547 lines
16 KiB
Plaintext
547 lines
16 KiB
Plaintext
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º RBBS 17.3A JW-PC Consulting DataFlex.HST (608)837-1923 º
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º Dual Std HST/V.32/MNP5/V.42 RBBSnet 8:972/2 FIDOnet 1:121/8 º
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ÈÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍͼ
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File created on 09-19-1991 13:13:58
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Msg #: 39 Area: Captured Sent: 22 Aug 91 15:51:15
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From: Peggy Noonan
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To: Jonathan Brockmeier
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Topic: BLONDES FILE #3
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AREA:HUMOR
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Q: Why do you keep a blonde on the job 7 days a week?
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A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
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Q: What do you call a blonde with 1/2 a brain?
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A: Gifted.
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Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
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A: I hope it's mine!!!!
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Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawn mower?
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A: The green "Welcome" mat is ripped all the shreds.
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Q: What did the blondes mom say before she left for a date?
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A: If your not in bed by 10, come home!!!!
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Q: Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
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A: To see what's on the other side.
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Q: What do you call 2 blondes in a freezer?
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A: Frosted flakes.
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Q: How do blondes commit suicide?
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A: Put spikes on their shoulder pads.
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Q: Why are blondes like turtles?
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A: When on their back, their screwed.
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Q: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
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A: Both empty from the neck up.
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Q: Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?
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A: She was eating all the W's.
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Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
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A: Give her a pack of M&M's and tell her to put them in
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alphabetical order.
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Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing in a row?
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A: Wind tunnel.
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Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
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A: She drowns it.
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Q: What's similar about UFO's and a smart blonde?
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A: You keep hearing about them, but never see one...
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Q: If a blonde and a brunette fell out of an airplane, who would
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land first?
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A: The brunette. The blonde would have to stop and ask for
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directions.
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Q: Why don't blondes like pickles?
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A: They keep getting their head stuck in the jar..
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Q: What is a blondes' mating call?
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A: Oh, I'm soooooo drunk!
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Q: What is a brunettes mating call?
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A: Have all the blonde's gone home?
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Q: What do you call a brunette between 2 blondes?
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A: An Interpreter.
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Q: What does a blonde say first thing in the morning?
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A: Are all you guys on the same team?
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Q: What do you call a blonde who has dyed her hair black?
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A: Artificial intelligence.
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Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
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A: 100 - 1 to stir and 99 to peel the M&Ms.
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Q: How can you tell when a blonde has used your computer?
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A: Whiteout all over the screen.
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Q: What's similar about Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and Smart
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Blondes?
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A: They are all make-believe.
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Q: Why do blondes write TGIF on their shoes?
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A: Toes Go In First
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Q: Why do blondes write TGIF on their bras?
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A: Tits Go In First
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Q: Why do blondes like the GST?
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A: It's the only thing they can spell.
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Q: Why do blondes wear panties?
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A: To keep their ankles warm.
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Q: How do you change a blondes mind?
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A: Blow in her ear.
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Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an airplane?
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A: The Black Box ALWAYS tells the truth.
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Q: How does a blonde turn on the light in the morning?
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A: Opens the car door.
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Q: How is a blonde unlike the Titanic?
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A: You know how many men went down on the Titanic.
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Q: Why did 18 blondes go to the R-rated movie?
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A: Becuase they heard that under 17 was not admitted.
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Q: Why did the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
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A: She kept trowing out the W's!
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A2: She was TRYING to put them in alphabetical order.
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Q: What do four blondes have in common?
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A: Nothing they can think of.
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Q: What does a blond say after making love?
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A: "Thanks guys..."
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Q: What is the best protection against rape?
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A: dye your hair blond - no one "rapes" a blond!
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Q: What do most blonds have against condoms?
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A: Their cheeks!
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Q: How can you tell a real blond from a fake?
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A: Fuck her!
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Q: Why do blonds avoid self serve gas stations?
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A: Hey! this is a JAP joke - not a Blond joke!
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.... in that case, the end...
