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$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
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$T$$$$$$$ $$$$$$S$$$
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$O$$$$$$$$ HOLY TEMPLE of MASS CONSUMPTION $$T$$$$$$$$
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$N$$$$$$$$$ $$$$O$$$$$$$
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$Y$$$$$$$$$$ *N*E*W*S* $$$$$$N$$$$$$
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$A$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$Y$$$$$
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$$$$$$$$$$ Issue #25: Ngggghuzoids on Parade $$$$$$A$$$$
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$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$
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$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$S$$$$$$
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Holy Temple of Mass Consumption
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PO Box 30904 SLACK@ncsu.edu
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Raleigh, NC 27622 Finer BBS's everywhere
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TONYA HARDING WORLD DOMINATION TOUR:
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ONE KNEE AT A TIME
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...or maybe not. Did she do it? Does it really matter at this
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point whether or not she was involved in planning the attack on
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Kerrigan, or whether or not she was glad it happened? Are we sick to
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the stomach of all the sanctimonious commentators and talk-show hosts
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bellyaching about the general lack of morals and ethics in today's
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society, and how "winning" is now so important that it overshadows
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all notions of fair play? Good.
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The fact is, the media, by effectively making Tonya look like a
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"Bad Girl", has done her a bigger favor than winning any Olympic
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medal will ever do. Sure, Nancy is getting all the high-dollar
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promotions now, but a few months after the games, nobody will know
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who she is. The problem is that she's just too "Good". She's too
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close to the pure, wholesome "girl next door", taking her place besides
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Mom and apple pie. Deep down in our cultural heart, we might put the
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good girls up on a pedestal, but its the "Bad Girls" with the low-cut
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dresses, tire-spinning sports cars, and attitudes, that get our winks
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and sideways glances. This time next year, Nancy will be admiring her
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trophies on the shelf-nobody else will know who she is. Tonya will
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have her own talk show.
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Or, maybe they ought to change the event. Maybe it should be Nancy
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vs. Tonya with baseball bats on the ice. I'd bet on Tonya. Or, maybe
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when she does her Playboy spread, maybe she should lie on top of a
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pile of clubs and bats. Maybe she is ACTUALLY the most modern
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incarnation of ERIS herself. Maybe all those rough edges are there
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for a reason- maybe we should get down and WORSHIP someone who would
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beat the shit out of bad drivers with a tire-iron, do burlesque dances
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in a wedding dress, and marry psychopathic jerks. THAT's someone who
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comes from the REAL world. Plus, she has a tight, muscular butt.
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Deification procedures are in progress.
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Tonya jokes: Tonya is now making commercials for "The Club".
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At her performance, the music will be "The Kneecracker Suite"
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New cheer in Lillehammer: "Come on Tonya, break a leg!"
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Tonya Harding Fanclub : 4623 SE Oxboy Parkway, Gresham, OR 97080
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Children/Seniors - $5 Adults - $15 Corporate - $25
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$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
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OFFICIAL COMICS OF THE 1994 WINTER OLYMPIC GAMES
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*** A-Bomb #1 - More adult x-rated cartoon adventures with somewhat predictable
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themes: being abducted by martians for an orgy, an intergalactic adventure,
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etc. Most of the artwork here is in the anime' or Manga-looking stylized
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characters. I've often wondered why there isn't more real animation along
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these lines. I also liked the "Exposition" look at cartoonists. Venus Comics.
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*** Aesop's Desecrated Morals - A twisted look at the old fables, done by
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Doug Wheeler and a host of other different artists including Rick Geary,
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Phil Foglio, Matt Howarth, and many others, each with a 1-page modern
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adaptation with a twist. Stories range from outrageous, to politically
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correct, to sick and twisted. Magnecom (Rip Off Press) 800-468-2669
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*** Beanworld #21 - word is that Eclipse is going out of business, so this
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might be the last unless another distributor is found. In this surreal other-
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universe, this one has the story of the first time that Professor Garbanzo
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discovered the Four Realities. Strange, complex stuff-this is a whole complete
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universe with neat characters-and is supposedly based on DNA. Eclipse comics
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*** Beavis & Butt-Head #1 - It was only a matter of time before they had their
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own comic. Every bit as gross, violent, and puerile as the show- which makes
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it worth a look. The "activity page" is great- its how to make the Land-O-
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Lakes butter Indian girl look like she's topless. Marvel Comics.
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*** Beavis & Butt-Head #2 - The boys go on a rampage in a funeral parlor.
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Also, war stories by Mr. Anderson, and how he saved himself with a fart.
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Activity pages: restaurant pranks. Marvel comics.
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** CUD #5 - After having his Kundalini awakened and landing in the hospital,
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Bob meets the neurotic, abused, paranoid multi-personalitied girl of his
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dreams. Plus, a funny look at hetero paranoia over the gays in the military
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issue, "Fiddler on my Face", and the "Moon in the Tree" looks at tourism.
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In all honesty, this one probably deserves a ***, but for some inexplicable
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reason, it just doesn't grab me like some other comics. Fantagraphics Books.
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**** Horny Biker Slut #7 - More cum-drenched, perverted action as the HBS
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takes on the ultimate-stud Highway Patrolman, motorcycle repair-sluts, black
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bars, and intergalactic sex-slave empires. Extremely explicit. Last Gasp.
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**** Itchy & Scratchy Comics #2 - This issue follows the making of their 2nd
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movie, which is supposed to be a non-violent romantic comedy. Itchy is
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determined, however, to include as much violence and mayhem as possible, which,
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in the end, turns out saving the movie to the delight of fans who WANT the
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violence and gore. There's more than a subtle slam here against the moralistic
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anti-violence crusaders who want to control what WE see and hear. Bongo Comics.
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*** Magnesium Arc #1 - A brand new comic by Matt Howarth. Although this one
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doesn't leave this reality plane, its a good comic about one of Matt's favorite
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subjects, electronic/alternative music, and the whole independent scene.
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Lots of music contacts, plus Sonic Curiosity strips. Iconografix.
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**** Naughty Bits #2 - Cartoons by Roberta Gregory. In "Bitchy Bitch goes to
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Hell", besides dealing with the frustrating aspects of day-to-day life, she
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also has to put up with loony catholics as well as loony protestants. Plus,
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"Penetrating the Smut Glut", she looks at pornography, misunderstanding between
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the sexes, and how lesbians get around it all. Fantagraphics Books.
