858 lines
37 KiB
Plaintext
858 lines
37 KiB
Plaintext
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Well, many people have been asking me for copies of my Twin Peaks quote
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file, and I am finally forced to confess that I have dropped the ball.
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Yes, my life has become more interesting than Twin Peaks, and lacking
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a VCR or friends with whom I can reliably hook up to watch it, I have
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let Twin Peaks slide in favor of other Saturday activities.
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Therefore, I am no longer a fit keeper of the Twin Peaks Quote List. I
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post here the last version, which is current up through early January,
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I think. Anyone who wishes to add quotes to it and in general maintain it
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is free to do so; I release it into the public domain.
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Have fun y'all!
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-----------------------------------------
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Cooper: I'm sure the Sheriff will be able to recommend a clean place,
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reasonably priced--that's what I need, a clean place, reasonably priced.
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Leo: Leo needs a new pair of shoes!
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Ben: Leland's daughter was murdered and the Norwegians left.
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Jerry: Did they sign?
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Ben: No.
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Jerry: We had those vikings by the HORNS! What HAPPENED?
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Ben: We're not exactly sure; they took the translator with them.
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Jerry: Sigh. Did you say Leland's daughter was murdered?
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Ben: Yes.
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Jerry: I'm depressed.
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Cooper: Harry, when Albert finishes up at the Great Northern, we'll meet back
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at the station. I'm ready to lay the whole thing out.
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Truman: Rocks and bottles?
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Cooper: Chalk and blackboard will be just fine.
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Truman: Jelly donuts?
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Cooper: Harry, that goes without saying.
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Andy: Lucy!
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Lucy: What?
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Andy: <Crash!>
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Lucy: Andy?
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Senor Droolcup: Your milk is gonna get cool....
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Cooper (lying on his back, bleeding): OhKaayy
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Sarah Palmer: I miss her so much. I miss her so much! I miss her so much!!!
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Cooper: Sheriff, get your mind off Shelley.
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Audrey (naked in Cooper's bed, to Cooper): Don't make me leave? Please...
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don't make me leave?
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Truman: I'll make the phone calls. Leland will know how to get a hold of
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Maddy's family.
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Cooper: Harry, don't make any calls. I need twenty-four hours.
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Truman: For what?
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Cooper: To finish this.
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Albert: Cooper. [Cooper walks over] An observation. I don't know where this
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is headed. But the only one with the coordinates for this destination
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in his hardware is you. Go on whatever vision quest you have to--
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stand on the rim of the volcano--stand alone and do your dance. Just
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find this beast before he takes another bite.
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Cooper: God help me, I don't know where to start.
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Hawk: You're on the path. You don't need to know where it leads. Just
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follow.
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Chief Norwegian (to Audrey): Is something wrong, young, pretty girl?
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Cooper: Albert's path is a strange and difficult one.
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Dick: I lost your number....
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Lucy: I work at the sheriff's office! You could have dialed 911!
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Albert: Agent Cooper, I am thrilled to pieces that the Dharma came to King
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Hohoho, I really am, but right now I am trying hard to focus on the
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more immediate problems of our own century, right here in Twin Peaks.
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Cooper: Albert, you'd be surprised at the connections between the two.
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Albert: Color me amazed.
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Bobby (to Leo): Quit spittin', man!
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Truman: You saw a giant?
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Cooper: Yes.
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Albert: Any relation to the dwarf?
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Hawk: Some of my best friends are white people!
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Pete: This smoke inhalation is a nasty business. I feel like someone taped my
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lips to the tailpipe of a bus!
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[Waitress pours Cooper's coffee:]
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Cooper: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! [sips, sighs blissfully] This is--
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excuse me--a DAMN fine cup of coffee. I've had I don't know how many cups of
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coffee in my life, but this is one of the best. Two eggs over hard. I know,
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I know, it's hard on the arteries, but old habits die hard--just about as hard
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as I want those eggs. Two strips of bacon, extra crispy--almost black.
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Cremate it. And I'd like a big glass of grapefruit juice, just as long as
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those grapefruits... [sees Audrey walking towards him] ...are freshly squeezed.
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Jerry: Marshmallows?!! Ben, WHERE are those HICKORY STICKS?
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Gwen: You see, people just wanna do terrible things to you. I know.
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Cooper: Look! Ducks! On a lake! Ahhh.
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Pete: Now let me get this straight... your _entire_country_ is _above_ the
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_timberline_?
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Jonathan: Blood brother, next time, I take your head off.
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Giant: Sorry to wake you.
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Cooper: I'm not dreaming.
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Giant: I forgot to tell you something.
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Cooper: You were right about the smiling bag.
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Giant: The things I tell you will not be wrong. Better to listen than
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to talk.
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Cooper: I believe you.
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Giant: Don't search for all the answers at once. A path is formed by
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laying one stone at a time. One person saw the third man. Three
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have seen him, yes, but not his body. One only, known to you, ready
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now to talk. One more thing: there is something which you have
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forgotten.
