117 lines
4.7 KiB
Plaintext
117 lines
4.7 KiB
Plaintext
-= THE BABYSITTING BLUES =-
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By DiLiTHiUM
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of
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/|narchists
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/--|nonymous
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Dilithium here.. Well, times are tough and so are my
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grandmother's pork chops. That is why I have resorted to
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BABYSITTING (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!) as a means of income.
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Now, Babysitting can be GREAT fun (After all, who else will pay
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you to sit around, raid the guy's liquor cabinet and watch TV all
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night?) not just for lounging, you lazy ass sloth, but for PHUN!!
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Look, you know as well as I do that there is nothing better than
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watching a small child grow up into a well-off Anarchist! It
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makes me feel real fuzzy inside. Well, here is a GOOD way to get
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off to a good start!
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MOLECULE 1 - ROTTING THE CHILD'S MIND
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This Molecule will deal with how *YOU* can get the child off to a
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nice, warped start. First, Play a few games with the little
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critter. Tired of endless matches of TV tag or Hide n' Seek? How
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about RAPE PLAY! First, dress up a little dolly like Missy the
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Love Slut. Then teach the kid to attack, rape and eventually put
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a knife through the doll's chest. Teach him the art of
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Strangulation, Anal sex, oral masturbation, and finally, doing
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away with the doll with a Ginsu. After teaching him how to strip
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the corpse and hanging the beaten, violated doll over the
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stairwell, tell him bedtime stories about satan and fun stuff
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like that. Tell him in order to live, he must sacrifice 1 (one)
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stuffed animal each night to Zorgon the space god. Trust me, he
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WILL do it! Next, teach him another good game, called "Make love to
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Fluffy". Tell him that there is a secret treasure hidden up the
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cat's ass, and he must find it with his tongue. Tell him to look
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every night until he is eighteen. Again, he WILL do it! It'll
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make his parents wonder why he keeps licking the cat's ass
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whenever they walk into the room! Its fun watching him go to
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therapy every day for no reason!
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Also.. Teach the kid to Masturbate at an early age, and tell him
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to go it often and in public places!
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Another fun thing to do if to invite your girlfriend over and have sex
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while the crit is upstairs.
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MOLECULE 2 - INJURY!!
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This is always fun! One thing to do is teach him how to play
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HOUSE CAR! Grab a set out house keys and tell him that the house
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is really a car, and to insert the keys in all of the little
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'keyholes' throughout the house, namely the electricity
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receptacles. Tell him to do it ONLY when the sun is shining
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through the window. That way the paramedics have a better chance
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of finding him! Another fun thing to do is to teach him how to
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make "Fire Salad"!! Mix all sorts of things into a bowl that will
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burn. For example, put paper in as the salad, cotton balls as
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cherry tomatoes, styrofoam for croutons, etc. Then add the
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'Dressing', namely Paint thinner or High-Octane gasoline. Toss,
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Light & serve! Serves 8 and one Fire Dept. crew. Also.. Teach
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him how to make a flamethrower out of a can or hairspray and a
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match! Let him go wild burning everything from magazines to the
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dog. But watch out! He may turn on you!
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MOLECULE 3 - Crafts!
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If all of this rape play and fire salad gets tiresome, why not
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sit down at the kitchen table and make crafts!
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Craft 1 - Cheque paper dolls
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get the family cheque book down and teach junior how to play with
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paper dolls! But instead of using paper use the cheques. See who
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can make the longest one!
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Craft 2 - Glue dolls
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This is fun. Break out your private stash of Airplane glue and
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give some to the little tyke. After you both are nice and high
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try to trace the spots floating past your eyes with the glue. The
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most creative one after you crash wins.
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Craft 3 - Maxi-boats (w/ wings)
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This is REALLY fun! Go upstairs and grab all of his mom's maxi
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pads that you can see (Unused!) and make little boats out of
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them. Save a few for Junior to show mommy and have toilet races
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with the rest.
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Craft 4 - Deck the halls
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Go upstairs again and grab dad's aftershave. Tell him that its
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holy water and he must spray all of the walls with it. Tell him
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that if he doesn't demons from another street will eat him alive.
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Fearing death, he will then proceed to sprinkle the walls with
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the juice, making the house a nice drippy mess when his folks
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come home, but won't the house smell real MANLY?
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And I wonder why they never asked me back...
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Well, thats about it for me. See you later!
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But first..
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Guile: Thanks for reading my stuff!
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Myxzu: Thanks for letting a Lamer like me on your board!
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Chromium: You are an asshole, just like in my .MODs!
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Icepick: Thanks for telling me! L8r.
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Micmastur: Where the hell are my Amps?
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Marsher: The clutch on my car STILL slips! look at it!
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Bye y'all!
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