250 lines
13 KiB
Plaintext
250 lines
13 KiB
Plaintext
Church Web, Product, Devival News
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Dear Friend... Good Buddy...
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I haven't so much as peeked at alt.slack in over a week. When I finish this
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note, I will. I know there are over 700 posts I haven't read... (ACTION:
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Stang wrings hands whimperingly in dread.)
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I've almost recuperated from finishing the OFFICIAL SUBGENIUS WEB SITE
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"PLAN OUTLINE" and undergoing the related learning curve. It took pretty
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much all non-crisis time that I had for the last many days. The concerned
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parties are now trying to figure out how to react to it. The main feedback
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so far is that it appears to be the most jam-packed, encyclopaedic,
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comprehensive and technically impossible Web site ever attempted. Either
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that or the stupidest. Either way, Dobbs' predictions were right. My main
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concern is that it have the most soul-twisting Web site GAGS and
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brain-rapes ever attempted.
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Among a whole lot of more interactive things, it will contain the ONLINE
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STARK FIST as well as all two of the Stark Fist BACK ISSUES that were
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composed on disk. I had to make sure all the bits and pieces were available
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before I could work 'em into the plan, and those bits and pieces were
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scattered among a couple dozen boxes of disks here in the Throne Office.
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And all in various states of print-readiness. You'll be JUBILANT to know
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that as of last Thursday, EVERYTHING EVER COMMITTED TO MACINTOSH DISK IN MY
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POSSESSION EVEN REMOTELY CONNECTED TO THE CHURCH, aside from the first 3
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Simon & Schuster books, NOW RESIDES TIDILY IN ONE PLACE on my hard drive.
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You can't imagine what a "first" this is, because very few SubGenii and no
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humans at all can visualize just HOW scattered all this stuff was, and what
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a physical ordeal it was to LOCATE it. By Grabbsy, I even found the
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ORIGINAL DISK holding the FINAL VERSION of PAMPHLET #2!!! (I'd been looking
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for it on and off for YEARS.) It turned up in a filthy little old beat-up
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box tucked between the thigh-folds of NUNU, labeled "SubGenius 2" -- it was
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the SECOND DISK I EVER USED ON ANY COMPUTER. That Pamphlet is now being
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reformatted and graphifized for Web purposes at SUNSite by Saint McConville
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and his lovely assistant "Phil"... that and several other sections. You
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can't see 'em yet... our Web site currently consists of a disclaimer and
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some links to the more established SG sites. But because I know the NAMES
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of the FILES I can "see" them in the spirit of discernment. In fact, I can
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JACK with them and TWEAK 'em. I even know how to do that now. I'm still
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getting used to the concept of having a new zillion-gigabyte hard drive in
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another state... but friends, that's where EVERYTHING CHURCHLY is gonna
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reside for your "INSTANT" (ha!) GRATIFICATION, PERUSAL and DOWNLOADING. The
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SIZE of it alone is pretty terrifying, but what's worse are the numerous
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GAG BLOCKADES that we'll erect to make you WORK to get to the various parts
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of it. (Actually, adepts will be able to get right to anything they want in
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a few short steps.) But what's really astounding is the fact that we are
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collecting so much KEEN STUFF to put into it. Why, just in the last 2 weeks
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I was sent (or downloaded) 5 new SubGenius "games" and/or desktop gizmos.
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All of these were in Mac format, and that brings me to this: I NEED HELP.
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Whether or not the insanely convoluted and graphically demanding Web Plan I
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just sent out is a "keeper," there are numerous things WE KNOW WE'LL NEED.
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CAN YOU HELP?
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1. URLs of INUTTERABLY COOL WEBSITES to link to. We need more WEIRD ones,
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really interesting ones like science ones, cool and groovy band sites or
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art sites, "good causes," real conspiracies (I have the Masons, White
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House, CIA but that's all), crackpot web sites, religious nuts, "humorous"
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ones, philosophical ones, and especially ABSURD ones, like "The Ironing
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Board Manufacturers Association Web Page" or "Fun with Hog Calls" or
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whatnot... if you have some kind of "best of" list, WHIP IT OUT! (Deposit
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'em on the tail end of this thread or email 'em to me.)
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2. PROGRAMS AND GAMES that either have SubGenius stuff worked into them, or
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else are customizeable to add "Bob." I have a whole TRIBE of them, but
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only for the Mac. (The only DOS one that McConville has is Autorant so
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far.) I have Dobbs screensavers, icons, Kill-Bob games, animations, you
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name it. (Most of these so far are by the great unsung REV. NUMEN
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REMISSIONIS and by Rev. Marshall here in Dallas, plus an INCREDIBLE After
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Dark customized screensaver by "Dad" Townsend. VREEDEEZ won't let me
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release his sick black velvet desktop patterns yet.) And I'll put 'em on
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alt.binaries.slack when I get a half second. But I haven't kept track of
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any DOS or WINDOWS ones. I need somebody who can get 'em, check 'em out and
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make sure they aren't STUPID in the "wrong" way, and then ftp or email 'em
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to me or to David McConville at SUNSite. David says that I can download DOS
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programs to my Mac and transfer them on over to him without their getting
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screwed up by filtering through the Mac. (I just can't OPEN them. So don't
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sending anything without explaining JUST WHAT IT IS!)
