121 lines
7.6 KiB
Plaintext
121 lines
7.6 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Decisions Suck
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It is a test. Two actually, one in Philosophy, and one in History.
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Both tommorow morning. This is summer school so classes are long, a lot
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of material is crammed into those few weeks, and test are frequent, and
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cover a shitload of stuff. Both are about 20-30% of my grade. Big deal.
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I can do good on the others right? Maybe pull off a couple of C's and maybe
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even a B if I do really well. I think not.
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You see, life isn't like that any more. It used to be. My parents
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would pay for my classes and my living arangements while I did a decent job
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in class. Well, never did really good in my classes, some B's, lotsa C's,
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few D's and F's here and there. Not really good, but for some reason, I
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can never really get into a class. Some of my architecture classes I really
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liked, but never really saw reason to put out that much effort. I knew that
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the difference between a B and a C was negligable. Why bust ass over such a
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little letter? So I would do shit I wanted to do, went to class, and turned
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in the required work. I can handle that. Usually, I would fail the first
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test, and make up for it on the other two or three so I would end up with
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a C in the class.
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Architecture got old really quick. So many of those bullshit
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architecture history classes and so much bullshit in the design classes,
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just made it not worth it. Why design stuff for a professor when that
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wouln't be ANYTHING like it later in life? We were told to design buildings
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with this and that. In real life, you would never see this and that, but
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would concentrate on efficiency. So I dropped architecture, and decided
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on English. That had always been a strong suit. I loved reading, and had
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always wanted to teach as well. So I am now an English major specializing
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in 'option 2' which is teaching two subjects in high school.
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With the last spring, my grades really hadn't done well. I bombed
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last fall pretty bad. So my parents said 'You have to have a 3.0 average
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next semester if you want to continue on.' I thought about it, and said
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that was fair. Spring semester came, and some of the classes(English) I
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really enjoyed. I worked on them, but some of the reading was kinda pointless
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in my eyes, but not in the eyes of my profs. I ended up getting 4 C's and
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an F. A little below a 3.0. So I figured my parents wouldn't pay for
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anything else. I figured I was on my own. Either way I needed a break since
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I had attended the last 7 semesters in a row. Last summer semester I worked
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as close to full time as I could. The other change is I moved out of the
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fucking hell pits called the dorms. Enough of the shit you are forced
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to endure there.
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So here I was. On my own, in a new house with two friends, a new
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job that was pretty cool. About 30 hours a week. Not enough to support
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myself really but I just decided to use my savings account to carry me.
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Now it is the second summer semester and I am taking a philosophy class,
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and a history class. My parents have told me that I must get no worse than
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two B's if I am to attend fall. If I fail this semester, then no more
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support from them. No school here in texas on my own. My only two options
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are 1) working full time here 2) going to school in Denver where they live
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and living in the dorms again.
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Working here isn't that bad. My last job just got old, and presented
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no challenge whatsoever. My new one does though, and I really like it. But
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I know I couldn't get even 30 hours there. That means I would have to pick
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up a shit job to carry myself through. Don't want to do that.
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Going to school up in Denver would be really cool. I love the city,
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and all the things it offers. Many more things to do, new people, and it
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is a lot cheaper in a way. My parents pay out of state tuition here which
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is quite bad. Texas Tech fucks over anyone from out of state. So I would
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be up there with in state tuition, bigger city, and that kinda stuff.
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The whole reason this is brought up, is because those TWO tests
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tommorow in class can really make a big decision on the rest of my life.
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If I fail either of them, then I can't make an A or a B in the class. That
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makes it so I lose parental support unless I move to Denver. If I do that,
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then I live with them, or I live in the dorm. If I pass the tests, then
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I am forced to continue with these classes, memorize useless facts and
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theories for the rest of the semester.
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As I write this file, I have a little over 12 hours until my
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first test, and I haven't studied for either really. If I am to study,
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I will have to stay up late and not sleep, which isn't a problem, as I have
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done that plenty of time. The thing is, I can't motivate myself to open
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my bookbag, get the book, let alone open it and study. I physically can
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not do it. I have no idea why. This makes me wonder if I am not really
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cut out for college. If I tried, I could do quite well in my classes, but
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I have a serious problem getting motivated to do anything.
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So maybe I will fail this semester, go to Denver, live with my
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parents and go to school up there. Thing about that is this. I have been
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in college since I was 17. I have lived on my own since then. I am a 19
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year old guy with 68 college hours. I am used to living on my own, and I
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am used to not answering to anyone if I don't want to. My parents are
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really cool when it comes down to it. They are a lot better than some that
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I have been told about. Just something in my mind clicks that living with
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parents is uncool. The other side of me says I have shown I can live on my
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own, and that I am a responsible person if I need to be.
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So many fucking dilemnas, and no answers anywhere. If I move, I also
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have to deal with a loss of some friends, many enemies, and closing
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up all my ties to Lubbock, since I won't return most likely. The good with
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the bad, but not just one or the other. What do I do? Force myself to
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study boring shit just to get on to the classes I enjoy? Or do I say fuck it
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and fail this semester and move to Denver, and start my life over?
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Decisions suck.
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= Questions, comments, bitches, ideas, etc : z3mar@ttacs.ttu.edu : FUCK =
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= Official F.U.C.K. Distribution sites and information =
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= Board Number Other =
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= ----- ------ ----- =
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= Immortal Hate 806.745.8879 World HQ =
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= Ionic Destruction 215.722.0570 Eastern HQ =
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= PCI 806.794.1438 Dist. =
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= Purple Hell 806.791.0747 Dist. =
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= Celestial Woodlands 806.798.6262 Dist. =
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= Accounts NOT guaranteed on any F.U.C.K. distribution site. If you are =
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= interested in writing for, or in becoming a distribution site for =
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= F.U.C.K. call Immortal Hate, and apply for an account, or mail Dam =
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= at z3mar@ttacs.ttu.edu or on Immortal Hate. Knowledge is power... =
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