546 lines
32 KiB
Plaintext
546 lines
32 KiB
Plaintext
"Here you are, sir." The lady behind the counter slid the
|
|
roomkey across the counter. Her smile seemed unusually genuine,
|
|
given the hundreds of people she sees on a daily basis. I reached
|
|
out and grasped the key placing it in my pocket. "And," she
|
|
continued, "we are happy you and your family were able to take
|
|
advantage of our offer, especially people from within our
|
|
proximity." I had listed *our* address as a town forty miles away,
|
|
inorder to justify using a coupon cut from the local newspaper.
|
|
When she asked where my family was, I explained I'd left them at
|
|
the Natural History Museum so I could register in time to take
|
|
advantage of their discount offer. She accepted the explanation
|
|
with an acknowledging nod.
|
|
I was feeling good, I was going on a date with a man. I was
|
|
feeling girlish and only wished I had a girlfriend with whom I
|
|
could confide and feel feminine. I could tell her about my
|
|
thoughts, expectation, and concerns.
|
|
After registering, I drove back home to get my clothes and
|
|
makeup. Also, I reminded myself, can't forget the camera and tape
|
|
recorder for practicing. It was almost 4:30. I told Alex to pick
|
|
me up at 9:00 for a 9:30 movie.
|
|
Alex. Geez, Alex, a name that only a week ago would have
|
|
conjured vague memories of high school and our meeting at the
|
|
market three years ago. I remember him on the basketball team. He
|
|
wasn't very good, but one had to admire his fortitude. We met in
|
|
U.S. History class as juniors. I can still remember how we took
|
|
old Joe for many quarters. Alex and I had a system when flipping
|
|
for odd-man wins where he would have heads once while I had tails
|
|
and on the next flip he would reverse as would I. It didn't matter
|
|
what Joe had, either Alex or I would win. To keep it "honest", we
|
|
would flip whatever we wanted on the third flip so either one of us
|
|
won, or Joe would win, or we would all have the same. Then the
|
|
cycle started all over again. Joe never caught on.
|
|
In the house I rushed to gather the clothes. I'd hung the
|
|
miniskirt, newly ironed, in the closet and placed my white silk
|
|
blouse next to it, the black-strapped heels below them. I pulled
|
|
the Hanes out of the Mervyn's bag and put them in the suitcase.
|
|
Then, thought of snags and runs reminded me I'd forgotten to shave
|
|
my legs in the morning as planned. I jumped to the bathroom to run
|
|
the shower. Hot water and lots of steam. I got into the shower
|
|
while the tub was filling. I massaged my legs with soap and
|
|
softened the five-day stubble with the hot, steamy water. After
|
|
turning off the shower, I sat in the tub and gingerly shaved each
|
|
leg from ankle to hipbone.
|
|
I was finished and out of the tub by 5:30. Maybe time to get on
|
|
Genderline, I thought. Why not. I had two messages; one from
|
|
Jessica and one from Joan. They both suggested a knee-length dress
|
|
instead of the mini. But, Rita, I thought, your legs look best in
|
|
a miniskirt, especially with those heels. I conceded to their
|
|
advice and decided on my two-piece navy blue dress. It goes down
|
|
to two inches above the knee, but more acceptable. Gotta tell the
|
|
girls, I thought. I quickly drafted two messages, got online and
|
|
uploaded. It was 6:30.
|
|
I arrived at the suite at 6:46. After unloading, I wrote 122,
|
|
the room number, on a paper and placed it on the dash, visible to
|
|
the outside. Since Alex expected to be in a staff meeting--he
|
|
worked at the local cablevision--we decided I would inform him of
|
|
the room number by this method. He couldn't miss my car anyway, it
|
|
was such a distinctive gold with faded left fender. It was six
|
|
years old and all mine. I locked the door and ran into the room to
|
|
start the hot water in the bathroom sink.
|
|
I softened my beard with continual applications of the wet, hot,
|
|
steamy towels. The resulting shave was the closest I'd known in
|
|
months. I was glad my legs were shaved. I applied my makeup and
|
|
dressed with luscious care. While applying makeup I practiced my
|
|
feminine voice and psyched myself by vocally stating "You're a
|
|
woman, Rita. Feel like a woman, look like a woman, and act like a
|
|
woman." In time I was beginning to feel like a woman, especially
|
|
with the transformation in the mirror as makeup was being applied.
