92 lines
4.4 KiB
Plaintext
92 lines
4.4 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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spew
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----
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go ahead. piss me off. it doesn't matter in this world of
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pig swill and monkey shit. people like to fuck with me, and
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i admit that i am used to it, so i let them. and then i
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end up in the state i am in now, the thought of a slick
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shiny razor in my hand, and the feeling of a cool-clean
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slice through the soft flesh of my arm. the rage is
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building, and there is no outlet.
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i am drunk and hateful. i called up the man i love and told
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him all the things that i hate about him. i want to fuck
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someone and hurt them, love them and leave them. i want to
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tell someone that they aren't deserving of the oxygen that
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flows in their blood. i want to kick a puppy and listen to
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it yelp. i want to snap the neck of a cat and see the bone
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extrude from its neck. i want to break shit, fuck shit up,
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steal, lie, cheat, hate.
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instead i sit here. i sit here with wine and a keyboard
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(don't try this at home kids!) wanting to beat myself up for
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the inconsiderate bullshit of others. i watch tears hit the
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'Q' key and i smile, thinking of the years of smeared ink
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on paper that has been my life. i have hundreds of pages
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full of emptiness, and i want to hurt people for what has
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been done to me.
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i love you, he lied. they all do. stream of consciousness
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bullshit think i am an artist crap. this is what fuck is
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about, the raw hatred you feel when you see a 10 gallon
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hat and shiny rattlesnake boots connected to a beautiful
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woman that you want to love forever. all i want is to
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kiss the eyes of someone who has never known tenderness,
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make love to someone who has never known love, say a kind
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word to someone who needs to hear it.. and i am rewarded
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with coldness, ignorance, and stupidity.
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fuck all of them. the world isn't worth the ton of pain
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on the shoulders of each one of us. hatred is my new
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game, and the heat of the sun can never match the
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flame of my wrath. i hate everyone now, because no one
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wants to do for me what i want to do for them. martyrdom
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grows tired at dawn.
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it is cold in here, where my soul lives. i beg silently
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for someone to caress the worn places. fuck life, fuck
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love. it doesn't exist. coldness is where it's at,
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and love is game you play so that an orgasm isn't friends
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with Guilt. you could say i am bitter, but the truth is
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that i am an angel who has been torn with the whip of
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hatred one time too often.
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i don't know what all of this means. all i know is that
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in the face of my ex-lovers i see the grim reaper, and
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that in the mirror all i can find is a worn tiredness
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that doesn't belong in the eyes of a 22 year old woman.
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i want someone to love my complexity, find beauty in
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my pain. but they all want to eradicate the infection,
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and i sit here alone, alone, forever alone, and i just
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want to hurt them all.
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tears find a home in my soul.
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fuck you.
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demonika
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions =
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= Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) =
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= To receive new issues through mail, mail jericho@dimensional.com with =
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= "subscribe fuck". If you do not have FTP access and would like back =
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= issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. =
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= AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK =
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= FTP.SEKURITY.ORG/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids =
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= FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK =
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= FTP.ETEXT.ORG/pub/Zines/FUCK =
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= WWW http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho =
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= http://www.reps.net/~krypt/fuck.html =
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= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. =
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