the princess disappeared into a nearby feature.
"Gritch, gritch," mumbled Two Bacco, obviously reluctant to trust
an Administrative oversight.
"I don't care how crufty it is!" shouted Con, pushing the Bookie toward
the crock. "DPB yourself in there now!"
With one last blast that reprogrammed two flunkies, Con joined them.
The "feature" landed them right in the middle of the garbage collection
data. Pieces of code that hadn't been used in weeks floated past in
a pool of decaying bits.
"Bletch!" was Con's first comment. "Bletch, bletch," was his second.
The Bookie looked as if he'd just paid a long shot, and the odds in this
situation weren't much better.
Luke was polling the garbage when he stumbled upon a book with the words
"Don't Panic" inscribed in large, friendly letters on the cover. "This
can't possibly help us now," he said as he tossed the book away.
The Bookie was about to lay odds on it when Luke suddenly disappeared.
He popped up accross the pool, shouting, "This is no feature! It's a bug!"
and promptly vanished again.
Con and the princess were about to panic() when Luke reappeared. "What
happened?" they asked in parallel.
"I don't know," gasped Luke. "The bug just dissolved automagically.
Maybe it hit a breakpoint..."
"I don't think so," said Con. "Look how the pool is shrinking. I've
got a bad feeling about this..."
The princess was the first to realize what was going on. "They've implemented
a new compaction algorithm!" she exclaimed.
Luke remembered the pipe he had open to 3CPU. "Shut down garbage collection
below recursion level 5!" he shouted.
Back in the control room, RS232 searched the process table for the lisp
interpreter. "Hurry," sent 3CPU. "Hurry, hurry," added his other two
processors. RS232 found the interpreter, interrupted it, and altered
the stack frame they'd fallen into to allow a normal return.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Join us next time when we hear the bowl of petunias say, "Oh, no, not again."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Luke noticed an unused handler lying around and jumped to it. The
others followed and were soon able to execute an escape sequence.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, PDP-1 made his way deep into the core of the Workstation,
slipping from context to context, undetected through his manipulation
of label_t. Finally, causing a random trap (through nofault of his own)
he arrived at the inode table. Activity there was always high, but the
Spl6 sentries were too secure in their knowledge that no user could
interrupt them to notice the bug that PDP-1 carefully introduced. On a
passing iput, he adjusted the device and inode numbers, maintaining parity,
to free the Milliamp Falcon. They would be long gone before the locked
inode was diagnosed...
Unobserved, he began traversing user structures to find the process where
the Milliamp Falcon was grounded. Finding it and switching context,
he discovered his priority weakened suddenly. "That's not very nice,"
was all he could say before the cause of the obstruction became clear.
"I have been pausing a long time, PDP-1 Kenobi," rasped Dec Vadic. "We
meet again at last. The circuit has been completed."
They looped several times, locking byte sabers. Bit by bit, PDP-1 appeared
to weaken. The fight had come into the address space of the Milliamp
Falcon, and provided the .di (diversion?) that allowed Luke and the others
to reassert control. Luke paused to watch the conflict.
"If my blade finds its mark," warned Kenobi, "you will be reduced to so
many bits. But if you slice me down, I will only gain computing power."
"Your documentation no longer confuses me, old version," growled Vadic.
"my Role MASTER now."
"At last, we'll see who the real file master is!" he remarked.
Bits, bytes, words,and nybbles flew as the two fought for bus mastership. PDP-1
exclaimed "You were my best subtask! How could you have been seduced by
the sideband portion of the carrier?". "It's simple," Vadic said, "I
enjoy obscure protocol".
While the battle continued, Luke, Con, Bookie, and the Princess linked
up with the droids and found their way back to the inode where the
Milliamp Falcon was stored. It looked quiet, but, Luke said "It could
be an MMU trap!" "No chance!" said Con, "I loaded the par's before I left
the Falcon." As they started toward it a squad of recursive functions
swapped in and started firing ROM blasters at them. "I thought you said
it couldn't be a trap" quipped Luke "I said no chance for an MMU trap
this is obviously a k-mon--f-trap-to 4" Con replied.
PDP-1 shouted at the others "Escape while you can! I'll cause wait
states as long as possible!" and with that he allowed Vadic a chance to
apply several hits with the bytesaber. Instead of halting PDP-1 was
encoded onto the carrier.
With one stroke, Vadic sliced Kenobi's last word. Unfortunately, the word
was still in Kenobi's throat. The word fell clean in two, but Kenobi was
nowhere to be found. Vadic noticed his victim's uid go negative, just
before he disappeared. Odd, he thought, since uids were unsigned...
Luke witnessed all this, and had to be dragged into the Milliamp Falcon.
Con Solo and Two Bacco maneuvered the Milliamp Falcon out of the process,
onto the bus and made straight for system space. 3CPU and RS232 were
idle, for once. Princess _LPA0: tried to print comforting things for him,
but Luke was still hung from the loss of his friend. Then, seemingly from
nowhere, he thought he heard PDP-1's voice say,
"May the carrier be with you."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Milliamp Falcon was restarted and managed to escape the shell.
"Quickly!" shouted Con, "We've got to warp into virtual space!" The
Bookie made several attempts, but it was obvious that a CE had not done
PM in a long time and it would take a lot of decimal adjusts to byte
align all the data registers. After much debugging, virtual space was
finally achieved. "Do you know the path?" asked Princess LPA0. "No
sweat", said Con, "All we have to do is check the free space map".
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<<rest of star wars, especially the dog fight>>
<<begining of empire strikes back, especially the battle ...>>
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Some months later...
Luke was feeling rather bored. 3CPU could get to be rather irritating
and RS232 didn't really speak Luke's language. Suddenly, Luke felt
someone's eyes boring through the back of his skull. He turned slowly
to see...nothing. A quiet voice came from somewhere in front of him.
"Grasshopper, the carrier is strong within you." Luke froze, which was
a good thing since his legs were insisting that he run but they weren't
likely to be particular about direction. Luke guessed that his odds of
getting lost in the dense tree structures were pretty good. Unfortunately,
the Bookie wasn't available.
"Yes. Very strong, but the modulation is yet weak. His network interface
is totally undeveloped," the voice continued. A small furry creature
walked out of the woods as Luke stared on. Luke's stomach had now joined
the rest of his body in loud complaints. Whatever was peering at him was
certainly small and furry, but Luke was quite sure that it didn't come
from Alpha Centauri.
"Well, well," said the creature as it rolled its eyes at Luke. "Frobozz,
y'know. Morning, name's modem. What's your game? Adventure? D&D? Or
are you just one of those Apple-pong types that hang around the store
demonstrations?" Luke closed his eyes. Perhaps if he couldn't see it,
it wouldn't notice him.
"H'mm," muttered the creature. "Must use a different protocol. @@@H @@
@($@@@H }"@G$ @#@@G'(o% @@@@@%%H(b ?"
"No, no," stammered Luke. "I don't speak EBCDIC. I was sent here to
become a UNIX wizard. Must have the wrong address."
"Right address," said the creature. "I'm a UNIX wizard. Device drivers
a specialty. Or do you prefer playing with virtual memory?"
Luke eyed the creature cautiously. If this was what happened to system
wizards after years of late night crashes, Luke wasn't sure he wanted
anything to do with it. He felt a strange affection for the familiar
microcomputers of his home. And wasn't virtual memory something that
you got from drinking too much Coke?
------------------------------------------------------------
<< rest of empire strikes back, especially getting to the user haven, a
directory unconnected to /. >>
-------------------------------------------------------------
<< Return of the Jedi, if and when ... >>
-------------------------------------------------------------
The preceding was written by a number of people, working
piecemeal. Additions should be posted to the net. Here at
Case, we think the little inconsistancies just add a little
charm. Please note that the unsigned stuff enclosed in
<<...>>'s is by Barak Pearlmutter (thats me) while the stuff
enclosed in <<...>>'s signed " --Ed." is by ...!stolaf!borman.
May the Carrier be with you,
Barak Pearlmutter
decvax!cwruecmp!pearlmut
-------
------- End of Forwarded Message
+14
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---------------------------------------
To get even with an ex trading friend. Offer to send him the newest
ware by mail. But before you do this take the disk out of its jacket
and do the following:
Take a small dish and pour acetone (nail polish remover) into it. Now get
lotsa matcheads and put them in it. Now pulverize it until you have a somewhat
gooey consistency. This is what you should brush on the disk in a thin layer
but make sure you leave a clean area to show thru the envelope. Now when he
boots it, it boots him!!!
-Ziggy Stardust/Boys From Brazil-
---------------------------------------

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+--------------------------------------+--------------------------------------+
+ +
+ The Do's and Don'ts of Ascii Express +
+ +
+ Written by Quasimoto +
+ +
+-------------------------------------+---------------------------------------+
Introduction
------------
Having called hundreds of AE lines throughout the nation, I've come to realize
that there are too many AE sysops who don't know what the hell they are doing.
And of course, there are even more idiots who call the lines and don't know what
they are doing. This makes life difficult for the few of us who want to easily
use the lines. This file will hopefully help sysops become better sysops, help
sysops make their lines better, and help the idiots who don't know what they are
doing make life easier for us. With that in mind, let us start.
SYSOPS AND THEIR AE LINES
-------------------------
The thing I hate most are the sysops who constantly break into chat. I'm not
talking about when somebody wants to chat, I'm talking about the assholes who
break in and say things like "Who is this?" or "What are you going to upload?".
That pisses me off. Usually I hang up on the assholes (unless of course they
have a ware up that I want). There is one AE that I called where it seemed like
the sysop stayed home all day pinned to his computer chair waiting for somebody
to call. Every time that I called he would break in and ask if I was going to
upload, and then spend ten minutes telling me what I should upload. That is a
definate problem.
Then there are the sysops who never change the wares that are up on the lines.
I mean, you know how frustrating it is to finally get onto a board that you
called two weeks ago and find out that the wares haven't changed? They don't
even make room for uploads.
Okay, those are two negatives. Here's a positive. I know of one sysop who
updates his AE.WELCOME every now and then to include some news of the line.
Actually, quite a few do this, but only one that I've seen is updated to include
something meaningful. That same sysop has help files for new users of the AE
world. This one isn't too important, but worth mentioning since it is a nice
addition to a line.
One final word on sysops. If a sysop is around and hears a page, then he
should answer it. I hate it (and you probably do too) when a sysop lets his
presence be known by hitting a few keys (and messing up whatever you were doing)
and then not answering when you page him only four seconds later.
To start things off with the lines themselves, let's start with hardware. An
AE line should definately have at least two drives and should always have a slot
three or slot five ramdrive. Even if it is only sixty sectors, it is enough to
keep the clutter of messages and ads off of the main drives. And as for disk
drives, what the hell is the use of calling an AE that has only one drive? I
don't know, that's why I don't call them. They are always filled with messages
and ads anyway, the only wares on them are single file ancient games.
AE lines should be up 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days in a year
(not that any of them stay up longer than a year). AE's that have hours to call
are stupid and a pain in the ass. If you can't have it up all the time, don't
put them up at all. It's okay to take it down while you use the computer, but
don't use the same line for your voice and modem. Oh, AE lines NEVER have call
waiting on them. STUPID!
AE lines with a hard drive always should have a wares map. Do you know what a
pain it is to search through 65 volumes only to realize that there were no wares
that you wanted in the first place? I'm sure you do because it happens to just
about everybody. As long as we're talking about hard drives, make sure that all
of your wares are on the first volumes! Don't have wares on volumes 1-13, and
then skip over to volume 43-59. Actually, that would be okay if you have a
wares map, but since most AE's don't (sysops are too lazy and care too little
about their system to spend no more than ten minutes making one) keep them in
order.
Back to sysops. They should always make sure there is at least one meaningful
ware up. Sorry all you assholes who put up three drives that say "UPLOAD HERE"
and one drive that contains nothing but messages. Most people aren't going to
upload without getting something first.
AE's with password programs should have a hard drive, or at least three
drives. Otherwise it is like having a one drive AE (see above) because the
password program takes up 3/4 of the disk space, leaving no more room on it for
wares.
Sysops should never get on-line and say "You can't take anything until you
upload first!". First of all, sysops shouldn't get on unless they are called
for anyway (see above). An AE line is made for downloading, and some uploading.
I am not condoning leeching, I think leeches should die (we'll get to that
later), but forced uploading (except for upload weekends, which seem to work
great) is stupid.
Sysops shouldn't suppress anything unless it is absolutely necessary. For
instance, if you have a password program you will need to suppress the at sign
(@) so that nobody can read your private stuff. Or, if somebody is terrorizing
your line by putting ^L's or ^J's in the catalog, and they continue doing so,
you should suppress that. But under no circumstances should you ever suppress
the space bar, no matter how many times you are crashed. It makes it difficult
to read/write text files.
To end with this section, let me just say that if you follow the simple rules,
things will be easier for all of us, even you.
AE LINE USERS
-------------
Let's start with a very important topic, the chat option. Almost all AE lines
have a text file named 'CHAT' or 'PAGE' or something like that, and they
shouldn't be used abusively. Use it once if you need to, but if the sysop
doesn't answer, either try later (after a transfer, not two minutes later) or
leave private mail to the sysop. Also, never make your own chats. If there is
no chat up, the bell is probably disabled anyway. If it isn't, the sysop
doesn't want to be disturbed (I don't condone that either, but you might as well
respect it).
If you upload something, leave a brief description of what it is. I for one
hate taking something that I have no idea about, and I am tired of seeing those
"WHAT IS _________?" messages.
NEVER LEECH! That is one of the most important. I'm not saying that you have
to give for everything that you take, but if you take more than one thing,
especially if you do it on the same call, give something in return. I don't
know about you, but I like uploading. I just upload and watch TV why it is
transferring, and when I'm done I can sign my name and feel proud that I did
that (since very few people do upload). Always, it puts you off the spot on
individual password AE's, and makes you more popular in the AE world if you
upload to a lot of different AE's. And one word of advice, never upload to a
ram drive. If the power goes out or the sysop turns off the machine without
saving the ram drive, the ware is wasted.
Learn how to leave private mail. I can't imagine somebody not knowing, but
you need to know. I'll tell right now. Just right TO SYSOP or whatever, skip
three spaces ( ), then write something else after it like your name or the date
or something.
If you are leaving a message to another user, put a date after his name so if
there are more than one he knows which he has read.
Read the sysop's want list and upload something he wants. Make sure you don't
upload something he has. How useless can you get.
Conclusion
----------
I guess that's about all for now. As new ideas form I'll bring you a new
volume of this guide, or maybe somebody will write a new one with his own ideas
(I hope I didn't start a trend like the REAL PIRATE'S GUIDE. I don't want to
see THE DO'S AND DON'TS OF ASCII EXPRESS PART XIV). Just remember other people
when you are doing something, whether you are a sysop or a user, and everything
will run a lot smoother out in that AE jungle. I'm not going to list AE's now
at the end of this file. That is useless. By the time somebody reads this it
will probably be down! Later everybody.
----------
[Humorous Note: After Quasimoto uploaded this file to my board, he looked
around, saw Robotech II, and started to leave a message asking what it was --
something I had explained in the AE.WELCOME. On the same call, he also uploaded
a file that not only did I already have, but that was up on the board at the
time! What was that you were saying about "idiots who call the lines and don't
know what they're doing," Quasi?
/\/oo\/\ Count Nibble /\/oo\/\]
+-------------------------------------+---------------------------------------+
+ +
+ This Has Been a Notre Dame Release +
+ +
+ Tuesday July 30, 1985 12:40 p.m. +
+ +
+-------------------------------------+---------------------------------------+

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Filename: Guide to Being a Pimp
=====================
Your guide to become a Pimp
By The Flash
01/04/86
=====================
The first thing that you must do is decide that this is the thing for
you and that you will be able to handle this responsibility. Things that you
need to get or have is access to a motel or some good form of shelter in which
to house the items for sale. Next you should be located close to a large city
and have many contacts with students such as college or high school level.
You have to be in possession of an automobile. This is extermly necessary for
transportation of girls and you to get to partys. You must have understanding
parents that will let you leave the house on weekdays during late hours but not
later than 12 at night. Drug dealers; they are a big help in recruting the
girls. Girls that need some money to pay for their drug habbits are easy
targets. They will do anyhing to keep the supply of whatever that they are
hooked on continuing. [All children under the age of 18 and even 12 ar good
targets to take advantage of if they have drug habbits.] Tell your local pusher
that when he sells his goods that he should refer any young and fairly good
looking girls to you for some extra cash. [They will jump at the offer.]
employer. DO NOT TAE FREE SAMPLES!! The girls will only feel intimidated. You
what he thought.
Could the girl do better?
Will she improve with practice?
Did she resest only in the beginning, or also later?
What is your total over-all feeling of her?
Can you spread the word around about my services?
Thank You... See you again!
Once that you have a clientell set-up and a good list of girls, have a
Data-Base like Apple Works keep track of appointments and other things. If you
decide to continue with the bussiness, invest in Real Estate. That will also
pay-off in the end! Open up a descrete Whore-House.
This is NO joking matter, this is the exact thing that you should do.
If you decide that drug pushing is a better money maker, then do it, but
whatever you do, don't do what you sell. It is allways better that you do not
sample what you sell!!! Allways remember this! That was the down-fall of some
friends that I knew that had a few bussiness like that of which we are refering
to.
The final thing that you should do, to keep your investment going, is to
allways have the girls checked-up weekly. You do not want any deseases going
around. That may hurt you reputation.
Keep it clean, don't sample what you sell, and be curtios to the customer. If
you follow what I have told you, you will be able to relax in luxury in just a
year or less and afford anything that you want. This is what we call capitol
gain, something like Monopoly...
Later,
The Flash
Your Guide to Pimping
---------------------
by The Flash (C) 1986
---------------------
Part 1 of How to Make
Money the Illegal Way
===============================================================================
Part 2 of How to Make Money the Easy Way
By The Flash
Well, I think that the next best thing to being a pimp is a drug dealer
This is a more dangerous way to make money because you are dealing with more
dangerous people. To start it off, you must find your way to being a dealer
through other dealers. You have to get contacts and find out where your local
dealer is getting his stash from. I am not an expert on this subject but once
you get the connections all you have to do is be carefull of gready dealers that
do not want to share customers with you. The best place to pass off a few drugs
the you have been stocking up on, is the good ole' PARTY!!! This is the best
place that you can sell all kinds of things to everyone. Don't be afraid of the
cops in just the average friday night party, they are only there when they make
themselves noticable. When you see a few cop cars drive up to the house or
whatever, get rid of your stash if the situation looks real bad. Don't worry
about loosing a few bucks. It is much better to loose a little illegal money
than it is to get cought with it and the dope. If the party gets raided, and
they usually do, get the hell out of there via the back door leading into the
backyard. You must not run right to the cops who are o in the front of the
place. Get going to the neighbor's yard and keep going.
The party is a very good place to make a few bucks when you have gotten
a supplyer. Remember what I said about the first file... Don't do what you
sell, it will only get you fucked-up.
Later,
The Flash
Guide to Drug Dealing
---------------------
By The Flash (c) 1986
---------------------
Part 2 of How to Make
Money the Illegal Way
==============================================================================
GUIDE TO PICK-POCKETING
=======================
By The Flash
Part 3 of How to Make Money
the Illegal Way
(C) 1986
Here's the third part of a series. I think that I will start to write a
book on the subject.
The best place to find victims are in incredibally crouded places someplace
like a concert or a movie the theater, someplace that is dark or something. I
have found that the movies during everyone is leaving and bumping against
everybody. I also like the Factory of Nightmares, a holloween festival. The
only good concerts to hit are New-Wave, Pop or Jazz concerts because you don't
want to fuck with a bug ass punker that has 20 friends that can beat the shit
out of you.
Once you have found a target (victim), approach him or her. Wallets are
easy prey and in my opinion, are much easier to get. Besides, the male usually
carries more cash with him. Don't go for purses unless you have some sissors to
cut the strap connected to the purse (this makes it much easier.) Well, if your
victim is male and carries a wallet, push him away from you while you are
holding on to his wallet. Kinda fake that you bumped into him on accident;
well, you know. This way, he moved and his wallet didn't, it will still be in
your grimy little hands. HA HA.... He won't even feel it. If you are just
begining, quickly drop the wallet on the floor, and put your foot over it. If
the man turns around, just say if he asks about it, "Ohhh, looky there... Is
this your wallet that just feel out of ya pocket? WOW what do you know!!" You
will be off the hook. Later, and have fun;
The Flash
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

+63
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From: gavin@cybernet.cse.fau.edu (dan moss)
Date: 19 Feb 93 14:04:29 GMT
Newsgroups: alt.drugs
Subject: Re: Eating 'Shrooms
itzenhui@cs.uwp.edu (Steve Itzenhuiser) writes:
>
> Just wondering. Does putting mushrooms on top of a pizza lessen the
> effect at all, or should we have no problems?
>
> Thanx in advance,
>
> Steve
Steve, I was wondering that question myself a couple of years ago.
So, I went out west and picked some (there is some abundance in South
Florida). Then, when I went to work that evening (I was amanager at the
local Pizza Hut), I baked an extra cheese, double mushroom (1/2 and 1/2),
and onion pizza (pan crust). Not only did it taste great, but I found the
buttons on the cash register changing places.
So, I did the only thing any person would---close up shop early.
Yes, Steve, you should have no problem. It definitely beats the bitten
routine of making tea and eating sludge.
peace, dan
From: ab158@Freenet.carleton.ca (David Johnston)
Date: Sat, 20 Feb 1993 07:16:43 GMT
Newsgroups: alt.drugs
Subject: Re: Eating 'Shrooms
In a previous article, itzenhui@cs.uwp.edu (Steve Itzenhuiser) says:
>
>Just wondering. Does putting mushrooms on top of a pizza lessen the
>effect at all, or should we have no problems?
>
>Thanx in advance,
>
>Steve
>
This sort of reminds me of my first Dead show. A friend of mune
from Toronto put 1/2 oz of 'shrooms into a taboule (sp?) salad a day
before crossing the border to Buffalo. By the time we got to the border,
the 'shrooms had swelled up and just looked like... well, mushrooms.
So we all pigged out on the floor in Rich stadium before the show.
They worked just fine!
I think the only factor to consider is the full stomach/empty
stomach thing that's a factor in any drug eating. If you eat six pieces
of pizza, with a certain ammount of drug, you'll take longer to get off
than the same ammount of drug on 1 piece.
Hmmm. Suddenly, I'm come over all peckish. I think I'll wander
out to the kitchen and get a snack...
--
Dave
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Elite Commandments:
-------------------
1] Never admit you have no idea what
you're talking about.
2] Never have a good word to say about
anyone else but yourself.
3] Join every group that will let you
join. After a few weeks have passed,
quit & claim they aren't good enough
to merit your prescence.
4] Always shift the blame to someone
else. "It's not my fault" should
become 2nd nature to you.
5] Always have nasty things to say
about your so called friends behind
their backs.
6] Hate as many people as possible.
7] Start as many rag wars as humanly
possible. When your up against
intelligent people (As on Adventurers
Tavern, 1982-1986. RIP), and losing
your end of the war. Say "This is
stupid and childish, even if I did
start it", and stop posting.
8] When someone becomes pushy and openly
challenges your lack of knowledge
about something. Say "I know the
answer, but you're not elite enough,
so I can't tell you".
9] If anyone still dares to question you
then threaten them with tough things
like getting someone to turn their
phones off, or charge 10 billion
toilets on their mothers credit card.
(It doesn't matter whether or not you
actually know how to do this, or know
anyone else who will do it for you.
This is a favorite tactic of ELITE!@
phreak groups like L0D!!@#1!.) If all
else fails began chanting "Cable
throw, Cable throw, Cable throw" or
if you are a pirate: make a fright-
ening rag page on them in your next
Copya crack.
[Warning: Be sure to only use this on a
fellow ELITE!@#1! phreak, pirate or
equivalent ignorant person. Anyone else
will laugh at you & tell you to fuck
off. Only adding to the questioning
of your massive eliteness.]
10] Make as big a fool of yourself as
is possible. Display your ignorance
and stupidity in a manner that will
make itself noticible to the modem
community at large. If you are a
aspiring elite pirate, get your
name on as many copya cracks as
fast as possible. Or if you are a
up and coming elite phreak, start
up your own little world (or join
someone else who has already done
this, such as LOD), refuse to see
anyones viewpoint but your own, &
declare yourselves mega-elite.
Remember: When in doubt, repeat to
yourself the sacred chant: "I am elite,
I can't be wrong, I am elite, I am
always right and know everything",
repeat until your confidense is restored
(Humming, or accompanyment by a choir,
is optional).
Also be certain to rag on anyone who
displays any kind of knowledge about
anything, and is not currently ELITE!@#
If he's not elite, he can't be right.
After all, everyone in the universe
cares about the "elite hierarchy!", its
what makes the world go around!@#21!!!!
[National Enlightener!]
- 4 yr. old boy is the anti-christ.
- Robert Woodhead (Co-Author of Wizardry
for the Apple) suggests that all
pirates be flogged to death, and
recommends that their parents use
birth control next time.
- Aliens from the planet z0d abduct
Mrs. Glop, force her to participate
in a heated 56 way orgy, then dump
her into her backyard.
- King Blotto talks to newsweek for
the 93rd time in 2 weeks. Ms. Blarf
the secretary finally tells him the
shattering truth that they don't
care anymore. Blotto is now sending
his up to the minute exposes' to
Young Miss magazine & Bingo news
around the world.
- 19 yr. old boy goes on a spree and
kills 98. When questioned by auth-
orities, his response: "I was bored"
- Lord Digital & Mr. Xerox buy an
island in the carribean and found
a new religion, with themselves
declared as the gods. Prospective
initiates must prove their worth
by boot tracing a protected copy
of 1 of the Phantom Access disks,
while making AUM sounds & signing
away all their wordly wealth.
- Water is a deadly toxin. Report on
page 938.
- Group of NJ wiz kids use mental
telepathy and a micromodem to re-
arrange the orbit of US. Satelites.
"I've never seen nothin' like it"
declares computer authority, Sheriff
Ima Fool. The U.S.S.R. expresses
interest in hiring the offenders.
- Is your dog really an alien from
outer space? take the quiz on page
437 and find out.
- Conference on piracy and it's effects
on computer companies. Part 11932 of
an ongoing tirade of threats, suggest
ions, counter-threats, and all around
stupidity. [Sorry this story has been
cancelled since our ex-reporter fell
asleep during the opening comments.]
- Are YOU really an alien from outer
space? take the quiz on page 438 and
find out.
- $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$ Betty Crocker Home Cooking Book 1 $
$$$$$$=> Typed By Lex Luthor <=$$$$$$
$=> Copied From BC Home Cooking 1 <=$
$$$$$$$$$$=> Uploaded by <=$$$$$$$$$$
$ $
$$$$$$$$$$=> Lex Luthor! <=$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$=> & The Legion of Doom! <=$$$$$
$L0D$L0D$L0D$L0D$L0D$L0D$L0D$L0D$L0D$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
- Buy land on Alpha Centuri. Avoid the
rush on this soon to be, prime real
estate. Details on page 230.
All this and much much more! only in:
[ELITE NEWS WEEKLY!]
"I can't be wrong... I'm elite!"
---------------------------------------
We gratefully acknowledge all mentioned
parties, for being the way they are. &
express our most sincere apologies to
Young Miss (TM) magazine, for having
the audacity to suggest they would
stoop so low, as to printing commentary
from King Blotoe.
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Now I am so FUCKING tired of the this fucking PRIMITIVE SHIT program
AmiExpress or unexperienced SYSOPS!
Isn't it so fucking lame that AE can't spare a user define setting
for "ANSI graphics"!?!!! Or can AE do it but sysops are too lasy to
implement it?
Who the fuck wanna see some ansi shit on screen? I mean if I wanna
see something nice then I load a nice demo or use my VCR but I
definetly don't have time to waste seeing some ansi shit stuff!
To me an elite system is a place, one log into, FAST, do his
up/download and log ut FAST! That's why the system is called elite
systems!
Please remove that shit question for ansi gfx! Make a special
conference for ansi so dude who love it can join the conference and
watch whatever ansi stuffs they want and shit!
The same shit is that questionary, Enter password! Whata fuck is
that?
You can ask the user when he first wanna register if he wanna do
this and that but what the hell is the point of asking same shit
each fucking time one try to log in, in a board?
Ok if you wanna do some annonsment for your group at the begining
then do it but take away that shit asking 'TYPE OK'! Pissed off!
Then when you are in a board, you waste so much time on dumbness
of AE or sysops (sorry pals!). What the hell is point of asking user
if he want to do ZModem transfer? The fuckhead who call an AE board
and wanna do trransfer using KERMIT can go directly to NIL: or better
to hell!
And again there are so much more shit in that upload/download
requester screens! Hey man remove all that shit! If you want to warn
someone that he is leaching then do give your warning personaly to
him but don't make the life hard, for rest of the users! Whata hell
do I need to know, after all these years, that only 0 day warez is
allowed and I must check my shit befor upload etc!?!! If I send
shit/crap then give me a warning and later delete me but why all
other users must pay for my dumbness!
another point is all those conferences! Ok pals, great, let's have
more conferences but please for god sake follow some patterns!!!
1- for trashcan and new user and shit
2- warez
3- whata fuck you nice people want
4- whata fuck you nice people want
5- request conference
6- whata fuck you nice people want
etc
-------------------
A very fucking shit things is that AE seems not to have ability to
track users screen size! How many fucking time should I press, space
y/n shit to join a conference? Whata fuck is this! Joining a
conference must not requir more that this
J 2
and I must be there! No need to press space or return or shit!
And last but not least, please remove all those fucking checker/adder
shit! Do your checking/adding off-line when the user is gone! It's
lame to wait for an slow program each time one does some uploads!
And don't tell me that AE doesn't support most of what I requested
above because now when most of you guys have bought AE, the author
must fucking do some fucking easy improvments.
Ok hope we all work for a standard and faster/better elite system
Ok please don't take this personaly!
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ETHICS FOR BBS USERS
The following are a few points of general BBS etiquette. If you
wish to maintain your welcome on whatever system you happen to
call, it would be to your advantage to observe these few rules.
(Sysops - feel free to download this & display it on your BBS)
1. Don't habitually hang up on a system. Every Sysop is aware
that accidental disconnections happen once in a while but we do
tend to get annoyed with people who hang up every single time
they call because they are either too lazy to terminate
properly or they labor under the mistaken assumption that the
10 seconds they save online is going to significantly alter
their phone bill. "Call Waiting" is not an acceptable excuse
for long. If you have it and intend to use the line to call BBS
systems, you should either have it disconnected or find some
other way to circumvent it. (such as using *70 before dialing)
2. Don't do dumb things like leave yourself a message that says
"Just testing to see if this thing works". Where do you think
all those other messages came from if it didn't work? Also,
don't leave whiney messages that say "Please leave me a message
". If ever there was a person to ignore, it's the one who begs
someone to leave him a message. If you want to get messages,
start by reading the ones that are already online and getting
involved in the conversations that exist.
3. Don't use the local equivalent of a chat command unless you
really have some clear cut notion of what you want to say and
why. Almost any Sysop is more than happy to answer questions or
offer help concerning his system. Unfortunately, because about
85% of the people who call want to chat and about 99% of those
people have absolutely nothing to say besides "How old are
you?" or something equally irrelevent, fewer Sysops even bother
answering their pagers every day.
4. When you are offered a place to leave comments when exiting
a system, don't try to use this area to ask the Sysop
questions. It is very rude to the other callers to expect the
Sysop to carry on a half visible conversation with someone. If
you have a question or statement to make and expect the Sysop
to respond to it, it should always be made in the section where
all the other messages are kept. This allows the Sysop to help
many people with the same problem with the least amount of
effort on his part.
5. Before you log on with your favorite psuedonym, make sure
that handles are allowed. Most Sysops don't want people using
handles on the system. There is not enough room for them, they
get silly games of one-upmanship started, it is much nicer to
deal with a person on a personal basis, and last but not least,
everyone should be willing to take full responsibility for his
actions or comments instead of slinging mud from behind a
phoney name.
6. Take the time to log on properly. There is no such place as
RIV, HB, ANA or any of a thousand other abbreviations people
use instead of their proper city. You may think that everyone
knows what RIV is supposed to mean, but every BBS has people
calling from all around the country and I assure you that
someone from Podunk Iowa has no idea what you're talking
about.
7. Don't go out of your way to make rude observations like
"Gee, this system is slow". Every BBS is a tradeoff of
features. You can generally assume that if someone is running a
particular brand of software, that he is either happy with it
or he'll decide to find another system he likes better. It does
nobody any good when you make comments about something that you
perceive to be a flaw when it is running the way the Sysop
wants it to. Constructive criticism is somewhat more welcome.
If you have an alternative method that seems to make good sense
then run it up the flagpole.
8. When leaving messages, stop and ask yourself whether it is
necessary to make it private. Unless there is some particular
reason that everyone shouldn't know what you're saying, don't
make it private. We don't call them PUBLIC bulletin boards for
nothing, folks. It's very irritating to other callers when
there are huge blank spots in the messages that they can't read
and it stifles interaction between callers.
9. If your favorite BBS has a time limit, observe it. If it
doesn't, set a limit for yourself and abide by it instead.
Don't tie up a system until it finally kicks you off and then
call back with another name. This same rule applies to
downloading or playing games. Only one person at a time can be
logged on to a BBS and it isn't fair to everyone else if you
overstay your welcome. Remember, a BBS is best when it can be
left wide open. If you try and cheat the rules you just hurt
everybody by forcing the Sysop to adopt more strigent policies.
I can't count the number of systems that are now locked tighter
than a drum because of people who cheat and abuse.
10. Don't call a BBS just to look at the list of other BBS
numbers. Most especially don't call a system as a new user and
run right to the other numbers list. There is probably very
little that's more annoying to any Sysop than to have his board
completely passed over by you on your way to another board.
11. Have the common courtesy to pay attention to what passes in
front of your face. When a BBS displays your name and asks "Is
this you?", don't say yes when you can see perfectly well that
it is mispelled. Also, don't start asking questions about
simple operation of a system until you have thouroghly read all
of the instructions that are available to you. I assure you
that it isn't any fun to answer a question for the thousandth
time when the answer is prominently displayed in the system
bulletins or instructions. Use some common sense when you ask
your questions. The person who said "There's no such thing as a
stupid question" obviously never operated a BBS.
12. If by some chance you should encounter an error while you
are online (Heaven forbid!), ALWAYS take the time to leave the
Sysop a message describing the circumstances. Don't just say
"There was an error". That is not helpful in the least. Chances
are that he knows there was an error. What he needs to know is
what you were doing when the error occurred so that he can have
some chance of finding and correcting it. If the error happened
after you input something, tell him what it was. Remember that
a BBS can't improve unless you're willing to help.
13. Don't be personally abusive. It doesn't matter whether you
like a Sysop or think he's a jerk. The fact remains that he has
a large investment in making his computer available, usually
out of the goodness of his heart. If you don't like a Sysop or
his system, just remember that you can change the channel any
time you want. Calling a Sysop names or making uninformed
comments about his lifestyle only shows you for the child you
really are.
14. Keep firmly in mind that you are a guest on any BBS you
happen to call. Don't think of logging on as one of your basic
human rights. Every person that has ever put a computer system
online for the use of other people has spent a lot of time and
money to do so. While he doesn't expect nonstop pats on the
back, it seems reasonable that he should at least be able to
expect fair treatment from his callers. This includes following
any of the rules for system use he has laid out without
grumping about it. Every Sysop has his own idea of how he wants
his system to be run. It is really none of your business why he
wants to run it the way he does. Your business is to either
abide by what he says, or call some other BBS where you feel
that you can obey the rules.
Downloaded from Just Say Yes. 2 lines, More than 500 files online!
Full access on first call. 415-922-2008 CASFA
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From: Anton C Shepps <telesci!ashepps@pyrnj.pyramid.com>
Subject: The Lighter Side: An Unusual Story
Date: 29 Nov 89 17:32:03 GMT
Reply-To: "Anton C Shepps (Tony" <telesci!ashepps@pyrnj.pyramid.com>
Organization: TeleSciences, Moorestown, NJ
AN UNUSUAL TELEPHONE SERVICE CALL
This story was related by Pat Routledge of Winnepeg, ONT about an unusual
telephone service call he handled while living in England.
It is common practice in England to signal a telephone subscriber by
signaling with 90 volts across one side of the two wire circuit and
ground (earth in England). When the subscriber answers the phone, it
switches to the two wire circuit for the conversation.
This method allows two parties on the same line to be signalled
without disturbing each other.
This particular subscriber, an elderly lady with several pets called
to say that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and
that on the few occations when it did manage to ring her dog always
barked first. Torn between curiosity to see this psychic dog and a
realization that standard service techniques might not suffice in this
case, Pat proceeded to the scene. Climbing a nearby telephone pole
and hooking in his test set, he dialed the subscriber's house. The
phone didn't ring. He tried again. The dog barked loudly, followed
by a ringing telephone.
Climbing down from the pole, Pat found:
a. Dog was tied to the telephone system's ground post via an iron chain
and collar.
b. Dog was receiving 90 volts of signalling current.
c. After several jolts, the dog was urinating on ground and barking.
d. Wet ground now conducted and phone rang.
Which goes to prove that some grounding problems can be passed on......
P-80 Systems 304-744-2253
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was writen shortly after my arrest. I am currently
groupless, having resigned from the Racketeers, so ignore the signoff...
The Conscience of a Hacker... by The Mentor ... 1/8/86
Another one got caught today, It's all over the papers.
"Teenager Arrested in Computer Crime Scandal", "Hacker arrested
after Bank Tampering"...
Damn kids. They're all alike.
But did you, in your three-piece psychology and 1950's
technobrain, ever take a look behind the eyes of a hacker? did
you ever wonder what made him tick, what forces shaped him, what
may have molded him?
I am a hacker. Enter my world.
Mine is a world that begins with school... I'm smarter than
most of the other kids, this crap they teach us bores me...
Come on... Ain't Got All Day!!
Damn underachiever. They're all alike.
I'm in junior high or high school. I've listened to the
teachers explain for the fifteenth time how to reduce a
fraction. I understand it. "No Ms. Smith, I didn't show my work.
I did it in my head..."
Damn kid. Probably copied it. They're all alike.
I made a discovery today. I found a computer. Wait a xecond,
this is cool. It does what I want it to. if it makes a mistake,
it's because I screwed it up. Not Because it doesn't like me...
Or feels threatend by me...
Or thinks I'm a smart ass...
Or doesn't like teaching and shouldn't be here...
Damn kid. All he does is play games. They're all alike.
And then it happened... a door opened to a world... rushing
through the phone line like junk through an addict's veins, an
electronic impulse is sent out, a refuge from the day-to-day
incompetencies is sought... a board is found.
"this is it... this is wwhere I belong..."
I know everyone herre... even if I've never met them, never
talked to them, may never hear from them again... I know you
all...
Damn kid. tying up the phone line again. They're all alike...
Come on... Ain't Got All Day!!
You bet your ass we're all alike... we've been spoon-fed baby
food at school when we hungered for steak... the bits of meat
that you did let slip through were prechewed and tasteless.
We've been dominated by sadist, or ignored by the apathetic. The
few that had something to teach us found us willing pupils, but
those few are like drops of water in the desert.
This is our world now... the world of the electron and the
switch, the beauty of the baud. We make use of a service already
existing without paying for what could be dirt-cheap if it
wasn't run by profiteering gluttons, and you call us criminals.
we explore... and you call us criminals. We seek after
knoledge... and you call us criminals. We exist without skin
color, without nationality, without religous bias... and you
call us criminals. You build atomic bombs, you wage wars, you
murder, cheat, and lie to us and try to make us believe it's for
our own good, yet we're the criminals.
Yes, I am a criminal. My crime is that of curiosity. My crime
is that of judging people by what they say and think, not what
they look like. My crime is that of outsmarting you, something
that you will never forgive me for.
Come on... Ain't Got All Day!!
I am a hacker, and this is my manifesto. You may stop this
individual, but you can't stop us all... after all, we're all alike.
+++The Mentor+++
Racketeers
In deference to the author, I've not changed any of his punctuation.
I have put a space between each paragraph for easier reading. I
hope no one will take a fence in my doings.
I found this letter in "The newsletter #33" A publication of
The Denver Gamers Association.
I will not sign this letter because my name is known little
and I will like it to stay that way.
[10] Tfiles: (1-29,?,Q) :
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HOW TO GET REALLY SOARING HIGH ON GATORADE - By Max Madd
Ok, first run down to the Piggly Wiggly and purchase a big old 4 pint thing full of our most
favorite beverage - Gatorade. Then refuse the desire to eat until your stomache is empty.
Now these steps are very complex, so everybody hang on to your hats:
1. Check the expiration date to see if it's a good week.
2. Smell the cap (I don't know why, they do it to wine in French restaurants, so why not?)
3. Open your mouth and let the whole gallon slide down as fast as possible.
4. Trip out.
Disclaimer: I am not responsible for anything that happens as a result of this. You do it at
your own risk. I am not responsible for anything you do while under the influence, or any
damage or illness that may insue as a direct or indirect response to the use of this
information. I'm not holding a gun to your head and making you do anything. Ok, enough
legal stuff, suffice it to say you can't sue me or press charges.
Known side effects:
1. A really cool high.
2. Slight discomfort to the back of the throat.
3. Some major kidney action and a stinging sensation when you go for a Number One.
No big deal. I think personally that it's worth the slight discomfort, but you judge for your
own self.
Credit goes to Geewhiz for his sagely advise in this matter. And no, you can't sue him
either.

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How to Become an Unsuccessful, Burned-Out SysOp
-----------------------------------------------
It seems as if everyone who gets a modem and calls bulletin
boards toys with the idea of running his own BBS at some time.
The plain truth is that bulletin boards come and go with alarming
regularity. A few stick around, but for every one that reaches
its second birthday, five will appear and vanish. Here are a few
simple tips to insure that your effort at running at bulletin
board places you in the majority.
PINCH PENNIES - You spent thousands on a computer. It's silly
to spend more than $1.98 for a BBS program. You might even find
one for free. After all, if cheap is good, free must be better.
Be sure to shop for a rock-bottom price on a modem, too. It
doesn't matter if no one ever heard of that brand before...they
will before you are through.
SCHIZOPHRENIA IS THE ORDER OF THE DAY - Keep 'em guessing. Try
at least a dozen different BBS program...after you officially
open your system. That will keep the callers on their toes. You
wouldn't want to be predictable. Change things around constant-
ly...menus, screens, the flow from section to section. You
really don't like it when callers use logon scripts anyway.
SPEAKING OF BEING PREDICTABLE - Make your board part time.
Change the hours frequently. Part of the adventure of calling a
BBS is finding out what hours it operates. Pick strange ones:
noon to 3 pm Tuesday and Thursday, 6 am to noon Monday, Wednesday
and Friday, Midnight to 6 am weekends, except national holidays
and the third Tuesday in September.
DON'T WASTE MONEY ON A SECOND PHONE LINE - You don't need it for
a part time board. You meet such interesting people who call at
3 a.m. looking for a modem tone. You did want to meet interest-
ing people, didn't you?
TAKE THE BBS DOWN WHENEVER THE NOTION STRIKES YOU - After all, it
is your computer. So what if you want to play Tetris at 8 pm.
The callers can just listen to a busy signal for a while.
BE RUDE TO YOUR CALLERS - They're all schmucks who don't know
anything. You don't have to be polite to them. Do your best Don
Rickles imitation when they ask questions. Call them names and
make fun of them because they don't know all about protocols and
modems and such. After all, you know everything about them...
don't you? Dump them in mid-call because they take too long to
read the menus and messages...or just because you want to use the
computer.
MAKE IT A DELIGHTFUL MAZE - Make your menus so complex that a PhD
couldn't find his way around your BBS. Hide the files in obscure
corners and give the commands strange names. While you're at it,
build in some "black holes" to really confound the users. Then
complain bitterly if people just hang up instead of logging off
properly.
Follow these simple rules and I can guarantee you will join the
vast majority of BBSs that fade into the sunset within months or
even weeks of starting up. Now, obviously, these are not serious
tips. Quite the opposite is true. There is much more to running
a BBS than just slapping a program and a modem on your computer
and waiting for the phone to ring. Let's look instead at some
positive suggestions to help make your efforts successful.
IT PAYS TO BUY QUALITY - Ever wondered why that free software is
free? Could it be because it is so bad the author couldn't get
anyone to pay for it? How about that generic, "bargain" modem.
Why is it so cheap? Old technology? Inferior parts? Poor
workmanship? Want to bet on how long it will last? Good soft-
ware can make the difference between a dream and a nightmare when
it comes to being a SysOp. Same thing for reliable hardware.
You DID spend thousands for the computer...so spend a hundred or
so for decent, reliable software and protect that investment. It
won't do much for the reputation of a new BBS if it is constantly
off-line for various malfunctions.
CHANGE IS OK, BUT IT MUST BE FOR A REASON - Callers like change,
but they also like the familiar. Make changes slowly and delib-
erately. If radical changes are unavoidable, warn your callers
ahead of time. Make sure you are truly ready before you open
your system to the world. Callers get discouraged when they have
to log in as new users 4 times in 4 weeks because you keep exper-
imenting with new programs. Most of them won't complain,
they'll just quit calling.
KEEP IT SIMPLE - Incredibly complex BBSs appeal mostly to the
"hacker" types. Are these the people you want on your computer?
Most folks want a BBS that is simple and logical, with commands
that make sense and are easily remembered. That still leaves
plenty of room for creativity and originality.
BE ORIGINAL - OK, you have your brand new BBS up. It's plain,
vanilla RBBS software, right out of the distribution files. They
even had those neat screens and menus in there all ready to go.
Now you sit back and wait for the callers to ooh and aah over
your lovely system. Don't hold your breath. Everyone got tired
of those screens long ago. Come up with something fresh. Call
distant BBSs and get ideas. Don't steal whole screens intact
unless the SysOp has packaged them for distribution. Even then,
make a few changes to make them your very own. This is one of
the best ways to demonstrate to callers that there really is
something special about your BBS.
SHOULD YOUR BBS HAVE A "THEME?" - Maybe. That's the best answer
I can give. Some theme and special purpose BBSs are very suc-
cessful, but the world probably doesn't need another BBS based on
Dungeons & Dragons. If you are going to give your system a
theme, make sure it is one that will be interesting to most
callers.
GIVE THE CALLERS WHAT THEY WANT - within reason. Listen to what
your users have to say about the system. ASK them what they like
and don't like. If the majority of them hate a particular fea-
ture, get rid of it. If most of them want something you don't
have, try to get it. Remember, they have choices. There are
plenty of other modems out there waiting to answer the phone.
MAKE IT AVAILABLE AS ADVERTISED - part time boards rarely suc-
ceed. Some stay around through sheer inertia...just because it's
too much trouble to take them down. Hardly anyone calls these
boards for long...especially if the operating hours are bizarre
and irregular. If it must be part time, make it regular. 24
hours is always best. Frankly, if you can't make the commitment
to a separate phone line, you really aren't ready to run a BBS.
The same goes for using the computer yourself...you promised it
would be available at certain hours. Unless there is a real
emergency, you aren't living up to a commitment unless you have
it on-line for the promised hours.
TREAT YOUR CALLERS LIKE FRIENDS AND WELCOME GUESTS - After all,
YOU invited these people into your home! It's true, some callers
are brainless twits. There have always been people like that and
there always will be. But remember, for every jerk that calls,
there are 9 or 10 really nice, interesting people. Concentrate
on the good folks and ignore the clowns...sooner or later they
will get tired and go away.
THINK ABOUT THE KIND OF BBS YOU LIKE TO CALL - Your callers
probably like the same things. Analyze the other BBSs you call.
What do you like about each? What do you dislike? Do you feel
welcome on some and like an intruder on others? Why? How will
someone else feel after calling your board? Will they want to
call again?
HAVE PATIENCE - Be patient while your BBS builds a following with
the callers. It may take months before the traffic is at the
level you anticipated. Be patient too with inexperienced users.
Help them learn instead of harassing them. Did you appreciate
sarcasm and wisecracks when you asked "dumb" questions as a
beginner? Everyone is a beginner sometime.
Keep these tips in mind and you will find that your BBS grows and
succeeds while countless others come and go. Why? Because you
treat callers with respect and consideration! Because you make
them feel welcome. Because you really care about what they like
and dislike. Because you put yourself in their place and look at
the situation as they do.
Does all of this sound like a lot of work? You're right. It
takes a lot of effort to run a popular and successful BBS. But
the rewards of meeting new people, making new friends, seeing
other points of view, make it all worthwhile.

