100 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
100 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
MacWeeny Rider
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(with apologizes to Charlie Daniels)
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Sung to the tune of "Uneasy Rider"
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I was taking a trip to spring COMDEX,
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cruising along in my 300 ZX,
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gonna demo the MAC version of Crosstalk Sixteen.
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I had just turned on to old Spring Street,
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when I felt a crunch down by my feet,
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my poor little mouse had just broke apart.
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Didn't have a spare so I started to sweat,
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'cause the Director of Sales would have my neck
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"Don't screw up son, or we'll be hung out to dry!"
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I started looking for a park for my ride
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found a tall building then pulled to the side,
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kinda white collar looking place called the IBM tower.
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I stuffed the mouse down into my jeans
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then walked inside, it was surgery clean,
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asked a cute blonde if I could use her phone.
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Well she looked so fine I'm telling you son
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but her eyes were colder than the finish on a gun
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and she glared at me and passed the cord around.
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I called up Innacomp down the road away
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the man said he wasn't very busy today
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and he could have someone there in a few minutes or so.
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He said "Now we know Crosstalk's our biggest account,
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so just sit tight we're gonna help you out,
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we'll drop a new mouse right on your front seat!"
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I just walked on over to the chrome and glass couch
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the kinda of seat were you never can crouch
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and picked up a copy of PC Magazine.
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I started reading a story `bout a bankrupt VAR
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when some guy walks in and says "Who owns this car
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with the Escort, nose-bra and alloy wheels?"
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Well he looked at me and I damn near died
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so I decided I just better wait outside,
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so I gave the blonde a wink and headed for the door.
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I was about out the door without laughing out loud
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when in walks this fascist looking crowd
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with another blonde; all of wearing white shirts.
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I was almost to the door when the smallest one
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said "You're a MAC weeny, aren't you son?"
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but when I went for my car keys the mouse fell out.
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Well they all started laughing and I felt outa place
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I knew better to fool with the "master race"
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so I just reached out and kicked old shorty right in the balls.
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He let out a shriek that could crack some glass
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but before he could speak he fell on his ass
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and I said "Watch him boys, cause he's a Apple user too!
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You've all been conned by this here fool
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he's sold all the secrets about the PS2's
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to anyone who ever used a mouse."
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I said "Would you believe this man, has gone as far
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as giving micro channels to Apple VAR's
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and he's a member of Greenpeace as well.
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He eats granola and wears bikini briefs
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drives a Volvo and has silk sheets,
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hell, he even voted for Walter Mondale!
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He's a real liberal, I tell ya guys
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when talking 'bout women he don't even lie
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and his wife is a secretary for UNISYS.
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He wants gun control and free school lunch
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socialized medicine and I gotta hunch,
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he drinks Perrier and eats only vegetables."
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They all started looking real funny at him
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but he jump right up and said "Now wait a minute Lynn
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you know he's lying I had double meat Whopper for lunch!
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I hunt them deers with my Remmington
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and down at the Cheetah III we all have fun
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when I get those gals to table dance."
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Then he started saying something 'bout the length of my hair
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and I felt them eyes all starting to stare
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at the "Simon for Prez" button on my pants.
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Well, I hit the door but they followed my ass
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my Reeboks dug in and I made a dash
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toward my car where the Innacomp van was parked.
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They had plugged a new mouse in the back of the MAC
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so I threw 'em a PO and said "Hey, thanks a bunch Jack!"
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dropped her in first and got rubber getting out of that spot.
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They headed for their Buicks but I hit the gas
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and turned around and headed them off at the pass
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I was at full boost, putting a ton of gravel in the air.
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Well, I had them all their yelling and screaming
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and they were so lost they thought they was dreaming
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but I figured I'd better git 'fore security got there.
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Ralph Nader himself would have sure be proud
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(I was obeying the speed limit when I left that crowd)
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and my catalytic converter was working just right.
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I moved on down to Peachtree street
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thinking how it was particularly neat,
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the way those Nazis looked when I left.
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With COMDEX in sight I paused to think,
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how IBM could employ such finks
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all white shirts and ties, what a bunch of drones.
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My demo went fine, the MAC was a hit
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and the PS2's took a lotta shit
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'cause Compaq was showing off some clones.
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COMDEX FALL is where I'll go next year,
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provided, of course, IBM's there to jeer.
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