328 lines
14 KiB
Plaintext
328 lines
14 KiB
Plaintext
WHAT HAPPENED IN BETWEEN... (Part One)
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--------------------------------------
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As seen by Rueben Flagg...
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I had been sitting down in my headquarters just drinking a Coke while watching
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a Brazillian soccer game on television. Exciting players those Brazillians. I
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had been hearing gun-shots from outside but passed them off as some Leftist
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Guerrilas trying to over-throw the government. But then something had caught my
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eye...a small child, perhaps, running down the street with an Uzi and a full
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clip. Searching as far back into my memory as possible I recognized him...Modem
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User, knowing that where he was, the rest of AI would be close behind. Wanting
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no trouble I decided to leave it at that and hope that no trouble came out of
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it. I still managed to be calm... but then, he finally had to do what I was
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afraid of, he came to pay a visit.
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As, then, seen (or heard) by Dorian Hawkmoon
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When I was reclining in my E-Zboy chair, I heard the door-bell ring and the
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patter of footsteps approach the door, to open it. The door creeked open and I
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heard a voice (which I recognized as Rueben's) say, "Hello?" then I heard
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another voice which sounded much like a small child's say, "Let me in!" Then
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Rueben came back with, "Who wants in?" "Me!" cried the voice, "ME! ME! ME!
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ME! ME!" "Ahem...and just who the hell is 'me'?" asked Rueben, semipolitely.
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"Me...User!" "And why should I let...you...in?" sneered Rueben. "Becuz I said
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so!" screeched the small child which I now took to be User. Rueben let out a
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heavy sigh..."Might as well confront the little fellow sometime..." he whispered
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under his breath.
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Back to Rueben...
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"And what may I help you with, Modem User?" I asked.
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"I want you to move away! I don't like...OLYMPIANS in MY neighborhood," he
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sneered.
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"Umm...we were invited here by the Brazillian government..."
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"That doesn't matter, don't try to blind me with your logic, I'm an old
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user...I have more privilages!"
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Being as polite as possible I asked him to come in. I asked him if he wanted
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anything to drink. He declined the offer with contempt. Not wanting him to sit
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here in this humble living room, I took him into our office...
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Now, back to Dorian...
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Sleep was quickly approaching as I sat in my comfortable recliner, and just
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this moment I was shocked into full consciousness by the entry of Rueben and a
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person that was actually shorter than him. Amazed at this occurrence, I studied
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the little fellow for a matter of minutes.
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He was a very meekish person who measured no more than 5' 3". His hair was
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unkempt and was slightly sullied. He wore earphones around his neck. A wire
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cascaded down his neck from the earphones to a Walkman attached to his waist.
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Around his torso, he was garbed with a blue sweatshirt which was in dire need of
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a wash. His manner seemed to bespeak of slight nervousness, but the nervousness
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was overwhelmed by the contempt that emanated from him like the piercing rays
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from a lighthouse.
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Rueben then glanced over to me and said, "Umm...we have some business to
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discuss, Dorian, could you...umm...hmm...go cut down some trees...??"
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"But I don't have an axe," I responded.
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"Er...use your head."
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At this remark Modem User fell into convulsions of laughter until I gave him a
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grim glare. He then quickly fell back into his morose state.
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"Tell you what, Rueben, I'll go move some of those boulders around."
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Rueben then confirmed that this might be a task more to my abilities, I then
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left the room.
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Interruption by Captain Cockroach...(Good Lord...)
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I was upstairs listening to the local Brazillian punk station and expectantly
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waiting for my walls to proceed melting. I, after many hours of that, decided
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to go and read my entire Cerebus collection all the way through. Once I came
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upon Cerebus' resignation, I had grown tired of this activity and I then decided
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to go downstairs and annoy Rueben about his height, which I never fail of doing.
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First, though, I would have to get hyped-up... on coffee or coke...which one?
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I opted for coffee this time, I went in to my private kitchen and mixed up some
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Folger's Crystals... it has that "Mountain Grown" taste. After three cups of
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that I was hyped up enough to bug Rueben.
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I then proceeded downstairs and saw Dorian effortlessly moving some gigantic
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boulders. I then looked around downstairs to try and find Rueben... then going
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to his office I saw that he was in conversation with a small child... smaller
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than Rueben even, knowing that there was only one possible person I greeted the
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guest,"Modem User." Rueben looked up at me and then put his head in his hands
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and let out a deep sigh and Modem User turned around quickly.
