263 lines
13 KiB
Plaintext
263 lines
13 KiB
Plaintext
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########## ### ### ##########
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Underground eXperts United
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Presents...
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####### ## ## ####### # # ####### ####### ####
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## ## ## ## ##### ## ## ## ##
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#### ## ## #### # # ####### ## ## ##
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## ## ## ## ##### ## ## ## ##
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## ## ####### ####### # # ####### ####### ######
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[ Reincarnation, Inc. ] [ By The GNN ]
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____________________________________________________________________
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____________________________________________________________________
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"REINCARNATION, INC."
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by THE GNN/DualCrew-Shining/uXu
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Thanks to Womb for the german translations.
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At first he laughed since the advertisement seemed to be a bad joke. But
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then, after a while, something else popped up in his mind. Perhaps this
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was not a joke, but instead some new mad cult or trickster. Whatever it
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was, this was an excellent story for his newspaper.
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He leaned back in his chair and watched the wall in front of him in his
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small office at the New York Daily Express. There was a lot of noise
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coming from the outside of his door as usual, the editorial staff ran
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around and screamed to each other about what headline the paper was
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supposed to have this morning. It did not disturb him, he was used to it.
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He had been working as a writer for the magazine for ten years. His walls
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were filled with memories from the old days when he used to be a good
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writer, someone people looked up to. Prices, clips and diplomas.
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But his great sense for news had disappeared somewhere down the road. No
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one listened to him any more, only a few people found his articles
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interesting nowadays. He needed another scoop. This might be a chance.
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He read the advertisement again.
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NOTICE!
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Are you worried about your after-life?
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Do not worry any more! Come to us instead!
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Do not put your soul in the hands of someone else than
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REINCARNATION INC! We can give you the best after-life
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service ever available. Visit us now and let us handle
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your dreams. Very cheap, and naturally delivered with
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eternal guarantee!
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REINCARNATION, INC! Call now - 754/1066021
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Unbelievable. Someone actually tried to sell something super-natural.
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He picked up the phone and dialled the number.
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A woman answered.
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"Welcome to Reincarnation Incorporated. How can I help you?"
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"Hello, my name is Robert Andersen. I have just read your advertisement
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in The Times and I am quite curious about..."
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"Hold on a second, I will connect you to Friedrich."
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A click could be heard and the woman was gone. A few seconds later, he
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could hear yet another person over the line.
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"Aber ja, this is Friedrich speaking. How kann ich help you?"
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The man had a strong german accent.
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"Hi, I am interested in your reincarnation service..."
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"Oh, das is ja nice, what kind of animal did you have in mind?"
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"Animal?"
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"Yes, animal. What kind of animal do you want to be reincarnated to
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after your sad death?"
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Robert concentrated. He wanted to laugh out loud but that would not
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really be a smooth move at this time. He had to get some more facts.
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"Oh, of course! Well, I really want to become a condor!"
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"Das ist ja a nice choice! Could you come down to our office this
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afternoon?"
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"No problem. When?"
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"Two o'clock? Will that fit you, sir? Just go to Hamley Street and you
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will see our sign, yes?"
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"Sure. I will be there."
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He hung up. Then he slapped his knees and laughed. This was too good to
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be true.
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Later that day, he took a cab to the Hamley Street. The day was hot and
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steamy, sweating people crowded the streets. Cars honked desperately at
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each other. Robert watched the crazed city through the cab window.
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Perhaps we need something super-natural in this world, he thought. Just to
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clear our minds from the ordinary.
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Hamley street was placed in the south. He stepped out of the cab, gave
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the driver a couple of dollars and looked around.
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He immediately saw the sign. It was not huge, but did really catch ones
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attention. On the left, beautifully drawn smiling faces on happy people,
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on the right a few animals. In the middle, a flashy text that revealed the
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Reincarnation, INC.
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There was no shopping window, only a small brown wooden door. Robert
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opened it and stepped inside.
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A woman, probably the one he had spoken with on the phone, sat behind a
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desk by the entrance. The room was very small and dark. No fancy posters,
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no crowd of people. It was just her, a desk and the damp atmosphere.
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She looked at Robert, smiled and said to him with a soft voice: "Hello
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there, are you Robert Andersen?"
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Before he got the chance to answer someone screamed out loud somewhere in
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the building.
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"Du bloedmann, was zur hoelle tut's du?! Noch ein fehler, und du bist
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gefeuert, asshole!"
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He looked around. The woman noticed his puzzled look.
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"Do not worry, it is only Friedrich. His new assistant is a newbie when
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it comes to this kind of business."
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"I see...", Robert answered. Then he remembered her question. "Oh!
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Yes, I am Robert!"
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The woman pressed down a button on the intercom. She leaned forward and
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spoke into the microphone
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"He is here, Friedrich."
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A familiar voice screamed back.
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"Scheisse! Verdammt Maschine!"
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The woman shook her head and tried again.
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"Friedrich! You got a customer! Robert Andersen!"
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"Aha! Ich will be there in a couple of minutes!"
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Robert studied the woman. She was young, but had a rather mature way of
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speaking. It seemed like she had been working at the place for a long
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time. After she had called for Friedrich, she turned around a began to
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type something on a typewriter.
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"Excuse me," Robert said. "but for how long has this company existed?"
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The woman turned around.
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"A couple of years." she replied and turned to the typewriter again.
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"I see, but..."
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Suddenly a door opened beside the desk and a small fat man rushed into
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the room. He was dressed like a doctor, his head had no hair and he had
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huge round spectacles. He violently grabbed Robert's hand and shook it.