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3. ART OF ANY KIND. Obviously, we have access to massive amounts of paper
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art (used in books or fist, and plenty thus unpublished), and several folks
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who can scan the stuff. But that takes a long time. And it's largely been
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SEEN before. Any art you already have on disk that's either
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SubGenius-oriented, or of obvious SubGenius/bulldada use, AND IS NOT A
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COPYRIGHT PROBLEM, would probably be real helpful to us. Keep in mind,
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however, that even though you can retain your copyright on it, once it's on
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the Web it WILL get copied. This includes DOS art. Just make sure you tell
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me what format it's in. The best way to send it to me is as a JPEG or GIFF
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file... those can be opened with Mac or DOS. (Also, they seem to take up
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less room that way.) But if you can't save 'em that way, that's alright.
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They can decode almost anything at SUNSite. You can also mail disks to me.
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And never hesitate to place your hard work on alt.binaries.slack where it
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will become public domain and you'll never see a penny.
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4. And the main need, of course, is YOUR IMAGINATIVE IDEAS, GAGS and
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"SCRIPTS," and HEARTLESS, RUTHLESS CRITICISMS.
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For that, I would have to display the whole Plan here. But I CAIN'T. Not
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only would it totally wreck the surprises, but EXXON or some corpo-glorp
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bunch would rip off the delightful, and occasionally practical,
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spawned-by-ignorance IDEAS in it. If you are an alt.slack regular and
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really think you might be able to contribute to the conceptual weirdness of
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this project, PESTER ME ABOUT IT. I'll warn you though, the plan is 35
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pages long.
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Incidentally, you're all stars of it. It includes BEST OF ALT.SLACK
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(whatever that means). During the previous week I mastered the art of
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saving, outlining and redistributing alt.slack posts into cozy subject
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matter categories. It's a pretty tedious process and I've only worked my
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way through alt.slack comp.12. (Last week saved on alt.slack comp. 27.
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Now, I save each pertinent thing into its own category file as I go through
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'em. Praise the "APPEND" mode.) I guess what I need to do is teach my kids
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how to do the refunneling and then pay 'em some pittance for it. But I'm
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afraid they'll make more $ washing cars or babysitting. Hmmm... it's
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probably still up to Will O'Dobbs and me. And Will is kept PLENTY busy
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filling the regular mail-orders. Luckily for me, there are new strains of
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genetically engineered coffee beans being released all the time...
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And WE ONLY HAVE TO DO THIS SHIT FOR 3 MORE YEARS!!! That's what I keep
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having to remind myself.
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OTHER NEWS
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We have NEW SUBGENIUS PRODUCT here at the HQ! -- and REALLY TASTY STUFF at
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that. (You'd be surprised.)
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CLASSIC METAL CLOISONNE 3 color enamel "BOB" PINS!! $9 each retail plus $1
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postage). A Crux Prod. product. "CLASSY."
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CLASSIC PLASTIC "LOOKS-LIKE-METAL" LARGER PINS/ EARRINGS/ NOSERINGS in
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several designs, (around $10) PLUS a damn DOBBSHEAD-AND-LOGO METALLIC-FACED
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CLOCK with WIGGLING PIPE-EARS!!! ($50) "QUASI-CHEESY" but IMPRESSIVE and
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HIGHLY BULLDADA!
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But more on that later. Like I said, I haven't peered in on alt.slack, the
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ONLY newsgroup, yet this week. ((For secret reasons I had to deal with some
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other religionist newsgroups recently... I must say, for all our frappery,
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brain damage and hatefulness, the SubGenii certainly display a great deal
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more literacy than ANY other newsgroup regulars I've seen so far. But then,
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that ain't saying much... AND ISN'T THAT THE HORROR OF IT???))
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Another horrible thing is that I have a little file folder here called "NEW
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4 ALT.SLACK" containing SO MANY INTERESTING BITS & PIECE THAT I DON'T EVEN
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WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT. And there're all the remaining "Rev-X Out-Takes"
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and "New Fisticles" to format and intro ... there is APPARENTLY NO END to
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the potential TOIL. What I wouldn't give for a full-time secretary who was
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also a millionairre. I'd settle for JUST the MILLIONAIRRE part.
