118 lines
6.5 KiB
Plaintext
118 lines
6.5 KiB
Plaintext
Till Death Do Ye Part
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Well another Anarchists Anonymous text coming at ya, hopefully you'll enjoy
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this as much as I will writing it. The thought came to me that no one had ever
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really wrote a text on professional killing. So we took it upon ourselves to
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write one!!! I hope this helps you get rid of that asshole in school, or
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whatever. Well enough shit from me...on with the death!!!
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================================================================================
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1. Guns are always the most common (and the most boring) ways to kill someone
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so I'll get it out of the way, shoot the fucker!!
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2. A little chlorine in his coffee sure wouldn't be to good. Unfortuanetly (I
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believe) the amount we want (enuff to kill him) would discolour the coffee. So
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just add it in gradually....cup by cup by cup....
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3. I've been known to venture (alot) into the world of bombs. Now we all know
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who will be blamed for a car bomb...la familla!!! Also pipe bombs are good. And
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a time bomb is also good for....1 pm (the thirteenth hour) on friday the 13th!!
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4. Dropping a brick from the top of a building in my town (Toronto) would
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definetly kill a man. And wouldn't you know it....Toronto's got the largest
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free standing building in the world today!!!
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5. Setting a guy on fire isn't as hard as it sounds. A little black powder
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in someones backpack sure will help. What you do is get some black powder and
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fill up a plastic container half full with the stuff. Next fill the rest of it
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up with wooden match heads and the heads of sparklers (adds to the effect).
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Remember that a little gasoline to coat the match heads wouldn't hurt. Now pack
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them all in VERY tightly and seal the lid. This should ignite with a nice
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jolt (sorry did I bump into you???) and set him on fire. Usually he won't notice
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until he's a light!!!
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6. Alright, slow death is my personall favourite. What the greeks used to do is
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they would cut a bit of a person off (his arm for example), then they would
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tie him (tightly) to a tree in the forest. Finally they would leave a trail of
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raw meat to the guy. This will usually draw animals such as wolves in a half
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decent forest. This is one of the most painfull ways to die...being eaten alive
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by wolves!!! Also the things you could cut off of him....circumsizion anyone??
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7. Drownding is also a horrible way to die. You could always tie rocks to him
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and throw him in someones pool (I wouldn't reccomend yours). However it's just
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a little to easy. What if you put the pool cover...no what if you stole some
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pool covers and put three pool covers on the pool. Now put a few buckets of
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water on top of the cover and voila...He won't be able to lift up three covers
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and the water on top should make quite a difference.
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8. You could sacrifice him, just like Jesus...he always thought he was sooo cool
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well lets prove to him that we think he's a god...and we'll treat him that way.
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Imagine ttying him to a cross in the middle of nowhere and soaking it in oil.
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With one flame he could be alight...
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9. You've all seen Robin Hood prince of thieves well imagine killing him with a
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spoon!!! Gutting him out sure would be funny and then delivering his internals
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to his parents!!!
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10. Well, you've got all these tools from the Sabouteurs Survival Guide and you
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need to put them to use. Well lets see, you could beat him to death with a
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wrench or crowbar. I think making a collection of all the teeeth in his mouth
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sure would be a cool hobby!!!
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11. If you can get ahold of some live bees, why not kill him with them. If you
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put bees inside his pop can and he swallows them, there's a VERY good chance
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he'll die!!! Even putting a can of orange pop by a bees nest will surely cause
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some to fly in. Now just trap them in there and block the exit with tin foil or
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something similar. Now just wait for him to drink it.
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12. We've all read the text file "25 imaginative ways to kill cats", well who
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hasn't..the author is a genius and it's an excellent (written by Admiral
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Halcyons and The Bad Man). Well my personall favourite in that file is the one
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where you pull out the cats teeth and put a hungry rat in it's mouth. Then sew
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it's mouth shut, well I think we should and will do the same to humans!!!
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13. Pushing him off of a building is always fun. "Hey Rickie come see this."
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<SHOVE> "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH". You get the picture.
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14. There are many utilities for killing people in your school (right at your
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fingertips). Here's a few ideas. You could stab him to death with an exacto
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knife, staple his eyes with a stapler, get a local gang banger to do it, give
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him lead poisoning with excesive inserting of pencils into the back (stab him).
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But there's also...carving his skin with scissors, burning him to death with hot
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things in Family Studies. You get the picture.
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15. Last and certainly not least you could kill him with a drug overdose. A good
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drug to use is spees, although crack is cheaper and quicker. It's MUCH more
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expensive and I haven't seen it as a powder. Speed can be slipped into a drink
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and enough of it in a bottle of beer or a can of coke will kill the guy.
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[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
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Well that's the phile, I hope it helps ya in yer further interests. Okay well
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the official opening of Anarchists Anonymous is today (Sept 1 '93). All of our
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previous texts were written before that (some in May!!!) but we wanted to
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accumulate a good number of texts before officially stating ourselves as the
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Anarchists of the 90's. I intend to start to work on a novel after this. It'll
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be about our future world if their was an Anarchy uprising. It won't be finished
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for a while so don't hold yer breath. Anyways I'll also continue to work on the
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texts that we (AA) provide. Okay well that's all...now, daaaa greets.
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Text Writer - Anarchial Artist
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Text Writer - Purple Tentacle
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Text Writer - OB Wan Kenobi
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Text Writer - Entrope
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Freelance Pyro - Omega
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Recruit - Guile
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================================================================================
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Well one final note before my quote....Entrope is pronounced Entrophee. And
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don't worry Cpt. Kid is still with us he just changed his name to Purple
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Tentacle.
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ðððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððð
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"Armageddon you say?? I'd just call it full scale Anarchy!!"
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-Anarchial Artist '93
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