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"Welcome!" the little man said. "Ich bin Friedrich Storm and I know you
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are Robert Andersen! Step inside my friend!"
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The man led Robert to the door and almost pushed him into a another small
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room. A thin boy, also dressed like a doctor, watched Robert with scared
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eyes as he entered. Friedrich pointed at the boy and shouted: "Go home
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and study! Raus!"
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The boy quickly left the room through another door.
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"My new assistant. Clumsy!" Friedrich muttered.
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The room had a sterile look. A strange machine occupied one of the
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walls. It looked like a gigantic tape recorder to Robert.
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"Now then, my friend!" Friedrich said. "What kind of animal do you want
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to be reincarnated to?"
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Robert felt confused.
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"A condor please..."
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"Fine!"
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Quickly, the man walked to the machine a pushed a few buttons. Nothing
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seemed to happen.
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"Verdammt!" he screamed and kicked the machine which suddenly came to
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life. A buzzing sound could be heard. Friedrich pushed yet another button
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and said: "Condor, please."
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A red lamp on the machine was lighted.
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"Jawohl! Now it is ready! That will cost you five hundred dollars!
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Please pay to ze girl in the reception!", Friedrich said - almost yelling.
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Robert sighed.
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"Now wait a minute..."
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"Bist you not satisfied?", Friedrich asked and stared at Robert with wide
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open eyes.
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"Are you kidding me? Are you trying to tell me that this... machine...
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(or what the hell it is) will help me become a condor when I die? Do you
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think I am stupid? What is this for kind of business you run?"
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Friedrich raised a finger.
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"Now listen to me you little thief! You will not pay? You want this for
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free? You want to rip me off?"
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Robert took two steps against the fat man. He knew how to handle weirdos
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like this.
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"No, you are trying to rip me off and that is a fact!"
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"Aber, my friend..." Friedrich said with a weak voice.
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"No more aber my friend! Who are you? What is this machine?"
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The fat man looked clearly annoyed. He did not know what to say. Robert
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waited patiently for a answer to his question.
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"This is my machine... I invented it. It works! You will turn into a
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condor when you die! I thought you wanted that!"
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Robert shook his head. "You are insane."
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Friedrich took off his glasses and raised his hands up to a guard.
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"You want to fight, my friend?" he screamed and his face turned red.
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"You come zu mich here and insult my machine?!"
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Robert walked to the door.
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"I will be back."
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Robert stepped out, walked past the woman and out on the street. Before
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he rode away in a cab he could hear Friedrich's angry voice behind him.
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"Ich will this not forget! You little son of a..."
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Back at the news paper, Robert rushed to the editor.
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"I have a story!"
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"About what?"
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Robert explained. The editor looked at him as is if he was a nobody.
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"Worthless. Especially since you did not ask him any questions nor took
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any photos."
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"Oh no," Robert mumbled. "I forgot that..."
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"Naturally. So I suggest that you try again, as usual..."
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Robert felt bad when he stepped out of the editor's office. He had
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failed again. Back in his own office, he sank down on the chair. He
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struck his fist against the wall.
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"Damn! How could I act so stupid?"
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He knew he had to return and try again. This was a good, funny story and
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he just could not drop it. He would go back to Reincarnation Incorporated
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tomorrow and this time he would act like a good journalist.
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The next day, once again he took a cab and instructed the driver to drive
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him to Hamley Street. It took the driver fifteen minutes to drive. Before
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Robert stepped out, he checked that he had his camera, pen and note book
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with him. He was not going to fail this time.
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He got rather surprised when he stepped into the first room. The woman
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was there, but she was busy placing her things into a box.
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"We have closed down!" she said without looking at him.
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Robert saw that she was crying.
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"Oh...", he answered and the woman looked up.
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"You again?" she said and wiped away a tear.
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"Yes... I would like to meet mister Storm."
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The woman covered her face in her hands.
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"He is dead!" she sobbed. "It is so horrible!"
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Robert suddenly felt great. If he played his cards right, this might
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turn out to be a sensation. Maybe Friedrich had been killed by his own
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machine, maybe he had committed suicide to test his weird invention.
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"I am sorry, " Robert lied. "May I ask how he died?"
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It was a rather rude question. But the woman was so upset she might not
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even notice the brutal media attack, Robert thought.
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"He was murdered yesterday evening. Right outside here on the street!"
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the woman said and burst into tears again.
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Robert wrote down a few lines. Excellent. Someone had actually killed
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the strange man.
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"Does anyone know who killed him?" Robert asked.
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"They caught him immediately. It was a customer who wanted to complain
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and started up a fight."
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Robert chuckled.
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"I am from the New York Daily Express," Robert said and tried to look as
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if he participated in her grief. "Could I do an interview with you
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tomorrow in my office?"
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"Sure," the woman replied and wiped away yet another tear.
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Robert gave her his card. Before he left, he asked one more question.
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"How come the police could catch him at once? Did he turn himself in?"
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The woman giggled between her tears.
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"No, no...," she said. "You see, it is not so easy to run through the
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crowded streets of New York. Especially not if you happen to be an
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elephant."
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//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
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Express yourself sideways!
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Hey! ;) Call THE STASH won't you? 8-) +46-13- ==>:^)
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\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
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See you later, Richard Nixon.
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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uXu #201 Underground eXperts United 1994 uXu #201
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Call LHDý -> +1-818-546-2332
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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