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*** Negative Burn #6 - Outstanding stories in this anthology are the "Vixen"
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vampire story by David Lloyd, and "Conditioned" by Phillip Hester. Plus,
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another episode of "Kilroy is Here" by Joe Pruett. Many of the others are
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of the artsy/sketchbook sort. Caliber Press.
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*** Nina's All-Time Greatest Collector's Item Classic Comics #1 - which is
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actually about Nina's views on the often dark, twisted, and cruel aspects of
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romantic relationships. Naturally, this is the Valentine's day special.
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Especially good is the short "public service announcement" on the new social
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disease, afrAIDS, which is the irrational fear of AIDS. Dark Horse Comics.
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*** Ren & Stimpy #17 - A halfway decent and original story. R&S make it big in
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the world of high fashion with their garbage-wear creations. But, they blow it
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by appearing nude in a magazine, which becomes the new fashion. Plus, more
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adventures of the Canadian Kilted Yaksmen. TOO DAMN MANY ADS!! DC Comics.
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** Simpson's Comics #2 - as part of a "scared straight" tour of a local prison,
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Bart is accidentally left behind, at the mercy of Sideshow Bob. Plus,a neat
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flip-side Ill-Fated Romance Comics, with a Patty & Selma story. The comic
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does a good job of keeping up with humor level of the TV series. Bongo Comics.
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**** Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles/Flaming Carrot #1 - crossover comic- the last
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time it was the TMNT appearing in the Carrot's comic, now its his turn to be in
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theirs. This one has them investigating the ruins of a strange ancient
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civilization unearthed by an earthquake, and the disappearance of a science
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team. Story by Bob Burden. Mirage Publishing,PO Box 486 Northampton MA 01061
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**** Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles/Flaming Carrot #2 - Flaming Carrot and his
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Mystery Men meet up with the Turtles and the soldiers. Once there, they are
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attacked by massive numbers of the strange flaming creatures. Mirage Publishing
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*** The Tick: Karma Tornado #2 - The Tick, along with Cleopatra, Eli Whitney,
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George Washington Carver, a washed-up actor, 2 kids, and a Tyrannosaurus,
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continue the strange competition as part of the Earth team. OK story, but the
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Tick wasn't big (or strange) enough in the story. New England Comics Press.
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**** XXXenophile #9 - Lots of explicit, xx-rated stories with a D&D flavor,
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by Phil Foglio and inked by different artists. These are fun, neat stories
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with actual entertainment value beyond the wild sex. Palliard Press.
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**** You and your Big Mouth #2 - cartoons by Pat Moriarty, with stories by Pete
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Bagge, Dennis Worden, R.L. Crabb, Kim Deitch, Henry Rollins, Dennis Eichhorn
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and many others. Most of these are 1-4 page strips, and its a GREAT mix of
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different styles- both in the imitative style of Moriarty, and in the variety
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of subject material- in a virtual who's who of underground comics. A definite
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must-have. Starhead Comics, PO Box 30044 Seattle, WA 98103
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**** You and your Big Mouth #3 - Pat Moriarty continues with these great
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collaborative comics. This time it includes stories by Peter Bagge, Joe
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Coleman, Penn and Teller, Adam Parfey, Henry Rollins, Mary Fleener, and many
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others. Lots of nightmares and strange dreams, strange but true adventures,
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and comic industry in-jokes. Don't miss it. This time by Fantagraphic Books.
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**** Zippy Quarterly #4 - More surrealistic ponderings from the supreme Pinhead
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as they take on the absurdities of modern life. Plus, a special story on how
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Zippy and Griffy get caught up a gun-toting, apocalyptic coffee cult. Media
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culture will never look the same again. Fantagraphics Books.
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%%%%%%%%%%%
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Get HToMC #26 at the Magnum Opus Con 9
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Greenville, SC March 24-27!!!!!!!!!
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TONYATONYATONYATONYATONYATONYATONYATONYATONYATONYATONYATONYATONYATONYATONYATON
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Sacrifices to the Sacred PO Box:
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Cato Institute 1994 Catalog - Nobody knows how badly screwd up the government
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is than these folks, and they have tons of books exposing bullshit everywhere
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they find it, including radical evironmentalism, the drug war, the right AND
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the left. Much more balanced treatment of the issues than the dittoheads get.
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1000 Massachusettes Ave. NW Washington, DC 20001
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Karma Lapel #5 - After a brief absense, Heath Row is back with another issue.
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And they've been busy, too-they take on girl's gender roles, graduate students,
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love gone wrong, and many other articles. Great cartoons, fiction, and TONS
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and TONS of zine reviews (here's the printed HToMC you asked about!), even more
|
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mini-and self-published comics than I see in a month, books, music, events, and
|
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more. There's so much in it, that its printed in the almost-newspaper format.
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Between FS5, Asylum for Shut-Ins, and Karma Lapel, you won't miss anything.
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$2 for a sample copy and well worth it to: PO Box 5467, Evanston IL 60204-5467
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Factsheet 5 #50 - Required reading material. The ultimate guide to the self-
|
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published, underground, and original material reaches an impressive milestone
|
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with the 50th issue, and its going strong now. I like it even better now than
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when Mike Gunderloy was doing it. If you haven't ever seen a copy of this,
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order it immediately. Any topic in the world is being discussed, ranted, and
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dissected by some weirdo "out there". Sample is $6, although a 6-issue sub
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is only $20. FS5 Subscriptions, PO Box 170099, San Francisco, CA 94117-0099
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Bovine Gazette vol. 2 #8 - This issue takes a look at the Satanic/New World
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Order conspiracies, in parody as well as reprinted material. Its hard to tell
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them apart. Plus, lots of pages of cartoons. At 14 pages, its a quick read,
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but fun. $1 or 6/$5 to: Mad Dog Productions, PO Box 2263 Pasadena CA 91102
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Smite #1 - Gut wrenching and illuminating analysis of "Gilligan's Island", old
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vs. new Star Trek fan feuds, cartoons with dialog replaced, superfriends, and
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the meaning of life are but a few of the topics explored in this small zine.