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Q: If a blonde and a brunette fell out of an airplane, who would
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land first?
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A: The brunette. The blonde would have to stop and ask for
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directions.
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Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an airplane?
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A: The Black Box ALWAYS tells the truth.
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Q: Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?
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A: She was eating all the W's.
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Did you hear that the only job for blondes at the candy factory
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proofreading the M&M's?
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A blonde gets pulled over by a cop, and the cop says "May I see
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your license please?"
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She says "Whats that ?"
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He says "The little card with you picture that allows you to
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drive?"
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She says "Oh, I have one of those ... here you go"
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The cop takes the license, goes back to his car and checks her out
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for any warrants. After checking he walks back up to her car
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window, unzips his pants, and pulls out his cock.
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The blonde looks up and says ...
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"Oh no, not another breathalizer test !!!"
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What's the worst blonde joke of all time? Dan Quayle.
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* Origin: Attention Muslims: Bob Johnstone IS Salman Rushdie (1:104/666)---
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SkyPort 2.06a
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Msg #: 91 Area: Captured Sent: 7 Sep 91 21:53:53
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From: MARSHA LEDEMAN
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To: ALL
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Topic: BLONDE JOKES HUH???
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AREA:HUMOR
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How do you make a blonde laugh on Sat. night?
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Tell her a joke on thursday...
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What's the difference between an intelligent blonde and a U.F.O.?
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There have been U.F.O. sightings.
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What do you call a brunette standing between 2 blondes?
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An interpreter...
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What do you call 21 blondes standing in a row ear to ear?
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A wind tunnel...
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How does a blonde turn on a light after sex?
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She opens the car door....
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How do you drown a blonde?
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Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool....
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What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet???
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The winner of a Hide and Seek game.....
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What do you call a blonde with 1/2 a brain?
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Gifted.....
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How can you tell if a blonde has used a computer?
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There's white out on the screen.....
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Do you know what a blondes mating call is???
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Oh, I'm soooooooo drunk......
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Why does a blonde wear panties???
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To keep her ankles warm......
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What do they call two blondes in the freezer?
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Frosted flakes......
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What does a turtle on its back and a blonde have in common?
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They're both fucked.....
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How do you comfuse a blonde???
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Tell her to put M&Ms in alphabetical order.....
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How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies???
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3, 2 to make the batter, and 2 to peel the M&Ms.....
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sorry (3, 2 to make the batter and 1 to peel the M&Ms).....
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What do you call a circle of blondes?
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A dope ring.......
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Did you all know they are having a sale at Pee Wee Hermans clothing
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store???
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Yup, all the pants are half off....
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Well I do have lots of jokes but just reading some comments here I am
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almost afraid to leave them... but I love reading them so hope I am
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accepted....See ya, Marsha Ledeman (State and National officer for
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POW/MIA activists groups, two to be specific...)
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* Origin: Puget Sound TBBS Seattle HST (1:343/11)
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Msg #: 128 Area: Captured Sent: 14 Sep 91 10:39:03
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From: Peggy Noonan
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To: John O'reilly
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Topic: Re: BLONDE JOKES FILE
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AREA:HUMOR
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BLONDES:
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Q: What goes "VROOOM SCREECH! VROOOM SCREECH! VROOOM
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SCREECH!"
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A: A blonde at a flashing red light!
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Q: Why can't blondes use birth control pills?
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A: They keep falling out.
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If you have 3 blondes sitting on a couch, how do you know which one
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is the cock sucker? The one spitting feathers!
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What happened to the Blonde terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?
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She burned her lips on the exhaust pipe.
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How does a blond hemophiliac cure herself?
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With acupuncture!
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Why does a blond eat beans on Saturday?
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So she can take a bubble bath on Sunday.
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Did you hear about the blond who had a hysterectomy so she'd stop
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having grandchildren?
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Did you hear about the blond who was two hours late getting home
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because the escalator got stuck?
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Did you hear about the blond who stayed up all night studying for
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her urine test?
