1332 lines
37 KiB
Plaintext
1332 lines
37 KiB
Plaintext
A SAYING FOR EVERY OCCASION, AND EVERY OCCASION FOR ITS SAYING
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Those Responsible:
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Doctor Hartley M. Baldwin, Owner and manager of System Enterprises
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Jose the Chaotic
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The Queen of Confusion
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The Administrator
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Raistlin Majere, Master of Past and Present
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The Borad
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Presto
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The Mad Hatter
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The Maylin of Karffel
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Norman Bates
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Captain James T. Kirk
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The DeathKnight
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With Excerpts from books by:
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Robert A. Heinlein
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Margret Weiss
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Tracy Hickman
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Paul Dickson
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West End Games
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Harry Harrison
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Douglas Adams
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And others
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Contained within this list are sayings that can make you laugh,
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which can make you cry, which can make you think. It is a product
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of the people who wrote it and contains a part of them. In this
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list you see glimpses of them. We hope you like it.
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=================================================================
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You can't change the past so -- NO REGRETS
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Always keep your clothes and weapons where you can find them in
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the dark
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If everything seems to be going right, you obviously don't know
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what the hell is going on
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In a battle where there is no way out - take an honor guard with
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you to hell
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Life's a bitch - then you die
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Life's a bitch - but death is no picnic either
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Life's a bitch - to prepare you for what comes next
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Death before dishonor
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Always take the initiative
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Get your first shot off FAST. This upsets him enough that you can
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make your second shot perfect
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Take out the officers early. This disrupts an organized fighting
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force. If the force isn't organized, you don't have a problem
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The end justifies the means
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Death is inevitable. Go down fighting
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There is no conclusive evidence of life after death. Conversely
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there is no evidence of any sort against it. Soon enough you will
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know. So why worry?
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The easiest means of suicide is not using your weapons
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Might is right, but guile lets you live longer
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Kill 'em all and let God sort them out
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Anarchy Now!
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The most preposterous notion that man has ever come up with is that
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The omnipotent, omniscient, benevolent Lord God of Creation, Shaper
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and Ruler of all the Universes, wants worship and becomes petulant
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if he does not receive it. Yet this idea, without one shred of
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evidence, has paid all the expenses of the largest and least
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productive industry in all history
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The second most preposterous notion is that copulation is
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inherently sinful
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Always pack your own parachute
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Don't turn your back on anybody, especially your inlaws
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Never sit with your back to a door
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Always expect the unexpected - especially when you don't expect it
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The only sure thing is change
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Always have at least two backup escape routes
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Do unto others before they do unto you
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Corollary #1: Do unto others what they would do unto you but do it
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first
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Corollary #2: Do unto others what they have done unto you
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Do whatever you want - but don't get caught doing it
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I told Orville and I'm telling you, Wilbur, that danged contraption
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will never work
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Do unto others then run like hell
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Always try anything, except suicide, once. Twice if you like it,
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and three times to be sure
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Organized religion always has three main objectives. (1) To benefit
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the priests. (2) To benefit the government. (3) To always benefit
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the priests
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One ingredient for a happy marriage - budget the luxuries first
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All women are the same height lying down
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You can't be a little bit pregnant
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Make sure you have fun - because you never know when you are going
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to die
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We all live the same amount of time - from when we are born until
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we die. It's just the amount of memories that differ
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Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you from betting.
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If you don't bet you can't win
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Always listen to experts. They will tell you what you can't do and
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why. Then do it
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Any priest should be considered guilty until proven innocent
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All men are created unequal
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The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility.
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And vice versa
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You live and learn - or you don't live long
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In a family argument - if it turns out that you are right -
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apologize at once!
