160 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
160 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
From stuart@rassilon.UUCP Fri Jun 23 05:30:07 1989
|
|
Flags: 000000000001
|
|
Path: molokai!milano!cs.utexas.edu!inebriae!think!bloom-beacon!watmath!looking!funny-request
|
|
From: stuart@rassilon.UUCP (Stuart Freedman {x3262})
|
|
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
|
|
Subject: Residency in New England
|
|
Keywords: political & state stereotypes, funny
|
|
Message-ID: <3553@looking.on.ca>
|
|
Date: 23 Jun 89 10:30:07 GMT
|
|
Sender: funny@looking.on.ca
|
|
Lines: 143
|
|
Approved: funny@looking.on.ca
|
|
Reply-Path: rutgers!att.att.com!io!rassilon!stuart
|
|
|
|
(From: WEDOIT::DAMICO "JIM DAMICO DTN: 261-3257")
|
|
|
|
Forms for NH and MA
|
|
|
|
Application for Permission to Live in New Hampshire
|
|
|
|
|
|
NAME: _____________________________________________________________________
|
|
|
|
|
|
ETHNIC INFORMATION: (voluntary)
|
|
White ( )
|
|
|
|
TYPE OF CARS OWNED:
|
|
Pickup Truck ( )
|
|
You don't own any Foreign cars, do you? NO ( )
|
|
|
|
CAR EQUIPMENT:
|
|
Gun Rack ( ) Stash ( ) CB ( ) Beer Holder( )
|
|
Playboy air freshener ( )
|
|
|
|
BUMPER STICKERS:
|
|
"Ex-wife in trunk" ( )
|
|
"If Guns are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Have Guns" ( )
|
|
"Bush/Quayle" ( )
|
|
"Shit Happens" ( )
|
|
"If you don't like my driving, get off the sidewalk" ( )
|
|
|
|
SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Heterosexual ( )
|
|
|
|
FAVORITE CAUSE: NRA ( ) Prolife ( )
|
|
|
|
Total given to these causes in the last 12 months: ________________
|
|
|
|
FAVORITE DRUGS:
|
|
Grass ( )
|
|
|
|
WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING SHOULD BE BANNED?: (check all that apply)
|
|
Democrats ( ) Welfare ( ) N.O.W. ( )
|
|
|
|
|
|
FAVORITE BEER:
|
|
Miller ( ) Michelob ( ) Bud ( )
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
FAVORITE POLITICIAN:
|
|
Don't Care ( )
|
|
|
|
CLUB MEMBERSHIPS:
|
|
NRA ( )
|
|
|
|
|
|
How Automatic Weapons do you own?
|
|
|
|
5 ( ) 10 ( ) More than that ( )
|
|
|
|
FAVORITE TV SHOW: Benny Hill ( )
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Application for Permission to Live in Massachusetts
|
|
|
|
|
|
NAME: _____________________________________________________________________
|
|
(extra space left due to new social awareness)
|
|
|
|
ETHNIC INFORMATION: (voluntary)
|
|
Eskimo ( ) American Indian ( ) Hispanic ( ) Asian ( )
|
|
African-American ( ) American-African ( ) Black-American ( )
|
|
Other Group With A Long History Of Oppression By White Males ( )
|
|
(specify, so we can help you form a political action group)
|
|
|
|
___________________________________________________
|
|
|
|
TYPE OF CARS OWNED (pick two):
|
|
SAAB ( ) Volvo ( ) BMW ( ) Mercedes ( ) Honda ( )
|
|
|
|
You don't own any *American* cars, do you? NO ( )
|
|
|
|
CAR EQUIPMENT:
|
|
Blaupunkt ( ) Passport ( ) Escort ( ) Vuarnet Sunglasses ( )
|
|
Stash ( ) CD ( ) Cellular Phone ( ) Ski Rack ( )
|
|
Bicycle Rack ( ) Wine Rack ( )
|
|
|
|
BUMPER STICKERS:
|
|
"You can't hug a child with nuclear arms" ( ) "Greenpeace" ( )
|
|
"Dukakis/Bentsen" ( ) "Save the Whales" ( ) "Farms not Arms" ( )
|
|
|
|
SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Gay ( ) Lesbian ( ) Other ( )
|
|
(note: failure to give the proper answer to the above means you can't
|
|
live in certain towns on the Cape, or get elected to Congress)
|
|
|
|
FAVORITE CAUSE: Whales ( ) Baby Seals ( ) Snail Darter ( )
|
|
Total given to these causes in the last 12 months: ________________
|
|
|
|
FAVORITE DRUGS:
|
|
Crack ( ) Coke ( ) Grass ( ) Kitty's Diet Plan ( )
|
|
|
|
WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING SHOULD BE BANNED?: (check all that apply)
|
|
The Bomb ( ) Handguns ( ) All guns ( ) Nuclear Power ( )
|
|
Cigarettes ( ) The NRA ( ) Republicans ( )
|
|
|
|
WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING SHOULD BE LEGALIZED?: (check all that apply)
|
|
Crack ( ) Coke ( ) Grass ( ) Needles ( )
|
|
Flag Burning ( )
|
|
|
|
FAVORITE BEER:
|
|
Samuel Adams ( ) Beck's ( ) Corona(w/lime) ( )
|
|
Latest trendy brand ( )
|
|
|
|
FAVORITE POLITICIAN:
|
|
Ted Kennedy ( ) John Kennedy ( ) Bobby Kennedy ( ) Joe Kennedy
|
|
( )
|
|
|
|
|
|
CLUB MEMBERSHIPS:
|
|
ACLU ( ) Greenpeace ( ) SDS ( ) N.O.W. ( ) A.F.S.C.M.E ( )
|
|
Billy Bulger Breakfast Club ( ) Provincetown Boys Club ( )
|
|
Bull-dykes Kennel Club ( )
|
|
|
|
Even though we can't ever get any more power from Hydro-Quebec, don't you
|
|
think that Seabrook should remain closed forever? YES ( )
|
|
|
|
Don't you think that the people in the Midwest should stop dropping acid
|
|
rain on our vacation homes in Vermont, even if it means that they all lose
|
|
their jobs? YES ( )
|
|
|
|
How many watts (per channel, RMS) is your principal home stereo?
|
|
100W ( ) 200W ( ) More than that ( )
|
|
|
|
How many air conditioners do you have to help you through our long New
|
|
England summers?: 2 ( ) 3 ( ) 4 ( ) Central Air ( )
|
|
(note: Fewer than two A/C units may qualify you for state
|
|
subsidies if you are a non-white unemployed Democrat)
|
|
|
|
FAVORITE TV SHOW: Thirtysomething ( )
|
|
|
|
--
|
|
Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.ON.CA
|
|
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing.
|
|
|
|
Remember: PLEASE spell check and proofread your jokes.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|