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Cooper: What?
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Giant: <Flash!>
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Mike: This is his true face, but few can see it. The gifted--and the
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_damned._
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Donna: Romantic, isn't it?
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Harold: Interesting...it serves as a landing platform for pollinating insects.
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Donna: Romantic, isn't it?
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Truman: You know, I should take up medicine.
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Cooper: Oh? Why's that?
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Truman: Because I'm beginning to feel a bit like... Dr. Watson.
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Leland: Just call me Fred!
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Cooper: Mrs. Palmer, there are things dark and heinous in this world.
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Judge Sternwood: So, Agent Cooper, how are you finding our little corner of
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the world?
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Cooper: It's heaven, sir.
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Judge S.: Well, this week heaven includes arson, multiple homicide, and an
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attempt on the life of a Federal agent.
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Cooper: Heaven is a large and interesting place, sir!
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Catherine: I can't understand a word you're saying... you have a thing in your
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mouth!
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Truman: What's going on?
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Lucy: Thanks to Jade, Gerard decided not to kill himself. And he's changed
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his will, leaving the Towers to Jade instead of Emerald. But Emerald
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found out about it, and now she's trying to seduce Chet to give her
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the new will so that she can destroy it, and Montana's planning to
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kill Gerard at midnight so the Towers will belong to Emerald and
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Montana but I think she's going to double-cross him though he doesn't
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know it. Poor Chet!
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Truman: What's going on _here_?
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Bobby: Doc Hayward said you needed familiar stimulants, so we figured, what
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the hell, kazoos.
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Cooper: It's a good idea to leave your troubles at home when you operate a
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motor vehicle, Leland.
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Log Lady: My husband was a logging man... he met the devil. Fire is the
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devil, hiding like a coward in the smoke.
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Jerry: Ben, as your attorney, your friend, and your brother, I strongly
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suggest you get a better lawyer.
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Cooper: Diane, last night I dreamed I was eating a large, tasteless gumdrop,
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and awoke to discover I was chewing on one of my foam disposable earplugs.
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Perhaps I should consider moderating my nighttime coffee consumption.
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Catherine: Everything here smells like fish.
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Pete: Well, you could try washing your socks separately.
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Ben: So, here in Twin Peaks, health and industry go hand-in-hand.
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Translator: Helse og industri de gaar haand-i-haand.
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Major: You appear to be fully recovered from your recent setback.
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Jacoby: Well, nothing beats the restorative powers of Honolai Bay.
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Mike: He is BOB! Eager for fun! He wears a smile. EVERYBODY RUN.
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Cooper: Did you know Laura Palmer?
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Leo: No.
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Cooper: How well did you know her?
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Leo: I said I didn't!
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Cooper (smiling): You're lying.
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Ben: What's she want?! I'll pay anything! What's she _want_??!!
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Pete: You OK there, Benjy?
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Jacques: So Leo put the chip in her mouth, and say, "Bite the bullet, baby,
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biiite the bullet!!"
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Cooper: In another world he might have been a seer or a shaman priest... here
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he's just a shoe salesman who walks with the shadows.
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Andy: Listen to me, Lucy Moran, you just listen. When the Tacoma Sperm Bank
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was looking for donors, naturally I applied. It's my civic duty and I like
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whales. A routine physical examination revealed that I'm sterile. Sure I
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thought it meant that I didn't have to take a bath, but the doctors told me
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the truth. They told me I can't have babies. So what I wanna know now is why
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are you having one and how?
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Catherine: Are you an ambitious man, Mr. Neff?
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Mr. Neff: One likes to think so.
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Catherine: One never knows. There may still be a few T's left to cross.
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Cooper: Laura and I had the same dream.
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Andy: That's impossible!
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Cooper: Yes, it is.
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Hawk: I had to drink 3 pots of chamomile tea to find that out! Which reminds
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me--can I be excused, sir?
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Cooper: So Harry, how long you been seeing her?
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Truman (awestruck): How did you know?
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Cooper: Body language.
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Truman: Geez louise!
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Albert: Okay, confining my conclusions to the planet Earth....
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Pierre: Sometimes things happen just like THAT. <snap!>
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Pete: And how do you take your coffee, Agent Cooper?
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Cooper: Black as midnight on a moonless night.
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Pete: Pret-ty black.
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Cooper: This morning, I will practice an extra twenty minutes of yogic dis-
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cipline, after which the pain is banished to a cul-de-sac in a remote suburb
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of my conscious mind.
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Nadine: Where are Mom and Dad?
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Big Ed: Whooooa! They're... out of town!
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Nadine: Oh. Okay!
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Leo: <spit> new shoes!
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Major: For starters, would you care to join me for an incredibly
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pleasant evening of night fishing?
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Cooper: Aces!
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Lucy: All men in the world should be taken to a desert island and forced to
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eat sand!
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Nadine: Ed! You waiting for those drapes to hang themselves?
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Cooper: I think I saw a rabbit!