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Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny
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Beware of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors -
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and miss
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Yield to temptation - it may not pass your way again
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Natural laws have no pity
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Anything free is worth what you pay for it
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There ain't no such thing as a free lunch
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The strangest of all "crimes" that man has ever legislated out of
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nothing is "blasphemy" - with "obscenity" and "indecent exposure"
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not far behind
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Never trust anyone completely - especially yourself
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Chaotic evil means never having to say that you are sorry
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All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable
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alternative
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Honesty is the best policy but lying is more fun
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Lie, cheat and steal to get what you want. If that doesn't work,
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try honest. If that doesn't work, blow 'em all to hell
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Expertise in one field does not carry over into other fields, but
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experts often think so. The narrower their field of knowledge, the
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more likely they are to think so
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Let's split up - we can do more damage that way
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Masturbation is cheap, easy, clean, and free of any possibility of
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wrongdoing - and you don't have to go home in the cold. But it's
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lonely
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The hardest thing to say in twenty-five words or less is goodbye
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If you love something set it free. If it doesn't come back, hunt
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it down and kill it
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Corollary: If you love something set it free. If it comes back,
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it's yours. If it doesn't, it never belonged to you in the first
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place
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Discipline is a means to an end, not the end itself
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Avoid making irrevocable decisions when you are tired - plan ahead
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In an emergency, junk any and all laws to save your ass
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Everything in excess. Take big bites. Moderation is for monks
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War is not dying for your country. It's making some other poor SOB
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die for his
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War is not hell. Life is hell
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Life is hell. War is worse
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Sex is the most beautiful, natural, and joyous thing that money can
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buy
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Vapors don't shoot back
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All laws are made to be broken (especially moral ones)
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Ever notice that laws are made "for your own good"?
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If you can't win honestly, cheat like hell
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If you attack a man, kill him. That way there's less paperwork
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In a fight, if at first you don't succeed, the hell with it
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There is no excuse for getting caught with your guard down
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If you get caught by a new trick, ok, but only fools get caught
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twice
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Fools die young
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Always remember: your ass is number 1
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The best defense is a good offense. The reverse is also true
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Dead men tell no tales. They don't say anything else either
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Wounded men nark, so better dead than hurt
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Does history record any case where the majority was right?
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Don't ask what you can do for your country. Tell it what to do for
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you
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Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they're not out to
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get you
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Are we having fun yet?
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Ban the bomb: Save the world for conventional warfare
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Be yourself. It's a dirty job but someone has to do it
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Be sexy. It's a dirty job but someone has to do it
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Better dead than mellow
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Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people
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Chaotic immorals have more fun
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Christians do it with grace
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A closed mouth gathers no feet
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Don't hate yourself in the morning. Sleep until noon
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Eat the rich. The poor are tough and stringy
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43% of all statistics are worthless
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If they can't take a joke, fuck 'em
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Go lemmings, go!
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God did NOT create the world in 7 days. He goofed off for 6 days
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and then pulled an allnighter.
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I think, therefore I am (I think)
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If we outlaw guns, how will we shoot people?
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If voting could change the system, it would be illegal
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If not voting could change the system, it would be illegal
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If you eat a live frog in the morning, nothing worse can happen
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to either of you for the rest of the day
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Kick ass now, take names later
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Nuke 'em till they glow, then shoot 'em in the dark
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Peace through superior firepower
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If you think that sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it
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the wrong way
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Support free trade - smuggle
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There are very few personal problems that can't be solved by a
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suitable application of high explosives
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If it moves, kill it
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Is there life after death? Trespass and find out
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Nuke the Smurfs
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There's always time to party
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When fighting a horseman, kill the horse. A horseman without a
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horse is but half a man
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42
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Any place that you habitually return to is the place to be most
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wary of because that is where an ambush can be set for you
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The following statement is true : The preceding statement is false
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When swordfighting, a slash is showy and frightens the enemy, a
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thrust kills them quickly and helps form a wall (of bodies) for
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your added protection
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Death is every man's right and privilege
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Two's company, three's a menage a trois
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Sex is spiritual in essence - or it is a friendly exercise. The
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saddest thing about homosexuality is not that it is wrong, or that
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no progeny can come from it, but that it is harder to achieve this
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union
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I love everybody, and you're next
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Older men are chosen to speak wisely, but we call a child to a
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sacrificial rite
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I'm schizophrenic and so am I
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The best cure for a hangover is to keep on drinking
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Come back with your shield or on it
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As soon as you are born, you start to die
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You're not going anywhere but your grave
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When I want your opinion - I'll give it to you
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If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalks
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Only one of us is going to live through this, and it's not going
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to be me
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It's later than you think
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Damn the torpedoes - full speed ahead
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I did what I did. You don't have to like it
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Sex is only dirty if its done right
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I swear to God - I'm an atheist
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The only thing that we learn from history is that people don't
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learn anything from history
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Anything not nailed down is mine
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If I can pry it loose - it's not nailed down
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You've got to catch me first
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Can you say "death trap"?
