114 lines
5.8 KiB
Plaintext
114 lines
5.8 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Inner Turmoil
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"Why do we, crucify ourselves, every day..."
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It's the opposite of writer's block, but equally as bad. I sit here
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alone in my bed trying to express what I am thinking. I have this
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sudden need and desire to tell the world exactly what is on my
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mind, what is coursing through my veins. But I can't. It's always
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the not so comfortable thoughts like these that end up plagueing
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me.
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"My pain.. is self chosen..."
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I sit here with my laptop on the pillow, head touching wrist, eyes
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closed. Can't see anything right now and quite frankly don't want
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to. Sleep sounds so much better with each passing thought. Don't
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know whats up with me but something really has me in a bind. My
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mind gives my body a list of things to do, but they don't get
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executed.
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"No one should brave that underworld alone..."
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I guess now is the best time for things to be like this. Not only
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are my thoughts really jacked up, but a good friend is going
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through a really hard time in his life. A time where he faces
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losing his girlfriend and daughter.. maybe for days, months, or not
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at all. You just can't tell with the court system today.
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"That old dog has chained you up alright..."
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Other friends are seeking me out for advice on various matters,
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most of which I am not qualified to lead on. One friend is having
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problems with a girl he is interested in. Another has a problem but
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I have no idea what its about. Dozens of people mail me a day
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asking me for technical advice on just about everything. Why me?
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I can't be that qualified to answer all this. Especially the
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advice on girls and life.
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"Tongue tied and twisted, just an earthbound misfit.. I.."
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The thing bothering me is more frustrating than it has ever been. I
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think it stems from the fact that even I don't know what I want.
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Since I can't figure it out as far as my own thoughts are
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concerned, how am I supposed to be able to guess what someone
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else's thinking? That leaves me with way too much time to ponder my
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dilemna before I will get the answer I am looking for. Doesn't
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really matter what the answer is, just the fact that the answer
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looms around the corner.
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"No you can't take that away from me..."
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No matter what happens in my life, I keep getting the feeling that
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no one really understands me. Like everyone else, I have my world
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of problems but I can't talk about them because it seems like
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no one else comprehends. Or maybe they don't want to. The more I
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think about it the more I wonder if they even realize it. My
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inner turmoil has been with me for so long, I wonder if I disguise
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it, or wear it so openly that my friends don't even notice it.
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"Hold onto nothing, as fast as you can..."
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I know things will work themselves out, but I always worry if they
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will do so in an orderly fashion. Part of my anal retentive nature
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or some other ancient curse on me. Twenty three years of survival
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tell me things will right themselves.
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"I don't mean to pick you apart you see..."
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What to do until then? Figure out what I want at this point in
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my life. After talking to a friend tonight, I find out others
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out there are unsure of what they want. Why the indecision? Why
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the lack of focus or direction? There must be some underlying
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desire for a new perspective on life. Or maybe a need for a little
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action out of life.
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"I've got enough guilt to start my own religion..."
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Until I have clarity of thought, I can only hold on to the things
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I have. My castle, my work, my hobbies. Solace of music, escape
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of movies, and freedom to do. My handful of friends, wishful
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thinking, and vision of daily monotony. Anger, content, guilt,
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and comfort.
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damn.
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dis.
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions =
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= Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) =
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= To receive new issues through mail, mail jericho@dimensional.com with =
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= "subscribe fuck". If you do not have FTP access and would like back =
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= issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. =
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= Files through AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK =
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= FTP.SEKURITY.ORG/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids =
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= FTP.PRISM.NET/pub/users/mercuri/zines/fuck =
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= FTP.WINTERNET.COM/users/craigb/fuck =
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= FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK =
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= ETEXT.ARCHIVE.UMICH.EDU/pub/Zines/FUCK =
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= Files through WWW: http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho =
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= http://www.prism.net/zineworld/fuck/ =
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= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. =
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