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The production may be rough compared to some, but the quote from "Plan 9" more
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than makes up for it. $1 to Smite, PO Box 624, Diboll TX 75941
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Funny Pages #51 - Great source for jokes. This one covers Bill Clinton, pick-
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up lines, rednecks, the Bobbitt's, sick, racist, and ethnic humor, great quotes
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and getting even. Plus, some cartoons too. At 8 pages, its a great way to
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keep up with the latest and most tasteless humor. 8 issues for $10
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Funny Pages, PO Box 317025 Dayton, OH 45437
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Derogatory Reference #76 - A personal zine by Arthur Hlavaty; much of it is
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his journal, in which he writes his musings on the Internet, the state of
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society, books, poetry, science fiction, and just getting along. Plus, letters
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and a 1-page story/prose. Probably the most real thought and feeling I've seen
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on 6 pages in quite a while. Plus, you can e-mail him at: hlavaty@panix.com.
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206 Valentine St. Yonkers, NY 10704-1814 $1, published 4 times/year
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Living Cheap News #21 - Lots of suggestions on how to live without spending an
|
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awful lot of money. Plus, a look at people who can and do take this rather
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practical philosophy to ridiculous extremes. There's lots of common-sense
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suggestions, tips, tricks, and contacts for various do-it-yourself and cheap
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lifestyle publishers. Back issues are available too. 10 issues for $12 (cheap)
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to: Living Cheap News, Box 700058 San Jose, CA 95170
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Eat or Die! #2 - A rapid descent back into the strangeness and surrealism that
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makes zines fun. Lots of comics, strange articles, stories, and disturbing
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weirdness. Plus, the next installment of the "Lives of Birdie" cat comic.
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At 20 dense pages, they're coming along nicely with this one. Send $2 to:
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P. Santo, 230 Avenue B, Apartment 4, Bayonne, NJ 07002
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Ogyr Network vol. 3 #1 - Poetry, rants, music, and JanorStuff!!! This
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explicitly SubGenius publication has tons of stories, reviews, and neat things
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that people into this particular segment of the "underground" will enjoy.
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Reviews of strange albums and interviews with strange bands. Uplifting tales
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from Hypercleets himself. Much fnords. Get it from $aint @ndrew for only $3.
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ON/$@ PO Box 53 Plainfield, IL 60544
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Things to spend worthless Federal Reserve notes (not money!) on:
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BLAM! Premiere issue
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This is a hypermedia magazine that runs on MacIntosh computers. Lots
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of outrageous material in a wild interface. Stuff from Howard Reingold,
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Kim Gordon, Lydia Lunch, Jim Goad, Manuel DeLanda, and many more.
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$25 + 2.40 p&h from: Necro Enema Amalgamated
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PO Box 208
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Village Station, NY NY 10014
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BLAM1@mindvox.phantom.com
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---------
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Mike C. Diana's New Comix
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SUPERFLY #1 OUT NOW!!
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32 pages of shocking fun and mind opening vision!
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Superfly #1 is the latest creation by the notorious
|
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underground cartoonist Michael C. Diana! This is the
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first in a series of three issues, that laughs at
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society while poking at its ills. Cover is illustrated
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in full color!!
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To order send $3.50 plus $1.00 postage to:
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Michael Hunt Publishing
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PO Box 226 Bensinville, IL 60106
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Retailers/Distributors call 24 hours
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(708) 794-2723
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Also ask about special collectors issue of Boiled Angel #7 and #ATE,
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the issues that got Mike charged with obscenity in Florida!!
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---------
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Last Minute addition:
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Dream Scene Magazine - an entire zine devoted to actual dreams. Submissions
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are encouraged, and will get you a free issue with 3 stamps. Here's some
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strange, bizarre stuff. 38 Rossie Ave. Ste #1, San Francisco, CA 94118-4218
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$2/issue or 4 for $7, cash only.
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[lots of graphics on this page, that you can't see]
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@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@
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blatant ad:
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The Greatest SubGenius T-Shirts ever!!
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from Crux Productions & Dr. Howll
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All shirts are cotton, in Large or Extra-Large only.
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"Bob"/Anti-"Bob" only $16 postpaid
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Classic Dobbshead on the front, THE MOST HIDEOUS ANTI-"BOB"
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EVER DRAWN on the back - both in lurid full color! (Background
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is bright red in front, blue in back--vividly illustrating
|
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the Doppler Effect)
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Dino-Riding "Bob"
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(color pic on light pastel) $16
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Robobob T-shirt
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(color pic on light pastel) $16
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Severed Heads T-shirt $13
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(black on lt. gray)
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Praire Squid T-Shirt $13
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(black on lt. gray)
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Prices include postage in US. Add $4 overseas.
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SubGenius Foundation <--- Yes, he's finished with the new book, and
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PO Box 140306 might actually have time now to get orders
|
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Dallas, TX 75214 processed in a reasonable amount of time.
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(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)
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Another Tale of B0B (tm)
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by mccla_d@cs.odu.edu (dennis mcclain-furmanski)
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The City of FalAlFer and What Bob the Expedient Did to Piss It Off
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Bob's hidden halls, which no man or God has seen and lived to talk about
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it for more than a few brief paragraphs in a very bad prose, were rumored to
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hold a thousand and one different terrible things which a God might do to
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divert his time, but which a mortal could either have a really swell weekend
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with or else kill himself on.
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But, being a lot closer to omnipotence than the avarage ex-mortal (who
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just get a lot closer to mother nature as their bodies decompose),
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occasionally even these one thousand and one potentially dangerous delights
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were just not enough to please him and to keep his attention up. So he did
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decide to once again walk on one of the planets and to do as his whim told
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him.
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So he went to the fourth planet from a yellow sun, where the humans of
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that galaxy lived. And he did search the planet until he found a halfway
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interesting place, a city in the middle of a hot, bare desert.
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But inside the city walls there were many farms and gardens and groves,
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and seemingly unlimited quantities of water. It was a city of oasis from the
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desert. So, he sought out the reason for this marvel. He assumed the guise
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of a dusty caravaner, and went to the Temple of All Gods in the city (where
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any god was allowed to have a little shrine and his own theme music played in
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it, so even the humbler gods with no temple of their own could get in on the
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action).
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"Where is the shrine and priest of Bob?" he asked a wizened old man.
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"There isn't any, son."
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"Why not? Isn't this the Temple of All Gods?" Bob looked around, double
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checking that there was indeed no shrine.
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"Well," the wizened old priest drawled out, "there ain't much call for
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one. You're the first person to ask in about, oh, since I was an acolyte."