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It's only common sense - which is why I feel you need to be told
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Paranoid schizophrenics always outnumber their enemies at least two
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to none
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Never tell me the odds
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The person who dies with the most toys wins
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The only difference between men and boys is the price of their toys
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World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones
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There's a fine line between being a hero and being dead
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If it sounds like BS, smells like BS, and looks like BS, it
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probably is BS
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Overpopulation is a problem with an easy remedy
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Anarchy would not work because the freedom of one would infringe
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on the freedom of others
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Anarchy would make humans a better race through survival of the
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fittest
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Anarchy would work because if you couldn't get along, you wouldn't
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have to
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The only good thing about the U.S. government system is that all
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the rest are worse
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Democracy is a good system - for beginners
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Hammurabi, an ancient Babylonian, wrote a set of laws which were
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basically an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. If you lie,
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your tongue would be cut off, if you steal your hand would be cut
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off, etc. etc. etc. You don't want to know the penalty for adultery
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Be prepared for the worst. If it happens, you're ready and if not,
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you're lucky
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If you fall off a horse, get back on and kick it
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If you suggest a new way to do things, and it works, act surprised
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If you're feeling good, don't worry - you'll get over it
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God fights on the side with the heaviest artillery
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Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite
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me
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God helps those who help themselves so be greedy
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Life is too short to make big mistakes. Make little ones
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We all die after a while so don't rush it
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God created all so everything is natural
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Rigor mortis can't be too bad - no one complains
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Do unto others only if they are smaller than you
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Love spreads germs. We'll all get sick
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There's nothing that total destruction can't cure
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Those who live by the sword ain't shit compared to those with
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automatic weapons
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Curiosity killed the cat and an awful lot of rabbits
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Anything killed would have died eventually anyway
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Life and love are four letter words
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Sex has only three letters so it can't be dirty
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Not all four letter words are dirty - for example: BEER
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If it weren't for incest, you wouldn't exist
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Why? Conversely: Why not?
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Laws and flaws have the same structure
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There's no such thing as a pacifist male
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There's no such thing as a benevolent dictatorship
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Everyone is entitled to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness
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but that doesn't mean that they'll get them
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You're not paranoid. They ARE out to get you
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Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
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Just for the hell of it - that's why
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Hindsight is wonderful. It tells you what you did wrong after you
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did it
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You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damnfoolproof
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Nothing can be made foolproof because fools are so ingenious
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He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day
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You can't prove to me that you exist, and I can't prove to you that
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I exist, so we're even
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The longer you live, the sooner you will die
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He moved, that's why I shot him
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Juvenile delinquency is the things that the older generation did
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when they were young
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Any normal girl would rather by looked over than overlooked
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There are three things in the world that most men love but never
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understand: females, girls, and women
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It's not the fall that injures, it's the sudden stop
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You can't get anywhere unless you start
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People seldom know what they did until they try to undo what they
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did
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The world's greatest deeds are accomplished by men that are smart
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enough to know that it's impossible or too stupid to know that it's
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not
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Against boredom, even the gods struggle in vain
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Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill
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Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from
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magic
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Ask a silly person, get a silly answer
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Beat your child once per day. If you don't know why, he will
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Blade runner for hire - have gun, will travel
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Blood is thicker than water - and much tastier
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Born again pagan
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Brute force, clumsiness, ignorance and superstition will always
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triumph over science
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Certified public assassin
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Chaos is King, and Magic is loose in the world
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Decadent Capitalist and proud of it
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A desk is a wastebasket with drawers
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Do you know where your towel is?
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Don't ask me, I just work here
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Don't ask me, I'm making it up as I go along
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Don't panic
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Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness
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Exceptions rule!
