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groups/BAR/abigwar.oil
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á’â
Bad Ass Retards
presents
"How To Make Blast Oil"
by Pyro
(Contents)
You are going to need three contents to make Blast oil. You need a
Plastic peanut butter jar and fill , nail polish remover and half 99%
iso-propyl alcohol. These are the only three contents thatt you need
to make Blast Oil. Blast Oil makes a huge explosion if made correctly.
When making Blast Oil you want to mix the chemicals together very carfully.
You don't want to spill any of them. Before lighting make sure that you
Have a cloth to light . Or use some sort of wick. If you don't use a
wick it could blow up in your face. So to prevent this make a wick
out of cloth with a little gasoling on it. When lighting the wick,
run your ass off. Get out of there becasue the explosion will be very big.
Remember to let the formula sit for a little while though. You want it to
be very Gassy.
If used properly.. it sometimes has a nasty property of causting the entire
mixture to become gaseous. This is what you want to happen. This will cause
a bigger and better explosion. Try to get 99% pure Iso-Propyl Alcolhol.. The
lesser the purity, the lesser the chance of explosion.. Same with the acetone!
Now that you know how to make it go out and blow up anything that you want.
You can use this to blow up mailboxes, put it under cars, or do anything that
you want with it.
Pyro
á’â'93
Idea from Abigwar
groups/BAR/ansmac.bar
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B.A.R
Bad Ass Retards
presents
"Answering Machines: How to Crack Them"
Ok, here's my first article for BAR. It's no big deal because I've done
this a million times before so don't worry to much about getting caught.
It's the easiest thing to find as many telephone answering machines as
you want in any city you want. Just dial numbers at random when people
are likely to be out and chances are you will get a machine. Many
telephone answering machines with "beeperless remote" can be "cracked"
fairly easily. They usually require a one, two, or three digit access
code to activate the hidden features. These features include listening
to messages that have been left by others, changing the outgoing message,
rewinding the tape, and even eavesdroping on the room the machine is in.
I will first describe how you would use various methods to cheat someone
out of free telephone calls, if you were an unscrupulous telephone hacker
(which, of course, we all are hehe)
DISCLAIMER: I in all ways recommend the use of the techniques described in
this paper, as they may be illegal. This information is for your
INFORMATION and USE only.
1. If the access code is only one digit, the method is simple-try them all!
To discover a two digit access code, you could try all pairs of digits
(there are only 100 of them) but this means pressing 200 digits. Since
extra digits are usually ignored, you can cut this in half and try all
100 codes with only 101 digits by using the following sequence:
01122334455667788991
35790246803692581471
59370494838272616051
72959628408529639974
197531864209876543210
Some machines are restricted to only a few possible digits for the code.
For example, if the digits must be 3, 5, or 6 as in some Panasonic models,
you can use the sequence:
33556636653
Of course, you stop as soon as the machine responds (Usually with a beep,
the number of beeps indicating how many messages there are.)
Three digit access codes are harder to "crack," but still you can try
common sequences like 123 or all digits the same. Also, most machines
with three digit access codes reset to a 000.
Some 2 digit machines: Panasonic models KX-T1450, KX-T1460,KX-T1423
Some 3 digit machines: Code-a-Phone models 2770, 5530, AT&T1330
2. Once you know the code for remote access, there is usually a one digit
code for selecting a special function. For our Panasonic example, the
one digit codes are as follows:
1 Backspace
2 Skip Forward
3 Reset
4 Memory Playback
5 Room Monitor
6 <Nothing>
7 Record Outgoing Message
8 <Nothing>
9 End Outgoing Message
0 Turn Off
* Skip Outgoing Message
# <Nothing>
Even if the machine is turned off, you can activate it by calling and
waiting for exactly 15 rings, then hang up.
A little trial-and-error will usually get you a list like the one above.
After a while, you may recognize the sound of the beep or tape rewind,
or realize what machine you are talking to by guessing at only a few of
the one digit codes. You can also go to your local electronics store
and ask to see the instruction booklet of any of the models they carry.
As another example, here is the list of commands for the Code-a-Phone
model 2770:
1 Rewind
2 Repeat
3 Fast Forward
4 Change Outgoing Message (Press again to stop)
5 Stop Playback
6 Record Message
7 <Nothing>
8 Play NEW Messages
9 Turn Off
0 Time/Day Annoucement
* <Nothing>
# <Nothing>
3. Since you now know how to operate anyone's answering machine as if it
were your own, let's see how you can "beat the system" using all this
fancy technology. Let's say you live in Bangor, Maine and you have a
friend in Yakima, Washington. You "crack" an answering machine in
Yakima (or better yet, have your friend do it where the cracking is a
local call). You change the outgoing message to the following:
"Hello?...<LONG PAUSE>.... Yes, operator, I will accept.
Hey, buddy, how are you?"
Now you are all set to make a COLLECT call to the answering machine and
IT WILL ACCEPT THE CHARGES! You can then leave a message as long as you
want. When you are through, your friend calls the machine, gets the
message, and can leave a message for you which you call back and hear
COLLECT! When you are done, your friend calls up the machine, erases
the messages and puts back something like the original outgoing message
(or leaves it blank) and no one is any the wiser.
If you use different machines and don't run up too big a bill on one
phone number, it might not ever be noticed.
You can signal your friend to call by ringing twice and hanging up,
or placing a collect call from "Fred" which is refused, or simply by
waiting until a pre-arranged time.
You can also find a similar machine in your city, so your friend only
has to call the answering machine collect and you do all the answering
machine hacking. Long distance collect calls are safest when done from
a pay phone.
4. A method that does not require making collect calls (and using an
operator) is a little more complicated, but may work very well on
some answering machines. The idea is to get the answering machine
to make an OUTGOING CALL! Here's how to do it:
First, "crack" a machine in your local area. Then, call up the machine
and leave the following message:
"Wait about a minute (make some noise in case the
machine is a voice activated one.) Then dial in
the number to be called (1-XXX-XXX-XXXX.) and
let the tape run for about another minute like
earlier. Then leave the message to your friend."
After you have left a message as long as you want, hang up and call
back. Enter the access code and the one digit command code for message
playback. Wait for your message to start, then hang up!
If you are lucky, the machine will keep playing its message into the
phone, even though the connection is broken and eventually a new dial
tone appears on the line. After the new dial tone is there, the digits
you put in your message dial the phone, and after a few rings, your
friend picks up the phone and hears the rest of your message.
After enough time for the message to get there, call back and rewind
the machine, "erasing" your message. For more safety, record a new
nonsense message over the old one.
Most "beeperless remote" answering machines will detect when you have
hung up on them, but we suspect that some of them finish playing the
message in progress before they turn off. Experimentation will show
which ones can be used with this method.
That's all folks...so enjoy and always keep an open line.
Brought to you by Whild Child 1993
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
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This is a filed and condensed version of the highly popular newzine
Bloated Barbies, which can be sold off the shelf at Denzil's Music
Emporium in Beloit, WI. Seek it out, because about 75% of the allure of
this newzine are the pictures pasted in delightfully inappropriate places throughout,
with comments attached or scribbled next to them.
Bloated Barbies #3, April 1994
"A voice cries out from rural hell..."
SPAM'S VALENTINE'S DAY THING (Sorry this was written in
February)
WELL FOLKS, IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN. EVERYONE HAS ROLLED
OUT THEIR PINK AND STOCKED UP ON THOSE GROSS CANDY HEARTS.
THAT'S RIGHT, WE'VE HAD THE PLEASURE OF ENJOYING YET ANOTHER
VALENTINE'S DAY!
AHHH! LOVE, FOR WHAT ELSE WOULD THE WORLD CONTINUE? A
HELL OF A LOT, THAT'S WHAT. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE REST
OF YOU, BUT I'M SICK OF HEARING 16 YEAR OLD PREPPIE CHIX
TALK ABOUT WHETHER THEIR JOCK-BOY, LOVE OF THEIR LIVES
IS TAKING THEM OUT FOR VALENTINES. LOVE IS FOR OLD
PEOPLE, HAVE FUN WHILE YOUR STILL YOUNG AND DON'T GET
CAUGHT UP IN SOMETHING AS HURTFUL AS LOVE.
NOW, I'VE PERSONALLY NEVER BEEN "IN LOVE", BUT I'VE
WATCHED WAY TOO MANY OF MY FRIENDS TURN BAD BECAUSE OF IT. TRUE,
LOVE CAN BRING GOOD THINGS, BUT WHY RISK IT AT SUCH A YOUNG,
VULNERABLE AGE? JUST COUNT ON YOUR GOOD FRIENDS, THEY'RE MUCH
MORE RELIABLE, USUALLY.
SO HERE'S MY VALENTINE'S ADVICE FOR ALL OF YOU COOL
PEOPLE OUT THERE NEXT YEAR, INTEAD OF SITTING AT HOME SULKING,
OR PLANNING SOME BIG INTIMATE DATE, WHY NOT JUST GET A HUGE
GROUP OF FRIENDS TOGETHER AND GO OUT RUINING OTHER PEOPLE'S BIG
INTIMATE DATES.
WELL HUGS AND KISSES TO ALL MY FANS, AND TO THOSE OF YOU
WHO HATE ME, WELL, SINCE IT IS THE SEASON OF LOVE (AS WELL AS
BLACK PEOPLE MONTH), YOU CAN ALL HAVE A BIG, WET, SLOPPY, SPITTY
KISS!
-PAGE TWO-
ZEKE
THE SMALL, DEMONIC SKANK-MAN THAT LIVES IN MY HEAD
by Bitchca
Two people, a man and a woman, sat looking forward in a plane
headed east. The two had never met before, but the woman, being
one of those people who has to talk to their neighbors, thought
that it would be rude not to start a conversation.
"It certainly is cozy in here," she said as a man
walking through the aisle came dangerously close to hitting her
in the face with his luggage.
"Yes, it is," said the man, still facing forward.
His beady eyes were focused on the thinning hair of the man
seated in front of him. He wondered if in time he too would lose
his hair. He decided that he probably wouldn't and smiled an
impish grin, but in a moment of doubt he reached up and ran his
fingers through his own black, spiky hair, just to make sure it
was all there. It was.
The woman, sensing that his attention was focused
elsewhere, tried again at a conversation.
"I'm Julia Potter," she said, smiling warmly, "and you
are?"
"Zeke," he replied.
"Oh, well isn't that nice. It's a pleasure to meet you, Zeke."
She extended her hand which he shook, without turning to look at
her.