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Truman: Must've been a snowshoe rabbit.
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Cooper: Snowshoe! Snowshoe rabbit!
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Jerry: Lord, what's become of us?
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Albert: I performed the autopsy on Jacques Renault. Stomach contents re-
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vealed, let's see, beer cans, a Maryland license plate, half a bi-
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cycle tire, a goat, and a small wooden puppet. Goes by the name of
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Pinocchio.
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Cooper: You're making a joke!
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Albert: I like to think of myself as one of the happy generations.
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Andy: They shot Waldo!
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Log Lady: Sometimes owls are big.
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Cooper: So... are you still seeing this... Dick?
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Hawk: One woman can make you fly like an eagle. Another can give you the
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strength of a lion. But only one in a cycle of life can fill you with
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gladness and the wisdom that you have known a singular joy. I wrote
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that for my girlfriend.
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Cooper: Girlfriend?
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Hawk: Diane Shapiro. PhD, Brandeis.
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Cooper: Ooo.
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Log Lady: I do not introduce the log!
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Cooper: Wanna know why I'm whittling?
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Truman: OK, I'll bite. Why are you whittling?
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Cooper: Because that's what you do in a town where a yellow light still means
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slow down, not speed up.
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Ben: If you will permit me, Sven, to repeat what you told me this morning
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after your run--"My air sacs have never felt so good!"
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Bobby: Dad?
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Major: Yes, son?
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Bobby: What is it that you do, exactly?
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Major: That's classified.
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Bobby: Oh.
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Jerry: Look at what she gave me: a whole leg of lamb! You sprinkle some
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garlic on that, some fresh mint, that's rotisserie heaven!
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Cooper: Sheriff, what kind of fantastic trees have you got around here? Big,
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majestic--
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Truman: Douglas firs.
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Cooper: Douglas firs....
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Jerry: Brother Ben, we've got two ledgers and a smoked cheese pig... so which
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one do we burn? And it ain't gonna be my pig.
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Cooper: Diane, I'm holding in my hand a small box of chocolate bunnies.
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Leland: Dance with me! Please, someone, dance with me!!
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Sarah Palmer: Don't ruin this too!
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Audrey: Friendship is the foundation of any lasting relationship.
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Cooper: Well, it's nice to be quoted accurately.
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Lucy: Sheriff, it's Pete Martell up at the mill. Um, I'm gonna transfer it
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to the phone on the table by the red chair, the red chair against the wall.
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The little table, with the lamp on it--the lamp that we moved from the corner?
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The BLACK phone, not the brown phone.
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Cooper: They got a cherry pie there that'll kill ya!
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Gordon: COOP, YOU REMIND ME TODAY OF A SMALL, MEXICAN CHIWOWWOW.
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Albert: You listen to _me_! While I will admit to a certain cynicism, the
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fact is I am a nay-sayer and a hatchet man in the fight against violence! I
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pride myself in taking a punch and I'll gladly take another because I choose
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to live my life in the company of Gandhi and King! My concerns are _global_.
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I reject absolutely revenge, aggression, and retaliation. The foundation of
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such a method... is love. I love you, Sheriff Truman.
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Pierre: She SEEMED like a nice girl.
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Cooper: You and Laura had a fight last week, is that correct?
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Bobby: So WHAT! If I had a fight with her, if I sang songs with her, if I
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went skipping ROPE with her--WHAT difference does it make?!? I
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DIDN'T KILL HER!
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Cooper (grinning widely): Bobby, here's how this works. I ask the questions,
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and you answer them! Briefly! And to the point!
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Doc Hayward: Nurse, I really mean it. You better speak to that kitchen.
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Nadine: I am just so happy!
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Glass: <Crunch!!>
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Nadine: OH!! I'm so sorry! There goes _another_ one!!
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Andy: I'm a WHOLE DAMN TOWN!!!
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Log Lady: Dark. Laughing. The owls were flying. Many things were blocked.
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Laughing. Two men, two girls. Flashlights pass by in the woods
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over the ridge. The owls were near. The dark was pressing in on
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her. Quiet then. Later, footsteps. One man passed by. Screams
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far away. Terrible. Terrible. One voice.
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Cooper: Man or girl?
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Log Lady: Girl. The owls were silent.
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Cooper: Man! Smell those trees. Smell those Douglas firs.
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Sarah Palmer: Laura, honey, are you upstairs?
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Cooper: Harry, I really have to urinate!
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James: When'd you start smokin'?
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Donna: I smoke every once in a while. Helps relieve tension.
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James: When'd you get so tense?
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Donna: When I started smokin'.
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Ben: Go away. Get out, go on! Go on! I'm going out for a sandwich.
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<scuffle scuffle> No! No! No! You can't do this!
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Cooper: It's already done.
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Nadine: Love me?
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Big Ed: You bet.
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Secretary at the Great Northern: The Norwegians are leaving! The _Norwegians_
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are _leaving_!
