83 lines
4.4 KiB
Plaintext
83 lines
4.4 KiB
Plaintext
ÚÄÄÄ¿ ÚÄÄÄ¿ ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿
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ÚÙ À¿ ³ ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄ ³
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³ ÀÄ¿ ³ ÀÄÄÄÄ¿
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³ À¿ ÃÄÄÄÄ¿ ÀÄ¿
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³ ³ ³ ÀÄÄ À¿
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³ ³ ³ ÚÙ
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³ ÚÄÙ ³ ÄÄ¿ ÚÄÄÙ
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ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ ³ ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ
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Damned Fucking Shit
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Edited by Access Denied
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Issue #8
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Title: My Cordless Fone
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Date: 10/26/93
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By: Access Denied
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¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
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My Cordless Fone
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Ok. I hate my cordless fone. I HATE IT. HATE HATE HATE HATE
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HATE HATE HATE HATE. Ok. Now you probably want to know why I hate
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it. Too bad. This issue of DFS is over. WHAT A FUCKING WASTE OF
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A DOWNLOAD YOU STUPID FOOL! Oh... never mind... sorry, wrong
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issue. <But it was still a waste of a download..> Anyway... on
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with the 'zine....
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Ok. "WHY DO YOU HATE YOUR CORDLESS TELEFONE ACCESS DENIED?!?"
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you probably just asked. Ok.. I'll tell you. IT SUCKS! That's
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why! HAHAHA. Ok ok... to the point you are saying.... ok...
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Ok. <If you are a good thinker, you'll realize that I'm
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probably going to start every paragraph with an "Ok." (Greets to
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Jeeb.)> Anyway...
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Ok. ARGH. Ok. Let's start over. I have a... well, I should
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say my family has a cordless fone. And it's a piece of CRAP.
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First of all, the batteries only last like two hours. And people
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forget to hang it up and the batteries just DIE. And of course
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people find the most wonderful hiding places for it (like under the
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couch) so you can't even find the damn thing when someone calls.
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ARGH again!!!!!!! But that's nothing. Oh, of course it gets all
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messed up when the batteries are low, but that's nothing compared
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to this:
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Ok. Whenever the neighbors across the alley use their fone,
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I get to hear something like "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
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SCRONCH RRRRRRRWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
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WONK WONK WONK WONK REEEEEEEEEEEEEE REEEEEEEEEEE WONK WONK WONK
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WONK" etc. This goes on until they hang up. This is the
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interference they are causing. <Duh.> As it happens, only OUR
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fone picks it up. They don't pick up ours. ARGH. So I'll be
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talking with, say Incarnate, and we get to hear the conversation of
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these two GIMPS in the background, but it's all messed up so it
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sounds like they're in total excruciating pain (boy, I wish!). I
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HATE IT! And sometimes if you're lucky, you'll get disconnected
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too. But there is some good to this...
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Ok. <I told you..... hi Jeeb> The good thing is this. If I
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unplug the part you hang up the fone on from the wall, the fone
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will pick up what these idiots are saying perfectly. And they
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can't hear a thing I'm saying either. Very nice. I love hearing
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about how much sex they've had in the last few weeks <well,
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actually, I don't> and their credit card numbers etc. It's loads
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of fun.
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Ok. So that's everything about my cordless fone. Aren't you
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glad you know all about me and my wonderful fone now? Didn't think
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so. Well bite me or something. And READ DFS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Now go away kid, ya bother me.
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OH WAIT! Don't leave! I have something important to say. Ok. I'm
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taking a chance in this. So what. If you want to submit to DFS and
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you don't have the privalage of being on Paradise Lost, I have made it
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real easy for you. Call up the board <look in DFS #0 for the number>
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and log on as DFS. The password is JINGLE JINGLE. Upload your submition.
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If it appears in DFS, you've made it. You'll be real cool. Not. So
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do that if you want to submit to DFS. There!
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ÉÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ»
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º Distribution Sites: º
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º If you're on the BBSs you know it. º
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º Fuck you if you're not. º
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º And to submit to DFS, call Paradise Lost and log º
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º on as DFS. The password is JINGLE JINGLE. º
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º Just upload it there. º
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ÈÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍͼ
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