"I teach preschool in Portland, Oregon. Where do you live?"
"I live in California," Zeke said slowly. "I really
don't have a specific home. I move around a lot."
Julia was not satisfied with his answer and continued to
press him.
"And what do you do," she asked him, "for a living, I
mean."
Zeke turned to her smiling his broad, impish grin. He
was a young man, in his early thirties. He was very short and
thin, with a clean shaven face, pointy eyebrows, and short hair
that stuck out in every direction. His overall appearance gave
the impression of mischief, in an odd but specific way.
"You don't want to hear about my job," Zeke said, still
smiling.
"Oh yes, Yes, tell me," said Julia, happy that the
conversation was going somewhere.
"I will then," he said to the plump, middle aged Julia,
wondering how she would take the news.
"I'm a lot like the creme in the center of a hostess
cupcake," he said, pleased at his example.
"What?" questioned Julia, not understanding his meaning.
"Well, you see," started Zeke, "without the creme all
you have is a boring chocolate brownie. Some people like
brownie, but not me. I'm like the creme. I squeeze into the
middle and make things a little more interesting."
"I don't understand," said Julia.
"Oh, I know," said Zeke. "You have a bit of a headache
now, don't you?"
"Well, yes, but that's just because of the high altitude," she
said, wondering how he knew.
"No, see, that's where you're wrong," he said, with
patronizing chortle. "You have a headache because there is a
small man living in your head right now. He is currently
programming you so that you don't understand me. I don't mind,
though. That will just make this all the more humorous. Judging
by the wrinkles in your forehead, I can tell that he is
stationed somewhere in your left temple. How silly. I always
hated the temples myself."
Julia, no longer paying attention, as a result of the
man in her head, touched her temple in astonishment.
"I myself have always preferred the sinus cavities," he
said proudly. "You see, I had sinus problems as a child, and,
well, I always think it's kind of fun to bounce around in the
sinuses of game show hosts, politicians, and people in that
general area."
Julia, no longer able to control her mind enough to
focus on his speech, was staring wildly at the designs on his
tie.
"My personal fetish is to cause pain," he continued. "You see,
as a child I never wanted to be a Zeke, I wanted to be a
fireman, but NO! I just couldn't have what I wanted so as a
victim of fate I find pleasure in making bad decisions for
people. I personally am responsible for many misunderstandings
that have led to divorce, suicide, even murder." He stopped and
glanced around.
Julia had left, deliriously pouting out personal secrets.
She finally found a seat next to an old woman. Julia cloed her
eye and went to bed, a visions of sugar plum danced in her
head.
-Page Three-
DISCLAIMER - "Dave"'s serialized presence in our zine is not as
a positive example, but as a parody. His exploits are not in any
way glorified.
We're not P.C., but we're not stupid!
DAVE THE ANTI-HIPPY KLANSMAN/TRUCK DRIVER: THE WONDER YEARS
Like so many other anti-hippy/klansman/truck drivers, Dave
wasn't always a bitter, hateful individual. There was a time in
Dave's life when all it took to put a slap happy grin on his
face was a joyride around the neighborhood in his grandmother's
old wheelchair, and frequent visits to a local pancake house.
But don't get me wrong, Dave's adolescence wasn't all wheelies
and cheese blitzes, he was a disgruntled and misunderstood
youth. It's hard to say just exactly where things went wrong for
Dave. It could have been the annual church auction when Dave,
who was only 7, was mistakenly placed on the auction block and
sold for $15 to an elderly couple. But it's more likely that
incidents like the one that happened before Dave was 14 were
responsible. At 14 Dave was mature for his age, already having
begun his womanizing. He hung out with the older crowd, a group
filled with young, rebellious outcasts. Among his best friends
in the group was a rowdy, pot-smoking black hippy named Rainbow.
Dave and his unusual friend often cruised around together on
Rainbow's bicycle, with Dave on the handlebars, of course.
One night Dave's mother received a frantic call from Rainbow's
mother. Apparently she had heard rumors of her son's drug use
and decided to inspect his trusty vehicle. That's when she found
it: marijuana. When she confronted Rainbow, he pointed the
finger at Dave, claiming he had merely been keeping "the stuff"
for him. No matter how much Dave denied it, it did him nog good.
Dave was banned from church functions for an entire year, but
more importantly, he never trusted a black hippy again. As Dave
grew older, he became more distant, promiscuous, and mysterious.
He also became involved in the white supremacy movement. His
parents were worried, they didn't know what was going on in the
complicated mind of their precious lil' Dave. So they had an
idea, they thought that maybe Dave would enjoy going to a local
festival of foreign cultures. Well, they packed Dave into the
car and took him to experience other peoples. Dave leapt from
the car and darted for the Irish booth. When he got there, he
asked excitedly, "Where's your Nazi paraphenalia?"
As the clerk stared at him in confusion, Dave began chanting,
"Send the blacks back to the South!" Having caught everyone off
guard, Dave sprinted to a nearby ramp and rolled down the wrong
side in protest, knocking down the approaching representatives
of the African American booth. He spent the rest of the night in
the beer garden, contemplating whether or not you could really
grow beer.
By the time Dave was 25, he had received his high school
diploma (well, his GED anyway) and decided it was time to choose
a vocation. He wanted to do something to assert his manhood, do
his other "brothers" in the clan proud, and confirm his white
superiority.
One day, Dave was stumbling around in a drunken stupor,
contemplating his future, when he saw THEM. They were the most
glorious creatures he had ever seen. Congregated at a local rest
area were a dozen of the greasiest, most obnoxious, ignorant,
and obese men Dave had ever seen. Their filthy attire and
atrocious grammar just emanated an unmatched class and
superiority. As Dave stood in awe of the savage mob, it began to
disperse. Dave's eyes followed the group to a row of
intimidating, majestic automobiles sitting under the sun. With
18 wheels and God-only-knows how many axles, these trucks just
cried, "Minorities, get out of my way!" That's when Dave knew he
wanted to be a trucker, to own the road and spawn new Klans
wherever he traveled.
"Life is good..." muttered Dave. Then he vomited on his
shoes and passed out.
-Page four-
"TONY"
THE EXCEPTIONALLY DEEP, WITTY, ELVIS-IMPERSONATING, PUNK ROCK,
GENIUS WHO'S PROBABLY STILL IN THE MENTAL HOSPITAL.
BY BITCHCA & SPAM
IT WAS SATURDAY NIGHT, THE NIGHT OF THE BIG SHOW AT THE COLLEGE
GRADUATE HOUSE, AND BOY, WAS TONY EVER NERVOUS! AFTER COLORING
HIS HAIR CLUE WITH KOOL-AID, A TIP HE LEARNED FROM HIS
GIRLFRIEND TANYA'S SASSY MAGAZINE, TONY FELT TRULY PUNK ROCK,
BUT HIS LOOK WAS NOT YET COMPLETE. HE TORE APART HIS CLOSET
LOOKING FOR JUST THE RIGHT OUTFIT TO PLEASE THE HARD-CORES.
HE THOUGHT OF WEARING HIS "HEY LOOK GUYS, I'M IN THE
PIT!" T-SHIRT, BUT DISMISSED THE IDEA WHEN HE SAW HIS BRAND
SPANKIN' NEW DEAD KENNEDYS T-SHIRT THAT HE BOUGHT BECAUSE IT
LOOKED COOL AND LATER FOUND OUT IT WAS A BAND. HE GLANCED
FORLORNLY AT HIS AUTHENTIC RHINESTONE ELVIS JUMPSUIT THAT HE HAD
HAD PRESSED ESPECIALLY FOR THE SHOW, BUT HE THOUGHT, "NO, PEOPLE
MIGHT LAUGH AT ME, AND I DON'T KNOW IF MY FRAGILE, DEPRESSED
FRESH OUT OF THE MENTAL HOSPITAL SELF COULD TAKE THAT KIND OF
ABUSE. TRUE, MY DAD THE WORLD'S GREATEST HIGH SCHOOL GUIDANCE
COUNSELOR HAS GIVEN ME A LOT OF HELP WITH MY EMOTIONAL
INSTABILITIES, BUT SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I CAN'T TURN TO ANYONE
IN THE WORLD, EXCEPT MORISSEY, BUT ONLY IN THE PRIVACY OF MY OWN
BEDROOM, WHERE I CAN HIDE MY METALLICA TAPES... AND PENNANTS...
AND BEDSPREAD. SOMEDAY I WILL BE ABLE TO CONFESS MY LOVE FOR
LARS, BUT WHAT IF PEOPLE LAUGH AT ME...?"
WIPING AWAY HIS TEARS OF LONELINESS, TONY TOOK ONE LAST
LOOK IN THE MIRROR, QUICKLY CUT A HOLE IN HIS JEANS, AND
TIGHTENED THE WHITE LACES IN HIS BOOTS. MOMENTARILY INSPIRED, HE
SCRIBBLED DOWN IN HIS NOTEBOOK LABELED "DEEP POEMS" "AH, THE
LONELY LIFE OF A GENIUS HIDING BEHIND THE FACADE OF A PUNK
ROCKER. IT'S INSPIRATIONAL HOW I CAN EVEN CONTINUE LIVING THIS
TROUBLED LIFE I LEAD. I SAW THE BEST MINDS OF MY GENERATION
DESTROYED BY MADNESS, STARVING HYSTERICAL, NAKED, DRAGGING
THEMSELVES THROUGH THE NEGRO STREETS AT DAWN LOOKING FOR AN
ANGRY FIX." "OH NO, WAIT," HE THOUGHT "THAT'S ALREADY BEEN USED,
I THINK BY THAT ROLLINS GUY."
TONY THEN LEFT HIS SPRAWLING MANSION, BOARDED HIS TRUSTY RED
PICKUP TRUCK AND DROVE TO HIS FRIEND DAN'S HOUSE.
DAN CAME TO THE DOOR IN AN ECSTATIC STUPOR (NOT DRUNKEN,
NOT DRUNKEN, MIND YOU, HE LIVES BY THE IMMORTAL WORDS OF IAN
MACKAYE). "TONY," HE EXCLAIMED, "I JUST GOT THE NEW JACK KEROUAC
CD, AND, MAN, IS IT DEEP!" FOLLOWING DAN CAME STEVE, WEARING HIS
FRESHLY TORN UP ARMY PANTS, PURCHASED FOR TONY'S APPROVAL (AND
TO IMPRESS THE GIRLS, OF COURSE, NAMELY TIFFY, WHO STEVE THOUGHT
LOOKED PRETTY KEEN IN HER NEW VANS AND HER NOSE RING.) AND WHO
SHOULD SUDDENYL HOP INTO THE TRUCK BUT TANYA, TONY'S TRUE LOVE.
