98 lines
5.5 KiB
Plaintext
98 lines
5.5 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Unhappy Birthday
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----------------
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The following is something I got from a friend of mine:
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> "The latest is the fact that I was reprimanded for refusing to take part in
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> singing Happy Birthday to Teri yesterday. I bought her a present and a
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> card, and wished her a good day. (Which, I might add, is more than she
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> did for ME.) Anyway, I'm a horrible person, apparently. I've explained
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> my aversion to this task to everyone MANY times. Since I was at least
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> EIGHT I've hated it. I've decided that, nearly 25 years later, it's time
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> for me to stop doing what I don't wanna do. I think, perhaps, I was
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> bludgeoned to death by someone who happened to be singing Happy Birthday
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> WHILE they were bludgeoning."
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So, after reading this, I starting thinking about the singing of "Happy
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Birthday". I read an article by Dave Barry last summer talking about group
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singing. He pointed out that you can't get two people, let alone a whole
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office or party, to sing "Happy Birthday" ('HB') on key. Yet, to his
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amazement after watching endless seasons of B-ball, everyone can chat "Air
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Ball" in perfect pitch and harmony. He said to watch a game sometime and
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listen when the chant starts. After about the second chat, everyone is
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singing at the correct pitch with impeccable timing. Hmmmm....
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Point being, like many things, if you cannot use it right do not use it at
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all. This goes for singing 'HB'. Hearing those off-key voices is about as
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charming a thought as hearing the whooping and yelling of the Bloods or
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Crips as they chase my lilly-white butt through S. Central. I think that
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singing 'HB' is more traumatic than birth itself. Leaving the warm, fluid
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comfort of the womb for a cold, bright, loud world is piddle next to mock
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excited-faced co-workers trying to bellow out "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU....."
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grrrrrr......
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I mean, is this a Viking chant or Klingon war cry as a warrior grows one
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year closer to death. Does this crap-song announce the beginning of my
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journey to Valhalla? Like some Gregorian chant, at best, I think this song
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is sung to ward off the reaper who shall not approach the wailing of the
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office banshees.
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The simple fact is this: Most people cannot sing. When they do, they are
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hit with rounds of comments about keeping their day job. If you asked
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someone to sing you Layla at work, they wouldn^t. Then WHY, I ask you, do
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they get together and sing on your birthday. If their voices are so awful
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that they wouldn^t even sing a song they like in the car alone at night,
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why yell one in your face while you^re trying hard to deal with the cruel
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fact of mortality.
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Marilyn Monroe; sing your brains out. Beatles; I'll take that ditty any
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day. Trapped in the lunchroom at work? I'd just as soon hear my initials
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carved in my teeth with broken glass.
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And a One, and a Two..
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-Capone
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capone@dimensional.com
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, etc etc... =
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= Internet : jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) =
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= gote land +27.31.441115 =
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= Arrested Development +31.77.3547477 =
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= Global Chaos +61.2.681.2837 =
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= Chemical Persuasion 203.324.0894 Undrgrnd Indust/Inc. 207.490.2158 =
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= Damnation 212.861.0580 Damnation -Toll Free 888.803.8490 =
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= Hacker's Haven 303.516.9969 Unearthly Shadows 303.683.1443 =
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= E.L.F. (NUP) 314.272.3426 Misery 318.625.4532 =
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= Dungeon Sys. Inc. 410.263.2258 Psykodelik Images -- Down -- =
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= Paradise Lost 414.476.3181 Black SunShine 513.891.3465 =
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= underworld_1995.com 514.683.1894 Digital Fallout 516.378.6640 =
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= PSYCHOSiS 613.836.7211 Bad Trip 615.870.8805 =
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= Plan 9 716.881.3663 suicidal chaos 718.592.1083 =
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= Damaged 801.944.7353 The Death Star Bar 805.872.3151 =
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= Purple Hell 806.791.0747 BloodNet 901.872.8615 =
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= Atrocity Exhibition 905.796.3385 Phoenix Modernz 908.830.8265 =
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= The Keg 914.234.9674 that stupid place 215.985.0462 =
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= Files through Anon FTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK =
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= FTP.PRISM.NET/pub/users/mercuri/zines/fuck =
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= FTP.WINTERNET.COM/users/craigb/fuck =
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= FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK =
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= ETEXT.ARCHIVE.UMICH.EDU - /pub/Zines/FUCK =
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= FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM - /users/rage/zines/fuck =
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= Files through WWW: http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho =
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= http://www.prism.net/zineworld/fuck/ =
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author =
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(11/25/96)
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