119 lines
5.7 KiB
Plaintext
119 lines
5.7 KiB
Plaintext
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&GS#009 &
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& The First School of Velcro &
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& by &
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& Guido Sanchez &
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& &
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& Written: July 14, 1991 &
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& &
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& Greetz: Hacker and Glomer!!! Wish >I< was going to get the crap &
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& kicked out of me at Lopalooza! &
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& &
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& ZAN: More than a religion, because it's NOT!!! &
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& Any suggestions or gripes? Leave me voice mail at 1-312-839-3196! &
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& "I'll be glad to hear your suggestions" <yeah, right!> &
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& &
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&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
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This kooky phile is a list of classes available to those who wish to
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pursue a high-paying career in Velcro(tm). Enjoy!!!!
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]--------------------------------------------------------------------[
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Classes offered by the Department o High Energy and Applied Velcronics
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Fall 1991
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HEAVE-123: Fundamentals of Velcro (tm) I
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The use of Velcro (tm): pressing together - pulling apart; that gratifying "rippppp" sound; things Velcro (tm) can't do; things that
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Velcro (tm) can do but shouldn't; things Velcro (tm) hasn't done yet.
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OPEN TO STUDENTS OF ALL DEPARTMENTS.
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HEAVE-124: Fundamentals of Velcro (tm) II
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Loops and Hooks; Inverse Square Velcro (tm) Law; Poison Distribution
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Applied to Velcro (tm); Intro. to DC Velcro (tm) Analysis Kirchoff's
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Velcro (tm) Laws; Potential Energy and Velcro (tm).
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PREREQUISITE: HEAVE-123.
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HEAVE-223: Velcro (tm) Analysis I
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DC Velcro (tm) Analysis; Mesh and Node Velcro (tm) Solutions; Reduction of Velcro (tm) Networks; Thevinin and Norton Velcro (tm)
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equivalents; Intro. to AC Velcro (tm) Analysis; Differential Velcro
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(tm) Equations; Complex Velcro (tm) Algebra.
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PREREQUISITE: HEAVE-124, COREQUISITE: HEAVE-230.
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HEAVE-224: Velcro (tm) Analysis II
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AC Velcro (tm) Analysis; First-Order Velcro (tm) Networks; Series and
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Parallel Velcro (tm) Networks; Sinor Velcro (tm) Solutions; Phasor
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Velcro (tm) Solutions; Second-Order Velcro (tm) Networks; Velcro(tm)
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Resonance.
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PREREQUISITE: HEAVE-223, COREQUISITE: HEAVE-231
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HEAVE-230: Applied Velcronics Lab I
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Velcro (tm) As Applied to Polyester Leisure Suits; Velcro (tm) and
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Spandex; Velcro (tm) and Facial Hair; Velcro (tm) and Pubic Hair;
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Velcro (tm) Networks; Velcro (tm) Hair Nets. Special Guest Lecturer:
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Jimmy Walker.
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COREQUISITE: HEAVE-223.
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HEAVE-231: Applied Velcronics Lab II
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More Velcro (tm) Networks; Dynamic Velcro (tm) Applications; Velcro
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(tm) and Your Little Brother; Velcro (tm) and the Neighbor's Cat;
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Velcro (tm) and Your Pet Gerbil; Field Project: Babysitting with
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Velcro (tm).
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COREQUISITE: HEAVE-224.
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HEAVE-323 Independant Study for Juniors
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Self-paced and independantly-oriented instruction on a topic in the
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field of Velcronics. (ie, the Chairman is too lazy to think up
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curriculum for Juniors)
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HEAVE-423 Independant Study for Seniors
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Self-paced and independantly-oriented instruction on a topic in the
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field of Velcronics. (ie, the Chairman is too lazy to think up
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curriculum for Seniors, too)
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HEAVE-523 History of Velcronics I - Ancient
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Velcro-Magnon Man; Antediluvian Velcro (tm) Fossil Record; Velcro
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(tm) and Atlantean Culture; Velcro (tm) and Hindu Mythology - Is
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Velcro (tm) the ultimate symbol of Kali-Ma?; Velcro (tm) and Greek
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Mythology - Was Velcro (tm) the envy of Aphrodite?; Velcro (tm):
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Ancient Chinese Secret?
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HEAVE-524 History of Velcronics II - Roman and Renaissance Ages
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Velcro (tm) in the Time of Christ; Velcro (tm) Disappears During the
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Dark Ages; Nostradamus' Velcro (tm) Prophecies; Napoleon Invents
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Velcro (tm) Nipple Warmers; The Da Vinci Velcro (tm) Flying Machine
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and Dissection Technique.
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HEAVE-525 History of Velcronics III - Modern
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Nikola Tesla's Biphase Velcronic Motor; Quantum Velcronics;
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Velcronic Relativity; Some Wiseguy Patents Velcro (tm) Requiring
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Every Velcro (tm) Reference to Carry a Stupid (tm) Symbol; Velcronic
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Cosmology: The Big Rip; Velcro (tm) Probability Theory -- Probability
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Adjustment and Alternate Universe Travel; Velcro (tm) Drive --
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Fastener to the Stars.
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HEAVE-623 Advanced Topics in Velcronics
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The Velcro (tm) Closure: Gateway to Utopia? Velcro (tm) Mobius
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Strips; Velcro (tm) and the Fabric of Space-time; Velcro (tm)
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Warfare; The Ever-lasting Velcro (tm) Gobstopper; Solid-State
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Velcronics; High-Energy Velcronics: the Solution to the Energy
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Crisis?
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HEAVE-923 One-on-One Study for Females
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Singular instruction for females of all classes with the Chairman of
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HEAVE. Topics covered include Velcro (tm) Undergarments, Velcro (tm)
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vs. Button Fly -- Which is faster?, Velcro (tm) Prophylaxis, Velcro
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(tm) Chastity Belts, and Breakaway Velcro (tm) Wet Strapless
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Minidresses.
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NOTE: Admission subject to on-sight approval of instructor.
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]--------------------------------------------------------------------[
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Hehe. Oh well, that's the file!! Anyone females out there wanna join
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me as the instructor of HEAVE-923?? hehe j'king!
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Peace and War, War and Peace (tm),
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Guido "Velcro (tm) Master" Sanchez
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Minister of Philosophy
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ZA/\/ (tm)
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]--------------------------------------------------------------------[
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