111 lines
6.4 KiB
Plaintext
111 lines
6.4 KiB
Plaintext
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OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO oOOOO OOOO. OOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" .OOOOOO OOOOOo OOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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OOOO oOOOOOOO OOOOOOO. OOOO oOOOO
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OOOO .OOOO OOOO OOOOOOOOo OOOO OOOO"
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OOOO oOOOO OOOO OOOO "OOOO. OOOO OOOOo .OOOO'
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OOOO .OOOO" OOOO OOOO OOOOoOOOO "OOOO. oOOOO
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OOOO oOOOOOOO..OOOO OOOO "OOOOOOO OOOOoOOOO"
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OOOO .OOOO"""OOOOOOOO OOOO OOOOOO "OOOOOOO'
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OOOO oOOOO ""OOOO OOOO "OOOO OOOOOO
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| There Ain't No Justice |
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| #34 |
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|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
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Stan The Flying Roach
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The Full Story
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ALL true
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except for the good bits
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by Locutus of Borg
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In the beginning, Stan was just an ordinary roach. Born in a crack
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in the basement floor at the Johnston estate, he did normal roach-type
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jobs (but who cares what those jobs were, anyway). Stan was quite
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satisfied with being an ordinary roach, until his entire family started
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becoming missing. You see, the Johnstons hated all insects of all sorts,
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and so they would happily step on the first insectoid they would see.
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Stan's entire family was never found, and was thought to be victim to the
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Johnston's evil doings. This got Stan rather riled up, and he decided he
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had to do something.
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He hopped up the basement steps in a rather roach-like matter, and
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peered out into the living room from under the door. He saw the family
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sitting on huge soft platforms (which he called "couches") watching some
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big box on a table. He pondered how any somewhat thinking creature could
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sit around all day and watch a box. He first thought the entire family was
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stoned, or on some other type of numbing drug, but this proved not to be
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the case. But he saw them plop in front of it, day in and day out,
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practically worshipping it. And so he thought of his plan.
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He speedily jumped from the step to under the couch. Lucky for him,
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no one even noticed. He continued to scurry along, down to the
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TV/Stereo/VCR rack. When he arrived there, he poked his antennae out. He
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knew he was being watched, and his stomach sunk. It was Jimbo Johnston
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watching our hero, the dumbest of all the Johnston clan, perhaps the
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dumbest human creature ever on the planet. This little perverted goober
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proclaimed it fun to capture roaches, pull off their legs, read them
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various verses of the Bible to the tune of Psalm 69. Nutty boy.
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Anyhow, our hero knew he was in some major trouble. His mind raced
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for options as Jimbo raced for the tweezers. So Stan lept into the TV/VCR
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rack, behind the VCR itself. He decided that hiding behind the surge
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protector would be a great plan in the interest of stealth. Stan heard
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Jimbo lumber back, tweezers in hand. His parents informed the idiotic moron
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our hero had hid himself valiantly behind the VCR. So Jimbo thrust his hand
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in the rack, blundering about with the metal tweezers, probing for any
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sign of Stan.
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Stan saw this, and lept on the tweezers to prepare his daring
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escape. As he did, the tweezers found a target--the two big holes in the
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power outlet. Jimbo got the brunt of the current and he received a quick
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and cheap labotomy from it. Not like he lost anything from it. He fell
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back, still shaking from the electricity. While Jimbo did that, the TV and
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VCR both exploded in a blinding ball of energy. The explosions did a
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pretty good job in toppling the rack. Stan was shocked immeasureablly by
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the current, but it rearranged his brain in such a manner that his
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intelligence greatly eclipsed the human brain (which isn't much, anyway).
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The electric waves also caused his legs to spasm, which resulted in his
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blasting off from the rack. His tiny body hurtled from the rack, just as
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the rack toppled over. He hurtled along at terrifing speeds towards Mrs.
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Johnston, which resulted in his bonking of her with his knees, then he
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bounced off her unharmed. Now, Mrs. Johnston had a nice burn mark in her
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forehead vaguely roach-shaped. Then he finally landed (well, crashed) on a
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windowsill to get his bearings.
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Upon further experimintation, Stan could control his flight speed
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and direction. He took off again for the living room to see how much damage
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and carnage he had acutally inflicted. He was met with the sight of a
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hysterical Mrs. Johnston, a evenmore vegtable-like Jimbo, and a bewildered
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Mr. Johnston. The two parents consoled themselves on the loss of their
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television set. They rushed to collect the fragments of the television, in
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the false hope it might be repaired. They picked up the comatose Jimbo and
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threw him across the room to clear a path for them to collect the pieces,
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and in the process he broke a few of his ribs. Stan smiled wickedly to
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himself, as he knew that he had exacted his revenge against the evil
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family. He grabbed the tweezers as a trophy and flew back down the stairs
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to his home. He was hailed as a hero by the entire insect community. But
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now he had superinsectoid powers, he felt he could do so much more. So, he
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packed his possessions up and left the community, to help insects
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worldwide.
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TO BE CONTINUED...
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Like you care.
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[>> Phoenix Modernz Inc. :908/830-TANJ <<]
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[>> Modern Textfiles Inc. The Matrix BBS:908/905-6691 <<]
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[>> The Lawless Society Inc. CyberChat BBS:908/506-7637 <<]
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[>> -also- <<]
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[>> Terrapin Biscuit Circuit:908/506-6651 <<]
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[>> First Universal Church Kalisti: 602/753-3784 <<]
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