|
|
I unwrapped the Hanes Silk Reflections. The girl at Mervyn's
|
|
seemed to suspect they were for me. Of course, I may have given
|
|
her reason. Although I can wear size B, I decided on comfort and
|
|
went with the Queen size. I vocalized part of my thoughts on the
|
|
size. She had nice legs herself though the flats didn't do them
|
|
justice and her makeup was too extensive on the blush. Figured I
|
|
may as well just pay for the nylons and keep shut. Too many
|
|
thoughts anyway. So much to do.
|
|
I gingerly rolled the hose in my hands and unrolled them onto
|
|
each leg. The feel of my smooth, soft legs enticed my thoughts of
|
|
the evening. I then stepped into my white-strapped 3 inch heels
|
|
and looked in the mirror. I adjusted the bra slightly admiring my
|
|
reflection as I turned. I love the white-strapped heels but mostly
|
|
with suntan nylons. The Barely There shade looked good,
|
|
nonetheless. After I slipped into the dress, I started the camera
|
|
and practiced walking, still talking about my femininity and being
|
|
a woman. After viewing myself by the television in the room--I
|
|
used the videocam as a VCR--I adjusted my wig somewhat and
|
|
strategically placed three bobbypins. Then, I viewed the tape
|
|
again, thanking Joan and Jessica for their advice. I looked good
|
|
in the dress that evening.
|
|
Alex was always in my thoughts as I prepared for the date. What
|
|
were his motives? What did he think might be my motives? We
|
|
talked three times on the phone since Saturday night. The first
|
|
time when he asked me out. The second time when I said yes and we
|
|
decided on Wednesday instead of Thursday and that very morning when
|
|
final plans were made. I knew Alex was a gentlemen, he
|
|
demonstrated that on Saturday night. I knew he was a nice guy,
|
|
very sensitive to the employees needs at work and quite loyal to
|
|
MaryAnn, his ex-wife. Unfortunatly for their marraige, Maryann
|
|
wasn't especially loyal to Alex. And I thought, What if he kissed
|
|
me? When I was kissed by a man five years ago, it was a pleasant
|
|
enough experience that lasted maybe five seconds. Then I thought,
|
|
What if he didn't kiss me? Ah, Rita, would your ego take it?
|
|
A knock on the door. It was Alex, at 8:55.
|
|
"Hi," I said as I opened the door for him. He wore a crisp gray
|
|
tweed sportcoat, gray pants, white open-collared shirt, and black
|
|
smartly-shined boots. He looked super. He had on maybe a little
|
|
too much cologne.
|
|
"Hi. Ready?" Then he stopped and looked at me from head to
|
|
toe. "Hey, you look better than Saturday night. You done outdid
|
|
yourself, Rita." Outdid myself? Well, Shakespeare he's not, but
|
|
genuine he seems.
|
|
"Thanks, Al. You look quite handsome yourself, my friend. I
|
|
love that coat." I then reached around for my clutch and placed
|
|
the key inside. "Shall we go?"
|
|
We didn't say a word as we walked to his car, a Thunderbird. It
|
|
was probably jitters for both of us. My feminine sway seemed to
|
|
become natural and I felt good. I listened to click of the heels
|
|
on the pavement and feel of the nylons as my legs brushed with each
|
|
step. Three ladies passed and smiled at both of us. It was dark
|
|
which surprised me at first since it was quite light when I walked
|
|
into the room.
|
|
One preconception I established during the day was if Alex
|
|
opened the door for me that illustrated that he viewed me as a
|
|
woman and felt as such. As we approached the car, I briefly
|
|
scolded myself for the preconception, because I might be
|
|
disappointed. I wasn't. Alex opened the door. As I started to
|
|
enter the car, I remembered an article I read in a woman's magazine
|
|
which suggested that when a woman enters the car with the man
|
|
holding the door, she must keep cognizant that when she swings her
|
|
legs into the car, they aren't in thier best physical form so she
|
|
must distract his look from her legs at that time. I tried to but
|
|
Alex didn't seem be paying attention anyway.