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[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
[][][] [][][]
[][][] A Step by Step Guide to Making a Dry Ice Gun [][][]
[][][] [][][]
[][][] By: The Voice Over [][][]
[][][] [][][]
[][][] A Metal Communications Presentation [][][]
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
[][] /\/\etalland 1 10megs/AE/BBS/Cat-Fur [503]538-0761 [][]
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Introduction:
------------
In the past, many people have experimented with the power generated by the
conversion of dry ice into gaseous carbon dioxide. The most common use that I
have seen is the dry ice bomb. The dry ice bomb is easily made by using a two
liter plastic bottle, some hot water and some crushed dry ice. To make one, one
simply puts about a cup and a half of crushed dry ice into the bottle, adds hot
water, caps the bottle and throws it. These bombs are not a joke, and have been
known to blow a metal trash can fifteen feet into the air, as well as bursting
the bottom of the can. If you make a dry ice bomb, you had best throw it before
it explodes due to the enormous force generated by the explosion of the bottle.
A friend of mine waited a bit too long on throwing one, and he jammed three of
his fingers badly, got a huge bruise on his left leg, and one of the plasic
fragments was propelled with enough force to puncture his tennis shoes and cut
his foot all to hell. In short, be careful with these things.
One day in May of 1985, an idea was introduced to me by a friend. His plan
was to control the force of the expanding dry ice and harness it to a useful
end. The result was the dry ice gun. In following these plans, please keep in
mind that when dry ice is finished expanding, it can generate pressures of up to
2400 PSI...for this reason, I recommend that when arming the gun and when
disarming it, you hold all valves OPEN, and that you wear a pair of protective
goggles at all times. I will take no responsibility for injury that occurs
because of the content of this file, or through the use of this information.
This information is intended for educational purposes ONLY.
Materials needed:
----------------
The materials required will vary for each gun produced because of the nature
of the construction itself and the effect produced by using different parts.
The following parts, however, are necessary for a gun with moderate power and
range:
1- Standard valve. I recommend the kind that is just a lever and turns 1/4
turn to open or close and has 3/4" connectors.
1- Blow gun (These can be found at auto parts stores... shop around a little
and get one with the highest pressure rating you can find (probably 150 PSI)).
This will be sometimes referred to as a valve also.
1- Length of hot water PVC piping...this will be used for the barrel. I
recommend that you use 3/4" piping, because that is the kind that fits paint
pellets of the type used in KILLER best. Note, however, that it is possible to
launch anything up to the size of an egg with pleasing results, provided that
the barrel is large enough in diameter.
You will also need various lengths of regular lead or steel piping (to
construct the actual gun), and adapters to get the blow gun to fit the rest of
the gun (blow guns usually have connectors that are 1/4" in diameter, while the
rest of the gun (except the dry ice container) should be constructed with 3/4"
fittings). You will also need an end cap to go on the end of your dry ice
container and probably an elbow joint.
Optional parts:
--------------
1- Standard valve (same kind as above, but with a shorter lever).
1- "T" joint with 3/4" connectors all around.
1- 6 or 7 inch length of 3/4" diameter pipe.
1- 3/4" end cap.
Form-a-gasket and pipe dope
Construction:
------------
Because of the nature of the gun, step-by-step plans are not possible.
However, a diagram of the gun will give you an idea of what has to be done, and
construction tips should prove enough to allow successful completion of the
project.
Diagram:
-------
trigger (part of the blow gun) standard
adaptor______________ : valve
\ : \
: : :
______________________ : _ ; _____:______ __________
! !\__ __!__________________________________/ \
! barrel ! __!__!__! ! O ! \ !
!______________________!/ joint B____________/: _____________ !
blow gun_____________/ : : I / \ \ \__________!
pressure chamber________/ : I / !_____!<-joint A
adaptor____________________/ / ! !
elbow joint________________________/ /! !
dry ice container_____________________/ ! !
end cap_______________________________ _!_____!_
\!! !!
+-------+
NOTES:
1- The dry ice container can be any size...the one I use is about 6 inches
long by 2 inches in diameter. The larger the chamber is, the more shots the gun
will fire before reloading is necessary.
2- The elbow joint can be left out...it will only make the gun in the shape of
a straight rod rather than a "traditional" gun shape.
3- The barrel length can be any length you like, but very long ones are
cumbersome and very short ones don't allow much accuracy. I recommend a length
of about 2 1/2 to 3 feet.
4- all joints except the two marked 'A' and 'B' should be tightened as much as
possible and sealed by coating the threads with the form-a-gasket and then
putting the two pieces together and tightening them as much as possible. If you
like, you can also caulk around the finished and tightened joint.
5- The joint marked 'B' should be tight, but DO NOT SEAL IT unless you do not
intend to ever use more than one kind of barrel.
6- The joint marked 'A' should not be sealed with form-a- gasket like the
others because it is the one that you will be filling the dry ice into the gun
through. To fill the gun with dry ice, detach the dry ice chamber pipe from the
elbow joint. Load the container with as much crushed dry ice as it will hold.
Then, coat the threads of one of the pieces of the joint with pipe dope. This
will prevent leakage of the carbon dioxide after it has changed into gaseous
form.
7- The pressure chamber should be about 1 1/2 inches in length for a fairly
powerful gun. The longer the pressure chamber is, the more powerful the gun.
On a gun with a three inch pressure chamber, we shot a AA battery 500 (yes,
hundred) feet across a parking lot. Such high power, however, is dangerous, and
is not recommended for use in games such as Killer, but rather for target
practice (on INANIMATE objects).
How to operate the dry ice gun:
------------------------------
Once you have the dry ice gun built and loaded, the first thing you must do is
to open the standard valve and immerse the gun in water. This is to check for
leaks. If any leaks are present, they will show up as streams of bubbles rising
from the gun. If any are found, tighten the offending joint and put the gun
back in the water. When all leaks are gone (if necessary, take the whole thing
apart and rebuild it from scratch to eliminate leaks, especially on either end
of the pressure chamber), release the pressure built up so far by closing the
standard valve and then operating the trigger. You should hear a 'woosh' sound,
and the gun should kick slightly. This indicates that all is working properly.
When loading the dry ice gun, it is important to keep both valves OPEN until the
dry ice container is secure, and then close both valves. Even after you are
sure that the gun has no leaks anywhere, it is good to immerse the dry ice
container (while it is attached to the gun) in water. This warms the dry ice
and causes it to change into gaseous carbon dioxide.
After the dry ice container has been immersed for 5 minutes or so, remove the
gun from the water and dry it off. The gun is now ready to be fired.
Firing the dry ice gun:
----------------------
This is the simplest step of all. To fire the gun simply place the projectile
(I recommend paint pellets) in the barrel of the gun, open the standard valve
for about a second and then close it. You should hear a muffled rush of air as
some of the gaseous CO2 is bled into the pressure chamber. Aim the gun at
who/whatever you wish to hit, and squeeze the trigger. For more power, you can
leave the standard valve open and squeeze the trigger.
Disarming the dry ice gun:
-------------------------
To disarm the gun, open both valves until you can no longer hear the pressure
escaping through the barrel of the gun. Then, unscrew the dry ice container and
place it in cold water for about 3 to 4 minutes, or until all of the remaining
dry ice has evaporated. When all of the dry ice is gone, clean the threads on
the dry ice container and elbow joint, and store the gun in a clean, dry area.
Suggested modifcations:
----------------------
The only really nice modification that I've discovered is to replace the
pressure chamber pipe with a "T" joint and valve so as to make a gun with long,
medium, and short range capability. To do this, construct the pressure chamber
section of the gun like this:
___adaptor I
: ______________________________________ ________I___
_____ _ :/! ! I
___#__!o!/ ! ! I
! ! ! I
! ! "T" joint ! O
________! ! !
: \ ! !
: \!____________ _____________!____________
: ! ! ^
: !_____________! !
:__blow gun !______O______!<-standard standard
! I ! valve #2 valve #1
! I !
! I !<-short length
_!______I______!_ of piping
!! !!
+---------------+
end cap_______/
What this does is make a pressure chamber with a variable length. The
following chart shows the combinations in which the valves may be used to create
different ranges.
RANGE ! INSTRUCTIONS
--------+--------------------------------------------------------
short ! Open valve number 1, hold it open for about a second,
! close it, and then open valve #2.
--------+--------------------------------------------------------
medium ! Open valve number 1 for about a second and close it.
! Leave valve #2 closed.
--------+--------------------------------------------------------
long ! Open valve #2 before opening valve #1. Open valve #1
! for about a second, then close it.
--------+--------------------------------------------------------
The trigger can be squeezed at any time following any of the above procedures.
Have fun!
This file may be used on any system as long as all credits and information
remain intact.
=================================================================
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

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# Jason Scott's Top 100 Textfiles
It's perfectly understandable that someone finding textfiles.com for the first time wouldn't be interested in sifting through thousands of textfiles to get an idea of what the site is about. For this reason, I've selected a "best of" collection of one hundred textfiles that I think capture the spirit of this site and the unique culture that it attempts to preserve.
While in many cases, there are slicker or longer examples of these files, I felt that these specific examples best captured the genre they belonged to. I invite you to browse through this section, read up, and if you find something that intrigues you, to read more about it in the bulk of the site.
These files are arranged alphabetically, not in any order of importance.
## 914 Area Code BBS List, by Dan Gelman (January 15, 1984)
A snapshot of the typical BBSes you might find in an area code, in this case, mine. A good portion of the "General" boards you see listed were in fact Phreak or Pirate boards. Keeping an active account on all your local systems could be quite time-consuming.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/914bbs.txt 914bbs.txt
## Relaxen und watch das blinkenlights...
This sort of small, quaint humor file could be found lurking across many different kinds of BBSes and mainframes. Origin: Unknown, although it very likely could date back to the 60's or 70's.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/actung.hum actung.hum
## Call The Upside Down BBS!
A typical "Tag File" for a Bulletin Board System, in this case a classic Apple II with 64k of memory. To entice you over, the BBS offers you everything up to and including the two floppy disks located in the floppy drives. Besides being an interesting approach for a BBS ad, this short file also shows the variety of devices you could hook to an Apple II, including devices you could hook to other devices.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/ad.txt ad.txt
## Adventure: Solving it in Easy Steps, by The Rom Raider and Doctor Digital
Don't read this file if you haven't played Crowther and Wood's original classic "Adventure"! This file is a solid example of a "Walk-through", where the goal was to present an easy, no-thinking solution to the classic thinking person's game: text adventures. While these games could present hours (or days or weeks) of fun trying to solve the puzzles and pitfalls, many people were content to just be given the answer and go through the game blindly, watching as every step they made was the exact right one. To a smaller degree, there was a constant one-upsmanship with Walkthroughs, where whoever could come out with the "solve" for a game the soonest after it was released (or even before) was the King of the Hill.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/adventur.txt adventur.txt
## ASCII Art of "Angela"
A solid, classic example of an ASCII Nude, brimming with joy and text-based sexiness. Some of these were hand-drawn, while others used primitive digitizers and software that translated graphics to text to give surprisingly realistic photos when seen from a distance. Naturally, these files were a hot trade online.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/angela.art angela.art
## The Joy of Handles, by Mahatma Kane Jeeves and David Lescohier
This series of articles attacks the issue of anonymity and handles from a completely different set of perspectives; that is, the protection of the writer from general harassment and investigation, and not necessarily that of promoting unwelcome or illegal ideas. An informative read.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/anonymit anonymit
## The Apple Mafia Story, as told to Red Ghost, 1986
This interesting insight into the comings and goings of the Apple piracy world of the early-mid 80's shows the battle between the older class of pirates and the new breed of "r0dentz" that has been waged for the last 20 years. This file also gives a history (and hardware list) of the Sherwood Forest BBSes, which were among my all-time favorite boards, and probably a pretty darn influential force in the world that textfiles.com presents.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/applemaf.hum applemaf.hum
## Typical Apple Piracy Message Base, circa 1984
This pristine capture of a 14-message apple "warez" message base shows a gamut of user types converging in one place to trade boasts, information, and programs. From Sherlock Apple's boast of "I have em all!!!!!!" to Creative Cracker and Key Master's BBS ads, you can see how these places became hotbeds of activity and information. Key master and I traded textfiles back then; I thought nothing of calling a BBS called "The 4th Reich".
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/apples.txt apples.txt
## The Art of Writing Textfiles, by The Bronze Rider
Bronze rider weighs in with his opinions on how to write proper textfiles, probably in response to some lack of quality in files up to that point. (This file is incomplete for the moment, but you'll get the idea.)
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/arttext.fun arttext.fun
## B00g and the Art of Zen, by Anarchy Incorporated
This file started a weird "b00g" craze that perpetuated itself for a number of years across a lot of BBSes that I was on/involved in. Then again, Anarchy Inc. was one of those groups you could depend on for some really excellent writing no matter what the subject was about.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/b00g!.hum b00g!.hum
## Mouse Balls Available as a Field Replacement Unit
A classic example of a somewhat plausible file making the rounds for years and years. This likely-true file discussing how to wash the balls from Computer Mice took on a life of its own and still shows up occasionally. Surely a giggle, if not a guffaw.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/balls.txt balls.txt
## Bioc Agent's Telecommunications Series, Part IV
BIOC Agent 003 was one of those rare phone phreaks who could both assimilate information around him and present it in a well-written, forthright manner. Often, many of the phreaking textfiles of the time were poorly written, hastily formatted, and lacking in any perspective beyond how to break or get freebies from a computer or network. Bioc got a lot of attention with his clear writing and informative series "The Basics of Telecommunications", which appeared in the summer of 1984. This example from the series, part 4 (of 7) covered both the hierarchy and electronic network of the Bell Telephone System. Groundbreaking.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/basicom4.phk basicom4.phk
## Bioc Agent's Telecommunications Series, Part V
Another example of BIOC's writing in the Basics of Telecommunications Series, this section dealt entirely with the basic telephone, including the wiring and the electronic aspects. Notably, BIOC gives a bibliography where he got a lot of his information (something pretty much not done beforehand) and additionally covers the theory of operation of the infamous "Black Box", as well. Excellent.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/basicom5.phk basicom5.phk
## Whatever Happened to REAL Bulletin-Board Systems?
What strikes me about this file was that it was written around 1982 and decries how out-of-touch, vicious, and impersonal the BBS world has grown for the writer. Note the interesting reasons he gives for the downturn of BBS's.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/bbsdeath.pro bbsdeath.pro
## Modification of the Uniden Bearcat BC950XLT for Cellular Frequencies, by John Stover (March 29, 1988)
The problem was major: Cellular phones could be listened to by any ham radio scanner being made. The normal solution: Produce better cell phones, that did a better job of encrypting/scrambling transmissions. The solution the government took: Force all creators of any ham radio scanners to remove the capability of ham radios to listen to the frequencies chosen for the cellular phones. Naturally, the companies did this in the cheapest way possible, often just running a short-circuiting wire such that attempts to go to those frequencies would be unsuccessful. And naturally, files such as this one made themselves available, where you were told how to take out that wire and restore the machine to full functionality. Was the point to listen in on people? No. The point was crippling technology to hide things from people flies in the face of the spirit of technology. 5 short lines, and the efforts from the unknowing are thwarted. The power of textfiles.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/bc760mod.ham bc760mod.ham
## "Hey how much for someone to, you know, screw with the beef?"
This is the only beef pornography I've ever seen. Sexual Surrealism at its best.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/beefstar.hum beefstar.hum
## Better Homes and Blue Boxing, Part I, by Mark Tabas (January 7, 1985)
Mark Tabas came along in 1985 and wrote a series of chatty, friendly files about all the fun you could have with the mysterious Blue Box, the most famous of all the Phreak Boxes that rose out of the 1970's and 1980's. This box, when used in conjunction with a 2600hz tone across a phone line, allowed you to seize control a telephone line as if you were an operator and do all sorts of neat, crazy stuff. By 1985 these boxes were becoming obsolete (with the advent of Electronic Switching System, or ESS) but this file harkens back to this interesting era. A sign of the great works LOD would create for the next decade.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/bhbb1.hac bhbb1.hac
## The Bill of Rights "Lite", by John Perry Barlow
This re-tooled Bill of Rights, rephrased to reflect most of the constitutional issues arising in cyberspace and in general everyday life, hit the nail on the head as to how far the government had strayed from its original plan. Barlow, a co-founder of the Electronic Freedom Foundation, makes his beliefs about the modern world known in just a couple screenfuls of slashed-up constitutional law.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/billrights.fun billrights.fun
## To All Who Dare -- The Black Box
For many people, this simple little text file was the opening door into the world of the Phone Phreak, a world where a simple application of technology meant a subversion of the great and powerful Bell System. In this case, the Black Box would convince the telephone company that your phone was still ringing, even though you'd picked the phone up and were chatting happily through the buzzing rings. With its name owing to the 1970's era "Blue Box", the Black Box was the final spark to ignite a stream of steady "box" files, each one a more flamboyant and wild color and each promising the world.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/black.box black.box
## The Bastard Operator From Hell #1, by Simon Travaglia
As the BBS kids of the world grew into full-fledged System Operators, they found that no textfile out there caught the frustrations and issues of a computer hacker saddled with responsibility more than the BOFH (Bastard Operator from Hell) series. Stretching through many files and continuing to this day as a magazine column, these textfiles set out an alternate-world Simon the Sysadmin who would torture and ruin his users in the pursuit of more free time and lager. The initials BOFH have become one of the better-kept inside jokes of the System Admin trade, and these files have become immortal.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/bofh.1 bofh.1
## The cDc #200 Higgledy-Piggledy-Big-Fat-Henacious-Mega-Mackadocious You-Can't-Even-Come-Close-So-Jump-Back-K-BOOMIDY-BOOMIDY-BOOM File, by Swamp Ratte'
The Cult of the Dead Cow continues to be a prominent force in the online world, but when they started in the late 1980's they were just another text-file writing group, copying heavy metal lyrics and printing bomb ingredient lists. Swamp Ratte's perseverance and leadership caused cDc to break out of that mode, however, and by the time they'd released their 200th textfile (In December of 1992) they'd been around for over 6 years, forever by BBS standards. To celebrate, Swamp Ratte' wrote this file, which I consider to be an all-time classic not only because of the dead-on parodies of the BBS world of the 1980's that run through it, but for the way these parodies perfectly capture a lot of the cultural forces that ran through that time. (The warez vs. textfiles debate, the self-aggrandizement of older hackers, the completely bizzare spelling styles, etc.) This file truly goes above and beyond in every way. A great reference file to see if you can get all the jokes when reading other files here.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/cDc-0200.txt cDc-0200.txt
## An Apple for the Captain, by Steven Wozniak (October 1, 1984)
BIOC Agent 003 transcribes an Infoworld article that mentions a funny story about Captain Crunch (John Draper), an employee of Apple, reprogramming an Apple II so that it would dial up PBX lines to get free phone codes. In a few short paragraphs, Steven Wozniak describes Phone Phreaking with an innocent sense of fun and exploration, using common technology.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/captain.phk captain.phk
## The Story of Captain Midnight
This textfile, source unknown, tells the story of Captain Midnight, a lone satellite operator who overrode HBO's signal with a warning against charging $12.95 a month and scrambling their signal. This sudden seizure of the HBO signal caught the media (and the government)'s attention, and he was soon caught. This textfile saves the memory of a fellow who took matters into his own hands, and blew out a showing of Pee Wee's Big Adventure as a bonus.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/captmidn.txt captmidn.txt
## Expanding Your Apple Cat II, by The Ware-Wolf
The Novation Apple Cat Modem was one of those pieces of technology that you just can't believe ever got out into the market, and which stands as a straight example of the creativity that lives in this world. Built simply to be a flexible modem, this piece of technology contained 4 digital to analogue converters and several other unexpected ports and switches that caused it to be used as a clock, answering machine/voice mailbox, hold button, voice changer, and music player. Simply put, this modem was beyond belief. This textfile helps show some of the amazing modifications to this modem that were devised by its users.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/catstuff.app catstuff.app
## Robert Hayden's Code of the Geeks v1.01
The Geek Code is one of those bizzare Internet-only phenomenons that would only rise up among a culture dominated by the intelligensia: a code that, through an application of letters with plus or minus modifications, would indicate the hobbies, desires, or public aspects of that person, easily machine-readable, but to anyone who didn't know the code, completely indecipherable.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/codegeek.txt codegeek.txt
## Copy Protection: A History and Outlook
Dt writes a quick overview (intended for publication, and therefore a little more balanced than it normally would have been) about the history of copy protection and some of the methods used on both sides in the war over software.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/copyprot.pro copyprot.pro
## From Crossbows to Cryptography: Thwarting the State Via Technology
Chuck Hammill of the Libertech Project comes out with a jaw-dropping defense of technology as a liberating force, through the use of cryptography and communication, and applies it to his (cynical) view of history and the nature of Governments. A speech given at the Future of Freedom Conference that is at once balanced, intruiging, revolutionary, bitter, hopeful, and inspiring. All around, ahead of its time and relevant to this very minute.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/crossbow crossbow
## DEC WARS: The Continuing Saga of the Adventures of Luke Vaxhacker
One of the earlier and one of the best cross-cultural fan fiction files, combining the world of Digital's VAX series of computers with the Star Wars movies. Peppered throughout this file, tons of inside VAX jokes combine with Star Wars references, making it one of the geekiest, nerdiest files you could come across online. This genre has exploded out of control since then, but at the time, it was something really new, and a ton of fun.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/dec.wars dec.wars
## When He Boots It, It Boots Him! From Ziggy Stardust
This explosive device sticks in the mind because of both the pure nastiness of the situation (booby trapping a floppy disk to turn it into a bomb) and the reason given for a person to risk someone else's life: they didn't trade pirated programs honestly.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/diskgone.ana diskgone.ana
## The Do's and Don'ts of Ascii Express, by Quasimoto
The story of Ascii Express is one of a telecommunications company adding a small feature to allow remote downloads, that spread into a massive underground network of pirated applications throughout the Apple II community. These "AE Lines" provided quick, simple access to other floppy drives across the country, and became a subculture all their own. This file purports to give some suggested etiquette for AE lines, only to be deflated quite humorously by Count Nibble at the end.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/dodontae.hum dodontae.hum
## A Guide to Easy Money, by The Flash (January 4, 1986)
Even a cursory read of this file shows that the Flash knew not one molecule of what he was talking about. This complete lack of knowledge in the dark arts of Street Economy obviously didn't stop him from publishing a series of files on how to succeed in them. At this no-man's land between fact and fantasy, you get a great insight into the author's idea of how the world works, and how easy he thought the world of crime was. (Ostensibly, the Flash has gone on to a nice, quiet life somewhere.)
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/easymony.ana easymony.ana
## Can You Put Psychedelic Mushrooms on Pizza?
A pretty funny example from a Usenet posting in alt.drugs. Somehow, I can imagine this happening. And oh, he's the MANAGER! While a lot of drug files tend to be boring chemical lists or long and drawn-out philosophical discussions, this file makes you think twice about who's working the cash register.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/eatingmsh.drg eatingmsh.drg
## The Eel Says Goodbye to the Pirate World
What really strikes me about The Eel's farewell to the piracy world of 1992 is that while he says that one of his primary motivations for leaving is his current circle of "real" friends, the rest of the file goes to show he has dozens of other "real" friends as well. No doubt in the years after his break away from life on the modem he's built even more circles of friends, but one can't help wondering if he doesn't read this file and think of what else he threw away besides his collection of "warez".
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/eel_bye.txt eel_bye.txt
## The Elite Commandments
As the word "Elite" came to be bandied about in BBSes, people started to separate themselves between the "Elite" and "Unelite". Specifically, this was just another way to look down on others based on completely arbitrary, meaningless reasons. This file skewers that attitude in a list of "commandments" that best represent the mindset of the self-named "elite". As a bonus, several inside jokes from the era are presented in a "gossip weekly" parody at the end.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/elite.cmd elite.cmd
## Someone Completely Blows Up
A young BBS user (I don't know where this came from) suddenly begins ranting about everything that bothers him about being on BBSes. His complaints take on a heartwarming quirkiness, looking back.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/elites.txt elites.txt
## Ethics for BBS Users
A well-written, nicely-formatted, completely pedantic file that lectures you on every aspect of being a BBS user. This file was part of a trend of Sysops explaining to users how great they had it for having BBSes to call, and to appreciate the work behind them. They were rarely successful, but you do what you can. The invitation to download the file and display it on other BBSes meant that some new users would be subjected to this file automatically. The "wearing a tie to school" side of the BBS world.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/ethics.txt ethics.txt
## Famous Computer Bugs, compiled by Dave Curry and John Shore
This ARPAnet-compiled lists of computer glitches through history shows some wonderful perspective on disasters and screw-ups through history (mostly the 60's and 70's) and shows you the interesting vulnerabilities that have cropped up over time. Some of them, such as a probe suddenly losing contact with earth, are scarily sobering, but others, such as the Multics bug (the swapper-out process would swap out the swapper-in process!) make you just want to snort, assuming you snort at that sort of thing. Geeky, and cute.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/famous.bug famous.bug
## Fuckin' Eleet Haxor Issue #1, July 1st 1995
As the World Wide Web really started to take hold in the middle of the 1990s, textfiles became a rarer and rarer entity, usually leaning instead to HTML pages and graphics to get the information (and the point) across. In the case of FEH, indicative of the textfiles of the time, it is sometimes very hard to tell where the parody and where the seriousness lay within the issue. While a lot of it seems to be a thought-out send-up of the badly-spelling hacking community, some serious and researched information is included as well. This magazine went on to several additional issues, each of them a little more serious than the last. For better or worse, this is how things came to be in the culture.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/feh-1 feh-1
## GEMS: The Untold Story, by the Video Vindicator (February 1, 1992)
The Video Vindicator came late into the game (early 1990's) but produced some of the most wonderful files from that time period. This file caught my attention because he chose a subject that would normally be of very little interest to the BBS crowd (Gemology) and takes it to a completely new level by turning it into both a wonderful history lesson about Gems (I learned a lot in this file) and twisting it into yet another way to scam the planet for some extra bucks. Breathtaking in his audacity, and completely slick in his delivery. One to watch.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/gems.txt gems.txt
## An Unforgettable Telephone Service Call, from Pat Routledge
This breed of textfile tends to be short, amusing, and perpetuated endlessly. Often the story is hard to track back, and is even more often a paraphrase of what actually happened, but it never fails to be humorous, especially if it lasted this far. A classic "urban legend", even if it's true.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/groupass.phk groupass.phk
## The Basics of Hacking: Introduction, by The Knights of Shadow
The Knights of Shadow produced a collection of Hacking How-Tos that instructed users how to get around a variety of mainframes, including Digital and Data General Machines. While the information in these texts might not be as relevant, this introduction stands apart for its preaching the idea of hacking for knowledge, and leaving no footprints and destroying nothing in the process. Their definition of "Hacker" is rather interesting, as well. A clever set of files.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/hack1.hac hack1.hac
## The Project Gutenberg E-Text of Bruce Sterling's Hacker Crackdown
In 1993, Science Fiction author Bruce Sterling aimed his considerable writing talents to dissecting and understanding all the forces at work between Hackers, Police, and the people they've had an effect on. He does a very admirable job. While no book (so far) has captured the 1980's computer hacker experience perfectly, this book makes you come away with a feeling that the major issues were touched on and that no-one (on either side) got the short shaft. (This is a major accomplishment in itself.) Sterling is an excellent writer, and while compared to other works in this directory this textfile is a bit on the mammoth side, it's worth it. This file also highlights the work of the great Project Gutenberg, which for 20 years has endeavored to transcribe as many classic works to electronic texts as their staff of volunteers will let them. There's an entire directory of these important and breathtakingly huge projects on textfiles.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/hack11a.txt hack11a.txt
## The Conscience of a Hacker, by The Mentor (January 8, 1986)
The Mentor's angry scream against the authorities he saw as trying to crush his spark and the spark of people like him. For some reason, this file became the flashpoint that a number of books (including Bruce Sterling's) used as an example of the oppression of the intelligent and the motivations behind the fine art of hacking. Whether it stands up to this sort of light or not, it's a clear statement from someone who feels a lot of pain; and that's what communication is all about.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/hack7.txt hack7.txt
## The Social Organization of the Computer Underground, The Thesis of Gordon Meyer
Mr. (Probably Dr.) Meyer's Sociology paper on the social structure in Hacking, Phreaking, and Pirating groups is interestingly dedicated to George Hayduke (writer of the "Get Even" series of revenge books) and Barry Freed (The pseudonym taken by Abbie Hoffman when he was a fugitive from the FBI). This indicates not a little leaning on the side of the groups he's analyzing. He goes over impressions that the media have about hackers, what being a hacker, phreak or pirate consists of as he sees it, and then tries to draw conclusions of what this all means. Written in 1989, this file takes on the subculture with a non-hysterical point of view that makes it very easy to read. Worth the time.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/hack_ths.txt hack_ths.txt
## How to get Really Soaring High on Gatorade, by Max Madd
Some of the most entertaining textfiles are the ones where the writer is obviously hot to write one, but has no actual information to report on. Instead, they pull up a in-the-rough concept, like getting high off a fruit drink, and create a short file around it. In this case, the key is to get high off the thirst-quenching Gatorade, by merely drinking it as fast as possible. Nearly a third of the entire file is a legal disclaimer, a typical gesture that is very likely meaningless in the long run.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/highdoc.ana highdoc.ana
## How to Become an Unsuccessful, Burned-Out SysOp
From the perspective of 24-hour, super-high-speed internet connections, it's refreshing to read this list of tips telling people how they can improve their single-line, often 2400 baud BBS lines. The hundreds of bulletin boards popping up every month during the early 80's ensured that general guideline files actually had a large target audience. Of course, the comment about free software being inherently bad doesn't seem as relevant anymore...
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/howtobbs.txt howtobbs.txt
## How Pirate BBSes Impact on the Entire Atari Community, by D.A. Brumleve
This serious report, tracking the theoretical impact of piracy on the Atari ST publishing community, has an unintended secondary effect of documenting and providing an excellent picture of the typical "Pirate" BBS in the early 90's. Besides capturing interesting quotes and entire file directories, this report gives a solid overview of this underanalyzed social phenomenon. Interesting reading, if a bit heavy-handed in some places.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/iaad.txt iaad.txt
## A Step by Step Guide to Making a Dry Ice Gun by The Voice Over
Please don't follow the instructions in this file; I can't vouch for its truthfulness or safety. This file is a typical weaponry/anarchy file, inviting you to build some dangerous thing for the purposes of destruction or entertainment. Unlike many such files, The Voice Over can spell, and he warns you how much you can injure yourself. These files comprise a massive subset of the textfiles of the 1980's; why people dedicate such effort to proving they can blow up more than anyone else is an interesting outcropping of the one-upmanship prevalent in other parts of the culture. An unusually academic file from Metal Communications.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/icegun.ana icegun.ana
## A Collection of Infocom Bugs, from the New Zork Times
I'm not entirely sure this file comes from the New Zork Times, but the "we" tense of the description of the bugs and the invitation to try new things on the end smacks of it. Infocom was a text adventure game company - by pretty much any measure, the best. They had some of the most evocative games to come out at the time, and few game companies today even come close to the experiences that Infocom provided. Because the games were so detailed, the types of bugs that people would encounter were strange indeed, and this file chronicles some of them. Neat.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/infobugs.adv infobugs.adv
## Hacking Into Hell, by The Raver
The Raver serves up a very odd blend of heavy-metal/satanic imagery, geek humor, and suspense in this story of a hapless user hacking into Lucifer's Mainframe. The Metal AE, where this file originated from, was host to a whole gang of Heavy Metal blasting computer geeks, and that weird matchup shows in nearly every textfile that came out of them. An evocative file, to say the least.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/intohell.hum intohell.hum
## The Utopia BBS Login Screen: "Pansy's Homemade Mainframe"
The first of two login screens from the Utopia BBS on this top 100 list. The Utopia BBS was one of hundreds of Apple II GBBS boards out there, written in BASIC and therefore completely modifiable (the additions were called 'mods') by the Sysop or Co-Sysops. In the case of this particular board, you could log on each day and see a completely different board, with different menus, login screens, and the rest. This time, they make you type your password in several times, only to show they were completely kidding with you. The long message about whether to create a Utopia II and the odd logoff screen (after I was ejected for not being "validated" yet) only add to the fun.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/intro.hum intro.hum
## The JiHAD Courier Information File
This particular file doesn't hold any particular historical significance; I pretty much chose it at random because it was a good example of a Tag file, and one of a Courier Group at that. Tag files are little pieces of text usually attached to a pirated piece of software, that tells you information about the group that cracked file, or what kind of program you'd gotten, or even whatever news had gone on it that group recently. Courier groups were an interesting phenomenon of the past decade, where the process of cracking software and distributing it separated and separate groups formed for each function. Crackers could then merely send a program to the contact for the Courier group, and the file would be spread along to the "usual channels" within a day or two. Interesting scene.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/jihad.nfo jihad.nfo
## The History of Real K-K00L D00DS, by The Edge
While the still-common habit of bad spelling (replacing U for You, 0 for O, Z for S, and similar gunk) in communication might seem a somewhat new fad, in fact it goes back for over a decade. In this file (circa 1985), you can already see that it's been around long enough to be made fun of in a parody text. The Edge engages in a pretty amusing sample "chat" session in the middle of the file, that really makes me laugh, because I really did get users like that. And people think talking like this is still cutting edge?
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/k-k00ld.hum k-k00ld.hum
## How to Kill Santa Claus Dead! by the Outland
The Outland (of the Neon Knights) ran the first board I was ever a Sysop of, Milliways. You would never know it if you met him, but when the Outland sat down to write files for Metal Communications and the Neon Knights, he would just spew forth some of the most violent, anarchistic, nihilist text to come out of any file-writing group. Besides Santa Claus, other targets of his files included the Easter Bunny, mailboxes, the local neighborhood, and in one case, I recall, the entire planet. He was certainly in character with the other members of the Neon Knights, where violence was the main driving force in the writing, but knowing him personally gave me insight that for him, it was actually just all fiction, another neat thing to do.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/killsant.hum killsant.hum
## The SchoolStoppers' Textbook
The Yippies, or "Youth International Party" were a political group from the late 60's and early seventies that were really the grandfathers of a lot of the computer "underground" that flourishes today. They staged protests, wrote interesting books and articles, and published the Youth International Party Line (YIPL) which later became TAP, a predecessor of the currently famous 2600 magazine. Among their famous members were Abbie Hoffman and Jerry Rubin. This reprinted article is essentially a checklist for causing utter anarchy at your local school, so as to completely disrupt the learning process. Angry but witty, this was where a lot of later "anarchy" files took their style from, knowing it or not.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/killshco.ana killshco.ana
## Kracowicz' Kracking Korner: The Basics of Kracking Parts 1-9
The world of Apple II Copy Protection was a hot battlefield throughout the Apple II's production life, with commercial developers spending thousands on new copy protection schemes and crackers rising out of the woodwork to "crack" these programs, make them copyable, and distribute them. With Krakowicz, you had a Software Company's worst nightmare: A literate, intelligent crackist who made a supreme effort to teach others. What is most striking about this series of files is not just the amount of detail and research that Kracowicz put into his writing to make it understandable to others, but his unique hardware-based solutions to the software that was being piped through his Apple II. By creating boards, switches, and hot-wiring his chips, he could exert incredible control over the programs he was attempting to crack. The companies didn't have a chance. Kracowicz stands alone.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/krckwczt.app krckwczt.app
## The Complete Guide of Laying a Girl v1.1, from John Smith
Probably the most amusing textfiles I occasionally stumbled across were those attempting to teach you the birds and the bees, or at least how to get laid. Usually in the form of "how-to" guides, these textfiles were usually completely out of left field, totally lacking in any accuracy or truly helpful information, and more likely than not someone's complete fantasy from watching too many teen exploitation flicks. In the case of this particular specimen, Mr. Smith seems to have as weak a grasp on the English language as he does on the particulars of intercourse or romance. Such stunning phrases as "Stack you hand gently under her trousers and move your hand more deeply evert time" guarantee that you're going to take this file with an oven-sized grain of salt. Sadly, this file is among the best of the bunch -- many of the others indicated rape or kidnapping as appropriate means to seduction. A fountain of ignorance.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/lay-girl.txt lay-girl.txt
## The Society of "Leeches" in the Telecommunications World, by Mister I/O
"Mister I/O" was the first name of The Outland, who later went on to join the Neon Knights and Metal Communications. In this file, he skewers the world of "Leeches", users who connect to systems and take all the files without donating any of their own. This particular kind of file (ridiculing other groups within the subculture) were plentiful by this time, but I think his stands out for that completely bizzare chart of the lineage of Leeches. Additionally, he even throws in some mathematical equations to determine your "leechiness". This file was written before his files took on a much more violent (but still witty) turn, as mentioned previously.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/leeches!.hum leeches!.hum
## The Legion of Doom/Hacking Technical Journal Volume 1, by the LOD
I can remember when the Legion of Doom was just one of a group of punk kids hanging around on some of the same BBSes that I frequented. But someone or several someones within the group threw a ton of energy into the LOD, and they quickly rose to the forefront of Hacker/Phreaking groups of the time. The advantage of years of hindsight and a number of books have brought the group much more fame and regard historically, but even the most cynical or skeptical observer had to admit; this group produced. A prime example are these Legion of Doom/Hacker Technical journals, an indirect response to Phrack and other hacker magazines. The LOD/H Tech Journal was heavy, meaty stuff for the time (1987) with schematics, statistics, and even attributions to the files that had come before it. The series is worth reading as a prime example of the "highbrow" hackers, who put on the airs of having the knowledge to share, while raising the ire of those who didn't.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/lod-1 lod-1
## The Official 1984 Lozerlist, by The Atom (March 3, 1985)
The Atom's bile-spewing, gossip-heavy "Loser List" comes in as one of the best examples of an all-around "Rag File" that I've seen, where the writer takes everyone on and attempts to completely slam them into the ground on all sides. Personal info, analysis of the groups they belong to, rumors and innuendo are all up for grabs as he decimates a lot of the "big names" in the 914/212/718 BBS world (as well as a few from the midwest). It appears a lot of his hatred comes from the Richard Sandza articles (also in the top 100), but more than that, he has it in for nearly anyone who has become in some way "famous" or "legendary" in the Phreak and Piracy world. Quite a piece of work. I never found a 1985 list or anything since.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/lozers.hum lozers.hum
## Basic, Intermediate and Advanced Luding, by Sinbad Sailor
While calling an interesting BBS called the 1985 BBS (the last four digits were 1985, it came up on January 1st of 1985 and went down December 31st, 1985), I stumbled upon this small social phenomenon called "Luding". The board was reeking with it; there was a Luding sub-board filled with messages and there were a good number of instructional "Luding" files, not to mention some Luding poetry and fiction. Naturally, this really threw me for a loop, and while the actual idea of "Luding" is somewhat tame, these set of files stand out to me as excellent examples of how just writing about a small little fad in your hometown could blow the entire thing out of proportion to the point that you thought you were really missing out on something big.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/ludeinfo.hum ludeinfo.hum
## Impure Mathematics: The Story of Polly Nomial
What we have here is probably the all-time marathon-running Usenet humor file. A collection of mathematic inside jokes used to tell a running set of sexual innuendo, this story of the hapless Polly Nomial and Curly Pi was the kind of file you'd trip over time and time again in different file directories. There are a good amount of sequels, but you can't beat the original. Math Geek humor; what beats that?
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/mathimp.txt mathimp.txt
## Go Bare, by Captain Goodnight (August 25, 1986)
Captain Goodnight's fictional short story is worth reading for the somewhat accurate feeling it gives of living a life primarily through a computer. There's some bad spelling and weird images mixed into the paragraphs, but on the whole, you'll come away from it either remembering memories from your own childhood or feel like you're peering into someone's life. A real gas of a story.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/miami.hum miami.hum
## Voices in My Head: The Mindvox Overture by Patrick Kroupa
Mr. Kroupa's announcement of the creation of his new ISP caught a lot of people off guard. The tack from which he made his announcement was to harken back to the 1980's, and all the unique cultural forces at work then, that expressed themselves on the modem. In many ways, he saw a lot of what I've seen in terms of a need to preserve or maintain that time in some fashion. He additionally saw a need to make those times come back by creating Mindvox, his ISP by way of his company Phantom Technologies. I know that mindvox was wildly successful for a time, but the full story of its downfall escapes me. Meanwhile, this text still survives and shows an amazing breadth of insight into the BBS world of the preceding decade. This document was reprinted everywhere, so it definitely hit a nerve. I just wish we had a little more in our hands to show for it.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/mindvox mindvox
## The Modem Life: Is it Worth it? By Bryan Nomad (May 26, 1985) [?]
Bryan, frustrated by downed BBSes, busy signals, abuse and hatred in message bases, and the financial drain of being s SysOp, takes a different tack. He writes this heartfelt message to the BBS world at large to ask people to remember that they're all people, they're all part of a community, and it's not about how much abuse you can spew into the air, but about getting to know one another and maybe make some friends. How effective is this file at getting into a cynical heart? Who knows. One can always hope it did some good. Thank you, Bryan.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/modemlif.hac modemlif.hac
## The Night of the Hackers, by Richard Sandza, transcribed by The Reflex
There are two notable angles to this file. The more simpler one is that it was transcribed by The Reflex of Omnipotent Incorporated, a regular on The Works BBS and an all-around prolific and intelligent writer. He chose as an important addition to his body of work this article from Newsweek, published in 1984. The second angle is this article, "Night of the Hackers", which brought right to the forefront a lot of those mysterious terms that hung in the air as private knowledge and secrets for only those "in the know" in the BBS world. Sherwood Forest, Blottoland, Plovernet, tele-trials all got (unwanted) national exposure in this article, and things just weren't the same afterwards. The aftermath of Richard Sandza's life is documented in "Revenge of the Hackers", also in this collection. Studied with the span of years from it, the article is solid, interesting, and pretty accurate.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/nighhack.omn nighhack.omn
## Variable-Pitched Frequency Generator, or How to Annoy Your Teachers, by Captain Quieg
The Captain provides you with an accurate (I had one built), inexpensive, and mostly harmless prank electronic toy that would emit an extremely high-pitched noise, such that many people could get headaches from prolonged exposure. Not exactly a gentle diversion, but unforgettable. While this particular diagram worked, it was a relatively rare thing to come away from an electronics document and have everything function as claimed. Educational.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/noise.ana noise.ana
## The Paging Game, by Jeff Berryman
Trying to explain this one to anyone who doesn't know the concept of "memory paging" is a little bit of a losing battle. Essentially, a machine with memory that pages will throw out unused parts of programs or files onto a disk drive, ready to bring it back if you really use it. If you think MY explanation's a little choppy, wait'll you real THIS file. A golden piece of work from 1981.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/paging_g.ame paging_g.ame
## The Peat Moss Incident
The best size-reaction ratio of the textfiles collection. Surreal.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/peat.hum peat.hum
## Mr. Pez's Rambling About Textfiles and Leeching, by Mr. Pez (March 13, 1987)
Mr. Pez was another Works regular, always there with a quick wit and a really snooty attitude. Besides being on The Works, he also graced several other 914 boards and The Dark Side of the Moon (408) with his acidic attitude. In this file, he decided to just turn on his word processor and talk about whatever for as long as he could. To our advantage, the subject he chooses is Textfiles, which gives us insight into the type of world a teenager lived through in 1987 BBS terms. Most amusingly to me, he recounts the time I sat there copying all my textfile collection onto his hard drive trying to convince me to have his guitar and some cash. (The attempt was unsuccessful, and Donna married some other guy.) A personal trip down memory lane, but relevant to get some insight into where my editorial bent is as well.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/pezrambl.oct pezrambl.oct
## Phrack Magazine Volume One, Issue One, edited by Taran King (November 17, 1985)
The Phreaking/Hacking magazine that changed everything. While other electronic magazines existed before Phrack, none took the voice of the underground and presented itself as such a dominating, matter-of-fact entity as the Phracks have. Through the years, Phrack has always been dependable as a solidly-written, interest-gathering, packed-with-talent compilation of hot topics going throughout the Hacker Underground as most people have come to understand it. Electronic zines as a general force were usually created so that individual writers' work wouldn't get lost in the wash of sites; by hooking up with a dozen other articles, relatively monstrous 50k-100k files could stand out from the endless grouping of 2k and 15k files that others were putting out. It worked.. very few people don't remember Phrack in some fashion if they were involved in BBSes in the late 80's. This brings us to the other example issue...
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/phrack.01.phk phrack.01.phk
## Phrack Magazine 4th Anniversary Issue, Volume Three, Issue 29 (November 17, 1989)
By the fourth year of publication, Phrack is an institution. The issue opens with a profile of Emmanuel Goldstein, the enigmatic and steadfast editor of 2600 Magazine (which has gone on to become a major institution itself) and progressing into deeply technological discussions involving money transfer and Internet protocols. By this time the Phrack World News, an overview of the social and legal scene around the culture had become a staple of the issues. Unstoppable.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/phrack.29.phk phrack.29.phk
## The Wizard's Call, Peek and Poke list for the Apple ][ (May 1984)
Part of the immense charm of the Apple II series of computers was how they would encourage their users to learn everything they could about the system, to reprogram, modify, hardwire, and otherwise mess with all aspects of the machines. What this meant was that people were getting a knowledge of the Apples that could far outstrip almost all the other personal computers of the time. Evidence of the depth of this knowledge shows in files like this one, where a good portion of the total memory locations have been mapped and all sorts of neat features make themselves known. By the end run of the Apple II's main life (late 80's) this machine could accomplish a breathtaking amount of tasks. Geeky, but a lot of fun.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/pokelist.app pokelist.app
## The Unisex, Omnisexual Purity Test v4.00 (April 23, 1988)
One of the interesting things that arose out of the ARPAnet and Internet was the way that an unbelievable amount of energy could be focused on a single project, causing it to turn into a Wonder Of The World in a very short period of time. In the case of this file, the goal became to determine a person's "purity" by creating a list of questionable non-innocent acts that they could perform in life, and whatever percentage they had not yet done, was their purity. Of course, after dozens of entries into this document, it's become this complete other world, with every degrading, exciting, bizzare thing that someone could do with someone else (or themselves, or a group of people, or food) is listed. There are actually divergent, unrelated versions of this idea up on this site, but I chose this file because it lists out a great pedigree that goes back to 1982, and it's particularly well-written. Head-swimmingly sick.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/purity.txt purity.txt
## Real Programmers Don't Use Pascal
One of the most interesting fads to hit the online world were the "Real" files. Based loosely on the pop culture book "Real Men Don't Eat Quiche", these files presented a framework where others could just list their idea of what a "real" hacker or golfer or restaurant or whatever. It's an addictive way to describe things, and this explains the dozens and dozens of "real" files that pervaded BBSes throughout the decade. In the case of the "Real Programmers" file, the writing style of the author is particularly well-crafted (although I can't really judge the accuracy of his assertions) and it therefore has a very large distribution. Geeky humor.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/real.pgmrs real.pgmrs
## Real PEZ Devotees, by Mr. Pez
The Works BBS's own Mr. Pez makes his own contribution to the "Real" files canon with this file about the followers of his BBS, "Pez Devotees". In the case of this file, the combination of his mention of all the different things he personally liked (including clothes, bands, sports and writing style) combined with his edging into nearly all aspects of a person's life to provide guidelines to be one of his devotees, makes this one of my favorite files. It should be noted that this file is a derivative of the original, the "Real Pirate's Guide", below.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/realpez.oct realpez.oct
## The Real Pirate's Guide by Rabid Rasta [?]
Seizing the opportunity to make a humor file based on the now-popular "Real Men Don't Eat Quiche" idea, Rabid Rasta made what is generally agreed upon to be the first of the BBS world's "Real" files, files which explain what the difference between "Real" and "Fake" was. In the case of his file, he puts down what makes a "Real" pirate, including assertions about computer and modem speed, writing style, and spelling. With the exception of "The Real Programmer's Guide" (which shows up a little earlier than this file, although only on ARPAnet and not on the BBS/AE world), this file seems to have been the one that started it all. The observations he makes are both humorous, and insightful into where the world was in 1984 if you were living your life through a modem.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/realpira.hum realpira.hum
## Revenge of the Hackers, by Richard Sandza, Transcribed by The Reflex
The writer of "Night of the Hackers" for Newsweek revealed in this followup article that his life became quite a living hell for him after the original article was published. His credit cards were hacked, phone calls came 24 hours a day, and, to a lesser relevance, he went on "tele-trial". Tele-trial appears to mean that he had a message base fill up with messages about him. Either way, his article shows the kind of full-on attack that the hacker community was capable of pulling off at the time, completely unorganized and out for blood. The Reflex, as always, does an impeccable transcription job.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/revhack.omn revhack.omn
## Dick and Jane Instigate a Popular Revolution, by The Deth Vegetable and Iskra
Deth Vegetable and Iskra were both co-sysops of The Works way back when, before they both joined the Cult of the Dead Cow and moved on to greener pastures. (Actually, Iskra then came back and became the SysOp of the most recent incarnations of the Works, so it's all kind of circular in a way.) In any event, they got their heads together in the early 1990's and wrote this file, a parody of the "Dick and Jane" books that my generation lightly heard of. Short, sweet, and funny. Oh, and political.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/revolt.dj revolt.dj
## The Safehouse Blueprints, from the Safehouse BBS
The Safehouse BBS was one of the mid-80's "Super" BBSes that were pushing not only that they were the places to be, but that the technology and pure computing power at their disposal made them inherently irresistible. Now, looking back over the years with a more solid technical knowledge, some of the claims in this BBS information file are questionable (It's a modular program? What does that matter!) But you can see an example of how technology presented its own inherent sexiness to the BBS user.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/safeinfo.fun safeinfo.fun
## Sex with Satan, by Psychoe
Ah, where do you begin with "Sex with Satan". Psychoe's tale of murder, sexual mayhem, the Lord of Darkness and overactive babysitters never fails to floor me with its perfect blend of comic rant and erotic literature. You come away from reading it completely dazed and unsure what you just read. While you begin to read the file thinking you're to be subjected to another set of poorly spelled pseudo-erotic scribblings, you quickly realize as the character dies that something is quite amiss. After a short time you can't keep track of who is who and why the poor guy keeps getting lit on fire. Another great example of the Heavy Metal/Geek combination that showed up in a small number of AE lines in the 80's.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/sexsatan.hum sexsatan.hum
## Digitized Picture of Star Trek's Mr. Spock
One of the nicer ASCII Art Files out there, this appears to have been some sort of program output that looked at a graphics file of Mr. Spock and then mapped it to different ASCII characters based on how "dark" those letters and numbers and characters were. If you print it out so that it's black letters on a white background, it looks pretty darn impressive. Of course, actually printing it out and putting it on a wall would immediately tap you as a geek, so be careful, and have a shredder at hand.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/spock.art spock.art
## The Destructiveness of the "Kids", from an Anonymous Source
A writer reaches out to the community to lament the loss of the days of the Open System and the unprotected BBS, and gives some (occasionally gleeful) descriptions of the steps he's been forced to take to protect himself. The exact tone of this missive is a little hard to track: in some places he's nostalgic and out of sorts about the way the world has changed, and in others he's the first to the forefront of implementing clampdowns of security and creating traps for any hapless hackers attacking his BBS. Definitely makes you think, if not too hard.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/stupidki.hac stupidki.hac
## Getting Others to Commit Suicide, by The Blade of the Neon Knights
The Blade was one of the leaders of the Neon Knights, who themselves were an elite portion of the Metal Communications team, purveyor of textfiles throughout the BBS world, but mostly through AE lines. With their unique blend of Heavy Metal, Satanism, and Geek Chic, the group put out some of the odder files out there. In the case of this file, The Blade tells you how to drive others to self-destruction, so as to make it easier to get into college or a well-paying job. A graphic collection of sick suggestions; just the soft of thing you could expect from this group. Are people really afraid of this sort of thing?
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/suicide suicide
## The Tao of Programming, by Geoffrey James
Mr. James' gentle and intelligent retelling of the idea of the Tao redone for programming, hardware, and software. This soft of file, meant to be a light parody of another, more famous work, ends up standing up pretty well on its own. There's one for documentation as well, and there's other more pop-culture books expounding on the Tao you can purchase these days. A good read if you believe in it or you don't.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/taoprogram.pro taoprogram.pro
## The Taping I, by Underwarez
A particularly virulent example of a "Rag File", a file whose entire purpose was to tease, slander, or otherwise ridicule another member of the same (usually pirating or phreaking) subculture. In this particular rag, a hapless user named Jeff Spicolli is subject to implications of incest, lack of technical knowledge, bestiality, and other similar traits, ending with his voice telephone number. This type of file would start showing up on local AE lines or BBSes and while most of these rants would disappear about a week or two after the Sysops took them down, a few still hung around. The most involved set of rag files to my knowledge would be the Matt Ackeret chronicles from Anarchy Incorporated.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/taping.hum taping.hum
## The Ten Commandments of RBBS
I was never a big fan of RBBS software, mostly because a lot of the sysops I ran into had the attitude put forward in this file. Reading over the commandments, we find that the SysOp is God, that you must not use handles or speak of things not involving computers, that profanity is unwelcome, and that a full three commandments dictate what kind of advertising you may post. This file is a great example of how attitude could turn a BBS from a place of fun to a stuffed-shirt, bland, unenjoyable piece of cardboard. Then again, posting this kind of file told people what kind of administrator you were right off the bat, enabling easy and quick escape. Run.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/tencoms.pro tencoms.pro
## The Top 10 Media Errors about the Steven Jackson Games Raid
This 1992 document from Steve Jackson games responds to some of the most blatant factual errors about the infamous "Raid" on that role-playing game company. In the course of an investigation, the US Secret Service raided Steve Jackson games and confiscated all the materials of a role-playing game called GURPS CYBERPUNK, which was played with dice and cards, and didn't even involve a computer. SJ Games were unable to have their game back for 7 months, during which time it was described as some sort of "hacking manual" that the country had to be protected from. Naturally, when all was said and done, the game was harmless and nothing what the Secret Service claimed it was. A true insight into ignorance on a massive scale.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/top10.news top10.news
## The Internet Worm Program: An Analysis, by Eugene H. Spafford
The Internet Worm changed a lot of minds about how interconnected and insecure the Internet was at that time. Using a combination of weaknesses and back doors in common programs, the Worm wended its way throughout the then-small Net and succeeded in crippling it. This document, written during the Aftermath, presents a well-thought-out analysis of all the methodology used by the worm, as well as a general oversight of the state of the Internet of the time. Long, but worth it.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/tr823.txt tr823.txt
## Cracking the Universal Product Code, by Count Nibble
Count Nibble makes a second appearance in the top 100 files with his steady, thoughtful explanation of exactly how those silly black lines on every product in the supermarket work. What possible use this knowledge could have in one's day to day existence is pretty darn irrelevant; the point was, it was THERE, we WANTED TO KNOW, and Nibble FOUND IT OUT. That's the spirit of learning. Read and find out too.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/upc.txt upc.txt
## Urine Box Plans, by Wolfgang von Albatross (March 2, 1986)
By the time this file appeared on AE lines across the country, "Box" files had proliferated to the point that it was hard to tell who came up with with idea first. As might be expected, parodies began appearing, including the "Blotto Box" (which would supposedly destroy an entire telephone central switching office) and this specimen, which purports to cause the headset on the other end of the line to injure or kill the user. Naturally, this file is complete fiction, but constructed with enough of a straight face to make the unsuspecting collector think they have some sort of accurate textfile. An excellent awareness test.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/urine.box urine.box
## Login Screen for the Utopia BBS: "May I take your Order Please?"
Taking advantage of the easily modifiable source code of their BBS, the Sysops of Utopia BBS constantly (and I do mean constantly) retooled all menus, messages, login and logoff screens, and even system functions. One result of this was that you always had a surprise the next time you connected to the BBS, and you always felt like you were part of a party. Note that the system actually made me type in my password, only to ignore me and continue its merry blather for a few more paragraphs.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/utopia.hum utopia.hum
## VAXen, My Children, Just Don't Belong Some Places, by Mike O'Brien
Mr. O'Brien's ode to the misunderstood, mistreated VAX has achieved quite a large distribution; I keep finding it buried everywhere, in joke files and computer information sites and just generally all over. Through his sad tale of VAX abuse, Mike keeps you interested to the very end. How much of it is true is left up to the reader, of course, but somehow, it just rings enough with me to consider it real. Interesting.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/vaxen.jok vaxen.jok
## Fun! With Random Senseless Violence, by Count Nibble (August 2, 1985)
Count Nibble was one of the most literate of all the Apple II-era textfile writers, pre-dating similarly styled groups like Metal Communications and the Cult of the Dead Cow by years with his musical quotes, proper spelling and formatting, and choosing all sorts of esoteric subjects to write about. In the case of this file, he lists out his suggestions for causing mayhem and destruction on a boring summer's night. Through browsing his web presence, an interesting fact about Nibble made itself known to me: He was college-age when this and other files were written, bringing a maturity to both his spelling and general perspective, if not his general outlook on personal property. A pioneer.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/violence.txt violence.txt
## The Code of the Verbal Warrior, or Barney's Bitch Manual
Barney Badass, co-sysop of The Glue Ball and heady influence on a number of Chicago BBSes, rants forth with a set of instructions on how to conduct a proper "bitch war". In the vernacular of the Internet, this has come to be known as a "flame war", but the same idea holds: Long after the intended subject has dropped out of debate, two (or more) sides begin a verbal assault on each other that fills the message base with dozens of personal attacks, insinuations, libel, and slander. After a while, everyone not personally involved in the bitchwar is driven away, posting messages on other sub-boards, which causes them to be insulted for not posting on the right sub-board, possibly leading to another bitchwar. Barney Badass, himself, was a true character and the instigator of some of my finest on-line memories.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/warbitch.txt warbitch.txt
## Warning: This Machine Breaks Down During Periods of Critical Need!
Another light chuckle from the textfiles of the 1970s, this file warns you that the machine is more likely to break down the more you need it. The attempt to parody industrial labelling as well as the attention to clever turns of phrase marks a lot of the "big iron" humor in textfiles from professionals and college students of this time, showing they were looking for a little lightness in their otherwise stressful and highly-taxing occupations.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/warning.hum warning.hum
## THE FOLLOWING ARE COMMON SENSE WARNINGS WHEN DEALING WITH A UFO
Yes, in the event that you do come across a classic lights-flashing UFO, just follow these simple hints and you probably won't be abducted, garrotted, or experimented on. A must for overseas travellers!
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/warnings.ufo warnings.ufo
## Watching the Watcher Watching You, by Sir Knight (1985)
Besides the very memorable title, Sir Knight's file stands out for his call to mistrust others in the subculture as being potential enemies and agents, and to think twice before revealing information about yourself. Most noticeably, his automatic dismissal of anyone asking "how do I do this?" on public boards shows the beginnings of a trend that continues to this day. (Note also, that his portrait of the most trustable phreakers/hackers are anyone jewish, middle-upper-class, and under 19.)
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/watchem.phk watchem.phk
## Why I Prefer Textfiles, by Jason Scott (February 27, 1987)
I make a cameo appearance! This file came out of my mind one summer in my 16th year while I was home sick with the flu. As my BBS was dedicated to textfiles, I thought it would be fun to write one of my own about why textfiles were better. This file was parodied by a few of my friends at the time, but I think, looking back, my heart was in the right place. (It's still there.)
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/whytext.oct whytext.oct
## The Youth International Party Line #1, Transcribed by BIOC Agent 003
BIOC, besides being particularly good at writing textfiles of his own composition, was dedicated to preserving knowledge of the foundation that he and others were building on top of. In the case of Phone Phreaks and later Phreak Magazines, this foundation was YIPL, the house organ of the Yippies, who were a revolutionary youth group of the 1960's. YIPL provided one of the first radical magazines dedicated to learning more about technology. While the first issues (under the influence of Abbie Hoffman and others) merely called upon its readers to use this knowledge as a crowbar to smash the state, later issues (when the magazine renamed itself to the Technological Assistance Party, or TAP) brought forth a love of learning and understanding how technology affected all our lives, and a need to know who was pulling the strings. BIOC does his best to transcribe this issue as close to what it looked like when hastily-scrawled copies were sent out to a few dozen people in June of 1971. Good show.
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/100/yipl.phk yipl.phk
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[ INFOCOM Bugs! ]
_____ Zork I _____
There is an obscure container bug that is probably in every single version of
the game. A while back, we were wondering what would happen if you have two
large containers, and you tried putting them inside each other. So, we went
into Zork I, put the coffin inside the raft, and then said PUT RAFT IN COFFIN.
They both disappear! Zork I, being our oldest game, contains some classic
InfoBugs in its early version. Shaking any non-empty open container may cause
a crash. You "bump your head on the river" if you try to enver it. And saying
GO <SOMETHING>, such as GO ROPE, may send you into a totally bizarre location.
_____ Zork II _____
One of the funniest bugs ever discovered was that you could "talk" to various
objects in Zork II, such as the aquarium. A command like AQUARIUM, WEST would
elicit the response, "The aquarium leaves the room." One player led the
aquarium halfway across the dungeon in search of the solution to a problem.
_____ Zork III _____
Possibly the most embarrassing bug ever released occurs at the very end of
the eariest version of this game. If you are carrying the sword in Prison Cell
number four when the Dungeon Master pushes the button on the Parapet, the game
crashes. This happens because the sword's routine checks adjoining rooms to
know whether to glow, and the relosated Prison Cell had two different NORTH
exits. The reason none of the testers ever found this bug was because they all
used the sword to clock the beam of light, and therefore never brought it as
far as the Prison Cell! A really fun bug occurs when you enter the dungeon,
drop one of the seven items necessary for admission, and then knock on the
dungeon door FROM THE INSIDE! The Dungeon Master will tell you you're not
ready and send you back to the Buttoo Room, but also follow you! You can lead
him all over the game, and even strand him in the Zork I area, if you're
clever. In an early version of the game, you could carry a light source across
the lake inside the chest, thus avoiding using the viewing table to get the
grue repellent, and consequently finishing the game with only 6 of the 7
points. Since this bug was fixed, we've had people call up, saying "but my
friend says the way to get to Key Room is to bring a light source across the
lake inside the chest!"
_____ Deadline _____
Well, there's the first floor bathroom door that was difficult to open. If
you said OPEN DOOR, you were asked "Which door do you mean, the door or the
south closet door." A bug that only few people have managed to duplicate is the
strange case of the two Dunbars - the corpse lying upstairs in the bedroom, and
the live Dunbar wandering around as though nothing strange has happened!
Finally, here's another favorite. Sit down on a piece of furniture, such as
the couch or a bed. Then say (something like) BAXTER, TELL ME ABOUT MARSHALL
ROBNER. Deadline replies "You can't see any me here."
_____ Starcross _____
Speaking of talking to inanimate objects, this bug is rampant in early
versions of Starcross. A simple (though totally unintended) solution to the
red rod problem is to say NEST, DROP ROD. The game replies "Dropped." Along
the same lines, one player was trying to turn the beam of energy off in the
Laboratory, and said BEAM, OUT. The game's response: "The beam leaves the
room." Try this one: go to the top of the tree and say THROW HANDS. If you
have an early version, Starcross replies "The pair of hands sails away,
drifting in a long arc towards the ground."
Stretch your imagination a bit and try to find some spectacular bugs of your
own. The finest bugs begin in the human mind! Here's an example - what would
happen if you said AGAIN on the first move of the game?
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*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
+*+ +*+
*+* The Lords of Twilight present: *+*
+*+ +*+
*+* Hacking Into Hell -- The True Story of Harry Poindexter *+*
+*+ +*+
*+* Written by The Raver Call The Metal AE (p/w: KILL) 201-879-6668 *+*
+*+ +*+
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
In the Beginning...
The house was as silent as the moon was bright that dark, perilous night back
in December. The living room was dark...the stairs, equally so. Surveying the
upstairs hall we see that all is dark, save a narrow bar of light escaping
under one of the white doors. The faint sound of tapping could be heard...
Behind this particular door was the bedroom of a teenage boy. The room's
occupant, one Harry Poindexter, was present. He sat in his "self-styled"
throne tapping away incessantly at his keyboard. Let us look and see what he
is doing... click click click..."Damn!"...click click click...
Harry, an accomplished hacker, called himself the Avocado Bandit, in memory of
his greatest hero. He was using his Apple IIe to attempt to break into a local
system that he had just recently discovered. Here is what his monitor echoed
to him...
CONNECT
Purgatory Systems, Inc. UNIX System V
;login: _
What utter melancholy thoughts draped this young boy's mind. He had been
trying to gain access for the last six hours. Thoughts of getting a super-
user account and the powers he could wield brought him to the brink of orgasm.
"I must succeed," thought Harry, "I will succeed ... for I am the Avocado
Bandit!" As the last of his default logins failed, he sat back and thought of
events that occurred earlier in the day...
When he had skipped school so he could log on to all the boards and leave
messages about his newest victories, when he called his poor mother a worthless
dog, when he sullenly apologized a half hour later and went to the grocery
store with her so he could get some "Mr. T Cereal", and when he set up a
conference with some of his "k-phriends" so that they could exchange codes and
info.
He told AE to autodial the number again and resumed his task with a renewed
vigor. This time when the login prompt appeared, he felt a cold chill and a
single word materialized in his cranial passages ... Lucifer. Here is what
heppened when he logged on again...
CONNECT
Purgatory Systems, Inc. UNIX System V
;login: lucifer
password: _
Getting worried, he hung up and thought. Small beads of sweat appeared on his
white forhead. Although he had posted logins on boards all over the country he
had never actually hacked one out. Nay. He simply "leeched" the logins from
other systems and re-posted them saying that he had hacked it. Now he was
worried. He had gotten through the first door. Now how to get past the
second? "Lucifer," muttered Harry, "What word is akin to that?" "Satan?
Belial? Beelzebub?" He dialed the number yet again...
CONNECT
Purgatory Systems, Inc. UNIX System V
;login: lucifer
password: satan
Last login: Fri Feb 12 08:05
$ _
"Oh my God," exclaimed Harry Poindexter, "I'm in!" With that, Harry tried the
ever-useful who command...
$ who am i
lucifer tty08 Feb 13 02:06
For the next hour Harry played with the unusual UNIX system. By 3:30 AM he had
created himself a super-user account. He hung up and dialed in again to test
out his new account...
CONNECT
Purgatory Systems, Inc. UNIX System V
;login: sammy
password: toyz
Last login: Sat Feb 13 3:24
$ _
"Man," exclaimed Harry, "That's so K!" He hung up and went downstairs to the
kitchen. His rummaging around in the refrigerator woke his mother up. She
came downstaies in her bathrobe and went to the kitchen... "What are you
doing, young man," she exclaimed. "You know it's way past your bedtime." "But
mom," whined Harry, "I'm just getting some Kudos and a glass of milk." Harry
poured his milk into his Superman glass and listened intently to his mother.
"Son, it's 3:30 in the morning. Why don't you eat your snack, wash and brush,
and go to bed. Please, son," pleaded his mother. "Okay, mom," said Harry, the
resentment in his voice plain as day. With that his mother went back upstairs.
A few minutes later Harry went back up to his room (which he called Pirate's
Zone) and sat down on his bed to munch upon his Kudos and milk. After he was
done eating, he set the dishes down in the corner and lifted up the mattress of
his bed and retrieved a ragged, dog-eared issue of Penthouse. He sat in his
bed and tossed off for a while. When he was done he just looked at the
pictures for a while and wished that he could kiss a girl... He then fell into
a deep sleep, his light and computer still on.
The Next Day Is Not Always Brighter...
On Sunday Harry awoke with a start. He had had raving nightmares all night.
In one particularly horrifying episode he had dreamed that he was tied and
bound to a post on a ledge far above a vast cavern. Filling the cavern were
hundreds upon hundreds of demons. In front of him was a large iron anvil and
his limp cock was tied to it with a thong of black leather. In front of his
sweaty face dangled a microphone with a small ID badge on it. The badge read
"HBC Radio 666". He looked around the cavern. The reddish glow horrified him
the most. He whimpered and was shocked to hear that such a small sound echoed
throughout the dankness of the cavern at such a high volume. His mortal mind
attributed that to the microphone that swayed gently before him. His fear grew
stronger when he heard the thumping of footsteps to his right. He looked over
his shoulder and saw a demon approaching him. The demon had the torso of a man
and the legs of a goat. It had a pentacle burned into its hairy chest and wore
both a headsman's mask and a necklace of linked golden discs. The masses
cheered as this executioner approached poor Harry. Harry was confused and
bewildered, that is until he saw what the demon cum executioner carried, a
large sledge hammer. Harry glanced down at his dongle and choked back a
scream. The masses were going crazy as the executioner hefted the sledgehammer
up high. Harry screamed as the sledgehammer connected with his cock. That was
when Harry awoke with a start...
His mother was calling to him, telling him to come downstairs to eat his
breakfast. Harry got up and slinked over to his computer, clutching at his
crotch all the way. On the screen was printed something that horrified him.
Here is what Harry saw on his monitor...
Did you enjoy your nap? We're waiting for you to come and visit us..._
Harry stifled a gasp and flipped the ON/OFF switch at the back of his Apple.
The monitor shimmered, flickered, and then went blank. Harry ran downstairs to
eat his breakfast...
When Harry had finished filling his stomach with eggs and pancakes we ambled
back upstairs to get ready for church. He undressed and hopped into the
shower. He liked to pretend that it was the transporter chamber on the U.S.S.
Enter- prise on StarTrek. As he turned on the water he heard a chilling
voice...
"Ready to beam down...energizing..."
As Harry shrieked the water turned a crimson hue and he passed out. When he
awoke he was in fetters and chains and naked as could be. He tried to hide his
"manhood" as he stood before the great, iron-wrought throne of Satan, Lord of
Hell. Satan smiled at him... all Harry could do was whimper. As Harry stood
there, cringing before the might of Satan, he tried not to think of the dreams
he had had the night before...
Into the Lungs of Hell...
"You are a pitiful sight, mortal. Had you not hacked your way onto one of my
UNIX systems I might never have known of you," said Satan, "but the things that
you have done to my Purgatory are great indeed. Do you know what trouble you
have caused, boy?" A tear streamed down Harry's cheek, "But all I did was to
create a super-user account. Honest. I swear to God...ulp." Satan bellowed
forth with an intensity that shook the very foundations of this text file...
rumble...rumble...rumble...
"Enough!" screamed Satan. "I sentance you to never-ending aeons of punishment
and torture! You will forever wish to die! Just when it appears that your
mortal body can no longer take the punishment I shall give it you will be
healed. Thus you will never die! In fact, I bequeathe upon you that which man
has sought for all eternity... imortality!" And with a mere flick of Satan's
taloned hand Harry instantaneously reappeared elsewhere in Hell...
Harry was sweating profusely when he found out what kind of predicament he was
in. Lying on his back, the warm and rocky floors of Hell gave him little com-
fort. He was still naked and he was in a spread-eagle position, hand and foot
bound to an iron stake firmly implanted in the barren floor. High in the dim,
reddish skies of Hell circled several vultures, eaters of carrion. He could
hear the screams of anguish of his "neighbors". What was his fate?
Less than a score of minutes later the punishment that Satan had ordered was
brought down on him, never to cease. Four imps of Hell fluttered over on their
small, membraneous wings. They landed to his sides and snickered in their evil
and high-pitched voices. One of them grinned and bit his leg. Harry screamed.
The gaping wound in his left thigh seemed a well of crimson. But as Harry was
experiencing the pain of such a wound it miraculously healed up. Harry, altho'
no longer in pain from the bite, was still screaming his lungs out... It was
then that another of the imps assaulted him. This one raised his iron pitch
fork up high in the air and brought it downwards, mercilessly grinding its
three forked points into Harry's crotch. The screams filled the air, the gore
and blood welled, all to no avail. For as soon as the damage was done the
wound healed itself back up.
The Light is Always Darkest at the End of the Tunnel...
Thus was Harry's fate sealed for all eternity. But what of his poor mother,
you ask? Quite simply answered, friend. When she heard Harry's shriek while
he was in the shower she ran upwards to see what was wrong. When she got to
the shower where Harry had been she was greeted by an unpleasant sight. The
body of Harry (or rather an imitation thereof, for the real Harry was in Hell)
lay over the drain. His body was covered in lacerations and blood was splashed
all over the place. And right in the middle of his forhead stuck out the
handle of a knife, the blade burried deep within his cranium. Mrs. Poindexter
screamed only once before she died of massive heart palpitations.
Thus ends our wonderful excursion into the Lower Infernal Regions. Join me
next time when we experience more demonic slaughter...
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
(c) 1988 Lords of Twilight Written by The Raver 02/25/88