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Cooper: Gentlemen, two days ago a young woman was found murdered by the same
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killer I believe responsible for the death of Laura Palmer. I have
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reason to believe the killer is in this room. As a member of the
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Bureau I spend most of my time seeking simple answers to difficult
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questions. In the pursuit of Laura's killer I have employed Bureau
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guidelines, deductive technique, Tibetan method, instinct, and luck.
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But now I find myself in need of something new, which for lack of a
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better word, I will call... magic.
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[Thunder & lightning!]
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Ben: Would you like us to hum? A Tibetan chant, perhaps?
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Albert (to Truman): I think it's going wonderfully well, don't you?
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Truman (to Cooper): Now what?
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Cooper: Harry, I'm not completely sure. Someone is missing.
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[Major and Senor Droolcup appear at the door as clock strikes 3]
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Major: Excuse us.
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Cooper: Major Briggs. Right on time.
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Major: I was on my way home. This kind gentleman flagged me down and asked
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if I could drive him here.
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[Senor Droolcup dodders up to Cooper and gives him a stick of gum]
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Leland: I know that gum! I used to chew it when I was a kid! That's my most
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favorite gum in the world.
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Senor Droolcup: That gum you like is going to come back in style.
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[Still flashes of everyone in the room, ending with Cooper... the
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Roadhouse fades out, and Cooper's in the red room from the dream.
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Laura moves to him, kisses him, and whispers in his ear:]
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Laura: My father... killed me....
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[The dream fades away, Cooper is standing in the empty Roadhouse, and
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the Giant appears. The Giant holds out Cooper's ring and vanishes.
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The ring falls to the floor and the vision ends.
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Cooper pops the gum in his mouth, picks up the ring, and:]
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Cooper: Ben Horne, I would like you to accompany me to the sheriff's station.
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You might like to take along Leland Palmer as your attorney.
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Pete: There was a fish... in... the percolator!
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<Cooper reaches for one of the Log Lady's cookies and she slaps his hand:>
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Log Lady: Wait for the tea! The fish aren't running!
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Truman: Think they spotted us?
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Cooper: Gimme a donut.
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Albert (in reference to Sheriff Truman): Look, it's trying to think.
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Secretary at the Great Northern: Audrey, look what you've done! Audrey....
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Audrey, don't go in there--Audrey!
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Cooper: Diane, I've just entered the town of Twin Peaks. Twelve miles south
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of the Canadian border, eight miles west of the state line. I've never seen
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so many trees in my life! As W. C. Fields would say, I'd rather be here than
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Philadelphia.
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Jacoby: Bobby--did you CRY?!?
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Ernie: I never stole from a church! It was a savings & loan!
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Doc Hayward: You're not going anywhere.
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Cooper: Doc, when the will is invoked, the recuperative powers of the
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physical body are simply extraordinary. Just give me a couple
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of hours to get dressed.
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Giant: It is happening again. It is happening again.
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Hawk: Good thing you guys can't keep a secret!
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Little Man from Another Place: Llllet'srock!
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[ringing sound, shadow moves across the curtains]
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LMFAP: That gum you liike is goinng to kum bak in styyle. [looks at Laura]
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Shee's mi couzin. Butt doesn't she look--almostt exactly--like
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Lowra Powlmer?
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Cooper: But, it is Laura Palmer. [to Laura:] Are you Laura Palmer?
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Laura: I feeel liike I knoww her, but sumtimes mi arrms bendback.
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LMFAP: Shee's filled with segrets. Where we're from, the birds zing a
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happy zong, and therre's always muzic intheair.
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Gordon: I BELIEVE IN SECRECY, COOP!
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Truman: You know, you are the best lawman I have ever seen. But Coop, some-
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times you think too much.
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Cooper: Thanks, Harry.
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Jerry: It's a baguette... with brie, and butter... I had six of these damn
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things every day I was over there!
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Truman: Lucy, you better bring Agent Cooper up to date.
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Lucy: Leo Johnson was shot, Jacques Renault was strangled, the mill burned,
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Shelley and Pete got smoke inhalation, Catherine and Josie are
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missing, Nadine is in a coma from taking sleeping pills.
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Cooper: How long have I been out?
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Truman: Six hours.
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Chief Icelander: Ben, I am so happy, I can't even tell you how much.
|
|
|
|
Lucy: Agent Cooper, I've got a call for you from a Mr. Albert Rosenfeld,
|
|
sounds like long distance. It has that open air sound, you know, where it
|
|
sounds like wind blowing... like wind blowing through trees....
|
|
|
|
Log Lady: We don't know what will happen, or when. But there are owls at
|
|
the Roadhouse.
|
|
Cooper: The Roadhouse. Something is happening, isn't it, Margaret?
|
|
Log Lady: Yes.
|
|
|
|
Albert: I've got compassion running out of my nose, pal--I'm the sultan of
|
|
sentiment!
