140 lines
9.2 KiB
Plaintext
140 lines
9.2 KiB
Plaintext
File : BRPARTY.TXT
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Author : Iceman(NZ)
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BBS : The Banana Republic BBS
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27/11/89 The BR Party - Official Report
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==============================
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Note that this report mainly mentions modem-users, since I don't know most
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of the others, and since they have no modem they can't read this anyway.
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At 5:30 we headed off in the general direction of Outer Siberia, the secret
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residence of Mack the Knife. After admiring his amazingly realistic digitized
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flushing toilet, we made our way in the direction of the Presidential Palace,
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with Kamakoza demonstrating his hair-raising "comb-your-hair-with-both-hands-
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while-driving-at-120kph" technique to a terrified Mack. Unfortunately we were
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unable to figure out a flight plan that tied in Glenfield, Chez Knife, Ponsonby,
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and the Presidential Palace, so Black Adder was left to find his own means of
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transport (he finally turned up at 9:45 wearing a "Hacker" T-shirt).
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After some skilful navigation, helped by the ominous thunderhead parked
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smack over the top of the Palace (no doubt set up by LP as an aid to
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navigation), we entered the sumptuous residence from whence our beloved
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Presidente conducts all his operations. Gradually more people began to arrive,
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and after being introduced to most of the people present and engaging in
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various polite introductory pleasantries such as Mack's enquiring of Trillian
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whether she "preferred ribbed or raspberry-flavoured ones", the Iceman paying
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back a $20 debt to LP in 2, 5, and 10 cent pieces, and worried noises about the
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lack of beer, the drinking started to get under way at around 7pm.
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In the meantime a group of us were carrying out a detailed recon of the
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palace. After discovering that even the phone was yellow, we were shocked to
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find, upon removing the cover under which LP had furtively tried to conceal his
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computer, that it bore the dreaded IMAGINEERING logo! Even worse was the
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subsequent discovery of a C64 on the premises! This lead to a round of nasty
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comments about C64's, Spectrums, and ZX81's best left forgotten in an alcoholic
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haze.
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Then followed sundry incidents such as Bat Bastard offering star mention in
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the next episode of Spheroids if only someone, *anyone*, would accept an
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autographed copy, Paul offering a $200 bribe to anybody who would throw up over
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Jane, and Sheila offering her all down the back of the house (You mean she never
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made you that offer? Oh well, she must recognize quality hardware when she sees
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it).
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As the evening progressed, talking donwstairs was occasionally interrupted
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by loud drunken cries as various people were duped into drinking in a game with
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complex rules, rules so complex in fact that that nobody could quite remember
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them, an obscure drinking game whose basic tenets were transmitted to us via
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ancient tablets with unsteady inscriptions. And in the meantime, where was our
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beloved Presidente?? Rumour had it that he had just about "got his girlfriend
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there" on the phone, an act he had secretly confided to the Iceman that he had
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never quite managed before.
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The Iceman was at this point showing his amazingly tactful nature by
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introducing himself to he personage whom he thought was Jane with the words
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"No, you're not wearing any vomit, you can't be Jane". Trillian, in the
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meantime, was busy getting "Not drunk, just relaxed", and Mack was engaged in
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developing his lethal 25d6 breath weapon, something that has been known to drop
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cows at 50 paces. In fact the death of several acres of natural bush around
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Varsity can be singularly attributed to Mack's having BREATHED on them.
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LP was at this point still enganged in a long session of psycho-acoustic
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dildonics with is girlfriend (sex via telephone for the non-technical types),
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the Iceman was busy spiking his own 7-up with 7-up, and Trillian had just
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discovered that the leg she was stroking was not her own but, in fact, belonged
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to Mack the Knife. In the meantime, LP had reappeared and was busy mixing a
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fairly lethal molotov cocktail for Black Adder out of a hidden cache of Secret
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Ingredients that Marlon Shakespeare had been guarding all evening. Black Adder
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then unsuccessfully tried to burn down the Presidential Palace by lighting this
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mixture (unfortunately without much success).