|
|
We pulled onto the street. I decided to ask what could be
|
|
perceived as the question not to ask.
|
|
"Alex, I'd just like to know why you asked me out." I looked at
|
|
him and touched his arm to tell him I was quite interested in his
|
|
answer.
|
|
He thought for a moment and then smiled.
|
|
"Well, Rita, there's really two parts for my reasons. The first
|
|
part is I really liked talking to you last Saturday. In a way, I
|
|
wanted to continue, but I knew how you were feeling sort of
|
|
uncomfortable." He paused for a moment. "And the second part I'd
|
|
like to tell you after the movie when we have more time. I think
|
|
you'll be interested." I thought about his motive for putting off
|
|
the second part and then really scolded myself. The hell with
|
|
motives, Rita, I thought, just enjoy yourself.
|
|
I reached out and squeezed his hand. "Okay, you've got me
|
|
curious already."
|
|
"But you gotta wait. Now my turn. Why did you accept?"
|
|
"I knew you'd ask so I got a canned reply."
|
|
"Canned?" His eyes widened.
|
|
I laughed. "Yes, canned. In other words, I prepared a message.
|
|
I've spent a lot of time going out by myself and always wanted
|
|
someone to accompany me, preferrably a man. A man like you,
|
|
dearest." I gave him an alluring look and smile. He laughed.
|
|
"Actually, I was accompanied by a man once, but it wasn't like a
|
|
date. And, really, Al, I dress to feel feminine and to go on a
|
|
date enhances my feeling of femininity."
|
|
"I'm glad," he said. "I'm really glad because that tells much
|
|
about you." Whatever he meant by that.
|
|
We talked about his meeting that afternoon and in such a short
|
|
time we arrived at the parking lot. Alex opened the door.
|
|
The lady at the window mechanically exchanged Alex's money for
|
|
two tickets. We walked into the lobby and over to a corner by a
|
|
movie poster. There were a few other people in the lobby; two
|
|
couples, one man reading a paperback, and two girls engaged in a
|
|
lively conversation. Though I felt comfortable, I also felt
|
|
cautious and kept an eye out to see if I'd be read. Alex mentioned
|
|
a review he'd read on SILENCE OF THE LAMBS, the movie we were to
|
|
see. I mentioned some things I'd heard at work. A young couple
|
|
entered the lobby. The girl was wearing a red leather miniskirt
|
|
with red fishnet hose and red mid-heel pumps. She looked quite
|
|
gorgeous. Most every eye turned to her, though briefly. Then I
|
|
was glad I had followed advice and selected the two-piece. I could
|
|
just imagine the attention I would have gotten with my black
|
|
miniskirt. I was satisfied without the attention and satisfied
|
|
with Al's company and our conversation.
|
|
At this moment, I'm sure I was read. Alex reached behind me to
|
|
get some literature and in the process nudged my wig pulling it
|
|
back an inch or two. I panicked and quickly readjusted it while I
|
|
turned to look at myself in the window by the poster. I smiled at
|
|
Alex as he apologized. When I looked to the crowd to determine if
|
|
anyone noticed, only the girl with the red skirt looked at me oddly
|
|
and smiled. During the next few moments I caught her taking quick
|
|
glances to inspect me. I told Alex.
|
|
"You know what, Rita?" He said as he gently grasped my chin
|
|
turning my face toward his eyes. "I thought about your mini-
|
|
paranoia since Saturday night and I really don't think anybody
|
|
really cares as long as you're not outward or overly done about it.
|
|
They probably think it's funny at first, if they recognize you,
|
|
then they'll think So What? and stop there. Hey, as long as you
|
|
don't slap them in the face with it. Don't flaunt it by saying hey
|
|
this is me in a dress, and you don't. This isn't twenty or even
|
|
ten years ago. Know what I mean?"
|
|
Yes, I did. I remember the advice on Genderline and when Alex
|
|
said what he did it was reinforced. I felt justifiably scolded. I
|
|
didn't say a word but just hugged him around the waist and pressed
|
|
my cheek against his shoulder, careful not to smudge his coat with
|
|
makeup--he looked so sexy in that coat. The ropes were dropped and
|
|
we walked to surrender our tickets. I kept my arms around Alex's
|
|
waist, feeling quite feminine. The man took our tickets without a
|
|
second glance. Alex and I decided we would share popcorn and I
|
|
would take a sip or two from his drink--to minimize trips to the
|
|
restroom.