|
|
|
|
Windom Earle: Of course, you couldn't help but take note of my emphatically
|
|
traditional opening. I must say, your responding move was nothing if not
|
|
reflective of your predilection for the tidy and fastidious. See how my
|
|
response to you begins to lead us towards a classical confrontation? But
|
|
there's doubt in your mind: what are my true intentions? How will you answer
|
|
this time? Hobgoblins, Dale... consistency... predictability, giving rise to
|
|
patterns. We both know only too well how these patterns leave you vulnerable
|
|
to attack. You with your wounds, I with mine, let me paint you a picture: my
|
|
knights will skirmish, lanes of power and influence will open through my
|
|
bishops and rooks, pawns will naturally be forfeit. I'm even prepared to
|
|
sacrifice my queen because, I assure you, dear Dale, my goal will be attained
|
|
at any cost; the king must die!
|
|
|
|
Truman: So, you leaving?
|
|
Cooper: Going fishing with the Major.
|
|
Truman: That's why I figure you're gonna be needing this.
|
|
[hands Cooper a bag, Cooper opens it and finds a lure]
|
|
Cooper: Whoo. Harry, this is unbelievable!
|
|
Truman: Yeah. Now, when those steelhead are running upstream, there's only
|
|
one thing they're thinking about: sex. A green butt skunk breaks
|
|
their concentration.
|
|
Cooper: A green butt skunk!
|
|
|
|
Ed: Nadine, don't you give up. We'll just have to keep looking until we find
|
|
a patent attorney who understands drape runners.
|
|
|
|
Cooper: Sheriff, we got a lot to talk about.
|
|
|
|
Jerry: I'm in love... her name is Heppa... she's a giant snow queen with a
|
|
smile like a sunrise on an ice floe--you could go blind just _looking_ at this
|
|
girl!
|
|
|
|
Bobby: That's the second time you've saved my bacon today, Audrey. We're
|
|
talking sainthood here. Is there anything I can do for you?
|
|
Audrey: How about... an ice cream?
|
|
Bobby: Cup, or cone?
|
|
Audrey: Cone. I like to lick.
|
|
|
|
Cooper: There's a large group of insane men staying on my floor.
|
|
|
|
Mrs. Tremond: I requested no creamed corn. Do you see creamed corn on this
|
|
plate?
|
|
|
|
Cooper (to Jacoby): You are standing on a smooth green carpet of grass. The
|
|
ball is 15 feet from the hole. Beyond the green two pristine white
|
|
sand-traps and a lily-filled pond yawn out towards the emerald
|
|
fairway. The hole seems to slowly drift away... across the green,
|
|
towards the pond, carried by the summer wind. Harry!
|
|
Truman (shakes himself): Oh, um.
|
|
Cooper: The green grows larger and larger... the green engulfs you, envelops
|
|
you in a soft blanket of peace. You stroke the ball, it drifts
|
|
towards the hole and gently drops into its center. Do you hear me,
|
|
Dr. Jacoby?
|
|
|
|
Pete: Catherine???? You look terrible! Just... terrible!! Just TERRIBLE!!!
|
|
|
|
Ben: Now let's get in there and get those cheese-eaters where they live.
|
|
|
|
Cooper: What did your log see?
|
|
Log Lady: Tea first. Then be ready.
|
|
|
|
Judge Sternwood: The woods are wondrous here, but strange.
|
|
|
|
Cooper: Diane, it struck me again earlier this morning: there are two things
|
|
that continue to trouble me, and I am speaking now not only as an agent of
|
|
the Bureau but also as a human being. What really went on between Marilyn
|
|
Monroe and the Kennedys, and who really pulled the trigger on JFK?
|
|
|
|
Nadine: I am so happy, Eddie, I could just kiss you to death!
|
|
Big Ed: Oh, boy, Nadine.
|
|
|
|
Albert: Mr. Horne, I recognize that your position in this fair community
|
|
pretty much guarantees venality, insincerity, and a rather irritating
|
|
manner of expressing yourself. Stupidity, however, is not a necessarily
|
|
inherent trait. Therefore, please listen closely--You can have a funeral any
|
|
old time. You dig a hole, you plant a coffin. I, however, cannot perform
|
|
these tests next year, next month, next week or even tomorrow--I must perform
|
|
them now. <drill noise--VEEP VEEP!> I've got a lot of cutting and pasting to
|
|
do, gentlemen, so please return to your porch rockers and resume whittling!
|
|
[Puts drill to Laura's forehead and starts drilling....]
|
|
|
|
Jerry: Is this real, Ben? Or just some strange and twisted dream?
|
|
|
|
Andy: I've been wearing boxer shorts like you told me to.
|
|
Doc Hayward: You want to give it another shot?
|
|
|
|
Harold: Are you looking for secrets? Is that what this is all about? Well,
|
|
maybe I can help you. Do you know what the ultimate secret is? Do you want
|
|
to know? Laura did.
|
|
The secret of knowing who killed you---
|
|
|
|
Ben: Jerry? Please kill Leland.
