199 lines
6.0 KiB
Plaintext
199 lines
6.0 KiB
Plaintext
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
DYNAMIC UNIVERSAL INDUSTRIES
|
|
"We make advancements everywhere."
|
|
|
|
INTEROFFICE MEMO
|
|
|
|
|
|
To: Mr. Daniel P. Staid
|
|
Board Chairman
|
|
Dynamic Universal Industries, Inc.
|
|
1234 Headlong Drive
|
|
Danbury, Connecticut
|
|
|
|
|
|
From: Benjamin "Ben" Jackson
|
|
Sales Trainee
|
|
Excelsior Staples
|
|
Office Applications Division
|
|
Fastening Systems Group
|
|
Dynamic Universal Industries,Inc.
|
|
Southern Midwest Office
|
|
1000 Commerce Circle
|
|
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
|
|
|
|
|
|
Subject: Office Renovation
|
|
|
|
|
|
Date: October 10,1989
|
|
|
|
|
|
Dear Mr. Staid,
|
|
|
|
There is a recent condition here that I feel requires your
|
|
immediate attention. It seems that there may be a problem
|
|
with product compatibility.
|
|
|
|
Please allow me to preface this letter with a few general
|
|
comments.
|
|
|
|
I have been with the Excelsior Staples division for just
|
|
over three months. I feel that it is a fine little
|
|
company and I hope to be able to help it someday achieve
|
|
and maintain the distinction as Dynamic Universal
|
|
Industries' #1 profit maker.
|
|
|
|
I realize that you have never heard of me due to my short
|
|
tenure here. Yet please hear me out. I don't intend to
|
|
appear as one who complains but I have taken this up with
|
|
five increasingly higher levels of management and have on
|
|
every occasion been told, "Why don't you go tell the
|
|
Chairman of the Board?"
|
|
|
|
The issue at hand has to do with the results of a recent
|
|
office renovation here at Excelsior, performed from my
|
|
third through fifth weeks on the job.
|
|
|
|
First I must say that the workmen did an excellent job.
|
|
|
|
The new white ceiling tiles, manufactured by Dynamic
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Universal Industries' Styrofoam Reproductions Division,
|
|
accent the existing lighting to its best advantage.
|
|
|
|
The new pine-printed paneling (Dynamic Universal
|
|
Industries Wood Simulations Division) on the interior
|
|
petitions adds a sense of dignity and is perfectly
|
|
accented by the fresh pastel paint (DUI's Interior
|
|
Chemicals Division) on the remaining cinder block walls.
|
|
|
|
This is all given a feeling of cheerful warmth by the
|
|
brightly colored Duralast (a new product of our Synthetic
|
|
Textiles Division) carpeting.
|
|
|
|
And the new restroom fittings (Industrial/Domestic Valve
|
|
Division), having been made from an advanced new material,
|
|
are the most modern and impressive I've seen. I'm certain
|
|
that this is now the most impressive sales office in
|
|
Oklahoma City, if not the entire Midwest.
|
|
|
|
I will describe my experiences to the best of my ability.
|
|
Please understand, this is not a quality complaint.
|
|
Having just completed Dynamic Universal's two-week course
|
|
on Statistical Process and Quality Control, Prediction,
|
|
and Assurance, I could not possibly doubt that our
|
|
quality-related documentation is nothing less than the
|
|
best of any in the world.
|
|
|
|
The new pastel paint that I referred to before seems to
|
|
have given off an unusual odor. Actually, many of the
|
|
office staff appear to have enjoyed it as they wandered
|
|
through the halls, smiling and talking to themselves in
|
|
hushed tones.
|
|
|
|
It wasn't until Mrs. Pennysworth, the Executive Secretary,
|
|
lit a cigarette that anyone began to suspect a problem.
|
|
She appears to have recovered completely now, thanks to
|
|
the wig.
|
|
|
|
We did our best to overlook this until the plastic veneer
|
|
on the new paneling began to bubble and peel off. Our
|
|
division being the Staple Supplier to the World, we
|
|
quickly fixed this on our own.
|
|
|
|
But when the ceiling tiles began to shrink and fall down
|
|
on us at unpredictable moments, there was nothing we could
|
|
do.
|
|
|
|
Yet the other problem is many times worse. You see, Mr.
|
|
Staid, the entire office was carpeted, including the
|
|
restrooms. The new carpet, although quite beautiful, has
|
|
an extreme tendency to `pick up' static electricity. I
|
|
was shocked into realization of this upon my first use of
|
|
the new urinal.
|
|
|
|
On the surface this would seem a small concern, but Mr.
|
|
Jack Stevens, our Regional Director of Sales, a fine man
|
|
with over thirty years of service, upon his first
|
|
experience had to be taken out by ambulance! As a result
|
|
of this and their own personal experiences, many of our
|
|
seasoned veterans are taking early retirement.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Not only will this hurt our long-term performance but it
|
|
has become a major distraction. I must tell you that I
|
|
have witnessed on more than one occasion some of our
|
|
younger salesmen take a running slide into the Mens' room!
|
|
|
|
As the nearest public restrooms are located in the Shell
|
|
station two blocks away, our secretaries are now absent
|
|
more than they are present. Frankly I'm lucky to have
|
|
gotten this memo typed at all.
|
|
|
|
Should you have the slightest doubt concerning any of
|
|
this, please honor us with a visit and see for yourself.
|
|
|
|
Thank you for your time.
|
|
|
|
Sincerely,
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Ben Jackson
|
|
|
|
|
|
BJ: bj
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|