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Bob was mollified... he was practical enough to realize if there wasn't a
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consumer demand he wasn't going to have a shrine. Oh well, maybe he could ask
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this guy instead.
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"I'm suprised. Oh, well. Maybe you can tell me, why does this city
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flourish in the middle of barenness?"
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"The city takes care of us."
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"Yeah, but why do you flourish?"
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"Like I said, the city takes care of us... it's alive, you know."
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"Lemme get this straight," the dusty caravaner who was actually Bob said.
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"FalAlFar is one big sentient city?" He sent his awsome Bobness forth to see
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if this was, indeed, true. He got his answer as the old wizened priest gave
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his.
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"Yes... it's something to do with the silicon imbedded in the granite we
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use to build this city. Or so some learned circles say. I say, don't confuse
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the issue, it's magic and that's that. Silicon, indeed. Humph!"
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"Well, here's a little gold, set up a shrine to Bob, will you... you can
|
|
keep twenty percent as long as the job gets done right."
|
|
"I never could understand a god that condones graft," the wizened old
|
|
priest said as he tucked the pouch inside his volumuous robes, "but I'm human
|
|
enough to. Alright, a cool little shrine will be dedicated to Bob as soon as
|
|
I can get the temple handymen off of their holy wine break. So long,
|
|
stranger."
|
|
|
|
As Bob walked through the city, he marveled at its complexity and its
|
|
being well maintained. He marveled that this was done, but he soon found out
|
|
why. He saw people talking to certain buildings or others, and getting
|
|
answers to the questions they posed. And, whenever a person did something
|
|
wrong (lying, littering) a building would shout "I saw that! Pick that back
|
|
up!"
|
|
How could a child of Bobism survive in such a sterile and law abiding
|
|
atmosphere? He could almost understand why the marketplace was composed
|
|
entirely of tents... as property is theft and most business exchanges are a
|
|
bit illegal on one party's or the other's side. This situation must be
|
|
subversed, but slowly.
|
|
|
|
An idea hit him as he watched the monotony of the white marble, silicon
|
|
enhanced buildings. An idea that would be a coup for any god, yet even a
|
|
mortal could do it.
|
|
|
|
He ran back to the bazzar as fast as his present body's feet could take
|
|
him. Bob ran into the marketplace again, and looked around, trying to find
|
|
the sort of man he wanted. Then, he found it...
|
|
|
|
He walked over to the dirty caravanner, who was leaving with a full load
|
|
of exotic spices and little plastic dolls that this city made so well.
|
|
"Are you for hire?" he asked the man. "After you're done with this, I
|
|
got a special one time load for you to pick up."
|
|
"Yeah, Mac," he said, not groveling and fauning because he did not
|
|
realize it was a GOD that he was talking to. "Right. You can afford the one
|
|
thousand gold it takes for a special load."
|
|
"Here's twenty five now," Bob said, summoning the gold into his pocket
|
|
from some nearby other person's pocket. "You can have the remainder when the
|
|
job is done. Meet me here when you come back, in two weeks. If you don't
|
|
meet me here, I'll use the rest of the gold to hire assasins to track you down
|
|
and make you wish you hadn't cheated on your taxes."
|
|
"You got it. Now, I gotta get out of town before they ask if I've paid
|
|
the export fee. Wagons, ho!"
|
|
|
|
Then Bob went through the city. He looked, and looked, and finally he
|
|
found what he was looking for. An actually empty lot in the middle of the
|
|
city, just large enough for his purposes. It was even convienently located,
|
|
next to a money lender's shop and a temple, and a brothel. This was GREAT!
|
|
|
|
That night he rented a room and began his plans on paper. He had three
|
|
sets when he was done, one for the city planners and some of the constructors,
|
|
one set showing only what certain other people were to build out of, and the
|
|
third, master set that actually showed it all and revealed Bob's master
|
|
plan...
|
|
|
|
He rubbed his hand in glee at the prospects of the monumental mischief he
|
|
had planned.
|
|
The next day, he went about establishing his assumed identity, buying
|
|
expensive clothes and hanging about in bars, and buying little "I want to do
|
|
business" types of gifts for the city council and certain key businessmen. He
|
|
also found out exactly what the local building codes were, that every building
|
|
had to be of the silicon impregnated marble and it had to be connected by a
|
|
qualified magic stone technician.
|
|
|
|
He'd have to subvert one to get this opperation going, so he found one in
|
|
a bar and made friends with him, buying him repeated drinks. Then he informed
|
|
the bartender that his tab was not only paid in full but well in advance. Bob
|
|
would have no trouble getting him out of the way when it came time to.
|
|
|
|
The next day he submitted his plans to the general council for a tavern
|
|
he wished to construct on the vacant site. "I just love this place, and I
|
|
think I want to settle down here," he lied. With most of the council well
|
|
grafted, he had no problem getting the deed to the lot and permission to build
|
|
a small tavern and inn.
|
|
The plan was afoot....
|
|
|
|
Within the week the groundwork had been laid and the marble floor put in.
|
|
Due to the advanced building techniques used (actual levers and pulleys, real
|
|
high tech if you know what I mean) they made it quite far in the week.
|
|
|
|
Then the caravanner came back. "You guys keep building, I've got to go
|
|
see about some work." So Bob took the caravaner and went back into the
|
|
bazaar, hiring a gang of stonecutters. "I got a SPECIAL job for you guys, so
|
|
come with me to the quarries."
|
|
|
|
They all went to the quarries, where Bob gave one of his sets of partial
|
|
plans and directions. "Yeah, don't dig from the normal quarry site. Start
|
|
digging into THAT hill, and when you reach the marble let me know." For Bob,
|
|
using his mighty Bobness knew exacly what they would find behind the cliff
|
|
face. Meanwhile, he and the caravanner got plastered on a really fine vintage
|
|
that he had picked up in his travels.
|
|
|
|
When the work crew had brushed away the lesser rock and dirt, they were
|
|
amazed at what they found. They found not white marble, but black marble with
|
|
silicon and other impurities. "Hey, boss, the technicians say not to touch
|
|
this shit. That it might be impure or something."
|
|
Bob grinned a grin that extended about 12 feet off of his face. "I know.
|
|
Just do it."
|
|
And he began giggling as he poured some more wine.
