1413 lines
70 KiB
Plaintext
1413 lines
70 KiB
Plaintext
BTN: Birmingham Telecommunications News
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COPYRIGHT 1992 ISSN 1055-4548
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May 1992 Volume 5, Issue 5
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Table Of Contents
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-----------------
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Article Title Author
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Policy Statement and Disclaimer................Staff
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Publisher's Corner.............................Mark Maisel
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Editorial......................................Chris Mohney
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Social Etiquette and the Computer User.........Brian Anderson
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An Introduction to JPEG Image Compression......Eric Hunt
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Notes From The Trenches........................Dean Costello
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The Bizarre Crunchy Frog Script Q & A's........Monty & her users
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Review: Intel 9600EX Modem.....................Colby Gibson
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An "Old" BBS With Some "New" Software..........R.H. Crawford
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Another BBS Alternative........................I.M. Heiden
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Music Review...................................Michael Davidson
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We Are The Champions...........................Jeff Vaughn
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A Day in the Life of Ricky Eanes...............Ricky Eanes
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Top Ten Things to do at the Maisel Residence...Scott Kelley
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Special Interest Groups (SIGs).................Barry Bowden
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Known BBS Numbers..............................Staff
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Disclaimer and Statement of Policy for BTN
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We at BTN try our best to assure the accuracy of articles and
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information in our publication. We assume no responsibility for damage
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due to errors, omissions, etc. The liability, if any for BTN, its
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editors and writers, for damages relating to any errors or omissions,
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etc., shall be limited to the cost of a one year subscription to BTN,
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even if BTN, its editors or writers have been advised of the likelihood
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of such damages occurring.
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With the conclusion of that nasty business, we can get on with our
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policy for publication and reproduction of BTN articles. We publish
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monthly with a deadline of the fifteenth of the month prior to
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publication. If you wish to submit an article, you may do so at any
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time but bear in mind the deadline if you wish for your work to appear
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in a particular issue. It is not our purpose to slander or otherwise
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harm a person or reputation and we accept no responsibility for the
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content of the articles prepared by our writers. Our writers own their
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work and it is protected by copyright. We allow reprinting of articles
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from BTN with only a few restrictions. The author may object to a
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reprint, in which case he will specify in the content of his article.
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Otherwise, please feel free to reproduce any article from BTN as long as
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the source, BTN, is specified, and as long as the author's name and the
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article's original title are retained. If you use one of our articles,
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please forward a copy of your publication to:
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Mark Maisel
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Editor, BTN
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221 Chestnut St.
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BHM, AL 35210-3219
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(205)-956-0176
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We thank you for taking the time to read our offering and we hope that
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you like it. We also reserve the right to have a good time while doing
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all of this and not get too serious about it.
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F R E E B I E : G E T I T W H I L E I T S H O T !
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The following boards allow BTN to be downloaded freely, that is with no
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charge to any existing upload/download ratios.
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ADAnet One Alter-Ego Arkham Asylum
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Channel 8250 Little Kingdom Joker's Castle
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Crunchy Frog Owl's Nest The Bus
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The MATRIX Abject Poverty Teasers
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The Outer Limits The Round Table Kiriath Arba
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DC Info Exchange Owlabama BBS Safe Harbor
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Amiga Alliance ][ Martyrdom Again?! DataLynx
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Medicine Man F/X BBS
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If you are a sysop and you allow BTN to be downloaded freely, please let
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me know via EZNet so that I can post your board as a free BTN
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distributor. Thanks. MM
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N E W S F L A S H
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There isn't much happening right now, except for
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the picnic occurring May 3rd, at Hawkins Park in
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Roebuck. I'll see you there!
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Publisher's Corner
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by Mark Maisel
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The party seemed to go awfully well. The crowd was of a good size,
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and they seemed well behaved, for the most part. The mess not was not
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nearly so imposing as that of previous parties. We did have a couple of
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fellows who had a bit too much to drink. They were peaceful enough
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though, and actually took naps in the back yard with the whippets
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bouncing around them, and getting in their licks. I understand that one
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of them feebly attempted to fend off the whippets, but to no avail. The
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other just went with it as he was unable to do much else. Eventually,
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they were brought in by concerned guests so that they wouldn't freeze,
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as it was unseasonably cold that night. I am glad that I am able to say
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that the parties will continue, though I'm not certain when the next one
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will occur. Kathy and I are preparing for quite a bit of travel and
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I'll make no party plans till we are back home for a while.
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The bbs list may not be quite as up to date as usual because I am
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currently modemless. I manage to snatch a node from Crunchy Frog long
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enough to fetch mail with Robocomm, and to send out BTN, but that is
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all. I haven't been able to regularly call non-Robocomm compatible
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systems since the modem went a month ago. I am awaiting a new modem at
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present, and hopefully, it will show up soon. If you spot any
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inaccuracies, please report them to me in EZNet or somewhere that I will
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find it.
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Recently, there has been some discussion about BTN writer feedback
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and I was presented with an idea that had not occurred to me previously.
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The folks who write for BTN rarely hear anything from the readership,
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though I know you're out there, since you make it painfully clear when
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I'm late with an issue. I had long thought that given the way the bbs
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medium lends itself, that comments directly to contributors would come
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freely. This has not come to pass, however, and it has been suggested
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that a "letters to the editor" section be established in BTN. I will
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give this idea a try to see how it goes. If you wish to comment about
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something happening on a local bbs or about something you read in BTN,
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please drop me a message and I'll publish it, and possibly a response,
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if warranted, from any author about whom your message refers. It is
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hard for some to continue to write without ever hearing anything back
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from those who read their work, whether it is liked or not. Help me out
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here so we can help you to better enjoy BTN.
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Editorial
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A Day in the Life of...
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by Chris Mohney
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"Beef jerky?" she asked.
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I eyed the piece of shoe leather she held out to me. "Of course,
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Claudia." I took the alleged meat and began to chew, my eyes traveling
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up and down the luscious curves of her fabulous body.
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"Suddenly, the door flew open," said the narrator. "The hulking
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figure of Mr. Schiffer burst in. He raised a frozen salmon and
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proceeded to beat our hero senseless with it. Oh, the horror!"
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Not liking this turn of events, I seized the script and unzipped my
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leather harness. I whipped out my large, rigid Citizen pen and
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proceeded to alter the script such that I could enjoy a few more moments
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undisturbed with Mrs. Schiffer. Just then, a small Polynesian woman
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began to insert damp cough lozenges into my left ear.
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I awoke to the smell of dung. My incontinent pet stoat had
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deposited a fecal love offering on my pillow whilst perched atop my
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forehead. "Festus, you bad little quadraped." I snatched the bemused
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Festus up by its tail nub and smacked it against the wall until stoat
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blood made Rorschach patterns all over my mauve satin sheets.
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Well, that's it then, I thought. Have to make another trip to the
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stoat store on my way to campus this morning.
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I got out of bed and into my tuxedo. It was half black and half
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white, such that I could attend either weddings or funerals as long as I
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kept the appropriate profile turned. I breakfasted nicely on poached
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cobra eggs and then gave the remains of Festus to Paulo, my loyal
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Philipino houseboy, for disposal at his family restaurant.
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After cruising down the rich boulevards of Tuscaloosa in my jetski
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(we call it the Venice of Lower Alabama) I make a quick stopover at
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Joab's Stoats n' Stuff. They had quite a nice selection, and I picked
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out a nice speckled one to replace the dear departed Festus.
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"You shore do buy a lotta stoats, Mister Liddy. Whatchoo do with
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them, ennyway?" inquired Joab as he handed back my change.
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"Ah, Joab, you inquisitive Southern character you," I said as I
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chucked him under his grizzled chin. "I wouldn't ask me any questions,
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or you might not get to see your lovely wife again."
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"Yer such a kidder, Mr. Liddy," he said, smiling affectionately.
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I waved goodbye. "Call me Gordon."
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Back on the jetski, I frothed my way to school after stuffing my
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new stoat into the glove compartment. "You'll be safe there, Caligula,"
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I soothed as it began to screech. "Just don't let the heat get to you."
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After I rolled up the cuffs of my slacks I laced up my jackboots.
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It would be a difficult ascent to Morgan Hall, site of my first class.
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The beaten path was easier but infested with yetis.
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I drove piton after piton into the unyielding asphalt. The biting
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summer winds made me sneeze blood uncontrollably, but I found a moment
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to leer at passing coeds. I think the blood on the white half of my tux
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was a turn-on.