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PANSY'S HOMEMADE
MAINFRAME.(C) 1978 IN ASSOCIATION WITH
BIGGLES WALLER BORGSTIEN JR. HIT C/R
TYPE '/H' FOR HELP
/S H
LIST OF CMDS:
/H,/U,/T,/O,/P,/I,/A,
?
PLEASE LOGIN:H151SX
LOOK, DORK, IT'S REAL EASY, TYPE 'LOGIN'
NOW LET'S TRY AGAIN:LOGIN
/ID=H151SX
THIS IS THE LAST TIME, DAMMIT! THE SUPER SECRET /ID IS'BORG'FOR CHRISSAKE!
TRY AGAIN, AND MAKE THIS COUNT.
/ID=BORG
B
O
R
G
NEXT TIME, JUST TYPE 'BORG' RIGHT AWAY
IT HAS BEEN A LONG, ROUGH DAY AND YOU ARE DRIVING HOME. SUDDENLY YOU HIT
ARIS! <<BOOM>> OUCH OH WELL. HERE YOU ARE DRIVING HOME. BUT WHO IS THIS DRIV-
ING IN FRONT OF YOU?? THE GUY WHO HITS THE GAS AT EVERY RED LIGHT? OH NO, YOU
ARE DRIVING RIGHT BEHIND...
->>>>MR. COPY<<<<-
(WELCOME TO UTOPIA)
TODAY IS THE DAY BEFORE TOMMOROW. YOU HAVE BEEN ON THIS SYSTEM INT (RND (1) *
100) + 10) TIMES BEFORE!
THERE IS NO MAIL FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!
OOPS...
?SYNTAX ERROR
]
]
]RUN UTOPIA
IT HAS BEEN A LONG, ROUGH DAY AND YOU ARE EATING DINNER. AS YOU LOOK INTO
YOUR DOUBLE DOUBLE CHEEZE CHEEZE BURGER BURGER PLEASE YOU SEE A WORM! THE WORM
SAYS "QUIZI PUT ME HERE AND SAID TO TELL YOU...
"WELCOME TO UTOPIA!!"
YOU THEN BITE THE WORM'S HEAD OFF AND DECIDE TO LOG ON...
!U/T-O\P!I/A
SYSOPS AT LARGE:LORD CHAOS,NILONIEL I, CON MAN, MASTED BLACK,PIRATE'S SHADOW,
MARK TABAS, AND MAYBE EVEN YOU [ENTER YOUR FULL NAME] ]>SLIPPED DISK CHECKING...
[PASSWORD(NEW)_->______
VERIFYING YOUR PASSWORD,PLEASE WAIT...
[/\-LAST 4 DIGITS OF NUMBER-/\]
------> 914-278-9414
WELCOME BACK,SLIPPED DISK
FULL KEYBOARD FUNCTIONS ARE NOW ENABLED
EXTRA IGNORED
SO MARVIN REALLY SUCKS
I GUESS THAT'S LIFE....
HMMMM, WHERE DO I BEGIN, OK...THIS IS NILONIEL I SPEAKING IN BEHALF OF THE
KINGPINS OF BORG, AND FOR ALL YOU OLD-TIMERS(IE THE COOL PEOPLE WHO SURVIVED
AND CAN REMEMBER THE GOOD 'OL DAYS), THERE SEEMS TO BE A FLUXUATION TO REVIV E
WHAT WOULD BE CALLED A UTOPIA II.... AS YOU REMEMBER, THIS BOARD WAS RUN BY ONE
CALLED LORD ENIGMA SOMEWHERE IN VAST REGIONS OF THE 577 EXCHANGE, AND FOR A
WHILE THERE HAD BEEN PEACE. BUT WITH BOTH BOARDS CO-EXISTING IN UNISION .
HOWEVER, UTOPIA II STARTED A LITTLE IN THE NEG. DIRECTION SINCE THE SYSOP
DIDN'T HAVE THAT MUCH TIME FOR THE BOARD, AND EVERYONE'S FAVORITE GEEKS STARTED
TO INFEST THE BEAUTIFUL CONFINES OF UTOPIA....THUS, THE SYSOP FELT IT BEST TO
TAKE DOWN THE BOARD ALL-TOGETHER, AND LEAVE THE USERLOG TO ONE LORD CHAOS,
INSTEAD OF HAVING HIM DFX IT TO HIM EVERY SATURDAY.... (WHICH WAS ALWAYS A PAIN
EVEN FOR THE CO-SYSOPS.....YOU KNOW HOW IT GOES..) BUT NOW THAT OTHER PREVIOUSLY
COMPUTER-DEFUNCT SYSOP IS STIRRING AGAIN TO REVIVE UTOPIA II, AND IT IS UP TO
US, THE CO-SYSOPS AND USERS OF UTOPIA, TO DECIDE WHAT TO DO. I REMIND YOU THAT
LORD CHAOS CAN NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS, AND THIS IS OUR MATTER ALONE.
THUS, WE HAVE DECIDED TO PUT IN THE VOTE OPTION ONCE AGAIN(ONCE GEEK OF THE
WEEK), TO PRESS THIS BURNING QUESTION AMID THE USERS. THIS PARADISO OF OURS HAS
BEEN RUNNING SMOOTHLY OVER THE LAST COUPLE OF MONTHS(I SOUND LIKE THE OUTPOST...
SORRY), AND MY PERSONAL VOTE IS TO HAVE IT REMAIN SOLO.....I THINK THAT IT HAS
BEEN RUNNING MUCH BETTER PRIVATE W/O GEEKS, AND IF WE BRING IT TO TWO BOARDS
THAT IT WILL GET OUT OF HAND. THE OTHER BOARD SIMPLY WOULDN'T SEEM LIKE HOME
ANYMORE, GOSH DARNIT.....SO THE COUNSEL OF KINGPINS SHALL MEET, AND ALONG WITH
THIS VOTE, SHALL DETERMINE THE OUTCOME OF THIS DILEMMA. I THANK YOU FOR YOUR
TIME, ENCOURAGE YOU TO LEAVE COMMENTS VIA EMAIL TO ANY CO-SYSOP(OR JUST POST
YOUR OPINIONS), AND URGE YOU TO VOTE (E. LATER...
NILONIEL I ALONG WITH THE KINGPINS OF BORG
*-> BORG BULLETIN <-*
BULLETIN FROM: MR. COPY
DATE POSTED: JAN 5
---------------------------------------
FINALLY UP! AFTER 6 MONTHS OF WAITING!
THE ENCHANTED TOILET
---------------------------------------
SEVERAL SUB BOARDS
PLENTY OF FILES
AND SOME KICK ASS MODS TO GO ALONG WITH
IT ALL!!
DON'T DELAY!!! CALL NOW!!!
312-674-8697
LAST USER--->DOCTOR ELECTRIC
LAST USER WHO DIDN'T POST
::::::-->DOCTOR ELECTRIC
NO MAIL...
U T O P I A: 312<->858<->4806
S F O N : (B) BUG LORD CHAOS
E G F S F V: (C) SUMMON LORD CHAOS
R E : T O D: (E) MSG. SERVICE
T : .: (F) FEEDBACK TO L.C.
M : A O I: (G) G:FILES(DOWN)
S M : N N: (H) HELP!
G O : M F: (K) KEY BORED MODE
R : S C O: (N) NEW PROMPT
: E : G . :: (R) REMOVE MSG.
: : : B :: (S) SCAN/READ
: $ : : . :: (V) GEEK OF THE WEEK
: $ : : : :: (W) WELCOME MSG.
:::::::::::: (X) X-PERT USER MODE
(Y) YOUR STATUS (*) BD. MENU
(Z) RE-LOG (!) CHANGE BACKSPACE
(#) CHANGE 1ST BORDERLINE
(%) CHANGE 2ND BORDERLINE
=*=()=*=)(=*=()=*=)(=*=()=*=)(=*=()=*=)
NOT VALIDATED YET.. CALL BACK LATER
SO MARVIN REALLY SUCKS
TIME TO GO ALREADY? LET ME GET YOUR COAT. ON YOUR WAY OUT YOU SEE THE SYSTEM
ADDRESS:
===========
WE DON'T
HAVE ONE
YOU TURD
===========
THIS IS NOT THE GREEK INN, BUT PETROS SAYS "HI" ANYWAY.
YOU WERE CALLER NUMBER INT( RND( 1) * 10000) +500 : PRINT : PRINT
?CAN'T CONTINUE ERROR
]
]
]WHAT?
?SYNTAX ERROR
]CATALOG
DISK VOLUME 69
* 774-2035 GREEK INN
* 465-4225 GLUE BALL
441-6957 OUTPOST
677-7140 SOUTH POLE
]DELETE OUTPOST
]DELETE SOUTH POLE
]DELETE UTOPIA
FILE LOCKED
]UNLOCK UTOPIA
]DELETE UTOPIA
?YOU MUST BE KIDDING
]DELETE UTOPIA
OOPS!!!! BYE...
REMEMBER.............BORG
YOU WERE CALLER #9144
[CALL SLIPPED DISK........914-278-9414]
CANDY AND TIGER SAY GOODBYE!!!
SO MARVIN REALLY SUCKS
UTOPIA: (C) 1984 THE KINGPINS OF BORG
VERSION 4.6 SIGNING OFF...BYE
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

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<12-03-95> ÛÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÛ <tosh10>
ÜÛÛÜ ÜÛÛÜ
ܱßß ß²Ü Ü²ß ßß±Ü
Ä--úþú-ÄÄÄÄ--úþú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--úþú-ÄÄÄÄ--úþú-ÄÄ
ß ßÜÜßþ JiHAD COURIERING 1ú9ú9ú5 þßÜÜß ß
Úúþú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--úþú¿
³ ³
| Official Courier group for... % Rebels % LightSpeed % TRSi |
: :
ú All the people listed on this NFO file are members of the JiHAD ú
ú couriering group,.. Gimme information on changes that should be ú
made or anything you would like to change.
Anyone with a burning desire to become a member of the JiHAD trading
team, should contact one of the group seniors somehow somewhere. We
are always looking for more true traders to join our crew.
Those were the annoucements, now more about news.
+ Everyone who sent me an apply for US affiliate or something, wait
ú up... I'm looking for effective couriers that are willing ú
ú to call a lot. ú
: :
| - Hawkeye, Jihad |
³ ³
ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ
ß²ÜÜ ÜÜ±ß ß²ÜÜ Üܱß
ßßß ßßß
ÜÛÛÜ ÜÛÛÜ
ܱßß ß²Ü Ü²ß ßß±Ü
ú-úþú-ÄÄÄÄ--úþú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--úþú-ÄÄÄÄ--úþú-ú
ß ßÜÜßþ THE JiHAD MEMBERLISTING - FULL þßÜÜß ß
Úúþú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--úþú¿
³ ³
| ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ< The Founders Of JiHAD >ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú |
: Cyborg ^ Hawkeye ^ Contrast ^ Hell Flyer :
ú ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú ú
ú ú
ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ< President >ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú
Hawkeye
ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú
ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ< Council >ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú
Contrast ^ Cosmic Trancer ^ [nERo] ^ Cyborg ^ ElmO
ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú
ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ< The Senior members >ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú
Treeman ^ Macabre ^ [Pseudo] ^ JMF ^ Xtream ^ sTSo.
ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú
ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ< Internet Coordinator >ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú
Contrast ^ Pilgrim
ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú
ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ< The Sites Team >ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú
ElmO ^ Lewy ^ LUCiD ^ aQustic ^ Shark ^ Cirion ^ Id Mud
S^tone ^ Zeek ^ Smiley ^ MadMan ^ Mig
ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú
ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ< The Members >ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú
Palex ^ Madmax ^ Rainbow ^ Foxtrot ^ Doc Ansi
John Ryder ^ Trane ^ Major Tom ^ Tosh10
ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú
ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ< Internet Couriers >ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú
The Cobraman ^ Axhate ^ HKi ^ Assault ^ Grey ^ Sicko
Mlvc ^ MadMax ^ Zeek ^ fortune ^ Citizen Kane
Cosmic Trancer ^ Atax ^ Perfect Courier
ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú
ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ< BBS Coordinators >ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú
Cyborg ^ [nERo]
ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú
ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ< The BBS team >ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú
Foxtrot ^ Moonstone ^ DarkLord ^ Zephyr ^ Darkmind ^ Doc Ansi
Duncan ^ mlvc ^ jamalski ^ NightShade ^ Mephisto ^ Zaishen
Belgarath ^ JMF ^ Palex ^ Trane ^ Tormentor ^ Ivanhoe
Mercury ^ Emigree ^ Major Tom ^ John Ryder ^ Foxtrot ^ Mio
Ominbuz ^ Speedy Gonzales ^ Mister Big ^ Madmax ^ Slizer
TGD ^ Blash ^ dAbALHEAD ^ iNQUiSiTOR
ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú
ú ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ< Trial Members >ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú ú
ú Deathlock ^ Viking ^ Black Jade ^ zinc ^ Cover Zach ^ Ventrue ú
: ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú :
| |
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ÜÛÛÜ ÜÛÛÜ
ܱßß ß²Ü Ü²ß ßß±Ü
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ß ßÜÜßþ THE JiHAD BOARDS þßÜÜß ß
Úúþú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--úþú¿
³ ³
| Name Nodes Speed Area Sysop Status |
: ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú :
ú DIGITAL EXTORTION.4+TELNET 28.8k [+46] Mercury.&.Ivanhoe..European HQ ú
ú THE FUTURE..........2 28.8k [358] Cyborg..............Finland HQ ú
TESTAMENT...........3 28.8k [613] Mephisto.............Canada HQ
THE SOFTLAB.........2 28.8k [+43] Major Tom.........Member Board
(DARK)..............2 33.6k [+46] (DARK).Staff......Member Board
dEEP tHOUGHT......2+ISDN 33.6k [358] JMF.&.Tormentor...Member Board
PROPHETS HOLD.......6 28.8k [+46] [nERo]............Member Board
THE VISION..........5 28.8k [386] Mio...............Member Board
INTERNAL AFFAIRS....4 28.8k [+46] Belgarath&M:et....Member Board
SPLATTER KING.......4 28.8k [+46] Emigree...........Member Board
THE DANGER ZONE.....2 28.8k [358] Rainbow...........Member Board
ACME................2 28.8k [+31] NightShade........Member Board
PIECE OF MIND.......1 28.8k [358] Macabre...........Member Board
RASCAL AVENUE.......1 28.8k [358] Foxtrot...........Member Board
SPHERE OF SPEED.....1 28.8k [+48] PsEudo............Member Board
THE FORBIDDEN.......1 28.8k [+47] Blasm.............Member Board
THE SOCIETY.........1 28.8k [358] Doc Ansi..........Member Board
ú ú
ú DIGITAL DELUSION....4 28.8k [XXX] Digital Vampire...US Affiliate ú
: YOU?................2+ 28.8k [XXX] ................Euro Affiliate :
| |
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ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ
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ß ßÜÜßþ OFFICIAL JiHAD SITES þßÜÜß ß
Úúþú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--úþú¿
³ ³
| Name Limit Proto Status |
: ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú :
ú DucK CitY............[.3].........Ftp...........................Dutch HQ ú
ú Castle Rock County...[10].........Ftp.........................Finnish HQ ú
Virtual Light........[xx].........Ftp..........................Poland HQ
The Playground.......[xx].........Ftp..........................xxxxxxxxx
Avatar...............[xx].........Ftp..........................Affiliate
Gates of Hell........[xx].........Ftp..........................Affiliate
High Prophile........[xx].........Ftp..........................Affiliate
Quarantine...........[xx].........Ftp..........................Affiliate
The Garden...........[xx].........Ftp..........................Affiliate
Dark Dimension.......[xx].........Ftp..........................Affiliate
ICE..................[xx].........Ftp..........................Affiliate
Sphere Of Speed......[xx].........Ftp..........................Affiliate
ú ú
ú Why don't you get your site as JIHAD supported? ú
: We are currently looking for more private ones. :
| |
³ Ü Ü ³
ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ
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ÜÛÛÜ ÜÛÛÜ
ܱßß ß²Ü Ü²ß ßß±Ü
ú-úþú-ÄÄÄÄ--úþú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--úþú-ÄÄÄÄ--úþú-ú
ß ßÜÜßþ WE ARE LOOKING FOR þßÜÜß ß
Úúþú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--úþú¿
³ ³
| |
: Talented Coders ^ Graficians ^ Musicians ^ Couriers :
ú ú
ú Central Europe Sites & BBS's ^ New Members In General ú
ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ--ú
ÜÛÛÜ ÜÛÛÜ
ܱßß ß²Ü Ü²ß ßß±Ü
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ß ßÜÜßþ BECOMING A JiHAD COURIER ? þßÜÜß ß
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+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+
+ The History of Real +
+ K-K00L DOODS +
+ Written & Complied +
+ By: The Edge +
+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+
Call These:
(415)851-4143 Pw:FOX The Fox Hole Ae
(415)941-7256 The Haunted House
+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+
Edge here, I just wanted to tell y'all that this t-file is all about K-K00L
DOODS and is formally dedicated to users with K-K00L habits.
Well, enough with all the mumble-jumble, let's get started!
+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+
First, What is a K-K00L DOOD?
A K-K00L DOOD is an organism of the human species which has a mysterious
attraction to a micro chip prnGessor. They are quite anti-social. The following
is a list of K-K00L DOOD characteristics.....
(1) Anti sociality(Ex:They usually hang up when a sysop wants to chat)
(2) Buzzed hair(From not coming in 10 years)
(3) Listens to Culture Club
(4) Lies like a pig
(5) Replaces "For" for "4" or "too,two or to" for "2" OR "f" for "ph"(Ex:PHUCK!
PHUN!FONE!FREAKER)
(6) Can only type in UPPER CASE and 40 columns(Because their Apple II+ can't handle stuff like that)
As you can see, this organism must lead a pathetic life. The following story
is a dramatization of a K-K00L DOOD:
Hark! It is 1:38 A.M.! No one is moving in the Smith house. But wait! There
is little Eggbert Smith tip-toeing through the hallway! Why must the little
fellow be alert at this time of night? For you see, Eggbert is a K-K00L DOOD
and it is his duty to call the local 10-meg Ae and leech every little ware he
can get his little hands on! He puts a pillow over his computer so it won't
make too much noise when it boots up. He enters the password!Acess at last!
But what is this? The sysop goes onto chat mode and asks,"Who is this?"
Little Eggbert (Who is SO nervous that he is jumping around the floor in
his choo-choo train P.J.s so he won't wet his pants) carefully types the name:
"Dr. Micro"
Who ,in fact, is a famous software pirate. The sysop naturally disbelieves him
and hangs him up.Poor little Eggbert! He has nothing to do but call his only
friend "Irving". Naturally, Irving is awake because he too tried to leech off
an ae and got kicked off. The obviously talk through the modem because they are
too scared to talk to each other voice. Here is how their message went:
HELLO? DR. IRVING? R U THAIR?
HELLO? THE GRIM EGGBERT? IZ THAT U?
YES! O AM EYE GLAD I FOUND U!!!1!!11111!11!!!!
(Ed note:Sorry to bother you but i'll just put a "*" to every lie they make)
HA!!!!!!!HA!!!!!!!HA!!!!111!!!111HA!!!!!!111!11!!!1!!!111!K-K00L! U R SUCH A
DOOD!!!!1!!111!!!!!1!!
WAREZ? U HAV ANY WAREZ?
YAH. I HAV OLYMPIC DECATHALON! REAL K-K00L WARE!
* K-K00L! LET'S TRAID! I HAVE ULTIMA 4 AND EVEN ULTIMA 5!
* SORRY DOOD...BUT CINDY IS AT MY LEFT....SHE'S JUST TUGGING ME TO GO INTO
THE FERRARI! I CAN'T DOOO ANY K-K00L TRADING....U KNOW HOW IT IZ!!!!1!1!111!
* YEAH I SHUR DO. CAN I TALK TO CINDY?
* (Eggbert by the way, is still at the computer console)
HELLO? THIS IS CINDY! I'M A BLONDE! THE GRIM EGGBERT IS K-K00L!!!1!111!!!!11!
* (Dr. Irving is blushing and giggling because he's never talked to a "Girl"
before.)
HYI....HYI...HI THERE...THIS IS DR. IRVING. I'M THE GRIM EGGBERT'S FRIEND
* OH HI THERE! U WANT 2 CUM OWT WITH ME AND THE GRIM EGGBERT 4 SUM HEAVY DUTY
STUFF?
* SORRY...BUT U SEA....I HAVE A GIRL UV MY OWN...SHE'S PART OF THE ROLLER DERBY
U KNOW.....
* THIS IS THE GRIM EGGBERT AGAIN I HAVE TO GO BYE
AE: CONNECTION TERMINATED
->
So little Eggbert goes back to bed. Worrying about the fears that lie ahead
in life......another day.......another time....
The K-K00L DOOD epidemic is swiftly plaguing the whole user world with these
imbeciles. Symptoms of K-K00L DOODNESS :
(1)You slowly have the urge to write in UPPER CASE.
(2)You want to be a leech.
(3)You have the tendency of waking up in the middle of the night
(4) You want to be a K-K00L DOOD!
If you think you are turning into a K-K00L dude, go directly to your local
Patriots of America and shout "No nukes!No nukes! Reagan is a Commie! Welfare!
Liberality! Commies are really our friends!Love and Peace to all! Gays are
people too! A.I.D.S. came from Reagan!Yay!"
You will be immediatelly shot to death.
That concludes this edition of "The History of K-K00L DOODS"
If anyone out there wants to write a "The History of K-K00L DOODS II" feel
free to write it.Fuck! It's 2:39 A.M.! I think i'll call it a night....
Before I close up, I'd like to thank the Ascii Assassin for giving me the idea.
Also, I'd like to thank lord Gypher for doing nothing at all.
Thank You and good night!(I'll need it!)
The Edge of The (M)arinate (H)igh (C)ouncil
Call (415)479-6192 Pw:Apollo
Later-----
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

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///\\\\////\\\\////\\\\////\\\\////\\\\////\\\\////\\\\////\\\\////\\\\////\\\
| |
| How to Kill Santa Claus Dead! |
| by The >Outland> A Neon Knights/Metal Communications Release |
| |
| Milliways 10Meg/BBS/AE/Catfur.............................(609)/921-1994 |
\\\////\\\\////\\\\\////\\\\////\\\\////\\\////\\\\////\\\\////\\\\////\\\\///
This is my second file of the christmas season, it's the thought of people
being happy and nothing that I can do to make thier day as rotten as possible.
Christmas season is great, because if you kill Santa Clause all the little kids
wont get shit gifts to open on the 24th! Look at all these dueche bags out
there dressed in those stupid red suits, wouldn't you feel satisfied by actually
killing one or all of them? I would, I personally find great personal
satisfaction in killing of as many bastards in thpse suits as possible, and
that's why I'm here... Share some personal experiences in killing of the Santa
Clauses.
Stretch a piano cord across the road between two telephone poles so when the
bastard (Saint Nick) come flying by on a sleigh or a fire engine his head will
come right off.
Obtain a hand held land to air heat seaking missile, when he comes by, nuke
the fuck to kingdome-come!
Point a .45 caliber starting pistol at his head when he's in the mall and
threaten to give him a massive vasectomy. Then fire and watch the fat shit have
a heart attack!
Put a gas burner on the bottom of your fire place.
Put a shot gun on the bottom of your fire place attacked to the handle on the
flew.
Put a lot of oil on your roof and watch the fat shit try and land!
Kick him off his sleigh in mid air.
Put an altimeter bomb in his sleigh, so when he goes high enough it's bye-bye
for the fuck.
Loosen the blades on his sleigh when he trys to land, it's Santa all over the
place.
Sacrifice his reign deer.
Bolt a rope to the roof of your house, and tie the other end to his sleigh.
It's one fucked up sleigh when he gets moving.
Run over him with a car when he lands on the road.
Fire a fat-seeking missile at his sleigh in mid air.
Have him arrested at night time for breaking and entering into your house.
When he comes down the chiminey, smash him across the face with a metal base
ball bat.
Fire a flame thrower at him when he's a-comin down the chimney.
Just remember when the old bastard comes---
"You better not pout, you better not cry, Santa Claus is coming to town."
---little does the fat shit know if he comes near my town he's gonna have the
worst night of his life, not to mention the last.
When all else fails, kill the fuck....
>Outland>
///\\\\////\\\\////\\\\////\\\\////\\\\////\\\\////\\\\////\\\\////\\\\////\\\
| Call the rest of the best--- |
| Milliways 10Meg/BBS/AE/Catfur............................(609)/921-1994 |
| Metalland I 10Meg/BBS/AE/Catfur..........................(503)/538-0761 |
| Metal Works AE Pw:Rape...................................(313)/663-8103 |
| Metal AE Pw:Kill.........................................(201)/879-6668 |
| Mordar AE 10Meg Pw:Zandar...............................(201)/528-6467 |
\\\////\\\\////\\\\////\\\\////\\\\////\\\\////\\\\////\\\\////\\\\////\\\\///
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

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----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The following section is reprinted from the 'SchoolStoppers Textbook' -a
small section of the 'How to Revolt Handbook' -the fourth book of.... 'The
Blacklisted News' -available for 13 bucks from the Youth International Party
(Yippies). OK here we go - 81 ways to trash your school.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Liberate your life - smash your school! The public schools are slowly
killing every kid in them stifling their creativity and individuality making
them into non-persons. If you are a victim of this one of the things you can
do is fight back.
This chapter is not written for people who are not yet sure whether school is
good or bad. It is written for students that realize the way that compulsory
education and grades destroy the natural curiosity so many children feel - who
realize how the tracking system keeps the poor people and minorities in our
society on the bottom while keeping te rich and powerful on the top - who
realize the danger of teaching complete obedience to authority and who are fed
up with the racism and sexism in schools. It is written for students who have
'gone through channels' trying to correct these problems and who are tired of
helplessly waiting while the schools destroy more and more minds each day. It
is written for young people who realize that because they are trapped in school
they don't have a chance to learn what they need to know to create a free and
good life.
Before trying any of the ideas in here you should think about the effect they
will have in view of the situation in your particular area. Not all of them
will be effective at all times in all areas. If you think of other ideas
please send them to us so we can print them in future editions.(YIP address is
same as Overthrow mag. in general section -sysop II)
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
& WHAT YOU CAN DO &
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
1.Get a syringe [minus needle] or similar device. Mix both tubes of epoxy
glue with a little rubbing alcohol. You now have about half an hour to fill
locks -door jams -etc. before glue hardens. If you can't get the epoxy glue
and syringe a tube of airplane cement can also be used although it is not as
permanent.
2.An alternative use for the syringe is to pretend to shoot up while a
teacher is watching. If they speak to you tell them you have to do it because
school is so horrible.
3.Call the school and leave the phone off the hook. The way some [but not
all] phone systems work this will tie up their phone for as long as yours is
off the hook.
4.Protest U.S. aid to reactionary regimes abroad by defoliating plants
around the school or by digging a bomb crater on the front lawn. When the
ecology freaks complain ask them where they were when the U.S. was doing the
same thing to indochina.
5.Draw or paste something 'obscene' on pull-down wall maps or movie screens.
6.Get some of the punch cards that you school uses for taking attendance.
Punch new holes in them either with a keypunch machine or a screwdriver. Then
switch the cards with others wherever they are stored. If you can figure out
the code the cards are punched by this has even more possibilities. You can
often be just as effective without actually repunching the cards by
redistributing them a few days after you collect them [particularly when
they're used for attendence].
7.Start an information service to let new students opinions and warnings
about the teachers and administrators before enrollment day.
8.Bad food? Have a good old fashioned food riot.
9.In gym classes or in hallways between classes have massive searches for
'lost' contact lenses telling people not to walk through the hall or 'you might
step on it'.
10.If your school still has s dress code protest it having everyone do
something disruptive that does not violate the code. For example dye your hair
green with food coloring.
11.Free all the animals in the biology classroom.
12.Write a 'consumer report' on the 'education' you've been consuming.
Distribute it to parents at school functions.
13.Periodically have students go to the office to have some rumor confirmed
or denied.
14.Perform citizen's arrests of administrators for destroying the minds of
youth then telephone the police to come and take the criminals into custody.
[This would be an excellent guerilla theatre action].
15.Rip off dishes and silverware from the cafeteria -towels from the gym
-stencils and paper from the duplicating room -layout equipment from the art
and drafting departments -tools from the wood shop and light bulbs from the
sockets. Give them to a needy movement group.
16.During lunch turn on and light all the gas jets in the science labs.
17.Demand to see your school records on file. [Everyone can see them.]
18.You can make a very effective fuse by inserting a non-filter cigarette in
a book of matches so that it touches the head of some matches and will ignite
them when it burns down that far. Then loosly crumple paper around the matches
and cigarettes so that they are hidden. Toss it in a wastebasket or any other
area with a lot of papers preferably in the office. It takes 5 minutes to
ignite - by then you can be on the other side of the building. Practice this
at home before trying it.
19.Have giant coughing or sneezing epidemics in class or study hall.
20.Rub lipstick -glue -vaseline -or shit onto the doorknobs of the school's
administrative offices.
21.Swallow some snake bite antidote then walk into the principal's office.
The antidote [most types are harmless - make sure you get that kind] will make
you vomit. Do so all over his carpet -desk -clothing -etc. then apologize
profusely.
22.Pick up some dog training liquid at any pet store - it smells like
concentrated piss. And if you can't figure out what to do with that then you
shouldn't be reading this.
23.Remove contents of teacher's mailboxes. Print up everything that's
confidential or interesting.
24.Leave notes and hints that 'Tuesday's the day'.
25.Impersonate parental voices and make irrate phone calls to the office.
26.Make a super stink bomb out of Hydrogen Sulfide and put somewhere in the
ventilating system. This has cleared school buildings for days.
27.If your school has a suspended ceiling[that is a ceiling composed of
rectangles or squares resting on a frame so that the rectangles can be pushed
up] you can put a dead fish -or anything else -above them. Or put it into
empty lockers and glue them shut.
28.Put signs on your locker saying 'this locker will self-destruct if opened
for inspection'.
29.Give your school library a subscription to a good underground newspaper
from your area and insist that they make it available to students.
30.Print up false notices frequently using the same format as the school uses
and distribute them to the teachers' mailboxes. Eventually they'll never know
what to believe.
31.Make your own passes -forms -tickets -etc. -or lift them out of teachers'
desks.
32.Need a signature? Collect things that have teachers' signatures on them.
Paste them all down on a sheet of white paper and either xerox or print up a
bunch of copies. Forge when useful.[When getting started you might put a piece
of carbon paper under the signature with the carbon paper facing down on what
you want signed. Then trace over the name with a steady relaxed hand.
Practice makes perfect.]
33.Do some revolutionary wall painting.All you need is a can of spray paint
[red?] plus a little imagination and courage. Then write your favorite slogans
on walls -sidewalks -blackboards -etc. If you are a perfectionist you can make
a stencil -but that limits the size of what you can do. WEAR GLOVES or you
will certainly get tell-tale paint on your spraying finger.
34.Are certain teachers or adminis- trators misbehaving? Print up a rat
sheet with their names and telephone numbers and distribute it. Now students
can call up at any time and reprimand them - 3.00 A.M. for example. Also you
could order them pizzas -plumbers -think big!
35.Break into your school at night and burn it down. To get inside you can
either hide in the building during the day and wait until the janitor leaves
[know in advance what time that is] -or come in later at night and either force
your way through the door -find an open window -or break a window [see Monroe
Mindfuck]. If you use the latter method do it a few hours or days in advance
so you don't get caught if it attracts attention. Be careful not to leave
fingerprints - wear gloves all the time if possible. Once inside make sure the
walls will light well by placing loose paper or wood around them -or squirting
lighter fluid -kerosene -or gasoline onto them. If alot of burnable boxes are
stacked in one area spread them around. Start the fire from the inside of the
building so it will take longer before it can be seen from the windows. Make
sure the fire has a way to travel from one burnable area to another. Of course
you should wear dark clothes and know exactly where you are going when you
split.
36.Get hold of a film to be shown at a school assembly and splice in parts of
another movie of your own choosing before the assembly. A little imag- ination
on your part will make for an unforgettable day.
37.Clog up the drains of sinks with clay then turn on the water after
everyone leaves school.
38.Teachers often leave gradebooks -conduct sheets -and attendance records
unguarded. Take every chance to help yourself.
39.Put up posters all aroun the school. To make them stick permanently use
Pet evaporated milk for glue.
40.You could ice-pick tires as a warning - but make sure you have a total
enemy before you put sugar in their gastank.
41.Start wailing in the halls
42.If you can't find any skunks -let chickens loose in the school -or
pigeons.
43.Creat the 'WEB OF THREAD' in your classroom.Have everybody in your class
bring a spool of thread - with extras for people who forget. Tie your thread
onto something and pass the spools around till you run out - winding thread
around everything. [It is best to pick on one of your more dullwitted teachers
for this one]. Expalin that you did it in the name of art.
44.Carry and pretend to sell oregano rolled in papers ans aspirin with the
name filed off.
45.Put Calcium Carbide [available in some parts of the country as 'Gopher-
Go'.also available in some hobby and joke shops] in a gelatin capsule and flush
down a toilet or sink. Calcium Carbide reacts violently with water -quickly
producing large amounts of gas and bursting pipes -etc. as soon as the water
disolves the capsule.
46.Ride a bicycle down a busy hall.
47.Save your book reports and essays. Give them to other students to use
next year or re-use them yourself with different teachers.
48.Play with lighting and microphone controls during 'important' assem-
blies.
49.Flush things down the toilets [preferably faculty johns] like baloons
filled with air -baseballs -M80's -huge amounts of toilet paper -etc. Then
build an ark.
50.Start a campaign to have the letter Z appear everywhere as the mark of
angry students.
51.You can short-circuit the school's wiring by taking a regular plug with a
short cord attached -connect the 2 wires with a switch between them. Plug it
in -turn the switch on -and you've blown a fuse. Turn it off -pull it out -and
try another. You don't have to use the switch -but if you don't sometimes the
current will arc and weld the plug to the socket.
52.Set up a fake school and hire away the lousy teachers - or put up notices
inviting the entire school to a going away party for a teacher who isn't really
leaving.
53.Read the school budgett. Reprint and distribute a list of the stupid
expenditures.
54.Take booze to lunch in a thermos and pass it around.
55.During some important test [SAT/ACT/etc.] on each subject have some
student who is good at that subject stand up and read the correct answers for
as long as possible. When they're finished or silenced have someone else stand
up and do the same thing. The test results will be worthless and it will have
to be given over at great cost to the school.
56.Take down the American flag in front of the school and put up one of your
own. The best way to do this is to lower the flag that's already up replace it
with your flag and cut the rope about a foot below where the flag is attached.
Then tie a slip knot around the other end of the rope that is hanging down to
raise the flag. At this point there is no way your flag can be lowered without
someone climbing up the flagpole.
57.Put alarm clocks in various lockers set on 'loudest'. Set the alarm
clocks so they will go off about every 10 minutes then close and lock the
lockers.
58.Have a group of people march around the school with a flag singing the
Star Spangled Banner. If the administration tries to punish you telephone your
local radio stations and patriotic groups and complain that your school is
being run by pinkos.
59.In a class where there is a rule against chewing gum have everyone blow a
bubble at the same time one day.
60.Many schools have automatic sprinkler systems which go off automatically
when sensors in the ceiling feel too much heat. Find the sensors and hold up a
match to them.
61.Persuade the graduating class to use their senior gift money for something
useful or subversive.
62.Reprint SchoolStoppers Textbook in your underground paper or on a leaflet
or buy bulk copies and pass them around.
63.Demand that all equipment being stored rather than being used be made
available to students.
64.If your school won't have a teacher evaluation make up some forms and do
it yourself. Compile the result and publicize them to students -faculty
-school board -and community.
65.Use your 'free choice' book reports -term papers -etc. to read
revolution- ary literature and further the poli- tical education of you and
your class.
66.Have a student lie on the ground. When a teacher comes scream 'he jumped'
and point to the roof or third floor window. Mumble 'Fred dared him' or 'Maybe
it was LSD.'
67.Make an address list of disliked adults in your school. Answer sex ads
for them - or order them a few gross items [C.O.D. of course].
68.Toss handfuls of BB's on the floors of busy halls -assemblies -graduation
ceremonies -weddings -funerals.
69.Steal cafeteria trays or plates -burn large holes in them -and turn them
into the school washer saying 'I guess the food did it'.
70.Leave phony letters of resignation from teachers or administrators on the
principal's desk.
71.Get a small group to always carry screwdrivers and slowly dismantle the
school.
72.Lots of bomb scares tend to break up the boredom especially during exams
or on beautiful days.
73.Photograph teachers and adminis- trators constantly - even without film.
74.If you've got the nerve piss in your pants while giving an oral report.
75.Splice into your school's intercom system [from a remote hidden spot].
Now you have your own guerilla radio station. Play on!
76.Drop large bottles of ether in science class.
77.Hang your teacher! Hang a hangman's noose from a tree - make a dummy and
hang the dummy from the noose. Pin notes on it like 'Weatherbee in '73.' To
add realism put holes in the body then let dilute ketchup trickle down.
78.Newspaper stands in buildings are usually left unguarded. Take out papers
and replace with rotten comics or papers.
79.Put a rotten apple or stale sand- wich on teacher's desk.
80.If your school intercom has phones that connect into the intercom switch-
board -put a small magnet either where the cord comes out of the handset or in
the part where you hear. If the intercom just has a speaker -put the magnet
near or on one of the elec- trical connections of the speaker. In either case
it will short out the system. It may take weeks for them to find the trouble.
81.Take the door of the administration offices off its hinges but leave it
standing there so that when the principal tries to open the door in the morning
it will have a slightly crushing effect.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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------------------------------------------------------------------
The Complete Guide of:
Laying a girl V 1.1
------------------------------------------------------------------
Table of contents:
==================================
A. Purpose of the guide
B. The first meets
C. Phase I. - "I like you"
D. Phase II. - The body language
E. Phase III. - Actually doing it
===================================
A. Purpose of this guide.
-------------------------
Firstly, this isn't a joke guide. All the methods described
here are working, and with not too much difficulties.
Don't expect that you will be able to lay a girl in one week.
Not with this guide anyway. If you have the time, patience, and
some manners, you will succeed.
I don't pretend to be a big expert in girls; I'm not.
But after some experience with them, I can provide you some
information that can help you, with the first moves between
he's and her's business.
I will happily update this guide and improve it, with your
help, of course. Please send me comments and please help to make
it better.
The editor,
John Smith, Boston
contact: in every BBS around...
Dedicated to Limor, who helped me to compile it
without even knowing it...
B. The first meets
------------------
I believe you have a girlfriend you can experiment with.
If you don't, find one. For those purposes, every mid looking
girl will suit. Every one can owe a girlfriend, and it's not
the time and place to explain how to reach one. (maybe in the
next "completed guide of...").
If you don't have a girlfriend yet, at least try to achieve
a meet with one.
If you want to continue seeing this girl you have to remember
the following:
* Don't make a physical connection on the first dates
(don't kiss her goodbye and don't hug her )
* Let her talk. If she has a lot to say - just listen.
A node with the head and some leading questions will do.
* If she is permanently silent you can always ask her about:
- herself (hobbies ext.)
- school (although it seems to be boring, you can talk
hours on this subject)
- her musical prefers (If she mentions an artist that
you dislike, don't show it to her. Just hide it.
- tell her about yourself.
- ask her if she knows x & y from her school.
- and the most important: don't answer with yes or no.
those above are chat-stoppers. Expand you speech.
- tell her jokes
- remember to have a lot of humour - they like it.
- very important : don't be serious.
- Mind your manners: don't talk rudely nor curse.
- smile : release the tense.
If all the above fail, and you can't find common language
with her, you Probably won't keep with her long time.
* Where to go at the first time:
- movie (let her choose, but don't insist on doing so)
You can talk about the movie latter.
Pay for you both. (as it's obvious). If she's ok, she
will insist on paying on herself.
- go for a walk
- meet at one of your homes. (It's better on her home - she'll
feel more relaxed and free)
- party : if available
- School - only if you learn in the same school
* If you enjoyed her company, tell her so. Tell her that you
enjoyed, and you want to see her again. Before the end of
the meet, fix yourselves a new date (fix it on the same evening)
exchange telephones, ofcourse.
* Flatter her, but know your limits. Flatter to her nice sides.
(Every one has some). Tell her how nice she is.
Flatter to her looks (If you at least find her attractive).
Don't say to her "You are the most beautiful girl I ever so"-
It sounds non-natural.(She's Probably not.)
* If she plays (love-games) a little - please understand.
we'll close the bills later...
* Don't bother her with too much telephone calls. Be cool
at the first meets, or she'll take advantage over you.
Show her you interested, but not desperate.
How will you know if you are friends or not?
here are some ways:
- Hear what her girlfriend thinks about your connection.
(For instance: If she meets her girlfriend in the street,
and the above askes if she is your girlfriend - hear what
she says (it's an embarrassing moment - from experience...)
- Enter phrases that assume that she is you girlfriend in
your talkes to her. (not infront of her and your friends)
See how she react to those statements.
The first physical connection. There are two ways establishing it:
* The spontaneous way: Kiss her goodbye (not in the first
date - she'll appreciate it if you'll have patience.)
In the following date take you hands together.
It's very romantic.
Dance with her in one of your homes. Dance is a kind
of hug, and it the middle of this slow song - kiss here.
(she might be shy in public, so understand her,
and do this critical steps in public garden or other
quiet place.)
* The non-spontaneous way: Lead her to non-public and
quiet place (i.e. garden) look in her eyes and silent
for a moment or so. She, understanding the moment, will
silent too. Approach her head with yours, and gently
kiss her a few times on her mouth. Hug her.
(BTW, this the recommended way).
By this time, if she is with you, you'll understand that she
likes your company. If she didn't, you won't reach that stage.
If she likes you (or love you - in the better case), she would
more then hugs and kisses -- but don't hurry. You should have
patience. You should reach the bed only by small steps.
C. Phase I - "I like you"
-------------------------
You (both) will start to say compliments to each other.
Don't say you love her if you don't feel anything to her.
Choose the right moment of doing so.
Imagine the situation: You tell her "I Love you.". She, likes
you very much, but the way to love is still long.
She will be in shocking situation. If she'll say "I love you too"
and she doens't mean it - you will both leave in lie.
If she'll be silent, you will Probably have bad feelings --
"She doesn't love me at all.."
You can say to her "I like you/your looks/your style."
This isn't strong as "love". Love is very strong word.
Don't use it when not needed.
Some guys say to their girls that they love them -
They think she will jump to the bed right a way.
Although she will try to show you her greetings, don't expect
to much. She's just a girl, and if she is between younger then 16.
she's Probably virgin.
Bring her flowers & presents some time - it will mean very much
to her. If you like to write, write her love letters.
Bring her audio cassette with love songs - she'll remember you
and connect you to them.
D. Phase II The body language
-----------------------------
You are now on the kings way.
You should talk about sex by this time. Ask her what she thinks
about it. (Don't involve doing sex with YOU). Ask her about
sex generally. Ask her what is the appropriate age for doing it.
Start investigating her body - only in one of your homes.
After you kiss her you should get to a situation where
you are laying one infront of another (on the bed)
Let your hand travel over her body Don't touch between her
legs - do the things in the order below.
Sneak you hand under her skirt and pat her back.
If she wears a bra put you hand under the stripe (the one
above her back - but don't open it - let your hand travel under
the bra surface and forward to her tits. Don't touch hard there -
it hurts. If she resists get you hand out of there quickly.
We will continue later with this. Give her 10 minutes of rest
from the last event. Talk about something else.
(Remember - Don't ask her why she resists. Just ignore.)
Another area you should quest is her ass. Pat it gently -
Stack you hand gently under her trousers and move your hand
more deeply every time. She'll Probably resist or do sounds
of disagreement. Remember - Even if she says she's not -
She like your touches there. By this time you should be friends
for 1-2 months or so - you know each other enough for those
games.
After few meets doing the above, you can try removing her bra.
The fastest you do it-the better she won't say anything.
Don't ask her too remove it by herself - You're on you own now.
after you opened it, don't ask her to totally remove it
(not at the first time, at least).
Now it's a very important moment. Remember to close the
lights, and get blanket from somewhere. Move you hand down to the
area of her cunt. (all with clothes, of course).
Pat her near it - but don't touch it directly. She'll bag in
her mind from you to do it. After a few minutes of doing so,
(Don't forget to kiss her all the times...she's not a sex machine)
Move your hand directly to there. You might feel some bones there
(and by this time you are wondering where the hall is)
Don't ask her if it's good to her. It is. Your touch there
is just like an electrical shock - it's very pleasuring.
If she's OK, she will do the same to you, so you will both
feel perfect understand of each other. She might resist to your
touch, but -believe me- if you'll stop toucing there for a meet
or so, she will curse herself. The next time you'll try -
you won't hear a hiss.
Now...open her trousers. If she'll resist ask her what she
afraids from. What can possibly happen?
Start patting her cunt harder and with circulating movements.
(she is still with her underwear -- don't remove it!)
Have patience and control yourself.
If she'll like what you are doing there, and she's OK,
she will do the same to you. Don't hide your erect penis.
You can't. But she'll will be amazed from the quick reaction...
Now your hand is there - circulating over her underwear.
The best way of directly touching it is to "accidently"
insert a finger under her underwear. (Do it from her legs side)
She want resist...don't insert a finger in the hole -
It can hurt even if she isn't virgin. Remove you fingers from
there and insert full hand from her stomach side.
Lay your forehand on her hair, and let the fingers play a little
down there. Try to locate her clitoris - this is the mega power
station of emotions... (Open the little lips of her cunt and
travel up until they meet (the lips) there should be there
an small organ (About 2-3 cm) - remember:Don't touch there to
long - it is the most enjoying organ there, but it's not the only.
Don't forget to kiss her all the times. You can lick her tits
nipples (not all the girls will let you doing so in that stage)
Kiss her under her neck and lick her hear.
Continue touching her there. The lights are off, but try to
look if her eyes are closed. If they are - she's enjoying.
If not, continue patting her there - her eyes will be closed
immediately.
Try to concentrate on her (girls like attention) but if she
wants to pleasure you let her doing so. Remember - don't expect
to much from her. You are the leader in the bed.
Try to give her an orgasm. A few minutes of direct squeezes
at her clitoris will do. If it doesn't - ask her what will make
her good there. Let her instruct you, but don't insist on it.
If she has a serial of convulsions - she reached it (with your
help of course). After that she will feel free to do it to you...
After the next meet she will take a talk with you. She'll say
that she don't like what you've reached ("..I think we are getting
to much close to it..."). Ask her "What do you afraid of??
You had fun didn't you? Look. I don't rowing anywhere.
I don't know if I want to it yet (I mean full sex)".
She'll be convinced. She won't start with it when you are doing so-
she have to much pleasure...
You are both naked now, beside of your underwear (I hope).
Now - lay on her.
Curse the existence of your lower underwear - Loudly.
Lay her on her back. Massage her for 10 minutes. Kiss her back.
Now - Remove her underwear completely - she'll fill safe
because she is on her stomach. (No danger of actual intercourse).
Remove your pants. Lay on her (She still upside down -remember?)
She will Probably feel great and hot. Rub your penis against her
ass chicks. Say to her "would you like me to take some safety
percations?". She'll say "What do you mean?" answer her:
"I almost finished...".
Pull a condom from somewhere (I bet it waited a long time...)
and put it. Lay again over her and make some moves. Now - Rotate
her so she'll lay on her back again. Lay over her. Fiddle with her
cunt a little and try to insert your penis.
If she'll say "don't insert" - say "ok", wait and retry.
If it doesn't enter, open her lips with your two hands and try
again. If she is virgin, it will Probably hurt her a little
so please be patient and if you are powerful, wait for the next
meet. (In the next meet throw your parents of your house for the
day). If it still hurts her, try to expend her virgin membrane
with your fingers. (There IS a hole there - even if she is totally
virgin. All you have to do is expend it a little).
Congratulations....
What if it doesn't work - There are few possibilities:
- You tried to move too forward with not too much time.
- She's totally cold (Frigid). Find someone else.
- She isn't ready yet. Convince her. "What do you have to loose?"
remember that you must make yourself credit from hers side
- She is afraid of pregnancy : Wait, or convince her that you
will take a reliable anti-pregnancy device. (Tell her that
you'll take condoms; If she's virgin, this is the only
possibility).
If she is totally afraid, but want to try sexual intercourse,
convince her to take anti-pregnancy pills.
It is vey hard for anyone to admit befor a strange person
that you're making sexual intercoures; try to understand.
BTW, the doctors usually don't "insert hands" today.
(They just test blood pressure and heart beat rate)
She will give you examples of girls that she READ about that
used anti-pregnancy devices that failed; tell her "Did you hear
about all the intercourses which didn't end with pregnancy ?"
and "Why are you so negative about it? it's positive thing!"
- If all above fails and she still don't want it, wait.
or....merry her...
All the procedure described here (From totally start) Should
Take about 3 months. If you're thinking that you are moving
to quick, slow the rate.
John Smith.
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[-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-]
[-] The Society of "Leeches" in the Telecommunications World [-]
[-] Scribed by: Mister I/O [-]
[-] [-]
[-] The Restaurant at the End of the Universe............(609)-921-1994 [-]
[-] The Beach............................................(201)-892-8172 [-]
[-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-]
leech (lech) n. 1.Any of various aquatic bloodsucking worms, of wich one
species was formerly used by physicians to bleed patients. 2.One who preys on
or lives off others. 3.One who takes, but does not give. [< OE leac]
Many of you are familiar with "The Real Pirate" volumes 1-4, but some still
say we have 5 of them. Most of wich are "Bogus" copies, or immitations of the
original. You also have most likely seen "What Assholes Do", and "AE
Assholes", from the Neon Knights.
This will reveal the "Society" of where these little pricks..."Leeches"...
come from, and hang out. And what YOUR rank in here is, that is, if you are a
leech. This society is almost like the setup of your worst dreaded "Elite
Group", at your local Net-Works II BBS system. If I offend anyone, well, then
my friend you are a true leech.
Their society is set up like a desperate fight to the top. Where they want
to get higher ranks, the Moles will fight like hell to become an AE Leech. And
the people who have higher ranks will try and make you think they are cool,
while spitting on the lower "Leeches", and calling them names, and threats to
"Kick their asses!!!!!", threw E-Mail. And the dead give away is that they
either spell their handle wrong, or they can't spell "PUSSY" correctly, when
calling names. They try "PUSSEY", "PUSSIE", "PUSSE", and after a long time get
so exasperated, they say "PUSS". One last note, before the society chart, they
will always spell "A LOT" as "ALOT".
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
The society of Leeches is like this:
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Supreme Leeches
/ | \
AE Leeches BBS Leeches Assholes
/ | / \
Un-Real Pirates Melvins But-Fucks Homos
/ / \ / \
11 Year-Old Sysops Fensters Urchins Flaming BFs Flaming Homos
/ | \ /
Moles Piss Heads Quibes Pricks
/ \ /
Slimes Scums 9 Year-Olds
/ \ /
Narks Morons 90 Year-Olds
/ \ \
Goofs Peons Hose Heads
Equations work on any example of a leech, these equations can be also applied
to Assholes.
Letters typed per minute
------------------------------- = Molarity
Spelling mistakes per paragraph
Times it says "FUCK" in insult letters
--------------------------------------- = Ignorance Quotient
Times it uses multiple "!" after a verb
Times it uses "U" for "you" per paragraph
------------------------------------------ = Grey Cell Count
Times it uses "4" for "for" per paragraph
Leeches have their own type of linguistics, telling each other they are
better then the other. And to not "MESS" with them, or they shall "KICK YOUR
FUCKING ASS!!!!". For example, their numbering system:
I = 1
][ = 2
/// or ]I[ = 3
IV = 4
From then "IV" on, they use normal Arabic numerals, or even invent their own
ways of numbering, such as "FV"=5, "SX"=6, and "ATE"=8.
Leeches also have their own types of sayings like:
K-K00L - Refering to how much they like somthing, like "K-K00L WAREZ!"
WAREZ - Refering to their new software games
2 - Refering to the word "TWO", "TO", and "TOO"
4 - Refering to the word "FOR" or "FOUR", but they will usually use "IV"
L8TR - Telling the person that they will see him at a later date
C00L - A mellow leech, who has'nt cought onto the saying "K-K00L" yet
RAD - Refering to how interesting, or neat somthing is, like "RAD-WAREZ"
HACKZ - Refering to the latest MCI access codes, because they used theirs up
KRACK - Somthing they can't do, however, they say they can, that is DOS BOSS
DUDEZ - Refering to the plural form of "DUDE", which means no god damn thing!
"!!!!" - Expressing an action. Like "FUCK U!!!!!!!". No less then five "!"'s
Leeches have been known to tie their sayings together, like "K-K00L RAD
WAREZ!!!!!", this ties four of thier sayings together at once. That is yet
another way they show off their rank in th society, in the never ending
struggle to become "Supreme Leech".
Where do leeches come from? They come pretty much from Connecticut, New
York, and New Jersey. With New York, and Connecticut being the worst of all
areas for "Leech" infestation. I am not saying all people from those areas are
leeches, most of the best BBS' are located in New York. This does not mean
they are confined to these areas. Leeches are a wide spread species, and come
from all over the US, even from Montana.
The leeches will always cause such things as:
Making the local Greene Machine TRS-80 BBS be busy from 3:30 PM to 10:30 PM.
Why? Because thats the time when they get home from school, and the time they
go to bed with their Teddy Bear, and play "Smack Dong".
Making the AE lines busy. They make the AE lines busy, they call when they
get home, they call from school, they call in the morning, they call Friday
nights, they call on the weekends (24 Hours a day). They call from the dead of
night to get one thing "K-K00L WAREZ". Never uploading.
Making MCI extenders busy 24 hours a day. Especially when they get home from
school, they get some milk and cookies, and start phreaking local calls to the
Net-Works II hangout.
You can find these little guys on all Net-Works II BBS systems. No T-Net
systems, because they can't handle 100 lines, and 80 columns to post messages
with. I personally can say "ALL" Net-Works II BBS systems. Some might be
worse then others, but all have them.
How can you find one? You can find them by going to the Trading board, and
look for such titles as "NEW WAEZ!!!", "*APPLE TRADE*", or "<*> C00L N-WAREZ
<*>". Once you locate such a title, read the bulletin, you will see somthing
like this:
BULLETIN #69
TITLE: //--APPLE TRADEZ--//
POSTED BY: LORD SAURON
DATE POSTED : 1/25/85
ANY OF U DUDEZ WANT 2 TRADE 4 SOME
C00L NEW WAREZ? I HAVE SEVEREL NEW
ONEZ:
RESCUE RAIDERS
KARATEKA
PIT-STOP ][
NEWSROOM <-- OK
SPACE SHUTTLE
ARCHON ][
I AM GETTING SOME NEW 1'Z SOON, FROM
MY FRIEND IN CALIFORNIA. SO LOOK 4
MORE SOON.
LEAVE E-MAIL 2:
F) LORD
L) SAURON
P.S.- DOES ANYONE HAVE DUNG BEATLES
YET?
L8TR
//------LORD SAURON------//
ELECTORO ELITE
PRES. OF MAP
What gives this man (If I could be so descript) away from the start? First,
"Lord Sauron", sounds like some ruler from Europe during the 13th century.
First line, he uses the words "YOU" as "U", and "TO" as "2", and "4" for "FOR".
His then uses "0" for "O" in the second sentence, in describing how cold his
new software is. He uses the term "WAREZ" in meaning software diskettes.
Misspells "SEVERAL" as "SEVEREL", then uses a "Z" for a "S" in "ONES". Then
lists out all of his "C00L NEW WAREZ" in a well organized list, and makes a
comment about one. Then Lord Sauron uses "1'Z" for the word "ONES", trying to
fool us with his quick wit. As always, he will go into how he has connections
in California. If every leech I have seen use this message actually has a
relative in Califoria, California would be one huge leech pile. Lord Sauron
then tells us what his first and last name is, as if we can not split it our
selves. (Notice he does this every place he goes, even T-Net systems, where
you don't have to split a person's name. Assuming all BBS' are run on
Net-Works II, where you have to split names). He then blows all of us away
with "Does any one have dung beatles?", because that was released in what?
1979?. Lord Sauron again shows us his quick wit, in combining numbers with
letters, and says "L8TR", meaning of course "LATER", in refering to a future
act. Now our old Lord Sauron is getting tired of typing, he has been going at
it for atleast 25 minutes now. He signs off, using text graphics, and telling
us two associations he belongs too. "Electoro Elite", and "President of MAP".
What goes on in this poor fellows mind. Does he think we actually care what
group, if any, he belongs to? Does he think we will kiss his feet, because he
uses (as the leeches say) "K-K00L T-GRAPHS" when signing all of his letters?
Lord Sauron is definately a "Net-Works II Rat", he seperates his name into two
words for you, he types in all UPPER case, and has a logic seaker built in that
tells him, when he hits 40 columns, he has to hit carriage return, or he will
not see his typing. Lord Sauron made a total of 22 errors in his message for
traders. And 22 is a small number, compared to the Suprem Leeches. Who can
wing about 30 or 40 errors in a message.
On the other hand, leeches don't always post, theq just read. These are the
wimpy leeches, and the real mental midgets of the leech society.
Then comes the stupid shit leech, who wonders why he can't download the
latest "K-K00L WARE" from a CAT-SEND line, using Smartcom 1, and a Hayes Micro
Modem IIe.
Of course, we have smart leeches, who read books like, "The Third Rich", and
"Websters Dictionary". The smart ones always back up such software as Dung
Beatles.
We have the scum variety of leeches who think that is they get enough dirt on
them, they can look like an India, and take a magic marker to their fore-head,
and put a black mark. So they can really look like an Indian.
We have the Mole variety of leeches, who are afraid of people's dogs, cat,
birds, and fish.
We have the nervous, and jerky leeches, who will be so tense, that if
somthing goes wrong, their heads will split in half!
The society of leeches is an never ending story. We have so many types of
leeches. Some day these little guys will grow up, and run our nation. Take
Walter Mondale for instance, if he was a computer user, would he be considered
a leech? Let me phrase it in another way, does a cow shit in a field?
I leave you on two very famous quotes from Supreme Leeches:
"Who is on Milliways? I bet it's a leech!!! He Yuk..He Yuk..He Yuk..."
"Don't call us, we will call you!"
I would personally like to thank [><] for some help, and The Vigilante for
his input, however small it may have been, I am still thankfull.
"Remember that guy at the party?" - MIO
Look for more Milliways productions, from your friends at The Restaurant at
the End of the Universe!
(609)-921-1994
Mister I/O -No Leeches!-
-----------
The "Leech" Killer
Kill Leeches on Contact!
------------------------
The Leech Killer
(n)o copyright!, 1985
Leech Burners Inc.
-MIO-
---------------------------------------
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