|
|
|
|
They stayed there two days and nights until Bob felt they had enough of
|
|
the black marble to foul up the white marble. Before dawn on the second day,
|
|
they snuck back into town, after causing a landslide over the area they had
|
|
dug out to erase their tracks and evidence of cutting.
|
|
|
|
Then Bob bribed a man to let him use his warehouse. He would have broken
|
|
in but that would have attracted the attention of the city. He did keep the
|
|
black marble under cover so the city wouldn't realize what he was going to do
|
|
until it was too late.
|
|
|
|
Close to a month passed before the main structure was finished. On the
|
|
night that was done, Bob brought in the wagonloads of black marble and began
|
|
putting them in place himself....
|
|
|
|
It was a good thing that Bob was a god and had nearly inexhaustable
|
|
endurance, for he worked all night putting the black marble slabs into the
|
|
correct places, and mortaring them into place with the right materials, and
|
|
covering up the black marble with pencil thin slabs of white marble.
|
|
|
|
In the morning, he consumed a bottle of vodka for his next job, going to
|
|
the bar where he left the drunkard magic marble technician.
|
|
"Heysh," he said, "it's mysh good buddysh, whatsh hish name!"
|
|
"Hi," Bob said, trying to put the slouch in his body and the slur in his
|
|
voice. "Heysh, I got my bar almost done, wanna check it out and have a round
|
|
on meesh?"
|
|
|
|
Bob helped the staggering technician out of the bar, and they started
|
|
singing a happy drunkard's song...
|
|
|
|
"KEEP IT QUIET!" the city said imperiously, which made them sing a little
|
|
louder so they could be heard over FalAlFar. "I SAID, KEEP IT QUIET OR I CALL
|
|
THE COPS!" But before the city could make good its threat, they were inside
|
|
the new bar.
|
|
"Hook 'er up, Charlie," Bob said, going behind a magicaly stocked bar
|
|
and fiddling with some switches. The bar's circuits were in passive mode,
|
|
merely reporting everything the city did.
|
|
"Hmm.." the drunk technician mumbled in a snockered man's overcareful yet
|
|
futile concentration. But, being drunk, and everything being well disguised,
|
|
he could not see the black marble, or the controlls behind the counter.
|
|
Finally, he got out his tool bag and began the connections in silver wire and
|
|
silicon putty to the main streets of the city. "Itsh done, and I need a
|
|
drink."
|
|
|
|
Bob slipped some grain into the rum he handed over, so it was potent
|
|
enough to put the drunkard to sleep.
|
|
Then he brought the bar into active mode.
|
|
"Bar," he said in a cool, level tone Gods get when they expect their
|
|
commands to be obeyed, "program the city to accept me as a random prominent
|
|
citizen, not as my assumed identity."
|
|
A voice much like the one used by the city said, "You got it boss. What
|
|
else?"
|
|
"Any time I look like I'm about to do anything illegal, blank out the
|
|
city's senses and cause some misdirection somewhere else."
|
|
"Got it."
|
|
|
|
Now it was time for Bob to do something truly holy. He simultaneously
|
|
appeared to all of his priests in their dreams, saying "The once off limits
|
|
city of FalAlFar is now EASY PICKINGS, if they split the take 70/30. This has
|
|
been a Bob-O-Gram."
|
|
|
|
Thus, slowly did the crime rate go up at FalAlFar, which vexed the once
|
|
proud city mightily. Bob made sure they didn't steal too much, for then the
|
|
city might get serious about cracking down on crime. And no one understood why
|
|
the little bar between the moneychanger, temple and whorehouse was so
|
|
sucessful. Except Bob, who passed it on to one of his priests when one got
|
|
there, and the bar itself, who was known to pull even greater stunts when no
|
|
one was watching. But this, of course, is another tale...
|
|
|
|
%%%%%%%%%%%
|
|
|
|
John Wayne Gacy Speaks!
|
|
1-900-454-GACY (4229)
|
|
|
|
##############################################################################
|
|
|
|
|
|
C O N V E N T I O N S
|
|
|
|
|
|
February 25-27, 1994 (California, Southern)
|
|
|
|
CON-DOR. Town & Country, 500 Hotel Circle, San Diego, CA 92108;
|
|
(619)291-7131; rms $69 sngl/dbl. GoH: Jerry Pournelle; AGoH: Rick
|
|
Sternbach. Memb: $30 until 2/10/94, $35 after. Info: Con-Dor, Box
|
|
15771, San Diego CA 92175; (619)447-6311.
|
|
|
|
February 25-27, 1994 (Washington)
|
|
|
|
RADCON 1B. The Tower Inn, Richland, WA. GoH: V.E. Mitchell; Science
|
|
GoH: Don Segna; AGoH: "Kev" Brockschmidt; FGoH: Glen Allison. Info:
|
|
RadCon, 2527 W. Kennewick Ave. #162, Kennewick, WA 99336. (206)
|
|
943-5908.
|
|
|
|
February 25-27, 1994 (Kentucky)
|
|
|
|
CONCAVE 15/UPPERSOUTHCLAVE XXIV. Park Mammoth Resort, Park City, KY;
|
|
(502) 749-4101; rms $29/$39/$44/$49. Goh: Ben Jason. Relaxacon. Memb:
|
|
$15 until 2/4/49, $20 after. Info: CONCAVE 15, PO Box 3221, Kingsport,
|
|
TN 37664; (615) 239-3106.
|
|
|
|
March 3-6, 1994 (Arizona)
|
|
|
|
WORLD HORROR CON 4. Fountain Suites Hotel, Phoenix, AZ; rms $99. GoHs:
|
|
Charles Grant, Dan Simmons; AGoH: Gahan Wilson; TM: Edward Bryant. Memb:
|
|
$75. Info: World Horror Con 4, Box 60008, Phoenix, AZ 85082; (602)
|
|
841-5153 (Doreen Webbert) or (602) 945-6890 (Jean Goddin).
|
|
|
|
March 4-6, 1994 (California, Northern)
|
|
|
|
CONSONANCE '94. Airport Radisson, San Jose, CA. GoH: Larry Warner; TM:
|
|
Dr. Jane Robinson. Emph: Filk. Memb: $30 until 2/4/94, $35 after.
|
|
Info: Consonance, c/o Wail Songs, Box 29888, Oakland CA 94604.
