121 lines
6.7 KiB
Plaintext
121 lines
6.7 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Concede
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(Prompted from the song Concede by: Sister Hazel.)
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Why do I even try to tell myself anything different? All guys are only in
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my life to complicate and make things even more difficult. To delude me of
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myself, and deprive me of my energy.
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Never before have I been so bitter against the opposite sex, never before
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have I spoken so generally about any set group of people, and never before
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have I found myself thinking more and more I am finally seeing the truth
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behind the matter.
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Laying all the cards out of the table, I openly tell him exactly how I
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feel. Those cards once out on the table can never be taken back, for they
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have been laid and must remain played. However, it is up to him to lay out
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his cards, or fold and leave. I thought I had finally gotten to the point
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where I could lay all my cards out on the table, leave them and whatever
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the other one chose to do, they could do, and I'd be fine with it.
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I am not fine with it. It irritates the hell out of me. Why does it seem
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like that once you tell a guy that you have an interest in him, beyond
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friendship and from that point onwards, he naturally assumes that that
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interest persists until the end of time. Even when he and you seem to
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break contact or go separate ways for the most part. Maybe he starts
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detaching himself, so he won't get close, or maybe he acts like a jerk or
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ignores you so you lose interest. Maybe there are thousands of maybes, and
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I am sick of them all. Instead of asking why, and supplying an idea why
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he might be acting that way, I either just ask straight out, or I just
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leave him and go on about my life, as if he was not apart of it anymore.
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If he ends up staying in my life, I am just as detached from the
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relationship as he was previously and remains to be, while we are polite
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acquaintances. No I am not fine with that. It irritates the hell out of me.
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Having laid all my cards out on the table, I had to give him the
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appropriate amount of time, to decide, react, and do something (or do
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nothing). Because of this, I let interests of a few others that I have
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pass by, because I want to be sure to give him my all, if he decides he
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feels the same way. Only to wind up having nothing at all - except less
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energy and less of myself. The others have moved on, and I'm there left at
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the table that has no players at it.
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Now I sit with cards in my hand and nothing on the table, only to have had
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someone walk by and lay all their cards out on the table to me, and I only
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talking about what I have in my hand of cards. No, I do not like it. It
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irritates the hell out of me.
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I figured if he ended up pressing one of his interests other then me, I
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would find out from him. If nothing else, from him talking about her. It
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seems only logical that if he had a girlfriend I would know ... especially
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since he such a big one for truth and practicality. Maybe that's why he
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never thought of telling me. Or maybe he's just been too busy and he does
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not have a real girlfriend and does not really realize how I feel. But how
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can I let him know when I cannot even talk with him, really? Maybe there
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are thousand reasons and I am sick of them all. I hate it, and it has
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reached it's limit of irritating the hell out of me.
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Where do I go from here? Do I ever lay my cards out on the table, to be
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played upon or picked up or left to lie there, or do I just hold onto them,
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stay within myself and live my life to the fullest within my own walled world?
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Concede ... like anyone would really mean what the song says ... whenever I
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have heard things like that, it all turns out to be lies and never lasts,
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so why should I believe it anymore?
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I believed the last guy that talked with me about how he felt towards me
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... he supposedly loved me oh-so-much, and wanted to spend his life with
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me. Probably just saying that to see if he could fuck me. Building up
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walls around him again, because I wanted to wait ... and now I am locked
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out with no where to go, and no one keeping their word anymore - including
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him.
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Why even tell me things like you have? Just keep it to yourself, because
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sooner or later you'll end up not meaning it, right? No, I do not like it
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and irritates the hell out of me. I hate being and feeling this way. I
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want it over and done with ... but how do I that without leaving my heart
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behind?
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Maybe it's titled CONcede because all the song's lyrics and times people
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say those types of things it is some huge CON that they are pulling on
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themselves and the other one involved ... and that's why it always fall
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apart in the end.
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I am going to be writing a few things out, and I hope you read them all ...
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maybe you'll learn something, maybe one of your great questions will be
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answered, or maybe you'll just decide I am nuts or crazy and leave me the
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hell alone. Maybe there are a thousand maybes and I am sick of them all.
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I hate it and it irritates the hell out of me.
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-Me, Myself, and I.
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07/08/98
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions =
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= WWW *** http://www.sekurity.org/~fuck *** =
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= http://www.simunye.com/fuck =
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= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. =
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