164 lines
9.3 KiB
Plaintext
164 lines
9.3 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Legion's Rants
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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This is a non-canonical list of things I hate and things that I hate slightly
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less. Continue at your own risk.
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Things I hate (in no particular order):
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Sports and the idiots who watch them on TV. It's pretty fucking sad to
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see a front-page shot of a Broncos running back on a paper that relegates
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the US bombing of another mideastern country to page three. Funding for
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Denver public schools is so low that students no longer have textbooks they
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can take home, making a joke of the word "homework," yet Denver voters
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proudly showed where their priorities lay by voting against a tax hike
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for schools while voting for a new stadium for the Denver Doncos.
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Stupid people (see also: sports fans). I explain things twice at most.
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If you still don't get it, then ask somebody with more patience.
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Abortion protesters (see also: stupid people). According to at least one
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of the higher-ups in Operation Rescue, the murder of abortion doctors is
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acceptable provided it will "save babies." In this light, I propose the
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murder of abortion protesters to save this country's moral integrity.
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Religious idiots (see also: all of the above). I really don't give a shit
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*what* you worship. But if you get in my face and try to force me to
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worship the same thing, then I'll gladly explain to you why you are: (a)
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stupid, (b) delusional, (c) a waste of oxygen, and (d) ill in the head. I'll
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also explain why your religion is logically unsound (this goes for any
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religion, BTW) and I'll throw in an explanation of how your particular
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religion came into existence in the first place.
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Sitcoms. Unless you consider _The Simpsons_ a sitcom, I have never
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seen one that made me so much as crack a smile. Each and every one of them
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is trite and lame (come to think of it, this describes about 98.21% (this
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is an approximation to the exact amount of TV programming I can't stand) of
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all television shows).
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Hunters (see also: sports fans). Now don't get me wrong; I have nothing
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against hunters *per se*. I just hate the ones who think that they're
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manly men for going into the woods with their RVs, cell phones, microwave
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dinners, etc. and shooting a deer with a 30-06 from a blind and wearing
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odor neutralizers. Real sporting, chimp. Let's see you take on the deer
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without a backup supply of food. With a knife. Let's see you survive for
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even a single night in the wilderness with only your knife and a sleeping
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bag. Why are you so proud of the heads on your wall? Fucking weekend warrior.
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Yuppies. The same people who look at me with disdain the day I wear my
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leather jacket will look at me with approval when I wear my wool trenchcoat
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and have my laptop with me. Hypocritical scum.
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Cops. Don't take this personally, piggy, but I'm going to start throwing
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a party every single time a pig is killed in the line of duty in
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Colorado. Have a nice fucking day, and watch your back (or don't, ha ha).
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I'll include the Boulder police under this one...the body was in the
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basement, you bumbling fuck-ups. How did you manage to miss it the first
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time you "searched" the house? Exceptional work, Officer Bong.
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Housing development. A clever euphemism for "kiss your individuality
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goodbye, motherfucker." I have an aerial photo of a condo community around
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here somewhere...if I find it I'll scan it in and put it up here somewhere.
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It's really quite terrifying.
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Bigots (see also: sports fans, stupid people, religious idiots). Racism is
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illogical. Homophobia is illogical. Sexism is illogical. "But Legion," you're
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probably thinking, "aren't you a hypocrite for writing this after all that
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mean stuff you said about cops, not to mention religious people?" No. Cops
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aren't cops by nature. Religious people aren't religious by nature. Bigots
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aren't bigots by nature. All of those are unnatural things.
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Self-appointed moralists (see also: stupid people, religious idiots). What
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business is it of Senator Helms whether I look at pictures of naked women?
