196 lines
8.4 KiB
Plaintext
196 lines
8.4 KiB
Plaintext
ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ
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ݱ22 Apr 91±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±_ROR_-_ALUCARD_±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±Ý? Þ°
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Ý Ý A Þ°
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Ý Ý ?Þ°
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Ý A ßßßßß°
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Ý SCHOOL IS HELL -- Lessons 6 through 9 Tfile Þ°
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Ý Distribution Þ°
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ÜÜÜÜÜ Centere Þ°
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Ý? Þ By: Powerful Paul - RoR - Þ°
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Ý A Þ_____________________________________________________________________Þ°
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Ý ?Þ Shawn-Da-Lay Boy Productions, Inc.úúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúÞ°
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ÝÜÜÜÞÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÞ°
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°°°The HQ of SDBP, inc - 415/849/2688°°The Electric Pub - 415/236/4380°°°°
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°Primary Drop Sites°°°°°°Rat Head - 415/524/3649°°°°°Primary Drop Sites°°°
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SCHOOL IS HELL--The text file that has to go stand in the corner
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(Adapted from the cartoon by Matt Groening by Powerful Paul)
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[> Lesson 7: The 33 types of grade school students >]
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Teacher's Pet, The Beauty, Mr. Cool, The Brain, The Dunce, The
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Copycat, The Bad Girl, The Sissy, The Goof-Off, The Bully, The
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Bully's Little Pal, The Chatterbox, The Tomboy, The Crybaby, The
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Prude, The Mean Girl, The Shy One, The Shrimp, Ms. Know-It-All, The
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Fat Kid, The Cheater, The Thief, The Scairdycat, The Goody-Goody,
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Little Miss Selfish, Joe Average, The Tattletale, The New Kid,
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Dainty, Sickly, Smelly, The Reject, Class Clown
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[> Lesson 8: Trouble: Getting in and weaseling your way out of >]
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When in doubt, howl your innocence.
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"No way!" "I been framed!" "I didn't do nuthin'." "Lemme see my
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lawyer!"
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What is trouble? The experts explain.
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"Trouble is bad. It messes up yer mind, causes shame, and annoys big
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grumpy adults. Trouble is one of the leading causes of spankings in
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the world today."
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"Trouble is the maladaptive social response of an inquisitive youth
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to a stultifying educational environment."
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"Trouble is fun, except when you get caught. My problem is I always
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get caught."
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Basic trouble:
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Whispering
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Squirming
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Passing notes
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Chewing gum
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Talking
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Drawing cartoons
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Advanced trouble:
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Hiding all the blackboard erasers
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Stealing back your confiscated yo-yo from the teacher's desk
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Throwing water balloons
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Squirting water on the teacher's chair
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Very advanced trouble:
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Dropping a bag of ball bearings on the floor
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Putting snails in the teacher's briefcase
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Laughing at everything the teacher says
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Throwing maple-syrup balloons
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Can trouble be avoided?
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Many youngsters attempt to avoid trouble by seeking refuge in a seat
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in the rear corner of the classroom.
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Unfortunately, in recent centuries many authorities have become aware
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of this hide-out.
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Try not to look guilty.
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Half-asleep = innocent. Angelic = guilty as hell.
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If you are caught, try one or more of the following:
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Act so shocked that you are rendered temporarily speechless. This
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will buy you time while you think of a way out.
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Deny everything. Blame someone else. Look sincere. Stick to your
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story. Don't falter. Lie like crazy.
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Confess--with as few details as possible. Look pathetic. Whimper.
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Beg for mercy. Swear you'll never do it again.
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Important: Don't forget to keep your fingers crossed.
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[> Lesson 9: How to drive a deserving teacher crazy >]
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Three annoying ways to ask to go to the lavatory:
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"May I go to the laboratory?" <-- Bela Lugosi accent
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"May I go to the labrador?"
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"May I go see the lava flow?"
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Don't ALL teachers deserve to be driven crazy?
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Strangely, the answer is no. We must remember that teachers used to
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be small and speedy, just like us. But then they grew up, got
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sophisticated, and went senile.
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If they are nice and funny and teach us a thing or two, then we
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should take pity on the poor underpaid drudges and give 'em a break.
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Unless we're in a rambunctious mood.
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How to tell if a teacher deserves to be driven crazy. (a checklist)
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[ ] Calls on you when you are scrunched down in your seat trying to
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look as inconspicuous as possible.
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[ ] Locks the classroom door when the bell rings and won't open up no
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matter how hard you kick.
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[ ] Never smiles.
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[ ] Smiles too much.
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[ ] Punishes you unfairly.
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[ ] Punishes you fairly.
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Making a crazy teacher crazier--the cycle:
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Grimness Joylessness
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\ _______Teacher______ /
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\ / \/
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Retaliates with Notices
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/ \
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/ \
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Cruel /________________\Disobedient
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Punishment\ leads to / Mischief
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\ /
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\ /
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Endures Commits
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/ \______Our Hero_____/ \
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/ \
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Resentment Frivolity
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Small ways to drive a deserving teacher crazy:
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Pretend you aren't listening.
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Ask distracting questions.
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Say: "Could you repeat that?"
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Act stupid.
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Medium-sized ways to drive a deserving teacher crazy:
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Hide all the blackboard erasers.
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Make little meowing noises without moving your lips.
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Act smart.
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Big ways to drive a deserving teacher crazy:
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Squirt water on the teacher's chair when she isn't looking.
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Smuggle as many dogs as you can into the classroom.
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Say things that make the class laugh but which the teacher doesn't
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get.
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If you get kicked out of class, you can still drive a deserving teacher crazy
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1. Gather your stuff as slowly as possible.
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2. Walk solemnly toward the door. At the last moment, twirl.
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3. Slam the door and make goofy faces in the little window. Then
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run.
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4. Wait 15 years, then type up a snotty text file about school.
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ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ
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ÜÝÄ’œ�›Š úúúúúúúúúúúúúúú THE HOLLOW'S ALLIANCE úúúúúúúúúúúúúúú AliceÄÞÜ ú
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ÜÝÄ (415)849-2688 Ÿ‰‰ë æ”�r hîŽë (415)849-2688 ÄÞÜ ú
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ÜÝ ÄÄ Ä Ä Ä Ä Ä Ä T-file Distribution Cent-a-RoR Ä Ä Ä Ä Ä Ä ÄÄ ÞÜ ú
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ÜÝDr. Murdock ú Powerful Paul ú RatSnatcher ú Sir Death ú Pressed RatÞÜ ú
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ÜÝ ÄÄ Ä Ä Ä R o R - A l u c a r d Ä Ä Ä ÄÄ ÞÜ ú
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ÜÝÄ The Corporate Headquarters of Shawn-Da-Lay Boy Productions, Inc.ÄÞÜ ú
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ÜÝÄúúúú Ø úúúúSmooth is the Descent and Easy is the Wayúúúúú Ø úúúúúÄÞÜ ú
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ÜÛßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßÛÜ ú
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úúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúú
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X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
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Another file downloaded from: The NIRVANAnet(tm) Seven
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& the Temple of the Screaming Electron Taipan Enigma 510/935-5845
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Burn This Flag Zardoz 408/363-9766
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realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 510/527-1662
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Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 801/278-2699
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The New Dork Sublime Biffnix 415/864-DORK
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The Shrine Rif Raf 206/794-6674
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Planet Mirth Simon Jester 510/786-6560
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"Raw Data for Raw Nerves"
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X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
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