151 lines
6.8 KiB
Plaintext
151 lines
6.8 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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St00pid Thangs Part 1
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---------------------
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These are quotes from the back of PC Magazine. On the last
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page of each issue, they always put humorous quotes, funny pictures,
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great typos, all pertaining to computers. Here are some of the best
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ones... *Note* These are not MY typos.. this is how they
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appeared in whatever source...
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"Intel said it will honor all customer request to replace
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pentium chips, free of charge and no questions asked. Intel
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will provide guidance for do-in-yourself pentium installers."
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-Contra Costa Times
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The latest in portable powerpacks: "Zenith Data Systems
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486/SLC Notebook computer: Includes a handy carrying case, an
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AC adaptor, and removable Nickel Metal High Dried Battery Pack."
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-Layman's Guide Catalog
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"You can use [Eudora] to tell Hillary just what you think
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about health care in America. Try president@whitehouse.gov."
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-Qualcomm Advertisement
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"Like your personal desk, your WP Office mail box can be
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divided into two sections: One bin for outgoing items, one for
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incoming items, and one for personal items."
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-WP Office Manual
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Help Wanted
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"Wisconsin's premier system integrator is looking for
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qualified people... requirements include strong hardware and
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software skills... this is an exciting, challenging, tough,
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and demeaning position." -The Chicago Tribune
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Want Ad
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"Immediate Hire: 40,000 - 50,000 dollars. Division of high
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profile CO. Seeking a programmer analyst with 305 years UNIX
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experience." -The Ft Collins Coloradoan
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From an Anderson Consulting Survey:
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* Percentage of Canadians who say they approve of the
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Information Superhighway: 62.7
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* Percentage of Canadians who say they know what the
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Information Superhighway is: 54.4
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-Financial Post Magazine
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"Cleaning the Lens"
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* Never touch the lens or use anything to touch the lens.
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* To remove fingerprints, or dust, etc. from the lens, wipe
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the lens thoroughly with a cotton swab.
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-Mitsumi CDRom Drive Manual
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Number 4 from "Top Ten Features Included in Word 6.0":
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"AutoCorrect- Program corrects your most frequently
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typos as you type."
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-Windows Sources
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"Right now, 386 chips are two generations behind. The latest
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chip, which some call the 586, is officially called the
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_Plentium_... The _Plentium_ chips are new, are in somewhat
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short supply, and are expensive. If you are dealing with lots
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of data... go for the speediest chip you can afford."
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-Physician's Management
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"One quick way to get extra workspace in conventional memory,
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is to add these lines to your config.sys file:
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device
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c:¬dos¬himem.sys
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dos
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-John C. Dvorak
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-San Francisco Chronicle
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"After freeways buckled, buildings collapsed, and phone lines
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were cut off, personal computers linked to online message
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centers were often the only means of obtaining critical
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information." -The LA Times
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"Dictionary of the Living World:... See animals that have been
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extinct and made the population climb back to safety."
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-Tiger Software Catalog
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"Notice to User: By breaking the seal of this envelope, you
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accept the terms of the enclosed license agreement enclosed."
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-Adobe Font Pack for Windows
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"Expense It! Version 2.0 report functions include:
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* Weekly expense reports.
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* Custom expense reports.
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* Income tax perpetration."
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-Surplus Software International Catalog
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"Slide the exit paper support in until it snaps securely in
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place.
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"NOTE: The paper exit support does not actually attach to the
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printer." -Canon BJ230 Quickstart Guide
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=-=
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Selling Point of a Product: Articles are written in plain
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english, not high-tech computer language thats hard to
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understand.
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Excerpt from manual: According to Okidata, here's how you
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install the second paper tray in the OL400 Laser Printer:
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"With keeping the printer in a single hand, insert a minus
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screw driver to the square hole of blind board, turn the screw
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driver quietly at the arrow direction of 'A' and then remove
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the fluke of the blind board at the arrow direction of 'B'
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with removing the fluke from the base frame."
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=-=
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"Run your DOS, Windows, and OS/2 programs faster than ever,
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together, in the same graphical environment. Multitask
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powerful applications with fear - without slowing down!"
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-IBM OS/2 for Windows Ad
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"Your optional 500-Sheet Paper tray assembly is covered under
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your printer's one year warranty, or 90 days, whichever is
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longer." -HP Laserjet 4 Manual
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Compiled by Demonika
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, etc etc... =
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= Internet : jericho@netcom.com (Mail is welcome) =
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= Chemical Persuasion 203.324.0894 Celestial Woodlands 214.252.6455 =
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= Ionic Destruction 215.722.0570 Hacker's Haven 303.343.4053 =
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= E.L.F. (NUP) 314.272.3426 Misery 318.625.4532 =
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= Dungeon Sys. Inc. 410.263.2258 Psykodelik Images 407.834.4576 =
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= Paradise Lost 414.476.3181 (Your Board Here!@#$!) =
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= Digital Fallout 516.378.6640 Bad Trip 615-870-8805 =
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= Plan 9 716.881.3663 Deadly Intoxication 801.553.8644 =
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= Purple Hell 806.791.0747 Logikal Nonsence XXX.XXX.XXXX =
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= PuRe EViL (NUP) 905.XXX.XXXX The Keg 914.234.9674 = =
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= Files through Anonymous FTP: FTP.NETCOM.COM - cd /pub/il/illusion/fuck =
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= FTP.FC.NET - cd /pub/deadkat/misc/fuck =
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= FTP.WINTERNET.COM - cd /users/craigb/fuck =
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= http://www.ora.com:8080/johnl/e-zine-list/zines/fuck.html =
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