139 lines
6.6 KiB
Plaintext
139 lines
6.6 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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A Big Blue Circle
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Get away from me..
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Get away from me..
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This isn't going to be easy..
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Well I don't need you..
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Believe me..
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Yea you got a piece of me
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But it's just a little piece of me..
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But I don't need anyone..
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These days I feel like I'm fading away
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Have you seen me lately
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Have you seen me lately
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I remember me
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And all the little things
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That make up a memory
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(fragments of a song by Adam Duritz)
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These are the visions of Tony
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So, it's been awhile. I'm in my room now. The clock reads 1:05 PM, and the
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sun is hanging around underneath some clouds outside. Things have changed
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for me a great deal in the past few months. I'm not really sure in what
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aspects even, funny how that works.
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I think maybe I've become smarter. Maybe I've matured. Mostly I'm just sick
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of this stupid emotional bullshit that people try to throw around on me.
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That's probably closer to the truth then anything else I'm going to say here.
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There's this girl named Katie. She thinks she's my best friend. Sorry,
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doesn't look like reality, sister. She tried to pressure me into telling
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her the horrible emotionally depraving and destroying things that happened
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to me in the past year. But then again, who cares? They tell me they care.
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I tell them to fuck off basically.
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It's taken me awhile to decide. I've read numerous self help books. I can
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tell you how to solve almost any damn emotional or psychological problem
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for yourself. But all of it is a bunch of shit. It's a bunch of quick-fix
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"until I fuck up and get myself hurt again" lies.
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So, basically what it comes down to is lack of caring. I'm pretty much 100%
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apathetic towards humanity as a whole. Sure, I still love my family and I
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enjoy hanging out with my friends. But I don't get really emotionally upset
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over very much anymore. People yell at me, and I feign attention to their
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miniscule problems, but more and more I want to blast them into a private
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hell for their ignorant troubles.
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But then I get to thinking about karma. And I think about how I treat
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people. And then I figure out why I'm in such a fucked up situation. I
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tried to be kind and happy for so long, but people will trample all over
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you for that. Damn, I almost caught myself saying something I didn't want
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to say there.
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Why have I become the person I am today? Well, that's a damn good question.
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Glad you didn't ask. I'm not going to tell you is the most likely of all
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options. But I'll do a nice outline. I got fucked over by somebody in a
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time where I needed that person and any kind of emotional support most.
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Basically, that totally slammed a brick into my head and told me, "Hey,
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Tony.. dude, wake up."
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And that's exactly what I did. I woke up. And these are the visions of
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Tony. Twisted and distorted reality, nicely shaped to the environment and
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world I have created for myself. Defined by my actions, misunderstood by
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all - or at least that's the way I want it.
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People approach me for help. People approach each other for help. Ever
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wonder why? I finally came around to wondering that, and I figured out it's
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because they are a bunch of idiots. They can't help themselves. There
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really isn't that much point to living, but it's fun sometimes. I mean,
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basically when it comes down to it: You look at all your relationships, and
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it's all based on those damn primal instincts. Feed me, give me sex, make
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sure that the weather doesn't fuck me around too poorly.
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What does all this mean to me? I'm not really sure. Maybe as a whole my
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brain has degenerated to an animal-like, Darwin-like survival of the
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fittest mentality. But I doubt that, I think maybe I just have a little
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superiority-God complex. Actually, that's just what some retarded gorillas
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have been telling me.
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Degenerate trash. I'll kill you all.
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Interesting writing today coming out of me. Not sure where all of this is
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coming from but I might as well keep going with it. Sometimes I feel really
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stuck at home. I mean, there's no one around. Its about 80 degrees out and
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there is nothing for me to frickin do all day long. I can read, but I've
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read so much that I can hardly stand it anymore. I don't really like
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talking to people when they come, except for a few of them. I get all
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excited about something but then it never pans out. And I'm left, bored and
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sad.
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A sick and boring reality, created by me.
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Just the way I like it.
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I mean, I think about what I think these emotionally horrible things were
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for me.. But I see I created them. I think I was scared of how good things
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were going, so I intentionally destroyed them for myself. I've created my
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aloneness and unhappiness. I'm not totally alone. I just am through caring.
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And that's not even the truth. I'm so twisted up in my own lies I can't
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even see what the truth is.
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And you know what, these visions are scary.
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It scares the hell out of me.
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Seriously man, I think I gotta lay off the cough syrup.
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Yea to counting crows.
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions =
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= Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) =
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= issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. =
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= FTP.SEKURITY.ORG/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids =
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= FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK =
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= WWW http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho =
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= http://www.reps.net/~krypt/fuck.html =
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= http://www.simunye.com/fuck =
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= http://www.dis.org/se7en/fuck =
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= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. =
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