FINALLY THE GANG WAS COMPLETE, AND THEY TOOK OFF FOR A FUN
FILLED EVENING OF "MOSHING" AT THE COLLEGE GRADUATE HOUSE.
THEY SAUNTERED INTO THE NOISY ROOM LOOKING FOR AWED
STARES, BUT ALAS THERE WERE NONE. THE MUSIC BEGAN AND STEVE AND
DAN STARTED HAPPILY BOUNCING. TONY QUICKLY PUT AN END TO THAT
WITH A DOMINANT STARE AND THE WORDS, "HEY MAN, HOW CAN YOU
EXPRESS SO MUCH JOY IN AN OPPRESIVE WORLD SUCH AS OURS."
"OH YEAH," STEVE AND DAN HURRIEDLY AGREED. SUDDENLY TONY
FELT HIS LIP CURL UP INTO A SNEER AND HIS PELVIS BEGAN TWITCHING
UNCONTROLLABLY. THROWING CAUTION TO THE WIND, HE FLUNG HIMSELF
INTO A SEA OF SPIKES. WHEN THE MUSIC STOPPED, TONY SPOTTED HIS
IDOL SPIKE. SPIKE GREETED HIM. "HEY TONY, YOU LOOK PRETTY
HARD-CORE TONIGHT. WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN OUR ARMY OF PUNKS
SLOWLY SPREADING ACROSS THE NATION?"
TONY COULD HARDLY SPEAK; HE HAD BEEN ACCEPTED! HE MERELY
NODDED. ONCE HE HAD REGAINED HIS COMPOSURE HE SAID, "HEY MAN,
WASN'T THE MOSHIN' GREAT TONIGHT? I LOVE TO MOSH!"
SPIKE SNAPPED, "SLAM!" (DO-DO-DO; DO-DO-DO, LET THE PUNX BE
PUNX!)
"UH, YEAH. SLAM." TONY SAID OBEDIENTLY. SPIKE GAVE HIM A
WELL PRACTICED LOOK OF DISGUST AND WALKED AWAY. TONY WAS
MOURNING THE LOSS OF HIS NEW FRIEND, WHEN SUDDENLY HE FELT
SOMETHING BOUNCE OF THE TOP OF HIS HEAD. HE LOOKED AROUND
CONFUSEDLY AND SPOTTED THE TWO GIGGLING GIRLS (WHO NEED NOT BE
NAMED) WHO HE RESENTED BECAUSE OF THEIR EXTREME COOLNESS AND THE
FACT THAT THEY WOULD NOT ACCEPT HIM. THEN HE REMEMBERED THE
WISE WORDS HIS FATHER HAD SHARED WITH HIM, NOT YET SIX YEARS
AGO. "WHEN GIRLS THROW THINGS AT YOU IT MEANS THEY LIKE YOU.
GIRLS ARE FUNNY THAT WAY." IT WAS TRUE IN THE SIXTH GRADE SO IT
STILL BE TRUE NOW. THINKING ON HIS FEET, TONY THREW THE TWO
GIRLS AN ELVIS-LIKE SNEER AND REPLIED, "FUK YOU!"
REALIZING THAT THEY WERE STILL LAUGHING AT HIM (DESPITE
HIS WITTY REMARK) TONY GLANCED AT THE FLOOR TO SEE EXACTLY WHAT
IT WAS THEY HAD THROWN AT HIM. HORRIFIED, HE SAW THAT IT WAS AN
AUTORAPHED PICTURE OF MORRISEY WITH A SPECIAL MESSAGE JUST FOR
HIM WHICH READ: "TONY, YOU'RE NOT ALONE. STAY DEEP, EVEN WHEN
PEOPLE LAUGH AT YOU." THEY KNEW HIS SECRET.. AND TO MAKE
MATTERS WORSE, SPIKE HAD SEEN IT! HUMILIATED, HE GATHERED UP HIS
THINGS AND SAID TO HIS WOMAN, "C'MON SHUGA, THEY'RE BEING
CRUEL." THEY HOPPED INTO THE TRUCK AND SPED AWAY INTO THE NIGHT,
NE'ER TO BE SEEN AGAIN, OR SO THE TWO GIRLS WISHED.
HELP DECIDE TONY'S FATE. PICK THE TORTURE OF YOUR CHOICE AND
SEND IT TO: bloated barbies, suite #1948, 2240 prairie ave.,
beloit, wi 53511
a. THE TWO GIRLS (WHOSE NAMES NEED NOT BE MENTIONED) SENTENCE
TONY TO A LIFETIME IMPRISONMENT ON A BOAT WITH MORRISEY. WITH
NOTHING TO EAT, THEY ARE FORCED TO FEED ON MORRRISEY'S SUPPLY OF
OINK SILK SHIRTS. AFTER THREE WEEKS, MORRISSEY GROWS SICK OF
TONY'S CONSTANT SELF-PITY AND THROWS HIM OFF THE BOAT, BUT KEEPS
THE DEAD KENNEDYS SHIRT FOR HIMSELF. AFTER ALL, IT'S A COOL
PICTURE.
B. TONY, ONCE AGAIN SENSELESSLY REBELS DUE TO HIS OVERWHELMING
DEPTH. HIS PARETNS PROMPTLY SEND HIM BACK TO THE MENTAL
HOSPITAL, WHERE THE EXTRA-SPECIAL "TONY SUITE" AWAITS HIM.
C. TONY DECIDED HE DOESN'T NEED THE REST OF THOSE "PUNKS" AND
SETS UP HIS OWN SHOW WHERE HIS THREATENINGLY-CLOSE-TO-METAL BAND
PLAYS ALL NIGHT. AFTERWARDS, HIS DRUMMER, AFFECTIONATELY
NICKNAMED THE "HAIR FARMER" (FOR HIS EXCEPTIONAL ABILITY TO GROW
HAIR) IS BRUTALLY HACKED TO DEATH IN A FREAK HAIR CUTTING
ACCIDENT PERFORMED BY THE TWO GIRLS (WHOSE NAMES I'M SURE YOU
ALREADY KNOW BY NOW.)
OR
D. TONY JUST DIES.
TOKEN <BAD> POETRY CORNER
"YEP, YEP, YEP,
IT'S A POEM.
YEP, YEP, YEP."
by lord randorf, our featured poet
"hey dog"
by lord randorf
hey dog
you look happy
if you run away
i'll slap you in the face
hey dog
you look tired
you won't be
when the four year old comes
hey dog
you look scared
you should be, after all,
fat aunt martha is going to sit on you!
BARK! YELP! BARK!
"flowers"
by lord randorf
flowers
you give me hay fever
you make me throw up
you are just stinky
"a shoe salesman's wet dream"
by mike d.
you came into my store,
not once, but twice.
the boots that you bought
looked very nice.
with dark hair and captivating eyes,
and a smile that left me
hypnotized
"mr.happy"
by bitchca
deep, i'm so very deep
if i were any deeper,
i'd probably drown
in a sea of alienation
depressed, i'm so very depressed
if i were any more depressed,
i'd probably be a gorge,
filled with beer cans and other assorted garbage
down, i'm so very down
if i were any downer
i'd probably be heroin
squirting into the veins of someone
as lost as i am
but instead i'm sitting on a study hall bench
trying to fill up the pages of my journal for english class
-page five-
"STREAM"
by SETH S.G. LORD, STONEFISH
THE SOUND ROLLED DOWN AMONG THE STONES AT NIGHT, MIST RISING,
VOICES CHANTING. THIS DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT, AND YET THE GHASTLY
CHILL IN THE VOICES/AIR/GROUND/SKY... CALLING, CALLING, LIKE THE
MOST NATURAL THING IN THE UNIVERSE.
"GOD HELP ME!" HE SCREAMED, AND FELT THE ANSWER FROM
INSIDE, VIBRATING HIS MARROW:
"HELP YOURSELF"
RUNNING, RUNNING... A USELESS FLIGHT, HE MOVES NOT: TRAPPED BY
HIS FASCINATION, ENTICED BY BLOOD, BOUND BY MAGIC, HELD BY
GRAVITY (GOTTA OBEY THE LAW, YA KNOW) AND BREATH BY BREATH THE
CHANTING GROWS LOUDER, MIST THICKER, FIRE HIGHER, HIGHER,
HIGHER!
AND THE BELL RINGS AGAIN.
-PAUSE AND ROARING SILENCE-
-THEN AGAIN-
HIS VOICE IS SCREAMING IN WORDS HE DOES NOT KNOW, A VOICE ONLY IN A
SENSE HIS OWN (WHAT PRAY TELL, IS YOUR OWN?)
HUNGER, BRAYING LUST AND HOT PASSION, IGNITED BY BLOOD CEREMONY.
"THERE IS ONE AMONG US," A CHANTER INTONED.
"ONE, BLOOD AWAKENED," ANOTHER CHIMED.
HIS EYES WIDENED, WORDS CEASED, DEATH ENCROACHED.
(NO, NO, NO... NO!)
PERHAPS?
THE DARK MIST FELL, AND LONE DEATH KNELL (BLINK AGAIN SO YOU
DON'T MISS IT) A FIRM KNOWLEDGE.
VAMPYRE? RIGHT! THE SILVER'S GONE TO THE WOLVES.
*****
CLIPS WE NEVER GOT TO SEE FROM COPS
"Filmed live, on location. No actors, no scripts"
6:15 pm Friday evening Stop #1 - Officer Paul McStucky
"Ho there son, got something to hide?" said the sharp-jawed Magnum P.I.
failure, in his best manly-man tone of voice.
Mick, gently stroked his new cardigan sweater restlessly, trying to
swallow the Certs he took in an attempt to disguise the liquor smell.
"Well m-mister, I just taking me girl here out for a spin in my dad's
new Caddie here, when I saw you pull behind me...I was really nervous
about being pulled over..." he retorted with a squeak in his throat and
a look of trepidation in his eye.
"Hi offfficer, (hick-up) we dinnint do anything wrong... I'm
Fi-Fi...Did I tell you that I love this man.." the drunken
teen-queenie garbled while realizing her nose had hairs in it that she
neglected to pluck out before the date.
"Well, its really nice to meet you two... hey wait a minute, son...
isn't your father Reverend Reltih?" the other white meat asked.
With the few brains cells still in servitude, Mick sensed a chance to
get out of trouble, "Yes, that's my dad.. and I love him so.."
