69 lines
3.4 KiB
Standard ML
69 lines
3.4 KiB
Standard ML
WHY SANTA SAYS "HO! HO! HO!"
|
|
----------------------------
|
|
|
|
In ancient China, Master Ho was the supreme artist of the martial arts.
|
|
Over many years he perfected his skill, physically, intellectually, and
|
|
....vocally. Master Ho became so skilled with the use of his voice that
|
|
he developed the ability simply to speak his name in a humorous way and
|
|
his opponent would fall over laughing. Then Ho could do as he wished with
|
|
the enemy. It was the pinnacle of the art.
|
|
|
|
The opponent would attack. Ho would step back, without even raising his
|
|
hands, "Ho! Ho!" he'd say. The opponent would fall back, disarmed and
|
|
smiling. "Ho! Ho! Ho!" Ho would say. The opponent would bend over,
|
|
convulsed with laughter. Ho would step forward, touch his enemy on the
|
|
neck with a slight pressure, and the man would fall over dead.
|
|
|
|
In his many studies Santa learned about Master Ho. Chinese history leaves
|
|
a complete record of Ho's techniques -- Santa decided to try them. His
|
|
purpose, though, wasn't to overwhelm and kill. Instead he hoped simply to
|
|
master the art of making people laugh.
|
|
|
|
Santa practiced for many years, gradually gaining more and more skill with
|
|
Ho Karate. He practiced on Mrs. Claus; he practiced on the elves. Finally
|
|
he felt he was ready t try it on an outsider. He crept down a chimney in
|
|
Liverpool, England, and found he was face to face with a befuddled homeowner.
|
|
|
|
"What in the world--" the homeowner started.
|
|
|
|
"Ho! Ho!" Santa said, and the homeowner smiled. "Ho! Ho! Ho!" and the
|
|
homeowner started to laugh out loud.
|
|
|
|
Fake Santa's can say "Ho! Ho! Ho!" with no effect whatsoever. But when
|
|
Santa says it, people laugh! They can't help themselves. They laugh until
|
|
the tears roll out of their eyes. They laugh in guffaws and chuckles and
|
|
giggles. Their eyes squeeze together; their lips turn up; their cheeks
|
|
push up ever-so-slightly; their mouths open wide -- and there it comes!
|
|
|
|
** PROPER USAGE OF "HO! HO! HO!" **
|
|
_____________________________________
|
|
|
|
"Ho!" alone has little power. It can be effective for getting started,
|
|
however. Once one "Ho!" has been sounded, it's difficult to prevent
|
|
another from rolling across the lips. One "Ho!" is also used to alert the
|
|
listener that the "Ho! Ho! Ho!" is about to be sounded.
|
|
|
|
"Ho! Ho!" is effective in creating a smile. The sound is so inherently
|
|
mirthful that the listener smiles just in hearing it -- just as the reader
|
|
is now smiling in thinking of that delectable sound of "Ho! Ho!" "Ho! Ho!"
|
|
is rarely used without going to the third step of HOs, though the speaker
|
|
with great self-control CAN limit himself to two HOs.
|
|
|
|
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" is the zenith of the art. If said correctly, it gives the
|
|
speaker overwhelming power over the listener. Each AITCH should be
|
|
carefully aspirated; each OH should be spoken clearly, but cut off short.
|
|
OHs that are drawn out lose their punch. Once a single set of "Ho! Ho! Ho!"
|
|
has been pronounced, a second should not be spoken to that listener for
|
|
quite some time, or his body will grow unbearably weak from the release of
|
|
joyous energy.
|
|
|
|
"Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!" is overdoing the whole thing, and should be totally
|
|
avoided. Those who sink so low as to speak four HOs in succession have no
|
|
right to the art at all.
|
|
|
|
WARNING: Don't try the powerful "Ho! Ho! Ho!" on Santa. You may
|
|
have some innate abilities with the art, and Santa may
|
|
fall down in laughter, making him late for the rest of
|
|
his rounds.
|
|
|
|
|