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"Cappy, could you please leave."
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"No can do, Rueb, I just have to talk with Modem User for a few minutes!"
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Modem User didn't like the fact of me being here and expressed it with a few
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words that I would rather not repeat right now... So, being the good guy that I
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am I left...
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Rueben??
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"Okay, User, what may I do for you?"
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"I've already told you, I want you out of here!"
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"Be reasonable, okay? We can't just get up and move to humor you. No matter
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how much you want us to move."
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"You'd just better not do anything to offend me or interrupt me." he warned.
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"Yes, User, now if you'll please excuse me I have matters to attend to."
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"You haven't heard the last of me, yet!!!!"
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Why is it that I knew I wouldn't? Modem User showed himself out the door and
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slammed it behind him. Dorian, jokingly, dropped a boulder over User's head and
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then caught it three inches from User's head...User went running off... while
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Dorian almost crushed himself with the rock when he started laughing, I
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permitted myself with a slight chuckle...
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This was brought to you by...
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Rueben Flagg, Dorian Hawkmoon, and Captain Cockroach
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DISTRIBUTED BY:
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The Tower of B'aal'nezbett
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(c) Copyright by FOC (FOURTH OLYMPIA Coalition) All rights semi-reserved
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WHAT HAPPENED IN BETWEEN (Part Two)
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-----------------------------------
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At the FOC HQ in California...
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As told by Apple Assassin and The Enforcer
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I, The Enforcer, had been busily calling all day, I would soon reach my twelve
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calls per board quota. I was just getting on the Tavern and began by answering
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a nice one-liner by Captain Cockroach...then I went on to read the three new
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msg's that had been posted since I had last been on. I then entered my
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brilliant new msg:
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"Boy, this place is really moving now!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But, boy, all these new
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users that are popping up are really beginning to get on my nerves... I can't
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stand new users who call about thirteen times a day!!
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THE ENFORCER
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F.O.C.
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U.A.R.F."
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After entering this piece of literary perfection, I picked up the phone and
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called Apple Assassin.
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"Hello? A-A?"
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"Yes, is that you Enforcer? How am I supposed to get anything done with you
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calling EVERY five minutes???!!!"
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"Well...with the rest of FOC down in Brazil, there's not much to do."
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"Listen! I'm trying to get in contact with them now, I hear that Modem User
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was supposed to pay a visit to his HQ down there...that might mean trouble, but
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I'm sure that Rueben, and Dorian, and the others can take care of themselves..
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I hope..."
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"I wonder if they got our shipment of explosive tomatoes."
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"I'm just worried that they might be defective or maybe they might be too
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heavy for them to throw, except Dorian, of course."
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"Yeah...I'm worried about that, too, but I have faith..."
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"Do you think they'll get the "Play Dough" that we sent?"
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"I hope so..."
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"I tell you, Enforcer, you're really a talker, aren't you? Well I've got to
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go now... later... okay? And, please, don't call me for at least another
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half-hour, okay?"
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"SURE! In that time I'll (click click) have thought of something to say,
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right?...(long pause) RIGHT? hello?? HELLO?
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This, yet again, ends another exciting tale brought to you by: Rueben Flagg,
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Dorian Hawkmoon, Apple Assassin, and (sob) The Enforcer.
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Distributed by:
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The Tower of B'aal'nezbett
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(c) Copyright by FOC (FOURTH OLYMPIA Coalition) All Rights Semi-reserved
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WHAT HAPPENED IN BETWEEN (Part Three)
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-------------------------------------
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Back in Brazil we join our other compatriots...
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As Told By Rueben Flagg
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I was busily filing some of the tax forms for FOC and was just getting to how
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much income we had made in the last year. I suddenly heard a noise which
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startled me. I turned around, went out my door and saw that Dorian had dropped
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a small hill in the front yard. "Oh, no...now look at what he's done... ruined
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my favorite petunia patch. Damn! DORIAN??!!"
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Dorian trotted in sweating like never before. "Yes, Rueben?"
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"Why the hell did you drop that.. umm... hill... on the front lawn?"
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"Well I'd like to see you try to carry that thing, twirp!"
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"Okay... okay... I'm sorry, just next time don't drop it on the petunias,
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okay?"
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"Alright...I'm going to get a Pepsi now, and then I'll try to move it...