Officer Friendly put away his citation book and flashed a rare smile
and oinked "Tell your pops I loved his speech, and that I hope he can
make it to the next cross-burning!"
8:44 pm Friday evening Domestic violence call - Officers C.Meat and
A. Lark
The teo examples of America's finest nearly choked on their donuts when
they heard the dispatcher's shriek on the radio. They both looked
shocked that she would even bother them on their 8th break. They
lumbered their quantities of donut matter to the car to respond. The
dispatcher's call seemed to be getting more urgent, which had the effect
of slowing the two officers down. When they finally did reach the squad
they learned that they had ANOTHER domestic disturbance call in the
hood.
"Oh, super, another one!" exclaimed Meat as grape donut filling rolled
down his fat fucking chin.
"It's okay Meat," consoled Lark "And hey, remember last time! We
scored a grand each! People will donate anything to the force if we just
leave them to kill themselves!"
"Oh, alright... let's go" he replied with the dispatch nearly in tears
at this point.
Arriving on the scene near the remnants of an old gas station, a
seemingly busy liquor store, and a gun shop, the pigs pulled out their
fun clubs and took charge of the scene. Some drunk, fucked up bastard
was beating up on his drunk, fucked up girlfriend. They strolled up to
the door asked some little girl who only spoke Spanish to tell them what
happened. This was great trick that all cops knew, because.. hey ifthey
fucked up and beat down the wrong guy then they could just say they
misinterpreted the fuckin' foreigner.
With Lark's 2nd semester knowledge of the language he was able to
discern that the guy was hiding in an alley behind the house. They both
looked at each other in the special way that only lovers know and
smiled. Alleys were their favorite.. they went to the back alley, took
out their penis-shaped, mini-KC lights and blasted the entire alley with
their light-sabres. They saw the creeping, mass of minority disgrace on
about 50 drugs huddled in the corner. They stepped forward to beat the
law into the guy when he pulled out his AK and wailed "Get da fuck
back!" He then shot the hell out of the officers' corpulent heads. So he
thought...the gun clicked and clicked in an empty and lonely fashion.
The lawmen then ignored the crap in their pants and began to pummel the
screaming Rodney with blows from their virile clubs. Meanwhile, a few
houses away a bunch of punks were videotaping their friends puking off
of the roof. They noticed the confusion and then began to videotape.
When they got a better idea. They dropped the camera, rambled out of the
building, got in the cop car and drove away!
by John
THE FIRST OFFICIAL RECORD REVIEW
by Bitchca
GENERALLY, PEOPLE IN BANDS ARE GOOD, BUT EVEN BETTER ARE THOSE WHO ARE
SO GENEROUS AS TO NOT LOWER THEMSELVES BY WORRYING ABOUT MONEY OR
PROFITS AND BRINGING THE JOY OF THEIR MUSIC INTO THE HEART OF A HAPPY
LITTLE ZINE (CO)EDITOR SUCH AS MYSELF.
CIRCULAR RUBBING MOTION - THIS IS A NEW BAND FROM L.A. ADRENALINE
INSPIRED FAST HARD-CORE WITH A SLIGHTLY DETECTABLE METAL EDGE (DIDN'T
THAT SOUND PROFESSIONAL?) THEIR TAPE INCLUDES SUCH CLASSICS AS "THE
WOUNDED POPE", "BOOF THAT BURGER", AND "FIND THE GOOD AND HACK IT", ETC.
IN ONE OF THEIR SONGS THEY EVEN HAVE A QUOTE FROM SKINNER FROM SUBURBIA.
THIS TAPE IS FUN TO LISTEN TO, BUT HAS SOME PRETTY NAUGHTY MESSAGES, SO
THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE SLIGHTLY UNSTABLE MIGHT HAVE EVEN MORE FUN.
CIRCULAR RUBBING MOTION
18265 WAKECREST DR.
MALIBU, CA 90265
OBLIVION "PRODUCT" - THIS BAND PLAYED AT THE ALUMNI HOUSE ON FEB.5 WITH
NOT REBECCA AND APOLLO CREED. I WOULD CONSIDER THEM MORE OF A "SHOW
BAND" THAN A "LISTEN TO AT HOME" BAND BECAUSE THEIR SONGS CAN SEEM A
LITTLE HEAVY AND LONG AT HOME (BUT THEN, I'M A BIG SKA FAN). THE LYRICS,
HOWEVER, ARE GREAT! I MUST COMMED THE SINGER ON THE SONG "YELLOW #5"
BECAUSE HE CAN MAKE HIS VOICE SOUND LIKE KERMIT THE FROG'S ON SELECTED
WORDS. BASICALLY, THEY ARE A (FOR LACK OF BETTER WORDS) GOOD PUNK BAND
AND YOU SHOULD DEFINETLY SEE THEM NEXT TIME THEY PLAY IN BELOIT.
OBLIVION c/o BRIAN CZARNIK
442 HYDE PARK AVE.
HILLSIDE, IL 60162
THE LOW DOWN GUTTER SNIPES - THIS BAND IS SO AMAZINGLY WONDERFUL THAT IT
ALMOST MAKES ME PROUD TO LIVE IN BELOIT. THEY'RE A GREAT BAND WITH A
LITTLE BIT OF SKA THROWN IN MAKING REALLY FAST, GOOD SONGS. I WOULD NOT
ONLY RECOMMEND OWNING EVERYTHING THEY EVER PRODUCE, BUT YOU REALLY OUGHT
TO GO TO THEIR SHOWS. THEY ALWAYS HAVE THE BEST PITS. THE BEST SONGS ON
THEIR DEMO ARE PROBABLY "NOT ME" AND "JUSTICE", BUT THEY'RE ALL PERFECT!
SEE THEM, OWN THEM, ASPIRE TO BE THEM!
LOW DOWN GUTTER SNIPES
634 WISCONSIN AVE.
BELOIT, WI 53511-6474
BLACKEN SNAPPER - "HOLOCAUST FOR THE HEAVY SEAT & GREATEST HITS" - I
DON'T REALLY KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE THIS BAND. I SUPPOSE THE CLOSEST
COMPARISON WOULD BE A HARDER VERSION OF THE TALKING HEADS ONLY MORE
BIZARRE. THE MUSIC WAS STRANGE, BUT ONCE YOU GET USED TO IT, IT BECOMES
FUNNY AND PLEASANT. I PERSONALLY WAS DRAWN TO THE SONG "WHAT! THAT PIECE
OF ASS HAS YOU NOT EATING MEAT?" ANYWAY, FOR FANS OF ODD, QUIRKY MUSIC
THIS IS QUITE A FIND. THE TAPE IS ONE DOLLAR, BUT THEY WOULD PREFER SOME
SORT OF TRADE.
BLACKEN SNAPPER
2830 WEST LIBERTY #4
PITTSBURGH, PA 15216
WEAKER YOUTH ENSEMBLE "NOT AFRAID TO FLOSS" SINGLE -
THIS WAS A NICE HAPPY SKA BAND FROM MADISON (THEY'RE PLAYING IN SKA-FEST
IN MADISON AT THE BARRYMORE ON APRIL 10TH) I FELL IN LOVE WITH THE
SINGER'S VOICE AND HAVE ALREADY PURCHASED MORE OF THEIR MUSIC. THEY'RE A
FUN BAND AND I WOULD RECOMMEND THEM.
WEAKER YOUTH ENSEMBLE
21 N.INGERSOLL
MADISON, WI 53703
TxRx
(TOY REVIEW)
by SPAM
SKELETOR STAFF-THIS DISRUPTIVE CLASSIC HAS A HISTORY OF PROVOKING
VIOLENCE ON STATE STREET (IN MADISON) LATE AT NIGHT BETWEEN NEW SKOOLS
AND LITTLE PUNK CHIX. IT PORTRAYS THE HEAD OF SKELETOR FROM "HE-MAN"
MOUNTED ON A CONE-LIKE STAFF WITH AN ARROW-HEAD LIKE THING AT THE BOTTOM
WITH RED HORNS PROTRUDING FROM THE AFOREMENTIONED HEAD. PLUS THE TWO
BUTTONS ON THE BACK MAKE LAUGHING AND SHOOTING NOISES WHICH CAN RAP IF
YOU PRESS THEM IN JUST THE RIGHT PATTERN. BESIDES ALL OF THIS COOL STUFF
MENTIONED ABOVE, THE MAIN REASON THAT YOU SHOULD BUY THIS IS THAT IT'S
INCREDIBLY OFFENSIVE TO PRETTY-BOY JOX.
LIQUID METAL - THIS WATERED DOWN, SPARKLY VERSION OF GAK WILL ENTERTAIN
YOU. BUT NOT FOR LONG, AND ONLY IF YOU'RE REALLY BORED. I WOULD NOT
RECOMMEND THIS TO ANYONE WITH AN I.Q.
TWIGGY, THE BOARD GAME- THIS BLAST FROM THE PAST COMBINES THE ANOREXIC
MODEL FROM THE 60'S WITH GOOD, CLEAN FAMILY FUN. PLUS, YOU GET A
CLOSE-UP PICTURE OF TWIGGY'S EYELASHES! IT WILL BE VERY HARD TO COME
ACROSS IN MOST STORES, IF YOU SHOULD HAPPEN TO FIND IT, BUY IT!
PEZ DISPENSERS- SIGH! PEZ, THE KING OF TOYS! WHAT OTHER SMALL PLASTIC
FIGURINE CAN YOU FIND THAT PUKES BRICKS OF SUGAR AT YOU? BUY THEM? HELL,
START UP A COLLECTION!
BUBBLE BEEP- ALTHOUGH THIS ISN'T REALLY A TOY IT WILL NEVER CEASE TO
AMUSE YOU. THIS SMALL PLASTIC BOX RESEMBLES A BEEPER, AND COMES
PREASSEMBLED WITH A CLIP TYPE THING SO THAT YOU CAN CLIP IT TO YOUR
PANTS AND FORGET ABOUT IT UNTIL YOU'RE NEEDED. IT IS TO DRUG LORDS IN
THE MAKING AS THE MAGIC FAX MACHINE IS TO YUPPIES IN THE MAKING.
THIS GUM, WHICH COMES INSIDE THE BEEPER, HAS LITTLE MESSAGES PRINTED ON
THE WRAPPER AND SURE DOES TASTE YUMMY! A GREAT PARTY GAG, THIS CAN BE
OBTAINED AT YOUR LOCAL Kmart FOR A MERE 99 CENTS SO GO OUT AND BUY
ONE... TODAY!
