178 lines
10 KiB
Plaintext
178 lines
10 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Whoooo are you...who,who...who,who...
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-------------------------------------
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Act II, Scene I
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[Audience enters, sits]
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It's been a fair length of time since I took the soapbox for an extended
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email sermon. When I did the rapid succession previously, I was entrenched
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in a (now lost) war with the forces of nicotine addiction. It's a LOT
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easier to expel angst and rage when all you want is a couple hauls off of a
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duke (duke (n): another name for a cigarette, based on the fact that
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cigarettes killed the Duke). Now, (un)happily smoking again, outbursts
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become more analytical and calculated.
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I decided to write again because of this new found focus; this new harnessed
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outlook. When you detach yourself from society in general, your senses
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enhance (much like touch making up for the loss of sight). Like being the
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only sober person at a party, you realize that drunks are idiots (i.e., me
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(the drunk, not the observer)). Observation is nothing if you cannot share
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it though. I can watch the news or see someone in traffic, realize how
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pathetic or ridiculous society is, and laugh to myself. Problem: You
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laugh, and think how funny said situation is. Then, you think it would be
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even funnier if you could tell someone (much the same as thinking 'oooh,
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that's what I should have said. that would have REALLY zinged 'em!'). Then
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you slowly stop laughing because it is the twentieth time you thought that
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today, and still have no one to tell. Then you stop laughing entirely when
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you realize that you are a lonely, pathetic man with no life because you
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have to amuse yourself. Finally, you compensate by sending long verbose
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email ("I have this 'friend' with this problem...").
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ANYway...
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Whether it be email, chat rooms, AOL, or just computing online in general,
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you cannot be yourself. Either your name is taken, or you do not want to be
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known. Whatever the reason, we assume names and identities online so that
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we can navigate comfortably. Some consider it to be 'clothing' to wear on
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the Internet rather than 'bare' ourselves. Using your real name online is
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like spirit-gumming your wallet to your head, and then wandering outside the
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greater Washington DC area. You will..no, DESERVE to be robbed, beaten, and
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raped by the predators that stalk the Ether.
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I know that some companies force you to use your real name in email
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(Jessidia_Springfield@microsoftinthehead.com), but that is also the
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exception to safety. Online scam artists and hackers will largely leave you
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unscathed. They realize that any company that makes you give out your name
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(first, last, and god-knows-why, middle) in email, falling just short of
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making you include your social security number, has already robbed you of
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your identity to the point that there isn't one to left to steal. In
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defense of these folks (since some are in the To: field), would you feel
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safer working for a company that would allow "cuddlyface;)@citibank.com"?
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Hell, I'd just as soon take free tube socks rather than participate in THEIR
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401k.
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So, that just leaves the plain stupid. If you are "Seth_Brundel@aol.com",
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you may as well be
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"Seth_Brundel_199_W_Main_Chicago_555-1212@anal_pentarate_me.com".
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The rest of us live under assumed names. It could be from medieval
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warriors, household plants, childhood toys ("Rooossseeebuuuddddd....."), or
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Hawaiian words for "male part that dangles"; we all have a story to tell
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with user names. Strangely, I have found, that no one wants to know
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anymore. It is either a) you would never walk up to a guy in the park with
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a shopping cart full of crusted Betamax videos, sharpening a straight razor
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on his tongue as he wets himself, and ask how life's been treating him (the
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"BETTER not to know" category), or b) you never ask a drug
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dealer/spy/undercover cop/hooker their real name unless you want a automatic
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round/stiletto/fist/switchblade in your face (the "SAFER not to know"
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category). Either way, we are as comfortable with pseudonyms as Agents 86
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and 99.
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So now that you have your identity, and your unfathomable reason for it, you
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go out to play in silicon pastures. Whether it be email, newsgroups, or
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chat, you have your cape&cowl on, and your secret identity as
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billionaire/philanthropist/playboy carefully hidden. You will send
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messages, you will post questions and replies, and you come about as close
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to interaction as sex through the glass at quarter peep-show.
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Still, despite the entrenched effort to avoid even verbal contact, people
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are social animals, and will eventually want to talk or (shudder) meet.
