130 lines
6.0 KiB
Plaintext
130 lines
6.0 KiB
Plaintext
(taken from Pyro Joe's Hot Flashes, pp 137-151)
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Now, kids, it's tahm ta talk about dee-layed gratification.
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....
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Here's one that'll tickle ya pink! (Also black & blue if ya stand around it
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too long. Take a hint from ol' Joe.)
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How menny Whut is it Where d'ya git it
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___________________________________________________________________________
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1 1 inch cube of 90% Palladium any good hardware store
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with 10% Titanium should have it
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1 4 inch length of gold wahr steal from yore sister's earrin's
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5 gal. heavy water, with 10% steal frum Navy base
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DTO (th' "Jolt" version, or borry frum naybors.
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heh heh.)
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1 cup Lithium Lye, with Deuterium, war surplus store
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USGummint #3039924057394XD
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1 1 to 3 volt, 30 amp pahr splah hell, bild it, use
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pappy's arc welder,
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or whutever.
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1 special currint reggalater bild it.
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(figger 3, end of chapter)
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1 Kickass(tm) 8 week high-relibilty ain'tchoo gotta hardware
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timer or equiv'lint bin? Call up Bud's
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Scientific Splah.
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Don't let on whut it's for.
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1 big moonshahn crock, with lid. c'mon, ya gotta know
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where ta git basics!
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th' usual wahr an' stuff,
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as requahred.
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How d'ya do it, Joe?
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_____________________
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Wal, ya find a ol' shack on a hill somewheres that still got pahr
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goin' to it. (Elsewise, ya gots ta use a whole lotta ol' truck
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batt'ries, which is tuff ta hump around.) Put th' crock in th' shack,
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and pour th' Jolt water inta it. Stir in th' Lithium Lye, slow an'
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careful. Don't splash none, an' don't add th' stuff too quick, now.
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Cover it real taht, so's ya don't lose too much. Y'all don't wanna
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hafta sneak inta th' navybase again, do ya? Them guys got guns & stuff
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and they ain't afraid ta use it.
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So, ennyway, see, ya bild the pahr splah, an' ya bild th' currint
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reggalater in figger 3 at th' end of th' chapter, the one with the
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special shunt cirkit fer changin' the currint. Thet's whar th' Kickass
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tahmer goes. Test it ta be sure that th' current starts at about 30 amps
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and goes down ta 10 or 15 when th' tahmer goes off.
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Bild th' other stuff lahk in figger 2. Cart th' whole mess down ta th'
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shack, and put th' bizniz end inta the Jolt water. Don't leave th' lid
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off too long, now. Cover it up good, an' duck tape it, specially th'
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place wher the wahrs come out. Ah got me some motorcycle ground strap,
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which is read'ly avail'ble an' flat, so it don't queer up the fit o'
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the lid. Bolt the straps down real secure, an' put vaseline on th'
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bolts.
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Now, set th' Kickass tahmer fer 8 weeks, plug th' pahr splah in,
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make sure ya got 30 amps, an' take a hike.
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'Member, neutrons ain't yer frens. Keep ol' Blue away from th' shack
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unless ya want two-headed puppies runnin' around eatin' too much,
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probly worrit yore mom no end, an' if ya gotta go in ther ta check,
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don't stay long. Ya want ol' Joe's advice, after around 7 weeks, don't
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go in ther atall.
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This hear makes a real 'hot flash', an' in fact, it's whut this book
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is named fer. Y'all kin see th' flash from a couple mahls away, raht
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through th' av'ridge wall, so don't go bildin' it in yer basemit. Got
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thet? No need ta keep it too close ta home, raht? Ya kin get caught
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with it if it's too close. Besides, ya don't want yer sister fahndin'
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out wher her earrin's got off ta. She probly woont lahk it, an' she'll
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make ya cut her in on the deal. 'Course, thet maht not be too bad, if
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she's good with a soldrin' ahrn. Probly bilds good pahr splahs, an
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that's importunt ta this 'hot flash'.
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Ah got trouble, Joe. Now whut?
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______________________________
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Whut happen Whut ta do
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___________________________________________________________________________
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ya hair falls out Dummy! I tol' ya not ta stan' aroun' up
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in hanks close-lahk! Thow away yer clothin', an'
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take lots o' shahrs. Eat some vitamin E,
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an' call th' doc ef'n it don't stop in
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a spell.
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red skin
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& funny spots same thing.
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juice won't drop to shunt circuit screwed up, or ya bought a cheap
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10-15 amps tahmer. Don't bah you no cheap tahmers!
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no flash after 8 th' Authority mebbe cut yer pahr. Wait 2 more
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weeks is gone bah weeks an' then check fer pahr at the wall sockit.
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Ef thet don't work, check the pahr splah. Ah
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tol' ya yer sister probly bild it better then
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you, ya shoulda listened. Also check th'
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tahmer. 'Member whut ah sed about cheap ones!
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Big wet spot ya crock leak? If no leaks, check the roof. If
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the roof leaks, don't worrit yerself. If th'
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crock leaks, fix it quick.
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'lectrode turns brown probly yer Lithium Lye is contaminatid. Ya can
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give it up, or start over.
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runs hot only happins once in a whahl. Swipe Grampa's
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ol' still-tubin', an' make lahka li'l still
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coil with it. Jes' run th' outlet back inta
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the crock. Duck tape the whole mess real good.
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If thet ain't enuf, use a truck radiater.
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Don't drink the stuff, neither! Taste lahk
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hell, take it from one that knows.
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You all have fun, now. Ef ya hit the sweet spot, th' hill will glow fer
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munths. Thet means you done real good! Set up a "myst'ry spot" sahn,
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an' charge th' city folks a dollar a look.
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