258 lines
11 KiB
Plaintext
258 lines
11 KiB
Plaintext
[-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-]
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[-] The Society of "Leeches" in the Telecommunications World [-]
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[-] Scribed by: Mister I/O [-]
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[-] [-]
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[-] The Restaurant at the End of the Universe............(609)-921-1994 [-]
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[-] The Beach............................................(201)-892-8172 [-]
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[-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-] [-]
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leech (lech) n. 1.Any of various aquatic bloodsucking worms, of wich one
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species was formerly used by physicians to bleed patients. 2.One who preys on
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or lives off others. 3.One who takes, but does not give. [< OE leac]
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Many of you are familiar with "The Real Pirate" volumes 1-4, but some still
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say we have 5 of them. Most of wich are "Bogus" copies, or immitations of the
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original. You also have most likely seen "What Assholes Do", and "AE
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Assholes", from the Neon Knights.
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This will reveal the "Society" of where these little pricks..."Leeches"...
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come from, and hang out. And what YOUR rank in here is, that is, if you are a
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leech. This society is almost like the setup of your worst dreaded "Elite
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Group", at your local Net-Works II BBS system. If I offend anyone, well, then
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my friend you are a true leech.
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Their society is set up like a desperate fight to the top. Where they want
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to get higher ranks, the Moles will fight like hell to become an AE Leech. And
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the people who have higher ranks will try and make you think they are cool,
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while spitting on the lower "Leeches", and calling them names, and threats to
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"Kick their asses!!!!!", threw E-Mail. And the dead give away is that they
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either spell their handle wrong, or they can't spell "PUSSY" correctly, when
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calling names. They try "PUSSEY", "PUSSIE", "PUSSE", and after a long time get
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so exasperated, they say "PUSS". One last note, before the society chart, they
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will always spell "A LOT" as "ALOT".
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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The society of Leeches is like this:
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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Supreme Leeches
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/ | \
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AE Leeches BBS Leeches Assholes
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/ | / \
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Un-Real Pirates Melvins But-Fucks Homos
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/ / \ / \
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11 Year-Old Sysops Fensters Urchins Flaming BFs Flaming Homos
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/ | \ /
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Moles Piss Heads Quibes Pricks
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/ \ /
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Slimes Scums 9 Year-Olds
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/ \ /
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Narks Morons 90 Year-Olds
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/ \ \
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Goofs Peons Hose Heads
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Equations work on any example of a leech, these equations can be also applied
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to Assholes.
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Letters typed per minute
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------------------------------- = Molarity
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Spelling mistakes per paragraph
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Times it says "FUCK" in insult letters
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--------------------------------------- = Ignorance Quotient
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Times it uses multiple "!" after a verb
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Times it uses "U" for "you" per paragraph
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------------------------------------------ = Grey Cell Count
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Times it uses "4" for "for" per paragraph
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Leeches have their own type of linguistics, telling each other they are
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better then the other. And to not "MESS" with them, or they shall "KICK YOUR
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FUCKING ASS!!!!". For example, their numbering system:
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I = 1
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][ = 2
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/// or ]I[ = 3
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IV = 4
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From then "IV" on, they use normal Arabic numerals, or even invent their own
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ways of numbering, such as "FV"=5, "SX"=6, and "ATE"=8.
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Leeches also have their own types of sayings like:
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K-K00L - Refering to how much they like somthing, like "K-K00L WAREZ!"
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WAREZ - Refering to their new software games
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2 - Refering to the word "TWO", "TO", and "TOO"
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4 - Refering to the word "FOR" or "FOUR", but they will usually use "IV"
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L8TR - Telling the person that they will see him at a later date
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C00L - A mellow leech, who has'nt cought onto the saying "K-K00L" yet
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RAD - Refering to how interesting, or neat somthing is, like "RAD-WAREZ"
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HACKZ - Refering to the latest MCI access codes, because they used theirs up
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KRACK - Somthing they can't do, however, they say they can, that is DOS BOSS
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DUDEZ - Refering to the plural form of "DUDE", which means no god damn thing!
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"!!!!" - Expressing an action. Like "FUCK U!!!!!!!". No less then five "!"'s
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Leeches have been known to tie their sayings together, like "K-K00L RAD
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WAREZ!!!!!", this ties four of thier sayings together at once. That is yet
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another way they show off their rank in th society, in the never ending
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struggle to become "Supreme Leech".
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Where do leeches come from? They come pretty much from Connecticut, New
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York, and New Jersey. With New York, and Connecticut being the worst of all
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areas for "Leech" infestation. I am not saying all people from those areas are
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leeches, most of the best BBS' are located in New York. This does not mean
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they are confined to these areas. Leeches are a wide spread species, and come
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from all over the US, even from Montana.
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The leeches will always cause such things as:
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Making the local Greene Machine TRS-80 BBS be busy from 3:30 PM to 10:30 PM.
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Why? Because thats the time when they get home from school, and the time they
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go to bed with their Teddy Bear, and play "Smack Dong".
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Making the AE lines busy. They make the AE lines busy, they call when they
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get home, they call from school, they call in the morning, they call Friday
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nights, they call on the weekends (24 Hours a day). They call from the dead of
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night to get one thing "K-K00L WAREZ". Never uploading.
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Making MCI extenders busy 24 hours a day. Especially when they get home from
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school, they get some milk and cookies, and start phreaking local calls to the
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Net-Works II hangout.