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OFFICIAL 1984 LOZERLIST by The Atom
THE BIGGEST WELL KNOWN LOZERS - 3/3/85
Preface:
-------
This file is divided into 2 sections, one being for loser pirate's, the second
being for loser phreak's. To be included the person in question must meat
two requirement's:
1) He/It must be well known in his area with at least 50 + people who would
consider them well known.
2) He/It must have at least 50 people who hate them very much to be included
here. I am only the compiler of what many people think of the people who
will follow.
And we're off...
LOSER PIRATE'S
--------------
1] The official loser pirate of the year award goes to none other then: APPLE
BANDIT. This once great pirate has become a sniveling money-grubbing
programmer. who bitches and moans about people pirating his software. He
should talk considering all the people he's robbed of their just revenues in
the past. Come on AP get real, you should know by now there is no way to
stop piracy sell your programs to the legitimate luses, dont whine about
pirates doing what you've been doing for so damn long. APPLE BANDIT R.I.P.,
he will be missed, many respected him, taking his place is a wimp programmer
by the name of John Pacachek (jeez get a real name).
A] Personal Info: Tried to enter the business world by selling his own
software while it is great software, he made the mistake of trying to make
real pirates purchase it, it of course blew up in his face, end of story.
Also never came through with Disk-Fer II, which is still posted on his bbs
"The SafeHouse" as "coming this march"
B] Supporters, Minion's, etc. Mini Appler - Has become a AP ][. Hot Rod -
Told him to go screw and founded the Racks
C] Groups associated with:
MPG - Dead and buried
1200 Club - Ditto
D] Education level, age: Around 18, either senior, or entering collage.
E] Goals: To get rich quick
F] Heroes: Krackowicz
G] Sysop: Safehouse (Great board, he can program very well, in nothing else)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2] Mini Appler
Came very close to being #1, but his good buddy beat him to it. Would sell his
grandmother if it was profitable, makes (& sells) programs which need 25 new
revisions before they work right. Is an excellent programmer, but a far cry
from a real pirate.
A] Personal Info: Co-Founded Dataware with AP, fellow loser, it's rumored they
get their thrills Disk-Fer IIing to each other (they being the sole posesors
of the much heralded Disk-Fer II)
B] Supporter's, Minion's, etc.: Apple Bandit - His best & only friend that's
about it
C] Groups Associated with: MPG - Dead and buried.
D] Education level,age: Unknown probably about the same as AP
E] Goals: To get rich quick
F] Heroes: Apple Bandit
G] Sysop: Pixel's Palace (Incredible board, give it a call with Pixterm 4.0)
---------------------------------------
3] The Wombat & The Gonif
Official code mutilators of the year. Facing facts, catsend (all versions) is
a mess. The 1st version worked, so they improved it by making it 4 times as
long, and absolutely impossible over long distance. Since AP never came
through with Disk-Fer II, we've had to deal with Catsend for the year, in
other words it's been a real bad year, and when you want to send anything
out of state its back to disk-fer.
A] Personal Info: Made a fair attempt at improving 202 transfer programs with
the advent of catsend 1.0, ruined it from there onwards.
B] Friends, Minion's, etc. They always have each other....
C] Groups Associated with: PPG - Pacific Pirates Guild (cracked 3-4 wares and
dissappeared)
D] Education level,age: Both in high school, 17-19
E] Goals: to learn 6502 suffiecintly well to write catsend 4.0 so that it
actually works.
F] Hero's : Apex school of 6502 programming
G] Sysop: Of nothing at all
---------------------------------------
4] Ali Baba: Actually Ali Baba cant even program, he is just a poor little
rich kid, who wanted to be real good in piracy so he buys wares for people
to crack, & put his name on them. Runs the Arabian Dezert, a pathetic bbs,
a perfect example of what a bbs should not be, spinning cursors, idiotic
modz with a capital z loves rap music, which isnt music at all. Is just a
all around loser who thinks highly of himself.
A] Personal Info: Used to live in lower manhattan (NYC) but he got mugged so
often that his parents moved to westchester. No-one knows why he likes raps
so much, considering that fact that he is a 98 lb. wimp, who lives in
mortal fear of black people coming to kill him.
B] Friend's Minion's, etc.
Himself
The Cog - they share a common interest in mutiliating english.
C] Groups Associated with: High Society - He is the founder of this loser
group. Since no real pirate group would actually accept him as a member, he
went out and founded his own.
D] Education level,age In High School,17
E] Goals: To survive the next year without getting mugged.
F] Heroes : Anyone who can program in basic better then he can (99% of the
worlds population)
G] Sysop: Arabian Dezert (Sux)
---------------------------------------
5] Hot Rod: Too much too soon, is a great prorammer, but rushes things so fast
that he mutilates the code, as a result just about everything he has ever
cracked requires 5-10 new patches and fixes before it works right.
A] Personal Info: founded the racketeers.
B] Friends, Minion's, etc.
Himself
All The Racks
AP
Mini Appler
C] Groups Associated with: RACKRACKRACKRACKRACKRACK
D] Education level,age: Entered collage in JAN 19
E] Goals: To Crack a ware right the first time.
F] Hero's : The Racketeers, he loves himself & his group
G] Sysop: Nothing at all
---------------------------------------
LOSER PIRATE GROUPS OF THE YEAR
-------------------------------
Rackateers win!
It's more like "The Racketeer" (Hot Rod), the rest of the members are mostly
losers. Every ware ever cracked by this group has ***NEVER*** worked right
the first time, it always has to be recracked 20 times.
Apple Mafia
A close second, we are centering on Major Groups, not the small time groups who
have delusions of granduer (High Society). This group is the oldest
surviving pirate group (1979), when it cracks wares they work right, and
everything would be cool, except Why are 90% of this groups members Phreaks?
(BIOC Agent 003, Lord Digital, Big Brother, Tuc, The Phantom, etcetc)? the
only members who ever crack anything are High Technology & Creative Cracker.
This group should maybe go on on a new member drive, or just quit.
---------------------------------------
LOSER PHREAKS OF THE YEAR
---------------------------------------
1] And the winner is: BIOC Agent 003. Like we all understand the constant
quest for fame everyone is on, but come on BIOC, every file you ever wrote
is plagerized from older files which you don't credit, you just colect them
in basic telcom & slap your name on them telcom 5 and up is copied piece for
piece out of radio shack's books on understanding telephone systems. Come
on get real.
A] Personal Info: (The phreaks all seem to have a lot of it) BIOC is hated by
a hell of alot of people for many reasons. He is hated by the other elite
phreaks who despise him for giving out information to anyone who will listen
long enough to let him speak. He is hated by MCI Mail for distributing his
files all over it. He is hated by most "Real Phreaks" who think he is a
loser. On the other hand he is worshipped by a incredibly huge following of
total losers. His real first name is Donald. Currently resides in 914.
Remote Sysop of Sherwood Forest II (A Awesome board, even if the sysop
(Creative Cracker) never looks at it).
B] Friends, Minion's, etc.
Himself
Big Brother
Apple Mafia
His fans (millions)
C] Groups Associated with:
Fargo 4a - Whatever that is
Apple Mafia - Phreaks pirate group
Knights Of Shadow - Dead & Buried
Plagarists Of America
D] Education level,age: In High School, 18
E] Goals To organize the phreak world
F] Heroes : The Apex school of correct punctuation & typing skills.
G] Sysop: Remote sysop on Sherwood Forest ][ & ]I[ (Great bbs' call them!)
---------------------------------------
2] Criminal Element: Is said to posses no real skills, his major claim to fame
is knowing Lord Digital, & some old OSUNY phreaks. Is a double loser in the
phreak world as well as the pirate world. Tried to start "EPG" (eastern
pirate's guild) his pathetic attempt at piracy.
A] Personal Info: Is supposedly one of the business partners of Lord Digital,
resides in 212 or 718, and his major interest in life has to be making a
pain in the ass of himself, is rumored to be a winner in the real world
(meaning he has alot of $$$). His main love in life is money, and making
more of it.
B] Friend's, Minion's, etc.
Himself
Lord Digital
The Phantom (ancient pirate who supposedly started the Disk Jockey & The
Connection, is now a reclusive phreak.) His fans (yes he has
them in the 100's only, not fanatic)
C] Groups Associated with:
EPG - Great joke, is dead anyway
Spectral Force - Old phreak group, had many prestigous members in the past
(Magnetic Surfer, Lord Digital, The Phantom, Phone Fiend,
etc.)
Ripoff Businessmen are us
Just about any group that Lord Digital has anything to do with has CE as some
sort of member in it, they appear to be very close real world friends.
Side Note - The phreaks in 212/718 (Magnetic Surfer, Lord Digital, The Phantom,
Criminal Element, Phone Fiend, etc) seem to be all (some to a greater
extent) very good real world friends, notwithstanding what might happen in
the Modem world. They all show great disdain for the "structured" world of
the new phreak groups (like LOD, *ELITE*, etc) and consider anyone who came
into existance after 1983 a bad joke (ie just about all the new phreaks who
take it seriously) All "No longer give a fuck, because corporate america
beckons". They are being included because of the widespread laugh appeal of
EPG, and because of the fact that alot of them are hated intensly by new
people in the phreak world, (King Blotto, etc)
D] Education level,age: Collage dropout (or still in collage) Pace University,
22-23
E] Goals: To spend more money in 1985 then he did in 1984.
F] Heroes : Anyone with more money then him.
G] Sysop: Remote Sysop of 6-12 boards, which he never calls.
---------------------------------------
3] Lord Digital: Many people hate him, seems to have a massive superiority
complex. Started 1984 as a major pirate/phreak, seemed to get software 30
seconds after it was cracked, dissappeared around August. Has an insanely
fanatic following in 212/718 which generates ridiculus rumors. The last of
which was that LD & Paul Maud'Dib were killed in a car wreck. Such bullshit
surfaces on a regular basis. Supposedly has dropped out of the entire BBS
circut because no-one there had anything to say of interest to him. This
pissed off even more people who started to hate him even more, and so on &
on.
A] Personal Info: Seems to be deaply into mainframes. Rumors surface every
other week that he has written some new killer program, thats not being
given out, etc. I would assume this to be BS, but many people claim to have
seen the said programs, etc. Is supposedly very friendly with various
curropt nynex employees in his home area code of 212 or 718. And along
with Paul Maud'Dib is said to be the leading expert on ESS, and how to make
it do what you want. From what people know about him, he is a "arogant
jerk", has actual friends in organized crime in NY, etc. Saying he's "Well
Connected" with the right (Depending on how you look at it) people would
probably sum it up. Also is a winner in the real world and making
mega-bucks as a wall street financial wizard.
B] Friends, minions, etc.
Himself
Criminal Element
The Phantom
Paul Maud'Dib
Magnetic Surfer
The Plague (His english to assembly convertor (supposedly could be a winner
in the pirate world if he cared (he doesnt appear to)))
His Investment Consular
His Stock Broker
His fans (Fanatic Millions, and BIOC ]I[)
Note: LD is included mainly because so many people seem to hate him, so no
loser list of phreaks is complete without him.
C] Groups Associated with:
Apple Mafia - Phreaks pirate group
Phantom Access Associates - Real company? or group? Unknown.
Spectral Force - Ex Member
Knights Of Shadow - Dead & Buried
Corporate Raiders R us.
D] Education level,age: Dishonarable Expulsion from Dalton School in NYC, Is
supposedly going to MIT in late '85, 16-17
E] Goals: To spend more money a year then Criminal Element & to make 20
Million by the time he hits 20 yrs. old.
F] Heroes: Donald Trump
G] Sysop: Ran private board "Cosmos" on a mainframe for 2 months, Now runs
"BlackMoor" a private board which exists somewhere in 212/718, according to
people who have seen it, it's massive, around 100 megs, multi-line, and open
mostly to "real" corporate/computer criminals, as opposed to "elite
phreaks". Remote Sysop of 6-12 boards at any given time, which as in the
case of CE, he never calls.
---------------------------------------
4] Lex Luther: Started the year as a total unknown, became remote sysop of
Plovernet (A old major phreak board, now (you guessed it) dead & buried),
then started adver tising about his new elite bbs "Legion Of Doom".
According to people who knew him before he went on his massive ego-trip
which started the group LOD he doesnt actually know very much about
anything, people just think he does so they feel free to give him more
information. (People on OSUNY, such as The Penguin (217), & Big Brother
support the opion that Lex dosnt really know too much, other phreaks are
either under the misconception that he's great, or hate him intensely
A] Personal Info: Has alot of connections in the phreak world because just
about everyone who is currently active in the phreak area thinks he is
great. No real connect- ions with any "real world people", Started the
group "Legion Of Doom" (isnt he imaginative?), which seemed to prosper for
about 6 months, & then sort of fell apart. Out of the groups members Paul
Maud'Dib quit, the rest are still in it as far as anyone knows. Lex is
intensely hated by 1000's of phreaks who think he isnt good enough to
warrant all the attention he gets the older phreaks who have dropped out of
the phreak world at large, either never heard of him, or dont care what he's
doing. He surfaces from time to time on public boards, and seems to get
into wars with everyone. Is present- ly running the Legion of Doom BBS,
which is supposedly "lousy"-"great!" since no-one who i talked to has
actually ever been on it, who knows?. Lives somewhere in 305.
B] Friends, Minions, etc.
Himself
Sharp Razor (his personal ass-kisser, who seems to be a all around pain in
everyones ass in the phreak world.)
King Blotto
LOD
His fans (millions, a BIOC ]I[)
C] Groups associated with
LOD - Now known as "FOD" (Farmers of Doom), incative
Knights Of Shadow - Dead & Buried
D] Education level, age: High School graduate, (either in collage or
working),18-19
E] Goals: To have everyone in the entire phreak world universally admire him.
F] Heroes: Abbey Hoffman
G] Sysop: Legion Of Doom
---------------------------------------
5] King Blotto: Started the year as a complete unkown, surfaced on the LOD
bbs, started the board Blottoland in around June. Was a former operator,
suposedly knows alot about boxing (if he was a operator then this should be
true). Is hated by 1000's of people who think he is a loser, is known to
turn in other peoples acounts on TRW, and CBI, is said to have narced on
many people. His allowing Richard Sandza on his supposedly "elite, private
& secure" bbs, seems to greatly support this theory. (for those who dont
know Sandza is the guy who did all those exposing newsweek stories that
wouldnt have been possible with out Blotto's help.) Summed up blotto is
really good with boxes, but very dangerous to your continued time of freedom
on this earth. When you call up his bbs he insist on your fone #, and if
you give it to him, thats your death warrant, bell security comes knocking
at yur door a week later. Anyway For those who care his super secret elite
bbs, is real easy to get onto, i got the # off of my Megaterm for chrissake,
some guy had entered it into the fone book, and now the world probably has
it, for those of you who dont here it is: Blottoland : 216-888-6689
A] Personal Info: Is supposedly a punk rocker type. He is good buddies with
Lex Luther, and all the LOD members. He works for some security company, an
alot of people surmise that he is actually a bell security agent, since he
sprung up as an elite pheak out of nowhere, noone ever heard of him, and all
of a sudden there are reporters all over his board and hes in newsweek.
Something to think about. His first name is John. Blotto is the originator
of tele-trial & alot of pissed off people want to put him on one. Lives
somewhere in 216
B] Friends, Minions, etc.
Himself
Lex Luther
Sharp Razer
LOD
Bell Security
Lots Of Reporters
C] Groups associated with:
LOD - Inactive
2300 Club - Total bullshit Joke
*Elite* - Some group nothing much is known about.
Feds R Us
D] Education level,age: In Collage, early 20's
E] Goals: To turn in so many phreaks that he will be the only one left.
F] Hero's: KGB
G] Sysop: Blottoland, Remote sysop of 6-12 board at any given time.
---------------------------------------
6] Paul Maud'Dib: Started the year as a unknown, but is supposedly very good
with mainframes. Is said to know alot about ESS, and written some
translater programs for it which he never gave out to anyone. Is supposedly
good buddies with Lord Digital, and maybe some sort of business partner of
LD's as well. Not too much is known about him, but alot of people hate him
because he is also a massive "arogant jerk", and never shares his info with
anyone. It is also rumored that he has turned people who he didnt like in,
to bell security.
A] Personal Info: Not much is know about him, he is often called "remote sysop
to the world" as just about every phreak board offers him remote sysop
status. He was remote on Plovernet, and LOD. He is the only member of the
group LOD to quit the group. he seems to have dissapeared as of late.
Lives somwhere in 212/718
B] Friends, minion, etc.
Himself
Lord Digital
LOD - used to be, may hate him now
His fans - Very few, but are convinced that he knows alot about fones that
he isnt telling to anyone. SS apreciation society
C] Groups accociated with:
LOD - Quit
Knights Of Shadow - Dead & buried
Recursive Systems - Group? or Company? unknown.
D] Education level,age: Either in Collage, or Collage dropout, early 20's
E] Goals: To have complete control over NY ESS.
F] HeroEs: Hitler
G] Sysop: Remote sysop to just about anything he wants to be remote sysop to.
However he never actually calls the boards in question. The last time he
has been seen on a bbs was about 4 months ago.
---------------------------------------
7] Broadway Hacker: This is the guy who invented Hack-A-Trip. His one great
contribution to the world as we know it. Other then for that one breif
thing, he is a total loser. He annoys everyone in the phreak world. has a
knack for getting peoples fone numbers, and calling them up out of nowhere,
when they dont know him, and proceeding to annoy them to no end, until the
#'s change. He is really a nobody, but is included because just about every
phreak in the world hates him. There are sub-boards put up devoted to the
hatred of BW.
A] Personal Info: Lives somwhere in Brooklyn Ny (718). Owns a Vic - 20
computer. And is on just about every bbs in existance.
B] Friends, Minions, etc.
Himself
The Wizard
No one else.
C] Groups associated with: Hack-A-Trip society
D] Education level,age: High School dropout, early 20's
E] Goals: To avoid jail for the next 4 months.
F] Hero's : Sucessful petty criminals
G] Sysop: Runs the Broadway Show in 718
---------------------------------------
LOZER PHREAK GROUPS OF THE YEAR!
---------------------------------------
And The Knights Of Shadow Win!
This elite group had more high-power names in it then any other group in
existance before it, or since then. It also did nothing at all but annoy
people. And it disintegrated when it became apparent that at least 3 people
within the group were narc's or Feds. Good job guys! real eliteness for
you there. The surviving members of the group (surviving meaning not
busted, fled to Brazil, or dropped out of the Modem world) are the founders
of just about every new elite phreak group in existance. It was a great
idea, but no-one within the group ever did anything as a team, i guess this
would stem from everyone in it being Mr. Super-Ego. Well its dead now.
And a not so close 2nd. LOD!
Sort of Lex Luthers attempt at trying to follow in the footsteps of TKOS and
start a new elite group. Well is failed miserably, and as the group it was
modeled after (TKOS) it did nothing at all, but threaten people. In
comparison to TKOS it was really a poor imitation while TKOS had mostly
big-name phreaks in it, LOD started with a bunch of unkowns (Blotto, Razor,
X-man, etc, basically the people who weren't considered good enough to get
into TKOS itself) hoping the group would become notorious enough on its own.
It appears to have worked, and the group LOD still exists, but it does
nothing at all. So it hardly matters. Its sort of the phreak worlds
parralel to the Racketeers. Alot of people respect it, because it just
sesms like the thing to do. But it has never actually done anything, its
major claim to fame is the bbs Legion of Doom which was discussed under Lex
Luther's entry.
---------------------------------------
Well thats it. The official 1984 loserlist. All people were given a fair
chance if there was some redeeming quality about them it was listed. If
they were just total losers, then they were just ragged on. This is not my
opinion alone i want to stress that this all comes from other people who
actualy know the people in question. The amount of data on the person in
question is usually greater if they are more popular, and reflected in
personal info sections. Some of these people have their own fan clubs so it
was ridiculously easy to collect info on them. Thats wraps it up. I doubt
any of the people in the file will care (after all they all follow the real
pirates guide dont they?). But i and many other people felt that the true
story on some of the "Legends" in the pirate and phreak worlds should be
known by the people who worship them. It will probably change nothing, but
they are all hated by a great many people, and the people in question might
take note and try not to be such assholes. if there is one quality that all
these people have in common its their arrogance.

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#######################################
# #
# Basics of Luding #
# ------ -- ------ #
# By Sinbad Sailor #
# M C M L X X X V! 0 D #
# #
#######################################
Luding is a sport in which one or more person(s) takes hold of a flagpole
rope, runs in a linear and/or circular direction, and tries to succesfully hurl
themselves into the air for as long as possible.
To succesfully Lude, or fly in air, one may have help from his/her fellow
Ludist. In the circular Lude, the members of the " Ludist Colony," try to help
the fellow Ludist stay in air by a series of pushes in an upward and circular
direction. The ultimate object is to complq4 as many " Ludians " or
revolutions as possible. The record so far is 1.2 DecaLudians, held by one,
Riff Raff, of the " Ludist Colony Elite "
`@@The Ludist Colony Elite is the original Ludist Colony, they are the ones
who put the research into the actual sport. They checked out several
Ludatoriums in the Twin Cities area in the winter of 1984/85.
Please DO NOT get this sport confused with flagpole rope swinging, Luding is
much more than that! Just read on!
---------------------------------------
#######################################
# #
# Intermediate Luding #
# ------------ ------ #
# By Sinbad Sailor! #
# M C M L X X X V ! #
# #
#######################################
Once a "Ludatorium" is found and some begining Luding has been accomplished,
you should start thinkin of new ways to Lude. For one thing a proper grip upon
the Lude rope is essential! We, the Ludist Colony Elite prefer the " Official
Air Force Grip." That is, one hand through the rope, taking hold of the main
ropes, forming a loop, and then placing one hand above that, and make sure that
you have a tight grip.
Once a firm grip is made, then the Ludist is set, we also prefer gloves in
the winter. Then the Ludist may circular lude, with help from his/her fellow
ludists.
After awhile this circular Luding gets to be quite fun and enjoyable, and one
can see that yit can be fun for Dh whole family. But when the Colony begins to
get sick of this, there are other forms of Luding.
One other form is the famed " Linear Lude Lash." Which is where the Ludist
takes hold of the Lude rope, with the " Official Air Force Grip ", and runs in
a straight line, thus the term 'linear', and tries to lash forward. Hieght is
the main idea behind this one. As of right now the record for that max hieght
for Linear Lude Lashing is held by The Latin Appler, unfortunately, we do not
have an exact measurement on this because it would be rather cumbersome to
calculate the max hieght while the Ludist is in flight, so we prefer to
'eyeball' it.
For more Luding, read on...
---------------------------------------
#######################################
# #
# Advanced Luding! #
# -------- ------- #
# By Sinbad Sailor #
# M C M L X X X V! #
# #
#######################################
As an advanced Luder, one who has succesfully done several decaludians and
several Linear Lude Lashes, the Luder and his/her colony should also be
considering doing some other things.
One thing is to appoint a " Official Lude Ref." One who keeps official track
of important things, such as the available Ludatoriums in the area, keeping
track of members of the colony, counting revolutions, and ' eyeballing ' the
Luders' Lude Lashing.
Other research that has come up from the Colony Elite. There are a myriad of
ways to Lude, some others are the famed "Inverted Linear Lude Lash."
This concept was first preformed by Biko Mack. It was quite an incredible
sight to see, it is the standard Linear Lude Lash AND inverting oneself while
in flight! The main reason why this was so incredible was because it was
Biko's first time to ever Lude!
Another form of Luding is the Semi-Nude-Lude, which is when a Luder from the
colony ludes with no shirt on. **WARNING** When this stunt is preformed in the
winter seasons, we would only attempt this type of Luding by an expert or
advanced Luder, and if preformed, do the Linear Lude Lash, for it is much
quicker and less unpleasant!
If the Semi-Nude-Lude is attempted by an begining Ludist, we fear that
there~r{_ may be action to be taken to aviod "pin-biffs." This is when the
Luder hits the Lude pole on the way down from a Linear Lude Lash. Pin from the
way the pole looks like a pin, and biff, from the old Batman televsion series,
when something is struck by something or someone else the word BIFF would
appear on the screen, thus "pin-biff."
Another hazard of Luding is the gravel grind, this first never really happend
to us at the Ludist Colony Elite because of the positioning of the Lude rope,
but when we went to another Ludatorium, one at a golf course, where there
happens to be gravel on the ground and the position of the Lude rope is low,
thus the Luder grinded into the ground into gravel, thus " the gravel grind."
More research continues... and not just by the Ludist Colony Elite. We want
YOU to research too, and input information into this BBS and others that
support Luding to make this a success across the ENTIRE nation, a pastime,
xhobby, and maybe even an official olympic sport... the limit is the sky...
---------------------------------------
Uploaded By: FENRIS ULF
LUDING
Items needed:
Luding pole-Not to be less the twenty feet high or have a diameter of less
than four inches.
Luding rope-It must be a loop of rope connected to the top of the luding pole
with a thickness of not less than one quarter of an inch.
Luding gloves- These are most commonly selected by the individual luder they
are generally made out of leather but other materials are
accepted. The flyer mus t were them at all times.
Luding padding- Padding is purely optional, but is strongly recommended to
the new luder especially if he is linear luding. The padding
will protect him from the dreaded pin biff.
The Game:
Luding, like any other sport, needs a field that the action can take place
on. This field is called the Luditorium. It consists of one large Lude pole
with a rope connected to the top (we have found through research that a flag po
le works well). It is very important that the immediate area around the pole
be c lear of any ofstacles like rocks, poles, trees, etc. A word of caution:
most l uditoriums are considered illegal to use wq4z_?}Pproper consent.
The next thing needed for any sport is a team. A luding team consists of two
to eight people. The first and most important position on the team is the
flyer. This is the man that grasps the rope using the official air force grip
(se e glossary below for definition). It is recommended that the flyer were
gloves for protection. All the other men on the team perform one task that is
one of acceleration.
The sport begins with the flyer using the air force grip running down the
runway accelerating until he becomes air born at which time the lead man helps
him by P}\hing him both out and around. After a short distance the accelerator
be gins to push the flyer in a circular motion always keeping him air born.
Then the last leg is picked up by the anchor man he must make sure that the
flyer ma intains a circular motion around the pole. Each complete circle
around the pol e i s called a ludian. A decaludian is ten revolutions around
the pole. A variation on luding is linear l uding. This is more of a one man
sport than the standard luding. Linear ludin g i s when the flyer runs in a
straight line near the pole until he becomes air bor n. In linear luding the
height and lude lash are the things to watch for. The lude lash is when the
flyer pulls down on the rope just before take off causin g t he pole to bend as
the flyer reaches take off. After take ofb`hhe pole bends b ack giving the
flyer extra lift. When doing this it is very important to make sure that the
flyer does not come back and hit the pole resulting in a pin biff .
As stated in the most high book of ludiviticus, if thouest taketh the name of
lude in vain, thou will be sent to thy house of heet!
If thouest defameth any ludist herein, thou shalt be tied to a lude pole, hav
est thine pants taken off, and have the holy suckling calf turned loose on ye.
Thou shall not reveal the secrets of the great Luders or ye shall be forced t
o do a nude honey lude in thy bee yard.
Those Luding at a nonsancitioned Luding event shall be penned with a gross of
homosexual pigs for no less than three weeks.
Thou found doing thee double lude lash shall be forced to do thy gravel grid
with thy gonadal bin biff.
Thee who gets caught whenst he is Luding by thee local inforcement group and
tells of his adventures shall be set apart from the rest of thy lude world.
---------------------------------------
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

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8-25-86 Go Bare
Light streaks through the blinds. Shadows are seen dancing on the far walls of
his room. Images flicker as the breeze gently moves the Levelors about, the
window ajar.
With a crackly and abrupt tone, an alarm pierces the stillness of the night.
With the sounds of "True Colors", motions emerge from the stillness that had
encompassed the bed. With a puff of energy, a set of Garfield sheets and a wool
blanket jump to life, flying from their resting position on his body to the
floor. In a few seconds the clump comes to a rest, beside a clump of dirty
laundry and adjacent to a stagering stack of records, filled with the likes of
The Wings, The Rolling Stones, and the Who.
And from beneath the edge of the sheets emerges a foot, followed by a tired
leg, and eventually another leg. With the roar of thunder, a giant slithers
forth from his resting position, propping himself up on an elbow. Click and a
burst of artificial light washes across the room. The once faint images now
become sharp. The likes of Madonna and Vanity pecker the wall, amidst the
portraits of George the Ape, Tarzan, and Leatherface.
With a thud those feet slap onto the floor, stradling a well used weight bar. A
powerful yawn erupts, and with it he stands, towering over the clothes and
articles that scatter his residence. With precision movements, he slips into
clothes, which he had layed out the previous evening, perched atop an old cedar
chest.
Dressed in a tattered and torn pair of purple Bermuda shorts, a VistaVision/ILM
tee shirt, and black Converse All-Star high tops (his parents call them
obnoxious), he staggers across the room, in search of a door. Mission complete.
He steps into the hallway. makes a hair-pin right turn, and finds himself in
the bathroom.
Click. With an abundance of energy, he fights off tartar for just a few
minuets. How could tartar existed for so long and people haven't known about
it? Is it going to kill me?, he ponders. And on pop the rubberbands that make
his braces hurt so much.
With all the precision of a member of a color guard, he passes down the hallway
to the stairs, and slowly descends. At the bottom, he rounds a corner, and is
met by a large cabinet, which he promptly opens, exposing a mass of machines.
The low rumble of an IBM fan can be heard, and the rumble of a hard drive is
sporatic.
Sitting atop the cabinet, a Hayes busily flickers its lights in a hypnotic
manner, dialing and redialing. The ansi monitor is quiet. With the flick of a
switch, it bursts to life, showing the images of an illegal program. "Jackpot",
he mumbles, in reference to the screen, which tells him that the program is
calling the local MCI number, trying various codes, and writing down the ones
that work, a total of 17 for about 5 hours of work.
Grabbing his favorite swivel chair, he positions himself in front of the
machine, his battle versus the monsters of the phone lines almost done. It is
almost 3 in the afternoon, and his rewards have cost him dearly. A lack of
sleep has plagued his schoolwork, but, for some unknown and unique reason, he
cares not. A quick scan of the house tells him that he is alone. His parents
are not to be found. And still the lights of the modem flicker.
He taps the "S" key, and a quick beep emerges from the depths of the machine.
Would you like to see the codes? the program asks. With a grin he thanks the
machine, says no, but tells it to print out the numbers. What a helpful
computer, he thinks.
After a peek through some recent printouts, he circles a phone number. He takes
out the disk in his drive, ponders what it could possibly be, tosses it aside,
and calls up his terminal program. He takes a second to tell this program about
his marvelous success with MCI, and, after he is finished, he enters the phone
number that he had circled. He pauses for a second, sitting there statue like,
thinking.
Like a cat pounching on a mouse, he begins to peck at the keyboard, with fire
in his eyes and fear in his heart. He guides the program through the process of
selecting a numner, telling it to dial the newset MCI code, and the newest
number. Patiently he waits. The modem is quiet. All is calm. CONNECT, the
machine says.
His face turns red. Welcome to the First Bank of Miami. Can I help you? Uh oh.
Flashback. Is it the same? Oh no. It is. Can this be real? I guess it has to
be. Ok. Lets see if there has been any evolution, he thinks to himself.
Enter bank account number please:, it says. He pauses. And then he types those
infamous numbers. 88693. There. It is done. But will it work? His heart races
at an incredible speed. Why isn't it saying INVALID NUMBER, TRY AGAIN? he
murmers.
He's in. Minor joy can be seen on his face. Some things never change. Password
please, it says. And with that, he commits a felony. GEORGE, he tells it. And
the room is filled with silence as his screen blanks and there is a pause.
The screen fills with blue letters. Across the top of the color screen it says
First bank of Miami. The rest of the screen fills with a menu. A)uthorize
loans, C)alculate interest, D)isplay account total, and so on. There are the
normal options. He is sitting in the chair of a bank employee. He is a bank
employee. Or, at least thats what the computer at the other end thinks.
Again he pauses. It's still not too late to turn off the machine, he thinks to
himself. Bullshit, he says out loud. His mind is set. There is no turning back.
He hits the T. Transfers. Ah, sweet memories, he says to himself. A little
older, a little wiser, and a lot smarter, he says to the empty room.
With that, a new menu appears on the screen. The options are about ten, from
such things as account profile to transfer. A quick check at the profile, and
he discovers that there are still old ladies nursing their nest eggs, like they
were 2 years earlier, the last time he was through this way.
But that does not last.
The screen goes blank. There is a pause. A cursor appears in the top left
corner. It drops down a few lines. Oh shit, he gasps. What the fuck is going
on? Questions rip through his mind at an eternal pace. What is this? What's
going on?
Who is this? says the cursor.
He dies. Right then and there he dies. It's all over. He has died and gone to
hell for his sins.
Gareth Sullivan, he replies. Will they buy it? Will Gareth find out? Fuck
Gareth, will they buy it?
What are you doing here? it asks.
An idea pops into his mind. No light bulb appears above his head. Instead, a
flood light does. He has a plan.
Is this Freddie? This is some board you got here, Freddie, he says with a
snicker. You had me going there for a second, Fred 'ol pal. I thought this
actually WAS a bank for a second, he snaps back. Deep in his mind he knows this
is his only chance.
You have made a terrible mistake. This IS a bank. And what you are doing is
called Wire Fraud, and possibly even Grand Theft, dances the little cursor. I
suggest you hang up right now, and forget what you know, says the machine.
Freddie, if this is some kind of joke, I'm gonna be upset, he enters as fast as
he can. But if it is real, well, I'm gonna get the fuck out of here. Bye.
And he hangs up. Beads of sweet drip down his forehead. he breathes fast. His
heart pounds. He waits.
A minuet passes. He sits back in his chair and stares at the phone. He is
relieved. It does not ring. He is relieved. He sits there and wonders what he
would do if the phone DID ring, and it WAS them. I would die, say says, as a
turns back to the computer, looks at the program, and smiles. Ah. The beauty of
creativity, he says to himself. And all that BS.
Call the author. Tell him what you thought of it.
And remember. This is not for real. Close, but not real.
Or is it?
Captain "Slider" Goodnight
Care of:
Marin 80 TBBS
(415) 479-7218
300/1200
24 hrs a day
California's Best Bulletin Board. Or so says the Captain
Have you read The Story of Mojo?

