58 lines
2.5 KiB
Plaintext
58 lines
2.5 KiB
Plaintext
[Let me preface this by saying that I have a brilliant calculus teacher,
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known far and wide for his ability to make the subject as comprehensible
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as it's ever gonna get. Anyway, I was ripping my hair out over a problem
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one evening and ended up writing the following instead, just to blow off
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some steam. Next day I submitted it to the campus rag and they were kind
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enough to publish it the week before finals. Probably why I passed.]
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ANSWERS TO THE CALCULUS FINAL
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by A Concerned and Resourceful Student
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We, the Calculus students of Foothill College, wish to voice our
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dissatisfaction with the teaching practices of the Math Department here.
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We feel that the Calculus professors are too strict and demanding,
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assigning a preposterous workload and giving tests of immense difficulty.
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We recognize that Calculus is an intrinsically challenging subject, but
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this method of instruction makes classes nearly impossible to pass. We
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urge the Foothill College SENTINEL to join us in protest by allowing us to
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publish, in advance, the following answers to the upcoming final exam, in
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order to give students a more equitable chance at demonstrating their
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knowledge of the subject.
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Clip And Save:
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1) The Derivative Is Our Friend.
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2) The Derivative Is Very Useful. (We know this because people use it
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all the time.)
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3) The Derivative Is Very Old. (This result can be obtained by looking
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at how long the derivative has been around, and then subtracting from Now.)
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4) The Derivative was invented by two guys, one of whom was Newton, who
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also makes a mighty nice cookie.
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5) a: The limit of the sum is the sum of the limits.
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b: The limit of the product is the product of the limits.
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c: The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. Or the one.
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6) The Derivative is Not Our Foe. (This result is easily proved by
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assuming that the derivative is our foe, then using #1 above to obtain a
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contradiction.)
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7) ...NOW, multiply by the derivative of what's INSIDE the brackets...
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with respect to x...
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8) When in doubt, refer to #1.
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Extra Credit:
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9) 1812. (Trick question. Every Calculus final requires at least one
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problem with an actual numeric solution. Students who forget this are
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often tempted to put "Ulysses S. Grant" as the answer here.)
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10) Write a question appropriate for a Calculus final, then answer it.
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Write a question appropriate for a Calculus final, then answer it.
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