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maybe I can get Cappy to help me...heh heh."
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Nothing to do with the story by Lord Arrakis...
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I had been calling people and telling them to "hold on a minute" and hearing
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them scream at me in six different languages. God, I love it... nothing like
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the pleasure of having people scream at you in a language that you can't
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understand...I decided to go downstairs and see if my three pizzas had arrived
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and then I would eat a bag of Doritos and swallow a coupls of Cokes. I decided,
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after eating all this, that I would go back upstairs and get on my Atari and
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type out my text-file(s). This would be a fun day after all...
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Another, nothing to do with this story, by 3M Man...
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I decided that I would have to do something else then sit here and listen to
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the local Brazillian radio station. I decided to have some adventure and go
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downtown. That might be nice, pick up some girls...
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Now, to Dorian...
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After going to the kitchen I looked outside and saw that Sitting Pretty/ Nyssa
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Kitty was sun-bathing. Calming myself I continued on with my duties. Lifting
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boulders is tiring...I tell you...Whew! After lifting the hill back to its
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original spot I saw Modem User staring at me and writing something down. I
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began to approach him, when he jumped up and ran away. It was about this time
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that Rueben came outside carrying today's mail.
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"Hi, Dorian."
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"What do you want, pip-squeak?"
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"Just came to show you what A-A sent; explosive tomatoes, nice of him, eh?"
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"Anything else?"
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"Oh, yes, we also got some Play Dough from A-A."
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Rueben then gestured with a piece of Play Dough. I looked closer, and using
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my superior knowledge of Play Dough from my childhood, I instantly recognized it
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as counterfeit dough (the pun was intended).
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"Gimme that, Rueben!" I commanded. He handed it to me.
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I examined it closely and recgnized it for what it truly was, Plastique!
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"Rueben, I think someone has been in our mail. More specifically, Anarchy..."
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"Oh, wonderful..."
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"Grab those tomatoes, we're going to BfB HQ...to pay a little visit to Modem
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User."
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Now, told by Captain Cockroach...
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Rueben had told me that we had received a truck-load of counterfeit dough
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(sorry about drilling this one in...) and that we were on our way to the BfB HQ.
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Oh, boy, what fun...we get to blow-up BfB's HQ along with Modem User...
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The entire group...
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We headed to the other end of our buliding which was right across the street
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from BfB HQ and open the window and proceeded in rolling the tomatoes towards
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the building. Due to their excessive weight and the distance they all failed to
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reach their destination. It was at this time that we realized we would have to
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launch our assault from the ground.
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"Who's going to go out there?"asked Abdul.
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"Oh, I guess I'll go,"said Rueben.
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"But don't you want someone who can throw them?"asked Dorian.
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"Well...we'll try rolling them first and then we'll throw them..."
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Dorian and Rueben proceeded to go outside and began rolling them. Due to the
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weight factor and distance they went very slow...and did minimal damage. We
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heard someone from inside screech,"My coffee pot!" We continued to roll them
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until a truck's wheel hit one and the truck swerved right towards Rueben and
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Dorian. Rueben just luckily dodged the truck to leave Dorian to his fate.
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Dorian casually stuck his hand out and stopped the truck in its tracks.
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"Hey! I scratched my nail!"he exclaimed.
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"I guess that boulder-lifting did you some good,"said Captain Cockroach.
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We then proceeded inside and, to our surprise, found most of the Plastique
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missing. We looked at each other and realized that none of us had had the
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chance to get near it...the only other person left was our new maid. We looked
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for her and found her in the kitchen snorting lines, and cooking with NEW clay
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pots!
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"Who hired HER?"asked 3M.
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"Well...umm...I did, she came pretty cheap, she had just been fired from her
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last job, something about her dropping cocaine on the floor...I don't know..."
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explained Unstoppable Creep.
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"Umm... cocaine on the floor, clay cooking ware? Oh, shit!" exclaimed
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Dorian,"See you later...uh...guys...I don't like exploding cooking ware..."
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We all came to the same realization at once...and quickly ran out of the
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building and ran as far away as possible, but not before noticing an old man
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with a small child walking towards a misty mountain.
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A little bit later it hit someone to ask, "did anyone get the maid out?"
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BY:FOC... Distributed by: The Tower of B'aal'nezbett
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(c) Copyright by FOC All Rights Semi-Reserved ...1985...
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Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
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