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Did you hear about the blond prostitute who didn't vote? She
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didn't care who got in.
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Did you hear about the blonde who thought a sanitary belt was a
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drink from a clean glass?
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Did you hear about the blonde who only smelled good on the right
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side? She didn't know where to buy left guard.
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Did you hear about the blonde housewife who was mad at her husband
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because he was out shooting craps and she didn't know how to cook
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them.
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Did you hear about the blonde who lost her mind? She worked in a
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whorehouse for 6 years and then found out the other girls got paid!
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Did you hear about the pregnant blonde who went to the grocery
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store because she heard they had free delivery.
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Q: How can you tell when you're in bed with an Blonde man???
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A: It's not hard.
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Q: What do you call a virgin blonde?
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A: Dead
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Q: What do you have when there are three blondes in a corner?
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A: An Air Pocket
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Q: What do you call a blond driving a car?
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A: An Air Bag
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Q. How does a blond screw in a light bulb?
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A: With lubricant...
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Q: What does a blond put behind her ears to attract men?
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A: Her ankles!
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Q: Why couldn't the blond make koolaid?
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A: She couldn't fit all the water into that little packet!
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Q: Did you hear about the blonde girl who thought her typewriter
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was pregnant?
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A: Seems it was skipping periods.
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Q: Why did 18 blondes go to the R-rated movie?
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A: Because they heard that under 17 was not admitted.
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Q: Why did the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
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A: She kept trowing out the W's!
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A2: She was TRYING to put them in alphabetical order.
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A3: She was eating all the W's.
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Q: What do four blondes have in common?
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A: Nothing they can think of.
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Q: What does a blond say after making love?
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A: "Thanks guys..."
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|
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Q: What is the best protection against rape?
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A: dye your hair blond - no one "rapes" a blond!
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|
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Q: What do most blonds have against condoms?
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A: Their cheeks!
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Q: How can you tell a real blond from a fake?
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A: Fuck her!
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|
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|
Q: If a blonde and a brunette fell out of an airplane, who would
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|
land first?
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A: The brunette. The blonde would have to stop and ask for
|
|
directions.
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|
|
|
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an airplane?
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A: The Black Box ALWAYS tells the truth.
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We have a Blonde where I work, who is so dumb she thinks Manual
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Labor is a Mexican.
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Q: How does a blond screw in a lightbulb?
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A: She holds it up to the socket and waits for the world to
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revolve around her.
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Q: What did the blonde say when the job interviewer asked her to
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spell her name?
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A: "H-E-R N-A-M-M."
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Q. Why Do You Take A Blonde Shopping With You?
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A. To Be Able To Park In The HandiCapped Zone.
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Q: How do you give a blonde more head room??
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A: adjust the steering wheel.....
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....
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Q.How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb
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A. 100 -- 1 to screw it in and 99 to say I can do that.
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Q: What do blondes and cow pies have in common?
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A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
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Q: What do blondes and turtles have in common?
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A: Once they're on their backs their screwed.
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Q: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
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A: They're both empty from the neck up.
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Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's butt?
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A: A brain tumor.
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Q: What do a Bleached Blonde and a 747 have in common?
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A: They both have little Black Boxes
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Q: What's the difference between a Blonde and a 747?
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A: Not everyone's been in a 747!
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Q: What's the other difference between a Blonde and a 747?
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A: A 747 only goes down occasionally where a Blonde...well...
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Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a 727?
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A: Not everyone's been in a 727.
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Q: what do you call a blonde that dyes her hair brown?
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A: artificial intelligence...
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Q: What do you call a blonde in leather jacket?
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A: A rebel without a clue!
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Q: Why Don't They Give Blondes Coffee-Breaks?
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A: It's Such a Pain In The Ass Having To Retrain Them All The Time.
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Q: Why Did The Blonde Have Bruises around Her Navel?
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A: Her Boyfreind Was Blonde Too.
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Q: What do you call a group of blondes sitting in a circle?
