136 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
136 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
Article 1307 of eunet.jokes:
|
|
Path: santra!tut!draken!kth!enea!mcvax!ukc!cs.tcd.ie!tcdmath!pdermody
|
|
From: pdermody@maths.tcd.ie (Paul Dermody)
|
|
Newsgroups: eunet.jokes
|
|
Subject: Elephant jokes.
|
|
Message-ID: <138@maths.tcd.ie>
|
|
Date: 18 Nov 88 16:13:55 GMT
|
|
Reply-To: pdermody@maths.tcd.ie (Paul Dermody)
|
|
Distribution: eunet.jokes
|
|
Organization: Maths Dept., Trinity College, Dublin
|
|
Lines: 121
|
|
|
|
|
|
Some elephant Gems.
|
|
---------------------
|
|
|
|
How do you know if there is an elephant in the pub?
|
|
|
|
It's bike is outside.
|
|
|
|
How do you know if there are two elephants in the pub?
|
|
|
|
There is a dent in the cross-bar.
|
|
|
|
How do you know if there are three elephants in the pub?
|
|
|
|
Stand on the bike and have a look in the window.
|
|
|
|
How does an elephant get down from a tree?
|
|
|
|
It doesn't, You get down from a duck.
|
|
|
|
How do you get an elephant out of a tree?
|
|
|
|
Stand it on a leaf and wait 'till autumn.
|
|
|
|
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
|
|
|
|
Bloody great holes all over Australia.
|
|
|
|
Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkley?
|
|
|
|
Because, if it was small round and white it would be an Aspirin.
|
|
|
|
How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
|
|
|
|
Your nose is touching the ceiling.
|
|
|
|
What's big, red and slimey?
|
|
|
|
An inside-out elephant.
|
|
|
|
Why do elephants wear sandles?
|
|
|
|
So that they don't sink in the sand.
|
|
|
|
Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
|
|
|
|
To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandles.
|
|
|
|
What did Hannibal say when he saw 1,000 elephants coming over the hill?
|
|
|
|
"Look, There's 1,000 elephants coming over the hill."
|
|
|
|
What did he say when he saw 1,000 elephants with sunglasses on, coming over
|
|
the hill?
|
|
|
|
Nothing, he didn't recognize them.
|
|
|
|
How do you make a dead elephant float?
|
|
|
|
Well, you take 10 dead elaphants, 10 tonnes of chocolate ice-cream, 5 tonnes
|
|
of bananas,.....
|
|
|
|
Why shouln't you go into the woods at 5 o'clock?
|
|
|
|
Because that is when the elephants do their parachute jumping.
|
|
|
|
What is a furry alligator?
|
|
|
|
A bear that went into the woods at 5 o'clock.
|
|
|
|
Why don't elephants like penguins?
|
|
|
|
They can't get the wrapper off.(Too whom it may concern: Penguins are biscuits)
|
|
|
|
Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
|
|
|
|
So that they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard.
|
|
|
|
Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?
|
|
|
|
No? Well, it must work so.
|
|
|
|
****** There now follows a few possibly offensive elephant jokes ******
|
|
****** Elephants and decent subscribers press 'n' now. ******
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Why do elephants paint their nuts red?
|
|
|
|
So they can hide in cherry trees.
|
|
|
|
How did Tarzan die?
|
|
|
|
Yup, Picking cherries.
|
|
|
|
What do elephants use as vibraters?
|
|
|
|
Epileptic pigmies.
|
|
|
|
An elephant is walking through the jungle when she gets a thorn in
|
|
her foot. She is in absolute agony until an ant strolls by.
|
|
So the elephant says "Help me, help me."
|
|
But the ant refuses unless the elephants agrees to let the ant have his
|
|
wicked way with her. Replys the elephant, "Anything! Anything!"
|
|
So, out comes the thorn and up gets the ant and proceeds to enjoy himself.
|
|
|
|
Meanwhile, in a tree directly above them, a monkey, who witnessed the
|
|
whole episode, was in knots of laughter. Consequently he fell out of the tree
|
|
on top of the elephant.
|
|
Says the elephant "Ouch!"
|
|
Says the ant, in his own little frenzy, "Suffer BITCH, SUFFER!!!"
|
|
|
|
What do you do if an elephant comes in the window?
|
|
|
|
Swim for your life.
|
|
|
|
--
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
Paul Dermody: Trinity | "Don't worry, you'll get a fair trial....followed
|
|
College, Dublin, IRL. | by a first-class hanging." : Silverado.
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
|
|
|