textfiles/bbs/limrks.txt

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THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY OF RENO
WHO LOST ALL HER DOUGH PLAYING KEENO.
BUT SHE LAY ON HER BACK
AND OPENED HER CRACK,
AND NOW SHE OWNS THE CASINO.
  
There was a young lady of Dover
Whose passion was such that it drove her
      To cry, when you came,
     "Oh dear!  What a shame!
Well, now we shall have to start over."
  
There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass;
    Not rounded and pink,
    As you probably think--
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.
  
There was a young girl named Dalrymple
Whose sexual equipment was so simple
      That on examination they found
      Little more than a mound
In the center of which was a dimple.
  
There once was a handsome young seaman
Who with ladies was really a demon.
    In peace or in war,
    At sea or on shore,
He could certainly dish out the semen.
 
Hilda was very worried because she had two green spots between 
her legs. She became so upset she finally went to a doctor who 
examined her thoroughly.
"Madam," said the physician, "it is obvious you are married to 
Continue (Y/N)? What?!?       Y                 a Gypsy."
"That's right!"
"Well, you had better tell your husband that his earrings 
aren't made of gold!"
 
There was a young sailor named Bates
Who did the fandango on skates.
    He fell on his cutlass
    Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates.
 
THERE WAS A YOUNG GIRL VERY SWEET,
WHO THOUGHT SAILOR'S MEAT QUITE A TREAT
WHEN SHE SAT ON THEIR LAP
SHE UNBUTTONED THEIR FLAP
AND ALWAYS HAD PLENTY TO EAT.




There was a young pessimist, Grotton,
Who wished he had ne'er been begotten,
    Nor would he have been
    But the rubber was thin,
And right at the tip it was rotten.
  
I wooed a stewed nude in Bermuda,
I was lewd, but my God! she was lewder.
      She said it was crude
      To be wooed in the nude -
I pursued her, subdued her, and screwed her.
 
There was a young girl from Hong Kong
Who said, "You are utterly wrong
    To say my vagina
Continue (Y/N)? What?!?       What?!?       What?!?       Y                     's the largest in China,
Just because of your mean little dong."
 
There was an old lady who lay
With her legs wide apart in the hay,
     Then, calling the ploughman,
     She said, "Do it now, man!
Don't wait till your hair has turned gray."
  
There was a young man from Purdue
Who was only just learning to screw,
    But he hadn't the knack,
    And he got too far back -
In the right church, but in the wrong pew.
 
There was a young German named Ringer
Who was screwing an opera singer.
    Said he with a grin,
   "Well, Ive sure got it in!"
Said she, "You mean that's not your finger?"
  
Said a printer pretending to wit:
"There are certain bad words we omit.
       It would sully our art
       To print the word f---,
And we never, oh never, say sh--!"
  
While pissing on deck, an old boatswain
Fell asleep, and his pisser got frozen.
     It snapped off at the shank,
Continue (Y/N)? What?!?       Y                      And it fell off and sank,
In the sea -'twas his own fault for dozin'.
  
There was a young fellow named Bob
Who explained to his friends with a sob,
   "The size of my phallus
    Was just right for Alice
Till the night that she bit off the knob."
  
There was a young girl from St. Cyr
Whose reflex actions were queer.
      Her escort said, "Mable,
      Get up off the table;
That money's to pay for the beer."
  
I know of a fortunate Hindu
Who is sought in the towns that he's been to
       By the ladies he knows
       Who are thrilled to the toes
By the tricks he can make his foreskin do.
 
Said an old fashioned god named Anubis,
"I know about pubes and boobies,
        But I've no impression
        About the Eustachian,
Or where the fallopian tube is."
 
There was a young man of Manhassett
Whose life seemed excessively placid.
      One day, just for fun,
      He raped an old nun,
And filled up her crevice with acid.
Continue (Y/N)? What?!?       Y                   
There once was a fellow at Jesus
Who developed a phallic prosthesis.
    He made use of this tool
    To thoroughly fool
All girls who were known as P.T.'s's.
  
A hoary old monk of Regina
Once said, "There is nothing diviner
     Than to sit in one's cell
     And let one's mind dwell
On the charms of the Virgin's vagina."
                           
THERE ONCE WAS AN OLD HERMIT NAMED DAVE
WHO KEPT A DEAD WHORE IN HIS CAVE
HE SAID,I'LL ADMIT I'M A BIT OF A SHIT
BUT LOOK AT THE MONEY I SAVE
                          
THERE ONCE WAS A LADY FROM QUEBEC
WHO LIKKED IT UP TO HER NECK
THE MAN FROM SYDNEY
PUT IT UP TO HER KIDNEY
HE HAD A LONG ONE DIDN'T HE
                           
THE ONCE WAS A MAN FROM DUNDEE
WHO BUGGERED AN APEE IN A TREE
THE RESULT WAS HORRID
FOUR BALLS AND NO FOREHEAD
FIVE CHINS AND A PURPLE GOATEE
                                
THERE ONCE WAS A MAN FROM BOMBAY
Continue (Y/N)? What?!?       Y                 WHO FASHIONED A CUNT OUT OF CLAY
THE HEAT FROM HIS PRICK
TURNED THE CLAY INTO BRICK
AND  TORE ALL THE FORESKIN AWAY
  
What's the definition of a puff-adder?
 
 
 
 
Someone who farts in the bath and counts the bubbles!!
   
   
What's a "windjammer?"
 
 
 
 
A turd with a knot in it.
  
Why are turds tapered????
 
 
 
  
 
To prevent your arsehole closing with a bang!!!
 
Have you seen Dolly Parton's new shoes?
 
 
 
 
 
 
She hasn't, either!!
  
What did Big Ben say to the leaning tower of Pisa??
 
 
 
 
 
I've got the time, if you've got the inclination!!
  
Mrs Jones was sunbathing in the nude, when her German Shepherd 
started licking her tummy.
 
"Down boy, down."
  
  
  
"Ooooohhhh -  there's a GOOD boy!!!"


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