COLORING BOOKS- GREAT FOR KIDS OF ALL AGES, THESE CLEARLY "BLACK AND
WHITE" PAGES CAN BE MADE RACIALLY HARMONIOUS WITH ONLY A FEW CRAYONS,
AND YOU! YES, SOLVE THE WORLD'S PROBLEMS AND VENT YOUR CREATIVE ENERGY
AT THE SAME TIME!
WELL KIDDIES, MY TOY CHEST IS NOW BONE DRY, BUT IF YOU HAVE
THAT YOU'D LIKE ME TO REVIEW OR YOU JUST WANT TO SEND ME CASH OR JUST
SAY HELLO! THEN WRITE TO: bloated barbies c/o spam
GOD SAVE THE ZINES
by bitchca
PESSIMISER #3 "branch-davidian hate rag"- I WASN'T TOO BIG ON THIS ZINE.
IT WAS PRIMARILY DEVOTED TO MAKING FUN OF GUYS WHO HAVE LONG HAIR, WEAR
"BAD BOY CLUB" T-SHIRTS WITH ZEBRA STRIPED KNIT PANTS, ROLLER BLADE, AND
LISTEN TO HELMET. NOW, I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT THOSE PEOPLE, MUCH
LESS READ ABOUT THEM! OTHER THAN THAT, THEY HAD A FEW GOOD INTERVIEWS
AND A SWEET LITTLE STORY ABOUT WATCHING SOME BIG SKATING HERO IN 82. IT
STRUCK ME AS JUST AN EXCUSE TO SWEAR AND BE STUPID (WHICH I SUPPOSE IS
THEIR RIGHT, BUT STILL, A WASTE OF PAPER AND MY TIME), BUT IT WAS FREE.
PESSIMISER
P.O.BOX 4452
INGLEWOOD, CA 90309
A STUDENT'S GUIDE TO PROTESTING- THIS IS A HELPFUL GUIDE BY THE AUTHOR
OF "ROOM 112." IT DOESN'T REALLY PROMOTE PROTEST, BUT LISTS YOUR BASIC
RIGHTS, WHAT YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH WITHOUT HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT ARREST,
CONVENTIONAL AND UNCONVENTIONAL TACTICS, ORGANIZATION, AND THE TOOLS YOU
WILL NEED. EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT PLANNING ANYTHING IN THE NEAR FUTURE, I
WOULD RECOMMEND HAVING THIS SIMPLY BECAUSE IT'S VERY INFORMATIVE. JUST
SEND A FEW STAMPS TO:
JUSTIN GORMAN
P.O.BOX 410441
SAN FRANCISCO, CA 94141-0441
CHAOS #9 - THIS ZINE REALLY SURPRISED ME. I WAS EXPECTING THE TYPICAL
ANARCHIST "DESTROY SOCIETY AND KILL YOUR MOTHER" TYPE OF ZINE, BUT
INSTEAD THIS WAS VERY DEEP AND PHILOSOPHICAL. IT WAS SORT OF A DIARY OF
A MONK TALKING ABOUT VOWS OF SILENCE AND RELIGIOUS STUFF WHILE AT THE
SAME TIME HOW HARD IT IS TO GET A JOB AND OTHER EVERYDAY STUFF. THIS
ZINE IS PRETTY HEAVY AND I WOULDN'T RECOMMEND IT TO EVERYONE, BUT IF
YOU'RE IN A MELANCHOLY MOOD IT'S GOOD READING.
CHAOS c/o JOEL EPANOURI
812 7TH STREET S.E. #9
MPLS,MN 55414
PUBLIK ENEMA #6 - THIS ZINE WAS JUST DARN FUN. ITS MAIN FOCUS WAS THE
AUTHOR'S SIX MONTH BICYCLE ROAD TRIP. THERE WERE LOTS OF LETTERS AND
ARTICLES OF PROTESTS THAT HE WAS A PART OF. HE DESCRIBES DIFFERENT
PEOPLE AND THE CONDITIONS THAT HE LIVED UNDER, THERE ARE LOTS OF
CARTOONS AND FUN STUFF, BUT IT NEVER GETS CHEEZY. THIS WAS A VERY GOOD
ZINE WITH A LOT OF SUBSTANCE WITHOUT GETTING BORING. IT WAS PROBABLY THE
MOST FUN ZINE I'VE READ ALL YEAR. $1
PUBLIK ENEMA #6
25686 NUGGET
EL TORO, CA 92630
BITCHCA REVIEWS ALMOST EVERY MOVIE IN THE WORLD
FOR ANYONE THAT FINDS IT AMAZING THAT I WOULD WASTE MY TIME WATCHING SO
MANY DAMN MOVIES MUST UNDERSTAND THAT WHILE ALL OF YOU SPENT YOUR X-MAS
VACATION HANGING OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND GOING TO SHOWS I WAS ROASTING
IN THE FIERY PITS OF HELL..FLORIDA, DURING MY ANNUAL TRIP TO VISIT MY
GRANDPARENTS. SO ACTUALLY MY EXTREME AMOUNT OF TIME SPENT IN FRONT OF
THE T.V. WAS THE ONLY THING I COULD DO TO SAVE MYSELF.
THE PELICAN BRIEF-THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN A GOOD MOVIE IF YOU OMITTED THE
ACTORS. I'D LIKE TO KNOW WHAT FUKHEAD CAST JULIA ROBERTS IN THE ROLE OF
A STRONG WOMAN. NO MATTER HOW HARD SHE TRIES SHE JUST COMES OFF AS WEAK
AND HELPLESS. IT COULD HAVE BEEN MUCH BETTER. AND AS FOR DENZEL
WASHINGTON, I CAN'T REALLY INSULT THE DIRECTORS FOR THAT CHOICE BECAUSE
I UNDERSTAND THAT IT'S AGAINST THE LAW TO CAST ANYONE BUT HIM IN THE
TOKEN BLACK ROLE. ASIDE FROM THAT IT WAS PROBABLY ONE OF THE BETTER
MOVIES I SAW DURING MY VACATION. IT'S ABOUT A LAW STUDENT WHO WRITES A
PAPER ON WHO SHE THINKS KILLED SOME SUPREME COURT GUY AND EVERYONE TRIES
TO KILL HER. THAT'S PRETTY MUCH THE PLOT.
THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS- THIS MOVIE WAS TRULY BEAUTIFUL. IT'S
AWESOMENESS CANNOT BE DESCRIBED BY WORDS. THIS IS A CULT CLASSIC IN THE
MAKING.
WHO'S DA MAN - THIS PIECE OF ART WAS MY BROTHER'S MISTAKE. IT'S A COPS
AND ITALIAN CONSTRUCTION COMPANY OWNER MOVIE STARRING ED LOVER AND DR.
DRE (THE YO MTV RAPS HOST NOT THE GANGSTA.) THIS MOVIE BRINGS TO MIND
THE QUESTION "WHAT EXACTLY DRE A DOCTOR OF?" THE FUNKY VIBE, OF COURSE.
THE ROAD WARRIOR- I LOVED THIS MOVIE. I THOUGHT IT WAS EXTREMELY WELL
ACTED EVEN THOUGH MY BROTHER INSISTED THAT THE FERAL KID WAS RETARDED.
AND YES DOUG, MY ONLY COMPLAINT WAS THAT THE ONLY GODDAMN FEMALE WARRIOR
GOT KILLED. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.
RUMBLE FISH- THIS MOVIE WAS VERY ARTSY AND WELL DIRECTED. IT'S ABOUT AN
AVERAGE FUCT UP KID TRYING TO LIVE UP TO HIS RESPECTED, SOMEWHAT CRAZY,
OLDER BROTHER. BEST QUOTE OF THE MOVIE- "CALIFORNIA IS LIKE A WILD,
BEAUTIFUL GIRL ON HEROIN. HIGH AS A KITE, THINKING SHE'S ON TOP OF THE
WORLD, AND SHE WON'T BELIEVE SHE'S DYING EVEN IF YOU SHOW HER THE
MARKS."
COOL AS ICE- THIS PATHETIC ATTEMPT AT A CHEEZY FORMULA MOVIE STARS
VANILLA ICE AS A RAPPING BIKER WHO FALLS IN LOVE WITH A PREPPY BITCHY
GIRL, BUT MANAGES TO MELT HER ICY EXTERIOR (AN ODD TWIST ON THE TAMING
OF THE SHEW). I DON'T KNOW IF IT WAS DA MOVES, DA THREADS, OR DA LINGO,
BUT I JUST FELL IN LOVE WITH VANILLA ICE. OF COURSE, A COOL GUY LIKE
THAT WOULDN'T GO FOR ME. DAMN, DISSED AGAIN!
TOP 5 VEHICLES IT WOULD REALLY SUCK TO BE HIT AND KILLED BY:
5. a garbage truck
4. a mail truck
3. a police car
2. a jeep full-o-jox
and #1
IT WOULD REALLY SUCK TO BE HIT AND KILLED BY A GUY ON A BIKE WITH
BIRKENSTOCKS!
Please call Bitchca at (608)364-4191 if interested in starting a
hardcore/ska band. Please if you play and instrument and wouldn't mind
playing shows, call her!
-End-

groups/BAR/barmem.app
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BAR Writer Application
BAR is a new group that is now just coming out. We need to get
some writers though. We want people who can write good h/p/a files.
To become a member just fill out this form and give it to one of the boards
that our members are on in a zipfile with your handle as the filename. Also,
include a text that you have written recently and haven't uploaded to other
boards yet.
1. Handle: (_________________________________)
2. Phone #: ( )- -
3. Name 3 boards you are a member on. Include the name, #, and sysop:
a)___________________________________________________________
b)___________________________________________________________
c)___________________________________________________________
4. If you are a sysop please use whatever space you feel is necesary to
give your BBS name and # as well as a description of the BBS:
Thank you for taking the time to fill this out. Now you can reach
us at the following boards: T.E.K.A.T (908)813-2738 WHQ
The New World Order (908)782-9508
Void Ware Prohibited (201)952-0062 Site
The Black Plague (201)701-0647
Look For these BAR members
Snake
jUNGLE jIMMY
Irie Man
Trillion
Infrared
groups/BAR/barsite.app
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BAR Dist Site Application
BAR is a new group that is now just coming out. We need to get
some Dist sites though. We need one in all other Area Codes besides 908.
To become a site just fill out this form and give it to one of the boards
that our members are on.