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God is real unless declared integer
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Grab them by the balls - the hearts and minds will follow
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The hell with the prime directive - let's kill something
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He's dead, Jim
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Of course he's dead - I killed him
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He who fights and runs away gets shot in the back
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Hi! I can't remember your name either
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I'm not a trained killer. I lead trained killers
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I don't practice what I preach because I'm not the kind of person
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I preach to
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I have seen the truth and it makes no sense
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I may be a craven little coward, but I'm a greedy craven little
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coward
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I think I could fall madly in bed with you
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If a man writes a better book, preaches a better sermon, and beds
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a better whore than his neighbor, though he builds his domicile
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deep in the woods, the world will beat a path to his door to find
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out who the better whore was
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If it jams, force it. If it breaks it needed replacing anyway
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I'm not loafing. I work so fast I'm always finished
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I'm not tense, just terribly alert
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Immoral Majority Charter Member
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Incorrigible punster. Do not incorrige
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Indecision is the basis of flexibility
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In the beginning, God created the universe. This has made a lot of
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people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move
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It's not a dungeon - it's a fortified underground defense
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installation
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It's what you can't see that can and will kill you
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I've enjoyed just about as much of this as I can stand
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I've had fun before. This isn't it
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Knowing Murphy's Law won't help
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The less you bother me, the sooner you will get results
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Love thy neighbor, but be sure that her husband is out of town
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A mind is a wonderful thing to waste
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The moral majority is neither
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Mostly Harmless
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Murphy's Law only fails to work when you try to demonstrate it
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My life may be strange, but at least it's not boring
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Never let your sense of morals interfere with doing what you want
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to
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Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether
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Never sleep with someone crazier than yourself
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|
|
|
No good deed goes unpunished
|
|
|
|
Oh no, not again
|
|
|
|
Old mercenaries never die. They just go to hell and regroup
|
|
|
|
Peace through superior swordplay
|
|
|
|
Question authority
|
|
|
|
Rampaging anarchist horde and floating beer party
|
|
|
|
Reality is a hypothesis
|
|
|
|
Resistance is useless if less than 1 ohm
|
|
|
|
A small carafe of wine is illogical, immoral, and inadequate
|
|
Smile - it makes people wonder what you're thinking
|
|
|
|
Smile - it makes people wonder what you've been up to
|
|
|
|
A Smith & Wesson beats 4 aces
|
|
|
|
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll
|
|
believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he'll have to touch
|
|
it to be sure
|
|
|
|
There is a difference between an open mind and a hole in the head
|
|
|
|
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers
|
|
exactly what the universe is for and why it is here, it will
|
|
instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre
|
|
and inexplicable. There is another which states that this has
|
|
already happened
|
|
|
|
They'll take my sword when they pry my cold dead fingers off the
|
|
hilt
|
|
|
|
This must be morning. I could never get the hang of mornings
|
|
|
|
Travel by tesseract. It's the only way to go
|
|
|
|
2+2=5.1314975. Please recalibrate your instruments accordingly
|
|
|
|
Ultimate question research team
|
|
|
|
Under the most carefully controlled conditions of temperature,
|
|
pressure, food supply, etc., an organism will do as it damn well
|
|
pleases
|
|
|
|
Unicorns aren't mythical - virgins are
|
|
|
|
Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser
|
|
|
|
Wandering punster
|
|
|
|
Warning: Whimsical when bored
|
|
|
|
Why can't you be unique and original like everybody else?
|
|
|
|
Why reason when insanity prevails
|
|
|
|
The way to a man's heart is with a broadsword
|
|
|
|
What could possibly go wrong?
|
|
|
|
When all else fails, read the instructions
|
|
|
|
When the going gets wierd, the wierd turn pro
|
|
|
|
You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to do the
|
|
backstroke, then you've got something
|
|
|
|
You can not have a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant
|
|
|
|
You know better than to trust a strange computer
|
|
|
|
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on
|
|
|
|
Action is what you don't take when the other guy is bigger
|
|
|
|
Actions speak louder then words, but not as often. In politics
|
|
especially
|
|
|
|
Well, now what do we do?
|
|
|
|
It's never too late to try again until you are dead
|
|
|
|
There's no such thing as permanent
|
|
|
|
Ever notice there's never time to do it right but always time to
|
|
do it over?
|
|
|
|
Why are we here and what the hell is going on?
|
|
|
|
Everybody lies about sex
|
|
|
|
Does your end justify your jeans?
|
|
|
|
The light at the end of the tunnel is probably an oncoming train
|
|
|
|
Because we like you! That's why...
|
|
|
|
Never trust the facts
|
|
|
|
Never trust mother nature
|
|
|
|
Let's go
|
|
|
|
Better late than never
|
|
|
|
Ok
|
|
|
|
I've got you now
|
|
|
|
No you don't
|
|
|
|
It's one of those days
|
|
|
|
It's time to go home
|
|
|
|
Never borrow anything - steal it
|
|
|
|
Death is not an end - it's a beginning
|
|
|
|
This is not funny
|
|
|
|
It's only your imagination
|
|
|
|
Morals? What are they?