|
|
I sat in the theatre while Alex got the popcorn. While I sat
|
|
waiting for Al, the girl with the red mini passed in front of me,
|
|
looked at me and said "He's cute." Her words seemed to tell me I
|
|
was read but it was all right.
|
|
I didn't tell Alex. The movie started by the time he arrived
|
|
with the popcorn. Besides, I doubt if I would have told him
|
|
otherwise. It was something between us girls. I quickly glanced
|
|
down at her. She was quite gorgeous sitting with her legs crossed.
|
|
The only thing I thought was where I could get some fishnet
|
|
stockings.
|
|
The movie was good. I actually never felt Jodie Foster was
|
|
that great an actress but was impressed with her job in LAMBS.
|
|
About halfway through the movie, Alex placed his hand above mine on
|
|
top of my lap. Throughout the rest of the movie I gently stroked
|
|
the top of his hand with my fingers.
|
|
By 11:40 it was over and we exited the theatre. We talked about
|
|
the movie as did everyone else. No one paid attention to us other
|
|
than standard looks. We stopped at a bar on the way to the parking
|
|
lot. There were only five people, three men at the bar and a
|
|
couple in a booth. The men turned to look at us and the bartender
|
|
said, "we close in fifteen minutes, folks."
|
|
"Okay, thanks." Alex said. We turned and left the bar and
|
|
while we walked back to the car we pondered where to go. Then I
|
|
recalled there were two complimentary miniatures, bourbon and
|
|
vodka, and suggested we go back to the suite. It was cheaper, more
|
|
private, and "besides," I told him, "you have a second part of your
|
|
reason you've yet to mention." With his arm around me, hand tucked
|
|
my right shoulder, he gave me slight squeeze. We walked the half
|
|
block to the parking lot without a word and holding hands. This
|
|
time when Alex let me in the car he looked at my legs and I
|
|
couldn't distract him. In a way, I didn't want to. As he walked
|
|
around the car I unlocked his side. I felt good and contented. I
|
|
looked as he opened the door. Alex, I thought, please kiss me,
|
|
take me into your arms and kiss me, I'm feeling so feminine. Once
|
|
he got into the car, he quickly started it and in a second we were
|
|
on our way out of the lot. The ride back to the suite was
|
|
uneventful with small talk.
|
|
My first action upon entering the suite was to go to the
|
|
bathroom. I sat down rather than stand up, it kept me psyched.
|
|
While I was in the bathroom, Alex bought a coke and while I
|
|
prepared two drinks splitting the bourbon, he used the bathroom.
|
|
Then we sat on the couch. Alex sat on the end and I sat in the
|
|
middle, slightly closer to Alex's side, and turned to my left with
|
|
my legs folded. I extended my right leg and looked at a scuffmark
|
|
on the heel.
|
|
"Like my shoes?" I asked him. "They're five years old."
|
|
"Five, no kidding?"
|
|
We paused to sip our drinks.
|
|
"You know, Alex, this evening has been so nice. So nice."
|
|
"Yeah," he said with a slight glint in his eyes, "it's been like
|
|
that with me too."
|
|
"Okay, now what about that second reason." I was so curious and
|
|
I didn't mean to seem overly anxious, but I needed to know.
|
|
"Oh yeah. Well, let me see." He put his drink on the table and
|
|
looked at me somewhat seriously. "First I want to say, Rita, I
|
|
feel I'm taking advantage of you. I think I'm being selfish in a
|
|
way by using you for this date." My widened eyes strongly
|
|
suggested he needed to clarify his statement. "I mean I've always
|
|
wondered about transvestites, or crossdressers like you've told me.
|
|
And when I saw you Saturday it was almost like here was a chance to
|
|
really learn about it. No, before you ask, I don't want to dress.
|
|
I couldn't look as good as you anyway." His confession, if you
|
|
will, took me by surprise. I didn't know how to respond to his
|
|
feeling of selfishness. I decided the best response was no
|
|
response.