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A few notable abscences were noticed by those present: Pharlap Johnson,
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who had been forced at gunpoint to attend someone's 21st; Hacman Jr (who was
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later locked out of the BR by a small but vociferous group of drunks); Cuzzin
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It (he who is most famous for turning up at a lecture for a course he doesn't
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take, talking loudly at the back, and dismantling the fittings and passing
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pieces of them around the class); and "a short guy with an Adolf Hitler
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haircut" whom everyone else knew as the infamous Mike. This was made up by the
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fact that George arrived at 9:00 with two dozen cans of a certain amber liquid,
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and immediately joining the ongoing game of Mexi, which a very "relaxed"
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Trillian was being taught how to play, but being too "relaxed" to grasp the
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rules she merely rolled the dice and drank some obscure mouthwash she had
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brought with her when told by anybody, and in fact on random occasions when
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prompted by voices inside her head, probably the nanomachines.
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But Trillian was not the only "relaxed" person around by this time.
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Kamakoza, after mumbling something cryptic about "Sorry, the sysop of A.C.E.S.
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is unavailable for [C]hatting due to the fact that he is violently drunk", had
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collapsed and gone to sleep under a table; a person who bore a striking
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resemblance to LP was seen crawling around under the Mexi table after quaffing
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large quantities of a sinister high-octane mixture best left undescribed; and
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in fact about half the BBS's in Auckland were potentially out of action due to
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inebriated sysops.
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However it was not only the sysops who had reached this state. Mack, after
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long debate and holding an "S"-shaped piece of metal up to the wall, finally
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decided: "It's an 'S'!", to which Paul commented: "You've been watching Sesame
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Street again haven't you Mack?".
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Shortly thereafter rumours of food upstairs began to be perpetrated by
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strange people with bulging eyeballs and an unsteady gait. After LP had
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succeeded in completely convincing his parents that he had not been drinking
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("I's a natural high; it's euphoria. I *haven't* been drinking"), we all
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proceeded to stuff our faces with pizza, sandwiches, pizza, chicken, funny
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pastry thingies filled with pet food, and more pizza, followed by the kind of
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sponge cake with cream that has been designed by a team of experts to be un-
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eatable without getting most of it all over your fingers. Some of us were
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experienceing difficulties eating however: Mack was unable to decide whether
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to eat his pizza or his plate; unable in fact to tell what was his pizza and
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what was his pate, and in the end deciding the stale one must be the plate.
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After the feed, Bat Bastard noticed a ready supply of banana's lurking on a
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side table, and, after cruelly breaking one in two, offered it to LP as the sad
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remnants of Barri. Unfortunately LP had trouble believeing this due to a fake
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Barri double being planted in his pocket by a group of Communist agitators.
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There follwed a mad search for the REAL Barri, which eventually culminated in
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his mysterious reappearance a short while later. Those responsible have since
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been shot.
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Jane was at this point still "unadorned", but there were bets being laid in
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certain quarters as to how long this would last. In the meantime LP had
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retired to the garden for some fresh air, and after some concern about his
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turning into a banana at midnight it was decided to kick Kamakoza "Sleeping
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Beauty" off his mattress and slide it under LP. Shortly thereafter Herr Flick
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arrived, and it immedately became obvious why he was graced with this nickname
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(maybe it was the glasses, I dunno).
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At about 1am the doormat became Kamakoza by stages, and after rounding up
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Mack the Knife from where he was busy molesting an old tire, we headed off home.
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"Where do you live Mack?? Do you remember your name Mack??". Rumour has it
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that he found his way home OK. A phone-call by an anonymous person with and
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unidentifiable accent later confirmed that most people had survived the party,
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and that the Presidential Palace, if not the Presidential Reputation, was still
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more-or-less intact.
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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Happy 20th Birtday LP and thanks to his parents for putting on a great
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feed, putting up with loud music, a drunken Presidente, and most of the
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BR users and LP's friends (both of them).
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Prepared by The Iceman
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Chronicler to Royalty and also the BR.
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------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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AUTHOR: Iceman(NZ)
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Brought to the WORLD by The Banana Republic BBS, Auckland, New Zealand.
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