|
|
|
|
There's nothing stranger than life
|
|
|
|
Mental midget
|
|
|
|
Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely
|
|
|
|
Everything I like is either illegal, immoral, or fattening
|
|
|
|
If God hadn't wanted me to be paranoid he wouldn't have given me
|
|
such a vivid imagination
|
|
|
|
The importance of a question is inversely proportional to the
|
|
chance that you will remember it
|
|
|
|
The victor belongs to the spoils
|
|
|
|
Everybody should believe in something. I believe I'll have another
|
|
drink
|
|
|
|
In a hierarchy, individuals tend to rise to their level of
|
|
incompetence and remain there
|
|
|
|
Life's a game which you can't win, can't quit, and can't change the
|
|
rules
|
|
|
|
When the going gets tough, the weak get screwed
|
|
|
|
I stopped drinking, smoking, taking drugs, and having sex. It was
|
|
the worst thirty seconds of my life
|
|
|
|
I read that drinking, smoking and sex were bad for your health --
|
|
so I gave up reading
|
|
|
|
The cult of Dionysus really had something going. On the holy days
|
|
they got up, drank, partied, had sex and then fell asleep. The good
|
|
part is that all days were holy to Dionysus
|
|
|
|
Why be normal?
|
|
|
|
Nothing will go wrong when you try to show what's wrong to the
|
|
person who can fix what's wrong
|
|
|
|
The good die young, so the evil have more time to do things
|
|
|
|
The power of will without the direction of intelligence is a
|
|
destructive power
|
|
|
|
The army has two standard sizes - too large and too small
|
|
I intend to go to hell
|
|
|
|
Beware of loaning money to a friend. It can make him lose his
|
|
memory
|
|
|
|
Taxes are like golf. You line up on the green and end up in the
|
|
hole
|
|
|
|
Where are we going now?
|
|
|
|
It's not over till it's OVER
|
|
|
|
Anything so simple a fool can use it will only be used by fools
|
|
|
|
Cocaine is God's way of telling you that you are too rich
|
|
|
|
Tornados are God's way of telling you that there are too many
|
|
mobile homes
|
|
|
|
Death is God's way of telling you to slow down
|
|
|
|
Who is this God person anyway?
|
|
|
|
Tomorrow is a whole new day to fuck up
|
|
|
|
Good grades, studying hard and being respected are side effects of
|
|
alcohol deficiency
|
|
|
|
I'm not as think as you stoned I am
|
|
|
|
I feel great, and I don't kiss bad either
|
|
|
|
What's a cubit
|
|
|
|
Alarm clocks don't wake you up, they just disturb your sleep
|
|
|
|
It is better to dare many things than to die never knowing victory
|
|
or defeat
|
|
|
|
Do nothing except what you must, but when you must act don't
|
|
hesitate
|
|
|
|
We are Citizens of the Outside. We have rejected the simplistic,
|
|
boring, regimented, bureaucratic moral and ethical scriptures by
|
|
which the people live. In their place, we have substituted our own
|
|
far superior ones. We may move physically among them, but we are
|
|
not of them. In order to accomplish our aims we must operate
|
|
outside their barriers and well outside their rules
|
|
|
|
Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence
|
|
|
|
He who knows least talks longest
|
|
|
|
Don't change color to match the walls. Look like you belong there
|
|
and the walls will change color to match you
|
|
|
|
Speak of the devil
|
|
|
|
Anything you get free costs more than it's worth - but you don't
|
|
find that out till later
|
|
|
|
Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a
|
|
cat
|
|
|
|
A person who WON'T be blackmailed CAN'T be blackmailed
|
|
|
|
If it's sinful it's more fun
|
|
|
|
Being intelligent is not a felony, but most societies evaluate it
|
|
as at least a misdemeanor
|
|
|
|
It is far, far better to have a bastard in the family than an
|
|
unemployed son-in-law
|
|
|
|
Has it ever occurred to you that God might be a committee?
