117 lines
4.7 KiB
Plaintext
117 lines
4.7 KiB
Plaintext
Note: The Truly Tasteless BBS has the pleasure of providing you with the
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following humor. Please direct any updates, comments, improvements, etc. to
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TTT BBS at (415)-364-4339, or by mail at
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1583 Cordilleras Road,
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Redwood City, CA 94062
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Thanks!
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Richard Lane
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Sysop
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##########################################################################
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A school teacher is conducting a show and tell session with her second grade
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class. She says, "I have something in my hand. It is small, round and red. Do
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you know what it is?"
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Several children raised their hands. The teacher said, "Okay, Linda, what do
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you think it is?"
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Linda answered, "It's a cherry."
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"No," said the teacher, "it's a tomato. But that shows you were thinking."
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"I now have something behind my back that is long and yellow," continued the
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teacher. "What is it?"
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Tommy answered, "I know. I know. It's a banana."
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"No, it's a squash. But that shows you were thinking," replied the teacher.
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Little Johnny, the class troublemaker then raised his hand and said, "Teacher, I
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have something in my pants. It is long, thin, and has a pink end. Do YOU know
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what it is?"
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The teacher was somewhat embarrassed and said, "Johnny! Don't ever talk like
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that again!"
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To which Johnny replied, "Gee teacher, it was only a pencil. BUT--that shows
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you were thinking!"
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================================================================================
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An elderly couple were sitting on a park bench. The old man turns to the woman
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an asks if she will marry him.
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"What will we do for money to live on?" she asked.
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"I have lots of real estate holdings. They will generate all the money we need
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for the rest of our life," replied the old man.
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"Where will we live?" she then asked.
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"I have a huge house," he replied. "There is enough room in it for our children
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and our grandchildren. We can be happy there till we die."
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"Well, what about sex?" she asked.
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"Infrequently," he replied.
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"Is that one word or two?" she asked.
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================================================================================
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An expensive Italian sports car pulled up to a very expensive restaurant. A
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well dressed gentleman got out, went around the car, and opened the door for his
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beautiful blond companion. She was elegantly dressed and had on a full length
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mink coat.
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They went into the bar and the gentleman ordered a bottle of their best
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champagne. The bartender brought the champagne. When he approached the couple,
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he noticed that the gentleman had a very small man sitting on his shoulder. The
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little man was only ten inches tall. The bartender who had seen some strange
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things in his day decided it was best not to say anything about this little man.
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So, he just poured the champagne for the couple.
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The lady sipped her champagne, but when the gentleman went to sip his champagne
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the little man on his shoulder jumped on the bar, grabbed the glass, and threw
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the champagne in the gentleman's face. The bartender saw this and thought it
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was very strange. But again he thought it was best not to say anything about
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it. So, he refilled the gentleman's glass.
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Again as the gentleman went to sip his champagne, the little man jumped on the
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bar, grabbed the glass, and threw it in the gentleman's face. Well, this time
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the bartender could not contain his curiosity so he asked the gentleman what was
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going on.
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The gentleman replied, "You're not going to believe my story."
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"Try me," said the bartender.
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The gentleman then began his story. "One day not too long ago, I was out of
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work and decided to do some beachcombing to kill some time. As I was walking
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along, I saw this glint of metal in the sand. I picked up a strange metal
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object which was corroded and dirty. I rubbed it to get an idea of what it
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would look like when it was cleaned up. And POOF a genie appeared. I thought I
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was crazy or somebody was playing a joke on me or something.
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"Anyway, the genie told me that he would grant me three wishes. I figured what
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do I have to lose? So I wished for all the money I could ever want."
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The bartender said, "It looks that that wish came true."
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"Yes," replied the gentleman. "Then for my second wish, I wished to always have
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a beautiful woman companion."
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"That wish definitely came true," said the bartender admiring the gentleman's
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blond companion. "What was your third wish?"
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"Well for my third and final wish, I asked for a ten-inch prick."
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================================================================================
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NOTE: I first heard these jokes on the radio. The radio station, KRQR, (97 FM)
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has a daily joke during the morning commute (about 7:25 am). These were three
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of the better ones. I hope you like them.
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