123 lines
6.1 KiB
Plaintext
123 lines
6.1 KiB
Plaintext
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OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO oOOOO OOOO. OOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" .OOOOOO OOOOOo OOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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OOOO oOOOOOOO OOOOOOO. OOOO oOOOO
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OOOO .OOOO OOOO OOOOOOOOo OOOO OOOO"
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OOOO oOOOO OOOO OOOO "OOOO. OOOO OOOOo .OOOO'
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OOOO .OOOO" OOOO OOOO OOOOoOOOO "OOOO. oOOOO
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OOOO oOOOOOOO..OOOO OOOO "OOOOOOO OOOOoOOOO"
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OOOO .OOOO"""OOOOOOOO OOOO OOOOOO "OOOOOOO'
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OOOO oOOOO ""OOOO OOOO "OOOO OOOOOO
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| There Ain't No Justice |
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| #46 |
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|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
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- Country Music Saved My Soul -
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By Beaker
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This is my fictional tale about my brief but enlightening trip to Hell.
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Yes, it's kind of obvious where this story is going, but there are a few
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surprises, so pay attention, ok? Fine then, here we go. ..
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__________________________________________________________________________
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It was just a regular Saturday morning. I woke up, got changed, ate some
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sort of food substance for breakfast, and headed downstairs towards the
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computer room. I had no idea that my life was about to change in a matter
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of minutes. As I flicked on the power switch on my computer, the whole room
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filled with a light, a kind I had never seen before. Then, without warning,
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Satan pops out of my moniter. Now, it isn't every day that Lucifer himself
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appears before you, let alone out of your moniter, so of course I was a bit
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fascinated.
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I asked him what he wanted. He said "You are scheduled to die. Time to
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claim your soul. " Well, I wasn't about to die without a fight, so I
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grabbed a knife off my desk (yes, I happen to have various types of
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weaponry lying around my room for an incident such as this one), and
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plunged it deep into his chest. He flinched, then laughed. "Puny mortal,
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you cannot be rid of me so easily", he said as a portal in the floor
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opened. He then grabbed me and jumped through the portal.
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I saw a bright flash as I passed through, then my eyes began to focus
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again. I took a quick look around, and comfirmed what I thought had
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happened. I was in Hell. Limbo, as I prefer to call it. It isn't really as
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anyone figured it. It's basically...nothing. Nearly nothing anyway. No fire
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and demons like we were led to believe. It was basically just miles and
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miles of plain flat land. As Satan led me through Limbo, we arrived at a
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group of holding tanks, which held the souls he captured. These tanks were
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labeled, as to identify the different types of souls he had. As I passed
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by, I saw "Accountants", "Lawyers", "Door-to-door Salesmen", "Used
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Car-Dealers".
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Then we reached the tank labeled "Politicians". I looked inside, and saw
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thousands of politicians, whether they were senators, mayors, governors,
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vice-presidents, presidents, or whatever. They were all sitting there,
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passing a joint, and laughing at how every one of them had screwed over
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Amerikkka.
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I looked away, and couldn't help but shiver at the sight of them. Then
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Satan spoke, "Ok, we've arrived at our final destination. In you go. "
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No. I wasn't going to die like this. It must be a mistake. It must be. I
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even explained this to Satan. "Satan NEVER makes mistakes, eh!", he said.
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At that, I frantically began to form a plan of escape. Then it dawned on
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me.
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There was only one thing that could save me now. Country music. There was
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only one problem : I didn't have a guitar. Thank god Elvis was there to
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give me his (wait a minute, what's Elvis doing in Hell?? Hmm...)
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So I played my song(I call this song "My wife's a fucking BITCH!"):
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o/~ I'm tired of working my ass off
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For some crappy, cheap-ass pay
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It's time to break out the ammo
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Cause I fell like a'killing today!
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(refrain)
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Oh, I never thought my life would turn to shit
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My life was fine, I paid my dues, I wasn't even rich
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But that fateful day that I got married I found
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My wife's a fucking BITCH!
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Well, I grabbed my knifes, and I grabbed my guns
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And went out in a psycho-rage
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I saw an old lady across the street
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And killed her with my twelve-gauge
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Then I went right back to my place of work
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Saw my boss as I opened the door
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Took a big-ass knife and gutted him good
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Left his entrails all over the floor
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So I went back home and found my wife
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She looked all nice and neat
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I ripped out her heart and cut off her head
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And had a nice meal of fresh meat o/~
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With that last note, Satan screamed in agony. "You're too annoying for
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me!", he said. He snapped his fingers, there was another bright flash, and
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I was back in my bed. I thought it was a dream, until I noticed Elvis's
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guitar on the floor. ..
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__________________________________________________________________________
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Well, that was the day I made history as the first soul to be rejected
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from Hell. So remember, if Satan ever comes to claim your soul, turn to
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country music as your savior.
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[>> Phoenix Modernz Inc. :908/830-TANJ <<]
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[>> Modern Textfiles Inc. The Matrix BBS:908/905-6691 <<]
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[>> The Lawless Society Inc. CyberChat BBS:908/506-7637 <<]
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[>> -also- <<]
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[>> Terrapin Biscuit Circuit:908/506-6651 <<]
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[>> First Universal Church Kalisti: 602/753-3784 <<]
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