|
|
|
|
"Cooperate with the inevitable" means "roll with the punch" - it
|
|
does NOT mean stooling for the guards
|
|
|
|
Shout at the devil
|
|
|
|
Always save the last bullet for yourself
|
|
|
|
Always give the other sucker an even break
|
|
|
|
An enemy is never a villain in his own eyes. Keep this in mind; it
|
|
may offer a way to make him your friend. If not, you can kill him
|
|
without hate - and quickly
|
|
|
|
Cheops' Law: Nothing ever gets built on time or within budget
|
|
|
|
History does not record anywhere at any time a religion with any
|
|
rational basis. Religion is a crutch for those not strong enough
|
|
to stand up to the unknown without help. But, like dandruff, most
|
|
people do have a religion, spend time and money on it, and seem to
|
|
derive considerable pleasure from fiddling with it
|
|
|
|
Any government will work if authority and responsibility are equal
|
|
and coordinate. This does not insure "good" government, it simply
|
|
insures that it will work. Such governments are rare - most people
|
|
want to run things but want no part of the blame. This used to be
|
|
known as the "Back-Seat Driver Syndrome"
|
|
|
|
You can have peace or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on
|
|
having both at once.
|
|
|
|
When a place gets crowded enough to require ID's, social collapse
|
|
is not far away. It is time to go elsewhere
|
|
The greatest productive force is human selfishness
|
|
|
|
Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other sins
|
|
are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not sinful - just
|
|
stupid)
|
|
|
|
Stupidity cannot be cured with money, or through education, or by
|
|
legislation. Stupidity is not a sin, the victim can't help being
|
|
stupid. But stupidity is the only universal capital crime; there
|
|
is no appeal, and the execution is carried out automatically and
|
|
without pity
|
|
|
|
There is no such thing as "social gambling". Either you are there
|
|
to cut the other bloke's heart out and eat it - or you're a sucker.
|
|
If you don't like this choice - don't gamble
|
|
|
|
The two highest achievements of the human mind are the twin
|
|
concepts of "loyalty" and "duty." Whenever these twin concepts fall
|
|
into disrepute - get out of there fast! You may possibly save
|
|
yourself, but it is too late for that society. It is doomed
|
|
|
|
Don't try to have the last word. You might get it
|
|
|
|
If you have to join the army, shuffle papers or cut red tape
|
|
|
|
I wanna die with my boots on
|
|
|
|
Let's do it!
|
|
|
|
Sayings are made by people who take common sense and add a lot of
|
|
bullshit
|
|
|
|
If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know
|
|
|
|
If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question
|
|
|
|
Justice always prevails...three times out of seven
|
|
|
|
An order that can be misunderstood WILL be misunderstood
|
|
|
|
It's always the wrong time of the month
|
|
|
|
No books are lost by lending except those you particularly wanted
|
|
to keep
|
|
|
|
You can get anywhere in ten minutes if you go fast enough
|
|
|
|
Speed bumps are of negligible effect when the vehicle exceeds
|
|
triple the desired restraining speed
|
|
|
|
On a beautiful day like this it's hard to believe that anyone can
|
|
be unhappy - but we'll work on it
|
|
|
|
Old age is always fifteen years older than I am
|
|
Blessed is the person who has reached the point of no return and
|
|
knows it, for he shall enjoy living
|
|
|
|
Blessed is he who expects no gratitude, for he shall not be
|
|
disappointed
|
|
|
|
Ignorance is no excuse
|
|
|
|
The moment you have worked out an answer, start checking it - it
|
|
probably isn't right
|
|
|
|
If at first you don't succeed - blame it on the teacher
|
|
|
|
When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate. When in charge,
|
|
ponder
|
|
|
|
If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment
|
|
|
|
Clearly stated instructions will constantly produce multiple
|
|
interpretations
|
|
|
|
It's always the other guy's fault
|
|
|
|
The critical mass of any do-it-yourself explosive is never less
|
|
than half a bucketful
|
|
|
|
Capitalism exists in one of two states - welfare and warfare
|
|
|
|
It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money
|
|
|
|
If nothing can go wrong, something will anyway
|
|
|
|
The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond
|
|
them to the impossible
|
|
|
|
If at first you don't succeed, transform your data set
|
|
|
|
The gas can is mightier than the sword
|
|
|
|
When a subject becomes totally obsolete, we make it a required
|
|
course
|
|
|
|
Out of two possibly effects, the undesirable one will occur
|
|
|
|
Lemmings drown
|
|
|
|
Sometimes the best law is no law at all
|
|
|
|
However you vote, and whatever you do, someone will be out there
|
|
telling you that you are: (a) wrong, (b) insensitive, (c) a
|
|
bleeding heart, (d) a pawn of somebody else, (e) too wishy-washy,
|
|
(f) too unwilling to compromise, (g) all of the above - consistency
|
|
is not required of critics
|
|
|
|
If there isn't a law - there will be
|
|
|
|
What we call sin in others is experiment in us
|
|
|
|
If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved
|
|
it
|
|
|
|
Entropy is always increasing
|
|
|
|
Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows
|
|
|
|
Hide!!! If they find you, lie!!!