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You can find these little guys on all Net-Works II BBS systems. No T-Net
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systems, because they can't handle 100 lines, and 80 columns to post messages
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with. I personally can say "ALL" Net-Works II BBS systems. Some might be
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worse then others, but all have them.
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How can you find one? You can find them by going to the Trading board, and
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look for such titles as "NEW WAEZ!!!", "*APPLE TRADE*", or "<*> C00L N-WAREZ
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<*>". Once you locate such a title, read the bulletin, you will see somthing
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like this:
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BULLETIN #69
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TITLE: //--APPLE TRADEZ--//
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POSTED BY: LORD SAURON
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DATE POSTED : 1/25/85
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ANY OF U DUDEZ WANT 2 TRADE 4 SOME
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C00L NEW WAREZ? I HAVE SEVEREL NEW
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ONEZ:
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RESCUE RAIDERS
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KARATEKA
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PIT-STOP ][
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NEWSROOM <-- OK
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SPACE SHUTTLE
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ARCHON ][
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I AM GETTING SOME NEW 1'Z SOON, FROM
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MY FRIEND IN CALIFORNIA. SO LOOK 4
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MORE SOON.
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LEAVE E-MAIL 2:
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F) LORD
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L) SAURON
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P.S.- DOES ANYONE HAVE DUNG BEATLES
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YET?
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L8TR
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//------LORD SAURON------//
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ELECTORO ELITE
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PRES. OF MAP
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What gives this man (If I could be so descript) away from the start? First,
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"Lord Sauron", sounds like some ruler from Europe during the 13th century.
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First line, he uses the words "YOU" as "U", and "TO" as "2", and "4" for "FOR".
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His then uses "0" for "O" in the second sentence, in describing how cold his
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new software is. He uses the term "WAREZ" in meaning software diskettes.
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Misspells "SEVERAL" as "SEVEREL", then uses a "Z" for a "S" in "ONES". Then
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lists out all of his "C00L NEW WAREZ" in a well organized list, and makes a
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comment about one. Then Lord Sauron uses "1'Z" for the word "ONES", trying to
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fool us with his quick wit. As always, he will go into how he has connections
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in California. If every leech I have seen use this message actually has a
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relative in Califoria, California would be one huge leech pile. Lord Sauron
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then tells us what his first and last name is, as if we can not split it our
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selves. (Notice he does this every place he goes, even T-Net systems, where
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you don't have to split a person's name. Assuming all BBS' are run on
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Net-Works II, where you have to split names). He then blows all of us away
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with "Does any one have dung beatles?", because that was released in what?
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1979?. Lord Sauron again shows us his quick wit, in combining numbers with
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letters, and says "L8TR", meaning of course "LATER", in refering to a future
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act. Now our old Lord Sauron is getting tired of typing, he has been going at
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it for atleast 25 minutes now. He signs off, using text graphics, and telling
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us two associations he belongs too. "Electoro Elite", and "President of MAP".
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What goes on in this poor fellows mind. Does he think we actually care what
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group, if any, he belongs to? Does he think we will kiss his feet, because he
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uses (as the leeches say) "K-K00L T-GRAPHS" when signing all of his letters?
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Lord Sauron is definately a "Net-Works II Rat", he seperates his name into two
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words for you, he types in all UPPER case, and has a logic seaker built in that
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tells him, when he hits 40 columns, he has to hit carriage return, or he will
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not see his typing. Lord Sauron made a total of 22 errors in his message for
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traders. And 22 is a small number, compared to the Suprem Leeches. Who can
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wing about 30 or 40 errors in a message.
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On the other hand, leeches don't always post, theq just read. These are the
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wimpy leeches, and the real mental midgets of the leech society.
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Then comes the stupid shit leech, who wonders why he can't download the
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latest "K-K00L WARE" from a CAT-SEND line, using Smartcom 1, and a Hayes Micro
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Modem IIe.
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Of course, we have smart leeches, who read books like, "The Third Rich", and
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"Websters Dictionary". The smart ones always back up such software as Dung
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Beatles.
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We have the scum variety of leeches who think that is they get enough dirt on
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them, they can look like an India, and take a magic marker to their fore-head,
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and put a black mark. So they can really look like an Indian.
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We have the Mole variety of leeches, who are afraid of people's dogs, cat,
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birds, and fish.
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We have the nervous, and jerky leeches, who will be so tense, that if
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somthing goes wrong, their heads will split in half!
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The society of leeches is an never ending story. We have so many types of
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leeches. Some day these little guys will grow up, and run our nation. Take
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Walter Mondale for instance, if he was a computer user, would he be considered
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a leech? Let me phrase it in another way, does a cow shit in a field?
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I leave you on two very famous quotes from Supreme Leeches:
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"Who is on Milliways? I bet it's a leech!!! He Yuk..He Yuk..He Yuk..."
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"Don't call us, we will call you!"
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I would personally like to thank [><] for some help, and The Vigilante for
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his input, however small it may have been, I am still thankfull.
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"Remember that guy at the party?" - MIO
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Look for more Milliways productions, from your friends at The Restaurant at
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the End of the Universe!
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(609)-921-1994
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Mister I/O -No Leeches!-
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-----------
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The "Leech" Killer
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Kill Leeches on Contact!
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------------------------
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The Leech Killer
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(n)o copyright!, 1985
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Leech Burners Inc.
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-MIO-
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---------------------------------------
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Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
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