|
|
|
|
Cooper: At a time like this, curiously, you begin to think of the things you
|
|
regret, or the things you might miss. I would like in general to treat people
|
|
with much more care and respect. I would like to climb a tall hill, but not
|
|
too tall, sit in the cool grass, but not too cool, and feel the sun on my face.
|
|
I wish I could have cracked the Lindbergh kidnapping case. I would very much
|
|
like to make love to a beautiful woman who I had a genuine affection for. And
|
|
of course it goes without saying that I would like to visit Tibet. I wish that
|
|
the Tibetan government would allow the Dalai Lama to return to his native land.
|
|
Oh, I would like that very much.
|
|
|
|
Gordon: WE'VE GOT A DIFFERENT PROBLEM HERE, COOP. TWO PLUS TWO DOES NOT
|
|
ALWAYS EQUAL FOUR!
|
|
|
|
Log Lady: Shut your eyes and you'll burst into flames.
|
|
Truman: Thanks, Margaret.
|
|
|
|
Cooper: Twenty-four hour room service must be one of the premier achievements
|
|
of modern civilization.
|
|
|
|
James: Would you like to play with fire, little boy? Would you like to play
|
|
with BOB? Would you like to play with _BOB_?
|
|
|
|
Pie-Eating Man: Hot DAMN, that's good pie!
|
|
|
|
Albert: Sounds like you've been snacking on some of the local mushrooms.
|
|
|
|
Cooper: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say may be used
|
|
against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney.
|
|
BOB: Hee hee hee! Oh, I suppose you want to ask him some questions.
|
|
Cooper: Did you kill Laura Palmer?
|
|
BOB: WHOOOO! WHOOOO! WHOO WHOO WHOO WHOO WHOO WHOO WHOOO!! That's a yes.
|
|
Cooper: Did you kill Madeleine Ferguson?
|
|
BOB: What do you think?
|
|
Cooper: I'm asking you.
|
|
BOB: No, what do you think?
|
|
Cooper: That's not the question.
|
|
BOB: Oh, gosh, oh, well, oh, gee! I guess I kinda sorta did... I've got
|
|
this thing for knives... just like what happened to you in PITTSBURGH
|
|
that time, right, Cooper?? Oh, Leland, Leland, Leland... you've been
|
|
a good vehicle, but you're getting old... weak... it's almost time to
|
|
shuffle off to Buffalo!!
|
|
Cooper: Does Leland know what you've done?
|
|
BOB: Ah, Leland's a babe in the woods... with a large hole... where his
|
|
conscience used to be. But when I go, boys and girls, I will pull
|
|
that ripcord--and you watch Leland remember!! Watch him! But not for
|
|
long.... WHOO! WHOO!
|
|
Truman: That's good enough for me.
|
|
|
|
Pierre Tremond: J'ai une ame solitaire. [I have a solitary soul.]
|
|
|
|
Bobby: Good thing we didn't light the candles!
|
|
|
|
Cooper: Who's the lady with the log?
|
|
Truman: Oh, we call her the Log Lady.
|
|
|
|
Ben: Temporary insanity, Leland? Hopefully, some of these people will be on
|
|
your jury. You will be home free.
|
|
|
|
Cooper: Harry, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a
|
|
day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it, don't wait for it, just... let
|
|
it happen. Could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office
|
|
chair, or two cups of good, hot, black coffee.
|
|
|
|
Leland: Sing hallelujah, c'mon, get happy--c'mon & chase all your blues away!
|
|
|
|
Hawk: Cooper, you may be fearless in this world, but there are other worlds.
|
|
Cooper: Tell me more.
|
|
Hawk: My people believe that the White Lodge is a place where the spirits
|
|
that rule man and nature here reside.
|
|
Truman: Local legend. Goes way back.
|
|
Hawk: There is also a legend of a place called the Black Lodge... the
|
|
shadow-self of the White Lodge. The legend says that every spirit
|
|
must pass through there on the way to perfection. There, you will
|
|
meet your own shadow-self. My people call it "The Dweller on the
|
|
Threshold."
|
|
Cooper: "The Dweller on the Threshold..."
|
|
Hawk: But it is said, if you confront the Black Lodge with imperfect
|
|
courage, it will utterly annihilate your soul.
|
|
|
|
Albert: Has anyone seen BOB on earth in the past few weeks?
|
|
|
|
Cooper: Harry, the last thing I want you to worry about while I'm here is some
|
|
city slicker I brought into your town relieving himself upstream.
|
|
|
|
Truman: You must have the metabolism of a bumblebee!
|
|
|
|
Mike: In the darkness of future past, the magician longs to see. One chants
|
|
out between two worlds, FIRE, WALK WITH ME. We lived among the people.
|
|
I think you say... convenience store. We lived above it. I mean it
|
|
like it is, and it _sounds_! I too was touched by the devilish one--
|
|
tattoo on the left shoulder. Ah, but when I saw the face of God, I was
|
|
changed. Took the entire arm off. My name is Mike... HIS name is BOB.
