120 lines
7.0 KiB
Plaintext
120 lines
7.0 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Live Without Regret
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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To live without regret, is to never live? Some think.
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My Uncle Joe would always say, when he was skiing with anyone "If you don't
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fall down, you're not pushing yourself hard enough." Perhaps, that is why
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I always thought that it was possible to live without regret. Because, if
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you don't take some risks, you will miss out. And, missing out on something
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wonderful - what could be a worse regret then that?
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"Live with no regrets. Be thankful for what you've been through. Turn
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everything into a positive, that way you don't have any regrets. If you did
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what you thought was the right thing to do at the time, then you should not
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regret that decision." True.
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Then why is it, that I find myself regretting some things?
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What is it that I regret? Maybe you could care less, but can you think of
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things you regret? If you had a chance to change that regret around, would
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you?
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My only regrets are two. I know that is few but ...
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The first regret I have is the fact that I have trusted people. The first
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incident that this caused regret in trusting someone, I was standing up for
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them, so they would not end up getting killed, in doing so, I ruined my
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chances straight across the board, on all sides, and all angles. Never to be
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forgiven by some, never to be known by others, and never to be repeated by
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anyone. The second incident where trusting someone has ended in regret is,
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when I had been dating this guy for a couple of months. And, after talking
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with him on the phone one night, he ended up coming over to my house. We
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were going to go out to a movie, but, we ended up missing the time, so we
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stayed at my house and hung out. His idea of hanging out was a lot different
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then mine, and after that night, I was never going to trust him again, that's
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for sure. When someone takes something from you, or try to force you into
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something, that they had no right doing ... it changes things.
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My second regret is, how I use to treat someone I knew. I considered him a
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friend, really I did. I cannot begin to tell you all the times that he
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really did treat me better then any of my boyfriends ... but, what would I
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say? "You're only xxxx." little did I know, that was cutting him, deep, and
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straight through the heart. I never meant it to hurt him... really. I just
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never could describe him, any other than him just being him. xxxx is just
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xxxx. You'd have to know him... that is what I would say. And, that is how
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I'd say it. We had horrible fights at times. He would try to talk with me
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about this or that, why I left the 'scene' and things like that, who I once
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knew, etc. Many times we would hang up on each other, and many times there
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were threats made, and cross-words said. Many times, that happened which now
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I wish never had. Not that I would have probably reacted differently, if he
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was acting the same, I just wish I would have realized how deep I was hurting
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him. He hurt me, and I hurt him. It was a natural reaction, for me, since
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I've been through everything that I have been through. But, that did not
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make it right.
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Heh... I'm one of those girls that have gone out repeatedly worse and worse
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guys. No, Spyder, it's not just that one Midwest city, its more places then
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that, where the majority of males treat females like shit. Though, a lot of
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the females treat males like shit, too. I swear, it's like a social
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acceptable fact that every girl is going to have many, many bad relationships.
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Or maybe that's just how I look at it.
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See, I'm not one of those girls that would always go to parties during HS,
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nor did I date a lot. Most people have a hard time believing this ... Nor
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was I a cheerleader, or a book worm. I just was someone that everyone knew
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and I knew everyone, but, no one talked. No one asked... and nothing ever
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happened except hell. But that is a different story of which I am not going
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to go into right now. Hell, who knows if Disorder or anyone else will even
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read this?
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Anyway ... back to XXXX. He was a person, a person with real feelings, a
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real life, real heart, and had been through his own share of hell. Maybe it
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was because, I never felt like he was ever telling me the truth? But, no
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matter that, a human being deserves to be treated like one ... though, maybe
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he treated me better then a lot of my ex's, that's pretty sad. If you knew
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who my ex's were, and how they treated me, compared to how XXXX treated me,
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you'd probably think I am crazy... to even associate with any of them.
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Regrets are something that cling to you, from the moment after the action,
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and never really leave you ... they might not surface a lot, but when they
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do, they hit you like a load of bricks and make you feel lower then dirt.
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What I would love to see happen is these regrets fly away, and never have to
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worry about watching my back, or having hurt XXXX... or if XXXX and I will
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ever be friends, or maybe we are no good for each other? Only if things
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would have been different... and all the what ifs float being making their
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way through this head of mine, and I need to push them out, because if I
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lived my entire life thinking 'what if' I would never 'be'.
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So, what is the point of this? Learn how to make decisions, by thinking
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and looking and realizing that: "Every action has a greater or equal
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re-action." and Live Without Regret.
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-Kamria
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions =
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