203 lines
7.1 KiB
Plaintext
203 lines
7.1 KiB
Plaintext
Note: The Truly Tasteless BBS has the pleasure of providing you with the
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following humor. Please direct any updates, comments, improvements, etc. to
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TTT BBS at (415)-364-4339, or by mail at
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1583 Cordilleras Road,
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Redwood City, CA 94062
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Thanks!
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Richard Lane
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Sysop
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##########################################################################
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What did the boy mushroom say to the girl mushroom?
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Hey, I'm a fun guy!
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A man was sitting in a bar and noticed that all the women were paying
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attention to this real geeky guy. He was 4'11", fat, bald, and pimply,
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not to mention the coke-bottle glasses and that he sniffled a lot. He
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motioned to the bartender, "Hey, what gives? Why are all the chicks
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interested in that lump over there?" "Dunno," replied the bartender,
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"He came in here, sat down, and didn't say anything to them. Just
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stared into space licking his eyebrows."
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How can a women lose lots of ugly fat quick?
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DIVORCE HIM!!!!
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Like my brother is so stupid he has to take his pants off to count to
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21.
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Like he is so stupid when they were handing out brains he thought they
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said trains so he asked for a slow one.
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What do waterfowl use for bondage?
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DUCK TAPE!!!!
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Who killed more Indians that General Custer?
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Union Carbide.
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Who was voted the MVP in the 1984 Hockey season?
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Indira Gandhi: she stopped 10 shots in 7 seconds.
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How do you stop a JAP from craving sex constantly?
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Marry her.
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What's an ideal JAP house?
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15 rooms, no kitchen, no bedroom.
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What do you call a woman who can suck a golf ball through a garden hose?
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A: "Darling."
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WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN JOAN COLLINS AND THE TITANIC?
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ONLY 1500 WENT DOWN ON THE TITANIC.
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How many computer mainframe support people does it take to screw in
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a light bulb?
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At least fifty...One to screw it in...the other forty-nine to study
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the security and networking implications!!!
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If you are on a centrally supported mainframe - you'll understand.
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How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
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NONE!! That's a hardware problem!
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What do the initials PLO stand for? Push Leon Overboard
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Heard about the new drink called a Klinghoffer?
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Two shots and a splash.
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ŠWhy didn't Leon Klinghoffer take a shower the night before the hijacking
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He figured he'd wash up on the beach.
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What do you call an Iranian fanatic on a roof?
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Shiite on a Shingle. <That one's not that funny>
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Heard about the WASP who turned into a store and left the door ajar....
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There is an old story about Prime Minister Gladstone, who was having a
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chat with Benjamin Disraeli, while getting a blow job by a young
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British Army Regular. Gladstone was so intent on his discussion that
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he had to be interrupted by the youngster, who informed him, "Excuse me
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sir, but you've come." "Why, by George, so I have!" he replied
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cheerily, and tipped the lad a sovereign.
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What's the difference between a light bulb and a nymphomaniac?
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You can unscrew the light bulb.
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A DRUNK WAS STAGGERING DOWN THE STREET WITH A BOX UNDER EACH ARM.
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A POLICEMAN STOPS THE DRUNK AND ASKS:
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"EXCUSE ME, SIR, BUT WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN THOSE BOXES UNDER YOUR ARMS?"
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"well, occifer, under me left arm i've got a 5 bottles of whiskey,
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just in case of snake bite, don't ya know"
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"THAT'S JUST FINE, SIR. NOW WHAT'S IN THE OTHER BOX?"
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"oh, just snakes..."
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How can you tell the difference between the drunks and everyone else
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during and earthquake?
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- The drunks are the only ones able to walk halfway decent
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Re: JOKE
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Mark Twain's assessment of the music of Richard Wagner:
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"It's not as bad as it sounds."
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Bumper Sticker Seen in L.A;
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"Fresh Air Smells Funny"
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WHAT WAS PELLE LINDBERGH'S NICKNAME?
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(HARVEY WALLBANGER)
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What's the difference between midget bank robbers and the Radcliffe
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track team? One's a group of cunning runts...
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What's the difference between a magic show and a porno show?
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One's a cunning array of stunts...