1. Name of your BBS?----------------------------------------------------
2. Number of your BBS?--------------------------------------------------
3. What kind of software?-----------------------------------------------
4. What is your Handle?-------------------------------------------------
5. What speed modem?----------------------------------------------------
6. What is your BBS mainly into?----------------------------------------
7. What is your NUP?----------------------------------------------------
Thank you for taking the time to fill this out. Now you can reach
any of us on these boards: High Voltage (908)231-0252
The Hack Shop (908)813-3476 NUP=Firestalker
THN (201)347-6969 NUP=Login
T.E.K.A.T (908)813-2738
Look For these BAR members
Snake
jUNGLE jIMMY
Irie Man
Trillion
Infrared
groups/BAR/carkil1.bar
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***Another way to Kill a Car!!***
--==Disclaimer==--
The author of this text or the group is in no way responsible
for personal injury, property damage, death, dismemberment, or any other
harm caused by any idea's contained in this text.. These idea's are in
no way meant to be tried and are made solely for an educational purpose...
****The Car Killer (for lack of a better title)****
Ok, as we all know there's alot of ways to destroy a car.. But
here's a couple of nice one's that I've thought of and heard about over
the years.. Some of these can cause more damage than others so be careful
and think how much damage you want to cause...
Ok, here's the first one. As everyone knows a car need lubrication
(oil) for the engine to keep from seizing up, so here's a way to seize
a cars engine without them knowing what happend. Saying that you can get
under the hood which isn't all that hard, i'm sure you could find another
text or figure it out yourself. Anyway, mix together some grease cutting
soap (dish soap) and some water, about a quart of the mixture should do,
make sure there's alot of soap, being as there is alot of oil, take this
mixture after opening the hood and pour it into the oil fill which should
be clearly marked.. This will disperse the oil and keep it from lubricating
the engine and after a little while it will seize up.. If you want to have
little extra fun you can add some fine sand or dirt which will also
really screw things up..
BTW: this will also work to kill an automatic transmission, just get a small
funnel and pour some of the mixture into the transmission dip stick thing,
which leads right to the transmission...
Here's another idea: all you need is a water/dirt/sandy mixture, the
muddier the better, pour about a quart or so of it in the gas tank and after
a few hours of driving it will clog the fuel filter... Now, I know what
your asking how do I get into a locked fuel cap, just bring a small knife
or screwdriver, which you stick in the key hole and twist, it works everytime
for me, so it should work for you..
Thats it for this text I'll be
out with some more ideas for
you in a few weeks!!
Author:Snake
Group:BAR
groups/BAR/carkill2.bar
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*** Yet Another Way to Kill a Car!***
--==Disclaimer==--
The author of this text or the group is in no way responsible
for personal injury, property damage, death, dismemberment, or any other
harm caused by any idea's contained in this text.. These idea's are in
no way meant to be tried and are made solely for an educational purpose...
******The Procedure******
Ok, this is really simple, and the person will never notice
until there car overheats.. And by then you'll be long gone and they
have no way to trace it back to you..
Ok, here's all you have to do.. As we all know, every car has a
radiator to cool the engine, and the radiator is made of this tubes and
little copper or aluminum fins that direct the air blowing in the grill
over the tubes that cool the water for there car.. So, anyway, these little
fins are really easy to bend because there made of thin copper or aluminum
metal.. So all you have to do is kneel down under the car in front by
the grill and look up, there's the radiator, on the side facing the grill
in the front of the car run your finger nail over the fins and tada, there
bent over and no air can pass through.. Now do this to as many rows as
possible, ten should do to make the car overheat, but if you do more
it will work faster and probably do more damage.. If the fins are made
of aluminum or you can't get them to bend with you hand just take a small
wire brush run that over them in the same fashion, remember to only bend
once and in one direction otherwise they could break off or partially
re-open.. Good luck.. Happy Mischieve and don't get caught.!!
Ok, here's another way to screw up a persons cooling system..
While bent over under the car, you could take a screwdriver and losen up
the bottom radiator hose.. This hose is on the passenger side (usually),
and takes the pressurized water coming back from the engine into the
radiator.. All you need is usally a flat head screwdriver, just losen up
the little round clamp holding the hose to the radiator, then slightly tug
on the hose to get it unstuck from the metal.. Thats it.. Then when the
persons driving and the car starts to warm up the pressure will build up
in the system and blow the hose off, then the fluid will leak out of the
system and the car will overheat...
That's all the fun for now, but I'll
be back with more!!
Author: Snake (Story 1 & 2)
Orig, Idea: N/A (1), Snake (2)
Helpers: Menace
Date: 5/26/93
groups/BAR/cointrik.bar
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FREE SODA WITH TRICK COINS
Everyone has always tried to get free soda by tying a string
to a coin. But it probably hasn't worked. Here is the best way to
try to do it. Instead of tying the string to the quarter, drill a
hole in a big quarter. By big I mean the fattest, newest quarter
that you can find. Not an old worn away one. This way the whole
won't make much of a weight difference. Drill the smallest,
tiniest hole you possible can on the edge of a quarter, then loop
fishing string or dental floss to it. Fishing string is better, it
is stronger. However, here comes the trick. Put TWO (2) quarters
on one string. The reason the single quarter never works is
because when you slip it in, you pull it back out. The machine
notices this and takes away the credit. Two quarters on the same
string solves this. Make them about 1 or 2 inches apart. Drop
them both in, get your soda, then pull them out simple.
\
\ ---string
\
/----\
| | Quarter
\----/\
\ String continues.
\
/----\
| |
\----/ Another quarter.
Make it look like this!
A BAR. release
Courtesy of IRIE MAN
groups/BAR/copy4fre.bar
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BAR
Bad Ass Retards
presents
"HOW 2 MAKE FREE COPIES"
(on a copying machine)
Most of us have seen the overpriced copying machines in the
school library or local library. Well here is a new way to get
more for your money. Most of the pay copying machines have the
change bin on the side of the machine, you put your 15 cents in,
push the print button and get your single piece of copied paper.
15 cents may not sound like much, but when you have a big report to
do, you need a lot of stuff to plagiarize! It adds up, a couple of
bucks worth.
Well, now get more for your money. Heres how:
When you put your money in, and then press the print button, do it
this way. Push the print button, and then instantly push the "coin
eject" button. If all goes well, you should get you change back,
and a copy. Sometimes you might screw up, but hey at least you got
your couple of free copies. Such a great idea. Give it a try.
Remember, print button and then right away before the machine knows
what you did, coin eject. Just make sure nobody's looking and
don't pass the idea around. Because then the whole freaking school
will be doing it and the librarians will get suspicious when there
is a package of paper missing and only 30 cents in the machine.
A BAR. release.
Courtesy IRIE MAN
concept by Snake
groups/BAR/deathgas.bar
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HOW 2 MAKE POISONOUS GAS
(with household materials)
It is simple enough. This is an easy way to make a poisonous
gas that can kill, or at least severely injure when made. Here is
what you do. Take some bleach & ammonia, and mix them together in
a bottle. Shake it up a bit. DON'T BREATH IT IN. It will get
warm, maybe even hot. That liquid emits a poisonous gas. Wee! Be
careful with this stuff. And don't breathe it in. Thus is very
harmful, you can waft a small whiff of it, but don't snort and
inhale over it. It destroys your lungs. Don't know exactly how it
kills but it will do the job. Although it is HIGHLY recommended
that you don't kill anyone with it. You can also throw some
flammable toilet bowl cleaners in it for an added effect.
A BAR. release
Courtesy of Irie Man
groups/BAR/doorknok.bar
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ANNOYING DOOR KNOCKER
(perfect for those boring nights)
Here is some cool stuff to do to someone's house for annoyance
and fun!
Door knocker. You can either tie a long strand of thin
fishing line (can't see it easily) to the door knocker itself (if
there is one) and pull and pull. The people think someone is
knocking, open the door to see who it is, and no one is there. Fun
to do over and over. Or you can tie a big fishing weight to the
end, tape the string just above the weight to the door and pull and
pull. Has the same affect. Totally fun and totally harmless.
Really funny to see people trying to catch kids who are knocking on
their door when you are really 100 yards away pulling on a string.
Give it a try!
A á’â. release
Courtesy of Irie Man
groups/BAR/drink&go.bar
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groups/BAR/foodmch.bar
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BAR
Bad Ass Retards
presents
"How to rip off Food Machines"
You have seen those food machines that have the spiral rings
that shoot out the food right? Well this is the way to rip them off.
There are really two different methods to go about doing this. There
is always the dollar bill trick.
OK here is what you do. You get a regular one dollar bill.
You get some really strong package tape. You tape the tape
to the dollar bill. You do it to the oppsoite end that is
going in. Once the machine takes in the dollar bill you
type what you want. Once you get what you want you rip as
hard ass you can on the tape. The dollar bill will then
come back out and there you have it. The tape should be about
a foot long. You tape it to both sides so that it is not sticky.
The second method of going about doing this is one
that will get you as much candy as you damn well please. and
tons of money. What you do is go to a computer store and say
that you have acidently locked your computer with the key. They
will give you a ring that is filled with the different sizes of
keys. The lock that opens up the soda machine is just like the
one for your computer. Then you open up the machine. You take all
the candy that you damn well please but then you can get the money.
The place where the dollar bill goes, there are tons of dollar bills.
You open the machine and you pop open that compartment and take all
of the dollar bills. There you have it. Tons of cash and plenty of
candy.
BAR
by
jUNGLE jIMMY
groups/BAR/funherbs.bar
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HERBAL TEAS CAN BE COOL
(very cool as you will read)
Although herbal teas sometimes counter the effects of
prescription drugs or cause serious side effects, that's not
important here. What is important is what they can do! Put these
in your enemies food or drink for revenge!
These few cause SEVERE diarrhea: Senna (leaves, flowers and
bark), buckthorn bark, dock roots and aloe leaves. Cool huh? Try
them on someone you love to get even with, then lock the bathroom!
These cause allergic reactions: Camomile, goldenrod, marigold
and yarrow. To make the one you hate suffer. Try 'em all!
This causes cancer, (but what doesn't), sassafras.
These cause toxic (possibly FATAL) reactions: Shave grass,
Indian tobacco and miseltoe leaves.
These cause hallucinations, COOL!: Catnip, juniper, hydrangea,
jimsonweed, lobelia, nutmeg, wormwood.
Now that you know what is bad and what is good, give them a
try. Try a nice brew of hallucinatory tea sometime. Catnip, huh,
no WONDER cats love it. Enjoy!
