91 lines
4.3 KiB
Plaintext
91 lines
4.3 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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No Second Thoughts
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If at one time I would start to write as thinking, it would be writing too
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fast and without course.
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I sit, throwing my random mind onto paper, the ash growing longer all on
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its own.
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Pictures, pointless, nothing to do with my current pattern of thought.
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Drawing a blank. It happens to the best...or so I've told myself. I want to
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believe that it's true, on the coincidence that it happens to me. If I can
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just convince myself, it easily, naturally, becomes truth.
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No second thoughts.
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Shaking, I throw my ash to its appointed dish. Throwing any thoughts.
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Scribbling them onto the parchment of a supportive friend, I make no
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progress because my thoughts never cease. If my hand could keep up it would
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make no sense; random words slipping themselves in and out of phrases,
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destroying their meaning. But as prescribed, I continue.
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I clean it off but it falls into chaos.
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I try to fix, but it only gets worse.
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They tell me I'm smart, but a truly smart person cannot fail. They see
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their mistakes before they make them, and they prevent them.
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They tell me my standards for myself are too high, but if they are set by
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me, why shouldn't I be able to reach them?
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I only have one goal: I want to know everything. If I can know everything,
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I cannot fail. I cannot forget. I do. I do. It gets lazy. I learn but I
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cannot always use, so it fades.
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I know so little.
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Never look at the goal before you reach it. You will always be shown two
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things: The fact that you have not yet reached it, and just how far you are
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from it.
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Every day I search, I watch, I learn.
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Every day I get farther from my goal.
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Everyone but me makes everything that I use at my own expense. I just don't
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have the equipment, I tell myself, but someone had to make that equipment,
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using equipment, which they had to have the equipment to make. Even if I
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knew how to make it, I would still be where I am. Sad, because there is
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still something that I do not know how to do.
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I can figure out anything if I just think, but I am confident in the track
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I take - even when that track is wrong. I do not consider all of the
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options. I try to bend my chosen option, but it will not bend.
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Everyone fails, or so I'm told, but I do not want to be everyone. I want to
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be the one that sets the standard of accomplishment, then exceeds that
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standard to a greater degree than does anyone else.
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My hand tires of steering the pencil, but my mind races on, having had more
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practice at it's trade, and needing no muscles to control it. It does the
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controlling.
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What controls my brain? I do. And I can fail.
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions =
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= Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) =
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= To receive new issues through mail, mail jericho@dimensional.com with =
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= "subscribe fuck". If you do not have FTP access and would like back =
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= issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. =
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= AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK =
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= FTP.SEKURITY.ORG/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids =
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= FTP.DTO.NET /pub/zines/fuck =
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= FTP.ETEXT.ORG/pub/Zines/FUCK =
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= WWW http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho =
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= http://www.reps.net/~krypt/fuck.html =
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= http://www.simunye.com/fuck =
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= http://www.dis.org/se7en/fuck =
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= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. =
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