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This is when the real spycraft begins. Imagine you have been going back and
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forth via email with someone at another company, or you meet through a chat
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room. You are intrigued with the way they type, and desire to finally meet
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(completely forgetting that in person they will not have 20 minutes to come
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up with a typed reply, and thus are excruciatingly dull on-the-fly).
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Enter first contact:
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"Hello"
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"Errrr...hi."
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"Hi"
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"Who is this"
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"Neil"
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[silence]
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"Who?"
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"Neil. You know...wellhung. From AOL."
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"Ohhhh. Hi."
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"Hi"
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[painful silence continues for a long, agonizing time]
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Now let's say the silence is eventually replaced with conversation. Let's
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go so far as to say you continue to keep in touch. For a long time, you
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will need to include your screen name with your real name like some
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word-association or foreign language tape. Eventually, this
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sign-countersign crap dissipates, but you accept having to go though with it
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a little TOO easily.
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I mean, wasn't this the reason we have middle name? Aren't we given a
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built-in alter-ego in case we later learn our parents cannot be trusted with
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dolling out a first name? The real irony is that we go out of our way to
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pick out a screen name that (while reflecting our personality in an
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otherwise cold, electronic world) sounds ridiculous if said aloud. Even
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worse is the fact we have to do it when we FIRST meet someone; during that
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crucial first-impression period. Would you go to Denny's on a first date
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(no, no one would, but bear with me for the sake of analogy) and order
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"Moons Over My Hammy"?
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The best comedian laughs at himself. Thus, I admit I have gone through this
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with more than one person on this mailing. I have been capone before I have
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been me. The fact remains that I live out here in the data quite a bit, so
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it's inevitable. The rest of you may not have had the pleasure yet. With
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an increasing electronic world, you may still yet.
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What is the moral of the story? Duh, none, since I am neither of the
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Brothers Grimm. What there is is a pause to think. You MUST pick an
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identity to live behind online. It is 'The Club' when parking in the Bronx.
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You MAY meet someone based on this name alone. So, try to pick something
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you can live with. No little kid wants to be called 'stinky' because they
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accidentally messed themselves at the playground one day. By the same
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token, no mature adult wishes to be 'love-pistol', 'sleepybaby', 'foofy',
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'camero-man', 'sassytabby', or
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'five_days_off_of_thorazine_and_remembering_my_hands_are_razors'.
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So to you, my sensible friends, I beseech you to be there for a friend when
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they sign up for "15 Free Hours!". Counsel them, warn them, coach them. Be
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a humanitarian. Friends don't let friends pick #$%^#@ stupid user names.
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Nakedly,
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Capone
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End Act II
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, etc etc... =
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= Internet : jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) =
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= gote land +27.31.441115 =
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= Arrested Development +31.77.3547477 =
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= Global Chaos +61.2.681.2837 =
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= Chemical Persuasion 203.324.0894 Undrgrnd Indust/Inc. 207.490.2158 =
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= Damnation 212.861.0580 Damnation -Toll Free 888.803.8490 =
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= Hacker's Haven 303.516.9969 Unearthly Shadows 303.683.1443 =
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= E.L.F. (NUP) 314.272.3426 Misery 318.625.4532 =
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= Dungeon Sys. Inc. 410.263.2258 Psykodelik Images -- Down -- =
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= Paradise Lost 414.476.3181 Black SunShine 513.891.3465 =
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= underworld_1995.com 514.683.1894 Digital Fallout 516.378.6640 =
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= PSYCHOSiS 613.836.7211 Bad Trip 615.870.8805 =
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= Plan 9 716.881.3663 suicidal chaos 718.592.1083 =
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= Damaged 801.944.7353 The Death Star Bar 805.872.3151 =
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= Purple Hell 806.791.0747 BloodNet 901.872.8615 =
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= Atrocity Exhibition 905.796.3385 Phoenix Modernz 908.830.8265 =
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= The Keg 914.234.9674 that stupid place 215.985.0462 =
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= Files through Anon FTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK =
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= FTP.PRISM.NET/pub/users/mercuri/zines/fuck =
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= FTP.WINTERNET.COM/users/craigb/fuck =
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= FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK =
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= ETEXT.ARCHIVE.UMICH.EDU - /pub/Zines/FUCK =
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= FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM - /users/rage/zines/fuck =
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= Files through WWW: http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho =
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= http://www.prism.net/zineworld/fuck/ =
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author =
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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(11/23/96)
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