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But one WONDERFUL thing is that my "boy" and I stumbled upon a Used CD
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Store not very far from the homestead which carries MULTITUDINOUS JIMI
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HENDRIX BOOTLEG CDs!!! Of course, Italian imports of 1969 live concert
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recordings cost $25 each, so about all I could do was flip through the
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basket and gnaw on my knuckles. But I did purchase ONE. I am right this
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minute enjoying the SECOND Band of Gypsies show at the NY Fillmore, New
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Years, 2nd of the four performances leading up to the one released on the
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classic BAND OF GYPSIES album, the one that contains the greatest guitar
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solo of all time, "MACHINE GUN" (this is not a subjective judgement). What
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a miracle. The sound quality isn't too bad. WELL worth the $25. Hell, my
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son paid that much to go see WEEZER tonight.
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It's like the science of biology -- there will NEVER be an end to the
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RIVETTING knowledge, the discoveries of micro-buggers who cling to sand
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grains, of Hot Headed Naked Ice Borers, of bizarre 5-million-year-old
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spider species found in sealed underground caves, of ludicrously weird
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looking heretofore unknown dinosaur species found in fossils, nor of RARE
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HENDRIX RECORDINGS FINALLY AVAILABLE ON EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE IMPORTED
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BOOTLEG CDs. It's the kind of thing that keeps a SubGenius
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collector-fanatic GOING despite all the PAIN of EXISTENCE.
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*****
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DEVIVALS! Finally there are some.
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May 13 -- Saturday -- AUSTIN -- Book signing/devival
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ADVENTURES IN CRIME & SPACE BOOKS
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609-A W. SIXTH STREET
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AUSTIN TX 78701
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(512) 4SF-BOOK acs@eden.com
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A DOUBLE BILL!
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FIRST: The Stoker award-winning author and
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creator of 'Sonja Blue'
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Nancy A. Collins signing her latest offering
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MIDNIGHT BLUE: THE SONJA BLUE OMNIBUS
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which includes the third Sonja Blue novel 2-4 pm
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Rev. Nanzi Regalia WILL BE THERE
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SECOND: From the Church of the SubGenius (1st Stangian
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Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
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Resurrected), we are proud to present IVAN STANG!
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Yes, the man chosen by J.R. "Bob" Dobbs himself to be the
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official translator of all Dobbspoutings will be IN OUR STORE
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signing and ranting from 4-6pm. His latest book REVELATION X,
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published by Simon & Schuster, may very well be the last we
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hear from "Bob" before X-Day comes in 1998! Buy your copy NOW
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and buy it from OUR STORE!! Then come by on May 13th for your
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own personal dose of SLACK.
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And remember, the FIRST hit is always FREE . . .
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That's what >they< said.
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I don't have more hard facts now. But I would imagine the legendary G.
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Gordon Gordon will be there, as well as Col. Sphinx Drummond, Joe Newman
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and other Austin Churchly forefathers and ur-sons. What any of us will be
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DOING there, I cannot say.
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X-DAY PILGRIMAGE -- July 5
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Portland, Oregon. See: nenslo@teleport.com
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July 14 or 15 -- Dragon Con
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Atlanta, GA
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This is a HUGE sf-fantasy convention, of which SubGenius devivals are
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usually the only nonfiction events. Last years was one of the all-time
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great devivals, with The Swingin Love Corpses as the musical act. No Love
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Corpses this time, but probably Dr. Legume, Fr. Joe Mama, Rev. Susie the
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Floozie and yours truly. More info to come. It's usually at the downtown
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Hilton.
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July 21-23
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THE CHICAGO UNDERGROUND FILM FEST
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Their info:
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2524 N. Lincoln, Suite 198
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Chicago, IL 60614
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phone (312) 866-8660 fax (312) 489-3468
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e-mail clark@interaccess.com
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The Second Annual Chicago Underground Film Fest--a competitive film
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festival organized to encourage low budget film and video making, as well
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as to provide a venue for underground, independent and experimental
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film/video--will take place July 21-23, 1995 at the Congress Hotel, 520 S.
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Michigan Ave., in downtown Chicago. Our special quests this year will be
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legendary underground filmmaker Kenneth Anger(Magic Lantern Cycle) and Rev.
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Ivan Stang(The Church of The Subgenius). Entries for C.U.F.F. 1995 MUST be
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postmarked by May 15th. Submissions after May 15th will be considered for
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the 1996 festival.
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Their first one was reportedly a HELL of a party, so I'm looking forward to
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that aspect of it.
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1st Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
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Resurrected,
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a subsidiary of:
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The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 140306, Dallas, TX 75214
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Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
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Send $1 or check out alt.slack for free info Fax: 214-320-1561
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Copyright 1995 by Rev. Ivan Stang PRABOB
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