|
|
BOB: Mike? Mike? Can you hear me? Catch you, with my death bag!
|
|
You may think I've gone insane, but I promise, _I_will_kill_again_!
|
|
|
|
Leland: He would say, "Would you like to play with fire, little boy?"
|
|
[flicks burning match at Cooper, Cooper picks it up and looks at it]
|
|
Cooper: That's our man. <Poof!>
|
|
|
|
Senor Droolcup: How ya doin' down there?
|
|
|
|
Giant: I will tell you three things. If I tell them to you, and they come
|
|
true, then will you believe me?
|
|
Cooper: Who's that?
|
|
Giant: Think of me as a friend.
|
|
Cooper: Where do you come from?
|
|
Giant: The question is, where have you gone? The first thing I will tell
|
|
you is: there is a man in a smiling bag.
|
|
Cooper: Man in a smiling bag.
|
|
Giant: The second thing is: the owls are not what they seem. The third
|
|
thing is: without chemicals, he points.
|
|
Cooper: What do these things mean?
|
|
Giant: This is all I'm permitted to say. Give me your ring. I will return
|
|
it to you when you find these things to be true. We want to help you.
|
|
Cooper: Who's "we"?
|
|
Giant: One last thing: Leo locked inside a hungry horse. There is a clue at
|
|
Leo's house. You will require medical attention.
|
|
|
|
Albert (after Andy boards himself): And it's another great moment in law
|
|
enforcement history.
|
|
|
|
Shelley: I don't care about the money. I don't want Leo home.
|
|
Bobby: Leo is in dream-land. We can stick him in a corner and hang donuts
|
|
from his ears.
|
|
|
|
Leland: Mares eat oats, and does eat oats, and little lambs eat ivy... a
|
|
kid'll eat ivy too, wouldn't you?
|
|
|
|
Cooper: This must be where pies go when they die.
|
|
|
|
Truman: Anything we should be working on?
|
|
Albert: Yeah, try not dragging your knuckles on the ground when you walk!
|
|
|
|
Cooper: Can I ask her about her log?
|
|
Truman: Many have.
|
|
|
|
Albert: I know, Andy, I know. It's what we call a three-hanky crime.
|
|
|
|
Andy: I want to talk about my child--our baby.
|
|
Lucy: Maybe.
|
|
Andy: Maybe what?
|
|
Lucy: Maybe it is our baby and maybe it isn't!
|
|
Andy: DICK?! My lord, is HE the father?
|
|
Lucy: At first I thought _you_ were the father! But then you said you didn't
|
|
have any _sperms_! Then I thought it was Dick, but now you say your
|
|
sperms are _back_! So as far as I can tell it's a fifty-fifty propo-
|
|
sition!
|
|
|
|
Pete: She's dead... wrapped in plastic!
|
|
|
|
Gordon: GOT SOME ADVICE FOR YOU, COOP: LET A SMILE BE YOUR UMBRELLA!
|
|
|
|
Cooper: DAMN good coffee, and HOT!
|
|
|
|
Albert: Oh yeah? Well, I've had about enough of morons and halfwits, dolts,
|
|
dunces, dullards and dumbbells--and you chowderhead yokel, you blithering
|
|
hayseed, you--you've had enough of me?
|
|
|
|
Jerry: Is there any sign of her? Bones? Teeth?
|
|
|
|
Cooper: Short stack of griddle cakes, maple syrup slightly heated, melted
|
|
butter, slice of ham... nothing beats the taste sensation when maple syrup
|
|
<CLAP> collides with ham.
|
|
|
|
Judge Sternwood: Life is hard, dear. Still, it's harder in most places than
|
|
in Twin Peaks.
|
|
|
|
Cooper: Diane, it's 11:55 pm, approximately 19 hours since the shooting
|
|
incident which nearly caused me to make a premature purchase of the proverbial
|
|
farm.
|
|
|
|
Log Lady: You wear shiny objects on your chest.
|
|
Major: Yes, I do.
|
|
Log Lady: Are you proud?
|
|
Major: No, achievement is its own reward. Pride obscures it. Cream?
|
|
|
|
Cooper: Where does BOB come from?
|
|
Mike: That cannot be revealed.
|
|
|
|
BOB: Leland says you're going back to MISSOULA, MONTANAAA!!! <CRASH!!!!>
|
|
|
|
Mrs. Briggs: We're here for you, Bobby!
|
|
|
|
Gwen: The first time I nursed my baby I just sort of held him like this, you
|
|
know, and I looked down at him to see what kind of a tiny creature I was
|
|
dealing with, and the first thing that popped into my mind was, "Just what the
|
|
world needs. Another potential sperm gun running around."
|
|
|
|
Ben: Nice touch, Leo. Bright red sports car for a secret meeting. Nice.
|
|
|
|
Hawk: That's a nice color for him.
|
|
|
|
Major: Have you ever heard of the... White Lodge?
|
|
Cooper: The White Lodge. No, I don't believe I have.
|
|
[Cooper stands up and smiles.]