|
|
"You remember Maryann, my ex." I did. Like Alex, she attended
|
|
school with me though she was a year behind. "And you remember her
|
|
younger brother, Gerald?" Again, I did. He was two years younger.
|
|
"Well, believe it or not, Gerald is like you, he wears women's
|
|
clothes."
|
|
"Gerald?" I was astounded. "But, he played football." I
|
|
caught myself. What a dumb response, so what if he played
|
|
football. I, myself, knew that you can't and shouldn't stereotype
|
|
crossdressers. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. What a stupid
|
|
remark."
|
|
"Don't worry, I thought the same thing, at first." He continued
|
|
telling me how Gerald, or Geri as he preferred, wore Maryann's
|
|
clothes since Geri was seven. Maryann had caught him when he was
|
|
ten years old and though she was mad at first she let him and even
|
|
helped him and continued to do so even into Alex and Maryann's
|
|
marraige. Alex found out when he arrived home from work. Geri and
|
|
Maryann decided he should know and Geri was dressed and sitting in
|
|
the living room with Maryann when Alex got home. When Alex
|
|
realized who it was he got mad. "I didn't get mad from within,
|
|
Rita," he said, "I got mad because I thought it was something macho
|
|
I should do." He regretted it, he admitted. He told Geri to leave
|
|
his house and though his attitude changed within a week, his
|
|
relationship with Gerald changed and wasn't the same for almost
|
|
five years. Alex remorsefully asked Gerald to his house as Geri
|
|
but not until Maryann convinced Gerald was he able to accept Alex's
|
|
offer. The relationship remained somewhat strained since. Within
|
|
three months after Geri went to Alex's house, Maryann applied for
|
|
divorce for reasons not related to the incident.
|
|
"Rita, to tell you the truth, I was drawn a little to Geri.
|
|
Probably because she looked a lot like Maryann and you know Maryann
|
|
is a very pretty lady. But, anyway, I sort of regretted my not
|
|
necessary response to Gerald. When I saw you from the library last
|
|
Saturday, my first memory was of Geri and my curiosity made me
|
|
follow you. After our talk at the bar, I thought about you most of
|
|
the next two days and thought I would really like to talk to you
|
|
and see a little more of you. So, like a guy on his first date, I
|
|
was nervous when I first called you to ask you. Then was happy
|
|
when you called back to say yes."
|
|
Alex placed his left hand on my right thigh just above the knee.
|
|
I'd already had my feet on top of coffee table and crossed at the
|
|
ankles. I was still turned toward Alex and when he placed his hand
|
|
on my leg, I gently massaged each of his fingers. While doing that
|
|
I mentioned how I had started dressing. In about five minutes, out
|
|
of pure impulse I looked up at him and asked, "Do you think I'm
|
|
pretty?"
|
|
"Yes, I do, Rita. In many, many ways." As he said that he
|
|
placed his arms around me and gently pulled me toward him. Our
|
|
lips touched, receded slightly and touched again as if we were
|
|
playing a form of tag though our lips were but minor millimeters
|
|
away. He grasped me firmly in his arms. Then our sightly parted
|
|
lips met and he kissed me completely. His lips were soft and warm.
|
|
My lips opened as his tongue entered my mouth. My arms reached
|
|
around his back and I caressed his massive shoulders. He pulled me
|
|
tighter and our kiss deepened. I was absorbed by the excitement of
|
|
my senses, I was being kissed in a way I only dreamed of. I felt a
|
|
high sense of femininity as I submitted to his caresses. Alex then
|
|
began to kiss my cheek and neck. I was initially taken back by the
|
|
sandpaper growth of his beard but quickly accepted it and returned
|
|
my thoughts to his kisses and caresses. My hands explored his
|
|
masculine shoulders and waist. As Alex kissed me on the mouth
|
|
again, I unbuttoned his shirt opening it and putting my arms around
|
|
him underneath the shirt. The hair on his chest extended a little
|
|
to his shoulders and when his tongue began to explore my neck, I
|
|
nibbled on his shoulders. His left hand was caressing my thigh,
|
|
stroking my leg down to my ankle. In a second, he had my skirt off
|
|
while I took off his shirt. When his attention returned to french-
|
|
kissing me he pressed me slowly down till I was lying on the couch
|
|
and he was on top of me with hands exploring my legs and caressing
|
|
my breasts.