|
|
|
|
March 4-6, 1994 (Missouri)
|
|
|
|
CONFLATION 2. Radisson Hotel Clayton, 7750 Carondelet, St. Louis, MO
|
|
63105; (314) 726-5400. Guests: Aviva, Stan Schober. You must be over
|
|
21 to attend. Memb: $20. Info: Conflation, PO Box 19377, St. Louis, MO
|
|
63144; (314)385-2875.
|
|
|
|
March 4-6, 1994 (New York)
|
|
|
|
ASTRONOMICON 3. Radisson Inn, Rochester NY. GoH: Jack L. Chalker;
|
|
AGoH: Frank Kelly Freas; FGoH: jan howard finder (Wombat). Media GoH:
|
|
Grace Lee Whitney. Memb: $20 until 2/1/94, $25 after. Info: Rochester
|
|
Fantasy Fans, Wayne Brown, Box 1701, Rochester NY 14603; (716)342-4697;
|
|
email: wjb@moscom.com.
|
|
|
|
March 4-6, 1994 (Wisconsin)
|
|
|
|
WISCON 18. Holiday Inn SE, Madison WI. GoHs: Karen Joy Fowler, Melinda
|
|
M. Snodgrass; SGoH: James Frenkel. Memb: $20 in advance, $30 at door.
|
|
Info: WisCon18, Box 1624, Madison WI 53701-1624; (608)233-8850.
|
|
|
|
March 4-6, 1994 (England)
|
|
|
|
MASQUE III. Stakis Victoria Hotel, Nottingham UK. British Costume Con.
|
|
Memb: L25 until 4/30/94; L5 supporting. Info: Masque III, c/o Mike
|
|
Percival, 4 Ednaston Court, Yeldersley Lane, Ednaston, Ashbourne,
|
|
Derbyshire DE6 5BA UK; email: pxs@dcs.ed.ac.uk.
|
|
|
|
March 11-13, 1994 (Arizona)
|
|
|
|
SPACE ACCESS '94. Grace Inn, Ahwatukee (near Phoenix), AZ; rms $80
|
|
sngl/dbl, $110 suite. Guests: Jerry Pournelle, Larry Niven, G. Harry
|
|
Stine, Kim Kyger, more. Space conference with SF guests. Memb: $70
|
|
until 2/15/94. Info: Space Access Society, 4855 E. Warner Rd. #24-150,
|
|
Phoenix AZ 85044.
|
|
|
|
March 11-13, 1994 (Massachusetts)
|
|
|
|
BASH '94. Sheraton Tara Hotel, Braintree MA; (617) 848-0600; rms $87.
|
|
GoH: Siddig El Fadil; Guests: Nigel Bennett. Dealer's room, Friday
|
|
Night Ferengi Fever Dance, Vampire's Ball, Costume Call, Video Room,
|
|
Charity Auction, more. Non-Smoking convention. Memb: $30 until
|
|
1/31/94, $35 after (Children under 13 $16, under 6 free). Info: BASH
|
|
'94, c/o The Boston Star Trek Association, Inc., PO Box 1108, Boston, MA
|
|
02103-1108; (617) 894-BSTA.
|
|
|
|
March 16-20, 1994 (Florida)
|
|
|
|
INTERNATIONAL CONFERENCE ON THE FANTASTIC 15. Airport Hilton, Fort
|
|
Lauderdale FL; rms $82 sngl, $92 dbl. GoH: Roger Zelazny; Guest Writer:
|
|
Ben Bova. Permanent SGoH: Brian Aldiss. Memb: $70 until 1/7/94, $80
|
|
until 3/1/94, $145 at door (discounts for students)Info: IAFA, College
|
|
of Humanities, 500 NW 20th HU-50 B-9, Florida Atlantic U., Boca Raton FL
|
|
33431; (717)532-1495.
|
|
|
|
March 18-20, 1994 (California, Northern)
|
|
|
|
CONTACT XI. Biltmore Hotel, Santa Clara CA. World-building conference.
|
|
Memb: $50 in advance, $75 at door. Info: Contact XI, Box 506, Capitola
|
|
CA 95010-0506.
|
|
|
|
March 18-20, 1994 (New York)
|
|
|
|
LUNACON '94. Rye Town Hilton, 699 Westchester Avenue, Rye Brook, New
|
|
York; (914)939-6300; rms $86 sngl, $93 dbl, $103 tpl/quad. GoHs: Vonda
|
|
McIntyre, James Warhola, Walter R. Cole; Special Musical Guest: Dean
|
|
Friedman; Comics Industry Guests: Walter & Louise Simonson; Featured
|
|
Filker: Peter Grubbs. Memb: $30 until 2/18/94, $40 after (children 6-12
|
|
half-price). Info: Lunacon '94, P.O. Box 3566 Church Street Station,
|
|
New York, NY 10008-3566.
|
|
|
|
March 18-20, 1994 (Canada, Ontario)
|
|
|
|
ODYSSEY TREK '94. Skyline Brock Hotel, 5705 Falls Ave., Niagara Falls,
|
|
Ontario Canada L2E 6W7; (800) 263-7135; rms $48 sgl/dbl. Guests: Ty
|
|
Templeton, David Rossi, John Prisel, El Fadil, Robert O'Reilly; MC:
|
|
Larry Stewart. Memb: $34 until 3/18/94, $40 after (children 6-14 $17
|
|
until 3/18/94, $20 after). Info: Odyssey Trek, Box 47541, Center Mall,
|
|
Hamilton, Ontario L8H 7S7; (416) 578-1034; email: brian.upward@canrem.com.
|
|
|
|
March 19-21, 1994 (Canada, Ontario)
|
|
|
|
RHINOCON 3. Ramada Inn 401, London ON, Canada; rms C$75. GoHs: Judith
|
|
Merril, Phullis Gotlieb, Katherine MacLean. Info: RhinoCon 3, Box 151,
|
|
ALisa Craig, ON Canada, N0M 1A0.
|
|
|
|
March 24-27, 1994 (South Carolina) HToMC Sanctioned event!!!!!
|
|
|
|
MAGNUM OPUS CON 9. Hyatt Regency, Greenville, SC. Guests: Timothy
|
|
Zahn, Dr. Raymond Moody, Jr., David Weber, more. Info: MOC-9, Box 6585,
|
|
Athens GA 30603; (706)549-1533.