|
|
Cooper: Major, I'm gonna take a moment here; I feel the call of nature.
|
|
There's nothing quite like urinating out in the open air. I look
|
|
forward to hearing more about this... White Lodge, when I return
|
|
from my journey.
|
|
Major: Ha ha!
|
|
[Owl hoots, Major cocks his head and listens]
|
|
[Cooper is taking care of business when an owl hoots above him.
|
|
Suddenly, a blinding white light appears from beyond the campfire!
|
|
A semi-human silhouette appears at its center--]
|
|
Major: Cooper! COOPER!!!
|
|
Cooper: Major Briggs? Major?!!
|
|
[Cooper runs back to the campfire, finding no one--he runs towards
|
|
the light--we see something running up a gully--Cooper reaches the
|
|
top of the dip--and stares and stares as the light goes out....]
|
|
|
|
Jerry: Clearly, this man's stairs do not reach the attic!
|
|
|
|
Cooper: And as we all know from experiments conducted during the Korean War,
|
|
Diane, sleep deprivation is a one-way ticket to temporary psychosis.
|
|
|
|
Cooper: Harry, my dream is a code waiting to be broken. Break the code, solve
|
|
the crime.
|
|
Lucy (taking notes): Break the... code, solve the... crime.
|
|
|
|
Jerry: Next stop: Rocket Science!!!!
|
|
|
|
Log Lady: Come then! My log does not judge!
|
|
|
|
Bobby: Bills? Forget about bills. I'm talking about a new way of life.
|
|
|
|
BOB: IN THE DARKNESS OF FUTURE PAST, THE MAGICIAN LONGS TO SEE! ONE
|
|
CHANTS OUT BETWEEN TWO WORLDS... _FIRE,_WALK_WITH_ME_!!!
|
|
[Truman looks at Cooper and shakes his head, and they all go up the
|
|
stairs, Cooper last... when suddenly water explodes from the
|
|
sprinklers! Cooper turns in confusion as BOB roars in his cell...
|
|
then BOB runs at the door and hits it with a sickening thud!]
|
|
Cooper: Harry! HARRY!!
|
|
[Truman, Albert, and Hawk come running back down the stairs, and they
|
|
all burst into the room to find Leland prone on the floor. Cooper
|
|
hurries to Leland and holds him in his arms.]
|
|
Cooper: Call an ambulance!
|
|
[Hawk runs upstairs. Leland is crying hysterically.]
|
|
Leland: Oh God! Laura! I killed her! Oh my God, I killed my daughter!
|
|
I didn't know... forgive me... Oh God! I was just a boy... I saw
|
|
him in my dream... he said he wanted to play... he opened me, and I
|
|
invited him, and he came inside me! When he was in me, I didn't
|
|
know... and when he was gone, I couldn't remember! Made me do things
|
|
--terrible things... he said he wanted lives... he wanted others,
|
|
others that they could use... like they used _me_!!
|
|
Cooper: Like Laura.
|
|
Leland: They wanted her... but she was strong! She fought 'em! She wouldn't
|
|
let 'em in! Oh God! They had me kill that girl Theresa! And they
|
|
said if I didn't give 'em Laura, they'd have me kill her... too!
|
|
Cooper: But she wouldn't let them in.
|
|
Leland: She said she'd die before she'd let them... so they made me kill her!
|
|
Oh, God, have mercy on me! What have I done! What have I done! Oh,
|
|
God! _I_love_her_!! I love her, with all my heart! My angel,
|
|
forgive me....
|
|
[Harry, Albert, and Hawk move back to the door, leaving Cooper with
|
|
Leland cradled in his arms.]
|
|
Cooper: Leland. Leland, the time has come for you to seek the path. Your
|
|
soul has set you face to face with the clear light and you are about
|
|
to experience it in its reality, wherein all things are like the void
|
|
and cloudless sky and the naked spotless intellect is like a trans-
|
|
parent vacuum without circumference or center. Leland, in this
|
|
moment, know yourself, and abide in that state. Look to the light,
|
|
Leland, find the light.
|
|
[Leland's face is transfigured by joy....]
|
|
Leland: I see it!
|
|
Cooper: Into the light, Leland, into the light.
|
|
Leland: I see... her! She's... there!
|
|
Cooper: Into the light, Leland.
|
|
Leland: She's beautiful!
|
|
Cooper: Into the light....
|
|
Leland: Laura!
|
|
Cooper: Don't be afraid....
|
|
[Leland suddenly stares, looking into the other world, and sags in
|
|
Cooper's arms. Cooper, dripping water, weeps....]
|
|
-------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Keep the faith!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
--
|
|
Rob Jellinghaus | "Next time you see a lie being spread or
|
|
Autodesk, Inc. | a bad decision being made out of sheer
|
|
robertj@Autodesk.COM | ignorance, pause, and think of hypertext."
|
|
{decwrl,uunet}!autodesk!robertj | -- K. Eric Drexler, _Engines of Creation_
|
|
|