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Finally, after hours of long agony, I made it to the steps of
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Morgan. Mere yards now lay between myself and my destination, Poetry
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Writing 301. I discarded my climbing harness and pulled my notebook
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from my vest pocket. I took time to quickly scribble "eat more rice
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cakes" on the cover before I proceeded further, just in case.
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Class was already in session. My poetry instructor was a Irish war
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criminal named Shawn o'Sphincter. He was an excellent poet. "Why are
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ye late, ye repulsive fragment of whale spew?" he inquired delicately.
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"Sorry, sir. I spent the weekend drunk as a lord." I smiled
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politely. "Asshole."
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"Right then!" he said, pleased. "Whose poem is up naow? Richard?
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Read yuir poem, ya pathetic turd."
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Richard wiped the spittle off his glasses and proceeded to read.
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"If You Could See Me Now, by RIchard Gallbiter.
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"If you could see what I have seen,
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"If you could be what I have been,
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"If you could read what I have read,
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"If you could felch what I have felched,
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"You would have difficulty avoiding suicide.
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"Thank you." Richard bowed his head.
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"Weelllll," said o'Sphincter, "while the last line contains an
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admirable sentiment, I find myself disappointed that ye haven't followed
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through with it."
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"Sir?" inquired RIchard.
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"I'm sorry, RIchard," said the grinning Irishman, "but the poem
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jest don't work for me unless ye've actually committed suicide, ye see?
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Here, let me help."
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O'Sphincter reached under the table and pulled out a double bladed
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war ax and brought it squarely down on Richard Gallbiter's head. The
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poor boy blinked as blood sprayed the classroom. "Oh, poetry," he
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gasped and fell to the table face-first.
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"Naow THAT's the way to do it, kids!" shouted o'Sphincter,
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gleefully licking his lips. "ART! ART! Who's next?"
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-----------------------------------------------------------------------
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Social Etiquette and the Computer User
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by Brian Anderson
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Do you ever get that funny look from people when you mention a BBS
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name, or the words "bulletin board"? Have you been at a social event,
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and when you mention anything computer related, the people you are
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talking with simply "lock up" (and you must reboot the conversation, of
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course)? Or maybe you're at work, and no one understands that it was an
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important event for you last night to finally get the BBS software to
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cooperate on the "Nuts 'n Bolts" conference?
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What are we to going to DO with these people? Things that are
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happening in the computer world are just so incredible, it defies the
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imagination. I can't believe that we are in the '90s and we can't
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converse with just about anyone about computers and their function in
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our society! For that matter, how in the world do they get anything done
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at all without knowing about these things? Lower form of humans,
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apparently.
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I could go on profiling this type of attitude, but you probably get
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the idea. A person who is knowledgeable about computing, in a situation
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involving people who are not. And the thing that makes our person in
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this scenario distinct is that he looks on the others with disdain. The
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reason he might feel this way is certainly varied, but all too often
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comes down to " I'm better or smarter than you, and you'd better get
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with it, otherwise I can't talk to you." Indeed, some of these people
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bring up tech stuff in a conversation for the sole purpose of impressing
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the uninitiated, which could have some success with the right people, I
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suppose. But more often then not, the people listening will change the
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subject rather than listen to someone expound on a subject they know
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nothing about. Unfortunately, this only enforces the comp-u-person's
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belief that his rather low opinion of these people is a correct one.
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It's true that many of us feel we are simply bursting with
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knowledge of computer type stuff, and we want to share it with others.
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There's nothing wrong with that. In the past, I have overcome some
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computer problems that gave me such a sense of accomplishment, I wanted
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to go on the five o'clock news and tell everyone. Even though I did it
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for my own reasons, it seems worthwhile and rewarding to relate it to
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someone else. You could even help a likewise struggling person in the
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process, you never know.
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Our person above may be in this position, or may be just trying to
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impress. But often, the reaction from people not "in the know",
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computer-wise, is the same either way: lock up. So, do we just clam up
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and not speak of computer related things in a crowd?
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Let me give you a perspective on this matter(antimatter). I have
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seen so many people expound in an unsuspecting crowd, not really caring
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about who they are talking to. This is for selfish reasons, obviously,
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or they would have assessed the mentality of these people before they
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opened their mouth. This can be important, and here's why. I feel there
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are multitudes of potential users out there. Potential because they are
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certainly capable of operating a computer, but for one reason or another
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haven't gotten started yet. Maybe they don't have the money for a
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computer. Maybe they didn't know about them (unlikely, but possible).
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Maybe they have other things going on in their lives that make them
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believe computers are a low priority, or unnecessary. Or whatever. But I
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don't think we should alienate them right off the bat simply because we
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want to show our technical prowess for personal gain.
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A certain percentage of these offenders are even worse then I have
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described so far. In a group of actual computer buffs, these same people
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will try to out-do, or one-up, whoever they might be talking to. This is
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not a contest, for Pete's sake. You can't really better yourself by
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doing this. And if it does give you some kind of satisfaction, you may
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need to rethink your priorities. If I find myself in this position, I
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try to make a stab at being in the conversation, not overpowering it. In
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an exchange with other users, it's nice to learn more and exchange
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useful tidbits, maybe. But these people thrive on merely being the
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smartest (supposedly) one at that moment in that situation. Kinda makes
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you wonder how (or if) they got as far as they claim.
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You know, it's amazing what can happen in a conversation if you
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only let it. Lots of people will willingly talk about computing, if you
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don't scare the hell out of them right off the bat. Let's face it, you
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can hardly get away from the subject nowadays. Between the television,
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newspaper, and all other media, your pet pig must know something about
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it. All you have to do is not overpower them with your "superior
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knowledge", and you are well on your way. Put yourself in the time when
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you were new to all this. Wasn't it a bit spooky calling your first BBS?
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Or how about firing up your computer for the first time, waiting for
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SOMETHING to show up on the screen to let you know everything would be
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all right? These folks who don't about computing yet may have
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apprehension about the subject simply because they have a sincere desire
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to participate, but don't feel comfortable talking with a supposed "true
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computer genius". We were all nervous at some point, in our own way.
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So when you find yourself in the position of our friend, stop and
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think before you go off on a tangent only assembly language gurus would
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comprehend. Don't alienate potential users simply because you want to
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show off. No, we are not obligated to help anyone. You don't HAVE to
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help anyone if you don't want. On the other hand, do you know how
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refreshing it is to talk to someone eager to learn? Start spilling your
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guts about your "perfected config.sys", and you may never know. Start
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them out on the subject, and let them take the wheel, and you may be
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talking to a future Peter Norton. The nice part is that once you get
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them going, they WILL listen to your horror story of the drive with a
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bad FAT, or the strange thing QEMM did when you first used it.
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So a little patience goes a long way. But this is basic to ordinary
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conversation skills, isn't it? Listen, and you will be the greatest
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speaker. (I stole that, but I don't remember who from, so sue me.)
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-----------------------------------------------------------------------
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An Introduction to JPEG Image Compression
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by Eric Hunt
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Images. Pictures. Graphics. Part of the revolution computers have
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brought into daily life is the ability to create, manipulate, and
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display true color images. However, this ability comes at some cost,
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most noticeably that being the immense storage requirements these true
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color images have. As technology moves along, varying attempts are made
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at reducing these storage requirements. Traditionally, these efforts
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have concentrated on retaining all of the image data in the compressed
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form. But now, a new method of compressing image data is gaining
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popularity, one that is 'lossy' -- in that the compressing of the image
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actually eliminates some of the data that comprises the image. It's not
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as bad as it sounds, believe me. True color images can contain upwards
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of 16.7 million colors. The human eye has a color detection threshold
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much much lower than that. This quirk in human color perception is what
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allows these new compression algorithms to eliminate data that the human
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eye could not see anyway!
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One of the first popularly implemented algorithms for the lossy
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compression of true color images is the JPEG algorithm. JPEG stands for
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Joint Photographic Experts Group, the original drafting committe of the
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JPEG standard. Now in it's third release, this piece of free software is
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one of the quickest ways to get started using the JPEG file compression
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format. JPEG software has been written for almost every computer
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platform in use today, and the Independent JPEG Group's software is
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written entirely in ANSI C, making it extremely portable across hardware
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platforms. True color images compressed with JPEG routinely achieve
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absolutely phenomenal compression ratios. I routinely compress 960k true
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color Targa files into 20-30k JPEG files. When decompressed, a human
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cannot tell the JPEG decompressed image is any different than the
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original.
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One of the caveats with JPEG oddly enough is the proliferation of 8
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bit display hardware today. 8 bits of color translates to the familiar
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256 colors that we've had available for years under VGA and SVGA. My
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earlier statements about not being able to tell that an image has been
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compressed and decompressed using JPEG apply only when you are using
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24bit display hardware, and are viewing the 24 bit images side by side.