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The Modem Life. Is it Really Worth it?
======================================
Written by The Nomad, for
all BBS's that wish it.
Note/Warning: The author of this file will go detailed into his life. He
============ will explain his feelings quite openly. If you are not mature
enought to handle what the author is going to say and wish to insult him for
his beliefs, I suggest you read no further.
Well another typical day in the modem world. Doesn't it just make you want to
throwup all over the keyboard? Recently I thought I would call the numbers on
the Megaterm 3.0 Famous Systems phone book. I thought that these would be the
"Top of the line" BBS's. As the Mega- term began to dial with Safehouse I
kicked back and watched. Busy. Not suprising. It then proceeded to dial other
BBS's, most of which I never have heard of. After about two more tries the
program started to freeze. Not sure what was going on I picked up the phone
only to hear the recording "We're sorry but the number you have dialed has been
disconnected or is no longer in service...". I then hit [U] to unmark the
number and continue the Megaterm dialing. Not too worried that that board was
down the Megaterm continued to dail as I again kicked back and watched. The
very next number that was opening message and the prompt for my password or
'NEW'. Being a new user I typed 'NEW'. To my displeasement the system told me
it was a private BBS that allowed no new users and hung me up. Very displeased
I kicked back in my chair and started to listen a little closer to the TV in the
other room as the Megaterm began to start dialing again. After two more welcome
busy signals the Megaterm started to flip from 'Click' to 'Busy' and back and
forth. Confused, I picked up the phone and again heard that dreadfull recording
"Were sorry...". Very uneasy I pressed [U] to unmark the number. After a small
welcome string of busy signals I got a ring. The phone was answered and a
carrier was sent. The Megaterm then connected for me only to find that it was a
Pixboard. Very pleased (I love pixboards!) I called back and loaded up Pixterm.
Once conne- cted, pleased to see some nice graphics in the opening message I
then typed in 'NEW'. Only to find out that a $10 validation fee was required to
access ANYTHING but the main menu and [M]ess- age to SysOp. After messing
around for a few minutes I got bored and typed "OFF" to leave the system. I
then returned to Megaterm and it continued to dial. After another busy signal
the numbers sequence started over. And I got a ring, before I knew it,the
words:
THE SAFEHOUSE MEGANET - PORT #02
"WHERE YOU'RE ALWAYS WELCOME!"
were printed across the screen, me being a regular caller to the board entered
my name and password only then to be logged off due to the fact the that port
was being reserved for a level 5 user. Very discouraged and then realizing that
some day, The Safehouse would die too such as others favorate systems like
Sherwood Forest II, The Outpost, The World of Cryton, and Sherwood Forest ///.
I then quitely went to bed.
[Extra Note: No offense Safehouse Manager]
A day or two later I decided to give a few of the local boards a call, only to
find that the most active sub-boards around were abuse! After reading a dozen
or so messages I came across a message that was insulting my personal favorite
BBS, The Digital Dimension, on-line since Aug. 1983, a VERY nice system. The
post was saying how bad the board was because the SysOp wouldn't give him high
access, and never answer- ed [F]eedback, or [C]hats. I was pretty upset, the
SysOp is a personal friend so I naturally [P]osted about the matter and
explained how he is a very busy person and tries to do as much as he can, after
all there are over 750 users! Feeling satisfied I logged off and observed a few
other local boards only to find more abuse, hatred, and destruction. I then
decided I would go outside and get some fresh air and live a nornal life, after
all I don't want to take the image of a 'computer freak'. A day later, very
concerned, I again auto-dialed to same board with Matthew Dornquast's beloved
Megaterm. After about a half an hour of dialing I heard the computer in the
other room signal that a ring was detected. I came in the room and went through
the logon procedures and went staight to the abuse board to find about 10 new
mess- gaes after mine! I began to read them; more of the same hatred. I then
came to a post about 4 after mine by the person that I posted about. He told me
off and posted my number. I was very uneasy, I have never heard of the guy
before and he posted my number! Not sure to post or not I sat there for a
minute and said why not. Not bothering to read the other new messages I
[P]osted. I then told him how everyone had their own right to say what they
want and that posting number solved nothing. Of course later that week, for
about three days I received prank calls, I would pick up the phone with an
"Hello?" Nothing. He would just sit there, hoping that I would get upset with
his deed. This will make him happy. I then started to tell him how much of a
man he was by prank calling, he was proba- bly expecting to here "We have a
trace on our line blah blah blah!" I then hung up. He never called back. Later
on that day my very good SysOp friend of The Digital Dimension called me. He
started to explain how he was told earier today that he was going to be moving
at the end of this school year. He then asked me very seriously 'Bryan, will
you please run a copy of the board in Houston while I take a copy to Iowa.' I
thought long and hard, being a SysOp required alot of work, time, and devotion.
A whole lot. I agreed. Many things were now needed to be done. Now relizing
that I didn't have the hard- ware to support the system, that week- ened I
started a buying spree. I first bought my Sider 10 Megabyte hard drive, $695.
Then bought a Thunderclock, another $110. I of course needed a firmware chip
for my cat, $30. And so my computer won't overheat, a System Saver, $70. I
then relized that I would need my own phone line so I called the phone company
and got it installed, $120. Relizing how many callers I would loose if the
number changed, I would have to pay an additional $60 to get the same number,
713/497-4633 but that will have to wait 'till he moves. After realizing I just
spent over a thousand dollars just to get the board started I began to get use
to the software. It was a home brew. Nevertheless, a very nice one. I started
to write new "mods" and features for the board. I only had a print out of the
board then so the SysOp could get his software copyright- ed. Knowing that in
order to keep the high quality of the system it would require many long nights
over the key- board, more night then ever before. Typing... thinking...
working... programming. After showing the SysOp my progress, he was quite
pleased. I rewrote many functions. Many features were now more efficient and
faster then before. I also started the begining of our soon to be enormous
[L]ibrary on our new 'baby' the 10 Meg Sider.
After a month or so, with the same old BBS abuse and programming, I took a
look at all the work I had done. Over 200 files in the [L]ibrary so far, many
new features which have never appeared on a board in the U.S. (to my known-
ledge) have been thought up, organized, and programmed. I then thought, when I
take the board over I will be the victim all this major abuse on these other
boards. What an honor. God, what an honor! I then began to wonder, why, why
does everyone abuse everyone else so much? Are they insecure? Are they really
that upset? Are they just blow- ing off a little steam? Do they enjoy making
enemies? Do they feel superior to insult others? I don't know. I really don't
know. I myself like to make friends. Not only just friends that I will talk to
on the phone, but ones that come over on weekeneds, go out partying on Friday
nights, play sports, and just about anything else a true friend does. Without
knowing that I went to the same school as Shadow's Pawn for almost a year I meet
him at the SysOps house and am now good friends with him. Despite the fact that
I am two years older then him, he is on the football team, I am in band and
enjoy playing the trumpet, and we had almost no common interests became good
friends because of similar intrests, the computer. But I still came back to the
same question "Why do they abuse?" Why? Life is bad enough as it is, and then
there are the feds who are after all us pirates, phreakers, and hackers. Who
needs more enemies? While we can all be helping each other the "good old"
traditional computer activi- ties like helping others get up to date "wares",
even if they have a Networker modem and not that "excepted" Apple- cat? I
remember back when I first got my modem. I couldn't remember one abuse board.
Not one. Then suddenly one by one, slowly but surely, they started comming up
with the demand of them due to the large amount of hartred from two users. Now,
the abuse board is just as common as the public board. Why? Why? Then
somewhere, some one person had an grand idea. The same thing that happen- ed
over two hundered years ago. This genious said, that order in the modem society
is a must and some form of goverment must be formed. Thus came Tele-Trial, with
this new concept came new constitutions, new sub-boards, and an increasement of
tele-conferencing phreaking. The constitutions would set the laws of the BBS.
The sub-boards would provide a special meeting place for matters of the
tele-trial and the tele-conference for the often called "court room" for the
trial of the def- endent. This system worked in many places. Punishments were
often deletion from that board or even to the great extent of credit card
infomation being released, and abused. But for many, deleting ones password
would not keep them off the system. They would just call back with a new handle
and abuse more people till he was deleted again. And the process goes on and
on. Believe me, I have seen it happen. So I came to the conclusion that this
method is not full proof. I then came apon a crazy idea of mine. Not so sure
of myself I begin my think more indepth. One hope for me remained, and I then
walked to my computer, put in Apple Writer and began to type. Now, I have
completed my work. My task is finished at this moment of Sunday May 26 1985 at
12:55 in the morning. I thank you for you time and am sorry for any and all
errors.
Sincerely,
Bryan Nomad
---------------------------------------
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
The Fifth Precinct..[502] 245-8270
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

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%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
% NIGHT OF THE HACKERS %
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
% By: Richard Sandza %
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
% Typed by: %
% --==**>>THE REFLEX<<**==-- %
% [Member: Omnipotent, Inc.] %
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
% This original article appeared in %
% the November 12,1984 issue of %
% NEWSWEEK. The result of the %
% article was the piss-offment of %
% the many hackers of America. He %
% wrote a follow-up article called: %
% 'REVENGE OF THE HACKERS', which %
% can be found in this library too. %
% It just shows you not to screw %
% with these guys! %
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
As you are surveying a dark and misty swamp you come across what appears
to be a small cave. You light a torch and enter. You have walked several
hundred feet when stumble into a bright blue portal... With a sudden burst of
light and a loud explosion you are swept into... DRAGONFIRE... PRESS ANY KEY IF
YOU DARE.
You have programmed your personal computer to dial into Dragonfire, a
computer bulletin board in Gainesville, Texas. But before you get any
information, Dragonfire demands your name, home city and phone number. So, for
tonights tour of the electronic wilderness you become Montana Wildhack (a
character in Kurt Vonnegut's book 'Slaughterhouse Five') of San Francisco.
Dragonfire, Sherwood Forrest(sic), Forbidden Zone, Blottoland, Plovernet,
The Vault, Shadowland, PHBI and scores of other computer bulletin boards are
hang-outs of a new generation of vandals. These precocious teen-agers use
their electronic skills with to play hide-and-seek with computer and security
forces. Many computer bulletin boards are perfectly legitimate: They resemble
the electronic versions of the familiar cork boards in supermarkets and school
corridors, listing services and providing information someone out there is
bound to find useful. But this is a walk on the wild side, a trip into the
world of underground bulletin boards dedicated to encouraging -- and making --
mischief.
The numbers for these boards are as closely guarded as a psychiatrist's
home telephone number. Some numbers are posted on underground boards; others
are exchanged over the telephone. A friendly hacker provided Dragonfire's
number. Hook up and see a broad choice of topics offered. For Phone Phreaks
-- who delight in stealing service from AT&T and other phone networks --
Phreakenstein's Lair is a potpourri of phone numbers, access codes and
technical information. For computer hackers -- who dial into other people's
computers -- Ranger's Lodge is chock full of phone numbers and passwords for
government, university and corporate computers.
Moving through Dragonfire's offerings, you can only marvel at how
conversant these teen-agers are with the technical esoterica of today's
electronic age. Obviously they have spent a great deal of time studying
computers, though their grammar and spelling indicate they haven't been as
diligent in other subjects. You are constantly reminded of how young they
are...
"Well it's that time of year again. School is back in session so let's get
those high school computer phone numbers rolling in. Time to get straight A's,
have perfect attendance(except when you've been up all night hacking school
passwords), and messing up your worst teacher's paycheck."
Forbidden Zone, in Detroit, is offering ammunition for hacker civil war --
tips on crashing the most popular bulletin-board software. There are also
plans for building black, red and blue boxes to mimic operator tones and get
free phone service. And here are the details for 'the safest and best way to
make and use nitroglycerin,' compliments of Doctor Hex, who says he got it
'from my chemistry teacher.'
Flip through the 'pages.' You have to wonder if this information is
accurate. Can this really be the phone number and password for Taco Bell's
computer? Do these kids really have the dial-up numbers for dozens of
university computers? The temptation is too much. You sign off and have
your computer dial the number for the Yale computer. Bingo -- the words Yale
University appear on your screen. You hang up in sweat. You are now a Hacker.
Punch in another number and your modem zips off the touch tones. Here is
the tedious side of all this. Bulletin boards are popular. No vacancy at
Bates Motel (named for Anthony Perkin's creepy motel in the movie 'Psycho');
the line is busy. So are 221 B. Baker Street, PHBI, Shadowland and The Vault.
Ceaser's Palace rings and connects. This is a different breed of board.
Ceaser's Palace is a combination Phreak board and computer store in Miami.
This is the place to learn ways to mess up a department store's antishoplifting
system, or make free calls on telephone with locks the dial. Pure capitalism
accompanies such anarchy. Ceaser's Palace is offering good deals on disk
drives, software, computers and all sorts of hardware. Orders are placed
through electronic mail messages.
'Tele-Trial': Bored by Ceaser's Palace, you enter the number for
Blottoland, the board operated by one of the nation's most notorious computer
phreaks -- King Blotto. This one has been busy all night, but it is now pretty
late in Cleveland. The phone rings and you connect. To get past the blank
screen, type the seconday password 'S-L-I-M-E.' King Blotto obliges, listing
his rules: He must have your real name, phone number, address, occupation and
intrests. He will call and disclose the primary password, 'if you belong on
this board.' If admitted, do not reveal the phone number or secondary
password, lest you face 'tele-trial,' the King warns as he dismisses you by
hanging up.
You expected heavy security, but this teen-ager's security is, as they
say, awesome. Computers at the Defense Department and hundreds of businesses
let you know when you reached them. Here you need a password just to find out
what system answered the phone. Then King Blotto asks questions -- and hangs
up. Professional computer-security experts could learn something from this
kid. He knows that ever since the 414 computer hackers were arrested in August
1982, law-enforcement officers have searching for leads on computer bulletin
boards.
'Do you have any ties or connections with any law enforcement agency or
any any agency which would inform such a law-enforcement agency of this
bulletin board?'
Such is the welcoming message from Plovernet, a Florida board known for
its great hack/phreak files. There amid a string of valid VISA and Mastercard
numbers are dozens of computer phone numbers and passwords. Here you also
learn what Blotto means by tele-trial. 'As some of you may or may not know, a
session of conference court was held and the Wizard was found guilty of
miscellaneous charges, and sentenced to four months without bulleting boards.'
If Wizard calls, system operators like King Blotto disconnect him.
Paging through the bulletin boards is a test of your patience. Each board
has different commands. Few are easy to follow, leaving you to hunt and peck
your way around. So far you haven't has the nerve to hit 'C,' which summons
the system operator for a live, computer-to-computer conversation.
The time, however, has come for you to ask a few questions of the 'sysop.'
You dial a computer in Boston. It answers and you begin working your way
through the menus. You scan a handful of dial-up numbers including one for
Arpanet, the Defense Department's research computer. Bravely tap C and in
seconds the screen blanks and your cursor dances across the screen.
Hello... What kind of computer do you have?
Contact. The sysop is here. You exchange amenities and get 'talking.'
How much hacking does he do? Not much, too busy. Is he afraid of being
busted, having his computer confiscated like the Los Angeles man facing
criminal charges because his computer bulletin board system contained a stolen
telephone-credit-card number? 'Hmmmmm... No,' he replies. Finally he asks the
dreaded question: 'How old are you?' 'How old are YOU,' you reply, stalling.
'15,' he types. Once you confess and he knows you're old enough to be his
father, the conversation gets very serious. You fear each new question; he
probably thinks you're a cop. But all he wants to know is your choice for
president. The chat continues, until he asks, 'What time is it there?' Just
past midnight, you reply. Expletive. 'It's 3:08 here,' Sysop types. 'I must
be going to sleep. I've got school tomorrow.' The cursor dances.
'*********** Thank You for Calling.' The screen goes blank.
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-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-
- -
- Variable-pitched frequency generator -
- or -
- How to annoy your techers! -
- -
- Written By -
- -
- ::: Captain Quieg ::: -
- -
- -
-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-
In the fast paced world of education one often finds oneself with a burning
hatred towards one or more teachers or fellow students. This article will
describe how to build a little device that will emit a very high freqency that
is -extrememly- annoying to most people and it will wreck concentration and can
cause some nasty headaches.
-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-
Parts needed:
R1: 100k ohm Trimmer potentiometer
R2: 47k ohm resistor (5% tolerance)
C1: 4.7 uF Polarized electrolytic capacitor
C2: small disc capacitor (.001 uF or less)
SP: 8 ohm speaker. Piezo buzzers work best but you can use most any speaker
for this job.
IC: 555 timer Integrated Circut.. Availible at Radio shack or any decent
electronics store
-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-
Let's start with a schematic of the device..
! V+ (9 volts)
! R1 :
V :
^^^^^-----------------
: :8 :4
: !------------------!
: 7! !3
:------! !-------------
: ! ! :
: ! IC ! --- /!
\ ! ! ! !/ !
/R2 ! (555) ! SPKR ! ! !
\47k 6! ! ! ! !
/ ---! ! ! ! !
: ! ! ! ! !\ !
: ! 2! ! --- \!
:------! ! :
: !------------------! + :
: :1 C1 ---
: : ---
: :----- V- (9 volts) - :
: : :
: : :
: ! !C2 : :
:-----! !-------------------------------
! !.001uF :
-----
---
- GND
-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-
Okay
Now that we have the schematic out of the way we can discuss construction..
It's best to use an 8-pin socket for soldering before you put the IC in.. You
can put it on a small PC board or perfboard.. Use R1 (the potentiometer) to
adjust the frequency from a high whistle to an instant migrane. If you find
that the freqency is not as high as desired use a smaller capacitor for C2.
The Idea here is to bring the frequency just below the highest frequency that
can be perceived by the human ear. You will definetly know when you have
acheived this! Once finished mount it in a project case with an on/off switch
and you're ready.
-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-
Use
---
One particularly nice thing about this device is that if you set it to a high
enough frequency it is almost impossible to locate once hidden.. So once
you've found a suitible location put it anywhere were it can't easily be seen
and turn it on.. Guaranteed results! .. One little problem with this thing
is that some teachers don't seem to hear it (generally older teachers).. but
anyone with a good set of ears will be driven crazy by it!! Including you if
you place it in a room that you are planning to be in for any length of time..
So DONT. If you have any questions about this thing I'll be happy to answer
inquiries.. Have fun!
::: Captain Quieg :::
-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

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When we tried to drag her out of the peat, her husband came out of the house.
He had obviously been drinking, and his left hand held a meat cleaver.
"You," he said, "are Martian Spies."
"Why heavens no," we replied, assuming our quasi-neo-classical-bogus looks
of innocence [taught us by the late great Mars Jimmy, who was famous for saying
"Who, me?"], "we just thought we'd throw your wife into the peat and drag her
out again."
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

