2 lines
2.2 KiB
Plaintext
2 lines
2.2 KiB
Plaintext
A Children's Guide to Magic
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By the Silver Ghost
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Once upon a time, there was a wizard.
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All wizards had specialties. Unlike other wizards, this wizard's special-
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ty wasn't Nuclear Destruction or Death Rays or Mind Control. His specialty
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was divination, which means he could ask questions that no one could answer
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and get answers anyway. He got his answers from Gods.
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He started off by asking embarrassing questions like "How are babies made?"
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and "Why does the wizard next door dress up in women's clothes?" For questions
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like these, the Gods usually hemmed and hawed around before recommending really
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good books on the subject.
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He was a very naive wizard.
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Finally (when he grew up) he began asking questions about things that
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mattered, like "How can my country reduce its national deficit?" and "Will
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Man-O-War win in the sixth?" For information such as this, he was rewarded and
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praised by his fellow countrymen and bookies. But he still was at heart a very
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naive wizard, and when he was at home alone (which was most of the time), he
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would pull all the shades and ask the Gods personal questions.
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Eventually, the Gods got angry at him for asking things that were none of
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his business. But there wasn't anything they could do about it, because he was
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such a powerful wizard that they were required to answer his questions.
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Finally, one day, the Gods found a way to get even. The wizard, on a Friday
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night, had locked himself in and asked them "Why does magic work?"
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The Gods thought for several seconds before answering that question. Then
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they grinned.
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"Why," they said, "we don't know. In fact, magic is kind of silly, isn't
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it?"
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The wizard became agitated and started protesting. "Hey, guys," he said.
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"Hey guys."
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"Sorry," said the Gods gleefully, and banished magic from the world forever.
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The poor wizard was left without a spell to stand on, and was ostracized by his
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fellow countrymen and bookies. Unfortunately, with magic gone, the Gods found
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themselves without anyone to talk to and died of boredom.
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