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When a true color (24bit) image is compressed with JPEG, decompressed
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back to 24bits, and then converted (quantized) to an 8 bit image,
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noticeable defects do creep into the image. However, these defects are
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very very small, and in most cases do not distract from the viewability
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of the picture in question. Most of the time, they add only a little
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fuzzyness to the final image. 8bit hardware also gives JPEG trouble when
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people attempt to compress an existing 8 bit image with JPEG. The
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results are generally terrible. This is due to the fact that JPEG was
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written to compress images with 16.7 million colors, and not 256. So,
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when an 8bit (256 color) image is compressed, much image detail is lost.
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Finally, when you are working with the Independent JPEG Group's
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free JPEG software, make sure that any JPEG images you try to decompress
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conform to the JFIF method of encoding a JPEG file. This generally only
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presents a problem with commercial software that was written before the
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JFIF standard was approved. Also, the shareware program GIFTOJPG
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produces JPEG files that are incompatible with the Independent Group's
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software.
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The JPEG software, in full source, and IBM PC binary form, may be
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downloaded from The MATRIX BBS in Birmingham, Alabama. Additionally, it
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is available for anonymous FTP on the Internet on the UUNET archives
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(ftp.uu.net.)
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-----------------------------------------------------------------------
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Notes from the Trenches
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by Dean Costello
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"Death and Taxes"
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I was sitting here, watching a favorite movie of mine called
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"Amadeus", about the life of Mozart and Soliere. The ending shows the
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burial of Mozart, in a common pauper's grave, in a the middle of a nasty
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rain storm. It occured to me that in many movies the funeral of a lead
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character almost always occurs on a rainy day.
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I remember back to 1981, when my grandfather died. It was a
|
|
beautiful day in mid to late spring: April I want to say. No clouds
|
|
out, some birds in the background; just a real pretty day. And my
|
|
grandfather was dead.
|
|
|
|
He died when I was 15. He was my mother's father, and I had known
|
|
him for most of my life, at the time. He died about five years after he
|
|
retired from the carpentry business. (I have never tried a 'I remember
|
|
back when...' article before, so you will have to bear with it. It is
|
|
an extremely awkward way of writing since very few people really give a
|
|
damn about who my grandfather was or why I feel the way I do, but we
|
|
shall see how it turns out. I have a bad feeling that it will probably
|
|
be more suitible to a "Reader's Digest" article, maybe entitled
|
|
"Grandpa". You want maudlin? I'll give you so much maudlin that you'll
|
|
gag.)
|
|
|
|
I can't really say that I remember an awful lot of factual data
|
|
about him. Most of what I recall is more along the lines of images and
|
|
impressions. For instance, the house that he and Grandma lived in was
|
|
in southern Dorchester county, right on a salt water marsh. When my
|
|
brother and/or I would go to visit, the mosquitos at the house were
|
|
horrible, but I cannot rightly remember my grandfather ever killing a
|
|
mosquito. More times than not he merely brushed them, or flies, or
|
|
whatever out the door.
|
|
|
|
He was the one that taught me how to fish, by using a soft crab
|
|
that was all cut up, and you can get those perch by just letting your
|
|
line out, straight down with a little weight to keep them perch honest,
|
|
then when you feel something quickly jerk back on the rod to hook 'em.
|
|
Many, many summer days were spent that way, me and Grandpa, sometimes
|
|
Scott, sitting in the skiff that Grandpa built, old outboard engine on
|
|
the boat to take us way back in the creeks around his place, catching
|
|
perch with softcrabs.
|
|
|
|
There really isn't a whole lot to say about the man. As I think
|
|
about him, he strikes me as being the prototypical grandfather- person.
|
|
He struck me as being real tall. When he died, I think that I was only
|
|
about 5'5" or so, and he was still a good 6-8" taller than me, still.
|
|
He had a great way of talking. His accent was slightly Welsh, and every
|
|
sentence had to have "Goddamn" in it somewhere. For instance, "Marge
|
|
[that's Grandma], I'm taking Dean down to Clarence's to get the goddamn
|
|
mail and a Pepsi". Pretty heady stuff for a nine year-old. And when he
|
|
forgot, he would go back and repeat the sentence with the correct
|
|
invecitive. You have to admire that kind of purism. "By God" was also
|
|
high on his list of phrases, e.g., "Whoa, by God, look at the size of
|
|
that boat!" Whether or not that was the pregeniter of my phrases like,
|
|
"What a time", or "Whatever, I guess" I cannot say.
|
|
|
|
He seemed to be a good person, given what I remember of him. I
|
|
recall spending a couple of Saturday afternoons watching and helping him
|
|
cut grass at the local church (that his father or grandfather built, I
|
|
get messed up on some of the relative positions) that I don't remember
|
|
him attending. I remember that his features were fairly leathery and
|
|
dark from working on the water for many years. I remember he was fairly
|
|
handsome, in a grandfather kind of way.
|
|
|
|
I would like to say that he was like Garrison Keillor's
|
|
grandfather, who "so loved children and being with children, that when
|
|
he had to go into town and run some errands, and no children were
|
|
around, he would go over to the school and borrow one or two for a
|
|
couple of hours." I don't know if Grandpa ever did that, though you
|
|
have to admit that it makes a dandy story. But he was just Grandpa, the
|
|
person who taught me how to do remedial carpentry, how to make a boat
|
|
out of a 2x4 and some scrap wood, how to convince a lawnmower that it
|
|
wanted to keep running another summer, and how to steer a boat in
|
|
shallow, twisty rivers so that you don't run your the goddamned boat
|
|
aground on a shoal.
|
|
|
|
You made a difference to me. This Wild Turkey is for you, Dryden
|
|
Woodland.
|
|
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
The Bizarre Crunchy Frog Script Questionaire &
|
|
The Even More Bizarre Answers
|
|
by users of Crunchy Frog
|
|
compiled by Monty (Kathy Maisel)
|
|
|
|
This is my first article for BTN coming to you live from the
|
|
Crunchy Frog. You know those annoying script questionaires that every
|
|
board has, and some of them even insist that you fill them out. Well,
|
|
on the Frog, we have fun with them! When you ask for the scripts, you
|
|
will get a list of which one. We started out with "what is your
|
|
name?"...a fairly innocuous question which ALMOST everyone gets,
|
|
although we do find the occassional deluded user who thinks they are
|
|
Napoleon. The next question asks "what is your quest?" I like to watch
|
|
the pauses when this one comes up on the screen.
|
|
|
|
"So, what does she do with all those answers?", you might ask. "Am
|
|
I just pissing in the wind?", do you really care? Well, here is the
|
|
long sought after answer to your burning questions! Yes! I compile
|
|
them and post them! Normally on my board, but this time I'M GONNA SHARE
|
|
MY USERS WITH THE WHOLE OF BTN READERS! You lucky devils, you.
|
|
|
|
Here are some of the more entertaining answers to the
|
|
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
|
|
+ +
|
|
+ Release The Tiger Questionaire +
|
|
+ +
|
|
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
|
|
from the Crunchy Frog...I know
|
|
you're excited.
|
|
|
|
=======================================================================
|
|
Question # 1 : Are you a poofda?
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
This seemed to be fairly easy for everyone. They drew the lines
|
|
well...ok, so the lines were a little crooked...but they drew them
|
|
anyway. Aside from the masses of "NO!" "NEVER!" ... rather boring
|
|
people log on to my board, you know...we had a few winners.
|
|
|
|
Here is the generally confused crowd:
|
|
|
|
a) Maybe
|
|
b) not since 1963
|
|
c) What?
|
|
d) No! Yes! I mean - well, I don't know. I think so.
|
|
e) Occasionally
|
|
r) Am I?
|
|
g) Is this the North or South American variety?
|
|
|
|
Then we had the ones who were quite confident about it:
|
|
|
|
a) but, of course!
|
|
b) Absolutely. I pride myself on my poofda qualities.
|
|
c) Yes, but only on weekends.
|
|
d) Well, after many years of counceling, I admit...but now...
|
|
e) sometimes, when my mother isn't watching.
|
|
f) only on tuesday and somtimes on monday
|
|
g) When I'm not a psychiatrist
|
|
|
|
And those that said no in a more colorful way:
|
|
|
|
a) No, I'm a protestant
|
|
b) not last time i checked
|
|
c) I should say not! (swish)
|
|
d) No way! I'm more butch than Mr. Rogers.
|
|
|
|
Then, the group from Bryce Institute in their new program
|
|
"Maniacs on Modems":
|
|
|
|
a) No, I am an adfoop.
|
|
b) Used ta be, I'm now a Whomdertek!
|
|
c) No, I'm snoffda!
|
|
|
|
and our finalist for the week said:
|
|
|
|
d) No Poofdas! <- this user wins the coveted
|
|
Drool Bucket Award.
|
|
|
|
Now, for our next brain teaser!
|
|
|
|
=======================================================================
|
|
# 2 : What are the two...no, three weapons used by the Spanish
|
|
Inquisition?