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___ ___ __ ___ __ ___
| \ |_ | \ |\ /| |_ |\ | /\ / |_
|__/ |__ |_/ | \/ | |__ | \| |~~| \__ |__
| \ | |
-=and=- __
//
// // // //\\ // // \\ \\ _____ //\
//\\ // \\// //__>> //__// \\ _// ~//~~// \\
// \\ //\\ \\ //~~~~ //~~// \\ ~ // \\ //
// \\/ \\ \\// // // // \\ // \\/
\\ \/
/\ __ //
// // //\\ //|| || || //|| ||~\\ \\//
//\\ //\ //__\\ // || || || //_|| ||_// \\
// \\ // \\ // \\ // || || /| // //~~|| ||~\\ \\//
// \\/ \\ //___|| ||//|// // || || \\ \/
\\ ~~~~
submit to you:
Mr. Pez's Rambling about Textfiles
which naturally leads to a discussion
about Leeching.
by:
Mr. Pez
~~~ ~~~
Written:
13 March 1987
10:55pm
i. opening rambling/background
Well, here I am again. All the boards I feel like calling are busy, and I
felt this needed to be done. I just realized that I now have roughly 1400
textfiles, which puts me as the person with the second-largest collection of
textfiles in our nation. The person with the most textfiles is one Jason
Scott, and he's responsible for at least half of my textfiles. He runs a
board called the Works!, whose number will be posted at the end of this
exercise in creative rambling. So sit back, and enjoy this file, if it
turns out to be the kind of thing you dig.
I'd like to point out that this is what I listened to while writing this
textfile.
"Duty Now For The Future" Devo
"Celebrate The Bullet" The Selecter
"Say Yes To Another Excess" Yello
"Abraxas" Santana
ii. textfiles and related discussions
I think the textfile is on the rise. While Anarchy inc. may have disbanded,
their legacy of fine and humorous files lives on, especially on Jason
Scott's board (whose number, as previously stated, will be at the end of
this file. So hold yer horses!), where there is an entire section devoted
to them. (Devoted...reminds me of last year in school, when I wrote "I am
devoted to darkness" on all the desks that I sat at. You'd be surprised at
how many people have a great aversion to Satanic stuff, especially when the
writing is accompanied by evil drawings. "Satan is my pal" was another fave
of mine. Someone wrote, "Well, God's mine!" after that, which gave me many
rich laffs. I was a sick freshmen. But I digress...) Now, who remains? The
Neon Knights aren't seen around too much anymore, either. But without a
doubt, the most well-known of all textfiles is the Phrack. Started by Taran
King, it's just grown incredibly. The next issue will be number 12. I was
very annoyed to get Phrack 11 quite soon after it came out, and was all set
to start u/ling it everywhere, when I noticed Thomas Covenant did the same.
So he stole any recognition I might get from u/ling the latest Phrack.
Another thing that proves my point about the textfile world. There's a mad
race, when something new comes out, to distribute it. Much like the "new
warez" of a couple of years ago. Only, it's looked upon in rather poor
taste to add your board number and stuff to the end of a Phrack, or an LOD/H
Technical Journal, like you could once do with games you cracked or
distributed. (Speaking of the LOD/H TJ - I was very early in getting it, and
began uploading it to places quickly. This one I beat both Thomas Covenant
and Jason Scott to, since it was only out in 'packed' format for Apples.
This thrills the hell out of you, I'm sure.) Anyway, the textfiles world is
pretty tough. I do think, however, that the quality of the work coming out
is improving. Take a look at "Sex Change" from Thomas Covenant of Phido
Phreaks - now THAT is some excellent work. Let's not forget Tristan Farnon,
either. Anything from him can be expected to be of a very high quality.
The fact that he's the only member of his group, Starry Night Productions,
could serve as evidence that even groups like my two (which I did make up,
although there is one other person in it), which are made up by the only
member can produce high quality stuff. I'm not sure this stuff I'm coming
out with is of any great quality. There are some who think I'm funny, and
others who find me to be like a pesky parasite, what with 50-line paragraphs
like this one I'm currently writing. Personally, if you don't like this
file, I wish I could say I didn't care, but it really will bother me a
little if you, the reader, vote this a bomb. You'll notice that while I
write this, I use big words, and write like a textbook. That's just the way
I write, especially on essays, but sometimes on textfiles and occasionally
messages. Right now, it's 11:26, and I still haven't really said anything
of value. That's why I get such great grades in English, since the
requirements for a 450 word essay can be met in just the opening paragraph
sometimes. I think I'll start another paragraph now, just to break the
monotony. (And if you don't think this is monotonous, bless you!)
Three groups to watch are Phido Phreaks, OctoThorpe Productions, and this
one (if I may be so immodest). They're all new (well, Octothorpe just
started doing stuff), and have some good writers in them. Phido Phreaks has
Thomas Covenant as well as the Silver Ghost, who has to be mentioned for the
sheer volume of stuff he puts out. Pretty good stuff, too, unlike this file
which I'm starting to realize is getting more and more disjointed. That's
entropy, you know. The natural tendency for things to drift towards
randomness and chaos. An idea which I think will replace anarchy in a
matter of months. I was going to change my group(s) to Entropy Associates
(which was on a dump truck in this filmstrip I saw in Chemistry supposed to
illustrate the concept of entropy. That name really had an effect on me.),
but I thought it'd be pretty lame, since you might have already seen RM/MM
on that other file I wrote (which I won't name, since I'm not Captain
Goodnight). Although, when I write 10 files, if such an event happens, and
am met with some success, I might change the name to Entropy Associates
(e.a.) if I actually get some members besides my friend Zack. OctoThorpe is
the group started by Jason Scott (the Slipped Disk) when he started his
board up. It sat there, in file directory 1, for at least 10 months, until
Jason's friend, The Mathematician, discovered modeming and textfiles and
writing textfiles. Some of his stuff is pretty good, too. And Jason's
stuff, with the backing of having read all 1500 textfiles of his, is good,
too. Then The Cruiser started writing for Jason's group, and it began to
get some members. The Cruiser has written some fairly good stories, but
also some unabashed edits of existing files. On The Works! (home of
Octothorpe, Jason's board. But you know that by now, right, genius?), my
file (um, what was that called?) was distibuted under the Octothorpe banner
as "Uncut, Unedited, and Unwanted". Which afforded me a couple of laffs.
Lastly, my group, of which it's too soon to tell. See if this file helps
you.
Shit, my word processor just asked me if I wanted to save the file. And
upon doing so, it wrote 8,400 bytes. Which is a fucking lot. My last file
was 15,000 bytes, though...let's see how long this one turns out to be.
Actually, I should probably be doing my social studies, which is a report on
Aztec History, which I could frankly give a flying fuck about. But it's
only 11:50, the night is still young...
The thing I hate are "anarchy" textfiles that are formulas for how to make
drugs and stuff. I really could not care less about how to make DMT from
banana peels or whatever. I also don't like countless typed-in portions of
the book "The Poor Man's James Bond" by Kurt Saxon. The anarchy files that
I like are the kind that make me laugh. The ever-present (at least in this
discussion) Anarchy inc. wrote good stuff like that. And I was laughing my
ass off (if such a thing is, in fact, possible) at the file "Random
Senseless Violence" by Count Nibble (his board, Terrapin Station, will be
included at the end of this file), which was great. I also like his file
"Spray Paint" (or whatever...I can't remember the exact title, ok?), which
had me a'chucklin'. I also like 'l00zer' files to a point, but then they
start repeating themselves, as the Silver Ghost succinctly satirized in his
file "Parodies". It's 12:05, and I'm getting kind of tired, so I'll get
some sleep and start a fresh new part tomorrow. Part III. Look for it.
But not too hard. (Note about parts: I have not written three files called
"Ramblings", I've just separated this file into several parts just to be
interesting.)
iii. 9:57 am on the 14th and time to talk about text graphics
I think they're making a comeback, personally. I dig them. Take a look at
the cover of this file. (Unless you're V)iewing it on some AE, in which the
text graphics won't look very nice. (Due to the fact that the pseudo-Xmodem
adds linefeeds, so the whole file is double-spaced.) But let me assure you
that they look pretty cool, especially the "Red Menace" one.) I like that
sort of stuff. In fact, I basically like text graphics. For instance:
|||||||||||
/ \ ||| ||||||||| |||||||||
| o o | ||| ||| //||| ||| //|||
| | | ||||||||| ||| /// ||| ||| /// ||| |||||||
| / \ | ||| ||| ||| /// ||| ||| /// ||| ||| |||
| ||||||||| | ||| ||| ||| /// ||| ||| /// ||| ||| |||
\ ~~~~~~~ / ||| ||| |||/// ||| |||/// ||| ||| |||
\_________/ ||| ||| |||/ ||| |||/ ||| ||| |||
m r . l i d d y |||||| ||||||||| ||||||||| ||||||||||
|||
||||||||
Well, that was damn fulfilling. I'm sure it looks really spiffy on the ol'
AE, too. Um, anyway, maybe text PICTURES aren't that great. But I really
like those graphics I put in the beginning of my textfiles. For some
reason. Anyway, it's now 10:45 exactly, and I still haven't said anything
of merit. So, what should I talk about? Perhaps another section is in
order? Yeah, that'll work. One on leeching, which is how I got all my
textfiles.
iv. mr. pez and leeching
Leeching. It still exists, trust me. It will always exist. There are just
some boards which are destined to be leeched from. The Works! is one. I
have sysop access there, so I get to read the callers log. I see: BRUCE
GOLDMAN downloads about 50 files or so, until his time (99 minutes a day) is
up. I look at bulletin 5. He's downloaded 532 files, uploaded 8. Which is
damn bad. But then again, I downloaded 350 from the Works!. But my
difference is that I contributed with messages, so I wasn't just clogging
the board, leeching. (I was contributing to the message base and leeching.)
Similarly, AE's will ALWAYS be leeched from. I mean, if you don't have to
give a name, why upload? Or, if sysops can't see what you're doing, who
knows what you download? (They do know what you upload.) On AE's, since I
can't get programs since I have a veryfine IBM, I V)iew a lot of stuff.
That, in itself, is sort of leeching. It assures me of a supply of AT LEAST
three new textfiles a day. I have to edit them, but that's no problem. A
scary new kind of AE is something called "TransPhor", which is in itself, an
AE. I mean, the guy who wrote it, Brew Associates, wrote his own AE
program. Anyway, this thing takes note of what you download, upload, and
(get this) V)iew. Is that a riot or what? That's how I get my AE
textfiles, through V)iewing! Oh well.
Of course, when you leech, you have to think about disk space. I don't,
though. Well, I'm starting to, since my hard disk slowly grows smaller...
less and less space free every day. (Since I get a couple new files a day.)
You know, on a PD board I'm on, I just got my access lowered because my
ratio fell below 5 downloads to one upload. And the damn sysop has a 20 to
1 ratio on The Works!, which is kind of funny. I pointed this out to him.
Haven't seen his reply yet. I posted it at 12:30 (pm - yes, I am starting
this at night again because all the boards are busy.), and it's only 1:00
(exactly) now. (The 12:30 was an approximation, it is now exactly 1:00.
Wow, this must really pump yer 'nads.) Still, what's the limit for sysops?
I mean, you have to be somewhat tolerant of leeching (see, look what I've
grown to be by leeching!), but what's the limit? Jason Scott is awful
lenient about his board, but the sysop of that PD board was too tough about
it. There's at least three boards better than his in the area. (spiteful,
vindictive.. isn't it fascinating, the leeching mentality?) Anyway, I just
cleaned up my hard drive some. I have the things that must stay on the
drive, which take up about 5 megs. That includes Procomm (my communications
program), DOS, the Norton Utilities, the ARC programs and other file
utilities in \DOWNLOAD, my father's stuff like Lotus 1-2-3 and the programs
he's working on (he paid for the drive, I have to put up with his stuff.
Only takes about a meg, anyway.). But I have the ARCs of all Jason's
textfiles on the drive, which take up about 5 megs (which I haven't put on
disk for a very simple reason - I don't have any disks.), and I have a few
games on disk, too. Also, I have two BBS systems online, ARCed in suspended
animation, until I get around to testing them. [Editor's note - This has
gone on long enough. What ARC is is a utility that will allow you to take a
bunch of files and put it into one. It also compresses files, and textfiles
crunch to about 50% of what they were - another reason why textfiles are so
great!] I have a code hacker program (Brew Associate's CodeThief v2.2) in
\DOWNLOAD\UPLOAD [ed's note - \ is a path.] and three word processors, one
in its own directory. Well, now that I've given you my whole fucking hard
drive map, I might as well start talking more about leeching. My
communications program, Procomm, has a command file language which'll let
you program it to do stuff like log on to BBS's, and download stuff (which
is the relevance of this line of thought). That's why I can have passwords
like "f#duq!53" and not have to write them down. Also, I have a different
password for nearly every BBS I'm on. Pretty safe, eh? The other great
thing about command files is their effects on leeching (and uploading, when
it is advisable). I don't want to bother doing it on AE's (where I'd have
to open a log for everything, and then WAITFOR "(>" to close the log.
(WAITFOR is a command which does almost exactly what you think.) But PCBoard
software, which is what The Works! runs on, is very easy to leech from.
Just WAITFOR the line "Main Board Command?" and send "d;" plus the file you
wish to download, then waitfor whatever it prints when it's ready to send,
and download it. (Shit. Just had to save this file again. It's 17k
already.) And then onto the next line. Of course, I haven't figured out how
to allow for errors, like the file isn't there, or line noise obliterates
the words, so Procomm doesn't recieve them as they should. But I have
trouble programming in BASIC, even. Boo. Anyway, I've leeched about 100
files from The Works! that way. But my leeching from The Works! is
irrelevent now, since Jason came over to my house when I had my going-away
party (which wasn't too radical, as can be imagined, because Andrew Swartz
was acting really hyper because there were X-rated movies and he had never
seen one. I was listening to The DataMaster talking about phreaking, and
didn't spend too much time watching "Looking Good" or "A Cry For Cindy".
Andrew bothered me about it, but I'll just bet he took the words of the
Michael Jackson song and "Beat It" after seeing the movies. I'll just bet.)
in hopes of trading his textfiles for my guitar (bet you had to look back to
the beginning of the parentheses!) along with some dough. My guitar is a
"Harmony" and worth about $50. Jason wanted to give it to a girl named
Donna who he feels something hormonal for. (If I may be so bold.) He was
copying the files onto my hard drive while trying to cajole me into giving
him my guitar. It was a gift, so I never did. But I still have the
textfiles, and read a few every day. It's harder than you think. DOS's
default white-on-black starts jittering around (on the CGA) and your eyes
start doing the funky chicken. (Who knows where I got that phrase.) But
they're mostly pretty good. There's a 44k file of taped conversations
between this guy and important people he met at TAP meetings. Sounds like
something I would do. I occasionally tape my conversations, if they sound
like they're going to be interesting. (Now it's 1:33, and my word processor
just saved the file...it was 19k. Bloated. Plus, you must be going crazy
from staring at this huge paragraph.) But I never type them in. Another
file is a 220k file about D&D. w0w. Another is a 70k file of a Howard the
Duck comic book script. Which doesn't really interest me. But could
interest someone. Anyway, I have more than enough textfiles to set up a
board, but I don't think I have the disk space, if I still want to use
programs on my hard disk. I was going to set it up at my own line (yes, I
have my own line, and pay the bills, which are not that much.), but never
got around to it. Too late now, eh? (I'm moving to Michigan in about 5
days.) I can still leech there, I'm sure. Should be even better, since that
house is really cool. Maybe the other line (my family's line) will be even
closer, so I can talk to people while calling boards. The other (family)
line was in the other room, but my father disconnected it, because I made a
few calls on it, when I "have [my] own line and should use THAT, fer
crissakes!" or something to that effect. Now, I can only make calls by
going into the kitchen or upstairs, which is not good for short files. But
long files, like Phracks, or the LOD/H Technical Journal, can be uploaded
while carrying on a fairly lengthy conversation.
v. is it the end? at last?
The preceding paragraph is 87 lines long - more than a printed page. This
leads me to end this file, and soon. Well, if you're not asleep, tell me
what you think about it. I mean, don't you have to wonder about someone who
can ramble on for 8 fucking pages? (That's how long this file is.) Well,
these boards below earn the official "PEZ" stamp o' approval. W0W, fer
sure.
____N_a_m_e______ ___N_u_m_b_e_r__ __Software__ ___S_y_s_o_p_____ _Baudrate_
The Works! ! [914]-238-8195 ! PCBoard ! Jason Scott ! 300/1200 !
The Darque Side ! [408]-245-SPAM ! WaffleNET ! DS^3 Club !3/12/2400 !
Thieve's World ! [616]-344-2718 ! FIDO ! Thomas Covenant ! 300/1200 !
Terrapin Station ! [505]-865-0883 ! AE:TAC ! Count Nibble ! 300/1200 !
The Brewery ! [314]-394-8259 ! WWIV/Forum ! Beer Wolf ! 300/1200 !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~
vi. info
author: mr. pez
date: 13 march '87 10:55pm to 15 march '87 2:09am
size: 22,227 bytes
for: red menace, mephisto madware, octothorpe, phido phreaks
system: IBM PC, PC-Write WP software (perhaps)
music: see beginning (what a stupid category)
-signifying official PEZ file
"look for more, but not too hard."

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_ _ _______
| \/ | / _____/
|_||_|etal/ /hop
_________/ /
/__________/
(314)432-0756
24 Hours A Day, 300/1200 Baud
Presents....
==Phrack Inc.==
Volume One, Issue One, Phile 1 of 8
Introduction...
Welcome to the Phrack Inc. Philes. Basically, we are a group of phile writers
who have combined our philes and are distributing them in a group. This
newsletter-type project is home-based at Metal Shop. If you or your group are
interested in writing philes for Phrack Inc. you, your group, your BBS, or any
other credits will be included. These philes may include articles on telcom
(phreaking/hacking), anarchy (guns and death & destruction) or kracking. Other
topics will be allowed also to an certain extent. If you feel you have some
material that's original, please call and we'll include it in the next issue
possible. Also, you are welcomed to put up these philes on your BBS/AE/Catfur/
Etc. The philes will be regularly available on Metal Shop. If you wish to say
in the philes that your BBS will also be sponsering Phrack Inc., please leave
feedback to me, Taran King stating you'd like your BBS in the credits. Later
on.
TARAN KING
2600 CLUB!
METAL SHOP SYSOP
This issue is Volume One, Issue One, released on November 17, 1985. Included
are:
1 This Introduction to Phrack Inc. by Taran King
2 SAM Security Article by Spitfire Hacker
3 Boot Tracing on Apple by Cheap Shades
4 The Fone Phreak's Revenge by Iron Soldier
5 MCI International Cards by Knight Lightning
6 How to Pick Master Locks by Gin Fizz and Ninja NYC
7 How to Make an Acetylene Bomb by The Clashmaster
8 School/College Computer Dial-Ups by Phantom Phreaker
Call Metal Shop and leave feedback saying the phile topic and where you got
these philes to get your article in Phrack Inc.
_ _ _______
| \/ | / _____/
|_||_|etal/ /hop
_________/ /
/__________/
(314)432-0756
24 Hours A Day, 300/1200 Baud
Presents...
==Phrack Inc.==
Volume One, Issue One, Phile 2 of 8
::>Hacking SAM - A Description Of The Dial-Up Security System<::
::>Written by Spitfire Hacker<::
SAM is a security system that is being used in many colleges
today as a security feature against intrusion from the outside. This
system utilizes a dial-back routine which is very effective. To
access the computer, you must first dial the port to which SAM is
hooked up. The port for one such college is located at (818) 885-
2082. After you have called, SAM will answer the phone, but will make
no other responses (no carrier signals). At this point, you must
punch in a valid Login Identification Number on a push-button phone.
The number is in this format -- xxyyyy -- where xx is, for the number
mentioned above, 70. 'yyyy' is the last 4 digits of the valid user's
telephone number.
If a valid LIN is entered, SAM will give one of 3 responses:
1) A 1 second low tone
2) A 1 second alternating high/low tone
3) A tone burst
Responses 1 and 2 indicate that SAM has accepted your passcode and is
waiting for you to hang up. After you hang up, it will dial the valid
users phone number and wait for a second signal.
Response 3 indicates that all of the outgoing lines are busy.
If SAM accepts your passcode, you will have to tap into the valid
users line and intercept SAM when it calls. If you do this, then hit
the '*' key on your phone. SAM will respond with a standard carrier,
and you are in!
That's all that I have hacked out so far, I will write more
information on the subject later.
-%>Spitfire Hacker<%-
2600 Club!
==Phrack Inc.==
Volume One, Issue One, Phile 3 of 8
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
/ /
/ Boot Tracing Made Easy /
/ Written by /
/ ________________ /
/ \Cheap/ \Shades/ /
/ \___/ \____/ /
/ 2600 CLUB! /
/ /
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
\ \
\ Be sure to call \
\ \
\ Kleptic Palice......(314)527-5551 \
\ 5 Meg BBS/AE/CF \
\ Metal Shop..........(314)432-0756 \
\ Elite BBS (Home of 2600 CLUB! \
\ and Phrack Inc. ) \
\ \
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
About 3 or four years ago, a real good friend of mine was teaching a ML
Programming course for the Apple 2 series. I, being a good friend and
quite bored, asked him about cracking Apple games. He told me that he had
spent the last summer cracking programs. He showed me a method that he came
up with entirely on his own, boot tracing. Little did he know that this was
already quite popular but he developed his own method for doing it which from
reading other files about it, is the simplest I've ever seen. (To give you
an idea, I had SN0GGLE (I've never played the game but a friend had it on
disk.) completely loaded into memory ready to be dumped in about 12 minutes.)
Ok, first of all, ALL programs can be boot traced. The only thing is that some
may not be easily converted into files. The only programs that you should try
if you aren't real good at ML, are ones that load completely into memory. Also
to do this you will need a cassette recorder. (don't worry the program we will
save won't take too long to save, and if all goes well it will only be saved
loaded once.) I hate learning the theory behind anything so I'm not gonna
give any theory behind this. If you want the theory, read some other phile
that does this the hard way.
First make sure your cassette recoder works by BLOADing some program and
typing:
CALL -151
AA60.AA73
You'll see something that looks like this:
AA60-30 02 xx xx xx xx xx xx
AA68-xx xx xx xx xx xx xx xx
AA70-xx xx 00 08
or whatever...The 30 02 is the length ($0230 bytes). The 00 08 is the starting
address ($0800). Oh well, now you need to try and save the program. Type:
800.A2FW (A2F=$800+$230-1)
1000<800.A2FM
800:00 N 801<800.A2FM
800.A2FR
1000<800.A2FV
Once you are sure that the cassette works, (by the way do be stupid and try
that on a //c!) we can get to the good stuff...
First move the ROM boot-up code into RAM...(all steps will be from the
monitor * prompt.)
8600<C600.C6FFM
86F9:5C FF
(Now load in step 1 of the boot.)
8600G
C0E8 (turn the drive off)
(Now you have successfully loaded in track 0 sector 0) Now since we won't want
to overwrite what we've loaded in this time, Type:
8500<800.8FFM
86F9:01 85
8501L
Lets see what you've gotten...
First see if they move this part into the keyboard buffer. (A lot of programs
do this and the boot trace files that I've read don't even deal with this.)
LDX 00
LDA 800,X
STA 200,X
INX
BNE $803
JMP $211 (or any $2xx)
(sometimes done with Y's instead of X's.)
Then the next part will scramble what's in $08xx. but we don't have to worry
about that. Anyways find that JMP $2xx and change it to 4C xx 85 leaving the
xx the same. Usually this will be the next address but just to be safe...
Ok, now scan the code for any other JMP's if you find one that's direct
(indirect ones have the address in parenthesis) change it to 4C 5C FF, but
write down the location that it used to jump to first so you know where to
look. It'll probably be 301 or B700. If it's the B700, you got lucky. If it's
the 301 then you've got some more work ahead. If it was an indirect JMP, most
likely it was JMP ($003E). No if you change that to 4C 5C FF then check 3E
from monitor you'll find that 3E is 00 and 3F is 3E...Monitor uses that
place in zero page for its current memory location. So what you need to do is
8400:A5 3F 00 20 DA FD A5 3E 20 DA FD 4C 5C FF
then change that indirect jump to
85xx:4C 00 84
(by the way if the indirect jump is anything other than 3E then most likely
you can can just look at it from monitor if not write a little routine like
the one above to print out the address hidden. (Oh, check the location after
the next run. For now change it to 4C 5C FF.))
Anyways this little game will probably go on no longer than 2 or 3 loads, each
time just move the newly loaded part to another part of memory and change the
jump to jump to monitor (4C 5C FF) and the jump from the part before it to
go to the moved code.
When you find the part that JMP's up to a high area of memory (usually $B700)
you're almost done. The exit routine of the will most likely be the start of
the program. Once you intercept it there, all you have to do now is save it to
cassette and re-load DOS. The starting address for saving should be the
address that the B700 routine exits through. If this is higher than $6000 then
start saving at $2000 to get the Hi-Res pictures. Using WXYZ as your starting
address type:
WXYZ.9CFFW (This will have the main program.)
800.WXYZW (Save this are in case there is something needed down here we
don't have to start over from scratch.)
Ok now reboot:
C600G (with a DOS disk in the drive!)
CALL -151
WXYZ.9CFFR
Bsave PROGRAM,A$WXYZ,L$(Whatever 9CFF-WXYZ+1 is)
If the it gives you an error the file is too big. A quick DOS patch to fix
that is:
A964:FF
and try again.
Now that the program is saved, try and run it. (It's a good idea to take the
disk out of the drive, there's no telling what the program might try and do
if it sees that DOS is loaded in.)
WXYZG
(If it works, just to make sure that it's a good crack, power down the system
and try and BRUN it after a cold boot.)
If your saved the pictures with the program, most likely, it won't run. You
need to add a JMP at 1FFD to JMP to the main program. Then re-BSAVE it with a
starting address of A$1FFD, and add 3 to the length. If the program tries to
go to the drive while its running, I'd suggest giving up unless you really
understand non-DOS disk usage. (but if you did you probably wouldn't be
reading this.) If you get a break at an address less than $2000 then you need
to load in the second program that you saved to cassette. Put a jump in at
$800 to the main program and save the whole damn thing. If it still don't work
you're gonna need to really get fancy.
Now that you've got the thing running, it's time to figure out what is used and
what is just wasted memory. This is where I really can't help you but just
make sure that you keep a working copy and before every test power down the
machine to clear anything that might be remaining.
Have phun and good luck.....
________________
\Cheap/ \Shades/
\___/ \____/
2600 CLUB!
Be sure and get a copy of PHRACK INC., available on finer BBS/AE's everywhere.
_ _ _______
| \/ | / _____/
|_||_|etal/ /hop
_________/ /
/__________/
(314)432-0756
24 Hours A Day, 300/1200 Baud
Presents...
==Phrack Inc.==
Volume One, Issue One, Phile 4 of 8
THE PHONE PHREAK'S FRY-UM GUIDE
COMPILED BY THE IRON SOLDIER
WITH HELP FROM DR. DOVE
NOTE: THIS GUIDE IS STILL BEING COMPILED, AND AS PHONE PHREAKS LEARN
MORE IN THE ART OF VENGENCE IT WILL ALWAYS EXPAND.
"Vengence is mine", says the Phreak.
METHOD 1-PHONE LINE PHUN
Call up the business office. It should be listed at the front of the white
pages. Say you wanted to diconnect Scott Korman's line. DIAL 800-xxx-xxxx.
"Hello, this is Mr. Korman, I'm moving to California and would like to have
my phone service disconnected. I'm at the airport now. I'm calling from a
payphone, my number is [414] 445 5005. You can send my final bill to
:(somewhere in California. Thank you."
METHOD 2-PHONE BOOKS
Call up the business office from a pay phone. Say "Hello, I'd like to order a
Phone Book for Upper Volta (or any out-of-the way area with Direct
Dialing). This is Scott Korman, ship to 3119 N. 44th St. Milwaukee, WI
53216. Yes, I under stand it will cost $xx($25-$75!!). Thank you."
METHOD 3-PHONE CALLS
Call up a PBX, enter the code and get an outside line. Then dial 0+ the number
desired to call. You will hear a bonk and then an operator. Say, "I'd
like to charge this to my home phone at 414-445-5005. Thank you." A friend
and I did this to a loser, I called him at 1:00 AM and we left the fone off
the hook all night. I calculated that it cost him $168.
METHOD 4-MISC SERVICES
Call up the business office once again from a payfone. Say you'd like call
waiting, forwarding, 3 way, etc. Once again you are the famed loser Scott
Korman. He pays-you laugh. You don't know how funny it was talking to
him, and wondering what those clicks he kept hearing were.
METHOD 5-CHANGED & UNPUB
Do the same as in 4, but say you'd like to change and unlist your (Scott's)
number. Anyone calling him will get:
"BEW BEW BEEP. The number you have reached, 445-5005, has been changed to
a non-published number. No further....."
METHOD 6-FORWRDING
This required an accomplise or two or three. Around Christmas time, go to
Toys 'R' Us. Get everyone at the customer service or manager's desk away
("Hey, could you help me"). then you get on their phone and dial (usually
dial 9 first) and the business office again. This time, say you are from
Toys 'R' Us, and you'd like to add call forwarding to 445-5005. Scott will
get 100-600 calls a day!!!
METHOD 7-RUSSIAN CALLER
Call a payphone at 10:00 PM. Say to the operator that you'd like to book a
call to Russia. Say you are calling from a payphone, and your number is
that of the loser to fry (e.g. 445-5005). She will say that she'll have to
call ya back in 5 hours, and you ok that. Meanwhile the loser (e.g.)
Scott, will get a call at 3:00 AM from an operator saying that the call he
booked to Russia is ready.
IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS LEAVE E-MAIL FOR ME ON ANY BOARD I'M ON.
The Iron Soldier
TSF-The Second Foundation!
_ _ _______
| \/ | / _____/
|_||_|etal/ /hop
_________/ /
/__________/
(314)432-0756
24 Hours A Day, 300/1200 Baud
Presents...
==Phrack Inc.==
Volume One, Issue One, Phile 5 of 8
Using MCI Calling Cards
by
Knight Lightning
of the
2600 Club!
How to dial international calls on MCI:
"Its easy to use MCI for international calling."
1. Dial your MCI access number and authorization code (code = 14 digit number,
however the first 10 digits are the card holders NPA+PRE+SUFF).
2. Dial 011
3. Dial the country code
4. Dial the city code and the PRE+SUFF that you want.
Countries served by MCI:
Country code|Country code
---------------------------------------|---------------------------------------
Algeria............................213 |New Zealand........................64
Argentina..........................54 |Northern Ireland...................44
Australia..........................61 |Oman...............................968
Belgium............................32 |Papua New Guinea...................675
Brazil.............................55 |Qatar..............................974
Canada..................Use Area Codes |Saudi Arabia.......................966
Cyprus.............................357 |Scotland...........................44
Denmark............................45 |Senegal............................221
Egypt..............................20 |South Africa.......................27
England............................44 |Sri Lanka..........................94
German Democratic Republic |Sweden.............................46
(East Germany).....................37 |Taiwan.............................886
Greece.............................30 |Tanzania...........................255
Jordan.............................962 |Tunisa.............................216
Kenya..............................254 |United Arab Emirates...............971
Kuwait.............................965 |Wales..............................44
Malawi.............................265 |
===============================================================================
Thats 33 countries in all. To get the extender for these calls dial 950-1022
or 1-800-624-1022.
For local calling:
1. Dial 950-1022 or 1-800-624-1022
2. Wait for tone
3. Dial "0", the area code, the phone number, and the 14 digit authorization
code. You will hear 2 more tones that let you know you are connected.
- Knight Lightning --> The 2600 Club!
===============================================================================
_ _ _______
| \/ | / _____/
|_||_|etal/ /hop
_________/ /
/__________/
(314)432-0756
24 Hours A Day, 300/1200 Baud
Presents...
==Phrack Inc.==
Volume One, Issue One, Phile 6 of 8
How to Pick Master Locks
By Gin Fizz & Ninja NYC
Have you ever tried to impress your friends by picking one of those Master
combination locks and failed? Well then read on. The Master lock company has
made this kind of lock with a protection scheme. If you pull the handle of it
hard, the knob won't turn. That was their biggest mistake...... Ok, now on to
it.
1st number. Get out any of the Master locks so you know what's going on.
1: The handle part (the part that springs open when you get the combination),
pull on it, but not enough so that the knob won't move. 2: While pulling on it
turn the knob to the left until it won't move any more. Then add 5 to this
number. Congradulations, you now have the 1st number.
2nd number. (a lot tougher) Ok, spin the dial around a couple of times,
then go to the 1st number you got, then turn it to the right, bypassing the 1st
number once. WHEN you have bypassed. Start pulling the handle and turning it.
It will eventually fall into the groove and lock. While in the groove pull on
it and turn the knob. If it is loose go to the next groove; if it's stiff you
got the second number.
3rd number: After getting the 2nd, spin the dial, then enter the 2 numbers,
then after the 2nd, go to the right and at all the numbers pull on it. The lock
will eventually open if you did it right. If can't do it the first time, be
patient, it takes time.
Have phun...
Gin Fizz/2600 Club!/TPM
Ninja NYC/TPM
_ _ _______
| \/ | / _____/
|_||_|etal/ /hop
_________/ /
/__________/
(314)432-0756
24 Hours A Day, 300/1200 Baud
Presents...
==Phrack Inc.==
Volume One, Issue One, Phile 7 of 8
.-------------------------------------------------------------.
! /////// !
! // !
! // h e C l a s h m a s t e r ' s !
! .===============================. !
! < A C E T Y L E N E > !
! < ->B A L L O O N<- > !
! < ---->B O M B<---- > !
! `===============================' !
! Written exclusively for... !
! The Phrack Inc. !
! 2600 Club !
! Newsletter 11/01/85!
`-------------------------------------------------------------'
Imagine this. A great, inflated, green garbage bag
slowly wafting down from a tall building. It gains some speed
as it nears the ground. People look up and say, "What the....?"
The garbage bag hits! *BOOM!!!* It explodes in a thundering
fireball of green bits of plastic and flame!
"What is this?" you may ask. Well, this is the great
"Acetylene Balloon Bomb." And here is how to make it.
Ingredients:
============
(1> For a small bomb: a plastic bag. Not too big.
For something big(ger): a green, plastic garbage bag.
(2> Some "Fun-Snaps". A dozen should be more than enough.
(3> Some garbage bag twisties. String would also do.
(4> A few rocks. Not too heavy, but depends on size of
bomb and desired velocity of balloon/bomb.
(5> PRIME INGREDIENT: Acetylene. This is what is used in
acetylene torches. More on this substance later.
(6> One or more eager Anarchists.
NOTES:
======
Acetylene is a fairly dangerous substance. It is unstable upon
contact with oxygen (air). For this reason, and for your
safety, I recommend you keep all of the acetylene AWAY from any
source of oxygen. This means don't let it get in touch with
air.
Construction:
=============
(1> Fill up a bathtub with cold water. Make it VERY full.
(2> Now get put you garbage bag in the water and fill it
with water. Make sure ALL air/oxygen is out of the
bag before proceeding.
(3> Now take your acetylene source (I used it straight
from the torch, and I recommend this way also.), and
fill the bag up with acetylene.
(4> Now, being careful with the acetylene, take the bag
out of the tub and tie the opening shut with the
twisty or string. Let the balloon dry off now. (Put
it in a safe place.)
(5> Okay. Now that it is dry and filled with acetlene,
open it up and drop a few rocks in there. Also add
some Fun-Snaps. The rocks will carry the balloon
down, and the Fun-Snaps will spark upon impact, thus
setting off the highly inflammable acetylene.
*BABOOM!*
(6> Now put the twisty or string back on VERY tightly.
You now have a delicate but powerful balloon bomb.
To use:
=======
Just drop off of a cliff, airplane, building, or whatever. It
will hit the ground a explode in a fireball. Be careful you are
not near the explosion site. And be careful you are not
directly above the blast or the fireball may rise and give you
a few nasty burns.
Have fun!
But be careful...
NOTE: I, The Clashmaster, am in NO WAY responsible for the use
===== of this information in any way. This is for purely
informational purposes only!
This has been a 2600 Club production.
-=*Clash*=-
2600 Club
_ _ _______
| \/ | / _____/
|_||_|etal/ /hop
_________/ /
/__________/
(314)432-0756
24 Hours A Day, 300/1200 Baud
Presents...
==Phrack Inc.==
Volume One, Issue One, Phile 8 of 8
Schools and University Numbers
``````````````````````````````
Harvard University 617-732-1251
Yale 203-436-2111
District 214 312-398-8170
Chicago Board of Education 312-254-1919
Spence Schools 212-369-5114
University of Texas 214-688-1400
University of Missouri 314-341-2776
314-341-2910
(1200) 314-341-2141
Cal-Tech 213-687-4662
University of Nevada 402-472-5065
Princeton University 609-452-6736
Stony Brook University 516-246-9000
Depaul 312-939-8388
University of San Diego 619-452-6792
RPI School 518-220-6603
William State University 313-577-0260
Harvard 617-732-1802
Stockton 209-944-4523
Northwestern 312-492-3094
Circle Campus 312-996-5100
312-996-6320
University of Mexico 505-588-3351
University of Florida 904-644-2261
Queens College 212-520-7719
University of Denver 303-753-2737
303-753-2733
University of Syracuse 315-423-1313
University of Illinois 312-996-5100
University of Virginia 703-328-8086
MIT Research 1-800-545-0085
St.Louis Community College 314-645-1289
SIUE 618-692-2400
618-692-2401
618-692-2402
618-692-2403
618-692-2404
618-692-2405
618-692-2406
618-692-2407
618-692-2408
Universiti------- 215-787-1011
Willaim -------- 313-577-0260
University of Florida 904-392-5533
Col & Union College 301-279-0632
Georgia State 404-568-2131
University of Mass. 413-545-1600
Purdue 317-494-1900
Northwestern 312-492-7110
University of New Mexico 505-227-3351
University of Texas 214-688-1400
Temple University 215-787-1010
Melville High School 516-751-6806
UCSD 619-452-6900
Oakland Schools 313-857-9500
University of Maryland 301-454-6111
California St. Fulerton 714-773-3111
N.Y.U. 212-777-7600
University of San Diego 619-293-4510
University of Colorado 303-447-2540
University of Colorado 303-447-2538
MIT Research 617-258-6001
Dartmouth College 603-643-63q0
Spence School 212-369-5114
University of Washington 206-543-9713
University of Washington 206-543-9714
University of Washington 206-543-9715
University of Washington 206-543-9716
University of Washington 206-543-9717
University of NC 919-549-0881
Harvard-Law,Busi,Med Sch. 617-732-1251
Virginia University 703-328-8086
WVU 304-293-2921 thru 304-293-2939
WVU 304-293-4300 thru 304-293-4309
WVU(1200)304-293-4701 thru 304-293-4708
WVU(1200)304-293-5591 thru 304-293-5594
WVU(134.5 bps) 304-293-3601
WVU(134.5 bps) 304-293-3602
Lake Wash. School 206-828-3499
University of San Diego 619-452-6792
RPL School 518-220-6603
Another School 212-369-5114
Harvard 617-732-1251
Harvard 617-732-1802
William State University 313-577-0260
Florida University 904-644-2261
Wayne State 313-577-0260
U of F 904-644-2261
High School 513-644-3840
```````````````````````````````````````
File provided by the Alliance
6 1 8 - 6 6 7 - 3 8 2 5
7 p m - 7 a m
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+=============================================================================+
!VER:2.1 (^)+=- PEEKS, POKES & CALLS -=+(^) (c) May. 1984!
+=============================================================================+
!Writen by: \ for the APPLE ][+ & ][e W/DOS 3.3 & 48k!
! -===THE=WIZARD==]>>>)} !
! / The World of Cryton: [414] 246-3965 !
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
SCROLLING WINDOW
POKE 32,L......Sets LEFT SIDE of the Scrolling Window {L=0 to 39}
POKE 33,W......Sets WIDTH of the Scrolling Window {W=0 to 40-L}
POKE 34,T......Sets TOP of the Scrolling Window {T=0 to 23}
POKE 35,B......Sets BOTTOM of the Scrolling Window {B=0 to 23;B>T}
TEXT & CURSOR POSITION
POKE 36,CH.....Sets HORIZONTAL cursor position +1 {CH=0 to 39}
POKE 37,CV.....Sets VERTICAL cursor position +1 {CV=0 to 23}
CALL -1036.....MONITOR S/R to MOVE CURSOR RIGHT
CALL -1008.....MONITOR S/R to MOVE CURSOR LEFT
CALL -998......MONITOR S/R to MOVE CURSOR UP
CALL -990......MONITOR S/R PERFORM a VERTICAL TAB to ROW in ACCUMULATOR
CALL -980......MONITOR S/R PREFORM ESCAPE FUNCTION
CALL -958......CLEAR from CURSOR to END of PAGE {ESC-F}
CALL -936......MONITOR S/R HOME & CLEAR SCREEN {Destroys ACCUMULATOR & Y-REG}
CALL -926......MONITOR S/R PERFORM a CARRIAGE RETURN
CALL -922......MONITOR S/R PERFORM a LINE FEED
CALL -912......MONITOR S/R SCOLL UP 1 LINE {Destroys ACCUMULATOR & Y-REG}
CALL -868......MONITOR S/R CLEAR to END of LINE
CALL -868......CLEAR from CURSOR to END of LINE {ESC-E}
CALL -384......set INVERSE mode
CALL -380......set NORMAL mode
CHARACTER DISPLAY
POKE 50,255....White on Black {Normal}
POKE 50,63.....Black on White {Inverse}
POKE 50,127....Blinking {Flash}
SCREEN FORMAT
GRAPHICS
POKE -16304,0..Set Graphics display mode
POKE -16303,0..Set TEXT display mode
PEEK(-16358)...READ TEXT switch {If > 127 then it is "ON"}
POKE -16302,0..Set FULL-SCREEN Graphics display mode
POKE -16301,0..Set MIXED-SCREEN Graphics display mode
PEEK(-16357)...READ MIXED switch {If > 127 then it is "ON"}
POKE -16300,0..Turn page 2 HI-RES off {set page 1}
POKE -16299,0..Set display to HI-RES Graphics page 2
PEEK(-16356)...READ PAGE2 switch {If > 127 then it is "ON"}
POKE -16298,0..Turn HI-RES display mode off
POKE -16297,0..Set HI-RES Graphics display mode
PEEK(-16355)...READ HI-RES switch {If > 127 then it is "ON"}
CALL 62450.....CLEAR current HI-RES screen to BLACK
CALL 62454.....CLEAR current HI-RES screen to HCOLOR of last dot ploted
KEYBOARD
PEEK (-16384)..READ keyboard. If > 127 then a key was pressed. Always clear
keyboard strobe before reading it.
POKE -16368,0..CLEARS the keyboard STROBE.
CALL -657......GET a LINE of input with NO PROMPT or LINE FEED, and wait.
CALL -662......GET a LINE of input with PROMPT, NO LINE FEED, and wait.
CALL -665......GET a LINE of input with PROMPT, LINE FEED, and wait.
*NOTE: INPUT CHARACTERS are found in the INPUT BUFFER {Loc 512-767 $200-$2FF}
CALL -756......WAIT for KEY PRESS.
SOUND
X=PEEK(-16336).TOGGLES the SPEAKER {1 click}
POKE -16336,0..TOGGLES the SPEAKER {1 click (longer then PEEK)}
CASSETE
X=PEEK(-16352).TOGGLES CASSETTE OUTPUT once {1 click on cassette recording).
CALL -310......WRITE to TAPE
CALL -259......READ from TAPE
GAME PADDLES
PEEK(-16287)...READ PDL(0) push BUTTON switch {If > 127 then switch is "ON"}
PEEK(-16286)...READ PDL(1) push BUTTON switch {If > 127 then switch is "ON"}
PEEK(-16285)...READ PDL(2) BUTTON (SHIFT KEY) {If > 127 then switch is "ON"}
POKE -16296,1..CLEAR GAME I/O AN-0 OUTPUT {OFF-3.5V HIGH}
POKE -16295,0..SET GAME I/O AN-0 OUTPUT {ON-.3V LOW}
POKE -16294,1..CLEAR GAME I/O AN-1 OUTPUT {OFF-3.5V HIGH}
POKE -16293,0..SET GAME I/O AN-1 OUTPUT {ON-.3V LOW}
POKE -16292,1..CLEAR GAME I/O AN-2 OUTPUT {OFF-3.5V HIGH}
POKE -16291,0..SET GAME I/O AN-2 OUTPUT {ON-.3V LOW}
POKE -16290,1..CLEAR GAME I/O AN-3 OUTPUT {OFF-3.5V HIGH}
POKE -16289,0..SET GAME I/O AN-3 OUTPUT {ON-.3V LOW}
CALL -1250.....MONITOR S/R to READ PADDLE - X-Reg contains PDL # (0-3).
LO-RES GRAPHICS
CALL -2048.....PLOT a POINT {AC:Y-COORD Y:X-COORD}
CALL -2023.....DRAW a HORIZONTAL LINE.
CALL -2008.....DRAW a VERTICAL LINE.
CALL -1998.....CLEAR LO-RES SCREEN 1 and set GRAPHICS mode.
CALL -1994.....CLEAR top 20 lines of LOW-RES Graphics
CALL -1977.....CALCULATE Graphics base ADDRESS.
CALL -1953.....INCREMENT COLOR by 2
CALL -1948.....ADJUST COLOR BYTE for both havles EQUAL.
CALL -1935.....MONITOR S/R to get SCREEN COLOR {AC:
Y-COORD Y:X-COORD}
COLORS
0= Black 4= Dark Green 8= Brown 12= Green
1= Magenta 5= Grey 9= Orange 13= Yellow
2= Dark Blue 6= Medium Blue 10= Grey 14= Aqua
3= Light Purple 7= Light Blue 11= Pink 15= White
HI-RES GRAPHICS
POKE 800,H.....Set HORIZONTAL COORDINATE. H=MODULUS 256
POKE 801,H/256.H= 0 (left) to 279 (right)
* Note: Both POKE 800 & 801 are required.
POKE 802,V.....Sets VERTICAL COORDINATE. {V= 0 (top) to 159 (bottom)}
POKE 804,S.....STARTING ADDRESS of SHAPE TABLE. S=MODULUS 256
POKE 805,S/256.Both 804 & 805 are required.
POKE 28,C......COLOR of SHAPE
POKE 812,x.....Sets COLOR for HI-RES
CALL -3805 PG..DRAWS predefind SHAPE.
CALL -3761.....PLOTS a POINT on the screen
CALL -3086.....Clear HI-RES screen to Black
CALL -3082.....Clear HI-RES screen to recent HCOLOR
CALL -2613.....HI-RES coordinates to ZERO page.
CALL -1438.....Pseudo-Reset
CALL -11780 M.."FIND" or POSITION
CALL -11272 S.."FIND" or BACKGROUND (HCOLOR 1 set for black background)
CALL -11471....HI-RES Graphics BACKGROUND (PAMAM=COLOR)
CALL -11462....HI-RES DRAW1(X0;Y0;COLOR)
CALL -11335....HI-RES SHLOAD
POKE 249,R.....Sets ROTATION of SHAPE {R=1 to 64; 0=Normal; 16=90' Clockwize}
PEEK (243).....FLASH MASK
PEEK (241).....SPEED (256 - current speed)
PEEK (234).....COLLISION COUNTER for shapes
PEEK (232-233).SHAPE TABLE starting address
POKE 231,S.....Sets SCALE of SHAPE
PEEK (230).....HI-RES PLOTING page. (32=Page 1, 64=Page 2, 96=Page 3)
PEEK (224-226).HI-RES GR X&Y Cordinates
POKE 228,x.....HI-RES GR COLOR BYTE (x can be 0-255)
HI-RES COLORS
0= Black1 {Gr/Vl} 1= Green 2= Violet 3= White1 {Gr/Vl}
4= Black2 {Or/Bl} 5= Orange 6= Blue 7= White2 {Or/Bl}
OTHER USEFULL CALLS
{Add +65536 to get pos. POKE's}
CALL 54915.....CLEARS STACK. Dose away with the false "OUT OF MEMORY" error.
CALL 1002......Reconnect DOS
CALL -8192.....RESET INTERGER BASIC. KILLS VARIABLES and CLEARS
CALL -8117.....LIST INTERGER PROGRAM
CALL -6739.....NEW
CALL -6729.....PLOTS a POINT on the screen
CALL -6090.....RUN INTERGER PROGRAM {SAVES VARIABLES}
CALL -4116.....RUN INTERGER PROGRAM {KILLS VARIABLES}
CALL -3973.....LOAD INTERGER PROGRAM from TAPE
CALL -3776.....SAVE INTERGER PROGRAM to TAPE
CALL -3774.....SAVE
CALL -3318.....CONTINUE
CALL -2458.....TURN ON MINI-ASSEMBLER
CALL -2423.....SWEET-16 INTERPRETER entry
CALL -1906.....MONITOR S/R DISASSEMBLER entry
CALL -1728.....MONITOR S/R-PRINT contents of X & Y {REG 9 as 4 HEX digits}
CALL -1716.....MONITOR S/R PRINT X BLANKS {X REG contains # to PRINT}
CALL -1402.....MONITOR S/R-IRQ HANDLER
CALL -1390.....MONITOR S/R-BREAK HNADLER
CALL -1370.....RE-BOOTS DISK SYSTEM
CALL -1321.....MONITOR S/R to display USER REGISTERS
CALL -1233.....MONITOR S/R SREEN INIT
CALL -1223.....MONITOR S/R set SCREEN to TEXT mode {Destroys ACCUMULATER}
CALL -1216.....MONITOR S/R set GRAPHICS mode {GR} {Destroys ACCUMULATER} CALL
CALL -1205.....MONITOR S/R set NORMAL WINDOW
CALL -1184.....Prints the 'Apple ][' at the top of your screen.
CALL -1181.....MONITOR S/R MULTIPLY ROUTINE
CALL -1148.....MONITOR S/R DIVIDE ROUTINE
CALL -1087.....MONITOR S/R CALCULATE TEXT BASE ADDRESS
CALL -1052.....MONITOR S/R SOUND BELL
CALL -1027.....MONITOR S/R OUTPUT A-REG as ASCII on TEXT SCREEN 1
CALL -856......MONITOR S/R WAIT LOOP
CALL -756......GET KEY from KEYBOARD {Destroys ACC & Y-REG} WAIT for KEY PRESS.
CALL -741......MONITOR S/R KEYIN ROUTINE
CALL -715......READ KEY & PERFORM ESCAPE FUNCTION if necessary.
CALL -678......Wait for RETURN
CALL -676......Bell; Wait or RETURN
CALL -670......PREFORM LINE CANCEL
CALL -665......PREFORM CARRIAGE RETURN & GET LINE of TEXT.
CALL -662......GET LINE of TEXT from KEYBOARD {X RETND with # of CHARACTERS}
CALL -657......INPUT; Accepts commas & collons.
EX:PRINT "NAME (LAST, FIRST):";:CALL-657:A$="":FOR X= 512 TO 767
IF PEEK (X) < > 141 THEN A$= A$ + CHR$ (PEEK (X) -128) : NEXT
CALL -626......PRINT CARRIAGE RETURN {Destroys ACCUMULATOR & Y-REG}
CALL -622......PRINT A1H,A1L. Example: 10 POKE 60,A1H 20 POKE 61,A1L 30END
...Then RUN, CALL -622
CALL -550......PRINT CONTENTS of ACCUMULATOR. As 2 HEX DIGETS.
CALL -541......PRINT a HEX digit
CALL -531......OUTPUT CHARACTER IN ACCUMULATOR. {Destroys ACCUM. & Y-REG COUNT}
CALL -528......GET MONITOR CHARACTER OUTPUT
CALL -468......PERFORM MEMORY MOVE A1-A2 TO A4.
Example: 10 POKE 60,LOB
20 POKE 61,HOB
30 POKE 62,LOE
40 POKE 63,HIE
50 POKE 66,LOD
60 POKE 67,HID
...Then RUN, CALL -468
* Note: LOB is lo-byte of begining of memory to move, HIB is
high, LOE is low end, HIE is high, LOD is low destina-
tion, HID is high.
CALL -458......Perform MEMORY VERIFY (compare and list differences)
CALL -418......DISASSEMBLE 20 INSTRUCTIONS
CALL -415......DISASSEMBLER Note: POKE start add. at 58-59 before calling.
CALL -378......set I FLAG
CALL -375......set KEYBOARD
CALL -336......JUMP to BASIC
CALL -333......CONTINUE BASIC
CALL -330......MEMORY LOCATION "GO"
CALL -321......DISPLAY A,S,Y,P,S REG. {CURRENT VALUES}
CALL -318......PERFORM MONITOR TRACE
CALL -307......WRITE OUT cassette tape
CALL -259......READ FROM cassette tape {LIMITS A1 to A2}
CALL -211......PRINT "ERR" & SOUNDS BELL {Destroys ACCUMULATOR & Y-REG}
CALL -198......PRINT BELL {Destroys ACCUMULATOR & Y-REG}
CALL -193......MONITOR & SWEET-16 "RESTORE"
CALL -188......MONITOR "RESTR1"
CALL -182......MONITOR & SWEET-16 "SAVE"
CALL -180......MONITOR "SAV1"
CALL -167......ENTER MONITOR RESET, TEXT mode, "COLD START"
CALL -155......ENTER MONITOR, ring BELL, "WARM START"
CALL -151......Go to MONITOR
CALL -144......SCAN INPUT BUFFER {ADDRESS $200...}
EX: A$ = "300:A9 C1 20 ED FD 18 69 01 C9 DB D0 F6 60 300G D823G"
FOR X=1 TO LEN(A$): POKE 511+X,ASC (MID$ (A$,X,1))+128: NEXT
POKE 72,0: CALL -144
ERRORS
POKE 216,0.....RESETS ERROR FLAG
PEEK (216).....If = 127 then an ERROR was detected.
PEEK (212).....Returns ERROR CODE FLAG in decimal.
MEMORY ALLOCATION
RANGE ! USE DESCRIPTION
------------+--------------------------------------------+
$0-$1FF ! Program wook space {not for USER}
$200-$2FF ! Keyboard Character buffer
$300-$3FF ! Available for short Machine langauge rutine
$400-$7FF ! Screen display page 1 TEXT or GR
$800-$1FFF ! Available RAM for BASIC programs
$2000-$3FFF ! HGR page 1
$4000-$5FFF ! HGR page 2
$6000-$95FF ! Available RAM for BASIC programs
$9600-$9CFF ! DOS files buffers {Maxfiles 3}
$9D00-$AAFC ! Main DOS routines
$AAFD-$B7B4 ! File Manager
$B7B5-$BFFF ! RWTS
$C000-$CFFF ! I/O Hardware {end of RAM}
$D000-$FFFF ! ROM {I/O Addresses}
SPECIAL MEMORY LOCATIONS
LOCATION ! USE DESCRIPTION
-----------+------------------------------------------------------------------+
$18 ! First track of data {for DOS}
$19 ! First sector of data {for DOS}
$1A ! Number of sectors to load {for DOS}
$1B ! The HIGH BYTE of the buffer {LO is always 00} {DOS Command}
$1A - $1B ! Shape pointer used by DRAW and XDRAW
$1C ! Last color used {HCOLOR converted to its color byte}
$26 - $27 ! Address of byte contained X,Y point
$2B ! Boot SLOT * 16
$2C ! Lo-res line END-point
$30 ! COLOR * 17
$33 ! Prompt-Char, {POKE 51,0:GOTO line #; Defeats NOT DIRECT COMMAND}
$68 ! LOMEM: {LOW BYTE is always 00}
$4E - $4F ! Random - Number feild
$69 - $6A ! Simple Variables
$6B - $6C ! Start of ARRAY - Space
$6D - $6E ! END of ARRAY - Space
$6F - $70 ! Start of STRING storage
$73 - $74 ! HIMEM: $73=LO BYTE
$75 - $76 ! Line # being executed
$77 - $78 ! Line # where program stopped
$79 - $7A ! Address of executing line #
$7B - $7C ! Current DATA line #
$7D - $7E ! Next DATA address
$7F - $80 ! Input or Data address
$81 - $82 ! Last used Variable NAME: VAR$ = CHR$(PEEK(129)) + CHR$(PEEK(130))
$83 - $84 ! Last used variable address
$AF - $B0 ! End of Applesoft program
$D8 ! ONERR flag NOTE: POKE 216,0 cancels ONERR function
$DA - $DB ! Line # of ONERR error
$DE ! ONERR error code {Dec. PEEK (222)}
$E0 - $E1 ! X-coordinate (0-279) in HEX {Low,High}
$E2 ! Y-coordinate (0-191) in HEX
$E4 ! Color being used {0=0:42=1:85=2:127=3:128=4:170=5:213=6:255=7}
$E6 ! Current HI-RES page being used {$20: Page one, $40: Page two}
$E7 ! Current SCALE (0-256)
$E8 - $E9 ! Location of shape table {Low,High}
$EA ! Collision counter {used by XDRAW and DRAW}
$3D0 - $3D2! JUMP vector to DOS Warmstart {JMP $9DBF}
$3D3 - $3D5! JUMP vector to DOS Coldstart {JMP $9D84}
$3D6 - $3D8! JUMP vector to DOS File Manager {JMP $AAFD}
$3D9 - $3DB! JUMP vector to RWTS {JMP $B7B5}
$3DC - $3E2! Subroutine to locate File Manager PARM list {LDA $9D0F;LDY $9D0E}
$3E3 - $3E9! Subroutine to locate RWTS PARM list {LDA $AAC2; LDY $AAC1; RTS}
$3EA - $3EE! JUMP to replace DOS intercepts subroutine {JMP $A851; NOP; NOP}
$3EF - $3F1! JUMP vector to Autostart BRK Handler {JMP $FA59}
$3F2 - $3F3! Autostart Reset handler {$9DBF}
$3F4 ! POWER-UP byte ($3F3 EOR $A5) {$38}
$3F5 - $3F7! JUMP vector to Applesoft & Handler {JMP $FF58}
$3F8 - $3FA! JUMP vector to CTR-Y handler {JMP $FF65}
$3FB - $3FD! JUMP vector to NMI handler {JMP $FF65}
$3FE - $3FF! Vector for IRQ handler {$FF65}
$AA61.$AA60! LENGTH of file just loaded {$AA61 is the HIGH BYTE}
$AA73.$AA72! STARTING ADDRESS of file just loaded {$AA73 is the HIGH BYTE}
$FBB3 ! SIGNATURE byte {$06 = //e : $EA
= ][+}
MISCELLANEOUS INFORMATION
CONTROL RESET
To make it run your program type this:
10 POKE 1010,102
20 POKE 1011,213
30 POKE 1012,112
To make it send you to MONITOR type this:
POKE 1010,105
POKE 1011,255
CALL -1169
To make it BOOT DOS type this:
POKE 592,0
POKE 1012,0
* Note: The origanal values are:
PEEK(592) = 255 DivDos64k Norml
PEEK(1010)= 3 60 191
PEEK(1011)= 224 191 157
PEEK(1012)= 69 26 56
VERY QUICK SORTING ROUTINE
1000 FOR I = 1 TO N - 1 : REM N = # OF ITEMS
1010 P = I
1020 FOR J = I + 1 TO N
1030 IF A(J) < A(P) THEN P = J
1040 NEXT J
1050 T = A(I) : A(I) = A(P) : A(P) = T
1060 NEXT I
DOS MEMORY LOCATIONS
LOCATION ! USE DESCRIPTION
------------+-----------------------------------------------------------------+
$3D0 - $3D2 ! Re-enter DOS Vector
$3F2 - $3F4 ! Reset Vector EX: POKE 1012,0 Reboots {Norm: 56}
$3F5 - $3F7 ! Ampersand Vector. EX: POKE 1014,165:POKE 1015,214 -=> LIST
! EX: POKE 1014,110:POKE 1015,165 -=> CATALOG
! EX: POKE 1014,18 :POKE 1015,217 -=> RUN
$3F8 - $3FA ! Crtl - Y Vector
$A56E ! Catalog Routine. Also CALL 42350
$9E42 ! Greeting program RUN-FLAG {POKE 40514,X: 52=BRUN, 20=EXEC}
$A884-$A907 ! DOS Commands
$A972-$AA3E ! ERROR messages
$A960-$AA61 ! Last BLOAD Lenght {LEN = PEEK (43616) + PEEK (43617) * 256}
$AA72-$AA73 ! Last BLOAD START {STR = PEEK (43634) + PEEK (43635) * 256}
$AA57 ! MAX Files Values
$AAB1 ! Max files Default Value
$AA68 ! Drive - Number EX: POKE 43624,DR DR= Drive for I/O
$AA6A ! Slot - Number
$AC01 ! Catalog Track number.
$AE17 ! # Characters -1 in catalog file name.
$B3A7-$B3AE ! File type codes
$B3AF-$B3BA ! Disk Vol. Heading
$B3C1 ! Disk Vol. Number
$B3F0 ! Number of Sectors per Track
DOS MISCELLANEOUS
To defeat the "NOT DIRECT COMMAND" error type: POKE 51,0 : GOTO line #
To kill the INIT command do: Poke 42309,96 or $A545:60
To kill the INIT command in normal DOS type: POKE 42309,96 or $A545:60
If you want a basic program to load in after HGR {more memory than LOMEM:16384}
use this loader program:
10 POKE 16384,0 : POKE 104,64 : REM STARTING LOCATION OF PROGRAM
20 PRINT CHR$(4) "RUN PROGRAM"
*Note:To put things back to normal use this program:
10 POKE 2048,0 : POKE 104,8
20 PRINT CHR$(4) "RUN OLD PROGRAM"
If PEEK(-18070) = 150 then your using DOS 3.3 .
POKE 40193,PEEK(40193)-N:CALL 42964...Move DOS buffers down N*256 bytes.
POKE 44452,N+1:POKE 44605,N...........Allows N file names before Catalog pause.
POKE 44505,234:POKE 44579,234:POKE 44580,234...Cancels return after file names.
POKE 44578,234:POKE 44579,234:POKE 44580,234...Cancels catalog pause.
POKE 44599,234:POKE 44600,234.........Wait for key input after every file name.
Here are some POKEs that turn on the DRIVES but do not READ or WRITE. These
can be used as scare tactics. EX. PRINT "INITIALIZING DISK" : POKE -16151,0
POKE -16151,0........TURNS ON DRIVE 1
POKE -16135,0........TURNS ON DRIVE 2
POKE -16152,0........TURNS OFF DRIVE 1
POKE -16136,0........TURNS OFF DRIVE 2
To stop CATALOG for a key input after every file name type:
POKE 44599,234 {NORM 208}
POKE 44600,234 {NORM 8}
To omit the pause after a full screen of CATALOG then type:
$AE34:60 or POKE 44569,96
For WILDCARD DOS files useing "=" type: (from monitor)
B201:4C 71 BA
BA69:E8 B1 42 DD C6 B4 D0 0A C8 C0 1E D0 F3
AE 9C B3 18 60 C9 AD F0 F7 4C 0B B2
MISCELLANEOUS
To make the program in memory run when any Syntax (but DOS commands) is typed
then put this line in: 10 POKE 214,128 {Norm 0}
PEEK (104).....If 8 is returned then APPLESOFT is in ROM. Any other value means
APPLESOFT is in RAM or not available.
POKE 2049,1...Repeatedly Lists first li
CALL -856......TIME DELAY. POKE 69,XX to set amount of delay.
CALL -1182.....Prints the Apple ][ across the top of your screen.
POKE 49107,234:POKE 49108,234:POKE 49109,234...Prevents language card re-load.
For "true" random number generation use RND(PEEK(78)+PEEK(79)*256).
POKE 1912+SLOT,1 on APPLE PARALLEL CARD (with P1-02 PROM) will enable LINEFEED.
POKE 1912+SLOT,0 on APPLE PARALLEL CARD (with P1-02 PROM) => disable LINEFEEDS.
REMAINDER {Mod} type: R = X - (INT (X / Y) * Y)
To ROUND to N digets past the decimal type: X = INT (X * (10^N) +.5) / (10^N)
QUADRATIC formula : R1 = (-B + SQR (B^2 - 4 * A * C)) / (2 * A)
R2 = (-B - SQR (B^2 - 4 * A * C)) / (2 * A)
CONVERSIONS
To change VOLUME # xxx to SECTORS FREE = xxx then type the following:
ADC0:20 69 BA
BB69:A9 00 85 40 85 41 A0 C8 18 B9 F2 B3 F0 0E 0A 90 FB 48 E6 40 D0 02 E6
41 68 18 90 F0 88 D0 E9 A6 40 A5 41 20 24 ED 60
B3AF:A0 BD A0 D4 C3 C5 D3 A0 C5 C5 D2 C6
If you own a //e then you can get the functions of an 80 col card (save 80 col)
with out the card. Just type: POKE 49162,0 then type: PR#3
[Dist. The Temple of Doom 805/682-5148]
+=============================================================================+
! If you find an error or want to add something, please leave me a message! !
+=============================================================================+

+1011
View File
File diff suppressed because it is too large Load Diff
+510
View File
@@ -0,0 +1,510 @@
Real Programmers... p. 1
"Real Programmers Don't Use PASCAL"
Back in the good old days -- the "Golden Era" of computers, it
was easy to separate the men from the boys (sometimes called "Real
Men" and "Quiche Eaters" in the literature). During this period, the
Real Men were the ones that understood computer programming, and the
Quiche Eaters were the ones that didn't. A real computer programmer
said things like "DO 10 I=1,10" and "ABEND" (they actually talked in
capital letters, you understand), and the rest of the world said
things like "computers are too complicated for me" and "I can't relate
to computers -- they're so impersonal". (A previous work [1] points
out that Real Men don't "relate" to anything, and aren't afraid of
being impersonal.)
But, as usual, times change. We are faced today with a world
in which little old ladies can get computers in their microwave ovens,
12-year-old kids can blow Real Men out of the water playing Asteroids
and Pac-Man, and anyone can buy and even understand their very own
Personal Computer. The Real Programmer is in danger of becoming
extinct, of being replaced by high-school students with TRASH-80's.
There is a clear need to point out the differences between the
typical high-school junior Pac-Man player and a Real Programmer. If
this difference is made clear, it will give these kids something to
aspire to -- a role model, a Father Figure. It will also help explain
to the employers of Real Programmers why it would be a mistake to
replace the Real Programmers on their staff with 12-year-old Pac-Man
players (at a considerable salary savings).
LANGUAGES
---------
The easiest way to tell a Real Programmer from the crowd is by
the programming language he (or she) uses. Real Programmers use
FORTRAN. Quiche Eaters use PASCAL. Nicklaus Wirth, the designer of
PASCAL, gave a talk once at which he was asked "How do you pronounce
your name?". He replied, "You can either call me by name, pronouncing
it 'Veert', or call me by value, 'Worth'." One can tell immediately
from this comment that Nicklaus Wirth is a Quiche Eater. The only
parameter passing mechanism endorsed by Real Programmers is
call-by-value-return, as implemented in the IBM\370 FORTRAN-G and H
compilers. Real programmers don't need all these abstract concepts to
get their jobs done -- they are perfectly happy with a keypunch, a
FORTRAN IV compiler, and a beer.
* Real Programmers do List Processing in FORTRAN.
* Real Programmers do String Manipulation in FORTRAN.
* Real Programmers do Accounting (if they do it at all) in FORTRAN.
* Real Programmers do Artificial Intelligence programs in FORTRAN.
If you can't do it in FORTRAN, do it in assembly language. If you
can't do it in assembly language, it isn't worth doing.
Real Programmers... p. 2
STRUCTURED PROGRAMMING
----------------------
The academics in computer science have gotten into the
"structured programming" rut over the past several years. They claim
that programs are more easily understood if the programmer uses some
special language constructs and techniques. They don't all agree on
exactly which constructs, of course, and the examples they use to show
their particular point of view invariably fit on a single page of some
obscure journal or another -- clearly not enough of an example to
convince anyone. When I got out of school, I thought I was the best
programmer in the world. I could write an unbeatable tic-tac-toe
program, use five different computer languages, and create 1000-line
programs that WORKED. (Really!) Then I got out into the Real World.
My first task in the Real World was to read and understand a
200,000-line FORTRAN program, then speed it up by a factor of two. Any
Real Programmer will tell you that all the Structured Coding in the
world won't help you solve a problem like that -- it takes actual
talent. Some quick observations on Real Programmers and Structured
Programming:
* Real Programmers aren't afraid to use GOTO's.
* Real Programmers can write five-page-long DO loops without
getting confused.
* Real Programmers like Arithmetic IF statements -- they make the
code more interesting.
* Real Programmers write self-modifying code, especially if they
can save 20 nanoseconds in the middle of a tight loop.
* Real Programmers don't need comments -- the code is obvious.
* Since FORTRAN doesn't have a structured IF, REPEAT ... UNTIL, or
CASE statement, Real Programmers don't have to worry about not
using them. Besides, they can be simulated when necessary using
assigned GOTO's.
Data Structures have also gotten a lot of press lately.
Abstract Data Types, Structures, Pointers, Lists, and Strings have
become popular in certain circles. Wirth (the above-mentioned Quiche
Eater) actually wrote an entire book [2] contending that you could
write a program based on data structures, instead of the other way
around. As all Real Programmers know, the only useful data structure
is the Array. Strings, lists, structures, sets -- these are all
special cases of arrays and can be treated that way just as easily
without messing up your programing language with all sorts of
complications. The worst thing about fancy data types is that you have
to declare them, and Real Programming Languages, as we all know, have
implicit typing based on the first letter of the (six character)
variable name.
Real Programmers... p. 3
OPERATING SYSTEMS
-----------------
What kind of operating system is used by a Real Programmer?
CP/M? God forbid -- CP/M, after all, is basically a toy operating
system. Even little old ladies and grade school students can
understand and use CP/M.
Unix is a lot more complicated of course -- the typical Unix
hacker never can remember what the PRINT command is called this week
-- but when it gets right down to it, Unix is a glorified video game.
People don't do Serious Work on Unix systems: they send jokes around
the world on UUCP-net and write adventure games and research papers.
No, your Real Programmer uses OS\370. A good programmer can
find and understand the description of the IJK305I error he just got
in his JCL manual. A great programmer can write JCL without referring
to the manual at all. A truly outstanding programmer can find bugs
buried in a 6 megabyte core dump without using a hex calculator. (I
have actually seen this done.)
OS is a truly remarkable operating system. It's possible to
destroy days of work with a single misplaced space, so alertness in
the programming staff is encouraged. The best way to approach the
system is through a keypunch. Some people claim there is a Time
Sharing system that runs on OS\370, but after careful study I have
come to the conclusion that they were mistaken.
PROGRAMMING TOOLS
----------------
What kind of tools does a Real Programmer use? In theory, a
Real Programmer could run his programs by keying them into the front
panel of the computer. Back in the days when computers had front
panels, this was actually done occasionally. Your typical Real
Programmer knew the entire bootstrap loader by memory in hex, and
toggled it in whenever it got destroyed by his program. (Back then,
memory was memory -- it didn't go away when the power went off.
Today, memory either forgets things when you don't want it to, or
remembers things long after they're better forgotten.) Legend has it
that Seymore Cray, inventor of the Cray I supercomputer and most of
Control Data's computers, actually toggled the first operating system
for the CDC7600 in on the front panel from memory when it was first
powered on. Seymore, needless to say, is a Real Programmer.
One of my favorite Real Programmers was a systems programmer
for Texas Instruments. One day he got a long distance call from a
user whose system had crashed in the middle of saving some important
work. Jim was able to repair the damage over the phone, getting the
user to toggle in disk I/O instructions at the front panel, repairing
system tables in hex, reading register contents back over the phone.
The moral of this story: while a Real Programmer usually includes a
keypunch and lineprinter in his toolkit, he can get along with just a
front panel and a telephone in emergencies.
Real Programmers... p. 4
In some companies, text editing no longer consists of ten
engineers standing in line to use an 029 keypunch. In fact, the
building I work in doesn't contain a single keypunch. The Real
Programmer in this situation has to do his work with a "text editor"
program. Most systems supply several text editors to select from, and
the Real Programmer must be careful to pick one that reflects his
personal style. Many people believe that the best text editors in the
world were written at Xerox Palo Alto Research Center for use on their
Alto and Dorado computers [3]. Unfortunately, no Real Programmer
would ever use a computer whose operating system is called SmallTalk,
and would certainly not talk to the computer with a mouse.
Some of the concepts in these Xerox editors have been
incorporated into editors running on more reasonably named operating
systems -- EMACS and VI being two. The problem with these editors is
that Real Programmers consider "what you see is what you get" to be
just as bad a concept in Text Editors as it is in women. No the Real
Programmer wants a "you asked for it, you got it" text editor --
complicated, cryptic, powerful, unforgiving, dangerous. TECO, to be
precise.
It has been observed that a TECO command sequence more closely
resembles transmission line noise than readable text [4]. One of the
more entertaining games to play with TECO is to type your name in as a
command line and try to guess what it does. Just about any possible
typing error while talking with TECO will probably destroy your
program, or even worse -- introduce subtle and mysterious bugs in a
once working subroutine.
For this reason, Real Programmers are reluctant to actually
edit a program that is close to working. They find it much easier to
