111 lines
6.2 KiB
Plaintext
111 lines
6.2 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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rose colored glasses
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I want to look at my world with new glasses. For too long I have just
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watched the bright spots and realize now that I've missed too much
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around me. These notes are attempts to share those new found vistas as
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I become aware of them.
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=-=
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Yesterday, as I drove up to the shelter, I saw them, huddled together
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in the frigid wind, waiting. Tired, gray men, mostly. Beaten down and
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resigned, anticipating the moment when the door would open and for a
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few hours, at least, they could retreat from the street.
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I've been coming here for years. So many faces are familiar by now.
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And yet each time there are new people too. People with luggage, I call
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them, because they have not yet learned to shed their suitcases and
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bags.
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Silently the guests queue up for mail or soap or a chance to use the
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iron. For some, there is still a desire to look fresh. But for most,
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there is the taint of too few showers and unwashed clothes. There is
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generally a stench about the shelter - a kind of musky heavy smell that
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defies description - a smell that I've never smelled any where else.
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After all these years, I seldom seem to notice it any more.
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Religious Mass is held and then the services begin to open around the
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big room. Showers start and the nurse begins to see patients. Alcohol
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counseling is offered and job referrals. Some people do a few odd jobs
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so that they can get a change of clothing. There are always more jobs
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available than there are people who are interested in doing them. Mail
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is very busy.
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Sometimes I wonder why I come down here every Sunday. I long ago
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realized I would not directly change anyone's life here. The early
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optimism of "making a difference" was quickly erased. Later, working
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with the alcoholics, I've had this realization reinforced. Where it
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would have seemed that the people on the street would be ready for a
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chance to improve their lives, I have found they are highly resistant
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to change. Working in the shelter has come to be much like I imagine
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working in a hospice would be. By that I mean that we make the
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residents comfortable. We offer many more things to them. But most go
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unused.
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Still there have been successes too. People have come and shared parts
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of their lives. There have been those moments where that spark of
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delight has flashed in eyes across the counter. There have been those
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times where I've felt like I did make a difference.
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Noon approaches. Soon the men and the occasional woman will begin to
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drift out, heading for the catholic soup kitchen or perhaps to the
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Samaritan shelter to wait for a bed. The nurse shuts down her clinic.
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The alcohol session has been ignored again. The mail is put up. The
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door is closed and locked. And after gathering for a closing prayer, we
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go too.
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Part of my dichotomy. From there I go backstage at the Nutcracker to
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watch the ballet. Somehow it seemed fitting to have a day grounded in
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both sides of the spectrum. Sitting in the darkened wings, watching the
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young ballerinas bouncing and jumping to limber up for their moment on
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the stage reminded me of football players anxiously waiting for their
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moment of glory. I was surprised that the large cast was mostly teenage
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girls. But then I realized that most boys are probably not interested
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in ballet. It was the second to the last performance and I could feel
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the exhaustion in the wings. They are ready for this year to end.
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During intermission we went out into the crowd in their furs and
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jewels. It seemed so far far far away from the shelter of the morning.
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I can appreciate both worlds. There have been moments in my life where
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I've felt like I have been outside looking in. And other moments where
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it seemed nothing could be better. But what I realize is that both of
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these are part of all of us. Those faceless homeless lonely men and
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those dancing whirling ballerinas and those comfortable contented
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matrons are all part of the whole. We, each of us, have our roles to
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fill, our parts to play. I know that for me the opportunity I have been
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given has made my life richer. Each of these people, whether they will
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ever know it or not, bring joy to my life. And it makes me hungry for
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more. Thank you for being a part of that life force. Regardless of our
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individual and collective outcomes, your life has given a spark to
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mine. And it seems to me that that is what all of this is all about.
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Smiles.
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FTF
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions =
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= WWW http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho =
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