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Our first group had a little problem with the question:
|
|
|
|
a) yes
|
|
b) no
|
|
c) ask Mark
|
|
d) I don't know I slept through that class
|
|
e) Hm. Is this a rhetorical question?
|
|
|
|
Then, the pythoneers came out in force on this one! There were many
|
|
answers which said "Fear, Fear and Surprise! Fear, Surprise and
|
|
Ruthless Efficiency!" Then a few extra...
|
|
|
|
a) Surprise, ?, ?
|
|
b) Fear and Suprise, and a bad song.
|
|
c) suprise danger and i forgot
|
|
d) the comfy chair, the comfy chair and SURPRISE
|
|
^-pillows, you fool! poke her with the
|
|
fluffy pillows!
|
|
|
|
e) Fear and Surprise and ruthless efficiency and nice red...
|
|
f) It doesn't matter, they can't remember them themselves.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Then we have some script revisionists here! check it out!
|
|
|
|
a) catapult, the air jammer road rammer, pro football <- i always
|
|
knew it was a
|
|
conspiracy.
|
|
|
|
b) the rack, hot metal tongs, a picture of a bloated Liz Taylor <- yeek!
|
|
c) Water, fire, and testical clamps
|
|
d) Sex, Lies, and branding irons <- you've been invited to a party
|
|
e) Fear, sodomy, and questionares
|
|
f) feathers, Ducks, and wild foxe's with bad attitudes!
|
|
g) A shrubbery, a stick, and a can of Spam
|
|
h) Jelly, breadsticks, and Maple Syrup
|
|
i) boogers, pert shampoo and twinkies
|
|
j) Sheep legs, masectomys, and Goat milk cheese.
|
|
k) Feathers, aardvarks, and something I can't say in public.
|
|
l) offline mail readers, illegal copies of 'bambi', and Dean C.
|
|
|
|
Now, here's one that stumped almost everyone.
|
|
|
|
=======================================================================
|
|
# 3 : Do you like traffic lights?
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
aside from singing the ENTIRE song between several users' answers, we
|
|
did get some new ones:
|
|
|
|
a) No, the damned bastards..great, there goes 20yrs of therapy!
|
|
b) only when they are out
|
|
c) after we get to know each other... intimately
|
|
d) Only the ones that respect me.
|
|
e) don't be silly
|
|
f) Only when I can share them with friends!
|
|
g) Hey! Don't get into my personal life!
|
|
h) with a good amber sause yes.
|
|
|
|
NEXT! our tunes crowd got together and showed us the wide variety of
|
|
musical taste we have in the bbs community...
|
|
|
|
=======================================================================
|
|
Question # 4 : What is your favorite Dead Monkey's Song?
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
a) Damn
|
|
b) "Truckin'".
|
|
c) Kum Bay Yah
|
|
d) Milk (Avaliable in remix form on Anthrax's new album)
|
|
e) Why are my coconuts smaller than yours?
|
|
f) I'm so tired I'm drinking bleach.
|
|
g) We're Just In It for the Money
|
|
h) remove your toenails, they're lovely
|
|
i) I thought it was Dead Halibut.
|
|
j) Maggots make me scream.
|
|
k) Olaf, Olaf, with the stains in his beard.
|
|
l) alive and well in buckingham palace
|
|
m) manfred manns version of mighty quinn the fishmarketeer
|
|
n) Last train to Clarksville
|
|
o) AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
|
|
|
|
=======================================================================
|
|
# 5 : How do you feel about the baggage retrieval system at Heath Row?
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
we had many users who had some concerns in this area:
|
|
|
|
a) It's not TOO bad, although I'm kinda worried about it...
|
|
b) It's worring me.
|
|
c) It worries me.
|
|
d) I'm so worried about it.
|
|
e) No sir, I don't like it
|
|
|
|
Then there were a few who gave some suggestions:
|
|
|
|
a) It's a great ride.
|
|
b) I liked the monkey.
|
|
c) <look of disgust>
|
|
d) It's quite silly.
|
|
e) They gave me a dollar once... <- I'll bet they turned you
|
|
into a newt too!
|
|
f) it needs more dancing girls
|
|
g) It's best when savored.
|
|
h) got a good beat, easy to dance to
|
|
i) Did you say rotating knives?
|
|
j) RELEASE THE TIGER.....
|
|
|
|
Now, for a really popular question...
|
|
|
|
=======================================================================
|
|
# 6 : What sauce is most tempting to a crocodile?
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
There were many people who felt that crocodiles were partial to hot
|
|
sauces, but then some felt a nice bernaise would do. A few people
|
|
thought that crocs would love raspberry, but then there's no accounting
|
|
for the taste of crocodiles...
|
|
|
|
Here are a few extras:
|
|
|
|
a) they like...aaaagh!
|
|
b) I don't subscribe to that. I'm for an Olympic-spec mayo.
|
|
c) Mornay
|
|
d) Are these all Python questions? <- it took you this long to figure
|
|
it out?
|
|
e) SMALL MALE CHILD IN YOGURT
|
|
f) Moa Moa
|
|
g) A1, for African crocodiles, but Hines 57 for American ones.
|
|
h) Jeri Curl
|
|
|
|
The burning question from the Weekly World News!
|
|
=======================================================================
|
|
Question # 7 : Can Marilyn Monroe still act?
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Now, we have deployed the kill-o-matic robots to find these punsters so
|
|
that we won't see any more answers like:
|
|
|
|
a) she knocks 'em dead
|
|
b) Whaddya mean, still, ?
|
|
c) If she can, it'll be a little stiff...
|
|
d) You could most likely worm something out of her.
|
|
|
|
Then the theater critics stepped up and said...
|
|
|
|
a) She could act??
|
|
b) yes, as long as it's a a bed scene
|
|
c) Of course. She did a surprise cameo as a skeleton in T2
|
|
|
|
d) She's dead! <- another mental giant answers my questionaires!
|
|
|
|
e) If she's acting as a mattress or a phone pole, she's FAB!
|
|
f) yes, she is doing a great job as a pile of dust
|
|
g) Better than ever.
|
|
h) She scares small children quite well.
|
|
|
|
Then we come to the hard-core question that just everyone was dying to
|
|
know the answer to...
|
|
|
|
=======================================================================
|
|
# 8 : What happened to Eric the half-a-bee?
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
as you will see, some very gruesome things happened to him:
|
|
|
|
a) Who cares? <- good answer!
|
|
b) Well, it goes like this. We'll never see Eric again, dear...
|
|
c) Cyril Connelly?
|
|
d) I'm not sure if half a bee could be, could he?
|
|
e) he went and fell into a glass of champagne
|
|
f) He made it big in the MPFC computer game.
|
|
g) He retired from bee keeping
|
|
h) I believe he died most carnally
|
|
i) What are you talking about?
|
|
j) He became a weather-vain? sorry, wrong story.
|
|
k) I guess he's still a bisexual..
|
|
l) He was bisected accidentally
|
|
m) There was this Bird, and, well, that IS an adult story...
|
|
n) he was murdered
|
|
o) he got eaten by eric the halibut
|
|
p) got AIDS!
|
|
q) he exploded with the penguin on the tellie
|
|
|
|
Then, for the finale, we had to add some sex into the picture...
|
|
|
|
=======================================================================
|
|
Question # 9 : Who all came to the Gumby Orgy?