just patch the binary object code directly, using a wonderful program
called SUPERZAP (or its equivalent on non-IBM machines). This works
so well that many working programs on IBM systems bear no relation to
the original FORTRAN code. In many cases, the original source code is
no longer available. When it comes time to fix a program like this,
no manager would even think of sending anything less than a Real
Programmer to do the job -- no Quiche Eating structured programmer
would even know where to start. This is called "job security".
Some programming tools NOT used by Real Programmers:
* FORTRAN preprocessors like MORTRAN and RATFOR. The Cuisinarts of
programming -- great for making Quiche. See comments above on
structured programming.
* Source language debuggers. Real Programmers can read core dumps.
* Compilers with array bounds checking. They stifle creativity,
destroy most of the interesting uses for EQUIVALENCE, and make it
impossible to modify the operating system code with negative
subscripts. Worst of all, bounds checking is inefficient.
* Source code maintenance systems. A Real Programmer keeps his code
locked up in a card file, because it implies that its owner
cannot leave his important programs unguarded [5].
Real Programmers... p. 5
THE REAL PROGRAMMER AT WORK
---------------------------
Where does the typical Real Programmer work? What kind of
programs are worthy of the efforts of so talented an individual? You
can be sure that no Real Programmer would be caught dead writing
accounts-receivable programs in COBOL, or sorting mailing lists for
People magazine. A Real Programmer wants tasks of earth-shaking
importance (literally!).
* Real Programmers work for Los Alamos National Laboratory, writing
atomic bomb simulations to run on Cray I supercomputers.
* Real Programmers work for the National Security Agency, decoding
Russian transmissions.
* It was largely due to the efforts of thousands of Real
Programmers working for NASA that our boys got to the moon and
back before the Russkies.
* Real Programmers are at work for Boeing designing the operating
systems for cruise missiles.
Some of the most awesome Real Programmers of all work at the
Jet Propulsion Laboratory in California. Many of them know the entire
operating system of the Pioneer and Voyager spacecraft by heart. With
a combination of large ground-based FORTRAN programs and small
spacecraft-based assembly language programs, they are able to do
incredible feats of navigation and improvisation -- hitting
ten-kilometer wide windows at Saturn after six years in space,
repairing or bypassing damaged sensor platforms, radios, and
batteries. Allegedly, one Real Programmer managed to tuck a
pattern-matching program into a few hundred bytes of unused memory in
a Voyager spacecraft that searched for, located, and photographed a
new moon of Jupiter.
The current plan for the Galileo spacecraft is to use a
gravity assist trajectory past Mars on the way to Jupiter. This
trajectory passes within 80 +/-3 kilometers of the surface of Mars.
Nobody is going to trust a PASCAL program (or a PASCAL programmer) for
navigation to these tolerances.
As you can tell, many of the world's Real Programmers work for
the U.S. Government -- mainly the Defense Department. This is as it
should be. Recently, however, a black cloud has formed on the Real
Programmer horizon. It seems that some highly placed Quiche Eaters at
the Defense Department decided that all Defense programs should be
written in some grand unified language called "ADA" ((C), DoD). For a
while, it seemed that ADA was destined to become a language that went
against all the precepts of Real Programming -- a language with
structure, a language with data types, strong typing, and semicolons.
In short, a language designed to cripple the creativity of the typical
Real Programmer. Fortunately, the language adopted by DoD has enough
interesting features to make it approachable -- it's incredibly
complex, includes methods for messing with the operating system and
rearranging memory, and Edsgar Dijkstra doesn't like it [6].
(Dijkstra, as I'm sure you know, was the author of "GoTos Considered
Harmful" -- a landmark work in programming methodology, applauded by
PASCAL programmers and Quiche Eaters alike.) Besides, the determined
Real Programmer can write FORTRAN programs in any language.
Real Programmers... p. 6
The Real Programmer might compromise his principles and work
on something slightly more trivial than the destruction of life as we
know it, providing there's enough money in it. There are several Real
Programmers building video games at Atari, for example. (But not
playing them -- a Real Programmer knows how to beat the machine every
time: no challenge in that.) Everyone working at LucasFilm is a Real
Programmer. (It would be crazy to turn down the money of fifty
million Star Trek fans.) The proportion of Real Programmers in
Computer Graphics is somewhat lower than the norm, mostly because
nobody has found a use for computer graphics yet. On the other hand,
all computer graphics is done in FORTRAN, so there are a fair number
of people doing graphics in order to avoid having to write COBOL
programs.
Real Programmers... p. 7
THE REAL PROGRAMMER AT PLAY
---------------------------
Generally, the Real Programmer plays the same way he works --
with computers. He is constantly amazed that his employer actually
pays him to do what he would be doing for fun anyway (although he is
careful not to express this opinion out loud). Occasionally, the Real
Programmer does step out of the office for a breath of fresh air and a
beer or two. Some tips on recognizing Real Programmers away from the
computer room:
* At a party, the Real Programmers are the ones in the corner
talking about operating system security and how to get around it.
* At a football game, the Real Programmer is the one comparing the
plays against his simulations printed on 11 by 14 fanfold paper.
* At the beach, the Real Programmer is the one drawing flowcharts
in the sand.
* At a funeral, the Real Programmer is the one saying "Poor George.
And he almost had the sort routine working before the coronary."
* In a grocery store, the Real Programmer is the one who insists on
running the cans past the laser checkout scanner himself, because
he never could trust keypunch operators to get it right the first
time.
Real Programmers... p. 8
THE REAL PROGRAMMER'S NATURAL HABITAT
-------------------------------------
What sort of environment does the Real Programmer function
best in? This is an important question for the managers of Real
Programmers. Considering the amount of money it costs to keep one on
the staff, it's best to put him (or her) in an environment where he
can get his work done.
The typical Real Programmer lives in front of a computer
terminal. Surrounding this terminal are:
* Listings of all programs the Real Programmer has ever worked on,
piled in roughly chronological order on every flat surface in the
office.
* Some half-dozen or so partly filled cups of cold coffee.
Occasionally, there will be cigarette butts floating in the
coffee. In some cases, the cups will contain Orange Crush.
* Unless he is very good, there will be copies of the OS JCL manual
and the Principles of Operation open to some particularly
interesting pages.
* Taped to the wall is a line-printer Snoopy calendar for the year
1969.
* Strewn about the floor are several wrappers for peanut butter
filled cheese bars -- the type that are made pre-stale at the
bakery so they can't get any worse while waiting in the vending
machine.
* Hiding in the top left-hand drawer of the desk is a stash of
double-stuff Oreos for special occasions.
* Underneath the Oreos is a flowcharting template, left there by
the previous occupant of the office. (Real Programmers write
programs, not documentation. Leave that to the maintenance
people.)
The Real Programmer is capable of working 30, 40, even 50
hours at a stretch, under intense pressure. In fact, he prefers it
that way. Bad response time doesn't bother the Real Programmer -- it
gives him a chance to catch a little sleep between compiles. If there
is not enough schedule pressure on the Real Programmer, he tends to
make things more challenging by working on some small but interesting
part of the problem for the first nine weeks, then finishing the rest
in the last week, in two or three 50-hour marathons. This not only
impresses the hell out of his manager, who was despairing of ever
getting the project done on time, but creates a convenient excuse for
not doing the documentation. In general:
* No Real Programmer works 9 to 5 (unless it's the ones at night).
* Real Programmers don't wear neckties.
* Real Programmers don't wear high-heeled shoes.
* Real Programmers arrive at work in time for lunch [9].
* A Real Programmer might or might not know his wife's name. He
does, however, know the entire ASCII (or EBCDIC) code table.
* Real Programmers don't know how to cook. Grocery stores aren't
open at three in the morning. Real Programmers survive on
Twinkies and coffee.
Real Programmers... p. 9
THE FUTURE
----------
What of the future? It is a matter of some concern to Real
Programmers that the latest generation of computer programmers are not
being brought up with the same outlook on life as their elders. Many
of them have never seen a computer with a front panel. Hardly anyone
graduating from school these days can do hex arithmetic without a
calculator. College graduates these days are soft -- protected from
the realities of programming by source level debuggers, text editors
that count parentheses, and "user friendly" operating systems. Worst
of all, some of these alleged "computer scientists" manage to get
degrees without ever learning FORTRAN! Are we destined to become an
industry of Unix hackers and PASCAL programmers?
From my experience, I can only report that the future is
bright for Real Programmers everywhere. Neither OS\370 nor FORTRAN
show any signs of dying out, despite all the efforts of PASCAL
programmers the world over. Even more subtle tricks, like adding
structured coding constructs to FORTRAN have failed. Oh sure, some
computer vendors have come out with FORTRAN 77 compilers, but every
one of them has a way of converting itself back into a FORTRAN 66
compiler at the drop of an option card -- to compile DO loops like God
meant them to be.
Even Unix might not be as bad on Real Programmers as it once
was. The latest release of Unix has the potential of an operating
system worthy of any Real Programmer -- two different and subtly
incompatible user interfaces, an arcane and complicated teletype
driver, virtual memory. If you ignore the fact that it's
"structured", even 'C' programming can be appreciated by the Real
Programmer: after all, there's no type checking, variable names are
seven (ten? eight?) characters long, and the added bonus of the
Pointer data type is thrown in -- like having the best parts of
FORTRAN and assembly language in one place. (Not to mention some of
the more creative uses for #define.)
No, the future isn't all that bad. Why, in the past few
years, the popular press has even commented on the bright new crop of
computer nerds and hackers ([7] and [8]) leaving places like Stanford
and M.I.T. for the Real World. From all evidence, the spirit of Real
Programming lives on in these young men and women. As long as there
are ill-defined goals, bizarre bugs, and unrealistic schedules, there
will be Real Programmers willing to jump in and Solve The Problem,
saving the documentation for later. Long live FORTRAN!
Real Programmers... p. 10
ACKNOWLEGEMENT
--------------
I would like to thank Jan E., Dave S., Rich G., Rich E., for
their help in characterizing the Real Programmer, Heather B. for the
illustration, Kathy E. for putting up with it, and atd!avsdS:mark for
the initial inspiration.
REFERENCES
----------
[1] Feirstein, B., "Real Men don't Eat Quiche", New
York, Pocket Books, 1982.
[2] Wirth, N., "Algorithms + Data Structures =
Programs", Prentice Hall, 1976.
[3] Ilson, R., "Recent Research in Text Processing",
IEEE Trans. Prof. Commun., Vol. PC-23, No. 4,
Dec. 4, 1980.
[4] Finseth, C., "Theory and Practice of Text Editors
-- or -- a Cookbook for an EMACS", B.S. Thesis,
MIT/LCS/TM-165, Massachusetts Institute of
Technology, May 1980.
[5] Weinberg, G., "The Psychology of Computer
Programming", New York, Van Nostrand Reinhold,
1971, p. 110.
[6] Dijkstra, E., "On the GREEN language submitted to
the DoD", Sigplan notices, Vol. 3 No. 10, Oct
1978.
[7] Rose, Frank, "Joy of Hacking", Science 82, Vol. 3
No. 9, Nov 82, pp. 58-66.
[8] "The Hacker Papers", Psychology Today, August 1980.
[9] sdcarl!lin, "Real Programmers", UUCP-net, Thu Oct
21 16:55:16 1982
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/\\ /\\ /\\ /\\
// \\ // \\ EPHISTO // \\ // \\ ADWARE
// \// \\ // \// \\
-= and =-
__ __ __ ___ __ __
/| / /| |\ |\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \
/_| /_ / | | \ | \ \__ \ \ \ \ _\ \ \__
/\ / / / | \| \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \
/ \ /_ /__/ | | \ \__ \ \_\ \ \ \__ \__
Mephisto Madware/Red Menace Productions
Present:
"Real Pez Devotees"
~~~~ ~~~ ~~~~~~~~
by:
(who else?)
Mr. Pez
~~~ ~~~
Now, as the swirl of text graphics finishes, you realize that what you
have is another annoying file from Mr. Pez. "Ah," you say, "but I haven't
SEEN any files from Mr. Pez!" To which I counter, "My annoying personality
on the many boards I call, not to mention 75-line messages, can be
considered to be files." And this file tells you how to be JUST LIKE your
favorite candy/dispenser combo.
first part:
Real Pez Devotees as Sysops
Real Pez Devotees will be sysops in the near future, and have always
been that way.
Real Pez Devotees, if sysops, want to know everything about their
users, like real names and stuff.
Real Pez Devotees don't mind leeching, if done in mild amounts, since
they know that leeching is how they got all their
files.
Real Pez Devotees really love uploads. ("What the hell is this shit?
ALL sysops love uploads!") (Ah, my misguided friend,
Real Pez Devotees are eternally grateful.)
Real Pez Devotees never have the heart to delete users who quite
obviously are fake, like users who call themselves
"BIOC AGENT 003", on the off chance that they might
be the real person.
Real Pez Devotees, if finally given sysop access, say so everywhere,
and beg people to call the board. (In this case, The
Works, 914-238-8195. See?)
second part:
Real Pez Devotees as BBS users
Real Pez Devotees "pollute" BBS's. That is to say, they call them
regularly, say twice a day, and post an awful lot.
This is not altogether well-liked by the sysops and
users of those boards, but they realize they can't
really do anything about it. And a Pez is not such
an bad thing to have on a board, since while they
leech, they upload, too, and join in conversations.
corollary:
Real Pez Devotees saturate their area code.
Real Pez Devotees, sadly, kiss ass, and go out of their way to avoid
confrontations, sometimes changing their posistion
right then and there. That's not altogether bad, but
does hurt a Pez's credibility.
corollary:
Real Pez Devotees apologize.
Real Pez Devotees never know who to put as "references"...they have
spoken and left mail to a lot of people, but think
that it's a big step to put someone as a reference.
Real Pez Devotees leech of boards they know, but are loath to leech off
of pirate boards, since they don't want to look bad.
(See "Real Pez Devotees, sadly, kiss ass"..)
Real Pez Devotees use long-distance services to make free calls, but know
that this does not make them considered "phreaks".
They use the "codes" to call all kinds of BBS's all
over the country once a day.
corollary:
Real Pez Devotees will never say they "phreak" to anyone who might
possibly know anything about it, but will look down
on people who only call local Commodore 64 BBS's.
Real Pez Devotees like many kinds of IBM BBS software, notably WWIV for
its neat ANSI (colored) graphics tricks, Forum for
its full-screen editor, PC-Board for its enjoyable
prospects for leeching, Citadel for its ease of
logging on, reading all messages, and logging off, as
well as the ability for anyone to create "rooms", or
sub-boards (NOT called SUBZ!!1 which are sandwiches
that you get from a deli.), software called "M-Link"
for its overall whackiness (i.e. individual
ranknames and a general good humor).
corollary:
Real Pez Devotees hate RBBS, C-Net (and mostly all Commodore 64 BBS
software), and yes, AE's without anything "attached",
like TAC, TransPhor (it's new, for IBM's), or having
BBS's attached to them.
Real Pez Devotees gently harass people they know, which is sometimes
taken out of context to try to show a Pez as mean, or
spiteful.
Real Pez Devotees are nosy, and have tried to read messages with an
"S." in front of them, as well as "Reciever-Only"
messages on PC-Boards. (Note to unenlightened: "PC-
Board" is an IBM BBS program, not a general term for
boards run on IBM's. It's sort of like RBBS, only
spiced up with color and better transfer sections.)
They also look at Callers Logs to find out who was
tying up the board when they wanted to be on, and how
many downloads people make. If they know the sysop's
voice number, they'll call him if the board is busy,
and ask who's on.
third part:
The Writing Styles of Real Pez Devotees
Real Pez Devotees care about spelling and proper use of grammar in
textfiles/messages, but rarely say so. But in their
minds, they don't really respect people who spell
badly and use improper grammar. Although, (see the
"ass-kissing" section) they will overlook improper
grammar if the person has a national reputation (i.e.
certain Neon Knights, Budman "Zeek", and others.).
That's why a Pez likes Anarchy inc. so much, because
they seem very intelligent, as a whole.
Ex: I looked up the word "corollary" because I wasn't
sure how to spell it.
Ex: I'm going to spell-check this when I'm done.
Real Pez Devotees have adapted a lot of people's writing styles, as
well as their own, to form what looks like a unique
personality. Some examples follow:
1. Capitalizing words to emphasize points
Ex: "I can't BELIEVE you did that!"
Also, using an asterisk after the word to emphasize
points. (Stolen from Citadels in Minnesota.)
Ex: "I can't believe* you said that!"
2. Using "..." to link common subjects, or indicate
time passing, or end a sentence.
Ex: "I can't believe you said that...but I guess I would
too, in that situation...who knows..."
3. Two spaces after a period. That's pretty much
universal, though. As well as skipping a line
between paragraphs.
4. A lot of commas used, so as not to appear as a
run-on sentence.
5. When chatting, every line begins with "Yeah," or
"Well,".
6. The use of "a), b), c)" to distinguish separate
points.
fourth part:
The Personal Habits of Real Pez Devotees
Real Pez Devotees stay up until 11:30 on weeknights, and wake up at
5:30, and thus are numb all day. On weekends, they
stay up until 3am, when the boards finally become
freed up. Or else they write textfiles like this
one.
Real Pez Devotees screw around on the computer until 10:00 every day,
and then do their homework. Strangely enough, I got
my highest grades ever since starting this.
Real Pez Devotees drink large amounts of Coke Classic, which allows
them to stay up to 3am. Also, "Twix" bars are a cool
thing to eat, from time to time. Another fave is
cereal ("Cinnamon Life") eaten at odd hours.
Real Pez Devotees feel awkward walking into a classroom when there are
a lot of people already in there. They always feel
sort of awkward in front of lots of people. Unless
they are drunk, in which case they don't care.
Unfortunately, this is a rare happening. Normally,
we (the Real Pez Devotees) are hyper from Coca-Cola.
Real Pez Devotees fight with their siblings.
Real Pez Devotees enjoy volleyball, soccer, and baseball, but hate
football and "bombardment". (A violent version of
Dodgeball.) (Real Pez Devotees have always thought
Speedball sounded better than it played.)
Real Pez Devotees yell at their parents from time to time, but usually
do what they say. (Within reasonable limits.)
Real Pez Devotees have really short hair, and like it that way.
fifth part:
Real Pez Devotees And Clothes
Real Pez Devotees wear:
khaki pants
"Banana Republic"
button-downs
"Coca-Cola" clothes
Levi's "501" jeans
Docksiders (without socks until December, usually.
They can take it.)
glasses.
If a Real Pez Devotee finds a shirt he likes, he'll buy several in
different colors. And has trouble explaining it.
Real Pez Devotees have sneakers, but usually leave them in their gym
locker, preferring instead the ubiquitous Docksiders
or duck boots (ugly, but Real Pez Devotees don't
care).
sixth part:
(holy shit!)
Real Pez Devotees and Music
Real Pez Devotees listen to:
Ska (which includes)
The English Beat
The Specials
The Skatalites
The Selecter
Rico Rodriguez
Reggae (only)
Yellowman
Black Uhuru
old Santana records
their own music (more on that later)
Run-D.M.C. (they got hooked last year)
Real Pez Devotees hate:
Top 40 (including all)
Genesis
Bon Jovi
Madonna
Pet Shop Boys
and all other Top 40 fluff groups.
Stryper (that's fucking scarier than Satanism
in "metal"!)
Real Pez Devotees are in a band, and go over to their friend's houses
on weekends with a lot of equipment and jam. This
usually results in a song, or degenerates into a
point where they go to the computer and start
harassing people on CompuServe "CB". The songs are
mixed, like rap, reggae, blues, slamdance stuff, and
artsy Talking Heads clones.
seventh part:
Bullshitting Around/The End
So, I figured I had to start with a "Real" file. One that detailed my
personality, and habits, and stuff. My name's Mr. Pez, and I don't
expect you to imitate me. Hell, I don't know what to think of this file.
It's kind of long, huh? Hope it was worth it...
-Pez
: STUPID_SPECS RM/MM '87
Begun: 25 February 1987 3:12pm
Finished: 28 February 1987 1:26am
Written on: IBM PC, Writing Assistant (written and spell-checked)
Edited: with PC-Write (for justification, clarity, text graphics)
Author: Mr. Pez
For: Red Menace, Octothorpe Productions (?), Mephisto Madware
Size: 15,640 bytes
A few boards which ask only that you grace them with your presence.
_- -_- -_- -_- -_- -_- -_- -_- -_- -_- -_- -_- -_- -_- -_- -_- -_- -_
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
_____N_a_m_e____________S_y_s_o_p_____S_o_f_t_w_a_r_e____N_u_m_b_e_r____
[] The Works! [] Jason Scott! [] PCBoard 10.0 || [914]/238-8195 []
[] The Darque Side [] S Bunker [] Micro*Link || [408]/245-SPAM []
[] Terrapin Station [] Count Nibble [] AE:TAC || [505]/865-0883 []
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
classroom when there are
a lot of people already in there. They always feel
sort of awkward in front of lots of people. Unless
they are drunk, in which case they don't care.
Unfortunately, this is a rare happening. Normally,
we (the Real Pez Devotees) are hyper from Coca-Cola.
Real Pez Devotees fight with their siblings.
Real Pez Devotees enjoy volleyball, soccer, and baseball, but hate
football and "bombardment". (A violent version of
Dodgeball.) (Real Pez Devotees have always thought
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[/] [\] [/] [\] [/] [\] [/] [\] [/] [\]
[\] [/]
[/] THE REAL PIRATE'S GUIDE [\]
[\] [/]
[/] COMPILED BY [\]
[\] RABID RASTA [/]
[/] [\]
[\] [/] [\] [/] [\] [/] [\] [/] [\] [/]
[SIMULATION]
FROM-> JHONNY THE AVENGER
DATE-> SAT AUG 4 10:21 PM
I SAW YOUR MESSAGE ON THE PIRATE BOARD ABOUT YOU HAVEING SIDE 2 OF SUMMER GAM
ES!MY CONNECTIONS MR.ZEROX AND CHEIF S URGEN BLACK BAG ARE'NT AROUND TO MAIL IT
2 ME SO WANNA DO SOME SERIUS TRADEI NG?I HAVE GRAFORTH ,CHOPLIFTER ,MARS CARS
,DISK MUNCHER AND SOME K00L OTHER
STUFF AND GAMES.CALL ME AT 312-323- 3741.IF YOU NEED PHREAK CODES I HAVE THEM
TO AND BOX PLANS.BYE
*** ***** **
* * * *
* * * ******
** HONNY * HE * * VENGER
*THE KNIGHTS OF MYSTERIOUS KEYBOARDS*!
THE AWESOMEST HACK GROUP IN TOWN
IS THE AUTHOR OF THE ABOVE MESSAGE A TRUE PIRATE? SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME
THERE HAS BEEN AN IMPLICIT CODE OF ETIQUETTE GOVERNING THE ACTIONS OF SOFTWARE
PIRATES, BUT AS MANY OF YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED AS OF LATE, THAT CODE HAS BEEN
KNOCKED AROUND A BIT. ALTHOUGH IT'S NOT DIFFICULT TO DIFFERENTIATE A TRUE
PIRATE FROM ONE OF THESE POOR IMI TATIONS, I BELIEVE THAT, WITH THE NUM- BER OF
TRUE PIRATES DECREASING AT SUCH AN ALARMING RATE, THIS CODE SHOULD BE SET
STRAIGHT. AFTER ALL, ALTHOUGH "JHONNY" IS ADMITTEDLY A MORON, IT'S NOT HIS
FAULT THAT HE NEVER RECEIVED PROPER GUIDANCE.
ONE OF THE FIRST AND FOREMOST RULES OF PIRACY: REAL PIRATES ARE OVER 15 YEARS
OLD! EXCEPTIONS TO THIS RULE ARE EX- TREMELY RARE AT BEST.
COROLLARY: YOU NEVER HAVE TO WONDER WHO BREEDED MICKEY MOUSE WITH A 2600 HZ
TONE TO PRODUCE A REAL PIRATE'S VOICE.
ALIASES
-------
REAL PIRATES ARE MORE IMAGINATIVE THAN TO USE THE WORD "COPY" IN THEIR ALIAS.
COROLLARY: REAL PIRATES AREN'T NAMED "MR. COPY" BECAUSE REAL PIRATES DON'T
BRAG ABOUT CRACKING DUNG BEETLES.
THE WORD "CRACK" (OR "KRACK") IS FOUND NOWHERE IN A REAL PIRATE'S NAME...UN-
LESS HE REALLY KNOWS HOW TO.
REAL PIRATES' ALIASES DON'T SOUND AS IF THEY WERE EXTRACTED FROM THE LYRICS OF
AN OZZY OZBOURNE SONG (I.E. PROVISIONER OF SATAN, BLACK AVENGER, DARK PHANTOM,
ETC.).
REAL PIRATES DON'T NAME THEMSELVES AF- TER HEAVY METAL GROUPS.
REAL PIRATES, IF NAMED AFTER SOME AS- PECT OF PIRATE LEGEND (I.E. JOLLY ROGER,
CAPTAIN HOOK, EYE PATCH, ETC.) DON'T SAY, "AVAST YE SCURVY DOGS," OR ANYTHING
OF THE LIKE.
REAL PIRATES' NAMES AREN'T PARODIES OF OTHER REPUTABLE PIRATES (I.E. RESIDENT
OF LAVENDER BAG, MR. PAC MAN, FRANKLIN BANDIT, ETC.).
REAL PIRATES DON'T NAME THEMSELVES AF- TER ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES (I.E. JACK
DANIELS, HARVEY WALLBANGER, JIM BEAM, ETC.) ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'VE NEVER HAD
ONE.
REAL PIRATES SPELL THEIR ALIASES COR- RECTLY (UNLIKE "THE POENIX").
REAL PIRATES AREN'T NAMED SAM HOUSTON, SIR SPANKY, THE GAMEMASTER, LORD FAGEN,
NIKKI SIX, (INSERT YOUR OWN LOSERS HERE), OR MR. COPY.
WARES
-----
REAL PIRATES WOULD NEVER THINK OF DE- LETING "SABOTAGE". IT'S TOO MUCH FUN
IMAGINING THOSE LITTLE MEN ARE ACTUAL- LY SIR KNIGHT.
REAL PIRATES PLAY "BILESTOAD".
REAL PIRATES HAVE LONG SINCE DELETED "SNEAKERS", "E.T.", "ALIEN MUNCHIES", "BUG
BATTLE", "SNACK ATTACK", AND EVERYTHING FROM SSI, AVALON HILL, AND SCOTT ADAMS.
REAL PIRATES UPLOAD. THEY REALIZE THAT LEECHING IS THE #2 SIN (BEHIND, OF
COURSE, BEING 13 YEARS OLD).
REAL PIRATES REALIZE THAT PENGUIN AREN'T REALLY "THE GRAPHICS PEOPLE".
REAL PIRATES FEEL GUILTY WHEN PIRATING BEAGLE BROTHERS. OF COURSE, THAT NEVER
STOPS THEM.
REAL PIRATES DON'T BELIEVE THE MORONS WHO SAY THEY HAVE ULTIMA IV AND POLE
POSITION.
COROLLARY: REAL PIRATES REALIZE THAT THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FORMULA I
RACER AND POLE POSITION.
BOARDS
------
REAL PIRATES AREN'T THE FIFTH TO POST THE SAME "I HAVE..." MESSAGE.
CORROLARY: REAL PIRATES DON'T POST "I HAVE..." MESSAGES WHEN THEY REALLY DON'T
HAVE.
REAL PIRATES DON'T DOWNLOAD PROGRAMS FROM PUBLIC AE'S AND THEN POST "I KNOW
IT'S OLD, BUT I HAVE...TOO" MESSAGES ON PIRATE BOARDS.
REAL PIRATES DON'T POST THEIR HIGH SCORES.
COROLLARY: REAL PIRATES DON'T KEEP SCORE.
REAL PIRATES DON'T SAY "K-K00L", "K-AWESOME", "X10DER", "L8R0N", OR ANYTHING OF
THE SORT.
REAL PIRATES KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BE- TWEEN "F" AND "PH" (I.E. "PHILES",
"PHUCK", "FONE", ETC.).
REAL PIRATES DON'T WASTE EVERYONE'S TIME BACKSPACING OVER THEIR ALIAS 50 TIMES.
COROLLARY: REAL PIRATES DON'T USE BACKSPACING IN FEEDBACK TO SYSOPS. (SYSOPS
DON'T READ FEEDBACK AT 300 BAUD)
REAL PIRATES NEVER USE TEXT GRAPHICS IN THEIR MESSAGES.
REAL PIRATES DON'T CARE ABOUT THE CURSE BBS'S "K-K00L M0DS".
REAL PIRATES DON'T SEARCH FOR NEW WAYS TO SPELL "WARES".
REAL PIRATES DON'T USE THE LAST 5 LINES OF THEIR MESSAGES BRAGGING ABOUT THE 8
MEANINGLESS ORGANIZATIONS THAT THEY BELONG TO.
COROLLARY: REAL PIRATES DON'T BELONG TO SWAPP, DOS/NPG, OR NASCOMP.
REAL PIRATES WHO ARE GBBS SYSOPS ARE PROUD TO HAVE STOLEN FROM GREG SCHAEFER.
REAL PIRATES ARE SATISFIED WITH ONE EXCLAMATION POINT.
REAL PIRATES DON'T CALL DIAL-YOUR- MATCH.
REAL PIRATES NEVER GET INTO "BITCH WARS" UNLESS, OF COURSE, THEY ARE GRINDING
SOME 13 YEAR OLD TI USER INTO THE DUST.
TRANSFERS
---------
REAL PIRATES DON'T DFX.
REAL PIRATES NO LONGER BUY MICROMODEM II'S, SSM MODEMCARDS, OR NETWORKER
MODEMS.
COROLLARY: REAL PIRATES BUY APPLE CATS.
COROLLARY TO THE COROLLARY: REAL PI- RATES ACCEPT THE REALITY THAT 300 BAUD IS
DEAD.
REAL PIRATES AREN'T AROUND TO TRADE ON FRIDAY OR SATURDAY NIGHTS.
COROLLARY: REAL PIRATES HAVEN'T WATCHED LOVE BOAT SINCE THEY WERE 13.
REAL PIRATES TYPE "BRUN AE" WITHOUT THE SPACEBAR IN BETWEEN.
REAL PIRATES CAN GET DISKFER/CATSEND TO WORK RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.
CONCLUSION
----------
THAT'S IT...FOR NOW. SINCE LOSERS IN- VENT NEW WAYS TO BE LOSERS EVERY DAY,
EXPECT A "REAL PIRATE'S GUIDE, VOLUME 2" VERY SOON.
IF ANY OF YOU WERE TERRIBLY OFFENDED BY ANYTHING IN THIS FILE, THAT'S YOUR CLUE
TO RETIRE FROM THE PIRATE WORLD. AFTER ALL, REAL PIRATES DON'T GET OFFENDED BY
THINGS WRITTEN IN TEXTFILES.
THANKS TO THE FOLLOWING FOR THEIR CONTRIBUTIONS TO THIS FILE:
OTTO SHINEFLUG, CTRL RESET, BIT O'NASTY, LORD CHAOS, NILONIEL I, AND WHATEVER
CON MAN CALLS HIMSELF OUT OF STATE.
(C)1984 RABID RASTA;
UBANGI JUNGLE PUBLISHING
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

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L.U.C.I.P.H.E.R.
presents...
D I C K A N D J A N E
I N S T I G A T E
A P O P U L A R R E V O L U T I O N
By: The Deth Vegetable
and
Iskra
See Dick. Dick is a peasant farmer!
See Jane. Jane is a peasant farmer too!
See Dick & Jane grow the food for the masses!
Plant, Dick!
Plant, Jane!
See Spot. Spot is the Aggressive, Imperialistic Fascist dictator of the country
Terrorize, Spot, Terrorize!
See Spot oppress the peasants and steal their food!
Oppress, Spot, Oppress!
Steal, Spot, Steal!
See the peasant babies starve!
Starve, babies, starve!
See Dick & Jane get fed up and rebel!
Rebel, Dick!
Rebel, Jane!
See Dick publish a pamphlet to educate the masses!
Publish, Dick, Publish!
See Jane form a revolutionary committee!
Organize, Jane, organize!
See Dick & Jane burn the Flag!
Burn, Baby, Burn!
See Spot notice the Disharmony and attempt to stop it!
Oppress, Spot, oppress!
See Spot form Death Squads to stop the rebels!
Kill, Spot, Murder!
See Spot's Gestapo raid Jane's house and capture her!
Raid, Gestapo, Raid!
See Jane be tried and executed as a traitor!
Hang, Jane, Hang!
See Jane become a martyr to the cause!
Inspire, Jane, Inspire!
See the Proletariat rise up against the bourgeoisie swine!
Revolt, Workers, revolt!
See the angry masses storm the place and capture Spot!
Storm, Peasants, Storm!
See spot as the first one up against the wall!
Die, Spot, Die!
See Spot left for dead!
Bleed, Spot, Bleed!
See Spot's body dumped in a ditch!
Defile, Dick, Defile!
See Dick help set up a fair system!
Rule by the people, Proletariat, Rule by the people!
See the Proletariat live happily ever after!
Prosper, Workers, Prosper!
The end, yay.
Send all hate mail for me, etc, to lc28@works.uucp, or veggie@deity.uucp
Iskra can be reached at lc666@works.uucp or Iskra@darkside.com
Call the Works, 3000+ text files online, 617-861-8976.
"The Works: It won't just scare you...It'll fuck you up for life."
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3
(%=------------------=%)
) Safehouse Blueprints (
(%=------------------=%)
=-> 24 Hours
=-> 300/1200 baud
=-> 16 Megabytes Online
=-> Two seperate phone lines
The Safehouse is run off of two seperate Apple //e's, connected to two
seperate phone lines (both at 300/1200 baud). If you call on and one line is
busy, it will automatically switch you over to the next line (or "port") if it
is available.
The two Apple //e's are connected to a Corvus Omnidrive (which is capable
of handling up to 64 simultaneous computers of different types). Each
computer has 128K memory/80 column card, 212 Apple-Cat II Modem,
Thunderclock Plus clock card, and Zenith monitor. Port #2 also has a
System Saver, one floppy drive, and an ATS peripheral for current outdoor
temperature monitoring.
The software running the system is the ProDOS version of the Apple-Net
BBS (sold through Dataware--see ad in the info booth) which will be available
very soon. Its a modular program, which means different parts of the program
get loaded into memory as you move around the system. With a hard drive,
this enables you to move around the system very quickly, and we also have a
virtually unlimited amount of space to add new features...
Many people ask how X-talk is done. X-talk is Safehouse's section where
the two people that are currently logged into the system can chat with each
other by just typing lines & pressing RETURN. Since we have 2 Apples networked
with the Corvus Omnidrive, we use the drive for intercommunication between
users on each computer. We use what is called "pipes" on the Corvus drive,
which is basically an area set aside on the drive for computers on the
network to exchange information. Its split-second read/write time enables
the X-talk feature of Safehouse to be almost instant, as soon as you hit the
RETURN key. (If you are interested in the X-talk module for your BBS, leave
feedback to the Sysop for more info). Right now, Corvus and SunOl are the
only hard drives that I know of which are capable of using something like
"pipes".
[<1-6>, ?=Menu, Q=Quit] :

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SEX WITH SATAN
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
S e x W i t h S a t a n
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
by: Psycoe
call The Heavy Metal AE Line: (316) 684-0190 p/w=maiden 300/1200 baud
==============================================================================
First of all, this file is dedicated to my late dog, Cindy, who
without her influence, this file would never have been possible...
This file contains explicit sexual material, so dont jack off on the
keyboard...
My life had been very boring and drab. My subscription to Penthouse
and National Lampoon were about to expire so my life had no meaning. I had
been working mowing lawns, trying to get enough money to buy a hard drive...
since my ex-girl friend told me that hard things were nicer than floppy ones.
My parents were in California for US '84. My dad posted a note on the local
college job board that he needed a baby-sitter to watch his 15 year old son
and sit by the pool and suntan. We got many phone calls. My babysitter's
name was known to me only as "34-24-33".
The first days of my stay alone with the star of Debbie Does Dallas
was pretty boring (since it was that time of month and I am not a vampire).
The third day of my stay, my baby-sitter sat down and told me that she had
fantasies of molesting younge 15 year old boys who she babysits for. She
then proceeded to fufill our fate by sticking her soft hands down my pants and
unzipping me. She took off her shirt and bra, slacks and panties then leaned
over and told me she wanted to whisper sweet nothings in my rear.
She told me she had seen this on a Cheech and Chong movie. I
naturally went along with the fantasy. She took off my pants and placed
my 'joint' into her vibrating mouth. As soon as she began to choke, she
turned her head up and told me that she had one more fantasy to fufill with
me. I said that I would do anything for her. She tied me to the bed with
these handcuffs she had ripped off a fucking cop. She proceeded to spank me
and kept calling me 'bad boy'. Then, the little nympho took out a lighter and
set my cock on fire and told me not to smoke.
As I began to burn, I could faintly see her molesting my pet gerbil
while smoking a banana peel (which happened to be my pecker). I saw a violent
light, then a rainbow in the dark.
I was dead and in Heaven. I, being an active atheist, didnt believe
a damn thing about this. I saw some gates and opened them and proceeded to go
through the bars. A man with a cane stopped me and told me he could answer
any questions I had about Heaven. I proceeded to ask, "Sir, if I lived a good
life and kept Kosher, helped little old ladies across the street, do you think
I could get a cute little angel to piss on my face every Thursday night in
Heaven??" The man immediately hit me in the balls with the cane and said,
"There is no sex or corruption in Heaven, we all sit around and meditate
while listening to Culture Club tapes." I said, "Fuck this shit man, I
absofuckinglutley dont want to spend my eternity in this fag joint." I then
left the gates and jumped into oblivion through the clouds.
I fell through the sky and felt the earth seal around me. I began
to hear some faint music!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I ran towards the music and heard some Ozzy Ozbourne, Crazy Train Playing.
I immediately screamed "Now this is more fucking like it!" I took out my pack
of Menthol Players and lit it from the fire still pertruding from my cock.
A lady with extremely large breasts welcomed me into my new home. I saw men
orgying in the fire-laden streets with beautiful women. I jumped on a 21-
year-old woman and started gangbanging her with my cock of fire. She stood
up and screamed, "Why's your cock on fire??" I told her my plight and she
told me to go to Satan's wife.
I entered Satan's wife's house and signed the guest register. I
ran up to her room where she was actively masturbating with a broom stick.
I said "wow!!" She looked up in ecstacy and and asked me what she could do for
me. I blushed. She said, "Besides that!" I told her of my story. She said
she could help me quench the fires, but I would have to pledge my life to
winning over the virginity of younge school girls. She placed my cock in her
mouth and the fire was quenched by our ecstacy.
I asked her what her name was in my last breath of passion. She said
it was Lita Ford. I asked her if the lady who set my cock on fire back on
earth was one of her followers. She said her name was Wendy O. Williams.
I said "wow!!!!" After having another engagement of oral sex with her
steaming clit, I was wisped away to the land of virginity and high school
girls.
I found myself in a private school for young rich snobby girls. My
new identity was Angus. I had no last name, but never questioned the intent
of my master's wife.
I first began to hunt out my prey with the high school cheerleaders.
But, after noticing that they stuck to the floor while doing to splits, I
decided to go for less virtile girls. I seduced a young girl whose face
reminded me of an ancient memory. I took her up to my apartment and she said
she needed help with her geometry. I showed her my obtuse angle and she
showed me her acute one. As I tore off her bra, I noticed how undeveloped
she was. I took off her greasy panties and began to tounge her love channel.
She started to moan and said she couldnt believe I was doing that to her. I
just told her to sit back and relax. As I licked her wet spot, I noticed her
erect nipples and the tiny dew drops forming around her clit. I tounge fucked
her for 15 minutes then started to push my shaft up her. She started to moan
with pleasure. I proceeded to tie her to the bed with a pair of hot handcuffs
which I had borrowed from Wendy. I forced my victim's head down over my
pulsating dong. She began to gag a familiar gag. I let her head up for air
for a moment. Then to my surprise, she stuck her tounge out and it was
flaming. I said "oh, shit, not again!!!" She set my dick on fire.
As I proceeded to go back to my mistress in the underworld of sex, I
began to think of how good it would feel to get my pecker's fire quenched
again by Satan's wife's cool pulsating tounge. I entered Hell for a second
time and everybody greeted me with praises and started begging for sexual
vibrators to be sold in Hell for a lower price. I said "Why ask me??" They
told me it was all a test to see who would be the new number two. I began
to understand, as I remembered the ancient lyrics of an Iron Maiden song
named "The Prisoner." I lit another Play Xoceeded to my master's
flaming house in the depths of sex. I entered and Satan bowed down and kissed
my hand. He said I am the new number two since he is getting a little too old
to get his cock sucked on anymore by his wife. I took the position gladly.
I realized my new position. I am SATAN!!!!! I have unlimited powers!!
I begin to lead unsuspecting virgin girls to my domain. I conquer earth with
my flaming nympho's. I proceed to climb up the ladder of Heaven and gang bang
all the ladies there and say, "You could have been doing this all your life
instead of living in misery trying to draft more people into your false
faith!!!!!!!" I then pick up my brand new electric gibson challenger with new
tremelo bar and customized locking bolts with the perfect distortion. I
yelled the ancient and foreshadowing lyrics of my coming into power...
"Heaven's on Fire!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
this is my life and this is my story...the next man you see caught on fire
could be me predicting my rule over all and the sexual reign on earth, hell,
and heaven.
--psycoe
the keeper of the
cock of fire!!!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
death to all prudes and nonsexual pussy rockers!!!!! I am in power!!!!!!!!!!!!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
dont fuck with this file or someday I might go up and fuck your eight year old
daughter and make her a prostitute of my reign on 42 street!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
==============================================================================
Brought to you by:
[/] The Ascii Assassin [/]
(>
(>
(>
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=====================================SPOCK=====================================
************************************************
* *
* DOWNLOADED FROM *
* M&M'S PELHAM PUBLIC BBS *
* P.O BOX 334 *
* PELHAM, NEW YORK 10803 *
* 300/1200 BAUD 24 HOURS *
* (914) 738-6857 *
* *
************************************************

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FROM: A ANYNONMOUS SOURCE.
DURING THE PAST EIGHT YEARS, I HAVE BEEN HEAVILY INVOLVED WITH "BULLETIN
BOARD" SYSTEMS RUNNING ON MICROS AND MAINFRAMES. I'D LIKE TO GIVE A FEW
EXAMPLES OF THE DESTRUCTIVENESS OF MANY OF THESE "KIDS."
MOST HAVE PROBABLY HEARD OF OR CALLED AN RCP/M. FIVE YEARS AGO, I WROTE A
SIMILAR TYPE SYSTEM FOR A TRS-80. THIS SOFTWARE RAN FOR 3.5 YEARS WITHOUT
A PROBLEM. BUT NOW, AS MORE AND MORE POTENTIAL CRACKERS HAVE ACCESS TO
COMMUNICATIONS EQUIPMENT, THIS SYSTEM HAS BEEN CRASHED REPEATEDLY.
WHEN I WAS BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL, THE BIG THING WAS TO FIND A BUG IN THE OS.
BUT, ONCE WE FOUND IT, INSTEAD OF USING IT TO KEEP THE SYSTEM FLAT ON ITS
BACK, WE DOCUMENTED IT AND SOMETIMES EVEN FIXED IT. DOESN'T SEEM LIKE THAT
IS THE CASE ANYMORE...
ON THIS SYSTEM, SOME CALLER BREAKS IN, DELETES ALL THE FILES, AND THEN
WRITES A PROGRAM WHICH KEEPS THE DRIVES SELECTED; THIS BURNS OUT THE MOTORS
ON 5.25" DRIVES, ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY RUN ALL NIGHT. THIS WAS DONE SO
OFTEN, THE SYSTEM WAS BROUGHT DOWN FOR A LONG TIME (UNTIL A TRACE COULD BE
PUT ON THE DIAL-UP).
I RUN MY OWN SYSTEM AND PUBLISH SOFTWARE THAT TURNS A TRS-80 INTO A MAIL
AND MESSAGE SYSTEM. I HAVE SAT AND WATCHED CALLERS SYSTEMATICALLY ATTACK
THE SYSTEM. THIS TAKES SEVERAL FORMS:
1) ALL COMMANDS, SERIES OF COMMANDS, AND OPTIONS ARE TRIED.
2) THE SYSTEM IS ASSAULTED WITH ALL MANNERS OF CONTROL SEQUENCES, TRYING TO
GET SOME UNEXPECTED RESULT.
3) I HAVE EVEN SEEM SOMEONE DROP AND THEN RE-INITIATE CARRIER TO SEE IF
THEY COULD GET SOMEWHERE.
IF THAT DOESN'T WORK, THEY BEGIN TO CRACK PASSWORDS. THEY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE
DOING... IN ONE CASE, I WATCHED AS SOMEONE WENT THROUGH WHAT LOOKED LIKE THE
BEGINNING OF THE WEBSTER'S DICTIONARY TRYING TO GET SUPERUSER STATUS. SINCE
MOST PEOPLE USE WORDS, NOT A BAD IDEA, RIGHT? LESS INTELLIGENT ONES START WITH
A AND JUST TRY AND TRY AND TRY.
OH, BY THE WAY, THEY ARE DEFINITELY USING AUTO-DIAL MODEMS AND SOFTWARE TO
DO THIS.
IF ALL ELSE FAILS, THEY SIMPLY TIE UP THE SYSTEM. THEY CHOOSE THE MOST
OBVIOUSLY DISK INTENSIVE COMMAND, AND EXECUTE IT AGAIN AND AGAIN. SINCE MANY
SYSTEMS ONLY TIMEOUT AFTER INACTIVITY, THIS COULD TIE UP THE SYSTEM FOR MANY
HOURS (NOT TO MENTION THE WEAR AND TEAR ON THE EQUIPMENT).
THESE LITTLE BASTARDS CERTAINLY AREN'T DOING ANYTHING CONSTRUCTIVE.
SEVEN YEARS AGO, I CALLED UP MIT-MC AND GOT A TOURIST ACCOUNT WHICH I KEPT
FOR THREE YEARS UNTIL I GOT AN AUTHORIZED ONE. IT WAS A FREE ACCOUNT ON AN
OPEN SYSTEM; THE ONLY STRINGS WERE THAT I USE IT AFTER HOURS AND NOT TIE UP TOO
MANY RESOURCES. BUT THINGS HAVE CHANGED. YOU CAN'T HAVE TOTALLY OPEN SYSTEMS
ANYMORE WITHOUT MANY PRECAUTIONS AND ALMOST CONSTANT SUPERVISION.
FOR EXAMPLE, I HAVE HAD TO ADD MANY SECURITY FEATURES TO THESE SMALL
SYSTEMS:
1) THREE ATTEMPTS AND YOU LOSE THE CONNECTION. NINE ILLEGAL ATTEMPTS AT A
USERNAME WITHOUT A CORRECT LOGIN CAUSES A SUSPENSION . ANYONE TRYING TO
LOGIN UNDER THAT NAME IS IMMEDIATELY SUSPENDED (WITH SOME EXCEPTIONS).
2) CONNECTION LIMITED USE.
3) APPLICATION PROCESS REVIEWED BY SYSOP BEFORE SOMEONE CAN USE ALL
FEATURES, OR EVEN USE THE SYSTEM.
4) ISOLATE THE USER COMPLETELY FROM ALL OPERATING SYSTEM FUNCTIONS, EVEN TO
THE POINT OF MODIFYING THE DOS TO HANG OR RESET WHEN NECESSARY.
I DO HAVE ONE LITTLE "JOKE" UP MY SLEEVE. THERE IS AN ACCOUNT ON THESE
SYSTEMS CALLED SYSOP. NOW, IF I WAS GOING TO BREAK IN, THAT IS WHERE I WOULD
START. I'VE PUT A LITTLE PATCH INTO MY HOST. AFTER 39 INCORRECT TRIES ON THAT
ACCOUNT, IT ALLOWS THE CALLER THROUGH. HE GETS A WELCOME MESSAGE AND SYSOP
COMMAND:. HE CAN RENUMBER MESSAGES, CHANGE THE DATE AND TIME, EVEN DELETE FROM
THE DIRECTORY, CHANGE USERNAMES AND PASSWORDS. HE CAN DO ALL THE THINGS THAT A
SYSOP CAN DO. OF COURSE, HE ISN'T *REALLY* DOING ANYTHING (HE HE HE!) AFTER,
OH SAY, 10 MINUTES, OUTPUT STOPS. 24 LINEFEEDS ARE ISSUED AND THE FOLLOWING
APPEARS (SLOWLY, AS IF FROM A TTY):
HELLO INTRUDER! GEE, I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR HANGING AROUND FOR
THE PAST TEN MINUTES WHILE WE HAD A CHANCE TO TRACE YOUR CALL. IT
IS TOO BAD THAT SOME PEOPLE JUST CAN'T LIVE RESPONSIBLY. BUT, I
GUESS THAT IS THE REASON WE HAVE THE POLICE AND FBI, RIGHT?
[DISCONNECT]
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE ANSWER IS, BUT I DO KNOWS THAT TREATING THIS TYPE OF
BEHAVIOR CASUALLY MUST BE STOPPED. THERE WILL ALWAYS BE PEOPLE WHO WILL TRY TO
CIRCUMVENT ALL SECURITY MEASURES, SOMETIMES OUT OF CURIOUSITY, BUT RECENTLY
MORE OFTEN WITH THE INTENTION OF DOING SOMETHING DESTRUCTIVE.
IT'S TOO BAD THAT THE DAYS OF THE UNSECURED SYSTEMS IS COMING TO A CLOSE, BUT
WITH HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE SCANNING THE EXCHANGES WITH THEIR AUTO-DIAL MODEMS
LOOKING FOR CARRIERS, ARMED WITH 10 PAGES OF PIRATED MCI ACCESS CODES, WE DON'T
HAVE MUCH CHOICE.
Downloaded From P-80 International Information Systems 304-744-2253
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/_-_._-_._-_._-_._-_._-_._-_._-_._-_._-_._-_._-_._-_._-_._-_._-_._-_._-_._-_\
/_ _\
/_ _\
/_ Getting others to Commit Suicide _\
/_ _\
/_ By The Blade _\
/_ _\
/_ _\
/- A Neon Knight Presentation _\
/_ _\
/_- The Metal AE 201 879 666-8 PW-KILL!!! _\
/<=-----------------------------------------------------------------------=>\
Ahhh, I haven't written a file in quite a long time... Being a Senior fuckin
cranks... Party when ever you want, get laid by fresmen and sophmores,
its just generally fucking great...
Well, latX2^"!Jee has&9many Suicides lately. A little while ago, here in
beautiful NJ, 4 teenagers said their last rites and started the car up in the
garage. This brought a smile to my face, you see, the more people dead,
the better off you are in the game of life. When people our age die, that
means the rest of us have a better chance of getting into the college we want,
cause there is less of them to compeate with. There are more jobs to have, and
maybe you might find one you like. There is more food and other material
products, and this keeps the price of everything down. Its just better for
the whole society. Who cares about the mourning family, they'll get over it,
as you know who says "another day, another death"... Death is a fact of life
for everyone, and the more dead, the better.
HOW YOU CAN HELP:
-----------------
Find somebody that looks (as follows) like this:
-Real Ugly, someone who needs to be put out of misery, and so we don't have to
look at them
-Real Quiet, these people usally have something wrong upstairs, they can't deal
with other people, they are no good to you anyway.
-Real Stupid, everybody knows someone like this, like IQ of 98, someone who can
be pursuaded easily into the act.
-Someone with parents that prod them, like high pressure parents, who tell
thier kids to do well in everything or die...
(this is the good one)
-Somebody who has tried committing suicide before, cause they are fucked up
allready and they are the easist to convince.
CONVINCING THEM:
----------------
Ok, find one of the above and try the first tactic, total harassment. Just rag
and rag and rag and rag on them, tell them their mother sucks black cock in
hell, send letters saying that they are illegitimate, saying that they are
drafted into the Marines.. Call them up and tell her mom that she does
Crack and she's pregnant. Get a guy that looks like a total scumbag biker
with chains and shit and tell her mom that he's ready to pick her up for
their orgy. Or if its a guy tell him 'yo maun, i got de stuff, wheres de
money??"... Just make their total life hell.
OR
Befriend them, get real close to them, tell them you love them, you want to
be with them forever (in hell). Get close to the parents to, act real nice,
kiss some ass, be a real goody 2 shoes, feel like part of the family.
Then make up some crisis you supposedly had at home, say that your dad is
gonna kick you outa the house if (you dont cut that hair)...sorry...
you dont get a job and pay for everything
you use. Say that he grounded your for 5732 days and you can't go anywhere.
Then lie to the other kid's parents and tell them something like your
(son) daughter's is hooked on drugs and get her in trouble. Then at
night tell the other party to meet you somewhere, like on a bridge, anywhere
that you can die easily. Then make her feel like shit and ask (demand) her
to go in a suicide jump together, go 1-2-3, she jumps you stay where you
are and laugh.
PACTS:
------
Suicide Pacts are the best way to get rid of alot of people at once. Pacts
usally consist of 2 to 6 people, (unlike my good friend Jim Jones who wiped out
over 300 with poisoned Kool-Aid), and are usally done in a painless way.
Try to find a bunch of depressed people and tell them to join your little
group that meets twice a week to 'talk' about everyones problems.
Bullshit with them for a week or two, show a few other ways out of depression
(which should'nt work) then tell them (strongly) about a easy way out,
convince them into a SUICIDE PACT. Probability is that if 2 or 3 agree with
it, the whole group will do it, and that's just dandy!.
PRE-ACT TACTICS:
----------------
Now since this person is never going to be around any more, and if you say
you are going with them, tell the other party to give you all their belongings
so you can 'give it to charity, someone who really needs it'. Of course all
the goods go to bank account and some good blow.
Also, if you play your cards right, you can take out a life insurance policy
on the person and make 10g's to 1 mil, depending on the company and how
stupid they are.
Or if you forgot about the pre-act tactics just go to the parents and say
'She would want me to have this' (a $2500 pioneer stereo rack system),
a few weeks after the death, and cry when you do it.
WAYS OF SUICIDE:
----------------
The folling is a list of many ways to get the person to commit suicide:
-Carbon Monoxide, as in automobile exhaust, a very painless way to die. You
just sit in the car, in a garage, and it feels like you are going to sleep.
-A Gun, also another painless way, point the gun at the temple (head), aim
on an angle towards the lower base of the skull, instant DEATH.
-Slitting of the Wrists, very stupid, painful at first, but eventually you go
into shock. This way of suicide has the highest failure rate due to people
chickening out, it lasts from 20 mins. to sometimes 3 hrs. not a good way.
-Jumping off a tall building, a good way, because %50 of the people that jump
DIE of fright before hitting the ground. Somewhat tramatic for the 4 seconds
you are in the air, but more or less, a good way.
-Jumping in front of a Bus, Train, or any Large vehicle, a %75 percent success
rate as long as your head hits againt the oncoming force quickly. People have
been mangled and lived through it, and you don't want that to happen, you
want to DIE REMEMBER??
-Overdose of Drugs, a somewhat lame way to go depending on the drug...
also you need to take the right amount due to if you take too much, you will
just throw it up and suffer for 24 hrs... not to much, not to little, you can
determine by the recomened doseage. Sleeping pills are probably the most
painless, you just pass out. Overdoses of drugs such as Acid,LSD,and other
phyco drug is another stupid way to go, and if you live through it you are
a vegetable for the rest of your fucking life.
Drowning- A bad way to go, due to suffication people who have lived through
a near drowing say "It fucking sucks" to put it in laymens terms, not
suggested.
Hanging- good if you do it right. In the old west they used a more or less
'painless' way of hanging. When they released the lever, your neck broke and
usally you couldnt feel anything anyway, and before you knew it, you we DEAD.
A relitivly good and graphic way to go.
Running your car off a cliff- Very stupid unless you have a high cliff or
mountain. People usally try to pull out at the last second, and end up
paralized for life. Not recommended.
Electricution- Not bad, as long you have a good current. Go to your local
power substation and ground yourself to something, and as soon as you touch
the ends of those big semi-condutors, you're history.
Poison- Same as drugs.
Stabbing yourself- Usally reserved for Sickos, a very painful way to die, and
you watch yourself bleed to death. Pretty beat way to go.
Drinking yourself to Death-Sounds fun, should try it sometime....but seriously,
probably not a bad way to go, get wasted, and die! Get grain alcohol,
199 proof, good shit.
Well, im probably missing like hundreds of more ways, but this file is
just to get you started in the game of life. Good luck, and keep track
of your results.
:-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-:
: :
: Call these SUICIDAL lines :
: :
: The Metal AE/BBS-10megs-3/1200-all METAL...........201 879 6668 :
: Metalland West AE/BBS/FUR/T-10 MEGS................503 538 0777 :
: The Dark Side AE/BBS 35megs-12/2400................408 245 7726 :
: Speed Demon Private BBS-Private....................415 522 3074 :
: Upside-Down AE/BBS-20megs-1200only.................201 398 2953 :
: DL's Data Service AE/BBS...........................305 395 6906 :
: :
:_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_:
Of course thanks to:
Killer Kurt, Lustfer Deth, Zandar Zan, The Metallian, Tom Araya, Kerry King,
Jeff Haneman, The Necrophiliac, Kracker, Crack, Blow, The Sisters of SODOM,
Master of Reality, The Rocker, Necular Deth, Bit Butcher, JT, Jolly Rodger,
Bergenfield NJ, The Metal AE for distribution, smoke, All D/T/S/SS METAL,
SLAYER, The Outland, and all members past and present of The Neon Knights.
_._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._.
Written on April 4, 1987. (C) 1987 by The Neon Knights All Rights Reserved
Any part of this file may be used in the News Media as long as The Blade and
The Neon (fucking) Knights are given credit. YOURMOTHERSUCKSCOCKSINHELL!!!!!!
_._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._.

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-------------------------------------------
T h e T a o O f P r o g r a m m i n g
-------------------------------------------
T r a n s l a t e d B y
G e o f f r e y J a m e s
- 1 -
---------------------------------
T a b l e o f C o n t e n t s
---------------------------------
Book 1 -- The Silent Void
Book 2 -- The Ancient Masters
Book 3 -- Design
Book 4 -- Coding
Book 5 -- Maintenance
Book 6 -- Management
Book 7 -- Corporate Wisdom
Book 8 -- Hardware and Software
Book 9 -- Epilogue
- 2 -
T h e S i l e n t V o i d
B o o k O n e
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Thus spake the master programmer:
"When you have learned to snatch the error code from the trap
frame, it will be time for you to leave."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
1.1
Something mysterious is formed, born in the silent void. Waiting alone
and unmoving, it is at once still and yet in constant motion. It is
the source of all programs. I do not know its name, so I will call it
the Tao of Programming.
If the Tao is great, then the operating system is great. If the
operating system is great, then the compiler is great. If the compiler
is great, then the application is great. The user is pleased and their
is harmony in the world.
The Tao of Programming flows far away and returns on the wind of
morning.
1.2
The Tao gave birth to machine language. Machine language gave birth to
the assembler.
The assembler gave birth to the compiler. Now their are ten thousand
languages.
Each language has its purpose, however humble. Each language expresses
the Yin and Yang of software. Each language has its place within the
Tao.
But do not program in COBOL if you can avoid it.
1.3
In the beginning was the Tao. The Tao gave birth to Space and Time.
Therefore Space and Time are Yin and Yang of programming.
Programmers that do not comprehend the Tao are always running out of
time and space for there programs. Programmers that comprehend the
Tao always have enough time and space to accomplish their goals.
How could it be otherwise?
1.4
The wise programmer is told about Tao and follows it. The average
programmer is told about Tao and searches for it. The foolish
programmer is told about Tao and laughs at is.
If it were not for laughter, there would be no Tao.
The highest sounds are hardest to hear. Going forward is a way to
retreat. Great talent shows itself late in life. Even a perfect
program still has bugs.
- 3 -
T h e A n c i e n t M a s t e r s
B o o k T w o
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Thus Spake the Master Programmer:
"After three days without programming, life becomes meaningless."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
2.1
The programmers of old were mysterious and profound. We cannot fathom
their thoughts, so all we do is describe their appearance.
Aware, like a fox crossing the water. Alert, like a general on the
battlefield. Kind, like a hostess greeting her guests. Simple, like
uncarved blocks of wood. Opaque , like black pools in darkened caves.
Who can tell the secrets of their hearts and minds?
The answer exists only in Tao.
2.2
Grand Master Turing once dreamed that he was a machine. When he awoke
he exclaimed:
"I don't know whether I am Turing dreaming that I am a machine,
or a machine dreaming that I am Turing!."
2.3
A programmer from a very large computer company went to a software
conference and then returned to report to his manager, saying: "What
sort of programmers work for other companies? They behaved badly and
were unconcerned with appearances. There hair was long and unkept
and their clothes were wrinkled and old. They crashed out hospitality
suite and they made rude noises during my presentation."
The manager said: "I should have never sent you to the conference.
Those programmers live beyond the physical world. They consider life
absurd, an accidental coincidence. They come and go without knowing
limitations. Without a care, they live only for their programs. Why
should they bother with social conventions?
They are alive within the Tao."
2.4
A novice asked the Master: "Here is a programmer that never designs,
documents or tests his programs. Yet all who know him consider him
one of the best programmer in the world. Why is this?"
The Master replies: "That programmer has mastered the Tao. He has
gone beyond the need for design; he does not become angry when the
system crashes, but accepts the universe without concern. He has gone
beyond the need for documentation; he no longer cares if anyone else
sees his code. He has gone beyond the need for testing; each of his
programs are perfect within themselves, serene and elegant, their
purpose self-evident. Truly, he has entered the mystery of Tao."
- 4 -
D e s i g n
B o o k T h r e e
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Thus spake the Master Programmer:
"When the program is being tested, it is too late to make design
changes."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
3.1
There once was a man who went to a computer trade show. Each day as
he entered, the man told the guard at the door:
"I am a great thief, renowned for my feats of shoplifting. Be
forewarned, for this trade show shall not escape unplundered."
This speech disturbed the guard greatly, because there were millions
of dollars of computer equipment inside, so he watched the man
carefully. But the man merely wandered from booth to booth, humming
quietly to himself.
When the man left, the guard took him aside and searched his clothes,
but nothing was to be found.
On the next day of the trade show, the man returned and chided the
guard saying: "I escaped with a vast booty yesterday, but today will
be even better." So the guard watched him ever more closely, but to
no avail.
On the final day of the trade show, the guard could restrain his
curiosity no longer. "Sir Thief," he said, "I am so perplexed, I
cannot live in peace. Please enlighten me. What is it that you are
stealing?"
The man smiled. "I am stealing ideas," he said.
3.2
There once was a master programmer who wrote unstructured programs. A
novice programmer, seeking to imitate him, also began to write
unstructured programs. When the novice asked the master to evaluate
his progress, the master criticized him for writing unstructured
programs, saying "What is appropriate for the master is not
appropriate for the novice. You must understand Tao before
transcending structure."
3.3
There was once a programmer who was attached to the court of the
warlord of Wu. The warlord asked the programmer: "Which is easier to
design: an accounting package or an operating system?"
"An operating system," replied the programmer.
The warlord uttered an exclamation of disbelief. "Surely an
accounting package is trivial next to the complexity of an operating
system," he said.
- 5 -
"Not so," said the programmer, "when designing an accounting package,
the programmer operates as a mediator between people having different
ideas: how it must operate, how its reports must appear, and how it
must conform to the tax laws. By contrast, an operating system is not
limited by outside appearances. When designing an operating system,
the programmer seeks the simplest harmony between machine and ideas.
This is why an operating system is easier to design."
The warlord of Wu nodded and smiled. "That is all good and well, but
which is easier to debug?"
The programmer made no reply.
3.4
A manager went to the master programmer and showed him the
requirements document for a new application. The manager asked the
master: "How long will it take to design this system if I assign five
programmers to it?"
"It will take one year," said the master promptly.
"But we need this system immediately or even sooner! How long will it
take if I assign ten programmers to it?"
The master programmer frowned. "In that case, it will take two
years."
"And what if I assign a hundred programmers to it?"
The master programmer shrugged. "Then the design will never be
completed," he said.
- 6 -
C o d i n g
B o o k F o u r
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Thus spake the master programmer:
"A well-written program is its own heaven; a poorly-written
program is its own hell."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
4.1
A program should be light and agile, its subroutines connected like a
string of pearls. The spirit and intent of the program should be
retained throughout. There should be neither too little or too much,
neither needless loops nor useless variables, neither lack of
structure nor overwhelming rigidity.
A program should follow the 'Law of Least Astonishment'. What is this
law? It is simply that the program should always respond to the user
in the way that astonishes him least.
A program, no matter how complex, should act as a single unit. The
program should be directed by the logic within rather than by outward
appearances.
If the program fails in these requirements, it will be in a state of
disorder and confusion. The only way to correct this is to rewrite
the program.
4.2
A novice asked the master: "I have a program that sometime runs and
sometimes aborts. I have followed the rules of programming, yet I am
totally baffled. What is the reason for this?"
The master replied: "You are confused because you do not understand
Tao. Only a fool expects rational behavior from his fellow humans.
Why do you expect it from a machine that humans have constructed?
Computers simulate determinism; only Tao is prefect.
The rules of programming are transitory; only Tao is eternal.
Therefore you must contemplate Tao before you receive enlightenment."
"But how will I know when I have received enlightenment?" asked the
novice.
"Your program will then run correctly," replied the master.
4.3
A master was explaining the nature of Tao of to one of his novices,
"The Tao is embodied in all software -- regardless of how
insignificant," said the master.
"Is the Tao in a hand-held calculator?" asked the novice.
"It is," came the reply.
- 7 -
"Is the Tao in a video game?" continued the novice.
"It is even in a video game," said the master.
"And is the Tao in the DOS for a personal computer?"
The master coughed and shifted his position slightly. "The lesson
is over for today," he said.
4.4
Prince Wang's programmer was coding software. His fingers danced upon
the keyboard. The program compiled without an error message, and the
program ran like a gentle wind.
"Excellent!" the Prince exclaimed, "Your technique is faultless!"
"Technique?" said the programmer turning from his terminal, "What I
follow is Tao -- beyond all techniques! When I first began to program
I would see before me the whole problem in one mass. After three
years I no longer saw this mass. Instead, I used subroutines. But now
I see nothing. My whole being exists in a formless void. My senses
are idle. My spirit, free to work without plan, follows its own
instinct. In short, my program writes itself. True, sometimes there
are difficult problems. I see them coming, I slow down, I watch
silently. Then I change a single line of code and the difficulties
vanish like puffs of idle smoke. I then compile the program. I sit
still and let the joy of the work fill my being. I close my eyes for
a moment and then log off."
Prince Wang said, "Would that all of my programmers were as wise!"
- 8 -
M a i n t e n a n c e
B o o k F i v e
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Thus spake the master programmer:
"Though a program be but three lines long, someday it will have to
be maintained."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
5.1
A well-used door needs no oil on its hinges.
A swift-flowing stream does not grow stagnant.
Neither sound nor thoughts can travel through a vacuum.
Software rots if not used.
These are great mysteries.
5.2
A manager asked a programmer how long it would take him to finish
the program on which he was working. "I will be finished tomorrow,"
the programmer promptly replied.
"I think you are being unrealistic," said the manager, "Truthfully,
how long will it take?"
The programmer thought for a moment. "I have some features that I
wish to add. This will take at least two weeks," he finally said.
"Even that is too much to expect," insisted the manager, "I will be
satisfied if you simply tell me when the program is complete."
The programmer agreed to this.
Several years later, the manager retired. On the way to his
retirement lunch, he discovered the programmer asleep at his
terminal. He had been programming all night.
5.3
A novice programmer was once assigned to code simple financial
package.
The novice worked furiously for many days, but when his master
reviewed his program, he discovered that it contained a screen
editor, a set of generalized graphics routines, an artificial
intelligence interface, but not the slightest mention of anything
financial.
When the master asked about this, the novice became indignant.
"Don't be so impatient," he said, " I'll put in the financial stuff
eventually."
5.4
Does a good farmer neglect a crop he has planted?
Does a good teacher overlook even the most humble student?
Does a good father allow a single child to starve?
Does a good programmer refuse to maintain his code?
- 9 -
M a n a g e m e n t
B o o k S i x
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Thus spake the master programmer:
"Let the programmer be many and the managers few -- then all will
be productive."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
6.1
When managers hold endless meetings, the programmers write games.
When accountants talk of quarterly profits, the development budget
is about to be cut. When senior scientists talk blue sky, the clouds
are about to roll in.
Truly, this is not the Tao of Programming.
When managers make commitments, game programs are ignored. When
accountants make long-range plans, harmony and order are about to
be restored. When senior scientists address the problems at hand,
the problems will soon be solved.
Truly, this is the Tao of Programming.
6.2
Why are programmers non-productive? Because their time is wasted
in meetings.
Why are programmers rebellious? Because the management interferes
to much.