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A: A dope ring
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Q: What did the blonde say when she opened the box of cheerios?
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A: Oh look, daddy...doughnut seeds
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Q: Why don't the let blondes take coffee breaks?
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A: It takes too long to retrain them!
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Q: How do you drown a Blonde??
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A: Put a mirror in the bathtub...
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Q: How do you know when a blonde is having her period?
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A: When she can't findher pencil and her tampon's behind her ear.
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Q: How come the blonde had a square chest?
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A: She forgot to take the Kleenex out of the box.
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Q: Did you hear about the blonde who lost 85% of her brains?
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A: Her husband died.
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Q: Why can't blondes fart?
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A: They don't shut up long enough to build up the pressure.
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Q: What does a blonde say in the morning?
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A: Who ARE you guys?
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Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday?
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A: Tell her a joke on Monday.
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Q: How do you get a twinkle in a blondes' eye?
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A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.
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Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
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A: More head room.
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Q: What do you call a blonde with a loonie on her head?
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A: All you can eat for under a buck.
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Q: How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?
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A: Wave.
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Q: How did the blonde break her arm raking leaves?
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A: Fell out of the tree.
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Q: Why do you keep a blonde on the job 7 days a week?
|
|
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
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|
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Q: What do you call a blonde with 1/2 a brain?
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A: Gifted.
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|
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Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
|
|
A: I hope it's mine!!!!
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|
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawn mower?
|
|
A: The green "Welcome" mat is ripped all the shreds.
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|
|
|
Q: What did the blondes mom say before she left for a date?
|
|
A: If your not in bed by 10, come home!!!!
|
|
|
|
Q: Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
|
|
A: To see what's on the other side.
|
|
|
|
Q: What do you call 2 blondes in a freezer?
|
|
A: Frosted flakes.
|
|
|
|
Q: How do blondes commit suicide?
|
|
A: Put spikes on their shoulder pads.
|
|
|
|
Q: Why are blondes like turtles?
|
|
A: When on their back, their screwed.
|
|
|
|
Q: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
|
|
A: Both empty from the neck up.
|
|
|
|
Q: Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?
|
|
A: She was eating all the W's.
|
|
|
|
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
|
|
A: Give her a pack of M&M's and tell her to put them in
|
|
alphabetical order.
|
|
|
|
Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing in a row?
|
|
A: Wind tunnel.
|
|
|
|
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
|
|
A: She drowns it.
|
|
|
|
Q: What's similar about UFO's and a smart blonde?
|
|
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see one...
|
|
|
|
Q: If a blonde and a brunette fell out of an airplane, who would
|
|
land first?
|
|
A: The brunette. The blonde would have to stop and ask for
|
|
directions.
|
|
|
|
Q: Why don't blondes like pickles?
|
|
A: They keep getting their head stuck in the jar..
|
|
|
|
Q: What is a blondes' mating call?
|
|
A: Oh, I'm soooooo drunk!
|
|
|
|
Q: What is a brunettes mating call?
|
|
A: Have all the blonde's gone home?
|
|
|
|
Q: What do you call a brunette between 2 blondes?
|
|
A: An Interpreter.
|
|
|
|
Q: What does a blonde say first thing in the morning?
|
|
A: Are all you guys on the same team?
|
|
|
|
Q: What do you call a blonde who has dyed her hair black?
|
|
A: Artificial intelligence.
|
|
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Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
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A: 100 - 1 to stir and 99 to peel the M&Ms.
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Q: How can you tell when a blonde has used your computer?
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A: Whiteout all over the screen.
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Q: What's similar about Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and Smart
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Blondes?
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A: They are all make-believe.
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Q: Why do blondes write TGIF on their shoes?
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A: Toes Go In First
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Q: Why do blondes write TGIF on their bras?
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A: Tits Go In First
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Q: Why do blondes like the GST?
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A: It's the only thing they can spell.
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Q: Why do blondes wear panties?
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A: To keep their ankles warm.
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Q: How do you change a blondes mind?
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