|
|
|
|
March 24-27, 1994 (Texas)
|
|
|
|
AGGIECON XXV. Texas A&M University, TX. GoHs: Greg Bear, Lois McMaster
|
|
Bujold, Charles de Lint, Julius Schwartz, Frank Kelly-Freas, Laura
|
|
Brodian Kelly-Freas. Memb: TAMU students $13, non-students $15,
|
|
Children 5-12 $5 until 3/1/94, TAMU students $16, non-students $18,
|
|
Children 5-12 $7 after. Info: MSC Cepheid Variable, PO Box J-1 - MSC,
|
|
College Station TX 77844; (409)845-1515.
|
|
|
|
March 25-27, 1994 (Ohio)
|
|
|
|
MILLENICON -7. Stouffer's Center Plaza, Dayton OH; rms $67. GoH: Larry
|
|
Niven. Memb: $20 until 1/31/94, $25 after. Info: MilleniCon -7, Box
|
|
626, Dayton OH 45405; (513)275-6027.
|
|
|
|
March 25-27, 1994 (Tennessee)
|
|
|
|
MIDSOUTHCONN 13. Best Western Airport Hotel, Airways and Democrat
|
|
(airport exit off I-240 South Loop); Memphis TN; (901)332-1130; rms $55.
|
|
GoH: Barbara Hambly; AGoH: Larry Elmore; FGoH: Ken Moore. Media Guest:
|
|
Robin Curtis. Memb: $25 until 3/1/94, $30 after; (Children under 12 -
|
|
1/2 price). Info: MidSouthCon 13, P.O. Box 22749, Memphis TN 38122;
|
|
(901)274-7355.
|
|
|
|
March 31 - April 3, 1994 (California, Southern)
|
|
|
|
PHIL & ED'S EXCELLENT CONVENTION. Burbank Airport Hilton Hotel, 2500
|
|
Hollywood Way, Burbank, CA 91505; rms $78 sngl/dbl/tpl/quad, $98 suite;
|
|
(800) 643-7400. Media GoH: Gerry Anderson; GoH: John Varley; AGoH:
|
|
Chris Achilleos, SGoH: Shusei Nagaoka, EGoH: Marv Wolfman; Comic AGoH:
|
|
Stan Sakai, Filk GoH: Leslie Fish; Actress GoH: Yvonne Craig; TM: Gary
|
|
Owens; Guests: Lynne Abbey, Robert Lynn Asprin, Frank Kelly Freas, Laura
|
|
Brodian Freas, Todd Hamilton, Harry Harrison, George Clayton Johnson,
|
|
Andy Probert, more. Art Show, Dances, Dealers Room, 3 Gaming Rooms, 2
|
|
Filking Rooms, 24-hour Film Room, Masquerade, Media Museum, Video Room,
|
|
Japanimation Room, 24-hour Con Suite. Memb: $35 until 2/1/94, $40 at
|
|
door (checks to PECoN Associates); $5 supporting. Info: Phil and Ed's
|
|
Excellent Convention, P.O. Box 1064, Lomita, CA 90717-0646.
|
|
|
|
March 31-April 3, 1994 (Washington)
|
|
|
|
NORWESCON 17. SeaTac Red Lion Hotel, SeaTac, WA; rms $75. Guests:
|
|
Katherine Kurtz, Scott McMillan. Memb: $40 until 2/28/94, $45 after.
|
|
Info: NorWesCon 17, c/o NWSFS, Box 24207, Seattle, WA 98124;
|
|
(206)248-2010.
|
|
|
|
April 1-3, 1994 (Kansas)
|
|
|
|
NEOCON 5. Galaxy Cross Wichita East, Wichita KS; rms $52. GoH: Bradley
|
|
Denton; AGoH: Lucy Synk; FGoH: David Means; TM: John Dalmas. Memb: $20.
|
|
Info: NeoCon 5, Box 48431, Wichita KS 67201; (316)263-3564.
|
|
|
|
April 1-3, 1994 (Maryland)
|
|
|
|
BALTICON. Hyatt Regency at Inner Harbor, Baltimore MD; (410)528-1234;
|
|
rms $93 sngl/dbl, $108 tpl/quad. GoH: Mercedes Lackey, AGoH: Larry
|
|
Dixon; SGoH: Frederik Pohl; Filk GoH: Duane Elms; FGoH: Sue Wheeler.
|
|
Memb: $30 until 3/1/94, $40 after. Info: BSFS, PO Box 686, Baltimore,
|
|
MD 21203-0686; (410)563-2737; email: bsfs@access.digex.net.
|
|
|
|
April 1-3, 1994 (Minnesota)
|
|
|
|
MINICON 29. Radisson Hotel South, Bloomington, MN; (612)835-7800 or
|
|
(800)333-3333; rms $53 1-4 people, $64 Cabana, $99 2-room suite, $139
|
|
3-room suite. GoH: Jack Williamson; FGoH: Rusty Hevelin; Publisher GoH:
|
|
Tom Doherty. Memb: $22 pre-reg until 2/20/94, $55 at door (Children
|
|
under 12 $10 pre-reg, $15 at door); $10 supporting. Info: Minicon 29,
|
|
PO Box 8297, Lake Street Station, Minneapolis, MN 55408-8297.
|
|
|
|
][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][
|
|
|
|
|
|
R-A-V-E-S
|
|
(If you still have your hearing intact)
|
|
|
|
*****************************************************************************
|
|
Friday, February 25 Washington DC 202.828.1944
|
|
BUZZ 410.880.1166
|
|
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Buzz is: Every other Friday
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10 PM til 5AM 18 & over with ID
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$6 before midnight, $8 after
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located at 1824 Half St. SW. Washington, DC
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_____________________________________________________________________________
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Fraiday, February 25 Gallatin TN (near Nashville) 615.941.1654
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JOLT box 5750
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DUEL Proudly Presents:
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JOLT-Twice the energy and all the power!
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Friday Feburary 25th 6pm-until
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$7.00 cover - all ages
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Cone bear witness to a fusion of intelligent lighted attacks
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and a $20,000 kosmic lazer show by Maxxium S & L, set to 25,000
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watts of phat cybersound and bone bashing bass by D.U.E.L.
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$100 prize for the wildest outfit!
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Hairwraps by JAH-LOVE Art by AM-E Technopops by TERESA
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Your guides for the evening:
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DJ EN-R-GE
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DJ CONTINUUM
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DJ LOOP
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DJ HARDCORE
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Live performance by EN-R-GE and CONTINUUM with the HYPERSPEED dancers!