|
|
|
|
Ask five people and you'll get at least six opinions
|
|
|
|
If you're ever right, never let them forget it
|
|
|
|
If a string has one end it has another end
|
|
|
|
Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool
|
|
discovers something that either abolishes the system or expands it
|
|
beyond recognition
|
|
|
|
Do not believe in miracles - rely on them
|
|
|
|
Always verify your witchcraft
|
|
|
|
Experience is in direct proportion to equipment ruined
|
|
|
|
Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you
|
|
won't either
|
|
|
|
The meek shall inherit the earth - in a six foot by four block
|
|
|
|
If you can't remember, it's not important
|
|
|
|
if it's good, they will stop making it
|
|
|
|
Quality is inversely proportional to quantity
|
|
|
|
How to get your face on a postage stamp: drop dead
|
|
|
|
A "sin" is a belief different from yours
|
|
|
|
In order to get a loan, you must first prove that you don't need
|
|
it
|
|
|
|
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone else
|
|
to blame it on
|
|
|
|
Whatever it is, I'm not responsible
|
|
Corollary: Whatever I did, I didn't do it
|
|
|
|
If things were left to chance, they'd be better
|
|
No matter where you stand, no matter how far or fast you flee, when
|
|
it hits the fan, as much as possible will be propelled in your
|
|
direction, and almost none will return to the source
|
|
|
|
Just when you get really good at something, there is no need to do
|
|
it anymore
|
|
|
|
Seven-eighths of everything is hidden
|
|
|
|
There are no winners in life, only survivors
|
|
|
|
The idea is to die young as late as possible
|
|
|
|
Mother nature is a bitch
|
|
|
|
...and even if it can't it might
|
|
|
|
The number that is obviously correct will contain the error
|
|
|
|
If it's obvious, it's not
|
|
|
|
I am sorry, that is beyond your security clearance
|
|
|
|
The computer is your friend
|
|
|
|
On the rare occasion that something is successful, the wrong person
|
|
gets the credit
|
|
|
|
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three
|
|
|
|
VYARZERZOMANIMORORSEZASSEZANZERAREORSES?
|
|
|
|
If you're confident after you've finished an exam, it's because you
|
|
don't know enough to know better
|
|
|
|
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the
|
|
pants
|
|
|
|
Never leave hold of what you've got until you've got something else
|
|
|
|
Those who study the past find other ways to foul up
|
|
|
|
If you can't beat them, have them join you
|
|
|
|
Rule 1: The boss is always right. Rule 2: When the boss is wrong,
|
|
refer to Rule 1
|
|
|
|
Our troops advanced today without losing a foot of ground
|
|
|
|
Negative slack tends to increase
|
|
|
|
If something cannot be put into something smaller, some dope will
|
|
do it
|
|
|
|
Nobody notices when things go right
|
|
|
|
The rat race is over. The rats won
|
|
|
|
Death shall not be denied
|
|
|
|
I thought you silenced the guard!
|
|
|
|
WHAT GUARD!?
|
|
|
|
First rule of hiding: Don't be conspicuous
|
|
Alternative theory: Be conspicuous. No one looks at conspicuous
|
|
people.
|
|
|
|
I'm not crazy, I just don't give a fuck
|
|
|
|
Ronald McDonald says "Eat McShit and die"
|
|
|
|
A pseudonym is a nym that's not your nym
|
|
|
|
Dr. Mark says, "Go suck a sonic screwdriver"
|
|
|
|
This paper has AIDS. Now that you've touched it, you have it too.
|
|
You have two to five years to live. How do you feel now?
|
|
|
|
Have a nice day
|
|
|
|
What? Me worry?