|
|
"Tell me what to do, honey." He whispered as his lips touched
|
|
my ear.
|
|
"Hmm, you're doing well, darling, don't worry." And he was. I
|
|
didn't care about events and incidents outside the suite door
|
|
during those moments. My world was in that room and on that couch
|
|
at that moment.
|
|
I loosened his belt and unzipped his pants and when I put my
|
|
hand in his shorts, I was slightly taken back with the touch of his
|
|
erection. I had never touched anyone else's penis before and it
|
|
seemed strange to touch one, especially one as hard as his was. It
|
|
was also very wet. I stroked it slightly.
|
|
"Oh, Rita, that feels good."
|
|
I continued and when our kisses become more intense I suggested
|
|
we go to the bed. As we walked there, I held his waist. He took
|
|
off my top and bra and I stood beside the bed wearing only nylons
|
|
and heels. Alex kissed me some more and then I sat him on the bed
|
|
and pulled his boots and pants off. When he stood up he removed
|
|
his socks and I took off his shorts exposing his quite rigid and
|
|
very hard cock. He moaned as I touched his testicles and cock. He
|
|
then laid me on the bed, took off my high heels and removed the
|
|
nylons. As he removed the nylons he kissed each leg. I was in
|
|
ecstasy as his soft lips and wet, warm tongue glided up and down
|
|
each leg. I was glad I shaved them when I did because I knew they
|
|
were smooth and soft.
|
|
Then Alex climbed into the bed carefully laying on top of me and
|
|
began to kiss me again, only with more intensity. He wasn't heavy
|
|
but I could feel his erection against my thigh. Our kisses
|
|
intensified as our tongues fervently searched each other's mouths
|
|
and our hands continued to explore each other's bodies. I lifted
|
|
my right leg and rubbed Alex's hip. His left hand then reached
|
|
down between my legs and he deftly inserted his finger inside me.
|
|
My body tightened in reflex but soon relaxed as Alex's finger began
|
|
to pull in and out of me. Then he pulled his hand back and got on
|
|
top of me swiveling his hips in a lovemaking motion. I spread my
|
|
legs and responded with similar action.
|
|
"Oh, my darling, I want you." I reached over to the table and
|
|
pulled out a condom from the drawer and gave it to Alex. He smiled
|
|
at me and put the condom on without an inquiring word. While he
|
|
put the condom on I quickly put some lotion on my finger and
|
|
reached around to lubricate myself. I placed a pillow under my
|
|
hips and raised my open legs as an invitation to Alex to enter me.
|
|
I extended my slightly shaking arms. My breath quivered as well
|
|
from anxious anticipation as I knew I was to become a complete
|
|
woman, complete in the way I wanted and with a man I cared for. I
|
|
knew I had to pay for the completeness I so yearned for and I had
|
|
to pay with pain from his penetration. He recognized my
|
|
nervousness and pressed his hand against my cheek and prepared to
|
|
enter. I closed my eyes as my arms encircled him around the chest.
|
|
He lowered himself onto me and began to kiss me softly. As his
|
|
tongue began to part my lips, his penetration started slowly. It
|
|
was slightly painful at first and I immediately wanted him to stop
|
|
as he entered me. But, instead, my mouth opened wider to accept
|
|
his kiss and I wrapped my legs around his hips and firmly helped
|
|
him along. I rocked my head slowly as we made love. I remember
|
|
wishing at times for him to finish quickly so we could have it
|
|
over with. But other times, between moans, I called out for more
|
|
of him. I heard our bodies slap in rhythm and the bed respond with
|
|
its own expression of our passion. Minutes were hours and hours
|
|
were minutes for me during those moments. Then he stopped and his
|
|
breathing grew faster and heavier and I knew my wish was granted
|
|
and was almost disappointed, especially since I didn't experience
|
|
an orgasm but felt contented still. I continued to hold him with
|
|
my arms and kept my legs on his hips. I gave myself to him and was
|
|
his.
|
|
We remained in that position for what was probably the best part
|
|
of five minutes. I caressed his back and soon his breath returned
|
|
to normal.
