194 lines
7.0 KiB
Plaintext
194 lines
7.0 KiB
Plaintext
For Your Information. . .
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The following computer viruses have been identified,
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but cannot be detected by any of the current virus scan
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programs. BEWARE! Watch for these symptoms...
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BOBBIT VIRUS
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Removes a vital part of you hard disk then re-
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attaches it. (But that part will never work
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again.)
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OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS
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Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB,
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and then slowly expands back to 250MB.
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AT&T VIRUS
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Every three minutes it tells you what great
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service you are getting.
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MCI VIRUS
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Every three minutes it reminds you that you're
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paying too much for the AT&T Virus.
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PAUL REVERE VIRUS
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This revolutionary virus does not horse around.
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It warns you of impending hard disk attack . . .
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Once if by LAN, Twice if by C:.
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POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS
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Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers
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to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
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RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS
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Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of
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how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it
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requires you to first see a counselor about
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possible alternatives.
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ROSS PEROT VIRUS
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Activates every component in your system, just
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before the whole damn thing quits.
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MARIO CUOMO VIRUS
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It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
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TED TURNER VIRUS
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Colorizes you monochrome monitor (poorly).
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ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGER VIRUS
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Terminates and stays resident with message "I'll
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be back."
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DAN QUAYLE VIRUS
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Prevents your system from spawning any child
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process without first joining into a binary
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network.
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DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2
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Their is sumthing rong wit you're kumputer, butt
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ewe jut kant figyour out watt!
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GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS
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Nothing works, but all you diagnostic software
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says everything is fine.
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GALLUP VIRUS
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Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38
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percent of their data 14 percent of the time.
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(Plus or minus 3.5 percent margin of error.)
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TERRY PANDLE VIRUS
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Prints "O' no you don't" whenever you choose
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"Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.
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TEXAS VIRUS
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Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file on
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your hard disk.
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ADAM AND EVE VIRUS
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Takes a couple of bytes out or you Apple.
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CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS
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The computer locks up, the screen splits
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erratically with a message appearing on each half
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blaming the other side for the problem.
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AIRLINE VIRUS
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You arrive and hour late only to find you data is
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in Singapore.
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FREUDIAN VIRUS
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Your computer becomes obsessed with having
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cybersex with its own motherboard.
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PBS VIRUS
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Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for
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money.
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ELVIS VIRUS
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Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self
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destructs; only to resurface at shopping malls and
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service stations across rural America.
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OLLIE NORTH VIRUS
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Causes your printer to shred everything.
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NIKE VIRUS
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Just does it.
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SEARS VIRUS
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Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables,
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power supply, and a set of shocks.
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JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS
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Your files disappear and can never be found again.
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CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2
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Runs every program no the hard drive
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simultaneously, but doesn't allow user to
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accomplish anything.
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KEVORKIAN VIRUS
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Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
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IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS
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Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up,
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then subtracts money from your Quicken account and
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spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases
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through Prodigy.
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STAR TREK VIRUS
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Invades your system in places where no virus has
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gone before.
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HEALTH CARE VIRUS
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Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong,
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and sends you a bill for $4,500.00.
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GEORGE BUSH VIRUS
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It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs... No
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new files!" on the screen. It then proceeds to
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fill up all the free space on your hard drive with
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new files, and blames it on the Congressional
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Virus.
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CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS
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Makes your Pentium machine perform like a 8mhz
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286.
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LAPD VIRUS
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It claims if feels threatened by the other files
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on your PC and erases them in "self defense."
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CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS
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Your PC makes frequent, stupid mistakes and comes
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in last in the reviews, but you still love it.
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ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS
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Claims that if you don't send it a million
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dollars, it's programmer will take it back.
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We are making every attempt to keep this list up-to-
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date. If you have additions, please call "The Holistic
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BBS" at 714-995-3790 to report them. Once verified,
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they will be included in future releases of this
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document.
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Mark - SysOp
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The Holistic BBS
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(Based on the Premise of Schrodinger's Cat)
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Cypress, CA
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714-995-3790 HST/Dual
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ÚÄÂÄÂÄÂÄÂÄÂÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿
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ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ The Holistic BBS (714-995-3970 HST/Dual) ³
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³ ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ ³ Based on the Premise of Schroedinger's Cat ³
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ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ Mark McCarthy - SysOp ³
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ÃÄÁÄÁÄÁÄÁÄÁÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÂÄÂÄÂÄÂÄÂÄ´
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³ Guide Rating: Mostly Harmless ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´
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³ Towel Required ³ ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ ³
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³ Fish Optional ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´
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ÃÄÂÄÂÄÂÄÂÄÂÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÁÄÁÄÁÄÁÄÁÄ´
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ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ ILink, RIME *HUB*, Annex, . . . Networks ³
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³ ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ ³ Immediate Call Back Verification ³
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ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ FREE Access to all features (NO $$ REQUIRED) ³
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ÃÄÁÄÁÄÁÄÁÄÁÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÂÄÂÄÂÄÂÄÂÄ´
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³Uncertainty Principle, Quantum Machanics, Complexity, ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´
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³Chaos theories. . . The experts all agree, eventually ³ ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ ³
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³everybody will call The Holistic BBS. DON'T BE LAST! ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´
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ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÁÄÁÄÁÄÁÄÁÄÙ
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A unique experience in this or any other universe. S. Hawkings
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