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In general, if you worry about what other people do in their spare time,
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then you have far too much spare time of your own. But just to help the
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moralists keep tabs on every instance of turpitude in the country, I propose
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that we send them email each and every time we look at "smut" (which
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includes, in no particular order: naked women, naked men, bra advertisements,
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religious icons, pop stars like Madonna and Elvis, Calvin Klein ads,
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congressional hearings, witch burnings, female ministers, book burnings,
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women without veils over their faces, The Holy Bible, and anything else deemed
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"indecent" by anyone anywhere in the world). I'll end this one on a cheery
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note: go fuck yourself (go send that email now; I'll wait).
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Email spammers. Fortunately, there are several cures for this particular
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blight (see the "Hunting/Phishing" section of my links page).
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In conclusion, you suck. Don't ask me what I think the weather will be
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like; I don't care. Don't ask me if I caught the game last night; I didn't.
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Don't try to force your religion down my throat; it's a sham. This section
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will be added to as I think of more things I hate.
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Things I hate slightly less than the above:
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Breaking email spammers' servers in half like a calcium-deficient egg.
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Getting away with telling people exactly what I think of them, to their
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face, due to my physical size. Note that this doesn't mean that I'm an
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asshole, just that wimps who would pick fights with smaller people don't try
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to pick them with me.
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Prozac (r). Mmmm, mmm, good.
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Sony Playstation. Currently the leader in world sales of "next generation"
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game consoles, and with good reason. Tekken 2 is the best fighting
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game I've ever seen (and this is coming from a huge Virtua Fighter 2 fan).
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Ganbare Goemon 5 (pronounced "gawnbaray go-ay-moan") is due out soon, along
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with several other cool Japanese ports.
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Japanese everything (except food). I love the country and the people (even
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though they're all extremely xenophobic), as well as everything produced in
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Japan (better games, better electronics, better cars, more interesting
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history, etc.), but I don't particularly care for Japanese food.
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Women. Don't ask me why, but I like almost all of the women I know, even
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the ones I wouldn't expect myself to like (religious nuts, etc.). Of
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course, this sets me up for a fall (due to various incompatibilities) when
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I start liking a particular one more than usual. Call me crazy.
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The Internet (r). Even though it's exactly the vast intellectual desert
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that people say it is, I love it. Call me crazy.
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Movies. Even though I prefer books, I'll gladly watch a crappy sci-fi
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flick. In fact, I think I'll go watch one right now.
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-Legion
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, etc etc... =
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= Internet : jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) =
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= gote land +27.31.441115 =
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= Arrested Development +31.77.3547477 =
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= Global Chaos +61.2.681.2837 =
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= Chemical Persuasion 203.324.0894 Undrgrnd Indust/Inc. 207.490.2158 =
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= Damnation 212.861.0580 Damnation -Toll Free 888.803.8490 =
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= Hacker's Haven 303.516.9969 Unholiness Rising 303.980.2404 =
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= E.L.F. (NUP) 314.272.3426 Misery 318.625.4532 =
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= Dungeon Sys. Inc. 410.263.2258 Psykodelik Images -- Down -- =
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= Paradise Lost 414.476.3181 Black SunShine 513.891.3465 =
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= underworld_1995.com 514.683.1894 Digital Fallout 516.378.6640 =
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= PSYCHOSiS 613.836.7211 Bad Trip 615.870.8805 =
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= Plan 9 716.881.3663 suicidal chaos 718.592.1083 =
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= Damaged 801.944.7353 The Death Star Bar 805.872.3151 =
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= Purple Hell 806.791.0747 BloodNet 901.872.8615 =
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= Atrocity Exhibition 905.796.3385 Phoenix Modernz 908.830.8265 =
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= The Keg 914.234.9674 that stupid place 215.985.0462 =
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= Files through AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK =
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= FTP.LEMMING.COM/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids =
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= FTP.PRISM.NET/pub/users/mercuri/zines/fuck =
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= FTP.WINTERNET.COM/users/craigb/fuck =
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= FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK =
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= ETEXT.ARCHIVE.UMICH.EDU - /pub/Zines/FUCK =
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= Files through WWW: http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho =
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= http://www.prism.net/zineworld/fuck/ =
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= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author =
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