|
|
"Rita, are you okay?"
|
|
"Yes, I'm okay." I cooed and kissed his ear.
|
|
"Did you, uh, make it, honey?"
|
|
"No, darling, but my orgasm started when you first kissed me."
|
|
"What time is it?" I looked at the travel clock I had on the
|
|
table.
|
|
"2:21," I told him. "Let's change positions." When he got
|
|
off of me I turned to my left side and he lay down behind me and
|
|
placed his arm around me. I held his hand by my chest. We were
|
|
asleep within three ticks of the clock. At least, I was.
|
|
When I woke, the clock read 6:47. Almost four-and-a-half hours
|
|
went by in an instant. Alex was still behind me with arm around
|
|
me. I could feel his body beside me, especially his hips leaning
|
|
against mine. We hadn't budged a millimeter.
|
|
My feelings about the evening before began to unreel. The
|
|
realization that I'd had sex with a man with me as a woman began to
|
|
sink in. The memory of the session excited me and yet still
|
|
created a slight pang of guilt. Guilt for what, Rita? I asked
|
|
myself. You didn't cheat on anyone and certainly didn't prostitute
|
|
yourself. You and Alex are two adults, adults who know what you
|
|
want and are willing to take the bold steps to get it. Most
|
|
important, both of you took precautions. Right? Right, I
|
|
answered. I reminded myself that though not everyone experiences
|
|
the type of sex I experienced, not everyone crossdresses either.
|
|
I began to feel better with myself. I wondered about the girl in
|
|
the red miniskirt and if she was at that very moment with her man
|
|
and if she had a luscious time as a woman as I had. I thought
|
|
about the movie, Gerald, and Alex. Ah, yes, Alex. I wondered if I
|
|
was in love with him. No, I wasn't. Was that because I didn't
|
|
want to feel like a homosexual. No, Rita, whether you are
|
|
homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, or whatever is not really
|
|
relevant. What matters is what you feel about Alex. I loved him
|
|
but was not in love with him. I loved him like I loved my friends
|
|
but because we made love, he was closer to me than most friends.
|
|
Does that make sense?
|
|
Then I asked myself if I was homosexual, bisexual, or what. I
|
|
thought of whether I was physically attracted to Alex. I wasn't.
|
|
For that matter, I really wasn't physically attracted to any man.
|
|
Then why did I enjoy having a man's erect penis inside me and have
|
|
him kiss me and prefer that he kiss me gently? It made me more
|
|
complete as a woman. If I want to portray myself as a woman with
|
|
yearning to pass as one rather than put on a miniskirt and heels
|
|
and walk in front of people saying "Hey, look, I'm a man in drag",
|
|
then that means I want to convey and feel my feminine side. I have
|
|
the best of both worlds though women can wear heels one moment and
|
|
boots the next without someone having a second thought. So, I
|
|
loved Alex but was not in love with him. So, then, what do I do
|
|
now. Continue to date Alex? Or, play by ear with each day? Play
|
|
it by ear, Rita.
|
|
I looked at the clock. Damn, 7:15. Work starts in 45 minutes
|
|
but not for me. I took the day off. You're quite foresighted,
|
|
Rita. I wondered about Alex. I wanted to reach around and touch
|
|
him and caress his waist and groin. I kissed his hand instead.
|
|
"You awake, Rita."
|
|
"Yeah, for quite awhile. And you?"
|
|
"About fifteen minutes. Just been thinking about last night."
|
|
"Second thoughts? Regrets?"
|
|
"Naw. Why, do you? I mean, it's a little different to be the
|
|
recipient than the doer, if you know what I mean"
|
|
"No regrets at all, darling. Matter of fact, I wanted to reach
|
|
around and touch you."
|
|
"Oooo, that would give me a real hard-on."
|
|
"Real one? You mean, last night's was a fake one" We laughed
|
|
and he kissed the back of my neck. "Besides, what's wrong with a
|
|
hard on?" With that I reached around and touched his waist and
|
|
reached down his groin until I touched his penis. He was right,
|
|
it began to grow almost instantly. He began to kiss my neck,
|
|
shoulders, and ear. I closed my eyes and savored his kisses while
|
|
his cock grew in my hand. His breath quickened as did mine.
