114 lines
6.3 KiB
Plaintext
114 lines
6.3 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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The Light
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---------
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Waking up, I turn thinking that someone is shining something brighter than
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the sun into my eyes. Looking around, I realize it is still nighttime, and
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the only ones that are up besides me now, are the animals outside.
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The light is SO bright, what could be causing such a light? Maybe UFOs DO
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exist? Pulling my shade, to open my window, I look out, I can tell the
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light is shining down, looking up to the sky, I see it. The light, it's
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so bright, and it's the moon.
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Only seconds go by, before I realize what all I had done, and that instant
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I begin to ask forgiveness to the one that has always been there. The
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friend that has always stood by me, when no one else would, and could
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help me continue on, even when I did not have the strength or will to
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do so.
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"I have taken your name and trashed it. Torn your ideas to shreds, and
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stomped on the memory of you. Damning others and damning myself, because
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of you. Nights I would stay awake, and wonder why you had left me. Days
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I would scream out to you, only to hear silence, or just noises of nature.
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I have done you so many wrong doings, especially for a friend that has been
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there for me, as many times as you have ... I have forsaken you, more then
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once. If I were you, I would not be able to forgive me, so how can I ask
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you to?" A single tear falls from my eye, as I look up into the light,
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that had awoken me.
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Shaking my head, I continue to talk, even though I know he is not there. "I
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have hurt myself, just so I would not have to know the joy and then feel the
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pain after losing someone again. I shut you out of my life, so I could feel
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okay about doing the things that I was doing. You always were able to get to
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me, and make me think, I did not want to think, I just wanted to live, have
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fun, enjoy myself!"
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"No, how can I ask you to forgive me, when I cannot even forgive myself, for
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all of my wrong doings? It is not right, so I stay away from you. It is
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better for me to stay away, then have to face you, with the truths that I do
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not even wish to remember. Memories of things that I have done, which I know
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you would frown upon, or wonder if you had really taught me anything at all.
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So, I did not call, write, or contact you ... how can I ask you to forgive,
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when if the roles would have been reversed, I would find it probably too
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difficult to forgive?"
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"There is an empty void, within my heart, an ache which has gone uncured,
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since I have tried to keep you out of my life. A void that only you have
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ever filled, and a void that I now know only you could ever fill."
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"I went back to where I remember first seeing you, but you were not there,
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only the sun was shining, and animals about. I called for you, but all I
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heard was the noise that was carried on the wind. So, I left."
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Laying back down in my bed, I pull the covers up around me, not wanting to
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let him, as if he could, see right through me. But, I knew he only had to
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look towards me, to know what was held in my heart. No covers, or hiding
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could change that fact.
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"Please forgive me, for having hurt you, but how can I ask you to forgive me
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when even I cannot forgive myself?"
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Then he spoke, no words, just all of sudden, He was there, in my room, on my
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bed, and wrapping his arms around me. I sobbed, my sides ached so bad, but
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all I could do was keep crying. 'How could someone I have done so much to,
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still hold me while I am down, to help me stay up?' Finally, after a few
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hours, I somehow fell asleep, within his arms. That was the best nights
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sleep I ever have had in my entire life.
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When I woke up, I could almost still feel him there, though I knew he was
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not. Looking around my room, I saw on my dresser a note, and on the note
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said: "Anyone that is truly sorry, is forgiven. I hoped that you would
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come back, but I knew I had to give you time. When you did not, and I
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knew you were as if trying to hide from me, I asked for some help, and
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got the light to wake you ... the woods when you went to find me, were full
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of life, yet you would not see it. I have always been with you, you just
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had to realize that you had to forgive yourself, and in doing so, I could
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forgive you."
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I still have that note. And, after I read it for the first few times, I did
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not realize, that on the back of it, was the very symbol of our friendship,
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and what held it together ...
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It is from that day forward, that I know as long as I stay true to myself,
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and remember who my one true friend is, whenever that last light comes, I
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will not be burning, but in The Last Light.
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-Kamira
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November 19, 1997
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kami@sekurity.org
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www.sekurity.org/~kamira
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions =
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= "subscribe fuck". If you do not have FTP access and would like back =
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= issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. =
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= AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK =
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= FTP.SEKURITY.ORG/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids =
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= FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK =
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= FTP.ETEXT.ORG/pub/Zines/FUCK =
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= WWW http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho =
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= http://www.reps.net/~krypt/fuck.html =
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= http://www.simunye.com/fuck =
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= http://www.dis.org/se7en/fuck =
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= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. =
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