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Many people were terribly upset, shocked and disappointed that they were
|
|
not invited! Amid the yammering for a second orgy with gratuitous
|
|
spankings and barnyard animals, we found a few guesses:
|
|
|
|
a) Gumby, his wife Martha, and their two sons.
|
|
b) EVERYBODY DAMN'IT
|
|
c) [snicker]
|
|
d) HIS HAND,
|
|
e) Gumberts
|
|
f) who all came TO or AT?
|
|
g) Hell, it was the whole ramphead family conspirators party.
|
|
h) Eddie Murphy
|
|
i) No one. They all got stuck in the revolving door.
|
|
j) jfk, donald duck and john holmes
|
|
k) ike and tina, little ants, a bowl of mush, john paul II
|
|
l) I took shock treatments to forget, don't remind me.
|
|
m) Gumby and his little male friend Gusseppi
|
|
n) I refuse to answer that question.
|
|
o) That's an amazing image. What was the question?
|
|
p) Me and my necro beastio homo friends
|
|
|
|
Well, that about wraps up the fun! If you are feeling simply left
|
|
out, or so terribly sorry you missed out on such intellectual
|
|
stimulation, you are quite welcome to pop by the board and fill out a
|
|
script. I am quite happy to make up foolish questions to be answered in
|
|
your most creative ways. DOS Tip...it helps to be well sauced when you
|
|
fill them out.
|
|
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Review: Intel 9600EX modem
|
|
by Colby Gibson
|
|
|
|
This month, I am reviewing a high speed modem that is produced by
|
|
the Intel Corporation, the Intel 9600EX modem.
|
|
|
|
The 9600EX modem supports MNP Error Control Versions 1-4, and MNP
|
|
Class 5 Data Compression. It supports V.32 and V.42bis, and the LAPM
|
|
error controlling/data compressing systems.
|
|
|
|
The modem itself comes with the necessary techinical jargon that
|
|
concerns the installation, various odds and ends, and the specific
|
|
command set that this modem will recognize. Power supply and 25-9 pin
|
|
cord is also included with the package.
|
|
|
|
When using this modem, the user should open the comm port at 38,400
|
|
bps, and the modem will transfer at 9600 baud between other systems. The
|
|
various comm programs availiable have different protocols availiable,
|
|
but here are some tested and the rates produced:
|
|
|
|
DSZ (Omen Technology's Enternal Zmodem) - between 1050-1150 cps
|
|
|
|
Telix's Zmodem (Internal Protocol) - 1024 cps
|
|
|
|
Ymodem (Hmmm.) - 1024 cps
|
|
|
|
Xmodem (Yeah, right!) - 540 cps
|
|
|
|
(For those that don't wanna get out the calculator, a 100k file
|
|
will take about a minute and a half, etc.)
|
|
|
|
The modem itself is quite small, not as big as the US Robotics
|
|
Courier or Dual Standard modems. It does generate heat, but not so much
|
|
as to be a problem for other instruments such as phones (You wouldn't
|
|
want to heat one up) or other modems.
|
|
|
|
The modem sells for about $450 to $500 in Computer Shopper, and has
|
|
received rave reviews from other publications in recent months.
|
|
|
|
I have had no problems out of this modem, and it has worked quite
|
|
dandy compared to the 2400 I have. Although this modem is a loaner and
|
|
is way out of my price range (Probably will be for about as long as I am
|
|
still working you-know-where) I would recommend it to those who would
|
|
seek multi-standard support and something relatively inexpensive
|
|
compared to other modems. The setup for this modem is relatively simple,
|
|
except for maybe far and few between systems that have some strange bios
|
|
that runs on a 70's chip array, so little trouble will be involved with
|
|
it.
|
|
|
|
To those that do not know the advantages of high speed modems and
|
|
are interested in purchasing one, they provide excellent access to the
|
|
many message networks that generate tumults of mail that would be
|
|
inaccessable to users with lower speed modems (To pull down conference
|
|
after conference of mail), line noise and other problems are eliminated,
|
|
and online time is greatly reduced.
|
|
|
|
Thanks go to Mark Maisel for spending his time explaining the
|
|
standards of these monster devices to me and holding his patience.
|
|
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
An "Old" BBS With Some "New" Software
|
|
by R.H. Crawford
|
|
|
|
This one is going to be rather short and sweet, as compared to some
|
|
of my other ranting and raving, so bear with me.....
|
|
|
|
Baudville BBS was born out of a desire, on the part of Doug Griffin
|
|
and, to a small extent, myself, to have a board with a specific theme.
|
|
The one we choose was to have a board that emulated a small Alabama
|
|
town, complete with a Post Office, General Store, and, of course, a
|
|
House of Ill Repute. In a scant few months we found ourselves with an
|
|
abundance of users with a nice mix between female and male users, much
|
|
to our surprise. We chose to use Oracomm software for a variety of
|
|
reasons. First of all we both found the Oracomm chat feature to be one
|
|
of the easiest to use. Unlike many BBSers here in town, we liked
|
|
message bases, mainly because the Oracomm software allows you to follow
|
|
the entire message thread from beginning to end, and often that in
|
|
itself was entertaining.
|
|
|
|
It's happened lately that many of the Oracomm boards have been
|
|
living up to their reputations as meat markets and battle grounds. This
|
|
was/is distressing to many users and lurkers alike. I have gone from
|
|
posting like a maniac to lurking more and more. To tell the truth, I
|
|
find zero pleasure in petty verbal bashings and the thought of actually
|
|
using a BBS as a place to locate a sexual partner, especially in this
|
|
day and age, is far too frightening to me. The messages used to be fun,
|
|
full of humor and incessant ravings with just enough sexual innuendo (
|
|
and in the case of the adult boards, out and out nasty fun) to make the
|
|
reading fun. Hell, it HAD to be fun, you HAVE to do it online, a fact
|
|
that keeps many potential users from ever trying Oracomm boards. Once
|
|
you get the offline reader fever, you're pretty much hooked.
|
|
|
|
So, with the passage of enough time, we became less and less
|
|
enchanted with the Oracomm software. Now BEFORE any of you out there
|
|
start posting to me about "bad mouthing" board software, give me a
|
|
break! I am IN NO WAY bad mouthing the Oracomm boards or the software.
|
|
Hell, I still call them and I still have a subscription to one, and I'll
|
|
renew it when the time comes. I'm merely trying to show how BaudVille
|
|
came to change software and share with potential SYSOPs the things we've
|
|
experienced. There is NOTHING wrong with the Oracomm software, unless
|
|
you find something that you think works better and provides a better
|
|
value for your purpose........and we think we have.
|
|
|
|
Enter the Major BBS Software. Doug gets the credit for discovering
|
|
Major BBS software. Hell, I don't even remember where he said he found
|
|
it. But I AM glad he did, and so are a lot of people who are
|
|
discovering a new board software in town that is actually FUN to be
|
|
ONLINE with!
|
|
|
|
I have often stated that BBSing is supposed to be fun, and when it
|
|
ceases to be fun, I'd rather be off somewhere sticking knitting needles
|
|
in my feet. Now, as many of the local readers will know, I DO use the
|
|
offline readers, often far more than is reasonable, but what the hell,
|
|
I'm having a ball! This software, for me, has put the "FUN" back into
|
|
getting online. It's actually a drag to have to log off! The chat
|
|
feature if filled with variety and laughs. There is an "action" command
|
|
set that is activated by entering...../a on.......after which you can
|
|
access a list of designated "action" words, to get this you
|
|
enter........../a list.......after this you enter may enter something
|
|
like....Kiss SYSOP.........and the SYSOP will se a message
|
|
saying...........Mary is kissing you softly..........everyone else sees
|
|
this.........Mary is Kissing SYSOP softly.............to do the same
|
|
thing in private, you append a......secretly........to the end and it
|
|
will go ONLY to the SYSOP. Now the list is quite extensive and
|
|
configurable by the SYSOP.
|
|
|
|
When you enter MAIN CHAT, you're announced by the
|
|
system.......SYSOP has entered the channel........BUT, this announcement
|
|
can be altered by the SYSOP to anything you'd like, such as..........A
|
|
Flash Of Light And The SYSOP Appears!............There is far to much to
|
|
be discussed in what was supposed to be a short article, but there are
|
|
things such as "invitation only private chat", where you can open a chat
|
|
channel to as many users as you'd like but they HAVE to be invited in,
|
|
like having a Private group chat. Files can be appended to messages for
|
|
easy downloading, online interactive games (real time adventure games
|
|
where you and the other users online take on the challenges together),
|
|
and so much more that makes this software really fun.
|
|
|
|
Add to that the possibility of having a qwk compatible door (which
|
|
we don't have as YET) and I think this is one of the most entertaining
|
|
pieces of board software around. Now before you start posting to me
|
|
telling me I haven't been around long enough, I'll say that I've seen
|
|
enough of the boards to pretty much put them all into proper
|
|
perspective. I'm not putting any one of them down, just showing the
|
|
finer points of a new discovery.
|
|
|
|
It does have a few kinks in it, such as the high price of adding
|
|
certain things to it, like the mail door ($200.00), but these are small
|
|
when compared to the really entertaining things that this software
|
|
affords it's users.