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THIS ONE'S FOR ALL THE GUYS OUT THERE: Any of you know the difference
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between sashimi and cunnilingus? If not, I know this great Japanese
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restaurant...
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A man, feeling rather self-satisfied after his performance, asked his
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new-found lady friend if he was her first lover. "I think so," she
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replied, "Your face did look familiar."
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ŠWhat's this? <Stomp on the floor 3 times>
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CPR for an AIDS victim.
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HOW MANY SOLDIERS DOES IT TAKE xDTO WIN THE WAR?????
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200 ONE TO DO THE SHOOTING AND 199 TO USE THE $600.00 TOILET SEATS.
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WHAT DO YOU CALL A PROSTITUTE WITH A RUNNY NOSE?
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FULL!!!
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WHAT DO YOU CALL A HALF-WIT AT TEXAS A & M? GIFTED!
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HOW MANY 'REAL MEN' DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?
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NONE - REAL MEN AREN'T AFRAID OF THE DARK.
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DID YOU SEE THE NEW ROCK HUDSON DESIGNER JEANS?
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THEY HAVE ZIPPERS ON BOTH SIDES.
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DID YOU HEAR WHY ROCK HUDSON'S CAR INSURANCE WENT UP?
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HE GOT REAR ENDED TOO MANY TIMES.
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WHAT DID ROCK HUDSON SAY TO DORIS DAY WHEN SHE WAS CRYING?
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ROLL OVER AND TAKE IT LIKE A MAN.
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WHAT DID ROCK HUDSON SAY WHEN HE WAS ASKED WHO GAVE HIM AIDS?
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HE SAID "I DON'T HAVE EYES IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD."
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WHAT DO YOU CALL A PRETTY GIRL IN MINNESOTA?
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A TOURIST.
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WHAT IS THE BEST THING TO COME OUT OF MINNESOTA?
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INTERSTATE 35.
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WHAT DO ELEPHANTS USE FOR TAMPONS?
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SHEEP.
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WHAT DO ELEPHANTS USE FOR VIBRATORS?
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EPILEPTICS.
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So, the doctor goes into the sick man's room...
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"I have some GOOD news and some BAD news", the Doctor said.
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"Well, let's hear the GOOD news frist", the Man said
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the doc pauses... "you have 24 hours to live !" he blirs out.
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"WHAT ??" the man gasps, "that's the GOOD news... what's the
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BAD news??"
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"I should have told you yesterday...", said the doctor.
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I'VE HAD SUCH A BAD DAY I COULD HAVE FALLEN INTO A BARREL OF TITS
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AND COME UP SUCKING A THUMB.
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Did you hear about the new strain of AID?
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its called hearing-AIDS
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You get it by listeni to Assholes.
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A YOUNG LADY AMERICAN TOURIST IN EDINBURGH APPROACHES AN ELDER SCOTSMAN
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ŠAND SAYS, "fORGIVE ME FOR ASKING SUCH A PERSONAL QUESTION, BUT I'VE
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ALWAYS WONDERED--IS ANYTHING WORN UNDER THE KILT?" HE REPLIES, "NAY,
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LASSIE--GOOD AS EVER."
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Ok folks. 1. Everybody stand up.
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2. Now, bend over and grab your knees.
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3. Good, next spell RUN very slowly.
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4. ...Another sucker born every minute.
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A man having just purchased a gold mine sight unseen shows up at the
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diggings to survey his holdings and be sure everything is in order.
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Upon arrival he finds 3 men doing nothing, so he quickly sizes up the
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workers and assigns them each a task...To the big Swede>> the job of
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pushing the wheelbarrow...To the strong pollock>> the pick and shovel
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duties...and to the little Chinaman...???...In charge of Supplies.
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A few weeks later he returns to se how it's going. The Swede and the
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Pollock are slaving away dutifully but the damn little Chinaman is
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NOWHERE to be found! He looks high and low, inside and out, but to no
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avail. Suddenly, out from behind a nearby rock, the Chinaman leaps out
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and yells "SUPPLIZE!!!"
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You know, most men aren't born Gay, but many are sucked into it.
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WHAT'S BAD: BEING HELD HOSTAGE BY THE PLO
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WHAT WORSE: BEING RESCUED BY THE EGYPTIANS
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