106 lines
3.6 KiB
Groff
106 lines
3.6 KiB
Groff
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VAX Trek V The Movie: "The Crunchy Bits"
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These are the voyages of the VAXShip Enterkey..Its five cpu minute mission
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to seek out and destroy all slightly dodgy files...To boldly split infinitives
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where there's no grammar teacher to slap our wrists....
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Captain's log, CPU Time: 3:45 point 31
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Nothing much happening. Had quite a nice chicken curry for breakfast. Walked
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about a bit. Went to the toilet on deck 4. Ignored a few insignificant crew
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members in red jerseys. Now sitting on the bridge writing this log, but I'm
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about to be interrupted by Scotty.
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Scotty: "Scott to bridge..Scott to bridge.."
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Jim: "Go ahead Mr. Scott.."
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Scotty: "Cap'n Cap'n...the dilithium crystals canna take any more!"
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Jim: "Alright alright you have permission to divert the power back to the main
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engines and disconnect my home beer making kit."
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Scotty: "Thanks cap'n"
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Jim: "Attention everyone, it's jersey colour allocation day today..."
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Sulu: "Aw siiiir...do we HAVE to?? We always end up with same colour jerseys
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anyway..."
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Jim: "Listen..this must be seen to be a democratically run ship...The plebs
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on the lower decks have to believe the allocation is fair otherwise we'd have
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mutiny on our hands. Hence the weekly jersey allocation game. But of course
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we cleverly arrange it that they always lose, and end up with the red ones."
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Scotty: "So why do I get a red one?"
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Jim: "Don't you see?..someone important has to have one to make them believe
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it's perfectly safe to wear a red one....but of course yours just LOOKS red..
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it's really one of the yellow ones with a special holographic colour refractor
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built in."
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Spock: "It's perfectly logical....Captain"
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Jim: "Shut up Spock, you pointy eared wierdo"
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Spock: "As I am completely devoid of emotion, anger isn't something I suffer
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from..but I would warn you that if you persist in these insults I'll kick your
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teeth in."
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Jim: "You do value having a BLUE jersey Spock don't you?"
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Spock: "Emmm....yes captain"
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Jim: "Any more of your lip and you'll be allocated a red one...."
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Spock: "sorry sir...won't happen again"
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Lt.Uhura: "Sir,..is my red jersey really a yellow one like Mr.Scott's?"
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Jim: "No...yours is a real red one....you get killed in the next episode.."
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Lt.Uhura: "In that case I'll just resign from the show before the next episode.
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I can get another acting job easily."
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Jim: "Fair enough...but how do you propose to get home?"
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Lt.Uhura: "..But I thought..."
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Jim: "I know..you thought we were in a studio set somewhere in Hollywood?"
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Lt.Uhura: "..basically...yes.."
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Jim: "..A popular misconception....don't worry though...we meet up with a
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supply ship returning to earth in two episode's time."
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Lt.Uhura: "...but i get killed in the next episode..it'll be too late"
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Jim: "Hmm...Scotty..if we fed the output of the warp drive exciter windings
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into the main neutrino pulse modulator, reversed the polarity on the
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fusion reactor field, and plugged the pacman cartridge into the games console
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in the level 3 rec. room, would that allow us to make episode 3 happen before
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episode 2?"
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Scotty: "No....but if we press this big orange button here...."
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NEXT WEEK: Episode 3.
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NEXT NEXT WEEK: Episode 2.
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...you're a genius scotty...
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Credits:
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-------
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Story by: DJY
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Special Effects: DJY
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Photon Torpedoes Supplied By: DJY
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VAX Computer System kindly run by: Those Great Computer Centre People
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Things Fall By: The force of gravity.
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Tune in again..same time..same channel...next week...
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