A á’â release
Courtesy Irie Man
groups/BAR/fuse.bar
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BAR
Bad Ass Retards
presents
"How to Blow Fuses"
by. jUNGLE jIMMY
Blowing fuses can be very easy and do a lot of damage.
You can make it so your school can have no power in there rooms. Here
is what you do. You get a wire from anything that you want, such as
a piece of shit lamp. You get a knife or wirer cutters and cut the cord
of of the lamp or whatever. Now you have they main part of this fuse
Blower. OK now once you have cut of the cord, you get the little
wires inside of the cord and tie them together. There are two strands
of wires on the cord. That is in the rubber. OK you will see these
gold looking wires inside of the rubber. You wrap how ever many
from each side of the cord. If you tie them all together you can blow out
the power in the entire building. If you just tie on from each strand to-
gether you will just blow the fuse.
EX.
------
=- -------------------
=- -------------------
------
You plug the cord into the wall and you will see a small
explosion. That means that the wires in the cord have worked and
the fuse is gone. You can do it more and more. To do it as many
times as you want you have to cut down the wire everytime to get to
more of the gold wires.
This can also work from outside outlets if you wanted to rob someone
or just trash there house.
BAR'93
groups/BAR/index.gemini
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# BAR
The Bad Ass Retards
## FILES
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/BAR/abigwar.oil [ 1795] How to Make Blast Oil by Pyro of Bad Ass Retards (1993)
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/BAR/ansmac.bar [ 7063] Answering Machines: How to Crack Them by the Bad Ass Retards
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/BAR/barb3.txt [ 36864] Filed and Condenced Version of Bloated Barbies #3 (April 1994)
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/BAR/barmem.app [ 1608] Application to Join the Bad Ass Retards
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/BAR/barsite.app [ 1451] Application to become a Bad Ass Retards Distribution Site
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/BAR/carkil1.bar [ 2413] Another Way to Kill a Car! By Snake of Bad Ass Retards
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/BAR/carkill2.bar [ 2636] Yet Another Way to Kill a Car by Snake and Menace (May 26, 1993)
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/BAR/cointrik.bar [ 1311] Free Soda with Trick Coins by Irie Man of the Bad Ass Retards
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/BAR/copy4fre.bar [ 1493] How to Make Free Copies on a Copying Machine by Snake of the Bad Ass Retards
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/BAR/deathgas.bar [ 873] How to Make Poisonous Gas with Household Materials by Irie Man of Bad Ass Retards
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/BAR/doorknok.bar [ 848] Annoying Door Knocker by Irie Man of the Bad Ass Retards
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/BAR/drink&go.bar [ 1607] Car Beverage Trick by Irie Man of the Bad Ass Retards
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/BAR/foodmch.bar [ 1727] How to Rip off Soda Machines by Jungle Jimmy of the Bad Ass Retards
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/BAR/funherbs.bar [ 1158] Herbal Teas Can Be Cool by Irie Man of Bad Ass Retards
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/BAR/fuse.bar [ 1596] How to Blow Fuses by Jungle Jimmy of the Bad Ass Retards
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/BAR/lock.bar [ 1227] How to Break Into Rooms In Your School by Jungle Jimmy of the Bad Ass Retards
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/BAR/lockers.bar [ 3199] School Locker Fun by Irie Man of the Bad Ass Retards
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/BAR/malbxbom.bar [ 2124] How to Blow Up Mailboxes by Jungle Jimmy of the Bad Ass Retards
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/BAR/master.bar [ 1893] How to Get Past Master Lcks by Magik of the Bad Ass Retards
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/BAR/moresoda.bar [ 1763] Yet Another File On Cheating Change & Soda Machines by Trillion of Bad Ass Retards
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/BAR/pipekill.bar [ 2628] Pipe Killing by Snake of the Bad Ass Retards
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/BAR/poolkill.bar [ 1510] How to Kill a Pool by Snake of the Bad Ass Retards
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/BAR/scam1.bar [ 2489] A Scam, by Trillion of the Bad Ass Retards
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/BAR/sodatip.bar [ 2049] How to Get Free Sodas by Jungle Jimmy of the Bad Ass Retards
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/BAR/steal.bar [ 4297] How to Steal, by the Bad Ass Retards
=> gemini://informis.land/textfiles/groups/BAR/���.nfo [ 527] .NFO file for the Bad Ass Retards in 1993
groups/BAR/lock.bar
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BAR
Bad Ass Retards
presents
"How to break into rooms in your school"
The rooms in your school are very easy to break into. It
takes no effort at all. The materials that you need are a wire of
some sort, such as a wire for your breaks on your bike. This
prosegure is short and works well.
What you do is take the wire that you have from your bike
or notebook and make it so it has a hook at the end. Not a very
sudden one but a gradual one. The hook should be about a foot long.
Then what you do is slip the hook and wire into the door. You make
it so it goes around the part that is the lock. Once you get it through
you hold on to both ends with one hand. You yank on the wire and pull
on the door at the same time. The door will open and your in.
This only works on doors that open out. Not the ones that
open into the room. I recomend this for breaking into a class room
to get a test or something that you need from a teacher. You can also
use it to break into the book store or something like that.
BAR
by jUNGLE jIMMY
groups/BAR/lockers.bar
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School Locker Fun
(weeeeee!)
Here are some fun, destructive and annoying things to do at
school to the lockers. The first is the most fun, but also the
most hazardous. Carry around your handy, dandy bic, zippo or
whatever lighter and light the papers that stick out of the lockers
in the hallway. You know what I'm talking about, the little
corners of papers that kids leave sticking out of their lockers,
light 'em on fire! However, do it discretely and don't stand
around and watch. It will be funny to hear how kids got their
homework fried, along with anything else flammable in their locker.
This is a classic and will provide many hours of pyro-technic fun!
Another neat thing to do is to break into lockers and see what
you can nab. The best way to do this, unless the locker is already
open of course, is to use the "jiggling" technique. How it works
is you pull the handle of the locker out as far as it can go, hold
it there, and jiggle the locker up and down. If it barely moves
(the door) it probably won't open. However, if it moves a lot and
feels lose, you can probably open it. Then, look, grab run and
enjoy! This also works with top cabinets to lockers, but only if
the door has a knob or handle on it. Just pull and jiggle up and
down.
These next few are for jokes or for bothering kids you hate.
One thing to do is to put your own locks on others kids lockers.
Then, obviously, they won't be able to open it! What a pain in the
ass it will be for the kid to go to his locker, see that it is
locked, and have to go get a janitor to take it off. For best
effect, get many locks and do it 2-3 times a week if you can. Boy,
will that kid be pissed!
Something else you can do is melt the locks that kid already
have on their lockers. This only works with plastic locks but is
annoying to do to people. Just take your lighter and melt the
dials on the lock to each other or just melt anything plastic on
the lock, at least it will be fun to do! This works best with
these locks I sometime see that are florescent green or pink and
have four switch type things on them. All I do is line up the
switches and melt them into one blob. This is cool because then
the kid can't open his locker. Neato!
The last and funniest thing to do is too friends or enemies in
gym class. Just find their locker, and get in to the locker room
early. Then take a good amount of your moms most powerful smelling
perfume and spray it through the vent and douse the kids clothes.
Boy will he smell like a fairy! Ha ha, this is a riot to do
because the kid will smell like a total idiot. Or better yet,
while he is in gym, soak his normal clothes, that will be even
worse! Talk about laughing hysterically, it is just too funny!
Lastly, for all you out there that want easy access to your
own school locker, just stick some folded up paper in the door
slots. Then the door will close and hold, but not lock, leaving
you to open it without doing the combo. Good luck on all your
anarchy fun!
A á’â release
Courtesy of Irie Man
groups/BAR/malbxbom.bar
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BAR
Bad Ass Retards
presents
"How to blow up Mailboxes"
Blowing up mailboxes can be tons of fun and very joyful. But
have you ever noticed that sometimes it is a real pain in the ass to blow
the damn thing up. I know that I have found that a lot of times. M-80
never really seem to work to the extent that you want them to. Well here
is a way that is very destructive and works great.
Contents:Lysol or any other aerosol spray.
Matches
Tape
Ok, You need to have these contents because this is what will
make the bomb. What you have to do is first, go to your school and steal
all of the aerosol sprays that they have. Or do it at a super market, or
just be a woose and buy them. Get some tape that is strong eneough to hold
down a small spring. Thin pakaging tape is probally the best. Then get
some matches that work well.
Now for the fun part. Get your cans of lysol or the other aerosol
sprays. Right when you are goign to blow up the mailbox put a piece of tape
on the trigger of the lysol. You want to tape it down so that the lysol will
continue spaying out the shit. Once you have accomplished doing that you are
ready. Then lite the aerosol and you will see a flame. Then you have to shut
the mailbox and run your ass off. The explosion will be huge. And the mail-
box will be trashed.
You will find that this works very well. I have had tons of luck
with it and so should you.
jUNGLE jIMMY
BAR'93
Call These Fine boards for BAR files
____________________________________
High Voltage :(908)231-0252
WHQ The Hack Shop :(908)813-3476
The New World Order:(908)782-9508
The Hawks Nest :(201)347-6969
TEKAT :(908)813-2738
groups/BAR/master.bar
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B.A.R. presents
"How to get past Master Locks"
Bad Ass Retards
Now i shall reveal to you the information which i
have worked so long and hard to develop. The secret of
breaking master locks ... not really a secret or a trick
... it is just a little reasearch and development. This
method is great for Fridays when you have no money and
want to go party ... ok enough BS.
Here is what you do to crack the damn lock : Get
yourself a screwdriver(flathead ... IDIOT) make sure
it comes to a thin plane (sand it down if ya gotta).
Alright, now that you have your trusty screwdriver in
hand, now go find some poor shnooks locker ... insert
the screwdriver under the edge of the dial, and work
the blade of the screwdriver under the dial until you
have enough leverage to pop the dial ... POP THE DIAL
ALREADY!!!
Now after you have done this, you should see the
inside, a pin with some shit around it. Now, there are
actually two ways to open the lock from here (sucks
being indecisive doesnt it?) One way is to take your
screwdriver and mash the insides of the lock until you
can fit your screwdriver inside the lock. Now that you
have done this, all you have to do now is to work your
screwdriver to the upper-left part of the lock, and
work open the latching mechanism.
An alternative method is to rip out the pin with
a pair of pliers, or smash it until it falls out. This
is simple and sometimes faster. The first method
described requires much more practice, but is more
elegant and quieter.