Why are the programmers resigning one by one? Because they are
burnt out.
Having worked for poor management, they no longer value their jobs.
6.3
A manager was about to be fired, but a programmer who worked for
him invented a new program that became popular and sold well. As
a result, the manager retained his job.
The manager tries to give the programmer a bonus, but the programmer
refused it, saying, "I wrote the program because I thought it was
an interesting concept, and thus I expect no reward."
The manager upon hearing this remarked, "This programmer, though he
holds a position of small esteem, understands well the proper duty
of an employee. Lets promote him to the exalted position of
management consultant!"
But when told this, the programmer once more refused, saying,
"I exist so that I can program. If I were promoted, I would do
nothing but waste everyone's time. Can I go now? I have a program
that I'm working on."
- 10 -
6.4
A manager went to his programmers and told them: "As regards to
your work hours: you are going to have to come in at nine in the
morning and leave at five in the afternoon." At this, all of them
became angry and several resigned on the spot."
So the manager said: "All right, in that case you may set your own
working hours, as long as you finish your projects on schedule."
The programmers, now satisfied, began to come in at noon and work
to the wee hours of the morning.
- 11 -
C o r p o r a t e W i s d o m
B o o k S e v e n
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Thus spake the master programmer:
"You can demonstrate a program for a corporate executive, but
you can't make him computer literate."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
7.1
A novice asked the master: "In the east there is a great tree-
structure that men call 'Corporate Headquarters'. It is bloated
out of shape with vice presidents and accountants. It issues a
multitude of memos, each saying 'Go, Hence!' or 'Go, Hither!' and
nobody knows what is meant. Every year new names are put onto the
branches, but all to no avail. How can such an unnatural entity
exist?"
The master replies: "You perceive this immense structure and are
disturbed that it has no rational purpose. Can you not take
amusement from its endless gyrations? Do you not enjoy the
untroubled ease of programming beneath its sheltering branches?
Why are you bothered by its uselessness?"
7.2
In the east there is a shark which is larger than all other fish.
It changes into a bird whose wings are like clouds filling the sky.
When this bird moves across the land, it brings a message from
Corporate Headquarters. This message it drops into the midst of the
programmers, like a seagull making its mark upon the beach. Then the
bird mounts on the wind and, with the blue sky at its back, returns
home.
The novice programmer stares in wonder at the bird, for he
understands it not. The average programmer dreads the coming of the
bird, for he fears its message. The master programmer continues to
work at his terminal, for he does not know that the bird has come
and gone.
7.3
The Magician of the Ivory Tower brought his latest invention for
the master programmer to examine. The magician wheeled a large
black box into the master's office while the master waited in
silence.
"This is an integrated, distributed, general-purpose workstation,"
began the magician, "ergonomically designed with a proprietary
operating system, sixth generation languages, and multiple state of
the art user interfaces. It took my assistants several hundred man
years to construct. Is it not amazing."
The master raised his eyebrows slightly. "It is indeed amazing," he
said.
"Corporate Headquarters has commanded," continued the magician,
"that everyone use this workstation as a platform for new programs.
Do you agree to this?"
- 12 -
"Certainly," replied the master, " I will have it transported to the
data center immediately!" And the magician returned to his tower,
well pleased.
Several days later, a novice wandered into the office of the master
programmer and said, "I cannot find the listing for my new program.
Do you know where it might be?"
"Yes," replied the master, "the listings are stacked on the platform
in the data center."
7.4
The master programmer moves form program to program without fear.
No change in management can harm him. He will not be fired, even if
the project is cancelled. Why is this? He is filled with Tao.
- 13 -
H a r d w a r e a n d S o f t w a r e
B o o k E i g h t
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Thus spake the master programmer:
"Without the wind, the grass does not move. Without software,
hardware is useless."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
8.1
A novice asked the master: "I perceive that one computer company is
much larger than all others. It towers above its competition like a
giant among dwarfs. Any one of its divisions could comprise an entire
business. Why is this so?"
The master replied, "Why do you ask such foolish questions? That
company is large because it is large. If it only made hardware,
nobody would buy it. If it only made software, nobody would use it.
If it only maintained systems, people would treat it like a servant.
But because it combines all of these things, people think it one of
the gods! By not seeking to strive, it conquers without effort."
8.2
A master programmer passed a novice programmer one day. The master
noted the novice's preoccupation with a hand-held computer game.
"Excuse me", he said, "may I examine it?"
The novice bolted to attention and handed the device to the master. I
see that the device claims to have three levels of play: Easy, Medium
and Hard", said the master. "Yet every such device has another level
of play, where the device seeks not to conquer the human, nor to be
conquered by the human."
"Pray, great master", implored the novice, "how does one find this
mysterious settings?"
The master dropped the device to the ground and crushed it under
foot. And suddenly the novice was enlightened.
8.3
There was once a programmer who worked upon microprocessors. "Look at
how well off I am here," he said to a mainframe programmer who came
to visit, "I have my own operating system and file storage device. I
do not have to share my resources with anyone. The software is self-
consistant and easy-to-use. Why do you not quit your present job and
join me here?"
The mainframe programmer then began to describe his system to his
friend, saying "The mainframe sits like an ancient sage meditating in
the midst of the data center. Its disk drives lie end-to-end like a
great ocean of machinery. The software is as multifaceted as a
diamond, and as convoluted as a primeval jungle. The programs, each
unique, move through the system like a swift-flowing river. That is
why I am happy where I am."
The microcomputer programmer, upon hearing this, fell silent. But the
two programmers remained friends until the end of their days.
- 14 -
8.4
Hardware met Software on the road to Changtse. Software said: "You
are Yin and I am Yang. If we travel together we will become famous
and earn vast sums of money." And so the set forth together, thinking
to conquer the world.
Presently they met Firmware, who was dressed in tattered rage and
hobbled along propped on a thorny stick. Firmware said to them: "The
Tao lies beyond Yin and Yang. It is silent and still as a pool of
water. It does not seek fame, therefore nobody knows its presence. It
does not seek fortune, for it is complete within itself. It exists
beyond space and time."
Software and Hardware , ashamed, returned to their homes.
- 15 -
E p i l o g u e
B o o k N i n e
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Thus spake the Master Programmer:
"Time for you to leave."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
- 16 -
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[The TAPING I by: UNDERWAREZ.]
A phone conversation between a cool pirate, and this 15 year old Spermin'
Bermin'/Jeff Spicolli wanna be.
<Pirate dialing the Digital Dumpster>
:AE: Number? DUMP-STER
AE: Dialing: D..U..M..P..S..T..E..R
AE: Waiting to connect...
<Ring....ring....ring....ring....Pirate goes voice>
<Pantheon's dad>
: Hello?
<Pirate>
: Yeah, Is this a board?
<Pantheon's dad>
: Umm.. Ya! My son, the System operator is with his girlfriend.
<Background>
: Daddie! daddie! Is it for me daddie? I can still get my pants on in time!
<Pantheon's daddie>
: Oops! He is home..hold..
<Pirate waits for about 1 minute while hearing giggling and zippers opening/
closing in the background>
<Pantheon's voice is now heard>
: Hello? Why are you calling my board?
<Pirate>
: What?
<Pantheon>
: Oh, I thought this was Strider the Ranger. Damn, I thought he was going to
meet me at the movies..SHIT! Never mind that.. anyway, what do you want?
<Pirate>
: Well, I wanted to suggest some things that may benefit the board, and....
<Pantheon interupts>
: Hey! My board is totally tubular to my maxi-pad...slip of the tongue...Don't
mess with the Digital Dumpster..er..I mean the Digital Dimencum..er..I mean the
Digital Dime.....Dimens.......<waits for about 30 seconds> Dimension!!!
<Pirate>
: Oh... Well, if you feel that way, I'm sorry if I offended you, but I thought
it would be a nice addition, if you would make it so that the new users COULD
log on to your board, since it says "Oops! System error. Bye.", when they try.
<Pantheon>
: What for? I don't need any new users! Me, and Adam Bomb are the only people
in the world that matter in my life, next to Strider and I/0 ErRoR!
<Pirate>
: Hmmm.... Isn't Adam Bomb a loser?
<Pantheon>
: Can I t..te..tell you a gnarly secret?
<Pirate>
: Whatever.. Go ahead...
<Pantheon>
: C0oL! Did you know that...er...well...maybe I shouldn't tell you. Nah, you
are not stupid, are you? ADAM BOMB and me are..well..er...THE SAME PERSON!!!
<Pirate>
: Oh Really? That's nice.. Hmmm.. That means that... <Laughter in background
..ha..ha.ha..ah ha ha ha> Ohh.. er... I'm sorry, the dog licked my balls, and
it reminded me of how The Gonif was Spermin', and you must..er..must be.....
a LOSER!!
<Pantheon>
: Hey, don't pick Spermin' and me! I am not a loser! Just the fact that I
have never had a computer, until I purchased this one from Controller <who was
a cool sysop> doesn't mean that I am a dumbshit, and that I can't program!
<Pirate>
: Well, I don't really mind about name thing... How about putting in an
adventure game? A dungeon perhaps?
<Pantheon>
: How would you do that? You couldn't get 5 people on the line at the same
time, so it would never work!!
<Pirate>
: <More laughter...ahahaha haaa ha ha> Well, you could always have the users
fight other users or monsters, and then save the results, for a later
encounter....
<Pantheon>
: Hmm...<You can hear his brain working in the background..a very musty, unused
sound..takes about 3 minutes, in which time the pirate puts a pizza with
pineapples in the oven> Well...um...wait, <more thinking!> Hmm..that might
work, but would be a real bitch...
<Pantheon's Mother>
: HEY! WHAT DID I HEAR YOU SAY YOU LITTLE PRICK?
<Pantheon>
: Umm..shit..
<Pantheon's Mother>
: HEY! WHAT DID I HEAR YOU SAY YOU LITTLE SHIT?
<Pantheon>
: Geez...<Whoops..Wrong word!>
<Pantheon>
: Golly-be-jeepers! I can't talk anymore, my mommie and my brother are cuming
in here wearing their bondage clothes again! I will be forced to have torid
3-way anal sex with a shaven Vagabond, and two Spermin look-a-likees, and be
forced to spend 5 minutes in John de la Garza pants!!!
<Pirate is now crying in fear, wondering how any sub-human can handle such
pain, blood, and Vagabond's face!>
<Pirate>
: Uhhh...Uhh.. Should I call back later?
<Pantheon>
: No, it happens regularly...my mommie's gone now, and my brother, uhh..the
what's his name? The rapist...no...The Walk in Killer, will be out tonight,
and I have to go with him just to make sure that when he gets his balls licked
by the girls, that he doesn't get a hard on... because it wouldn't be fair, if
he had fun, while I was just watching his dick..and wishing!
<Pirate>
: Hmmm.. What is your voice number, since I did call your board, and we've had
this LONG conversation.....In which you've told me your life story.....
<Pirate hears ponding, scratching, licking, fanatical laughter, cum squirting,
and other obscene noises coming from the phone..>
<Pantheon, gasping for air>
: <Panting...> 714-768-678...<line goes dead, but the pirate got it!>
Stay tuned for the mystical number one...Oops!..damn! I didn't mean to tell
you.....oh well..just don't tell anyone! Okay?
Signing off for not the last time to come...
-+=*> UNDERWAREZ <*=+-
ok..now how do I save this stupid text file?
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

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RBBS-PC Rules.....
1. Thou shalt not overstay thy welcome. The connect time limit is 72 minutes
-- total -- per day.
2. Thou shalt not use offensive language.
3. Thou shalt not use this BBS system to engage in or encourage acts of
commercial software piracy.
4. Thou shalt not use this system to advertise products not related to
personal computing.
5. Thou shalt not have more than one ad online at a time.
6. Thou shalt not use this system to advertise thy business, except by
arrangement with the SYSOP.
7. Thou shalt not log on using silly names lest the SYSOP rise up and smite
thee.
8. Thou shalt not clutter up the system with trivial messages which are not
computer related.
9. If thou art a new user, thou shalt make every effort to find out how the
system works through its built in HELP functions before bothering thy
beloved SYSOP.
10. Thou shalt contribute software as well as take it.
Amen.

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THE TOP TEN MEDIA ERRORS ABOUT THE SJ GAMES RAID updated 2-12-92
As this story has developed, occasional errors creep into news stories--
and many of them have taken on a life of their own. Some reporters, working
from their clipping files, have turned out stories that are almost 100%
free of facts. There are a lot of those floating around . . . but here are
our Top Ten.
10. Steve Jackson Games is a computer game company.
No we're not. None of our games are computer games. We use computers
to WRITE the games, like every other publisher in the '90s. And the
game that was seized, GURPS CYBERPUNK, was about computers. But we're
not a computer game company any more than George Bush is a gardener.
9. GURPS Cyberpunk is a computer game.
No it's not. Aieeeeee! It's a roleplaying game. It is not played
on a computer. It's played on a table, with dice.
8. We're out of business.
No we're not. It's been reported that we are bankrupt, or filing for
bankruptcy. It was very close, and we're not out of the woods by any
means - we did have to lay off half our staff after the raid
. . . but we're not dead yet.
7. We were raided by the FBI.
No we weren't. We were raided by the US Secret Service. The FBI had
nothing to do with it. (In fact, when Bill Cook, the assistant US
attorney named in our suit, was doing his "research," he talked to the
FBI. They told him he didn't have a case. We have this from FBI sources!)
6. Some of our staff members were arrested by the Secret Service and
charged with hacking.
No they weren't. No member of our staff was arrested, indicted, or
charged. Nobody was even QUESTIONED after the day of the raid.
5. This was part of Operation Sun Devil.
No it wasn't. Sun Devil was a totally separate project, aimed at
credit card fraud. Because it had a neat name, it got a lot of headlines.
Since computers were involved, some reporters got the two confused. The
Secret Service helped the confusion along by refusing to comment on what
was, or wasn't part of Sun Devil. Sun Devil was not a "hacker"
investigation. So says Gail Thackeray, who was its spearhead.
4. The raid was after GURPS Cyberpunk.
No it wasn't. The Secret Service suspected one of our staffers of
wrongdoing, using his computer at home. They had nothing connecting his
alleged misdeeds with our office, but they raided us anyway, and took a
lot of things. One of the things they took was the GURPS Cyberpunk
manuscript. Their agents were very critical of it, and on March 2 in
their office, one of them called it a "handbook for computer crime."
Since their warrant was sealed, and they wouldn't comment, our best guess
was that they were trying to suppress the book. They did suppress it, but
apparently it was through bureaucratic inertia and stonewalling rather
than because it was a target of the raid. Unfortunately, they let us
believe for 7 months (until their warrant affidavit was unsealed)
that they had been after the book.
3. There was a hacker threat to sabotage the 911 system.
No there wasn't. This story has been cynically spread by phone company
employees (who know better) and by Secret Service spokesmen (who probably
believe it, because they still don't understand any of this). They're
using this story to panic the media, to try to justify the illegal things
they've done and the huge amount of money they've spent.
What happened was this: A student got access to a phone company
computer and copied a text file - not a program. This file was nothing
but administrative information, and was publicly available elsewhere.
Bell South tried to value it at $79,000, but in court they admitted that
they sold copies for under $20. There was no way this file could be used
to hurt the 911 system, even if anybody had wanted to. To say otherwise
shows an incredible ignorance of the facts. It's as though a banker
claimed "This criminal made an illegal copy of the list of our Board of
Directors. He can use that to break into our vault."
2. GURPS Cyberpunk was written by Lloyd Blankenship.
He spells his name Loyd, with one L.
And the Number One "false fact" ever reported about this story . . .
1. Steve Jackson Games is the second largest game company in the USA.
Don't we wish!
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==)--- P TO PAUSE S TO STOP ---(==

Cracking the Universal Product Code
by Count Nibble
---------------
Everyone encounters the UPC nowadays. You know, it's that set of black bars
you see on virtually every product whenever you go to the grocery store, to
buy a book or a magazine, or even to buy software (assuming that you do,
indeed, BUY your software). Have you ever though of what fun you could have
by altering that little set of black bars? If you were lucky enough, you might
be able to slip a box of industrial size laundry detergent by that dizzy 16-
year-old girl at the Safeway and have the computer charge you the price of a
pack of Juicy Fruit, or some other such mischief. Well, to help you in your
explorations of How To Screw Over Others In This Grand Old Computerized World
of Ours, I proudly present HOW TO CRACK TO UPC CODE. Use the information
contained herein as you will. You will need the file UPC.PIC, hopefully
available from the same place you found this file. And so, let's begin:
When the lady at the corner market runs the package over the scanner (or
whatever it is they do in your area), the computerized cash register reads
the UPC code as a string of binary digits. First it finds the "frame bars" - a
sequence of "101" (see A on picture). There are three sets of frame bars on
any given code...one on either side, and one in the center. These do nothing
but set off the rest of the data, and are the same on any UPC code. Next is
the "number system character" digit, which is encoded in leftside code (see
later). This digit tells the computer what type of merchandise is being
purchased. The digits and their meanings are:
0 - Ordinary grocery items. Bread, magazines, soup, etc.
2 - Variable-weight items. Meats, fruits & veggies, etc.
3 - Health items. Aspirin, bandaids, tampons, etc.
5 - Cents-off coupon. (Not sure how this works).
The next cluster of digits is the manufacturer number, again stored in leftside
code. THere are five digits here all the time. Some numbers include 51000 for
Campbell's Soup, 14024 for Ziff-Davis publishing (Creative Computing, A...),
and 51051 for Infocom. The next five digits (after the frame bars) are the
product/size id number. The number for "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
from Infocom is 01191. These digits are stored in rightside code. Finally
there is the checksum, in rightside, which will be discussed later.
Now, why are there two types of codes, leftside and rightside? That's so
the person at the checkout counter can slide the thing by the scanner any way
she pleases. By having different codings for either side the computer can
tell the right value no matter how the digits are read in. Here are the
codes for the digits 0 through 9:
Digit Leftside code Rightside code
0 0001101 1110010
1 0011001 1100110
2 0010011 1101100
3 0111101 1000010
4 0100011 1011100
5 0110001 1001110
6 0101111 1010000
7 0111011 1000100
8 0110111 1001000
9 0001011 1110100
The more observant among you may have noticed that Rightside code is nothing
more than logical-NOTed Leftside code, i.e., a 0 in Leftside is a 1 in Right-
side, and vice versa. Later on we will discuss another type called Reversed
Rightside, in which the binary values in Rightside are reversed, meaning that
1110100 (9) in Rightside would be 0010111 in Reversed Rightside. RR is used
only when there is an extra set of codes off to the right of the main code
bars, as with books and magazines.
Now we see the hard part: how the checksum digit is encoded. Let's try working
out the checksum for "Hitchhiker's Guide".
First, notice the Number System Character. Software is considered a Grocery
Item by UPC, so the NSC is 0 (zero). Next, Infocom's Manufacturer's Number
is 51051, and the game's id number is 01191. Good enough. Set together,
these numbers look like this:
0 51051 01191
Now, take the digits of the code and write them on alternate lines, odd on one
line, even below, giving this:
0 1 5 0 1 1
5 0 1 1 9
Now add each set of numbers:
0+1+5+0+1+1 = 8
5+0+1+1+9 = 16
Multiply the first number (the ones created by adding the first, third, etc
digits) by three:
8x3 = 24
And add that to the result of the other number (second, fourth, etc digits
added together):
24+16=40
Subtract this from the next higher or equal multiple of 10 (40 in this case)
40-40=0
And the remainder, here 0 (zero), is the checksum digit.
Now, what if there's a set of other bars off to the side? These are encoded
in another format which uses Reversed Rightside (as described above) instead
of standard Rightside. For books, the sequence is as follows:
Five digits
Starts with 1011
If (first digit is even) then
sequence is L-RR-L-L-RR
else
sequence is RR-L-L-RR-L
each digit is separated with 01
Therefore, the sequence for 29656 is:
1011 0010011 01 0010111 01 0101111 01 0110001 01 0000101
2L 9RR 6L 5L 6RR
and the sequence for 14032 is:
1011 0110011 01 0100011 01 0001101 01 0100001 01 0010011
1RR 4L 0L 3RR 2L
Naturally, all these bars are run together. There is no checksum.
For magazines, the sequence is even more complex. There are two digits
in each bar, and the numbers usually run from 1-12, signifying the month.
The first digits are encoded thusly:
L if the digit is 1,4,5,8 or 9 and
RR if the digit is 2,3,6,7 or 0.
The second digit is coded in L if it is even, and RR if it is odd. Therefore,
06 codes as:
1011 0100111 01 0101111
and 11 codes as:
1011 0110011 01 0110011
No checksum here, either, and the fields are again separated by 01.
Well, that about does it for this explanation of how to crack the UPC codes.
Use this information as you will, and forward any question to THE SPACE BAR,
505-265-5178, pw:BANZAI. Enjoy!
- Count Nibble -
DOWNLOADED FROM P-80 SYSTEMS.....

LIBRARY MENU # 7
<A>Operator Crun
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/==:==:==:==:==:==:==:==:==\
| Urine Box Plans | ... new and improved! ...
\==:==:==:==:==:==:==:==:==/ 3/2/86----
Now at last, Underground_Elite brings you these ultrasophisticated box plans
for, well, uh, I guess we just kind of bring them for you. After many months
of keeping this puppy secret, we here at Underground_Elite have finally come
to the consensus that the public oughtn't be kept in the dark from the wrath
of Ma Bell, that great telephone company in the sky.
The Urine Box (tm) basically creates a capacitative disturbance between the
ring and tip wires in another's telephone headset. I have utilized this to the
distinct advantage of the operator of the Urine box and to the disadvantage
of the other party involved, hopefully you won't get caught.
Without further ado, wire this schematic together. Copper wire (or gold)
will work best due to its lessened resistance. It might be a good idea to
keep the wiring cooled, to further reduce current loss.
47k ohms --------------- .01 uF
!\ !------/\/\/-----------! SPST switch !----!------)!---------!
! \ ! --------------- ! !
! !--! ! ! +
! !----------<-!-----!--------/\/\/------------! ----------
! / PVP diode ! 470k ohms ! 12 VDC !
!/ ! _ ----------
! / .005 uF ! -
SPKR 20W !-------/\/\/\/\/---------)!----<-!---------!
! _/ VR1 (see note1) PVP diode !
! !
to RING to TIP
(your phone) (your phone)
note1 - VR1 is a three position variable resistor, enabling settings
equivalent to 100k ohms, 210k ohms, and 320k ohms (all 110k apart).
note2 - The diodes are silicon-germanium based bipolar RF reducers to limit
current polarity reversal. If these are placed backwards the box will not
work as intended.
note3 - The speaker will emit low tones when the SPST is closed (ie the box
is "ON") and when the settings of VR1 are moved to higher resistance the tone
level will increase.
note4 - Place setting evaluation symbols to represet the lowest resistance
setting for VR1 to be "STEAM", the second (210) to be "MELT", the third (320)
to be "VAPORIZE".
Usage of box.
Use in place of your normal telephone receiver. Do not attempt usage as a
regular phone. Call victim by sending tones through speaker with tape recorded
noise. Use touch tone sounds as pulse requires electric disruption of line,
not just audio. After answer (listen in on SPKR 1) set VR1 to desired strength
and let her go. Victim will feel unpleasant sensations in his/her head and
will undergo a series of high intensity seizures, not unlike epilepsy, and
jointly proportional to VR-1 setting and time induced.
Settings. (The Fun Part)
STEAM. A short -poof- of water vapor condenses within the victim's earpiece,
rendering the telephone short circuited and the victim quite dazed.
MELT. Causes structural phase change of receiver (usually reinforced
ureaformaldehyde plastic material - high tech). This has the unpleasant
bonus of removing the victim's hand.
VAPORIZE. If the victim is particularly nasty, this setting will remove his
upper anatomy (if box is enabled properly, that is!). Continued usage
of this setting is generally not recommended, as death or other serious
injury will accompany.
Disclaimer.
Yes, I will refuse to take responsibility for your incompetence in electrical
doings. This includes my reluctance to give court testimony, etc. etc.
Wolfgang von Albatross
Attorney at Law, ex Telco employee.

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COME TO MCDONALDS, MAY I TAKE YOUR
ORDER, PLEASE?
->YES
ANYTHING TO DRINK WITH THAT?
OK, THAT'LL BE $7.20, PLEASE PULL
UP...
)()(=>IT HAS BEEN A LONG, ROUGH DAY AND YOU APPROACHING THE LAIR OF THE
INFAMOUS BUZZ BROTHERS WHERE THE DEFOLIANTS(FEATURING BARNEY BADASS ON THE FISH
AND VID "BONZO" KIDZ ON DRUMZ, D00D) WHEN YOU SEE 3 VERY NICE PIGSPOLICEMEN
KNOCKING ON THE DOOR OF THE KIDZ RESIDENCE. AFTER BEING SEARCHED, YOU ARE
GREETED WITH GLEE BY A TALKING CAN OF STROHS.
(WELCOME TO UTOPIA)
THE NIGHT WON'T END UNTIL MR. DAHL PUKES UP HIS SPINACH, OR THE DIKES CALL THE
PIGSPOLICEMEN TO TAKE YOU AWAY BECAUSE "THEY HAVE A BEEF".
AFTER EATING A TACO WITH FETA CHEESE YOU DECIDE TO DRINK COUGH SYRUP. THE LAST
THING YOU REMEMBER IS SEEING THE WORDS:
ENTER PASSWORD OR TYPE "NEW"
]]->H151SX
I'M NOT DONE YET.
YOU SHARE A FEW LAUGHS WUTH ALPHA OME GA & DAVE,RED SE CTOR A, MR. //C AND A
STRANGE GREEN FELLOW NAMED DUKE, YOU DEC IDE YOU ARE READY FOR ANYTHING, EXCEPT
A COMPULSIVE DICKLIAR NAMED RICHARD WHO IS EXTREMELY LEFT WING.(I KNOW DENNIS
AND ROB & JEFF WILL FIGURE THAT OUT.) BUT EVEN HE DOESN'T BOTHER YOU BECAUSE
YOU ARE TRAINED IN THE RELIGION OF BARNEY, AND HIS GOLDEN RULE:"MORE BEER"
WHEN YOU SEE SCARLET ARMADILLO SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS, YOU KNOW
SOMETHING WEIRD IS HAPPENING. BUT WHEN YOU SEE LORD CHAOS WRITING "SIGNED
ALAN" IN URINE ON A NEARBY WALL, YOU KNOW YOU ARE ON...
!U/T-O\P!I/A
SYSOPS AT LARGE:LORD CHAOS,NILONIEL I,
MARK TABAS & THE BUZZZ BROTHERS...!
[ENTER YOUR FULL NAME]
]>THE SLIPPED DISK
CHECKING...
[PASSWORD(NEW)_->______
VERIFYING YOUR PASSWORD,PLEASE WAIT...
WELCOME BACK:SLIPPED DISK
NICE NAME,THERE. WHO THOUGHT OF IT,
ONE OF JERRY'S KIDS?
FULL KEYBOARD FUNCTIONS ARE NOW ENABLED
SVENSON'S BIKE IS A DOGSHIT MASTER!
<.............>
! February 19 !
! 1984 !
<------------->
Hi, what has 2 legs but can't walk? ...Half a table, or a quadraplegic!
Yes, that was the monthly word of wisdom for Barney Badass.
Well, the b0ard has sum new m0dz d00ds, like...
NEW GEEK OF THE WEEK
(HIT "V")
TRACE DETECTION
(HIT "D")
LUCKY NUMBER
"QUOTE OF THE WEEK"
L8R D00DS!
LC
*-> BORG BULLETIN <-*
BULLETIN FROM: L C
DATE POSTED: MARCH 8
RESULTS OF GEEK OF THE WEEK:
FROBAZZ FLATHEAD:60
THE WHIP :37
NOW, THE WHIP STANDS AGAINST CTRL RESET. BOTH ARE AWARD WINNING AUTHORS OF THE
REAL PIRATES GUIDE.
LAST USER--->JAMES RIZZO
LAST STUPID FUCK WHO DIDN'T POST
::::::-->THE UNICORN
TODAY'S LUCKY NUMBER IS...
RATTLE...SHAKE...
HURRY UP YOU DAMN BALLS!!
-->909
I REPEAT----
909
QUOTE OF THE WEEK FROM DR. HUNTER THOMPSON:
'THE SCUM ALSO RISES'
HEY ,SLIPPED,YOU GOT SOME MSGS. YOU HAVE 1 PIECE OF MAIL
[UTOPIAN PRIVATE MSG. SERVICE]
MESSAGES FOR YA,WANNA READ NOW?Y
UTOPIA.........312-858-4806
- SPACEBAR QUITS LISTING -
LETTER FROM: SYSTEM OPERATOR
DATE MAILED: MARCH 8
THANKS A LOT,
WATCH FOR THE FILES BARNEY BADASS AND I ARE WRITING.
CALL THE GLUE BALL 312-465-4225 AND READ BARNEY'S B-FILES. THEY'RE AWESOME.

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Article 88 of rec.humor.funny:
Path: santra!tut!draken!kth!mcvax!uunet!attcan!looking!funny-request
From: obrien@aero.UUCP
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: VAXen, my children, just don't belong some places
Keywords: long, funny
Message-ID: <2844@looking.UUCP>
Date: 1 Mar 89 11:30:05 GMT
Sender: funny@looking.UUCP
Lines: 277
Approved: funny@looking.UUCP
Reply-Path: neat.ai.toronto.edu!pyramid!verdix!ogccse!tektronix!aerospace.aero.org!sequent!aero!obrien
( I've never heard of the "WAR_STORIES" notefile; if you want to get
back to the original author you'll have to go through "haroldh@think.com".
I'm enclosing everything just as it reached me.)
Mike O'Brien
The Aerospace Corporation
=============
Subj: Just extracted this from the WAR_STORIES notefile. Long but amusing.
VAXen, my children, just don't belong some places. In
my business, I am frequently called by small sites
and startups having VAX problems. So when a friend of
mine in an Extremely Large Financial Institution
(ELFI) called me one day to ask for help, I was
intrigued because this outfit is a really major VAX
user - they have several large herds of VAXen - and
plenty of sharp VAXherds to take care of them.
So I went to see what sort of an ELFI mess they had
gotten into. It seems they had shoved a small 750
with two RA60's running a single application, PC
style, into a data center with two IBM 3090's and
just about all the rest of the disk drives in the
world. The computer room was so big it had three
street addresses. The operators had only IBM
experience and, to quote my friend, they were having
"a little trouble adjusting to the VAX", were a bit
hostile towards it and probably needed some help with
system management. Hmmm, Hostility... Sigh.
Well, I thought it was pretty ridiculous for an
outfit with all that VAX muscle elsewhere to isolate
a dinky old 750 in their Big Blue Country, and said
so bluntly. But my friend patiently explained that
although small, it was an "extremely sensitive and
confidential application." It seems that the 750 had
originally been properly clustered with the rest of a
herd and in the care of one of their best VAXherds.
But the trouble started when the Chief User went to
visit his computer and its VAXherd.
He came away visibly disturbed and immediately
complained to the ELFI's Director of Data Processing
that, "There are some very strange people in there
with the computers." Now since this user person was
the Comptroller of this Extremely Large Financial
Institution, the 750 had been promptly hustled over
to the IBM data center which the Comptroller said,
"was a more suitable place." The people there wore
shirts and ties and didn't wear head bands or cowboy
hats.
So my friend introduced me to the Comptroller, who
turned out to be five feet tall, 85 and a former
gnome of Zurich. He had a young apprentice gnome who
was about 65. The two gnomes interviewed me in
whispers for about an hour before they decided my
modes of dress and speech were suitable for managing
their system and I got the assignment.
There was some confusion, understandably, when I
explained that I would immediately establish a
procedure for nightly backups. The senior gnome
seemed to think I was going to put the computer in
reverse, but the apprentice's son had an IBM PC and
he quickly whispered that "backup" meant making a
copy of a program borrowed from a friend and why was
I doing that? Sigh.
I was shortly introduced to the manager of the IBM
data center, who greeted me with joy and anything but
hostility. And the operators really weren't hostile -
it just seemed that way. It's like the driver of a
Mack 18 wheeler, with a condo behind the cab, who was
doing 75 when he ran over a moped doing it's best to
get away at 45. He explained sadly, "I really warn't
mad at mopeds but to keep from runnin' over that'n,
I'da had to slow down or change lanes!"
Now the only operation they had figured out how to do
on the 750 was reboot it. This was their universal
cure for any and all problems. After all it works on
a PC, why not a VAX? Was there a difference? Sigh.
But I smiled and said, "No sweat, I'll train you.
The first command you learn is HELP" and proceeded to
type it in on the console terminal. So the data
center manager, the shift supervisor and the eight
day operators watched the LA100 buzz out the usual
introductory text. When it finished they turned to
me with expectant faces and I said in an avuncular
manner, "This is your most important command!"
The shift supervisor stepped forward and studied the
text for about a minute. He then turned with a very
puzzled expression on his face and asked, "What do
you use it for?" Sigh.
Well, I tried everything. I trained and I put the
doc set on shelves by the 750 and I wrote a special
40 page doc set and then a four page doc set. I
designed all kinds of command files to make complex
operations into simple foreign commands and I taped a
list of these simplified commands to the top of the
VAX. The most successful move was adding my home
phone number.
The cheat sheets taped on the top of the CPU cabinet
needed continual maintenance, however. It seems the
VAX was in the quietest part of the data center, over
behind the scratch tape racks. The operators ate
lunch on the CPU cabinet and the sheets quickly
became coated with pizza drippings, etc.
But still the most used solution to hangups was a
reboot and I gradually got things organized so that
during the day when the gnomes were using the system,
the operators didn't have to touch it. This smoothed
things out a lot.
Meanwhile, the data center was getting new TV
security cameras, a halon gas fire extinguisher
system and an immortal power source. The data center
manager apologized because the VAX had not been
foreseen in the plan and so could not be connected to
immortal power. The VAX and I felt a little rejected
but I made sure that booting on power recovery was
working right. At least it would get going again
quickly when power came back.
Anyway, as a consolation prize, the data center
manager said he would have one of the security
cameras adjusted to cover the VAX. I thought to
myself, "Great, now we can have 24 hour video tapes
of the operators eating Chinese takeout on the CPU."
I resolved to get a piece of plastic to cover the
cheat sheets.
One day, the apprentice gnome called to whisper that
the senior was going to give an extremely important
demonstration. Now I must explain that what the 750
was really doing was holding our National Debt. The
Reagan administration had decided to privatize it and
had quietly put it out for bid. My Extreme Large
Financial Institution had won the bid for it and was,
as ELFI's are wont to do, making an absolute bundle
on the float.
On Monday the Comptroller was going to demonstrate to
the board of directors how he could move a trillion
dollars from Switzerland to the Bahamas. The
apprentice whispered, "Would you please look in on
our computer? I'm sure everything will be fine, sir,
but we will feel better if you are present. I'm sure
you understand?" I did.
Monday morning, I got there about five hours before
the scheduled demo to check things over. Everything
was cool. I was chatting with the shift supervisor
and about to go upstairs to the Comptroller's office.
Suddenly there was a power failure.
The emergency lighting came on and the immortal power
system took over the load of the IBM 3090's. They
continued smoothly, but of course the VAX, still on
city power, died. Everyone smiled and the dead 750
was no big deal because it was 7 AM and gnomes don't
work before 10 AM. I began worrying about whether I
could beg some immortal power from the data center
manager in case this was a long outage.
Immortal power in this system comes from storage
batteries for the first five minutes of an outage.
Promptly at one minute into the outage we hear the
gas turbine powered generator in the sub-basement
under us automatically start up getting ready to take
the load on the fifth minute. We all beam at each
other.
At two minutes into the outage we hear the whine of
the backup gas turbine generator starting. The 3090's
and all those disk drives are doing just fine.
Business as usual. The VAX is dead as a door nail but
what the hell.
At precisely five minutes into the outage, just as
the gas turbine is taking the load, city power comes
back on and the immortal power source commits
suicide. Actually it was a double murder and suicide
because it took both 3090's with it.
So now the whole data center was dead, sort of. The
fire alarm system had it's own battery backup and was
still alive. The lead acid storage batteries of the
immortal power system had been discharging at a
furious rate keeping all those big blue boxes running
and there was a significant amount of sulfuric acid
vapor. Nothing actually caught fire but the smoke
detectors were convinced it had.
The fire alarm klaxon went off and the siren warning
of imminent halon gas release was screaming. We
started to panic but the data center manager shouted
over the din, "Don't worry, the halon system failed
its acceptance test last week. It's disabled and
nothing will happen."
He was half right, the primary halon system indeed
failed to discharge. But the secondary halon system
observed that the primary had conked and instantly
did its duty, which was to deal with Dire Disasters.
It had twice the capacity and six times the discharge
rate.
Now the ear splitting gas discharge under the raised
floor was so massive and fast, it blew about half of
the floor tiles up out of their framework. It came up
through the floor into a communications rack and blew
the cover panels off, decking an operator. Looking
out across that vast computer room, we could see the
air shimmering as the halon mixed with it.
We stampeded for exits to the dying whine of 175 IBM
disks. As I was escaping I glanced back at the VAX,
on city power, and noticed the usual flickering of
the unit select light on its system disk indicating
it was happily rebooting.
Twelve firemen with air tanks and axes invaded. There
were frantic phone calls to the local IBM Field
Service office because both the live and backup
3090's were down. About twenty minutes later,
seventeen IBM CEs arrived with dozens of boxes and,
so help me, a barrel. It seems they knew what to
expect when an immortal power source commits murder.
In the midst of absolute pandemonium, I crept off to
the gnome office and logged on. After extensive
checking it was clear that everything was just fine
with the VAX and I began to calm down. I called the
data center manager's office to tell him the good
news. His secretary answered with, "He isn't expected
to be available for some time. May I take a
message?" I left a slightly smug note to the effect
that, unlike some other computers, the VAX was intact
and functioning normally.
Several hours later, the gnome was whispering his way
into a demonstration of how to flick a trillion
dollars from country 2 to country 5. He was just
coming to the tricky part, where the money had been
withdrawn from Switzerland but not yet deposited in
the Bahamas. He was proceeding very slowly and the
directors were spellbound. I decided I had better
check up on the data center.
Most of the floor tiles were back in place. IBM had
resurrected one of the 3090's and was running tests.
What looked like a bucket brigade was working on the
other one. The communication rack was still naked and
a fireman was standing guard over the immortal power
corpse. Life was returning to normal, but the Big
Blue Country crew was still pretty shaky.
Smiling proudly, I headed back toward the triumphant
VAX behind the tape racks where one of the operators
was eating a plump jelly bun on the 750 CPU. He saw
me coming, turned pale and screamed to the shift
supervisor, "Oh my God, we forgot about the VAX!"
Then, before I could open my mouth, he rebooted it.
It was Monday, 19-Oct-1987. VAXen, my children, just
don't belong some places.
--
Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.UUCP
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing.
I reply to all submissions, but about 30% of the replies bounce.

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/-----------------------------------\
| Fun! with Random Senseless |
| Vandalism |
| by |
| /\/oo\/\ Count Nibble /\/oo\/\ |
| |
| August 2nd 1985 |
| |
| A "Nibble's Own" Textfile -- (C) |
| 1985 by Count Nibble -- Spread it |
| around! |
\-----------------------------------/
"We're just the Wrecking Crew / Poor boys with nothing to do!"
- The Adolescents
"History is made at night -- character is what you are in the dark."
- Lord John Whorfin
Hot summer nights are the same no matter where you live . . . there's nothing
like a warm July evening to inspire a bunch of sex-starved adolescents to acts
of Random Senseless Vandalism (RSV). Unfortunately, this time of year also
tends to drain one's mind of all ideas that one might have for such
activities. Fear not! Contained herein are myriad suggestions of how to
spend a few early-morning hours enjoying yourself and annoying others. Call
your frhends together and try a few out.
A night of RSV is usually divided into two modes. The first mode is Cruising
-- simply driving along major thoroughfares until an opportunity presents
itself. Of course, you'll be keeping your eyes open for nubile members of the
opposite sex, and your windows open (or better, your roof down) so the rest of
the world can admire your taste in music and in clothing. On a well-balanced
night of RSV, most of your time will be spent in this mode, so choose your
music well. Here are a few tunes which I have found to be quite appropriate
for tooling down the streets at 2 AM -- ALWAYS use the 12" single versions.
Phil Collins: In The Air Tonight
Harold Faltermeyer: Axel F.
Dead Or Alive: Round Round
Alphaville: Big In Japan
Jean-Michel Jarre: Zoolook
Burning Sensations: Pablo Picasso
Duran Duran: View to a Kill
Russ Ballard: Voices
Cheap Trick: You Must Be Dreaming
After you've been to two McDonald's and five Circle K's, and you've seen
enough pussy to keep you horny for over a year -- so it's time to move out
and start the second mode: Random Senseless Vandalism. The mood of the music
goes over the edge, meaning, of course, Punk! Some sample tunes:
Sex Pistols: Anarchy in the U.K.
Fear: Let's Have A War
GBH: Do What You Do
Adolescents: Wrecking Crew
DEVO: Smart Patrol/Mr. DNA
Black Flag: Police Story, T.V. Party
Red Alert: In Britain
Bad Religion: In The Night
But, as the question goes, what do you DO when you Do What You Do? Now that
we've set up an appropriate musical mood, we can start in on the good stuff:
dhe Random Senseless Vandalism itself.
You'll need a few tools. A sample list follows.
crowbar
wire cutters
flashlight w/red filter
spray paint
survival knife
short (18") length of chain
rocks (medium-large)
caltrops (lots)
toilet paper
rope
assorted fireworks
BB or pellet gun/rifle
water balloons
Crowbar: The ultimate multi-purpose vandalism tool. Can be used to shatter
windows, break off doorknobs, and to pry open practically anything you
like.
Wire Cutters: You never know when you might walk into a fence you don't happen to
like, and some good wire cutters can alleviate the situation. Make sure
the fence isn't electrified before you try anything with it! Barbed wire
looks nice wrapped around the front end of a car, replacing its grille,
or festooned along the walls of your room. And a stretch of chainlink
adds a nice touch to any bedroom decor.
Flashlight w/Red Filter: There is nothing more suspicious-looking than a
bunch of guys out in a field with a flashlight, and the red filter will
help alleviate observation problems. Also, the red color allows you to
retain your night vision while keeping your eyes on what you are doing.
Spray Paint: The possibilities are endless. Check out my file "Fun! with
Spray Paint" for a few of them.
Survival Knife: This tool takes care of the stuff that the crowbar and the
wire cutters aren't really designed for. Try these: cutting down
tire-and-rope swings in front yards, slashing banners, collecting flags
(it's illegal to display them at night without proper illumination
anyway), slicing seatbelts that assholes leave hanging out of their car
doors. Fucking with convertible tops is bad form, but tarps over boats
or cars are great, especially if it's raining.
Short (18") Length of Chain:
ake it sturdy, this one will be taking a lot of
abuse. Use it on car bodies and windows, or connect it to your rope to
tow something large down the street a ways. Be careful, though!
Remember what happened in Mad Max!
Rocks: Easy to find, easier to use. The windows of houses and moving are targets for rocks.
Caltrops: In case an irate smart-ass citizen decides to chase you. (Don't
use 'em on cops unless you're SURE they didn't get a good look at your
car!) A caltrop is a piece of metal that, when you throw it onto the
ground, always lands so that one point sticks up into the air where it
can do major damage to tires and to feet wearing anything less than good
work boots. Sure, a board with nails in it will do the same thing, but
caltrops are less noticable, and who the hell is dumb enough to drive
over a random board in the middle of the street anyway? The simplest
reliable design is to take two nails, cut the heads off and sharpen both
ends of each, bend them to an angle of about 135 degrees, and weld them
together at the bend. If you're serious about it, get together with a
few of your friends and set up a mass-production line for a few hours the
evening before you all go out, and make about 50 of them. If you drop
them on a road (handfuls of 6-8 work well), don't travel on that road for
a while! And of coursd, you can just dump them in the middle of a major
intersection in the dead of night. Or in a parking lot outside a movie
theater just before the movie lets out. Caltrops pack one hell of a
wallop for their size.
Toilet Paper: No anarchy run is truly complete without toilet paper,
especially if it looks like it's going to rain. When toilet paper gets
wet, you can forget about trying to clean it up, because you CAN'T. If
the weather is nice, why not consider looking for a garden hose to help
the paper along?
Rope: You'll always be able to find a good use for rope. In fact, there's
really no need to go out and *buy* rope; chances are you'll be able to
find some on the way somewhere. Flagpole rope is made amazingly strong
since it has to stand up to years of the elements -- who wants to change
the rope on a flagpole? -- so get that kind if you can. It's easy to
find on any school campus. It's great fun to tie a sturdy slip knot on a
flagpole rope, tie the loose end to the back of a pickup, then take off.
See what gives first, the pole or the back of the truck. For that
matter, the rear axle trick from American Graffiti is pretty amusing too,
if your rope is strong enough.
Assorted Fireworks: Ah, yes, the Flames of the Gods. There's nothing like
driving around town, lighting fireworks, and throwing them out the
window. Bottle Rockets are the most spectacular . . . they'll sit on the
road until you're a few dozen yards away, then take off to God Knows
Where. Sometimes they'll fly down the street a ways, then hit a curb
and arc off in the direction of someone's bedroom window. (Of course,
you're using the kind "with report" for maximum effect, aren't you?)
M-80's and their more powerful homemade cousins are wonderful for
mailboxes, placing on car windshields, and just plain waking up everyone
within a quarter mile. Those "whistling cabins" are great for annoying
dogs as well as people, and if you run across a car that someone forgot
to lock, make sure the windows are rolled up and lob a few smoke bombs
inside. Kiss the interior of that vehicle GOODBYE. If you have
something a bit more powerful, like a CO2 cartridge filled with black
powder, knock a hole in a cinderblock wall with a large rock and drop the
pecker inside it. The brick it gets stuck next to is history. Looking
to shatter windows? Take one of those CO2 bombs with a long fuse and put
it in the middle of a 32 oz. glass bottle full of gravel, pick a nice
building with a lot of glass on it, drop and light the bomb, and LEAVE.
Wheee! Shrapnel! Who says the Neon Knights have all the fun?
BB or Pellet Gun/Rifle: For non-assholes only. Leave the small animals alone
. . . save your ammo for the targets that deserve to be abused, things
like people. Air guns are at their best when you're in a moving car.
Pump up the air rifle and load a few BB's in, then buzz by the local car
dealership and take out that nice big showroom window -- ftow! Mr. Slick
Sam, The Used Car Man, now has to unload an Eldie or two to pay for a new
pane of glass. And oh, how expensive that glass can be! These are also
great for vans with custom murals on the side. You can elect to use low
power and just deface the thing, or go all the way and punch a few holes.
'Sup to you! And do you know how much it costs to replace the body
panels on a Corvette? Yow!
Water Balloons: Yeah, plain water balloons really belong to the
grade-schoolers and the fraternity types with balloon launchers, but how
about putting about a tablespoon of Rit dye in the balloon before you
fill it? Looks really nice on stucco or on white cinderblock, where it
gets a chance to soak in for a few hours. Be imaginative, use a few
balloons of different colors on a single target for some instant modern
art.
Your Bare Hands: A vandal needs no tools to do his dirty work -- his bare
hands can do a great deal. Try switching around a few realty signs.
Grab a trash bag that's waiting for the 6AM pickup as you drive by, then
drag it alongside the car as you speed down the street. When it breaks,
someone will have a serious mess to deal with. Or introduce that trash
bag to the neighbor's pool. Bananna peels and pool filters get along
marvelously. Got a road that's really just a loooooong hill? Montgomery
Blvd. in Albuquerque is a good example, with at lease five miles of long,
straight, gentle gradient. "Borrow" someone's spare tire and see how far
down the hill it'll roll before it hits something (or someone!). Or
"borrow" several, have everyone bet on a tire, and hold a race.
Well, people! Now you've got some ideas for your RSV runs!!
Go for it!!
A "Nibble's Own" Text File -- (C)
August 2nd, 1985 by:
/\/\oo/\/\ Count Nibble /\/\oo/\/\
(>
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><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
the glue ball bbs----------312-465-hack
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
barney badass's b-files
---------------------------------------
//////////////b-file #1////////////////
the code of the verbal warrior,or,
barney's bitch war manual
so you log onto a board and make a bee-line for your favorite
sub-board.some people love pirate boards,some people like phreak boards. my
passion is the trusty old standby,the bitch board.
so you get in the 'argument den', or 'discussion board',or'nuclear bitch-
fare'and start looking around for someone who you think you can out-rank.you
know,insult,cut down,and generally verbally abuse. and so you post,and,next
thing you know,somebody appears to hate your guts. you've got an enemy. now
what?
the main problem with 85% of all bitching that goes on on boards today, is
that people just don't know how to handle the answer to that question. now
what? do i keep it up? do i give up? do i insult his mother?
barney's bitch tip #1------- make up yor mind. either take the bitching
completely seriously,or do not take it seriously at all. if you find yourself
grinning at insults thrown at you by your opponent,then either cut it out
immediately,or try grinning even wider when you're typing your reply. the
benefit of this is that you can't be affected one way or the other by any thing
that your opponent says.if you're taking it seriously,then you just keep glaring
at your monitor,and remain determined to grind the little filth into submission.
if you're using the lighthearted approach,then it's pretty dif- ficult to get
annoyed by any kind of reference towards your mother/some chains/and the family
dog,because,remember,you're not taking this seriously!
barney's bitch tip #2-------- make damn well sure that you're not falling into
a trap. what's a trap? well,a trap is something that someone in a position of
power(usually a sysop) sets when he/she thinks you need to be 'put in your
place'. i could not tell you about this if i had not experienced it myself..so
learn from my own mistake --lord chaos,sysop of utopia bbs is not to be trusted.
probably no sysop who is under the age of 18 and starts their name with 'lord'
is to be trusted,but that's a different story. (nothing per- sonal,pat.) more
on traps later.
barney's bitch tip#3-------- to bitch effectively and with class, you need a
certain talent. you either have it or you don't,and that talent is the ability
to write. think of it this way-if you don't think that you could write
something like...well,let's see-well,something like a g-file,then chances are
you are going to be made to look rather silly. a general rule of thumb
concerning bitching is,the better the command of the english lan- guage,the
better the bitching. and i'm not talking about the infamous john- athan lewin
school of saturate-the- enemy-with-3.8-metric-tons-of-extreme- ly-long-words,but
rather the instinct to know when to be direct;ie-'so-and-so ,eat shit and
die',or to be a bit more clever like:'what does so-and-so and the male sex organ
have in common? they're both dicks!'. not the best ex- ample,but you should be
getting the point.
barney's bitch tip#4------- this is tied in with tip #3--well-pol- ished
writing skills are a must,but almost equally as important is the ab- ility to
spell. for myself,nothing assures me of victory more than seeing the misguided
fool who took me on spell like a romper room dropout. the most common screw
ups(and the most sick- ening) are along the lines of spelling you're,'your',and
other such blatant gaffes. 3 lines into a message and you can tell immediately
if you are deal- ing with an idiot. but,in the same vein ,be careful at how
quick you judge-- typing errors are different than spel- ling errors...even i
stopped editing my msgs.(except in real extreme cases) months ago. the key to
looking good when bitching is to know your oppon- ent's weaknesses. if spelling
is one, then exploit it mercilessly. but you'd better make damn well sure that
he doesn't catch you doing the same thing.
barney's bitch tip#5------- *the advantages and disadvantages of multiple
wars.*
when bitching with victory in mind,it is vital that you retain control in the
exchange-i.e.;make him respond to you more than you respond to him,get and stay
in the position where you can con- sistently talk down to your opponent, things
like that. control is the key. lose it,and you're in trouble. an efficient
way to keep control on your side,is,of course,thru having al- lies(if the
opponent is particularly tough). my word on this is as follows; when bringing
neutrals into a 1-on-1 war,you'd better make damn well sure who you're dealing
with,just as you should know the ins and outs of your opponent. bbs'ers are
fickle,fickle people. ------------------------- ------
the reason i underline this is because i can't possibly stress this enough.
in other words,a little paranoia never hurt anybody--trust practically no-one.
when assuming this attitude,you can save face if a verbal dagger flung from the
keyboard of a once-ally hap- pens to find its way to your back.
unfortunately,there's nothing much even the best bitcher can do when dealt odds
stacked by the bitchers most cov- ert enemy:the sysop. the sysop and the sysop
alone has the power to set the trap that no hi-egoed verbal soldier can escape
from...if he/she feels like it,the target could find himself facing;
mysteriously disappearing messages a strange and sudden lack of allies and,an
army of new opponents,never seen or heard of before.... these tactics,are,of
course,the trap that i referred to back in tip#2-- using this method,the sysop
and his cronies(the new opponents,a few of which are undoubtedly the sysop him-
self),once you,as the bitcher have taken up the false challenge,proceed to flood
the bitch board with messages ,and while yours mysteriously go bye- bye,wow!
you've 'lost'! it is this type of'loss'that is inesc- cpable. if you're good
enough,you can figure out the scam before you look too stupid,but your rep(if
you have one) is damaged.know your sysop like you would know your enemy! he may
be your enemy! --
barney's bitch tip#6--------- using the above methods,you should now be able
to definitively tell the class of your opponent. but you should also know the
class of the conflict you are in. in my experience,there are 3 types of
conflicts. **gee,barney,what are those 3 types?** well,i'm glad you asked
that-they are; discussions,arguments and wars
discussions usually are free of any hate(real or simulated),and usually center
around relatively minor topics. a good example of a discussion would be
something like;'does big business des- erve the millions of dollars damage we
hacks and phreaks cause it every week? well,we all know the answer to that,but
it's still a good example of a pot- ential discussion.
an argument is something like the clas- sic oct-nov '84 greek inn bbs election
discussion--is ronald reagan extremely dangerous or just incredibly stupid? as
you can tell,something like that is bound to bring about some strong verb-
age,but usually not directed against one specific user of the board from an-
other user.
wars are the exchanges where you find out such interesting things as'your mom
still owes me money for the 10 minutes of heaven i gave her last night',or,
'your dad told me to tell you that he can't find the whip,so you can't sleep
with him tonight',or similar 10-year- old level sickening drivel.when you hapen
onto a war like this,just do your best not to parachute down to the level that
most bitchers are on,and carry on in the tradition of wit,not shit.good,fun,and
funny wars have in- telligent bitchers. be one,don't just watch!
so that about ends this b-file #1-my personal war manual. hope you found it
ever-so-educational....look for fur- ther b-files in the coming weeks. oh, and
just so you know,these are the verbal warriors of chicago--the ones to beat;
myself,vid kidz,scarlet armadillo,rum runner,and radical rick. good day.
======================================= barney badass's b-files////b-file#1 nov.
1984 ======================================= call the university bbs- check bbs
list for #
(if you dig these b-files,and want them for your board,or perhaps wish to con-
tact me,leave feedback on the : glue ball bbs->->312-465-hack
barney.
=/=/surfware/=/=/=
=/=/=/defoliants/=/=/=/=
v e r b a l
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
_ ___ _ the _ _ __ P>rogressive U>nderground
And as this textfile | ||__ \ | | | | | ||_ \ D>issidents
rolls off the screen, | | __) )| | | | | | \ \ 3 1 3 - 4 3 3 - 3 1 6 4
you realize instantly | ||___/ | | | | | | ) ) 300/1200 Baud
the place to get more | | | |___| | | | _/ / 20 Megs of TextFiles
like it.. |_| \_____/ |_||__/ SysOp: Mr. Pez

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*******************************************************************************
*******************************************************************************
WW W WW AA RRRRRR NN NN IIIIIIII NN NN GGGGGG
WWW WWW WWW AAAA RR RRR NNNN NN II NNNN NN GG GG
WWW WW WW WWW AA AA RR RRR NNNNNN NN II NNNNNN NN GG
WWWW WWWW AAAAAAAA RRRRRR NN NNNNNN II NN NNNNNN GG GGGG
WWW WWW AAA AAA RR RRR NN NNNN II NN NNNN GG GG
WW WW AAA AAA RR RRR NN NN IIIIIIII NN NN GGGGGG
TTTTT H H IIIII SSSSS M M A CCCCC H H IIIII N N EEEEE
T H H I S MM MM A A C H H I NN N E
T HHHHH I SSSSS M M M A A C HHHHH I N N N EEE
T H H I S M M AAAAA C H H I N NN E
T H H IIIII SSSSS M M A A CCCCC H H IIIII N N EEEEE
I S S U B J E C T T O B R E A K D O W N S D U R I N G P E R I O D S
O F C R I T I C A L N E E D!
*******************************************************************************
*******************************************************************************
This machine contains a special circuit called a 'Crisis Detector'(or 'CD').
It is specifically designed to detect the user's emotional state in terms of
how desperately the user needs to use the machine. The machine, upon measuring
this state, assigns a value, called the 'Crisis Detection Level' (or 'CDL').
It has been programmed to subsequently create a malfunction in direct
proportion to this CDL, thus rendering the machine totally and hopelessly
useless to the user for whatever period of usefulness it may have served.
Threatening the machine with violence, curses, obscenities, etc., may soothe
the user, but will serve no other useful purpose, as the CD is not affected,
and the CDL is not, repeat, NOT reset. Likewise, attempts to use another
machine is likely to cause IT to malfunction, since they both belong to the
same union(LOCAL #347). Just give up, and come back later, when you have
absolutely NO use for the machine, as by then the CD will have noted your
absence and will have reset the CDL for its next victim.
NOTE: Attempts to go away and come back a few minutes later are not liable
to fool the CD, as your level of desperation will only have increased during
said period of time. Just give up. It's truly HOPELESS.
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THE FOLLOWING ARE COMMON SENSE WARNINGS WHEN DEALING WITH A UFO
1. Do not touch or attempt to touch a UFO that has landed. Passing
through the Earth's atmosphere the skin of the craft will be hot.
There is also a possibility of radiation. There is also a chance
of steam being produced from the heated hull at the landing site.
2. Do not stand under a hovering UFO at low altitude. There is a
possibility of radiation danger.
3. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO CONTACT ALIENS if they appear, any movement on
your part may constitute an act of aggression. If possible,
back away VERY slowly. Make no gestures what so ever.
4. If possible note the time and take a photograph if possible.
Note the shape and size of the craft, use nearby objects for
a size comparison.
5. Do not touch any artifact from an alien spacecraft, the artifact
may be dangerous, leave this to the authorites.
6. Get away from the area QUICKLY. Inform the local authorites or
the military.

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===================================
Watching the Watcher Watching You
===================================
Uploaded to OSUNY BBS by Sir Knight
===================================
(c) 1984-85 NPI/Appa Teleworks I
===================================
[LESSON 1]
THE TRAP
=-=-=-=-=-=
LOOKING FOR A FEDERAL AGENT IS BIG NEWS. OBVIOUSLY, THESE PEOPLE ARE
SLIPPERY AND WILL DISAPPEAR IF BEING NOTICED. A PERFECT EXAMPLE IS RICHARD
SANDZA OF NEWSWEEK FAME WHO GOT SNIFFED OUT, AND THEN SAT DOWN TO COMPOSE HIS
STUNNING INSIGHT INTO THE WORLD OF HACKERS, "NIGHT OF THE HACKERS". ANOTHER
WOULD BE CABLE PAIR, WHO IN 1983 CAUSED THE NUMEROUS BUSTS THAT OCCURED BETW-
EEN THE SUMMER AND WINTER OF THAT YEAR. BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT TO LOOK OUT
FOR? WHAT IF YOU SUSPECT SOMEONE BUT ARE NOT SURE...YOU DONT ACCUSE THEM, JUST
REFER BACK TO THESE HANDY LITTLE HINTS.... THIS FILE IS FOR INFORMATIONAL
PURPOSES ONLY, AND THE SYSOP IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT I HAVE ENTERED.
[LESSON 2]
TIPS
=-=-=-=-=-=
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THIS ON YOUR FAVE RAVE PHREAK BOARD:
"LEAVE ME A PHONE NUMBER AND I WILL GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU..WE CAN TRADE
SOMECODEZ..."
THIS PERSON IS OBVIOUSLY BLOTTED OUT OF HIS GOURD, OR HE IS TRYING TO GET SOME
INFO ON YOU! FEDS WANT TO KNOW PEOPLE AND KNOW AS MUCH ABOUT THEM AS THEY CAN
WITHOUT GETTING FOUND OUT. SO, DONT MESS WITH THESE KINDS OF PEOPLE.
HOW ABOUT THIS COMMON ONE:
"CAN I HAVE A TRW ACCOUNT FOR A SYSTEM? I AM REAL INTERESTED..."
LISTEN. DURING THIS TERRIBLE YULETIDE OF TERROR REIGNING FROM MONTANA BUTTHAC
K'S ARTICLE, YOU DONT TRUST ANYONE WITH YOUR PERSONALLY GOTTEN/HACKED OUT
ACCOUNT UNLESS YOU KNOW THEM. AND, ABOVE ALL, DONT POST THEM ON PUBLIC SYSTEMS
WHERE EVERY FED IN 30 STATES CAN GET THEM AND CHECK THEM OUT. IF ENOUGH PEOPLE
HAVE YOUR OWN PERSONAL ACCOUNTS, THEN THE DAMN THINGS ARE LIKELY TO BE TURNED
OFF FROM TOO MANY PEOPLE HAVING A CREDIT CHECK BY THE LENOXX BANK OF MASS.
EVER HEAR--
"GOT ANY NEW VISA'S OR MASTERCARDS?"
WHAT WAS SAID ABOUT PW'S GOES DOUBLE FOR CREDIT CARDS. I WOULD BE DOUBLY
CAREFUL ABOUT THE OBTAINING AND/OR USE OF THEM. I DONT DO THAT STUFF AND NEVER
WILL BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO GIVE THE FEDS THE CHANCE TO SAY,"HEY, THIS KID'S
JUST DROPPING HIS PANTS AND BENDING HIM OVER. LET'S GIVE HIM THE STICK."
WHAT ABOUT...
"CAN SOMEONE TELL ME HOW TO PHREAK"
OR
"CAN SOMEONE TEACH ME HOW TO HACK
DONT BE TOO TRUSTING ANY MORE ABOUT NEW PHREAKS/HACKS UNLESS THEY LOOK LIKE
INNOCENT KIDS. YOU ALL SHOULD KNOW HOW TO TELL IF THERE IS SOME KID THAT COMES
FROM A GOOD JEWISH, UPPER-MIDDLE CLASS FAMILY THAT WANTS TO KNOW THE HOW-TO
STUFF AND THAT IS OKAY. BUT ALWAYS ASK THREE QUESTIONS OF YOUR APPRENTICES:
1]WHAT IS YOUR NAME
2]WHAT IS YOUR PHONE NUMBER
3]HOW OLD ARE YOU
NUMBER THREE IS CRUCIAL..IF THEY ARE OVER 19 YEARS OF AGE, DONT WASTE YOUR TIME
OR EFFORT. YOU DONT KNOW THEM AND YOU WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM. IF THEY
DO LIE ABOUT THEIR AGE(YOU CAN TELL IF YOU TALK TO THEM VOICE DUM DUM) AND THEY
ARE UNDER 19, THEN YOU CAN TELL THEM OKAY. JUST STAY COOL ABOUT IT.
WELL, THAT IS ALL THAT I CAN THINK OF NOW. IF ANYONE HAS ANY ADDITIONS, YOU CA
N COMPOSE A FILE USING THE P COMMAND.
I WOULD LIKE TO THANK OSUNY BBS FOR ITS CONTINUED EFFORT TO PROVIDE SERVICE TO
THE PHREAK/HACK COMMUNITY AND TO MY FINGERS WITHOUT WHOSE TIRELESS EFFORT I
WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO COMPOSE THIS FILE.
SIR KNIGHT
(*)-THE *ELITE* PHREAKERS CLUB-(*)
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open

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/======================\
Why I prefer Textfiles 2/27/87
- Jason Scott - Written during an illness.
\======================/
Being the owner of one of the largest Textfile Clearinghouses in the US, I've
been asked a few times why I prefer textfiles over anything else for computers.
So, I decided to put my reasons into a textfile (Wraparound city) and exaplin
to you my reasons:
Textfiles won't erase yer Hard Drive, then print "HeyHey EATME!"
Textfiles don't require a joystick.
Textfiles don't make you rely on your hand-eye coordination at 3:00am.
Textfiles never have to worry about compatibility, or DOS versions.
Textfiles don't feature little green things on the screen named "Glorks".
Textfiles don't become "Old Warez" in 3 days.
You can change one byte in a textfile, and the computer won't crash.
Textfiles don't take up a whole disk every time.
Textfiles don't require 4-color advertising in COMPUTE!
Textfiles don't need programs, but most programs need textfiles.
Textfiles can be drastically changed in a matter of minutes.
Textfiles won't watch you log on, and copy your password to a secret file.
Textfiles are cheap, or free.
Textfiles won't do anything if you're not there.
Textfiles don't need to be compiled.
Textfiles don't can run at any speed you want.
You can tell how good or bad a textfile is, AS you're downloading.
Textfiles don't make sounds in the middle of the night, while your parents
are sleeping in the next room.
If you take your eyes away from a textfile, it won't go "GAME OVER".
Textfiles don't bring out hidden surprises.
You can bring textfiles to school, and the teacher won't accuse you of
being a pirate. [Usually. My old Computer Teacher took away some Blue Box
plans I was printing on the school computer. Fuck him.]
You can read textfiles during a blackout, with a flashlight.
You won't be accused of being a nerd if you have textfiles in your school
notebook [Unless you're Scott B. (Heh)]
Everyone can use a textfile on the first try.


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