51 lines
2.0 KiB
Groff
51 lines
2.0 KiB
Groff
From: bp@thedog.cis.ufl.edu (Brian Pane)
|
|
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
|
|
Subject: What language is afoot?
|
|
Date: 20 Jun 90 10:30:07 GMT
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
How to Determine Which Programming Language You're Using:
|
|
|
|
The proliferation of modern programming languages which seem to have
|
|
stolen countless features from each other sometimes makes it difficult to
|
|
remember which language you're using. This guide is offered as a public
|
|
service to help programmers in such dilemmas.
|
|
|
|
|
|
C: You shoot yourself in the foot.
|
|
|
|
Assembly: You crash the OS and overwrite the root disk. The system
|
|
administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot. After
|
|
a moment of contemplation, the administrator shoots himself
|
|
in the foot and then hops around the room rabidly shooting
|
|
at everyone in sight.
|
|
|
|
C++: You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot
|
|
them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical care
|
|
is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies
|
|
and which are just pointing at others and saying, "that's
|
|
me, over there."
|
|
|
|
Ada: If you are dumb enough to actually use this language, the
|
|
United States Department of Defense will kidnap you,
|
|
stand you up in front of a firing squad, and tell the
|
|
soldiers, "Shoot at his feet."
|
|
|
|
Modula/2: After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything
|
|
in the language, you shoot yourself in the head.
|
|
|
|
sh,
|
|
csh,etc.: You can't remember the syntax for anything, so you spend five hours
|
|
reading man pages before giving up. You then shoot the computer
|
|
and switch to C.
|
|
|
|
Smalltalk: You spend so much time playing with the graphics and windowing
|
|
system that your boss shoots you in the foot, takes away your
|
|
workstation, and makes you develop in COBOL on a character
|
|
terminal.
|
|
|
|
APL: You hear a gunshot, and there's a hole in your foot, but you
|
|
don't remember enough linear algebra to understand what the
|
|
hell happened.
|
|
|