|
|
|
|
So there you have it, an advertisement for the "new" Baudville BBS
|
|
and a review of a piece of software that this writer finds both
|
|
entertaining, useful and a true value at the same time. Give us a call
|
|
at 205-640-7243 or 7286. We're still configuring and setting up, so be
|
|
patient with us. And by all means, I'll look forward to getting together
|
|
with you in chat!
|
|
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Another BBS Alternative
|
|
by I. M. Heiden
|
|
|
|
"User Friendly" is a phrase you hear often but seldom actually
|
|
encounter. For example, the different types of BBS software in use
|
|
today. Most of them tend to make me run in circles. PCBoard and
|
|
ProDoor were the only user friendly ones I had found. That was until I
|
|
called a new system a few months ago. The Night Watch BBS, 841-2790
|
|
(blatant plug), running TriBBS 2.0. At last I had found something else
|
|
with menus and prompts that were easy to use and remember.
|
|
|
|
Now a little about the software itself.
|
|
|
|
TriBBS 2.0 fully supports multinode operation at no additional
|
|
cost.
|
|
|
|
Internal Zmodem - no need to set it up as an external protocol.
|
|
|
|
Net Mail converters are available for Fido, PCRelay and QWK to
|
|
TriBBS. These converters are optional, but are available for download
|
|
on any TriBBS support board and are free to all TriBBS sysops.
|
|
|
|
TriBBS can internally generate the door data files to run most
|
|
PCBoard, GAP (DOOR.SYS), Spitfire, Wildcat and RBBS doors.
|
|
|
|
TriBBS allows optional testing of all uploaded archives, EXE's and
|
|
COM's for errors and viruses.
|
|
|
|
There is also a mail door for TriBBS (TriMail) which is optional
|
|
but free to TriBBS sysops.
|
|
|
|
One of the beauties of TriBBS is the ease of installation and
|
|
maintenance. Other features include the ability to generate security
|
|
level specific menu screens on the fly and run an almost unlimited
|
|
number of sliding and nonsliding events.
|
|
|
|
TriBBS BBS is copyrighted by Mark D. Goodwin and is distributed
|
|
under the shareware concept. The shareware version is NOT crippled in
|
|
any way. Registration for TriBBS is $75.00 (US) which includes postage
|
|
and handling. For this registration fee you will receive the latest
|
|
version on disk, a printed manual and an encrypted key file to instantly
|
|
register the present and all future versions of TriBBS. Upgrades are
|
|
not sent to individual users but instead are available on TriBBS support
|
|
boards and at times on other TriBBS boards. Technical support is
|
|
excellent. Usually a message left one morning will have a reply by that
|
|
evening.
|
|
|
|
If you're interested in seeing TriBBS from the user's viewpoint,
|
|
call either: Night Watch BBS (841-2790) or Party Line BBS (856-1336).
|
|
And that's the last free plug.
|
|
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Music Review
|
|
by Michael Davidson
|
|
|
|
It is now the beginning of April. Do we have some new goodies
|
|
coming up in the next few months! First of all, Def Leppard released
|
|
there first new album in a few years: the anxiously awaited Adrenalize.
|
|
Bruce Springsteen released two at once, ala Guns N' Roses, although the
|
|
names were different. The Wayne's World soundtrack is out, with some
|
|
lovely artists playing, and for those of you who are into that sort of
|
|
thing, Wynnona Judd released her first solo album. Also, coming up in
|
|
April or May, Faith No More should be releasing Angel Dust; I can't wait
|
|
for that one. But perhaps the greatest release in the month of March (or
|
|
at least the greatest that happened to make it to my CD player) is the
|
|
subject of this month's review: They Might Be Giants newest: Apollo 18.
|
|
|
|
They Might Be Giants is one of my favorite bands, and their new one
|
|
follows in their tradition of greatness. It is, however, a very
|
|
different sound for the band, and most of the songs are not what I'd
|
|
call classic TMBG, like Ana Ng or Lucky Ball & Chain. That in no way
|
|
makes the quality less, in my opinion. This album continues in the
|
|
tradition that there are lots of songs (18) in a little time (under 45
|
|
minutes).
|
|
|
|
One of the best features of the CD (if you buy it on CD) is its
|
|
unique indexing. It is designed to make full use of the shuffle feature.
|
|
It does this by making the song Fingertips into 21 little songs, with
|
|
different words to each. When you press the random button, it will treat
|
|
each part of Fingertips like a different song, making for a total of 38
|
|
possibilities.
|
|
|
|
Once again, TMBG comes through with great lyrics. Especially in the
|
|
21 refrains of Fingertips. (All of them have different lyrics, and
|
|
feature many guest vocalists.) I Palindrome I is also very original,
|
|
with some verses being palindromes, as the title would imply. Another
|
|
high point is The Guitar (The Lion Sleeps Tonight). TMBG takes the
|
|
refrain from the popular song, and changes it around a little to more
|
|
fit the theme "Apollo 18".
|
|
|
|
This is a highly recommended album, especially for fans of the
|
|
band. Even if you've never heard them, try it out. Most people like
|
|
them, even if it takes a time or two of listening to the album. <g>
|
|
Overall, I'd say it's not as good as most of their earlier work, but
|
|
it's still better than your average album.
|
|
|
|
Addition to last month's article: I recently purchased Teenage
|
|
Fanclub's first CD, A Catholic Education. It's not as good as
|
|
Bandwagonesque, but still worth a listen.
|
|
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
We Are The Champions
|
|
by Jeff Vaughn
|
|
|
|
Saturday, April 25th was an excellent day to be watching MTV. I
|
|
happened to click over to the channel and I noticed that a documentary
|
|
was starting. To my surprise, it was about Queen. Being a long-time fan
|
|
of Queen I was delighted. Seeing it was hosted by Axl Rose, I was a bit
|
|
amused. This was going to be a show I would enjoy.
|
|
|
|
It was somewhat of a shock to me back when I had heard that Freddy
|
|
Mercury had died. Hearing that he had died of AIDS was less a shock
|
|
because I had heard rumors & I anticipated that was what it was when I
|
|
heard the news. I also noticed that the CD 'Queen's Greatest Hits' had
|
|
all but disappeared off the shelves. I had a taped, but decided to get a
|
|
CD of it. I picked up 'Classic Queen' & was disgusted. It didn't have
|
|
hardly any of the songs that "QGH" had, so I figured I'd wait. I was
|
|
introduced to Queen's music right about 1981. The song was 'Bohemian
|
|
Rhapsody', I knew right then I would like this group. Afterwards, during
|
|
several trips to my friend's place, I had got quite a appetite for
|
|
Queen. Songs like 'Killer Queen', 'Another One Bites the Dust', 'We Are
|
|
the Champions', 'We Will Rock You', & 'Somebody to Love' were great. For
|
|
some reason though, I never went out and bought the CDs. After a time
|
|
though, the radio stations had went down hill & completely lost the
|
|
grasp of what 'Classic Rock' really was. So, in about 1989 I bought
|
|
"QGH". I think I wore the tape out in about two months along with Led
|
|
Zeppelin II.
|
|
|
|
Saturday was a refreshing look at a band I'd thought I'd known very
|
|
well. I think I saw more footage in 90 mins. than in my whole life. The
|
|
last time I had seen a performance from Queen was the 'Live Aid'
|
|
concert. Of course there were videos from 'Inuendo', but that was
|
|
scarcely enough. It was news to me that Axl Rose was such a big fan of
|
|
Queen. But, then again, these boys tend to surprise me again & again.
|
|
|
|
So, if the documentary comes on again (which MTV has a habit of
|
|
doing), I strongly suggest you Queen fans to take a look inside. As for
|
|
myself, I think I'll make myself a boot-leg copy. I gotta find a copy of
|
|
that greatest hits CD too.
|
|
|
|
A toast to Queen, long may they reign.
|
|
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
A Day in the Life of Ricky Eanes
|
|
by Ricky Eanes (duuhhhh)
|
|
|
|
I want all of you to know that I am not writing this article of my
|
|
own free will. I have several reasons for writing it. One, I want to
|
|
write an article and can't think of anything else to write on. Two,
|
|
Michael Davidson is very far ahead of me in number of BTN articles
|
|
written, and while this will not change that fact, it may lessen it to
|
|
some degree. Next, it's the only way that Mark will even think about
|
|
letting me into BTNWA. Finally, I want to get back at Colby and Dean
|
|
for writing boring articles. Don't expect this to be exciting or
|
|
anything. If it is, I need to return that call from the New York Times.
|
|
|
|
My getting-ready-for-school-on-a-very-dreary-morning routine is not
|
|
very exciting or eventful, so there is not anything to say about it.
