130 lines
4.6 KiB
Plaintext
130 lines
4.6 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Useful Techniques for Adding Amusement to any Vacation
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Vacations are fun. Airports are not a great deal of fun. To spice up
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your next trip to the airport, try one of these handy techniques for
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amusing yourself and the airport security personnel. I am certain your
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visit to the airport will be more memorable. Note that most of these
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techniques will work much better if you first prepare by wrapping a large
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towel around your head before you leave for the airport.
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The Questions and Answers
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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We have all answered these moronic questions dozens of times. Next
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time, try to spice up your answers a bit. Try these helpful phrases:
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Did you pack your bags yourself?
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Yes, by the grace of Allah I have packed this device, I mean
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this bag, myself.
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No, our houseboy Abdullah packed them for us. Is that going to
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be a problem?
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Have your bags been with you at all times since you packed them?
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Yes. Definitely. Except umm... I left them in the cab when
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I stopped at the office. You don't suppose that rag-head taxi
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driver...
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Yes, these bags have been with me at all times. Wait... this
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isn't my bag. Hey, what's going on here?
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Oh, did I say I packed these bags?
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Do you believe in linear time?
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Did any stranger give you anything to carry aboard this aircraft?
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Abdullah is no stranger to me!
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No way man, I paid for all of this hash, umm, I mean uhh stuff,
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like myself.
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Define "stranger?"
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What do you mean by "give?"
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Do you have any weapons?
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I am registered as a lethal weapon in my home country of Libya.
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You mean like, oh umm..., nevermind, no, no weapons.
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Do you have anything to declare?
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I declare a great victory today against the Zionist pigs!
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The Metal Detector
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Just like other pieces of modern technology (the TV, the Sega Genesis,
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microwave ovens), the airport metal detector can provide hours of
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amusement.
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Next time, try these simple when going through the metal detector...
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... stop suddenly, spin around and run away, then return five minutes
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later as if nothing had happened.
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... examine the metal detector closely, then smile with great
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satisfaction and walk through confidently.
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... glance nervously behind you every five seconds, look down at your
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watch at least twice this often, mumble prayers to Allah almost under
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your breath.
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... nod knowingly at a random security employee and say "by the grace of
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Allah we will achieve victory today" quietly enough that no one else can
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hear.
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... when asked to turn on your laptop, rub it rhythmically and moan "oh
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baby, I love you" to it until the security people let you go. At no
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time should you touch the power button.
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Using these simple techniques; you can be assured that your next trip
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away from home will be much more eventful and exciting.
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Huck Finn
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions =
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= Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) =
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= To receive new issues through mail, mail jericho@dimensional.com with =
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= "subscribe fuck". If you do not have FTP access and would like back =
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= issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. =
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK =
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= FTP.SEKURITY.ORG/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids =
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= FTP.DTO.NET /pub/zines/fuck =
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= FTP.ETEXT.ORG/pub/Zines/FUCK =
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= WWW http://www.sekurity.org/~fuck (temp down) =
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= http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho =
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= http://www.reps.net/~krypt/fuck.html =
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= http://www.simunye.com/fuck =
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. =
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