|
|
I reached for a condom again and lubricated myself. I wondered
|
|
what genuine rear entry would feel like and gasped as he entered
|
|
me, he felt larger. I moved my hips to meet his penetration. I
|
|
closed my eyes and kissed his hand and told him "Love me, Alex,
|
|
love me good." I wanted him to be gentle but I also wanted him to
|
|
be deliberate and decisive. He was. I kept my eyes closed,
|
|
rocking my head slowly and he placed his cheek beside my ear. His
|
|
hard breathing affected me and my moans became more audible. For
|
|
the first time he whispered in my ear.
|
|
"What do you feel, honey"
|
|
"I feel you, darling. I feel you moving inside me." Then I
|
|
verbally expressed the feeling of his manliness.
|
|
"You feel tight, so tight. And warm, so warm," he told me.
|
|
I reached down and grasped my erection and began to masterbate.
|
|
Then decided to wait for Alex.
|
|
"Tell me when you're close, darling so we can make it"
|
|
After that he pumped faster and longer. I think I could have
|
|
achieved orgasm at that moment without masterbating. It seemed
|
|
more so when I raised my leg. But, I waited and when he told me he
|
|
was close, I started to masterbate. He caressed my thigh and
|
|
stopped with a final lunge. His breathing told me he was
|
|
ejaculating. In a few seconds so was I. I'd heard having anal
|
|
intercourse can cause the receiver to experience enormous
|
|
ejaculation. That's true, so true.
|
|
There was a knock on the door. I looked up at the clock as the
|
|
maid opened the door.
|
|
"Maid coming," she said. "Anyone here?" It was 10:22!
|
|
"Uh, yes, someone's here." I yelled in a most unfeminine voice.
|
|
"Alex, Alex, wake up, it's past ten!" I pushed at him as the
|
|
maid apologized and closed the door.
|
|
"What? Passed ten! I'm late." He jumped out of bed and was
|
|
quickly putting on his boots and pants. He looked at me.
|
|
"Aren't you going to get...Oh, wow." He was looking at my face.
|
|
I knew the makeup was likely messed up but his voice indicated it
|
|
was much worse than that.
|
|
"What?"
|
|
"Uh, your face. It's red on your right, no left, side."
|
|
I jumped out and ran to the bathroom. He was right, the left
|
|
side of my face was red. Only slightly though, not as bad as Alex
|
|
made it seem.
|
|
"I think it's from my beard. Sorry"
|
|
"That's alright. I'm not going to work today anyway. But you
|
|
are, I see."
|
|
"I thought about taking the day off but couldn't. Too much to
|
|
do and a couple of guys are at training."
|
|
Alex got up and gave me quick kiss while he put on his coat.
|
|
"Rita, I. . " I put my hand on his lips. We'd said enough in
|
|
many ways and he knew what I meant.
|
|
"Okay, talk to you later." He opened the door and walked out.
|
|
"The lady will be out soon," I heard him tell the maid.
|
|
No, Alex, I wanted to shower and dress in male clothing, going
|
|
home as a man was preferable in daylight. I shrugged and in
|
|
fifteen minutes I was dressed and had the car loaded with my camera
|
|
and suitcase. As I closed the door, I saw two maids exit from the
|
|
next suite. One I recognized as the maid with the wake-up call and
|
|
the other one, to my astonishment, was a former apartment neighbor
|
|
of mine from four years passed. They looked and seemed to giggle
|
|
as I walked to my car. My car's paintjob was four years old so I
|
|
felt assured she didn't recognize me. My makeup repair job was
|
|
better than I thought. I got home without further incident.
|
|
My thoughts since that evening have been mixed. Some guilt
|
|
returns but I was prepared for anything that evening so the guilt
|
|
is minimal. Actually, the thoughts of the date during that
|
|
following day were quite acute but as each day passes the thoughts
|
|
are pushed aside as I return to a normal routine with acceptance of
|
|
my feelings.
|
|
Alex hasn't called and neither have I called him. I think he
|
|
probably feels a need for some time to himself to absorb feelings
|
|
and emotions. I have.
|
|
|
|
END
|