|
|
However, once at school, I meander into the gym, our school's pig pen
|
|
for early people. I always sit in the same place with the same friends.
|
|
Once they open the gate, we all flow out to the 8th grade hall and our
|
|
respective lockers to grab our instruments for our first couple of
|
|
classes.
|
|
|
|
Homeroom is one of my favorite classes in the day. This is where
|
|
we talk and do our homework, hence the name. On occasional days they
|
|
rev up the TV's that we have in every classroom and we watch some stupid
|
|
news program and make fun of the reporters. I very rarely have more
|
|
homework than I can handle in homeroom, so this is where most of my
|
|
homework gets done.
|
|
|
|
After 30 beautiful minutes, the bell rings. For most people this
|
|
bell means absolutely nothing, as the majority of the school has the
|
|
same teacher for homeroom and 1st period. Social Studies consists of
|
|
either coloring our maps for our Kindergarten teacher, or copying the
|
|
book for our student teacher. Seriously now, our teacher treats us like
|
|
Kindergarteners. She thinks that we enjoy coloring maps. Her soul goal
|
|
as being a teacher is to "make us learn manners". I can't tell you how
|
|
many times she has said this. Her substitute teacher is even worse. As
|
|
a teacher, he is great as far as his lectures go. As a person, he lacks
|
|
much. His pants are pulled up to his armpits, his hair has several
|
|
coats of Criso or compatible, and he dresses the most conservative of
|
|
any person I've seen. I have had nightmares about meeting his tie rack.
|
|
|
|
Forty-five minutes and 800 sheets of paper later, the bell rings
|
|
and I am herded into Advanced Math. I still wonder about the idiot who
|
|
claims this class is "advanced". I am no math genius, yet this class is
|
|
child's play for your 2-6 year old. We generally talk the majority of
|
|
this period. I am fortunate that I am one of the few people I know that
|
|
can do math and talk at the same time. If I didn't, I would have lots
|
|
of homework in this class.
|
|
|
|
Third period brings about Industrial Arts. Near the beginning of
|
|
the year, this was my favorite class. Recently, it has been my
|
|
least-favorite class. In the beginning we made things out of wood while
|
|
we talked, and it was fun. Then we had a ten-year unit on drafting, the
|
|
most boring experience of my life. Our teacher, errr, "instructor",
|
|
appears to be some middle-aged guy who flunked out of dental school.
|
|
|
|
Ahhh. Next comes English, no doubt my favorite class of the day.
|
|
It brings in a teacher who has about as much control over our class as
|
|
Crunchy Frog has over its hard drive. I spend the hour talking to
|
|
Michael Davidson and company, and pretending to listen to the teacher.
|
|
|
|
Lunch brings about gross smells and great home-packed lunches. I
|
|
don't have room in this article to complain about the school's "food",
|
|
so I won't. Anyway, it's amazing how teenagers can eat and talk at the
|
|
same time without ever having any food in their mouth. I never see
|
|
anyone chewing or anything. I spend my time eating my huge lunch and
|
|
begging Michael to quit ignoring me. On a good day we'll talk about the
|
|
latest Esterian Conquest and local message base happenings.
|
|
|
|
A short walk later, I'm in P.E. After complaining to my friends
|
|
about how bad the locker room smells, I push smelly bodies out of the
|
|
way and fight to stand in place long enough to put in my combination.
|
|
After dressing out, we usually end up going to the tennis courts to play
|
|
basketball, four-square, net-ball, or anything else we can do to
|
|
entertain ourselves.
|
|
|
|
Sixth and seventh period are always very uneventful. These are
|
|
Science and whatever exploratory I get stuck in. I've only had one good
|
|
exploratory this whole year. My latest trek was in the ever-popular
|
|
"Map Skills for Fun". I'll let you draw your own conclusions.
|
|
|
|
Once home, I curl up in the Lazy-Boy with a Dr. Pepper to watch
|
|
some good old Yogi Bear and entertain my niece-who-stays-with-us-during-
|
|
the-day-while-her-parents-work. When that's done, I usually go outside
|
|
to play basketball for half an hour. I then come inside for the part
|
|
you've been waiting for.
|
|
|
|
When I turn on the computer, I usually go straight to Speed Read to
|
|
go over my mail from last night. Every night, Robocomm grabs my mail
|
|
and any files I want from the local boards, and then SPEED imports it
|
|
for me. I go through the boards in order. This tends to be my favorite
|
|
part of the day. I get to serve my position as Poster Child on Crunchy
|
|
Frog, flirt with the network girls on Family Smorgas-board, and chat
|
|
with the posse on Hardeman's.
|
|
|
|
Next comes the daily ritual of Esterian Conquest. Depending on
|
|
which games are ongoing, I call up those boards and do my thing. I am
|
|
"Lost in Space" on every game I'm in, and as of late have a very good
|
|
track record, winning the majority of the games I'm playing in. I can't
|
|
take all or even most of the credit though; a lot of my success comes
|
|
from my various allies.
|
|
|
|
After supper, the rest of the night is, shall we say, "undefined".
|
|
I somehow find something to watch on T.V. or something to do on the
|
|
computer.
|
|
|
|
Just before I go to bed, I load up Robocomm to tell it what files
|
|
to leech that night. I then fire up the batch file, and happily go to
|
|
bed, dreaming of what files Robo is downloading while I sleep. And such
|
|
is a day in the life of me, Ricky Eanes.
|
|
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Top Ten Things to do at the Maisel Residence
|
|
by Scott Kelley
|
|
|
|
10. 'Gang chat' the BBS callers
|
|
9. Bring snapshots of your friends to scan for BRU
|
|
8. Listen to piano and violin solos performed by Sarah
|
|
7. Watch the construction people install a new bathroom (one show only)
|
|
6. Tease the whippets into a frothy boil
|
|
5. Watch Ren and Stimpy cartoons until you can sing the Log song
|
|
4. Bring over new CDs with which to annoy the neighbors
|
|
3. Catch up on any computer magazine reading you've missed recently
|
|
(I've never seen that many magazines in one pile...)
|
|
2. Melt into the background (pretty easy to do, actually...)
|
|
1. Play Lemmings on Mark's 386/SVGA/AdLib with Sarah
|
|
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
SIG's (Special Interest Groups), Computer Related
|
|
-------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
BEPCUG CCS
|
|
Birmingham East PC Users Group Commodore Club South
|
|
Jefferson Sate Jr. College Springville Road Library
|
|
Ruby Carson Hall, Rm 114 2nd & 4th Tuesday (C64/C128)
|
|
3rd Friday, 7-9 PM 3rd Monday (Amiga)
|
|
Paula Ballard 251-6058 (after 5PM) 7:30-10 PM
|
|
|
|
BCCC BIPUG
|
|
Birmingham Commodore Computer Club Birmingham IBM-PC Users Group
|
|
POB 59564 UAB Nutrition Science Blg
|
|
Birmingham, Al 35259 RM 535/541
|
|
UAB School of Education, Rm 153 1st Sunday (delayed one week
|
|
2nd and 4th Sundays, 2 PM if meeting is a holiday)
|
|
Rusty Hargett 854-5172 Marty Schulman 967-5883
|
|
|
|
BACE FAOUG
|
|
Birmingham Atari Computer First Alabama Osborne Users
|
|
Enthusiast Group
|
|
Vestavia Library, downstairs Homewood Library
|
|
2nd Monday, 7 PM 1st Saturday, 1PM
|
|
Benny Brown 822-5059 Ed Purquez 669-5200
|
|
|
|
CADUB
|
|
CAD Users of Birmingham
|
|
Homewood Library
|
|
3rd Tuesday, 6:30PM-8:30PM
|
|
Bobby Benson 791-0426
|
|
|
|
SIG's, Non-Computer Related
|
|
---------------------------
|
|
|
|
BBC Birmingham Astronomy Club
|
|
Blue Box Companions Subject: Astronomy
|
|
Subject: Dr. Who Red Mountain Museum Annex
|
|
Hoover Library 4th Tuesday, 7:30PM
|
|
1st Saturday, 2PM-5PM
|
|
|
|
If you belong to or know of a user group that is not listed,
|
|
please let us know by sending E-Mail to Barry Bowden on
|
|
The Matrix BBS.