|
|
|
|
If you kill me, you're dead
|
|
|
|
The living will envy the dead
|
|
|
|
I'm not a genius, you're just stupid
|
|
|
|
It takes one who has not to tell someone how much they have
|
|
|
|
Lessons learned by suffering are often obscured by happiness
|
|
|
|
With wisdom comes suffering, with suffering comes wisdom
|
|
|
|
With everything there comes a price, even love
|
|
|
|
Happiness and sorrow are extremes between which lies inner peace
|
|
|
|
The explanation requiring the fewest number of assumptions is most
|
|
likely to be correct
|
|
|
|
The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds,
|
|
and the pessimist knows it
|
|
|
|
Variables won't, constants aren't
|
|
|
|
Don't look back, something might be gaining on you
|
|
Nothing is ultimate
|
|
|
|
The solution to a problem changes the problem
|
|
|
|
If you're coasting, you're going downhill
|
|
|
|
Never tell them what you wouldn't do
|
|
|
|
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed
|
|
|
|
Stick with the following responses when dealing with the press: (a)
|
|
I know and I can't tell you. (b) I know and I can tell you. (c) I
|
|
don't know
|
|
|
|
The easiest way to find something is to replace it
|
|
|
|
Laziness is the mother of nine inventions out of ten
|
|
|
|
Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at
|
|
|
|
A little ignorance goes a long way
|
|
|
|
Hell hath no fury like a pacifist
|
|
|
|
Pacifists will fight to preserve peace
|
|
|
|
Entropy has us outnumbered
|
|
|
|
Learn to be sincere. Even if you have to fake it
|
|
|
|
Do whatever your enemies don't want you to do
|
|
|
|
If it can be understood, it's not finished yet
|
|
|
|
A little ambiguity never hurt anyone
|
|
|
|
The public is always wrong
|
|
|
|
Go where the money is
|
|
|
|
if you can't convince them, confuse them
|
|
|
|
The easiest way of making money is to stop losing it
|
|
|
|
If it happens, it must be possible
|
|
|
|
A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle
|
|
|
|
If you're already in a hole, there is no use to keep digging
|
|
|
|
They say an elephant never forgets, but what's he got to remember?
|
|
|
|
Silence the heart, mend the soul, and clear the mind; then you will
|
|
have inner peace
|
|
Depression is a manifestation of a clouded mind
|
|
|
|
A friend is one who can see you better than you can see yourself
|
|
|
|
Discover the ultimate secret...the self
|
|
|
|
Before judging another, look with his eye, feel with his heart,
|
|
yearn with his soul
|
|
|
|
True bravery lies in facing life
|
|
|
|
Words are a tool that can soothe the soul or incense the mind
|
|
depending on their use
|
|
|
|
I am all that I have seen, all that I have felt, all that I have
|
|
read, all that I have heard, all that I have experienced. I am I,
|
|
I am all that I am, I am myself
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Life is a long lesson in humility
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Working because you want to is the best kind of playing
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Pay taxes greater than your apparent standard of living and declare
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income accordingly
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How to create a new and unusual invention: study what the most
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respected authorities agree cannot be done - then do it
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No born leader seeks command
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A commanding officer commands, he doesn't ask for votes
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Never appeal to man's "better nature". He may not have one.
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Invoking his self interest gives you more leverage
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A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in
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anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity
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Find out what he wants - he'll geek
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I volunteered once and that's enough for a lifetime
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There are only four top subjects, the rest are sideshows: money,
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sex, war, and death. So which one do we choose? RIGHT!
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Heaven is as close as you will let it be
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To catch a thief, you set a thief
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Can you cite ONE case in which a killer committed another murder
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AFTER he was executed?
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When they're big enough, they're old enough and nothing can be done
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about it
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Death is an old friend; I know him well. I lived with him, I ate
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with him, I slept with him; to meet him again does not frighten me
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- death is as necessary as birth, and as happy in its own way
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Never tell the truth in mixed company
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Fiction is anything that has not necessarily happened yet
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Magic, like everything else, has rules
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Evil and Good are relative terms
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Downloaded from Just Say Yes. 2 lines, More than 500 files online!
|
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Full access on first call. 415-922-2008 CASFA
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Another file downloaded from:
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!
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-$- & the Temple of the Screaming Electron
|
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! * Walnut Creek, CA
|
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+ /^ |
|
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! | |//^ _^_ 2400/1200/300 baud (415) 935-5845
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/^ / @ | /_-_ Jeff Hunter, Sysop
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|@ _| @ @|- - -|
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| | | /^ | _ | - - - - - - - - - *
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|___/____|_|_|_(_)_| Aaaaaeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! /
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Specializing in conversations, E-Mail, obscure information,
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entertainment, the arts, politics, futurism, thoughtful discussion,
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insane speculation, and wild rumours. An ALL-TEXT BBS.
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"Raw data for raw minds."
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