Courtesy of: MagiK
Thanks to: Bad Ass Retards
groups/BAR/moresoda.bar
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"Yet Another File On Cheating Change & Soda Machines"
a BAR file
"Bad Ass Retards"
by, Trillion
Atleast everybody has their own way of cheating soda and
change machines. Most of them hardly work. Here is one that I thought
up that is relatively simple and is very effective, as I tried it on many
machines. Welp, here it is:
Take a buck and put a piece of tape on the end of it about 3 or 4
inches long. Then, get an index card and cut it in half. Then fold it
in half, but don't make it stay closed. Next, tape the tape to the
center and middle of the fold on the index card. When you insert the
dollar, it should accept it, but it won't go down because the index
card will block it. Look at the diagram, it should explain it more:
________________ _____________
| | | Index Card| === - Tape
| Pres. ============+ |
| ============+ | + - Fold Of Index Card
|________________| |_____+_____|
It should be easy enough to do. You might want to use string
instead of tape, but I have never tried it. Well that about wraps it up.
This has been a Bar presentation. Thank you.
Support Boards -
Name Sysop Misc
---------------------------------------- Call your local H/P/A/V board
The Hack Shop Trillion WHQ for the numbers and NUPs.
----------------------------------------
Tekat Mr. Sandman Support
groups/BAR/pipekill.bar
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---==Disclaimer==---
The author of this text, namely me is not responisible for
any damage, injury, or legal actions taken against the user for trying
any of these idea's. They are dangerous!!
---==The Bomb==---
Ok, if you ever want to cause some havoc at school or
in a public place that will cause a pretty substantial amount of
damage, but probably won't kill anyone unless there standing next
to the sewage pipe in the basement of the building or whever the
bomb explodes...
Here's how you do it. You get some Sodium or Potassium metal
you can usually find it either in your chem class or in a science supply
book, preferably in the form of like a 1 inch wide bar. Usually science
classrooms will only have pelets, but those will work you'll just need
more. You'll find the pellets packed in glass bottles filled with oil,
yes, oil, this stuff is so volitile that it reacts with the moisture in
the air. So, you get some plastic wrap or a plastic bag, pull some of
the pellets or a bar or two out of the jar and put it into the bag, and
loosely close it or wrap it, but tight enough to keep the water out
until it gets a little bit down the pipe.
Then without getting the bag wet or anything proceed to
the nearest restroom, carefully place it in a toilet and flush it.
As the bag or plastic wrap package is travelling down the
pipe it will slowly open up, and when it does, the water hits the metal
which has a very violent reaction and make heat upto about 2000 degrees
farenheit and alot of hydrogen gas, so when the gas builds up the heat
ignites it and boom you have a high powered Hyrogen gas explosion. And
as it keeps travelling it keeps flaming and/or exploding which usually
causes the pipe to crack so if you use enough you might get out of
school for a day or so.. Thats all there is to it.
Notes: Make sure that the bag or plastic wrap is sealed tight enough
otherwise it will blow-up in your face when it hits the water.
2. Also after you flush it run like hell because the water/sewage will
probably fly out of all the drains in the bathroom..
3. If you want to doo a test reaction take a thick walled measuring
cup, put a little water in, and drop no more than say 5 pellets worth
in..
Happy Destruction!!!
This proccess has been tested and is known to cause serious damage.
Author: Snake
Idea: Snake
Tested by: Sorry can't tell ya.
groups/BAR/poolkill.bar
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*** How to Kill a Pool***
--==Disclaimer==--
The author of this text or the group is in no way responsible
for personal injury, property damage, death, dismemberment, or any other
harm caused by any idea's contained in this text.. These idea's are in
no way meant to be tried and are made solely for an educational purpose...
******The Pool Killer******
Ok, here it is, all you need for this little bit of mischieve
is a bottle of liquid soap, preferably like Pamlolive or something that
gets really sudsy...
All you have to do is pour about half the bottle into the pool
preferable into the skimmer (that little box that skims the leaves and
crap off the top of the water), there should be a little round lid on the
top of it in the cement.. So then after its in, it will get sucked through
the filter and begin to get sudsy, and before you know it the pool will
look like a sink full of soapy water...
Anyway, as far as I know, it doesn't cause any permament
damage but they do have to drain and rinse the entire pool to
get rid of the problem.. So to say the least its a nasty prank
on that will cost them alot of money to clean and refill the pool.. So
just do it to those especially annoying neighbors that call the cops
on you and shit like that..
Good Luck and don't get caught!!
Author: Snake
Group: BAR
Idea:Snake
groups/BAR/scam1.bar
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"A Scam"
(B)ad (A)ss (R)etards
B.A.R
by,
Trillion
My friend works for this company that pulls off one of the
biggest scams around. He gets paid 6 bucks an hour(this company
has grown big on this scam). He works all hours and breaks all child
labor laws. He gets some big cash. What he does is call up people and
ask for a donation to The New Jersey Law Association. Believe it or not,
if you sound convincing enough, many people will donate. What the
does with the money they recieve is pay their workers off, pay off the
phone bills and send about %20 to donations to certain groups. They keep
about %30 of the money they make for themselves. As you can see,
this can be very profitable. What they do, is when a person says
they'll donate, they send the victim a packet of trash information. They
then mail it back in. This company has an business address, so it's more
believable. Here's what you can do:
1. Get your phone and your phone book.
2. Make up a fake organization. (i.e. enviorment, sports,etc)
3. Call people up and ask for donation. Tell them to mail it
to your address in a personal check. (What could they get
you for if you were found out? You made your organization,
only it has one person in it: You.)
4. When you recieve the check, cash it and then on your
computer, make out some stupid thing that says:
(Name) donated $(amount) to
(Organization)
or something for the idiots to show off or feel good about.
5. Send it to them.
6. Repeat steps 1-5.
Remember to make them write the check in your name, and you can cash
it if you have your social security card on you.(If your without
a driver's liscence.)
Remember to act nice and professional on the phone and prepare
a speech. Well, that's about it. 'Till next time,
Trillion
-=<BAR>=-
'93
groups/BAR/sodatip.bar
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B.A.R.
Bad Ass Retards
presents
"How to Get Free Soda's"
This is the easiest way to rip off Soda Machines. If you ever
get really thirsty and then find out that you have no money on you this
is the solution.
This procedure is going to need at least two people or at the
most three people. The way that you get the free soda is by tipping
the soda machine towards you. You need two people to do this because
if you try to do it on your own the machine can fall on you and even
kill you. The two people both get on a side of the Soda Machine. You
both want to start pulling on it. The easiest way to get this started
is by putting your feet against the wall and pushing out with your feet,
and pulling with your arms. The machine will then start to fall over.
What you then do is get in front of the machine and prop it up. You do
not want the machine to fall on top of you. You then shake it up and
down while it is still tipped. Soda's will then fall out of the machine.
If you get more than two sodas out of the Machine then you are
going to have a problem getting them out. Well then what you do is push
one of the soda's back up into that flap that the soda's come out of. You
take your two out and then get the rest of them.
The trick is caused by this: When a Soda Machine is filled up you
are not supposed ot fill it to the very top. There is a bar that you are
supposed to fill it up to. Well nobody ever does. When the machine is
filled you will get tons of of soda's. Even when the machine is low you can
get some, but you have to tip it down even farther. If you see any lites
on, the little orange ones that lite up when the machine is empty, Do not
even bother trying.
B.A.R.
jUNGLE jIMMY
groups/BAR/steal.bar
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BAR
Bad Ass Retards
presents
"How To Steal"
OK. You know how when you go to steal things you can always
have a little trouble. Well this file is going to tell you all the
things that can help prevent that. And how to steal from certain places.
You don't want to get caught and neither do I. My method has never
been caught ever.
Contents:Long sleeve shirt
Big bag that is not see through
And yourself
#1.This is wear you are going to need the long sleeve shirt.
Go into a store. Take your time looking around. You don't want to
look suspicios. Find all the cameras that are in the store. Now
that you knwo where they are located you are in business. Find the
item that you wish to steal. It does not matter if you are infront
of a camara or not. They wont be able to pick this up. Have you long
sleeve shirt on. Make it so your hand is in the sleeve. Then what
you do is stick your hand over top of the item you want. You then
have it in your sleeve. The cameras have no clue what you have done
and now you are home free.
#2.This is for items that are pretty big. You need to have your
bag now. OK walk around the store and do the same procedure. Find the
item that you want to steal. Put two of the items down on the ground. If
they are small enough put two of them in your hand. Your back has to be
to the camara though. Now the people watching the camaras think that you
have just picked up one. You put the one in the bag and then carry around
the other one for a while. Like you are going to buy it. They think that
nothing is up. Then you act like you just saw the price on it. You then
go and put it back. Then just to be safe. Go and buy something that costs
about a dollar. You can leave the store and nothing will happen to you.
#3.This is how to steal CD's and Tapes from record stores. This
will only work on the ones that have the alarms set up. Have you ever seen
those little alarm thinigs on your c.d.s, well now you are goign to find out
how to steal these with out getting caught. Take off the alarm sticker.
They are just stick on things so they are very easy to get off. Then you
stick that alarm sticker on someones back. Once that they walk out of the
store, the alarm will go off. Now that they are totally checking out this
guy that you put the alarm on, you are now leaving. You have pulled all
of the alarm stickers off of your tapes and cds. You can walk right on out.
They wont even look at you.
#4.Have you ever wante to steal from K-Mart, or WalMart. Well this
is the way to do it. Wait until it is about closing time there. All the
people at the in there will be tired. Most of the people shopping have
left for the night. The man that usually watches the door is also not there.
You grab the thing that you want and carry it into there garden center. If
they have one. You can then walk right on out. Have the thing in your bag
and the people wont even look at you. If the don't have a garden center then
go to somewhere in the back. Like the shoe departement. Nobody ever is in
there. This will always work and is fun doing it.
#5.Stealing from Topps. You might think that this is hard to do but
it is really not. Walk into the store with an empty box. You have found
this box in the garbage cans, or the dumster there. You walk into the store
and go and put the box down where its identical merchandise is. You then walk
away for a moment. When you come back you take another box that has something
in it. You walk out of the store. Then the guy who works at the door that
asks to see your receit asks to see it. You say "oh, I was just returning
this. The workers here said that I could return it." Then the dumb ass will
say "OK" Then you are through. It helps to have a women do the stealing for
this one. They always give them a little bit more sympathy.
BAR'93
jUNGLE jIMMY
groups/BAR/���.nfo
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