|
|
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Known BBS Numbers For The Birmingham Area
|
|
|
|
NAME NUMBER BAUD RATES MODEM BBS SOFTWARE
|
|
SUPPORTED TYPE
|
|
|
|
129 ADAnet One Nodes 1-3 854-9074 1200-2400 PCBoard 14.5
|
|
129 ADAnet One Node 4 854-5863 9600 USR DS PCBoard 14.5
|
|
1 Alter-Ego BBS 925-5099 300-9600 USR HST PCBoard 14.5
|
|
1_ Amiga Alliance ][ 631-0262 300-2400 PCBoard 14.5
|
|
4( Arkham Asylum 853-7422 300-9600 USR DS WWIV 4.12
|
|
( Asgard 663-9171 300-2400 WWIV 4.11
|
|
Baudville Node 1 640-4593 300-2400 Major BBS 5.3
|
|
Baudville Node 2 640-4639 300-2400 Major BBS 5.3
|
|
Baudville Node 3 640-7243 300-2400 Major BBS 5.3
|
|
Baudville Node 4 640-7286 300-2400 Major BBS 5.3
|
|
Birmingham BBS 854-5131 300-2400 Mind-Pawn
|
|
13 Bus System 595-1627 300-2400 PCBoard 14.2
|
|
17 Byte Me! 979-BYTE! 2400-9600 USR HST WWIV 4.12
|
|
CM(ee) BBS Node 1 655-4059 300-2400 Oracomm Plus
|
|
CM(ee) BBS Node 2 655-4065 300-2400 Oracomm Plus
|
|
Camelot 856-679 300-2400 Telegard 2.5
|
|
16 Channel 8250 Node 1 744-8546 300-9600 USR DS PCBoard 14.5
|
|
16 Channel 8250 Node 2 744-5166 300-9600 USR DS PCBoard 14.5
|
|
$ Christian Apologetic 808-0763 300-2400 Wildcat! 3.00
|
|
13_ Crunchy Frog Node 1 956-1755 300-9600 USR DS PCBoard 14.5
|
|
13_ Crunchy Frog Node 2 956-0073 300-9600 USR DS PCBoard 14.5
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DataLynx Node 1 933-6784 300-2400 Oracomm Plus 5.3
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DataLynx Node 2 933-7032 300-2400 Oracomm Plus 5.3
|
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) Disktop Publishing BBS 854-1660 300-9600 V.32 Wildcat! 3.01
|
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Empire 428-6074 300-2400 Image 1.2
|
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- F/X BBS Node 1 823-5777 300-9600 V.32 PC Board 14.5
|
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- F/X BBS Node 2 822-4570 300-9600 V.32 PC Board 14.5
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- F/X BBS Node 3 822-4526 300-2400 V.32 PC Board 14.5
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12{ Family Smorgas-Board 744-0943 300-2400 PCBoard 14.5
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Graphics Zone Node 1 870-5306 300-9600 MNP4 TBBS 2.1(16)
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Graphics Zone Node 2 870-5329 300-9600 MNP4 TBBS 2.1(16)
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Hacker's Corner 674-5449 1200-2400 PCBoard 14.5
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$ Hardeman's BBS 640-6436 1200-2400 Wildcat! 3.02
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2 I.S.A. BBS 995-6590 300-9600 USR HST Remote Access
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( Infinite Probability 791-0421 2400 VBBS
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13 Joker's Castle 664-5589 300-2400 USR HST PC Board 14.5
|
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4( Kiriath Arba 681-8374 300-2400 WWIV 4.21
|
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Lemon Grove 836-1184 300-2400 Searchlight
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15 Little Kingdom Node 1 969-0007 300-9600 USR DS PCBoard 14.5
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15 Little Kingdom Node 2 969-0008 300-2400 MNP4 PCBoard 14.5
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1- Magnolia BBS 854-6407 300-9600 USR HST PCBoard 14.2
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# Medicine Man BBS 664-5662 300-2400 GTPower 17.00
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29 MetaBoard 254-3344 300-2400 Opus
|
|
Missing Link 853-1257 300-2400 C-Net
|
|
Morbid Curiosity 592-4161 300-2400 PCBoard 14.5
|
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^&* Night Watch 841-2790 1200-2400 TriBBS 2.11
|
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Nirvana 942-6702 300-2400 WWIV 4.21
|
|
Optical Illusion 853-8062 300-1200 C-Net
|
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Ouija Board 669-0623 300-1200
|
|
# Owlabama BBS 833-7176 300-2400 GTPower 17.00
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13_ Owl's Nest 680-0851 300-9600 PCBoard 14.5
|
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Paradise City 853-1439 1200-2400 PCBoard 14.5
|
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^&* Party Line 856-1336 300-2400 TriBBS 2.11
|
|
Pooh's Korner 980-8710 300-9600 USR DS Remote Access
|
|
Ravens Bluff 681-4096 300-2400 Telegard 2.7
|
|
# Safe Harbor Node 1 665-4332 300-2400 GTPower 17.00
|
|
# Safe Harbor Node 2 665-4355 300-9600 USR DS GTPower 17.00
|
|
Sperry BBS 853-6144 300-2400 PCBoard 14.5
|
|
1 ST BBS 836-9311 300-2400 PCBoard 14.2
|
|
Teasers 987-0122 300-2400 WWIV 4.20
|
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2 The Bone Yard 631-6023 300-9600 USR HST PCBoard 14.5
|
|
The Castle 841-7618 300-2400 C-Base 2.0
|
|
The Commodore Zone 856-3783 300-2400 Image1.2
|
|
The Den 933-8744 300-9600 USR HST ProLogon/ProDoor
|
|
4 The Dragon's Hoard 833-3790 300-2400 WWIV 4.12
|
|
1378% The MATRIX Nodes 1-4 323-2016 300-2400 PCBoard 14.5
|
|
1378% The MATRIX Nodes 5-7 323-6016 2400-9600 USR DS PCBoard 14.5
|
|
The Monster 967-4839 300-2400 Telegard 2.7
|
|
The Other Side 520-0230 2400-9600 USR DS PC Board 14.5
|
|
2 The Outer Limits 425-5784 1200-9600 USR HST Wildcat! 3.01
|
|
The Quiet Zone 833-2066 300-2400 ExpressNET
|
|
The Safety BBS 581-2866 300-2400 RBBS-PC
|
|
( The Word 833-2831 300-2400 WWIV 4.12
|
|
Triangle 933-8227 300-2400 Hermes 1.8
|
|
Warrior River BBS 520-9540 300-2400 Wildcat! 3.02
|
|
Wildfire 1 942-9576 300-2400 Telegard 2.7
|
|
Wild Side 631-0184 300-1200 WWIV 4.20
|
|
Willie's DYM Node 1 979-1629 300-2400 Oracomm Plus
|
|
Willie's DYM Node 2 979-7739 300-2400 Oracomm Plus
|
|
Willie's DYM Node 3 979-7743 300-1200 Oracomm Plus
|
|
Willie's DYM Node 4 979-8156 300-1200 Oracomm Plus
|
|
Wonderland Avenue 699-5811 1200-2400 MNP4 PCBoard 14.5
|
|
Ziggy Unaxess 991-5696 300-1200 Unaxess
|
|
|
|
The many symbols you see prior to the names of many of the bbs' in the
|
|
list signify that they are members of one or more networks that exchange
|
|
or echo mail to each other in some organized fashion.
|
|
|
|
1 = EzNet, a local IBM compatible network
|
|
2 = FidoNet, an international network, multi-topic
|
|
3 = Metrolink, an international network, multi-topic
|
|
4 = WWIV-Net, an international network, multi-topic
|
|
5 = Intellec, an international network, multi-topic
|
|
6 = Uni'Net, an international network, multi-topic
|
|
7 = ThrobNet, an international network, adult oriented
|
|
8 = ILink, an international network, multi-topic
|
|
9 = ADAnet, an international network dedicated to the handicapped
|
|
0 = USNetMail, a national network, multi-topic
|
|
- = RIME, an international network, multi-topic
|
|
= = TcNet, not certain at publication time
|
|
! = RF-Net, a national network, dedicated to amateur radio
|
|
@ = 93Net, a national network, dedicated to the occult
|
|
# = GTNet, an international network, multi-topic
|
|
$ = WildNet, a national network, multi-topic
|
|
% = InterNet, an international network, linking businesses,
|
|
universities, and bbs', multi-topic
|
|
^ = City2City, a national network, multi-topic
|
|
& = TriBBS Net, a national network, multi-topic
|
|
* = Dixie Net, a regional network, multi-topic geared toward the south
|
|
eastern United States
|
|
( = MAXnet, a local network, connecting WWIV and VBBS systems
|
|
) = PlanoNet, a national network, multi-topic
|
|
_ = LuciferNet, an international network, adult oriented
|
|
|
|
If you have any corrections, additions, deletions, etc., please let us
|
|
know via EzNet.
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