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For more information and directions call 615.941.1654 box 5750
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_____________________________________________________________________________
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Friday, February 25 Raleigh, NC 910.251.7781
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RAVEOLUTION 919.836.8535
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February 25th , 1994
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Stretch the outer limits of your imaginations as the concept of reality
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becomes abstract. Surrender yourself in a Revolutionary Artistic Visual
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Experience that will take you to the edge as COSMIC F/X presents:
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RAVEOLUTION
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doors open at 10PM, seven dollars
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40 GODZILLION watt fortress of sound!
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Featuring the PULSATING VIBES of *D.J. Lance*
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the UNDERGROUND GROOVES of D.J. Kasheem
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Licensed Bar Information call:910-251-7781
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Decor by Mood Swing 919-836-8535
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Friendly Security Your Destination: 2820 Industrial
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and MUCH MUCH MORE!! The Ritz Theatre
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Raleigh, NC
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_____________________________________________________________________________
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Saturday, February 26 Lexington, KY. 606.281.4193
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MOMENTUM
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jsquared,eventions & wrfl present
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M O M E N T U M
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unspeakable acts two: the coming
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w/ Mike Huckaby, Terry Mullan, Dieselboy, Dave Hollands, & Cosmic
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+ Jimi Doom, Full Brain, & ~...
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_____________________________________________________________________________
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Saturday, February 26 Dallas, Tx. 214.682.9111
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EVOLUTION 2
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When: Saturday Feb. 26th, 1994 9pm-Dawn
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Where: E-Productions Warehouse
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2920 Canton in Deep Ellum
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Cost: $10 at Ticketmaster, $13 day of show
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Performers: A-1 & Red Eye, Mikey-B, Hoo-Man!, Jeff K.,
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Miss Melissa, Rob Vaughan, Rob Taylor & Hipp-E,
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Booth, K-2
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_____________________________________________________________________________
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Saturday, February 26 Orlando, Fl. 407.262.1000
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SPRING REUNION PROGRAM
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Beacham Classics
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Chris and Dave
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Saturday Late Nights (3am-8am)
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The Classic Beacham Theatre
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46 North Orange Blvd.
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Downtown Orlando, Florida, USA
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For Weekly updates and specials:
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Always call: 407-262-1000
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$7 cover, eighteen and older please
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All Presale Tickets Available Exclusively at:
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The Drop Shop
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407-839-6050
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(DJ's are dave cannalte, kimball collins, chris fortier, guy ornadell,
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jimmy van m.....)
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_____________________________________________________________________________
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Saturday, March 5 Charlotte, NC 704.883.8495
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SYNTHETIC EXPRESS
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Dj's: Brett Long (chapel hill)
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Drew Detweiler (boone)
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Scott Hardkiss (san francisco) (!)
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Guest DJ's from Madrid, Spain, and Miami, Fla.
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Smart Bar by Ox, 1st 50 in recieve free mix tape and get in for $10
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$12 otherwise
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Located at 620 W. Morehead St, Charlotte, NC info: 704-883-8495
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_____________________________________________________________________________
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Saturday, March 5 Baltimore, Md. 410.997.1882
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SONIC SOUL
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Interactive Trance Ambient Atmosphere
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_____________________________________________________________________________
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Saturday, March 5 Miami, Fl. 800.997.7884
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CHILDREN OF THE MILLENIUM 305.557.9048
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trance zone house zone
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pascal f.e.o.s. efx & digit
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(resistance d/germany) (san francisco)
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dr. psychosis carlos espinosa
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(miami) (miami)
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reese tony carrasco
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(astralwerks) (italy)
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kumulus george morel
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(antwerp) (new york)
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tony garcia steve loria
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(new york) (los angeles)
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dj hell oscar g
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(berlin) (murk/miami)
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tix are only $10 + a "small service charge"
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when bought in advance through Ticketmaster.
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at power studios, 3701 ne 2nd ave, miami
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_____________________________________________________________________________
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Saturday, March 5 Orlando, Fl. 407.262.1000
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SPRING REUNION PROGRAM
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Stress Records and DMC Party
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Chris Dave and Kimball
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Special Guest DJ's...
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Dave Seaman of Brothers in Rythym
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and Guy from DMC New York
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Saturday Late Nights (3am-8am)
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The Classic Beacham Theatre
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_____________________________________________________________________________
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Saturday, March 12 Orlando, Fl. 407.262.1000
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SPRING REUNION PROGRAM
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Pure Underground
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Jimmy Chris and Dave
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Saturday Late Nights (3am-8am)
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The Classic Beacham Theatre
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_____________________________________________________________________________
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Saturday, March 19 Baltimore, Md. 410.523.1882
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SPIRITUAL MOVEMENT III
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The DJ line-up:
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Neuromancer
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Micro
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DJ Sun
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Jason Jinx
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Scott Henry
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Richie Hawtin
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Moby
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Lasers by Pawn
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Stiltwalkers
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Gyrobix
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and Visuals by Psylicybin
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For more info, contact Modern Music at (410)523-1882
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_____________________________________________________________________________
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Saturday, March 19 Orlando, Fl. 407.262.1000
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SPRING REUNION PROGRAM
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Unity's Renaissance Reunion
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Jimmy Chris Dave and Kimball
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Special Guest DJ's...
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John Digweed and Sasha
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and Vocal PA by Sam Mollison
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Saturday Late Nights (3am-8am)
|
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The Classic Beacham Theatre
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_____________________________________________________________________________
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Saturday, March 26 Orlando, Fl. 407.262.1000
|
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SPRING REUNION PROGRAM
|
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The Beacham "Classics"
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Dave and Kimball
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Saturday Late Nights (3am-8am)
|
|
The Classic Beacham Theatre
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%%%%%%%%
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Gilligan's Island The Seven Deadly Sins
|
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----------------- ---------------------
|
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Gilligan Gluttony
|
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The Skipper Wrath
|
|
Mr. Howell Avarice
|
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Mrs. Howell Sloth
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Ginger Lust
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Mary Ann Envy
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The Professor Pride
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Holy Temple of Mass Consumption
|
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PO Box 30904
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Raleigh, NC 27622
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or
|
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Slack@ncsu.edu
|
|
quartz.rutgers.edu:/pub/journals/HToMC
|
|
Pissing in the meme pool since 1990
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