101 lines
6.5 KiB
Plaintext
101 lines
6.5 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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I Pay For This?
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"Fuck you and your little fucking grade book," is all I could think while I
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looked down at the slip of paper with my name and an "F" on it. I'm
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miserable, feeling hopeless, helpless. The first emotions that come to me
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are anger, vengeance. After a few minutes of stewing, the anger subsides and
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the sorrow kicks in.
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Yes, here I am again, "F" on the paper. The magic paper that is going
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to add up with the other papers I have been handed back with A's B's C's and
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D's on them. Last week I thought I was doing so well, I was happy. Now I am
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feeling empty, alone, helpless. "I should just drop out and get a job,"
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echoes in my mind as I stare at the "F" and remember all the times I had
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been in this same situation. "What about my father? He'll be crushed if I
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don't graduate from college," I ponder other solutions. This is where the
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last minute bravery kicks in, where I tell myself, "I'll show them, I'm
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gonna get straight A's from here on out." Then I suddenly remember how many
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times in the past I've told myself that.
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It's back to the depression again, the teacher lectures on and I
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wonder how you ended up in such a fucked up situation. I look at him and
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wonder, "who gave this asshole the authority to judge me?" I feel a tinge
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of that anger coming back.
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I'm looking at the grade on the paper again, pondering it's true
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meaning. This "F" says to me, "you did nothing, you are nothing, you have
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failed." I have failed? How? Just because I didn't produce what that
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pompous, over zealous, asshole wanted, I have failed? I don't think so.
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I think some teacher that I pay the salary for just told me that my work
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isn't worth shit. Why did I even bother doing anything at all?
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Class is wrapping up and I am cool, calm, and collected. I get up
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from my seat and walk towards him. He's done with class, happy as a lark.
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I take out my paper and hold it in my hand. He slowly turns around and I
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say to him, "Why?" He asks me "Why what?" I shake the paper in front of
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his face. He says "Oh that!" I think to myself, "Yes, this you asshole,
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how can you just give someone an "F" and forget about it so quickly." The
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anger is back. He begins to tell me how "my group gave no indication that
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I did any work, plus my lecture did not show him that I had read the
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material and that my notes on other works of the particular author were
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of no relevance to the class." "You were supposed to talk about the style
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of the story" he says, "but I spoke on the style of the author as a whole,
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did hours of research and I deserve an F?"
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I am trying to control myself, but it is getting harder as he makes
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claims that I had not even read the five page story in the book and that I
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was lecturing from "another story I had read in another class." Fuck him, I
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had never even heard of this shitty author before I was forced to do this
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assignment. I try to reason with him, "perhaps I misunderstood you when you
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said we were supposed to teach the class about the author", he snidely
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replies "yes, you were, but with the story that is in our book."
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He then begins packing up all of his papers into his briefcase and
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prepares to leave the classroom. Where the fuck is he going? I'm not done
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talking to him! He walks out and I follow behind him still stating my case
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"I did do research on the author and that counts for nothing?" He maintains
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his point about me not "conveying that I had read the story." So I get an
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"F", a "zero" for the assignment because he feels that I did not read the
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story. I reassure him that I did read the story, as well as other stories by
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the same author. He simply repeats what he had said before and picks up his
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pace as we are walking towards his office.
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I try again to reason with him, "but what you are telling me with
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this grade is that I did nothing, that I should not have even shown up?" He
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turns to me and says , "Look, I am just going to say what I have said before
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so I am not going to say it." Well, isn't that considerate of him. He turns
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and goes into his office, I don't follow. Again, I wonder why I let this
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happen, why don't I just say "look, fuck you, I don't give a shit what you
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think, I did the reading and you are wrong for giving me an 'F'?" It's
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probably because I have my final coming up and I fear that he will give
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me an "F" on that too.
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Why am I forced to live out my educational career in fear and
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powerlessness? Do I not pay for this shit? Are they paying me to attend? At
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least in high school I wasn't paying twenty thousand dollars a year to take
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shit from egomaniacs that couldn't get a real job if their life depended on
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it so they went into teaching. I think I'll just quit school and take one of
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the job offers I've received, why do I need this frustration? And people ask
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me why I am going gray at 23.
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-Tersian
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions =
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= Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) =
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= "subscribe fuck". If you do not have FTP access and would like back =
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= issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. =
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= FTP.PRISM.NET/pub/users/mercuri/zines/fuck =
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= FTP.WINTERNET.COM/users/craigb/fuck =
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= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. =
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